Blind Dates After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him at the restaurant so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"Caterpillars Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat? Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals! Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question? Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.Coming Downstairs Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy,' he called, 'how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being." There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father. "Now will you always come down stairs like that?" "Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the bannister."Fairy tales "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"