checking it twice — ipolitics holiday edition 2014
DESCRIPTION
The third annual iPolitics take on the Yuletide.TRANSCRIPT
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H O L I D A Y P R I N T 2 0 1 4
CHRISTMAS AT 24 SUSSEX P10
CULINARY CURE FOR QP P21
MIXING HOLIDAY SPIRITS P6
PAGE 16
CHECKING
IT TWICE
EDITOR
James Baxter
DEPUTY EDITORS
Doug Beazley
Ian Shelton
Lisa Van Dusen
REPORTERS
Janice Dickson
Elizabeth Gray-Smith
Kelsey Johnson
James Munson
Alice Musabende
Elizabeth Thompson
Yamina Tsalamlal
BJ Siekierski
Kirsten Smith (Researcher)
Kristie Smith
COLUMNISTS
Paul Adams
Scott Clark
Peter DeVries
Michael Harris
Tasha Kheiriddin
L. Ian MacDonald
Andrew Mitrovica
Linda McQuaig
Steve Sullivan
PHOTOGRAPHERS
Cynthia Munster
Matthew Usherwood
WEB EDITOR
Deane McRobie
BUSINESS TEAM
John Butterfield, COO
Sally Douglas, Deputy Publisher
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Emily Francis
DESIGN AND GRAPHICS
Jackpine
CONTACT
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Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, K1N 9J6
Office: 613-789-2772
iPolitics is your digital source for independent, up-to-the-minute coverage of Canadian politics and the
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CONTENTS04 FAVOURITE HOLIDAY FLICKS
05 CURLING ‘CROSS PARTY LINES
06 MERRY MIXOLOGISTS
09 LETTER TO SANTA
10 CHRISTMAS AT 24 SUSSEX
12 RECEPTION SEASON
14 BEST DRESSED OF 2014
16 THE HUNT FOR RED DECEMBER
18 WHO SAID WHAT?
19 CROSSWORD PUZZLE
20 INSIGHT UNLIMITED
21 QP POTLUCK
22 READS TO PUT UNDER THE TREE
ON THE SECOND DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS
4 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014
It’s a Wonderful LifeDecember 20, 1946. 130 minutes
MP: Scott Armstrong, Conservative for Cumberland-Colchester-Musquodoboit Valley
“It’s a Wonderful Life” is a classic redemption story about a man who is reminded of the generosity he provided others throughout his life. For Armstrong, the lesson on altruism is what keeps him coming back. “The message in it is that no matter what choices you make in life, as long as you try to support and help other people, you contribute to yourself and your fellow man.”
FAVOURITE HOLIDAY FLICKSWhat your MPs are watching this season
Presents wrapped, family fed, and everyone hunkered down for a long winter’s night —
what do your MPs throw in the VCR? We asked a few about their favourite holiday flicks.
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National Lampoon’s Christmas VacationDecember 1, 1989. 97 minutes
MP: Glenn Thibeault, NDP for Sudbury
“It reminds me of a lot of my own upbringing and family,” said Thibeault. “Every family has their own Aunt Bethany. When they show up, you’re like ‘How are we going to deal with this for the next 12 hours?’” Thibeault’s own father shared a key Clark Griswold trait. “My father once put a stereo system outside and he was playing records of Christmas music with all the trees covered in lights… My dad was retired when he was doing this so I think he had a lot of time on his hands.”
The Christmas ChoirDecember 9, 2008. 90 minutes
MP: Tyrone Benskin, NDP for Jeanne-Le Ber
Benskin actually stars in “The Christmas Choir”, a made-for-TV movie. It’s based on the true story of Montreal’s Mission Accueil Bonneau group, a men’s choir started by residents of a homeless shelter. The choir ended up travelling internationally and helped some men leave their life on the street, said Benskin. The MP plays the lead homeless character, who is ‘discovered’ while singing for tips at a bar by a dispirited businessman looking for meaning. The shelter’s director is played by Rhea Perlman and it features cameos by the actual members of the choir. Asked what makes it his favourite, Benskin said he generally falls for all things Christmas. “I’m a Christmas wuss.”
One Magic ChristmasNovember 22, 1985. 89 minutes
MP: Carolyn Bennett, Liberal for St. Paul’s
Bennett’s favourite flick hits close to home: her husband, producer Peter O’Brian, created it. Starring Sarah Polley, “One Magic Christmas” was filmed in Meaford, Ontario. “It’s a sort of Canadian version of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’,’” said Bennett. Her family screens it every year on her birthday (December 20), she said. To this day, Bennett’s family cottage has the Canadian flag and flagpole used in the movie’s town hall, which director Phillip Borsos gave to them because of O’Brian’s fight with Disney to keep the Canadian flag in the movie. “Disney thought it should all be American, so this was a big fight.”
