the village family magazine - october/november 2014

October/November 2014

Fargo-Moorhead’s Biggest Family Events Calendar

OVeReAtiNg: AN eMOtiONAL JOURNeY

stop Your Child from Biting!Planning a sleepover

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Geeta Sakariya, MDFamily MedicineEssentia Health-Moorhead Clinic

Dr. Geeta Sakariya has joined the Family Medicine Department at the Essentia Health-Moorhead Clinic.

“As a family medicine physician, I get to care for patients of all ages,” says Dr. Sakariya. “I love building relationships as my patients grow older and particularly enjoy when I’m able to care for patients of different generations within the same family.”

Dr. Sakariya earned a medical degree from the Government Medical College in Surat, India. She completed a residency in family medicine at the University of North Dakota Center for Family Medicine in Bismarck, ND.

To schedule an appointment with Dr. Sakariya, call 701.364.8900.

“Part of my job is to teach my

patients about preventative

medicine. I encourage them

to make healthy choices that

will impact their lives in a

positive way.” – Dr. Sakariya

To see her profile, go to EssentiaHealth.org and click on “Find a Medical Professional.”

4 villagefamilymag.org familyOctober/November 2014

Speaking with a couple of co-workers the other day, I was surprised to hear them both acknowledge Thanksgiving—unequivocally—as their favorite holiday. I’ve always enjoyed Thanksgiving and see it as a nice chance to visit with my extended family and eat a great meal. But…my favorite holiday? I don’t think so. To them, Thanksgiving is not about mingling with long lost relatives; and it’s not about acknowledging the pilgrims and their place in history; it’s about the food—an

abundance and variety of food few of us experience any other day of the year. They each insisted their favorite holiday cooks made the “best turkey and side dishes” ever consumed. The enthusiastic descriptions of their annual feasts—in mouth-watering detail—convinced me Thanksgiving really was their favorite holiday. (Bah! Humbug! to Christmas, I guess.)

Like my co-workers, many of us look forward with eager anticipation for the delectable meals and special treats we’ll encounter in the upcoming holiday months. Unfortunately, many others approach this time of year, and all its food-centric celebrations, with dread. For overeaters and those dealing with eating disorders, the holidays create additional obstacles which can cause their anxiety about food to ratchet up months before in anticipation. In this issue’s feature article, “Overeating: An Emotional Journey,” writer Patricia Carlson shares the story of one person’s life as an overeater. She also talks to local professionals who offer suggestions for helping people in your life who are troubled by eating disorders.

Sticking with the holiday theme, I think the importance of friends and family becomes more pronounced this time of year. In many ways, it’s easy to stay connected with family—they seem to force their way into our lives, or at least make their presence known. It can be more difficult to maintain friendships. Friendships take effort and intention, but their worth is immeasurable. So much has been written about friendships I know I can’t do the topic justice in my limited space here. I would like to say, however, I am humbled by the gifts my friends have given me and the value they have added to my life. I recognize you must be a friend to have a friend, and I challenge myself every day to model my behavior after those friends I cherish most. Our article, “How to Be a Better Friend,” gives some wonderful reminders of what we can all do to cultivate friendship.

Thanks for reading.

YOUR FAMILY z from the editor

Publisher The Village Family Service CenterGary WolskyTammy Noteboom

Editor-in-ChiefKelly Lynch

Graphic Design & LayoutJared Zimney

Advertising Sales ManagerJoy Ryan

Advertising SalesJeff Meyer

Calendar EditorShayna Hendricksen

Copy EditorShayna Hendricksen

The Village Family Service Center Board of DirectorsCarrie Bjorge, David Dougherty, Richard Duysen, Judy Green, Matthew Hallaway, Dr. Richard Hanson, Tammy Hauck, Richard Henderson, Dr. Karen Mellum, Nancy McKenzie, Tom Nelson, Dr. Joy Query, Becky Walen

For advertising, call 701-451-5000

For editorial comments or questions, please call 701-451-4937 or email [email protected]

For subscription information, please call 701-451-4936

Printed by Forum Communications Printing, Fargo, N.D. ©2014 The Village Family Magazine.

All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. The Village Family Magazine is a registered trademark.

The Village Family Magazine does not necessarily endorse content of advertising.

The mission of The Village Family Magazine is to broaden the ability of The Village Family Service Center to improve the quality of people’s lives. In each issue, articles and features will educate and encourage families to develop and maintain positive, constructive relationships.Mail correspondence to:The Village Family Service CenterATTN: Family Magazine1201 25th St. S., Fargo, ND 58103

October/November 2014 Vol. 18, No. 5

About the Cover PhotoGinna and Gwyneth (Age 2 ½)

Photography by Sarah Hardie Photography

(See ad pg. 39)

5villagefamilymag.orgfamily October/November 2014

departmentsz do-it-together

6 Making a Family BookGather the kids, some memorable family stories, a selection of great photos, and put together a family book to capture those cherished moments forever.

z parenting

14 Tips to Break the Biting HabitBiting is a typical behavior in young children. Here are some effective strategies to curb this common toddler trait.

16 Planning a Tween/Teen SleepoverHaving friends spend the night can be loads of fun for your child. Set a few ground rules and it will be enjoyable for you, too.

z spiritual

21 How to Be a Better FriendIn the busyness of life, sometimes we lose focus on relationships outside our family. The author reminds us to nurture friendships and tells us how.

z feature

38 Overeating: An Emotional JourneyMaintaining a healthy relationship with food can be a challenge for some people. One woman shares the story of her lifelong struggle.

in every issue

z gary’s opinion ......9z books & movies ..10z mom’s view .........12z dad’s view ...........13

z events calendar ....24z food & fun ............45z words & wisdom ..46

Like Us on Facebookfacebook.com/VillageFamilyMag

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Artwork by Dennis Krull


Opening a colorful, professionally printed book to read about your own

family—your hobbies, relationships, travels, and other things that make you special—is such a rewarding experience. Just like you and your children get to know Curious George, Madeline, and other literary characters through books, reading your own stories and seeing your own pictures and artwork on the page is a way to explore who you are as individuals and as a family.

In the past, creating homemade books required arts and crafts supplies like construction paper, crayons, string, and glue. There is certainly an element of fun in composing a storybook that way. But now, online companies make it easy to design a family book that resembles a “real” book from the library or bookstore. These steps will help you transform your family’s ideas into a durable, professional-quality book you can enjoy for years.

Supply List • A computer you can download

software onto• Digital camera (optional)• Scanner (optional)• Construction paper, string, scissors,

glue or tape (optional)

Decide What Your Book Will Be About

With so many possibilities, this could be the most challenging part of the project. You may want to start a notebook or digital list to save ideas for the future.

One way to hone in on a book topic is to ask your kids the open-ended question, “If we made a book about our family, what would you like it to be about?” You should also consider from the beginning whether you’d like your book to be a gift for someone outside your family. I’ve made books for my personal use, such as cookbooks, that I later realized could double as great gifts. Sometimes, having a certain recipient in mind will influence the creative process.

Sara Watson Curry, youth associate at the Moorhead Public Library, shares some ideas about book content. “Families each have their own set of mythologies and symbols that tend to become special for them, and they can become characters in their books. In second grade, I created a book about my

mother’s doll and the adventures she got into in our backyard.”

Curry suggests food as a topic, too. “Food can be fun. Either recap a special meal or highlight family members’ favorite foods, maybe including recipes.”

“In addition to the content and visual elements, you could work together on a special rhyme or rhythm to the words. A number of popular children’s characters have a sort of repetitive chorus—‘Pete the Cat’ comes to mind, and ‘Skippyjon Jones’ is full of rhymes,” says Curry.

Here are a few title ideas to generate discussion:

• Trips We’ve Taken• Our Family’s Favorite Things (songs,

foods, places, colors, etc.)• The Johnson Family Birthday Book• The Ramirez Family Tree• Meet Our Pets

Gather ContentTo develop text for your book, try

interviewing each other using pen and paper or a recording device. Later you can type your responses in order to cut and paste them into your book’s layout.

Gather digital photos from your family’s existing collection, and take new photos if you want to supplement what you already have. You can also search the internet for non-copyrighted images.

In addition to digital images, you may have printed photos and documents to scan into digital format. Consider including family members’ drawings, handwritten lists, ticket stubs, and recipe cards. For instance, when I was making a

book about family camping trips, I found a sheet of notebook paper with a list of all the animals we had seen on one trip, which I was able to scan and include in the book. Your family can explore the house together for items to add to your story.


Construct a Paper Mock-Up(This step is optional.) You can work together on the entire

paper book, or divide up sections or tasks among family members. Begin by determining how you’re going to organize your content. Chronological order makes sense in some cases, like a book about family trips you’ve taken. A book about your family’s favorite things could be organized by family member or by category.

As you put together a paper model, try using different colors and varying the sizes of pictures and text. Using cut-outs of images and text blocks, experiment with page placement before gluing cut-outs to the page. Let your imagination run wild. For example, you could surprise your readers (even if it’s just your future selves) with a page that has one huge word taking up the entire space.

Choose a Book-Making Website Blurb, FiftyThree, CreateSpace, and Shutterfly are some of

the increasing number of websites where you can design and print books. Different sites offer different pricing and design flexibility, so investigate a few before choosing the best one for your project.

Along the way, decide whether you will use a site-provided template or create your own layout from scratch using a program like Adobe InDesign. I’ve tried both approaches, and I recommend starting with a template if you don’t have a lot of experience with design software. Then again, maybe that’s just the kind of thing your family likes to jump into and tackle. The website you choose should have clear instructions as well as customer support if you need help. If it doesn’t, find a different site.

Create Your Book’s LayoutBefore you begin work on the layout—and throughout the

process, if possible—make sure everyone has a chance to have input and give feedback about the book’s content and design. Be ready to compromise, though you could make multiple versions of a book to suit people’s preferences.

Don’t worry about doing all of the layout in one sitting—you’ll be able to save your work and return to it several times, if necessary.

Order Your BookEven if you plan to buy multiple copies, consider ordering

just one book first to make sure it’s what you want. You can order additional copies down the road, revising your initial attempt if desired. For books with a fair amount of text, I’ve found it’s nice to have a print copy to proofread. I catch things I didn’t see the three or four times I read through it on a computer screen.

When your printed book arrives in the mail, enjoy reading it together and sharing it with friends and extended family. Discuss what you like about your book and what could be improved while it’s still fresh in your mind, so you’ll know what to do differently next time.

Display Your BookAs a family, designate a shelf or display area at home for all

the books you will make together. Gwen Hoberg is an editor, writer, and classical musician. She

lives in Moorhead and recently made the book “The Hoberg Family at Lake Metigoshe.” Learn more about Gwen’s work at www.contentandcontour.com.

9villagefamilymag.orgfamily August/September 2014

YOUR FAMILY z gary’s opinion

By Gary Wolsky, President/CEOThe Village Family Service Center

In January of this year, the North Dakota Legislature hired Schulte Consulting to examine North Dakota’s behavioral health system. Concurrently, a North Dakota Behavioral Health stakeholder’s group was

convened to make sure everyone was at the table. Representing the nonprofit sector, The Village is honored to be a part of this group which includes public and private behavioral health providers, policymakers, educators, consumers, and state officials from corrections, and the judicial and executive branches.

All organizations and systems require periodic makeovers in regards to policies, procedures, and organizational structures, and I see the Legislature’s actions as positive steps toward improving the behavioral health systems in the state. This represents the most thorough review of this topic that has been done in many years.

The “Schulte Report,” released in July, points out many shortfalls in our behavioral health system. Before I get into those findings and recommendations, let me share some information and history about the North Dakota Department of Human Services (DHS), the department affected by the findings of the report.

The DHS is one of the largest, most complex and far-reaching units of state government. The department’s budget exceeds $1 billion, and DHS oversees many programs necessary to the well-being of our residents. The department was last “overhauled” in the 1980s. Prior to that, DHS had an executive director and a board of citizens called the Social Service Board of North Dakota that provided oversight and accountability to the programs, as well as represented the needs of the citizens when necessary. It, of course, wasn’t perfect but served our citizens well for many years. Our current system, which emanated out of that change, has also served us well.

But the recent and final report by Schulte Consulting reflects the fact that the department may be due for a tune-up. Of course, as with any consultant’s

effort, much of the report seems to be clearly on track, while some needs greater evaluation. However, there are a couple of themes that are worthy of noting, and in one way or another, these topics will impact many of our readers and many of the state’s citizens who need these services. The document delineates 51 strategies to implement change in six areas: service shortages, workforce expansion, needed insurance coverage changes, needed changes in the department’s structure and responsibility, improved communication, data collection and research.

It also identified five areas that require further study: transportation, judicial matters, definition of core services, tribal partnerships, and advocate training.

One of the themes/recommendations is to “privatize” some of the services now provided by the Department of Human Services to private agencies. Some other states have done this to a greater or lesser extent and it is certainly worth looking into.

In my experience, it is generally much easier to hold a private agency accountable for outcomes, etc. compared to a governmental unit. A cautionary note, however, it has been a clear trend over the last four or five decades for private agencies to become more and more dependent on government funding. Before government became so huge and central to the provision of human services, we were more reliant on churches, United Ways, etc. While this wasn’t perfect, it surely kept a closer relationship between who was paying the bill and who was benefiting from the services. While there may be nothing fundamentally wrong with an ever-expanding role of government, it clearly changes the sense of who “owns” both the private agency and the services it delivers. All these things may be subtle, but ultimately quite influential.

