wauseon high school april fools red and white

April 2012 Red and the Real Page 2______________________________________________________________

Monster In The Basement?

By: Katniss Mellark

Okay, Im just going to come right out and say it, Frankensteins monster is real. Yes, it is true, well, maybe not exactly like that though. Prepare yourself for a story that will leave your jaw hanging open and your mind full of unanswered questions. Youll rethink the lies that youve been told your entire life and wonder what real truly is. Dont be afraid though, the truth only hurts because you believed the lies in the first place.

Has anyone ever wondered why Mr. Robinson makes the Seniors read Frankenstein? Think about it, we go from reading The Iliad and Paradise Lost to Frankenstein. Am I the only one who thinks that seems a little out of place? I contemplated Mr. Robinsons love for Frankenstein, for what felt like a lifetime, and finally came to a conclusion. What started off as an attempt to restore the hair on his head turned into an uncontrollable madness, spreading to a point far beyond imaginable. I believe Mr. Robinson has discovered the secret that Victor Frankenstein refused to reveal to Walter, and has become obsessed with the idea of creating life, but has he done it? Has he created life?

Remember that time Mr. Robinson was complaining about having to redo his basement? Yeah, just think about that a little longer, oh and add the fact that he always misses school to do it. He claims that he misses school for speech tournaments, but I have inside information that he is never anywhere to be found at these tournaments. A few speech team members were quoted He rides the bus with us, but after that who knows where he goes? It is questionable if Mr. Robinson is actually present at these events. Some believe that Mr. Robinson waits until the team gets off the bus and then heads back home on his own. This raises a question, why is Mr. Robinson really missing school?

Does Mr. Robinson ever admit that Victor Frankenstein creating a monster was wrong? Every person that was asked said that he argues on both sides of the discussion, but some claim that he tends to favor one side over the other. He always asks the class if they think it was right for Victor to create this monster, but does he ever get the answer he is looking for? If anyone in the class answers, he or she usually says something like, No, it is going against the laws of nature. But is Mr. Robinson waiting for someone to say, Yes, if he knows the secret then why not use it? If someone says this, will Mr. Robinson finally admit to this accusation and tell the world his story?

Do you ever notice Mr. Robinson pacing while he teaches? Just pay attention to him teaching sometime, if you're not already (yes, you), and watch as he frantically paces back and forth around the room. Is this the result of stress? Is it guilt? Guilt about the fact that he has a secret monster hidden in his basement! Yes, I have said it, there is evidence (Not much, but its still evidence) to prove that Mr. Robinson has created a monster that he is keeping locked up in his Re-finished basement. Remember what I said earlier about his basement getting redone? Well, why did he need to get it redone in the first place? Ive come to believe that Mr. Robinson has created a monster just like Victor Frankenstein did and he is keeping it locked away in his basement. I am not permitted to reveal any more information at this time, but if you have any questions feel free to talk to Mr. Robinson yourself.

So, go ahead, ask him sometime about the monster living in his basement, just to see what he says Even if he denies it, we all know its true. Maybe monsters really do exist...


Mr. Collar found to be a Civil War Veteran.

By: Stone

Many people have heard about Mr. Collars cheeky shenanigans. Between his Midnight in Baghdad prom theme, to hissing at students who are chewing gum, to him directing the class in festive Christmas carols, this is the Mr. Collar that we all know and love. But the Red and Real staff has recently unveiled some never-seen-before information on this Government/Psychology teacher. As I was reading through a book about the Civil War, I saw a picture of this guy. He looked very familiar, so after some long research, and looking a little closer at the picture, I was able to identify this familiar looking man as Mr. Collar himself.

When I first confronted Mr. Collar about his unbelievable past, he was asking more questions than I was. How did you find out? Youre not going to tell my wife, are you? These are just two of the many things I was asked, so I decided to give it another go the next day. When I went in the next day, Mr. Collar had a whole bio written up for me to use in my quest for knowledge.

