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In an effort to improve healthcampus-wide, KU Dining an-nounced uesday it will nolonger serve Crunchy ChickenCheddar Wraps at the Univer-sity beginning next all.

Provost Jeffrey Vitter said heknows students will be upsetafer this announcement, andbelieves it is the right thing todo or the long-term health othe community.

“Students will thank me lat-er,” Vitter said. “I know someindividuals who eat as manyas 10 in a single week. Tatwill undoubtedly lead to poorhealth consequences down theroad or students. Not to men-tion ripped jeans and brokenchairs.”

According to myfitnesspal.com, the Crunchy Chicken

Cheddar Wrap contains 776calories, which is more thanone-third o the daily recom-mendation o 2,000, accordingto the Mayo Clinic. It also con-tains more than 70 percent othe daily recommended con-sumption o cholesterol andsodium.

Vitter made this decision incollaboration with ChancellorBernadette Gray-Little and

Nona Golledge, the director oKU Dining Services.

“Te mission o the Univer-sity o Kansas is to uplif stu-dents and society by educatingleaders, building healthy com-munities and making discov-

eries that change the world,”Vitter said. “Eliminating oneo the most unhealthy dish-es on campus alls into thosegoals.”

Regina Filange, the KU Din-ing student liaison, didn’t agreewith the University’s decision.

“I shed a couple tears whenI first heard about it. TeCrunchy Chicken CheddarWrap is bae,” Filange said. “Iunderstand the reasoning be-hind the decision, but it isn’tthe only unhealthy ood itemon campus, it just happens tobe the most popular one. It’s acampus tradition.”

In 2013, the Cooking Chan-nel eatured the CrunchyChicken Cheddar wrap on abracket o the 32 best collegedishes. Te wrap advancedto the Elite 8 beore losing toa spaghetti dish at MarquetteUniversity.

Golledge said the wrap willbe replaced by the UltimateVegan Wrap, which containstou, pickled beets, habaneropeppers, asparagus, cottagecheese and a at-ree vinai-grette dressing.

“We are replacing an un-healthy wrap with what willbe our healthiest one on themenu,” Golledge said. “I wantto prove to college students

that you don’t need meat tomake a wrap taste good.”

Te Crunchy ChickenCheddar Wrap — which canbe purchased resh at Brel-la’s locations at the Market,Underground and CrimsonCae — contains two to threeried chicken strips, shreddedcheddar cheese, tomatoes, ahandul o lettuce and a gener-ous helping o ranch dressingwrapped in a jalapeno tortilla.

Vitter admitted he ate aCrunchy Chicken CheddarWrap about once a month.

“Tey are addicting,” Vittersaid. “Te chicken strips areabsolutely delightul, and theranch dressing tastes heaven-ly. I requently have to remindmysel, ‘A moment on the lips,a lietime on the hips.’ ”

Te University will continueto look at eliminating other

unhealthy dishes served oncampus, Vitter said. He hint-ed that Chick-Fil-A and PizzaHut could be on the choppingblock.

“Tat is certainly a possibil-ity,” Vitter said. “We are look-ing into vendors that are morehealth-conscious and providemore vegetarian and vegan

options.”Te last day the wraps will be

available or purchase will beFriday, July 31.

“Enjoy them while you can,”Vitter said. “Because they aregoing to be gone orever.”

e nes ay, arc vem er ,

All contents, unless stated otherwise, © 2015 The University Daily Kansan

OPINION 4A

F&F 5A

PUZZLES 6A

SPORTS 8A

MORNING BREW 7A

FFA 4A

Tomorrow’s weather willstay the same. Get usedto Alaskan type weather

To not believe anything in

this edition of The Kansan.Index Don’t

 ForgetToday’s Weather

HI: 80

LO: 80

CHIPOT-BAE University to unveil new Chipotle in Kansas Union | PAGE 5ATrying to stay relevant since 1904

THE UNIVERSITY DAILY 

KANSAN

o ume ssue  April Fool’s Edition

WHAT’S CRACKIN’Graduation ceremony to be moved elsewhere after crack found in Campanile infrastructure

WINNIFRED BEATRICE@WinnieTheBae27 

Starting next week the Cam-panile will undergo construc-tion that will likely last untilmid-summer.

Te reinorced concrete thatholds up the 64-year-old me-morial has cracked under theweight o its 53 bells, the largesto which weighs seven tons. TeCampanile was just renovatedin 1996, however constructionworkers deem the property tobe too dangerous or studentsto walk under during this year’sgraduation ceremony.

“Te timing o the construc-tion is unortunate,” said CarolSmith, the director o acilitiesat the University. “Obviouslythe Campanile is a huge part o

KU graduation tradition. Butreally what’s at stake here is thesaety o our students, and that’snot something we want to com-promise.”

Construction will begin April8 and is set to last until July. Tedozens o large bells will needto be removed and stored atthe School o Music while con-struction can take place on thememorial.

Shelby Hobbes, a junior romOverland Park, is currently en-rolled in the carillon class at theUniversity, or which she rou-tinely practices the Campanile

bells or all o campus to hear.“We noticed that the floors

were a little more creaky thanusual so we decided to tell ourproessor,” Hobbes said. “Teytold us they inspected it andound cracks in the oundation.It was scary. What i the wholething had collapsed while I waspracticing my ‘Chopsticks’?”

Originally built in 1961 as amemorial to World War II, the

Campanile holds a special placein the hearts o KU students, es-pecially those graduating.

“I’ve never walked straightthrough the Campanile,” saidSean Marlow, a junior romOverland Park. “I’ve alwaysheard that i you do you won’tgraduate on time.”

But with construction set tostart soon, the odds o Jackson,and all other soon-to-be gradu-ates, walking through the Cam-panile at commencement areslim to none.

