uad april 2015

[email protected]

F R E EApril 2015The Most Unusual Digest in America

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

Voted Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s

Best Mortgage Company in 2014!

Stop by and apply today!

Great FallsFederal Credit Union

34 Bates Street, Lewiston • 782-7192760 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 753-0500

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H U G EAnnouncement

Coming...

783-7039

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

April 20152

On the subway, untangling earbuds is the new knitting. The woman across from mecould have finished a scarf by now.

I don’t brag about my finances, but my credit card company calls me every day to tell me my balance is outstanding.

Missing The Boat

Submitted by Jimbo

A good ol' Alabamaboy won a bass boat ina raffle drawing.He brought it homeand his wife looks athim and says..."What you gonna dowith that? There ain'tno water deep enoughto float a boat within100 miles of here."

He says, "I won it andI'm gonna keep it."

His brother came overto visit several dayslater. He sees his sis-ter-in-law and askswhere his brother is.

She says, "He's outthere in his bass boat,"pointing to the field be-hind the house.

The brother heads outbehind the house andsees his brother in themiddle of a big field sit-ting in a bass boat witha fishing rod in hishand. He yells out tohim, "What are youdoin'?"

His brother replies, "I'mfishin.' What does itlook like I'm doin'?"

His brother yells, "It'speople like you thatgive people from Ala-bama a bad name. If Icould swim, I'd comeout there and whipyou!"


Jimbo

April 2015 UncleAndys.com 3

I’m going to retire and live off my life savings. What I’ll do the second week, I have no idea.

I was disappointed to learn that ‘landlady’ isn’t the opposite of a mermaid.

MODERN WOODMEN OF AMERICA

April 2015Friday, April 3rdThe Green Ladle 11am Lunch(Chapter 14346) 56 East Ave, Lewiston H.S.$8 Member; $9 Guest Tickets Limited

Tuesday, April 7thSam’s Noon – 7pm(Chapter 12749)Market Place Mall, Lewiston$4.50 Member; $5.50 Guest

Sunday, April 12thKC Breakfast 8am – 10am(Chapter 7938)Columbus Drive, Brunswick$5 Member; $6 Guest; Child / 10 free

Saturday, April 18thKC Sacred Heart Bean Supper 4:30 – 5:30pm(Chapter 14437) 8 SacredHeart Place, Auburn$5 Member; $6 Guest

Saturday, April 18thKora Shrine CircusAndroscoggin Colisee, Birch St, Lewiston$8 Adults; $2.50 Child/12

Tuesday, April 21stRoy’s Breakfast 7am - 10am(Chapter 8609)Washington St, Auburn$2 Member; $3 Guest

Tuesday, April 28thPizza Hut 11:30am - 1pm (Chapter 10929) Rt. 26, Oxford$5 Member; $5.50 Guest

TICKETS ARE LIMITED – NO RETURNS & NO REFUNDSALLOWEDPrices, Dates and Menu are subject tochange. If additional info is needed,please call our office, please do not callrestaurants. All activities can only beattended at the times listed.*************************Tickets need to be purchased at the Modern Woodmen District Office, 184 Webster Street, Lewiston for all activities and can only be picked up theweek prior to the activity, Mon – Thurs9am - 4pm & Friday 9am - Noon(excluding Holidays). Call 782-1833.

783-7039


Jimbo

April 20154

I'm not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.

I’ve been searching for my stolen bed... I won’t rest until I find it.

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGESTis published by the first Friday of every month by MaineMountain Ocean Group, Inc.with offices at 9 Grove Street,Auburn, Maine, USA.

It is distributed free throughoutCentral Maine and mailed tosubscribers all over the FreeWorld. Subscriptions are$30/year. Send a check made outto UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST to: PO Box 3363, Auburn, ME 04212

UncleAndysDigest.comOffice: 207-783-7039Fax: 207-777-3898

UAD Super Heroes

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in ourclient’s advertisements and our publication ingeneral, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographical errors, technical inac-curacies, product pricing errors, or omissions.

CAPTAINJIMBO

Like our name implies, we’ll make you Smile Again!

Mike & JoeAdkins,licensed

denturists

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

514-0660

We now offer Citi Health Card • Most Dental Insurances AcceptedWe also accept Credit & Debit Cards • Not a MaineCare Provider

AFFORDABLE DENTURES

SMILE AGAIN DENTURESFREE CONSULTATIONS

SmileAgainDentures.comOr email us at:

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Poorly fitting or broken dentures repaired

on-site, usually same-day service!

Also see us for:• Full Dentures• Immediate Dentures• Partial Dentures• Rebases• Relines• Repairs• All work done in house,

including metal frameworksSPIDYTIM

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783-7039


Jimbo

April 20156

I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon... I’ll let you know.

Accepting New PatientsCome join the Willow Run Family!

willowrundental.net

Willow Run Dental1 Willow Run, Unit B, Auburn • 783-0261

Patient Appreciation Week

May 11th - 15thStop By & Let Us Celebrate YOU!

Heaven BoundSubmitted by Thomas Hill

The Sunday Schoollesson for the firstgraders was on theplan of salvation. Theteacher asked, "If Isold my house and mycar, had a big garagesale, and gave all mymoney to the church,would I get intoheaven?"

"No!" all the childrenanswered.

"If I cleaned the churchevery day, mowed theyard, and kept every-thing neat and tidy,would I get intoheaven?"

Again, the answer was,"No!"

"Well," she continued,"then how can I get toheaven?"

One boy confidentlyanswered, "You'vegotta be dead!"

Out ’n About in Mexico

Dave Webber & June Cyr

of Greene on a WesternCaribbean cruise

Cheers to our Maine friends and

family. May you be un-thawed soon!


Jimbo


I can almost always tell when a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs.

Pretty sure I look forward to my boss’ vacation’s more than he does.

746 Main Street, Suite 2, Lewiston • escadahairstudio.com

Audrey MartinIndependent Hair Stylist

240-2591Schedule your appointment before noon

and receive 15% OFF any service!

5 Pigeon Hill Rd (Rte 26 and 11), Mechanic Falls • 998-5577Mon - Fri: 7am - 2pm; Sat - Sun: 6am - 2pm

Serving breakfast & lunch daily.Breakfast available all day!

ENJOY A MEAL WITH USWe think you’ll find it’s Egg-ceptional!

“Home of theDouble Yolker”

Egg-ceptional Restaurant

$1.00 OFFone coupon per visit

Not to be combined w/ anyother specials

✃Expires 4.30.15

$10 or more

UAD


Wonder Woman’s barstool... buns of steel

Dave Webber

We’ll be scuba diving next...these flippers seem

a little big!

June Cyr

Q: How do you make ahot dog stand?

A: Steal its chair

His balloon hat helps him focus on

the things at hand...


withJuneCyr

& DaveWebber

783-7039


Jimbo

April 20158

I've invented a more efficient whisk... It's causing quite a stir.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

LadyThoughts

Submitted by Jimbo

A woman is sitting at arestaurant bar enjoyinga beverage with hergirlfriends when an ex-ceptionally tall, hand-some man enters.

He is so striking thatthe woman can nottake her eyes off him.The man notices heroverly attentive staresand walks directly to-ward her.

Before she can offerher apologies forrudely staring he leansover and whispers, "I'lldo anything, absolutelyanything that you wantme to do for $20. Butonly on one condition."

Flabbergasted, thewoman asks what thecondition is.

"You have to tell mewhat you want me todo in just three words."

The woman considershis proposition for amoment and then re-moves a $20 bill fromher purse, which shepresses into the man'shand along with heraddress.

She then looks deeplyinto his eyes, andslowly, and meaning-fully says, "Clean myhouse."


Jimbo


Laughter is a smile with the volume turned up.

The road to a friends house is never long.

FREE COFFEE FRIDAY!

Free 20 oz. coffee with purchaseof Breakfast Sandwich

every Friday.

HUNGRY?

Spring and Summer dates are filling up fast – Book NOW!

345-9009DadsPlace.info

Weddings • Summer Events • ReunionsCompany Parties

Indoors or Outdoors – We do it all!

