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  • LazyTown: Games & Vinylby

    Clayton Mistler

    Clayton [email protected](660)-473-0746



    DAVID is standing outside at the front of his store.

    He is clean shaven, balding, has a ponytail. He's the aging hipster. He's thirty three but tells people he's twenty eight. He's very insecure and will never admit it to anyone.

    Inside now. His store is a "buy-sell-trade" store filled with anime, video games from the nineties and 2000's, and vinyl records by bands you've never heard of.

    David walks down the aisles and talks to the camera.

    DAVIDThis is 'Lazy-Town: Vinyl & Games', this is my store.

    Shots of silly action figures and oddly sexual anime covers.

    DAVID (CONT'D)I like to think of this place as a representation of who I am; an extension of my personality, if you will.

    As David talks, he leads the cameras past the front counter past a door marked "Employees Only".


    Sitting on the floor among many empty video games cases and open binders is a giant man with bad posture doing painstaking clerical work. He speaks in a monotone voice, has a big beard, zero patience for stupidity, and maybe autism. His name is SPENCER.

    SPENCER(on the phone) No. We don't have any of the WarPuncher games. (beat) Because they're stupid. (Void of any expression)

    David walks in to frame.

    DAVIDHi Spencer. He's sort of out resident librarian, kinda.

  • SPENCERKind of, yes.

    CUT TO:


    Spencer sitting in a chair at the back of the store with his back to the front. Behind him, an empty store filled with pop-culture junk.

    SPENCERI keep track of the inventory, the money, people's wages, I do David's taxes. I make sure this place doesn't burn down. (Beat) I also am an aspiring club promoter.


    We see a man reading something on his cell phone, giving it all of his attention. His name is HENRY. He is in his twenties, full beard, looks like he's in a band but he doesn't have the patience to learn an instrument.

    DAVIDThis is Henry. One of the shelversand money-takers. (Notices Henry on his phone) Henry? HENRY?

    HENRYHm? Oh, hey! I didn't know this was starting today. (nods to cameras)

    DAVIDWell, I sent everyone an email. For someone that's always on his phone, I'm a bit surprised you didn't notice an e-mail.

    HENRYI didn't get an e-mail from you.

    DAVIDWell, I sent it.

    Enter, CARAH, a nineteen-year-old. She's an angry woman, pretty much all the time. It's mostly a defense though. She's dressed like a hipster-ish Karen Gillan-Doctor Who companion, (emo-post-rock)(listens to American Football). She already looks annoyed.


  • DAVID (CONT'D)Hello, Carah. Nice of you to drop by. (Looks at cameras with a 'can you believe this chick' look) She is also a shelver and money-taker. I'm assuming you're late because you were busy reading my e-mail about the documentary crew.

    CARAHI didn't get your e-mail. I got pulled over.

    Carah walks past everyone without acknowledging them and puts her things away behind the counter.

    DAVIDWhat for?


    DAVIDNo. Why didn't you get my e-mail?

    CARAHProbably because you didn't send it, David.

    DAVIDWell, I sent it.

    CARAHWas it about the cameras being here today?


    CARAHWell, I can't say I'm surprised. You've dropped bigger stuff on us before.

    DAVIDOh hush. (to the cameras) We tease each other. We're like a midwest-blue collar family. (to Henry) Work harder, fatty!

    HENRY(offended) (sighs)


  • DAVIDI'm sorry. That was over the line.

    CARAHSo, why are you having these people film us?

    DAVIDI'm not having them film us, they asked me if they could film.

    CARAHReally? Are they doing something about the death of the 'americansmall business'?

    DAVIDNo. It's gonna be about the charms and benifits of shopping local. (pleased with his answer) What do you think Henry?

    HENRY(surprised anyone is talking to him) Um, I think it'll be (beat) cool.

    David and Carah both roll their eyes at Henry and his comment separately and simultaneously.

    CUT TO:


    Henry sitting in a chair similarly to Spencer was before.

    HENRYI started working here when I was in college so that I could actually have some money.

    CUT TO:


    HENRY (V.O.)But, then my grades started slipping...

    CUT TO:



    HENRY (V.O.)And school just kinda became this thing in the background, you know? So, I took a couple more shifts here and... uh... yeah.


    Carah and Henry, pricing CDs.

    CARAHIt's just like David to do something like this.

    HENRYI know. CDs are stupid. We shouldn't be selling them.

