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A Webinar with Megrette Fletcher, MEd, RD, CDE

The Weight of Shame: Developing Shame-Resilience with Mindful Eating

©2016 Skelly Skills. All Rights Reserved

Megrette Fletcher, RD, MEd, CDE, is a cofounder of The Center for Mindful Eating and has served in many positions, including as the 2013-2016 president. She is a public speaker and author of a number of books, including Discover Mindful Eating for Kids, Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat with Diabetes with Michelle May, MD, and Discover Mindful Eating with Frederick Burggraf. Megrette has also crafted detailed training for both the consumer and professional, including Am I Hungry: Diabetes; The Before, During and After the Bite Workshop, and The Core Concepts of Mindful Eating online training. She is also Registered Dietitian and Certified Diabetes Educator who has worked at an area hospital for over 16 years.

Megrette has maintained a daily meditation practice since 1999, when she began studying Buddhism as part of the Triratna Buddhist Order. To learn more about Megrette, visit her website at Megrette.com.

About Megrette


http://www.megrette.com/

At the conclusion of this webinar, the learner will be able to:• Define shame• Identify the 12 triggers for shame• Define shame-resilience• Describe what empathy is and how it relates to brain

development• Apply counseling skills in a group setting to convey the

difference between ‘a practice’ and ‘practicing’ • Apply counseling skills in a group setting to promote reflection

Learning Objectives


Part One: Why Shame Resilience?


Defining Shame

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience

that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of

connection or belonging.”


Shame

•Is a basic, universal human experience.

•Runs across all cultures.©2016 Skelly Skills. All Rights Reserved

Shame vs. Self-Esteem•Shame is an emotional experience.

•Self-esteem is a thinking process.


Shame vs. Guilt● Shame is when you

think, “I am bad” or “I am a bad person for having that thought.”

● Guilt is “I did something bad or that is a bad thought.”

*Guilt is actually motivating to B. Brown.


Shame vs. Embarrassment

•Embarrassment is fleeting, normal and eventually becomes funny.

•We know that other people have had the experience, which makes it bearable.


Shame vs. Humiliation

•Humiliation feels bad but makes us angry because it is something someone does to us.

•When we feel humiliated, we feel that we don’t deserve the experience.


PollQuick Quiz: How is Shame Distinct?


We try to use shame to: •Teach people.•Reinforce or control behaviors

But shame only:•Makes people feel rejected, diminished and ridiculed.•Causes excruciating and scarring damages.•Teaches us to feel alone.

How Shame is Used


Activity - The web of shameIntroduction: For women, shame is often described as a “web” that they can get caught up into.


If we looked at all of these messages would you say they tell you:•How you should be…(give examples)•What you should be…(give examples)•Who you should be…(give examples)

Activity - The web of shame


Activity - The web of shameWhat if we change these messages? Do you feel differently, and experience less shame, when someone says…•How you could be…•What you could be…•Who you could be…


What changed?Pause and think for a minute. (This is mindfulness.)

What changed when the word was switched from “Should” to “Could”?


Activity - The web of shameWhat if we change these messages again? Do you feel differently if you said… •How I could be?•What I could be?•Who I could be?


Let’s debrief this activity

What worked?

What would you change?


•Appearance and body image•Money and work•Motherhood/fatherhood•Family•Parenting•Mental and physical health (including addiction)•Sex•Aging•Religion•Speaking out•Surviving trauma•Being stereotyped and labeled

12 Triggers of Shame


What is Shame-Resilience?Defining resilience as:

•Recognizing shame•Moving through it constructively

•Using the experience to develop more courage, compassion and connections


Using Shame-Resilience in your Session

•This is done by understanding the four attributes of empathy

•How empathy relates to my own life

•The connection between empathy and self-compassion

•Practicing self-compassion and empathy with others ©2016 Skelly Skills. All Rights Reserved

Four Attributes of Empathy

1.Perspective-taking2.Staying out of judgment3.Recognizing emotions4.Communicating our understanding of

emotions


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

Isolation

•Exploring the value of listening to our clients.

