Marriage in JapanFrom Women of the Orient: An Account of the Religious, Intellectual, and Social Condition of Womenin Japan, China, India, Egypt, Syria, and Turkey by Ross C. Houghton1877b, 139–147

In Japan the marriage of a daughter is always celebrated with a greater or lessdegree of rejoicing in the house of her husband. It is, however, too important anaffair for any but the relatives and confidential friends of the parties to participatein; strangers and mere acquaintances are therefore excluded, and unlike theChinese (who invite foreign guests, and make a great ado, for the gratification ofpublic curiosity), the Japanese celebrate their weddings with discreet reserve. Ingeneral, a Japanese marriage is the result of an arrangement made long beforebetween the parents of the parties; although more frequently than in former years,Japanese matches are love matches, and the preliminary agreement is voluntarilymade by the bride and groom acting from deliberate choice.

Ordinarily a Japanese bride brings no stated dowry to her husband, except hertrousseau, which, as a matter of family pride, is always as extensive and elegant ascircumstances will permit. The Japanese classics say that a bride “must have anunsullied reputation, a gentle and yielding disposition, an amount of educationfitted for her sex, and the acquirements of a good house-keeper:” reasonablerequirements certainly, which, had they been met in all cases, would long sincehave made Dai Nippon the envy of all nations. From careful inquiry, I concludethat pecuniary considerations are usually regarded as of secondary importance inJapanese marriage contracts; although the claims of rank and social position arealways rigorously considered.

A Japanese bride is generally from sixteen to eighteen years of age, and thegroom about twenty. Some time before the wedding, a betrothal ceremony takesplace; at which all the preliminaries are settled, and a complete understandingarrived at between the families represented.

Very frequently at the betrothal ceremony the young people discover, for thefirst time, just what arrangements the discreet parents have been making for theirfuture happiness. After betrothal the young man and woman have frequent

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opportunity to meet and cultivate each other’s acquaintance; formal visits areinterchanged by the contracting families, and presents are made according to thecircumstances of the donors.

The following description of the formal wedding ceremonies is from the pen ofAimé Humbert, who was for several years Minister Plenipotentiary of the Swissconfederation in Japan, and enjoyed extraordinary opportunities for observationand study of Japanese manners and customs:1

“Early in the wedding morning, the bride’s trousseau is brought to the groom’s dwelling,and laid out very tastefully in the apartments where the wedding feast is to be held. In thechief room an altar is erected, adorned with flowers, and laden with offerings to the familygods, patron saints, and other worthies, whose pictures are hung in front. All the rooms areornamented with pictures and flowers. About noon a splendid procession enters theapartments thus prepared; the young bride, veiled and arrayed in white, advances, led by twofemale friends, and followed by a crowd of relatives, friends, and neighbors, in robescomposed of scarlet brocade, gauze, and embroidery.

“Two friends do the honors of the occasion, distribute the guests, see to the arrangementsfor the repast, and flit about from one group to another. They are called the male and femalebutterfly, and personify the charming couple who, in popular story, set an example ofconjugal felicity.

“Except among certain Buddhist sects, priests have no place in a marriage celebration inJapan. The decisive ceremony, by which the Japanese replace our sacred ordinance, possessesan affecting symbolism. A vase in the form of a pitcher, with two mouths, and beautifullyornamented, is produced. At a proper time one of the brides-maids fills it with saki (nativewine); the other takes it by the handle, raises it to the height of the mouths of the kneelingbride and groom, and makes them drink alternately, each from the pitcher mouth placedopposite their lips, until the vase is emptied. It is thus that, husband and wife, they mustdrink from the cup of conjugal life; he on his side, she on hers; but they must both taste thesame ambrosia or the same gall; they must share equally the pains and sorrows as well as thejoys of this new existence. If the poetic charm of the symbolism of the natural affectionssufficed to render people moral, the Japanese should be the best husbands in the world.Unhappily, the same man who has the right to kill his wife on the slightest suspicion (if, for

1 The quoted excerpt is based on 1877e, Japan and the Japanese Illustrated by Aimé Humbert, pp. 276–279.

The illustration on page 5 below is taken from p. 280 of 1877e.

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example, he should see her in conversation with a stranger, no relation of the family), has noscruples about introducing a first concubine, and soon a second, then a third, and it may beeven a fourth, under the conjugal roof.

