willy wonka and the chocolate...

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WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY SFX **CANDY MAN** (Kids run from school to the Candy Shop.)1. BILL'S CANDY SHOP (Kids enter, yelling.) KIDS: (yelling) Sizzler! I want a Sizzler! BILL: All right, all right, all right, what's it going to be? A triple cream cup for Christopher . . . KIDS: (yelling) A Squelchy Snorter! BILL: A Squelchy Snorter for Otis . . . KID ONE: I want a Squelchy Snorter . . . BILL: A Sizzler for June Marie . . . KID TWO: C'mon, give me a Sizzler . . . BILL: And listen! Wonka's got a new one today. KIDS: What is it? BILL: This is called a Scrumdidilyumptious Bar. WINKELMANN: (mispronouncing) Scrumbibilyunctious Bar? How does he do it? BILL: My dear boy, do you ask a fish how it swims? WINKELMANN: No . . . BILL: Or a bird how it flies? WINKELMANN: No . . . BILL: No sirree, you don't! They do it because they were born to do it. Just like Willy Wonka was born to be a candy man, you look like you were born to be a Wonkarer. 2. ON THE STREET (Charlie has been watching through the window. He walks away, toward Mr. Jopeck's newsstand.) CHARLIE: Hi, Mr. Jopeck. JOPECK: Ah, come along, Charlie; you're late. CHARLIE: It's payday, Mr. Jopeck.

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  • WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY SFX **CANDY MAN**(Kids run from school to the Candy Shop.)1. BILL'S CANDY SHOP (Kids enter, yelling.) KIDS: (yelling) Sizzler! I want a Sizzler! BILL: All right, all right, all right, what's it going tobe? A triple cream cup for Christopher . . . KIDS: (yelling) A Squelchy Snorter! BILL: A Squelchy Snorter for Otis . . . KID ONE: I want a Squelchy Snorter . . . BILL: A Sizzler for June Marie . . . KID TWO: C'mon, give me a Sizzler . . . BILL: And listen! Wonka's got a new one today. KIDS: What is it? BILL: This is called a Scrumdidilyumptious Bar. WINKELMANN: (mispronouncing) Scrumbibilyunctious Bar? Howdoes he do it? BILL: My dear boy, do you ask a fish how it swims? WINKELMANN: No . . . BILL: Or a bird how it flies? WINKELMANN: No . . . BILL: No sirree, you don't! They do it because they wereborn to do it. Just like Willy Wonka was born to be a candyman, you look like you were born to be a Wonkarer. 2. ON THE STREET (Charlie has been watching through the window. Hewalks away, toward Mr. Jopeck's newsstand.) CHARLIE: Hi, Mr. Jopeck. JOPECK: Ah, come along, Charlie; you're late. CHARLIE: It's payday, Mr. Jopeck.

  • (1) JOPECK: You're right. (He pays Charlie.) There you are. CHARLIE: Thanks. JOPECK: Say hello to your Grandpa Joe. CHARLIE: Okay. (Charlie delivers the papers.) 3. WONKA'S FACTORY GATES SFX **EEREY MUSIC** (Charlie stands outside the gates looking at thefactory.) TINKER:Up the airy mountainDown the rushing glenWe dare not go a-huntingFor fear of little men. You see: Nobody ever goes in, . . . and nobody evercomes out! 4. BUCKETS' HOUSE GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Charlie's late. GRANDPA JOE: He works too hard for a little boy. He shouldhave some time to play. MRS. BUCKET: Not enough hours in the day. With the four ofyou bedridden for the past twenty years, it takes a lot ofwork to keep this family going. GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: If only his father were alive. GRANDPA JOE: Soon as I get my strength back, I'm gonna getout of this bed and help him. MRS. BUCKET: Dad, in all the years you've been saying you'regoing to get out of that bed, I've yet to see you set footon the floor. GRANDPA JOE: Well . . . maybe if the floor wasn't so cold. (Charlie enters.) CHARLIE: Hi, everybody! GRANDPA JOE: Wake up! GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Wake up! GRANDPA JOE: Wake up; Charlie's home!

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    CHARLIE: Grandpa George. (He kisses him.) GrandmaGeorgina. (Kisses her.) Grandma Josephine. (Kisses her.)Grandpa Joe. (Kisses him. Looks at Joe's bowl of cabbagewater.) Is this your supper, Grandpa? GRANDPA JOE: Well, it's yours too, Charlie. CHARLIE: I'm fed up with cabbage water. It's not enough! GRANDMA GEORGINA: Charlie! GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: It's all we have. GRANDPA JOE: What are you saying? CHARLIE: How about this? (Produces a loaf of bread.) MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, where'd you get that? GRANDPA JOE: What difference does it make where he got it?Point is: he got it. CHARLIE: It's my first payday. MRS. BUCKET: Good for you, Charlie. We'll have a realbanquet. CHARLIE: Mom . . .? Here's what's left. You keep it.Except for this. From now on, I'm going to pay for yourtobacco. GRANDPA JOE: No one's going to pay for it, Charlie. I'mgiving it up. MRS. BUCKET: Come on, Dad, it's only one pipe a day. GRANDPA JOE: When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet, I'veno right buying tobacco. CHARLIE: Go on, Grandpa. Please take it. (Grandpa Joe reluctantly accepts) CHARLIE: After I finished my paper route, I was in front ofWonka's. There was this strange man there. I think he wasa tinker. He was standing right behind me, looking up atthe factory. Just before he left he said, "Nobody ever goesin, and nobody ever comes out." GRANDPA JOE: And right he was, Charlie. Not since thetragic day that Willy Wonka locked it. CHARLIE: Why'd he lock it? GRANDPA JOE: Because all the other chocolate makers in theworld were sending in spies--dressed as workers!--to stealMr. Wonka's secret recipes. Especially Slugworth . . . oh,that Slugworth, he was the worst! Finally Mr. Wonka

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    shouted, "I shall be ruined! Close the factory!" Andthat's just what he did. He locked the gates and vanishedcompletely. And then suddenly, about three years later, themost amazing thing happened. The factory started workingagain, full blast! And more delicious candies were comingout than ever before. But the gates stayed locked so thatno one, not even Mr. Slugworth, could steal them. CHARLIE: But Grandpa, someone must be helping Mr. Wonka workthe factory. GRANDPA JOE: Thousands must be helping him. CHARLIE: But who? Who are they? GRANDPA JOE: That is the biggest mystery of them all. 5. SCHOOL SFX **SCHOOL BELL** MR. TURKENTINE: Charlie Bucket. CHARLIE: Yes, Mr. Turkentine? MR. TURKENTINE: I shall need an assistant. Come and give mea hand.(Charlie joins him at the front.)We have here nitric acid, glycerin, and a special mixture ofmy own. Together it's horrible, dangerous stuff; blows youup. But mixed together in the right way, as only I knowhow, what do you think it makes? CHARLIE: I don't know, sir. MR. TURKENTINE: Of course you don't know. You don't knowbecause only I know. If you knew and I didn't know, thenyou'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you. And for astudent to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude. DoI make myself clear? CHARLIE: Yes, sir. (The students laugh.) MR. TURKENTINE: Good. Now, mixed together in the right way,these three highly dangerous ingredients make the finestwart remover in the world. The trick is to pour them in inequal amounts. Now, Charlie, you take the nitric acid andthe glycerin, and I'll take my own special mixture. Youready? Good lad: pour. (They pour; silence.....long pause) CHARLIE: Did we do it wrong? MR. TURKENTINE: No, certainly not; this is for very bigwarts. (Commotion in the hall.)

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    KID ONE: I'm gonna get there first. Get out of myway. MR. TURKENTINE: Now what's going on? KID TWO: I hope there's still some left. MR. TURKENTINE: You, Winkelmann, come here. What'shappening? WINKELMANN: Willy Wonka's opening his factory; he's gonnalet people in. MR. TURKENTINE: Are you sure? WINKELMANN: It's on the radio. And he's giving truckloadsof chocolate away. MR. TURKENTINE: Class dismissed! WINKELMANN: No, no, it's only for five people. MR. TURKENTINE: Class un-dismissed. WINKELMANN: He's hidden five Golden Tickets, and the peoplewho find them will win the big prize. MR. TURKENTINE: Where's he hidden the tickets? WINKELMANN: Inside five Wonka Bars! You gotta buy WonkaBars to find 'em! MR. TURKENTINE: Class re-dismissed! KID THREE: I'll meet you downstairs. KID FOUR: I'm gonna buy the whole store! (Commotion continues; kids saying, "I'm gonna . . ."fades into the general wash of noise.) 6. NEWSROOM TV NEWSMAN: And now, details on the sudden announcement thathas captured the attention of entire world. Hidden amongthe countless billions of Wonka Bars are five gold tickets.And to the five people who find them will come the mostfabulous prize one could wish for: a lifetime supply ofchocolate. And as if this were notenough, each winner before he receives his prize will bepersonally escorted through the top secret chocolate factory. . . 7. BUCKETS' HOUSE (All watching newsman on TV) GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: They're all crazy!