The Sound of MusicMarch 2, 1965. 174 minutes
MP: Scott Brison, Liberal for Kings Hants
Growing up, Brison used to always watch “It’s a Wonderful Life,” “Miracle at 34th Street” and “The Sound of Music” with his father, now 91. But the elder Brison has stuck with the Julie Andrews epic throughout his life. “The Sound of Music” was the first movie the MP saw in a theatre. “Dad used to say it’s nice to watch a movie where cars aren’t being smashed up or building exploding or somebody getting killed… It’s nice to watch a story about good people and a happy ending.” There’s a 45-year age difference between both Brisons and the movie offers a connection. The MP is anxiously awaiting the day when his two daughters are old enough to make it into a tradition.
iPolitics.ca 5
CURLING ‘CROSS PARTY LINESKELSEY JOHNSON
I t’s the bread and butter of most small towns from the
western prairies to the eastern shores. Canadians of
all ages and skills play it. Some come for the beer, others
for the conversation, more come for the challenge and
a few use it as an excuse to sport the most ridiculous
pair of pants they dare attempt in public.
It’s curling.
In parts of this country, well thrown stones and an
able sweeper can elicit a roar as loud as any heard in a
hockey arena.
Which is why on a snowy Tuesday night in early
December I found myself standing on a sheet of ice in
the capital’s south end, sliding tape on my running shoe
and a curling broom tucked precariously under my left
arm, learning how to throw a stone from the hack.
Along for the ride were MPs Randy Hoback and
Bruce Hyer, Hyer’s wife Margaret, and our coach
Richard Phillips, a former president of the Canada
Grains Council.
Randy and Margaret had curled a couple of times
before — “schoolgirl curling,” Margaret called it
— although they both admitted it had been a while.
Meanwhile, Bruce called himself a “curling virgin,”
sheepishly admitting his constituents would be
shocked to learn he’d never thrown a rock. I wasn’t
much better — my one experience resulted in more
falls to the ice than draws to the button.
Richard took it easy on us — forgoing lessons in
sweeping for a focus on staying upright and throwing
rocks from the hack. We laughed when stones curled
counter to our wish, and cheered when we managed
through sheer luck to land them in the house.
It was a sight to see: the Conservative MP and the
Green deputy leader, the (ex) industry rep and the
Hill reporter, tossed together for a story and finding
common ground on the ice. Randy and Bruce soon
discovered they both owned fishing lodges, prompting
comparisons of trout sizes that grew as fishing tales do.
The jokes were endless and one-liners ricocheted like
a double takeout.
Our two-end game would wrap up in a draw.
Everyone said that was fitting.
MP Randy Hoback, right, and former president of the Canada Grains Council Richard Phillips - iPolitics / Matthew Usherwood
6 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014
Julie McCarthy of Brixton’s British Pub
concocts what is called the Green Nasty,
a cocktail originally created for political
staffer, Peter Cullen.
½ ounce banana liqueur
½ ounce Blue Curacao
1 ounce pineapple juice
1 ounce vodka
Marten Pauker, a familiar face at Metro-
politain Brasserie, mixes his version of a
Moulin Rouge before serving MPs at the
raw bar.
Drop muddled mint, cranberries and
ice in a short glass, then pour in 1 oz
of Jack Daniels and a splash of simple
syrup. Fill with bubbly.
Dustin Whyte of Parliament Pub, at
the foot of the Hill, whips up a Toasted
Almond.
1 ounce Kahlua
1 ounce Amaretto
2 ounces cream (goes in last)
Shake it, pour it on ice and garnish with
a cherry.
GREEN NASTY MOULIN ROUGE TOASTED ALMOND
MERRY MIXOLOGISTSHoliday cocktails with a twist
There is a lot of mixing and shaking going on in the Parliamentary Party Precinct this holiday season.
Local mixologists share their secrets on how to make the libations enjoyed by fellow poli-minded partiers.
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CHEERS TOGOOD DESIGN
Presentation matters.
jackpine.co • 613.680.7463
704 Somerset St. West
iPolitics.ca 7
Adam Stienstra, at The Shore Club, goes
sweet, cold and minty with a green and
red martini he coins the Crème de Noël
(not found on the menu).
¾ ounce crème de menthe
¾ ounce crème de cacao
¾ ounce Chamabord
¼ ounce peppermint schnapps
Serve on crushed ice and doll it up with
a cherry (The Shore Club makes their
own cocktail cherries).
Michael DiPietrantonio at Hy’s Steak-
house shakes a Christmas on the Beach,
a popular cocktail that takes on another
moniker during the off season.
1 ounce Chambord
1 ounce melon liqueur
1 ounce fresh pineapple juice
Shake, pour on rocks in a martini glass
and garnish with an orange slice.
Jeff Taylor at D’Arcy McGee’s on Sparks
takes a break from the 20+ taps and
mixes a classic: the New York Sour.
2 ounces Maker’s Mark
¾ ounce fresh lemon juice
¾ ounce simple syrup
Rim glass with sugar cane, pour mixture
in then float an ounce of shiraz on top
(pour it slowly over the back of a spoon).
CRÈME DE NOËL CHRISTMAS ON THE BEACH NEW YORK SOUR
Laurin General Contractor is very proud to have been a part of the delivery of these magniiicent public spaces.
Our congratulations to the City of Ottawa and the Ottawa Sports and Entertainment Group (OSEG) for their
vision, creativity and commitment to the Lansdowne Park redevelopment.