An aside: The Village’s reliance on government to support our programs amounts to 27 or 28 percent of our annual budget. We are very proud to partner with both county and state governments to support programs that are immensely successful in working with high-risk kids. The rest of our budget is reliant on a multitude of diversified income sources

ranging from insurance companies: United Ways: and corporate, family and individual donors, etc. Our business plan reflects the fact that we are truly owned by the individuals and communities we serve. We continue to believe this is an appropriate role that is consistent with our history and important to our continued success.

I realize that to a lot of people, subjects such as this are as exciting as watching paint dry. If you’re in that group, you quit reading some time ago. Those of you who have a reason to continue will understand the gravity of what is being discussed in terms of our future ability to provide adequate services to our citizens.

While the report indicates our state’s mental health system needs attention, there is some very good news embedded in this process. In this region, we are blessed to have so many folks with a strong work ethic and a passion for what they do. This surely includes the folks who work at the Department of Human Services.

And I think due to the excellent work of both the Legislature and the stakeholder’s committee, the professionalism and thoroughness of our consultant, and a growing awareness that some change is truly necessary, now may well be the time to take steps to improve North Dakota’s behavioral health systems. I’ll keep you posted.

P.S. George and Arline Schubert, dear friends of The Village for a number of years, have compiled an engaging account of North Dakota history in their book, “A Child From the North Dakota Prairie.” It gives the reader a personal glimpse of one family’s survival through difficult circumstances as it relays the tumultuous life of Beulah Margaret Kensler (1916-1983).

If you are interested in purchasing a copy of the book, email: [email protected].

The opinions expressed in this column are strictly those of The Village Family Service Center CEO. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the organization, staff, or boards of directors.

Behavioral Health in North Dakota

Wolsky


“the sound of Music”PGAvailable on DVD

There is so much to enjoy about this incredible musical from Rodgers & Hammerstein: the breathtaking Austrian scenery, Julie Andrews singing songs we’ve come to treasure, the mischievous children most kids can relate to, and the fictionalized account of one family’s escape from the Nazis. The story involves the von Trapp family—seven children and their very strict, widowed father (Christopher Plummer). Captain von Trapp hires Maria (Julie Andrews) as the children’s governess. The household is a sad, unwelcoming place before Maria arrives. She loves to sing and discovers the children sing very well, too. Eventually, Maria is able to bring joy to the household, she and Captain von Trapp fall in love, and together they orchestrate their escape. Dust off this old classic, make some popcorn, and enjoy a delightful evening with your family.

YOUR FAMILY z m vies

New On DVD

New to Theaters

“Alexander and the terrible, Horrible, No good, Very Bad Day”PGIn Theaters October 10

Steve Carell lends his signature brand of humor to this Disney film based on Judith Viorst’s 1972 children’s book of the same name. The movie follows 11-year-old Alexander as he goes through a torturous, calamity-filled day. Carell plays the father and Jennifer Garner lends her talents as the mother. When Alexander describes the events of his difficult day to his family, he gets very little sympathy. In fact, everything seems to be going great for them. Alexander is convinced bad things only happen to him. However, it isn’t long before the rest of the family experiences their own terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, too, and the result is hilarious.

“Air Bud”PGOn Netflix Instant Stream

Who wouldn’t be entertained by a basketball-playing golden retriever? Buddy is a runaway dog, unloved by his owner. He’s rescued by 12-year-old Josh who just moved to town and is dealing with the recent death of his father. The two become inseparable. Josh likes to practice shooting hoops and realizes Buddy can make baskets, too! The talented retriever becomes the mascot when Josh makes the basketball team. The media goes wild for Buddy’s basketball antics. Of course, once Buddy’s previous owner learns of the dog’s talents, he tries to take him back. According to Common Sense Media, this movie has it all: “A fluffy golden retriever, a basketball final game, a car chase, and mean but comically non-threatening villains.”

“Mr. Peabody & sherman”PGOn DVD October 14

The historical exploits of 1960s cartoon characters, Mr. Peabody—a genius talking dog—and his adopted human son, Sherman, have been resurrected for a new generation. Back then, the duo cruised through the centuries in the WABAC time machine, mingling with historical figures and witnessing historic events. For this DreamWorks adventure, Sherman uses the time machine to impress a girl and ends up tearing a hole in the universe. Mr. Peabody must figure out how to save the day and how to be a good father at the same time. Voice stars include Ty Burrell, Max Charles, Allison Janney, Ariel Winter, and Stephen Colbert.

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Ages 9 to 12“the Beginning of everything”by Robyn schneider

Ezra Faulkner had good reason to imagine his life can be summarized in just two chapters: before and after The Accident. That knee-shattering event not only ended his athletic career, it badly damaged his self-confidence, and changed this high school golden boy into an outsider. Fortunately, the former tennis star and junior class president makes new ties, most importantly with his old best friend, Toby, and a mysterious, captivating new girl named Cassidy Thorpe. With its delicious, wry, first-person voice, “The Beginning of Everything” tells Ezra’s story as he enters a third new chapter of his life.

teenagers“star Wars: Jedi Academy: Return of the Padawan”by Jeffrey Brown

When your middle school is Jedi Academy, you know the semester will be interesting; but for the sometimes blundering Roan Novachez, it often becomes a bit too eventful. In his second year amidst teachers, students, and robots, he learns that letting the class bullies take you under wing can cause major implosions. And, he discovers that letting your jaw flap too freely can alienate even your best friends. Fans of both “Star Wars” and the “Wimpy Kid” series will appreciate Jeffrey Brown’s foray into a galaxy far, far away.

Adults “the silkworm”by Robert galbraith

When novelist Owen Quine goes missing, his wife calls in private detective Cormoran Strike. At first, Mrs. Quine just thinks her husband has gone off by himself for a few days—as he has done before. But as Strike investigates, it becomes clear there is more to Quine’s disappearance. The novelist had just completed a scandalous manuscript that smears almost everyone he knows in the literary world—there are a lot of people who might want him silenced. When Quine is found brutally murdered, it becomes a race against time to understand the motivation of a ruthless killer.

Ages 4 to 8“samson’s gift”by ellen Diederich

Diederich’s captivating color palette of illustrations lures the reader into this enchanting twist to a beloved Christmas tale. Children will adore hearing about Tedra and her cherished lamb, Samson, as together they grow and learn about life. “Samson’s Gift” is our gift from Diederich’s beguiling brushstrokes and inspired imagination.

—Review by Kelly Lynch

YOUR FAMILY zBook Reviews Courtesy Barnes & Noble, Fargo

Baby & Preschool“Jasper & Joop”by Olivier Dunrea

Jasper likes to be neat. Each morning he tidies his nest and puts on his cap and bow tie. Joop likes to be messy! Each morning he rumples his nest and musses his feathers. Despite their differences, Jasper and Joop are two very good friends—birds of a feather! But what will happen when one friend gets into trouble with some busy bees? Another pair of darling goslings makes their debut in this story, with Olivier Dunrea’s perfectly pitched storytelling and delightful illustrations.


YOUR FAMILY z mom’s view

By Gwen RockwoodEarly this morning, I opened my eyes and saw 7-year-old

Jack’s eyes looking right at me, just inches from my face.“Mom,” he whispered. “I need to tell you something.”“What is it, Jack?” I groaned sleepily.“The Tooth Fairy didn’t come last night,” he said. “My tooth

is still there under the pillow and there’s no money!”I bolted upright in the bed with a sick feeling in the pit of

my stomach. Mommy guilt flooded through me instantly. I’d forgotten about the Tooth Fairy’s scheduled visit. Jack’s wiggly tooth had fallen out early in the day and was a distant memory by the time I finally fell into bed the night before.

“Oh, really?” I said, desperately trying to think of a way to fix this. “I wonder what could have happened.”

Then, proving once again that I married well, my husband rolled over in bed and said groggily, “Jack, I bet the Tooth Fairy is just running late because of the snow. She’ll probably come while you’re at school today.”

“Oh! Okay, that makes sense,” Jack said. “I’ll just check when I get home from school.”

Jack went downstairs to eat breakfast and watch for signs of the Tooth Fairy flying through the light snowfall outside the kitchen window. I thanked God for winter precipitation and then congratulated my husband on his quick thinking at such an early hour. I can think on my feet, but not before 7 a.m. and definitely not before a cup of caffeine.

It wasn’t the first time something like this happened. A few years ago, I got caught in a Christmas situation that required some fancy footwork. Late one night, I’d wrapped all the kids’ gifts and put them under the tree, but I’d forgotten to hide the ones that were marked “From Santa.” The next day, our oldest son (who was by then able to read), noticed the tags and asked me how come there was a gift under the tree from Santa, since Santa only comes on Christmas Eve.

With as much conviction as I could muster, I explained that Santa’s sleigh isn’t big enough to carry all the gifts for all the children in the world at the same time. So sometimes he has to send the gifts to your house a few weeks early.

“But how does Santa get them here?” Adam asked.“Fed Ex,” I said.And that’s why, to this day, my kids are thrilled any time

they see the Fed Ex truck in our neighborhood, hoping that, even though it’s February, perhaps Santa is sending them another really early Christmas gift.

That’s the thing about parenting. It requires us to make judgment calls about whether it’s more important to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, or if—in some cases—it’s better to protect your kids’ sense of childhood magic and wonder. When does the Tooth Fairy hang up her wings? When does Santa stop using Fed Ex? How does the Easter Bunny get off the bunny trail?

Sometimes I worry that one day—when the kids start piecing together the facts—we’ll have to come clean about all these creative explanations we’ve shared over the years. Will it take the sparkle out of their eyes? Will they become jaded and disillusioned? Will they wonder if they’ve been raised by pathological liars?

I hope not. I hope they forgive us these fibs of affection. And I really hope they don’t adopt our “creative explanations” when they become teenagers and need to get themselves out of a jam.

Gwen Rockwood is a syndicated freelance columnist. Her book, “Reporting Live from the Laundry Pile,” is available on Amazon and at Nightbird Books. Email her at [email protected] or write to her in care of this magazine.

I Can Explain...

Illustration by Trygve Olson


I Don’t Want to Grow Up

YOUR FAMILY z dad’s view

By J. Shane MercerYou don’t have to be an adult very long before you realize

it stinks. There are mortgage payments and social norms and leaky pipes and dress slacks. The list of constraining, fun-squashing, grown-up things is endless.

As a dad, it’s hard not to be a little jealous of my kids. They’re free of all that responsibility. Another cookie? “Sure! By the way, what’s a ‘calorie’?” Exhaust your life’s savings on Play-Doh? “Oooh, squishy!”

Yeah, being a kid is where it’s at, man. And here are seven reasons why this dad wants to be a child again:

1. The expectations are so much lower. A friend in college used to say the secret to happiness in

life was lowered expectations. He was only half kidding (at most!). People expect so much more when you’re an adult. I mean, when was the last time someone cheered for you enthusiastically (or otherwise) because you had a successfully-placed bowel movement? When was the last time you drew a stick figure and someone framed it? Anyone recently giggle because you flatulated adorably? Yeah, it’s a much lower standard.

2. Extreme bluntness is tolerated.As long as we know they didn’t intend to be mean, we

parents pretty well give kids free rein on bluntness. And they run with it. Once, at age 2 and-a-half, Will looked at my bowl of salsa verde and said, “Somebody puked there.” On another occasion, while I was doing goodnight prayers with my then 6-year-old twin daughters, Ariana and Talia, the latter prayed, “And help us be nice, especially Ariana.” Of course, unfiltered candor isn’t all bad. Around that same age, Talia hugged me and said, “I never want a different dad.” I’m okay with that.

3. Reality just isn’t that important.When Ariana was 5, she said we were having turkey for

Thanksgiving, but “not like animal turkey. Like food turkey.” Ahh, the blissful stupidity of childhood.

4. Even when people don’t like what you did, they still sort of like what you did.

Once, I found an entire (or almost entire) roll of wet toilet paper in the bathroom garbage. The following conversation ensued.

Me: “ Talia and Ariana, who threw away a whole roll of toilet paper?”

Talia: “I did.”Me: “Why?”Talia: “Because it was wet.”Me: “How did it get wet?”Talia: “I put water on it.” (Dad leaves the room to laugh.)

5. Not only does your ignorance not lower you in the esteem of others, it actually often endears you to them.

By age 4, Will had developed some understanding of what a brand is—that there are different brands of various cereals, snacks, or what have you. One night he was sitting in his car seat in the minivan and asked me, “Is buttocks a brand of butt?” I loved him just a little more from then on.

6. The world is simpler.When she was 5, Ariana told me, “When my tummy hurts,

I’m full. My tummy doesn’t hurt so I’m not full.” You eat until you hurt and then you stop. It’s as simple as that. And games can be wildly simple, too. How simple? When Will was 4, he told me that “hu-WAH” ball is only a one-person game. “How do you play hu-WAH ball?” I asked. Will’s reply: “You just throw the ball and say hu-WAH!” I guess that’s a game. I’m certain it’s simple.

