Principia Dysnomia

Rev Timothy Edward Bowen

Kopyleft3179TheAftermath38th

All Rights ReversedThis work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

ISBN:978-1-304-65974-3

Cc2013 Rev Timothy Edward Bowen

First printing 2013

Other titles by Timothy Bowen

Jonesboria DiscordiaVoices of Chaos

Chubby White Monkey and Other Fables

ΔυσνομίαLawlessness

ANARCHYPROTEST!

Epioblasma

(136199)Anomic aphasia

To Worship Dysnomia is to Worship Protest. Our religion is the Arab Spring. We are constantly Occupying. To Protest is to Prey. To give Thanks Is to YELL AT TRAFFIC. BLOCK STREETS. SHUT DOWN BUSINESS! DEMAND CHANGE!The symbol of Dysnomia is very similar to the symbol of her mother, Eris Discordia. HAIL ERIS. Bless her Holy Name.

This is Dysnomia’s symbol:

This is Discordia’s symbol:

As you can see they are very similar. So, one would suspect, the way that Dysnomians worship, is very similar to the way Discordians worship. For you see one comes from the other. Without lawlessness and protests there would be no chaos. Without chaos, there would be no protests. Without a planet, you have no moon. Without Ozzy, Black Sabbath just kinda sucked. And now you know the truth you can forever rest your head and be blessed in knowledge and light and love AMEN.

How the number 136199 relates to the law of fives!

(hint: it doesn’t)

(HAIL ERIS)

So I’ve had this Jonesboria Discordia Part II just laying around and hell why not just call it something else…Because I’m lazy, that’s exactly what I did!! HAIL ERIS!!!

So yeah, instead of a book about the worship of Dysnomia, made in a way to give tribute to the first Discordian book, ripe with freshwater seafood puns and people’s names switched around in a nod to the mental disorder, and a couple moon jokes, you get just another crappy Discordian book. Hope that’s what you really wanted in the first place.

Yeah, really that’s all you’re getting.

Praise for the first Jonesboria Discordia

“long and tedious” - CAIN

"Hail Eris" A book that dwarfs the original Principia Discordia. Full of chaos, and up to date issues. A must needed dietary product for the nutritional needs of any Erisian. Share and enjoy, perhaps with a little ketchup. - Leonard Briden

“Such an amazing piece of garbage. I can't believe my eyes aren't still bleeding. Wow....Yeah....that's real. “ - Timothy Bowen

JONESBORIA DISCORDIA PART TWO:

THE SEARCH FOR MORE

MONEY(OR KILL ME)

THIS PAGE INTENTIONALLY LEFT RIGHT

can you find the white text?

Jonesboria Discordia Part twothe search for more money

JONESBORO'S HOUSE OF ERIS' SCIENCE AND FNORD COMMITTEE

Fine, upstanding, certifiable group of Popes

Timothy BowenTimothy Bowen is a poet, publisher, Discordian Pope, Peace Activist, and all around cool dude. He likes to party

ERIS SPEAKS DIRECTLY TO MEAs a High Pope of Discord, Eris Discordia speaks directly to me.

This “BOOK” will be my channel to share the knowledge and wisdom granted to me by Thee Goddess.

Don't know who Eris is?

Eris likes to party

OTHER BOOKS BY TIMOTHY BOWEN

Jonesboria DiscoridaVoices of Chaos

From the Mouths of Babes to the Pit of DespairHallucinating Arkansas

This "book" was "edited" and "published" by Pope Ol Boy Floats AKA

Eris Has Been Showing Me THE FUTUREA few days ago, Eris directed me to a news story.In the story, it is stated that "The [South Korean] Defense Ministry is apparently minded to use songs and music videos by manufactured girl bands such as Girls' Generation, Wonder Girls, After School, Kara and 4minute in … psychological warfare against North Korea."Ladies and Gentlemen, let me now share the Divine Prophetic Wisdom of Eris Discordia, Our Goddess and Cool Chick, that she shared with me.FIRST: The South Koreans WILL use the girl bands as weapons, and WILL win.SECOND: They WILL NOT stop at North Korea, but in fact, conquer ALL OF ASIA.THIRD: Eventually K-Pop Girl Bands will take over the rest of the world.THESE THREE TRUTHS ARE NOW HOLY SCRIPTURE. LET IT BE WRITTEN AND SHARED ON MOUNTAINTOPS!!also, meet your new sexy overlords:

New World Order Indeed

Eris Asked Me To Name A New SaintJustin Drew Bieber, pop star and wet dream inducer for many middle aged women, has been speaking out a lot lately about what he sees wrong with the world. First, he called America EVIL for making it's citizens pay for health care. And now, he's refusing to play politics with Israel.I know it sounds ridiculous, but the kid has serious talent, and a mind of his own, and isn't afraid to speak out. Lots of people so easily forget how the Beatles were no different than your average boy band back in the day. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand"..."She Loves Me Yeah Yeah Yeah"...easily could have been written by the Backstreet Boys or N'Sync. The only reason the Beatles went from a fan-base of 12 year old screaming girls to hippies and intellectuals, was because they too had serious talent, minds of their own, and weren't afraid to speak out. I see a lot of John Lennon in Justin Bieber.So, when Eris asked me to name a new saint, it was an easy choice for me. So, without further adieu, I am pleased to grant Justin Drew Bieber Sainthood in the Erisian Church.

THIS TRUTH IS NOW HOLY SCRIPTURE!. LET IT BE WRITTEN AND SHARED ON MOUNTAINTOPS!!!

Eris Schools Me In PoliticsDepressed, and unfairly attacking President Obama on my Facebook wall, like I frequently do, Eris came to me in the form of an Enbrel commercial."Hello Pope Olboyfloats, I'm Phil Mickelson, I

understand you have a problem with your tribal leader.""Yes, I do. I don't like the wars. I'm angry that Bush and Cheney are free to walk the streets after committing their war crimes while the young private who exposed the war crimes is behind bars. I'm upset that Guantanamo Bay is still open.""Did you not read the damned Principia Discordia? I had a very similar conversation with one of the other famous Popes.""True, that and you are, pretty much, the reason humanity started fighting wars in the first place, huh?""I am, and don't you ever forget it.""Well, I still think I'm voting for RON PAUL this time around.""No comment."After the Enbrel commercial ended, and Eris and Phil Mickelson were no longer one, my anger towards Obama had faded, my hopes that Eris would endorse Ron Paul were squashed, and my belly felt all squishy.

THIS TRUTH IS NOW HOLY SCRIPTURE!. LET IT BE WRITTEN

AND SHARED ON MOUNTAINTOPS!!!

Eris Is Pleased With My Bow Tie and FezEris told me today that she was quite pleased with my bow tie and fez.They are part of a set that was gifted to me from my mom, who works at the local Salvation Army.The set includes the fez, the bow tie, 2 other bow ties, the badge I'm wearing in the picture below, a ceremonial apron, and many pamphlets on Scottish Rite Freemasonry. Most of the pamphlets are instructions on how to perform secret handshakes (expect youtube tutorials soon), as well as a few on how to perform 33rd

degree ceremonies.

Pope Ol' Boy Floats- A Discordian Apparently

Eris Blessed Me With The Best Fart Joke Ever, And The Bees Secrets

BEST FART JOKE EVERSo, today I caught the new episode of the show Louie. In this episode was the longest, most drawn out, dramatic, intense, heavy, serious, and thought provoking fart joke I've ever seen. I won't spoil it, but I highly suggest checking it out. I've always been a fan of Louie C.K., and am pleased as punch to see that he not only stars in this brilliant piece of television, but that he writes, directs, and produces it. He's like the Orson Welles of self-deprecating, mature audience sitcoms.