Toll-free: 1-800-565-2874 E-mail: [email protected] TORONTO MONTREAL
iPolitics.ca 9
With election season in full swing, the Liberal Party of Canada, Sophie and myself
have had a chance to reflect on our values and aspirations for Canada, including your
marvellous homeland in the North. If I am elected prime minister, I promise you that
I will strive to nurture and protect one of this country’s most iconic national treasures
while ensuring one of Canada’s most quintessential Canadians will have a home that is
forever safe so that you may continue serving Canada’s children for generations to come.
Now. Here’s what you can do for me.
These luscious locks for which I am oh so famous do not coif themselves. As I prepare
for many hours of visiting with the citizens of Canada, there is nothing I fear more than
flat hair. At the risk of sounding vain, could you supply my campaign hairstylist with a
sleigh-load of hair gel? It’d be much appreciated.
Sticking with the eighties theme, some of my advisors have suggested I seek out a
magic eight ball. I admit, but only to you dear ol’ Nick, that in the past we have whipped
out some decisions without full consideration of the outcomes. Gerry and Kate seem at
their wits’ ends, so it might be time to delegate some decision-making elsewhere.
Continuing along the preparation vein, I would really, really like a pair of rock ‘em sock
‘em robots so that I can plan my knock out blows against the Conservatives accordingly.
They just so happen to come in red and blue which is perfect! Mr. Harper won’t know
what hit him (although Brazeau might be able to give him an idea).
Now I’m sure Ella and Xavier will mention the next item in their own letters, but for
some reason the children have gotten it into their heads that our house would not be
complete without a ‘shiny pony’. They think it would make an excellent pet. I have no
idea where they got this from, but might take it up with Ezra.
In closing, if you could figure out a way to keep my book in print long enough to fund the
party’s next campaign, that would be great — the Liberal mittens just aren’t selling so well.
Joyeux Noel.
MY PROMISE, OUR PRESENTS, AND THE NORTH POLE’S FUTURE
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P.S. A smattering of extra votes in Alberta next election is always welcome…
10 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014
A row of Christmas trees mirroring the winding
staircase at 24 Sussex Drive. Christmas
morning at Harrington Lake. The joy of finally
being able to pry a busy father away from his duties
as prime minister to devote himself to his family.
For those who spent part of their childhood
growing up in the elegant riverside mansion
reserved for Canada’s prime ministers, their
memories of Christmas at 24 Sussex stand out
years later.
Ben Mulroney, who lived at 24 Sussex between
the ages of six and 16 while his father Brian
Mulroney was prime minister, remembers his
mother arranging three Christmas trees to mirror
the spiral staircase at 24 Sussex and the house
coming alive with dozens of parties as the holidays
approached.
“It was wonderful. It was the perfect place to host
those parties because with the grounds the way
they are, even though you were two minutes from
downtown Ottawa you felt like you were secluded
with the snow off the back yard that led to the
Ottawa River. It felt the way Christmas in Canada is
supposed to feel.”
Christmas itself was spent at Harrington Lake,
the PM’s country home nestled in the Gatineau
Hills.
Mulroney said the house and guest cottage were
big enough to house their entire extended family
who joined them for rounds of meals, presents
and midnight mass at a French Canadian Catholic
church in Gatineau.
“We would all, as a family, spend the morning
opening presents, having breakfast, just enjoying
eachother’s company and then there was always
time to go skating and playing hockey down on the
ice. We would clear enough space to play hockey
and when everything got quiet my father would
often take all the kids for a walk, just up and down
the dirt roads of Harrington Lake. It was just us
with him.”
Catherine Clark was three when her father Joe
Clark was prime minister for one Christmas in
1979. She still remembers her mother Maureen
McTeer in the kitchen of Harrington Lake, cooking
Christmas dinner.
“Images of my mom and all my aunts in the
kitchen with silly Christmas aprons on. It was
very much a family celebration just like any other
Canadian would have – it just happened to be an
official residence.”
While the moms cooked, the kids would play,
she recalled.
“Whenever my cousins came it was just pande-
monium because there weren’t a lot of girls – there
were a lot of boys,” said Clark, an only child.
At Stornoway, where she lived while her father
was leader of the opposition, the family would
invite dozens of people to an annual Christmas
tree cutting party.
CHRISTMAS AT 24 SUSSEXELIZABETH THOMPSON
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iPolitics.ca 11
“People would cut down a tree then everyone
would come back to Stornoway and they would use
the whole third floor which was a big open room
where they would put up a screen and all the kids
got to sit and watch some kind of movie... while the
adults had a big Christmas party downstairs.”
Liberal Leader Justin Trudeau, whose parents
were living at 24 Sussex when he was born on
Christmas day in 1971, says it is the time with
family and his father at Christmas that stands out.
“For me, it’s always about family,” he explained
outside the House of Commons.
“Gathering together, dealing with birthdays of
both myself and my brother on Christmas Day
and just getting time as a family to bring my father
away from this place, and you know, respect and
remember family time is what Christmas is about.”