“Honestly? I’m pissed,” Jack-son said. “It’s part o KU tradi-tion. What are we going to doinstead? Streak through cam-pus and into the stadium? Wait,that’s not a bad idea.”

While many students agreewith Jackson’s sentiments, there

are others who don’t seembothered by the closure o thememorial.

“I don’t care i I walk throughit or not. It’s just a stupid myth.I walked through it my resh-man year and I’m fine,” saidNik Jackson, a sixth-year seniorrom Cleveland, Ohio.

Until estimates can be made,the Campanile will remaintaped off, denying access to allstudents hoping to cap off theirtime at the University.

Smith said University officialsare currently in talks o how tocircumvent the closed memori-

al or commencement.“We’ve been tossing up a ew

ideas o how to make gradu-ation special,” Smith said. “Iwon’t say or sure what’s goingto happen, but right now we’reconsidering the possibility owalking through campus andending at the Lawrence HighSchool stadium. Tat way stu-dents still get the eel o a jour-ney and a new beginning.”

FILE PHOTO/KANSAN

Students celebrate after walking through the Campanile during last year’s commencement ceremony. The University announced that the Campanile will undergo

construction starting next week that will affect this year’s graduation, moving the ceremony to a different location that has not yet been decided upon.

KU Dining to stop serving popularCrunchy Chicken Cheddar Wraps CHANDLER BING@PimpinAintEasy_92  Nutrition facts:

Crunchy Chicken

Cheddar Wrap

Calories 776

Sodium 1,646 mg

Total Fat 48 gPotassium 0 mg

Saturated 16 g

Total Carbs 30 g

Polyunsaturated 0 g

Dietary Fiber 2 g

Monounsaturated 0 g

Sugars 0 g

Trans 0 g

Protein 53 g

Cholesterol 212 mg

Vitamin A 18 percent

Calcium 30 percent

Vitamin C 2 percent

Iron 16 percent

“

“I shed a couple tears when

I first heard about it. The

Crunchy Chicken Cheddar

Wrap is bae.”

REGINA FILANGE

KU Dining student liaison

FRANK WEIRICH/KANSAN

KU Dining Services announced yesterday it would no longer be serving the

Crunchy Chicken Cheddar Wrap. The wrap will be replaced with the Ultimate

Vegan Wrap starting next fall.

8/9/2019 April Fools' 2015

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KANSAN.COM

WEDNESDAY, MARCHVEMBER 50, 2015

BORDER WAR!Kansas invades Missouri, nukes Columbia

JIMBLES BOND@JimblesBond 

Kansas Governor SamBrownback signed an exec-utive order authorizing theUnited States Army 1st Inan-

try Division and the KansasNational Guard to begin com-bat operations in Kansas Cityand the greater northwesternregion o Missouri yesterday,effectively declaring war onthe neighboring state.

In a statement this morning,Brownback called upon allKansans to assist in the wareffort.

“I mean, come on. KansasCity is named afer us. We’re

 just finishing the job that JohnBrown started 200 years ago,”Brownback said. “It’s past timeto protect the rights o native

Kansans who reside in Mis-souri and to take back whatis rightully ours: the CollegeBasketball Hall o Fame andthat ice cream place in West-port.”

Te campaign began withthe advance o the Fort Ri-ley-based 1st Inantry Di-

 vision into the city centero Kansas City. So ar, Kan-sas troops have successullygained a oothold in and oc-cupied the Kansas City met-ro, acing minimal resistancerom Missourian orces.

Kansas also struck Colum-bia, Mo., with a barrage o tac-tical nuclear weapons, turningthe irredeemable wasteland

into a radioactive irredeem-able wasteland. Citizens saylie hasn’t changed muchthere, however.

“o be honest, the bombsmade things a little cleaneraround here,” said Universityo Missouri student Bob-Cle-tis Gilroy Jr. “Te bandit

attacks got a little more re-quent, but other than that it’slie as usual here at Mizzou.SEC!”

Critics say Brownback isusing the historical griev-ances between the two statesas a pretense to seize controlo Kansas City’s proessional

sports ranchises, namely theChies ootball team and Roy-als baseball team.

“It’s a war or ootball. I be-lieve there is a way to achievea peaceul solution to ourlack o an NFL ranchisewithout bloodshed in KansasCity,” said University politi-

cal science proessor Marga-ret Vasquez. “Wait, does thismean we’re taking over thatice cream place in Westport?Forget it, I’m down.”

Sources close to Missouri’smilitary said the bulk o theMissourian armed orces willremain in St. Louis.

EXPLO PHOTO/KANSAN

Gov. Sam Brownback authorized combat operations to begin in Kansas City and northwest Missouri yesterday, declaring war on the state.

8/9/2019 April Fools' 2015

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Following a Republicanconvention this past week-end in Amsterdam, Nether-lands, Gov. Sam Brownbackhas made the decision to le-galize all forms of drugs for

recreational use, effectiveimmediately.“I have finally had the re-

alization, that the War onDrugs is nothing but a wasteof money,” Brownback saidin a news release. “It is timefor a ch ange.”

Several Republican Kansasrepresentatives, includingBrownback, traveled to Am-sterdam to conduct a studyFriday and Saturday. Thestudy compared the crimeand drug use rates betweenAmsterdam and Kansas.

Brownback and the others

met with Netherlands PrimeMinister Mark Rutte at a cof-fee shop early Friday, wherethey discussed the stagger-ing statistics of Amsterdam,where cannabis in all of itsforms, as well as hallucino-genic mushrooms, are legalfor personal use.

Rutte said the conversationhe had with Brownback wentwell, and Brownback wasopen for several reform sug-gestions.

“By legalizing drugs frommarijuana to heroine, wewill not only fix this state,

we will also be pioneers forthis country,” according tothe release. “Medical profes-sionals can finally use thesedrugs to help their patients,and those who see it fit touse recreational drugs maydo so legally.”

