uad september 2014

FREESeptember 2014

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

[email protected]

IT WORKS! .com

Thursday, Sept. 18th • 5pm-close

COLLEGE NIGHTWelcome Back Party!!

Valid on College Night Only9/18/14 5pm-close20% OFF Your Entree

when you present your student or faculty ID

40 East Ave., Lewiston

795-6888

7-10pmLive MusicJoin Us!

783-7039

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

September 20142

“There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... retire!” – Groucho Marx

The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

Retired?Submitted by Thomas Hill

You Are Probably Retired If...

1. You and your teethdon't sleep together.

2. You try to straightenout the wrinkles inyour socks and dis-cover you aren'twearing any.

3. It takes two tries toget up from thecouch.

4. Your idea of a nightout is sitting on thepatio.

5. You step off a curband look down onemore time to makesure the street is stillthere.

6. Getting "lucky"means you remem-ber where you leftyour car in the park-ing lot.

7. Everything hurts,and what doesn'thurt; doesn't work.

8. You sink your teethinto a steak and theystay there.

9. You wonder how youcould be over the hillwhen you don't evenremember being ontop of it.

10. You have more hairin your ears andnose than on yourhead.

God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb

Ron Ouellette*207-786-3612

Lewiston

Kim Pelkey*207-786-2573

Lewiston/Norway

Paul Colasante*207-782-8823

Lewiston

Michael Courtemanche*207-783-8921

Lewiston

Dick Courtemanche207-786-3622

Lewiston

Forest Cluff*207-725-4606

Brunswick

Deb Wagemann* ChFC207-783-8804

Auburn

*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC.

Art Chamberlain207-514-7003

Lewiston

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

September 2014Tuesday, Sept 9thSam’s Noon – 7pm(Chapter 14437)Market Place Mall, Lewiston$4 Member; $5 Guest

Sunday, Sept 14thKC Breakfast 8am – 10am(Chapter 7938)Columbus Dr, Brunswick$5 Member; $6 Guest;Child/under 10 free

Tuesday, Sept 16thRoy’s Breakfast 7am – 10am(Chapter 12907)Washington St, Auburn$2 Member; $3 Guest

Sunday, Sept 21stFlagship Cinema(Chapter 12749)Lewiston/Auburn$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest

Wednesday, Sept 24thChick-A-Dee 4pm – 7pm(Chapter 8609)1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston$8 Member; $9 Guest

Sunday, Sept 28thKC Breakfast 8am – 10am(Chapter 7938)Columbus Dr, Brunswick$5 Member; $6 Guest;Child/under 10 free

Tuesday, Sept 30thDairy Queen 4pm – 7pm(Chapter 10589)661 Minot Ave, Auburn$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest

Tuesday, Sept 30thAri's Pizza 11:30 – 1pm(Chapter 10929)Main St , Norway$5 Member; $5.50 Guest

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RE-TURNS & NO REFUNDS ALLOWEDPrices, Dates and Menu are subject tochange. If additional info is needed,please call our office, please do not callrestaurants. All activities can only beattended at the times listed.*************************Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up theweek prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs 9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon (excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 20144

Life is too short to remove the USB safely.

A clean tie always attracts the soup of the day.

Uncle Andy’s Digestis published by the first

Friday of every month byMaine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with offices at 9 Grove Street, Auburn, ME.

It is distributed free through-out Central Maine and mailed

to subscribers all over theworld. Subscriptions are

$30/year. Send a $30 checkmade out to

Uncle Andy’s Digest to: P.O. Box 3363,

Auburn, ME 04212

Uncle Andy’s Digest

MAILING ADDRESS:

PO Box 3363

Auburn, ME 04212

EMAIL: [email protected]

PHONE: 207 783-7039

FAX: 207 777-3898

UncleAndys.com

Staff

JIMBO

Looking Up!

TIM

Shakin’ & Bakin’

MAGGIE

A Real Trooper

THOMAS

Driving the Dream

PAM

Wine ‘n Nine

GENE-O

BUSting It

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in ourclient’s advertisements and our publication ingeneral, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inac-curacies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!

AffordableDentures

Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired on-site,usually same-day service!

Mike & JoeAdkins,licensed

denturists

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances AcceptedWe also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider

Also see us for:• Full Dentures• Immediate Dentures• Partial Dentures• Rebases• Relines• Repairs• All work done in house,

including metal frameworks

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

SMILE AGAIN DENTURESFREE CONSULTATIONS

SmileAgainDentures.comOr email us at:

[email protected]


Jimbo

September 2014 UncleAndys.com 5

Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

What I like about you is that you remind me about when I was young and stupid.

www.shermarnolds.com • 207-782-0831

Mon. - Fri. 8am-5pmThurs. Open till 7pmSat. 8am-2pm

Monday - Saturday8am-6pm

783-7039


Jimbo

September 20146If you look like your passport picture, you probably needed the weekend trip.

I don't want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.Out ’n About withthe United Way of

AndroscogginCounty

Chris ParadisRotarian

Stuffing backpacks for children in need at

local schools

Donald RossignolRotarian

We stuffed over325 backpacks!

And then we distributed them to

local schools...Good stuff!

2013Ford Escape SEL

4WD, Auto, 18k

our price

$24,995

2011 ChevroletImpala LT

3.5L, V6, FWD, 35k

our price

$14,995

2010 ToyotaCorolla LE

1.8L, 4cyl., FWD,Auto., 84k

our price

$10,995

2011 ToyotaAvalon Limited

Black, 37k, Automatic

our price

$23,9952012 Toyota

Camry Hybrid XLE

Gray Mica, 11k

our price

$26,995

2013 Volkswa-gen Passat SE

2.5L, Auto., 18k

our price

$20,995

2012 ToyotaCorolla S

Silver, Manual,40k

our price

$15,588

2012 Ford Focus SE

Red, 51k, auto, FWD,36mpg

our price

$14,995

back to schoThe Back Forty Used Ca


Jimbo


Confucius Says: "Man who buy many prunes get good run for money"

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

John CrouchRotarian

Laurie PelletierRotarian

Out ’n About withthe United Way of

AndroscogginCounty


local schools

The Law of Karma states

that you get what you give.

It is service above self... but it’s

also a lot of fun!

2012 ToyotaCamry LE

Gray, Automatic,36k

our price

$16,998

2011 HyundaiSonata GLS

2.4L, 4cyl., FWD,Auto., 37k

our price

$17,9952010 Nissan

Sentra

2.0, FWD, 53k

our price

$11,995

2012 ToyotaTundra Grade

Crew Cab, 5.7L, 4WD,21k

our price

$33,595

2012 Scion XB

2.4L, FWD, 10k

our price

$16,995

2013 ToyotaCamry SE

White, Automatic,24k

our price

$20,995

2013 Kia SoulBase

FWD, Auto 17k

our price

$15,9952011 Buick

LaCrosse CXL

3.6L, V6, FWD, Auto.,77k

our price

$16,995

ool savingsar & Truck Center

783-7039


Jimbo

September 20148

Want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s too cheesy.

