“Self-Control When It Feels Unnatural”Series: TIME TO GROW Part Nine

Galatians 5; Genesis 4; Various othersINTRODUCTION: A. Today we are going to cover the last of the fruit of the Spirit. And

like a pitcher who takes the mound about to face the meat of the lineup, today, as we

conclude this list of attributes, it doesn’t get any easier. So how are you doing through

this series? Hopefully we’re learning together to rely on the Holy Spirit more and more.

It is my prayer that you and I are different than we were when we started this series:

that you find yourself relying on the Holy Spirit more so than doing things in your own

power. And today we cover the final attribute in this list, self-control.

B. Do you ever wonder why this is the last in the list? In my message on love, I brought

out why I believed that it was no accident that love was the first of nine. So why is self-

control the last? Is it the least important? Certainly not. After all, this list is called the

fruit of the Spirit, not the fruits of the Spirit. Perhaps self-control is last on Paul’s list

because it takes resolve and denial of self to overcome any temptation so that you can

effectively show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and

gentleness. My youngest son is a railway engineer. He drives train locomotives for the

KC Southern Railway. So using the train analogy, I’ve learned more and more to see

self-control not as the caboose at the end of a powerful train, but the backstop. Without

it, the positive accomplishments of the other eight may be lost. Love may be the engine

that drives, that powers the train. Without consistent self-control, Christians, and

certainly church leaders, never make it to their long-term destination! (Which is what?)

Christ-likeness is the bullseye on the target! Without self-control, a leader will be

sidelined, derailed or perhaps taken out of ministry. Leaders, especially, need self-

control to win over anger, discouragement or speaking too quickly. Another may need

self-control for their thought life, managing money or how they use their position of

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leadership. But none of us, as followers of Jesus Christ, escape the great need for

consistent self-control.

C. We’re going to learn how to grow in self-control from examining a negative example

in the Old Testament. So take your Bible out and turn to Genesis, Chapter 4. This is

the account of Cain and Abel, the first two sons of Adam and Eve. Hopefully we can

learn some valuable lessons from the mistakes that Cain made. We’ll pick it up with

Genesis, Chapter 4, verses 3 through 5:

In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an

offering to the LORD. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the

firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering,

but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very

angry, and his face was downcast.

Now we’re not exactly sure why God was so displeased with the sacrifice and the

offering that was brought by Cain. Either God has asked for a blood sacrifice and that’s

not what he brought, or God had asked for the first fruits – to give the best, the choice

of his crops, the best of the herd – but Cain did not give his best. But when Cain

realized God had not been pleased with him, he got angry with God. So if we’re to

learn to grow the fruit of self-control from this account, first…

1. STAY ALERT AND EMBRACE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF LIFE’S DAILY TRADES.

A. Look for signs that might reveal that you are starting to get off course, that your life

is heading in a direction that it shouldn’t. There are a myriad of areas where we need to

demonstrate this fruit of the Spirit. Our weak areas will differ with everyone in this

room. I don’t know what the areas are for you; but I certainly do for me. Every time my

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wife takes a sheet of her homemade chocolate chip cookies out of the oven, my self-

control is pushed to the limits! But that’s just one area where I am tempted NOT to

practice self-control. And I believe that church leaders face a whole set of serious

temptations that many people do not face. Under pressure, leaders can find it easy to

be swayed by their own emotions, make reactionary decisions or be tempted to trade

long term success for more immediate rewards.

In the New Testament the Apostle Peter issues a warning that we need to heed and

remember. First Peter 5:8 says, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil

prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” So when you’re at a

ballgame and you hear an obnoxious fan that just keeps cussing for the whole group to

hear, when you’re watching television and you watch the show The Biggest Loser,

when you hear the anxious chatter from the trembling lips of an alcoholic, when you

study the financial debt of a shopaholic—you realize that there is a common thread

with every single one of them. They didn’t get where they are overnight. It happened

over time. Every one of them would tell you that it was a result of an ongoing lack of

self-control, which started out in seemingly harmless fashion but in time it took over.

