from l to lemonade -...

FROM LEMONSTO LEMONADE

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FROM LEMONSTO LEMONADE

SQUEEZE EVERY LAST DROP OF SUCCESS

OUT OF YOUR MISTAKES

Dean A. Shepherd

Vice President, Publisher: Tim MooreAssociate Publisher and Director of Marketing: Amy Neidlinger

Editorial Assistant: Pamela BolandDevelopment Editor: Russ HallOperations Manager: Gina KanouseDigital Marketing Manager: Julie PhiferPublicity Manager: Laura CzajaAssistant Marketing Manager: Megan ColvinCover Designer: Alan ClementsManaging Editor: Kristy HartProject Editor: Anne GoebelCopy Editor: Gayle JohnsonProofreader: Leslie JosephIndexer: Lisa StumpfCompositor: Bumpy DesignManufacturing Buyer: Dan Uhrig© 2009 by Pearson Education, Inc.

Upper Saddle River, New Jersey 07458

quantity for bulk purchases or special sales. For more information, please contactU.S. Corporate and Government Sales, 1-800-382-3419, [email protected]. For sales outside the U.S., please contact International Sales at [email protected] and product names mentioned herein are the trademarks or registered trademarks oftheir respective owners.All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, in any form or by any means,without permission in writing from the publisher.Printed in the United States of AmericaFirst Printing April 2009ISBN-10 0-13-136273-9ISBN-13 978-0-13-136273-4Pearson Education LTD.Pearson Education Australia PTY, Limited.Pearson Education Singapore, Pte. Ltd.Pearson Education North Asia, Ltd.Pearson Education Canada, Ltd.Pearson Educación de Mexico, S.A. de C.V.Pearson Education—JapanPearson Education Malaysia, Pte. Ltd.Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication DataShepherd, Dean A.

From lemons to lemonade : squeeze every last drop of success out of your mistakes / DeanA. Shepherd.

p. cm.Includes bibliographical references.ISBN 0-13-136273-9 (hbk. : alk. paper) 1. Success in business—Psychological aspects. 2.

Business failures—Psychological aspects. 3. Failure (Psychology) I. Title. HF5386.S4277 2009650.1—dc22

2008041534

Acquisitions Editor: Jennifer SimonEditor: Steve Kobrin

Publishing as Prentice Hall

Prentice HHall offers excellent discounts on this book when ordered in

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED TO

MY DAUGHTER, MEG,FOR THE REASONS STATED

IN THE BOOK’S CONCLUSION.

Acknowledgments . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xiiiAbout the Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xv

Chapter 1 Managing Emotions to Learn from Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3Learning from Failure Is Difficult but Rewarding . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9

Chapter 2 Strategies to Learn More from YourFailures . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13Why We Feel Bad over Project Failure . . . . . 15Why Some Projects Are More Important Than Others . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15

Some Projects Make Us Feel MoreCompetent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19Some Projects Makes Us Feel More inControl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22Some Projects Make Us Feel Like We Belong . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

Strategize to Learn from Failure. . . . . . . . . . 25An Emotion-Management Strategy of“Working Through the Loss” . . . . . . . . . 28An Emotion-Management Strategy ofRestoration . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 32The Optimal Strategy: Oscillation . . . . . . 38

Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 44

Chapter 3 When to “Pull the Plug” to MaximizePersonal Growth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49Are We Biased When We Delay Failure? . . . 56Are We Procrastinators? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 61

CONTENTS

x

Anticipatory Processing to Personally Grow from the Failure Experience . . . . . . . . 63Emotionally Preparing for Failure . . . . . . . . 69Balancing the Financial and Emotional Costs of Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 72What Is Your Balance? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 74Practical Implications . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 78Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79

Chapter 4 Self-Compassion to Learn from Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83Two Project Team Leaders with Self-Compassion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91Self-Compassion and Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . 93

Self-Kindness and Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . 99Common Humanity and Failure . . . . . . 103Mindfulness and Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . 108

Practical Implications. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 113Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 114

Chapter 5 Emotional Intelligence, Support, andLearning from Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . 119Are You Emotionally Intelligent? . . . . . . . . 122Growing from the Failure Experience. . . . . 127

