CiderWithRosiebyLaurieLee.

CiderWithRosieputsonrecordtheEnglandwehavetradedforthepetrolengine.RecallinglifeinaremoteCotswoldvillagesomefiftyyearsago,LaurieLeeconveysthesemipeasantspiritofathousandyearsoldtradition.'Thispoet,whoseproseisquickandbrightasasnake...agay,impatient,jauntyandinpartsslightlymockingbookaprosepoemthatflashesandwinkslikeaprism'H.E.BatesintheSundayTimes.

FIRSTLIGHT

Iwassetdownfromthecarrier'scartattheageofthreeandtherewithasenseofbewildermentandterrormylifeinthevillagebegan.TheJunegrass,amongstwhichIstood,wastallerthanIwas,andIwept.Ihadneverbeensoclosetograssbefore.Ittoweredabovemeandallaroundme,eachbladetattooedwithtigerskinsofsunlight.Itwasknifeedged,dark,andawickedgreen,thickasaforestandalivewithgrasshoppersthatchirpedandchatteredandleaptthroughtheairlikemonkeys.Iwaslostanddidn'tknowwheretomove.Atropicheatoozedupfromtheground,rankwithsharpodoursofrootsandnettles.Snowcloudsofelderblossombankedinthesky,showeringuponmethefumesandflakesoftheirsweetandgiddysuffocation.Highoverheadranfrenziedlarks,screaming,asthoughtheskyweretearingapart.ForthefirsttimeinmylifeIwasoutofthesightofhumans.ForthefirsttimeinmylifeIwas

aloneinaworldwhosebehaviourIcouldneitherpredictnorfathomaworldofbirdsthatsquealed,ofplantsthatstank,ofinsectsthatsprangaboutwithoutwarning.IwaslostandIdidnotexpecttobefoundagain.Iputbackmyheadandhowled,andthesunhitmesmartlyontheface,likeabully.FromthisdaylightnightmareIwasawakened,asfrommanyanother,bytheappearanceofmysisters.Theycamescramblingandcallingupthesteeproughbank,andpartingthelonggrassfoundme.Facesofrose,familiar,livinghugeshiningfaceshunguplikeshieldsbetweenmeandtheskyfaceswithgrinsandwhiteteeth(somebroken)tobeconjureduplikegeniiwithahowl,brushingoffterrorwiththeirbroadscoldingsandaffection.Theyleanedovermeone,two,threetheirmouthssmearedwithredcurrantsandtheirhandsdrippingwithjuice.'There,there,it'sallright,don'tyouwailanymore.Comedown'omeandwe'llstuffyouwithcurrants.'AndMarjorie,theeldest,liftedmeintoherlongbrownhair,andranmejoggingdownthepathandthroughthesteeprosefilledgarden,andsetmedownonthecottagedoorstep,whichwasourhome,thoughIcouldn'tbelieveit.Thatwasthedaywecametothevillage,inthesummerofthelastyearoftheFirstWorldWar.Toacottagethatstoodinahalfacreofgardenonasteepbankabovealakeacottagewiththreefloorsandacellarandatreasureinthewalls,withapumpandappletrees,syringaandstrawberries,rooksinthechimneys,frogsinthecellar,mushroomsontheceiling,andallforthreeandsixpenceaweek.Idon'tknowwhereIlivedbeforethen.Mylifebeganonthecarrier'scartwhichbroughtmeupthelongslowhillstothevillage,anddumpedmeinthehighgrass,andlostme.Ihad

riddenwrappedupinaUnionJacktoprotectmefromthesun,andwhenIrolledoutofit,andstoodpipingloudamongthebuzzingjungleofthatsummerbank,then,Ifeel,wasIborn.Andtoalltherestofus,thewholefamilyofeight,itwasthebeginningofalife.Butonthatfirstdaywewerealllost.Chaoswascomeincartloadsoffurniture,andIcrawledthekitchenfloorthroughforestsofupturnedchairlegsandcrystalfieldsofglass.Wewerewashedupinanewland,andbegantospreadoutsearchingitsspringsandtreasures.Thesistersspentthelightofthatfirstdaystrippingthefruitbushesinthegarden.Thecurrantswereattheirprime,clustersofred,black,andyellowberriesalltangledupwithwildroses.Herewasbountythegirlshadneverknownbefore,andtheydartedsquawkingfrombushtobush,clawingthefruitlikesparrows.OurMothertoowasdistractedfromduty,seducedbytherichwildernessofthegardensolongabandoned.Alldayshetrottedtoandfro,flushedandgarrulous,pouringflowersintoeverypotandjugshecouldfindonthekitchenfloor.Flowersfromthegarden,daisiesfromthebank,cowparsley,grasses,ferns,andleavestheyflowedinarmfulsthroughthecottagedooruntilitsdiminteriorseemedentirelypossessedbytheworldoutsideastillgreenpoolfloodingwithhoneyedtidesofsummer.Isatontheflooronaraftofmuddlesandgazedthroughthegreenwindowwhichwasfulloftherisinggarden.Isawthelongblackstockingsofthegirls,gapingwithwhiteflesh,kickingamongthecurrantbushes.Everysooftenoneofthemwoulddartintothekitchen,crammygreatmouthwithhandfulsofsquashedberries,andrunoutagain.AndthemoreIgot,themoreIcalledformore.Itwaslikefeedingafatyoung

cuckoo.Thelongdaycrowedandchirpedandrang.Nobodydidanywork,andtherewasnothingtoeatsaveberriesandbread.Icrawledaboutamongtheornamentsontheunfamiliarfloortheglassfishes,chinadogs,shepherdsandshepherdesses,bronzehorsemen,stoppedclocks,barometers,andphotographsofbeardedmen.Icalledonthemeachinturn,fortheyweretheshrinesandfacesofahalfrememberedlandscape.ButasIwatchedthesunmovearoundthewalls,drawingrainbowsfromthecutglassjarsinthecorner,Ilongedforareturnoforder.Then,suddenly,thedaywasatanend,andthehousewasfurnished.Eachstickandcupandpicturewasnailedimmovablyinplacethebedsweresheeted,thewindowscurtained,thestrawmatslaid,andthehousewashome.Idon'trememberseeingithappen,butsuddenlytheinexorabletraditionofthehouse,withitssmell,chaos,andcompletelogic,occurredasthoughithadneverbeenotherwise.Thefurnishingandfoundingofthehousecamelikethenightfallofthatfirstday.Fromthatuneasylonelinessofobjectsstrewnonthekitchenfloor,everythingflewtoitsplaceandwasneveragainquestioned.Andfromthatdaywegrewup.Thedomesticarrangementofthehousewasshakenmanytimes,likeasnowstormtoy,sothatbedsandchairsandornamentsswirledfromroomtoroom,pursuedbythegustyenergiesofMotherandthegirls.Butalwaysthesethingsresettledwithinthepatternofthewalls,nothingescapedorchanged,andsoitremainedfortwentyyears.NowImeasuredthatfirstgrowingyearbythewideningfieldsthatbecamevisibletome,thenewtricksofdressingandgettingaboutwithwhichIbecamegraduallyendowed.Icouldopenthe

kitchendoorbyscrewingmyselfintoaballandleapingandbangingthelatchwithmyfist.Icouldclimbintothehighbedbyusingtheironworkasaladder.Icouldwhistle,butIcouldn'tlacemyshoes.Lifebecameaseriesofexperimentswhichbroughtgriefortherewardsofaccomplishment:aponderingofpatternsandmysteriesinthehouse,whiletimehunggoldenandsuspended,andone'sbody,fromleapingandclimbing,tookontherigidinsanityofaninsect,petrifiedasitwereforhourstogether,breathingandwatching.Watchingthegrainsofdustfallinthesunnyroom,followinganantfromitscradletothegrave,goingovertheknotsinthebedroomceilingknotsthatranlikeNegroesintheduskofdawn,ormovedstealthilyfromboardtoboard,butwhichsettledagaininthewaxlightofdaynomoremonstrousthanfossilsincoal.Theseknotsonthebedroomceilingwerethewholerangeofaworld,andoverthemmyeyeswentendlesslyvoyaginginthatlongprimevallightofwakingtowhichachildiscondemned.Theywerearchipelagosinaseaofbloodcolouredvarnish,theywerearmiesgroupedandunitedagainstme,theywerethealphabetofamacabretongue,thefirstbookIeverlearnedtoread.

Radiatingfromthathouse,withitscrumblingwalls,itsthumpsandshadows,itsfanciedfoxesunderthefloor,Imovedalongpathsthatlengthenedinchbyinchwithmymountingstrengthofdays.FromstonetostoneinthetracklessyardIsentforthmyacornshellofsenses,movingthroughunfathomableoceanslikeaSouthSeasavageislandhoppingacrossthePacific.Antennaeofeyesandnoseandgrubbingfingerscapturedanewtuftofgrass,afern,a

slug,theskullofabird,agrottoofbrightsnails.ThroughthelongsummeragesofthosefirstfewdaysIenlargedmyworldandmappeditinmymind,itssecurehavens,itsdustdesertsandpuddles,itspeaksofdirtandflagflyingbushes.Returningtoo,drythroated,overandoveragain,toitsseveralwellproddedhorrors:thebird'sgapingbonesinitscageofoldstickstheblackfliesinthecorner,slimydeaddryragsofsnakesandthecrowded,rotting,silentroaringcityofacat'sgrubcapturedcarcass.Onceseen,theserelicspassedwithinthefrontiersoftheknownlands,toberememberedwithabuzzingintheears,toberevisitedwhenthestomachwasstrong.TheywerethefirsttangiblevictimsofthatdestroyingforcewhosejobIknewwentonbothnightandday,thoughIcouldnevercatchhimatit.NeverthelessIwasgratefulforthem.Thoughtheyhauntedmyeyesandstuckinmydreams,theyreducedformethefirstinfinitepossibilitiesofhorror.Theychastenedtheimaginationwiththeproofofalimitedfrightfulness.FromtheharbourmouthofthescullerydoorIlearnedtherocksandreefsandthechannelswheresafetylay.Idiscoveredthephysicalpyramidofthecottage,itsstoresandlabyrinths,itscentresofmagic,andofthegreen,spoutingislandgardenuponwhichitstood.MyMotherandsisterssailedpastmelikegalleonsintheirbusydresses,andIlearnedthesmellsandsoundswhichfollowedintheirwakes,thesurgeofbreath,airofcarbolic,songandgrumble,andsmashingofcrockery.Howmagnificenttheyappeared,fullrigged,thosetoweringgirls,withtheirflyinghairandbillowingblouses,theirwhitemastarmsstrippedforworkorwashing.Atanymomentonewasboardedbythem,bussedand

buttoned,orswunguphighlikeawrigglingfishtobehookedandheldintheirlacylinen.Thescullerywasamineofallthemineralsofliving.HereIdiscoveredwateraverydifferentelementfromthegreencrawlingscumthatstankinthegardentub.Youcouldpumpitinpurebluegulpsoutoftheground,youcouldswingonthepumphandleanditcameoutsparklinglikeliquidsky.Anditbrokeandranandshoneonthetiledfloor,orquiveredinajug,orweightedyourclotheswithcold.Youcoulddrinkit,drawwithit,frothitwithsoap,swimbeetlesacrossit,orflyitinbubblesintheair.Youcouldputyourheadinit,andopenyoureyes,andseethesidesofthebucketbuckle,andhearyourcaughtbreathroar,andworkyourmouthlikeafish,andsmellthelimefromtheground.Substanceofmagicwhichyoucouldtearorwear,confineorscatter,orsenddownholes,butneverburnorbreakordestroy.Thescullerywaswater,wheretheoldpumpstood.Andithadeverythingelsethatwasrelatedtowater:thicksteamofMondaysedgywithstarchsoapsudsboiling,bellyingandpopping,creakingandwhispering,rainbowedwithlightandwinkingwithamillionwindows.Bubblebubble,toilandgrumble,rinsingandslappingofsheetsandshirts,andpantingMotherrowingherredarmslikeoarsinthesteamingwaves.Thenthelinencameuponastickoutofthepot,likepastry,orwovensuds,orsheetsofmouldedsnow.Here,too,wasthescrubbingoffloorsandboots,ofarmsandnecks,ofredandwhitevegetables.Walkintothemorningdisorderofthisroomandallthegardenwaslaidoutdrippingonthetable.Choppedcarrotslikecopperpennies,radishesandchives,potatoesdippedandstrippedcleanfromtheircoatsofmud,thesnappingoftightpeapods,long

shellsofgreenpearls,andthetearingofglutinousbeansfromtheirnestsofwool.Grownstealthy,maraudingamongthesepreparations,onenibbledone'swaylikearatthroughrootsandleaves.Peasrolledunderthetongue,freshcold,likesolidwaterteethchewedgreenpeelofapples,acidsharp,andthesweetwhitestarchofswedes.Beatenawaybywethandsglovedwithflour,one,returnedinamoroseandspeechlesslust.Sliversofrawpastry,moulded,warm,wentdownintheshapesofmenandwomenheadsandarmsofunsaltedfleshseasonedwithnothingbutadreamofcannibalism.Largemealswerepreparedinthisroom,cauldronsofstewfortheinsatiatehungerofeight.Stewsofallthatgrewontheserichbanks,flavouredwithsage,colouredwithOxo,andlacedwithafewbonesofIamb.Therewas,itistrue,littlemeatatthosetimessometimesapoundofbareribsforboiling,oranoccasionalrabbitdumpedatthedoorbyaneighbour.Buttherewasgreenfoodofgreatweightinseason,andlentilsandbreadforballast.Eighttotenloavescametothehouseeveryday,andtheynevergrewdry.Wetorethemtopieceswiththeircrustsstillwarm,andtheirmonotonywasbrightenedbytheobjectswefoundinthemstring,nails,paper,andonceamouseforthoseweredaysofhappygoluckybaking.ThelentilswerecookedinagreatpotwhichalsoheatedthewaterfortheSaturdaynightbaths.Oursmallwoodfirecouldheatsufficientwatertofillonebathonly,andthiswesharedinturnBeingtheyoungestbutone,mywaterwasalwaysthedirtiestbutone,andtheimplicationsofthisprivilegeremainwithmetothisday.Wakingonemorninginthewhitewashedbedroom,Iopenedmyeyesandfoundthemblind.