7. Kids can go delightfully outside the box.We live in the heart of residential Fargo, and yet, I have 11

stalks of popping corn growing in my backyard. Why? Because I have kids. More specifically, it’s because my kids decided they’d take a few kernels out of a bag of Jolly Time popcorn and plant them. I didn’t know that would work. Actually, they didn’t either. But kids have the time and freedom from responsibility that allows them to just try things. And they don’t always know all of the rules about what you are and aren’t supposed to do. When it comes to a child’s mind, things can get pretty wide open. The other day, Will, who just turned 6, said, “I wish I could change into stuff.” You know, it would be nice if I could shape-shift, even though, at age 40, I’ve pretty well resigned myself to the fact that that ability is not among my set of skills. But, that’s just it. While I take it for granted that

I can’t turn myself into a giraffe, Will’s new enough to this thing called existence that he’s still just a little disappointed about that fact.

J. Shane Mercer is the digital marketing specialist at The Village Family Service Center. He and his wife, Amy, live in Fargo with their three children, Ariana (10), Talia (10), and Will (6).

Illustration by Trygve Olson


Biting is very common among young children for all types of reasons. Most parents

find it frustrating, and they want it to stop—quickly! Understanding why young children bite is the first step in preventing biting, as well as teaching children alternatives to biting. This is a list of the most common reasons for biting and solutions for handling each of them.

tips to Break the Biting Habit

By Jane Greminger

YOUR FAMILY z parenting


The Experimental Biter: It is not uncommon for infants and toddlers to explore their world, including people, by biting. Infants and toddlers place many items in their mouths to learn more about them. Teach children that some things can be bitten, like toys and food, and some things cannot be bitten, like people and animals.

The Teething Biter: Infants and toddlers experience a lot of discomfort when they’re teething. A natural response is to apply pressure to their gums by biting on things. It is not unusual for a teething child to bear down on a person’s shoulder or elsewhere to relieve some of their teething pain. Provide appropriate items for children to teethe on like frozen bagels, teething biscuits, or teething rings.

The Social Biter: Many times children will bite when they are trying to interact with another child. These young children have not yet developed social skills to indicate “Hi, I want to play with you.” So, sometimes they approach a friend with a bite to say hello. Watch young children very closely to assist them in positive interactions with their friends.

The Frustrated Biter: Young children are often confronted with situations that are frustrating, like when a friend takes their toy, or when a parent is unable to respond to their needs as quickly as they would like. These toddlers lack the social and emotional skills to cope with their feelings in an acceptable way. They also lack the language skills to communicate their feelings. At these times, it is not unusual for toddlers to attempt to deal with their frustration by biting whoever is nearby. Notice when a child is struggling with frustration and be ready to quickly intervene. Provide words for children to help them learn how to express their feelings, like “That’s mine!” or “No! Don’t push me!”

The Threatened Biter: Some young children bite as self-defense when they feel threatened. Biting is a way to try to gain a sense of control over their lives, especially when they are feeling overwhelmed by their environment or events in their lives. Provide toddlers with nurturing support to help them understand that both they and their possessions are safe.

The Attention-Seeking Biter: Children love attention, especially from adults. When parents or caregivers give lots of attention for negative behavior, such as biting, children learn that biting is a good way to get attention. Provide lots of positive attention for young children each day, and minimize negative attention to behaviors such as biting.

The Imitative Biter: Imitation is one of the many ways young children learn. It is not unusual for children to try it out after they have watched a friend bite. Offer children many examples of loving, kind behavior. Never bite a child to demonstrate how it feels to be bitten.

The Power Biter: Toddlers have a strong need for independence and control. Very often the response children get from biting helps to satisfy this need. Provide many opportunities for children to make simple choices throughout the day. This will help them feel the sense of control they need. Reinforce children’s attempts at positive social behavior each day.

As with almost all potentially harmful situations involving our children, prevention is the key. As adults, we must be active observers of children to prevent biting. In those times when close supervision doesn’t work, intervene as quickly and as calmly as possible to let the biter know that biting is not okay. Let them know in a firm voice, “That hurts. No biting!” and remove the biter from the situation. Then, turn your attention to the child (or person) that has been bitten.

Jane Greminger is the director of Nokomis Child Care Centers, a program of The Village Family Service Center.

A Program of The Village Family Service Center

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“ teach your child that some things can be bitten, like toys and food, and some things cannot be bitten, like people and animals.”

YOUR FAMILY z parenting

Planning a Tween/Teen

SleepoverBy Amanda Peterson

If you’re into coordinating cupcakes and crafts, it’s easy to get swept away by the hundreds of sleepover themes, activities, and treat ideas on

Pinterest. But as a parent, you know the really important planning for tween and teen sleepovers has more to do with supervision, rules, and knowing the families involved. After all, you want this childhood tradition to be a memorable event for your child, while also being safe and secure.

Tami Selvig, a school counselor at Liberty Middle School in West Fargo, says sleepovers have become a favorite pastime for her two oldest daughters. Recently, they each had a friend stay for the entire weekend.

“The sleepovers we have done in the past have gone very well,” says Selvig, who lives in Fargo with her husband, Daron, and three girls, ages 11, 10, and 6. “I have three girls, so I know to expect a lot of giggling and I’m OK with that. I’ve always wanted our house to be a home where kids feel comfortable and want to hang out.”

That comfort comes from providing a fun home to hang out in, founded in respect. “Basically, my ground rules are about respect—respect each other, respect us, and respect our home,” Selvig says.

Whether you are hosting a sleepover or sending your child off to another home, the following tips will help make it enjoyable for everyone involved.



is Your tween/teen Ready?Just because your tween is begging

for a sleepover doesn’t mean she’s necessarily ready for one. Before sleeping at a friend’s house, try a few practice sleepovers at relatives’ homes. Make sure your child can fall asleep on her own without needing an elaborate routine. Also, watch for any separation difficulties during shorter periods of time, such as school drop-off.

Many children are more comfortable having their first sleepovers in their own home. Invite over a good friend or two (who have experience with sleepovers) and you’ll be off to a great start.

“It’s common to try a sleepover for your child, and then learn from that experience whether your child is ready,” says Kelly Olson, division director for Minnesota offices of The Village Family Service Center. “For instance, if your child fought with the friend, didn’t play with the friend, and complained about the friend the entire time, it may mean your child is not ready to spend that significant amount of time with a peer.”

With time, age, and maturity, your child will be ready to stay at a friend’s house next. “The more responsible a child is in all aspects of life, the better he will do at a sleepover,” says Susan Quamme, coordinator for NDSU’s Parenting Resource Center in Fargo. “Most tweens and teens should be ready to stay overnight.”

Know the Other FamiliesSleepovers work best when the kids

and parents all know each other well. Your child will feel more secure if he’s played at the friend’s home before and feels welcome enough to ask the parents questions or speak up if he needs something. As a parent, you’ll rest easy knowing your child is in familiar territory.

“The best sleepovers we’ve had have been with kids of family friends,” says Jess Almlie, who lives in Moorhead with her husband, Ross, and two children, ages 12 and 9. “These are the people we spend a lot of time with, so the kids are very comfortable at our home.”

If your tween is asking to stay at a friend’s house whom you haven’t met, you have a couple of options. Suggest the friend stay at your house instead and take some time to get to know the child. Alternatively, you could invite the other family over for ice cream or meet at a park. Tell them you are happy the children have become friends and would like to get to know them, too.

If getting together with the other family feels too awkward, try a phone call before the sleepover. Check on times for the sleepover, as well as what the children will be doing and plans for supervision. (See sidebar for sample questions.) Keep your tone friendly and warm. Most parents will be understanding and likely have made similar phone calls themselves.

Janelle Leiseth, mom of children ages 13, 11, 7, and 5, likes to ask the same questions again at the sleepover drop-off. “This can lead to a lengthier drop-off conversation, allowing for a window to know the other parents better,” says Leiseth, who lives in Moorhead with her husband, Matt.

ground RulesYou don’t want to clog up a sleepover

with a list of rules, but it is important to have a few house rules at your own home while hosting, and for your children to follow when sleeping elsewhere.

The Almlies have a rule that a sleepover must be requested 24 hours in advance. This rule takes pressure off both families to say yes to last-minute requests from pleading children. Many families limit sleepovers to one or two guests—though even numbers may prevent a child from being left out.

QUestiONs tO AsK BeFORe A sLeePOVeR

Our experts and families strongly suggest knowing families well before hosting or attending sleepovers. When you already have a connection, you likely have a sense of their family values, rules, and expectations. Here are questions to ask the host family:

• What time should I drop off and pick up my child?

• Will an adult be home the entire time?

• When, approximately, will lights be out?

• What activities will the kids be doing?

• If there are games or movies, what are the ratings?

• Will kids be supervised online?• Will kids be allowed to have

phones or tablets in their room at night?

• Where will the kids be going?• Are there firearms in the house?

Try to ask these questions before dropping your child off at the home, so you don’t have to back out of the sleepover if you are uncomfortable with the answers. Leave your contact information with the host family. Be certain to make it clear to your child and the host that you can pick your child up at any time.

sLeePOVeR ACtiVitiesYou can host a sleepover with a theme

and matching activities or just keep it simple. Here are a few fun ideas for inspiration:

• Movie night with popcorn• Make your own pizzas• Tea party• Dance party• S’mores in a fire pit• Crafts: duct tape projects, loom

band, friendship bracelets, tie-dye• Photo booth pictures: dress up and

take silly photos• Fort building with furniture and

sheets• Spa night: paint nails, fun

hairstyles, pedicures• Nerf wars

“We do Pancakepalooza at our house the morning after a sleepover. I make the pancakes and the kids are left to decorate as much or as little as they like with fruit, whipped cream, sprinkles, chocolate chips, syrup—whatever we can find in the pantry,” says Janelle Leiseth, mother of four.


Quamme suggests ruling out co-ed sleepovers, as well as leaving the house after dark, or sleeping over at a home without an adult present. “Non-negotiable rules should be the ones that deal with physical and emotional safety,” Quamme says.

Be consistent with rules you typically have for your kids, says new dad Brody Clarke, youth minister at Bethel Evangelical Free Church in Fargo. “Don’t have loaded expectations of your child while at sleepovers,” he says. “Hold to rules that would regularly be expected of them.”

If you are hosting a sleepover, run through the house rules with all of the children at the beginning of the evening. Here are some rules you might consider setting:

• Be respectful of people and property.• Lights out at ____ p.m.• Only watch movies and games with

___ rating or lower.• Computers, tablets, and phones can/

cannot be used if ____.• All food should be eaten ______ and

the kitchen closes at ______.• You may sleep or play in these rooms:

___________.

Before your kids head off to a sleepover, review your family rules with them. Explain they apply even if the rules are different in their friend’s house. Here are some rules you might include:

• Be respectful of people and property.• Use your manners.• Clean up your messes.• Follow your family rules for media.

(Keep in mind this might be a lot to expect from a child when peer pressure presents itself.)

• Call home if anything makes you uncomfortable.

Leiseth has plenty of conversations with her kids about what to do if they feel uncomfortable at a sleepover.

Consider having an escape code for your child, says Quamme. “Kids should know that any time they are uncomfortable in a situation that you will go get them, no matter the time,” she says. “My daughter used to call home and ask how her sister was feeling. That was my cue to say, ‘She doesn’t feel good. You better come home tonight. When should I come pick you up?’ This relieved her anxiety from staying in an uncomfortable situation, and she got to save face in front of her friends.”

When they review sleepover rules, manners are key, says Melissa Pickering, youth and family minister at Our Savior’s Lutheran Church in Moorhead. She and her husband, Brian, are parents to children ages 13, 10, 10, and 1. “We encourage our kids, and remind them repeatedly, to say please and thank you, to pick up what they take out, and to clean up their messes,” she says. “I love being a mom, but when my kids go to stay overnight at a friend’s, I am so thankful to the other parents for giving me a little peace and quiet. I make sure I say thank you over and over.”

supervisionAs the host of the sleepover, you’ll

need to find a balance between supervising the children and giving them some space. Food seems to play an important role. “Bring them snacks, snacks, and more snacks,” Leiseth says. “You get to check in more often and the kids just think they’ve hit the jackpot.”

Selvig uses a similar “check-in” approach. “We have a large downstairs family room where the kids spend most of the time, so we can walk through the room and see how things are going quite easily,” she says. “Offer to bring snacks downstairs. Knock on a bedroom door, walk in, and just ask what they are doing. Keep the communication open. Make sure they know you are not trying to catch them doing anything wrong. You are just interested in what they like to do.”

Don’t forget to monitor media as well. “If kids have access to YouTube and such, you should definitely be checking to see what they are doing,” Selvig says. “Kids can innocently be exposed to a lot of garbage. When you are the one hosting the sleepover, it’s your job as a parent to protect all of the kids in your home. When you are taking on the responsibility of other people’s children, you don’t get to just sit back and let them keep themselves busy.”

Even though supervising a sleepover requires some work on your part, keep in mind how much it means to your child. “If you supply a comfortable place for kids to hang out and have some good food, they will be happy,” Selvig says.

Amanda Peterson is an award-winning writer with a love for the Web, social media, and magazines. She lives in Moorhead with her husband and two children.