Mr. Collar, after graduating from Tiffin University, enlisted in The 49th Ohio Volunteer infantry. After fighting in The Battles of Fallen Timbers, Antietam, and Gettysburg, Mr. Collar was wounded in the battle of Ckickamauga in Georgia. After fighting off thousands of Confederate Soldiers with his bare hands, he was then sent west to help with the Western Expansion. As he was preparing to fight off a swarm of Cherokee Indians, Mr. Collar infiltrated the Tribes camp. He was warmly accepted into the tribe as Rolling Thunder, or White man with leopard glasses. After meeting with the leaders of the Tribe, Mr. Collar saw the most beautiful Cherokee princess the world had ever seen. You could say it was love at first sight for the young warrior, as well as his princess bride. They lived together in the midwest Cherokee town of Runs by Water, which is located on the banks of the Mighty Mississippi River. After giving birth to three lovely children, Chuck Norris, Abraham Lincoln, and Stone Cold Steve Austin, the princess became deathly ill. As his wifes health deteriorated, Mr. Collar went hunting less and less, but then on one of his rare hunting trips he found it. The Great White Buffalo. Now everyone who is anyone knows that the Great White Buffalo has magical healing powers. Therefore, after being trampled by the Great White Buffalo, Mr. Collar was able to capture it and make beef jerky out of its magical hide. After he healed his wife with the magical jerky, he tried to eat some to help with his injuries from the trampling, but it was too late. The great Mr. Collar had passed on. The legend was dead.

Twenty years later, a young child was born, with a full combover and leopard glasses, After graduating college from Tiffin University at the age of 12, this young lad was out in the business world. Mr. Collar was working again! After 34.5 years of working in the business world, Mr. Collar retired to pursue the first love of his new life, football. His first job was in the NFL as the equipment manager for the Philadelphia Eagles. After helping mentor Eagles greats Donovan McNabb and DeSean Jackson, Mr. Collar was named the head coach of the Cleveland Browns. But soon after this career move, The Browns made a move to Baltimore. Since this jobs would take him away from his wife, he decided to retire and become a teacher. To pay for school a third time, Mr. Collar became a motivational speaker known as Matt Foley. After seven more years of at Oxford University, Mr. Collar took a job teaching Government to high schoolers in Wauseon High School. This is the Mr. Collar we all know and love today.


Schneider Retires, Looks onto New Career

By: Candy

After 40 years of teaching, Mr. Schneider is retiring. Youre probably asking yourself what is he going to do with so much free time? The Red & White has the inside scoop on what hes planning next. As many of you may know, Mr. Schneider is a bit of a weather guru. Hes constantly checking the weather, and theres a rumor that he has about seven different weather sites on his favorites bar. He can predict the weather like no other, and many students can attest to this. They know where to go when theyre wondering about a potential delay or closing. Hell tell you what he thinks, and what he thinks is right - always right. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that he is taking his talents to Toledo, Ohio to be a weatherman for 13 Action News. Thats right - hes retiring from years of teaching to pursue his true dream of becoming a weatherman. Well definitely miss him in the halls of WHS, but students will be sure to tune into channel 13 every night to hear our locally famed meteorologist.

On a side note, since many of you are probably wondering, Mrs. Hackett will be leaving her long beloved French department to take over Mr. Schneiders position and teach her real favorite subjects - geometry and algebra! It looks like this is a win-win all around. The Red & White wishes Mr. Schneider the best of luck in his new career choice and Mrs. Hackett a warm welcome to the math department!


ODell as President

By: Stone

With the country caught in the middle of a Presidential primary, new candidates are popping up like the moles on a whack-a-mole game. One of these candidates is Wauseon High Schools own Ryan ODell. This converted English teacher to politician is now a Presidential hopeful in the 2012 race.