ThoughIstretchedthemandstaredwheretheroomshouldbe,nothingwasvisiblebutaglareofgold,flatonmythrobbingeyelids.Igropedformybodyandfounditthere.Iheardthesingingofbirds.Yettherewasnothingatalltobeseenoftheworldsavethisquiveringyellowlight.WasIdead,Iwondered?WasIinheaven?WhateveritwasIhatedit.IhadwakenedtoosoonfromadreamofcrocodilesandIwasnotreadyforthisfurtheroutrage.ThenIheardthegirls'stepsonthestairs."OurMarge!'Ishouted,Ican'tseenothing!'AndIbegantogiveoutmyhowl.Aslapofbarefeetslitheredacrossthefloor,andIheardsisterMarjorie'sgiggle.'Justlookathim,'shesaid.'Popandfetchaflannel,Doth'iseyes'vegotstuckdownagain.'Thecoldedgeoftheflannelpassedovermyfaceshoweredmewithwater,andIwasbackintheworld.Bedandbeams,andthesunsquarewindow,andthegirlsbendingovermegrinning."Oodidit?'Iyelled.'Nobody,silly.Youreyesgotbungedup,that'sall.'Thesweetglueofsleepithadhappenedbefore,butsomehowIalwaysforgot.SoIthreatenedthegirlsI'dbungtheirsuptoo:Iwasawake,Icouldsee,Iwashappy.Ilaylookingoutofthesmallgreenwindow.Theworldoutsidewascrimsonandonfire.Ihadneverseenitlookinglikethatbefore.'Doth?'Isaid,'what'shappeningtothemtrees?'Dorothywasdressing.Sheleanedoutofthewindow,slowandsleepy,andthelightcamethroughhernightdresslikesandthroughasieve.'Nothing'shappening,'shesaid.'Yesitisthen,'Isaid.'They'refallingtobits.'Dorothyscratchedherdarkhead,yawningwide,andwhitefeathersfloatedoutofherhair.'It'sonlytheleavesdroppin'.We'reinautumnnow.Theleaves

alwaysdropinautumn.'Autumn?Inautumn.Wasthatwherewewere?Wheretheleavesalwaysdroppedandtherewasalwaysthissmell.Iimagineditcontinuing,withnochange,forever,thesewetflamesofwoodsburningonandonlikethebushofMoses,asnaturalapartofthisnewfoundlandastheeternalsnowsofdiepoles.Whyhadwecometosuchaplace?Marjorie,whohadgonedowntohelpwiththebreakfast,suddenlycametumblingbackupthestairs.'Doth,'shewhisperedsheseemedexcitedandfrightened'Doth...'e'sturnedupagain.'ElponLollwith'isclothesandcomeondown,quick.'Wewentdownandfoundhimsittingbythefireside,smiling,wet,andcold.Iclimbeduptothebreakfasttableandstaredathim,thestranger.Tomehedidnotsomuchappeartobeamanasaconglomerationofwoodythings.Hisfacewasredandcrinkled,brilliantlikefungus.Therewereleavesinhismudmattedhair,andleavesandtwigsonhiscrumblingclothes,andalloverhim.Hisbootswereliketheblackpulpyoufindwhenyoudigunderatree.Mothergavehimporridgeandbread,andhesmiledpalelyatusall.'Itmusthavebeencruelinthewood,'saidourMother.'I'vegotsomesacks,mam,'hesaid,spooninghisporridge.'Theykeepoutthewet.'Theywouldn'tthey'dsuckituplikeawickandwraphiminit.'Yououghtn'ttolivelikethat,'saidMother.'Yououghttogetbacktoyourhome.''No,'smiledtheman.'Thatwouldn'tdo.They'djumponmebeforeyoucouldsayknife.'Mothershookherheadsadly,andsighed,andgavehimmoreporridge.Weboysadoredthelookofthemanthegirls,fastidious,weremoreuncertainofhim.Buthewasnotramporhewouldn'tbeinthekitchen.Hehadfourbrightmedalsinhispocket,whichhe

wouldproduceandpolishandlayonthetablelikemoney.Hespokelikenobodyelseweknewinfact,wecouldn'tunderstandmanyofhiswords.ButMotherseemedtounderstandhim,andwouldaskhimquestions,andlookatthephotographshecarriedinhisshirtandsighandshakeherhead.Hetalkedsomethingofbattlesandofflyingintheair,anditwasallwonderfultous.Hewasnomanfromtheseparts.Hehadappearedonthedoorsteponeearlymorning,askingforacupoftea.OurMotherhadbroughthiminandgivenhimawholebreakfast.Therehadbeenbloodonhisfaceandhehadseemedveryweak.Nowhewasinakitchenwithawomanandalotofchildren,andhiseyesshonebrightly,andhiswhiskerssmiled.Hetoldushewassleepinginthewood,whichseemedtomeagoodidea.Andhewasasoldier,becauseMotherhadsaidso.Iknewaboutwarallmyuncleswereinitmyearsfrombirthhadbeenfullofthetalkofit.SometimesIusedtoclimbintothebasketchairbythefireandclosemyeyesandseebrownmenmovingoverafieldinbattle.Iwasthree,butIsawthemgropeanddieandfeltmyselfolderthanthey.Thismandidnotlooklikeasoldier.Hewasnotbrassoed,leatherbelted,andwaxwhiskeredlikemyuncles.Hehadabeardandhiskhakiwastorn.Butthegirlsinsistedhewasasoldier,andsaiditinwhispers,likeasecret.Andwhenhecamedowntoourhouseforbreakfast,andsathunchedbythefire,steamingwithdampandcoatedwithleavesanddirt,Ithoughtofhimsleepingupthereinthewood.Iimaginedhimsleeping,thenhavingagoatthebattle,thencomingdowntousforacupoftea.Hewasthewar,andthewarwasupthereIwantedtoask,'How'sthewarinthatwood?'Buthenevertoldus.Hesat

drinkinghistea,gulpingandgasping,thefiredrawingthedampoutofhisclothesasifghostswererisingfromhim.Whenhecaughtoureyeshesmiledfromhisbeard.AndwhenbrotherJackshotathimwithaspoon,saying,'I'masodger,'herepliedsoftly,'Aye,andyou'dmakeabetteronethanme,son,anyday.'Whenhesaidthat,Iwonderedwhathadhappenedtothewar.Washeinthoseragsbecausehewassuchabadsoldier?Hadhelostthewarinthewood?Whenhedidn'tcomeanymore,Iknewhehad.Thegirlssaidsomepolicemenhadtakenhimawayinacart.AndMothersighedandwassadoverthepoorman.Inweatherthatwasnewtome,andcold,andloudwithbullyingwinds,myMotherdisappearedtovisitmyfather.Thiswasalongwayoff,outofsight,andIdon'trememberhergoing.Butsuddenlytherewereonlythegirlsinthehouse,tumblingaboutwithbroomsanddishcloths,arguing,quarrelling,andputtingustobedatrandom.Houseandfoodhadanewsmell,andmealsappearedlikedismalconjuringtricks,cold,raw,orblackwithtoomuchfire.Marjoriewasbreathlessandeverywhereshewasfourteen,withallthefamilyinhercare.Mysocksslippeddown,andstayeddown.Iwentunwashedforlongperiodsoftime.Blackleavessweptintothehouseandpiledupinthecornersitrained,andthefloorssweated,andwashingfilledallthelinesinthekitchenanddrippedsadlyononeandall.Butweateandthegirlsmovedaboutinagigglingflurry,exhaustedattheirlosinggame.Asthedayswentby,sucharideofmuddlesmountedinthehousethatIdidn'tknowwhichroomwaswhich.Ilivedfree,grubbingoutsideinthemudtillIwasblackasabadger.Andmynoseranfree,asuncheckedasmyfeet.Isailedmyboots

downthedrain,Icutupsheetsforputtees,andmarchedlikeasoldierthroughtheswampsofleaves.Sensingmychance,Iwanderedfar,eatingallmannerofrawobjects,colouredberries,twigs,andgrubs,sickeveryday,butwithasicknessofwhichIwasproud.Allthistimethesisterswentthroughthehouse,dartingupstairsanddown,besetonallsidesbytheraincomingin,boysgrowingfilthier,sheetsscorching,saucepansburning,andkettlesboilingover.Thedoll'shousebecameamadhouse,andthegirlsfrailbirdsflyinginawindofchaos.Dothgiggledhelplessly,Phylweptamongthevegetables,andMarjoriewouldsay,whenthedaywasover,'I'dliedownanddie,iftherewasaplacetoliedownin.'IwasnotatallsurprisedwhenIheardoftheendoftheworld.Everythingpointedtoit.Theskywaslowandwhirlingwithblackcloudsthewoodroarednightandday,stirringgreatseasofsound.Onenightwesatroundthekitchentable,crackingwalnutswiththebestbrasscandlestick,whenMarjoriecameinfromthetown.Shewasshiningwithrainandloadedwithbreadandbuns.Shewasalsoverywhite.'Thewar'sover,'shesaid.'It'sended.''Never,'saidDorothy.'TheytoldmeattheStores,'saidMarjorie.'Andtheyweregivingawayprunes.'Shegaveusabagful,andweatethemraw.Thegirlsgotteaandtalkedaboutit.AndIwassureitwastheendoftheworld.Allmylifewasthewar,andthewarwastheworld.Nowthewarwasover.Sotheendoftheworldwascome.Itmadenoothersensetome.'Let'sgooutandseewhat'shappening,'saidDoth.'Youknowwecan'tleavethekids,'Margesaid.Sowewenttoo.Itwasdark,andthegleamingroofsofthevillageechoedwiththe

buzzofsinging.Wewenthandinhandthroughtherain,upthebankanddownthestreet.Abonfirecrackledinoneofthegardens,andawomanjumpedupanddowninthelightofit,redasadevil,ajuginherhand,utteringcriesthatwerenotsinging.Alldowntheothergardenstherewereotherbonfirestoo.Andamancameupandkissedthegirlsandhoppedintheroadandtwistedononetoe.Thenhefelldowninthemudandlaythere,workinghislegslikeafrogandcroakingaloudsong.Iwantedtostop.Ihadneverseenamanlikethis,insuchawildgoodhumour.Butwehurriedon.Wegottothepubandstaredthroughthewindows.Thebarseemedonfirewithitsmanylamps.Rosecolouredmen,throughtherainwetwindows,seemedtobulgeandbreakintoflame.Theybreathedoutsmoke,drankfirefromgoldenjars,andIheardtheirgreatdinwithawe.Nowanythingmighthappen.Anditdid.Amanroseupandcrushedaglasslikeanutbetweenhishands,thenheldthemoutlaughingforalltoseehiswounds.Butthebloodwaslostinthegenerallightofblood.Twoothermencamewaltzingoutofthedoor,lockedineachother'sarms.Fightingandcursing,theyfelloverthewallandrolleddownthebankinthedark.Therewasascreamingwomanwecouldnotsee.'Jimmy!Jimmy!'shewailed.Oh,Jimmy!Thees'llkill'im!I'llfetchthevicar,Iwill!Oh,Jimmy!''Just'arkat'em,'saidDorothy,shockedanddelighted.'Thekidsoughttobeinbed,'saidMarjorie.Stopaminutelonger.Onlyaminute.Itwouldn'tdono'arm.'Thentheschoolhousechimneycaughtonfire.Afountainofsparksshothighintothenight,writhingandsweepingonthewind,fallinganddancingalongtheroad.Thechimneyhissedlikeafirework,greatrocketsofflamecamegushing

forth,emptyingthetinyhouse,sothatIexpectedtoseechairsandtables,knivesandforks,radiantandburning,follow.Themosstilessmoulderedwithsulphuroussoot,yellowjetsofsmokebelchedfromcracksinthechimney.Westoodintherainandwatcheditentranced,asifthesighthadbeensavedforthisday.Asifthehousehadbeensaved,togetherwiththeyear'sbadlitter,tobesentupinflamesandrejoicing.Howeveryonebellowedandscuffledandsang,drunkwiththeirbeerandthesightofthefire.Butwhatwouldhappennowthatthewarwasover?Whatwouldhappentomyuncleswholivedinit?thosehugeremotemenwhoappearedsuddenlyatourhouse,reekingofleatherandhorses.Whatwouldhappentoourfather,whowaskhakiedlikeeveryotherman,yetspecial,notlikeothermen?Hispicturehungoverthepiano,trim,haughty,withabadgedcapandaspikedmoustache.IconfusedhimwiththeKaiser.Wouldhedienowthewarwasover?Aswegazedattheflamingschoolhousechimney,andsmelttheburningthroughoutthevalley,Iknewsomethingmomentouswasoccurring.AtanymomentIlookedforaspectacularendtomyalreadylonglife.Oh,theendofthewarandtheworld.Therewasraininmyshoes,andMotherhaddisappeared.Ineverexpectedtoseeanotherday.