But it didn’t happen overnight. QUOTE: A.W. Tozer said, “No man suddenly goes

base.” He’s right. You be alert. All of life consists of daily trades. I’ve made some poor

trades along the way. Like trading my potential safety and the well-being of others in

order to arrive somewhere faster. Speeding. That may seem like a relatively minor

“poor” trade, but not really. I am just banking on not getting caught. That’s the dark side

of making bad trades. Hoping you won’t get caught, or at least no consequence or

penalty. There are many more serious trades, but in that moment you can rationalize

that it’s a minor area. Like an optional big purchase when you should be saving money.

You see, it’s always about the bigger picture, and self-control or the lack thereof is

always involved. Listen friends, most of life is won or lost in these daily trades. So

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many times these decisions develop patterns that determine the course and outcomes

of lives.

When there is not self-control with your words or your temper, your life can spiral out of

control. Listen to this practical advice that James tells us in James 1:19: “My dear

brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow

to become angry.” Do you see the common thread? When it comes to self-control, the

word slow is at the core of the concept. You need to have a long fuse. You want to be

able to be slow to speak, be slow to become angry.

In Ephesians 4:26 it says, “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while

you are still angry.” Sometimes I tell couples when I’m meeting with them before they

get married…I’ll say, “This is a wise principle for you to live by. Work the conflict out.

Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry. Don’t go to sleep upset with your

spouse. Work it out.”

Look at the sixth verse of Genesis 4: “Then the LORD said to Cain, ‘Why are you

angry? Why is your face downcast?’” Well, the Bible says Cain’s face was downcast

because he was pouting. Sometimes…not always but sometimes…depression can be

traced to anger that has turned inward. Some people…they shout, they scream, they

throw things, they’re quick to give you an obscene gesture. Others pout and sulk and

they go into their shell. But the cause for both is the same. It can be anger. And Cain

should’ve been more alert. To develop self-control, embrace the significance of life’s

daily trades.

2. SEARCH YOUR HEART AND ASK GOD TO DO WHAT YOU CAN’T DO.Here is the second encouragement if you want to grow in self-control: Search your

heart and ask God to do what you can’t do.

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A. Most people think the reason they lose self-control is because they didn’t try hard

enough to do right and to avoid the bad. The prophet Jeremiah says God makes a

declaration that I believe reveals the real issue. “The heart is deceitful above all things

and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jere. 17:9) You see, the heart is deceitful

and our attempts in the flesh to cover up that deceit will only last so long. Eventually

the truth will come out. That’s why we need a growing, intimate relationship with the

Lord. God was trying to get Cain to search his own heart. “Why are you so angry,

Cain?” He wanted Cain to look inwardly and then to verbalize outwardly, “Well,

because you liked Abel’s sacrifice more than you liked mine.” At which point God

probably would’ve responded with, “Well, why does that bother you so much that I like

his better than yours?” “Because I want you to like mine the best.” “Well, why?” And if

Cain had been brutally honest he would’ve replied, “Because I am a selfish person who

wants to be the center of the universe instead of you and because I care more about

me than I do about you or my brother.” You see, when we search our hearts we often

discover that our anger is terribly misplaced and sinful, and it helps us to come to a

place of repentance. But until you do this, you can expect to continually be frustrated

by your lack of self-control. It is not a problem with your effort; it is a problem with your

heart.

B. That is true in so many types of addiction. We typically think of, you know, a person

losing self-control and getting hooked on alcohol or drugs or a sexual addiction, but

people can get addicted in a variety of different ways. They might get addicted to

materialism through shopping. They might be addicted to lust through reading steamy

romance novels or what they watch on television or the movies that they choose to

see. And they say, “Well, you know, I mean, I’ve had a hard day at work. This is my

escape.” And they rationalize their behavior.

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Maybe it’s because you want to be in the spotlight or you want to be the center of

attention all the time. Perhaps it is that you are addicted to something that starts off

good but it gets out of control. Maybe it is exercise or fitness, something that started off

in a good sense and yet now it consumes you and you’re more concerned with the

physical than you are with the spiritual. When that happens – in all these areas – self-

control evaporates. And we need to face the thoughts and attitudes that are deep in

our hearts, because until we face these questions, until we get to the root we won’t be

able to show the fruit of self-control and control our actions. James 1:22 says, “Do not

merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”

Look back at our text. God is speaking to Cain. He says, “If you do what is right, will

you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it

desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” You see, God is trying to get Cain’s

attention. Little has changed in the past 5,000 plus years since those words were

written. I don’t know about you but at my house and in my neighborhood and at my

office sin is crouching at the door, and God is still trying desperately to get our

attention. You see, we struggle with our sin nature. There is a conflict that is constantly

going on.