Trudeau family Christmas
Corner Gas actor Gabrielle Miller and MP Susan Truppe - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster
MPs Candice Bergen and Kirsty Duncan - iPolitics/Cynthia MunsterSteve Benson of Ottawa Cocktails shows flare while making a martini -
iPolitics/Cynthia Munster
RECEPTION SEASONThe halls are decked, the bills are passed
(mostly) and parliamentarians are looking
forward to a long winter’s nap. But before
members can jet back to their ridings, there’s
time to ring in the holiday season.
ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS
12 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014
ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS
Conservative MP Peter Kent - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster
Scottish Society Chair Kevin MacLeod gives a wave at
Earnscliffe as U.K. High Commissioner Howard Drake
looks on - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster
Senator Joseph Day, Senator Claudette Tardif and Leonard Kinsella, brother of
Noel Kinsella - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster
Former Senate speaker Dan Hays with Senator Joan Fraser - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster
MP Candice Bergen with Glass Tiger’s Sam Reid (L) and Alan Frew - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster
Actor Lorne Cardinal and NDP MP Linda Duncan - iPolitics/Cynthia Munster
iPolitics.ca 13
14 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014
MPs live and breathe in the public eye. Standing
in the House, scrumming in the halls, posing at
podiums, swooshing through galas, flipping pancakes
and picking up babies — there is no hiding from the
camera. So, given the many public adventures (and
potential misadventures) facing MPs in a given day,
how important is their fashion finesse and mastery of
style?
“Let’s get right to it…their image matters,” says
Lynne Mackay, an image consultant with 30 years of
experience coaching people – some senior politicians
– on how to look, behave and communicate. Mackay
advised Conservative candidates in the ’93 and ’97
federal elections.
“Persona and sincerity – all of it matters on camera
– as does how you look,” says Mackay. “People are
absorbed by that, especially in North America…we are
a very visual society.”
Laura Peck, an established leadership trainer with
McLoughlin Media, agrees that an individual’s appear-
ance should invoke a positive response.
“First impressions really do count,” says Peck. “You
want people to feel better about themselves after
they’ve had an interaction with you.”
While Peck coaches mostly corporate leaders these
days, she has experience on the Hill. She worked as a
political assistant in the early ‘80s, just down the hall
from P.E. Trudeau.
“He was the most unique style icon you’ve seen,” says
Peck recalling the corduroy jackets, the emblematic
cape and the trousers made famous from the gunslinger
pose. “It all looked good on him…and the rose in his
lapel, that was his brand, he would be among the first
with a personal brand…like Pearson and his bowtie.”
“These people – of their time and of their day – sent a
clear and compelling message.”
“There is this UCLA study that was done some time
ago,” notes Peck. “It said that 55 per cent of what people
think of you is from the non-verbal sources, that is the
way you look, dress and the way people see you…38
per cent is your tone and attitude and only 7 per cent is
what you actually say.”
With an election in sight, it begs the question: what
should candidates think about as they prepare to dress
the role of an MP at the top of their game on the Hill?
According to Mackay, becoming the savvy sartorialist
is the first step. “Trends come and go but what really
matters is how a garment fits – that is key at this level.
PARLIAMENT HILL FASHIONA what-to-wear tutorial for those looking to land on the Hill
ELIZABETH GRAY-SMITH
Andrew CashOn stage or in the House, Cash rocks the tailored suit while channeling the style idols of Rockabilly past.
Maxime Bernier While he’s moving away from his trademark three-piecers, Bernier continues to standout with bespoke cuts, unexpected hues and interesting lines.
Eve AdamsPiercing the monochromatic sea of suits, Adams favours bright colours, chunky accessories and eye-catching bling in her haute-style collection.
Justin TrudeauJustin picks up points for the peak lapel and the pocket square.
Paul DewarHe suits up for when he’s standing up. Dewar’s relaxed hands-in-pocket stance works in the House because of the suit he sports. The tailored lines allow him to ask the question with aplomb.
ON THE EIGHTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: EIGHT HEADS A TALKING, SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS
iPolitics.ca 15
ON THE EIGHTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME: EIGHT HEADS A TALKING, SEVEN RIDINGS SWINGING, SIX MPS A QUITTIN’, FIVE CHARTER DEFEATS (OR MORE?), FOUR SENATE SCANDALS, THREE STALLED TRAINS, TWO CHINESE PANDAS AND A DWINDLING BUDGET SURPLUS
If you are rushed on scrums, appearing up close on
camera, and your clothing is ill-fitting it is a complete
distraction to the viewer.”
Peck adds that the right blazer is essential to the MP’s
wardrobe. “You want to make sure your outfit is ready,
willing and able…when you go out the door, you should
have that uniform blazer on…it makes a big difference.”
And, keeping a finger on the pulse of fashion while
staying current with the headlines can’t hurt. “Don’t
date yourself,” says Mackay. “If you are wearing suits
that are five, six or seven years old, chances are your
outfit is dated.”
In an arena where the choice of hues can corner you
in the ring – with four popular colours taken by party
brands – what is left to pick from on the palettes?