Two Project Team Leaders with Different Emotional Intelligence . . . . . . 127

Emotions and Scanning for Information . . 127Emotion and the Interpretation of Information . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131Emotions and Learning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 134Help from Others and Building Emotional Intelligence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 136Practical Implications . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 145Conclusion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 146Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 147

Chapter 6 Preparing for Multiple Failures . . . . . . 151Commitment and Performance . . . . . . . . . 152Managing Failure by Normalizing It . . . . . 157

Learning from Small Wins . . . . . . . . . . 157Learning from Intelligent Failure . . . . . . 159

Challenges of Normalizing Failure . . . . . . . 163Regulating Emotion to Cope with Failure. . 166Your Ability to Cope . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167Use Support Groups and Other Social Support . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 172Use Rituals . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 174Comparing “Normalizing” and “Regulating” Failure. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179Practical Implications . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 180Conclusion. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 181Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 182

Chapter 7 Reflections on “Learning from Failure” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 187Strategies for Managing Emotions to Learn from Failure . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 188When to “Pull the Plug” on a Failing Project to Maximize Personal Growth . . . . 190Emotions, Social Support, and Learning from Failure. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 192Self-Compassion to Learn from Failure . . . 194Preparing for Learning from Multiple Failures . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 196Concluding Remarks: Reflections and Advice to My Daughter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 197Endnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 199

Index . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 201

xi

The inspiration for writing this book are my fatherand mother, who experienced a great loss when ourfamily business failed. They showed great courage,honor, and determination to “pull themselves up bythe boot laces.”These attributes are reflected in mybrother, Brent, and sister, Kerrie, and I wanted toacknowledge them as part of the book’s underlyingstory. My wife, Suzie, and my children, Jack andMeg, are a source of personal learning. They feel noreluctance in pointing out my failures. I also appre-ciate the contributions from my good mates,Professors Johan Wiklund, Mike Haynie, MelissaCardon, Jeff Covin, and Don Kuratko, who havebeen instrumental in helping develop my ideas on

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

xiii

❂

this topic, which has led to the publication of a num-ber of research articles. Finally, I would like to thankJennifer Simon and Steve Kobrin for their vision andoptimism with this project, and Russ Hall andAmanda Moran for their invaluable help.

From Lemons to Lemonade

xiv

Dean Shepherd is the Randall L. Tobias Chair inEntrepreneurial Leadership and Professor ofEntrepreneurship at the Kelley School of Business,Indiana University. Professor Shepherd received hisdoctorate and MBA from Bond University(Australia) and a bachelor of applied science fromthe Royal Melbourne Institute of Technology. Hisresearch is in the field of entrepreneurial leadership.He investigates the decision making involved inleveraging cognitive and other resources to act onentrepreneurial opportunities. He also investigatesthe processes of learning from experimentation andfailure, in ways that ultimately lead to high levels ofindividual and organizational performance.Professor Shepherd’s research has been published in

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

xv

❂

the top management and entrepreneurship journals.He has also authored or edited eight research bookson entrepreneurship and strategy. His coauthoredentrepreneurship textbook (with Hisrich andPeters) is in its seventh edition. He is an associateeditor for the Journal of Business Venturing. He alsois on the review board for numerous journals and isa panelist for the National Science Foundation(Innovation and Organization Science).


xvi

1

“THERE ARE NO SECRETS TO SUCCESS.IT IS THE RESULT OF PREPARATION, HARD

WORK, AND LEARNING FROM FAILURE.”—COLIN POWELL

“EVEN HIS GRIEFS ARE A JOY LONG

AFTER TO ONE THAT REMEMBERS ALL

THAT HE WROUGHT AND ENDURED.”—HOMER

I once had a painfulexperience from which Ilearned a great deal, andit motivated me to sharewith you the insight Igained. If you are a nor-mal person, you will haveobstacles, setbacks, andoutright failures. Forsome people these stinglike the dickens; for others they lead to total col-lapse. Part of what I want to help you with is howto be better prepared not only to expect to deal withsome failure, but to be better able to deal with itwhen it comes, and to actually derive some goodfrom it. But this is not as easy as just saying it, as Iwas to find out myself.