Mr. ODell decided to run for President for many reasons, but the main reason was power. I want to be the most powerful leader in the free world. I have read Shakespeare's Macbeth too many times in my English classes. Having too much literature can cause a man to do some crazy things, but for Mr. ODell, running for P.O.T.U.S. is ever so reasonably in his sights. Having gotten his education at Ohio University, Mr. ODell is more prepared than ever to handle the stress of campaigning, as well as running the United States of America.

My family fully supports my ambitious pursuits, Mr. ODell said when asked how his decision was going to affect his family. His wife Jenna, son Landon, and Daughter Sidney, are all ready to go campaigning with this true family man of a candidate. Family is very important in America, and a man who can run a family as well as Mr. ODell can surely run this great country.

Mr ODell plans on using a smear campaign to utterly destroy his opponents in the Race to the Oval Office. Ill go all the way back to my opponents infancy to dig up dirt on him or her. My superior intelligence will also be an amazing advantage. Reading Romeo and Juliet has built up Mr. ODells brain power for at least 25 years now, and he plans to use this brain power to handle his opponents wholeheartedly.

Mr. ODell has been campaigning for a while now, as of March 26th. He plans on devoting himself to the campaign trail full-time this after the school year ends. I intend to win all 50 states. Having unprecedented, but very realistic goals about his campaign, Mr. ODell wont need much support. That being said, he will get almost unparalleled support from his students, family, and friends.

When asked if he considers himself ready for the journey to the White House, Mr. ODells response was I was born ready. Yes, you were, Mr. ODell, yes, you were.

Our final question to Mr. ODell was of course, who would his Vice Presidential candidate be? Its the question that the whole world is waiting to find out. There are so many possibilities for this role. A veteran senator, a fellow teacher, his wife, who would it be? On this matter, Mr. ODell responded, There is only one possible Vice Presidential candidate that I would pick, Mr. Troy Lind.


Gonna Catch Em AllBy Brock Obama

We all know that Mrs. Newman, the beloved foreign language teacher of room 1403, obviously speaks Spanish.

However, what most students dont know is that she is also fluent in Japanese; she has to be, otherwise she wouldnt be able to wander around the Kanto region to look for Pokemon!

Yes, thats right: Seora Newman is secretly a Pokemon trainer. Sources have confirmed this after a fire broke out at a neighboring home near her residence in Pallet Town on Darlene Drive. Authorities first suspected arson, but once their attention was alerted to the Charizard rampaging through Mrs. Newmans backyard, they knew otherwise. Further investigation of the Newman household revealed a Pikachu, a Snorlax, three different evolved forms of Eevee, a Venusaur, two Pidgeottos, a Starmie, a Lapras, a Gengar and even a couple of Dittos. Furthermore, all of the Pokemon found were adorned in sombreros and matching ponchos, and several were sporting mustaches. Seora Newman admitted to having more Pokemon in her possession, although she claims that they were safely stored in the PC at our local Pokemon Center. Ive captured more than a hundred so far, she told the awed police officers standing before her door, All I have left are the Legendaries and a couple of the more useless Pokemon that I havent really bothered to catch.

While the news that Mrs. Newman raises Pokemon may come as no surprise to some of her students (who spend almost everyday in her classroom, where the walls are covered with Pokemon posters and her desk adorned with Pokedolls), what many dont realize is how much this actually affects us as her students. Recent evidence has come to light that Seora Newman has her Porygon grade our homework; her Psyduck make up our tests; a Chansey clean her room after class; and even has her Pidgeotto fly her to and from school (which means that not only is she a Pokemon trainer, shes a good one, as you have to have the badge from Lt. Surges Gym to use the move Fly outside of battle). And have you noticed that theres hardly ever a substitute teacher in Spanish class? Well, rumor has it that Mrs. Newmans Ditto takes on her form and fills in for her whenever shes sick, or just feels the urge to stay home and hang out with her Pokemon pals.

