fools and kings

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"Fools and Kings" By Ujwal Nair

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A play script based on the Mahabharata, set in a film industry of the 1970s

TRANSCRIPT

Page 1: Fools and Kings

"Fools and Kings"

By

Ujwal Nair

Page 2: Fools and Kings

ACT I

SCENE 1

A BLUE LIGHT comes to life and floods STAGE LEFT.

A man wearing a SHINY SUIT and a TURBAN enters

from the LEFT WING. He takes a bow. He’s some kind

of performer.

PERFORMER

Thank you for your patience ladies and gentlemen, you

are all much too kind. Now for the act you’ve all been

waiting for...

The Blue light goes off and a SPOT LIGHT comes on,

lighting up MID-STAGE CENTRE. There’s a FOUR-SIDED

TABLE with CHAIRS on all but one side. TWO MEN,

holding onto GLASSES OF ALCOHOL, are seated

opposite each other. They are drunk as hell.

DRUNK MAN ON THE LEFT

You know what I hate more than your guts? Your

filthy-looking face. If I could tear it apart, I would.

DRUNK MAN ON THE RIGHT

I’m sorry Rocky, but that role, that character, it’s

tailor-made for me. I can’t let you have it.

He takes a sip from his glass.

You don’t know how it feels to be born into a family of

legends, to be surrounded by legends-in-the-making,

while being an insignificant little germ.

ROCKY

You’re right. I don’t know how that feels. But my world

would be better off without a germ like you

contaminating it.

DRUNK MAN ON THE RIGHT

And with you out of my way, my mind will be at ease

knowing that there is one less genius in the world.

ROCKY

How you flatter!

DRUNK MAN ON THE RIGHT

So, do you want to hear my proposal?

ROCKY

Proposal?

(CONTINUED)

Page 3: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 2.

DRUNK MAN ON THE RIGHT

You still want to tear my face?

ROCKY

More than you can imagine.

DRUNK MAN ON THE RIGHT

Then I propose that we play a game.

SPOT LIGHT goes off and the BLUE LIGHT comes back

on.

PERFORMER

(taking a revolver and a bullet out of

his pocket)

For my final act I’m going to play a classic sport. The

most dangerous sport there is. A sport of life...and

death...

BLUE LIGHT off, SPOT LIGHT on.

DRUNK MAN ON THE RIGHT

Russian Roulette.

ROCKY

Russian Roulette?! You’ve really lost it, haven’t you?

DRUNK MAN ON THE RIGHT

No. Not entirely. Here’s what I reckon: I succeed in

blowing your head off, it puts another stain on my

already shameful reputation. You succeed in blowing my

head off, the world will believe that you have

performed an act of God by putting a madman to rest.

Rocky, if you think that God is treating you fair by

letting scum like me have my way, you can shy away from

the one chance you have of getting rid of me. Or if you

think that God is truly on your side, nothing can come

between your bullet and my skull.

ROCKY

(after a long pause)

Let’s play.

SPOT LIGHT off, BLUE LIGHT on.

PERFORMER

Ladies and gentlemen, I would advise you not to try

this at home. Or anywhere in the mortal world for that

matter. I’ve got one bullet(he shows us his bullet). I

insert it into one of the openings in the wheel of the

barrel(he inserts the bullet). I spin the wheel(spin,

spin, spin). I push the wheel back into its place(he

pushes it back). And I’m ready to take my first shot.

(CONTINUED)

Page 4: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 3.

BLUE LIGHT off, SPOT LIGHT on.

A THIRD MAN has joined the table. He reveals TWO

REVOLVERS and TWO BULLETS to the men at the table.

He inserts one bullet in the wheel of each barrel,

spins the wheels, pushes the wheels back into

place, and passes a gun to each player.

ROCKY

Me first.

Drunk man on the right shrugs:"Fine by me." Rocky

aims the gun at the drunk man’s forehead.

SPOT LIGHT off, BLUE LIGHT on.

PERFORMER

(aiming the gun at the side of his

head)Three...two...one...(he pulls the trigger)...lucky

for the fifth time straight ladies and gentlemen. Thank

you. It’s been an honour.(He bows) For the finale...

He raises his gun-holding hand to the ceiling.