“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson

Terri KelseaRotarian

Out ’n About withthe United Way of

AndroscogginCounty


local schools

Side by SideSubmitted by Jimbo

On his death bed, anold Jewish man says tohis wife... "Oh, Sarah,when the shop burneddown you were rightbeside me, no?"

"Sure I was Moshe,"his wife replied.

"When the Nazis droveus out of our belovedDeutschland you werebeside me again, no?"

"I was, Moshe."

"And now you're at mydeath bed, aren't you?"

"I am, darling."

"I'm starting to thinkyou're bad luck,Sarah."

Call Diana orLarry formore info

and pricing!

Dad’s PlaceCatering Division

Have an upcoming event?Consider Dad’s Place!

WE DO:

345-9009 DadsPlace.info

Weddings • ReunionsLobster Feeds • BBQ’s and More!

Indoors • Outdoors • We do it all!!

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s Place23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

We can accommodate any size party small, large or enormous!!

Professional service at an affordable price

Expires 9.30.14 ONLY

$5

FREE COFFEE FRIDAY!

Free 20 oz. coffee with purchaseof Breakfast Sandwich

every Friday.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201410

“I’m 63 now. But that’s just 17 Celsius.” – George Carlin

“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.”

Mike Morin’s Auto Center

Mike Morin

autorepairsauburnmaine.com • Hours: Open Monday-Thursday 7-5pm • Friday 7-Noon

1122 Center St., Auburn • 753-0433

Front end alignments for ONLY$79.95!

WHAT A DEAL!

OIL CHANGE

Up to 5 qts. Most Vehicles(Not including Diesels or Heavy Trucks)

$24.95

Our

19th Year!

Fresh ProduceBlackie’s Farm

Open Year Round

996 Sabattus St. • Lewiston • 786-4356

908 Minot Ave. • Auburn • 786-0005

Hours: 6am - 8pm

“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.” – George Carlin

I read her like a book, but I keep forgetting my place.

You’re gonnalove it!

1472 Lisbon St, Lewiston • 376-3870 • ChickadeeLewiston.com

Gotta LOVE the Chick!Gotta LOVE the Chick!

of Lewiston

Boiled Lobster Dinners ∞ Fresh Steamer Clams ∞ Fresh Fried Whole Belly ClamsFried, Baked, Broiled Seafood Entrées ∞ Awesome Salad Selections

Lobster Stew ∞ Fish Chowder ∞ Sandwiches ∞ Lobster Subs ∞ Kids Menu

Call for more info.

Want us to cater

your next event? Food & Beverage - We do it!

Buffet style or plated dinners or lunches?

We got it!

Platters for 15 or 30 people?

We do it!

HARRIS BROTHERS

HARRISBROS.

Call us!No Separating Required!

743-3891PO Box 2002 • Norway, Maine 04268

SERVING: NORWAY • WEST PARISMINOT • MCFALLS • OXFORD

Book vs.Movie

Submitted by Jimbo

A man in a movie the-ater notices what lookslike a cheetah sittingnext to him.

"Are you a cheetah?"asked the man, sur-prised.

"Yes."

"What are you doing atthe movies?"

The cheetah replied,"Well, I liked the book."

WaitingSubmitted by Thomas Hill

A little fellow is stand-ing at the bottom of adepartment store esca-lator. Intently looking atthe handrail, the smallboy would not take hiseyes away.

A salesperson asked,“Are you lost?”

“Nope,” came the reply.“I'm waiting for mychewing gum to comeback.”


Jimbo


I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section.

I'm naming my TV remote Waldo for obvious reasons.

GEORGIO’S740 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-2981Open daily 5am-9pm

www.mygeorgios.com

Locally owned & operated

BREAKFAST • LUNCH • DINNERWe’ve got you covered!

Breakfast

Sandwiches

$175

Hash Browns Buy Anysize GreenMountaincoffee & geta donut for

50¢

BREAKFAST PIZZA • BREAKFAST SUBS & MORE!

Eat In or Take Out

PIZZA • ITALIAN SANDWICHES • OUR FAMOUS UFO or one of our many other menu choices!

Bring Home Dinner Tonight!

We Deliver! In Auburn $20 minimum

50¢

Get a Breakfast Sandwich YOUR WAY!Egg, cheese plus Ham, Sausage or Bacon on our own fresh made roll.Or get creative: Add Steak, sauteéd green peppers & onion or tomatoes & onions*

Or try it in a Wrap, Bagelor English Muffin!

*Additionalcost for add-ons

Out ’n About at theGreat Falls

Balloon Festival

Yeah, I feel like Johnny Depp in Pirates

of the Caribbean, except our mode of

transportation is slightly different...

Jim RodrigueLocal hot air balloon pilotinterviewed by News 13.

Christina NoonanGreat Falls Balloon Festival

event organizer

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201412

I saw a baby with a shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas"

Just think, in a few million years Barney will be motor oil.

Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.

1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston • 783-0858 or 1-800-244-0858Mon - Fri 9-5 • Sat 9-4 • www.abcpool.com

PROTECT WHAT YOU LOVE!BEFORE

AFTER

You love your pool and the backyard mem-ories it creates. We help protect childrenand pets from unwanted situations andgive peace of mind while you’re away.

Schedule

your pool

closing now!

MyraSubmitted by Thomas Hill

Myra Rhodes, a littleold lady living in Lewis-ton, answered a knockon the door one day, tobe confronted by awell-dressed youngman carrying a vacuumcleaner.

“Good morning,” saidthe young man. “If Icould take a few min-utes of your time, Iwould like to demonstrate the verylatest in high-poweredvacuum cleaners.”

“Go away!” said Myraharshly. “I'm broke andhaven't got anymoney,” and she pro-ceeded to close thedoor.

Quick as a flash, theyoung man wedged hisfoot in the door andpushed it wide open.“Don't be too hasty,” hecommanded. “Not untilyou have at least seenmy demonstration.”And with that, he emp-tied a bucket of horsemanure onto her hall-way carpet.

“Now, if this vacuumcleaner does not re-move all traces of thishorse manure fromyour carpet, Madam, Iwill personally eat theremainder.”

Myra stepped back andsaid with a smile, “Welllet me get you a spoon,young man becausethey cut off my electric-ity this morning.”


Jimbo


She broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.

Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood.

The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web.

We speak a language YOU understand!Straight Talk. Practical Solutions.

We specialize in: Litigation, Divorce, Family Matters, Evictions for Landlords, Estate Planning & Court-Appointed matters.

The Law Offices of Kimberly A. Levesque, Esq.

207-786-0346 184 Webster Street, Lewiston LewistonMaineLawyers.com

Call for your FREEconsultation!