 Brownback has designed afour-tier strategy, which hasbeen modeled from Amster-dam and the state of Colora-do’s cur rent laws.

Tier one will implementthe legalization of drugs thatare considered Schedule III

through Schedule V, whichmeans they are substanceswith low potential to be ad-dictive, ranging from Xanax,to anabolic steroids to Ket-amine.

Tier two is modeled aftercurrent Colorado law, whichutilizes “bold sentencing,parole and communityre-entry,” according to Col-orado Drug Policy.

All people currently incar-cerated in the state of Kansasfor drug charges includingparaphernalia, possessionand intent to sell will be re-

leased. As of Sept. 30, 2013,there were 98,200 inmatesin federal prison for posses-sion, trafficking of drugs orother drug related charges.

Currently, $50 billion ofKansas tax dollars goes toprisons, juvenile justiceprograms and parole andother corrections programs,according to the Center on

Budget and Policy Priorities.With the decrease in near-ly 100,000 inmates, Kansastax payers will save approx-imately $10 billion a year,Brownback said.

Once these inmates are allreleased, parole and com-munity re-entry programswill teach those who stillwant to be involved in thedrug trade how to grow andcultivate drugs. Brownbacksaid teaching those whowere previously involvedwith drugs how to grow anddeal intelligently will nearlyeliminate gang violence.

“Should these men andwomen who have spent theirlives engulfed in the drugtrade have a new, legal outletto do their profession, gangs

will not have an opportuni-ty to sell drugs in Kansas,”Brownback said in a HighTimes Magazine article. “Ifyour friendly neighborhooddrug dealer has high-qualitydrugs to sell you, why wouldyou give your money togrossly manufactured drugsfrom gangs who bring noth-ing but violence?”

Currently, Americans an-nually spend $51 billion onthe War on Drugs, accordingto www.drugpolicy.org. Alarge portion of this moneycontributes to border patroland preventing gangs fromentering the U.S. With lowdemand for gangs to trans-port drugs across the bor-der, Americans will be ableto save billions each year oneliminating border patroland anti-gang task forces.

Attorney General DerekSchmidt said he has seen arise in West Coast gang in-fluences among Kansas teensmore in the recent years than

ever before.“All of these gangs use Kan-

sas as a pipeline to smuggletheir drugs through, and onthe way, they stop in placeslike Kansas City and get allof these young kids to jointheir gangs,” Schmidt said.“It’s time for this nonsenseto stop. The violence endshere.”

And that’s where tier threecomes in. New legislationwill require mandated gang,drug and overdose educa-tion to students of all ages.Instead of ‘Say No to Drugs’

campaigns in elementaryschools, young students willbe educated on the effects ofdrugs on their bodies. At themiddle school level, studentswill receive financial edu-cation on the use of drugs,including a mark-up of howmuch money they can save ifthey do not purchase drugs.In high school, students will

receive education on over-doses.

This aggressive form of ed-ucation will “hopefully showkids that drugs aren’t bad.We don’t want to scare them

from not doing drugs, we just want them to know whatthey’re putting into theirbodies and what could hap-pen in instances of overuse,”Brownback said.

Finally, tier four, will legal-ize Schedule I and II drugs.These drugs are classifiedas “having a high potentialfor abuse and are not cur-

rently accepted for medicaluse,” according to the Officeof Diversion Control andinclude marijuana, heroin,LSD, Ecstasy and Adderall.

This will be the last enact-

ed tier because Brownbackhopes the previous three willhave been fully completedand successful by this time.

“We have to start with smallsteps,” Brownback said. “Wecan’t just jump right in andsay ‘everyone is free andcan do what they want withdrugs.’ No, there has to beorganization and order, and

with that, people can followsuit and go from there.”

So where will all the moneyKansas saves go?

“I want to give money backto the education systems in

Kansas,” Brownback said.“It is time for college stu-dents, especially, to be giv-en a break. The money wesave will fund scholarshipsfor students who attendstate-level universities.”

WEDNESDAY, MARCHVEMBER 50, 2015THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN PAGE 3A

Brownback legalizes drugs for recreational use ARIEL@Blondelittlemermaid 

ASSOCIATED PRESS

A man rolls a blunt as a large group gathered near the New Jersey Statehouse to show their support for legalizing marijuana March 21 in Trenton, N.J. Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback recently announced

he would legalize all forms of drugs in the state for recreational use, effective immediately.

ASSOCIATED PRESS

Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback speaks at the Kansas Department for Children and Families in Topeka on March 23.

Brownback announced that he would legalize all drugs for recreational use, effective immediately.

““The money we save will fund

scholarships for students

who attend state-level

universities.”

SAM BROWNBACKKansas governor

8/9/2019 April Fools' 2015

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WEDNESDAY, MARCHVEMBER 50, 2015 PAGE 4A

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(785) 289–8351 orat kansan.com

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Send letters to opinion@kansan.com. Write LETTERTO THE EDITOR in the email subject line. Length: 300 words

The submission should include the author’s name,grade and hometown. Find our full letter to the editor

policy online at kansan com/letters

Brian Hillix, editor-in-chiefbhillix@kansan.com

Paige Lytle, managing editorplytle@kansan.com

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sbickel@kansan com

Cecilia Cho, opinion editorccho@kansan.com

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sxu@kansan com

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THE KANSAN

EDITORIAL BOARD

Members of the KansanEditorial Board are BrianHillix, Paige Lytle, CeciliaCho, Stephanie Bickel andSharlene Xu.

OTHE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN

opinion

Some random guy said “God Bless” to me the other day. I

didn’t know what to say. I’m agnostic.

Pretty sure none of the professors in the math department are

as attractive as the sexy professor from Italy.