“People still think of Tory blue, they think of Liberal
red, they think NDP orange and, of course, Green is
green…there is a semiotic message that it sends,” says
Peck.
Many MPs have made their party brand their own
insignia. Olivia Chow was known for her orange gowns,
Carolyn Bennett’s closet is filled with red accessories
and Elizabeth May has more than a few green items.
“But the new big colour is purple,” says Peck. “You
see a lot of politicians in it…it is a royal colour and is
not [party] specific.”
Mackay agrees with staking plum, wine, orchid, violet
and eggplant as safe non-partisan colour choices.
No matter how clever the colour choice is, the outfit
as a whole has to translate well on screen. “It all has to
look good on camera,” says Mackay. Under the rays of
fluorescent lighting, she warns, black suits can often
look green. Plus, solid black is linked to weddings and
funerals and can look overwhelming on certain indi-
viduals. Mackay recommends taking a departure from
the solid navy or charcoal grey norm and going the
route of slate greys or ink blues and introducing a stripe
or subtle check in bordeaux or oxblood.
“Blue-greens and teals are also interesting in ties and
work well on camera,” says Mackay. In summer, she
urges MPs to favour seasonal elements like taupe or
beige in light weight wools or cotton. She is also a fan
of the seersucker sport jacket which can instantly add
variety to conventional suit picks.
The big take-away from the experts: no matter what,
be true to yourself. Be genuine. Know your body. Know
the day ahead of you. And be prepared for that camera
in your face.
Hedy FryThose boots were made for walking the halls of Parliament. Fry has been delivering on all style fronts for 20 years.
Michelle RempelThere is a lot to be said about Rempel’s wardrobe versatility – she seamlessly integrates the classic and classy black dress into her busy 24/7 week.
Laurin LiuThe sharp fringe and deep red lipstick have become hallmarks in Liu’s irrepressibly stylish looks.
Scott BrisonBrison remains at the helm of fashion-forward apparel. Rumour has it some of his suits feature a lining in his favourite red.
Rona AmbroseThe right blazer – every time. The right hair – every time. The right accessories – every time. Ambrose broadcasts confidence at press conferences, in part because of her fashion decisions.
TOP 10 BEST DRESSED OF 2014
16 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014
THE HUNT FOR RED DECEMBER
IAN SHELTON
I thought it was a fool’s errand at first. Now I
know it was much worse than that.
The call came in late on the same day news broke
about Franklin’s ship. I didn’t understand why the
employment minister cared about a sled rumoured
to have sunk in Arctic waters decades ago. But he
said to keep quiet about the search. It’d be bank
rolled by out-of-province donations to his riding
association, he said.
“Unless you want James Moore to be the next
prime minister of Canada, you’ll keep your trap
shut.”
Honestly, I didn’t know what he was talking
about, but Arctic explorers are seldom faced with
an embarrassment of riches, so if Jason Kenney
wanted me to go in search of the missing Claus sled
— who was I to argue?
The best information we had was not great.
Claus had been setting down somewhere off Stef-
fanson Island on his homeward trip for centuries,
but Arctic ice in the early ‘80s just wasn’t what it
used to be. Claus himself apparently didn’t see
it coming, and though he safely limped into the
North Pole with a herd of frost-bitten reindeer, he
wouldn’t talk.
Something about the sled’s stealth
capacities and how Lockheed’s been
after him for years.
That should have been a red flag.
But funding is funding, and Kenney
had plenty.
We were sworn to secrecy and
told to steam north under radio
silence. We traced our search
lines through that wild and savage sea for weeks.
West by northwest for the first thirty nautical miles,
east by southeast for the next. Plodding along at ten
knots, each square grid took almost four days.
It gave me time to read: The conspiracy theories
of what was down there; the notes Kenney had sent
along.
“We wish Mr. Claus all the best in his Christmas
Eve duties again this year,” Kenney said last year.
“And rest assured, as a Canadian citizen living in
Canada’s North, he can re-enter Canada freely
once his trip around the world is complete.”
Re-enter freely, sure. But he still had to dodge
the dragnet of fighter jets all trying to get a look at
his new sled. Was this why I was here? Industrial
espionage?
When we finally found it, we initially didn’t even
realize what we were looking at — the densest,
darkest reflection off the floor that we’d yet seen.
The technicians had said it was a glitch.
Then it struck us — could the secret to Santa’s
sled be that it actually sucked in radio waves? Is
that why all those fighter jets — the Russian, the
Chinese, Americans and the rest — is that why they
never caught sight of Santa’s sled?
With nothing else to guide us, we dumped out
AUVs into the water. They were on loan from
the Forces. Apparently Kenney had some
dirt on Rob Nicholson and the drones were
handed over no questions asked.
We sent down divers — they hitched
grappling hooks but returned half
asleep, asking nonsensically if
Santa had come.