Ask About Home Visits!

The Works $10Chicken, Pulled Pork, Baked Beans & Cole Slaw

pulled porksandwich $5Hamburger $3hot dog $2baked beans $2cole slaw $2thurs./Fri. Ribsfull rack $201/2 rack $15

Please Call ahead for take out orders

423-6666

Specialties• Pig Roasts• Lobster &

Clam Bakes• Tent, Table & Chair

Rentals• DJ Services• Portable Bar $250

Also• Outdoor Events• Company Parties• Private Parties• Anniversaries• Fundraisers

ONE CALL DOES IT ALL!

SEPTEMBER HOURS: THURSDAY & FRIDAY 11-3PM

Out ’n About atthe Train Festat the Great Falls Model

Railroad Club in New Auburn

Let’s get thisparty started...

Angelina Tardif

Braydon Daigle

Bryce Weeks &Maurice Fortin

The locomotive power right in thepalm of my hand,

ahahahaha.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201414

To be a first-grade teacher you have to have skill, dedication, and an immunity to knock-knock jokes.

Meandering to a different drummer.

• Driveways • Porches• Patios • Steps• Walkways • Poolscapes

Assisted HomeCare II

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org

“Our Family Assisting Your Family”

Now expanding our services to the

Midcoast Region!

See page __ to learn more about

the services we offer.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

183 Lisbon Street • Lisbonqualitycareautorepair.com

353-9862We’re closer than you think!

Only a 5 minute drive from

the Ramada in Lewiston.

$5.00OFF

Along with a courtesy vehicle inspection

and printed report.*By appointment. Limit one per customer. Offer includes plugging into vehicle

computer for testing and diagnosis to determine if more extensive testing isneeded. Expires 9.30.14

OIL CHANGE

Tony GirouardOwner

Our mechanics are ASE Certified

which means top notchservice for your

vehicle.

Restaurant Closing for the Season September 21stMiniature Golf & Driving Range Open 10am till Darkuntil the end of September

www.tabersgolf.comTABERS

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn

Thank you for another GREAT Season!

Tastes Like...Submitted by Jimbo

The note left on the office refrigerator wasaddressed to “The cul-prit who ate what youthought were twopeanut butter icecream bars.”

We’ll skip over the details and go straightto the signature:

“Love, Constipated-Dog Owner.”

The CatererSubmitted by Thomas Hill

The other day I was incharge of finding acaterer for this big ban-quet at my church.Through a lucky seriesof events, I was able tobook Bobby Flay’sbrother for the night! Ithought it would begreat, but the food wasterrible and peoplewere complainingabout food poisoning.

Moral of the story:Don’t judge a cook byhis brother.


Jimbo


Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

WOW! Don’t spend $18 at thebeauty salon, get your...

Mens & Boys CUTS forAll day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

$12Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

Marcel’sBarber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn

783-3444OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm;

Sat 7:30am - 2pm

RollodromeRollodromeWhere GoodSkaters Meet

Since1954

Available for private parties

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940www.rollodrome.com

FALL SCHEDULEThursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00

Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

Celebrating 60 Years in Business!

KEEP COOL! GET YOUR A/C RECHARGED NOW!

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Boss of BossesSubmitted by Jimbo

A retiring farmer inpreparation for sellinghis land, needed to ridhis farm of animals. Sohe went to every housein his town.

To the houses wherethe man is the boss, hegave a horse. To thehouses where thewoman is the boss, achicken was given.

He got toward the endof the street and saw acouple outside garden-ing. "Who's the bossaround here?" heasked.

"I am," said the man.

"I have a black horseand a brown horse,"the farmer said, "whichone would you like?"

The man thought for aminute and said, "Theblack one."

"No, no, no, get thebrown one," the man'swife said.

"Here's your chicken,"said the farmer.

Some horticulturistssuspect that the ba-nana was the earth'sfirst fruit. Bananaplants have been incultivation since thetime of recorded his-tory. One of the firstrecords of bananasdates back to Alexan-der the Great's con-quest of India

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201416

Friction is a drag.

People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.

Whe

n P

eter

Pan

pun

ches

, the

y N

ever

land

.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

Money is the root of all wealth.

Affordable Office Solutions | 550 Lisbon St., Lewistoncubiclesinmaine.com | 783-4820 or Toll Free 866-464-CUBE

Out ’n About with the United Way of Androscoggin CountyStuffing backpacks for children in need at local schools

Chris Paradis, Terri Kelsea, Donald Rossignol, Laurie Pelletier,

John Crouch & Don Beaulieu

The PromiseSubmitted by Thomas Hill

A man was drivingdown the street in asweat because he hada very important meet-ing and couldn't find aparking place.

Looking up to heaven,he said, "Lord, takepity on me. If you findme a parking place, Ipromise I will go tochurch every Sundayand quit drinking!"

Just then, a parkingplace appeared, theclosest one imagina-ble.

The man looked upagain and said, "Nevermind, I just found one."


Jimbo


I elected to have plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.

I think my smart phone is broken. I keep pressing the Home button, but I'm still at work.

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Family Friendly Dentist~ Right in Your Backyard ~

Serving Poland & Surrounding Areas Since 1997

Accepting New Patients!

James F. Weigand, DDSGeneral Dentistry364 Maine StreetPoland Spring • 998-4587(Located at the Poland Community Health Center at the Corner of Rt. 26 & 122Monday - Thursday 8am - 5pm Most Insurances Accepted

HOURS: Mon-Sat 7am-9pm; Sun 10am-8pm

600 Turner Street, Auburn • heidisauburn.com • 784-3434

LocallyOwned &Operated

Did you know...Heidi's makes Delicious PLATTERS and BOXED LUNCHES

for your business meetings, staff luncheons and gatherings?

Ask about our

Gluten Free

options.


Balloon FestivalMy Mickey

Mouse hands? Why, yes, I was a cast member on

The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Annette Duprefrom high above the Earth

Dave “DJ” JohnsonFlight crew

Life in Maine, the wayit should be. Whereyou can stop in themiddle of the roadand take a photo of ahot air balloon withoutgetting run over.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201418

I used to play sports until I realized I could buy trophies... Now I'm good at everything.

I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Brad’s Precision Auto

ANY MAKE... ANY MODEL...ANY PROBLEM...

• Appointments required• Fully warranteed & certified• $60/hr labor rate

NO PROBLEM!

333-0364Front Row L to R: Mallory & DanMiddle Row: Penny, Marek, John, Eli & GavinBack Row: Sarah, Brad, Ryan & Steve

Come join thefamily!

NOW A STATE INSPECTION STATIO N !

Willow Tree Primitives

850 Main Street Lewiston, Maine 04240Open 7 Days a Week 10am - 5pm

Hand-Made Items • Custom-Made FurnitureLinens • Rugs • Luminary Candles • Antiques

Prints • Byers Choice Carolers • FabricUpholstered Furniture • Re-Upholstering Clubs

Willow Tree Angels • Lay-a-ways • Private PartiesPunch Cards • Timer Candles

Birthday Club • Senior Day • Monthly Drawing

754-8784

Accepting

NEWStudents!