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    GRANDPA JOE: Sssshhh! The man's a genius! He'll sell a million bars. TV NEWSMAN: (continuous) . . . by the mythical Willy Wonkahimself. The amount of chocolate involved in thiscompetition has relighted the imagination to incitecandy eaters and all citizens around the world. CHARLIE: Grandpa, do you think I've got a chance to find one? GRANDPA JOE: One? I'm counting on you to find all five! CHARLIE: One's enough for me. 8. NEWSROOM TV NEWSMAN: We began with five Golden Tickets like five luckybolts of lightning ready to strike without notice at anypoint on the map. No one knew where, no one knew when thefirst one would hit. But as you all know, last night we gotour answer. While we slept, the first golden ticket was foundin the small town of Duselheim, Germany.We are now joining with the lucky boy Augustus Gloop and his mother.Augustus, how does it make you feel to be thefirst Golden Ticket finder? AUGUSTUS: Hungry. TV NEWSMAN: Any other feelings? AUGUSTUS: Feel sorry for Wonka. It's gonna cost him afortune in fudge. TV NEWSMAN: Mrs. Gloop, would you care to say a fewwords to the television audience? MRS. GLOOP: I just knew Augustus would find a Golden Ticket.Eating is his hobby, you know. I encourage him. Hewouldn't do it unless he needed the nourishment, would he?Anyway, it's all vitamins. (SFX **EEREY MUSIC** As Mrs. Gloop speaks, a strange man [Slugworth]whispers into Augustus' ear.) 9. BUCKETS' HOUSE ALL: Happy Birthday, Charlie! GRANDPA JOE: Happy Birthday. MRS. BUCKET: Here you are, Charlie. CHARLIE: Thank you. (Opens the present; it's a long redscarf.) It's terrific. MRS. BUCKET: We each knitted a bit: Grandma Georgina,Grandma Josephine, and me.

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    GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: I did the end pieces with the littletassels. GRANDPA JOE: And here's a little gift from Grandpa Georgeand me. CHARLIE: I think I know what this is. (Opens the gift; it'sa Wonka bar.) It is: a Wonka. GRANDPA JOE: Open it, Charlie. Let's see that GoldenTicket. CHARLIE: Wouldn't that be fantastic? MRS. BUCKET: It's not fair to raise his hopes. GRANDPA JOE: Never mind. Go on, open it, Charlie. I wantto see that gold. MRS. BUCKET: Stop it, Dad. CHARLIE: I've got the same chance as anybody else, haven'tI? GRANDPA JOE: You've got more, Charlie, because you want itmore. Go on, open it. CHARLIE: Here goes. (He turns his back to them and opensit.) I got it! GRANDPA JOE: Where? Where? GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Let's see! CHARLIE: Fooled you, didn't I. You thought I really had it. GRANDPA JOE: Never mind, Charlie. You'll find one. CHARLIE: Here, everybody have a bite. GRANDPA JOE: No no no, you eat it. GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Certainly not. GRANDMA GEORGINA: No no no no no. 10. SALT'S FACTORY VERUCA: I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket,Daddy. MR. SALT: I know, Angel. We're doing the best we can. I'vegot every girl on the bleeding staff hunting for you. VERUCA: All right, where is it? Why haven't they found it? MR. SALT: Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not a magician! Give metime!

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    VERUCA: I want it now! What's the matter with those twerpsdown there? MR. SALT: For five days now the entire flipping factory'sbeen on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in theresince Monday. They've been shelling flaming chocolate barsfrom dawn to dusk. VERUCA: Make 'em work nights. MR. SALT: (shouting down the stairs) Come along, come along,you girls, put a jack in it or you'll be out on your ears,every one of you! And listen to this: the first girl thatfinds a Golden Ticket gets a one pound bonus in her paypacket! What do you think of that? (The women scream and begin unwrapping more furiously.) VERUCA: They're not even trying. They don't want to findit. They're jealous of me. MR. SALT: Sweetheart, I can't push 'em no harder. Nineteenthousand bars an hour they're shelling. Seven hundred andsixty thousand they've done so far. VERUCA: You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have it thevery first day! MRS. SALT: You're going to be very unpopular around here,Henry, if you don't deliver soon. MR. SALT: It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see herunhappy. VERUCA: I won't talk to you ever again. You're a rotten,mean father. You never give me anything I want. And Iwon't go to school 'til I have it. MR. SALT: Veruca, sweetheart, angel . . . Now. There areonly four tickets left in the whole world, and the wholeruddy world's hunting for them. What can I do? WORKER: I got it! I got it, Mr. Salt, here it is! VERUCA: It's about time too! I want it! VERUCA: Give me that ticket! It's mine! I've found aGolden Ticket! (SFX **EEREY MUSIC** Slugworth whispers in Veruca's ear.) MR. SALT: Thank God for that. MRS. SALT: Aye. Happiness is what counts with children.Happiness and harmony.

  • (8) 11. MILES CITY, MONTANA MONTANA REPORTER: And it can happen right here too,unbelievable as it sounds, right here in America. Whereeven in the smallest town, the happiest of dreams can cometrue. Because folks, here she is, Miss Violet Beauregarde,finder of Wonka's Golden Ticket Number Three, from MilesCity, Montana. And with her, the proud parents: Mr.Beauregarde, a prominent local politician, a great civicleader, a philosopher-- MR. BEAUREGARDE: (grabs microphone) Hi, folks, SamBeauregarde here, Square Deal Sam to you, with all oftoday's great giveaway bargains. The finest values you'llget anywhere in the entire country. Now this little numberright here's a four door sedan . . . VIOLET: (on "number") Come on, Dad, they don't want you! MONTANA REPORTER: (to Mr. Beauregarde) Thank you, sir.Violet, would you care to say a few words to the nation. VIOLET: Sure I will. Here it is, Golden Ticket NumberThree, and it's all mine. MONTANA REPORTER: Tell us how it happened, Violet. VIOLET: Well I'm a gum-chewer, normally, but when I heardabout these ticket things of Wonka's I laid off the gum andswitched to candy bars instead. Now, of course, I'm rightback on gum. I chew it all day except at meal times when Istick it behind my ear. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet . . . VIOLET: Cool it. Now this piece of gum here is onethat I've been chewing on for three months solid, and that'sa world record! It's beaten the record held by my bestfriend Miss Cornelia Prinzmetel, and was she mad! Hi,Cornelia, how are you sweetie? (SFX **EEREY MUSIC** Slugworth whispers in Violet's ear.) MR. BEAUREGARDE: Let me just butt in here for a moment tosay that if any of you folks watching are dissatisfied withyour . . . MONTANA REPORTER: Mister . . . just a minute . . . thisisn't . . . 12. LAUNDERER MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, what are you doing here? CHARLIE: I thought if you were ready, I'd walk you home. MRS. BUCKET: I wish I were, but it looks like I'm gonna behere late tonight.

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    CHARLIE: Oh, well, then I guess I'll be going. MRS. BUCKET: Well why don't you stay a minute? Here, pullup a pile of clothes and sit down. Everything all right atschool? CHARLIE: Yep. MRS. BUCKET: Good. Go on your newspaper route today? CHARLIE: Just finished. MRS. BUCKET: Good. CHARLIE: I wanted to tell you something. MRS. BUCKET: Oh? CHARLIE: They found the third ticket today. MRS. BUCKET: Did they? CHARLIE: Yeah. Well . . . guess I'll be going now. MRS. BUCKET: Is that all? CHARLIE: Well I thought you'd like to know. Most people arepretty interested. I know I'm interested. There are onlytwo tickets left you know. Just two. Pretty soon just one. MRS. BUCKET: I wonder who the lucky ones will be. CHARLIE: Well in case you're wondering if it'll be me, itwon't be. Just in case you're wondering, you can count meout. MRS. BUCKET: Charlie . . . there are a hundred billionpeople in this world, and only five of them will find GoldenTickets. Even if you had a sackful of money you probablywouldn't find one. And after this contest is over, you'llbe no different from the billions of others who didn't findone. CHARLIE: But I am different. I want it more than any ofthem. MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, you'll get your chance. One daythings will change. CHARLIE: When? When will they change? MRS. BUCKET: Probably when you least expect it Charlie. See youlater.