Have you ever seen the show When Animals Attack? Anybody ever seen clips of that

show or watched it? I’ve seen some clips of it. It’s a show where, you know, it might

have a video clip from a petting zoo, where a large animal that is supposedly tamed, all

of a sudden, just goes on this rampage and nobody expects it. Or there is this one

where a family is having a cookout at their home, and there is the family pet lion that

they have raised from when he was a cub. Uncle Harry is there at the cookout and

Uncle Harry says something or does something, and the lion snaps and attacks him!

And have you ever seen these things? Later the family is interviewed and they say,

“Well, we’re shocked. I’ve never seen anything like it. Mango has never acted like that

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before.” “What happened?” “We don’t know.” Well, can I tell you what happened?

Mango is a lion! That’s what he does for a living, okay? So all he is doing is doing what

lions do. That is his nature. So don’t be surprised if Mango attacks you at the home

cookout.

C. That is why we need divine intervention, because do you know what our nature is?

Our human nature – our sin nature – is an obstacle to our having self-control. That is

why we need Christ. That is why if you’re not already a Christian I’d like to encourage

you to become a Christian, because when you do you receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

His presence enables you to have self-control, to do battle with resisting temptation

that seems to get the best of you. On our own we can’t do it, but with Him we can.

Galatians 5:17 says: “For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the

Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other...”

QUOTE: Craig Massey said, “Two natures beat within my breast. One is foul, one is

blessed. One I love and one I hate. The one I feed will dominate.” So we need to ask

God to do what we can’t do on our own. When it comes to self-control I believe God

wants to see some effort on my part to feed or nourish the Holy Spirit’s presence and

to starve the sinful nature. If I ask God to remove the need for any work, or even for

any struggle on my part, there is no process that leads to maturity. The process

towards spiritual maturity requires that I face and handle real life tensions that don’t

have easy solutions. That’s when God steps in. As we pray and ask for help, God is

eager to grant the power of the Holy Spirit that helps provide the self-control we need.

Ultimately this strengthens the first eight in the list of the fruit of the Spirit. See, the life

of the Christ-follower is always about a divine partnership.

Then number three…

3. OBEY GOD’S WARNINGS.

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A. There it is—the “O” word, obedience. You see, any way you slice it, it still comes

back to the willful choice and desire to obey—to be obedient to how God calls you to

act. God warned Cain that he is about to make a terrible mistake, and before we lose

our self-control, God almost always warns us in some way.

EXAMPLE/ILLUSTRATION: Let me illustrate it this way: A close friend l comes up to

you and expresses concern about your dependency on alcohol. But we’re quick to

rationalize it and say, “Oh, you know what? It was just a mailbox that I hit with my car. I

mean, it wasn’t a person. I really wasn’t drunk. I hadn’t had too much.” You start off

toying with gambling and eventually, if you’re not careful, all of a sudden you realize

that it consumes you and it controls you. There are times where, all of a sudden, your

spouse forgives you and you go, “Phew! That was close!” or your boss gives you a

second chance and you go, “Phew! Wow! I dodged that bullet.” Well, you didn’t dodge

that bullet. God is trying to get your attention. He is warning you. He is extending a

second chance to you and it’s time for you to realize how much danger you are in

because of your lack of self-control. That is God’s way of saying, “I’m trying to give you

a wake-up call so that you can learn a lesson the easy and quick way rather than the

painful and difficult way.”

Solomon paints a picture of the person without self-control when he writes in Proverbs

25:28, “Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.” So

obey God’s warning so it doesn’t get to that point.

B. Notice in our text the specific warning from God to Cain. Look at it again. Verse 7, “If

you do what is right…” In other words, the choice is yours. “If you do what is right, will

you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it

desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” It says, “If you do what is right, you will

be accepted.” That means you will be lifted up; you will be exalted. If you don’t do what

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is right, sin is crouching at the door like a lion. And understand, it desires you too. So

you’re supposed to master it, but on your own it’s impossible to master it. It all comes

back to…it’s only possible with the Lord.

