Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! This is Chapter 16: Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Up there are this generation's Teens, or at least, the kids who are Teens this generation. On the floor are Xander, Simon, Malcolm V, and Fiona. Standing are Becca, Georgia, Billy, Eddie, Rizzo, Tolly, Bianca, and Archie.

"Aren't nice points great, Xander?""Yeah! Nice points are super!""...You guys suck.""What's wrong with your brother?""He doesn't have nice points.""Pffft. Nice is overrated.""So what's that like, anyway?""Well, Rizzo... Mostly it hurts.""Yeah it hurts!""Like, emotionally?""No, in the sense of actual physical ouchies.""Sissy."

Squeeee! Larch is haunting! Larch almost never haunts anymore, so I rarely get to see him floating around the backyard.

"I got better things to do than haunt."Better things to do than haunt and make me go "squeeee?" Liar. Now, I got two Knowledge Sims in that house; go give 'em some Aspiration."When have I ever done anything you wanted me to?"Point. Just don't scare Xander; he's Family and he'll flip his nut.

Archimedes Vetinari, do not tease the carnivorous plant!"Hehehehehe..."

I decided to earn another Wishing Well for Havelock House. It was summer here, and they had a decent crop in the greenhouse, so I sent Archie out to feed Brunhilde, since you get a higher score for a fed cowplant as opposed to one that's Townie-bait.

Once I switch Archie to Romance, I'll have two Romance Sims at Havelock House, so I'm betting the Wishing Well will get a fair amount of use.

"Hello, young man! I used to WooHoo your great-grandfather!""Thanks for the overshare, lady. Just call up Toby Twitface, gush over the lily pads, and gimme a Wishing Well.""I don't suppose you're growing up soon...""I don't suppose you want me to invite you over after Brunhilde's caked again.""If you change your mind...""I'll never be that desperate."

Perhaps it was Archie's charming personality, but they earned the Wishing Well easily enough, and got back into the Garden Club as well.

I let Xander give it a try-out.

"I want some friends!"

Since he doesn't sleep what with the stargazing, his Want Panel doesn't re-roll, and he Wants to Fall In Love; if I do it, it'll kick him into platinum and give him some new Wants. But if I have him wish for Romance, there's a chance that I'll get one of the Prettacy cousins dropped, and that will make for some uncomfortableness in college, hence the Wish for Friends.

Elizabeth Fuchs came out of the well, and with the Insta-Best Friends, she was more than happy to accept anything Xander threw at her.

"Yes! My brother hasn't done this yet!"

"Yay! I fell in love and I'm platinum!"Hooray! Now go to school."Awwwww..."

Someone else follows Archie home from school--Simon. Rizzo actually came home with Archie the day before, but was immediately ignored and hung out with Xander instead.

"People like me because I'm mean in an amusing way!""People like me because I'm cute! Just look at my cute little button nose and my charmingly cleft chin!""Yeah, well, I'm Oddly Hot!""I'm Just Plain Hot!""Er..."

*hearts Archie*

"I'm still cuter than you!""I'm still meaner than you! I win!"

"So, I'm Just Plain Hot, and Archie's Oddly Hot, what are you?""...I think the general consensus is 'unique' with 'yikes' as a very close second.""That's... nice, I guess.""I have no nose."

"Babies?"No more babies for you, Helen. That time has come and long gone."Oh, okay."

"Grandma! Archie's the Knowledge Sim! Now I have to pee!""Hahahahaha! I get some face time if I scare the crap out of you!"

This is RileyFinn, the mate for Maggie. The pet adoption pool is still full of male dogs, but it's not such a big deal this time because Maggie's a female.

Yes, his name is RileyFinn.

It's still summer, so RileyFinn and Maggie made friends fairly quickly, so now it's just a matter of getting him friends with one of the people-types.

That doesn't take long either. Coco loves the dogs, although not as much as Helen did.

And doggie lullaby, but without the creepy gardener as an enthusiastic audience this time around.