SPOT LIGHT comes on. BLUE LIGHT stays on.

ROCKY pulls the trigger. We only hear a click.

It’s the drunk man’s turn. He points the gun at

Rocky’s forehead.

DRUNK MAN ON THE RIGHT

My turn.

The performer and the drunk man fire almost

simultaneously. We hear the gunshots loud and

clear. STRIPS OF SPARKLY RED PAPER are showered

onto the men at the table. Rocky sits dead on his

chair.

The performer takes one final bow and the BLUE

LIGHT goes off.

The drunk man on the right rises from his chair

and takes a look at the dead Rocky.

DRUNK MAN ON THE RIGHT

(to the third man)

Nice work uncle.

They exit through the RIGHT WING. TWO BACKSTAGE

CREW MEMBERS enter from the LEFT WING and carry

the dead body offstage.

Page 5: Fools and Kings

4.

SCENE 2

The SPOT LIGHT continues to shine. A WOMAN is

seated at it. She’s having a drink from a

CHAMPAGNE GLASS. The BLUE LIGHT comes on to

brighten up STAGE LEFT. A man enters from the LEFT

WING, wearing a SHAWL that covers his torso.

THE MAN

Having a drink are we Helen dear?

HELEN

I’m worried Ace. Terribly worried.

ACE

Oh that’s a perfectly reasonable excuse to get drunk.

I’m sold.

HELEN

Ace, I’m serious.

Ace walks across to the chair closest to Helen’s

and settles down.

ACE

Where are The brothers?

HELEN

They’re out. Shooting. For the last time probably.

ACE

Why so?

HELEN

Doc accepted the invitation.

ACE

Is that right, my dear?

HELEN

Look, I know he’s a sucker for gambling, how just the

thought of it gets his blood racing...

She leans towards Ace.

But this is Macho D we’re talking about Ace. We all

know how twisted his mind is.

ACE

His mind is twisted honey. Yes, very twisted.

HELEN

Will you stop with the ’honey’ and the ’dear’ crap?

(CONTINUED)

Page 6: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 5.

ACE

What’s the matter sweet cheeks?

HELEN

I’m serious.

ACE

And I’m not? How can anyone resist the urge to woo

someone as...ooh la la...grand-looking as you?

Helen gets up from her seat in frustration.

HELEN

You have been very helpful, thank you. I appreciate it.

You may leave now.

ACE

But it has been eras since I last saw you, last spoke

to you...

HELEN

I wanted us to talk as well Ace, but you’re testing my

patience with all your...cheesiness...

ACE

But, cherry, you ought to know- you order the Ace

package, you get it with the cheesiness.

Helen begins to walk away...

ACE

Before you go, you should know that I will be at

tonight’s game. I’m going there to oversee the

proceedings.

HELEN

Thank God! Oh that’s all I wanted to hear! I would give

you a hug if I wasn’t afraid of Taurus walking in on

us.

ACE

He would give me a thrashing then, eh?

HELEN

Probably, yes.

ACE

I’d take it for the hug.

Helen shakes her head in embarrassment, but smiles

this time. There’s a bit of silence. Till Ace

rises from his chair.

(CONTINUED)

Page 7: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 6.

HELEN

Stay for a drink?

ACE

Oh, no. No, no, I better get moving. I can take Taurus,

but not the whole band of brothers.

HELEN

That’s not funny.

ACE

I know. I apologise.

He goes up to her. He reaches out to touch her

face, but she turns away. He closes his hand and

brings it down.

Don’t worry. Everything will be just fine. Probably not

smooth as silk, but fine.

HELEN

(coyly)

Why not smooth as silk?

ACE

(to the audience) Because, like you said Helen, this is

Macho D we’re talking about. Who knows what trick he’s

got up his sleeve? (to Helen) You take care now.

Helen exits through the RIGHT WING. The SPOT LIGHT

goes off. Ace speaks to us.

Tonight’s the opening night of Macho D’s Casino. Being

the blood-sucking gambler that I am it’s the perfect

place for me to be. But for the men of Helen’s house,

Macho D’s cousins, maybe it’s not such a great idea.