  • (10) 13. MARBLE FALLS, ARIZONA ARIZONA REPORTER: While the rest of the world goes onsearching, here in the Southwest it has actually happened.That's what I said, friends. There's only one Golden Ticketleft in the entire world because right here in our owncommunity of Marble Falls, Arizona, is lucky winner numberfour. Now, the name soon to be heard around the universe isMr. Mike Teevee. Hey, Mike, do you think we might shut thatthing off? MIKE: No, are you crazy? MRS. TEEVEE: He won't answer 'til the station break. ARIZONA REPORTER: Mike, the country wants to hear from you;the world is waiting-- MIKE: Can't you shut up? I'm busy. Boy, what a great show. MRS. TEEVEE: I serve all his TV dinners right here. He'snever even been to the table. TV NEWSMAN: You love to watch TV, Mike? MIKE: You bet. MONTANA REPORTER: What about that Golden Ticket, Mike? That'swhat we all came to hear-- MIKE: Hold it! I wanna catch this. TV NEWSMAN: You like the killings, huh? MIKE: What do you think life's all about? ARIZONA REPORTER: Mike, would you tell us-- MIKE: (shoots his cap gun) Wait 'til I get a real one.Colt .45. Pop won't let me have one yet, will you, Pop. MR. TEEVEE: Not 'til you're twelve, son. (SFX **EEREY MUSIC** Slugworth whispers in Mike's ear.) ARIZONA REPORTER: Four down, and one to go. And somewhere outthere, another lucky person is moving closer and closer tofinding the last of the most sought after prizes in history.Though we cannot help but envy him, whoever he is, and wemight be tempted to be bitter in our losing, we mustremember there are many more important things--many moreimportant things. Offhand I can't think of what they are,but I'm sure there must be something. And now over to the weather... 14. BUCKETS' HOUSE CHARLIE: Why'd you wake me up, Grandpa? Is something wrong?(Grandpa pulls out a Wonka bar.) Grandpa, that money wasfor tobacco.

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    GRANDPA JOE: I told you, Charlie, I've given it up. Go on,open it. One ticket left. Now let's see some of that gold. CHARLIE: No, you do it. I can't. GRANDPA JOE: Something tells me we're gonna be lucky thistime. I've got a funny feeling inside. Which end shall Iopen first? CHARLIE: That end. Just a tiny bit. GRANDPA JOE: Like this? CHARLIE: Now a bit more. GRANDPA JOE: You finish it; I can't. CHARLIE: No, Grandpa, you do it. GRANDPA JOE: All right, here goes. (He opens the wrapper.) CHARLIE: You know . . . I bet those Golden Tickets make thechocolate taste terrible. (They hug.) 15. CURTIS HOME DETECTIVE: I'm sorry, Mrs. Curtis. Doesn't seem to beanything in his papers to give us a clue. MRS. CURTIS: They kidnapped my husband twelve hours ago.When are we going to hear from them? What do they want? DETECTIVE: Try to stay calm. They did it for ransom. Allwe can do is wait to hear their demands. MRS. CURTIS: I'll give them anything, anything they want!All I want is to have Harold back! (SFX **PHONE** The phone rings.) DETECTIVE: (on phone) Go ahead, we're listening. Uh huh.Uh huh. MRS. CURTIS: What did they ask for? Whatever it is, theycan have it. DETECTIVE: They want your case of Wonka Bars. (PAUSE) Mrs. Curtis,did you hear me? It's your husband's life or your case ofWonka Bars. MRS. CURTIS: How long will they give me to think it over? 16. NEWSROOM TV NEWSMAN: That's it, that's it! It's all over! The WonkaContest is all over! The fifth and final ticket has beenfound the end has come. The fifth and last Golden Ticket has just

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    been found in Paraguay. The finder is luckyAlberto Minoleta, the multimillionaire owner of gamblingcasinos throughout South America. 17. BUCKETS' HOUSE GRANDPA JOE: Turn it off. Well, that's that. Nomore Golden Tickets. GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: A lot of rubbish, the whole thing. GRANDPA JOE: Not to Charlie it wasn't. A little boy's gotto have something in this world to hope for. What's he gotto hope for now? GRANDMA GEORGINA: Who's going to tell him? MRS. BUCKET: Let's not wake him. He'll find out soonenough. GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, let him sleep. Let him have one lastdream. 18. ON THE STREET (Charlie finds a coin in a sewer grate and digs itout.) 19. BILL'S CANDY SHOP CHARLIE: (clears his throat) BILL: Hi. CHARLIE: I'd like a bar of chocolate please. BILL: Yeah, sure. What kind? A Slugworth Sizzler? A WonkaScrumdidilyumptious? CHARLIE: Whichever's the biggest. BILL: Try a Scrumdidilyumptious. Now that all the ticketshave been found, I don't have to hide them anymore. (Clearshis throat and holds out his hand. Charlie pays.) Hey,hey, hey, take it easy. You'll get a stomach ache if youswallow it like that. CHARLIE: Bye. BILL: Bye now. (Charlie starts to walk off then turns back) CHARLIE: I think I'll buy just one more, for my Grandpa Joe. BILL: Sure. Why not try a regular Wonka Bar this time? CHARLIE: Fine.

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    20. ON THE STREET JOPECK :Extra, extra! Read all about it! Hear thelatest news! Get your papers here! MAN #1: What's going on? JOPECK: Hear about the scandal. MAN #2: Look at this. MAN #3: Which one? MAN #4: Here, let me see. JOPECK: Extra, extra! Hear about the scandal. MAN #5: Gimme a newspaper. JOPECK: All right, all right, take it easy. One at a time. MAN #6: Who's the one that did it? MAN #2: Did you hear the news? JOPECK: (continues through next lines) All right, allright, just a moment . . . wait your turn . . . give me achance . . . MAN #2: That gambler from Paraguay made up a phonyticket. MAN #1: That means there's one Golden Ticket stillfloating around somewhere. MAN #2: Can you imagine the nerve of that guy,trying to fool the whole world? MAN #1: Aw, he really was a crook! Well this means thecontest goes on forever. Wonder where they'll find the nextone. JOPECK: Take it easy, take it easy, one at a time. (Charlie opens his Wonka Bar; there is the GoldenTicket! SFX **GOLD**) WOMAN #1: Hey, you've got it! You've got the last GoldenTicket! The kid's found the last Golden Ticket! Hold itup, sonny, so we can see! MAN #1: Hey, let me see it! MAN #2: It really is gold! JOPECK: Stand back there. Leave the boy alone! MAN #3: Hey, kid, come over here.

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    MAN #4: Let me see it! Did you see what he's got? JOPECK: You're going to kill him! Leave him alone! Breakit up. MAN #5: Let me see it! Over here, show it over here! MAN #6: It really is gold! MAN #1: I wanna see it. Hey, kid . . . JOPECK: Come on, Charlie! Hold on to that ticket! Run forit, Charlie! Run straight home and don't stop 'til you getthere! (Charlie starts running home Slughworth steps into Charlie's path.) SLUGWORTH: I congratulate you, little boy. Well done. Youfound the fifth Golden Ticket. May I introduce myself.Arthur Slugworth, President of Slugworth Chocolates,Incorporated. Now listen carefully because I'm going tomake you very rich indeed. Mr. Wonka is at this momentworking on a fantastic invention: the EverlastingGobstopper. If he succeeds, he'll ruin me. So all I wantyou to do is to get hold of just one Everlasting Gobstopperand bring it to me so that I can find the secret formula.Your reward will be ten thousand of these. (He flipsthrough a stack of money.) Think it over, will you. A newhouse for your family, and good food and comfort for therest of their lives. And don't forget the name: EverlastingGobstopper. 21. BUCKETS' HOUSE CHARLIE: Look, everyone, look, I've got it! The fifthGolden Ticket is mine! GRANDPA JOE: You're pulling our legs, Charlie! There aren'tany more Golden Tickets. CHARLIE: No, Grandpa, the last one was a fake; it said so inthe papers. I found some money in the street, and I boughta Wonka Bar, and the ticket was in it. MRS. BUCKET: Charlie! CHARLIE: Look at it, Grandpa, see for yourself! GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Read it, Joe, for heaven's sake! GRANDPA JOE: "Greetings to you, the lucky finder of thisGolden Ticket, from Mr. Willy Wonka. Present this ticket atthe factory gates at ten o'clock in the morning of the firstday of October, and do not be late. You may bring with youone member of your own family but no one else. In yourwildest dreams you could not imagine the marvelous surprisesthat await you!" Charlie, you've done it! MRS. BUCKET: I can't believe it!