CHAPTER 1

MANAGING EMOTIONS TO LEARN

FROM FAILURE

3

❂

If you are a normal

person, you will

have obstacles,

setbacks, and out-

right failures.

I had always taught my management studentsnot to be discouraged by failure, that we learn morefrom our failures than our successes. I had even saidthat failure is often the fire that tempers the steel ofone’s learning and street savvy. Then I got theopportunity to test the wisdom of those wordsmyself when I received a phone call from my fatherabout twelve years ago. He told me that the familybusiness that he had created twenty-odd years agowas in trouble. When I found out how much trou-ble, I told him he needed to notify creditors andclose the business immediately. The business wasclosed, and due to director’s guarantees to creditors,he lost his personal wealth.

My father exhibited a number of worrying emo-tions. There were numbness and disbelief that thisbusiness he created and managed for all those yearswas gone. There was some anger toward the econ-omy, competitors, and creditors. Stronger emotionsthan anger were guilt and self-blame. He felt guiltythat he had caused the failure of the business; guiltythat the business could no longer be passed on tomy brother; and guilty that not only had he failed asa businessman, but felt that he had failed as a father.This caused him great distress and anxiety. He feltthe situation was hopeless, and he became with-drawn and at times depressed. His emotional statecaused the rest of the family great distress andanxiety.

Because the business was an important part ofmy father, he found it difficult to separate himselffrom its failure. The business failure was not an


4

event divorced from his personal identity. It was adeeply emotional event. Yet over time he was ableto recover, and eventually he personally grew as aresult of the experience. The failure event hadprovided a trigger to a regenerative and growthprocess. However, not all people recover and per-sonally grow from failure.

Whether from thinkingabout my father, or aboutthe ability of those who failto grow from the experience,I realized that I could notaccept the implicit assump-tion that learning from failureis automatic and instanta-neous. Learning from failure is not instantaneous; itrequires time. It is not automatic; it requires aprocess that can be managed such that learningfrom failure can be maximized. Failure is an eventthat can touch us deeply and, in doing so, it presentssome challenges. If these challenges can be over-come, failure presents the opportunity to personallygrow from the experience.

By recognizing that failure can trigger a negativeemotional reaction, we realize that learning fromfailure requires time. It also requires a process ofdealing with the emotions generated by failure tolearn from the experience. That process, oncelearned, can become one of your strengths insteadof a weakness. It can be a very positive force in yourlife.

❂

Managing Emotions to Learn from Failure

5

Learning from

failure is not

instantaneous;

it requires time.

This can work one way or the other for you. Itdepends on how well you absorb the lesson. Takethe comparative stories of Judy and Andrew. Judyhad long dreamed of becoming a partner at a presti-gious advertising agency. She had taken her firststeps toward achieving this dream. She had recent-ly completed her MBA (focusing on marketing) andhad accepted a job at her preferred agency in NewYork City. The agency had an “up or out,” “churn”human resources policy. That is, the agency hiredmany “juniors” and set high standards so that onlythe best and brightest would survive and be pro-moted. Judy needed to land six new major accountsin her first three years.

After weeks of cold calling, she finally securedher first meeting with a potential client. Judy hadthree weeks to prepare her marketing plan and pitchfor the company’s new, revolutionary product. Judypoured her heart and soul into the marketing planand perfecting her pitch. She drew on her experi-ences with developing and delivering marketingplans as part of her MBA and her internships overthe past two summers, and she diligently followedthe “textbook” approach. However, her pitch was afailure, and she lost the account. The executives ofthe target company told her that her presentationreflected a lack of knowledge of their product andtheir company; that the theme across the marketingmix was, at best, ambiguous; and that it did notarticulate the unique selling proposition. Judy’s bosswas particularly displeased, because his biggest rivalpicked up the account.


6

Judy was shattered. That pitch had representedher best effort. It had been a part of her life 24 hoursa day, seven days a week, for three weeks. She feltembarrassed and depressed. As she again recalledthe executives’ comments, she was angry that theyhad missed the major points of her presentation andwas disappointed in her boss for being persuaded bysuch uncreative “business types.”

A few weeks later, Judy’s friend Andrew alsohad a pitch rejected. He also felt bad, even thoughhe knew that across his firm only one in five pitcheslanded an account.

