Marriage Preparation the Foundation

of Marriage!

Get out your cell phone… your gonna NEED it!

pollseverywhere.com

• Explain what’s going on– Now I’m going to ask for your opinion. You’ll use your phones to respond

just like on American Idol. So please take out your cell phones, but remember to leave them on silent.

– You’ll participate by sending a text message. If you don’t know how to do that, just ask your friends! Or have your neighbor help you figure it out.

• Address their concerns– This is a just standard rate text message, so it may be free for you, or up

to twenty cents on some carriers if you do not have a text messaging plan.

– The service we are using is serious about privacy. They cannot see your phone numbers, and you’ll never receive follow-up text messages outside this presentation. There’s only one thing worse than email spam – and that’s text message spam because you have to pay to receive it!

Presenter Text Polling Notes

How To Vote via Texting

1. Standard texting rates only (worst cast US $0.20)2. We have no access to your phone number3. Capitalization doesn’t matter, but spaces and spelling do

TIPS

EXAMPLE

You may have to kiss (date) a lot of Toads

before you find your handsome prince or beautiful princess.

(Spend the time to find out what you really want.)

Choosing a Mate by making a list

Marital RisksWe think we can change these, that they do not matter, or that we

can overlook them and all will go well with the relationship

Marry at early age Pre-marital pregnancy Parental disapproval• Unhappy childhood• Poor relationship with

parents• Poor self-concept• Different values• Poor attitude about sex• Low education• Different religions

• Parents are divorced or have a poor marriage

• Length of acquaintance with each other is less than one year

• Either partner is physically or emotionally unhealthy

• Low income• Living together before

marriage

“Dirtiest Man in the World” THE DIRTIEST MAN IN THE WORLDOh I'm Dirty Dan, the world's dirtiest man, I never have taken a shower. I can't see my shirt—it's so covered with dirt. And my ears have enough to grow flowers.But the water is either a little too hot.Or else it's a little too cold.I'm musty and dusty and patchy and scratchyAnd mangy and covered with mold.But the water is always a little too hot,Or else it’s a little to cold.I live in a pen with five hogs and a hen And three squiggly lizards who creep in My bed, and they itch as I squirm, and I twitch In the cruddy old sheets that I sleep in.If you looked down my throat with a flashlight, you'd noteThat my insides are coated with rust.I creak when I walk and I squeak when I talk.And each time I sneeze I blow dust.

The thought of a towel and some soap makes me howl, And when people have something to tell me They don't come and tell it—they stand back and yell it. I think they're afraid they might smell me.The bedbugs that leap on me sing me to sleep,And the garbage flies buzz me awake.They're the best friends I've found and I fear they might drownSo I never go too near a lake.Each evening at nine I sit down to dine With the termites who live in my chair. And I joke with the bats and have intimate chats With the cooties who crawl through my hair.I'd brighten my life if I just found a wife,But I fear that that never will beUntil I can find a girl, gentle and kind.With a beautiful face and a sensitive mind,Who sparkles and twinkles and glistens and shines—And who's almost as dirty as me.

By: Shel Silverstein

You attract what you are not what you want

I mean…..

You Don’t Marry What You Want You Marry What You are.

So what I mean is…..

Make what you are, what you want, so you can have both what you are

and what you want!

PART 2 “Choosing a mate by making a List – about YOU”

– Put a “+” by all the items you feel that you personally would rate positively on.

– Put a “-” by all the things on which you would rate poorly or need to work on.

• While having more plusses increases your chances for a successful marriage, having a lot of minuses does not mean that you have no hope of ever having

a happy successful marriage.

Mate Selection is Like Shopping For Car Insurance- you want to get the

best deal!

– Look at the entire package (good, bad, and factors to consider) then evaluate the cost and benefits of the mate.

– Make a good decision now to make your chances of a successful marriage even higher.

– SOOOOOO

Choose Wisely: This decision could impact your life more than any other.

• Why did you choose that candy?• Does that candy have something to offer you that the

others didn’t?• What do you have in common with your candy?

• What do you struggle with in your candy?• Can you imagine yourself living without the candy?• Could you be happy if another candy took its place?

• Just a few “INSURANCE” questions we could ask ourselves about the people we are dating when looking

for a potential marriage partner.

BECAUSE….

Premarital Fantasies – Marital Realities• She married him because he was such an assertive male.She divorced him because he was such a domineering husband.

• He married her because she was so gentle and petite.He divorced her because she was so weak and helpless

• She married him because he could provide a good incomeShe divorced him because all he did was work

• He married her because she was so attractive all the time.He divorced her because she spent too much time in front of the mirror.

• She married him because he was so romantic and sociableShe divorced him because he was such a fun loving playboy.

Premarital Fantasies – Marital Realities• He married her because she was so quiet and dependentHe divorced her because she was so boring and clingy

• She married him because he was the life of the partyShe divorced him because he was such a dud at home

• He married her because she was so social and talkativeHe divorced her because she could only discuss trivia

• She married him because he was such a good athleteShe divorced him because he was either playing or watching sports

• He married her because she was so neat and organizedHe divorced her because she was too compulsive and controlling.

Is This What You Really Want? Many times we fall in love with a character

trait or skill that turns out to be a liability (bad) rather than an asset (good).

Attentive or Beautiful/handsome

Newly-Friend

Newly Friend Game… Round 1 Find your partner Get to know them

Ask them questions!!! What is their full name? What kind of music do they like? What are their career goals? How many family members do they have and what are

their names? What is their favorite TV show or most watched TV

show? What is their favorite sports team? Do they have any pets? Where do they like to vacation?

Partner A answer these about Partner B without talking and Partner B answer these about themselves.

1. What will you (your partner) be doing on a Saturday afternoon?

A. Doing HomeworkB. Hanging out with friendsC. Doing chores around the house

2. What would you (your partner) most likely drive if cost and their age were not a factor?

A. A sports carB. A truckC. A motorcycle

3. Where would you (your partner) choose to eat dinner if someone else were going to pay for it?

A. Pizza HutB. McDonaldsC. A fancy sit down restaurant

4. When (you) your partner is riding in the car with their friends, will they wear their seat belt?

A. AlwaysB. SometimesC. Never

5 points if you answers match!

Partner B answer these about Partner A without talking and Partner A answer these about themselves.

1. What sport would you (your partner) like to watch in person?

A. HockeyB. BaseballC. Mud wrestling

2. What type of concert would you (your partner) most likely attend?

A. CountryB. Rock and RollC. Classical

3. What kind of parent do you think you (your partner) will be if they have kids?

A. Super-person – they can do it allB. Godzilla – watch outC. Genie – they will grant every wish

4. You (your partner) are/is dating. When will the first kiss be?

A. The first dateB. After a few datesC. It will be a while5 points if your answers match!

The BIG SIMPLE Questions:• Does this person make you a better person?• Would you rather be with this person than any

other person in the world?• Could you spend the rest of your life with this

person?• Could you spend the rest of your life without

this person?

• Don’t delete the romance, just increase the rational by thinking and asking yourself very specific questions about what you want

and don’t want. – A smart and responsible decision made now will increase the chances of a happy and successful marriage

later.

Guidelines for Mate Selection:

• Make a list before you develop a relationship.

• Remember your values and goals

• Become the kind of person you want to marry.– “YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE, NOT WHAT YOU WANT”

• Be Selective

• Find the right person, do not try to change the person.

There are no gray areas when

answering mate selection questions.

If you have any doubts, look at the relationship very

seriously.

* Forced Choice List* Assignment #3: quality chart