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    CHARLIE: Grandpa? It says I can take somebody with me. Iwish you could go. GRANDPA JOE: (struggling to get out of bed) Charlie.(Charlie helps him.) Ah, that's good. Now help me up. (Hestands, then falls back on the bed) Oh! CHARLIE: Are you okay? GRANDPA JOE: Oh yeah, I'm fine, Charlie. (He stands up andstumbles.) GRANDMA GEORGINA: (screams) MRS. BUCKET: Easy, Dad. GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Joe! Watch it, Joe! GRANDPA JOE: Look at me! Look at me! Up and about . . . Ihaven't done this in twenty years. CHARLIE: Grandpa! MRS. BUCKET: It says the first of October; that'stomorrow! GRANDPA JOE: Jumping Crocodiles, Charlie! We've got a lotto do. Comb your hair, wash your face, polish your shoes,and brush your-- MRS. BUCKET: I'll take care of everything, Dad. GRANDPA JOE: We don't have too much time. 22. WONKA'S FACTORY GATES LOCAL REPORTER: Well, this is it folks. This is the bigday, the historic day on which Willy Wonka has promised toopen his gates and shower gifts on the five lucky winners.From all over the globe, people are gathering here waitingfor the hour to strike, waiting to catch a glimpse of thatlegendary magician Mr. Willy Wonka. (Cut to:)MR. BEUAREGARDE: Hi, friends. Sam Beauregarde here. Thenext time you're in Miles City, Montana, don't forget tovisit Beauregarde's AutoMart . . . VIOLET: (on "Beauregarde's") Cut it out, Dad; for heaven'ssake, this is my show! Hi, Cornelia sweetie, I've still gotit. VERUCA: I want to go in first before anybody else. MR. SALT: Anything you say, sweetheart.

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    MRS. GLOOP: (taking food away from Augustus) Save some roomfor later, Augustus liebling [darling]. CHARLIE: Grandpa? GRANDPA JOE: Mmm? CHARLIE: I don't believe it. We did it; we're actuallygoing in. GRANDPA JOE: We're going to see the greatest of them all:Mr. Willy Wonka! (SFX **BELL CHIME** The clock strikes ten. Willy Wonka emerges; the crowd cheers until they see he is limping with a cane. At the end of the red carpet, he sticks the cane in the stones and performs an acrobatic somersault. The crowd applauds.) WONKA: Thank you. Thank you. Welcome, my friends. Welcometo my chocolate factory. (to the ticket holders) Would youcome forward please? MR. SALT: Veruca first! Get back, you! Come on, Verucasweetheart! (Slugworth gives the thumbs up to Charlie.) CHARLIE: That's Slugworth! WONKA: Welcome. It's nice to have you here. I'm so gladyou could come. This is going to be such an exciting day.I hope you enjoy it. I think you will. And now would youplease show me your Golden Tickets. VERUCA: I'm Veruca Salt. WONKA: My dear Veruca, what a pleasure. And how pretty youlook in that lovely mink coat. VERUCA: I've got three others at home. WONKA: And Mr. Salt, overjoyed to see you, sir. Would youjust step over there for a minute. AUGUSTUS: Augustus Gloop. WONKA: Augustus, my dear boy, how good to see you--and insuch fine shape. And this must be the radiant Mrs. Gloop.Just over there, dear lady. VIOLET: Violet Beauregarde. WONKA: Darling child, welcome to Wonka's. VIOLET: What kind of gum you got here? WONKA: Charming, charming! MR. BEAUREGARDE: Sam Beauregarde here, Mr. Wonka.

  • (17)

    WONKA: My dear sir, what a genuine pleasure. MR. BEAUREGARDE: If ever you need anything in the automotiveline, just call on Sam B, phone number's on the card. WithSam B, it's a guarantee. MIKE: I'm Mike Teevee. WONKA: Mike . . . MIKE: Wham! (He pulls his gun.) You're dead! WONKA: Wonderful to meet you, Mike. And Mrs. Teevee, how doyou do? What an adorable little boy you have. MRS. TEEVEE: Thank you. WONKA: Just over there. CHARLIE: Charlie Bucket. WONKA: Well, well, Charlie Bucket, I read all about you inthe papers. I'm so happy for you. And who is thisgentleman? CHARLIE: My grandfather, Grandpa Joe. WONKA: Delighted to meet you, sir. Overjoyed, enraptured,Entranced. VIOLET: When do I get my chocolate? WONKA: Little surprises around every corner but nothingdangerous. Don't be alarmed. And as soon as your outervestments are in hand, we'll begin. Now one for each of the children. MR. SALT: (mutters through his teeth, reading, then:)Floods, fire, frost, or frippery? MIKE: Accidents? What kind of accidents? MR. BEAUREGARDE: . . . Labor unions? . . . (Returns tomuttering.) MRS. TEEVEE) I didn't know we had to sign anything for thistour. MR. BEAUREGARDE: . . . in trying to determine . . .(mutters) VIOLET: I can't see what it says in the bottom. WONKA: Violet? You first. Sign here. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hold it! Violet, baby, don't you sign anything there. What's this all about? WONKA: Standard form of contract.

  • (18)

    MR. BEAUREGARDE: Don't talk to me about contracts, Wonka; Iuse 'em myself. They're strictly for suckers. WONKA: Yes, but you wouldn't begrudge me a littleprotection. A drop. MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't sign anything without my lawyer. MR. SALT: My Veruca don't sign anything either. WONKA: Then she don't go in. I'm sorry, rules of the house. VERUCA: I want to go in. Don't you dare stop me. MR. SALT: I'm only trying to help you, sweetheart. VERUCA: (to Violet) Gimme that pen. (to Mr. Salt) You'realways making things difficult. WONKA: Nicely handled, Veruca. She's a girl who knows whereshe's going. Violet . . .? MR. BEAUREGARDE: Wait a minute, what's all that small printthere at the bottom? WONKA: Oh, if you have any problems, dial information, thankyou for calling. Mike? Augustus? MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet. Violet! MRS. TEEVEE: I assume there's an accident indemnity clause. WONKA: Never between friends. MIKE: Saw this in a movie once. Guy signed his wife'sinsurance policy. Then he bumped her off. WONKA: Clever. CHARLIE: What about me, Grandpa? GRANDPA JOE: Sign away, Charlie; we got nothing to lose. VERUCA: Let's go in; come on! WONKA: Patience, patience, little dear. Everything has tobe in order. Everyone's signed? Yes. Good. On we go! MR. SALT: Uh, Wonka, there's some mistake here . . . MIKE: There is no door. WONKA: Well I know there's a door here someplace. (lights go out) MRS. GLOOP: (screams)

  • (19)

    MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't like this, Wonka; I don't like itat all! MR. SALT: Is this a trick or something, Wonka? VERUCA: Let me out or I'll scream! MRS. TEEVEE: Somebody's touching me. MR. SALT: Now look here, Wonka . . . WONKA: Excuse me, question time will come at the end of thesession. We must press on. Come along . . . come along . .. Ah, here we are. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Oh, don't be a darn fool, Wonka; its pitch black WONKA: It is? Are you sure? Huh. How do you like that? MR. SALT: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of fun house? WONKA: Why, having fun? MRS. TEEVEE: I've had enough. MR. BEAUREGADE: Come on, Violet, we're getting out of here. MIKE: Where's the chocolate? MR. BEAUREGARDE: I doubt if there is any. MR. SALT: I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive. WONKA: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sureabout. My dear friends, you are now about to enter the nervecenter of the entire Wonka Factory. Inside this room, allof my dreams become realities. And some of my realitiesbecome dreams. And almost everything you will see iseatible. Edible. I mean, you can eat almost everything. AUGUSTUS: Let me in, I'm starving! WONKA: Now, don't get overexcited! Don't lose your head,Augustus! We wouldn't want anyone to lose that! WONKA: Ladies and gentlemen . . . boys and girls . . . 23. THE CHOCOLATE ROOM WONKA: (curtains open lots of oohs & ahhs) The chocolate room. Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three. SFX **MY BOY LOLLIPOP** GRANDPA JOE: Jumping Crocodiles, Charlie! Now we know whomakes the chocolate.

  • (20)

    MR. SALT: I never saw anybody with an orange face before.Funny-looking people, aren't they, Wonka? MRS. TEEVEE: What are they doing there? WONKA: It must be creaming and sugaring time. VIOLET: Well they can't be real people. WONKA: Well of course they're real people. MR. SALT: Stuff and nonsense. WONKA: No, Oompa Loompas. THE GROUP: Oompa Loompas?!? WONKA: From Loompaland. MRS. TEEVEE: Loompaland? There's no such place. WONKA: Excuse me, dear lady . . . MRS. TEEVEE: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography. WONKA: Oh, well then you know all about it and what aterrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes andfierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were sosmall and helpless, they would get gobbled up right andleft. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast andthink nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with mein peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles andHornswogglers and Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious Knids." MR. SALT: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind ofrubbish is that? WONKA: I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted inwriting. And so, in the greatest of secrecy I transportedthe entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here. VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want you toget me an Oompa Loompa right away. MR. SALT: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you onebefore the day is out. VERUCA: I want an Oompa Loompa now! VIOLET: Can it, you nit! MRS. GLOOP: What a disgusting, dirty river. MR. SALT: It's industrial waste, that. You've ruined yourwatershed, Wonka. It's polluted. WONKA: It's chocolate. VERUCA: That's chocolate?!?