786-6861

25 Mary St.

Lewiston

Teaching at EVERY LEVEL

[email protected]

Little Known Fact

Submitted by Richard Collins

In 1923, in an attemptto save money anyway they could, majorleague baseball teamowners insisted on re-claiming foul balls hitinto the stands, insist-ing that it was a prop-erty right.

That year, at a game inPhiladelphia, an elevenyear old boy caught afoul ball and refused togive it back. It was alsodiscovered that hesnuck into the ballpark.The Phillies manage-ment had the boy ar-rested and chargedwith theft. He spent thenight in jail and washauled before a judgethe next morning.

The judge ruled that itwas entirely reason-able that a kid wouldwant to keep a foulball, particularly sincehe had made a reallygood catch. Soon after,ballparks everywheregave up trying to re-trieve foul balls.

– Bill Bryson

Nap Time GentlemenSubmitted by Jimbo

For much of her bar-tending shift, my wifehad to contend with a rowdy customer. Atthe end of the night, hedemanded, “Where’sthe bathroom!?”

“Go down the hallway,and you’ll see a doormarked gentlemen,”she said. “But don’t letthat deter you.”


Jimbo


The cheapest way to have your family tree traced is to run for a public office.

Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is the police.

For a while, Houdini used a lot of trap doors in his act, but he was just going through a stage.

Mon. 6am-noonTues-Fri

6am-3pm

Donut Special Every Friday

Buy 1 dozen donuts at regularprice ($7.50) and get the 2nd dozen at half price!

$11.25 for both

784-7042161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston

CREATE YOUR OWN BACKYARD OASIS!

Save up to $3,000!

HUGE Selection!

Endless Family EnjoymentPriced Right!

SWIMMING POOLS

1057 Sabattus St. Lewiston • 786-4256 • ricksswimmingpools.com

Monday - Friday 9-5;Saturday 9-4

HOT TUB SALE!

WinnerSubmitted by Jimbo

Two boys were arguingwhen the teacher entered the room.The teacher says,"Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "Wefound a ten dollar billand decided to give itto whoever tells thebiggest lie."

"You should beashamed of your-selves," said theteacher, "When I wasyour age I didn't evenknow what a lie was."

The boys gave the tendollars to the teacher.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201420

Confucius Says: “Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.”

The birthstone for September is the sapphire.

On September 30th 1947, The World Series is televised for the first time.

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET

For take-out, groceries, fresh meats, cold beer & more!

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502

“Try us once,

you’ll be a regular!”

OPEN 7 Days 6am - 8pm

1-TOPPING PIZZAS2 LARGE

$16.99ONLYExpires 9.30.14

Do Something RADicalCome try our food. You won’t be disappointed!

Angie & BradColor Me Rad 5K after pic

Do what you do. Do it well and

they’ll keep comingback for more!


Balloon Festival

You need help with your payroll? Let’s head over to

Payroll Managementright now. I’m sure Gary won’t mind us

landing in his parking lot.


Jimbo


“The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.” – Albert Einstein

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

Two convenient locations: 34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192 or 760 Minot Ave, Auburn • 753-0500

GreatFallsfcu.com

Great FallsFederal Credit Union

Restrictions & qualification apply

FALL INTO A GREAT LOANAuto • Recreational • Personal

Call Michele, Dane or Ken today!

Vehicle supplied by Emerson Chevrolet for photo shoot.

Fall into Savings atGreat Falls

FCU!

We have the money to

lend!

You won’t B-Leave how lowour rates are!

• CompetitiveLow Rates

• Fast Approvals

• Extended Terms



Deanna & AshleyElder

Eli & Renee Bucknell

Jacob Coulombe

Hats off to everyone who

joined us during theTrain Fest!

"Through humor, you cansoften some of the worstblows that life delivers. Andonce you find laughter, nomatter how painful your situation might be, you cansurvive it."

– Bill Cosby

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201422

My wife does bird imitations. She always watches me like a hawk.

“A line is a dot that went for a walk.” – Paul Klee

A sharp nose points to curiosity. A flattened nose indicates too much curiosity.

www.LuiggisPizzeria.comSince 1953

MONDAYThe Fergy

TUESDAYMeatball Subs

WEDNESDAYSpaghetti Dinners

1 meatball, salad, garlic bread, drink

THURSDAYMini Pizza

FRIDAY$1.00 OFF

Any Large Pizza

SATURDAY2 Ham or Salami

Italians

EVERY DAY: Regular Pizza with Drink $5.50

SUNDAYBaked Ziti

$6.00 sm $2.50 lg $5.00

sm $3.35 w/ch $3.99lg $6.50 w/ch $7.50 $5.25

1 topping $2.992 toppings $3.99

$7.99

SEPTEMBER GROUP WORKOUT SCHEDULE

BJ Grondin, CSCS

Coaching You to Reach Your

Individual Goals272 Lewiston St.

Mechanic Falls

Prime360Training.com • 577-5979 • [email protected]

1st Class is AlwaysFREE!

Also offering: One-on-One Training • Nutrition Services • Team Training

MONDAY & WEDNESDAYFit 4 Life 11am-12noon

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Visit Prime360training.com to learn more!



Justin & CaseyClark

Kevin & Jessica St. Pierre with their

twins, Kaden & Parker

There ain’t no way I’m getting

on a train my brother is driving...

Louise Johnson &proud guest engineer,

Ean Johnson

I went to the doctor,and told him, "I think Imight be addicted totwitter."

He said, "Sorry, I don'tfollow you"


Jimbo


“I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done.” – Lucille Ball

“Comedy is acting out optimism.” – Robin Williams

“Do your job and demand your compensation, but in that order.” – Cary Grant

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

87 Mill St. New Auburn753-0171

• Unusual Omelettes• Crepes• Breakfast All Day• Extensive Menu

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!Rolly’s Diner

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Chef Jordon

Rolly’s Diner has what you need. Come fuel up on ourscrumptious food

where you get more bang for

your buck!



Steve & ShaneHamlin

Sharon & ArnoldBorthwick

Dad, this is my kinda club!

Theresa Arita &Bobbie Pulsifer

I've trained my dog to

bring me a glass of red

wine... It's a Bordeaux

collie.

Out ’n About at New Auburn Social Club’s Member Appreciation

Megan Ouellette & Patrick Legee

My baby looks biggerthan yours, Megan.

You might be right,Patrick. Will I see you in

the birthing room?

There you go,Dave!

Joe Walkerhangs the new sign in memory of Dave O.

who was always cooking with Pat L.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201424

Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance.

A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OP

Mon.-Fri 7am-9pm • Sat. & Sun. 8am-9pm

Our customers say, “Beal’s is the cleanest Laundromat in L/A!”

