ISE 544Project 5: Pear Teaching

CRUCIAL CONFRONTATION

TASK LEADER: YU LIU

MEMBERS: LINGFENG SHAO, RUI DU, ANUSH REDDY, SUKRUT NATARAJ

Team 9

Questions

1. Crucial Confrontation is holding someone accountable for ______________, ______________, or ________________through candid and respectful dialogue in a way that problems are resolved, performance improves, and relationships benefit.

2. True or False: What we should do after a crucial confrontation is to create a complete plan and put together all the theories and skills into a complete problem- solving discussion to solve the issues.

3. To initiate a crucial confrontation by sharing what we’ve learnt from observing people who had guts to step up to a problem but then failed quickly. What should not do?

4. Multiple choicesTo determine if you’re wrongly speaking up, you need to ask yourself …A) Am I acting it out? B) If the social system will support your effort?C)If you are committed to speak up while others continue to say nothing, differentiate yourself.D) Am I choosing the certainty of silence over the risk of speaking up?

Reference List

1. Crucial Confrontations: Tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior

2. https://hbr.org/2015/08/how-to-give-feedback-to-someone-who-gets-crazy-defensive3. https://hbr.org/2015/11/how-to-make-sure-youre-heard-in-a-difficult-conversation4. https://courses.uscden.net/d2l/le/content/8491/viewContent/40054/View5. https://courses.uscden.net/d2l/le/content/8491/viewContent/40055/View6. Crucial Confrontations Patterson, Kerry Executive Excellence; Dec 2004; 21, 12; ProQuest pg. 16

Definition

Crucial Confrontations

Holding someone accountable for broken promises, violated expectations, or bad behavior through candid and respectful dialogue in a way that problems are resolved, performance improves, and relationships benefit. (From Kerry Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, & Switzler)

Confrontation is a situation in which people, groups, etc., fight, oppose, or challenge each other in an angry way (From Merriam-Webster)

A hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties (From other resources)

MOVE TO ACTION

Agree on a Plan Follow up

CONFRONT WITH SAFETYDescribe the Gap Make it Motivating and

Easy

WORK ON ME FIRSTChoose WHAT and IF Master My StoriesB

efo

reD

uri

ng

Aft

erOverview

New Problem?

Revisit the Original Problem

Make it Safe

Fear?

Stay Focused & Flexible

Work on Me First

•We can only really ever change ourselves

•To make sure their thoughts are in order before they put their mouths in gear

◦ Choose What and If

◦ Master My Stories

What’s the right

problem?

Choose What

•Identify and deal with the right problem

•Deciding what to confront

◦ Think CPR—Content, Pattern, and Relationship.

◦ Expand the list of possible issues by considering consequences and

intent.

◦ Choose from the list by asking what you do and don’t want: for

yourself, others, and the relationship.

Deciding If

Consider the consequences before deciding whether to bring the issue up Ask yourself to…

To determine if you’re wrongly going to silence

• Am I acting it out? • Is my conscience nagging me?• Am I choosing the certainty of silence

over the risk of speaking up? • Am I telling myself that I’m helpless?

To determine if you’re wrongly speaking up

• If the social system will support your effort?

• If you are committed to speak up while others continue to say nothing, differentiate yourself.

Master My Story Problem: Telling ugly Stories

Right way to do: work on our own thoughts, feelings, and stories

Tell the rest of the story

Look at all six sources of influence.

Expand motive to include the force of others.

Finally, add ability.

Motivate Enable

Self Pain and Pleasure Strengths and Weaknesses

Others Praise and Pressure Helps and Hindrances

Things Carrots and Sticks Bridges and Barriers

Confront With Safety

● When there is enough safety, one can talk to almost anyone about almost anything.

● The best problem solvers move from thinking to talking.

Describe The Gap

A gap: A difference between what you expected and what actually happened.These gaps include missed commitments, disappointed expectations, and bad behavior.• What not to do :

◦ Don’t play games◦ Don’t play charades◦ Don’t pass the buck◦ Don’t play read my mind

• To ensure the right tone during the first few seconds of a crucial confrontation, carefully describe the gap:

◦ Start with safety◦ Share your path◦ End with a question

An example on describing the Gap I’ve noticed myself withdrawing in the last couple of meetings. I know it bugs you when I don’t take the initiative, so I’ve thought about why I’m not doing that. Some of the things I’ve realized have to do with how you lead our meetings. I don’t want to be presumptuous or tell you how to run meetings, but I believe that if I could discuss this with you, it might help me perform better and would make the climate better for me too. Would that be okay?

Make It Motivating

•Consequences motivate

• Explore natural consequences• Match Methods to Circumstances• Finish Well

•Keys• Do not use power• Do not rely on Charisma• The cost of Force• Be Careful with Perks

How do you reach into other people’s psyches regardless of their power or position or, better still, regardless of your power or position and motivate them to do what they promised to do?