  • (21)

    CHARLIE: That's chocolate. VIOLET: A chocolate river. GRANDPA JOE: That's the most fantastic thing I've ever seen. WONKA: Ten thousand gallons an hour. And look at mywaterfall. That's the most important thing. It's mixing mychocolate. It's actually churning my chocolate. You know,no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate bywaterfall. (to Mr. Salt) But it's the only way if you wantit just right . . . AUGUSTUS: Mmmmm . . . this stuff is terrific. CHARLIE: Grandpa, look at Augustus. GRANDPA JOE: Don't worry, he can't drink it all. MRS. GLOOP: Augustus, sweetheart, save some room for later. WONKA: Oh, uh, Augustus, please, don't do that. Mychocolate must never be touched by human hands. Plea--don'tdo that! Don't do that; you're contaminating my entireriver. Please, I beg you, Augustus! (Augustus falls in; Mrs. Gloop and others scream.) MIKE: Man overboard. WONKA: My chocolate! AUGUSTUS: Help! WONKA: My chocolate! My beautiful chocolate. AUGUSTUS: Help! MRS. GLOOP: Don't just stand there; do something! WONKA: Help. Police. Murder. GRANDPA JOE: Quick, Charlie, here! CHARLIE: Quick, Augustus, grab this! (Augustus tries to grab the huge lollipop Charlieoffers, but he sinks below the water.) MRS. TEEVEE: What--what's happening to him? MR. SALT: It looks like he's drowning. MRS. GLOOP: Dive in! Save him! WONKA: Oh, it's too late. MRS. GLOOP: Too late?

  • (22)

    WONKA: Oh, he's had it now; the suction's got him. MR. SALT: What suction? MRS. GLOOP: Augustus, come back. Where is he? VERUCA: How long is he going to stay down, Daddy? MRS. GLOOP: He can't swim. WONKA: There's no better time to learn. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Call a plumber. GRANDPA JOE: Well, what happens now? WONKA: Oh, the pressure'll get him out. Terrific pressureis building up behind the blockage. (Commotion.) MR. SALT: I wonder how long it's gonna take him to pushthrough. WONKA: The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last. MRS. GLOOP: This is terrible. CHARLIE: He'll never get out! Mrs. Gloop: He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds! WONKA: Impossible, my dear lady, that's absurd!Unthinkable! MRS. GLOOP: Why? WONKA: Because that doesn't go to the marshmallow room;it goes to the fudge room. MRS. GLOOP: You terrible man. SFX **WHISTLE** (Wonka plays a short tune on the pipe whistle; an OompaLoompa comes over.) WONKA: Take Mrs. Gloop straight to the fudge room, but looksharp! Or her little boy is liable to get poured into theboiler. MRS. GLOOP: You've boiled him up, I know it! WONKA: Nihil desperandum [Nothing to despair], dear lady.Across the desert lies the promised land. Goodbye, Mrs.Gloop. Adieu! Auf wiedersehen! Gesundheit. Farewell.

  • (23) OOMPA LOOMPAS:OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOOI'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOUOOMPA LOOMPA, DOOMPADAH DEEIF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN ME WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN SWEETSEATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATSWHAT ARE YOU AT GETTING TERRIBLY FATWHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THATI DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAHIF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FARYOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOOLIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DODOOMPADEE DOO MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hey, what kind of place you running hereanyhow, Wonka? WONKA: Uhhhh . . . mesdames et messieurs, maintenant nousallons faire grand petit voyage par bateau. [Ladies andGentlemen, now we are going for a great little boat trip.] MR. SALT: What's he talking about? WONKA: Voulez-vous entrer le Wonkatania? [Do you want tocome on the Wonkatania?] (The Wonkatania floats down the river.) CHARLIE: Wow, what a boat. GRANDPA JOE: Ohhhh, looks good enough to eat. MR. SALT: That's quite a nice little canoe you've got there,Wonka. WONKA: All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by.All aboard, everybody. MR. SALT: Uh, ladies first, and that means Veruca. GRANDPA JOE: If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid. MR. SALT: You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka? WONKA: With your buoyancy, sir, rest assured. MRS. TEEVEE: She's tres joli [very pretty], but is sheseaworthy? WONKA: Nothing to worry about, my dear lady. I take goodcare of my guests. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, you took real good care of thatAugust kid over there, that's for sure.

  • (24)

    WONKA: Everybody aboard? You're going to love this. Justlove it. SFX **WONDEROUS BOAT RIDE** (The boat begins to sail.) VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want a boat like this. A beautifulpaddle boat, that's what I want. GRANDPA JOE: What she wants is a good kick in the pants. MRS. TEEVEE: I think I'm gonna be seasick. WONKA: Here, try one of these. MRS. TEEVEE: What are they? WONKA: Rainbow drops. Suck 'em and you can spit in sevendifferent colors. VIOLET: (picking her nose) Spitting's a dirty habit. WONKA: I know a worse one. MR. BEAUREGARDE: What business you in, Salt? MR. SALT: Nuts. (The boat heads into the tunnel.) MR. SALT: Hang on, where are we going? MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't know, but I don't like the looks ofthat tunnel up there. Hey, Wonka, I want off! WONKA: 'Round the world and home again, that's the sailor'sway! 24. THE TUNNEL VERUCA: I don't like this ride, Daddy. WONKA: Faster! MR. SALT: Wonka, do me a favor? Tell those people to stoppaddling back there. WONKA: Faster! MRS. TEEVEE: We're going too fast! WONKA: Faster! Faster! VIOLET: We're gonna sink, I know it! VERUCA: Why doesn't he stop the boat? WONKA: Faster!

  • (25)

    MR. SALT: Hang on, darling! Just close your eyes and hangon tight! MIKE: What's happening? WONKA: Faster! VIOLET: What is this, a freak-out? MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hey, this isn't funny, Wonka! MR. SALT: You can't possibly see where you're going, Wonka! WONKA: You're right. I can't. MIKE: Boy, what a great series this would make. MR. SALT: Wonka . . . CHARLIE: This is kind of strange . . . GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, strange, Charlie, but it's fun! Ha ha! MIKE: This is terrific! MRS. TEEVEE: Ugghhhhhh . . . MR. SALT: How much to get off the boat, Wonka? MRS. TEEVEE: Ugghhh . . . I think I'm gonna be sick. MR. SALT: I can take a joke, but this has gone too far. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Tell that little guy to turn us around,Wonka! MRS. TEEVEE: Aaaaaaa! Now I am gonna be sick! VERUCA: Save me, Daddy! CHARLIE: (reacting when Slugworth's face appears on thewall) Grandpa! GRANDPA: It couldn't be. (A few screams . . .) WONKA:THERE'S NO EARTHLY WAY OF KNOWING MR. SALT: Heh, heh . . . he's singing . . . WONKA:WHICH DIRECTION WE ARE GOINGTHERE'S NO KNOWING WHERE WE'RE ROWING MR. SALT:(echoing) ROWING . . .

  • (26)

    WONKA:OR WHICH WAY THE RIVER'S FLOWING IS IT RAININGIS IT SNOWINGIS A HURRICANE A-BLOWING Bleh!Not a speck of light is showingSo the danger must be growingAre the fires of hell a glowing?Is the grisly reaper mowing?Yes! The danger must be growingFor the rowers keep on rowingAnd they're certainly not showingAny signs that they are slowing! (Wonka screams. Chaos.) VERUCA: Oh, make him stop, Daddy! MR. SALT: Wonka, this has gone far enough! WONKA: Quite right, sir! Stop the boat! (Blackout)

  • (27)

    ACT TWO SFX **WONKAS WELCOME SONG** 25. HALLWAY OUTSIDE INVENTING ROOM WONKA: We're there. MRS. TEEVEE: Where? WONKA: Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step forus.(Charlie and Grandpa Joe read a sign.) CHARLIE: Dairy cream . . . GRANDPA JOE: Whipped cream . . . CHARLIE: Coffee cream . . . GRANDPA JOE: Vanilla cream . . . CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE: Hair cream? WONKA: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihreaufmerksamkeit. [My friends (masters), please give me yourattention.] MRS. TEEVEE: That's not French. WONKA: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten undgleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik. [You have nowcome to the most interesting and, at the same time, the mostsecret room of my factory.] MR. SALT: I can't take much more of this. WONKA: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room. [Ladiesand Gentlemen, The Inventing Room.] Now remember, nomessing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling. GRANDPA JOE: No telling what? WONKA: You see, all of my most secret inventions are cookingand simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his falseteeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch athing! 26. THE INVENTING ROOM (Various contraptions bubble, churn, and whistle.) GRANDPA JOE: Inventing room? It looks more like a Turkishbath to me. CHARLIE: Even if Slugworth did get in here, he couldn't findanything.

