positive approaches to conflict management

Positive Approaches to Conflict Management

Nick BurnettNick Burnett CCP Pty Ltd

Barrack Obama (Acceptance Speech)

“I will listen to you, especially

when we disagree.

“

Four Dimensions to Conflict Thinking

#1 Fight

Winning is the goal

Four Dimensions to Conflict Thinking

#2 Negotiate

Suggests a compromise, whereby

the possibilities are limited to what

already exists, rather than envisaging something new

Four Dimensions to Conflict Thinking

#3 Problem Solve

Concerns theanalysis of

the problem,along with its causes

Four Dimensions to Conflict Thinking

#4 Design

Looks forwardat what

might becreated

“Conflict thinkingshould not be a

fight but adesign exercise.

De Bono, 1985

“

Is All Conflict Bad?

Ideal ConflictPoint

Constructive Destructive Mean-SpiritedPersonalAttacks

Conflict Continuum

Solution Focused– Principles of SF Interviewing– SF Tools

Restorative Practice– Managing the emotional dynamics

Managing body languageScripts

Positive Approaches toConflict Management

Solution Focused– Draws on the work of Fredrike Bannink

and others–Restorative Practice

– Draws on the work of Margaret Thorsborne and others

Positive Approaches toConflict Management

Differences Between Traditional & Solution-Focused Conflict Management

Focus Developmentof solution is

not necessarilyrelated to the conflict

Roleof

mediator

“ Every problemis an

opportunityin disguise.

Benjamin Franklin

“

Looking to the future Assumptions with an eye on solutions Acknowledgement & Possibilities Demo…

Solution-Focused Interviewing

IN PAIRS: Interviewee: identify a

time when you were involved in trying to manage a conflict situation

Interviewer: use the SF interview approaches to identify a way forward

SF Interviewing Practice

What worked well? What might be done differently next time?

Swap roles & repeat

Return to main group

SF Interviewing Practice

“People live in the

worlds ourquestions create.

David Cooperrider

“

SF Based Questions

SF Based Questions

“ People are generally better persuaded by the

reasons, which they themselves discovered than by those, which

have come into the minds of others.

Blaise Pascal

“

Hope The next step or sign of progress

Looking to the future

SF Questions

Respect – Contempt Pure Collaboration – Pure Conflict

Scaling Questions

Possible Questions: Building on what worksOn a scale from 1-10, where is 10? Where is 1? Where are you now?What’s helping you reach that level? What else? What would one step higher up the scale look like?What would be the first tiny signs of progress?What would take you one small step higher?

Scaling Questions

DeJong & Berg (1997)

E A R S

Eliciting the Question

E

Amplifyingthe exception

A

Reinforcing thesuccesses &

strengthsR

Start again by asking,

“What else?”

S

Focus on Positive Emotions

The focus in solution-focused conflict

management is on controlling negative

emotions & on promoting positive

emotions as soon as possible.

I see that your feelings are very strong about this topic. What would you like to feel instead in the future when the conflict is solved?

How will you know this meeting has been useful?

How will you know the conflict has been solved?

What has been working well? What is better?

Focus on Positive Emotions

SF Consensus Building

Can you describe how you want the situati on to be in about 1 year’s ti me (or any other relevant period), when everything goes well (or is bett er)?

What has been done to achieve this?

Who has helped to achieve this?

Whether anyone could reasonably live with the agreement

SF Consensus Building

What have they done exactly?

What have you done to get to

this point?

Where did you get

these good ideas?

What else have you done to

contribute to achieve this?

What did you worry about a year

ago, looking back on today?

What has helped to reduce or to

minimize these worries?

Restorative Practice (RP)Approach - Background

Viewing wrongdoing through a ‘relational’ lens

Understanding harm has been done to people & relationships

Understanding when such harm is done, it creates obligations & liabilities

Focusing on repairing the harm & making things right

Based on the philosophy & principles of restorative justice involves:

Restorative Practice - Principles

Outcomes Before Strategy:

Who has been hurt in this situation & what are their needs?

What obligations result from these hurts & needs? Whose obligations are they?

What are the causes of these hurts & needs? What can be done to address them?

Who has a stake in this situati on?What is the appropriate process to involve

these stakeholders in an eff ort to put things right & resolve the confl icts?

Restorative Practice - Principles

3 GOLDEN RULES:

“In the end, it’s the relationships that matt er.”Thorsborne & Vinegrad 2009

Reflect Repair Reconnect

Validation & acknowledgement of feelings are important

for allowing people to understand what has happened & why, come to terms with it & achieve some sense of

closure

Managing theEmotional Dynamics

Being understood is very powerful

When understanding happens & those who did ‘it’ accept responsibility for their behaviour & are genuinely remorseful,

forgiveness & reconnection become possible

Managing theEmotional Dynamics

The restorative approach can, therefore, be

described as transformative

I can see that you are still very angry. Is there something which we are not understanding yet?I know this is very difficult for you. What has been the worst of it?You’re saying that you think she is not truly sorry. What would need to happen to convince you?

Managing theEmotional Dynamics

If anger gets in the way of progress being made, some useful questions may be:

Use silenceAsk more open-endedquestions: Can you tell us some more

about that? Can you just explain what you

meant by that comment?What’s happening for you right at this minute?

Managing theEmotional Dynamics

Useful Strategies

Structure

IntroductionsPerson responsiblePerson affectedSupporters of those affectedSupporters of those responsibleAcknowledgement & apologyAgreement & closing of the conference

RP Scripts

Oft en run in the form of a conference with a facilitator but…

SIMILARITIES

They generate optimism & hopefulness for the future regardless of the pastThey address problem solving in positive waysThey aim to increase individual & communityself-efficacy & empowerment

Similarities & Differences

DIFFERENCES– Expression of emoti on is encouraged in RP –

‘What’s the worse of this for you?’– Greater structure in place in RP

Body Language

Personal space – the space dance Eye contactThe social gazeThe intimate gazeThe power gaze

Smiles The power of touch – ‘liquid trust’ Arm signals Hand gestures

Waggy fi ngersRolling eyesChasingCrowding &toweringStaringDismissive gestures

FrowningSudden movementsHovering (especially

aft er a parking problem)Three-way banterThreatening higher authorityRewarding persistence

(fruit machine)

What are possible difficult scenarios you can think might come up in relation to conflict

management?

Feed forward Activity

Scenarios & Solutions

KNOW:

your limitations

where to get additional support

Recognising the Need for Additional Support

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