    CARAHNo, idiot. The cameras. I hate 'em. Someone watching you every second. But, that's the culture we live in now. We're just inviting big brother into our lives.

    HENRYJust like Farenheit 9/11. (tryingto impress Carah)


    HENRYYou know... Because of Big Brother... (thinking really hard; doesn't break eye contact wthCarah)

    Henry and Carah stare at each other for an extra moment. Herny tries to think of something else to say. Carah waits.

    HENRY (CONT'D)I haven't read it.

    CARAH(sighs) I know.

    CUT TO:



    CARAHWhy don't I quit? I don't know.

    CUT TO:

    Henry and Carah sharing food. Henry drops some of it on his shirt. They laugh together.

    CUT TO:

    Henry wearing a scary mask waiting behind a corner waiting for Carah. Henry jumps out and playfully scares her. Carah passes out. Henry runs away.

    CARAH (V.O.)I really like this store, even though it's ran by an idiot. It's kind of like having a puppy. It's annoying and hard sometimes, but other times it's cute and easy to goof off with.

    CUT TO:


    CARAHI feel like I can just be myself, (beat) when I'm here.


    David's office completes the metaphor that his store is an extension of his personality. The store is all flash, a never ending attempt to seem cool, while the back of the store, David's office, a place where no one sees, is a wreck. There's fast-food wrappers and half empty chinese food cups everywhere. Half finished paper work and empty ball point pens all over his desk.

    David is sitting at his desk across from a young looking twenty-year-old, he is BRAD. Brad has plugged ear lobes and horrible tattoos. Brad looks he's high all of the time even if he isn't. He's a modern, less-cool, Spicoli from Fast-Times at Ridgemont High.

    David, leaning back in his chair behind his desk, staring at Brad. He's trying to do what he thinks is a power move. Really he's just staring. Brad is oblivious and doesn't feel any tension.


  • DAVIDSo, you want to work at Lazy-Town?


    A longer than normal silence.

    DAVIDWhat makes you think you can?

    CUT TO:


    HENRYYes I could!

    SPENCERIf you could beat an NBA player 1 on 1, you would be in the NBA.

    HENRYNot ANY NBA player, just the worst one.

    CUSTOMERUm, can I buy this? (holds up DVD)

    HENRYHm? No. That movie sucks.

    Customer looks to Spencer for help.

    SPENCERIt does suck.

    CUT TO:


    BRADUm, you had a sign out front. So, I thought...

    DAVIDYou always do what's on signs?

    BRADNo. Sometimes a sign, will say don't do something.


  • DAVIDThat's right. Like 'no smoking'.



    They both contemplate other signs they've seen, in silence.

    DAVID (CONT'D)Well, alright! You seem like a smart young kid.

    David sticks his hand out to shake.

    DAVID (CONT'D)Welcome aboard.



    Spencer, Carah, and Henry all standing around the cash register staring at their phones or tablets. David walks into frame followed by Brad.

    DAVIDHello, folks. We have a new member in the Lazy-Town family.

    CARAHDo we now?

    DAVIDYes, Brad introduce yourself.

    BRADHello, I'm Brad.

    HENRYHi, Brad. (happy to meet a potential friend)

    CARAHHello, Brad. (annoyed) David? Can we talk in your office?

    Carah and David walk out of frame.


  • HENRYSo, what's your favorite movie?

    BRADUm... Boondock Saints.


    SPENCERI also have to talk to David.


    David, leaning on his desk. Carah standing. David, defensive. Carah, on the attack.

    CARAHWhen I asked why I couldn't have overtime pay, even though I worked overtime, what did you say?


    CARAHWhat did you say!?

    DAVIDI said, we couldn't afford it!

    CARAHSo, let me understand this. Stop me when you hear an inconsistency... The store, you, can't pay Carah overtime, but the store, YOU, can afford a new employee?

    DAVIDWe need the help, Carah! You and Spencer are the only ones who actually work here.

    CARAHNot anymore.

    Carah starts to walk away.

    DAVIDCarah, don't. C'mon.

    Spencer walks into the office as Carah is leaving.


  • SPENCERWhere is she going.

    DAVIDI think she just quit.

    David slumps into his chair.

    SPENCERWhat? Are you serious?


    Spencer also walks out.

    DAVID (CONT'D)Spencer?


    Carah hurriedly putting her things into her bag.