FIRSTNAMES

PEACEwasherebutIcouldtellnodifference.OurMotherreturnedfromfarawaywithexcitedtalesofitsmadness,ofhowstrangershadstoppedandkissedeachotherinthestreetsand

climbedstatuesshoutingitsname.Butwhatwaspeaceanyway?Foodtastedthesame,pumpwaterwasascold,thehouseneitherfellnorgrewlarger.Wintercameinwithadark,hungrysadness,andthevillagefilledupwithunknownmenwhostoodaroundintheirbracesandkhakipants,smokingshortpipes,scratchingtheirarms,andgazinginsilenceatthegardens.Icouldnotbelieveinthispeaceatall.Itbroughtnoangelsorexplanationsithadnotalteredthenatureofmydaysandnights,norgildedthemudintheyard.SoIsoonforgotitandwentbacktomyburrowingamongthemysteriesofindoorsandout.Thegardenstilloffereditscomersofweed,blackenedcabbages,itsstonesandflowerstalks.Andthehouseitsareasofhotandcold,darkholesandtalkingboards,itsdistrictsofterrorandblessedsanctuarytogetherwithaninfiniterangeofobjectsandornamentsthatfolded,fastened,creakedandsighed,openedandshut,tinkledandsang,pinched,scratched,cut,burned,spun,toppled,orfelltopieces.Therewasalsoapeppersmellingcupboard,aringingcellar,andahummingpiano,drybunchesofspiders,collidingbrothers,andtheeternalcomfortofthewomen.IwasstillyoungenoughthentobesleepingwithmyMother,whichtomeseemedlife'swholepurpose.Weslepttogetherinthefirstfloorbedroomonaflockfilledmattressinabedofbrassrodsandcurtains.Alone,atthattime,ofallthefamily,Iwasherchosendreamcompanion,chosenfromallforherextralovemyright,soitseemedtome.SointheamplenightandthethicknessofherhairIconsumedmyfattenedsleep,drowsedandnuzzlingtoherwarmthofflesh,blessedbyherbedandsafety.Fromthewidthofthehouseandthe

separationoftheday,wetwothenlayjoinedalone.Thatdarknesstomewaslikethefruitofsloes,heavyandripetothetouch.Itwasadarknessofblissandsimplelangour,whenalledgesseemedrounded,aptandfittingandthepresenceforwhomonehadmoanedandhungeredwasfoundnottohavefledafterall.MyMother,freedfromhernoisyday,wouldsleeplikeahappychild,humpedinhernightdress,breathinginnocentlyandmakingsoftdrinkingsoundsinthepillow.Inhernightsofdreamsheheldmeclose,likeaparachutetoherbackorrolledandenclosedmewithhergreattiredbodysothatIwassnugasamouseinahayrick.Theyweredeepandjealous,thosewordlessnights,aswecurledandmutteredtogether,likeasecretIheldthroughthewakingdaywhichsetmeaboveallothers.Itwasformealonethatthenightcamedown,formetheprinceofherdarkness,whenonlyIwouldknowthehugehelplessnessofhersleep,herdeadface,andherblindbarearms.Atdawn,whensheroseandstumbledbacktothekitchen,eventhenIwasnotwhollydeserted,butrolledintothevalleyhersleephadleft,laydeepinitssmelloflavender,deeponmyfacetosleepagaininthenestshehadmademyown.ThesharingofherbedatthatthreeyearoldtimeIexpectedtolastforever.Ihadneverknown,orcouldnotrecall,anynightspentawayfromher.ButIwasgrowingfastIwasnolongerthebabybrotherTonylayinwaitinhiscot.WhenIheardthefirstwhispersofmovingmetotheboys'room,Isimplycouldn'tbelieveit.SurelymyMotherwouldneveragree?Howcouldshefacenightwithoutme?Mysistersbeganbysoothingandflatteringtheysaid,'You'reagrownbigman.''You'llbesleepingwithHaroldandJack,'they

said.'Nowwhatd'youthinkofthat?'WhatwasIsupposedtothink?tomeitseemedoutrageous.Iaffectedabrainstormandwonafewextranights,mylastnightsinthatdownybed.Thenthegirlschangedtheirtune:'It'llonlybeforabit.YoucancomebacktoMumlateron.Ididn'tquitebelievethem,butMotherwassilent,soIgaveupthestruggleandwent.IwasneverrecalledtomyMother'sbedagain.Itwasmyfirstbetrayal,myfirstdoseofageinghardness,myfirstlessoninthegentle,mercilessrejectionofwomen.Nothingmorewassaid,andIacceptedit.Igrewalittletougher,alittlecolder,andturnedmyattentionmoretowardstheoutsideworld,whichbynowwasemergingvisiblythroughthemist....Theyardandthevillagemanifestedthemselvesatfirstthroughmagicandfear.Projectionsoftheirspiritsandofmyhallucinationssketchedinthefirstblankswithdemons.ThethumpingofheartbeatswhichIheardinmyheadwasnolongertheuniquetickingofaprivateclockbutthemarchingofmonsterscominginfromoutside.Theywerecreaturesofthe'world'andtheywerecomingforme,advancingupthevalleywiththeirheadsstuckinbreadbaskets,gruntingtothethumpofmyblood.Isupposetheywerearesultofearlyheadaches,butIspentanxiousdaysawaitingthem.Indefatigablemarchersthoughtheywere,theynevergotnearerthantheedgeofthevillage.ThiswasadaylightuneasinesswhichIsharedwithnoonebutnight,ofcourse,heldvariousothersaboutwhichIwasfarmorecomplainingdyingcandles,doorsclosedondarkness,facesseenupsidedown,nightholesinthegroundwhereimaginationseethedandsentoneshriekingone'schatteringheadoff.ThereweretheOldMentoo,wholivedinthe

walls,infloors,anddownthelavatorywhowatchedandjudgedusandwerepitilesslyspiteful,andwereobviouslygodsgonemouldy.TheseOldMenneverfailedtocontrolusboys,andoursistersconjuredthemshamelessly,andindeedinahousewherenofatherruledtheyweretheperfectsurrogates.Buttherewasonerealoldpaganoffleshandbloodwhoruledusallforawhile.Hisvisitstothevillagewererareyetdeliberateandwhenheappeareditwassomethingbothsovereignandevilthatwalkedamongus,thoughitwasthewomenwhoweremostclearlyaffected.ThefirsttimeIactuallysawhimmyselfhadasalttasteIstillremember.Itwasafrostbright,mooncoldnightofwinter,andweweresittinginthekitchenasusual.Thefireboiledsoftly,thecandlesquivered,thegirlsweredrowsilygossiping.Ihadfallenhalfasleepacrossthetable,whenMarjoriesuddenlysaid,'Ssssh!...'Shehadheardsomethingofcourse,somebodywasalwayshearingsomething,soIwokeupandlistenedvaguely.Theotherswereinattitudesofpainfulattentiontheywouldlistenatthedropofafeather.Iheardnothingatfirst.Anowlcriedintheyewtreesandwasansweredfromanotherwood.ThenDorothysaid'Hark!'andMothersaid'Hush!'andthealarmhadusallinitsgrip.Likeastaglessherdofhindsandyoungourheadsallwentuptogether.Wehearditthen,farawaydownthelane,stillfaintandunmistakablethedragofmetalonfrostygroundandanintermittentrattleofchains.Thegirlsexchangedlooksofawfulknowledge,theirbrighteyeslargewithdoom.'It'shim!'theywhisperedinshakyvoices.'He'sbrokeoutagain!It'shim!'Itwashimallright..Motherboltedthedoorandblewoutthelampsandcandles.Thenwehuddledtogetherinthe

fireflusheddarknesstoawaithisominouscoming.Thedragofthechainsgrewlouderandnearer,rattlingalongthenight,slidingtowardsusupthedistantlanetohisremorseless,moonlittread.Thegirlssquirmedintheirchairsandbegangigglinghorriblytheyappearedtohavegoneofftheirheads.Hush,warnedourMother.'Keepquiet.Don'tmove..Herfacewasscrewedinalarm.Thegirlshungtheirheadsandwaited,shivering.Thechainsrattlednearerandnearer.Upthelane,roundthecorner,alongthetopofthebankthenwithadrummingoffeet,hewashere....Frantic,thegirlscouldholdoutnolonger,theyleaptupwithcuriouscries,stumbledtheirwayacrossthefirelitkitchen,andclawedthedarkcurtainsback....Proudinthenightthebeastpassedby,headcrownedbyroyalhorns,hismilkyeyessplitbystrokesofmoonlight,hisgreatframeshaggywithhair.Hemovedwithstiffandstiltedstrides,swinginghissilveredbeard,andfromthetangledstrengthofhisthighsandshoulderstrailedtheheavychainshe'dbroken.'Jones'sgoat!ourDorothywhisperedtwowordsthatwerealmostworship.Forthiswasnotjustastrayinganimalbutabeastofancientdream,themoonlightwalkerofthevillageroads,halfcaptive,halfruttingking.HewashugeandhairyasaShetlandhorseandallmenwereafraidofhimSquireJonesinfactkepthimchainedtoaspikedrivenfivefeetintotheground.Yetwhennightswerebrightwithmoonorsummerneitherspikenorchainscouldholdhim.Thenhesnortedandreared,torehischainsfromtheground,andcametrailinghislustthroughthevillage.IhadheardofhimoftennowIsawhimatlast,stridingjerkilydownthestreet.Oldasagod,wearinghischainslikearobe,heexudeda

sharpwhiffofsalt,andeveryfewstepshesniffedattheairasthoughseekingsomefriendorvictim.Buthewalkedaloneheencounterednoone,hepassedthroughanemptyvillage.Daughtersandwivespeepedfromdarkenedbedrooms,menwaitedintheshadowswithaxes.Meanwhile,reekingwithpowerandwhiteinthemoon,hewenthisawesomeway....'Didyoueverseeagoatsobig?'askedDorothywithasigh.'Theyknocksyoudownandtramplesyou.IheardheknockeddownMissCohen.''Justthinkofmeetinghimcominghomealone....''Whateverwouldyoudo?''I'dhaveafit.Whatwouldyoudo,Phyl?'Phyldidn'tanswer:shehadrunaway,andwashavinghystericsinthepantry.Jones'sterroristgoatseemedtomeanaturalphenomenonofthattime,panofavillagewhichcastupbeastsandspiritsascasuallyashumanbeings.Allseemedpartofthesamecommunity,thoughtheirpropertiesvariedwidelysomewerebenevolent,somestrictlytobeavoidedtherewerethosethatappearedatdifferentshapesofthemoon,oratdaylightormidnighthours,thatcouldwarnorblessordriveonemadaccordingtotheirdifferentnatures.TherewastheDeathBird,theCoach,MissBarraclough'sGoose,Hangman'sHouse,andtheTwoHeadedSheep.Thereislittleremarkableaboutatwoheadedsheep,exceptthatthisonewasoldandtalkedEnglish.ItlivedaloneamongtheCatswoodLarches,andwasonlyvisibleduringflashesoflightning.Itcouldsingharmoniouslyinadoublevoiceandcrossquestionitselfforhoursmanytravellershadhearditwhenpassingthatwood,butfew,naturallyenough,hadseenit.Shouldathunderstormeverhave

confrontedyouwithit,andhadyouhadthepresenceofmindtoinquire,itwouldhavetoldyouthedateandnatureofyourdeathatleastsopeoplesaid.Butnoonequiterelishedthepowersofthisbeast.AndwhenthesheeplightningnickeredovertheCatswoodtreesitwasthoughtbesttokeepawayfromtheplace.TheBullsCrossCoachwasanotherillomen,andaregularmidnightvisitor.BullsCrosswasasaddleofheathlandsethighattheendofthevalley,onceacrossingofstageroadsandcattletrackswhichjoinedBerkeleytoBirdlip,andBisleytoGloucesterMarket.Relicsoftheoldstageroadsstillimprintedthegrassaswellasthememoriesoftheoldervillagers.Anduphere,anymidnight,butparticularlyNewYear'sEve,onecouldseeasilvergreycoachdrawnbyflaringhorsesthunderingoutofcontrol,couldhearthepistolcrackofsnappingharness,thescreamsofthepassengers,thesplinteringofwood,andthecoachman'sdesperatecries.Thevisionrecalledsomeancientdisaster,andwasrehearsedeverynight,atmidnight.Thosewhohadn'tseenitboastedtheyhad,butthosewhohadseenit,never.Forthesightlaidacurseupontalkativewitnesses,acurseweallbelievedinyouwentwhiteinthenight,andyourteethfellout,andlateryoudiedbytrampling.Sonewsofthephantomusuallycamesecondhand.'Theysinthatcoachagenlastnight.'AnyLazburysinit,theysays.Hewascomin'fromPainswickapushin''isbike.'Edroppedit,an'run'omecrazy.'WecommittedpoorHarrytohishorribleend,whilethecoachranagainthroughourminds,glidingwhiteonitsrockingwheels,asregularasthePost.Asforthetinytragedybehindthephantom,ithadbeenjealouslyrememberedtohauntus.Thetiltedcoach,the

splinteredshafts,thewheelscrookedagainstthemoon,thesobbinghorseskickingouteachother'sbrains,thepassengersdyingonthemoortheimageofthatsmallbutlocaldisasterstillpossessedqualitiestoappalwhichthemoregrandiosecarnageofrecenttimeshasneverquiteovershadowed.AsforBullsCrossthatraggedwildnessofwindbentturvesIstillwouldn'twalkthereatmidnight.Itwasacurioustundra,asortofislandofnothingsethighabovethecrowdedvalleys.Yetitshollowsandsilences,bareofallhabitations,seemedstainedbytheencountersofstrangers.Atthisnoman'scrossing,inthedaysoffootpadsandhorses,travellerswouldmeetinsuspicion,orlieinwaittodoviolenceoneachother,toroborrapeormurder.Tothevillagesaround,itwasapatchofbareskyline,abaldnessamongthewoods,awindscarredplatformwhichcaughteverybody'seye,andwasthereforejusttheplaceforagibbet.Agibbet,consequently,hadstoodthereforyears,whichtheoldfolkcouldstillremember.BelowBullsCrossstoodadankyellowwoodwhichweknewasDeadcombeBottom.MybrothersandIdiscoveredacottagedownthere,rooffallen,inagardenrunwild.Weplayedthereoftenamongitsrottingrooms,runningupthelitteredstairs,pickingandgorgingonthesmallsharpappleswhichhungroundtheshatteredwindows.Itwasadampdarkruininthedampdepthofthewooditsroomsreekedofoldbedsandfungus.Andbehindthedoor,bloodredwithrust,hunganakedironhook.Tothissilent,birdless,sunlessshambleswereturnedagainandagain.Wecoulddowhatwelikedhere,wreakwhatdamagewewished,andstrangelyenoughnoonedisturbedus.Onlylaterdidwelearnthehistoryof

theplace:thatithadbeenthehomeoftheBullsCrosshangman,thathehadlivedherewithhisson,andworkedathistrade,andhadlaterkilledhimselfhere.Thecottageinthewoodhadbeenspeciallychosen,closetohiswork,yethidden.Thetimeswerehungry,hisdayswerebusyhewasadiscreetandskilfulman.Nightafternighthestrolledupthehilltoloadthegallowswithlocalfelons.Afteraroutinesummonsonestormblackevening,hewashandedashiveringboy.Usedtoworkingindarkness,hedispatchedtheladquickly,thenpausedtolightuphispipe.Hewasturningtogowhenacloudmovedfromthemoonandlitupthegallowsclearly,andintherainwashedfacethatstaredcrookedlydownathimthehangmansawhisson.Tothemenwhostoodbyhesaidnothingatall.Hejustwalkedbacktohiscottage,droveahookintothewall,fixedupanoose,andhangedhimself.SincewhennoonehadlivedinHangman'sHouse,whichcrumbledinDeadcombeBottom,whereweplayed,andchewedapples,andswungfromthathook,andkickedthedampwallstopieces....FromtheageoffiveorsoIbegantogrowacquaintedwithseveralneighboursoutlawsmostofthemindressandbehaviourwhomIrememberedbothbynameanddeed.TherewasCabbageStumpCharlie,AlberttheDevil,andPercyfromPainswick,tobeginwith.CabbageStumpCharliewasourlocalbruiseraviolent,gaitered,gauntfacedpigman,wholivedonlyforhissowsandforfighting.Hewasanourisherofquarrels,assomemenareofplants,growingthemfromnothingbytheheatofbelligerenceandwateringthemdailywithblood.Hewouldsetouteachevening,armedwithhiscabbagestalk,readytoStrikedownthefirstmanhesaw.'What's