Call Diana or Larry formore info and pricing!

There’s NO PLACE like...

Dad’s PlaceCheck out our Darn Good Deal on page 59!

Over 200 menu

items to choose from!

Let Dad do the cookin’!

School Vacation WeekApril 18th - April 26th

3 ItaliansHam, Salami, Pepperoni or Veggie

Only$12

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Out ’n About at theYPLAA Wii Bowling

Tourney

Francis Gagnonof Photo Finish

has his game face on!

I keep my personalized

bowling ball on myshoulder in case thepins needed a little

encouragement.

Kevin, Jameson &Jill Cunningham

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201510I tend to sleep in the buff. Which isn't a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights.

10% OFFNEW CLIENTS

Therapeutic Bodywork for the Body, Mind & Spirit

Freedom of Movement Begins with Massage

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137 East Ave. Lewiston

Massage Therapy

Donna GalipeauClinical Certified Master

[email protected]

School Vacation

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20% OFF

teeth cleanings w/ fluoride

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Alex, I'll take 'Things Only I Know' for $200.Out ’n About at theYPLAA Wii Bowling

Tourney

Matt Shaw dreaming of a perfect game

I can see a strike in

mind’s eye...

Jasonwell versed in multi-tasking

Chiara Ferranteknocks ‘em down

NEXTLevelBusinessCoaching.biz207-754-2003

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783-7039


Jimbo

April 201512

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

Failure is the path of least persistence.

Whiteboards are remarkable.

41 Broad Street, Auburn784-5407

AllAboutUsalonla.com

ALL ABOUT

Follow Us on Facebook & Instagramto find out about our Spring Promo’sLeah, Linda, Jamie, Dee & Marlo

We Specialize in CustomBridal Packages

Services available both on & off-site.

Book your FREE consultation

PROM TIME! book your updofor your BIG NIGHT OUT!

EconomicTravel

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Three Scots and threeIrishmen are travelingby train to a confer-ence. At the station,the three Irishmeneach buy tickets andwatch as the threeScots buy only a singleticket.

"How are three peoplegoing to travel on onlyone ticket?" asks anIrishman. "Watch andyou'll see," answers aScot.

They all board thetrain. The Irishmentake their respectiveseats but all threeScots cram into a bath-room and close thedoor behind them.Shortly after the trainhas departed, the con-ductor comes aroundcollecting tickets. Heknocks on the bath-room door andsays,"Ticket, please."

The door opens just acrack and a single armemerges with a ticketin hand. The conductortakes it and moves on.The Irishmen see thisand agree it was quitea clever idea.

So after the confer-ence, the Irishmen de-cide to copy the Scotson the return trip andsave some money.When they get to thestation, they buy a sin-gle ticket for the return

(continued on next page)


Jimbo


If the shoe fits, get another one for the opposite foot.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

733 Sabattus St. Lewiston777-7200 • 866-264-7685 • ThriftyCarMart.com

Bring Your Tax Return & Select the Vehicle of Your Choice!

Tax TimeSavings!

We Finance!

Call Us For Your Excavation & Road Work

FREEQUOTES

784.8293 or576.4714

[email protected]

Commercial or Residential

Morinexcavating

Inc.

Tim RuckerMarketing Consultant@ Uncle Andy’s Digest

We hope you’ll use our

advertisers first when you’re shopping.Keeping business localkeeps them in business

and advertising with us!

trip. To their astonish-ment, the Scots don'tbuy a ticket at all.

"How are you going totravel without a ticket?"says one perplexedIrishman. Watch andyou'll see," answers aScot.

When they board thetrain the three Irishmencram into a bathroomand the three Scotscram into another onenearby. The train de-parts. Shortly after-wards, one of theScots leaves his bath-room and walks over tothe bathroom wherethe Irishmen are hid-ing. He knocks on thedoor and says, "Ticket,please."

(continued from previous page)

St. Patrick’s DayPhoto Contest

Entrants

Baby’s first St. Patty’s Day

Submitted by Heidi Wieland (10 votes)

“I got my hair highlighted because Ithought some strandswere more importantthan others.”

– Mitch Hedberg

We can’t say this enough...

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201514

With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.

For Sale: Wedding dress, size 12, worn once by mistake.

375-4188

All Your Favorites Songs from the 60’s, 70’s & 80’s

Friday Nights Live MusicApril 3rd - Bad PennyApril 10th - Blue SteelApril 17th - Northern GrooveApril 24th - The Inflatables

Sunday Nights

Out ’n About at Mixers

Amy & DonTherrien

Audrey Martin

Cathy Farr &Marie Beaucage

I was getting my picture taken... and that’s how it

started!


Jimbo


I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.

I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

Don’t spend $18+ at thebeauty salon, get your...

Marcel’sBarber Shop

54 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-3444OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30am - 5:30pm; Sat 7:30am - 2pm

Mens & Boys CUTS forAll day – Every day! Walk-ins welcome.

Flat Tops - Fades - Mohawks - Mens & Boys Regular Cuts

$12L K

2010 Lisbon Rd. Lewiston • 782-1514 • premierpoolsandspas.comJoin us and enjoy 25% OFF Your season’s worth of pool chemicals! MAY 2nd ONLY.

Since1954

Available for private parties

12 Riverside Drive, Auburn • 777-3940www.rollodrome.com

SPRING SCHEDULEThursday Nights - Ages 20+ 7:30-10pm

Friday Nights - All Skating 7:30 - 10:00

Saturday & Sunday - 1:30 - 4pm

Saturday Nights - Family Night 7:30 - 10pm

Sunday Night - All SK8 • 7:30 - 10pm

RollodromeRollodromeSunday April 19th80’s Night 7:30-10pmSchool VacationWed. April 22nd1:30-4pm


Danielle, Katie& Kayla

Dave PerlmanBass for the Veggies

Don HebertLead singer of the Veggies

Veggies are an important part of

our diet. Burning calorieswhile dancing at Mixers...

even better!

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201516It is okay to visit your past just don't bring any luggage with you.

Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.

The grass looksgreener over there

Happy StPatrick's Day!!

Submitted by Danielle Moreau (5 votes)

Happy St. Patty’s Dayfrom the Girls at For

The Love of Hair Submitted by Nicole Morris


Entrants

You’re sending mesomething via fax?What is it, an importantdocument from 1993?


Jimbo


That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.

Don't make me use UPPERCASE.

Opening for the season April 16th!*Driving Range & Miniature Golf weather permitting

www.tabersgolf.com470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn

Celebrating YearsRestaurant • Miniature Golf • Driving Range • Ice Cream Stand


Lori Turcotte & Ray Tardiff

Lori Turcotte & friend

Paul Leclair

Lori, stick out your tongue if you

love Mixers!

Welcoming our friend called

Sage AdviceSubmitted by Thomas Hill

A tourist stopped alocal in a village hewas visiting and asked;“What is the quickestway to the lake?

The local thought forawhile. “Are you walk-ing or driving?” heasked the tourist.

“I’m driving.”

“That is the quickestway!” the local said.

Damn, I’m good lookin’!

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201518

Brains are wonderful, I wish everyone had one.

My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.

Hidden Word Brain Teaser

Answer is on page 46. But at least give it a shot first!Used by permission www.spelling-words-well.com

Don’t bury your head in the sand, try this tricky word brainteaser! Spell a hidden word by choosing the right letter foreach clue. The hidden word is related to one of the clues.

1. The first letter is in ECHO but not NOISE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .____

2. The second letter is in ACTOR but not SCRIPT . . . . . . . . . .____

3. The third letter is in BIRD and in BRAIN . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .____

4. The fourth letter is in CORN but not COB . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .____

5. The fifth letter is in NICE and in KIND . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .____

6. The sixth letter is in EVENING but not MORNING . . . . . . . .____

7. The seventh letter is in TRAPEZE but not TIGHTROPE . . . .____

8. The eighth letter is in LAKE but not STREAM . . . . . . . . . . . .____

The pursuit of happiness is the chase of a life time.


Call me Lucky

Keith Tilton

Laurie Turcotte &Colleen Landry

flexing some muscle

Just gettin’ meIrish on!

