Start Your Marriage The Right Way By Avoiding These Common But Deadly

Mistakes Which Can RUIN Your Chance Of Happiness With Your Spouse!

By Pure Matrimony

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Contents

Introduction 4

Respect And Be Respected! 5

To Love or Not To Love 8

Quit the Nagging 10

Letting the Rot Set In 11

Failing to Know Your Roles 13

Right on the Money 17

The Dreaded In-Laws 21

Conclusion 23

Recommendations 25

Looking After Your Spouse Starts Here...

Introduction

Marriage is supposed to be half of your Deen and one of the biggest sources of blessings in your life.

It is narrated by Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah SAW said: "When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

Most  marriages  start  off  with  the  ‘honeymoon  period’  where  nothing  else  matters  except  your  spouse  and  you’re  surrounded  in  marital  bliss...that  is until slowly but surely either life gets in the way or certain preventable factors do!

The truth is no marriage can survive on just love alone. Allah SWT has commanded us with particular roles and responsibilities. We have also been warned that our marriage will be tested in accordance to the following hadith:

The Prophet SAW said: "Iblis places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments (for creating dissension between people); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension.  One  of  them  comes  and  says:  “I  did  so  and  so.”  And  he  says:  “You  have  done  nothing.”  Then  one  amongst them comes and  says:  “I  did  not  spare  so  and  so  until  I  sowed  the  seed  of  discord  between  a  husband  and  a  wife.”  Shaytaan  goes  near  him  and  says:  “You  have  done  well.”  He  then  embraces  him”  

(Sahih  Muslim  and  narrated  by  Jabir  Ibn  ‘Abdullah).

The aim of this report is to outline 7 of the most common mistakes which if left unchecked, can eventually lead to separation or even divorce. Whether you are yet to get married or have been married for a while, you’ll  discover  how to deal with these issues so you are well prepared and can have a happy, prosperous and successful marriage in this life and the next ameen!

One: Respect And Be Respected!

Men and women are different by nature – women are more emotional whereas men are more physical and practical. This is how Allah SWT has created us and He knows best how we are and what we respond to.

In essence, men look for respect in a marriage, whereas women look for love. This is in accordance to how Allah SWT has made them. Even though both are needed  by  EACH  spouse  towards  one  another,  it’s  important to remember that if neither love nor respect are present in the relationship, the marriage is essentially dead.

Because of this, a married couple have to have RESPECT first and foremost between them, since you cannot love someone without first respecting them.

What are the signs of disrespect for one another?

Shouting and getting angry over issues Being verbally or physically abusive Putting a person down all the time Knocking  a  person’s  confidence  by attacking their

appearance or abilities Deliberately being disobedient and doing things their spouse

despises Humiliating their spouse in front of others Exposing private affairs to others Lying and dishonesty are also forms of disrespect

Although this works BOTH ways, it is MORE IMPORTANT for men. If a man  doesn’t  feel  respected,  he  will  do  everything  he  can  to  avoid  his  wife.

This means that he will prefer to go out and sit with friends, or spend time away from his family in his own company. Even worse, it can mean that he refuses to share the same bedroom as his wife out of anger. In time, the wife will feel severely neglected and feel as if he no longer cares about her.

If  a  woman  doesn’t  feel  respected,  she  will  get  upset,  emotional, cry and refuse to speak (silent treatment) or avoid being around her husband. Although she will still do things to please her husband, she will actually distance herself away from him, avoiding being around him for too long.

Fix It NOW!

So how do you pull together a relationship, especially when things are worse than they seem? Naturally, prevention is always better than cure. However, here are some tips to keep the respect both ways...