Life isn’t easy for many of the children in our community, and the proceeds from Wine and Dine impact the lives of children in a positive way through Big Brothers Big Sisters and Nokomis Child Care Centers, both programs of The Village Family Service Center. This year’s Wine and Dine is sold out, but you can help by donating Silent Auction items or making a cash donation for the 8th Annual Wine & Dine at the Fargo Holiday Inn, Friday, November 14. Your Silent Auction item/cash donation will help strengthen our community by strengthening the lives of individual children, right here, right now. Call Jenny at The Village Family Service Center at 701-451-4957 to make your donation.

Thank you to our title sponsor:

Visit us online at www.fmwineanddine.comCheck us out on Facebook!

FM Wine & Dine

8th Annual Wine & DineNovember 14, 2014


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Just before the holiday season, Lesley Dormen’s phone rang. The voice at the other end was so frail and frightened she had a hard time recognizing that it was Toni, her former college roommate. Though they had been close in school, they didn’t speak often, nor did they see each other much as both lived in different cities. “What’s wrong?” asked Lesley. “I have cancer,”

Toni replied. She was anxious because it was a recurrence of the breast cancer she’d been treated for 10 years earlier, and it had now spread to her stomach and ribs. Unmarried and living alone, Toni had recently experienced her first three rounds of chemotherapy. Extremely weary and discouraged, she phoned her college friend who listened compassionately. When the conversation was over, Lesley immediately called an airline and made a reservation. Next, she phoned her husband at work to let him know they would have to cancel their weekend plans. Finally, she called Toni back saying, “I am coming over this very weekend.”

During that time, they cooked and ate together, selected a wig to cover Toni’s balding head, looked through piles of old photographs, and laughed together. As the weekend drew to an end, Toni said to Lesley, “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” Because of the magnificent way Lesley extended friendship, Toni’s spirits were raised significantly.

Friends are the most important ingredient in the recipe called “life.” Good friends help us not only deal with traumas and trials, but guide us in our relationships, pilot us through our careers, motivate us when our spirit is weak,

and help us adjust to life’s many changes and challenges. “Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend,” observed minister and author Charles Haddon Spurgeon. Similarly, the German philosopher Johann Wolfgang Goethe noted, “The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers, and cities, but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us and who, though distant, is close to us in spirit, makes the earth a garden.” Friendship is vital for a meaningful, satisfying life. Here are seven ways to be a better friend.

By Victor M. Parachin

YOUR FAMILY z spiritual

DEEP FRIED

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HOW TO BE A BetteR FRieND


Cultivate friendship attitudes. Being a better friend means cultivating the attitudes that

nurture and grow a relationship. The mindset for friendship includes encouragement, support, positive reinforcement, and showing and speaking your love and appreciation. In his book, “The Fine Art of Friendship,” Ted W. Engstrom says deep friendships are forged on praise and seeing the good in another. To further those goals, he invites people to consider these questions: “Why is it often so difficult for us to say an encouraging word to those we love the most? Why do we tend to overlook the obvious good and dwell instead on the negative? What are the reasons for the roadblocks we set up that keep us from truly being a friend to those we love the most? What can we do to change our attitudes and behavior?”

When your friend is in Crisis, shoW up.

Let your friendship be a sheltering tree from the blistering sun of adversity. Show up for your friend whenever he or she experiences a crisis. Go to the funeral when a friend’s loved one has died. Visit your friend when he or she is hospitalized. Offer your unconditional support, your undivided attention, your shoulder to lean on. When Vivian’s husband ended his life by suicide, she called her friend, Jonathan, who immediately came to her home. He helped Vivian with funeral arrangements, fielded phone calls, stayed at her side during the entire funeral visitation, sat beside her in the chapel during the service, and accompanied her to the cemetery. “It was the saddest period in my life. I don’t know how I could have endured it all without Jonathan’s constant presence at my side,” she says.

stand by your friends. By your words and actions, demonstrate that you value

and appreciate the important people in your life. A good model was Lady Bird Johnson. When she died, members of Johnson’s Secret Service detail were devastated saying, “It’s like losing a member of your own family.” Many of those agents worked closely with Johnson for decades and remained close to her even after they retired. The reason for their loyalty was the way she befriended Secret Service agents, and treated them like friends rather than employees. Jim Hardin, one of her agents, recalled that Johnson, an avid traveler, got private tours of museums and historical sites from curators all over the world. While touring, she would ask many questions, making sure her guards could hear the

answers, Hardin said. Before they left each site, she asked the agents if they’d like more time to look around, and she always took the entire detail out for an elegant dinner to end each trip and express appreciation for their work.

Walk in your friends’ shoes. Do this especially when you find yourself questioning

some action your friend has taken. Doing so will prevent you from making careless, friendship-destroying judgments. Consider this wisdom from Florence Isaacs, author of “Toxic Friends; True Friends”: “Not everyone feels the same way about a situation. To understand why people do the crazy things they sometimes do, put yourself in their place and try to understand their point of view.”

let people knoW they are loved.

One who is skilled in this is country singer Wynonna Judd. She reaches out with friendship and love not only to friends, but even to strangers. Judd explains, “When people talk about making a difference, they usually think about grand, sweeping acts of generosity. But what really makes a difference in my life are the very small, simple moments in which I connect with strangers.” One night she walked out of a movie theater and says she was drawn to a man sweeping the parking lot. “Something told me, ‘Go. You need to talk with this guy.’ It turned out that besides being a huge fan of my family, The Judds, he had just been diagnosed with hepatitis C, which my mother, Naomi, has battled for years.” So, she ended up speaking with the man at length in the parking lot. “Of course, he thought he was getting a big zap of energy from Wynonna, but I’m the one who was transformed,” she says. Apply her principle of reaching out with love to your cherished friends. Your friendships will deepen and grow even closer.

Celebrate important events together.

The headline in the local newspaper at McMinnville, Ore., read: “One prom. One boy. Seven dates.” One prom date is usually a major event in the life of a teenager, but Luke Buchheit, 17, pulled off an incredible feat by bringing seven young ladies to the prom. As the big day approached, Buchheit didn’t know who to invite, so he asked his cousin how many girls still had no date for the big dance. “I might have been half joking at first when I said I’d take them all, but then I thought, this might be kind of cool,” he said. So in the weeks before the May 2 prom, Luke made seven phone calls. Then he ordered seven corsages and a boutonniere with seven rhinestones. He also worked to raise $500 to buy eight prom tickets, his tux, and an eight-person dinner. Seated at the head of the table, flanked by two rows of glittering females, Luke couldn’t help but feel it was worth it. Men stopped to pat him on the back. An elderly woman worked up the nerve to ask what everyone else was wondering: “Does one of you have a date and the rest are going alone?” she asked. “No,” the girls said. “We’re all going with Luke.” Though the girls joked about “Luke’s harem,” friendship overruled romance. Many of the teens have known each other since kindergarten. The lesson: Being a better friend involves celebrating important events together, whether it’s a prom, a graduation, a promotion, a birth, etc.


keep your sense of humor. Friendships profit from a sense of humor. Author Leo Buscaglia laments

the loss of laughter and humor in relationships. In his book, “Born for Love,” he observes, “We have become too serious about everything, too tense, too stressed. We equate maturity with seriousness, and believe that wisdom comes to us only through sober reflection and long-considered judgments. When did gathering with friends become occasions solely for sounding the bell of doom? Our straight laces do, indeed, need some serious loosening from time to time, for our own sake and for the sake of those who love us. The weight of the world is a terrible thing to be saddled with. We should refuse to carry it if it is at the expense of the lighter load of laughter and lightheartedness.”

Friendships are deepened and developed when humor is injected. One woman’s trauma after a miscarriage was lightened considerably when she returned home from the hospital. The same day, her doorbell rang. Opening it, she found her best friend standing there with a takeout restaurant meal, DVDs for her two preschoolers, and a stack of magazines. Smiling, her friend said, “Don’t worry. I’m here to feed you, not poison you. I promise, I didn’t make this. It’s from a restaurant.” The woman who miscarried says, “I had my first laugh in days and it felt so good.”

Always remember this: Though friendship may not remove a person’s troubles and difficulties, it softens the blow and strengthens the will. Lesley Dormen summarizes her weekend visit with Toni this way: “Did I restore her thick, wavy hair? Did I beat back her cancer? No. I simply gave what was in my power to give—some small measure of comfort.” In our daily living, the simple act of extending friendship diminishes grief and increases joy.

Victor M. Parachin lives in and writes from Oklahoma. He is the author of a dozen books, most recently, “Sit a Bit: Five-Minute Meditations for Greater Health, Harmony, and Happiness.”

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To include your event in our family-friendly calendar, email [email protected]. Deadline for the December/January calendar is October 28, 2014.

Although we strive to be as accurate as possible, please call ahead to verify information, registration requirements, or event fees. Due to limited space, we are unable to include all submissions.

Calendar of Events

OCTOBER 2014 EVENTS10.1 Wednesday• History Education Days. Educational stations with costumed

interpreters. 9 a.m.-2 p.m., Bonanzaville, 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-282-2822 or www.bonanzaville.org

• Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com

10.2 Thursday• History Education Days. Educational stations with costumed

interpreters. 9 a.m.-2 p.m., Bonanzaville, 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-282-2822 or www.bonanzaville.org

• Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 4-7 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org

• Wags, Whiskers & Wine. Fundraiser for Homeward Animal Shelter. Call 701-239-0077 ext. 4 for tickets. 6-9 p.m., NDSU Alumni Center, Fargo, www.homewardonline.org

10.3 Friday• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy 10,

Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com

• Dakota Carriage Co. Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com/PumpkinPatch.html

• Fargo Force vs. Madison Capitols. Home opener. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

• Great Plains Harmony 20th Century Live featuring Songs of the Decades. Tickets online at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/832941. 7:30 p.m., Shanley High School, 5600 25th St. S., Fargo

• Astronomy Night. 7:30-9:30 p.m., Regional Science Center Buffalo River Site, Glyndon, Minn., www.mnstate.edu/sciencecenter/

10.4 Saturday• Feed My Starving Children MobilePack. Volunteers

needed to raise funds and package 100,000 meals for hungry children. Learn more at www.fundraising.fmsc.org/Fargo. First Assembly, 3401 25th St. S., Fargo

• Gigi’s Playhouse Fargo Buddy Walk. Presented by Up With Downs. Registration at 9 a.m., walk at 10:30 a.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, www.upwithdownsfargo.com/BuddyWalk.html

• Party in the Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org

• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com


• Dakota Carriage Co. Pumpkin Patch. 11 a.m.-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com/PumpkinPatch.html

• The Filthy 5K. Noon, MB Johnson Park, 3601 11th St. N., Moorhead, www.gobeyondrunning.com

• Red River Reef & Reptile Expo. Noon-4 p.m., Doublewood Inn, 3333 13th Ave. S., Fargo, www.redrivervalleyreefers.com

• FM Visual Artists Studio Crawl. Noon-6 p.m., www.fmva.org• Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Day. View animals for adoption.

1-3 p.m., Petco, 1126 43rd St. SW, Fargo, www.adoptapetfm.org

• Fall Harvest Festival & Pumpkin Patch. 1-5 p.m., Probstfield Farm, 4626 Oakport St. N., Moorhead, 612-558-4216 or www.probstfieldfarm.org

• Four Choirs Concert. 4:30 p.m., Memorial Auditorium, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4515Moorhead Area Public School’s Early Learning Center

218-284-3800

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Early Childhood Screening is a quick and simple check of how your child is growing and developing.

If your child is 3 years old or older call the Early Learning Center at 218-284-3800 for an appointment.

In Minnesota, all children are required to attend a free screening before they enter kindergarten.