You want aride in my

Limo?

Q: What do you getwhen you cross a

stream and a brook?

A: Wet feet

PROTECTINGWhat You Love.

What You Do.

What You Cherish..

commercial home auto recreational umbrella life health

232 Center St., Auburn

786-0417

Mon.-Fri. 8am-4:30pm

VarneyAgency.com


Jimbo


I found a can of meat in the back of the cabinet, and as soon as I opened it, 20 more cans appeared. I think it was spam.

ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ pǝsn ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ s,ʇɐɥʇ ןןǝʍ

Man can not live by bread alone... He must have peanut butter.

Mon. 6am-noonTues-Fri

6am-3pm

Donut Special Every FridayBuy 1 dozen donuts at regular price ($7.50)

and get the 2nd dozen at half price! $11.25 for both

784-7042161 Lincoln St. • Lewiston www.labadiesbakery.com

Easter SpecialMini Easter Pastry

Platters

$39.99

All Month!

Friday’s PastrySpecial

All Pastries 99¢

The Lewiston Middle School Cheering team went undefeated this year, they were the 1st Place champs and Grand Champs!Members of the team, Front row (l to r): Marissa L, Sydney H, Madajha W, Megan G, Bryanna B, Maddie M, Shelby R, Julie G & Sabrina L. Back row: Grace P, Brianna M, Katelyn I, Logan M, Nick R, Abigail L, Lindsey R, Kyra P, Jillian P,

Haileigh F, Grace P, Kaylyn R & Kali M.

GRAND CHAMPIONS!

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201520

Captains log, Star-date 3.14159265359. I seem to have a strange urge for Pie today...

Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.

Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796Open Tuesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com

Join us for great

food at reasonable

prices, all the time!

Call NOW for ReservationsMother’s Day Sunday, May 10th

Debra Ann Sellinger

Mend-A-Body Solu-tions is celebrating thegrand opening of theirnew Wellness Center, lo-cated at 1166 LisbonStreet in Lewiston. Local owner, DebraAnn St Hilaire Sellingerlaunched some new fea-tures in this "first of akind" for Mend-A-Body. Moving from their pastof nationally branded in-ternet based weight lossand health products andservices, their new facilityfeatures a full scalehealth food store, fitnesssolutions and diagnostictesting that allows partici-pants to target bestweight loss and fitnessresults. Mend-A-Body wasfounded and developedover six yrs ago by DebraAnn who is from Lewis-ton. Over 5,000 individu-als have partaken in theirunique and effective ap-proach to health andweight loss lifestyle edu-cation and conversion. You can reach Mend-A-Body at 207-777-3223or visit their websitemendabody.net. See theirad on page 23.

Mend-A-Body

Dave Webber & June Cyr of Greeneat Senior Frog in Mexico

June, do you get the feeling we’re

about to get squashedlike a bug?

Dave, I can’t be bothered

right now... I’m reading!


Jimbo


Had a good workout at the gym today. 50 reps on the bench press. I’m working my way up to putting weights on the bar.

I bought a suit made from a cactus, I looked pretty sharp in it, too.

216 Center Street, Auburn • soundeffectsmaine.com

Let US LIGHT UP YOUR WORLD

Now Offering

LED Headlights

& Light Bars!

777-3339

Michelle Higgins, Lynn Norris & Peg MontoyaHow Old You Are is Your Business...How Young You Look

is Our Business!Tues – Thurs 9am - 7pm; Fri 9am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 12pm

232 Center St, Auburn (next to Play It Again Sports)

753-9368

Owner/StylistStylist Stylist

Stylist

Wanted

Booth Rentals


Tommy Maynard

Anna MarinelliHunnewell

I’ve got so muchrhythm I’m giving

it away!Anita Maurice, Marlene Whitten, Lorraine Tremblay, Jeanne Ski,

Joe Ski, Robert Tremblay, Brain Whitten & Raymond Maurice


783-7039


Jimbo

April 201522

It's, "Jamaican hairstyle day", at work tomorrow... I'm dreading it.

You only have one childhood, it may as well last your entire life.

POOL BUILDERS OF MAINEQuality Workmanship, Outstanding Service

1525 Minot Ave, Auburn • 795-7222 • poolbuildersofmaine.com

27 Years Experience

SpringSpecial

NOBODY

BEATS

OUR

PRICES!

$1,000.00 OFFAll Inground or Above Ground Pools &

20% OFF All Pool Chemicals!!

Schedule Your Pool Opening with

Us Now & $ave 25% on

All Seasonal Supply Chemicals

WorkaholicSubmitted by Thomas Hill

Nine Signs You Needa Really Long

Vacation

• You lecture the neigh-borhood kids sellinglemonade on ways toimprove theirprocess.

• You get all excitedwhen it's Saturday soyou can wear sweatsto work.

• You refer to the tomatoes grown inyour garden as deliverables.

• You find you reallyneed PowerPoint toexplain what you dofor a living.

• You normally eat outof vending machinesand at the most ex-pensive restaurant intown within the sameweek.

• You know the peopleat the airport hotelsbetter than your nextdoor neighbors.

• You ask your friendsto "think out of thebox" when makingFriday night plans.

• You think Einsteinwould have beenmore effective had heput his ideas into amatrix.

• You think a "half-day"means leaving at 5 o'clock.


Jimbo


I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list… I got the bucket.

I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it’s the duct tape of food.

Average Loss Month One = 17.5lbs

www.mendabody.net


Entrants

Jim aka "Lucky the Lep-rechaun" displays some ofthe auction items from TheDream Team's St. Patrick'sDay Dance, which raisedmoney for the HospiceHouse 5K & RemembranceWalk - a benefit to help sub-sidize patient care & familysupport services for those inneed at Androscoggin HomeCare & Hospice's HospiceHouse. Submitted by Danielle Eaton (4 votes)

Mommy’s littlelucky charm!

Submitted by Jocelyn French (4 votes)

Laughter: An Antioxidant for theMind, Vitamin for theSoul, Mineral for theBody and collectively itgives Vitality to Mind,Body and Soul! Keepsyou young, healthy,positive and HAPPY!(You’re welcome! – Editor @Uncle Andy’s Digest)

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201524

My talking dog gave me a stick the other day and told me he found it 600 miles away.That seemed a bit far-fetched.

“He, who doesn't hope to win has already lost.” – Simon Bolivar

Sarah Jeanne’s77 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • SarahJeannes.com

795-6778

Family Hair Care, Day Spa & Tanning Suit & Tuxedo Sales & Rental

Prom Season Headquarters

YouPick Him...

We’llDressHim!

S&J Tuxedolocated INSIDE Sarah Jeanne’s

at 77 Sabattus Street in Lewiston.

The Best Tuxedo Rental Shop in L/A!

• Updos• Hair Services• Hair Extensions• Manicures• Shellac Polish

• Pedicures• Massage• Tanning• Tuxedos• And More!

A must for Proms & Weddings!Book your updo &

get a 60 minute Tanning Package!


Tourney

Kendra Wheelerperfect Wii form

It’s all in the wrist.


Jimbo


Almost lost two teeth at dinner tonight... I made a Lego lamb.

“When the well's dry, we know the worth of water.” – Ben Franklin

Don't ever slam a door. You may want to go back.

SABATTUS MAIN STREET MARKET2 Main Street, Sabattus

375-8502

Try us once, you’ll be a regular!

OPEN 7 Days

6am - 8pm

1-TOPPING PIZZAS2 LARGE

$15.99ONLYExpires 4.30.15

Fans stock up here!

Daily Specials:Monday: Ham Italian ...................sm. $1.59 lg. $2.59

Tuesday: 10” 1-topping Pizza ............................$3.99

Wednesday: Chicken Salad ..........................sm. $1.99

........................................................................lg. $3.49

Thursday: Bowl of Chili......................................$3.99

BLT .............................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49

Friday: Tuna Italian ......................sm. $1.99 lg. $3.49

Saturday: Baked Beans ................qt. $3.59 pt. $2.59

Sunday: .................................$2.00 off any large pizza

www.srcu4u.com


Tourney

Looking for a turkey?*

Just call me Lefty Kingpin.