Never shout at one another – EVER! When you know you are about to speak about something that could potentially cause friction, do your wudu first because the Prophet SAW taught us that anger is from the Shaytaan. Since Shaytaan is made from fire, doing wudu will dampen the anger down

Avoid name calling at all times as it is damaging  to  each  other’s  self-esteem

Never criticise the person, but instead constructively criticise the behaviour.  This  way  you’re not attacking your spouse in a way which can make them feel resentful

The Prophet SAW told us the following when we are angry:

The Prophet SAW gave  us  other  practical  advice.  He  said:  “If  one of you gets angry and he is standing, then he should sit down until his anger subsides. If it does not, then he should lie  down.”  (Sunan Abu Dâwûd)

We should seek refuge with Allah when we become angry:

“Two men began hurling insults at one another in the presence of the Prophet SAW, each one insulting the other with such anger that his face had turned red. The Prophet SAW said:  “I  know  a  word  that  if  one  were  to  say  it,  what  stresses  him  would  go  away.  If  he  would  but  say:  ‘I  seek  refuge with Allah  from  Satan  the  Accursed'.”  (Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim)

Stay quiet! The Prophet (peace be upon him) advised us not to speak when we are angry. He said:

“If  one  of  you  gets angry,  he  should  be  quiet.”  (Musnad Ahmad)

NEVER swear or use foul language – especially if you are a

woman as this is highly damaging to  yourself  and  lowers  a  man’s  opinion of you

If all else fails, go and take a walk! Calm down and then when you are BOTH calm, sit down and talk about your problems rather than shout them out

Accept there are some things which you may always disagree upon and agree to disagree. That is better for you and your akhirah!

If things are very bad, see a scholar or respected Sheikh who will Insha’Allah be able to give you further guidance

Lastly, remember that if you give respect, you will be respected. If you are  disrespectful,  don’t  expect  your  other  half  to  love  what  you  do  and  expect to have problems if you choose not to do something about it.

Two: To Love or Not To Love...

As mentioned in the first part on respect, love is also very important. Now let’s  clear  up  something  at  the  outset  because  it’s  vital  you  understand how much this can impact your future as husband and wife.

Love does not mean an undying affection that is so selfish you forget the family that raised you! This kind of love is purely in the movies! Real love means to care for one another deeply and to be mindful of them so as not to cause them hurt or upset. It also means to look after one another and be selfless not selfish.

The  kind  of  ‘earth  shattering’  love  you  see  in  the  movies is just that – make-believe, so it’s  important  to  be  realistic.  Women  are  more  emotional than men and in general require more affection and need to be told they are special.

Men on the other hand, show their love in a more physical way – such as working hard and providing for their families, ensuring all their family’s  financial  and  physical  needs  are  met  and  doing  ‘hands  on’  practical  things that signify to their wives that they care for them. In other words, they rely less on the emotional and romantic expressions of love and more  on  the  ‘I  can  take  care  of  you’  hard  work  kind  of  love.

This is a crucial difference between men and women and is how Allah Almighty has created us. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but the reality is that love does not pay the bills. This is where a lot of problems occur in marriages – especially when the honeymoon period is over and reality sets in.

At this stage, women will often feel as if their husbands no longer want to be with them 24/7 and feel insecure. The reverse is true however. The truth is men LOVE their wives which is why they want to work and show you how hard they are working to take care of you!

So how do we balance the two opposites where the wife feels neglected or even complains her husband is cold, while the men feel as if their wives are being overly emotional and clingy?

The first step is to accept that this is how Allah SWT has drawn the distinction between men and women. The next step is to  ‘step  into  each  other’s  shoes’  and  understand  what  your  spouse  is  feeling.

Here  are  some  tips  to  take  the  sting  out  of  the  ‘honeymoon  gone  cold’  feeling:

Men should NOT be stingy in how much love they show their wives. This is not from the sunnah!

“It  is  He  Who  created  you  from  a  single  person,  and  made  his  mate  of like nature in order that he might dwell with her in love" (7:189)

Women should never complain to their husbands if they are working hard to provide for the family. Instead, agree upon  ‘couple  time’  and  schedule  it  in  your  diary  like  an  appointment.  This  way,  you’ll both benefit from quality time together.

Keep the fire alive by doing small, consistent things such as a hug before going to work and when returning home from work.

Sisters should be mindful to beautify themselves for the sake of their husbands – and should not take offense or feel insecure if their  husband  doesn’t  seem  to  notice  (a  common complaint!). The fact that you have done this is showing your husband that he is special enough for you to make the effort for.