    CARAHBecause, Henry. I've put up with enough shit for too long and this is the final straw. Look, I don't know why I'm explaining this to you, I'm leaving.

    BRADI'm starting to get my feelings hurt...

    Carah picks up her bag and starts towards the door.

    HENRYPlease, Carah, I...

    Carah stops and turns around to face Henry.

    HENRY (CONT'D)...don't know how to run the cash register.

    Carah "UGH"s loudly and stomps out.

    HENRY (CONT'D)I really don't though. (under his breath)

    Spencers enters the frame and walks past Henry and Brad.


  • HENRY (CONT'D)And where are you going?


    HENRYBut, you're shift isn't over.

    SPENCERI know.

    HENRYAre you quitting too?

    Spencer stands up straight to look Henry in the eye.

    SPENCERYes. I am quitting. Is that clear enough for you?

    HENRYI guess.

    Spencer walks out the front door. David walks into frame.

    DAVIDWell, it's a good thing I hired a new employee, right?

    Henry slouches and looks sad.

    End of Act One



    It's a hippie-themed sandwich shop. A sign on the wall reads, "Peace, Love, Subs" unironically. This restaurant is stuck in the early 70s and has no problems about it. Carah works here now and is behind the counter on her phone yet again.


    The Boss emerges from a kitchen window behind the counter.



  • SUB-SHOP BOSSDid you tell this lady she could have pickles on her sandwich?


    SUB-SHOP BOSSWell, we don't have pickles. Go tell her she's not getting any.

    CARAHBut, this is a sandwich shop. How do we not have pickles?

    SUB-SHOP BOSSI don't like pickles.

    Carah waits for her Boss to say something else because that can't seriously be his reason to not have pickles in a sandwich restaurant.


    Henry walks in the front door of the sub-shop. Carah's nose is in her phone, knowing Henry is there, choosing to ignore him. Henry walks up to the counter and waits to be greeted by Carah, she doesn't look up.

    HENRYHi, Carah.

    CARAHHello, how can I help you sir?

    HENRYDo you? Do you not remember me? It's only been like two weeks. We worked together for awhil-

    CARAHYes, Henry, I remember who you are. Why are you here?

    HENRYOk, good. Because I was like, "What?".

    Henry laughs quietly to himself. Carah waits silently for Henry to get to the point.

    HENRY (CONT'D)So, what have you been up to?


  • CARAHOh, you know... working here.

    HENRYI see that.



    CARAHSo, do you want a sandwich?



    Henry and Carah stand silently in the visible metaphor of their relationship. Each too scared too admit they want to be together.

    HENRYAlright, well I'll get going then.

    CARAHHey, wait.


    CARAHHow's the store?

    HENRYOh, it's alright.

    CUT TO:


    Brad behind the counter with a huge line. Everyone is visibly angry. Brad pathetically and fruitlessly tries to run a dvdcase by the scanner.

    BRADWhy isn't this working?


  • CUSTOMER #2Do you seriously not know how to work the scanner?

    BRADI know how to work the scanner, just let me try.

    Each failed attempt by Brad features an annoying "BEEP" from the machine further frustrating everyone involved and around the counter.

    A homeless man enter the store. Everyone looks scared of him. He looks like smells like the floor public bathroom.

    CUSTOMER #2Do you want me to do it?

    BRADNo, it's fine. I got this. Just let me-


    HOMELESS MANY'all know this all bullshit, right? This is all what they want us to do! Buying useless shit to keep us occupied while the lizard people control our thoughts and feelings!

    Someone walks in with their dog.

    CUSTOMER #3Hey, is it cool if my dog is in here?

    BRADUm, I don't know. Maybe?

    CUSTOMER #3Ok, cool. Thanks man.

    The homeless man starts looking at Brad as he knocks stuff off the shelves.

    HOMELESS MANOh no, am I messing up your precious materialistic monument? Is this too real a pill to swallow?

    Brad looks visibly overwhelmed and only has room for the single emotion.


  • Homeless man pulls out a liquor bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag. He takes a swig.

    HOMELESS MAN (CONT'D)And another thing! (takes another swig, continues to ramble in the background)


    CUSTOMER #2Sigh.


    CUSTOMER #3Oops, do you guys have any paper towels? My dog just pooped on the floor. Or like a tiny shovel?

    HOMELESS MANNope. That was me.

    Brad tries to scan the DVD again.