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• Saturday Fun Night. Ages 5-12. Register at www.ymcacassclay.org/funnights. 4:30-9:30 p.m., Schlossman YMCA, 4243 19th Ave. S., Fargo (See ad pg. 34)

• Fargo Force vs. Madison Capitols. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

• Great Plains Harmony 20th Century Live featuring Songs of the Decades. Tickets online at www.brownpapertickets.com/event/832941. 7:30 p.m., Shanley High School, 5600 25th St. S., Fargo

10.5 Sunday• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-

6 p.m., 14447 Hwy 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com

• U-Pick Heirloom Pumpkin & Squash Patch. 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Probstfield Farm, 4626 Oakport St. N., Moorhead, 612-558-4216 or www.probstfieldfarm.org

• FM Visual Artists Studio Crawl. Noon-6 p.m., www.fmva.org


10.8 Wednesday• Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd

St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com• Identity Theft Awareness Shred Day. Free shredding of

outdated financial records. Limit 3 banker boxes or 4 shopping bags of material. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Village Family Service Center parking lot, 1201 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-3328

10.9 Thursday• Identity Theft Awareness Shred Day. Free shredding of

outdated financial records. Limit 3 banker boxes or 4 shopping bags of material. 8 a.m.-1 p.m., The Village Family Service Center parking lot, 1201 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-235-3328

10.10 Friday• Edgewood Vista Wellness Fair. 1:30-3:30 p.m., Edgewood

Vista, 4420 37th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-365-8200 or www.edgewoodseniorliving.com

• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com


• American Ninja Warrior/Wipeout Open Gym. Ages 5-14. 7-9 p.m., TNT Kid’s Fitness, 2800 Main Ave., Fargo, 701-365-8868 or www.tntkidsfitness.com

10.11 Saturday• Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes. Registration at 9 a.m.,

walk at 10 a.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 763-593-5333 ext. 6602 or www.diabetes.org/fargostepout



• U-Pick Heirloom Pumpkin & Squash Patch. 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Probstfield Farm, 4626 Oakport St. N., Moorhead, 612-558-4216 or www.probstfieldfarm.org

10.4 & 10.11 U-Pick Heirloom Pumpkin & Squash Patch



• 4 Luv of Dog Rescue Meet the Dogs. Visit dogs available for adoption. 1-3 p.m., PetSmart, 1630 13th Ave. E., West Fargo, www.4luvofdog.org

• Awesome Art Afternoon. 1-3 p.m., RDJ Rec Center, 1104 2nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com

• Dive-In Movie. Bring a water inflatable or use a noodle from the Y. 4:30 p.m., Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622

• Homecoming Concert. 6:30 p.m., Memorial Auditorium, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4515

10.12 Sunday• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447

Hwy 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com

• Apple Dumpling Day. Silent auction, tours, bake sale. 12:30-3:30 p.m., CHI Riverview, 5300 12th St. S., Fargo, 701-237-4700 or www.chiriverview.org

• Autumn Pumpkin Party. 1-3 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena, 1201 7th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org

• Moorhead Fire Dept. Open House. 1-4 p.m., Station 1, 1120 1st Ave. N., Moorhead


• Jazz Ensemble Concert. 2:30 p.m., Buxton/Hanson Hall, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4515

10.15 Wednesday• Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201

42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com10.16 Thursday• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447


• Fargo Force vs. Lincoln Stars. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

10.17 Friday• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447



• Fargo Force vs. Lincoln Stars. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

10.18 Saturday• The Big One Art & Craft Fair. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Fargo Civic

Center, 207 4th St. N., Fargo, www.thebigone.biz• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch.

10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com

10.11 Saturday (cont.)




• Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Day. View animals for adoption. 1-3 p.m., Petco, 1126 43rd St. SW, Fargo, www.adoptapetfm.org

10.19 Sunday• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch.


• The Big One Art & Craft Fair. 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Fargo Civic Center, 207 4th St. N., Fargo, www.thebigone.biz


• Chamber Music Series: Extreme Measures. 2 p.m., The Stage at Island Park, 333 4th St. S., Fargo, 701-478-3676 or www.fmsymphony.org

10.21 Tuesday• The Arc of Cass County Annual

Meeting & Banquet. Registration at 5:15 p.m., meeting/dinner 6-7 p.m., dance 7-9 p.m., Ramada Plaza Suites, 1635 42nd St. SW, Fargo, 701-293-8191 (See ad pg. 30)

10.22 Wednesday• FM Caregiver Conference – The

Fearless Caregiver. Presented by Hospice of the Red River Valley. Register by Oct. 15. For questions and registration, call Julie Marxen at 218-299-5514. 9 a.m.-1 p.m., Hjemkomst Center, 202 1st Ave. N., Moorhead


10.23 Thursday• Dierks Bentley Concert. 7:30 p.m.,

Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com

10.24 Friday• Spooky School Bus Ride. Call for

details. Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622

• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com


• Altrusa/YWCA Baby Shower. Altrusa members will be collecting baby items for the YWCA Emergency Shelter. 5-9 p.m., Kmart, 2301 S. University Dr., Fargo, www.altrusafargo.com

• Holiday Parents’ Night Out. Ages 6 wks-11 yrs. Register by prior Wednesday at 701-364-4166. 5:30-9 p.m., Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo

• Eventide Benefit Auction. Proceeds benefit Eventide residents. More information at www.eventide.org. 6:30 p.m., Hilton Garden Inn, 4351 17th Ave. S., Fargo

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• Halloween Open Gym. Ages 5-14. 7-8:30 p.m., TNT Kid’s Fitness, 2800 Main Ave., Fargo, 701-365-8868 or www.tntkidsfitness.com

• Harvest Moon Fling. Fundraiser for Rape and Abuse Crisis Center. 7-11 p.m., Courtyard by Marriott, 1080 28th Ave. S., Moorhead, www.raccfm.com (See ad pg. 29)

• Fargo Force vs. Waterloo Black Hawks. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

10.25 Saturday• Altrusa/YWCA Baby Shower. Altrusa

members will be collecting baby items for the YWCA Emergency Shelter. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Kmart, 2301 S. University Dr., Fargo, www.altrusafargo.com

• Boo at the Zoo! 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Red River Zoo, 4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-277-9240 or www.redriverzoo.org

• Not Too Scary Haunted House. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org




• Wild West in the XerZone. All ages welcome. 1-3 p.m., Fercho YMCA XerZone, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622


• Moonlight Monster Mash. Games, live DJ, trick-or-treating. Costumes encouraged; parental supervision required. 6:30-9 p.m., Fargo Youth Center, 2500 18th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com

• Performing Arts Series: PROJECT Trio. 7:30 p.m., Memorial Auditorium, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4366

• A Choral Harvest. Presented by FM Chamber Chorale. Tickets available at the door. For reservations, call 701-238-0970 or visit www.fmchamberchorale.org. 7:30 p.m., Gethsemane Episcopal Cathedral, 3600 25th St. S., Fargo

10.26 Sunday• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch.



• A Choral Harvest. Presented by FM Chamber Chorale. Tickets available at the door. For reservations, call 701-238-0970 or visit www.fmchamberchorale.org. 2 p.m., Lutheran Church of the Good Shepherd, 4000 28th St. S., Moorhead

• Spooktacular Party. 2:30-4:30 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena, 1201 7th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org

• FM Area Youth Symphonies Concert with PROJECT Trio. 4 p.m., Memorial Auditorium, Concordia College, Moorhead, 701-388-4536

10.29 Wednesday• Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes

& Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com

• Cher Concert. 7:30 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com

10.31 Friday• Rockin’ Howling Halloween

Happenings. Wear your costume and receive 2-for-1 admission. 3-7 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org

• Community Halloween Carnival. 3:30-5:30 p.m., Courts Plus, 3491 S. University Dr., Fargo, 701-237-4805 or www.courtsplus.org

• Haunted Mall. Scary and not-so-scary spaces, storytime, trick-or-treating. 4-10 p.m., Moorhead Center Mall, 510 Center Ave., Moorhead, 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com

10.24 Friday (cont.)


NOVEMBER 2014 EVENTS11.1 Saturday• Sandy’s Donut Run. 10K Run/Walk begins at 8 a.m., 5K Run/

Walk at 8:05 a.m., www.thedonutrun.com• Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd

St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com• Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Day. View animals for adoption.

1-3 p.m., Petco, 1126 43rd St. SW, Fargo, www.adoptapetfm.org

• Saturday Fun Night. Ages 5-12. Register at www.ymcacassclay.org/funnights. 4:30-9:30 p.m., Schlossman YMCA, 4243 19th Ave. S., Fargo (See ad pg. 34)

• “The Merry Wives of Windsor.” Presented by FM Opera. Pre-opera talk at 7 p.m., show at 7:30 p.m., Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, www.fmopera.org (See ad pg. 27)

11.2 Sunday• Disney Live! Pirate & Princess Adventure. 1:30 p.m. & 4:30

p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com

• “The Merry Wives of Windsor.” Presented by FM Opera. Pre-opera talk at 1:30 p.m., show at 2 p.m., Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, www.fmopera.org (See ad pg. 27)

• The Concordia Orchestra Home Concert. 4 p.m., Centrum, Knutson Campus Center, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4515

• Vocal Jazz Ensemble Concert. 7:30 p.m., Christiansen Recital Hall, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4515

11.5 Wednesday• American Heart Association National Eating Healthy

Day. Register for a free toolkit at www.heart.org/nationaleatinghealthyday


11.6 Thursday• RDO Caters Taters for Charity. Potato luncheon to benefit

Big Brothers Big Sisters. 11 a.m.-1 p.m., Doublewood Inn, 3333 13th Ave. S., Fargo, www.rdocaterstaters.com (See ad pg. 42)

11.7 Friday• Bring a Friend Open Gym. Ages 5-14. 7-8:30 p.m., TNT Kid’s

Fitness, 2800 Main Ave., Fargo, 701-365-8868 or www.tntkidsfitness.com

11.8 Saturday• PANGEA: Cultivate Our Cultures. Multi-ethnic showcase of

music, dance, culinary arts, and children’s activities. 10 a.m.- 4 p.m., Hjemkomst Center, 202 1st Ave. N., Moorhead, 218-299-5511 or www.hcscconline.org (See ad pg. 35)

• Happy 25th Birthday, Yunker Farm! 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org

• Holiday Homes of Hope. Decorated homes in the Osgood neighborhood, Holiday Hope Boutique at the 9 Iron Clubhouse. Benefiting the Cystic Fibrosis Association of ND. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., 701-222-3998


OCTOBER 24, 2014 • 7:00-11:00 PMCOURTYARD BY MARRIOTT-MOORHEAD

WINE TASTING sponsored by cash wise liquor-moorheadSILENT AUCTION, HORS D’OEUVRES,

LIVE ENTERTAINMENT

TICKETS$50/Person or $90/Couple

$550 for Reserved Table of 10 CALL 701-293-7273www.RACCFM.com

for tickets and information


• Awesome Art Afternoon. 1-3 p.m., RDJ Rec Center, 1104 2nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com

• Dive-In Movie. Bring a water inflatable or use a noodle from the Y. 4:30 p.m., Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622

• 4 Luv of Dog Rescue Silent Auction & Gala. 7-11 p.m., Holiday Inn, 3803 13th Ave. S., Fargo, www.4luvofdog.org

11.9 Sunday• Zoolute to Soldiers. Free zoo admission for active duty

military and veterans. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Red River Zoo, 4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-277-9240 or www.redriverzoo.org

• Holiday Homes of Hope. Decorated homes in the Osgood neighborhood, Holiday Hope Boutique at the 9 Iron Clubhouse. Benefiting the Cystic Fibrosis Association of ND. Noon-5 p.m., 701-222-3998

11.12 Wednesday• Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201

42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com• Veterans Day. Military families get in free. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The

Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org

11.13 Thursday• “Les Misérables.” 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre

Main Stage, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-331411.14 Friday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N.

University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org

• Wine & Dine. Benefiting Big Brothers Big Sisters and Nokomis Child Care Centers of The Village Family Service Center. 5 p.m., Holiday Inn, 3803 13th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-451-4957 or www.fmwineanddine.com (See ad pg. 19)

• Fargo Force vs. Sioux City Musketeers. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

• “Les Misérables.” 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre Main Stage, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314

11.15 Saturday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N.

University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org• Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd

St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com• Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Day. View animals for adoption. 1-3

p.m., Petco, 1126 43rd St. SW, Fargo, www.adoptapetfm.org• Handi-Wheels Spaghetti Dinner & Silent Auction. Benefiting

the transportation service provided to people with disabilities and disadvantages in the Fargo/West Fargo area community. 4-8 p.m., Hope Lutheran Church North Campus, 2900 N. Broadway, Fargo, 701-232-3231


• Masterworks Concert II: Along the Silk Road. 7:30 p.m., Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-478-3676 or www.fmsymphony.org


11.16 Sunday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N.

University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org• Art-Mania. Ages 6-12. 1-3 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena,

1201 7th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org


• Masterworks Concert II: Along the Silk Road. 2 p.m., Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-478-3676 or www.fmsymphony.org

• Echo Band Concert. 4 p.m., Buxton/Hanson Hall, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4515

• Fall Bands Concert. 7:30 p.m., Memorial Auditorium, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4515

11.17 Monday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N.

University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org11.18 Tuesday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N.

University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org11.19 Wednesday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N.

University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org• Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd

St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com

• Mannheim Steamroller Christmas by Chip Davis. 7:30 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com

11.8 Saturday (cont.)

The Music Man

Annual

BanquetMEETINGTuesdayOCTOBER 2120

14

AND

Ramada Plaza Suites1635 42nd St SW · Fargo

RegistrationMeeting/Dinner

Dance

5:15PM

6:00-7:00PM

7:00-9:00PM

Dinner FeaturesProsciutto & Smoked GoudaStuffed Chicken BreastRoasted Garlic Mashed PotatoesHoney Glazed Carrots

·

··

EntertainmentThe Music Man

Annual

BanquetMEETINGTuesdayOCTOBER 2120

14

AND

Ramada Plaza Suites1635 42nd St SW · Fargo

RegistrationMeeting/Dinner

Dance

5:15PM

6:00-7:00PM

7:00-9:00PM

Dinner FeaturesProsciutto & Smoked GoudaStuffed Chicken BreastRoasted Garlic Mashed PotatoesHoney Glazed Carrots

·

··

Entertainment

For more info: 701-293-8191

Registration: 5:15 p.m.