Brothers, be mindful of your women! So when they cook and the food  is  nice,  say  so!  Don’t  be  stingy  in  your  compliments  or start complaining  about  the  food  instead.  If  you  don’t  like  it,  keep  quiet!  If  your  wife  asks  you  how  it  was,  simply  say  ‘Alhamdulillah’  

A simple rule of thumb for all couples to learn from – showing small kindnesses to one another throughout the day is an easy way to show your spouse you love them – especially when you do it with a smile and to help them out.

Develop a hobby you can do together – there is a simple rule which  states  that  ‘couples  who  play  together,  stay  together’.  Find  something you both love to do and make a regular habit of doing it together!

Lastly,  when  kids  come  along,  don’t  neglect  one  another  (which  often happens). Spend time as a family so you are not missing out or feeling left out.

Three: Quit the Nagging!

If there is one thing that men hate, its women who nag at them constantly. Similarly women hate men who whinge and moan about everything. How many times have you heard couples saying things like: ‘Her  nagging  never  stops,  so  I  just  leave  the  house’  or  ‘He  is never happy with whatever I  do,  it’s  never  good  enough’?

These are common traits within the genders that are almost universal! The  problem  is  not  the  occasional  moaning  or  nagging...it’s  when  it  takes  place  over  a  prolonged  period  of  time.  That’s  when the resentment sets in.

The best way to deal with this is as follows:

Never nag or complain when your spouse has just come in from work, or when they are really tired.

Instead, wait until they have eaten, rested and are in a good mood to talk to them about any issues that you may be having.

If your spouse constantly complains, the best thing to do is to ignore it! It's better to you to wait until they have calmed down, at which point you can explain to them how you feel about their constant complaining.

Think in terms of problems and solutions. For example, if your spouse has certain issues that they raise with you all the time, your response should be to come up with a solution that will prevent them from having to complain to you again. Talk it over with them, and get their input so they feel as if they are being heard.

If addressing the issue in person leads to arguments, it may be better to write things down. Leave everything for an hour or so before giving the notes to your partner. At this point you should be mindful that what you write down is concise and is not a direct attack on them.

Finally, if your spouse has a habit of complaining all the time, try and understand where they are coming from. Usually complaining is a symptom of deeper issues such as feeling neglected or being made to feel unimportant.

Four: Letting the Rot Set In

Sometimes problems occur at a deeper level within a relationship. This can happen at any time and anything can trigger it. However, it usually occurs when one spouse is repeatedly doing something to hurt the other. The problem here is that if it's not addressed and resolved quickly, then resentment and bitterness sets in.

When this happens, the relationship begins to break down and couples feel distant to each other if it's not resolved immediately. Usually by this point, relationships teeter dangerously on the verge of complete breakdown. If drastic action isn't taken then it can result in separation or divorce.

Some of the most common causes of breakdown and relationships are as follows:

financial hardships in-laws incompatibility differences in raising children religious differences neglecting one another infidelity stressful jobs

Each of these requires its own rules of how to resolve them, and some of these will be covered later. Here are some of the best ways of dealing with difficult situations, no matter what they are.

Don't stop talking! And when we mean talk, we really do mean talk and not shouting! Giving each other the silent treatment adds fuel to the fire in much the same way as shouting does

Never avoid the issue at hand by burying your head in the sand and pretending it will all go away. The truth of the matter is it rarely does unless you actively do something to stop it

Use something  called  a  ‘solution  board’  - a simple technique which allows you to instantly see what your options are. Simply take a large piece of paper and write down the problem in the middle.

Now all you do is brainstorm ways in which you can solve the problem. The next thing you need to do is number your solutions in order of priority. What you'll end up with is a list of things which you can try to solve the problem at hand

Root cause analysis is an excellent tool, especially when you feel as if you're hitting your head against a brick wall. Here you keep asking  ‘why?’  until you arrive at the root cause of the problem:

o For example, your spouse doesn't get on with your mother. So you ask yourself why. In this case, she feels that your spouse is not good enough for you. So ask why again - she thinks this is because your spouse does not have a good job. So now you know the cause, look at ways or solutions to help you overcome the problem

If the worst comes to the worst, seek help - but never from your family! This usually adds fuel to the fire. Instead, ask a mutual friend who will be impartial, or go and speak to a counsellor. Your local imam should be able to help too

Stick to your normal routine. Normality during times of stress is critical to keeping things balanced and on track

Usually sisters tend to get very upset, depressed and emotional when things go wrong. As a result, they cry a lot - which never helps the situation. In fact, crying usually inflames the situation – so  don’t  do  it!