Weeks after the pitch failure, Judy reviewed thecomments offered by the executives and her boss.When she received her next chance, she madechanges to avoid the sort of confusion she had cre-ated last time. She followed her boss’s recommen-dations to focus the presentation and plan on onlythree key, distinctive points and to leave ample timefor questions and answers at the end to address anyunresolved issues. She now had a better idea ofhow to highlight the distinctive attributes of thepotential client’s product and to position it withinthe company’s reputation in the marketplace, rela-tive to its other products, and relative to competi-tors’ products. She landed the client. She continuedto improve from her mistakes, and by the end of herfirst year she had landed three additional accounts.

In contrast, Judy’s friend Andrew blamed hisrejection on the potential client’s incompetence, andhe disregarded that company’s comments and thosefrom his boss. He used the same approach (that had


7

been so successful in school and unsuccessful in the“real world”) with the next client. It failed again, andhe lost the account. He repeatedly ignored com-ments about why his pitch was rejected. Andrewbecame even more frustrated and depressed. Hecame to believe that his dream of being an ad exec-utive outmatched his ability to succeed at thiscareer. He quit and went back to work in the fami-ly firm.

Judy and Andrew both had a negative emotion-al reaction to their projects being rejected. But Judywas able to manage that reaction and learn, andthus, increase her likelihood of success with subse-quent pitches. Andrew did not learn. He made thesame mistakes and continued to fail. Andrew knewthe old saying that we can learn more from our fail-ures than our successes, but he was unable to do so.

As you can see, project failure can lead to oneof three possible outcomes:

■ The emotional pain is so great for the personexperiencing failure that he gives up anddoes not try again.

■ The person responsible for the failure blamesothers and not himself and throws himselfinto the next project. He has not learned thereasons for the project’s failure and is des-tined to make the same mistakes repeatedly.

■ The person manages the emotions generat-ed by the project failure so that they are lesspainful, occur for a shorter period, and nolonger keep her from learning from thatfailure.


8

In this book, I focus on providing strategies andtechniques to help you avoid the first two outcomesin order to achieve the third.

❂

Learning from Failure Is Difficultbut RewardingOur projects typically are important to us, and wefeel bad when they fail. Although these emotionscan provide some learning benefits, in that they stim-ulate search processes, learning, and adaptation,they have been found to severely interfere with per-formance on tasks. In laboratory experiments, nega-tive emotions have been found to interfere with anindividual’s allocation of attention in processing infor-mation. Such interference diminishes our ability tolearn from the failure event.

For example, the negative emotional aspects ofan event receive higher priority in processing infor-mation than positive or neutral emotional aspects.The emotional interference means that we prema-turely terminate in working memory the facts thatpreceded the emotional event. But these facts arethe basis for learning why the project failed. Forexample, in focusing on the emotional events lead-ing up to the failure, our mind keeps shifting to theday the project was terminated. We dwell on theannouncement to employees, buyers, suppliers,neighbors; how bad everyone felt; the moment of


9

handing over the office keys to the liquidator andleaving the parking lot for the last time.

By focusing on these highly salient, emotionalevents, we do not allocate attention to informationthat would serve as important feedback for learning.

Insufficient attention (andsubsequently, diminishedinformation processingcapacity) is paid to theactions and inactions thatcaused the deteriorationin performance and ulti-mately the project’s fail-ure. We all have limitedattention and informationprocessing capacity, andthey are undercut by our

emotional reactions. We enhance our learning whenwe manage our emotions and recover from ouremotional pain more quickly. That is, we can man-age our emotions to more quickly eliminate thissource of interference in the learning process.

We not only learn from failure the causesbehind this specific event, but we learn and developsomething special about ourselves. We also can per-sonally grow from the experience.


10

We enhance our

learning when we

manage our emo-

tions and recover

from our emotional

pain more quickly.