Note to self: I should probably stop texting and walking. I

walk straight into too many doors.

Some girl in my class today was barely wearing a shirt. How

can you think that’s OK?

Geography really shouldn’t be this hard.

I want a dog when I grow up but I’m extremely irresponsible

and it’s probably not a good idea.

Blue cheese be stanky.

Bill Self for President.

All I want is summer. Is that so hard?

What can I do to be featured in Day in the Life? Not being so

lazy might be a good start.

Stop trying to make fetch happen.

I shed so much hair I’m surprised I’m not bald.

“My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard” will forever

be the funniest line in a song ever

Woogadie woogadie woogadie

Remember playing Mario Kart and thinking you were in first

place, then realizing you were actually looking at the wrong

screen the whole time and crashing into walls? That’s college.

Vietnamese food is phoking delicious

Late to class bc I was taking a personality quiz to see what

kind of fruit I am -- i’m such a strawberry

“Hella” apparently is a new way of measurement

10% luck, 20% skill, 70% concentrated adderall pill

Whatever happened to the twitter acct KU secret admirer? You

used to be the highlight of my day!

You know what sucks? Accidentally setting your alarm

for PM instead of AM.

I say a prayer every time I see someone sprinting to class

Do you ever look at your parking job and wonder when you

became such a jerk?

iPhone chargers should be called “Apple Juice”

to the window, to the wall, to my 8 am I crawl

Dating tip: put your arm around her, then your other arm.

Complete the tackle, 4th down now, they have to punt. Wait,

this might be football.

Me: Hey professor, how are you? Professor: It’s in the syllabus.

I hate when there’s a typo in a funny text and it ruins the

whole thong

Can’t sleep because I can’t figure out how

waffle fries are made

When you have no clue what your professor wrote but you still

write it in a similar shape as they did

 Just sneezed 12 times in a row at Walmart. TWELVE.

About time to plan my life around the Royals again.

Almost got knocked over by the girl at the bar twerking to

Baby Got Back.

Aren’t you suppose to stop getting zits once you’re done being

a teenager? Ugh.

I wonder which basketball player on Kentucky

makes the most money.

When you’re telling a really good story at night and your room-

mate falls asleep in the middle of it and starts snoring.

Pro tip: Don’t get a beer just because you think

it has a cool name.

Why can’t we swim in Potter Lake like the good ole’ days?

Can’t wait for the campus to look nice when I’m not here in

five years.

 Just walked up 14th s tree t hil l brb gonna go pass out in the

grass

Didn’t spring semester just start last week?

I love watching large groups of people check their iPhones

when one of them gets a text.

I’ve gotten more sleep in my classes

than in my own bed this week

Beards are far superior to mustaches. Unless you’re

Ron Swanson or the Pringles Man.

How can I get on a game show? I could use an extra $10,000

WE WERE ON A BREAK.

David Beaty is a hunk.

Girls in my 7 am class w/ fake lashes and I’m thinking about

how I managed to brush my hair this morning

One of the worst parts of breaking up is knowing you’ll never

see their dog again, and their dog doesn’t know why you

stopped visiting :’(

“Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate

just one time” - Drake, probably

boyfriend so controlling they call him Guantanamo Bae

When you call your teacher mom or dad -_-

Why does basketball have to end?

To whoever finds the $20 I dropped on campus — spend it on

alcohol. It’s what I would have wanted.

I can’t handle all these TWD season finale spoilers everywhere

I go...#haventseenityet!

All I want is someone to cuddle with, eat Chipotle with,

and watch Netflix with. #Basic

Is pajama-tester a profession? Like, where you can try on

comfy PJs and footy pajamas all day?

I am so stressed right now and I don’t know how to handle it

:)

I get more homework done in my class

than I do any other time.

If Withey doesn’t win the Face of the Streak competition

I’m going to cry.

I love having a mini panic attack when someone’s

ringtone plays my alarm clock

Pro tip: most teachers don’t accept tear stains

as an acceptable essay response

Halfway to class I noticed my sandals were on the wrong feet,

just gonna be one of those days I guess

What do you mean I can’t use beak ‘em bucks

to pay parking tickets?!

At a party I almost had fun for 5 minutes before remembering

all my responsibilities tomorrow

Serious question, when was the last time you did a cartwheel?

Trivia at Dempseys tonight!

3 tests in a week, i’m starting to suspect my teachers meet

late at night to plan against me

All these flat plains and they decide to build KU

on the one hill in Lawrence…

I feel no obligation to tip my bartender who charged us $5 for

a Lone Star. Great, you can open an overpriced can. Bye.

Please don’t say “oh yeah, keep doin it” while the cashier is

scanning your coupons at Dillon’s.

We need more songs about undergarments featuring an

orchestral accompaniment. Sisqo can’t hold this genre

down by himself.

8/9/2019 April Fools' 2015

5/8

KU Dining Services an-nounced uesday that due topoor sales the Panda Expresson the third floor o the Kan-sas Union will be replacedwith a Chipotle.

University officials polled2,000 random students viaemail over the past ewweeks to gauge what ood

students wanted on campus.“Te overwhelming re-

sponse was Chipotle,” Ash-lynn Collins, director o KUFood Services said. “Terereally was no other choiceor us.”

Tis will be the ourthChipotle restaurant in Law-rence. Currently, the closestChipotle to campus is nearthe intersection o 23rdStreet and Naismith Drive.Te two other locations areon Massachusetts Street andat the intersection o 6thStreet and Monterey Way.

Raquel Anderson, themanager o the 23rd Streetlocation, spoke about theopening o the new location.

“Te campus location willclose at 4 p.m., so we won’thave to compete or the din-ner rush,” Anderson said.

Many University students voiced their approval whenthe news was released ues-day.