Tim Ruckerof Uncle Andy’s Digest

*Tim thought Jimbo was callinghim a turkey. After Jimbo ex-plained what a “turkey” was inbowling Tim forgot all aboutbeating Jimbo up.

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201526

The first restaurant on the moon didn't do very well. It had great food but no atmosphere!

Blessed is the man who can laugh at himself, for he will never cease to be amused!

4 WAYS TO LISTEN:Around L/A at 105.5-FM & 1240-AM,

Online at www.z1055.com & Tune-In App.

• The Hits of TodayTaylor Swift, Sam Smith, Nico & Vinz,Maroon 5, Magic, Colbie Caillat,Megan Trainor and much more.

• And Classic HitsSongs from the 80’s thru Today!

• Great Music All Day10am - 2pm: “Rush Hours” with Jeremy Rush12-1pm: “Retro Lunch”2-6pm: “The Dean” of Radio, Dave Dean LIVE weekdays.Fridays 4-5pm: “Friday Free For All”featuring local artists.6pm - 12am: The “Night Shift” withL/A’s own Gene Cassidy.Saturdays 8-11am: Z105.5 Top 30 Countdown

Local Personalities

For the first time, Lewiston-Auburn has its own FM radiostation. There is local news,weather and sports, pluspromoting of communityevents. The FCC says radiostations should serve “thepublic interest, convenienceand necessity.” That’s whatwe’re doing.

Each weekday morning, wehave guests in between 7and 9 am to talk about com-munity issues, business ac-tivities and events. It is then archived online andbecomes a tool for promot-ing by linking from your web-site.

In addition, we showcaselocal singing artists on theBreakfast Club in a segmentcalled “L/A’s Got Talent.”

• Each weekday, we emailthe local news to over10,000 subscribers.• Messages direct people tolinks for businesses, organi-zations and events.

DummySubmitted by Thomas Hill

A young boy enters abarber shop and thebarber whispers to hiscustomer, "This is thedumbest kid in theworld. Watch while Iprove it to you."

The barber puts a dol-lar bill in one hand andtwo quarters in theother, then calls theboy over and asks,"Which do you want,son?" The boy takesthe quarters andleaves.

"What did I tell you?"said the barber. "Thatkid never learns!"

Later, when the cus-tomer leaves, he seesthe same young boycoming out of the icecream store.

"Hey, son! May I askyou a question? Whydid you take the quar-ters instead of the dol-lar bill?"

The boy licked hiscone and replied,

"Because the day Itake the dollar, thegame is over!"

Q: With pointed fangs I sit and wait; withpiercing force I crunchout fate; grabbing victims, proclaimingmight; physically join-ing with a single bite. What am I?

A: A Stapler


Jimbo


Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blows of life!

“Don't count the days, make the days count.” – Mohammed Ali

You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

BJ Grondin, CSCS

Group ClassesOne-on-One Training

Nutrition ServicesTeam Training

I’m putting my weight loss into perspective,

I’m holding 75lbs... Talk about heavy!!

With BJ Grondin’s help I’m down 102lbs! If you’re sick and tired of

being sick and tired I suggest you call BJ today!

Kelsey Franklin

272 Lewiston St., Mechanic Falls • 577-5979 • Prime360Training.com

Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm Sunday 7 am – noon

87 Mill St.New Auburn753-0171

(for take-out)

• Unusual Omelettes• Crepes• Breakfast All Day• Extensive Menu

Breakfast & Lunch Specials Daily

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!Rolly’s Diner

Chris & Heather Cyr

I love theirRueben Omelet!


Tourney

Tracy Draper & Jimbo

UAD

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

Thomas HillUAD

At least they could drill some

finger holes in thiscontroller!

Q: What can you holdwithout ever touching

it?

A: A conversation.

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201528

Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.

The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.

Assisted Home Care II“Our Family

Assisting Your Family”

11 Bank St., Brunswick • 212-6736 • assistedhomecare.org

Assisting Families since 1997.

• Registered Home Health Care Service Agency• Private Duty Care & Staff Relief• 24 hour Personal Care and Response• Guarantee Continuity of Caregivers• Assist with Independent Living at Home

Now expanding our services to the Midcoast Region!

845 Washington St., Northbound in Auburn • 782-5500

Considering a NEW Used Vehicle?

Make Your

old car look &

run like

NEW!

Shop around, then go see the guys at Cyr’s. Keeping your current vehicle in tip top shape might make more financial sense.

Complete mechanical repair and body work done on premise!Call for a FREE Quote!

JackpotSubmitted by Jimbo

While working forMeals-on-Wheels, anorganization that deliv-ers lunches to the eld-erly, Paul used to takehis 4-year-old daugh-ter, Lois, with him onhis afternoon rounds.

Lois was unfailingly in-trigued by the variousappliances of old age,particularly the walkingsticks, triangular walk-ers and the wheel-chairs.

One day Paul foundLois staring at a pair offalse teeth soaking in aglass. As he preparedhimself for the in-evitable barrage ofquestions, Lois merelyturned and whispered,“The tooth fairy isnever going to believethis.”

Fire!Submitted by Thomas Hill

In a panic old Clydecalls the fire depart-ment.

“Hello, this is the firedepartment” says thevoice on the other end.

“This is Clyde mybarn's on fire you bet-ter git up here quick.”

The voice says, “Okay,we can help, how dowe get there?”

Clyde says, “Ain't youstill got them big redtrucks?!”


Jimbo


“When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace.”– Jimi Hendrix

I can't remember the last time I forgot something.

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 333-3070 • RailsMaine.comTuesday - Thursday 11am - 8pm; Friday & Saturday 11am - 10pm

Upscale Comfort Food &Home Style Hospitality in a

Historically Distinct Setting.

JOIN USFoodie Tuesdays - Specials

Wed. Hump Day - Happy Hour 4-7pm $2 Domestic Beers • $4 Well Drinks

Thirsty Thursday - Ladies Night • 1/2 priced drinks

Featuring a New Spring Menu!

Senior Citizens

10%

OFFwith this ad

Expires 4.30.15 UAD

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

Wake Up CallSubmitted by Jimbo

One night at an econ-omy motel, I ordered a6:00 a.m. wake-up call.

The next morning, Iawoke before 6:00, butthe phone did not ringuntil 6:30.

"Good morning," ayoung man said sheep-ishly. "This is yourwake-up call."

Annoyed, I let themotel worker have it.

"You were supposed tocall me at 6:00 AM!" Icomplained. "What if Ihad a million-dollardeal to close this morn-ing, and your oversightmade me miss out onit?"

"Well, sir," the deskclerk quickly replied, "ifyou had a million-dollardeal to close, you prob-ably wouldn't be stay-ing in this motel!"

First KissSubmitted by Jimbo

An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly toher parents that BillyBrown had kissed herafter class.

“How did that happen?”gasped her mother.

“It wasn't easy,” admitted the younglady, “but three girlshelped me catch him.”

Team Photo Finish

Francis, Ellie and Cole Gagnon & Dr. Ryan Metivier

The Winning Wii Bowling Team

It’s true, I had to carry our

team all night!

CALL THE PROS

Limit one per customer per visit. (UAD)

✃

FREE TIRE ROTATION WITHOIL CHANGE SPECIAL

$5.00 OFF Reg. Oil Change

$10.00 OFFSynthetic Oil Change

147 East Ave, Lewiston782-1125

BerubesAutoCare.comComplete Auto Care

The more you say, the less people remember.

A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR747 Minot Ave, Auburn

(Behind Fastenal Services)

786-0522 Expires 4.30.15

April Special

FREEState Inspection

with coupon

UAD

A-PLUS AUTO REPAIR

Our team of mechanics

will take greatcare of you!

ChanceApprentice Mechanic

181 Sabattus Road, Sabattus 375-6000 • SPRQStudio.com

FITNESSSPRQ is hosting a GLOW event

at CFC, Bowdoin Center for Relay for Life!$5.00 entry fee • BYOGlow or available for

retail for additional fundraising efforts

April 17th • 7-9pm

Join us for some Affordable FUN!