LAUNDROMAT • CLEANERS • COIN-OPBehind Rite Aid off Union Street Bypass

10 lb to 80 lb capacity

LargestWashers in

L/A

Wacky

Wednesdays6-9pm 50¢ OFF

All Washers!

FREE Wi-Fi

51 Hampshire St. Auburn784-8581

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?"(You think) If the bus came would I be standing here?

Emma, Isabella & Brady Martin

Future Master Model Railroaders & Advisors

Wyatt Tardif & Thomas the Train

Out ’n About at the Train Festat the Great Falls Model Railroad Club in New Auburn

Voices Submitted by Thomas Hill

Brian, one of the worldsgreatest hypochondri-acs, bumped into his Dr.one day at the super-market.

“Doc!” Brian exclaimed,“I’ve been meaning totell you, rememberthose voices I kept onhearing in my head? Ihaven’t heard them inover a week!”

“Wow! What wonderfulnews Brian! I’m sohappy for you!” his Dr.exclaimed.

“Wonderful?” asked adismal looking Brian.“There’s nothing won-derful about it. I’m afraidmy hearing is starting togo now!


Jimbo


The best part of going back to school is seeing all your friends. The worst part is, your teachers won't let you talk to them.

I went to a tough high school. In biology we used to dissect custodians.

1009 Center St., Auburn • 333-3390 • AutoCityofMaine.com

2005 Audi A4 2010 Chrysler Town & Country

2009 GMC Sierra 1500 SLE

$11,995 or $214.30/mo

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Many more choices available, view our inventory online!

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*monthly payments are figured with $500 down at 4.5% for 60 months to qualified buyers

Deals so good even Uncle Andy would buy them!



Nancy Anderson

Wyatt Tardif withTerry Obie

This place is #1 in my

book!

Dream HomeSubmitted by Thomas Hill

We’d finally built ourdream home, but thecontractor had a con-cern: the placement ofan atrium window forour walk-in shower.

"I’m afraid your neigh-bors might have a goodview of you au naturel,"he said.

My middle-aged wife puthim at ease. "Don’tworry," she said. "They’llonly look once.”

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201426

Teachers deserve a lot of credit. Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn't need it.

School is very important. Everyone should get at least a high school education,even if they already know everything.

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Balloon Festival

Don’t make me come up there...


Jimbo


My kids have everything they need to go back to school... except the right attitude.

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

Back-to-school sales get me all excited. Of course, pretty much any sale gets me all excited.

165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796 Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com

“Best Seafood Restaurant”Ten years in a row.

Award Winning Chowder

Family Owned for 3 Generations

Large Groups Welcomed Call Ahead

Full Bar • Free ParkingLounge • Dining Room Private Function Rooms

Vote Online NOW!2014 “Best of the Best!”

Greater Lewiston/Auburn

BestOfSurveys.com

VOTE NOW!Market Surveys of America

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 20 th Annual Best Businesses for 2014will be announced right here in Uncle Andy’s Digest later this year!

MarketSurveysOfAmerica.com GKMSurveys.com


Balloon FestivalArrr...

Where’s yer treasure, matey?

Jen ReederFestival Volunteer

One of the many Piratesat the Balloon Festival

I love the Balloon Festival

this much.

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783-7039


Jimbo

September 201430

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.

Ron Chicoine, MDfor County Commissioner

I ask for your vote November 4th

“On Call for Lewiston.”

Paid for and authorized by the candidate.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

THE 2ND AMENDMENT IS NOT ABOUT HUNTING

CC Permit • Basic • AdvancedRoland Levasseur

NRA-SIG Academy - Frontsight212-0608

Don MailhotNRA - Law Enforcement576-5131

Learn how to defend yourself and your family.

NRA Certified Instruction

rdtacticalhandgun.com

Watch our website & Facebook page for our upcoming FALL Schedule!

312-54789 Acadia Ave.Lewiston

Tues./Thurs./Fri. 9-5Sat. 8-12noonSun./Mon./Wed. Closed

Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.

I can't get enough minimalism.

When the Black Deathswept across Englandone theory was thatcats caused theplague. Thousandswere slaughtered. Iron-ically, those that kepttheir cats were less af-fected, because theykept their houses clearof the real culprits, rats.

Did You Know?

The Beatles wereGeorge Harrison, JohnLennon, Paul McCart-ney, and Ringo Starr.But there were alsotwo lesser known, previous members ofthe band: Pete Bestand Stu Sutcliffe.


Balloon Festival


Jimbo


If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.

Did You Know? During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That's the weight of about 6 elephants.

Send us your jokes & stories.

We’ll get you published!

Send them to [email protected] for consideration.

782-2135Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm

Sun. 11am - 5pm

A place where family & friends

gather for good food & cheer at great prices!

Come & Enjoy Our Everyday Specials!

MONDAY TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY THURSDAY

FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

60¢ WingsCheeseburger Special

$5.99$3.00 25oz domestic drafts

Thatcher’s Burger $7.99

60¢ Wings$3.00 25oz

domestic drafts

BBQ sauce, cheddar, carmelized onions

Mexican Day3 Beef Tacos $4.99

Thatcher’s Burrito $6.99$3.00 Coronas

Stuffed Peppers $5.99Open Face Turkey $6.99$4.00 microbrews

Fish & Chips $7.99Fried Scallops $10.99

Teriyaki tips $10.992 Hotdogs w/fries $4.99$2.25 domestic bottles

12” cheese pizza $5.99$5.00 Well Bloody Mary’s

with Mashed

with Mashed

61 Mill Street, Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com

Come see us at our

NEW Location!We’re now at

61 Mill Street in Auburn(in the old Pontbriand

Hardware building)

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

PackageSubmitted by Thomas Hill

Reaching the end of ajob interview, the per-sonnel recruitment offi-cer asked a youngengineer fresh out ofCambridge, "And whatstarting salary wereyou looking for?"

The engineer said, "Inthe neighborhood of$140,000 a year, de-pending on the benefitspackage."

The interviewer said,"Well, what would yousay to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14paid holidays, full med-ical and dental, com-pany matchingretirement fund to 50%of salary, and a com-pany car leased every2 years .. say, a redsports Mercedes?"

The Engineer sat upstraight and said,"Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewerreplied, "Yeah, but youstarted it."

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201432

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is $3.00 acan. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. – Joe Weinstein

It's, "Jamaican hairstyle day" at work tomorrow, I'm dreading it.

A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well.

