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e UK is an amazing country. I love it so much so that I marrieda Scotsman and settled down in a small city outside London. Nowit feels like home, but it was daunting at first. Many expats willagree that moving to a new country can be very intimidating. I amfrom Los Angeles and though I speak the same language, there aremany cultural subtleties that I did not understand at first. I experi-enced a steep learning curve that resulted in some hilarious en-counters, but also some consequences.

Every culture has rules of social engagement. e British howeverplace even more importance than most on etiquette. Knowing theprotocol here can mean the difference between acing or failing aninterview, making lifelong friends or meeting special someone. “Itis just good manners” is a popular phrase here, which is often ut-tered in derision about a person that has broken etiquette.

As an expat who is now here to stay, I have compiled some adviceto make the most of living here and to help you not make the samemistakes that I did! I would also recommend reading a copy ofDebrett’s Handbook for more in-depth information. is book ex-plains protocol, although some of the information is inapplicableto most (how to act when one meets the Queen for example), itnicely explains the finer points of British social etiquette.

What to wearBritish fashion is, and always has been, conservatively chic.Classic cuts reign supreme, particularly in the workplace. Evenin casual get-togethers, a polished look is important. In London,I showed up to work on ‘casual’ Friday in a t-shirt and tornjeans. My mentor looked at me and said: “It is always better tobe mistaken for the queen than the pauper.” I cringed and madesure my casual Los Angeles clothes were relegated to the week-end. Always be well-groomed even if you are the most dressedup in the room.

Greetings and conversationOver-familiarity is very frowned upon here in both conversationand physicality. A firm handshake when meeting someone is theideal greeting. Kisses or hugs are reserved only for close friends.A typical hello is “How are you?” in which you reply, “Fine, andyourself?” Anything more said on your part will be very awk-ward. I used to explain my entire weekend before I realised that the person had no interest and was looking vaguely uncom-fortable.

British Etiquette

10 FOCUS The Magazine May/June 2017 www.focus-info.org

Typical early conversation topics include weather, recent televi-sion and sporting occasions, or the event you are attending. Steerclear of personal topics such as career, salary or marital status. Itusually takes three to five times of meeting the same people be-fore you can move on to more serious or personal topics.

e words ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘sorry’ will be those you usemost here. is courteousness extends to people of all ages andstations. Omitting please or thank you for any services renderedis very uncouth. Sorry is said in many situations, such as beforeyou ask for something, when you are taking too long at the till,even when someone bumps into you and it is not your fault.Interestingly, the word is not an apology for what you are doing, but more for the imposition on the other person’s timeand/or space. Events and giftsEvents here are always anticipated occasions and planned far inadvance. Dinner parties or dining out are popular ways to spendtime with friends and dining etiquette is crucial if you want to beinvited again. Always make sure you have a small gift for the hostor planner. Expensive or showy gifts can be a source of embar-rassment so keep it small but thoughtful.

If it is a celebratory event like a birthday or anniversary, themost important thing to remember is the card. Well-picked andhandwritten cards are at times more important than the gift it-self. ank you cards are essential in the UK, with etiquette dic-tating that a card should be sent within the week of receiving agift or service. e holiday season is renowned for the card tradi-tion and it is an important time to show your caring for others.My in-laws sent and received more than 100 Christmas cards,and took people off their list when they didn’t receive one inturn.

WomenVery tight clothing, visible cleavage or a lot of legis a no-no.

Dresses should always be tailored. To the knee orbelow are de rigeur.

Stylish flats or mid-rise court shoes are the bestoptions for shoes.

For weddings, cocktail dresses are a safe choice.Make sure to wear a head dress such as a hat orfascinator.

MenShort-sleeved polo shirts are ideal casual wear,although a tailored t-shirt with a smart jacket doesthe trick too.

Jeans or trousers should always fit neatly, avoidthe very skinny ‘painted-on’ trend or the extrabaggy look.

Colourful socks or pocket squares are a fun wayto jazz up a suit or monochromatic outfit.

Shoes should always be in great repair, polishedand/or cleaned.

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e most important advice I can give is to take risks and putyourself out there. It can be uncomfortable starting over in a newand foreign place but if you invest in learning about the cultureand making friends from the UK, you will find the warm under-current that is British friendships. I find that once the reservedand pleasantries stage is past, friends here are made for life. Don’tstick to what you are comfortable with. You may make one mis-take or 50, but you will be richer for the experience and will re-ally see what an amazing place it is.

A special thank you goes to the local and expat ladies of St Albans Mum’s Facebook group for helping me discuss these points in detail.

Tara Clarkson studied and worked for four years in London andhas recently returned after spending some time in Singapore.She is from California, married to a Scotsman and is nowenjoying motherhood with an active toddler who has adopteda Scottish accent.

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