Men have two main ways of dealing with stress - they either ignore it, or they prefer to avoid being around their spouse. Either way, their spouse feels as if they are being neglected and completely rejected. Make sure you TALK to your wife!

Never over analyse the situation. There is a saying that worry gives a small thing a big shadow. This is certainly true. Make a lot of dua to Allah SWT for guidance, do your istikhara and make a habit of doing istighfar as much as possible, since Allah SWT is more likely to answer your duas

Five: Failing to Know your Roles and Responsibilities

The key points for you to understand here are that men and women are equal in terms of what Allah SWT expects of them as Muslims and the reward they get. However, Allah SWT has given men a greater responsibility over women as they are naturally stronger than them both physically and emotionally.

This is why men are the ameers and protectors or maintainers of women:

The Prophet SAW said, "Every one of you is a guardian and every one of you is responsible (for those under your ward). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible (for his subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her husband's house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for those your wards)." (Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.116 Narrated by Abdullah bin Umar)

As a general overview,  here’s  what  Allah  SWT  has  given  us  as  our  roles  and responsibilities:

Men – The Responsibilities They Have Include:

Giving a marriage gift/dowry to his wife

“You  shall  give  the  women  their  due  dowries,  equitably”  (4:4)

To keep his promises to the wife at the time of marriage

The first and worthiest condition of marriage to be fulfilled by the husband is to "keep the promise or promises he made to the wife at the time he married her." This is an order of the

Prophet SAW according to the hadith: "ahaqqu al-shuruti an tufu bihi ma astahlaltum bihi min al-furuj"

Provide sustenance/financial support to his household according to his status and means

o Food, clothing, housing, education, recreation, medication etc.

o Husband must provide even if the is wife is rich o Provision includes food preparation and looking after the

home! Husband should help his wife around the home To protect his family Be patient and respectful to his wife in a way that he would expect

her to be respectful with him Avoid excessive jealousy and never to be suspicious of his wife

without evidence To treat his wife with compassion, kindness, love and not to

neglect her To  beautify  himself  for  his  wife!  Most  men  think  it’s  just  the  duty  of  

the woman – but  it’s  NOT! Good smelling and beautification; Allah SWT is Beautiful and He

loves beauty and cleanliness. Always be clean, neat and adorn perfume.

Ibn  Abbaas  (ra)  said:  ‘I  love  to beautify myself for my wife as much  as  I  love  her  to  beautify  herself  for  me.’

Give his wife her own home without relatives or in-laws living with

them To educate his wife in Islamic matters To fulfil her intimate needs and the right of the wife to the husband

is to ensure she fulfils his needs

The Prophet SAW said: "Having intercourse  (with  one’s  wife)  is  a  charity.” They  said,  “O  Messenger  of  Allah, if one of us fulfils his desire,  is  there  reward  in  that?”  He  said,  “Do  you  not  see that if he does it in a haram way he will have the burden of sin? So if he does it in a halal way, he  will  have  a  reward  for  that.”  (Muslim)

Women – Their Responsibilities Include:

To protect her husband’s possessions while he is away

“The  woman  is  the  guardian  of  her  husband’s  house  and  is  responsible  for  it.”  (Bukhari)

To dress pleasingly for him at all times

Asma bint Yazeed (R.A.) once came to Rasulullah SAW as an ambassador of the ladies and said "Men have surpassed us in rewards through juma, congregational prayers, visiting the ill, participating in funeral prayers and protecting the borders of the Islamic State." Rasulullah SAW sent her with the message "Your adorning and beautifying yourselves for your husbands and your strivings to please your husbands and your obedience to the wishes of your husbands equals these actions (juma, jihaad etc.) in rewards."