Make It Easy

•When the other person is not able, It's our job to make it easy

• Explore root cause- Do not Jump into personal solution

• Explore Underlying Forces

• Willingness v/s enabled

•Don’ts:

• Bias the response

• Quick Advice

• Pretend to involve

Stay Focused and Flexible

What to Do When Others Get Sidetracked, Scream, or Sulk

How Flexible are you?What ..If…

• New problem Emerges

• People feel unsafe

• Others are upset

• Worse Problem Emerges

• People don't deliver what they need.

Move to Action

• Agree on a plan• Wrong way

• Step 1: Finish a perfectly good crucial confrontation

• Step 2: Make sketchy plans

• Solution: Make a plan complete with WWWF• Who

• does What

• by When

• Follow-up

• Make sure plan contains right and agreed-upon method of following up

Move to Action

• Follow up• Three variables

• Risk, Trust, Competence

• Micromanagement or Abandonment?• Agree on the frequency and type of follow-up

• Checkup and Checkback• Take the lead->high risk• Let the person in charge->low risk

• Summary

• Why?• People forget• People worry

Put It All TogetherHow to Solve Big, Sticky, Complicated Problems

“Choose if and what” and “master my stories” (No risk)

Describe the Gap (First time exposing to risk)

End up with a question (Minimize the risk)

Important “Yeah-Buts”

1. Confronting authoritya. Danger Point- You don’t want the person in charge upset with you.b. Solution- You need to choose between coping and cutting out. 2. Breaking from the pack c. Danger Point- You are exposing yourself and others to a whole range of risks. d. The solution-Make it safe. Open the confrontation by acknowledging the

competing motivations and do it in a way that humanizes those who might be learning in the wrong direction. Use a contrasting statement to eliminate a possible misunderstanding.

3. Married to a mime e. Danger point- When one person wants to talk and the other doesn’t. f. Solution-Make sure the person knows that talking will strengthen the relationship.

How to Deal with the Truly Tough

Important “Yeah-Buts”

4. Hearsay a. Danger point- When others consistently complain to you about a problem, but

you never actually see the problem yourself. b. Solution-Master your own story. Don’t adopt other people’s stories.

5. Potentially devastating c. Danger point- Most people would rather take a blow to the head than say

something that could devastate another person.d. Solution- Begin to hold people accountable one step at a time.

6. Way out of line and scary e. Danger point- People who are way out of hand and hold leaders hostage. f. Solution- Hold the employee accountable.

7. Changing your culturea. Danger point- Just calling group a team does not make it a team.b. Solution- Confront the past. Illuminate your general vision of how things are going to be in the

future with specific, identifiable and replicable actions.8. Borderline behaviorc. Danger point- Always doing marginal work.d. Solution- Gather data. Have a conversation with the marginal performer. Gather facts. Describe

difference between mediocrity and excellence. Connect your homework with your reseach.9. Our plate is overflowinge. Danger point- Unhealthy workload.f. Solution-Look for causes. Meet with colleagues and share concerns. Bring up the issue to public.

Important “Yeah-Buts”

10. I don’t want to be a naga. Danger point- People repeatedly making commitments and not keeping them.b. Solution- Talk about the pattern.

11. Our relationship is based solely on problemsc. Danger point- When majority of your conversations turn into confrontations.d. Solution- Get to know people under less strained circumstances. Develop more full relationships.

12. I don’t think we can changee. Danger point- It is hard to break away from lifelong habits.f. Solution-Just change a few things and be a little more consistent. Reshape a few of your thoughts

and alter a few of your actions.

Important “Yeah-Buts”

Questions

1. Crucial Confrontation is holding someone accountable for ______________, ______________, or ________________through candid and respectful dialogue in a way that problems are resolved, performance improves, and relationships benefit.

2. True or False: What we should do after a crucial confrontation is to create a complete plan and put together all the theories and skills into a complete problem- solving discussion to solve the issues.

3. To initiate a crucial confrontation by sharing what we’ve learnt from observing people who had guts to step up to a problem but then failed quickly. What should not do?

4. Multiple choicesTo determine if you’re wrongly speaking up, you need to ask yourself …A) Am I acting it out? B) If the social system will support your effort?C)If you are committed to speak up while others continue to say nothing, differentiate yourself.D) Am I choosing the certainty of silence over the risk of speaking up?

Answers

1. Crucial Confrontation is holding someone accountable for _ broken promises, violated expectations, or bad behavior _through candid and respectful dialogue in a way that problems are resolved, performance improves, and relationships benefit.

2. True or False: What we should do after a crucial confrontation is to create a complete plan and put together all the theories and skills into a complete problem- solving discussion to solve the issues. True

3. To initiate a crucial confrontation by sharing what we’ve learnt from observing people who had guts to step up to a problem but then failed quickly. What should not do?a).Don’t play games b).Don’t play charades c).Don’t pass the buck d).Don’t play read my mind

4. Multiple choicesTo determine if you’re wrongly speaking up, you need to ask yourself …BCA) Am I acting it out? B) If the social system will support your effort?C)If you are committed to speak up while others continue to say nothing, differentiate yourself.D) Am I choosing the certainty of silence over the risk of speaking up?

Thank you

Any Question?