11.20 Thursday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.

Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org


11.21 Friday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.


• Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase. 4-9 p.m., Fargo Civic Center, 207 4th St. N., Fargo, www.prideofdakota.com

• Holiday Parents’ Night Out. Ages 6 wks-11 yrs. Register by prior Wednesday at 701-364-4166. 5:30-9 p.m., Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo

• Parents’ Night Out Open Gym. Ages 5-14. 7-9 p.m., TNT Kid’s Fitness, 2800 Main Ave., Fargo, 701-365-8868 or www.tntkidsfitness.com


11.22 Saturday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.


• Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Fargo Civic Center, 207 4th St. N., Fargo, www.prideofdakota.com


• Thanksgiving in the XerZone. All ages welcome. 1-3 p.m., Fercho YMCA XerZone, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622



11.23 Sunday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.


• Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase. 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Fargo Civic Center, 207 4th St. N., Fargo, www.prideofdakota.com

• PRISM Concert. 4 p.m., Memorial Auditorium, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4515

11.24 Monday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.


• Symphonia Concert. 7 p.m., Centrum, Knutson Campus Center, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4515

11.25 Tuesday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.


• Moorhead Tree Lighting. With music from the Moorhead High School Carolers. 5 p.m., Memorial Park Log Cabin, 210 8th St. N., Moorhead, 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com

• Xcel Energy Holiday Lights Parade. www.downtownfargo.com

11.26 Wednesday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.



• Fargo Force vs. Sioux Falls Stampede. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

11.27 Thursday• Thanksgiving Day. For information

on food assistance and meals over the holidays, contact FirstLink by dialing 2-1-1 or 701-235-7335, or visit the website at www.myfirstlink.org

11.28 Friday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.


• Cookies with the Claus Family. Sleigh rides, Games Galore, art, entertainment. 1-4 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org

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Parenting Schedules

Child and Spousal Support

PaternityAbuse Issues

Prenuptial Agreements

GestationalAgreements

Adoption

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Collaborative Negotiating

Lawyers for Families


11.29 Saturday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.


• Fun Frozen Family Festival. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org


• Santa Village. Free admission with donation of canned goods, new toys, or cash. 1-7 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com


11.30 Sunday• Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees.


• Santa Village. Free admission with donation of canned goods, new toys, or cash. 1-7 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com

PUBLIC LIBRARIESCall or visit the library for details. Pre-registration may be required.Fargo Public Main Library102 3rd St. N., Fargo, 701-241-1472 or www.fargolibrary.org• Weekly Storytime for Toddlers &

Preschoolers. Registration required. • Chess Club. Open to all ages and

abilities. Thursdays (except Nov. 27), 5:30-8:30 p.m.

• Alexander’s Bad Day Bash. Storytime and craft event for ages 4-9. Registration required. Oct. 2, 4 p.m.

• Baby Rhyme Time. Lapsit storytime for babies (birth-18 mos). Oct. 2 & 16, Nov. 6, 6:30 p.m.

• Reading the World Book Club. Oct. 2 & Nov. 6, 7 p.m.

• Jazz into Fall Concert: Allen Carter Quintet. Oct. 5, 2 p.m.

• Teen Crafts. Registration required. Oct. 9 & 23, Nov. 6 & 20, 4:30 p.m.

• Little Squirt Science. For preschoolers. Registration required. Oct. 9 & Nov. 13, 6:30 p.m.; Oct. 10 & Nov. 14, 11 a.m.

• Crafter Meet-up. Oct. 11, 1-4 p.m.• PAWS for Reading. Grades K-6.

Registration required. Oct. 11 & Nov. 8, 1 p.m.

• Jazz into Fall Concert: Mary Marshall Trio. Oct. 12, 2 p.m.

• Sulfa: The Drug that Changed the World? Teens and adults invited to learn about the medical world’s first antibiotic drug. Oct. 14, 7 p.m.

• Pokémon Day. Grades K-8. Registration required. Oct. 16, 11 a.m.

• Jazz into Fall Concert: Harley Sommerfield Quartet. Oct. 19, 2 p.m.

• Associates in Adventure (A.I.A.) Book Club for Kids. Grades 4-7. Registration required. Oct. 21 & Nov. 18, 4 p.m.

• Crafts for All: Friendship Bracelets. Registration required. Oct. 25, 10 a.m.

• Legos at the Library. For kids under 12. Oct. 25, 2-4 p.m.

• Jazz into Fall Concert: Kathie Brekke & 42nd Street. Oct. 26, 2 p.m.


• Ghost Stories for Grown-ups. For teens and adults. Costumes encouraged. Oct. 28, 7 p.m.

• North Dakota Statehood Celebration with Illustrator Steve Stark. All ages welcome. Nov. 9, 2 p.m.

• Train Day. Nov. 15, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.• My Little Pony Program. For kids 12 and under.

Nov. 18, 4 p.m.• DIY Kids’ Club: String Art Masterpieces. Grades 3-6.

Registration required. Nov. 22, 10 a.m.• Minecraft IRL (In Real Life). Kids and teens ages 8+.

Nov. 22, 2 p.m.Dr. James Carlson Library2801 32nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-476-4040 or www.fargolibrary.org• Weekly Storytime for Toddlers & Preschoolers.

Registration required.• Baby Rhyme Time. Lapsit storytime for babies (birth-18 mos).

Oct. 2 & 16, Nov. 6, 10 a.m.• Tea Time Book Club. Oct. 5 & Nov. 2, 2 p.m.• Teen Crafts. Registration required. Oct. 7 & 21, Nov. 4 & 18,

4:30 p.m.• Little Squirt Science. For preschoolers.

Registration required. Oct. 9 & Nov. 13, 11 a.m.• Friday Movie. Oct. 10 & Nov. 14, 1 p.m.• Unraveled Crafters Club. Oct. 12 & 26, Nov. 9 & 23, 1 p.m.• Movie Magic Makeup. Oct. 17, 1 p.m.• Pumpkin Decorating & Caramel Apples.

Please bring one pumpkin per child. Oct. 20, 4 p.m.• Crafts for All: Friendship Bracelets.

Registration required. Oct. 23, 6:30 p.m.• My Little Pony Program. For kids 12 and under.

Nov. 17, 4 p.m.Northport Branch2714 N. Broadway, Fargo, 701-476-4026 or www.fargolibrary.org• Weekly Storytime for Toddlers & Preschoolers.

Registration required.• Northport Classic Book Club. Oct. 15 & Nov. 19, 6:30 p.m.• Pumpkin Decorating & Caramel Apples.

Please bring one pumpkin per child. Oct. 21, 4 p.m.• Teen Crafts. Registration required. Nov. 5, 4:30 p.m.West Fargo Public Library109 3rd St. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5460 or www.westfargolibrary.org• Quilt Display. Ends Oct. 10• Children’s Storytime. Lap babies through preschool.

Tuesdays, 10:15 a.m.; Thursdays (through Oct.), 12:30 p.m.• Storytime & Craft. For preschoolers and their caretakers.

Tuesdays, 1:30-2 p.m.• Knitty Giddy. Adult group; bring your own supplies.

Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m.• Friday Morning Movies. Fridays, 10:30 a.m.• Genealogy Saturdays. A staff genealogist will be available for

questions. Saturdays, noon-4 p.m.• Fun with Foods. For preschoolers and their caretakers.

Call to reserve a spot. Oct. 6 & Nov. 3, 10:15 a.m.• Creative Corner. For adults. Please register. Oct. 8 & Nov. 5,

1:30-2:30 p.m.• New Release Movies. Oct. 11 & 25, Nov. 8 & 22, 2 p.m.• Teacups Book Club. Oct. 13 & Nov. 10, 7 p.m.• Read to a Therapy Dog. Registration required. Oct. 16 &

Nov. 20, 6:30 p.m.

• Zombies Alive. Arch Ellwein will demonstrate the secrets of special effects makeup. Oct. 18, 2 p.m.

• Friends of the Library Book Sale. Oct. 25, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.; Oct. 26, 1-4 p.m.

• Make Veterans Cards. Open to all ages. Bring supplies or use the library’s to create cards for the Veterans Hospital in Fargo. Nov. 4, 6:30-7:30 p.m.

• Lego Mania. Open to all ages. Nov. 6, 6:30-7:30 p.m.• Caramel Apple Day. Free caramel apples and toppings while

supplies last. Nov. 14, 4-5 p.m.• Introduction to Watercolor Class.

Call for details and to register• Technology Classes. Call to sign upMoorhead Public Library118 5th St. S., Moorhead, 218-233-7594 or www.larl.org• Open Computer Practice. Mondays, 2 p.m.• Origami Club. All ages and abilities welcome. Mondays,

6:30 p.m.• Storytime. Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m.; Wednesdays, 10:30 a.m.• Baby Bounce. For parents and babies (up to age 2).

Thursdays, 10 a.m.• The “Not So Silent” Auction.

Call for details or to register. Oct. 4, 7 p.m.• Exploring the Emerald Isle & Other Fantastic Trips: A

Traveler’s Guide with Dawn Duncan. Oct. 7, 10:30 a.m.• Lego Club. Oct. 9 & Nov. 13, 6 p.m.; Oct. 25 & Nov. 22, 2 p.m.• Storytime Plus. Oct. 11 & Nov. 8, 10 a.m.• Teen Read Week Events. Oct. 14-18. Call for information• Adult Book Club. Oct. 16 & Nov. 20, 6:30 p.m.

701.499.7788 | fargoparks.com

Nov. 29-30...................... 1-7 pmDec. 6-7.......................... 1-7 pmDec. 10-12...................... 4-8 pmDec. 13-14...................... 1-8 pmDec. 17-19......................... 4-8 pmDec. 20-21......................... 1-8 pmDec. 22-23......................... 4-8 pm

HOLIDAY HOURS

RHEAULT FARM | 2902 25TH ST S.

FREE ADMISSIONWITH DONATION OF A CANNED GOOD, NEW OR GENTLY USED TOY OR CASH DONATION

Celebrate the season of giving.VISIT SANTA MEET SANTA’S REINDEER

MAKE A HOLIDAY CRAFT DECORATE COOKIES WITH MRS. CLAUS


Time: 4:30 - 9:30 p.m. | 5 - 12 Year OldsMember Fee: $18 Non-Member Fee: $25Location: Schlossman YMCA 4243 19th Ave S Fargo

SATURDAY FAMILY TIMEFUN NIGHTS

Fall/Winter 2014 - 2015 Dates: > October 4 > November 1 > December 6

> January 10 > February 7

> March 7 > April 4

Parents enjoy a night outwhile the kids join us at the Y for climbing, gymgames, XerZones, a healthy dinner, and more!

Learn, grow, and play togetherduring Family Time and Open Time at the Y. Kid’s Gym,Play Loft, Climbing Wall, Pools, XerZone (Youth Fitness Area)

& Courts are ALL included in a Y Membership!View a full schedule listing of these activity areas online.

Also, don’t miss out on..> Healthy Family Home Program> Family Events Dive in Movies , Xerzone Events, & holiday events

> and more!

HEALTHY FAMILIESHEALTHY COMMUNITY

www.ymcacassclay.org | 701.293.9622

Cut this out, hangit on your fridge,and schedule Y funfor the fall!

• 4-H Presentation. All ages welcome. Please pre-register. Oct. 18

• Classics Book Club. Oct. 21 & Nov. 18, 6:30 p.m.

• eReader Basics. Please pre-register. Oct. 22, 6:30 p.m.

• Yarn Circle. Bring your knitting, crocheting, or needlework projects. Open to all ages and experience levels. Oct. 23 & Nov. 27, 6:30 p.m.

• Mysterious Creatures of Minnesota with Chad Lewis. Oct. 23, 7 p.m.

• Performer Glen Everhart. Oct. 29, 10:30 a.m.

• Online Health Resources. Nov. 5, 6:30 p.m.

