Intentional peer support as a response to trauma and shame

Natalie Walker

11,000 people were charged with child abuse material offences in 2015 (Australia)

99% of offenders are male. Most common profile aged 25-50, married with children

This is an traumatic experience affecting thousands of families in Australia

In the 72 hours after ‘60 Minutes’ 1000 new users came to our website

Who is affected?

What PartnerSPEAK offers

Online peer support for partners of online child sex offenders:• Founded by individuals affected by their partners’ involvement in child abuse material• Partners feel like they are the only person in the world experiencing this• Particularly transformative where there is shame & blame• Peers do not problematise the person • Helper not victim

Advocacy Media/Raising awareness Lobbying Partnerships/

referralsSupport

What PartnerSPEAK offers

Professional development for professionals:• Many practitioners have their own response to learning about child abuse material• Partners report that professionals not understanding the offence was a barrier to support• Partners report that professionals not understanding they were in trauma led to re-traumatisation /

unrealistic expectations• Partnering with RMIT to lead in research• Professionals want to know more

Advocacy Media/Raising awareness Lobbying Partnerships/

referralsSupport

“ …offering and receiving help, based on shared understanding, respect

and mutual empowerment between people in similar situations ”

Mead et al, 2001

Defining intentional peer support

“ How could she not have known? ”

• Blames the partner (secondary victim-survivor)• Removes accountability and the focus on the offender• Assumes that we would know• Assumes the partner can not be trusted (e.g. with keeping her children safe)

Pervasive myths

What can we learn from our knowledge of domestic violence?• Highly skilled in manipulation, gas-lighting, campaigns to discredit the partner• Deliberately shames and evokes fear in partner to reduce her capacity• Highly invested in a public persona (He could never do something like that)• Affects all kinds of families / does not discriminate

Response to pervasive myths

Examples:1. “ You will be charged because you didn’t report me. ”2. “ If we ever break up she will tell people I was looking at child porn. ”

Worker: “… You trusted the boys father ”

Rai: “ Imagine living in a world where if you are a in a car accident that is of no fault to you, then being told that you cannot drive with passengers ever again. Because 20 years ago you trusted other drivers to stop when you stopped for a red light. ”

Used with permission.

Rai

Trauma-informed peer supports starts with the question,

“What happened to you?”not

“What is wrong with you?”

www.intentionalpeersupport.org

Shery Mead

Intentional Peer Support Core Materials 2014

Trauma informed peer support

Introducing,

Nijole Lucinskaite

What does PartnerSPEAK mean to its members?

“ Knowing someone has had similar experiences and stories … gives one hope and a feeling of being understood and not judged ”

“ I am more open to others and to doing activities and events – interacting with others, it is making mine and son’s life fuller, richer and more interesting ”

“ I have become more self-aware and self-valued as a result. I matter. ”

Aviva family violence peer support findings

Evaluation of [face to face] peer support groups:

• The discovery of child abuse material = trauma (often long-term, often severe PTSD)

• Responses from others = shame (often internalised)

• Intentional peer support = mutuality, a voice, empowerment, self-worth, hope, impact on relationships/life outside of peer support

Trauma, shame & peer support

“ It was a huge sense of relief to discover that I wasn’t alone, and that there were people out there who not only understood what I was going through, but who actually had a positive outlook on life and healing. I think I found a hope that I didn’t know existed. Eventually I felt comfortable enough to share bits and pieces of my own story. The support and compassion that complete strangers were able to offer has made an immeasurable difference to my own healing. Things that once felt unspeakable are not… Things that were once shameful are not. ”

Sexual assault survivor & forum moderator,

in Burrows, 2011 for SECASA/RMIT

Healing & redressing shame

Natalie Walker0468 321 357natalie@PartnerSPEAK.org.au

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