•Sometimes we feel we know what is wrong but maybe we don’t. (video)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg



Where is not feeling heard in this spectrum?

Emotions contribute to our sense of isolation or connection in the world, in our world.

Isolation Connection



What worked?



PollQuick Quiz: Shame and Feelings

©2016 Skelly Skills. All Rights Reserved©2016 Skelly Skills. All Rights Reserved

Key Concepts about Shame•Shame is not something you “fix”.

• It is an experience that can move a person more towards isolation or connection.

•Shame Resilience Theory states that by developing empathy for ourselves and others, and practicing awareness, increases a person’s ability to remain connected and recover from shame producing experiences.


Part Two: How Mindful Eating Can Help


Principles of Mindfulness:•Mindfulness is deliberately paying attention, non-judgmentally, in the present moment.

•Mindfulness encompasses both internal processes and external environments.

•Mindfulness is being aware of your thoughts, emotions and physical sensations in the present moment.

•With practice, mindfulness cultivates the possibility of freeing yourself of reactive, habitual patterns of thinking, feeling and acting.

•Mindfulness promotes balance, choice, wisdom and acceptance of what is.


What is Mindful Eating?•Allowing yourself to become aware of the positive and nurturing opportunities that are available through food selection and preparation by respecting your own inner wisdom.

•Using all your senses in choosing to eat food that is both satisfying to you and nourishing to your body.

•Acknowledging responses to food (likes, dislikes or neutral) without judgment.

•Becoming aware of physical hunger and satiety cues to guide your decisions to begin and end eating.


Someone Who Eats Mindfully:•Acknowledges that there is no right or wrong way to eat but varying degrees of awareness surrounding the experience of food.

•Accepts that their eating experiences are unique.• Is an individual who by choice, directs their attention to eating on a moment-by-moment basis.

•Gains awareness of how they can make choices that support health and well being.

•Becomes aware of the interconnection of earth, living beings, and cultural practices and the impact of their food choices on those systems.


The Principles of Mindful Eating HandoutDirections: •Circle the words that resonate with you. •These words may feel powerful, and may touch you emotionally.

•Cross off any words that trigger feelings of shame.

Activity: Identifying Shame Triggers



What worked?



Mindful Eating Activity

Activity was developed by Michelle May, MD.Published in Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat with Diabetes

On the handout titled Healthy vs. Restrictive Eating please follow along.



What worked?



What is a Practice?The Core Concepts in Mindful Eating training describes a practice as the following:

“In a Practice, the focus is not on a specific goal or on getting “good” at something, but instead comes with the intention of returning to a behavior in a consistent manner. “©2016 Skelly Skills. All Rights Reserved

Discipline and Diligence• Discipline is about learning by instruction and exercise. • Inherent in the meaning of discipline is the concept of

diligence, which refers to persistent work or effort. • Neither of these words are about punishment. • They are about learning from applying consistent effort. • Everyone needs to be diligent when developing a

Mindfulness and Mindful Eating practice!


Key Points to Remember•Shame is often present in nutrition counseling sessions.•Acknowledging shame in your session builds shame resilience.

•Recognizing shame and shaming triggers can be enhanced by the practice of mindful (nonjudgmental) awareness.

•Shame is a complex concept that may present differently in people with eating disorders/trauma.

•Additional support, education and training is recommended if your clients include this population.


● Thank you for attending! ● Brene Brown TED Talk: Listening to Shame.

Available at www.ted.com.● Discover Mindful Eating (35 CPEU) and Discover

Mindful Eating for Kids (35 CPEU). Client-ready handouts and activities to develop mindfulness for kids and adults. Available at www.skellyskills.com.

● The Center for Mindful Eating webinar: Shame: the Soul Eating Emotion, by Caroline Baerten RD. For clients with eating disorders/other trauma. Available at: www.tcme.org

More On This Topic


http://www.ted.com

http://www.skellyskills.com

http://www.tcme.org

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