upthen,Charlie?Gotnoquarrelwiththee.''Wham!'saidCharlie,andhithim.MenfellfromtheirbicyclesorbackpedalledviolentlywhentheysawoldCharliecoming.WithhishawkbrownnoseandwhiskeredarmshelookedlikealandlockedVikingandhewouldtakeuphisstandoutsidethepub,swinghisgreatstumproundhishead,andsay'Wham!Bash!'likeaboyinacomic,andchallengeallcomerstobattle.Oftenbloodiedhimself,heleftmanyamanbleedingbeforecrawlingbackhometohispigs.CabbageStumpCharlie,likeJones'sGoat,setthevillagetoboltingitsdoors.AlberttheDevilwasanotheralarmeradeafmutebeggarwithablackbeetle'sbody,shortlegs,andamouthlikeapuppet's.Hehadsoftboiledeyesofunusualpowerwhichfilledeverysoulwithdisquiet.Itwassaidhecouldruinagirlwithaglanceandtakethemanhoodawayfromaman,orscrambleyourbrains,turnbacongreen,andaffectotherdomesticdisorders.Sowhenhecametothevillageonabeggingtrip,andweheardhismusicalgurgleapproaching,moneyandfoodwasputonthetopsofthewallsandthenpeopleshutthemselvesupintheirprivies.PercyfromPainswick,ontheotherhand,wasaclownandaraggeddandy,whousedtocomeoverthehill,dressedinfrockcoatandleggings,lookingforlocalgirls.Harmless,halfwitted,hewooedonlywithhistonguebuthiswordsweresufficienttobefuddlethegirlsandsetthemshriekingwithpleasureandshock.Hehadasharppinkfaceandadancer'slightbodyandthegirlsusedtofollowhimeverywhere,teasinghimonintocheekierfanciesandpinningribbonstohisswallowtailcoat.Thenhe'dspinonhistoes,andsaysomethingquickandelaborate,utteredsmoothlyfrom

smilingteethandthegirlswouldrunscreamingdownoverthebank,redfaced,excited,incredulous,hidinginbushestoexclaimtoeachotherwasitpossiblewhatPercyjustsaid?Hewasagentle,sharp,sweetmovingman,buthediedofhisbrainsoonafter.ThentherewasWillytheFish,whocameroundonFridays,mongeringfromdoortodoor,withbasketsofmackerelofsuchantiquitythatnotevenmyfamilycouldeatthem.Willywasalooselipped,sadeyedmanwhohadlosthisgirltohistrade.Hewouldleanbyourdoor,andblowandscratch,andlamenthowitwashe'dlosther.Buttransportwasbad,andtheseafarawayandthetruthwaspoorWillystank.AmongothersIrememberwasTuskerTom,whosold'sacksoftreerootsforburning.AndHarelipHarry,DavistheDrag,FistyFill,andtheProspectSmiler.Thefirstnamedthreewereorbitingtramps,butthelastwasamanicfarmer.FewmenIthinkcanhavebeenasunfortunateasheforontheonehandhewasamelancholicwithaloathingformankind,ontheother,someparalysishadtwistedhismouthintoapermanentandradiantsmile.Soeveryonehemet,beingwarmedbyhissmile,wouldshouthimahappygreeting.Andbeaminguponthemwithhissunnyfacehewouldcursethemalltohell.BullsCrossitselfhadtwodaylightfamiliarsJohnJackandEmmanuelTwinning.JohnJackspenthistimebytheBullsCrosssignpoststaringgloomilyintoWales.Silent,savage,withaRussianlook,helivedwithhissisterNancy,whohadbornehimoverthecourseofyearsfivechildrenofremarkablebeauty.EmmanuelTwinning,ontheotherhand,wasgentleandveryold,andmadehisownsuitsoutofhospitalblankets,andlivednearbywithahorse.Emmanuelandtheskewbaldhadmuchin

common,includingtheuseofthekitchen,andonesawtheirgreyheads,almostanyevening,pokingtogetheroutofthewindow.Theoldmanhimself,whenseenalone,seemedtoinhabitunearthlyregions,soblueandremotethatthegirlsusedtosing:0come,0come,EmahahahnewellAn'ransomcaptiveIsrahahahel!...Atthishewouldnodandsmilegentlyuponus,movinghislipstothehymn.Hewassoveryold,sofarandstrange,Ineverdoubtedthatthehymnwashis.Heworeskyblueblankets,andhisnamewasEmmanuelitwaseasytothinkhewasGod.Inthelonghotsummerof1921aseriousdroughthitthecountry.Springsdriedup,thewellsfilledwithfrogs,and,theusuallysweetwaterfromourscullerypumpturnedbrownandtastedofnails.Althoughthisdroughtwasarelieftomyfamily,itwasascourgetotherestofthevillage.Forweekstheskyhunghotandblue,treesshrivelled,cropsburnedinthefields,andtheoldfolksaidthesunhadslippedinitscourseandthatweshouldallofusverysoondie.Therewereprayersforrainbutmyfamilydidn'tgo,becauseitwasrainwefearedmostofall.Asthedroughtcontinued,prayerwasabandonedandmoredevilishstepsadopted.Finallysoldierswithriflesmarchedtothetopsofthehillsandbeganshootingatpassingclouds.WhenIheardtheirdryvolleys,breakinglikesticksinthestillness,Iknewourlongarmisticewasover.Andsureenoughwhetherfromprayersortheshooting,orbyasimplereturnofnaturethedroughtbrokesoonafteranditbegantorainasithadneverrainedbefore.IrememberwakinginthenighttothescreamsofourMother,andtorousingalarmsofahowlingdarknessandthestormbattered

treesoutside.Terror,theoldterror,hadcomeagain,andasalwaysinthemiddleofthenight.'Getup!'criedMother.'It'scomingin!Getuporwe'llallbedrowned!'Iheardherbangingaboutandbeatingthewallsinaccentsoffinaldoom.WhenMothergaveheralarmsonedidn'tliebackandthink,onedidn'tusereasonatallonejusterectedone'shairandleaptoutofbedandscrambleddownstairswiththeothers.Ourpredicamentwassuchthatwelivedatnature'smercyforthecottage,stuckonitssteepbank,stooddirectlyinthepathofthefloods.Allthespoutsoftheheavensseemedtoleadtoourdoor,andtherewasonlyonesmalldraintoswallowthem.Whenthisdrainblockedup,asitdidinaninstant,thefloodspouredintoourkitchenandastherewasnobackdoortoletthemoutagainIfeltitnaturalatthetimeweshoulddrown.'HellinHeaven!'wailedMother.'DamnitandcussiJesushavemercyonus!'Wegrizzledanddartedaboutforbrooms,thenranouttotacklethestorm.Wefoundthedrainblockedalreadyandtheyardfullofwater.Thenoiseoftheraindrownedourcriesandwhimpers,andtherewasnothingtodobutsweep.Whatpanicthosemiddlenightrousingswere,thosetrumpetcallsmurderingsleepwithdarkness,whirlwind,andinvisiblerain,treesroaring,cloudsbursting,thundercrashing,lightningcrackling,floodsrising,andourMotherdemented.Thegirlsintheirnightdressesheldspittingcandleswhileweboyssweptawayatthedrain.Hotrodsofrainstruckstraightthroughourshirtsweshiveredwithpanicandcold.'Morebrooms!'shoutedMother,jumpingupanddown.'Run,someone,inthenameofgoodness!Sweepharder,boys!Sweetsaintsabove,it'suptothedoorstepalready!'Thefloodwatergurgledandmovedthickly

aroundus,breedingfatyellowbubbleslikescum,skippingandfrothingwherethebulletrainhitit,andinchingslowlytowardsthedoor.Thedrainwasnowhiddenbeneaththewaterandwesweptatitforourlives,thewetcandleshissedandwentoutonebyone.Motherlittorchesofnewspapers,whilewefoughtkneedeepincriesandthunder,splashingabout,wetthrough,halfweeping,overwhelmedbygiganticfears.Sometimes,infact,thewaterdidgetintwoorthreeinchesofit.Itsliddownthestepslikeathickcreamcustardandspreadalloverthefloor.Whenthathappened.Mother'slamentationsreachedelegiacproportions,andalltheworldwassubpoenaedtowitness.DramaticapostrophesrangthroughthenighttheGodswerearraigned,theSaintscalledtoorder,andtheFatesseverelytickedoff.Therewouldbeahorriblemessinthekitchennextmorning,mudandslimealloverthematting,followedbythelongdepresseddrudgeryofscrapingitupandcarryingitawayinbuckets.Mother,onherknees,wouldwringherhandsandrollhereyesabout.'Ican'tthinkwhatI'vedonetobesotroubledandtried.AndjustwhenIgotthehousestraight.Neithersaintsnorangelswouldkeeptheirpatienceiftheyhadsuchthingstoputupwith....Mypoor,poorchildren,mypreciousdarlingsyoucoulddieinthisfilthyhole.Noonewouldcarenotabellessedsoul.Lookoutwiththatdamnandcussbucket!'...Apartfromthenoiseandthetearsandthedirt,theseinundationswerereallynotmuch.ButIcan'tpretendtheydidn'tscaremestiff.Thethoughtthatthefloodwatersshouldactuallybreakintoourhouseseemedtomesomethingworsethanafire.Atthemidhourofnight,whenthestormsreallyblew,Iusedtolieaghastinmybed,

hearingtherainclawthewindowandthewindslapthewalls,andimaginingthefamily,thehouse,andallthefurniture,beingsuckeddowntheeternaldrain.ItwasnottillmuchlaterthatIreasonedthingsoutthatourpositiononthehillsidemadeitunlikelyweshoulddrown,thatMother'sfrenziesandscaresbelongedtosomethingelsealtogether,andthatitwaspossibleafteralltosleepthroughraininpeace.Evenso,tothisday,whentheskiessuddenlydarken,andastormbuildsupinthewest,andIsmellrainonthewindandhearthefirstgrowlofthunder,Igrowuneasy,andstartlookingforbrooms.

VILLAGESCHOOL

THEvillagetowhichourfamilyhadcomewasascatteringofsometwentytothirtyhousesdownthesoutheastslopeofavalley.Thevalleywasnarrow,steep,andalmostentirelycutoffitwasalsoafunnelforwinds,achannelforthefloodsandajungly,birdcrammed,insecthoppingsuntrapwhenevertherehappenedtobeanysun.ItwasnothighandopenliketheWindrushcountry,buthadsecretorigins,havingbeengougedfromtheEscarpmentbythemeltingicecapssometimebeforewegotthere.Theoldfloodterracesstillshowedontheslopes,alongwhichthecowswalkedsideways.Likeanisland,itwaspossessedofcurioussurvivalsrareorchidsandRomansnailsandtherewerechemicalqualitiesinthelimestonespringswhichgavethewomenpreRaphaelitegoitres.Thesidesofthevalleywererichinpastureandthecrestsheavilycoveredinbeechwoods.Livingdownthere

waslikelivinginabeanpodonecouldseenothingbutthebedonelayin.Ourhorizonofwoodswasthelimitofourworld.Forweeksonendthetreesmovedinthewindwithadryroaringthatseemedanaturalutteranceofthelandscape.Inwintertheyringeduswithfrozenspikes,andinsummertheyoozedoverthelipsofthehillslikelayersofthickgreenlava.Mornings,theysteamedwithmistorsunshine,andalmosteveryeveningthrewstreamersaboveus,reflectingsunsetsweweretoohiddentosee.Waterwasthemostactivethinginthevalley,arrivinginthelongrainsfromWales.Itwoulddripalldayfromcloudsandtrees,fromroofsandeavesandnoses.Itbrokeopenroads,carveditswaythroughgardens,andfilledtheditcheswithsuckingnoises.Menandhorseswalkedaboutinwetsacking,birdsshookrainbowsfromsoddenbranches,andstreamsranfromholes,andbackintoholes,likenoisyundergroundtrains.Iremember,too,thelightontheslopes,longshadowsintuftsandhollows,withcattle,brilliantaspaintedchina,treadingtheirechoingshapes.Beesblewlikecakecrumbsthroughthegoldenair,whitebutterflieslikesugaredwafers,andwhenitwasn'trainingadiamonddusttookoverwhichveiledandyetmagnifiedallthings.MostofthecottageswerebuiltofCotswoldstoneandwereroofedbysplitstonetiles.Thetilesgrewakindofgoldenmosswhichsparkledlikecrystallizedhoney.Behindthecottageswerelongsteepgardensfullofcabbages,fruitbushes,roses,rabbithutches,earthclosets,bicycles,andpigeonlofts.Intheverysumpofthevalleywallowedthe:Squire'sBigHouseonceafine,thoughmodestsixteenthcenturymanor,towhichaGeorgianfacadehadbeenadded.Thevillagersthemselveshad

threewaysofliving:workingfortheSquire,oronthefarms,ordownintheclothmillsatStroud.ApartfromtheManor,andtheamplecottagegardenswhichwereaninsuranceagainsthardtimesallotherneedsweresuppliedbyachurch,achapel,avicarage,amanse,awoodenhut,apubandthevillageschool.ThevillageschoolatthattimeprovidedawoodenpartitionintotworoomsTheInfantsandTheBigOnes.Therewasonedameteacher,andperhapsayounggirlassistant.Everychildinthevalleycrowdingthere,remainedtillhewasfourteenyearsold,thenwaspresentedtotheworkingfieldorfactorywithnothinginhisheadmoreburdensomethanafewmnemonics,ajumbledlistofwars,andadreamyimageoftheworld'sgeography.Itseemedenoughtogetbywith,inanycaseandwasoneuponourpooroldgrandparents.Thisschool,whenIcametoit,wasatitspeak.Universaleducationandunusualfertilityhadpackedittothewallswithpupils.Wildboysandgirlsfrommilesaroundfromtheoutlyingfarmsandhalfhiddenhovelswayupattheendsofthevalleysweptdowneachdaytoaddtoournumbers,bringingwiththemstrangeoathsandodours,quaintgarmentsandcuriouspies.TheyweremyfirstamazedvisionofanyworldoutsidethewomanlywarmthofmyfamilyIdidn'texpecttosurviveitforlong,andIwasconfrontedwithitattheageoffour.Themorningcame,withoutanywarning,whenmysisterssurroundedme,wrappedmeinscarves,tiedupmybootlaces,thrustacaponmyhead,andstuffedabakedpotatoinmypocket.What'sthis?'Isaid.'You'restartingschooltoday.''Iain't.I'mstopping'ome.''Now,comeon,Loll.You'reabigboynow.'Iain't.'Youare.'Boohoo.'Theypickedmeupbodily,