How have we, as Seora Newmans students, missed the signs these past couple of years? After all, she does claim to spend a lot of time at her old alma mater, BGSU, which is notorious for its underground Pokemon Battle Circuit (Bowling Greens mascot, normally thought to be a falcon, can actually be recognized as a Fearow to the expertly trained eye). And the practice of giving us all different names in Spanish class? Oddly like the way you can give your Pokemon nicknames in the game franchise. The last piece of evidence that just slaps us all in the face like a raging Machop can be seen with a quick peek at Mrs. Newmans official file. Look at the square box that says Maiden Name, and youll see the word KETCHUM spelled out in clear black ink.

Many of us wonder why such an awesome woman like Mrs. Newman would become a simple high school teacher. Its hard for us to imagine someone as spirited as her sitting behind a desk all day, confined to wearing sweaters and dress clothes everyday instead of a jacket spangled with gym badges. Maybe her experience with raising Pokemon has given her the patience and wisdom to guide the young students that come under her care; that or a teacher's schedule gives her the summer off so she can travel to Japan and expand her Pokedex. Either way, you have to admit that Seora Newmans the very best, like no one was ever, and you want to wish her luck in her quest to catch em all!


Hidden Secrets of Wauseon High School

By Issac Newton

Sometimes we ask ourselves, Whos that peculiar man roaming the halls of Wauseon High School? To most he is known simply as Bob, but most dont know the man behind the uniform.. Some people ask, What does Bob really do? people may say he just a Janitor but, there's a untold truth that would storm chaos upon the students and staff of Wauseon high school. Sometimes, the truth is better left untold. However, as a devoted Wauseon student, I felt that the truth needed to be revealed.

One cold windy day, I forget my government book at school. I come back to get it and my curiosity leads me to walk and roam the hallways. I walked by the main office and I see Bob going into it. I quickly follow, not thinking of the consequences that this might bring. As I step in, I see he goes into Mr. Hanaks office. I follow his trail like a puppy chasing after a treat. He sits down on the chair then, puts his feet on the desk and leans back. Suddenly, he reaches under the computer and grabs a plaque. The plaque said, Principal Bob Shultz. Then, I realized the truth. The man simply known as Bob was the principal of Wauseon High School. I was in shock! My heart raced and my pupils dilated, as I saw the truth unfold before my eyes.

At first, I doubted myself. I said maybe it was a mistake. But then it got very serious. He took a family picture and put it on his desk. My head almost exploded from the shockwave of energy that picture gave. I stumbled, then gathered myself. I tried to leave but it was too late. He had seen me and I knew I was in trouble. A lot of trouble :o

I walk into his office ready to face the consequences. Then, out of nowhere, Mr. Hanak walks in wearing the janitor uniform. The principal looks at me with an unworried look then says to the janitor, You know what to do. He grabs me and kicks me out of the main office. When I look up, I see everything is clean. Clean to the point that light gleamed from every part of the hallway. The light was so intense that I lose consciousness.

I wake up 3 to 4 hours later at my house. I sit up and say to myself what a weird dream. When all the sudden I catch a glimpse of something. I look to my right and I see my government book. My heart stopped and I felt like reality had tricked me. The thoughts of a parallel universe crossed my mind, but I disregarded them. I thought I was going crazy, but then I opened my government book and what I found was astonishing...That day still haunts me today.


The NFL is Calling by Robert Big Shot Finch

The Red & Real was first on the ground in Minnesota to report the signing of former Wauseon High