To go to her husband when he calls her

Abu Hurayrah (ra) said: The Messenger of Allah SWT said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels curse her until morning.” (Bukhari and Muslim)

To raise her children properly and as righteous Muslims To give her husband the utmost respect as the ameer of the home

“If  I  were  to  command  anyone  to  prostrate  to  anyone  other  than  Allaah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman can fulfil her duty towards Allaah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her  camel  saddle,  she  should  not  refuse.”  Narrated  by  Ibn  Maajah,  1853; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah

To maintain her  husband’s home To maintain her  husband’s honour and not talk about him in a way

that would anger him (keep his secrets and not to speak ill or disrespect him in front of others)

To nurse his children

Rasulullah SAW said: "Does it not please you [o women!] that when you conceive from your husband while he is pleased with you then that woman will receive such reward equal to that of a person fasting in the path of Allah and spending the night in worship; then when her labour pain commences the inhabitants of the earth and the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for her; when she delivers and breastfeeds her child then she will be granted a reward for every gulp of milk; and if she had to remain awake during the night for the sake of her child she will receive the reward of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah. O Salamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious, upright, delicately natured but yet are obedient to their husbands and not ungrateful to them."

She is  also  responsible  for  being  her  husband’s  support  so  that  he  is pleased with her:

The Prophet SAW said:  “Any  woman  who  dies  while  her  husband  is  pleased  with  her,  she  will  enter  Jannah.”  (At-Tirmidhi)

As you can see each spouse has their own set of responsibilities. Happy marriages start when each person is fully aware of and embraces the responsibilities that Allah SWT has placed upon them.

Six – Right On the Money!

Financial problems are one of the biggest sources of stress in a marriage. In fact, it is also one of the most common reasons for divorce. In Islam, the burden of providing for the family rests entirely upon the husband.

As we have already seen in the previous section, Allah SWT has made men the protectors and maintainers of women. However the inability to provide adequately is unfortunately a common problem - especially in the West. Rising house prices, insurance, bills and taxes all mean that people are struggling to survive on one income alone.

In fact it is quite common for many marriages to start off in debt. Much of this can actually be attributed to the marriage itself. Cultural practices sometimes dictate that weddings should be big and lavish, meaning that the groom and sometimes the bride end up starting their life in debt.

Big weddings are not from the Sunnah. The Prophet SAW kept all of his weddings very simple because there is far more blessing in it. Unfortunately though, many people seem to forget this when they get married. More often than not, it's a case of pleasing people - without any consideration given to what will happen after the wedding period is over.

It's very common in the West for both spouses to be working. While this may work in many marriages, it still places a lot of stress on the couple who are overworked, tired, exhausted and rarely see each other. Even when they do spend time together there is always that niggling feeling in the back of your mind which doesn't seem to allow you to relax. This creates tension which can result in irritability and eventually arguments.

Even worse, the stress is multiplied when children come along. Many parents unfortunately are in the position of placing their children in care just so they can continue to work and make ends meet.

So here are some money management tips for you to consider before and after the marriage itself.

Keep the marriage simple-there is far more blessing in this!

o Think about this: do you really need to invite 1000 people? Keep the guest list small and manageable

o Rather than having 20 dishes on the menu, stick to simple food of no more than a few dishes

o Instead of splashing out on fancy cars, see if one of your friends will lend you theirs for the day

o Sisters should keep their jewellery simple - if you can't afford diamonds and gold, there are plenty of beautiful yet inexpensive imitation sets available

o Also sisters, consider hiring a bridal outfit if at all possible o In keeping with the Sunnah, the nikkah should actually be

extremely simple - just the immediate family and closest friends in a mosque.

o The Walima is where you invite everyone, but brothers beware! You really don't need to splash out thousands on a venue! Make a budget and stick to it!

o See if family can help wherever they can. If you're choosing to go on honeymoon, can family or friends gift it to you instead? Are you able to go somewhere local rather than somewhere exotic and expensive?