ON
TH
E N
INE
TH
DA
Y O
F CH
RIST
MA
S MY
TR
UE
LOV
E SE
NT
TO
ME
: NIN
E ST
AFFE
RS ST
AFFIN
G, E
IGH
T H
EA
DS A
TA
LKIN
G, SE
VE
N R
IDIN
GS SW
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ING
, SIX M
PS A
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ITT
IN’, FIV
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HA
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DE
FEA
TS (O
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OR
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ALLE
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RA
INS, T
WO
CH
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ND
AS A
ND
A D
WIN
DLIN
G B
UD
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T SU
RP
LUS
iPolitics.ca 17
We hoisted for what seemed like hours. But in the
end, there it was, bobbing in the water. We stood
in awe, though I couldn’t say why. It was certainly
beautiful. But that didn’t explain the stupefied gaze
that captured us all.
Eventually we came to and began lifting the
sleigh from the water. As the sled finally settled on
our deck, there was a flash and a swirl of snow.
I don’t know how long I was out. My eyes
struggled to focus in the blowing snow kicked up
by the helicopter blades. When they managed to
triangulate on the sled’s left runner, I could see it
sliding first along and then away from the deck.
I rose to my feet amid all the clatter, threw up my
hood and took in the scene.
He was in the cockpit. Kenney, with one
hand resting on the edge of the sled, the
other raised in the air.
And he was smiling.
What he said next
sent a shiver down my
spine.
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a very merry
election, indeed.”
His words curled into a cackle and then he
disappeared — enveloped by the same snow that
obscured him from view.
We limped back into harbour at a snail’s pace.
We tied up to the wharf and cast our bags ashore.
I walked into the harbour master’s office where I
found all eyes on the TV.
“Jason Kenney, minister of national defence… “
the anchor man began.
National defence? Wasn’t this the guy who signs
EI cheques?
“And minister responsible for multiculturalism...”
Well that made more sense.
“As well as foreign affairs...”
Huh.
“Announced Canada was annexing the
North Pole...”
I’d heard enough.
= FESTIVE
Wishing you and yours a happy holiday season and the very best for 2015.
18 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014
1) CHANNELING ROGER EBERT“It reminds me of the movie ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’ I haven’t watched the whole movie; I just
watched a little bit on TV one night. It’s about two guys who get stoned and drunk and can’t find their car in the morning. That’s, I think, the premise of the entire film, but it sounds like it’s based on reality.”
2) SWEARING FOR CHARITY“I’m going to tell you, there is no experience like stepping into this ring and measuring yourself… All the — your name, your fortune, your intelligence, your beauty — none of that fucking matters.”
3) RESTRAINT“Min. Aglukkaq is making it SO hard to keep my pledge to never heckle. That last whopper in QP was
off the charts.”
4) RELEVANCE“I could get up right now and talk about muppets, puppets, and other things with no relevance
whatsoever to what is happening.”
5) WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?“You referenced my best friend Jesus at the end of your treatise, and you seemed to imply that you
know what he would do. I’m not so bold as to make a statement like that.”
6) BETTER REPORT NAMES“I hope somehow or another that the researchers are able to work into the report the phrase
‘community planning around your anus.’ It seems to me it might even be a title for the report.”
7) THE MAKE UP OF THE HOUSE“Mr. Speaker, dinosaurs still walk among us.”
8) THE HOUSE OF COMMONS CIRCUS“The fact is, we are dealing with a report that is undermining the basic legitimacy of this
parliamentary tradition, yet we see Bozo the clowns on the back bench jumping up and down and cheering whenever the government throws red meat at them.”
Liberal leader
Justin Trudeau
Conservative MP
Terence Young
NDP MP
Charlie Angus
Conservative MP
Ted Falk
Liberal MP
John McKay
NDP MP
Megan Leslie
Liberal MP
Scott SimmsGreen Party Leader
Elizabeth May
ON
TH
E T
EN
TH
DA
Y O
F CH
RIST
MA
S MY
TR
UE
LOV
E SE
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TO
ME
: TE
N P
RE
MIE
RS P
OU
TIN
G, N
INE
STA
FFER
S STA
FFING
, EIG
HT
HE
AD
S A T
ALK
ING
, SEV
EN
RID
ING
S SWIN
GIN
G, SIX
MP
S A Q
UIT
TIN
’, FIVE
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AR
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R D
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AT
S (OR
MO
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?), FOU
R SE
NA
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SCA
ND
ALS, T
HR
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STA
LLED
T
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INS, T
WO
CH
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SE P
AN
DA
S AN
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DW
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BU
DG
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S
WHO SAID WHAT?As 2014 draws to a close, you may be familiar with the honourable members who introduced Canada
to porno spies, bozo eruptions, and besmirchment-preventing cameras. Since even the most diligent
observer of federal politics misses the occasional debate, committee meeting, and charity event; we’ve
made you a list of some of the more memorable lines from 2014. You’ll just have to guess who said what.
For the answers, go to bitly.com/WhosTalking
Bruce R. BurrowsHas joined TACTIX asa Senior Associate
Bruce's experience spans from research and policy development to strategic communications and advocacy. He has attained a distinguished list of achievements for the organizations he has represented including tax freezes, capital cost allowance improvements, and federal government funding for major capital projects.
A graduate of Queen's University with a business degree, Bruce is active in his community and serves on the board ofThe Vimy Foundation.
Bruce may be reached at 613 696 0864or [email protected].