School teacher Todd Wyse. The newly signed Viking is a top QB prospect and is being compared to John Elway and Brett Farve. His story starts back at Harding High School St. Paul in Minnesota where he lead his team to a district runner up season. Wyse completed the year with all league, all district, all state, and first team all american honors. He had a huge decision to make now because he had offers from Ohio State, Michigan, and Texas to play football as well as being drafted in the second round by the Dodgers. Wyse was looking at a 250 thousand dollar signing bonus or a full ride to play football. He was very much leaning toward baseball, but Ohio State promised cars and all the tattoos he wanted. The decision was made and off to Ohio State went the all american quarterback from Minnesota. His first year in college was a huge success ending with a National title and Heisman trophy as well as all american honors. The quarterback then left Ohio State after one year in an NCAA loop hole and entered the draft. He was drafted first overall by the Detroit Lions, but with the luck of the lion he broke his leg and ankle in preseason games. The Lions were awful ,so he decided to hang up the spikes and coach football for awhile. He landed a teaching job as well as coaching right here in Wauseon. Wyse settled down and started a family. He has two sons, and his oldest,Tate, was recently named the best athlete under 8 in the world and Malachi, who is two, is easily the best looking kid around. So, after all these years, he thought his playing days were over until the Vikings came knocking about three weeks ago. Minnesota was unhappy with the play of their young quarterbacks and knew right away that the answer to saving the franchise was just a jet to Toledo Airport and a short drive away. The two sides agreed on two year 75 million dollar contract with 45 million guaranteed. Mr. Wyse is expected to leave Wauseon within the hour to attend off season workouts. From everyone here at the Red & The Real good luck on being the most prolific passer in history Mr. Wyse.


El Mundo RealBy Issac Newton

Seven strangers picked to live in a house with no rules or authority, this is El Mundo Real. Four males and three

females riding in the danger zone, with endless possibilities. These 7 strangers will be placed in Compton, California in a luxurious two bedroom apartment. No one can foretell the epicness of this catastrophic event. The diversity of this cast will make for a very interesting season.

At age 19, we have, Ben Crowell. His place of birth was the Philippines and he enjoys math on his free time. As a young child, Ben worked in the Philippines shining shoes until he came to the United States to further study the art of shoe shining. He hopes to combine his love for math and his expertise in shoe shining to invent the perfect shining machine. However, Ben is not the only one dreaming to make it big. Alex Zimmerman, with 22 years of age and experience, hopes to own his own chain of Marathon gas stations all throughout the world. Alex is a native of Compton. He likes to drive around and throw fruit at poor people in his free time. With Alexs love for homeless men, this season is guaranteed to have some strange twist. Next, Tre Henricks an all-american basketball player, is looking to take some time off and enjoy his summer. Hes from the Jersey Shore and his nickname is Tre Trigga because, his dangerous around the ladies. Watch out for him. Next, John Giordano. He is a New Yorker with the nickname Alfonso. He is 29 and likes himself a good time. With his New Yorker attitude we might see some clashes throughout the house.

Whats the house without ladies? Nothing. Thats why we have 3 ladies that will make this season more diverse than ever. First, miss Jessica Wilburn. This Japanese ex model is looking to branch out and experience the world. She enjoys eating DQ in her free time and doing things Japanese people do.Her best friend Abby Kuntz is also tagging along for the ride. She also enjoys DQ and doing things of Japanese nature. This two make a dynamic duo that can only be compared to the infamous Snookie and Deena. This aint no joke. Last, but not least, we have Adrienne Hallet. A small town girl thats ready for the big lights of Compton. She is a swimmer and plays soccer. Her successful athletic life makes her wonder how much she can accomplish outside of home. I guess we shall see. Dont miss the season premiere of El Mundo Real. Things might get sticky.


Future Tag Team Champs at Wauseon High SChool

by: Stone and Isaac Newton

Many have become wrestling royalty. From the leprechaun Hornswaggle to the Massive Big Show, the WWE Universe has been electrified by many. But never before have two young men taken the WWE by storm so quickly. Coming in 2015, from the small town of Wauseon, Ohio, Hotness because they set the world on fire. Making up this dynamic duo is the charismatic Jacob Stallion Bray and the romantic Jose El Jefe Chavez. These two upcoming superstars, plan to make the quickest run to the top of any superstars ever to grace the WWE with their presence.