Since RileyFinn did his duty and De was a walkby, I sold him to her. There was probably someone at that houseful of SimSelves who got Aspiration from getting a dog.

De/fireflower314 writes the Morgan Legacy.

I had Archie Wish for Friends so that he could score his First Kiss too. For a change, I got three decent drops! In the blue shirt is Reed; the other two are Channon and Mitch. These are three of the Teens from the Completely Hypothetical Spider Jerusalem Bachelor Challenge. Reed is Larch and Orikes's son; Channon and Mitch are the kids of Spider Jerusalem and Kaiyah, the winner. No random, nameless Townies here!

Orikes writes the Pseudo Legacy; Kaiyah was writing Legacy Shmegacy.

"I have ten playful and one nice point.""You know what, you amusingly facial-haired little jerk? So do I.""I think I'm in love.""Psssht, you'd better be, mister!"

Who better to give Archie his First Kiss than someone with an equally twisted sense of social interactions?

Oh, and way to be a total voyeur, Mitch.

But we have some business to attend to...

"All right, boys, listen up. It's heir-naming time. There's no doubt you're both qualified, but the word's been passed down and now I'm telling you."

"Xander, you're it. Have fun with the stargazing."

"Why Xander? Why not me?"

"I don't make the decisions, Archie, I just pass the word along. Look, it's not so bad being a spare. You get a dog, and you get a nice house, and the living forever's nothing to sneeze at."

"Yeah, but, come on. Is Xander really that much uglier than me? Seriously.""Are you really arguing over which of us is less attractive? Archie, honestly, most people would take being better-looking as a good thing.""Xander, this is me we're talking about. I argue about everything.""Do you even want to be the heir?""Meh, I could take it or leave it. I just like to argue."

"Archie, sometimes your logic completely baffles me.""I wouldn't expect a non-Knowledge Sim like you to understand.""Well, if I'm heir, are you gonna try to kill me in my sleep or something?""No. I wouldn't do that.""Good.""I mean, it's not like you sleep. I suppose I could booby-trap the telescope. That might work.""I can't tell if you're kidding.""I know."

"Right. Well, that's as settled as it's going to get, I suppose. You two are on your own today; I'm going out with your sister."

"An entire day unsupervised to torture Xander? Win!""Oh joy, an entire day trying to avoid Archie. Hooray."

"How would you like to go shopping with me, Mal?""For what?""Clothes.""I have clothes.""Girl clothes.""Why do I need girl clothes?""You're a girl, in case you hadn't noticed."

"So what? I'm dressed; isn't that enough?""Sometimes it's fun to look pretty.""I'm not stupid, Coco. My half-brothers are in the Uglacy. I know what that says about Dad.""And? I'm the result of five generations of Uglacy, and that doesn't mean I have to walk around in a sack with a bag over my head! And your mom was in the Prettacy, and people tell you you look like her because you do!"

"I'm unconvinced.""Come on, it'll be fun! A Girls' Day Out! You've got your dad and your brother, I've got two boys, we could use a little Girl Time! It'll be painless, I promise.""I'm not really a girly-girl.""We don't have to go to a spa and get mani-pedis and a seaweed wrap. Just some shopping. Hey, your dad's loaded--how about we spend some of his money? That's always a good time.""Isn't your family way more loaded than Dad?""Not the point."

"There's really no way for me to get out of this, is there?""Not as such.""Can I drive?""No."

"Coco? Are you sure about this? These clothes are awfully...""Girly? Newsflash, Mal, you're a girl.""But a dress? Really? Couldn't I work my way up to that? Maybe via a nice pair of jeans or a slighty less baggy T-shirt or something?""Just get in that changing booth."

"Hmmm... Cute, but that hat has got to go."

"Hey, uh, you know what you're doing, right?""Absolutely!""Only you're not wearing shoes.""Overrated.""Can the Crazy Gay Huggy Servo do this instead?""Sit down, kid."