    CUT TO:


    David's seemingly empty office. The faint ruckus can be heard in David's office. We pan over his desk. Underneath we see David in the fetal position crying. He lets out a small whimper that gets louder and louder and until it meets a deafening crescendo.

    CUT TO:


    Carah and Henry staring at each other.

    HENRYI mean we still have the occasional problem but, it's not so bad.


  • CARAHHm, well sounds like you guys are doing alright without me.

    The Boss puts a sandwich in the server window.

    SUB-SHOP BOSSOrder up!

    Carah graps the wrapped sandwich, yells out the name, "Terry!", and the "Terry" comes and gets it.


    CARAHWell, see ya...

    Henry starts to turn around and Carah goes back to looking at her phone. Henry then turns around sharply to look at her.

    HENRYWait. No. Carah, I want you to come back...

    Carah seems charmed and delighted to hear Henry wants her back.

    HENRY (CONT'D) work at the store. It's a mess. No one knows how to do anything. No one is scared of me and Brad enough to not shoplift either. You could always stop people, with just a look. The other day, a guy looked at me in the eye and said, to my face, "Hey, idiot. I'm taking this.". It was VERY emasculating.

    CARAHWow. Really?

    HENRYYes. And, David didn't pay us last week.


    HENRYWe keep pestering him, but he keeps blowing us off.


  • CARAHThat's bullshit. Let's go.


    CARAHBack to the store.

    Carah takes off her apron and storms out. Henry is close behind.

    A woman in her 40s with "I need to speak with the manager hair" (Nancy Grace), Terry, comes up to the now empty front counter.

    TERRYExcuse me? Is there someone I could talk to? Hello?

    The Sub-Shop Boss appears in the server window.


    TERRYI asked for pickles on my sandwich.

    SUB-SHOP BOSSOh, I don't like pickles. I thought the girl told you.

    A long pause. Terry shakes her head in confusion.


    CUT TO:


    We see Spencer at his desk, talking into his headset, in his semi-cubicle area in a row with several other cold-callers.

    SPENCER (V.O.)I got this job the day after I left Lazy-Town. It's a very boring job.

    Spencer in the breakroom silently sipping from a paper cup, staring into the void in front of him next to other employees doing the same thing.


  • SPENCER (V.O.)It's not very challenging work. Lots of time to think.

    Spencer sitting in a chair in a conference room with several other dead-eyed employees kind-of listening to a enthusiastic, overweight, greek, man drawing on the white board.

    SPENCER (V.O.)Sometimes I wonder if this is where I'm supposed to be, y'know?

    We look at Spencer at his desk again, looking at his back and panning over his shoulder to see he's saying all of his voice over on the phone.

    SPENCERLike, is this really all I'm going to be? A meaningless cog that doesn't contribute anything to society. I suppose the world is literally filled with people no one will remember, maybe I'm one of those people.

    PERSON ON THE PHONEYeah, I hear ya buddy. I know exactly what you mean.

    SPENCERYeah, so can I put you down for $50?

    PERSON ON THE PHONEUm, I've got to go. I've gotta go think about some stuff.

    SPENCEROk. I understand. Is there a good time to call ba-? (to the camera) He hung up.

    Spencer looks at his phone and starts dialing a new number. He hears a "pst". Spencer looks around. "PSSST!" He looks to his left. David is sitting in the chair next to him.

    SPENCER (CONT'D)What are you doing here?

    DAVIDTo talk.


  • SPENCERDidn't someone stop you? How did you get in?

    DAVIDAre you serious? There's such a high turn around in here. Anybody can just walk in.

    SPENCERKind of like, Lazy-Town.

    DAVIDSee, that's why I'm here.

    SPENCERTo talk about Lazy-town?

    DAVIDI'm here to ask you to come back.


    Spencer turns away from David.

    DAVIDSpencer, c'mon. Hear me out. I know I shouldn't have hired Brad. We don't have the money. I know. But, listen-

    SPENCERI didn't leave because you hired Brad, David.


    SPENCERI left because you didn't even consult with me before you did it. (beat) You've always said that I'm the glue that keeps that place together, that I'm your partner.

    DAVIDYes, you are! That's why I need you back. I don't even know how to do payroll.

    SPENCERI just thought I was an important member of the team.


  • DAVIDWell, look. I've got an idea. If you come back, you will be my partner.

    SPENCERI thought I was.

    DAVIDNo, I mean legally. (beat) You will own exactly %50 of Lazy-Town.