Pleasant Street Bingo Hall475 Pleasant St., Lewiston • 777-1394

$10 up to 48 cards - Games pay $50 - $100

Sunday at 6:00PMWed., Thurs, & Friday

at 6:30PM

THOMAS BAUER, DDS, MS1 Willow Run, Mt. Auburn Ave, Auburn

784-8587 or (888) 895-6801AndroscogginOrtho.com

743-3891

70 Main Street, South Paris • harrisbrosrubbishremoval.com

Now serving Lewiston & Auburn!Call us for a FREE quote.

Serving: Norway • West ParisMinot • Mechanic Falls • Oxford

& NOW Lewiston/Auburn!

No Separating Required!

Tim Rucker 576-8049

New Advertisers get 10% OFFCall Tim TODAY!

The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here!

CALL THE PROS

• Driveways • Porches• Patios • Steps• Walkways • Poolscapes

34 Center St. Auburn

333-3069yourbestskinofmaine.com

• Botox & Fillers• Spider Vein Removal• Rosacea Treatment• Spot Fat Reduction• Tattoo Removal• Reduce Wrinkles,

Spots & Scars• Acne Treatment• Laser & Hydra Facial

MD Treatments

FREEConsultation

Gamache& LessardCustom Decorators

FREECordless Upgrades on

Cellular Shades

e-mail: [email protected] 995 Center St. Auburn • 782-0052

Thru 3.31.15

675 Main St, Lewiston • 804-615-7451

Lotions, Lingerie & Bedroom Accessories

Spring Pantie SaleMix or Match

2 for $20 All Styles

Full Service Salon w/ 35yrs exp.

Specializing in Permsfrom short & tight to Spiral

Starting at $50 - includes cut & style

Weekly Shampoo/ Set Appts. Welcomed

75 Crest Ave. Auburn 376-4246

Diane & Friends

CALL TODAY!

Your Best Choice For A NewBoiler, Furnace or Oil Tank!Turn off your boiler this summer and save your

oil for winter. Heat your hot water with aGEOSPRING for less than $20 per month!

Ray Hurilla Plumbing & Heating Co.207-485-7357

RayHurillaPlumbingandHeating.com

Are you looking for a rewarding careerand enjoy talking to customers via phone?Send your resume and cover letter to:

[email protected]

The GIVAUDAN GROUP is

NOW HIRING CUSTOMER SERVICEREPRESENTATIVES!

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201532

I plead contemporary insanity.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

HUGE DISCOUNTSon Kitchen Cabinets & Flooring

Our Gift Cards makeperfect Gifts!and

Quality

^

675 Main Street, LewistonMon – Fri 8am - 5pm; Sat 9am - 4pm

ShermArnoldsOutlet.com782-0831*while supplies last

Largest Selection of In-Stock Hardwood in L/A

Somerset Homestyle

Red Oak 31/4”

$3.99sf*(reg. $5.99)

BSL Rustic Red Oak orBirch 31/4”

$2.99sf*

Ark Brazilian Teak 5”

$5.99sf*

Sale Ends 4/30/15

Out ’n About at the6th Annual

New Auburn Chili &Chowder Challenge

Alfreda FournierAndroscoggin County

Commissioner Ward 5 &Senator Eric Brakey

Andie Hannan Boys & Girls Club

Bev Walker &Maxwell Draper

An up and comingactor right

here!


Jimbo


The future is purchased by the present.

“Daylight savings time. Why are they saving it and where do they keep it?” – George Carlin

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They're not laughing now.

JT Reid’s Gun Show & Auction

Gun Show - $5/per person

(Under 16 & Active Military FREE)

Concealed Firearms Prohibited even with permit

Auction - Sat. at 6pm

Maine Law Enforcement Confiscated Firearms and Estate Firearms*

*Now Accepting Personal & Estate Firearms for Auction.

Call JT Reids Gun Shop 777-3579 • 86 Court St. Auburn • jtreidsgunshop.com

Saturday April 11th 9am - 4pmSunday April 12th 9am - 2pm

Elks Lodge, 108 Odlion Road in Bangor

Tracy Draper

Uncle Andy's Digest ispleased to announce thatTracy Draper has re-turned to the DigestTeam! After an eight yearhiatus from AdvertisingSales, Tracy rejoins thestaff to offer her adminis-trative expertise as thenew Office Manager aswell as returning to herpassion of helping adver-tisers find their full poten-tial in print media. Tracybrings many years expe-rience and will be com-bining her talents to offerassistance to the UADstaff, while servicingclients with all their ad-vertising needs. Jimbo Marston, Ownerof Uncle Andy’s Digeststates, “Tracy is aneeded addition to theteam where she can domultiple jobs and helpmove us forward. We’reglad to have her back!” Tracy Lives in Auburnwith her son, Maxwell.When not tending to herteenager’s hectic sched-ule, she enjoys spendingtime with family andfriends while enjoying allthe activities the L/A areahas to offer! Be sure tokeep your eye out forTracy ‘Out ’n About’!

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201534

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.I can hardly contain myself.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.



Christine MorrisonRolly’s Diner

Bev Walker

Just like oldtimes!

Jordan BlaisRolly’s Diner

RETAIL • WHOLESALE • REDEMPTION • LIQUOR STORE

5 Locations for Your Convenience

694 Main St.

Lewiston • 782-1482

794 Sabattus St.


1420 Lisbon St.


545 Minot Ave.

Auburn • 783-2047

303-311 Main St.

Auburn • 783-9098

Sabattus Street, Lewiston Lisbon Street, Lewiston Main Street, Auburn

Minot Ave, Auburn Main Street, Lewiston

WHAT’S BREWINGAND ALWAYS NEW

YOUR BETTER BEER PIONEERS

Since 1992

ATM’s onsite & Lottery/Megabucks!

ROOPERS

LISBON ST.

Now Selling

Liquor!

Gold Crown Coffee Brandy1.75L $16.99

Save $3

Pinnacle All Flavors1.75L $19.99

Save $3Beer SpecialsBud/Bud Light 15pk 16oz. . . . . . . . . . .$11.99Mixxtail 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99Shipyard 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99Sam Adams 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99Angry Orchard 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$13.99Baxter Summer 12pk . . . . . . . . . . . . .$14.99Founders All Day IPA 15pk . . . . . . . . .$17.99

Wine SpecialsKendall Jackson Chardonnay 750ml .$10.99Barefoot 1.5L . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$11.99Smoking Loon 750ml . . . . . . . . . . . . . .$7.99

SodaCoke 12oz. 6pks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2/$3.00Powerade 32oz. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .2 for $2.50

New Walk-in Soda Cooler!

Herradura Blanco$37.99 Save $2

Admiral Nelson1.75L

$14.99 Save $5

Crown Royal 1.75ml$45.99 Save $4

Glenfiddich 12yr 750ml

$41.99 Save $5

Woodford Reserve750ml$29.99 Save $5

Stop in

today to

register to

win Red Sox

tickets!

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201536Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects!

The family that sticks together should bathe more often.

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

• Wheel alignment & balancing

• Complete brake work

• Engine tune-up• Lube-oil-filter• State Inspections

60 Minot Ave., Auburn • 782-6666 or 783-2026

CAMERON TIRE & SERVICE

OUR TIRES$10 OFFANY Servicewith Coupon!

We can do it:

FAMILY OWNED & OPERATED SINCE 1983

Rod & Scooter

I’m not sure I like sharing the

lime light...


Tourney

Muriel LeClercGood form and total focus

A little body englishalways helps

Tara Aube

The Lewiston Middle School Cheering Fans like to get LOUD!Front row (l to r): Jessica G, Sarah L, Tina I, Walter R, Becky G & Karen P.

Back row: Tony G, Tim P, Vickie R, Kyla H, Bobbi H, Katrina D, Joao M & Hailee I.

Fan Spirit Award

Mac’s Grill1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 macsgrill.com

EVERY MONDAY!20% off Burgers &30% OffALL drafts

Come WatchYour FavoriteBaseball Team

We have 11 T.V.’s in our 1,300 sq. ft bar area!Not a bad seat in the house!