Stallion weighs in at 230 pounds, and is billed from El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula, sometimes abbrieviated as L.A. In high school, he swam and was in the show choir. Now dont let his stature fool you, hes a real ladykiller. After wrestling at the Bowling Green State University and becoming an Olympic Champion, he signed to the WWEs developmental league, where he was tutored by Edge. He is also the first baseman for the Cleveland Indians. He is undefeated in singles competition and is currently the United States Champion. His finishing maneuver is the Bucking Bronco, and his entrance music is Make Some Noise by the Beastie Boys.

El Jefe weighs in at a lean 180 pounds, and is billed from Venezuela. When El Jefe was in high school, he played tennis, soccer, and courted lots of women. He is the perfect wingman for his partner, and they get more ladies that Vinny, Pauly D, and the Situation combined. El Jefe did his college wrestling at Toledo, as well as playing football, basketball, baseball, tennis, water polo, and track. He achieved All-American Honors in all seven sports all four years. Then, he signed to the WWEs developmental league and was tutored by Ron Simmons. El Jefe is also undefeated in singles competition and is the current Intercontinental Champion. His finishing maneuver is the Spicy Taco, and his entrance music is Rack City by Tyga.

Hotness debuted at Wrestlemania 28 on Sunday, where they defeated the team of Tyler Reks and Curt Hawkins. This is the first of a very large total of victories the team will achieve in their 15 year reign as Champions. Watch out WWE!


If Wauseon was Hogwarts...

By Brock Obama

Forget April Fools day; its turned out that weve been fooled all along. If youve never realized that over the years several students and staff members from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry have made a transfer over to Wauseon High School, then you must be a muggle. That or you just come to school hung over on butterbeer every day. Open your eyes and see the signs, and realize that even if you never did get your acceptance letter on your 11th birthday, at least you can still get a taste of Hogwarts here at home. Albus Dumbledore- Mr. SchneiderTheyre both old, wise, kind, and lets face it: all knowing. Besides, the way Schneides solves some of those more ridiculous math problems... it has to be magic. Professor Binns- Mr. BradyHistory of Magic Professor, World History teacher... same thing, right? The only difference is that Mr. Brady isnt a ghost, and therefore cant phase into the classroom through the chalkboard. Which I actually think would be totally awesome. Filch- BobNot only are they both caretakers of the school, rumor has it that they both have pet cats. Luna Lovegood- Maxie RatanasriBoth are totally awesome, totally out there, and I totally cant understand a thing either one of them is talking about. But hey, thats why we love them! Whether its reading The Quibbler upside down or playing hide-and-seek in Wal-mart, just know that Maxie Raa and Luna Lovegood are two girls you can let out your weird side around! Hagrid- Mr. CollarWhile there may not be any Blast-Ended Skrewts in there, you still have to admit that youre terrified to walk into Collars class. Forget to do your study guide even once, and its worse than taking a hippogriff talon to the face. Ron Weasley- David HenchDoes this one even need an explanation? Parvati and Padma Patil- Brooke and Bailey HardyHere we have two pairs of twins who are as different as can be. Parvatis in Gryffindor while Padmas in Ravenclaw. Brooke and Bailey are in different speech categories, play different instruments, and even have different hair colors (Besides, we all know that Bailey would be in Ravenclaw. Brooke, however, can often be seen sporting a shirt emblazoned with the Hufflepuff badger.) Professor McGonagall- Mrs. RicherBoth ladies are highly demanding, slightly intimidating, and assign tremendous amounts of homework that seem to require the use of a time turner in order to complete. But still, you cant deny that just as Harry has a great amount of respect for McGonagall, theres something about Mrs. Richer that just makes you like her.