    SPENCERYou would do that? Just give me half?

    DAVIDYes. I need you, man. You're like my brother. Without you, I'm pretty sure the IRS would shut us down in a month.


    DAVIDYes, really. I haven't done taxes there in years. It's always been you. I don't know how to do that stuff anymore. And since you've dedicated so much of yourself to the store, I think that hard work should be rewarded. (beat) What do you say? Come back?

    SPENCER(beat) Yeah, alright.

    Spencer takes off his headset and gets up from his desk. David sticks out his hand for Spencer to shake. They shake hands.

    SPENCER (CONT'D)Let's get out of here.

    DAVIDYou can just leave? That's ok.

    SPENCERYeah. I don't think anyone cares. Hey, Bob.

    We pan over to see the Greek man from before, Bob, at his desk clipping his finger nails.


  • BOBWhat?

    Bob doesn't even look up.

    SPENCERI'm quitting.


    SPENCERSee? (to david)

    Spencer and David walk out together.

    DAVIDDo you even need clock out? Or sign out of something.


    DAVIDThis place is weird.




    Carah and Henry march up the sidewalk to Lazy-Town. Carah tries to open the front door. It's locked.

    CARAHWhat? Why is this locked?

    HENRYIt's 3:30 in the afternoon, we're not closed.

    Carah tries to jerk open the door. Spencer and David walk into frame.

    DAVIDHello, Carah.

    CARAHDavid, you can't not pay Henry. That's illegal.


  • DAVIDOk, now's the time for some honesty. (beat) Spencer is the only one that knows how to do payroll.

    SPENCERIs this why you want me back? Do you know anything about running a business?

    DAVIDI mean, yeah, sort-of. Look, I need you guys.

    David steps away to look at all three of his trusted employees.

    DAVID (CONT'D)Look, I know that I'm a screw-up. That's what I do. It's what I've done my whole life. I've never really had any close friends because of it. I opened this store to finally find some people that were like me.

    CARAHAre you calling us screw-ups?

    SPENCERI don't screw-up.

    HENRYI'm kind-of a screw-up.

    DAVIDNo, I'm just saying. I like you guys. You're all weird and nerdy. (beat) Like me. I need you guys, not just for the store. You're my only friends.

    Carah, Henry, and Spencer, are all moved by David's words. They all silently agree to give David another shot.

    DAVID (CONT'D)So, will you come back, Carah?

    CARAHYeah... I guess. But, I want overtime pay.

    David unlocks the front door and Henry and Spencer walk in first.


  • DAVIDWell, let's cross that bridge when we get to it.

    David tries to lead Carah in the door.

    CARAHWe're at the bridge now. I want all the money you owe me.

    DAVIDWe'll talk about it later.

    CARAHYou're damn right we're gonna talk about it later.


    Carah, Spencer, Henry, and David all stand at the front of the store looking at the mess left by Brad.

    CARAHWhat the hell happened?

    Brad emerges from underneath a pile of comics and vinyl covers.

    BRADAre they gone?

    Brad looks like he just came out of a foxhole after an intense battle. The store looks like its been through hell.

    DAVIDBrad, what did you do?

    BRADThere were so many of them. They were yelling and, I didn't know what to do. They just kept wanting to buy things...

    SPENCERYou're bad at this.

    DAVIDWell, Brad. I don't know how you're going to fix this.

    BRADWhat? No. I need this job.


  • DAVIDWell, I need a store that doesn't look like a crazy person's house.

    BRADI'll clean it up. I promise. I'll start right now!

    Brad gets up and starts stacking junk on top of other junk.

    DAVIDBrad. I think, I'm going to have to demote you.

    BRADDemote me!?

    HENRYWe have ranks? What rank am I?

    DAVIDDeputy. Brad, you're being demoted to intern.

    BRADIntern? Oh my god, thank you so much.

    Brad salutes David.

    BRAD (CONT'D)I'll make this right, Colonel David.

    David kind of loves that Brad just saluted him.

    DAVIDOh, Brad. That's enough.

    Brad gets back to cleaning. Spencer leans into David to whisper to him.

    SPENCERDoes this mean you're not going to pay him?

    DAVIDThat's exactly what it means. Everyone that isn't an intern gets a bonus!

    Henry and Carah clap and cheer with David.


  • SPENCERNo. No, we don't. I'm running the books now.

    David, Carah, and Henry look sad.

    DAVIDWell, let's get to work shall we?