• Computer Classes. Call for details

CLASSESCall for information. Pre-registration may be required.Creatively Uncorkedwww.creativelyuncorked.com• Sunday Painting Events

Moorhead Public Library (cont.)10.4 Gigi’s Playhouse Fargo Buddy Walk


PangeaCultivate Our Cultures

dANCE

fOOD Music

NoV 810am-4pm Free

Admission

Hjemkomst Center 202 1st Ave. N, Moorhead, MN

more info at www.hcscconline.org

Early Childhood Family EducationClasses for infants to kindergarten entry. Probstfield Center for Education, 2410 14th St. S., Moorhead, 218-284-3400 or https://communityed.moorheadschools.org• Family Fun• Family Fun with Little Ones• Fun with Read-Alouds• Music, Music, Music• Nursery Rhyme Time in Sign• Storybook ScienceEssentia Health OB Education3000 32nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-364-8100 or www.essentiahealth.org• Breastfeeding Class• Car Seat Safety• Infant Massage• Lamaze• Mom’s Helpers• Tender TransitionsFargo Park District701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com• Create & Explore• Penny & Pals WorkshopFM Ambulance701-364-1758 or www.fmambulance.com• B.L.A.S.T. Babysitting Day Camp• CPR/AED/First AidFM Fencing Club701-541-6016 or www.fmfencing.com• Adult Fencing Class• Intro to Fencing for MusketeersFraser, Ltd.2902 S. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org• Band-Aids or Solutions Workshop• CPR/First AidHospice of the Red River Valley800-237-4629 or www.hrrv.org/grief/fall-2014-classes/• Journeying Through Grief Class• Youth JourneysMoorhead Parks & Recreation218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com• Youth & Adult ProgramsMusic-n-Playwww.music-n-play.com• Sing-N-Sprout: Parent/Child Music ClassParenting Resource Center701-241-5700 or www.ag.ndsu.edu/casscountyextension/home-and-family• How Much is Enough?• Nurtured Heart Approach• Parents ForeverPlains Art Museum704 1st Ave. N., Fargo, 701-551-6100 or www.plainsart.org• Kid Quest (See ad pg. 26)• Youth & Adult Art Experiences

Brown Eared Pheasant at the Red River Zoo


Red River Dance & Performing Company2921 Fiechtner Dr. S., Fargo, 701-280-0004 or www.redriverdance.com• Class registration in Oct.Red River Zoo4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-277-9240 or www.redriverzoo.org• Pint-Sized Explorers• ZooVenturesSanford Health Community Education701-234-5570, 877-234-4240 or www.sanfordhealth.org • Baby’s First Ride• Better Choices, Better Health• Breastfeeding Beginnings• Caring for Your Newborn• C.A.R.S. (Children & Restraint

Systems)• Family & Friends CPR• Honor Your Health• Infant Massage• Labor: What to Expect• Lamaze• Our Family is Having a Baby• Safe & Sound – Preparing Your

Home for Baby

The Village Family Service Center701-451-4900 or www.TheVillageFamily.org• Anger Management• Mindfulness• Parenting with Love & Logic• Relationships 101The Village Financial Resource Center701-235-3328 or www.HelpWithMoney.org• Bankruptcy Education• Homebuyer Education• Money Management Education• Tenant EducationYMCA701-293-9622, 701-281-0126 or www.ymcacassclay.org/programs• Candle Light Yoga• Cosmic Zumba• Fall 2 Program Session

(Visit website for class offerings)• FM Gators Swim Team• Healthy Family Home

MUSEUMS & EXHIBITSCall for additional information.Cass County Museum1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701-282-2822 or www.bonanzaville.org• North Dakota: 125 YearsConcordia College Cyrus M. Running Gallery901 8th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-4623• The Poetics of Color. Oct. 2-Nov. 2• Sheldon Green – Visual Stories:

My Journey from Negs to Jpegs. Begins Nov. 13

Fargo Air Museum1609 19th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-293-8043 or www.fargoairmuseum.orgHistorical & Cultural Society of Clay CountyHjemkomst Center, 202 1st Ave. N., Moorhead, 218-299-5511 or www.hcscconline.org• See Your World through My Eyes:

Images by Bruce Crummy. Oct. 3-Nov. 2

• Art Educators Exhibition. Ends Oct. 20

• FMVA Constraint. Begins Nov. 1• House & Home. Begins Nov. 14• Doing Our Part: Clay County in WWIIPlains Art Museum704 1st Ave. N., Fargo, 701-551-6100 or www.plainsart.org• Art Boom: The Tri-College Art

Faculty Show. Begins Oct. 9• FMVA Studio Crawl Preview.

Ends Oct. 12• Hybrid Vigor: An Installation by

Stephen Alexander Wischer. Begins Oct. 17

• Ellen Jean Diederich: Samson’s Gift. Begins Nov. 15

• VIVID: The Art of Seth Chwast and Dietrich Sieling

The Rourke Art Museum521 Main Ave., Moorhead, 218-236-8861 or www.therourke.org• Barbara Hatfield: Living with the

things we know [the chairs are not for sitting]. Ends Oct. 12

• Andy Scholz: Photographs from the Bakken Oil Fields. Begins Oct. 17

• Art for Sacred Spaces• Transformations:

The Art of the Mask

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Overeating: An Emotional Journey

By Patricia Carlson

YOUR FAMILY z feature


Marion always thought she was fat. She wasn’t, but every time she looked in the mirror the critiques of her teenage body began.

“You shouldn’t be wearing those jeans. They make your hips look huge.”

“Your stomach looks like a spare tire.”“Oh my gosh. Do you have cellulite

already?!”It was easy, too easy, to pick her

body apart. It didn’t help that Marion’s Scandinavian roots fueled her food obsession. “If I love you, I feed you; that’s how our ‘good Norwegian family’ operated,” says Marion. For years Marion “managed her weight” by starving herself. Whenever she felt heavy, she’d simply stop eating and the pounds would disappear.

Then came her second child and so did permanent extra weight. Her previous plan of deprivation no longer worked, and that’s when panic set in. Marion had spent so many years controlling her weight that way, so when it failed, her sense of power over food was gone. “Once I ate one thing, I felt like I failed. I blew it. So I’d keep eating and eating and eating,” she explains. “Pretty soon it was, ‘Today is shot, this week is shot, this month is shot.’ That’s what I used to tell myself.”

The year was 1983. Marion was 42 years old. That’s when she walked into her first Overeaters Anonymous meeting in the Fargo-Moorhead area. Now in her 70s, Marion is anonymously sharing her story in the hope she can help other people struggling with holiday eating when food is an addiction or obsession, like it was for her.

The Secret Life of an Overeater

Food obsession and/or addiction can be triggered, and manifest itself, in many ways, says Dr. Kim LaHaise, a psychologist with Sanford Health who specializes in eating disorders. Some of the most common signs of disordered eating are:

• A persistent, strong fear of minor weight gain

• Following strict food rules• Use of diet pills or laxatives• Extreme calorie restriction

(starvation)• Bingeing and/or vomiting• Over-exercising• Constantly thinking about food• Eating the same ‘safe’ foods

every day

Sometimes disordered eating behaviors look the same as eating disorders, but to be diagnosed as an eating disorder, the behaviors need to be present for a certain amount of time. LaHaise says people who exhibit disordered eating behaviors are more likely to develop an eating disorder, but not all disordered eating habits escalate into an eating disorder.

Nadine Hillesheim, a counselor at The Village Family Service Center with over 20 years of experience working with people with eating disorders, explains it another way. “If you are spending large percentages of your day thinking about food, what you are going to eat or what you just ate, and feeling bad about what you ate or your body image, you have a problem and need some help,” she says.

Researchers don’t know exactly why food obsession happens. “They’re always doing research on neurotransmitters and genetics and a person’s environment, but it’s still a really complex phenomenon,” says LaHaise. Experts agree, however, on two main reasons that lead some people to struggle with food:

• They want to look like the models and actors they see in the media. This is particularly true for girls and women who are shown that the standard of beauty is to be quite thin.

• They try to manage their emotions and control their stress and anxiety levels with food.

Overeaters, in particular, are prone to compulsive eating triggered by emotions. That’s why the mix of bountiful food and stress during the holidays is a recipe for disaster for many people, explains Marion. “My mind would constantly be screaming about food, and it only got worse during the holidays. Christmas work parties were the worst. You’re expected to be there, but it’s just stuffed with food. As soon as I’d walk in the door, I’d want to get out of there. But I felt trapped. I felt so unsafe around all that food. Finally, I got to the point where I’d starve myself all day so when I got there I could eat, eat, eat!”

The anxiety about holiday eating can begin weeks or months in advance. Everyone knows holiday food is special; it only comes around once a


villagefamilymag.org family

year and you want to indulge in those familiar, tasty treats. LaHaise says one of the major problems for people with disordered eating habits during this time of the year is the desire to relax, but knowing you can’t. “The tough part is wanting to let your guard down, but knowing with food you can only do that so much,” she says. “People feel if they let down too loosely, then the cycle of guilt and disappointment begins again.”

Who is an Overeater?

Obesity is the fastest growing healthcare problem in the world and the one that has the most negative

impact to people’s general health. Roughly 30 percent of people in America are considered morbidly obese. “Given its association to diabetes, hypertension, heart disease, sleep apnea, and other medical conditions, obesity results in low quality of life and shorter life expectancy. Its fast growth and difficulty treating makes obesity the biggest healthcare challenge of our times,” says Dr. Luis Garcia, a weight loss surgeon at Sanford Health.

Since its first meeting in 1960 in Los Angeles, Overeaters Anonymous (OA) has been committed to helping compulsive eaters change their behaviors. OA is a 12-step program modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) that

Tips to Avoid Overeating During the Holidays

By Patricia Carlson

Office parties. Potluck dinners. Church suppers. Baking get-togethers. BUFFETS!!!

Eating during the holidays can be tricky for someone with even the healthiest habits. These tips will help you stay on track:

Make a plan. Heading to a restaurant? Check out its menu online first so you know what to order. Office party next week? Take a look at the sign-up sheet to get a feel for what’s on tap, and offer to bring something you know is good for you. Feeling prepared is half the battle.

Eat regularly scheduled meals and snacks. Although it’s tempting, skipping meals and snacks to “save calories” will often cause you to overeat. Treat the holiday gathering as one of your regular meals, not as a special event.

Move away from food central. It’s easy to engage in mindless nibbling at holiday parties. Instead, serve yourself once and then go to another room to eat.

Keep up with your exercise habits. This is healthy for more reasons than just combatting holiday eating.

Tell yourself you’re doing a good job. “Self-affirmation is huge,” says Kari Thompson, Health Fitness Specialist and Certified Profile Coach, Sanford Health. “Saying something like, ‘I am in control of my thoughts, feelings, and actions,’ can help you make good decisions.”

Drink plenty of water and eliminate empty calories from alcohol, punches, and sodas.

Scan the buffet table first so you’ll know what’s being offered. Choose vegetables, fruits, and lean proteins. If you absolutely MUST HAVE Grandma’s sausage stuffing and garlic mashed potatoes, keep portions small.

Don’t try for perfection. Bestselling emotional eating author Geneen Roth wrote in Good Housekeeping to “…do the best you can within your limits and let the rest take care of itself.” If you have trouble sticking to your plan, don’t use it as an excuse to throw in the towel. You can start eating well again the moment you decide to.

Practice acceptance. This may sound counter-intuitive, but Nadine Hillesheim, a counselor at The Village Family Service Center, says if we can accept where we are now, while knowing we are doing what we can to change, we are less likely to overeat. “It is the impatience, frustration, and anger at ourselves that often leads to more overeating,” she says. “Whereas acceptance can help us approach the tough times with more inner calm, resulting in better choices.”

40 October/November 2014


helps people recover from compulsive eating. It provides physical, emotional, and spiritual guidance to more than 54,000 members in over 75 countries. There are three locations of OA meetings in Fargo-Moorhead, and many others in parts of North Dakota and Minnesota. Members come in all sizes: morbidly obese, average weight, underweight, and moderately overweight.

According to a membership survey, people in the program are:

• Well-educated–32% hold a graduate or postgraduate degree

• Longtime sufferers–41% started to have issues with food by age 10

• Compulsive eaters–95% struggle with overeating

• Married and female–48% have spouses; 87% are women

• Committed to treatment–74% received some other type of treatment before attending meetings

• Successful–69% have lost weight since coming to OA.

Marion says many of the people she’s met through OA have become members after trying, and failing, at everything else. The average size of a meeting in Fargo-Moorhead is eight to 15 people. There used to be as many as 70 people per meeting when Marion first started going in the early 1980s. “I feel, personally, it’s because there weren’t any other options for people back then. There are so many other things available like healthcare places and clinics now for people to turn to,” says Marion.

Overeaters Anonymous isn’t a quick fix diet, though. Marion says some people come into OA thinking it will be just like another diet program, but they soon learn it’s much more than that and requires a bigger emotional commitment. OA expects members to confront and tackle the emotional baggage that triggers their compulsive eating. Marion remembers newcomers being very nervous, emotional, and scared. The most successful members get a sponsor—similar to the support structure in AA.

“Many of us trained ourselves to think if we gained weight, we were a bad person and if we lost weight, we were a good person,” she says. “But in OA we learned to not talk so much in terms of losses and gains. There is so much other stuff that’s more important. Your weight and eating is a side effect to something else. That’s what we try to figure out, so we can handle life better.”

Hillesheim says, “Gaining skills that help you manage your emotions and develop self-acceptance are often at the core of lasting weight loss.”

Often, though, folks dealing with morbid obesity need extra help overcoming their compulsive overeating habits. Weight loss surgeries like gastric bypass, sleeve gastrectomy, and the “band” are all increasingly popular options for people who feel they need medical intervention. All of these surgeries are performed laparoscopically so they are safer, faster, and minimally invasive. Garcia says his group at Sanford Health performs between 350 and 400 surgeries a year.

1201 25th St. S., Fargo • 701-451-49001401 8th St. S., Moorhead • 701-451-4811

www.TheVillageFamily.org

The Village Counselors are here to help.

In-office counseling available for individuals, couples, parents, and children. Online counseling also available.

Patients who want these surgeries, however, must go through a rigorous evaluation and educational process that includes, but is not limited to, psychological counseling, dietary education, and exercise programs. “Patients need to recognize that surgery will not cure obesity, but rather will offer a tool to help them make the necessary changes to lose significant weight. Surgery is not an ‘easy out,’” says Garcia.

Hillesheim agrees. “Even after surgery, people still need to cope with life’s disappointments or difficult emotions. They need to find ways to cope other than food.”

How to Help an Overeater During the Holidays

Most people struggling with disordered eating keep it a secret. A tremendous amount of guilt, shame, and embarrassment accompanies the behaviors. If someone does confide in you, there are several things you can do to help them navigate the holidays (and the rest of the year, too).