"Anyway, my Silver Makeover Badge says you don't want the Servo anywhere near your head with a pair of shears.""That makes me feel so much better."

...What, you think I'm gonna show you now? Silly people!

"Get up, Spider Jerusalem.""Mmmhmmnn?""Get up!"

"Dad? What do you want?""Get dressed.""What? Why?""We have business to attend to.""Business.""A business, if you want to be specific."

"What sort of a business do we have?""The best kind.""...Does this involve poles?""No, you idiot! The best kind of business is an Eeevil business!""Right; I should have guessed that first.""Just put a fucking shirt on and get in the car."" 'Kay."

Yikes! Eeevil plot! And now to the Prettacy because I'm a little Eeevil too!

It was sort of sweet. Tom haunted for the first time the night Raven died, and he didn't spook anyone, even with a houseful of people. I think he wanted to say goodbye to her.

"Hey, Rizzo! Thanks for that Influence to Repair, buddy. Really appreciate it.""Any time, Uncle Indy! Two of the upstairs toilets are clogged, and there's a broken shower! And then you can mop!""...Well, I'd probably mop anyway."

Going gray hasn't knocked down their bolts any. This was all Dora's idea. She still rolls a lot of Topher-Wants in that one non-cheese slot.

Topher still finds time to play with the boys, too. The dartboard gets pretty heavy use.

"Friends! And then First Kiss! Romance Sim Wants First Kiss!"

O HAI again, Channon. I'm betting Archie doesn't like to share, but I'm also betting Archie won't roll a whole lot of Wants for her, and she's the only girl that got dropped, so...

Knock yourself out, Rizzo.

"Pleasure Sim.""Romance Sim.""Three bolts?""Oh yeah."

"First Kiss YAY! Now can I have a Makeover Station?"No, and I wouldn't recommend telling Channon that you rolled that Want as soon as you kissed her. She's a childrinion, and you don't want to make her mad.

Xander and Fiona followed the boys home from school, and there was Smustling near the snapdragon. Tolly and Xander are getting pretty good; Fee still needs a little more practice.

Raven comes out to say "Hi."

Rizzo was not amused. Jonny seems to target Tolly more than anyone else, but Raven made a beeline for Rizzo.

Baz is back again.

"I'm outgoing and I have the Vetinari social neediness! And also the Vetinari Nice Point! Pay attention to me or I get grouchy!""Whatever. You wanna play Red Hands?""Yes I do."

It's finally Dora's birthday. She's still about 30 sandwiches short of Permaplat, but thanks to Serve Grilled Cheese and a few hungry houseguests, she's platinum. Actually, she's frequently platinum, so this isn't really a rare color for her plumbbob to be.

She grows up in her outerwear, which is a good thing. Trust me on that.

Oddly, I think the hair she had in college suits her again. Raven and Tom both aged well, so it's no surprise that Dora makes a good Elder.

And now to check in with another Vetinari...

Billy will finally be headed to college with this generation, although he's technically Gen 3. Given his ability to make friends and his frequent desire to do so, he'll make a pretty good candidate to placehold Havelock House for me.

"Guess how many playful points I have!"

"Playful points!""Yay!""You know what else?""What?"

"I'm also a total slob!""Gross, Billy!"

"All him, folks!"

"Ahahahahahaha!""Hey, Billy...""Yeah?""You know what?"What?"

"I'm a slob too."

"That blast of chemical warfare was brought to you by Billy Vetinari, everybody!"

"Hahahahaha, bodily functions are hilarious!""Ahahaha, totally!"

"Whoooo aaarrrre yooouuuuu?""...Clearly someone who's been spending too much time with the Crazy Gay Huggy Servo."

"Sorry. I'm SimNerd.""I'm Billy.""Yeah, I know. When your dad was knocked up with you, I thought he had the flu.""...This is a weird conversation, and I'm gonna go now."

Billy invited Tolly and Rizzo over. Harmony does not like Rizzo. Billy gets along with him just fine, though.

"Braaaaaaap.""Nicely done.""I give it an eight out of ten."