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    MR. BEAUREGARDE: You got a garbage strike going on here,Wonka? MRS. TEEVEE: Who does your cleaning up? MR. SALT: Shouldn't you be wearing rubber gloves? You'llhave the health inspectors after you, you know that, don'tyou. WONKA: (as he mixes a concoction) Invention, my dearfriends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, . . . sixpercent electricity, . . . four percent evaporation, . . .and two percent butterscotch ripple.(He tastes.) MRS. TEEVEE: That's a hundred and five percent! MR. SALT: Any good? WONKA: (high, Muppet-like voice) Yes! Excuse me . . . (toVeruca) Time is a precious thing. Never waste it. (Hethrows an alarm clock into the cauldron.) VERUCA: He's absolutely bonkers. CHARLIE: And that's not bad. MIKE: (eating something) Mmmm . . . (An explosion in Mike's mouth knocks him backwards.) MRS. TEEVEE: Mike! WONKA: I told you not to, silly boy. MRS. TEEVEE: Your teeth! MIKE: Boy, that's great stuff. WONKA: That's exploding candy for your enemies. Great idea,isn't it. Not ready yet, though, still too weak. Needsmore gelignite. (He puts sneakers into a pot.) MR. SALT: What's that for? WONKA: Gives it a little kick. MR. SALT: Wonka? Butterscotch . . . butter gin . . . you'vegot something going on inside of here? WONKA: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. (Tests apot.) Aaa! VIOLET: What's the matter? Too hot, Mr. Wonka? WONKA: Too cold. Far too cold. MR. SALT: That's gourmet cooking for you.

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    SFX **BUZZER** (Mr. Beauregarde tries to look into the EverlastingGobstopper machine; a buzzer goes off.) WONKA: No! Don't. Please. Forgive me, but no one mustlook under there. This is the most secret machine in myentire factory. This is the one that's really going tosizzle old Slugworth. CHARLIE: What's it do? WONKA: Would you like to see? CHARLIE: Yeah. SFX **MACHINE START-UP** (Wonka pushes a button. The machine goes through along process, then produces Everlasting Gobstoppers.) CHARLIE: But what's it do? WONKA: Can't you see? It makes Everlasting Gobstoppers. VIOLET: Did you say "Everlasting Gobstoppers"? (Wonkamouths the last words with her.) WONKA: That's right. For children with very little pocketmoney. You can suck 'em forever. VERUCA: I want an Everlasting Gobstopper. VIOLET: Me too! MIKE: And me! WONKA: Fantastic invention. Revolutionize the industry.You can suck 'em and suck 'em and suck 'em, and they'llnever get any smaller. Never. At least I don't think theydo. A few more tests. MIKE: How do you make 'em? WONKA: I'm a trifle deaf in this ear. Speak a little loudernext time. Who wants an Everlasting Gobstopper? (The children say "Me!" or "I do!") WONKA: I can only give them to you if you solemnly swear tokeep them for yourselves and never show them to anotherliving soul as long as you all shall live. Agreed? (Veruca crosses her fingers behind her back.) CHILDREN: Agreed. WONKA: Good. (He hands them out.) One for you, and one foryou, and one for you.

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    GRANDPA JOE: Eh, what about Charlie? WONKA: And one for Charlie. VERUCA: Hey, she's got two. I want another one! VIOLET: Stop squawking, you twit! WONKA: Everybody has had one, and one is enough for anybody.Now come along. Now over here, if you'll follow me, I havesomething rather special to show you. MR. SALT: Well, it's special, all right. I only hope myVeruca doesn't want one. (He laughs.) MIKE: What a contraption. WONKA: Isn't she scrumptious? She's my revolutionary, non-pollutionary mechanical wonder. Now: button, button, who'sgot the button? CHARLIE: It's over there. WONKA: Here? CHARLIE: Yeah. SFX **MACHINE START-UP** WONKA: (pushes the button; the contraption begins to work)What you are witnessing, dear friends, is the most enormousmiracle of the machine age: the creation of a confectionerygiant! Finito! VERUCA: That's all? WONKA: That's all?!? Don't you know what this is? VIOLET: By gum, it's gum! WONKA: Wrong! It's the most amazing, fabulous, sensationalgum in the whole world. VIOLET: What's so fab about it? WONKA: This little piece of gum is a three course dinner. MR. SALT: Bull. WONKA: No, roast beef, but I haven't got it quite right yet. VIOLET: (grabbing the gum) I don't care. WONKA: Oh, I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't. VIOLET: So long as it's gum, then that's for me. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, now don't you do anything stupid.

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    VIOLET: (sighs in disgust) CHARLIE: What's it taste like? VIOLET: Madness! It's tomato soup! It's hot and creamy.I can actually feel it running down my throat! It'sdelicious! WONKA: Stop, don't . . . CHARLIE: Why doesn't she listen to Mr. Wonka? GRANDPA JOE: Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit. VIOLET: (continuous) And every chew gets better and better!Mmmm . . . this sure is great soup. Hey, second course iscoming up! Roast beef and a baked potato! Mmmm. MR. BEAUREGARDE: With sour cream? (He laughs.) What's fordessert, baby? VIOLET: Dessert? Here it comes. Blueberry pie and cream!It's the most marvelous blueberry pie that I've ever tasted! CHARLIE: Look at her face! MR. BEAUREGARDE: Holy Toledo, what's happening to your face? VIOLET: Cool it, Dad! Lemme finish. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, but your face is turning blue!Violet, you're turning violet, Violet! VIOLET: What are you talking about? WONKA: I told you I hadn't got it quite right yet. MR. BEAUREGARDE: You can say that again. Look what it'sdone to my kid! WONKA: It always goes wrong when we come to the dessert.Always. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, what are you doing now VIOLET: I feel funny. GRANDPA JOE: I'm not surprised. VIOLET: What's happening? WONKA: Youre beginning to look like a blueberry. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Somebody do something! Call a doctor! VIOLET: (Running O.S) HELP!! HELP!! WONKA: It happens every time! They all become blueberries.

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    MR. BEAUREGARDE: You've really done it this time, haven'tyou, Wonka. I'll break you for this. WONKA: Oh, well, I'll get it right in the end. (Wonka plays the pipe whistle.) SFX **WHISTLE** MR. BEAUREGARDE: We've got to let the air out of her, quick! WONKA: There's no air in there. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hmm? WONKA: That's juice. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Juice?!? WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) Would you fetch the young lady and take herdown to the juicing room at once, please. MR. BEAUREGARDE: What for? WONKA: For squeezing. She has to be squeezed immediatelybefore she explodes. MR. BEAUREGARDE: Explodes?!? WONKA: It's a fairly simple operation. OOMPA LOOMPAS:OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOOI'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU (OO OO OO)OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEEIF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME GUM CHEWING'S FINE WHEN IT'S ONCE IN A WHILEIT STOPS YOU FROM SMOKING AND BRIGHTENS YOUR SMILEBUT IT'S REPULSIVE, REVOLTING, AND WRONGCHEWING AND CHEWING ALL DAY LONGTHE WAY THAT A COW DOES OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAHGIVEN GOOD MANNERS YOU WILL GO FARYOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOOLIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO MR. BEAUREGARDE: I'll get even with you for this, Wonka, ifit's the last thing I ever do! I got a blueberry for adaughter . . . (The Oompa Loompa leads him away.) WONKA: Where is fancy bred? In the heart, or in the head?Shall we roll on? (An Oompa Loompa hands him his cane)Thank you. (to the group) Well, well, well . . . twonaughty, nasty little children gone. Three good, sweetlittle children left. Hurry, please, long way to go yet.