• Support them. This can be an obsession, addiction, or eating disorder. You may not understand right away how severe their problem is. Ask them questions about what type of support they’d like from you. Consider attending an OA meeting together if they’re a member.

• Don’t minimize the issue. “One of the worst things that people say to me is, ‘One won’t hurt.’ Well, one will hurt me,” explains Marion.

• Offer to host or coordinate the family gathering, office potluck, or other holiday party. That way you can make mindful decisions about offering at least a couple of healthy options.

• Become a workout buddy. If exercise is an important part of their recovery, join in.

Like many compulsive eaters and people with other disordered eating behaviors, Marion knows her journey with food will last her lifetime. Even though she still considers herself overweight, she’s managed to find a way to make the right decisions—even during the holidays. “Food is not that important to me now. It doesn’t control me. At OA, I learned to follow the 12 steps and I’m much more emotionally balanced. My life is so much better now.”

Formerly from Fargo-Moorhead, freelance writer Patricia Carlson writes about baby boomers, parenting, and healthy lifestyles for magazines across the country. Check out her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com.



Jack Youness is a typical 2-year-old boy from West Fargo. He talks and laughs a lot. He cries and occasionally even gets into trouble. And his parents, Jon and Jeana, wouldn’t have it any other way.

The reason? When Jack was born, he wasn’t breathing for a few frightening moments and Jeana feared she wouldn’t have a little boy to take home.

During delivery, Jack experienced a complication known as shoulder dystocia. His shoulders were stuck inside Jeana’s body during delivery, causing the umbilical cord to pinch, blocking Jack’s oxygen flow.

“Luckily, the doctor delivering my baby recognized a problem right away and a neonatal team was immediately called,” Jeana says. “They were waiting in the room with me before Jack was even born.”

Jack’s situation is an example why the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) and the specially trained staff at Sanford Children’s Hospital in Fargo are so important. Mohamed Mohamed, MD, neonatologist at Sanford Children’s, and his team quickly responded and successfully resuscitated Jack who had no pulse after his birth

“We have the largest NICU in the state, and an experienced team prepared to handle a variety of health issues for newborns,” Dr. Mohamed says. “Newborns can get very sick very quickly without immediate medical attention—that’s why having an advanced neonatal intensive care unit such as this unit is so important to the area.”

And because of a treatment available nowhere else in the state, Jack’s risk of brain injury due to lack of oxygen was greatly reduced—and possibly eliminated.

It’s called the Olympic Cool-Cap® system, and the name says it all.

Newborns who have experienced a lack of oxygen have a cooling cap placed on their heads and then treatment begins.

“This cap slows the brain metabolism, which interrupts the chemical process that begins after the brain is deprived of oxygen and ultimately leads to brain damage,” says Dr. Mohamed. “Their metabolism is slowed by cooling, or lowering, the temperature in the brain. But it must be used within six hours of birth and last for 72 hours for it to be effective.”

Jeana was familiar with the treatment and had heard about its success.

“I wasn’t nervous at all about Jack receiving this treatment,” says Jeana, who is a pharmacist at Sanford Health in Fargo. “I trusted Dr. Mohamed and the NICU team completely and I knew my son was in the best of care.”

Jack laid peacefully for three days—the required treatment length—as the cooling cap went to work. The NICU staff monitored him closely throughout the process to ensure he was safe and healthy.

After treatment, the temperature of the cap is gradually warmed to bring the brain back to a normal body temperature. Jack stayed in the NICU at Sanford Children’s for a total of 15 days before going home.

“The cool cap has shown remarkable improvements for babies who have experienced a lack of oxygen,” says Dr.

Mohamed. “So we’re hopeful that Jack will develop like any other child who had a healthy delivery.”

And so far, that is exactly what Jack is doing. At the age of 2, he’s reached all major milestones that any child at his age should.

“You’d never even know that Jack experienced anything out of the ordinary by looking at him now,” says Jeana. “It’s amazing to go from such a somber, scary time in the delivery room to playing and laughing with my little boy in our home. I’m grateful for the entire team at Sanford and the care we both received.”

And to help ensure Jack gets every advantage, Sanford Children’s also has speech, occupational and physical therapists to aid in his development.

“Everything looks great—Jack looks great,” says Dr. Mohamed. “Some of the effects of his situation may not show up until he starts school, but we are optimistic he will continue to develop just as he is now.”

When asked about the cooling cap, Jeana says her husband probably describes it best.

“So many have asked us ‘Do you think this treatment was a life changer, or a lifesaver?’” says Jeana. “But my husband always responds ‘No, that cooling cap was a life giver.’ And that’s exactly right.”

Giving Newborns a Second Chance at a Healthy Life

To learn more about the Olympic Cool-Cap®, please visit www.sanfordhealth.org or call 701-461-5194.

Q: How does ShareHouse personalize its addiction treatment based on an individual’s need?

A:All our residential levels of care participate in the Treatment Mall. This group treatment

concept is based on the idea that each treatment experience should be tailored to a client’s individual needs, including group treatment. Client’s should not have to attend groups that do not pertain to their stated treatment goals! This option ensures quality individualized treatment experiences to all who walk through our doors.

ShareHouse has online resources at www.ShareHouse.org. Click on the “Ask A Counselor” link or you can call ShareHouse at 701-282-6561.

ShareHouse, Inc.701-282-6561

www.ShareHouse.org

PERSONALIZED CAREDavid Collins, MS, LACProgram DirectorShareHouse, Inc.

ADOPTIONSue Grundysen, MSWDirectorThe Adoption Option

HOSPICE CAREDr. Tricia Langlois, M.D., M.S., ABIMMedical DirectorHospice of the Red River Valley

The Adoption Option1201 25th St. S., Fargo, ND

701-451-4900www.TheVillageFamily.org

Hospice of the Red River Valley800-237-4629

www.HRRV.org

Q: I am pregnant. What kind of services are available for me, and can my boyfriend come too?

A: The Village Family Service Center and Lutheran Social Services of North Dakota work together

to provide free pregnancy counseling. You and your boyfriend both can be involved in learning about your options and developing a realistic, positive plan for yourselves and your baby. We’ll start where you are at, which could be telling your families, getting prenatal care, or just figuring out how to cope with this unplanned life event. We’ll help you assess your needs and develop goals. If you desire, we can involve other family members in your counseling as well. We are available to listen, provide information on resources, and support you. We will not judge you or force you to make a plan you are not comfortable in pursuing.

Q: My dad’s health is quickly declining. I think we should contact hospice, but how do I bring it up with him?

A: It’s OK to talk about hospice care! It doesn’t mean there’s nothing else that can be done, or there’s no

hope. Consider the following tips:• Reflect on a recent circumstance. “That last stay in the

hospital seemed hard on you; I think there is a way to avoid it in the future.”

• Ask questions. “How do you feel about where you are with your illness?” If your loved one talks about his condition, about giving up, being tired of trips to the hospital, or just wanting to be comfortable, this is a cue to explore hospice.

• Empathize. “I know this can’t be easy for you.”• Reassure. “There may be a time when we need to focus

on your comfort instead of a cure. Together, let’s talk with your doctor about hospice.” Your loved one trusts you. Your endorsement of

hospice care will go a long way in giving him the confidence to learn more.

Like Uson Facebook


• 4 small apples, peeled, cored, and diced• 4 Tbsp lemon juice• 4 Tbsp brown sugar• ½ tsp ground cinnamon• A pinch of nutmeg• 1 tsp cornstarch

Mix together apples, lemon juice, brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a small saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until mixture comes to a boil and the apples have softened. Dissolve the cornstarch in 1 teaspoon of water. Add it to the apples and return to a boil. Stir gently until thickened. Remove from heat. Mash slightly with a potato masher. Serve warm with cinnamon graham crackers.

YOUR FAMILY z food & fun

• Construction paper (any color)

• Tempera paint• Hard plastic

animal toy (we used a horse)

• Paint shirt• Paint tray or

paper plate Paint-proof your

child with a paint shirt, then squirt paint onto the tray or plate. Instruct the child to “run” the horse or animal through the paint and onto the construction paper, leaving tracks.

This art project focuses on using a toy in a new way, allowing for creativity with the child (you could run fast, slow, soft, etc.), uses tempera paint which is non-toxic and easy to clean up, and generally offers a different experience for the child rather than just using a paint brush or crayon all the time. Our kids loved it!

(Submitted by: Pre-Toddler 1 Room at Nokomis I)

Autumn Candle

Farm Tracks

Warm Apple Cinnamon Dip

• Any size jar or glass candle holder• Votive or tealight candle to fit inside holder• Dried, pressed leaves• Mod Podge• Sponge brush Using a sponge brush, apply Mod Podge to the backside of

leaf/leaves or directly on outside of glass where leaf will be placed. Position leaf on glass. Let dry. Brush one or two coats of Mod Podge over entire outside of candle holder; allow to dry between coats.

Peyton, Age 2


YOUR FAMILY z words & wisdom

“Summer is already better, but the best is autumn. It is mature, reasonable, and serious, it glows moderately and not frivolously...It cools down, clears up, makes you reasonable...”

—Valentin

“It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living.” —Oliver Wendell Holmes

“i’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. i’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, i’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. i’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. and that is why i succeed.” —michael Jordan

“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” —Katharine Hepburn

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” —Steve Jobs

“Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. Great dancers are not great because of their technique, they are great because of their PASSION.” —Martha Graham

“My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.” —Lee Iacocca “Forget about all the reasons why something may not work. You only need to find one good reason why it will.” —Dr. Robert Anthony

Make a $5,000 Gift for Only $1,600!There has never been a better time to show your commitment to North Dakota’s children with a new expanded state tax credit. North Dakota taxpayers may now receive a 40% tax credit for gifts made to endowments of charities such as The Village Family Service Center.

The Children’s Village Family Service Foundation was created solely to support the ongoing work and legacy of The Village Family Service Center. The Village is North Dakota’s oldest child-caring agency and has served North Dakotans throughout the entire state since 1891.

For more information on making a qualifying gift, please contact Janet Zinke at The Village.701-451-5036or [email protected]

40% for Individuals who Itemize on Their TaxesContributions of $5,000 or more (cash or planned gifts) will qualify for a 40% tax credit of up to $10,000 per person or $20,000 for a married couple. A donor in the 28% tax bracket, who itemizes on their taxes, may see these benefits:

GIFT AMOUNT $5,000 $50,000Federal Tax Savings -1,400 -14,000North Dakota Tax Credit -2,000 -20,000

Net cost of gift: $1,600 $16,000

40% for Businesses & Financial InstitutionsC corporations, S corporations, estates, limited liability companies, and trusts may qualify for a 40% tax credit, up to a maximum credit of $10,000.

Make a $5,000 Gift for Only $1,600!There has never been a better time to show your commitment to North Dakota’s children with a new expanded state tax credit. North Dakota taxpayers may now receive a 40% tax credit for gifts made to endowments of charities such as The Village Family Service Center.

The Children’s Village Family Service Foundation was created solely to support the ongoing work and legacy of The Village Family Service Center. The Village is North Dakota’s oldest child-caring agency and has served North Dakotans throughout the entire state since 1891.

For more information on making a qualifying gift, please contact Janet Zinke at The Village.701-451-5036or [email protected]

40% for Individuals who Itemize on Their TaxesContributions of $5,000 or more (cash or planned gifts) will qualify for a 40% tax credit of up to $10,000 per person or $20,000 for a married couple. A donor in the 28% tax bracket, who itemizes on their taxes, may see these benefits:

GIFT AMOUNT $5,000 $50,000Federal Tax Savings -1,400 -14,000North Dakota Tax Credit -2,000 -20,000

Net cost of gift: $1,600 $16,000

40% for Businesses & Financial InstitutionsC corporations, S corporations, estates, limited liability companies, and trusts may qualify for a 40% tax credit, up to a maximum credit of $10,000.

1200-12700-0030 0914

Tong Yang, MD

Our team just got

EVEN BETTER.

NORTH DAKOTA’S ONLY PEDIATRIC NEUROSURGEONDr. Yang has joined the region’s largest and most comprehensive brain and spine team. She cares for children with:

•Pediatric brain and spine tumors•Pediatric & Adult general neurosurgery•Spina bifida•Endoscopic assisted brain surgery•Epilepsy Surgery•Traumatic brain injuries

Using the latest in minimally invasive options and innovative techniques, Dr. Yang can offer your child the best treatment plan available. This helps reduce recovery time and improve your child’s quality of life.

Choose expert care. Choose Sanford.

visit our website at sanfordhealth.org

1200-12700-0030 0914

Tong Yang, MD

Our team just got

EVEN BETTER.

NORTH DAKOTA’S ONLY PEDIATRIC NEUROSURGEONDr. Yang has joined the region’s largest and most comprehensive brain and spine team. She cares for children with:

•Pediatric brain and spine tumors•Pediatric & Adult general neurosurgery•Spina bifida•Endoscopic assisted brain surgery•Epilepsy Surgery•Traumatic brain injuries

Using the latest in minimally invasive options and innovative techniques, Dr. Yang can offer your child the best treatment plan available. This helps reduce recovery time and improve your child’s quality of life.

Choose expert care. Choose Sanford.

visit our website at sanfordhealth.org

the village family magazine - october/november 2014

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