Let Mac’s Cater Your Next Event!Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays, Corporate Parties, and more!

No event too BIG or SMALL... We cater it ALL!

Go Red Sox!

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201538My Wife Says I Never Listen, Or Something Like That...

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance. The Geiger ElementarySchool Parent Teacher Or-ganization announces the2015 Tough Gator Chal-lenge, an obstacle courseand mud run for Lewiston-area elementary school chil-dren. This rain-or-shineevent is scheduled for Satur-day, May 30, 2015 from 9:00a.m. to 2:00 p.m. at GeigerElementary School on Col-lege Street in Lewiston. Par-ticipants will start in wavesevery 15 minutes throughoutthe day. Nearly 500 participantscompleted the muddy run inthe 2014 inaugural event, abrainchild of Geiger parentsMike Courtemanche andChip Groover who have ex-perienced the “Tough Mud-der” events. “This year’sevent will feature a differentcourse route, more challeng-ing obstacles and moreMUD!!” says Groover. TheTough Gator Challenge is“not a timed race, but a chal-lenge that every participantshould be proud of finishing.” The focus of the event ison being active, teamwork,getting muddy and havingfun! While the course will bedesigned for elementary-aged participants, parentsare welcome and encour-aged to register and runalongside their kids. The first500 children to finish will re-ceive a congratulatory t-shirt.All finishers will receive thehonorary title of “ToughGator”. The cost to register is $8per person before May 23and $10 per person on theday of the event. The daywill include concessions,face painting, a Kid Zone forthe younger set, and theever popular dunk tank. Pro-ceeds will benefit the non-profit Geiger ElementarySchool PTO, which supportsenrichment and community-building opportunities forGeiger students. “Make sure you tie yourshoelaces tight, this coursewill eat your shoes!” saysCourtemanche. Details are available attoughgatorchallenge.com orby writing to [email protected]. See ad onthis page.

Are You Tough Enough?

2nd Annual Obstacle Course and MUD Run

May 30th • 9:00am – 2:00pm at Geiger Elementary School601 College Street, Lewiston

Rain or Shine!

Tough Gators Maisy Bolduc, Cecilia Miller

& Emily Fournier pose after completing

the challenge in 2014.

Julia Groover demonstrates extreme

muddiness to teacher, Brianna Lunn.

Photos by Cindy Lemieux

COME ONE, COME ALL$8pp when you register by May 23rd or $10pp the day of the event.The first 500 children to finish will receive a Tough Gator T-shirt!

More info at toughgatorchallenge.com


Jimbo

April 2015 UncleAndys.com 39Your ulcers can't grow while you're laughing!

I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how is it that I'm alive at 150?

50 Mechanic Falls Road, Poland

207-241-2424Tues - Fri 9am - 6pm; Sat 9am - 2pm

Like us on

Angela SpinneyOwner/Stylist

Nicole MorrisOwner/Stylist FOR THE LOVE OF HAIR

x x x x x $6

Get Your 6th Haircut HALF OFF!

$12 Men’s CutsCalling All Men!

Out ’n About at RoopersMain Street to Main Street – we’ve got L/A covered!

Jeff Williams & Tina TrippJeff moves from the Main St. Lewiston

store to the Main St. Auburn store.

So long, Jeff. Don’t let the door hit you inthe... oh, I mean congrats on

moving over to our Main St, Auburn location!

We’ll miss you!!

JeffWilliams

Thanks, Tina! (I think).

Come see me at our Main St, Auburn

location.

When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?

SeriouslySubmitted by Jimbo

Two cows were stand-ing next to each otherin a field.

Daisy said to Dolly, “Iwas artificially insemi-nated this morning.”

“I don’t believe you,”said Dolly.

“It’s true, straight up,no bull!”

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201540

But I don't have an "any key" on my computer!

As a man begins to live more seriously within; he begins to live more simply without.

Sudoku Puzzle for April 2015(Level: Intermediate) Hints on page 42. Answers on page 49.

Mike & Ike


I’m alwayshere with bells on...

HappyEaster, folks!


Jimbo


Dieting is wishful shrinking.

Don't protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.

9th Annual Heart of Hope Breast Cancer Fundraiser

Tickets$30

Tickets are available at:

Republic Jewelry212 Center St in Auburn

Call Chrissy @ 784-4444for tickets or to make a donation.

orContact Mitch/Carlene Sperry

@ 754-0709 or 754-0747

All proceeds raised go to the Heart of Hope Charitable Fund, a fund for local breastcancer patients in financial need. Funds are also used to raise awareness and edu-cation for Breast Cancer.

Carlene Sperry is an 12 year Breast Cancer survivor, she is the founder of the Heart of HopeCharitable Fund. For over 11 years she has raised money to help local women/men fightingBreast Cancer. Carlene has designed a line of Breast Cancer jewelry which includes pendants& earrings to help raise money for her charitable fund. Her jewelry line is sold exclusively atRepublic Jewelry which helps raise money along with her annual events.

For donations, please make checks payable to Heart of Hope Charitable Fund; tax ID #271275952. Send to Heart of Hope Charitable Fund, C/O Carlene Sperry, 6 Breton Road, Lisbon, ME 04250.

Join us for a fabulous Brunch event!

Sunday, April 26th 10:00am – 1:00pm

at the Franco Center, 46 Cedar St, Lewiston

• Brunch • Door Prizes • Raffles• Guest Speaker & More!

Sponsored in part by:

Heart of Hope jewelry line designedby Carlene Sperry & sold

exclusively at Republic Jewelry

212 Center St in Auburn

Jasmin KonickiWinner Age 10 & Under



John WymanTailgate Gourmet

Linda Sincyr

I knew you could

do it, Jasmin!

Whichway do

youroll?

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201542

I had a recurring dream once.

I got covered in ketchup earlier today, From my head tomatoes.

Sudoku HintsPuzzle on page 40.

My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I'm lucky I eat at all.

Where's me pint o' milk?!Submitted by Nick Dutil (39 votes)

Nick & Katie Dutil won a $50 gift card to Mac’sGrill for this awesome entry and getting themost votes in our Facebook photo contest.

Congrats! We know you’ll enjoy Mac’s!!

Our Winner!St. Patrick’s Day Photo Contest

Tessa

Just great! I win the photo contest and now I get to watch

my parents eat the winnings!


Jimbo


There should be an energy drink named 6 AM toddler.

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.” – Robert Frost

Just found my birth certificate. Ugh, it’s official: I’ve gained weight.

Like MomSubmitted by Thomas Hill

He didn't like thecasserole, He didn't

like my cake.

He said my biscuitswere too hard,

Not like his motherused to make.

I didn't perk the coffeeright, he didn't like thestew, I didn't mend his

socks The way his mother

used to do.

I pondered for ananswer, I was looking

for a clue.

I turned around andsmacked him in the

head.Like his mother

used to do.

AccidentsSubmitted by Jimbo

Doctor: "Ever had anaccident?"

Rancher: "No."

Doctor: "Never?You’ve never had anaccident in your wholelife?"

Rancher: "Well, lastspring I was out in thepasture and a bulltossed me over thefence."

Doctor: "And you don'tcall that an accident?"

Rancher: "No. I thinkthe bull did it on purpose."

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201544

Have you ever noticed how the contents of a box are much more interesting before thebox is opened?

“Be not simply good; be good for something.” – Henry David Thoreau

40 East Ave., Lewiston • 795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

Japanese CuisineHibachi • Sushi • Japanese Cuisine

Late Night lounge

Voted best International Restaurant AND BestSushi Restaurant by Market Surveys of America

2 Years in a row!

FREE DESSERT

when you celebrate

your birthday at Sea 40!

HAPPY HOUR SPECIALSTUESDAY 3:30 - 6:00PM • FRIDAY & SATURDAY 9:00 - 11:00PM

Lounge Only

Sushi Specials$4.00

Sea 40 Wings6 wings $5.00

Domestic Drafts$2.00

House Wine$4.00

Well Drinks$5.00Sake

$1.00 OFF

Mermaid NightsThurs. Nights 7:30-10pm

Drink & Food Specials for theladies

Open MicEvery Wed. at 7pm



Leroy Walker Auburn City Councilor

Ward 5

I made it myself!