THE SECRET OF THE BEESAlso today, Eris revealed to me where all the bees are going. People have been freaking out a lot lately about how bees are mysteriously disappearing. Turns out, it has nothing to do with Climate Change or Factory Farming or Pesticides or Monsanto Conspiracies. The truth Eris revealed to me is that, in fact, the bees finally got around to seeing the Jerry Seinfeld movie, BEE MOVIE, and are hiding in shame.

╭∩╮(︶︿︶)╭∩╮ ╭∩╮(︶︿︶)╭∩╮

THE AMBIENDIARIESChapter oneBy Keeper of the Hellacious ConfectionRIt’s late at night and I’m waiting on the ambien I took over an hour ago tokick in. Suddenly my entire body shudders and I shake my head from side to side and groan. The first wave hits me and I sit hugging my knees on the side of my bed. I rock back and forth and eventually roll over onto my back and make movements like I’m exercising. The only thing I can think of at this point is the time two summers ago when me and J almost burned down his house trying to kill a spider with gasoline…2pm.He lets me in. We make small talk while he packs the bong before passing it around. Watch TV, smoke lots of cigarettes, smoke lots of pot, make more small talk about how we hope thatC and G don’t show up tonight, talk about cigarettes, talk about pot, smoke more pot, smoke more cigarettes, talk about sleeping pills, talk about how things feel on sleeping pills, smoke more pot.5pm.We’re high and hungry and bored.We go into the kitchen looking for food, but a large wolf spider runs off a countertop and scurries across the linoleum floor before it runs under the crack in the back door.“Where’d it go man?”“Into that, um, back room thing man.”“Where Reggie used to stay?”“Yeah, man.”“Well I’m not going to ignore the fact that there is a very revolting creature living in the walls and crawling on the ceilings of the house where I sleep.”“Well then, what does the master of the house command?”“We destroy it. Show no mercy.”I grab the silver door handle and yank the door open. He spots the creature on the floor. We both try smashing it with our shoes but it avoids our shoes and stomps for several minutes. We’re stoned and we’re famished and now we’re pissed and at war with this damned spider. He notices the half-full gas can in

the corner of the room. The spider darts back and forth from one side of the room to the other. He looks at me with a smile on his face. His cigarette lighter in one hand, the gas can in the other.“You game?”I sighed.“I’m game.”We try to douse the spider but it keeps moving so gasoline gets all over the room, wooden floor, wooden walls, wooden door, wooden ceiling. You could look at the inside of the back room with the door open from the other side of the house and see the fumes, thick as fog, distorting the light and making it seem as though the back room had become part of some real-life optical illusion. The spider finally comes to a stop in the center of the room. We light a piece of printer paper and drop it. The room erupts in flames and the spider, now on fire and quite still alive, runs around in circles eventually finding a place to hide behind some burning furniture. I run out of the room and back into the kitchen to find something I could fill with water to help with the fire, knowing that the house would be reduced to cinders if we didn’t put a stop to things but all I can find are some small Styrofoam cups. I fill one up halfway and almost make it to the kitchen exit before I realize how high I am and howcrazy this all is and how this cup I’m holding is never in a million yearsgoing to stop this fire.For some reason I start thinking of when I used to go to my grandparents’house in the middle of the country when I was a little kid and they hadlots of stray cats that hung around the farm and one of them was apregnant momma cat and one year she gave birth and I rubbed herkittens’ noses back and forth across the bricks that aligned the edge of theold abandoned pool until their noses poured blood and I would go backnext year and see some of the kittens grown up a little but still sportingthe scars I had given them on previous encounters and some of them weredumb enough to let me do it again even though I’m not really such a badguy I was just young and didn’t know what I was doing oh my god whathave I done I’m a horrible person and I’m feeling a bit faint and I think Imight throw up…“Dude, dude…DUDE! I got the fire out man. What the hell are you doing?”I had blacked out from the fumes. He told me after I regained consciousness that he had somehow managed to get the fire out by beating the flames with a gas-soaked rag.