Bruce Burrows draws on strong advocacy skills and more than 30 years of experience in the transportation and infrastructure sectors to help clients meet their business objectives. After holding progressively senior positions at Canadian Pacific in Canada and Europe, Bruce served as a senior executive at the Railway Association of Canada for 13 years, including Acting President/CEO.
iPolitics.ca 19
FOOD ADDITIVES
BIO-ENERGY
BIO-FUELS
SOLID WOOD
BIO-CHEMICALS
BIO-PRODUCTS
PULP + PAPER
TEXTILES
BIO-PLASTICS
fpac.ca/innovation #FutureofForestry
/FPAC.APFC @FPAC_APFC
ACROSS
2) Cowgirl in the oilsands singer
6) Fast-track flop
7) A Canadian citizen, Kenney says
10) Barbaric banner
13) Member’s running grounds
14) Referendum negative
17) Waiting for Harper to drop it
19) HOC participant
21) Red robe take two
22) East or West
23) Red robes reject
25) His daughters had a lemonade stand
27) He only whips out jokes
28) Usher of the black ______
29) Rookie Giller champ
30) __ Town, Ottawa once
34) A split issue
39 Not a pro
40) Keystone waffler
41) Home and native land
DOWN
1) On the Beach imbibing steakhouse
2) Northern food subsidy flop
3) 40’s office geometry
4) National Chief no more
5) CNR rival
8) Green Month
9) Hill hero, or Brit biplane
10) Ferguson, briefly
11) Mayrand’s agency, briefly
12) Forces agency
15) Under my umbrella (protest) locale
16) Was at Barefax
18) ____ Party, Ezra’s Kin
19) Don’t call him Thomas
20) Irish eyes we’re missing
24) Best Dressed night?
25) Party in Parliament
26) Canada’s top trading partner in
Middle East and North Africa
31) His new cell’s not a burner
32) Big Ears Teddy’s shame
33) OMG of old
35) Not an Lt.
36) Ethynol, once
37) Years are backwards
38) Page, previously
1 2 4
8
9 10
13
16
19
15
20 21
17
11
23
27
25
24
22
28
26
29
31
34
32
38
40
6
7
53
12
14
18
30
35 36
39
37
33
41
Find answers at bitly.com/iPoliticsCrossword
20 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014
ON
TH
E E
LEV
EN
TH
DA
Y O
F CH
RIST
MA
S MY
TR
UE
LOV
E SE
NT
TO
ME
: ELE
VE
N FL
AC
KS A
FLA
CK
ING
, TE
N P
RE
MIE
RS P
OU
TIN
G, N
INE
STA
FFER
S STA
FFING
, EIG
HT
HE
AD
S A T
ALK
ING
, SEV
EN
RID
ING
S SWIN
GIN
G, SIX
MP
S A Q
UIT
TIN
’, FIVE
CH
AR
TE
R D
EFE
AT
S (OR
MO
RE
?), FOU
R
SEN
AT
E SC
AN
DA
LS, TH
RE
E ST
ALLE
D T
RA
INS, T
WO
CH
INE
SE P
AN
DA
S AN
D A
DW
IND
LING
BU
DG
ET
SUR
PLU
S
Linda McQuaig
Why the robocalls conspiracy will happen again — quietly
“In the name of clamping down on ‘voter fraud,’ the Conservatives have brought in election reforms that will actually make it easier for voter suppression to go undetected in the future.”
bitly.com/McQuiag
Paul Adams
Heads need to roll at the CBC
“From what we know now, if you were a woman working at the CBC, would you have confidence in the judgment of your managers to handle a complaint of sexual harassment? To ask the question is to answer it.”
bitly.com/AdamsCBC
Scott Clark and Peter DeVries
Is cheaper oil bad news for Harper? Not entirely.
“Mr. Harper and Mr. Oliver have every reason to be happy. They also have every reason to be anxious, because so much could still go utterly wrong.”
bitly.com/ClarkDeVriesOil
L. Ian MacDonald
When the price of oil drops, everything changes
“The question is whether Canada needs all the proposed new pipeline capacity. And the answer is still, hopefully, ‘yes’ — by the time it’s all built.”
bitly.com/LIanOil
Tasha Kheiriddin
Mulcair pushes the panic button
“The NDP will get pushback from rural ridings. The Tories will leap on this as a fundraising opportunity. And the Liberals will accuse Mulcair of dividing Canadians as Trudeau seeks to unite them.”
bitly.com/KheiriddinMulcair
Michael Harris
Fantino is the fall guy.The problem is Harper.
“Harper doesn’t fire people for doing what they’re told — which is why Fantino still has his job. But he does fire people when they become liabilities. Fantino has reached that place where what he brings to the feast is far less than what he devours.”
bitly.com/HarrisFantino
INSIGHT UNLIMITEDFrom our opinion section
iPolitics’ columnists spar each day with sharp analysis and biting wit. Follow the links to full columns, or
check out everything we have to offer at ipolitics.ca/opinions.