kickingandbawling,andcarriedmeuptotheroad.Boyswhodon'tgotoschoolgetputintoboxes,andturnintorabbits,andgetchoppedupSundays.'Isaidnomoreafterthat.Iarrivedattheschooljustthreefeettallandfatlywrappedinmyscarves.Theplaygroundroaredlikearodeo,andthepotatoburnedthroughmythigh.Oldboots,raggedstockings,torntrousersandskirts,wentskatingandskiddingaroundme.TherabbleclosedinIwasencircledgritflewinmyfacelikeshrapnel.Tallgirlswithfrizzledhair,andhugeboyswithsharpelbows,begantoprodmewithhideousinterest.Theypluckedatmyscarves,spunmeroundlikeatop,screwedmynose,andstolemypotato.IwasrescuedatlastbyagraciousladythesixteenyearoldjuniorteacherwhoboxedafewearsanddriedmyfaceandledmeofftoTheInfants.Ispentthatfirstdaypickingholesinpaper,thenwenthomeinasmoulderingtemper.'What'sthematter.Loll?Didn'thelikeitatschool,then?''Theynevergavemethepresent!''Present?Whatpresent?''Theysaidthey'dgivemeapresent.''Well,now,I'msuretheydidn't.''Theydid!Theysaid:"You'reLaurieLee,ain'tyou?Well,justyousitthereforthepresent."IsattherealldaybutInevergotit.Iain'tgoingbackthereagain.ButafteraweekIfeltlikeaveteranandgrewasruthlessasanyoneelse.Somebodyhadstolenmybakedpotato,soIswipedsomebodyelse'sapple.TheInfantRoomwaspackedwithtoyssuchasI'dneverseenbeforecolouredshapesandrollsofclay,stuffedbirdsandmentopaint.Alsoaframeofcountingbeadswhichouryoungteacherplayedlikeaharp,leaningherbosomagainstourfacesandguidingourwanderingfingers..Thebeautiful

assistantleftusatlast,andwasreplacedbyanopulentwidow.Shewastall,andsmeltlikeacartloadoflavenderandworeahairnet,whichIthoughtwasawig.Iremembergoingcloseupandhavingagoodlookitwasclearlytoosquaretobehair.'Whatareyoustaringat?'thewidowinquired.Iwasmuchtoosoftheartedtoanswer.'Goon.Dotell.Youneedn'tbeshy.''You'rewearingawig,'Isaid.'IcanassureyouI'mnot!'Shewentveryred.'Youare.Iseenit,'Isaid.Thenewteachergrewflusteredandcuriouslycross.Shetookmeuponherknee.'Nowlookveryclose.Isthatreallyawig?'Ilookedhard,sawthenet,andsaid,'Yes.''Well,really!'shesaid,whiletheInfantsgaped.'Icanassureyouit'snotawig!Andifyouonlycouldwatchmegettingdressedinthemorningyou'dknowitwasn'toneeither.'Sheshookmefromherkneelikeasoddencat,butshe'dstirredmyimagination.TosuggestImightwatchhergettingdressedinthemorningseemedtomebothoutrageousandwonderful.Thistiny,whitewashedInfants'roomwasabriefbutcosyanarchy.Inthatshorttimeallowedusweplayedandwept,brokethings,fellasleep,cheekedtheteacher,discoveredthethingswecoulddotoeachother,andexhaledourlastguiltlessdays.Mydeskcompanionswerethosetwoblondegirls,alreadypuppyishlypretty,whosenamesandbodiesweretodistractandhauntmeforthenextfifteenyearsofmylife.PoppyandJowerelimpetchumstheysatholdinghandsalldayandtherewasafemaleselfpossessionabouttheirpinkstickyfacesthatmademeshoutangrilyatthem.VerawasanotherIstudiedandlikedshewaslonely,fuzzy,andshort.IfeltacuriouscompassionforstumpyVeraanditwasthroughher,andnobeauty,thatIgotintotrouble

andreceivedthefirstpublicshockofmylife.Howithappenedwassimple,andIwasinnocent,soitseemed.Shecameuptomeintheplaygroundonemorningandheldherfaceclosetomine.Ihadastickinmyhand,soIhitherontheheadwithit.Herhairwasspringy,soIhitheragainandwatchedhermouthopenupwithayell.Tomysurpriseacommotionbrokeoutaroundme,criesofscandalfromtheoldergirls,exclamationsofhorrorandheavycensuremixedwithVera'ssobbingwails.Iwasintrigued,notalarmed,thatbywieldingabeechstickIwasabletocausesuchastir.SoIhitheragain,without'spiteorpassion,thenwalkedofftotrysomethingelse.Theexperimentmighthaveendedthere,andhavingendedwouldhavebeenforgotten.Butnoangryfacessurroundedme,veryred,allspittingandscolding.'Horridboy!PoorVera!Littlemonster!Urgh!We'regoingtotellteacheraboutyou!'Somethingwaswrong,theworldseemedupset,Ibegantofeelvaguelyuneasy.IhadonlyhitVeraonherwiryblack'hair,andnoweverybodywasshoutingatme.Iranandhid,feelingsureitwouldpass,buttheyhuntedmedownintheend.Twobigrighteousgirlshauledmeoutbytheears.'You'rewantedintheBigRoom,for'itingVera.You're'alfgoingtocopit!'theysaid.SoIwasdraggedtothatRoom,whereI'dneverbeenbefore,andunderthesavageeyesoftheelderchildrenteachergavemeascaldinglecture.Iwasconfusedbynowandshakingwithguilt.AtlastIsmirkedandranoutoftheroom.Ihadlearntmyfirstlesson,thatIcouldnothitVera,nomatterhowfuzzyherhair.AndsomethingelsetoothatthesummonstotheBigRoom,thepoliceman'shandontheshoulder,comesalmostalwaysasacompletesurprise,andforthe

crimethatonehasforgotten.MybrotherJack,whowaswithmeintheInfants,wastooclevertostaytherelong.Indeedhewassobrighthemadeusuncomfortable,andwewereallgladtogetridofhim.Sittingpaleinhispinafore,gravelystudying,commandingtheteachertobringhimfreshbooks,ortosharpenhispencils,ortomakelessnoise,hewasanInfantFreakfromthestart.SohewaspromotedtotheBigRoomwithunprecedentedpromptness,givenadeskandadozenatlasestositon,fromwhichhecontinuedtobullytheteachersinthatcoldclearvoiceofhis.ButI,myself,wasanaturalInfant,contenttoserveoutmytime,tosloparoundandwhineandidle:andnoonesuggestedIshouldn't.SoIremainedlongafterbrightJackhadmovedon,thefatlordofmynurserylife,skilledatcuttingoutmenfrompaper,chalkingsunsonthewalls,makingsnakesfromclay,idlingvoluptuouslythroughthemilkydayswithanewyoungteachertofeedon.ButmyrimewasslowlyrunningoutmyBigRoombumpsweregrowing.Suddenly,almosttomydismay,IfoundthatIcouldcountuptoahundred,couldwritemynameinbothlargeandsmallletters,andsubtractcertainnumbersfromeachother.IhadevenjustsucceededinsubtractingPoppyfromJo,whenthecallcamedownfromonhigh.Infantnolonger,IwasbeingmoveduptheBigRoomwasreadyforme.Ifoundthereaworldbothadultandtough,withlongdesksandinkwells,strangemapsonthewalls,hugeboys,heavyboots,scratchingpens,groansoflabour,andsharpandsuddenpersecutions.Goneforeverweretheinfantexcuses,thesanctuaryoflispingcharms.NowIwasaloneandunprotected,facedbyastrugglewhichrequired

newtechniques,whereonemadepactsandsplitthem,madefriendsandbetrayedthem,andfoughtforone'splacenearthestove.Thestovewasasymbolofcasteamongus,thetubofwarmthtowhichwecleavedduringthelongsevenmonthsofwinter.Itwasmadeofcastironandhadanoisymouthwhichrattledcokeandbreathedoutfumes.Itwasdecoratedbyatortoiselabelled'SlowButSure',andinwinteritturnedredhot.Ifyoupressedapencilagainstit,thewoodburstintoflamesandifyouspatonthetop,thespithoppedandgambolledlikerinypingpongballs.MyfirstdaysintheBigRoomwerespentinregretfortheyoungteacherI'dleftintheInfants,forherbraidedbreastsandunbuttoninghandsandhervoiceofsleepylove.QuiteclearlytheBigRoomboastednosuchcomfortsMissB,theHeadTeacher,towhomIwasnowdelivered,beingaboutasphysicallysoothingasarake.ShewasabunchedandpunitivelittlebodyandtheschoolhadchristenedherCrabbyshehadasouryellowlook,lankhaircoiledinearphones,andtheskinandvoiceofaturkey.WewereallafraidofthegobblingMissBshespied,shepried,shecrouched,shecrept,shepouncedshewasaterror.Eachmorningwaswarwithoutdeclarationnooneknewwhowouldcatchitnext.Westoodtoattention,halfcrippledinourdesks,tillMissBwalkedin,whackedthewallswitharuler,andfixeduswithhersquintingeye.'Goodmorning,children!''Goodmorning.Teacher!'Thegreetingwaslikearattlingofswords.Thenshewouldscowlatthefloorandbegintogrowl'ArFarther...'atwhichwesaidtheLord'sPrayer,praisedallgoodthings,andthankedGodforthehealthofourKing.ButscarcelyhadwebellowedthelastAmenthanCrabbycoiled,

uncoiled,andsprang,andknockedsomepoorboysideways.Oneseldomknewwhyonewasalwaysoffguard,forthepunishmentprecededthecharge.Thecharge,however,followedharduponit,toalightshowerofangryspitting.'Shufflingyourfeet!Playingwiththedesk!AsmirkingatthatmiserableBetty!Iwillnothaveit.I'llnot,Isay.IrepeatIwillnothaveit!'Manyapunchdrunkboyinaplaygroundbattle,outnumberedandbeatentohisknees,wouldbeheardtocry:'Iwillnothaveit!I'llnot,Isay!IrepeatsIwillnothaveit!'Itwasanappealtothecodeofourcommonsuffering,andcalledforimmediatemercy.SowedidnotmuchapproveofCrabbythoughshewasresponsibleforourexcellentreflexes.Apartfromthis,herteachingwasnotmemorable.Sheappearsinmyrecollectionasmerelyamilitantfigure,ahuncheduplittlecreatureallspringcoilsandslapsnotamonsterbyanymeans,butanaturalmanifestationofwhatweexpectedofschool.Forschoolinmyday,thatday,Crabby'sday,seemedtobedesignedsimplytokeepusoutoftheairandfromfollowingthenormalpursuitsofthefields.Crabby'sscienceofdatesandsumsandwritingseemedatypicalinventionofherown,asourformoffiddlingorprisonlabourlikepickingoakumorsewingsacks.Sowhilethebrighttimespassed,wesatlockedinourstocks,ourbentbacksturnedonthevalley.TheJuneairinfecteduswithprimitivehungers,grassseedandthistledownidledthroughthewindows,wesmeltthefieldsandweretormentedbycuckoos,whileeveryoutofdoorsoundthatcamedriftinginwasasharpnudgeinthesolarplexus.Thecreakingofwagonsgoingpasttheschool,harnessjingle,andthecriesofthecarters,thecallingofcowsfrom

thei7Acre,Fletcher'schatteringmower,gunshotfromthewarrensalltuggedandpulledatouractivewishestillwecouldhavedoneMissBamurder.Andindeedtherecametheinevitabledaywhenrebellionraiseditsstandard,whenthetensionwasbrokenandaheroemergedwhomwewouldwillinglyhavenamedstreetsafter.Atleast,fromthatdayhisnamewashonoured,thoughwegavehimlittlesupportatthetime...SpadgeHopkinsitwas,andImustsayweweresurprised.Hewasoneofthoseheavy,fullgrownboys,thicklegged,redfisted,burstingwithflesh,designedforthegreatoutdoors.Hewasnearlyfourteenbythen,andphysicallyoutofscaleatleastsofarasourschoolwasconcerned.Thesightofhimsqueezedintohistinydeskwasworsethanabullockinballetshoes.Hewasn'tmuchofascholarhegroanedasheworked,orhackedathisdeskwithajackknife.MissBtookherpleasureingoadinghim,inforcinghimtoreadoutloudoraskinghimsuddenunintelligiblequestionswhichmadehimflushandstumble.Thegreatdaycameadayofshimmeringsummer,withthevalleyoutsideinastateofleafylevitation.CrabbyBwasathersourest,andSpadgeHopkinshadhadenough.Hebegantowritheinhisdesk,androllhiseyes,andkickwithhisboots,andmutter'She'dbetterlookout.'Er,CrabbyB.She'dbetter,that'sall.Icantellyou...'Wedidn'tquiteknowwhatthematterwas,inspiteofhismeaning

looks.Thenhethrewdownhispen,said'Soditall,'gotup,andwalkedtothedoor.'Andwhereareyougoing,youngman,mayIask?'saidCrabbywithherawfulleer.Spadgepausedandlookedherstraightintheeye.'Ifit'sanybusinessofyourn.'Weshiveredwithpleasureatthisdefiance,Spadgeleisurelymadeforthedoor.'Sitdownthisinstant!'Crabbysuddenlyscreamed.'Iwon'thaveit!''Tata,'saidSpadge.ThenCrabbyspranglikeayellowcat,spittingandclawingwithrage.ShecaughtSpadgeinthedoorwayandfelluponhim.Therewasashamefulmomentofheavybreathingandscuffling,whiletheteachertoreathisclothes.Spadgecaughtherhandsinhisgreatredfistsandheldheratarm'slength,struggling.'Comeandhelpme,someone!'wailedCrabby,demented.Butnobodymovedwejustwatched.WesawSpadgeliftherupandplaceheronthetopofthecupboard,thenwalkoutofthedoorandaway.Therewasamomentofsilence,thenwealllaiddownourpensandbegantostamponthefloorinunison.Crabbystayedwhereshewas,ontopofthecupboard,drummingherheelsandweeping.Weexpectedsometerribleretributiontofollow,butnothinghappenedatall.Noteventhetroublespark,Spadge,wascalledtoaccounthewassimplyleftalone.FromthatdayCrabbyneverspoketohim,orcrossedhispath,ordeniedhimanythingatall.He