Lonely Hearts

By: The Magic Man

Name: Mary Kate D EspositoGrade: 12School Activities: Volleyball, underwater basket weaving, happy hands club, Future Craftsmen of America, Lacross, mens field hockey, art club, french club, mathletes, chess club, glee club, business club, gymnastics, FFA, french club, DECA, INTVIdeal Companion: Someone who makes lots of money,so I can be his trophy wife. Someone who is willing to walk my pillow pet, take me out to five star restaurants at least twice a week,and he has to not be embarrassed to take me out in public.Perfect Date: First, he picks me up in a limo, where we will go to the airport and fly in his private jet to a Bdubs in the Hawaiian Islands. He better give me a balloon flower when he picks me up. Then, he will

begin to spoil me, obviously.Im a Good Boyfriend/Girlfriend Because: I sometimes let the boy win, and Im really really pretty. I eat like a lady. I sing in the car. I know every word to Ignition by R. Kelly. My dad does not own any shotguns. Wait, Did I mention Im really pretty? And super humble, obviously.

Name: Wade Heepshire WooleyGrade: 12School Activities: French Club, Theatre, and SoccerIdeal Companion: Around 66, blonde hair, blue eyes, huge feet, loves opera, and hates sportsPerfect Date: We would go to watch an opera in Paris and then go visit the Eiffel Tower and star gaze all night on the grass.Im a Good Boyfriend/Girlfriend Because: I hate sports, so I will never be distracted by them. Im a good listener and I have a passion for singing and acting, so I believe I am a very fun person to be around! :))


Classic April Fools Day Pranks

By: The Magic Man Spare Change- This practical joke is old, but it still works. Simply, superglue some coins to the sidewalk or any spot that has a lot of people walking around. Make sure its an appropriate place, then watch people break fingernails to try to get the coins. Its pretty humorous.Oreo Filling- Some of Wauseons students have already fell for this practical joke. What you do is replace the Oreo cream-filling with toothpaste and offer it to someone. If they accept the offer, then just sit back and enjoy. The reactions are priceless.Leave a Message - What you do here is, take your friends phone and tape it under a chair, under a desk, or hide it somewhere safe and then start calling. Watch them try to find the phone. Too funny!!April Showers- If you have a sink with a sprayer, put a rubber band around the handle when nobodys looking. This automatically keeps the nozzle in spray-mode. Make sure the nozzle is pointing up and outward. The next person to use the sink with get a nice shower. Great one for your mom, considering women are usually in the kitchen.Mean but Funny - When you have time alone with your friend, say to him/her, Sorry to hear about your partner, I suppose you had to find out about the affair sooner or later--I knew about a month ago but was scared to tell you. Yes, this one is very mean, but is super funny, as long as you have a friend that can take a joke.Sticker-on-the-back- HAHA classic! The old sticker-on-the-back routine of the Kick me variety is not big and it certainly isnt clever- but can still be funny. Matter of fact, I just got Wauseons own Dugan Shadbolt on this prank. Many say this is childish or dumb, but I guarantee a laugh or two, if you try it.Different Seats- Simply, just sit in different seats than what you normally do or are normally assigned. When the teacher tries speaking to you, only respond to the name of the person who normally sits in the seat. The teacher may tell you to get back to your original seats, but only respond if she calls you by your fake name or new name. I also suggest only trying this with certain teachers. You should know the teachers who cant take a joke.Change the Mouse- Find a wireless mouse and connect the mouse detector thing to your teachers USB port. When they start moving their mouse, move your wireless mouse in secret and start screwing around. Im sure you have seen this trick done before, however, it is much funnier with a teacher in front of the whole class.Saran Wrap- Saran wrap is the pranksters number one weapon. There are multiple tricks you could do using saran wrap. One being, saran wrapping a doorway and effectively clotheslining your victim without them having a chance to see it coming. A second saran wrap prank is saran wrapping the toilet seat. Now, this one can be messy but still very very funny.Greasy Slippery Handles- Grease up door handles, keys, jar covers, and anything else you can safely smear hand lotion or vaseline on. This is a safe but disgusting prank. This is another classic one but still comical. Give it a try!