Severe weather events are on the rise.Be aware.Be prepared.
ibc.ca @insurancebureau
IBC-iPolitics-Ad-(1-3-hor)-v01.indd 1 2014-11-19 8:48 AM
iPolitics.ca 21
A s we stumble headlong towards the holiday
season let us pause between trips to the mall and
consider the PR plight of our hard-working MPs.
No, seriously.
Public service is a stressful, demanding and often
thankless calling. I have yet to meet an MP (and I’ve
met many) who was not passionately dedicated to the
welfare and well-being of his or her constituents.
Yet most Canadians view Parliament exclusively
through the greasy, smudged lens of Question Period.
Ah, QP. Forty-five embarrassing minutes of party line
platitudes, name calling and mind-numbing shenani-
gans that leaves us average Canucks shaking our heads.
It is to weep.
So, allow me to advance this modest proposal for
improving the tone of discourse during QP.
The first thing we do is clear off that big table in front
of the Speaker’s chair and cover it in a colourful nappe
– something quilty, methinks, that represents all the
regions of the country.
And then our MPs take turns bringing something
delicious from home. Imagine a groaning board of
exceptional Canadian food, piled high, as members
mingle and nosh.
Alex Atamanenko favours the House with dreamy
wines from the Okanagan, Gerald Keddy dishes out
sweet Digby scallops and Mauril Bélanger pours drams
of maple syrup nectar (bet you didn’t know there’s a
sugar bush in downtown Vanier).
Quebec cheeses slathered on Manitoba bread
courtesy of Mennonite grammies. Thick wedges of PEI
spuds cooked in Quebec duck fat. And in the spring,
much business gets done - ever so quickly - as sweet
B.C. spot prawns and smoky Yukon morels are rushed
in while Speaker Scheer cracks open a Regina Rebellion
craft beer.
Giggle not, hardened electorate. For isn’t food and
wine the lubricant that improves social discourse? Do
we not gather around the dinner table to laugh and cry
and celebrate and discuss? Even a heated debate can
be tempered with tempura.
Disagree on a Bill? Try my summer peach pie. Nibble
on a raspberry instead of blowing one.
Soon our QP becomes the gold standard of global
participatory democracy. Governments the world
over “go Canadian” and begin to legislate over lunch.
Acrimony is set aside as politicians find common
ground and share lasagna recipes.
The only fight is over who gets the last pirogue.
Visiting heads of state invited to speak before the
House do so while heaping Schwartz’s smoked meat
on top of rye. The Queen addresses Parliament whilst
sipping Canadian breakfast tea and nibbling on a wee
bit of rarebit. Ottawa’s diplomatic corps fills the gallery,
tossing down all manner of manna and the room is
filled with love and fellowship and bonhomie.
Work gets done. Bills get passed. The economy rallies
and all is well in the land as the fallow land in front of
Parliament Hill is turned into a community garden and
people come from all over the country to plant seeds.
Farmers and fishermen and butchers and bakers run
for office.
Politicians of all stripes rise up as one and declare
that no Canadian child shall ever go hungry again in
this, the greatest, most delicious country in the world.
And it all starts with QP.
So c’mon MPs, it’s time for Question Pot Luck.
Because the only true Canadian Party is a dinner
party and remember: it’s impossible to be mad at
someone when you’re eating their butter tarts.
Chris Knight is the president and CEO of Gusto TV, Canada’s new food and lifestyle channel, available on Bell Satellite/Fibe Ch. 619/1619, Eastlink Ch. 743, and TELUS Optik TV/Satellite TV Ch. 315 (HD)/Ch. 619.
WHAT QP NEEDS ISA CULINARY MAKEOVER
CHRIS KNIGHT
22 iPolitics Holiday Print Edition 2014
READS TO PUT UNDER THE TREEBest books for the politics lover on your gift list
Get your loved ones gifts that get them current. These Canadian political must-reads of 2014 are sure to get
all your family members up-to-speed on the issues you want to talk about around the fire this holiday season.
To make the shopping easy, we asked the authors to fill in the gift tag for you. Here’s what they had to say.
Who We Are: Reflections on My Life and Canadaby Elizabeth May
For the green thinker in your family.
The Morning After: The 1995 Quebec Referendum and the Day that Almost Wasby Chantal Hébert with Jean Lapierre
For the political junkie in your family
The Future and Why We Should Avoid It: Killer Robots, The Apocalypse and Other Topics of Mild Concernby Scott Feschuk
For the soon-to-be sentient toaster in your family.
Two Days in June: John F. Kennedy and the 48 Hours that Made Historyby Andrew Cohen
For the New Frontiersman/woman in your family
Common Groundby Justin Trudeau
For the hopeful hard worker in your family
Party of One: Stephen Harper & Canada’s Radical Makeoverby Michael Harris
For the mountain climber in your family.
ThE Rideau CanalExpertly engineered for winter fun
engineerscanada.ca
iPolitics.ca 23
PAPER DOLL
PAPER DOLL
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PAPER DOLL
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PAPER DOLL
PAPER DOLL
PAPER DOLL
PAPER DOLL
ON
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DA
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MA
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ELV
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RS W
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PR
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AB
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’T H
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TO
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’S MA
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FUN
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