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    27. FIZZY LAUGHING ROOM WONKA: Something very unusual in here. Bubbles, bubbleseverywhere, but not a drop to drink. Yet. CHARLIE: What's it making, Mr. Wonka? WONKA: Fizzy Laughing Drinks. They fill you with gas, andthe gas is so terrific it makes you laugh and laugh. VERUCA: Gosh! WONKA: But I daren't sell it yet. It's still too powerful. MIKE: Come on, let us try some! Please? VERUCA: Oh, let us try some. Don't be mean! WONKA: No, no, no. Absolutely not. There'd be childrenHaving little accidents all over the place. Come along now; don'thang about. You're going to be wild about this next room. (All but Charlie and Grandpa Joe exit.) GRANDPA JOE: Let's take a drink, Charlie; nobody's watching. CHARLIE: Yeah. GRANDPA JOE: A small one won't hurt us. (He opens a bottleand drinks.) Mmmm, not bad. (Charlie drinks.) Well? CHARLIE: Nothing's happening. GRANDPA JOE: You're right, Charlie. I can't understandWHYYYY . . . oh, oh, oh, I feel terribly strange . . . (Grandpa Joe starts to laugh, Charlie joins in) CHARLIE: What do we do now, Grandpa? GRANDPA JOE: I don't know, Charlie, but AAAAAA! OH, OH!We're in big trouble! Mr. Wonka isn't gonna like this. CHARLIE: We can't stay in here laughing all day! GRANDPA JOE: You're right, Charlie, but-- CHARLIE: I think we should try to stop. GRANDPA JOE: All right, Charlie, yes, yes lets hold our breath. CHARLIE: OK Grandpa after 3. 1, 2, 3...... (They both hold their breath, then let out an enormous laugh) CHARLIE: Its not working Grandpa! Hahahaha..... GRANDPA JOE: I know, Charlie. I, I, I dont know what we should do

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    CHARLIE: Knock Knock.... GRANDPA JOE: Whos there? CHARLIE: Leena GRANDPA JOE: Leena who? CHARLIE: Leena little closer and Ill tell you (they both go into fits of laughter) GRANDPA JOE: Okay, Okay I got one....why did the chewing gum cross the road? CHARLIE: I dont know, why did the chewing gum cross the road Grandpa? GRANDPA JO: (Struggling to get it out) Because, because ohh....BECAUSE IT WAS STUCK TO THE CHICKENS FOOT. HAAAAAAAAA!!!! (Both fall to the floor) CHARLIE: Oh Grandpa, haha. Ive never laughed so much GRANDPA JOE: Oh, I know, It hurts . . . CHARLIE: My ribs cant take it... GRANDPA JOE: I can't stop! I can't stop! CHARLIE: What do we do? GRANDPA JOE: I dont know Charlie...I feel like Im filling up with gas CHARLIE: Me too... GRANDPA JOE: Help! Help! CHARLIE: Help! GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka, please! Help us. SFX **FART**(He farts.) Oooo! Haha, that feels betters. Quick, Charlie, fart,fart! If you don't you'll explode CHARLIE: Help! I can't! Help! GRANDPA JOE: You've gotta fart, Charlie. It's the only way. SFX **FART** CHARLIE: (Farts) GRANDPA JOE: 'Atta boy. fart again. (Charlie continues tofart.) 'Atta boy, come on. Ahhhh, that's wonderful,Charlie. That was a good one. (The two fart back and forth.)

  • (36) GRANDPA JOE: We're gonna be all right now Charlie. (They begin to get up.) Good boy. You feeling ok? (Charlie nods)Come on, let's catch up to theothers! (One last fart.) 28. THE GEESE ROOM WONKA: I know what you're thinking: They can't be doing whatthey're doing. But they are. They have to. I haven't metthe Oompa Loompa yet who could do it. These are the geesethat lay the golden eggs. As you can see, they're largerthan ordinary geese. As a matter of fact, they're quadruplesize geese which produce octuple size eggs. They're layingovertime right now for Easter. MIKE: But Easter's over! WONKA: Ssshhh . . . (He covers Mike's mouth.) They don'tknow that. I'm trying to get ahead for next year. MR. SALT: What happens if they drop one of those eggs, Wonka? WONKA: An omelete fit for a king, sir. VERUCA: Are they chocolate eggs? WONKA: Golden chocolate eggs. That's a great delicacy. ButI wouldn't get too close. The geese are very temperamental.That's why we have the Eggdicator. MRS. TEEVEE: Eggdi-what? WONKA: The Eggdicator. The Eggdicator can tell thedifference between a good egg and a bad egg. If it's a goodegg, it's shined up and shipped out all over the world. Butif it's a bad egg . . . down the chute. GRANDPA JOE: It's an educated Eggdicator. MR. SALT: It's a lot of nonsense. WONKA: (singing) A little nonsense now and then is relishedby the wisest men. VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want a golden goose. CHARLIE: Here we go again. MR. SALT: All right, sweetheart, all right. Daddy'll getyou a golden goose as soon as we get home. VERUCA: No, I want one of those! MR. SALT: Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose? WONKA: They're not for sale. MR. SALT: Name your price.

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    WONKA: She can't have one. VERUCA: Who says I can't? MR. SALT: The man with the funny hat. VERUCA: I want one! I want a golden goose! SFX **I WANT THE WORLD** GOOSES GEESESI want my geese to lay gold eggs for Easter MR. SALT: It will, sweetheart. VERUCA: At least a hundred a day MR. SALT:Anything you say VERUCA: And by the way . . . MR. SALT: What. VERUCA: I want a feast MR. SALT: You ate before you came to the factory. VERUCA: I WANT A BEAN FEAST MR. SALT: Huh, one of those. VERUCA: CREAM BUNS AND DONUTS AND FRUITCAKE WITH NO NUTSSO GOOD YOU COULD GO NUTS MR. SALT: You can have all those things when you get home. VERUCA: No, now!I WANT A BALLI WANT A PARTYPINK MACAROONS AND A MILLION BALLOONSAND PERFORMING BABOONS AND--GIVE IT TO ME MR. SALT: Later. VERUCA: (elbowing Mr. Salt in the stomach) Now! I WANT THE WORLDI WANT THE WHOLE WORLDI WANT TO LOCK IT ALL UP IN MY POCKETIT'S MY BAR OF CHOCOLATEGIVE IT TO ME NOW I WANT TODAYI WANT TOMORROWI WANT TO WEAR 'EM LIKE BRAIDS IN MY HAIRAND I DON'T WANT TO SHARE 'EM

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    I WANT A PARTY WITH ROOMFULS OF LAUGHTERSTEN THOUSAND TONS OF ICE CREAMAND IF I DON'T GET THE THINGS I AM AFTERI'M GOING TO SCREAM I WANT THE WORKSI WANT THE WHOLE WORKSPRESENTS AND PRIZES AND SWEETS AND SURPRISESOF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES AND NOW! DON'T CARE HOWI WANT IT NOWDON'T CARE HOWI WANT IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW (Veruca, deemed a Bad Egg by the Eggdicator, falls downthe chute.) WONKA: She was a bad egg. MR. SALT: Um . . . where's she gone? WONKA: Where all the other bad eggs go: down the garbagechute. MR. SALT: (laughing) The garbage chute. Where does it leadto? WONKA: To the furnace. MR. SALT: (laughing heartily) To the furnace. She'll besizzled like a sausage. WONKA: Well not necessarily. She could be stuck just insidethe tube. MR. SALT: Inside the . . .? Hold on! Veruca, sweetheart,Daddy's coming! (He jumps down the Eggdicator chute.) WONKA: There's gonna be a lot of garbage today. GRANDPA JOE: Well, Mr. Salt finally got what he wanted. CHARLIE: What's that? GRANDPA JOE: Veruca went first. CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in thefurnace, will they? WONKA: Hmmm . . . well, I think that furnace is lit onlyevery other day, so they have a good sporting chance,haven't they.

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    OOMPA LOOMPAS:OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOOI'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOUOOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEEIF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME WHO DO YOU BLAME WHEN YOUR KID IS A BRATPAMPERED AND SPOILED LIKE A SIAMESE CATBLAMING THE KIDS IS A LIE AND A SHAMEYOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO'S TO BLAMETHE MOTHER AND THE FATHER OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAHIF YOU'RE NOT SPOILED THEN YOU WILL GO FAR.YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOOLIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO WONKA: I don't understand it. The children are disappearinglike rabbits. Well, we still have each other. Shall wepress on? MRS. TEEVEE: Mr. Wonka, can't we sit down for a minute? Thepace is killing me. WONKA: My dear lady, transportation has already beenarranged. 29. WONKAVISION ROOM WONKA: Wonkavision: my very latest and greatest invention. MIKE: It's television. WONKA: Uh, it's Wonkavision. Now I suppose you all know howordinary television works. You photograph something and-- MIKE: Sure, I do. You photograph something, and then thephotograph is split up into millions of tiny pieces, andthey go whizzing through the air down to your TV set wherethey're all put together again in the right order. WONKA: You should open your mouth a little wider when youspeak. So I said to myself, "If they can do it with aphotograph, why can't I do it with a bar of chocolate?" Ishall now send this chocolate bar from one end of the roomto the other. It has to be big because whenever youtransmit something by television, it always ends up smalleron the other end. Goggles on, please. Lights, camera,action! (blackout) MRS. TEEVEE: (screams) (lights up) WONKA: You can remove your goggles. CHARLIE: Where's the chocolate?