“I cannot wait or a Chipot-le on campus,” said BridgetteMeyer, a sophomore romShawnee. “I’m most definite-ly going to be the first one inline when it finally opens.”

Te Chipotle is slated toopen in August 2015.

WEDNESDAY, MARCHVEMBER 50, 2015

FTHE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN

farts & features

PAGE 5A

HOROSCOPES BY HANNAH

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Today is a -4

Around noon today, you’ll get atext message. Do not open it. Ifyou do, your bank account willautomatically lose $200 andthat money will go straight toK-State’s ‘We Hate KU’ fund.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Today is a 25

Congratulations — you just won$1 million! Not really. But yourday will rock. A stranger will payfor your morning coffee and yourex will be publicly humiliated bytheir current sig. other.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

Today is an 8

The tide is very low today, whichmeans you will be extra emotion-al. Avoid watching tear-jerkerslike The Notebook or Marley & Me.Spend excessively; all Geminisshop for 50 percent off today.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Today is a -3

Today is a creatively stressful

day; avoid long projects or brain-storming because you will comeup with absolutely nothing. Youwill also be mistaken for SarahPalin — just go with it.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

Today is a 12

Praise da lordt your prayers havebeen answered. Your classeswill be canceled, you’ll get a $50bonus at work and you will begoing to Mexico later this year(reason not yet available).

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Today is an 8

Womp womp womp...you failedthat test you really needed to ace.But no need to worry — you willbe picked up by the hottest per-son in the Boom Boom Room andthey will buy you all the shot$.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Today is a 2

Avoid Jayhawk Blvd. today, other-wise you’ll run into Baby Jay andknock her to the ground, causingher to break her wing and beunable to perform ever. again.(Don’t be that person).

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Today is a 14

Yippie ki-yay! You’ve beencrowned Royalty in the horoscopedepartment. Go to Chipotle, orderwhatever your fancy, then atthe register simply show themthis page & you will receive freeChipotle meals for the rest ofthe week.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Today is a 33

Today is a glorious day to be aSagittarius — except — havean umbrella handy. You will havea personal raincloud following

you until 6 p.m. After that, a uni-corn will appear and take to anunderground party full of rainbowmargaritas and piñatas.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Today is a 7

Your grades will gradually rise, asanything is possible these nextfew weeks with Mars in Taurus.Buy a Snickers: within the wrap-per, there’ll be a promo code. Useit with your next purchase of aCrunchy Chicken Cheddar Wrapand get a free pickle slice.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

Today is a 1Avoid people today. Just don’ttalk to any of them. If you do, onlygibberish will actually come outof your mouth. The solution: skipclass, stay home and watch TV.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)

Today is a 69

Head down to the Casino —today is your lucky day. Onlyspend $23.69, and you will inturn win $4000. Around 3 p.m.you will pass a sexy single on

 Jayhawk Blvd., approach themand you will go on the best date

of o r life

FEELIN’ 22 AGAINTaylor Swift to perform at Allen Fieldhouse

MARIAH CAREY@MariahCarey 

aylor Swif is no strang-

er to the Kansas campus. In2009, Swif stepped on Jay-hawk Boulevard to visit herbest riend, Abigail Anderson,who was a sophomore at thetime. During her time at theUniversity, Swif sat in on a

 journalism lecture, wandereddown Massachusetts Streetand spent quality time withher “BFF.”

Now, years later, Swif iscoming back or more. Swif isset to perorm at Allen Field-house in December 2015.

Swif will join the likes oicons such as Bob Marley,

Te Beach Boys, Elton John,ina urner and several oth-ers who have all perormed atAllen Fieldhouse in the past.A concert hasn’t been held inthe Fieldhouse or nearly threedecades.

Te announcement o Swif’sconcert has been a work inprogress or weeks. While theUniversity pushed or a KUNews release, the savvy Swifhad an alternate idea. Hertwo cats, Meredith and Olivia,posted a video on their officialFacebook an page late at nighton uesday, March 31. Te

 video eatured the two cats,both o whom were trainedby Swif’s choreographer,dancing and lip-meowing toSwif’s “Back to December.”

Te video ends with a brieexplanation o why Swifchose the month o Decemberor her concert.

“I couldn’t think o a betterway to celebrate my birthday,which is on December 13,”Swif says in the video as hercats continue to dance on-

screen. “I have been wantingto return to KU since 2009,and this is the perect oppor-tunity. On December 13, I willturn 25. Just 14 days later, theJayhawks beloved Bill Sel willturn 52. Coincidence? I thinknot.”

Early uesday morning,Swif tweeted out teasers orthe upcoming show.

“Can’t w8 to debut two newsingles… age is everything.#allenfieldhouse #beware-oSwif”

She later tweeted song lyr-

ics rom her new song, “25,”which has yet to be released.

“I know I’ll thrive, when Iturn 25... //I don’t know aboutyou, but Bill eels 52. #25#blessed #newsong”

Te exact date o the con-cert has yet to be announced.

Student Union Activities andKJHK will co-sponsor theevent. ickets will go on salethe week o finals.

Tis story will be updated asmore inormation becomesavailable.

CHRIS SYKES/ASSOCIATED PRESS

In this Dec. 31, 2014 file photo, Taylor Swift performs in Times Square during New Year’s Eve celebrations in New York. Swift announced she will perform atAllen Fieldhouse in December 2015, the first concert at the sports complex in nearly three decades.

New Chipotle to open in Kansas Union GRETCHEN WIENERS@SoooFetchGretch 

FRANK WEIRICH/KANSAN

KU Dining Services announced the Panda Express in the Kansas Union would be replaced with a Chipotle. The Chipotle is set to open in August 2015. Thedecision was made due to low sales by the current Panda Express and a polling of students on campus.

““I’m most definitely going tobe the first one in line whenit finally opens.”