perchedidlyinhisdesk,hiskneesuptohischin,whistlinginaworldofhisown.Some,timesMissBwouldconsiderhimnarrowlyandifhecaughtherglancehejustwinked.Otherwisehewasfreetocomeandgo,andtotaketimeoffashepleased.Butweneverrebelledagainthingschanged.CrabbyBwasreplacedbyanewHeadTeacheracertainMissWardleyfromBirmingham.Thisladywassomethingquitenewinourlives.Sheworesharpglassjewellerywhichwinkedasshewalked,andshesoundedher'gees'likegongs.Butshewasfondofsingingandshewasfondofbirds,andsheencouragedusinthestudyofboth.ShewasmoresoberthanCrabby,herreinslooserbutstrongerandafterthefirsthilarityofherarrivalandstrangeness,weacceptedherproperauthority.Notthatsheapprovedverymuchofme.'FatandLazy'wasthenameshecalledme.AftermymiddaydinnerofbakedcabbageandbreadIwouldoftennodoffinmydesk.'Wakeup!'shewouldcry,crackingmyheadwitharuler,'youandyourlittleredeyes!'Shealsotookexceptiontomysteadysniff,whichtomecameasnaturalasbreathing.'Gooutintotheroadandhaveagoodblow,anddon'tcomebacktillyou'reclear.'ButIwouldn'tblow,notforanyoneonearth,especiallyiforderedtodoso:soI'dsitoutonthewall,indignantandthunderous,andsniffawaylouderthanever.Iwouldn'tbudgeeither,orcomebackin,tillaboywassenttofetchme.MissWardleywouldgreetmewithfreezingbrightness.'Alittlelessbeastlynow?Howaboutbringingahankytomorrow?I'msurewe'dallbegrateful.'I'dsitandscowl,then

forgettoscowl,andwouldsoonbeasleepagain....Mybrothers,bythistime,wereallwithmeatschool.Jack,alreadytheacceptedgenius,waslongpastourscopeorhelp.Itwasagreedthathisbrainswereofsuchdistinctionthattheyabsolvedhimfrommortalcontacts.Sohewasleftinacomerwherehisflashesofbrilliancekepthimtwinklingawaylikeapintable.YoungTonycamelast,butheagainwasdifferent,beingimperviouseithertolearningorauthority,importingmoreoverakindofoutrageouscheekinesssoinspiredthatitremainedunanswerable.Hewouldsitalldaypickingholesinblottingpaper,hislargeeyesdeepandknowing,hisquicktonguescandalous,hiswitdefiant,hiswillsetagainstallinstruction.Therewasnothinganyonecoulddoabouthim,excepttoyelpatthethingshesaid.Ialone,thedrowsymiddlemanofthesetwo,foundithardtowinMissWardley'sapproval.Iachievedthisintheendbywritinglongfakedessaysonthelivesandhabitsofotters.I'dneverseenanotter,orevengonetolookforone,buttheessaystookherin.Theywerereadoutaloud,andevenearnedmemedals,butthat'snothingtoboastabout.Ourvillageschoolwaspoorandcrowded,butintheendIrelishedit.Ithadalivelyreekofsteaminglife:boys'boots,girls'hair,stovesandsweat,blueink,whitechalk,andshavings.Welearntnothingabstractortenuoustherejustsimplepatternsoffactsandletters,portabletricksofcalculation,nomorethanwasneededtomeasureashed,writeoutabill,readaswinedisease

warning.Throughthedeadhoursofthemorning,throughthelongafternoons,wechantedawayatourtables.PassersbycouldhearourrisingvoicesinourbottleduproomonthebankTwelveinchesonefoot.Threefeetmakeayard.Fourteenpoundsmakeastone.Eightstoneahundredweight.'Weabsorbedthesefiguresasprimaltruthsdeclaredbysomeultimatepower.Unbearing,unquestioning,werockedtoourchanting,hammeringthegoldnailshome.'Twicetwoarefour.OneGodisLove.OneLordisKing.OneKingisGeorge.OneGeorgeisFifth....'Soitwasalwayshadbeen,wouldbeforeverweaskednoquestionswedidn'thearwhatwesaidyetneitherdidweeverforgetit.SodoInow,throughthereiterationsofthosedays,recallthatschoolroomwhichIscarcelynoticedMissWardleyingloryonherhighdeskthrone,herlongthroattinklingwithglass.Thebubblingstovewithitschinkofredfiretheoldworldmapasdarkasteadeadfieldflowersinjarsonthewindowsillsthecupboardyawningwithdogearedbooks.Thentheboysandthegirls,thedwarfsandthecripplestheslowfatonesandthequickboneyonesgiantsandlouts,angelsandsquimersWaltKerry,BillTimbrell,SpadgeHopkins,ClergyGreen,theBallingersandBrowns,BettyGleed,ClarryHogg,SamandSixpence,PoppyandJowewereuglyandbeautiful,scrofulous,waned,ringwormed,andscabbedattheknees,wewerenoisy,crude,intolerant,cruel,stupid,andsuperstitious.ButwemovedtogetheroutoftheclutchoftheFates,inhabitorsofa

worldwithoutdoomwithascratching,lickingandchewingofpens,awhisperandpassingofjokes,atitteroftickling,agrumbleoflabour,avaguestareatthewallinadream...'Oh,miss,pleasemiss,canIgoroundtheback?'Anunwillingnodpermitsme.Istampoutnoisilyintoaswoopoffreshairandamusicalsurgeofbirds.Allaroundmenowisthefreegreenworld,withMrsBirthangingoutherwashing.Itakestockofmyselfforamoment,alone.Iheartheschoolroom'sbeehivehum.OfcourseIdon'treallybelongtothatlotatallIknowI'msomethingspecial,ayoungkingperhapsplacedsecretlyhereinordertomixwiththecommoners.Thereisclearlyamysteryaboutmybirth,Ifeelsouniqueandmajestic.Oneday,Iknow,thesecretwillbetold.Acoachwithfootmenwillappearsuddenlyatourcottage,andMother(mymother?)willweep.Thefamilywillstandverysolemnandrespectful,andIshalldriveofftotakeupmythrone.I'llbegenerous,ofcourse,notproudatall,formybrothersthereshallbenodungeons.RatherwillIfeedthemoncakesandjellies,andI'llprovideallmysisterswithprinces.Sovereignmercyshallbetheirportion,littlethoughtheydeserveit....IreturntotheschoolroomandMissWardleyscowls(sheshallcurtsywhenIamking).ButallthisisforgottenwhenWaltKerryleansoveranddemandstheresultsofmysums.'Yes,Walt.Ofcourse,Walt.Here,copythemout.Theyain'thardIdone'emall.'Hetakesthem,thebully,ashistributaryright,andI'mproudenoughtogivethem.ThelittleJimFern,sittingbesideme,looksupfromhisruinedpages.'Ain'tyouagoodscholar!YouandyourJack.IwishIwasagoodscholarlikethee.'Hegivesmeasad,

adoringlook,andIbegintofeelmuchbetter.Playtimecomesandwechargeoutdoors,releasingoursteamedupcries.Somebodypunchesahead.Somebodybloodiestheirknees.Boysclustertogetherlikebees.'Let'sgoroundthebackthen,shallus,eh?'Tothedarknarrowalley,richwithourmysteries,wemakeourclatteringway.Overthewallisthegirl'sownplace,quiteclose,andweshoutthemgreetings.'I'eardyou,BillTimbrell!I'eardwhatyousaid!Youbecareful,I'lltellourteacher!'Flushedandrefreshed,westreambacktoourplayground,whistling,indivisiblymale.'D'you'earwhatIsaidthen?Didyouthen,eh?Itold'em!They'alfdidn'tsqueal!'Wealldoubleupwecan'tspeakforlaughing,wecan'tlaughwithouthittingeachother.MissWardleywaspatient,butweweren'tverybright.Ourbooksshowedasqualorofblotsandscratchesasthoughdonkeyswerebeingtaughttowrite.Wesanginsweetchoirs,anddrewlikecavemen,butmostotherfacultiesescapedus.Apartfrompoetry,ofcourse,whichgavenotroubleatall.IcanrememberMissWardley,withhersqueakingchalk,scrawlingtheblackboardlikeashoppinglist:'WriteapoemwhichmustscanononeormoreofthefollowingAKitten.Fairies.MyHolidays.AnOldTinker.Charity.SeaWrack...'('What'sthat,miss?')Butitwaseasyinthosedays,onewroteadozenanhour,one

simplydidn'thesitate,justbeganatthebeginningandworkedsteadilythroughthesubjects,tickingthemoffwithindefatigablerhymes.Sometimestherewasabeating,whichnobodymindedexceptanoccasionalredfacedmother.Sometimesamancameandtookoutourteeth.(Mymumsaysyouain'ttotakeoutanydouble'uns...'...Fourteen,fifteen,sixteen,seventeen..."Istheyalldouble'uns?''Shutup,youlittlehorror.')SometimestheSquirewouldpayusavisit,handoutprizes,andmakeamistyeyedspeech.SometimesanInspectorarrivedonabicycleandcountedourheadsanddeparted.MeanwhileMissWardleymovedjinglingamongstus,instructing,appealing,despairing:'You'reagrub,WalterKerry.Youhavethewitsofahen.You'reagreathulkingloutofanoaf.Youcanjuststaybehindanddoitoveragain.Youcanallstaybehind,thelotofyou.'Whenlessonsgrewtootiresome,ortooinsoluble,wehadourtraditionalwaysofavoidingthem.'Please,miss,Igottostay'ometomorrow,to'helpwiththewashingthepigsmedad'ssick.''Idunno,missyouneverlearnedusthat.''I'admebookstole,miss.CarryBurdockpinchedit.''Please,miss,Igotagurt'eadache.'Sometimestheseworked,sometimestheydidn't.Butonce,whensometestshungoverourheads,agroupofboysevadedthementirelybystingingourhandswithhorseflies.Thetasktookallday,buttheresultswerespectacularourhandsswelled

likeelephants'trunks."Twasaswarm,please,miss.Theysetonus.Werun,buttheystungusawful.'Irememberhowwegroaned,andthatwecouldn'tholdourpens,butIdon'trememberthepain.Atothertimes,ofcourse,weforgednotesfromourmothers,ormadeourselvessickwithberries,orclaimedtoberelationsofthecorpseatfunerals(thechurchyardlayonlynextdoor).Itwaseasytostartwailingwhenthehearsepassedby,'It'smyauntie,missit'smycousinWiltcanIgomiss,pleasemiss,canI?'Manyalonecoffinwasfollowedtoitsgravebyastraggleoflongfacedchildren,pinched,solemn,raggedlydressed,allstrangerstotheastonishedbereaved.Soourschoolworkwasdoneorwherewouldwebetoday?Wewouldbeaswearewatchingaloomordrivingatractor,andcountinginimagesoffivesandtens.Thiswasasmuchasweseemedtoneed,andMissWardleydidnotaddtotheburden.Whatwelearnedinhercarewerethelessformaltruthsthenamesofflowers,thehabitsofbirds,theintimacyofobjectsinbeingsettodrawthem,thetreacherousinnocenceofboys,theslycharmofgirls,theidiot'ssoaringfancies,andthetonguetieddunce'sinformedauthoritywhenitcametotalkingaboutstoats.Wewereasmercilessandcruelasmostprimitivesare.Butwelearntatthatschooltheprivatenatureofcrueltyandourinbornhatredforfreaksandoutcastswastemperedbymeetingthemdaily.TherewasNickandEdnafromupneartheCross,thechildrenofthatbrotherandsistertheboywasstrongandthegirlwas

beautiful,anditwasnotatschoolthatwelearnedtocondemnthem.AndtherewasthegipsyboyRosso,wholivedupthequarrywherehistribehadencampedforthesummer.Hehadachocolatesmoothfaceandcrispblackcurls,andatfirstwecoldshoulderedhim.Hewasarealoutsider(theyatesnails,itwassaid)andhisslantIndianeyesrepelledus.Thenoneday,outofhunger,hestolesomesandwichesandwasgiventhecanebyMissWardley.Whatevertherightsandwrongsofthecase,thatmadehimoneofus.Wesawhimrunoutofschool,grizzlingfromthebeating,andkneeldowntotieuphisboots.Theshopkeeper'swife,passingbyatthatmoment,stoppedtopreachhimalittlesermon.'Youdidn'thavetosteal,evenifyouwasthathungry.Whydidn'tyoucometome?'Theboygaveheralook,pickedhimselfup,andranofwithoutaword.Heknew,aswedid,theanswertothatone:wesetourdogsonthegipsieshere.Aswewalkedbackhometoourcabbagedinnerswewereallofusfilledwithcompassion.WepicturedpoorRossoclimbingbacktohisquarry,hungrytohismiserabletents,withnothingbutmudandpuddlestositinandthesourbankstoscavengeforfood.Gipsiesnolongerseemedeithersinisterorstrange.Nowondertheyeatsnails,wethought.Thenarrowschoolwasjustaconveyorbeltalongwhichtheshortyearsdrewus.Weenteredthedoormarked'Infants',movedgraduallytotheother,andwerethenhandedbacktotheworld.Lucky,luckypointoftimeoureyeswereonitalways.Meanwhile

wehadmovedtogranderdesks,sawourjuniorsmultiplyinginnumber.MissWardleysuddenlybegantoaskouradviceandtospoilusasthoughweweredying.Therewasnomoretobedone,nomoretobelearned.Webegantolookroundtheschoolroomwithnostalgiaandimpatience.Duringplaytimeintheroadwewalkedaboutgravely,patronizingtheyoungercreatures.Nolongerthetrembling,whitefacedbattles,theflights,thebutteringupofbulliesjustapunchhereandtheretoshowourauthority,thenasoberstrollwithourpeers.AtlastMissWardleywaswringingourhands,tenderanddeferential.'Goodbye,oldchaps,andjollygoodluck!Don'tforgettocomebackandseeme.'Shegaveeachoneofusacoysadglance.Sheknewthatweneverwould.

