Shame Training

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  1. 1. Shame Bren Brown
  2. 2. Shame Shame is the swampland of our soul Guilt vs. Shame First form of shame: Im not & will never be enough Second form of shame: Who do you think you are? Shame is a result from fear of disconnection
  3. 3. Shame Highly correlated with negative outcomes Anxiety, depression, addiction, eating disorders, etc. The warm wash of shame feels the same for all But gender triggers shame differently Women: Must do it all, do it all perfectly, and never let them see you sweat. Men: Must never be perceived as weak.
  4. 4. Shame Epidemic in our culture To get out from underneath it, we must understand how it affects us Shame grows exponentially in secrecy, silence, and judgment Shame is extinguished with empathy and voice
  5. 5. Whats Behind Shame? Fear of Vulnerability
  6. 6. Vulnerability To let ourselves be fully seen Emotional risk Exposure Uncertainty To be fully honest
  7. 7. Vulnerability Fuels our daily lives Most accurate measurement of pure courage
  8. 8. Wholehearted Living Must believe that were worthy of love and belonging in order to experience a strong sense of love and belonging 4 Characteristics of Wholehearted Living: 1. Courage to be imperfect. Courage: to tell the story of who you are, with your whole heart
  9. 9. Wholehearted Living 2. Compassion to be kind to yourself first and then to others 3. Authenticity to be who we are Connection happens when were willing to let go of who we think we should be in order to be who we are
  10. 10. Wholehearted Living 4. Embrace vulnerability Believe that what makes us vulnerable, makes us beautiful Willingness to do something with no guarantees, breathe through the unknown, invest in a relationship that may not be permanent
  11. 11. Whats standing in our way 1. We numb vulnerability
  12. 12. Whats standing in our way 2. We make everything thats uncertain, certain
  13. 13. Whats standing in our way 3. We pretend that what we do doesnt have an effect on others.
  14. 14. But wait, theres another way! Love with our whole hearts, even if theres no guarantee Practice gratitude and joy If we truly believe I am enough, were kinder and gentler to those we know and love
  15. 15. Itisnotthecriticwhocounts;notthemanwho pointsouthowthestrongmanstumbles,orwhere thedoerofdeedscouldhavedonethembetter. Thecreditbelongstothemanwhoisactuallyinthe arena,whosefaceismarredbydustandsweatand blood;whostrivesvaliantly;whoerrs,whocomes shortagainandagain,becausethereisnoeort withouterrorandshortcoming;butwhodoes actuallystrivetodothedeeds;whoknowsgreat enthusiasms,thegreatdevotions;whospends himselfinaworthycause;whoatthebestknowsin theendthetriumphofhighachievement,andwhoat theworst,ifhefails,atleastfailswhiledaring greatly,sothathisplaceshallneverbewiththose coldandtimidsoulswhoneitherknowvictorynor defeat. -Theodore Roosevelt
  16. 16. Comments? Bren Brown: Shame Training Prepared by Allie Gross, MSW Intern