Right, Bev?

Maxwell & StuartDraper

My Dad can eat more

Chili than yourDad!


Jimbo


People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they're all the same.

Talent hits the target which no one else can hit; genius hits the target which no one elsecan see.

600 Center St. • Shaw’s Plaza, Auburn • 784-6766 • www.DaysJewelers.com

Since 1914

Spring is here!

Watch Battery Special!

Limit one watch battery per customer

All batteries

Only$1.00

Expires 4.30.15

183 Lisbon Street, Lisbon • 353-9862 • QualityCareAutoRepair.com

L/A, we’re worth thedrive! We’re 5 minutes

from the Ramada.Now Offering

Remote Starters!

Wish Tony and his crew a

Happy Anniversary

in April!



Darn right it’s Chili... but

Spring’s coming!

Kathy Shaw4 Season Farm Market

Ken BlaisRolly’s Diner

Doctor, doctor, myhair's coming out. Canyou give me somethingto keep it in?

Certainly - how about apaper bag?

Team Get ‘n GoSonya, Donna, Janet & Paul

Out ’n About at the YPLAA Wii Bowling Tourney

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201546

“Contingencies have tendencies to become dependencies.” – W. Thomas McQueeney

A goal properly set is halfway reached.

144 Riverside Dr., Auburn

Brad’s Precision Auto

• Appointments required• Fully warranteed & certified• $60/hr labor rate

NO PROBLEM!

333-0364 Brad’s mechanics: (front) Dan & Mallory(back) Marek, Eli & John

Any Make... Any Model... Any Problem...

We love power

tools!

Did you figure out the answer?

Puzzle Answer:CARNIVAL

Hidden Word Brain TeaserPuzzle on page 18.



Mike & CalebDavis

Walton School

Rolly & Mary Rolly's Diner

Can I get a bigger sample?

Steve Blais

Brycin,Emily

& HaliePictured here at

Get Air in Portland

Kids of Nicole Morris co-owner of

For The Love of Hair

We just had to get out and

get some air!


Jimbo


A helping hand is no farther than at the end of your sleeve.

A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.

61 Mill Street, New Auburn • 783-6927 or 1-800-834-5706Mon-Fri 7:30-5:30 • Sat. 8-4 • MySelco.com

Come see us at our NEW Location!We’re now at

61 Mill Street in New Auburn

(in the old Pontbriand Hardware building)

740-6316

Hours: Tue. Wed. Fri. 8-4Thurs. 8-5 • Sat. 8-12

Walk-insWelcome

$10 CUTS184 Turner St. Auburn (Next to Coastal T-shirts)

hwilliamsbarber.com

Sponsor

We are your cleaning solution!• Excellent References, Dependable & Trustworthy

• Complete Home & Office Cleaning

• Move-ins & Move-outs, Construction Clean-up

• Daily, Weekly & Monthly Programs

Locally Owned & Operated • Satisfaction GuaranteedFREE Estimates • Reasonable Rates

Call Chrissy TODAY!

It’s SPRIN Cleaning Time!

Community Credit Union’s NEW Turner Branch(L to R): Sid Hazelton, Marcel Gagne, Mary Lafontaine, Laurie Pelletier, Jen Hogan, Kerry Wood,Barbara Hardison, Tom Avery, Anne Jarvis, Denis Richardson, Maynard Chapman, Dick Keene,

Alfreda Fournier & Chip Morrison.

Now officially open, Community Credit Union is ready and raring to go to serve it’s new communityin Turner! Located at 1048 Auburn Road in Turner (across from RJB & Son Auto Sales). Stop in

and say hello.

Turner’s New CommunityJosh Perkins & Tasha WingAre getting married June20th. Give it up for Josh &

Tasha!Congratulations, Josh &

Tasha. We, at Uncle Andy’sDigest, wish you the best!

Getting published in the

Digest is now crossed off my

bucket list...

Gettin’Hitched

Q: What do you getwhen you cross poisonivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A: A rash of good luck.

Q: What's round andbad-tempered?

A: A vicious circle.

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201548

A hug is a great gift... one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange.

Don't be afraid of opposition; Remember a kite rises against, not with the wind.

Don't attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you.

✃

Dad’s Redemption

6¢on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

UAD expires 4.30.15

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

Hours: Monday - Sunday 9am - 5pm (closed Tuesdays & Major Holidays)

DAD’S PLACEREDEMPTION23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls • 345-5551

Bottle Drives

Welcome!



Tina Saucier

Zen & Zada

We can’t get enough of this deliciousness!


Jimbo


A fool and his money are soon partying.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

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782-2135Mon. - Sat. 10:30am - 9pm

Sun. 11am - 5pm Dai

ly D

rink

Spe

cial

s! MONDAY TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY THURSDAY

FRIDAY SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Cheeseburger Special w/ fries $5.99

Thatcher’s Burger

w/ fries $7.99BBQ sauce, cheddar, caramelized onions

Mexican Day3 Beef Tacos $4.99

Stuffed Peppers $5.99

Fish & Chips $8.59

Fried Scallops $13.99

12” cheese pizza $5.99

Every Tuesday is Seniors Day!11am - 2pm 10% OFF

Menu lunches w/ couponCoupon expire 4.30.15✃

Sudoku AnswersPuzzle on page 40.

Testimonial for Sasseville Healthy Smiles

Bruce Bickford, a patient of Sasseville Healthy Smile and MaineState Representative, shown with Lisa-Marie Sasseville, owner.

After years of being phobic of dental offices I have found Lisa-Marie

and her office's calming approach and atmosphere has me coming back

regularly for good oral health! So glad to havefound her, extremely highly

recommended!!

“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

A Grave Encounter

Submitted by Thomas Hill

After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcuthome through thecemetery. Halfwayacross, he’s startled bya tapping noise comingfrom the misty shad-ows. Trembling withfear, he spots an oldman with a hammerand chisel, chippingaway at a headstone.

“I thought you were aghost,” says the re-lieved teen. “What areyou doing working solate?”

“Oh, those idiots,”grumbles the old man.“They misspelled myname!”

Q: What occurs oncein a month, twice in amoment but never in a

day?

A: The letter M

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201550

I have no idea why the doctor told me to get into shape! Is ROUND not a shape!?

Every once in a brownish-purple moon, I worry that I might be colorblind.

Cindy Gorey & Pam Dube

TapSnapCindy graciously played

“Tracy” to fill in as a back upbowler for the UAD bowling

team.


Tourney

ColbyMichaud

Praxis Production Studios*Colby’s film, “Tea for Two”will premier at the EmergeFilm Festival, April 9-12. Seepage 16 for more info.

Have youTAPSNAP’d

yet?

I could use a cup of tea... tea for two

maybe?*


Jimbo


When one door closes, another opens. Also, you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.

The amount of people who confuse “to” and “too” is amazing two me.

MaroonedSubmitted by Jimbo

One day a man decidedto retire. He bookedhimself on a Caribbeancruise and proceeded tohave the time of hislife... that is, until theship sank.

He soon found himselfon an island with noother people, no sup-plies, nothing, only ba-nanas and coconuts.

After about four months,he is lying on the beachone day when the mostgorgeous woman hehas ever seen rows upto the shore.

In disbelief, he asks,"Where did you comefrom? How did you gethere?"

She replies, "I rowedover from the other sideof the island where Ilanded when my cruiseship sank."

"Amazing," he notes."You were really lucky tohave a row boat washup with you."

"Oh, this thing?" ex-plains the woman. "Imade the boat out ofsome raw material Ifound on the island. Theoars were whittled fromgum tree branches. Iwove the bottom frompalm tree branches, andthe sides and sterncame from a Eucalyptustree."

"But, where did you getthe tools?"

"Oh, that was no prob-(continued on next page)

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201552

After years struggling with my addiction to hand sanitizer I'm finally clean.