11

“SUCCESS IS A LOUSY TEACHER. ITSEDUCES SMART PEOPLE INTO THINKING

THEY CAN’T LOSE.”—BILL GATES

“MOURNING IS NOT FORGETTING….IT IS AN UNDOING. EVERY MINUTE TIE

HAS TO BE UNTIED AND SOMETHING

PERMANENT AND VALUABLE RECOVERED

AND ASSIMILATED FROM THE DUST. THE

END IS GAIN, OF COURSE. BLESSED ARE

THEY THAT MOURN, FOR THEY SHALL BE

MADE STRONG, IN FACT. BUT THE

PROCESS IS LIKE ALL OTHER HUMAN

BIRTHS, PAINFUL AND LONG AND

DANGEROUS.”—MARGERY ALLINGHAM, THE TIGER

IN THE SMOKE, 1956

201

INDEX

Aanticipation of failure

emotions, 49Schwartz, Jeff, 50-53

anticipatory processing,63-69, 190-191

implications of, 77-78Wilen, Ron, 67

attachment to projects, 154

attribution bias, 87autonomy, why some

projects are important,22-25

Bbalancing costs of failure,

financial and emotional,72-75

Bambridge, Joe, 36-37belonging, why some


biasattribution bias, 87reasons for delaying

failure, 56-61

blame, 85self-esteem, 86

Buck, Pearl, 165

Cchallenges of normalizing

failure, 163-166cognitive strategies, 194commitment, 152-153, 157common humanity,

103-108compassion, self-compas-

sion, 92-94, 194-195common humanity,

103-108failure and, 93-97mindfulness, 108-111self-kindness, 99-103

competence, why someprojects are important,19-22

comprehension, 121control, why some


Cook, Scott, 177coping, 167

implications of, 180-181

coping ability, 168-171rituals, 174-179self-help groups,

172-174costs of failure, balancing

financial and emotionalcosts, 72-75

creativity, 152

Ddecisions, justifying by

delaying failure, 57delaying

failure, 54-55balancing emotional

and financial costs,74-76

bias, 56-61implications of, 77-78procrastination,

61-63project failure, 52

desensitization, 161, 165DHL Express, 84Dolphin Away, 91, 128downward comparison,

86-87, 92

Eego-protecting strategies

common humanity, 103-108

downwardcomparison, 92


202

implications of, 112-113mindfulness, 108-111self-compassion, 92-97self-kindness, 99-103

ego-protective strategies, 88-91

attribution bias, 87downward comparison,

86-87EMC, 144

emotionalintelligence, 141

firewalk activity, 141-144

emotion-managementstrategies, 121, 129, 134

loss orientation, 129oscillation strategy, 131restoration

orientation, 129emotional capability, 193emotional costs of failure,

balancing with financialcosts, 72-75

emotional intelligence, 122-126, 192-193

comparing two projectteam leaders, 127

help from others, 136-145

implications of, 145-146emotionally preparing for

failure, 69-72emotions, 4, 14

anticipation of failure, 49

Schwartz, Jeff, 50-53interpretation of

information, 131loss orientation, 132oscillation

strategy, 134restoration

orientation, 132learning and, 134-135negative emotions, 9regulating to cope with

failure, 166scanning for informa-

tion, 127-130loss orientation, 129oscillation


orientation, 129EMS, emotional

intelligence, 140Energizer, 155escalation of

commitment, 56

Ffailing projects, “pulling the

plug,” 190-192failure, 4-5

common humanity and,103-108

Index

203

delaying, 54-55balancing emotional

and financial costs,74-76

because of bias, 56-61because of procrasti-

nation, 61-63implications of, 77-78project failure, 52

groups, 136intelligent failure,

159-160learning from, 5-10

Goetz, Charlie, 25-26

multiple failures, 152learning from,

196-197normalizing failure.