BRIDGETTE MEYERSophomore from Shawnee

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Former Kansas State guardMarcus Foster was dismissedon March 24 by coach BruceWeber or being “unable to liveup to the standards expected o(Kansas State) players.”

A week afer being kicked offthe team, Foster said he madea mistake in choosing K-State.

“I know you can’t change thepast, but at this point in time,I realize going to K-State waswrong or me,” Foster said.

Foster was a three-star re-cruit in the class o 2013 andaveraged 26.9 points, 11.7 re-bounds and three assists per

game during his senior year ohigh school, and had scholar-ship offers rom Kansas State,

Caliornia, Creighton, Lehigh,Oklahoma and SMU, accord-ing to Rivals.com.

He wasn’t recruited by Kan-sas, but he said he wishesthings were different.

“I wish I would have workedharder in high school, so Kan-sas would have looked at me,”Foster said. “You have to beamong the best o the best to berecruited by KU.”

Kansas coach Bill Sel caughtwind o Foster’s statements andshot down the idea o recruit-ing him.

“It’s a shame that Marcus was

dismissed rom the K-Stateprogram,” Sel said. “Unortu-nately, our team is stacked in

his position, so signing herewouldn’t do him any good.”

Foster has been known orwatching the entirety o theKansas basketball pregame vid-

eos in his two years as a Wild-cat. He also was ound wan-dering the corridors o Allen

Fieldhouse afer the SunflowerShowdown this season.

“Te tradition at KU is sorich,” Foster said. “You can’t notwant to be a part o something

like that. At KU, they makeshirts or championships. AtK-State, they make shirts or

beating KU.”In comparison, Kansas start-

ed its basketball program in1898, and has a 2,101-812all-time record, and is 188-93against Kansas State. Kansashas won five national cham-pionships (1922, 1923, 1952,1988, 2008), and has beennational runner-up six times(1940, 1953, 1957, 1993, 2003,2012).

Kansas State began its pro-gram in 1902, and is 1,612-1,121 all-time in competition.Te Wildcats have advancedto the Final Four on our oc-

casions and were national run-ners-up in 1951.

“Te traditions that KU has

are in every way superior to thetraditions o K-State,” Fostersaid.

He didn’t leave it at that. He jumped into specifics.

“I I hear Sandstorm onemore time, I’m going to rip my eardrums out,” Foster said. “Isomeone shouts ‘EMAW’ atme one more time, I’m going tolose my mind.”

Foster isn’t sure what theuture holds or him, but heknows one thing or sure.

“Whatever school I go to next,I hope it’s one that has even hal the appeal o KU,” Foster said.

WEDNESDAY, MARCHVEMBER 50, 2015THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN PAGE 7A

 TOO LITTLE, TOO LATEMarcus Foster regrets his time at Kansas State, wishes he had signed with Kansas 

GRETCHEN WIENERS@SoooFetchGretch 

BEN LIPOWITZ/KANSAN

Former Kansas State guard Marcus Foster was released from the men’s basketball team March 24. After his dismissal, Foster expressed regret for not choosing to play at the University of Kansas instead.

““If I hear Sandstorm one more time, I’m going to rip my ear-drums out. If someone shouts ‘EMAW’ at me one more time, I’mgoing to lose my mind.” MARCUS FOSTERFormer Kansas State guard

he NFL is a $9 billion

industry, but the

league has yet to

tap into the biggest part o

its market. Te league and

commissioner Roger Goodell

have identified Europe as the

target or NFL expansion and

major NFL profit.

“Te NFL may be profiting inthe United States, but our goal

as an organization is to spread

the joy o pure ootball to the

rest o the world,” Goodell said.

Te NFL has identified

Bosnia and Herzegovina as

its target audience or a new

expansion ranchise.“Our players have expressed

interest in going to Europe, and

many o them saw Bosnia and

Herzegovina as a place they’d

love to spend their time,” NFL

Players Association President

DeMaurice Smith said.

Despite that not one NFL

player has publicly expressed

interest in moving to Bosnia

and Herzegovina, the smallEuropean country is still the

perect place to put an NFL

ranchise. Football is growing

in its popularity around the

globe, and in order to spreadto Europe, the NFL has to find

a place to start. Never mind

that Bosnia and Herzegovina’s

population is roughly 1 percent

o the United States, it’s still

the ideal place to put an NFLranchise.

I the team placed in Bosnia

and Herzegovina is successul,

word will spread to the rest

o Europe that ootball is a

profitable industry, and other

European countries will adopt

NFL ranchises.

 A ranchise in Bosnia

and Herzegovina will allowexpansion into Europe

gradually, as most European

ans don’t even know they want

an NFL team in their country

yet.

Fans will get excited to see thegame, and the construction othe necessarily massive stadium

will strengthen the economy

and the value o entertainment

in the country. Once the NFL

begins to expand outside its

borders and create teams

all over Europe, Bosnia and

Herzegovina will be able to

claim that they have the oldest

NFL ranchise overseas.It makes so much sense to

put an NFL team in Bosnia

and Herzegovina that rankly,

I’m stunned the NFL hasn’t

made the move already. NFLexecutives have been pushing

or a team in Europe since

2008, and now they have the

opportunity to put a team in the

ideal European country.

But don’t ask NFL executiveshow badly Bosnian and

Herzegovinian ans want an

NFL ranchise, ask Edin Dzeko,

the captain o Bosnia and

Herzegovina’s national soccer

team and the so called “Bosnian

Diamond.”

“I they put an American

ootball team here, I’m applying

or citizenship in England,”Dzeko said.

It’s no secret that NFL

Commissioner Roger

Goodell wants to add

more ranchise teams tothe league. Whether it is

in Los Angeles or London,

adding more teams to the

NFL can only help create

more worldwide interest in

ootball, as well as create more

interesting matchups and

rivalries.