Kicking it over to Tolly and Rizzo's cousins...

Michelle and Chad are still stalky.

MichelleFobbs writes the Planetary Apocalypse and the Not Quite A Vacation Asylum.

Fiona brings Mitch home from school. This is not the best idea she ever had.

Mitch is a childrinion.

Fiona isn't. She inherited Chad's nice points, and, well, most of the old-school Vetinaris don't play nicely with others.

Still, though, Fee's a Family Sim with the Want to Fall In Love.

She and Mitch have one whole bolt of chemistry. I forget what Aspiration I made him.

The next day brings better news in the form of Reed. Despite being Larch's son, he DOES have nice points. And three bolts of chemistry with Fee.

"I'm a Family Sim.""Me too.""I'm shy and nice like my dad.""I think I can categorically say I got my dad's face, but not his personality."

Michelle: STALKYChad: YAYReed: Uncomfortable PDA with my hamburger.

"This would be so much more fun if we were in the same room!""I know, right?"

"I want some friends, I guess. Can't I just gain a skill point or something?"

"So I'm told I need to set my gender preference...""Does that mean I get a kiss?""Sure, why not."

Simon scores his First Kiss with Lakshmi Wong, and in true Vetinari fashion...

Way to win friends and influence people, Simon.

I'm not really sure what he's doing here, but it looks painful... Simon, why come you no have arms?

"I'm cute! Look at me pose! I'm all cute and posing and cute!""If you don't stop with the 'I'm cute,' I'll stick this pool cue where the sun don't shine.""I never said you weren't cute too!"

"Someone who won't double-minus a Dirty Joke! Hooray!""If you know Chad double-minuses them every time, why keep telling them?""I can't help myself!"

"Rocky, I don't see Michelle over there.""I swear I just saw her! Keep looking!"

Chad falls for it every time.

Of course, Chad's crew aren't the only Vetinaris in town...

"All I'm saying is, if you're in the hot tub and someone starts mentioning sexy lamps, it's time to make an escape!""But, Mom, what if there's a cute boy in there? Or people to make friends with?""...Still no."

Dicreasy writes the Victorian Legacy.

Here you go, ladies... Indy playing piano in his underpants...

"Please just give me a cute boy!"

"Can I have him?"It took five generations to get rid of that nose, Becca. You can reel him in, but then you have to throw him back."Okay!"

And thus Becca scores her First Kiss with Eric "Stabby Death Nose" Seavey.

And already a heartbreaker! He falls hard for her, but no big red hearts flying on her side. Quite the little minx, our Becca.

This is Bee's default state of being. Her LTW is 20 Simultaneous Best Friends. I probably won't hit that before she leaves for college, but it won't take long once she's there.

Becca's LTW also involves the number 20--WooHoos, not Lovers. She really is a little minx.

Becca: "Oooh! Loopty-loop!"Bee: "Play Red Hands?"Indy: "Congratulate?"Becca: "360!"Bee: "Gossip?"Indy: "Play Catch?"

Pretty common sights--Di and Indy smooching, and Bee and Becca getting chatty.

"YAY FRIENDS!"

Dunno what this guy's deal was, but Cheer Up was an option.

"Why are you sad, Daniel Tusurvirkuverkinov?""Nobody can spell or pronounce my last name.""Oh.""Thanks for trying, though.""Yeah, I have one nice point, I don't really care."

Bee: "ONE OF THE SPRINKLERS IS BROKEN GRRRRRRR!"Daniel Tsvrknurvov: *slouch*

Bee manages to stop complaining long enough to score her First Kiss with Daniel Tsurvurkurvinivov.

"Aww, why so sad?""My boyfriend shamelessly uses me for Aspiration Points.""Sweetie, you're a Townie, what do you expect?""Bee's a Popularity Sim--UGH."

Don't know what this was about. I didn't even realize that the trash can was on its side until I saw the roaches in Bee's queue.

And either that's the sexiest trash ever, or she thinks the paperboy's hot.