THEKITCHEN

OURhouse,andourlifeinit,issomethingofwhichIstillconstantlydream,helplesslybidden,nightafternight,toreturntoitstranquillityandnightmares:totheheavyshadowsofitsstonewalledroomscrevicedbetweenbankandyewtrees,toitsboardedceilingsandgapingmattresses,itsbloodshotgeraniumwindows,itssmellsofdamppepperandmushroomgrowths,itschaos,andruleofwomen.Weboysneverknewanymaleauthority.MyfatherleftuswhenIwasthree,andapartfromsomerareandfugitivevisitshedidnot

livewithusagain.Hewasaknowing,brisk,elusiveman,thesonandthegrandsonofsailors,buthavinghimselfnostomachfortheseahehaddeterminedtomakegoodonland.Inhisminiaturewayhesucceededinthis.Hebecame,whilestillinhismiddleteens,agrocer'sassistant,alocalchurchorganist,anexpertphotographer,andadandy.Certainportraitshetookofhimselfatthattimeshowahandsomethoughthreadbarelad,tallandslender,andmuchaddictedtogloves,highcollars,andcourtlyposes.Hewasdearlyacutabovetheaverage,incharmsaswellasambition.Bytheageoftwentyhehadmarriedthebeautifuldaughterofalocalmerchant,andsheborehimeightchildrenofwhomfivesurvivedbeforedyingherselfstillyoung.Thenhemarriedhishousekeeper,whoborehimfourmore,threesurviving,ofwhichIwasone.Atthetimeofthissecondmarriagehewasstillagrocer'sassistant,andearningnineteenshillingsaweek.ButhisdearestwishwastobecomeaCivilServant,andhestudiedeachnighttothisend.TheFirstWorldWargavehimthechancehewanted,andthoughproperlydistrustfulofarmsandbattleheinstantlysacrificedbothhimselfandhisfamily,appliedforapostintheArmyPayCorps,wentofftoGreenwichinabulletproofvest,andneverpermanentlylivedwithusagain.Hewasanaturalfixer,myfatherwas,andthingsworkedoutprettysmoothly.HesurvivedhisclerkstoolwarwithaWarOfficepension(fornervousrash,Ibelieve),thenenteredtheCivilService,ashehadplannedtodo,andsettledinLondonforgood.ThusenablingmyMothertoraisebothhisfamilies,whichshedidoutofloveand

pity,outofunreasoningloyaltyandafixedbeliefthathewouldonedayreturntoher...Meanwhile,welivedwherehehadleftusarelicofhisprovincialyouthasprawling,cumbersome,countrifiedbroodtooincongruoustocarrywithhim.HesentusmoneyandwegrewupwithouthimandI,forone,scarcelymissedhim.Iwasperfectlycontentinthisworldofwomen,muddleheadedthoughitmightbe,tobebulliedandtumbledthroughthehandtomouthdays,patchedordressedup,scolded,admired,sweptoffmyfeetinsuddenpassionsofkisses,ordumpedforgottenamongtheunwashedpots.MythreehalfsisterssharedmuchofMother'sburden,andwerethegoodfortuneofourlives.Generous,indulgent,warmblooded,anddotty,thesegirlswerenothardtoadmire.Theyseemedwrappedasitwereinaperpetualbloom,theglamouroftheirgrownupteens,andexpressedforusboysallthatwomenshouldbeinbeauty,style,andartifice.Fortherewasnodoubtatallabouttheirbeauty,orthenaturalnesswithwhichtheyworeit.Marjorie,theeldest,ablondeAphrodite,appearedquiteunconsciousoftherarityofherself,movingalwaystomeasuresofobliviousgraceandwearingherbeautylikeakindofsleep.Shewastall,longhaired,anddreamilygentle,andhervoicewaslowandslow.Ineverknewhertolosehertemper,ortoclaimanypersonaljustice.ButIknewhertoweep,usuallyforothers,quietly,withlargebluetears.Shewasanaturalmother,andskilled

withherneedle,makingclothesforusallwhenneeded.Withherconstantbeautyandbalancednatureshewasthetranquilnightlightofourfears,asteadynamereassuringalways,whoseveryshadowsseemedthrownforourcomfort.Dorothy,thenextone,wasawispyimp,prettyandperilousasafirework.Compoundedequallyofcuriosityandcheek,asparkandtinderforboys,herquickdarkbodyseemedwritwithwarningsthatheradmirersdidwelltoobserve.'Nottobeheldinthehand,'itsaid.'Lightthetouchpaper,butretireimmediately.'Shewasanactiveforagerwholivedonthrills,provokedadventure,andbroughthomegossip.Marjorie'sweretheearstowhichmostofitcame,makingherpauseinhersewing,openwidehereyes,andshakeherheadateachnewrevelation.'Youdon'tmeanit,Doth!Henever..No!...'wasallIseemedevertohear.Dorothywasasagileasajunglecat,quicklimbed,entrancing,noisy.Andsheprotectedusboyswithfireandspirit,andbroughtustreasuresfromtheoutsideworld.WhenIthinkofhernowsheisacoilofsmoke,agigglingsplutter,areekofcordite.Inreposeshewasalsosomethingelse:afairytalegirl,blueasaplum,tender,andsentimental.Theyoungestofthethreewascool,quietPhyllis,atobaccohaired,fragilegirl,whocarriedhergoodlookswithanairofapology,beingthejuniorandsomewhatshadowed.MarjorieandDorothysharedanaturalintimacy,beingclosertogetherinage,soPhylliswastheoddone,anunclassifiedsolitary,compelledtoherowndevices.Thissheenduredwithamodestsimplicity,quicktoadmireand

slowtocomplain.Herfavouritechorewasputtingusboystobed,whensheemergedinastrangelightofherown,revealingadevoutalmostoldfashionedwatchfulness,andgravelysingingustosleepwithhymns.SadPhyllis,litbyasummernight,hertangledhairaglow,quietlysittingbesideourbeds,handsfolded,eyesfaraway,singingandsingingof'HappyEden'alonewithhercareoverushowoftentothisdidIdropintosleep,feelthewarmthofitstideengulfme,steeredbyheryounghoarsehymningvoiceandtunelessreveries....ThesehalfsistersIcherishedandapartfromthemIhadtwohalfbrothersalso.Reggie,thefirstborn,livedapartwithhisgrandmotherbutyoungHarold,helivedwithus.Haroldwashandsome,bony,andsecretive,andhelovedourabsentfather.Hestoodsomewhatapart,laugheddownhisnose,andwasunhappymoreoftenthannot.Thoughyoungerthanthegirls,heseemedagenerationolder,wascleverwithhishands,butlost.MyowntruebrotherswereJackandTony,andwethreecameattheendoftheline.WewereofDad'ssecondmarriage,beforeheflew,andwerebornwithinthespaceoffouryears.Jackwastheeldest.Tonytheyoungest,andmyselftheprotectedcentre.Jackwasthesharpone,brightasaknife,andwasalsomyclosecompanion.Weplayedtogether,foughtandratted,builtaprivatestructurearoundus,sharedthesamebedtillIfinallylefthome,andlivedoffeachother'sbrains.Tony,thebabystrangeandbeautifulwaifwasabrooding,imaginativesolitary.LikePhyllishesufferedfrombeingtheoddone

ofthreeworsestill,hewastheoddoneofseven.Hewasalwayseitherrunningtokeepupwiththerestofusorsittingaloneinthemud.Hiscurious,crooked,sufferingfacehadattimestheradianceofasaint,atotherstheblankwatchfulnessofaninsect.Hecouldwalkbyhimselforkeepverystill,getlostorappearatwrongmoments.Hedrewlikeanartist,wouldn'treadorwrite,swallowedbeadsbytheboxful,sanganddanced,wasquitewithoutfear,hadsecretfriends,andwaspreytoterriblenightmares.Tonywastheonetruevisionaryamongstus,thetinyhermitnoonequiteunderstood...

WithourMother,then,wemadeeightinthatcottageanddisposedofitsthreelargefloors.Therewasthehugewhiteatticwhichranthelengthofthehouse,wherethegirlssleptonfatstripedmattressesanancient,plastercrumblingroomwhoseslopingceilingsbulgedliketentcloths.Theroofwassothinthatrainandbatsfilteredthrough,andyoucouldhearabirdlandonthetiles.MotherandTonysharedabedroombelowJack,Harold,andItheother.Butthehouse,sinceitsbuilding,hadbeensopatchedandparcelledthatitwasnowalmostimpossibletogettoone'sroomwithoutfirstpassingthroughsomeoneelse's.Soeachnightsawaprocessionofpallidghosts,sleepilyseekingtheirbeds,tillthecandlesnuffeddarknesslaidusoutinrows,filedawayinourallottedsheets,whilesnoresandwhistlesshooktheoldhouselikearoundaboutgettingup

steam.Butourwakinglife,andourgrowingyears,wereforthemostpartspentinthekitchen,anduntilwemarried,orranaway,itwasthecommonroomweshared.Herewelivedandfedinafamilyfug,notmindingthelittlespace,trodoneachotherlikebirdsinahole,elbowedourwayswithoutspite,alltalkingatonceorallsilentatonce,orcryingagainsteachother,butneverIthinkfeelingovercrowded,beingasseparateasnotesinascale.Thatkitchen,wornbyourbootsandlives,wasscruffy,warm,andlow,whosefussoffurnitureseemedneverthesamebutwasshuffledaroundeachday.Ablackgratecrackledwithcoalandbeechtwigstowelstoastedontheguardthemantelwaslitteredwithfineoldchina,horsebrasses,andfreakpotatoes.Onthefloorwerestripsofmuddymatting,thewindowswerechokedwithplants,thewallssupportedstoppedclocksandcalendars,andsmokyfungusranovertheceilings.Therewerealsosixtablesofdifferentsizes,somearmchairsgapinglystuffed,boxes,stools,andunravellingbaskets,booksandpapersoneverychair,asofaforcats,aharmoniumforcoats,andapianofordustandphotographs.Theseweretheshapesofourkitchenlandscape,therocksofoursubmarinelife,eachobjectwornsmoothbyourconstantnuzzling,orencrustedbylivelybarnacles,relicsofbirthdaysanddeadrelations,wrecksoffurniturelongsincefoundered,allsilteddeepbyMother'snewspaperswhichtheyearspiledroundonthefloor.WakingupinthemorningIsawsquirrelsintheyewtreesnibbling

atthemoistredberries.Betweenthetreesandthewindowhungacloudofgoldaircomposedoffloatingseedsandspiders.Farmerscalledtotheircowsontheothersideofthevalleyandmoorhenspipedfromtheponds.BrotherJack,asalways,wasthefirsttomove,whileIpulledonmybootsinbed.Webothstoodatlastonthebarewoodfloor,scratchingandsayingourprayers.Toostiffandmanlytosaythemoutloud,westoodbacktobackandmutteredthem,asifanaudiblepleashouldslipoutbychance,onejustburstintosongtocoverit.Singingandwhistlingwereusefulfacesavers,especiallywhenconfoundedbyargument.Weusedthetrickreadily,onemightsaymonotonously,andthismorningitwasJackwhobeganit.'What'sthenameoftheking,then?'hesaid,gropingforhistrousers.'Albert.''No,it'snot.It'sGeorge.'"That'swhatIsaidyou,didn'tI?George.''Noyounever.Youdon'tknow.You'refeeble.''Notsofeebleasyoube,anyroad.''You'rebalmy.Yougotbrainsofabedbug.''Dadadidada.''Isaidyou'rebrainless.Youcan'tevencount.''Turreleeturrelee....Didn'thearyou.''Yesyoudidthen,blockhead.Fatandlazy.Bigfaa..'Dumdidah!...Can'thear...Heynonnie!...'Well,thatwasallrighthonourseven,asusual.Webrokethesleep

fromoureyesanddressedquickly.Walkingdownstairstherewasasmelloffloorboards,ofrags,sourlemons,oldspices.Thesmokykitchenwasinitsmorningmuddle,fromwhichbreakfastwouldpresentlyemerge.Motherstirredtheporridgeinasootblackpot.Tonywascarvingbreadwitharuler,thegirlsintheirmackintosheswerelayingthetable,andthecatswereeatingthebutter.IcleanedsomebootsandpumpedupsomefreshwaterJackwentforajugofskimmedmilk.'I'mallbehind,'Mothersaidtothefire.'Thiswretchedcoal'sallslack.'Shesnatchedupanoilcanandthrewitallonthefire.Abelchofflameroaredupthechimney.Mothergavealoudscream,asshealwaysdid,andwentonstirringtheporridge.'IfIhadaproperstove,'shesaid.'It'satrialgettingyouoffeachday.'IsprinkledsomesugaronasliceofbreadandbolteditdownwhileIcould.Howdifferentagainlookedthekitchenthismorning,swirlingwithsmokeandsunlight.Somecutglassvasesthrewjaggedrainbowsacrossthepiano'sfieldofdust,whileFatherinhispincenezuponthewalllookeddownlikeascandalizedgod.Atlasttheporridgewasdabbedonourplatesfromathickandsteamingspoon.Icoveredthesmokylumpswithtreacleandbegantoeatfromthesidestothemiddle.Thegirlsroundthetablechewedmoonishly,wrappedintheirmorningstupor.Stillsickwithsleep,theirmouthsmovedslow,

hungslackwhiletheirspooncameupthentheypausedforamoment,spoontolip,collectedtheirwits,andate.Theirvacanteyesstaredstraightbeforethem,glazedatthesightoftheday.Pinkandglowingfromtheirdreamybeds,fromwhoknowswhatarmsofheroes,theyseemedlikemutespiritshauledbacktotheearthafterparadisefeastsoflove.'Golly!'criedDoth.'Haveyouseenthetime?'Theybegantojumptotheirfeet.'Goodness,it'slate.''Igottobeoff.''Metoo.''Lord,where'smythings?'Well,tataMataboysbegood.''AnythingyouwantupfromtheStores...?'Theyhitcheduptheirstockings,pattedtheirhats,andwentrunningupthebank.ThiswasthehourwhenwalkersandbicyclistsfloweddownthelonghillstoStroud,whenthehooterscalledthroughthemorningdewsandfactoriespuffedouttheirplumes.FromeachcrookedcomerofStroud'sfivevalleysgirlswererunningtoshopsandlooms,withsleepintheireyes,andeggycheeks,andintheirearsnightvoicesfading.MarjoriewasofftoherMilliners'Store,PhyllistoherBootsandShoes,Dorothytoherjobasjuniorclerkinadecayedclothmillbyastream.AsforHarold,he'dstartedworkalready,hisdaybeganatsix,whenhe'dleavethehousewithanangryshoutforthelatheworkhereallyloved.