My sources, who shall remain

anonymous, have inormed me

that Goodell is interested inestablishing an NFL ranchise

in Pyongyang, North Korea.

While this may not make much

sense at first, North Korea is the

perect place to set up a new

NFL ranchise.

One o the main reasons why

North Korea is such a fitting

place to establish a new NFLranchise is that it would open

up a whole new an base to

American ootball. It would also

give the people o North Korea

a team that they can cheer or.

With the advertising sponsors

that are sure to pop up, the

North Korean ans can also get

a taste o Western culture.

North Koreans can also get

 jobs building and working at

the new stadium. Te hundreds

o jobs the constructiono the new stadium wouldcreate would greatly benefit

the North Korean economy,

possibly encouraging American

audiences to come to the

country to watch their avorite

team compete against the

North Korean team.

 As he has already proven,

North Korean leader Kim

Jong-un has a love o certainsports, such as basketball. Tere

is little reason to suspect that

he would not also like ootball.

He would also be interested in

the prospect o serving as theowner, president and general

manager o the team — sort

o like a North Korean Jerry

Jones (the owner, president and

general manager o the Dallas

Cowboys).Some may be worried about

the long travel time rom

America to North Korea. Te

approximate flight time rom

Kansas City to North Korea

is 17 hours. Tat is not much

longer than the flight time

rom Kansas City to London,

which is about 11 hours. Te

NFL already schedules yearlyootball games in London

during the regular season, so

spending some more time on

a plane shouldn’t be too much

o a problem or NFL teams or

American ans.

With all the talk o expansion

going around the NFL, it

only makes sense to expandthe league to international

locations. North Korea could

provide a brand new rontier

or a new NFL ranchise to

thrive. Just think about it. It

won’t be too much longer until

NFL ans are tuning in on

Sundays to watch the Kansas

City Chies vs. the Pyongyang

Raiders.

THE DAILY DEBATESli Hughes@poopypoop

BOSNIA ANDHERZEGOVINA

NORTH KOREA

 Jesse Pinkman@TotallyKafkaesque

Where should the NFL put another franchise? 

“NORTH KOREAN

LEADER KIMJONG-UN HAS A

LOVE OF CERTAIN

SPORTS, SUCH

AS BASKETBALL.

THERE IS LITTLE

REASON TO

SUSPECT THAT HE

WOULD NOT ALSO

LIKE FOOTBALL.”

“IT MAKES SO

MUCH SENSE TO

PUT AN NFL TEAM

IN BOSNIA AND

HERZEGOVINA

THAT FRANKLY, I’M

STUNNED THE NFL

HASN’T MADE THEMOVE ALREADY.”

8/9/2019 April Fools' 2015

8/8

Even though Kansas lost 67-59 to Kentucky in the 2012 na-tional championship game, theWildcats have been orced to

 vacate the championship winafer the NCAA ound recruit-ing violations.Te decision came afer the

NCAA reported John Calipari

bought current New OrleansPelicans orward Anthony Da-

 vis a 1994 Ford empo duringDavis’ senior year o highschool.“I thought the car was cool

enough to persuade Davis toKentucky, but not expensiveenough or the NCAA to findout,” Calipari said. “I guess Iwas wrong and now I have tooreit another championship.”Calipari said he isn’t disap-

pointed in his actions but hav-ing his third Final Four trip

again.“Tis loss really hits home,”

Calipari said. “I thought I wasgoing to get away with thisone, but it scared me straight. Iwon’t give another player a caror dollar again.”Davis, who won the most

 valuable player o the 2012championship game, will have

“Man, this is some straightBS,” Davis said. “Cal gave mea Ford empo. I I knew thiswould happen, I would haveasked or a better car. I de-served a Benz or somethinglike that.”Davis said that he won’t talk

to Calipari ever again becausehe eels as i Calipari let the

Te rest o the 2012 Kentuckyteam eels like they came outon top even without the 2012national championship.“What can I say? I made more

money at Kentucky than I doin the NBA,” ormer Kentuckyguard Michael Kidd-Gilchristsaid. “Coach Cal gave me thechance to go to the NBA, andI lef college with a degree anda bunch o cash in my pocket.”Te Wildcat ans might be

upset about losing, but theKansas ans are ecstatic.“Tis is the best day ever,”

said senior im Jones romLawrence. “I thought I wouldnever see a national champi-onship beore I graduated, andnow, I can say I was part o a

championship season as a stu-dent.”Coach Bill Sel was shockedand excited that he can adda second title to his resume,and the sixth national title

will hang in Allen Fieldhouse.“I was wondering when this

would happen,” Sel said. “Itlook a little longer than I ex-pected.”Te 2014-15 season wasn’t a

success in Sel’s eyes, but hesaid reclaiming the 2012 titlebrings a twinkle to his eye.

a championship run that I’veever experienced, but now Ican enjoy it,” Sel said. “I justcan’t wait to see that new 2012NCAA banner in the rafers.”Te team will be welcomed

back on April 18 to celebratethe championship by parad-ing down Massachusetts Streetwith a closing ceremony inMemorial Stadium.Former Kansas orward

Tomas Robinson, who post-ed a double-double in thechampionship game with 18points and 17 rebounds, willbe the master o ceremoniesand speak to the Kansas ansin attendance.“I had such a good game

against that Kentucky team,

and I thought we deserved thewin anyways,” Robinson said.“I’m glad I can look back onhow my career ended and say it ended on a winning streakinstead o a big at L.”Former Kansas guard

yshawn aylor, who had ateam-high 19 points in thegame, was shocked at the na-ture o the NCAA violation.“Tat stinks that [Anthony

Davis] didn’t get somethingmore out o the deal,” aylorsaid. “At least he can afford a

Volume 128 Issue 2 kansan.com  Wednesday, Marchvember 50, 2015

COMMENTARY

Kansas should

schedule Wichita

State every year

Kansas and Kan-sas State already

have the SunlowerShowdown, and it’s one othe longest ongoing rivalriesin the history o college ath-letics.