One last Prettacy cousin to check in on!

OK, so technically, Georgia's Dora's cousin, but still a cousin.

Styx just wants her out of the house so she can get Permaplat. Her LTW is Graduate 3 Kids from College.

StyxLady writes Just Another Legacy.

"I have glitchy 'Z's."At least you have eyebrows."But I have glitchy 'Z's."

Poor Wren walked around like that until he went back to bed.

However, even glitchy 'Z's haven't dimmed Styx's ardor for her Stabby Death Nosed hubby.

"Friends! For kissing!"

2/3 of the usual crowd, at least: Elizabeth Fuchs, Daniel Tuberculosisov, and newcomer Arcadia Ebadi.

Georgia goes for the kill...

...and scores her First Kiss with Daniel Timbuktu...ov.

"Can I have him?"Oh, honey, no. He has the adorable Mr. Big chin, but he has The Slouch. Use him shamelessly and forget about him when you grow up. It's for the best, really.

Sadly, she doesn't listen. But at least she's not as coldhearted as Becca. I'm still not growing Daniel Tintinnabulationov up for her, I don't care how much she rolls a Want for it. Plenty of fish in the Dormie sea.

"Congratulations on falling in love!""Thanks, Daddy!"

Family would be such a great Secondary for him. Sort of like Popularity would be a good Secondary for Georgia. She Wants to be Best Friends with Didi's kids Matty and Daniel.

"My Aspiration is low."Stop rolling Wants to talk to Chad."But I like Chad."Uh... I don't know what you did, but he's at -89/-20 with you, and almost that low with Wren. I'm pretty sure Chad doesn't want to talk to you.

That is absolutely true. Chad isn't Furious with Styx and Wren, but he's deeply into the minuses with both of them. He doesn't even show up as someone to call in their contact lists. I have no idea what they did to make him so angry.

I suspect it may have something to do with this, though.

CHAD DOES NOT LIKE DIRTY JOKES, PEOPLE.

Georgia finally brings someone home from school, and it's Rizzo. Now, I'm a bit cautious about this, since Rizzo doesn't flag Georgia as family, because she's his mother's first cousin, and not his. The last thing I need is more uncomfortable stalkiness in college.

Turns out I don't have to worry on that front. Rizzo appears to be getting +3500 for heart-barfing Georgia.

It was actually pretty funny. Georgia would do that "Rizzo's a Romance Sim!" swoon, and then heart-barf him. Unfortunately, I was laughing too hard to get a picture of it.

"Red Hands!""Something not flirty or romantic in any way!""We can be friends!""And I will absolutely not stalk you with eye-bleaching Interactions in my queue in college!""Hooray!"

And moving on...

"Well, Eddie?""Wow, Mal. You have knees."

"OhgodI'mgoingtochange.""No, no, hey..."

"If you weren't my sister, I'd say you looked pretty. But you are my sister, so I'll say you look pretty, but give you a hard time about it.""Gee, thanks.""You gonna walk around like this all the time now?""Oh, hell no."

"Too bad I won't be around to see it.""What are you talking about?"

"I'm going to college.""What, now?""Yeah. I'm calling the cab in a few minutes.""Why? Dad's not even home!""He'll try to talk me out of it, and I don't want to fight with him anymore. Tell him I said goodbye."

"Why are you leaving?""If I go to college, I can bring Mom back.""Eddie, why can't you just let her be gone?""I just can't. Dad said something about a bone-covered phone, and I've asked around about it, and if I get my hands on one, I can bring Mom back. I have to do this. When Mom's back, everything will be all right again.""I don't think that's how it works.""Sorry, Mal. I gotta go."

"Okay. But don't forget about me, all right?""I'll call you when I get to the Academie."

Time for a pit stop...

"Hey! Boys! I brought a friend home from work! Be nice! I mean it!"

"Oh, no need for that. I'm sure we'll get along famously."

Next time: what's Skanky Tiffany doing at the Uglacy?