When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life

}  Your physical, emotional, and spiritual “property lines” that define what is “you” and “not you”, what is your responsibility and what is not, and what you are to own

}  Boundary problems: 1) Compliant – can’t set boundaries, 2) Avoidant – sets boundaries against the wrong things, 3) Controller – violates boundaries of others, 4) Nonresponsive – ignores responsibility to others

}  Boundary development – bonding, separation, & individuation

}  #1 – The Law of Sowing and Reaping – the law of cause and effect is a basic law of life

}  #2 – The Law of Responsibility – we are responsible to not for other people

}  #3 – The Law of Power – paradox that though we are powerless in and of ourselves to overcome our sinful patterns, we do have power to do some things that bring the fruits of victory

1. We have the power to agree with the truth about our problems (confession)

2. We have the power to submit our inability to God and turn our lives over to him, the great Physician who can do for us what we are unable to do

3. We have the power to ask God and others to reveal what is within our boundaries, and what isn’t

}  #3 – The Law of Power – continued

4. We have the power to turn from the evil we find within us (repentance)

5. We have to power to humble ourselves and ask God and others to help us with our developmental injuries and our needs

6. We have the power to seek out those whom we have injured and make amends

7. We have the power to forgive those who have hurt us

}  #4 – The Law of Respect – we need to respect the boundaries of others in order to earn respect for our own

}  #5 – The Law of Motivation – freedom first, service second, so that love is our only motivation

}  #6 – The Law of Evaluation – learning the difference between hurting someone and harming them

}  #7 – The Law of Proactivity – moving beyond reaction

}  #8 – The Law of Envy – envy defines “good” as “what I do not possess” and hates the good that it has

}  #9 – The Law of Activity – we are to be responders and initiators

}  #10 – The Law of Exposure – our boundaries need to be made visible to others and communicated to them in relationship

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

}  When have you seen consequences prompt someone to make important changes in their life? When have consequences for your actions prompted you to make changes in your own life?

}  When you evaluate your own boundaries, are they more reactive, or more proactive?

}  What things do you tend to envy most? What is God calling you to do about the things you lack? More specifically, what questions should you ask yourself instead of envying others?

}  Read Romans 7:15-23. What phrases can you especially identify with? What specific struggles do the phrases you listed bring to mind?