Butwhatshouldweboysdo,nowtheyhadallgone?Ifitwasschoolrime,wepushedoffnext.Ifnot,wedodgedupthebanktoplay,ransnailracesalongthewalls,orduginthegardenandfoundpotatoesandcookedthemintinsontherubbishheap.Wewerealwayshungry,alwayscallingforfood,alwaysseekingitincupboardsandhedges.Butholidaymorningswereatimeofrisk,theremightbehouseworkorerrandstodo.Motherwouldbeironing,ortidyingup,orreadingbooksonthefloor.Soifwehungaroundtheyardwekeptourearscockedifshecaughtus,thegamewasup.'Ah,thereyouare,son.I'mneedingsomesalt.PoptoVick'sforalump,there'sadear.'Or'SeeifGrannyTrill'sgotascrewofteaonlyaskhernicely,mind.'Or:'RunuptoMissTurkandtrytoborrowhalfcrownIdidn'tknowI'dgotsolow.''AskourJack,ourMother!Iborrowedthebacon.It'sblummin'wellhisturnnow.'ButJackhadslidofflikeaneelthroughthegrass,makinghisslygetawayasusual.Hewasjumpy,shifty,andquickoffthemark,anelectricflexofnerves,skinnycomparedwiththerestofus,orwhatfarmersmightcalla'poordoer'.Iftheyhad,infact,theywouldhavebeenquitewrong,forJackdidhimselfverywell.Hehaddevelopedamealtimestrategywhichensuredthatheatefortwo.Speedandguilewerethekeystohissuccess,andwehungryonescalledhimTheSlider.

Jackateagainsttime,thatwasreallyhissecretandinourhouseyouhadtodoit.Imagineusallsittingdowntodinnereightroundapotofstew.Itwaslentilstewusually,aheavybrownmashmadeapparentlyofplasticstuds.Thoughitsmeltofhotstables,wewereusedtoit,anditwasfillingenoughcouldyougetit.Butthesizeofourfamilyoutstrippedthesizeofthepot,sotherewasneverquiteenoughtogoround.Whenitcametoserving.Motherhadnomethod,noteventhelawofchanceadaboneachplateinanyoldorderandtheneverymanforhimself.Nograce,nowarning,nostartinggunbutthefirsttofinishwhathe'dhadonhisplatecouldclaimwhatwasleftinthepot.Mother'sswoopingspoonwasbreathlesslywatchedletthelentilsfallwheretheymay.ButstarvingJackhadworkeditallout,hefollowedthespoonwithhisplate.AbsentmindedlyMotherwouldgivehimfirstdollop,andveryoftenasecond,andassoonashegotitheswalloweditwhole,notusinghisteethatall.'Moreplease,I'vefinished'thebareplateprovedit,sohegotthepotscrapingstoo.ManytheraceI'velosttohimthus,beingjustthatsecondslower.Butitleftmemarkedwithanuglyscar,atwisted,foodcrazednature,sothatstillIamcallingforwholericepuddingsandbigpotsofstewinthenight.Thedaywasoverandwehadusedit,runningerrandsorprowlingthefields.Wheneveningcamewereturnedtothekitchen,backtoitssmokycomfort,infromtherapidlycoolingairtoitswrappingsofwarmthandcooking.Weboyscamefirst,scufflingdownthebank,

singly,likehomingcrows.Longtonguesofshadowslickedthecurvesofthefieldsandthetreesturnedplumpandstill.IhadbeenofftoPainswicktopaytherates,runningfastthroughthelongwetgrass,andnowIwasback,pantinghard,thejobfinished,withhayseedsstucktomylegs.Aplateofbluesmokehungaboveourchimney,flatinthemotionlessair,andeverystoneinthepathasIrandownhomeshookmyboneswitharrivingjoy.Wechoppedwoodforthenightandcarrieditindrybeechsticksasbrittleascandy.Thebakercamedownwithabasketofbreadslungcarelesslyoverhisshoulder.Eightquarternloaves,cottagesize,blackcrusted,werehandedinatthedoor.Afewcrispflakesofpungentcruststillclungtohisemptybasket,sowescoopedthemuponourspitwetfingersandlaidthemuponourtongues.Thetwilightgathered,thebakershoutedgoodnight,andwhistledhiswayupthebank.Upintheroadhisblackhorsewaited,thecartlampssmokingred.Indoors,ourMotherwascookingpancakes,herfaceaglowfromthefire.Therewasasmellofsharplemonandsaltybatter,andaburninghissofoil.Thekitchenwasdarkandconvulsivewithshadows,nolightshadyetbeenlit.Flamesleapt,subsided,cornerswokeanddied,firesburnedinathousandbrasses.'Pokearoundforthematches,dearboy,'saidMother.'DamnmeifIknowwheretheygotto.'Welitthecandlesandsetthemabout,eachinitsproperorder:twoonthemantelpiece,oneonthepiano,andoneonaplateinthewindow.Eachcandlesuspendedaballoflight,aluminousfragileglow,whichswelledandcontractedtothesplutteringwickorleaned

tothemovingair.Theirflamespushedweaklyagainsttheredofthefire,tootenuoustomakemuchheadway,revealingourfacesmorebycastsofdarknessthanbyanyclearlighttheythrew.Nextwefilledandlitthetallironlampandplaceditonthetable.Whenthewickhadwarmedandwasdrawingproperly,weturneditupfullstrength.Theflameinthefunnelthensprangaliveandroselikeapointedflower,begantosingandshudderandgrowmoreradiant,throwingpoolsoflightontheceiling.Evenso,thekitchenremainedmostlyinshadow,itswallsavoluptuousgloom.Thetimehadcomeformyviolinpractice,Ibegantwangingthestringswithrelish.Motherwasstillfryingandrollinguppancakesmybrothersloweredtheirheadsandsighed.IproppedmymusiconthemantelpieceandslicedthroughaRussianDancewhilesweetsmellsofresinmixedwithlemonandfatasthedustflewincloudsfrommybow.NowandthenIgotanotejustright,andthenMotherwouldthrowmeaglance.Aglanceofpiercing,anxiousencouragementasshesidesteppedmyswingingarm.Plumpinherslippers,onehandtohercheek,herpanbeatingtimeintheother,herhairfallingdownaboutherears,mouthworkingtohelpoutthetuneoldandtiredthoughshewas,hereyeswereagirl's,anditwasforlookssuchasthesethatIplayed.'Splendid!'shecried.'Tophole!Clapclap!Nowgiveusanother,melad.'SoIslashedawayat'WilliamTell',andwhenIdidthat,platesjumpedandMotherskippedgailyaroundthehearthrug,andeven

Tonyrockedabitinhischair.MeanwhileJackhadclearedsomebootsfromthetable,andstartedhisinscrutablehomework.Tony,inhiscorner,begantotalktothecatandplaywithsomefragmentsofcloth.Sowiththecurtainsdrawncloseandthepancakescoming,wesettleddowntotheevening.Whenthekettleboiledandthetoastwasmade,wegatheredandhadourtea.Wegrabbedanddodgedandpassedandsnatched,andpackedourmouthslikepelicans.Motheratealwaysstandingup,tearingcrustsofftheloafwithherfingers,ahandtomouthfeedingthatexpressedhervigilance,likethatofawirelessoperatoratsea.FormostofMother'sattentionwasfixedonthegrate,whosefiremustnevergoout.Whenitthreatenedtodososhebecameseizedwithhysteria,wailingandwringingherhands,pouringonoilandchoppingupchairsinafrenzytokeepitalive.Infactitseldomwentoutcompletely,thoughitwasveryoftenill.ButMothernurseditwithskill,bankingitupeverynightandblowinghardonthebarseverymorning.Thestateofourfirebecameasimportanttousasitmusthavebeentoaprimitivetribe.WhenitsulkedandsankwewerefilledwithdismaywhenitblazedallwaswellwiththeworldbutifGodsaveusitwentoutaltogether,thenwewereclutchedbyprimevalchills.Thenitseemedthattheverysunhaddied,thatwinterhadcomeforever,thatthewolvesofthewildernessweregatheringnear,andthattherewasnomorehopetolookfor....

Buttonightthefirelightsnappedandcrackled,andMotherwasinfullcontrol.Sheruledtherangeandallitsequipmentwithatireless,nervoustouch.Eatingwithonehand,shethrewonwoodwiththeother,rakedtheashes,andheatedtheoven,putonakettle,stirredthepot,andspreadoutsomemoreshirtsontheguard.Assoonasweboyshadfinishedourtea,wepushedallthecrockeryaside,piledituproughlyatthefarendofthetable,andsettleddownunderthelamp.Itslightwaswarmandlivearoundus,akindofpuddleoffireofitsown.Isetupmybookandbegantodraw.Jackworkedathisnotesandfigures.Tonywasplayingwithsomecottonreels,pushingthemslowlyroundthetable.AllwassilentexceptTony'svoice,softlymutteringhiscottonreelstory.'...Sotheycomeoutofthisbigholesee,andthebigchapsayFieandsaidwe'llkill'emsee,andthepirateswaswaitingup'ere,andtheyhadthisgurtcannonandtheywentbangfireandthebigchapfelldownwheeee!androlledbackinthe'oleandIsaidwegot'emandIrunupthe'illandthisboatseewascomin'andIjumpedonboardwooshcruumpandIsaidnowI'mcaptainseeandtheysaidfieandItookme'atchet'ack'ackandtheyallfellplopintheseawallopandIsailedtheboatround'ereandround'ereandup'ereandround'ereanddown'ereandup'ereandround'ereanddown'ere...'Nowthegirlsarrivedhomeintheirbeltedmackintoshes,flushedfromtheirwalkthroughthedark,andwelookedupfromourgamesandsaid'Gotanythingforus?'andDorothygaveussomeliquorice.Thentheyallhadtheirsupperatoneendofthetable

whileweboyscarriedonattheother.Whensupperwasoverandclearedaway,thekitchenfittedusall.Wedrewtogetherroundtheeveninglamp,thevastandeasytime....Marjoriebegantotrimanewhat,Dorothytowritealoveletter,Phyllissatdownwithsomeforksandspoons,blewah!andsleepilyrubbedthem.Harold,homelate,cleanedhisbikeinacorner.Motherwascuttingupnewspapers.Wetalkedinspurts,inloweredvoices,scarcelynoticingifanyoneanswered.'Iturnedashafttoathou'today,'saidHarold.'Awhat?''Hesaida"thou".'Chairscreakedawhileaswethoughtaboutit....'CharlieRevell'sgotabrandnewsuit.Hehaditmadetofit....''Hehalffancieshimself.''CharlieRevell!...'Pause.'Look,Doth,Igotthesebitsforsixpence.I'mgoingtostitch'emallroundthetophere.''Mmmmrn.Well.Tccchtcch.S'allright....''DrGreencameuptotheshopthismorning.Wearingcorduroybloomers.Laugh!...''Look,Ma,look!I'vedrawnachurchonfire.LookMarge,Doth!Hey,look!...''Ifaequalsx,thenJequalsshutup!'ifxisy...''0Madeline,ifyou'llbemine,I'lltakeyouo'erthesea,didah...''LookwhatI'vecutformyscrapbook,girlsaBeefeaterisn'the

killing?''CharlieRevellcheekedhisdadtoday.Hecalledhimadafty.He...''...YouknowthatboyfromtheDairy,MargetheonetheycallBarnacleBoots?Well,heaskedmetogotoSpot'swithhim.Itoldhimtorunoffhome.''No,younever!''Icertainlydid.IsaidIdon'tgotonopictureswithbutterwallopers.Youshouldhaveseenhisface....''HarryLazburysmellsofchickengah.Ihadtomovemedesk.''Justharkwho'stalking.DaintyDick.''I'llneverbereadybySunday....''I'vefoundalovelysnipformyanimalpageanoldseallookgirls,theexpression!...''SoIwentround'ere,anddownround'ere,andhesaidfiesoIwent'ack,'ack...''Whatcouldn'tIdotoanicecreamslice....''CharlieRevell'shad'isearssyringed....''D'youremember.Doth,whenwewenttoSpot's,andtheysaidChildreninArmsNotAllowed,andwewalkedlittleTonerightupthestepsandhewasn'teventwo....'Margegavehersilky,rememberinglaughandlookedfondlyacrossatTony.Thefireburnedclearwithabottlegreenlight.Theirvoicesgrewlowandfurry.Afarmdogbarkedfaracrossthevalley,fixingthetimeanddistanceexactly.Warnedbythedogandsomehootingowls,Icouldsensethenightvalleyemptying,stretchinginmistsofstarsandwater,growingslowlymoresecretandlate.Thekitchen,warmandmurmuringnow,vibratedwithrosy

darkness.Mypencilbegantowanderonthepage,myeyestocloudandclear.IthoughtI'dstretchmyselfonthesofaforawhile,forashortwhileonly.Thegirls'mutedchatterwentonandonIstruggledtocatchthedrift.'Sh!...Notnow....Whentheboysareinbed....You'lldiewhenyouhear....Notnow....'Theboardsontheceilingweremeltinglikewater.Wordsbrokeandwentfloatingaway.Chordsofsmoothmusicsurgedupinmyhead,thicktidesofwarmthoverwhelmedme,Iwasdrowninginlangoursoffeatheredseas,spirallingcosilydown....OnceinawhileIwasgentlyrousedtoasoundamplifiedbysleeptothefallofacoal,thesneezeofthecat,oramutedexclamation.'Shecouldn'thavedonesuchathing....Shedid....''Donewhat?...Whatthing?...Tell,tellme....'ButhelplessIglidedbacktosleep,deepinthecrevicedseas,theblindwatersstilledme,weighedmedown,thegirls'wordsfloatedontop.Ilaylongernow,anddeeperfarheavierweedswerefallingonme....'Comeon,Loll.Timetogotobed.Theboyswentuplongago.'Thewhisperinggirlsbentovermethekitchenreturne