Especially not for The Doctor, the eldest of Macho D’s

cousins. He’s a fine filmmaker, known for his

"clinical" approach to filmmaking and all. But when it

comes to Poker he is...insufficiently skilled. So no

matter what, he should stay miles away from the Poker

table and let one of his brothers do the gambling.

That said, the devious Macho D will always have a

back-up plan to screw his cousins.

Ace takes off his shawl to reveal a WAIST-COAT. A

BACKSTAGE CREW MEMBER comes out from the LEFT

WING. He takes Ace’s shawl, gives him a HAT, and

exits. Ace wears the hat, and takes out a PACK OF

CARDS from his WAISTCOAT POCKET.

So tonight’s game promises to be anything but friendly.

It’s going to be a dramatic clash. Sadly I won’t be

playing any Poker myself,(smiles) but I’ve got the best

seat in the house.

(CONTINUED)

Page 8: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 7.

Ace moves to the table.

SCENE 3

As the BLUE LIGHT goes off, the SPOT LIGHT snaps

back on, and so does a BEAM OF RED that brightens

up STAGE RIGHT. STAGE RIGHT, we find two men. One,

SMARTLY DRESSED, standing. The other, DRESSED IN

RAGS, seated on the floor, hugging a bottle of

beer.

Ace is seated at the head of the table. He is

putting down cards. The game is in progress

between two other men at the table, seated

opposite each other. Both the men turn in their

cards. The man seated on the right is the

SURVIVING DRUNKARD from SCENE 1. He looks

thrilled. The man seated on the left looks

disappointed.

ACE

(to the audience, pointing at the man

seated on the left)

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Doc, short for The

Doctor...

(pointing at the surviving drunkard

seated on the right)

And the infamous Macho D...

Macho D and Doc are oblivious to Ace’s interaction

with us.

About the game. Well let’s just say Macho D’s Plan B

remains intact and unused. Because the enthusiastic Doc

volunteered to play himself. And Doc has taken a pretty

terrible beating to say the least. The chips were taken

off the table a long time ago. Since then Doc has lost

everything from his wrist-watch to the last acre of his

Studio property, to, as absurd as it sounds,(pointing

at the men STAGE RIGHT) his own actor brothers and even

himself! Well played Doc.

A Backstage Crew Member(BSCM) enters from the

RIGHT WING with a PEN and a FOUR DIFFERENTLY

COLOURED SHEETS and offers them to Macho D. Macho

D accepts the items and passes them to Doc. The

BSCM goes up to the RIGHT WING and waits there.

MACHO D

Here are the contracts for the Studio property

transfer, the turning over of your good self and your

brothers. Be a nice boy and sign away will you?

(CONTINUED)

Page 9: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 8.

DOC

(reading the contents of the papers)

You came fully prepared, eh? Well I shouldn’t have

expected any less from Macho D.

MACHO D

Yes Doc, you shouldn’t have. Now about those

signatures.

Doc takes the pen and signs whereever required.

DOC

I didn’t know this contest was meant for showing off

B-grade party tricks. I signed up for a game against a

Poker player, not a magician.

MACHO D

I take that as a compliment. But I sense that you’re

being a bitter loser about this. I’ve played my cards

right Doc, you can’t hold me guilty for that. I

understand your pain though. So I’m going to make you

an offer. If I’m not mistaken there’s one more of you?

DOC

(slow realisation)

Helen.

MACHO D

Wager her and win?(lifting the contracts)...and you can

gift these pieces of paper to the nearest peanut

seller.

DOC

(considering it)

I win and the terms of the contracts will be nullified?

MACHO D

Yes that’s what I meant.

MAN ON HIS FEET(STAGE RIGHT)

Doc we have fallen deep enough, there’s no need to drag

Helen into this.

DOC

(to Macho D, ignoring STAGE RIGHT Man’s

plea)

I’m not going to wager Helen without Conman’s

permission.

MACHO D

Suit yourself.

(CONTINUED)

Page 10: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 9.

ACE

(to the audience, pointing at the man

seated on the ground)

Conman is the odd-looking fellow there. He’s the most

gifted actor in Doc’s camp. Right now he’s in serious

preparation for the role of an aimless, depressed

alcoholic. He calls this his meditation, his penance.

He gets offended if he’s called an ’actor’. He believes

an actor’s job is to pretend to be someone he’s not,

not to live to be someone he’s not. Conman lives.