What about Kansas andWichita State? Sure, WichitaState blew Kansas out o thewater in the Round o 32 inthe NCAA ournament, butit wasn’t always like that.

he two schools used toplay each other back in theday. And Kansas was on thedominating end during thatseries.

On Jan. 8, 1992, Kansas

crushed Wichita State 81-51. Same story on Jan. 23,1991, when Kansas deeatedWichita State 84-50. Howabout on Jan. 4, 1990 whenthe Jayhawks annihilated theShockers 93-66? he yearbeore that, on Jan. 25 1989,Kansas deeated WichitaState 86-66. In 1985, Kansasdeeated Wichita State 81-56. Need I continue?

Wichita State has only de-eated Kansas twice: in 1981and 1987, the year beoreKansas won the nationalchampionship. And in 1987the Shockers only won byive.

One game can’t determinethe Kings o Kansas. I youlook at the track record,Kansas is obviously betterthan Wichita State.

o determine the trueKings o Kansas, KU, Kan-sas State and Wichita Stateneed to play in a triangulartournament every year. hatway, there is no debate whowins the state. here willbe no tomoolery by stateoicials who think it’s OK

to wear a shirt with all themascots on it.

Even i the triangular ideaalls, through, Kansas andWichita State need to playevery year. Kansas needssome sort o rivalry thatcan try to replace the Bor-der War. Lord k nows KansasState doesn’t live up to that.

What should we call thisrivalry? Like mentioned be-ore, Sunlower Showdownis already taken. he winnercould be called Guardians othe Wheat or something likethat, because when Kansas

wins (which happens morethan or Wichita State) theans “Wave the Wh eat.” Andeveryone knows that theShockers’ mascot is actuallya shock o wheat.

What kind o mascot is aShocker anyway? Is a shocko wheat really that intim-idating? I don’t think so.Everyone (unless you’re glu-ten intolerant) eats wheat.here is nothing scaryabout wheat. A Jayhawk onthe other hand is one o themost proliic mascots in the

history o college athlet-ics. A mythical bird that isbased on how Kansans basi-cally tore apart the state oMissouri in the civil war ismuch, much scarier than alittle shock o wheat.

THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN

sports

SWHAT COULD’VE BEEN

Former Kansas State guard says he wishes he would’ve chosen Kansas | PAGE 7A

Gretchen Wieners@SoooFetchGretch

ROCK CHALK RENOVATIONS Kansas Athletics to reallocate student seats behind baskets to donors 

ELIZA THORNBERRY@ExcitedEliza 

Similar to Kansas Athletics’decision to remove SectionU rom the student sectionalmost a year ago, KansasAthletic Director SheahonZenger announced on ues-day that the University willbe knocking out the studentsection seats behind each bas-ket in order to accommodatemore donor seats.

In the press release, Zengersaid the current plan is to

move the students to the up-per bowl in sections 1, 11, 12and 22, saying that he thinksit will help the students’ bas-ketball IQ as a whole.

“It’s a much better view any-

way,“ Zenger said. “Studentswill appreciate the perspec-tive and learn the game better.Maybe then they’ll quit withtheir incessant booing andoverall ignorance.”

Realizing Athletics couldmake even more o a pro-it than last season, Zenger

 jumped on the opportunity.He plans to charge $10,000per seat or a season ticketto the new club-level donorsections, which will result inmore than $500,000 o addedrevenue.

“It’s too good o a deal topass up,” Zenger said.

Te new club-level sectionswill include an open bar and agourmet buffet. Donors mustdonate at least $50,000 a year

to the Williams Fund to be el-igible to purchase a ticket orthese sections.

Zenger also announcedplans to limit student en-trance by offering a mandato-ry basketball rules test in or-der to enter the stadium. Oneo the NCAA’s top reerees,John Higgins, will administerthe test.

Higgins is currently leadingthe nation in technical oulsgiven with 41, and he sits atsixth out o all reerees in to-tal ouls called this season,

with 3,397.Higgins was said to be ec-

static about the new job, add-ing that he would relish “anyopportunity to yell at collegekids.”

“Tat’s why I do it,” Hig-gins said. “Lie wouldn’t beworth living i I couldn’t give19-year-old kids technicalouls or flexing afer dunks.Tat’s the American dream.”

Kansas basketball big menJamari raylor and LandenLucas also said they elt therule was or the best. Lucassaid i it were up to him, theJayhawks would “play in anempty arena,” whereas ray-lor elt that it was a simplematter o airness.

“We already have the res

in our back pocket, and hav-ing a crowd that’s on our side

 just doesn’t seem air,” raylorsaid.

Te two said they hope tosee some o the other sports

ollow in the direction o bas-ketball, removing all studentseats and pushing them as araway rom the action as pos-sible, although it remains tobe seen what more dominoswill all.

Right now, there are no moreplans to remodel the historicAllen Fieldhouse, but Zengersaid he wouldn’t rule out thepossibility o demolishing theFieldhouse and convertingAmbler Student RecreationFitness Center into a ull-time basketball arena.

“I don’t see there being anyresistance to that,” Zengersaid. “It’s not like we have thatrich o a basketball historyhere anyway.”

FRANK WEIRICH/KANSAN

Kansas students throw confetti to show support for Kansas’ starting lineup against TCU this season. Kansas Athletics has decided to remove more seats from the student section to accommodate more donors.

Kentucky 2012 championship vacated

SLIM SHADY@WhasMyName?

FILE PHOTO/KANSAN

The 2012 Kansas basketball team has now been declared the NCAA champions.

NCAA: Calipari

broke recruiting

rules; Kansasnow receives title