C. Here is why I think we have a problem with this. We hear “self-control” and the term

itself in English is a little bit misleading—as if it is possible for us to do that by

ourselves. Well, that’s not the way it works. In Galatians 5:23 where we find this word,

we translate it “self-control.” A better rendering of it, most Bible dictionaries say, would

be the word “chastity,” chastity. It means that you are a person of purity and integrity. It

means that you do not allow your God-given human desires to rule you. You rule over

them instead. It talks about food and drink and sex as kind of what is at the heart of

chastity. So the challenge is that you be a person of morals and of principle.

Several years ago when Ann Landers had her advice column in newspapers all over

the country, she received a letter. It said:

Dear Ann,

I have a problem. I am happily married to a wonderful wife. We have two

children. But I have also been seeing another young lady for the past six months.

My problem is that I love both of them. What should I do?

Signed,

Confused

P.S. Don’t give me any of that morality stuff.

And I loved Ann Landers’ response. She wrote back:

Dear Confused, The only difference between animals and humans is morality. I

suggest you consult your local veterinarian.

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I like that! You know? Here is what Ann Landers was saying. She was saying, “If you

throw out self-control, if you falsely think that God is more concerned with your

happiness than your holiness, if you live a life without boundaries, then someday your

lack of self-control will result in some serious consequences.” Understand you are in a

spiritual battle and the stakes are high. The outbursts of anger, the struggle with

addiction, the flings on the weekends, the binges on the business trips—these

moments are not something that you brush off as common in our culture, “Well, you

know, most everyone is doing it.” They are sins that need to be confronted, because if

you don’t confront them they will get worse and worse, not better and better. When you

say, “I…I don’t know what came over me!” what you are truly saying is, “I lack self-

control in this area.” So heed God’s warnings. Get some help. Do whatever it takes to

gain control of your life or it will get worse before it gets better.

D. But Cain? Cain ignored the warnings. Look at verse 8 of Genesis 4: “Now Cain said

to his brother Abel, ‘Let's go out to the field.’ And while they were in the field, Cain

attacked his brother Abel and killed him.” Do you notice a pattern here? We do the

same thing when we lose self-control. It begins with deception. Cain first deceived his

brother, “Hey, let’s go out in the field.” I’m sure had Abel known what was in his

brother’s heart he never would’ve gone out there with him.

When we lose self-control we begin deceiving ourselves and others. We hide things.

We delete the history of the Internet pages we visited. We hide the pills. We put the

money in a separate account. And hopefully nobody will discover the truth about our

lack of self-control. Cain’s hidden hatred toward Abel was unleashed. He attacked and

killed his brother.

Then after that he has the nerve to discount the relationship with his brother. Look at

verse 9, “Then the LORD said to Cain, ‘Where is your brother Abel?’ ‘I don't know,’ he

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replied. ‘Am I my brother's keeper?’” That’s where we get that phrase, “Am I my

brother’s keeper?” The answer to that question is, “Yes, you are.” And if you love your

brother and if you care about your brother, then you will be his keeper. “But, Cain, your

heart is so hardened that you’ve killed your brother and you thought you could keep it

from me,” God says.

Then number four:

4. CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES AND ENGAGE THE WISDOM OF PAY NOW AND PLAY LATER .

A. Cain didn’t think about the consequences. Cain was selfish. It was all about him. So

God pronounces a curse on Cain. Look at verse 10-12:

The LORD said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries

out to me from the ground. Now you are under a curse and driven from the

ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother's blood from your

hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you.

You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”

The Lord is trying to get us to understand that we need to fast-forward and think

through, “What would it be like if we continue in this type of behavior? What will my life

look like? What will my family look like? What will my job look like?” Consider the

consequences of one violent action. Cain became a wanderer and lived like a fugitive

the rest of his life. The grief that he caused his mom and dad could never be

measured. A lack of self-control can mark you and others for all eternity. Perhaps that’s

why self-control was listed last in this list.

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B. The wisdom of delayed gratification (or pay now, play later) is a significant part of

making smart daily trades. Self-control and smart daily trades go hand and hand to

help you exercise discipline now and enjoy more freedom later. “Now” is the great

enemy of wise trades in life. Think long-term, values-driven and character-based to

build the right foundation to support self-control. Discipline now rewards you with the

freedom and options that allow you to live well.