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    WONKA: It's flying over our heads in a million pieces. Nowwatch the screen. Here it comes. There it is. MIKE: It's just a picture. WONKA: Its real. It's just gotten smaller, that's all. CHARLIE: It's perfect. MRS. TEEVEE: It's unbelievable. GRANDPA JOE: It's a miracle. MIKE: It's a TV dinner. (to Mrs.Teevee) Do you think Slugworth would pay more for this? MRS. TEEVEE: Just keep your eyes open and your mouth shut. WONKA: It's Wonkavision. GRANDPA JOE: It could change the world. MIKE: Mr. Wonka, can you send other things? Not just chocolate, I mean. WONKA: Anything you like. MIKE: What about . . . people? WONKA: People? Hmmm . . . I don't really know. I suppose Icould. Yes, I'm sure I could. I'm pretty sure I could.But it might have some messy results. MIKE: Look at me; I'm gonna be the first person in the worldto be sent by television! MRS. TEEVEE: Mike, get away from that thing! WONKA: Stop, don't, come back . . . MIKE: Lights, camera, action! (Blackout) MRS. TEEVEE: Mike! Where are you? (lights up) GRANDPA JOE: He's up there, in a million pieces! MRS. TEEVEE: Mike! Are you there? WONKA: No good shouting here. Watch the screen. MRS. TEEVEE: Mike? Why's he taking so long? CHARLIE: Million pieces take a long time to put together. MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, where are they?

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    WONKA: Theres definitely something coming through. MRS. TEEVEE: Is it Mike? WONKA: Well its hard to tell, but I MRS. TEEVEE: (wailing at the sight of Mike, now shrunk)Ooooooooh ho-hoooooh! GRANDPA JOE: Our little group is getting smaller by theminute. WONKA: Well, fortunately small boys are extremely springyand elastic, . . . WONKA: (continuous) . . . so I think well put him in myspecial taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick. MRS. TEEVEE: Taffy . . . WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) To the taffy-pulling room.But be extremely careful. MRS. TEEVEE: (losing it) T-t-taffy pull-- (as the OompaLoompa whispers to Willy Wonka) Oh, whats he saying? WONKA: (to the Oompa Loompa) No, no, I wont hold youresponsible. (Mrs. Teevee faints backwards into Grandpa Joes arms.) WONKA: And now, my dearest lady, its time to say goodbye.(Mrs. Teevee emits a noise.) No, no, dont speak. For somemoments in life there are no words. Run along now. (TheOompa Loompas drag her out.) Adieu, adieu, parting is suchsweet sorrow. OOMPA LOOMPAS:OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOOIVE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOUOOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEEIF YOU ARE WISE YOULL LISTEN TO ME WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A GLUT OF TVA PAIN IN THE NECK AND AN I.Q. OF THREEWHY DONT YOU TRY SIMPLY READING A BOOKOR COULD YOU JUST NOT BEAR TO LOOK YOULL GET NOYOULL GET NOYOULL GET NOYOULL GET NOYOULL GET NO COMMERCIALS. OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAHIF YOURE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FARYOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOOLIKE THE OOMPAOOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO

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    30. OUTSIDE WILLY WONKAS OFFICE WONKA: So much to do, so much to do, invoices and bills,letters . . . I must answer that note from the queen. CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka, whats gonna happen to the other kids?Augustus, Veruca? WONKA: My dear boy, I promise you theyll be quite allright. When they leave here, theyll be completely restoredto their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe theyll bea little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, dont worry aboutthem. GRANDPA JOE: Eh, what do we do now, Mr. Wonka? WONKA: Oh, yes, well, I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Excuseme for not showing you out. Straight up the stairs. Youllfind the way. Im terribly busy. Whole day wasted. Goodbyeto you both. Goodbye. (He enters his office.) CHARLIE: What happened? Did we do something wrong? GRANDPA JOE: I dont know, Charlie. But Im gonna find out. (They enter the office.) GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka? WONKA: I am extraordinarily busy, sir. GRANDPA JOE: I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. Thelifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. When does he getit? WONKA: He doesnt. GRANDPA JOE: Why not? WONKA: Because he broke the rules. GRANDPA JOE: What rules? We didnt see any rules, did we,Charlie? WONKA: Wrong, sir, wrong! Under Section Thirty-Seven B ofthe contract signed by him it states quite clearly that alloffers shall become null and void ifand you can read itfor yourself in this photostatic copy: I, the undersigned,shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses hereinand herein contained, et cetera, et cetera . . . fax mentisincendium loria culpum, et cetera, et cetera . . . memo bispunitor delicatum! Its all there, black and white, clearas crystal! You stole Fizzy Laughing Drinks. You fell to the floorwhich now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir! GRANDPA JOE: Youre a crook! Youre a cheat and a swindler!Thats what you are. How can you do a thing like this?Build up a little boys hopes and then smash all his dreamsto pieces. Youre an inhuman monster!

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    WONKA: I said Good Day! GRANDPA JOE: Come on, Charlie, let's get out of here. I'llget even with him if it's the last thing I ever do. IfSlugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one. (Long pause.) CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka . . . (Charlie leaves the Gobstopper on Willy Wonka's desk.) WONKA: So shines a good deed in a weary world. Charlie . .. my boy . . . You won! You did it! You did it! I knewyou would; I just knew you would. Oh, Charlie, forgive mefor putting you through this. Please, forgive me. Come in,Mr. Wilkinson. Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson. (Wilkinson--formerly known as Slugworth--enters.) WILKINSON: Pleasure. CHARLIE: Slugworth! WONKA: No, no, that's not Slugworth. He works for me. CHARLIE: For you? WONKA: I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed the test.You won! GRANDPA JOE: Won what? WONKA: The jackpot, my dear sir, the grand and gloriousjackpot. CHARLIE: The chocolate? WONKA: The chocolate, yes, the chocolate, but that's justthe beginning. We have to get on, we have to get on; wehave so much time, and so little to do. Strike that.Reverse it. This way please. We'll take the Wonkavator.Step in, Charlie. Grandpa Joe, sir. This is the GreatGlass Wonkavator. GRANDPA JOE: It's an elevator. WONKA: It's a Wonkavator. An elevator can only go up anddown, but the Wonkavator can go sideways and slantways andlongways and backways . . . CHARLIE: And frontways? WONKA: . . . and squareways and frontways and any other waysthat you can think of. It can take you to any room in thewhole factory just by pressing one of these buttons. Any ofthese buttons. Just press a button and ZING! You're off.And up until now I've pressed them all . . . except one.This one. Go ahead, Charlie.

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    CHARLIE: Me? (He pushes the button.) WONKA: There it goes. Hold on tight. Im not exactly surewhats going to happen. Faster, faster . . . If we dontpick up enough speed, well never get through. CHARLIE: Get through what? WONKA: Ah-ha! GRANDPA JOE: You mean were going . . .? WONKA: Up and out! GRANDPA JOE: But this roof is made of glass. Itll shatterinto a thousand pieces. Well be cut to ribbons! WONKA: Probably. Hold on, everybody. Here it comes. SFX **GLASS SMASHING** (The Wonkavator crashes through the roof) GRANDPA JOE: You did it, Mr. Wonka, congratulations! WONKA: Get up. Take a look. CHARLIE: Grandpa, our town looks so pretty from up here. GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, look over here, Charlie. I think I see our house. CHARLIE: Wow. GRANDPA JOE: It really looks beautiful. CHARLIE: Theres my school, Grandpa. WONKA: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie? CHARLIE: I think its the most wonderful place in the wholeworld. WONKA: Im very pleased to hear you say that because Imgiving it to you. Thats all right, isnt it? GRANDPA JOE: Youre giving Charlie the--? WONKA: I cant go on forever, and I dont really want totry. So, who can I trust to run the factory when I leaveand take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grownup.A grownup would want to do everything his own way, not mine.Thats why I decided a long time ago I had to find a child.A very honest, loving child to whom I can tell all my mostprecious candy making secrets. CHARLIE: And thats why you sent out the Golden Tickets. WONKA: Thats right. So the factorys yours, Charlie; youcan move in immediately.

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    GRANDPA JOE: And me? WONKA: Absolutely. CHARLIE: What happens to the rest of-- WONKA: The whole family. I want you to bring them all.(Charlie hugs him.) But Charlie . . . don't forget whathappened to the man who suddenly got everything he alwayswanted. CHARLIE: What happened? WONKA: He lived happily ever after. SFX **SWEET LIKE CHOCOLATE** THE END