Ann Dumais with her husband, Dan. The Dumais’ attended a butterfly release event re-cently at the Hospice House in Auburn. At this fundraiseranyone who wanted to take part could release a butterflyin honor of their lost family member. Ann chose to do arelease in honor of her dad, Walter Cloutier. In a touching moment her butterfly landed on her earand hung on long enough where she could hear her dadsay, “Let me go.” Can you say goosebumps? Here is a poem shared at the butterfly releasefundraiser:As you release this butterflyIn honor of me,Know that I’m with youand will always be.Hold a hand, say a prayer,close your eyes and see me there.Although you may feel a bit torn apart,Please know that I’ll beforever in your heart.Now fly away butterflyas high as you can go,I’m right there with youmore than you know.

– Jill Haley

Wedding Planner& Flower Shoppe

777-1520sweetpeafloraldesignsme.com

[email protected]

Sweet Pea Designs“My parents alwayssaid that knowledgewas the best gift theycould give me, proba-bly because they weretoo cheap to buy meChristmas or Birthdaypresents.”

― Jarod Kintz


Jimbo


Our #1 problem is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything... but don't quote me.

Some do Jenny Craig, while others do Richard Simmons... I do Sara Lee.

I'm thinking of starting up a, 'Stiff Little Fingers' tribute band, we'll call ourselves, 'Arthritis'.

A fresh perspective for Lewiston!

What matters for Lewiston,What matters for Maine• Welfare Reform • Education• Tax Burden • Citizen Voices

I ask for your vote

on November 4th!

Learn more at: PattiGagneforSenate.comPaid for and authorized by Patti Gagne for Senate, Pam Remieres-Morin, Treasurer


Balloon Festival

Are YOU looking at ME?

You don’t want none of this,

buddy!

Terry Ricker

Steve GrenierMain Street Music &

L-A Harley Band

This unique one mile road race is short, fast and lots of fun for the whole family! There will be many different race

divisions - from the kids fun run mile to the public safety mile...with everything in between, this event is for every runner

at every level. Challenge yourself to run your best mile ever. And when you do, you will change a child's life.

Proceeds benefit the Auburn Police Activities League (PAL).

Register today at: www.AuburnBlueMile.com

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201434

A golf course is a site to be holed.(We’re sure Spring Meadows would agree).

Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender says "Get out! We don't want your type in here".

I just got a new job as an auctioneer, they told me I had a lot to offer.

ONE PAYS! TWO PLAY!Pay just one green fee and a friend plays free. Or, pay for two green fees and two play free.

www.springmeadowsgolf.com

Monday Night Scrambles4:30PM Shotgun Start - Every Monday

Singles or full teams are accepted

GOLF CLUB ATCOLE FARMS

✃Expires 8.31.12

BUY A 2015 MEMBERSHIP NOW!

Golf the remainder of2014 FREE!!

Route 100 in Gray • Just minutes from Turnpike Exit 63For tee times contact Ben Morey at 657-2586

2 for 1Must present this coupon to receive

ONE FREE GREEN FEEfor each paid green fee. Cart fee mandatoryfor each player. May not be combined withother offers. Good for 18 holes, Monday thruThursday all day, Friday thru Sunday after 1p.m. excluding holidays, tournaments and twilight play. ✃Expires 9.30.14

A variety of memberships are available. Call or visit our website for more info.

We are a full service salon14 Highland Spring Plaza, Suite A

Highland Spring Road, Lewiston • 786-4311Hours: Tues. Wed. & Thu. 6am - 8pm • Fri. 8am - 3pm • Sat. 8am - 1pm

$20 OFFAny chemical services

with Kelly D. or Camille Ann Kelly Sue

Lysa Camille Kelly D.

BE BEAUTIFALLThis Autumn enjoy...

Exp

ires

9.3

0.14

C'est la VieSubmitted by Jimbo

I've sure gotten old!I've had two bypasssurgeries, a hip re-placement, new knees,fought prostate cancerand diabetes.

I'm half blind, can'thear anything quieterthan a jet engine, take40 different medica-tions that make medizzy, winded, and sub-ject to blackouts.

I have bouts with dementia, and poor circulation. I can hardlyfeel my hands and feetanymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or92, and I have lost allmy friends.

But, thank God, I stillhave my driver's license.

Retail • Wholesale • Redemption • Liquor Store5 Locations for Your Convenience!

694 Main St.

Lewiston • 782-1482

794 Sabattus St.


1420 Lisbon St.


545 Minot Ave.

Auburn • 783-2047

303-311 Main St.

Auburn • 783-9098

Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn

Minot Ave, Auburn Main Street, Lewiston

WHAT’S BREWINGAND ALWAYS NEWYOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS

Dr.McGillicuddy 750ml $13.99 All Flavors $3 OFF

Crown Royal 750ml $22.99 $3 OFF

Canadian Mist 1.75L

$15.99 $4.00 OFF

Jack Daniels 1L$26.99 $2.00 OFF

Roopersbeverage.com

Gritty’s 12 packs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$12.99

Bud/Bud Light 16 oz 24 packs . . . . . .$17.99

Sam Adams 12 packs . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99

Bud Light Lime-a-rita 12 packs (all varieties) $9.99

Mezzacorona 1.5 L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99

Yellowtail 1.5 L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$9.99

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201436

I got a brand new hedge-trimmer today, It's state of the art cutting hedge technology.

Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure I have an abnormalcurvature of the upper spine.

A Full Service Salon

1117 Center St., Auburn (behind Met Life) • 784-3522

Element All Star Cheer team pose for a team photo at the Great Falls Balloon Festival

Out ’n About atMac’s Grill

Celebrating their 20th Anniversary

Mission Possible!Taking care of the

customer is priority #1.

Dave Gagne

Katie Camire

Sean Little &Jeb Blackwell

I was a premature baby. My father wasn't expecting me.

Right on!Happy Birthday,

man!!

Dick Record & Dan Coxcelebrating Dan’s birthday with some apple juice

Out ’n About at Mac’s GrillGood thing this is only apple juice...

so Uncle Andy’s can publish it and all.

Mac’s Grill1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 macsgrill.com

Come watch your favoritesporting event

on our 11 TV’s in our NEW 1,300 sq. ft. bar area!

16 Beers on TapFull Menu ALL the Time!

Let MAC’S Cater

Your Next Event!

Book NOW for the Holidays!

LIVE MUSICSaturday

September 13th & September 27th

EVERY SUNDAY ALL DAY in September1/2 priced Appetizers (eat-in only) • Bud Draft sm.$2 lg.$4

EVERY TUESDAY ALL DAY in September50¢ Wings

GRILLING TIME!Get your steaks

here for your owngrill at home!

Check out our Live

Entertainmentthis month!

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201438

I often say to myself, - "I can't believe that cloning works."

My daughter's horse will only come out when it gets dark, it's becoming a night mare.

25 Lisbon Street, Lewiston • 795-7600

WE CARRY:• All Dab Accessories & rigs

• Glasspipes, Metalpipes,

Hookahs, Woodpipes

• Detox - Vaporizers

• E-Hookahs & E-Liquid

• Butane, Papers, Shisha

& Incense

• Seedless Clothing

• Posters

• Bags

• Pipe Cases

AfterHoursheadshop

a_h_smokeshop

AfterHoursSmokeShop

We’re a FULL Service

Vaporizer Shop.