Okay so you made it through the marriage, but now you're stuck for a house! What should you do?

o Check to see if there are any Islamic mortgage options available

o An increasingly popular scheme is the rent to buy option. Rather than paying the mortgage, you pay rent to your landlord with payments actually buying shares in your house. At the end of the rental agreement, you own the house

o Shop around for utility providers. Don’t  just  stick with whoever is in your area. There are so many excellent deals available, especially online. Buying dual fuel is cheaper and those paying by direct debit will save money each year. If you choose to go paperless, this will also save money

o Check your tax code! Seriously, there are so many couples who are paying more tax than they should because they have the wrong tax code

o Are you paying into a pension? Are you paying any payment protection insurance? In reality, you don't need either, and if you are paying these you could be entitled to a refund

So how do you manage your day-to-day finances? o Use the envelope method to save for things that you really

want but don't need. So if you wanted to buy a table, you would  mark  an  envelope  ‘table’. After paying all of your bills and living expenses, place a small amount of money (whatever you can afford) into the envelope until you have saved enough

o Get rid of your store cards! These are usually interest-bearing (which is haram anyway), and can cost you a ridiculous amount of money

o A simple rule of thumb is only buy what you need, and if you want something badly enough, don't buy it until you have enough money to buy two of those things. This way you are covered no matter what!

o An easy way to manage your finances is to sit down and average out your monthly expenses. At the beginning of each month, simply withdraw the total amount of your expenses. This way you don't need to use your card for anything, and you know that you only have that amount of cash to use during that month

o Get into the habit of checking places like eBay, Craigslist, Gumtree and anywhere else that sells things that people no longer need. You'd be surprised what you can pick up as a bargain!

o If you are really struggling consider charity shops to buy children's toys. The truth is kids couldn't care less where the toys came from, and will often outgrow, damage or even break them. So why pay more than you should?

o We know many sisters and brothers who buy their clothes from discount stores, ex-catalogue shops and charity shops to save money

o Sign up to deal sites such as Groupon or the equivalent as they often have excellent deals which can save you a lot of money

o Holidays and day trips don't need to be expensive. Going to the Local Park or local attractions and taking food from home means still having a good time and saving money!

o Never argue or fight over money. If you're deeply in debt to the bank, see if family will lend you the money to avoid paying interest

o You can also take out super balance transfer cards which allow you to transfer bad debts onto one single card with 0% interest, 0% balance transfers for up to 2 years. We know many couples who have transferred thousands of debt onto a single card eliminating the interest, and making regular payments each month until they have repaid the amount in full

Seven: The Dreaded In-Laws!

The in-laws are a common source of grief for many couples. Warring families, demanding mother-in-laws, competing daughter-in-laws, cultural practices and silly traditions have ruined many a family.

Firstly brothers, understand that your wife is not obliged to live with your family, nor should she be put in a difficult position of having to take care of them. This is a cultural practice which has no basis in Islam. If you have brothers in your home then it is compulsory for you to provide your wife a home of her own so she does not have to do hijaab and can feel free to be herself.

It's important to remember that the duty of caring for the mother-in-law is not a requirement in Islam. The brothers should realise and understand that if their wife does help them, it is out of benevolence to them and is a reward for her. She should never be forced or made to feel guilty for not looking after them. It is your duty and not your wife's to care for your parents.

Secondly sisters, understand that for your husband, his family are very important and should be respected at all times. If for whatever reason you are living with them, live with them amicably. You should never be forced to do something that you don't want to, but also understand that if you are living within the family you will be expected to pull your weight. Treat the home as if it were your own and not as if it's a Hotel.

Here are some quick tips to avoid problems with the in-laws:

Don't spill your secrets to your family! This is one of the worst things you can do. If you have an argument with your spouse and go and tell your family, then your family will hold a grudge against your other half even when you have made up. Avoid this by never speaking ill of your spouse

If you are living with in-laws and they are very demanding you need to set very clear rules and boundaries with your spouse beforehand. In fact, this should ideally be discussed before the marriage takes place so that both parties are fully aware of what is expected and what will not be tolerated

A woman's first and foremost duty is always to her husband and her children. Brothers take note - your wife should not be running around your parents at the expense of your children. If your parents are old, consider hiring some help at home, as well as helping out yourself

Sisters always try and be on good terms with your husband's family, even if they are unkind to you. By respecting them, you are respecting your husband. Don't ever badmouth his family to him, as no man will tolerate anyone speaking ill about their family - especially their mothers!