I went to a Queen concert. There was an electrical storm during the show. Thunderbolts & lightning. Very, very frightening.

Caring family dentist & specialists488 Sabattus St., Lewiston • 783-8800www.androscoggindentalgroup.com

Affordable Dental Excellence!

New Patient Special$88.00

Includes: Cleaning, Exam, & Xrays

lem," replied thewoman. "On the southside of the island, a veryunusual stratum of allu-vial rock is exposed. Ifound that if I fired it to acertain temperature inmy kiln, it melted intoductile iron I used that tomake tools and used thetools to make the hard-ware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to myplace," she says.

So, after a short time ofrowing, she soon docksthe boat at a small wharf.

As the man looks toshore, he nearly falls offthe boat. Before him is along stone walk leadingto a cabin and treehouse.

While the woman ties upthe rowboat with an ex-pertly woven hemprope, the man can onlystare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walk intothe house, she says ca-sually, "It's not much,but I call it home. Sitdown, please.Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," theman blurts out, stilldazed. "I can't take an-other drop of coconutjuice."

"It's not coconut juice,"winks the woman. "Ihave a still. How wouldyou like a TropicalSpritz?"

Trying to hide his contin-ued amazement, theman accepts, and they

(continued from previous page)

(continued on page 54)

Danielle, Muriel, Jane & Loren

Shawn & Tara Aube, Loren Hersey & Nikki Withrow

Nicky, Jason, Gabrielle & Jenna

Nate, Travis, Val & Cassie

Team Hannaford

Out ’n About at the YPLAA Wii Bowling Tourney

Team Electricity ME

Team Sloth Lightening

Team Hogan Road Holt

A great time was had by all at DaVinci’s for theannual Wii Bowling Tourney hosted by YPLAA

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201554

I'd rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds towash the dish that doesn't fit.

I told this joke about the post office but no-one laughed. It may have been the delivery.

sit down on her couch totalk.

After they exchangetheir individual survivalstories, the woman an-nounces, "I'm going toslip into something morecomfortable. Would youlike to take a showerand shave? There's arazor in the bathroomcabinet upstairs."

No longer questioninganything, the man goesupstairs into the bath-room. There, in the cabi-net is a razor made froma piece of tortoise bone.Two shells honed to ahollow ground edge arefastened on to its endinside a swivel mecha-nism.

"This woman is amaz-ing," he muses. "What'snext?"

When he returns, shegreets him wearingnothing but some smallflowers on tiny vines,each strategically posi-tioned, she smelledfaintly of gardenias. Shethen beckons for him tosit down next to her.

"Tell me," she beginssuggestively, slitheringcloser to him. "We'veboth been out here formany months. You musthave been lonely. Whenwas the last time youplayed around?" Shestares into his eyes.

He can't believe whathe's hearing. "Youmean..." he swallowsexcitedly as tears startto form in his eyes... "You've built a GolfCourse?"

(continued from page 52)


Jimbo


I’ve had to take a second job working in a bakery... I knead the dough.

People who work on their tablets all day and play games all night are burning the Kindleat both ends.

740 Minot Ave, Auburn783-2981

See Our Specials: myGeorgios.com

GEORGIO’S

Has Sprung!

Breakfast Special$3.75

Includes a Breakfast sand-wich on our homemade roll,

hashbrown, coffee & a donut!

Homemade Food at Fast Food Prices!

Home of the U.F.O.(Unbelievable Filling Object)

Bob Marley & Tim Rucker

Why go UPTA CAMP when

you can go to Mixers?

Bob Marleyputtin’ on a show to a sold out crowd at Mixers in

Sabattus.

Out ’n About at Mixers with Bob MarleyTimmy Rucker, you

m*&%f*, can I getyour autograph?

SpeedySubmitted by Thomas Hill

Two guys were walkingthrough the woodswhen they thought theyheard something. Theyturned around and sawa big black bear com-ing towards them. Bothmen started to runwhen one of themstopped to change intotennis shoes.

The second man said,“You don't have time tochange shoes. Youcan't out run that bear!”

The first man said, “Iknow I can't out run thebear. I only have tooutrun you!”

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201556

It’s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for lighters and foundover 15,000 matches.

I saw a man get his watch stolen right from under his nose. What a strange place to keepa watch.

Angela Spinney,Nicole Morris & Katie Coolidge

You can find all three ofthese ladies in Poland at ForThe Love of Hair. See theirad on page 39.

Jimbo said he had a man-crushon his own hair, but love wastoo strong of a word. Especiallywith the bald spot and receding hairline.

Hair and nails...Nails and hair.

Either way you cut itworks for us.

Out ’n About at For The Love

of Hair

Boys n’ GirlsSubmitted by Thomas Hill

A three-year-old wentwith his dad to see alitter of kittens. On re-turning home, hebreathlessly informedhis mother that therewere two boy kittensand two girl kittens."How did you know?"his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them upand looked under-neath," he replied. "Ithink it's printed on thebottom."


Jimbo


The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into ajar of salsa.

Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores.

UAD UAD

SPRING TIMESAVINGS!

Huge

Announcement

Coming...

Stay

Tuned...

783-7039


Jimbo

April 201558

When I was a child, my dad tried to force-feed me. My mom said, “Just use a spoon already Karl! You’re not a Jedi.”

I was driving a fire engine earlier and I nearly fell out of it... Thank goodness the guy atTarget rushed over to unplug it.

Ladypalooza!Saturday,

May 9th

11:00-3:00

Elks Lodge

Join us for an afternoon of shopping, spa services,snacks, samples & girl time.

FREEAdmission

HUGE RAFFLE!

Ladypalooza is an annual fundraising event to raisemoney for local women & children’s charities.

100% proceeds donated to:

treestreetyouth.org

Sponsored in part by:

1675 Lisbon Road, Lewiston

TREESTREETYOUTH

Julie Girouard & Shelby Rucker

8th graders at Lewiston Middle School pose for“Pink Day” for their team on theme week.

Q: Why are there candles and bulbs in

your lunch box?

A: You asked for a Light Lunch!

Pink never looked so good!

Wascally Wabbit

Submitted by Jimbo

Bugs Bunny was shop-ping at the supermar-ket and a salesassistant said to him,“If you can tell me what19,866 times 10,543 is,we’ll give you free carrots for life.”

Immediately, Bugs re-sponded: 209,447,238.

The sales assistantwas astonished andasked, “How on earthdid you do that?”

Bugs replied, “If there’sone thing rabbits aregood at, it’s multiplying.”

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."

The secret of true greatness is simplicity.

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Limit one per customer per visit. Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)

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23 Pleasant St, Mechanic Falls345-5551 • DadsPlace.info

Dad’s Place

ONLY $5.00Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)

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2 Main Street, Sabattus • 375-8502

Sabattus Main Street Market

Limit one per customer per visit.

Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)

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$5 OFF 2 LARGEPIZZAS!

2 Large 1-topping pizzas $15.99 (Reg. $20.99)

1525 Minot Ave. Auburn • 795-7222

Pool Builders of MaineQuality Workmanship, Outstanding Service

poolbuildersofmaine.com

Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)✃

$1,000. OFFAny Inground or Above Ground Pool

Call to schedule your Spring installation!

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Breakfast or Lunch. Limit one per customer per visit.

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Egg-ceptional Restaurant

23 Pleasant St. McFalls • 345-5551

Expires 4.30.15 (UAD)

✃6¢

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

on all 5¢ returns

DAD’S PLACE REDEMPTIONExpires 4.30.15 (UAD)

161 Lincoln St.Lewiston784-7042

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To make a long story short quit right in the middle.

Check out our NEWLY Designed website: UncleAndys.com

Visit us at our state of the art office at:730 Center St • Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza

783-1351

Mon.-Thurs. 7am-5pmFri. by appointment

Yen-Chang Chen, D.M.D.Dr. Chen and his staff are dedicated to providing a pleasant, stress-free visit

with results that you will be proud to show off.

auburnplazafamilydentistry.com

Same Day Emergency CareWe are a preferred Northeast Delta provider

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uad april 2015

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