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Handling Holiday StressThe key is managing expectations.

BY PAM HOUGHTON

WHEN WE HOSTED OUR FIRST THANKSGIVING, I wasn’t sure I had the chops to make the food come out of the oven or off the stove – all at the same time – for more than 20 people. Plus, I had visions of my mother and her painstaking competence in the kitchen. To top it off , she always made the tables look pretty. Was I capable of a perfectly timed, festively served Th anksgiving Day meal?

It seemed like a tough assignment. I didn’t know how to make a turkey. Nor what sweet potatoes were – a vegetable or a fruit? And I’d never mashed potatoes. Oh, the anxiety!

“Anytime we feel anxiety, which leads to stress, we’re too far out into the future,” says Bloomfi eld Hills psychotherapist Pam Vaughan. And with the holidays, “it’s all futuristic. We’re thinking, ‘Will I ever get this

done?’” Even when the holidays are a month or two away, with time to prepare, “we are not in the present moment to create a plan or attack the list of things to do step-by-step.”

My kitchen anxiety didn’t last forever. Eventually, it led to a solution I depend on today: family members bring side dishes such as green bean casserole and my sister-in-law mashes potatoes I peel the night before.

And yet – I still get anxious. Even with the extra help, holiday meals are a lot of work. How do you stop worrying that the turkey won’t thaw by Th anksgiving?

“You have to reel yourself back into reality by using self-talk: ‘What can I do in the moment that will help me alleviate [future] stress?’ So if

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you are having a big holiday dinner at your house, create your to-do list and then ask yourself, ‘What is it that feels feasible or realistic from this list that I can conquer today?’ Th e rest of it – you have to let go and save for tomorrow or the next day,” Vaughan says.

It’s a skill that takes practice, admits Vaughan. “Recognize when you are out in the future, thinking about what you can’t control. Th en get honest about how much stress you choose to put yourself through voluntarily. Once you realize how oft en you put yourself in that future stress and anxiety, you’ll organically want to change it.”

Royal Oak resident Lynne Cobb seems to have that mastered. “No going overboard with baking, deco-rations or gift s. What gets done gets done. What isn’t done, no one knows but me and I don’t concern myself with it.”

Expectations But there are always expectations that lurk in the background, adding to our anxiety. “We work so hard to make sure everyone is happy and taken care of,” says Rochester resident Linda K. Sienkiewicz, who wrote In the Context of Love (Bud-dhapuss Ink LLC, 2015), a novel about family dysfunction. “Oft en that’s because everyone’s expecta-tions are too high to begin with.”

Th ey can also be based on someone else’s defi nition, Vaughan says. In my case, my mother’s touch for perfectly timed food and pretty

Th anksgiving tables. “We have to be careful during the holidays to manage our expectations and in ad-dition, create our own defi nition of what the holiday should look like,” Vaughan adds.

When Sienkiewicz’s children were growing up, a reality check helped. “I learned to expect that someone would be disappointed, someone would get in a fi ght and someone would misbehave, just like any other day. Why would Christmas be any diff erent?”

How do you handle the adults who misbehave over the holidays? Todd Stuart found a way, especially when “old family dynamics” make their presence known, particularly during holiday meals. “I’ll sit with my family, but frequently get up to check on something in the kitchen and then fi nd ways to stall my return by doing some chore. Usually, no one notices my absence because I come and go.” It’s a strategy that helps him “manage my anxiety.” Cheekily, he adds, “It may also my save someone’s life, including my own.”

Th e hoopla of shopping and cele-brating can also whip up stress and anxiety and overshadow the spiritual aspect of the holidays. “We lose the meaning of what the holidays are all about,” says psychotherapist Vaughan.

“Traditions and religions in addition to Christianity have bought into the buying frenzy brought on by retailers who are trying to fi nish the year in black,” says musician, poet

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and Royal Oak resident Roberta Brown. She suggests a diff erent focus, one that reinforces the true meaning of the season. “Spend time helping others less fortunate – whether it’s in a soup kitchen, a shelter or meeting other needs.”

Meditation and SupplementsCan meditation reduce stress? Dr. Stacey Francis thinks so, even if the practice of meditation can be diffi cult to master. “It’s hard to get to zero thoughts,” especially when we are expected to pick up the pace over the holidays, admits the chiropractic kinesiologist and nutritionist, who recently moved her practice to Bloomfi eld Hills. “But the best way to get there is through

deep breathing,” the kind where your belly infl ates, she says. “You can do that while praying or reading poems, anything that takes you away from the stress of your thoughts and allows you to slow down.”

You can also take supplements. “B Complex is the go-to sup-

plement for stress,” she says. “We need all the B vitamins, B1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 12 and methylated folate (B9) for almost every process our body performs.”

B12 helps with energy, B6 with hormone balance and methylated folate for detoxifi cation. “If you can’t detox, you will get sick,” important, because we live in a toxic world, she says. Th e herb Ashwagandha can moderate the eff ects of stress, she adds.

Vitamins A and D are naturally anti-viral – helpful since the holi-days oft en wear us out. As supple-ments, they can boost our immune system, she says. So can Vitamin C – preferably a daily adult dose of 3000 MG; other Vitamin C sources

include fresh fruits and vegetables, particularly kiwi, she adds.

Probiotics – the good bacteria that resides in the gut, also known as the GI system – can be found in homemade yogurt, kefi r (a yogurt drink) and sauerkraut, as well as in supplemental form, she says. “Th e nervous system of the gut connects with the brain, so when the gut is happy, the brain is happy.”

And when the brain is happy, we feel less stress. Let’s hear it for a more peaceful holiday season – and a lot less stress. NS

Pam Vaughan, psychotherapist

Dr. Stacey Francis, chiropractic kinesiologist

Seasonal DepressionPamela Mason fi ghts seasonal depression caused by lack of daylight and the loss of loved ones, whose absence is particularly acute over the holidays. “I must get outside, no matter what the weather is.” The writer and DIY expert also lights up her house with LED bulbs and Christmas lights and works out at the YMCA. “Physical activity raises the endorphins and encourages healthier food choices. It all sounds trite, but all of that really helps me through dark winter months and holiday stress.”

For More InformationPam Vaughan is a psychotherapist, life coach and organizational development consultant. She has an M.A. in humanistic and clinical psychology from the Michigan School of Professional Psychology. Contact information: 74 W. Long Lake, Suite 100, Bloomfi eld Hills; vaughan.pamela@yahoo.com; 248-752-1275; pamelavaughan.com.

Dr. Stacey Francis is chiropractic kinesiologist and nutritionist with a practice in Bloomfi eld Hills; she also teaches at Beaumont’s School of Yoga Therapy. Contact information: 74 W. Long Lake, Suite 100, Bloomfi eld Hills; info@specifi cwellness.com; 248-213-1332; specifi cwellness.com. 000000

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