(Not so Random) Factsby Leah Aqueous

Water is actually very slightly blue.

The average human has two shoulders.

Technically speaking, the whale is not actually a

fish.

Despite all the westerns in which he appeared, Henry Fonda hated horses.

Giraffes cant cough.

There truly is no man on the moon, no matter

what anyone tells you.

Banana trees are not really trees.

Cucumbers are fruit.

Elvis was originally blonde.

Bananas are very difficult to grow in Canada, which has nothing to do with nibbling beavers.

If you didnt have knees, you wouldnt be able to

sit down.

Squirrels are going to take over the world with light sabers.

Wolf hybrids watch tv.

Questioning Questions...by Leah Aqueous

Answered:How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?

You never see a rabbit wearing glasses.

If you are in a race and you overtake the second person, what position are you in?

Second place. Marys Father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, NoNo... Whats the name of the fifth daughter?

Mary

What is more useful after it is broken?

An egg.

Name two things that you cant eat before breakfast?

Lunch and Dinner. What do you get when you combined potassium, nickel and iron?

knife (K+Ni+Fe= knife)

You try to answer: Why does the alphabet song and Twinkle Twinkle little star have the save rhythm? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?


Trio found to be Jedi Knights!

by: Stone

We all know the iconic breathing and the line, I am your father, from Star Wars. We all know what stormtroopers are. Some of us can even do the fabled Chewbacca cry. Admit it, when you drop your phone or the remote to the tv, youve tried to use the force instead of getting up and picking it up, but little do people know that we have our very own Jedi Knight roaming the halls of WHS.

Trenton Wells was born on Naboo to King Narmele and his mistress on February 29th, 2000 B.B.Y. (Before the Battle of Yavin) After being trained by Luke Skywalker in the Degoba system, Young Master Wells was assigned by the New Jedi Council to protect earth from the forces of the Sith. When he began his journey on Earth, Trenton was only two and a half years old, and was adopted by Ron and Samantha Wells. Throughout the years, Mr. and Mrs. Wells started noticing something special about this young boy. One of the differences was his use of the force. His ability to get cats out of trees was phenomenal. He also had very advanced skills in the art of Lightsaber fights, which his father noticed while he was sweeping the floor one day. Finally, Trenton has always been ridiculously handsome for his age. He would have had a girl on each arm, had it been in the Jedi code. Obviously, there were some special things about this dapper young lad.

Now, A Jedi Knight cannot defend a planet all by his lonesome. After some diligent reporting work, I was able to find out that we have more than one Jedi here at Wauseon High School. Luke Grisier and Nic De La Cruz are the patawons of Master Wells. As Sith Lords roam the earth, this terrific trio helps bring balance to the force. From defeating whole Armies to chopping down trees with their lightsabers, the citizens of Earth can feel safe day in and day out.

Their most recent Sith defeat came in December of 2010, when they defeated Darth Desolous on the island of Madagascar. After a very hard-fought battle, and both of Master Wells patawons being injured in the battle, Trenton was able to defeat Darth Desolous and continue to prevent the Dark Side Of The Force from expanding its reign to the expanses of Earth. So if you see Trenton Wells, Luke Grisier, or Nic De La Cruz in the halls, give them a big, New Republic thank you.


Rave A Bust, Burke and Harman Asked to ResignBy: Candy

The Rave was extremely unsuccessful this year. There was very poor attendance, and those who were there had

an awful time. The music was awful, the gym was 120 degrees, no chaperones showed up, and broken glow sticks stained the gym floor. Unfortunately, someone has to pay the consequences of this disastrous evening. Mrs. Burke and Mrs. Harmon are the supervisors of this dance, and the administration is cracking down hard on them. They are being asked to resign over this spring dance gone wrong. Below are a few pictures snapped of the obviously unhappy attendees. Words cant describe their disappointed looks.

wauseon high school april fools red and white

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