“Don’t ask me how man, I just don’t know. I’m obviously justthat good!”7pm.And we laughed and drank drinks and smoked more pot and cigarettes to celebrate our “victory.” The last thing I saw before I left his house togo home was the spider crawling out of the back room, blackened and burnt, but not defeated.

THE AMBIENDIARIESChapter TWOBy Keeper of the Hellacious ConfectionTransmission One:SIGNAL LOCKED, BEGIN TRANSMISSIONR- good morning, D.D- Morning, R.R- What goes on?D- Making some phone calls. I’m about to tell work I done busted mah hand.They’ll be happy with me I’m sure.R- Ha-ha. Sounds like the thing to do today. I called insick earlier, figured that vomiting once and taking a sixhournap yesterday is reason enough to take today off.D- Ha-ha.R- Well then, any plans today with the not working?D- A few loose plans but nothing major.R- Cool cool. Well anyways, I think I may just take anap.D- Alright then.R- Enjoy your day off.D- Likewise.R- Later.TRANSMISSION ENDED.Transmission Two:SIGNAL LOCKED, BEGIN TRANSMISSIONL- Hey man, you around?R- I am aroundL- What’s going on?R- Bah, not much. Just sitting around, and you?L- Yeah, yeah, same here.R- Yes sir.L- Still visit the good 'old rich people neighborhood these days?R- Ah yes, "The 'Pointe." for...inspiration.L- It's a good source of it, for sure! If you ever need any company, or someinspiration feedback, then you can always call up on your good 'ol neighbor!!!R- Ha-ha.L- I had to chuck a fuckin' half into the lake this weekend.R- Ooooh, damn. You should know the cops have narcs out there dude.

L- Yeah, bummer for sure. And to add to that I had to pay someone $20 for their sack that I chunked in with it.R-Why'd you have to ditch?L- Cops pulled up and put the spotlight on us for like 2 minutes. Then I ditched the grass, but what pissed me off the most was the cop just drove off!R- Ha-ha, oh man, bummer.L- I managed to find about a joint's worth of weed after searching with a lighter for about 20 minutes.R- Oh ho ho ho man...L- The fifty-dollar joint!R- Ha-ha.L- I smoked the shit out of it too!R- Well, yeah! You holdin' right now?L- Psh, I wish, I was going to cop earlier today but came home from school and my mom wouldn't let me out because I was quote-unquote 'sick'.R- Sometimes that'll happen.L- I'm gonna try again tomorrow, I’ll smoke with you if I score.R- Alrighty. I think I’m going to bed. I’ve got work early. See you later.TRANSMISSION ENDEDTransmission Three:SIGNAL LOCKED, BEGIN TRANSMISSIONJ- Sup faaaag?R- Very little. I’m going to the movies in an hour or so.J- Oh yeah, "The Hills Have Eyes" I assume?R- Good assumption.J- Tsk-Tsk.R- Shaddup. Don’t knock the freaky-freaks.J- That filth doesn't fit into my brand of cerebral eruditeedutainment.R- But a painting of 16th century man-heads kissing each otherdoes? Because that’s normal. Way normal.J- Ha-ha yesss!R- You need therapy.J- Man head kissing is art! Sexy art!R- "Art" and "sexy" are relative terms. Some people would bewiser if they kept that in mind…J- It's not my fault cretins like B hate art.R- Ha-ha. Oh, B. she's just adorable.J- Yep. Now, if she had a sexy dried man head...R- To go with the hot bod...J- THAT'D be hot. Hells yeah.R- Eww.J- Blarg. So bored. Furries only entertain for so long.R- I’m so sure. Are you "away" or actually away?"J- Time will tell.SIGNAL LOST, TRANSMISSION TERMINATED.