We have vaporizers for all uses as well as e-cigs, e-hookahs (refillable & disposeable). And many flavors of premium American madee-juice from 0-24mg nicotine levels.

Open Mon - Sat10am - 8pm



Awww... shucks!

Rob Ducharme

Cam Hutchins

Dalia Lapirus?


Jimbo


My new favorite band is Dog Whistle, you probably have never heard them.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. An onion a day should take care of everyone else.

64 Lewiston Road, Gray657-4714 • ColeFarms.com

A Maine Tradition You Can Count On!• Happy Hour 3-6pm daily• 14 Beers on Tap & Full Bar• Daily Specials• Live Music on Friday Nights

845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500

Considering a NEW Used Vehicle?

Make Your

old car look &

run like

NEW!

Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense.

Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise!Call for a FREE Quote!

Test of TimeSubmitted by Jimbo

A father and son arehiking in the GrandCanyon. They goaround bends, overhills, and throughnooks. They round an-other bend to see an American Indian sittingon a rock.

The father points andsays, "son, NativeAmericans have thebest memory of anypeople in the world."

The young son thinkshe's quite the smartone and goes up to theIndian and says, "Whatdid you have for break-fast last Tuesday."

Without hesitation theIndian responds,"eggs." The son is im-pressed and goes onwith the hike with hisfather.

30 years later the sonis now a grown man,and is hiking the sametrail with his own son.He goes around thesame bends, over thesame hills, and low andbehold, rounds the cor-ner and there is thatsame Indian on thesame rock.

He's an older wiserman now, and will really test him. Hewalks up, raises hishand in greeting andsays "HOW?"

The Indian responds,"Scrambled."

Trevor Spaulding (Poland basketball shirt) re-cently ran in the L/A Bridge Run, a 5K and thethird leg of the Triple Crown. Trevor ran with hismom, Pam Ashby (UAD graphic designer).

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201440

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

Visa is everywhere you want to be... Except out of debt.

The Edward Little High School Marching Band accepted the ALS ice bucket challenge.



Bet you didn’t know we were sisters!

Evelyn Till

Alicia & MakaylaDube

Jordan Kaulback

PROTECTING YOU:Is What We Do.

commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health

232 Center St., Auburn

786-0417Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm VarneyAgency.com

Kerrie RobbinsCommercial Insurance Specialist

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.


Jimbo


Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

JT REID’SGun Show

Saturday, October 11th

9:00am - 5:00pm

Where: Ramada Inn

490 Pleasant St, Lewiston

Cost: $5/pp (Under 16 Free)

This is a guns and ammo show only featuring dealers from New England.

Concealed firearms prohibited in show even with permit.

FMI: JT Reid’s Guns

86 Court St., Auburn

777-3579www.jtreidsgunshop.com

Active Duty Military No Charge

Concessions & Raffles



Stop in and see us. Our food is always a

COLOSSAL hit!

Kale Churchill

Sherry Arsenault

Katie Camire

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201442If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

• Wheel alignment & balancing

• Complete brake work• Engine tune-up• Lube-oil-filter• State Inspections

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983

60 Minot Ave • Auburn782-6666 or 783-2026

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE

A PROUD MEMBER OF THENAPA AUTO CARE TEAM

OUR TIRES

Scooter

$10 off forANY Servicewith Coupon!

We can do it:

I can't give him a book as a gift. He may already have one.

Church FeudSubmitted by Jimbo

Church feuds are notuncommon, especiallyamong cliques in thecongregation. Butwhen the pastor andchoir director get into it,stand aside.

One week ourpreacher preached oncommitment, and howwe should dedicateourselves to service.The director then ledthe choir in singing, 'IShall Not Be Moved.'

The next Sunday, thepreacher preached ongiving and how weshould gladly give tothe work of the Lord.The choir director thenled the song, 'JesusPaid It All.'

The next Sunday, thepreacher preached ongossiping and how weshould watch ourtongues. The hymnwas 'I Love To Tell TheStory.'

The preacher becamedisgusted over the situ-ation and the next Sun-day he told thecongregation he wasconsidering resigning.The choir then sang'Oh, Why Not Tonight.'

When the preacher re-signed the next weekhe told the church thatJesus had led himthere and Jesus wastaking him away. Thechoir then sang, 'WhatA Friend We Have inJesus.'

Drum roll please . . . . The L-A Harley Bandat the Great Falls Balloon Festival


Jimbo


Fifth graders are using worms to recycle garbage from school lunches. But even the worms won't eat the Salisbury steak.

School is where you always try to do your best... except when your friends are watching.

CUSTOM UPHOLSTERY

For All Your CustomUpholstery Needs

782-3822Convertible Tops • Boats • Motorcycle SeatsTonneau Covers & Headliners • RV’s & More!

300 Cressey Road, MonmouthJust past Reggie’s Kawasaki, before Highmoor Farm

Call Before

Coming!



For the Record, we do date night

every week.

Gerry Gagne & Kate LandryCurrent ownership & Previous ownership

Dan & Amy Cox

Denise & DickRecord

Thank YOU everyone for making our

20th Anniversary celebration a huge

success!

I love what you’ve

done with the place!

Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201444

Things are more like they used to be than they are now.

With a calendar, your days are numbered.

Assisted Home Care II“Our Family

Assisting Your Family”

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org

Assisting Families since 1997.

• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief• 24 hour Personal Care and Response• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers• Assist with Independent Living at Home

Now expanding our services to the Midcoast Region!

I wish this UncleAndy’s photographerwould stop bugging

me...


Balloon Festival

Hey thanks, you can take our picture

anytime!

Pick me!Pick ME!!

Christina Noonan, Troy Mills, Morgan Hamlyn, Geoff Ness & Nick Knowlton

(front) Roseanna Gillespie, Barb Bart &

Joan Weston. (back) Bert Levesque,

Brian Michaud, Justin Binette & Frank Bart (pilot)

Andy Carrier, Mariah Carrier, Tina Carrier, Christy Gardner & Moxie

Parents, the African Proverb is right . . . when elephants fight ants get hurt.

Out ’n About at the Great Falls Balloon Festival


Jimbo


Don't judge a book by its movie.

“Love conquers all things… except poverty and toothaches.” – Mae West


Balloon Festival

Jeff Neal

Fay Duval

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201446I only thought of you once today, I just never stopped.

“In America they really do mythologize people when they die.” – Robin Williams

When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve.

Located in the building behind Dad’s PlaceHours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)

DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTION

✃

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551

6¢on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

UAD expires 9.30.14

Bottle Drives

Welcome!

Get more for yourreturns at Dad’s!

MORE FORYOUR $$

Dad’s Redemption

Paul & friendsstrolling around at the

Balloon Festival

“By working faithfullyeight hours a day youmay eventually get tobe boss and worktwelve hours a day.”