If you really cannot get on with the in-laws, it is better to live apart and keep your contact polite and to the minimum. Sisters should not prevent their husbands from going to visit their families or cause unnecessary arguments about it

Brothers who have difficult in-laws – be polite and courteous at all times and understand that your wife's family is very important to her. They have raised her and she has been a part of their life until you came along. You have to give respect to get it, so if you want your wife to respect your family you must respect hers!

One of the best tips that we can share with you regarding in-laws who like to stir trouble is this: If an incident has taken place, then never ever tell your spouse what happened in private. Instead speak to your spouse very respectfully in front of your in-laws so they are aware of what you have said, and also your spouse will be aware of what really happened. Many a relationship has turned sour because things have been said or done in private and then denied or misunderstood. By keeping your spouse in the loop at all times, you avoid any problems going forward

Lastly, avoid large family gatherings when you know that they don't get on. If you really must go, spend as little time as possible, don't engage in any gossip and avoid any confrontation.

Conclusion

In this short report, we covered the seven key mistakes that every married couple should avoid. Your main concern should always be trying to understand your partner first and foremost. Every relationship no matter how great, will hit a rough patch at some point or the other. Most marriages fail when small things get out of hand and take place consistently over prolonged periods of time.

The most important thing is that you keep your lines of communication open and honest at all times. Although we've given you tips and tricks to help you overcome all of these problems, sometimes, with the best will in the world, it just isn't enough.

The truth of the matter is that every single relationship needs to be nurtured with love and respect at all times in order to make it work. It's important to understand a woman always needs love while a man always needs respect. No relationship can survive if these things are missing.

Ultimately though the test of a good relationship is how good it was to start with. If you picked someone who is right for you and who shares your same values and principles, then you are much more likely to have a successful marriage.

If however you chose someone who was completely incompatible, then unfortunately the likelihood is you will always struggle. The problem that we have as an ummah is that we are not visionaries. We  don’t  think  ahead or long-term. Many parents in particular do not think of the long-term benefits of choosing the right spouse or what effect this will have upon their children.

In fact many a broken relationship has started with bad decisions made on part of the family for their children, or indeed brothers or sisters who made bad choices themselves. Shaytaan loves to destroy the family unit because that's what holds the fabric of society together. Without this stronghold, Shaytaan wins and society falls apart.

But when you choose the right spouse who is righteous and of sound character, the long-term implications are amazing. A happy home is much more likely to produce happy children who are strong in their Deen and who can ultimately shape future generations.

As a final note, we would suggest to you that if you are not already married and are looking for the right person, then the best thing for you is to ensure that you choose someone strong upon the deen and who is very much compatible with you.

It's hard in this fast-paced modern world to find the right person. However, Allah SWT helps all of those who are sincere in their efforts to keep away from all that is haram and stick to halal.

If you're still struggling to find a practising one, then consider registering on a matrimonial website to help you find a good spouse. Please see the recommendations on the next page.

We wish you all the best and make sincere dua that Allah SWT makes it easy for you to find the right person and have a happy and successful marriage in this life and the next – ameen.

Jazakallah Khairan

Pure Matrimony

www.PureMatrimony.com

Recommendations for Helping You to Find the Right Spouse!

In this short report, you learnt the top ten mistakes people commonly make in their marriage and how to avoid them. We also mentioned that the majority of mistakes could be avoided in the first place by marrying the right person to begin with!

As  the  world’s  largest  matrimonial  website  exclusively  for  practising  Muslims, Pure Matrimony is for those who consider deen to be their most important criteria when finding a spouse.

Some of our unique features include:

Private profiles - Communication is encouraged based on Islamic values, personality and character rather than looks, therefore preventing  those  who  like  to  ‘window  shop’

Wali Support - Your wali can be included in all correspondence with other members in real time, so they are fully involved in the process if you want them to be

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Every Discussion Is Monitored and moderated to ensure the safety of our members

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Regular webinars and education is provided to our community on many marital and pre-marital issues – because we want you to prosper in this life and the next!

Register today and see if you can find your Pure Match at:

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Pure Matrimony – Where Practice Makes Perfect!

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“Women  of  purity  are  for  men  of  purity,  and  men of purity are for women of purity”

[Al Nur, 24:26]