See normalizing failure

normalizing, 196challenges of, 163-166intelligent failure, 159-

163versus regulating,

179-180small wins, 157-159

preparing for emotionally, 69-72

“pulling the plug” onfailing projects, Goetz,Charlie, 54-55

regulating, 197

self-compassion and,93-97

self-kindness and, 99-103

strategies for learningfrom, 25-27

oscillation, 38-42restoration, 32-37“working through the

loss,” 28-32why we feel bad over

project failure, 15feedback

negative feedback, 22positive feedback, 19teams, 21

financial costs of failure,balancing with emotionalcosts, 72-75

fire walk activity, 141-144forewarning of failure,

anticipatory processing,63-69, 190-191

implications of, 77-78Wilen, Ron, 67

funeral rituals, 174

GGoetz, Charlie, 25-26

“pulling the plug” onfailing projects, 54-55

groups, failure, 136


204

HHarrison, Nicky, 84help from others, emotion-

al intelligence, 136-145Hogan, Holly, 155

Iimportance of projects,

15-19competence, 19-22control/autonomy,

22-23relatedness, 24-25

Insight DevelopmentGroup, 140

intelligent failure, 159-163interpretation, 121

emotions, 131loss orientation, 132oscillation


orientation, 132Intuit, rituals, 177-178

JJackson, Don, 29justifying decisions,

delaying failure, 57

KKilmer, James, 174

Llearning, 119, 121

emotions and, 134-135from multiple failures,

196-197from small wins,

157-158learning from failure, 5-10

Goetz, Charlie, 25-26Lewis, Bill, 33loss orientation,

emotions, 188interpreting

information, 132scanning for

information, 129

MMagnacca, Mark, 140managing emotion

strategies, 188loss-oriented

strategy, 188oscillation strategy, 189restoration-oriented

strategy, 188memories, “working

through the loss,” 31mindfulness, 108-111mourning, 13

Index

205

multiple failureslearning from, 196-197normalizing failure,

158, 196challenges of, 163-166intelligent failure, 159,

161, 163versus regulating

failure, 179-180small wins, 157-159

Nnegative emotions, 9negative feedback, 22normalizing failure, 196

challenges of, 163-166intelligent failure,

159-163versus regulating

failure, 179-180small wins, 157-159

Ooscillation strategy 28

interpreting information,emotions, 134

managing emotions, 189scanning for informa-

tion, emotions, 131strategies for learning

from failure, 38-42

P-QPage, Larry, 161Parker, Jim, 160parting ceremonies, 175passion, 156-157Pool Be Clean, 91positive feedback, 19preparing for failure,

emotionally 69-72procrastination, reasons for

delaying failure, 61-63project failure, delaying 52projects

defined, 15failing projects, “pulling

the plug,” 190-192importance of, 15-19

competence, 19-22control/autonomy, 22-

23relatedness, 24-25

terminal projects, 52why we feel bad over

project failure, 15“pulling the plug” on failing

projects, 49, 190-192Goetz, Charlie, 54-55

Rrecognition, 177regulating emotions to

cope with failure, 166regulating failure, 197

implications of, 180-181


206

versus normalizing fail-ure, 179-180

relatedness, why someprojects are important,24-25

Remarkable Moments, 51restoration, strategies for

learning from failure, 27,32-37

restoration orientation,emotions

interpreting information, 132

scanning for information, 129

restoration-oriented strategy, managing emotions, 188

risk, reasons for delayingfailure, 60

rituals, 174-179

SSandberg, Sheryl, 161scanning, 120-121

emotions, 127-130loss orientation, 129oscillation strategy,

131restoration

orientation, 129Schwartz, Jeff, 50-53self-compassion, 92,

194-195

common humanity, 103-108

failure and, 93-97mindfulness, 108-111self-kindness, 99-103

self-esteem, 84blame, 86

self-help groups, 172-174self-kindness, failure and,

99-103short-term coping

techniques, 191Skiing Scooter, 152-153small wins, 157-159social interaction, 137social support, 172-174strategies for learning from

failure, 25-27oscillation, 38-42restoration, 32-37“working through the

loss,” 28-32strategies for managing

emotions, 188loss-oriented

strategy, 188oscillation strategy, 189restoration-oriented

strategy, 188success, 14sunk costs, 58support, emotional intelli-

gence, 136-145support groups, 172-174

Index

207

surveysAre You More Mindful

or Overidentified?, 97Are You More Self-Kind

or More Self-Judgmental?, 95

Do You Feel Part ofCommon Humanityor Isolated?, 96

importance of projects, 18

Measure YourEmotional Intelligence,123

T-U-Vteams, feedback, 21terminal projects, 52ToyCo, 162

W-XWilen, Ron, 67wins, learning from small

wins, 157-158“working through the

loss,” strategies for learn-ing from failure, 28-32

Y-ZYu, Albert, 154

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