C. I believe it’s very important to not just consider the potential negative consequences;

but also think about the positive consequences that can come when we make God-

honoring self-controlled decisions. So many worries are avoided. So much guilt is also

avoided. So much heart ache is avoided

Look to the example of Jesus Christ. Christ chose self-control because of the positive

consequences that would come on OUR behalf. When Jesus prayed in the Garden of

Gethsemane, it was a prayer of self-control. It was to do God’s will and not what Jesus

was being tempted to do. He was being tempted by Satan to flex his spiritual muscle,

to obliterate his betrayers and those who were about to kill him. Yet He chose self-

control. He chose that so that you would have a positive consequence of eternal life,

because your sins had been paid for on the cross. Think about it. There is a moment

early on that Friday morning. Jesus is standing before Pontius Pilate. Just a few hours

later a scene is going to unfold at Calvary of Him being nailed to a cross. He is

arrested. He stands before Pilate. He has been scourged. He has been severely

beaten. He has had a crown of thorns thrust on His head. He has been verbally

badgered and mocked over and over again, and Jesus shows self-control and He

chooses not to answer Pontius Pilate. He doesn’t speak up in His defense. There were

things He could’ve said that could’ve saved His hide. He didn’t say any of them.

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Finally, as I see it in my mind’s eye, Pilate gets right up in His face, and in John 19:10

he says, “Do you refuse to speak to me? Don’t you realize that I have the power either

to free you or to crucify you?” And that’s when Jesus opens His mouth, and Jesus

Christ looks eyeball to eyeball with Pontius Pilate and He says this. He says, “You

would have no power over me were it not given to you from above.” Here is a

translation: “Make no mistake, Pilate. You are not taking my life; I am giving my life.”

And there is a huge difference. Jesus Christ willingly chose to lay His life down. He

chose to do it because He loved you so much.

When you cut through the clutter realize the essence of sin is man substituting himself

for God; the essence of salvation is God substituting Himself for man. And Jesus put

Himself where I deserved to be so that someday I could be where I do not deserve to

be—in Heaven with Him. His cross is the bridge that spans the gulf between my sin

and God’s throne. You might say, “Well, this is a really tall task. I don’t think I can do

these nine attributes. I struggle with a lot of these areas. I don’t think I measure up.”

Well, good. It’s great that you acknowledge that! That means that you are beginning to

understand what this series is all about. In and of yourself you can’t!...but He can. That

is why the Apostle Paul describes this list as the fruit of the Spirit, not “the fruit of the

flesh.” The Christian is enabled to become self-controlled. It is possible through Him.

The secret to the Christian life is not imitation, trying to imitate Jesus. It’s inhabitation.

Allowing the Holy Spirit of God to fill you every day as you surrender to the control, the

Lordship of Jesus.

CONCLUDING STORY: If you’re a sports fan at all and you’re over the age of forty

you’ve probably heard of legendary basketball coach John Wooden. He was one of the

greatest basketball coaches who ever lived. John Wooden was ninety-nine years old

when he died in. He coached at UCLA. He led them to an unprecedented ten national

championships, 12 Final Four appearances and—get this—38 straight wins in NCAA

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tournament games or March Madness…38 straight! It spanned nine years without a

loss. But he was also a very committed Christian man and a member of a sister

Christian Church in southern California most of his adult life.

I had the privilege of meeting him at a basketball camp I participated in the summer

between my eighth and ninth grade years. John Wooden was a class act. He didn’t

cuss. He didn’t talk down to his players. He’d be in the midst of national championship

turmoil and he would be unflappable. And in one interview he was asked, “How do you

keep your cool in the games when UCLA is behind and the officiating is going against

you? You never seem to cuss out the players or the referees. You don’t throw chairs.

You don’t abuse or malign the guys on your team or your other coaches.” And John

Wooden answered quite candidly. He said, “Well, I have the same emotions as every

other coach. But,” he said, “in my pocket I keep a tiny silver cross, and when I feel

myself becoming out of control or getting too intense in a basketball game, I reach in

my pocket and I hold onto that cross and it reminds me that there is something more

important than winning basketball games.” And the reporter said, “Oh, so it’s kind of

like a good luck charm?” And John Wooden said, “No, not at all.” He said, “The cross

serves as a reminder. It is a reminder to me of what is most important.” John Wooden

was reminding himself that self-control cannot be captured by yourself. It takes the

Spirit of the Lord. And what Christ did in the life of John Wooden He can do in your life

as well, because the same Holy Spirit can give you self-control and can transform your

life.

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