– Robert Frost

My snakes love it in the grass.

I always get a glowing

recommendation...

Out ’n About at Tabers on Lake Auburnfor their Annual Sock Hop event

Did You Know? The State of Florida is bigger than England.

Did You Know? Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning.

Lunch for $3.99!Monday - Friday 11am - 3pm

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 777-1155 • Schemengees.com

Baked Haddock, Fried Haddock or Home-Made Chicken Tenders

Served with one side:Fresh Cut Fries, Homemade Grilled Potatoes lightly

seasoned with garlic & butter, Homemade Baked Beans,Slaw, Pickled Beets or Veggie of the Day.

Bar & Grille

Lunch, Dinner, Drink & Pool

Out ’n About at New Auburn

Social Club’s MemberAppreciation

Roger & MichelleRossignol

Pee-Wee

Craig Charpentier,Patrick Legee & Mike Gooldrup

The New Auburn Social Club Officers: Dennis, Joe W., Paul, Mike, Joe C., Leroy, Patrick, Heather & Judy

They say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. At this point I should be able to bench-press a Buick.

Out ’n About at New Auburn Social Club’s Member Appreciation

You wait, Bampa! You’re going

DOWN!!

That was fun!I could do this

all day.

Glub, glub, glub.Aries sinks his Bampa, Joe Walker, in the dunk tank.

Saturday,September 20thNoon – 3:00PMLewiston High School

Come Meet Pathway Vineyard, LPD,Maine State Troopers, LFD with

Sparky the Dog, United Ambu-lance, Lewiston Mayor Macdon-

ald, Kora Funsters, Slugger, Monty the Moose,

Lewiston Rec Gymnastics,Phoenix Karate,

Tarmey Tumbling, Lewiston Library

Friends and ManyMore!

• FREE Facepainting & Balloons• FREE Spinal, Foot, Eye & Dental Screening• FREE Photo ID Cards & Fingerprinting• FREE Food, Prizes & Inflatable Games• FREE Animal Show & Music• FREE Cookie Decorating• FREE Massages• And Much, Much More!

A day dedicated to children’s health, safety and environmental awareness.Join us at Lewiston High School Saturday, September 20th

Noon – 3:00PM

On the big screen at

Fenway Park on Maine Day.


Jimbo


Did You Know? The flashing warning light on the cylindrical Capitol Records towerspells out HOLLYWOOD in Morse code.

Men don’t get lost; they discover alternative destinations.

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

Out ’n About atTabers on

Lake Auburn

I knew she wouldmake me dance!

Where’s Toto?

for their Annual Sock Hop event

Don’t go getting all up in my grill.Larry (r) with his son, Chad who is holding grand-

daughter Graylyn & his grandson, Tucker

Out ’n About atFenway Park on

Maine Daywith Larry Gowell

Larry was invited to sing theNational Anthem on MaineDay (July 6th) at FenwayPark, home of the BostonRed Sox. Larry is an Auburn,Maine native and pitched forthe NY Yankees in 1972.

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201450

Sign outside the dry cleaners: "Drop your clothes here for best results!"

“How should I have played that last shot?” the golfer asked his partner. “Under an assumed name.”

Making Buying Easy ~ Whatever it Takes!!


Lake Auburn

I hope hedoesn’t drop

me...



Jimbo


“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him,‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’” – Claude Pepper

“I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.” – Bob Hope


Lake Auburn

Lily Grant & Kaylie Vallee

Dan & PenelopeHargreaves

Haley Hebert


It was a great night for a sock hop!

Thank you everyone!!

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201452

A pessimist is someone who complains about the noise when opportunity knocks.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

FIRESIDE STOVE SHOP1220 Center St., Auburn • 784-9249

www.firesidestoveshop.com

CASH FORCLUNKERS

Bring in any stove and get a voucher for up to $300 toward a new JØTUL gas or wood stove!

Limited time offer

Proudly partnering with

Jøtul for the

2014 Change Out Program


Lake Auburn

Aubrey Bennett

Emily Briggs


See page 14 to find out when we

close for the season.

“When one doorcloses, another oneopens, but we oftenlook so long and regretfully at the closeddoor that we fail to seethe one that hasopened for us.”

– Alexander Graham Bell

Bryce Smithbounces one off the Pepsi sign

Don’t go anywhere...

I always hit the ballbetter with people

watching.

Darcy Jackson, Kaylie Vallee & Lily Grant

Out ’n About at Tabers on Lake Auburnfor their Annual Sock Hop event

783-7039


Jimbo

September 201454

September is National Chicken Month.

September is National All-American Breakfast Month.

111 Woodman Hill Road, Minotwww.gadowning.com

PLANNING A BACKYARD WEDDING?Ask about our

signature models!

CALL FOR PRICING

G.A. DOWNINGG.A. DOWNING782.4508

or800.924.4500

ServiceRentalSales

QuickBooks Classes Offered

BookkeepingPlus

9 Grove Street, Auburn • 782-8124

Bookkeeping Services

Nationally speaking, September has a lot going for it.

September is National Rice Month.

Steve Suttonwas the big winner of our social media contestwe ran on our Facebook page. He won two hotair balloon ride tickets! He and his wife went upon Friday morning, the kickoff launch for theGreat Falls Balloon Festival.

WINNER!

Thank you for the Hot Air Balloon Tickets! We had a great

time!!

September is National Potato Month.

PLEASE!Don’t rush it!!

(Photo taken on August 6th, submitted by Eleanor Bergen)

Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

You want to clone yourself? Now wouldn't that be just like you!

I'm not late boss, I just took my coffee break before coming in.

Redlon & Johnson is a wholesale company and does not sell retail

Partnering with Professionals

Showroom Hours: Mon. Tues. Wed. Fri. 8am 4:30pmOpen Thurs. until 6PM

APPOINTMENTS RECOMMENDED

3 Middle Street, Lewistonshowroom.redlon-johnson.com

784-5721

Tim Fox Branch Manager 514-1104 • [email protected] Bolduc Showroom Manager 514-1137 • [email protected] Eccleston Showroom/Inside Sales 514-1136 • [email protected]

See Bill or Pat for expert service & advice on the latest designs & models. 72” Shower Wall KitsA complete kit with everything you need:side & back wall panels, corner moldingstrips, soap dishes and installation materials.

Call for more info.

Out ’n About at New Auburn

Social Club’s MemberAppreciation

Here’s my tip for you: Don’t take

any wooden nickels.

Tom Ogden

George Palmer

Michelle Noiles

No one seams to like my jokes about patch work! I've tried sew hard...

WWW.UNCLEANDYSDIGEST.COM

Visit us at our state of the art office at:730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pmFri. 8am-4pm

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit

with results that you will be proud to show off.

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com

Same Day Emergency CareWe are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

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uad september 2014

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