“The expenses of the wedding are borne by the groom; and many a young couple amongthe poor classes have to struggle bravely for years to pay the debt thus incurred. Others havehad sufficient courage and good sense to resist the temptations of the national custom. …”

During my stay in Yokohama, a young Japanese, whose name I think was Tarō,was employed by an acquaintance of mine, an American gentleman, as a bettō, orgroom. One day it came to the knowledge of his master that Tarō had beensmitten by the tender passion, and greatly desired to take to himself a wife.Although poor, and belonging to the common class of laborers, he had savedenough from his moderate wages to pay the expenses of a suitable feast; and sincehe was certain that his six dollars a month would furnish ample support for a wifeand family, he saw no reason why he should not marry at once. Through a friendhe had learned that a certain young lady of sixteen was in the matrimonialmarket, and, as she was represented to him as possessed of every desirableattraction of form and features, to say nothing of her mental and moralexcellencies, the susceptible groom had set his heart on obtaining her for his own.We ascertained that, by some means, he had succeeded in seeing her once,although she had no knowledge whatever of him.

According to custom, Tarō at once employed a mediator, who, going to thehouse of the girl’s parents, and, gaining their ear, proceeded most eloquently toenlarge upon the superior excellencies and attractions of his client; declaring that,although each of the other suitors for the young lady’s hand no doubt had hisgood qualities which commended him to their favor, still Tarō possessed such acombination of virtues that he would certainly make the most desirable son-in-law of them all. Without consulting the girl at all, a bargain was closed. Tarō wasto advance a certain sum as a present to the parents, and also as a seal to thecontract. Since it was an unostentatious marriage in low life, my friend and myselfwere readily accorded the privilege of being present in the little house of thegroom, in one corner of the compound, when the final ceremony took place. Itwas about eight o’clock in the evening, and, on our arrival, Tarō appeared,

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dressed in his best, and attended by a few friends, male and female, all in holidayattire, all as gentle and polite as the Japanese know so well how to be, anduttering pleasant wishes for our comfort and happiness in well-chosen words oftheir soft and flowing language.

The little building was illuminated with gay lanterns, and bedecked withgrotesque pictures; and every little household ornament belonging to Tarō or hisexpected bride was displayed to the best advantage. Presently the entire companyformed a sort of semi-circle, sitting upon the soft, clean mats, and conversationbecame general, the natives chatting and laughing quite hilariously.

In the meantime the mediator, or friend of the bridegroom, and a governmentofficer, or registrar, were completing the ceremonies at the house of the bride, byrecording the contract made with the parents, to which the parents and themediator signed their names, and the officer affixed his official seal. About half-past eight our attention was attracted by lights near by upon the street, and, in afew moments the mediator, the government officer, the parents, the bride, and afew of her select friends, presented themselves at the entrance of the cottage, and,removing their clogs and sandals, stood together upon the clean matting of thelittle veranda. At this point Tarō proceeded formally to welcome them, using themost elaborate terms known to Japanese etiquette, at the same time bowing andprostrating himself before them and bestowing all manner of humiliating epithetsupon his most unworthy self. His courtesy was promptly returned by the father ofthe bride.

When this rather tedious performance was ended, the new arrivals proceededto join the squatters already referred to, the groom and bride sitting together bythemselves in the center of the room. After some unimportant preliminaries, theregistrar, with much show of official importance, and after the payment of anappropriate fee, produced his book, and carefully recorded the fact that the bridewas at that hour, and with time-honored observances, brought to the house of Mr.Tarō. The names of the parties to the contract and all those present at the weddingwere added to the entry. After this came the supper, which consisted of rice, sweetpotatoes, ducks’ eggs, meat, and fish, with a great variety of confectionery;winding up with an abundance of the best saki, alternated with pipes and

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tobacco. The feast was evidently as sumptuous as the purse of Tarō could possiblycommand, and was certainly most enjoyable. About ten P. M. the guests,including the parents of the bride, all took their departure with many bows andsmiles and good wishes, leaving Tarō and his wife alone to get acquainted at theirleisure—since up to this time they had never exchanged a word—and the brideespecially had enjoyed no opportunity to determine whether her husband wasagreeable to her or otherwise.

At present the position of woman is being more rapidly advanced in Japanthan in any other Asiatic country. Girls are securing, in the public as well asprivate schools, an education better suited to their wants as married women;husbands, among the higher and more intelligent classes, are many of them proudto proclaim the fact that they honor and respect their wives, and accord to themtheir rightful position. Quite a number of advanced gentlemen have entered intomarriage contracts which secure to the wife the same rights and privileges beforethe law that have formerly belonged exclusively to the husband. The governmenthas set itself to improve the condition of woman by improving the marriage laws,and by allowing young people greater liberty in the choice of companions, andremoving all restrictions upon intermarriage between the different classes ofsociety.

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