Doc walks up to Conman and goes down on one knee.

DOC

Conman. If you’re there somewhere I want you to know

that there are dreadful times ahead of us. Cleaning

Macho D’s toilet, walking his dogs, being his dogs,

we’re not cut for those things. But listen, we can

still wager your wife. And if we win we get back

everything. Our property and our lives.

CONMAN

But good sir. I don’t have a wife. I lost her and my

entire family in a horrible drought. Now all I have is

this bottle for company. (showing his bottle to Doc)

Isn’t that pathetic?

MAN ON HIS FEET(STAGE RIGHT)

Yes it is. Now snap out of your silly act brother! This

is Helen we’re talking about.

CONMAN

You called me brother! Thank you! Thank you...brother!

MACHO D

Sorry to interrupt your family moment but, Doc, the cat

came out of the bag a long time ago. We all know that

(pointing at all of them) your interactions with the

lady of the house go beyond the occasional lunchroom

chat. Stop trying to defend your honour. Just play.

Doc walks to the table and takes his seat once

again. Ace distributes the cards. They play.

ACE

(to the audience)

And we have the same story. Doc wagers, Doc loses...

Macho D punches the air in elation. The BSCM goes

out, comes back with a RED SHEET OF PAPER and

hands it over to Macho D, who in turn hands it to

Doc. Doc signs it.

(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

Page 11: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 10.

ACE (cont’d)Doc signs a contract. I’m sorry Helen.

MACHO D

What a night!(to the BSCM) Go fetch Lady Helen.

The BSCM exits through the LEFT WING.

MACHO D

(to Ace)

Fix me a drink will you?

ACE

(rising from his chair)

Certainly sir.

MACHO D

I’m feeling generous so get yourself one if you like.

ACE

Thank you sir.

Ace exits through the RIGHT WING.

MACHO D

(to his new dogs)

Would any of you like a drink to wash down your

sorrows?

Silence. Taurus glares at him. Doc has his head in

his hands.

CONMAN

(raising his hand)

Sure kind sir.

MAN ON HIS FEET(STAGE RIGHT)

That’s enough Conman!

Macho D sniggers. As Ace enters through the RIGHT

WING with a tray of drinks, the BLUE LIGHT comes

on and Helen enters through the LEFT WING led by

the BSCM. Macho D gets up immediately, walks up to

Helen and takes her hand. A YELLOW LIGHT comes

alive to light up DOWN-STAGE MIDDLE. The BSCM

takes his place next the RIGHT WING. Ace puts the

tray on the table.

MACHO D

Dearest Helen. Welcome! How would you like to star in

the first installment of my superhero franchise with me

playing the lead?

(CONTINUED)

Page 12: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 11.

HELEN

I wouldn’t.

MACHO D

What if I tell you that it’s not upto you?

HELEN

And why on earth not?

MACHO D

Because your gem of a brother-in-law wagered you to win

back all that he lost in tonight’s game, and lost you

in the process.

HELEN

(looking menacingly at Doc)

Is that so? And who am I to him, for him to wager?

MACHO D

You’re family to him. His one and only sister-in-law.

And much more I’ve been led to believe.

HELEN

What have you been led to believe?

MACHO D

Sweetheart I won’t hesitate to embarrass you in front

of everybody so don’t push it.

HELEN

Try me.

MACHO D

Since you insist, let me ask you, is it true that you

provide comfort to all the men of your household at

unearthly hours?

HELEN

Absolutely true.

MACHO D

(pause)

And how does that make you feel?

HELEN

Like a queen having her subjects battle it out for a

few precious moments with her.

MACHO D

Oh my. I did not know that whores felt so high and

mighty.

He lets go of her hand and takes a seat at the

table.

(CONTINUED)

Page 13: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 12.

Well since you’re so adept at the art of engaging men,

how about you show me a performance?(he slaps his

thighs) Right here. Right now.

HELEN

(sternly)

Yes, well, that’s not going to happen.

Macho D lifts the red sheet of paper.

MACHO D

Look here lady. I’ve got Doc’s signature on this

contract. You were in my custody from the moment Doc’s

pen left this piece of paper. And I tell you, my slave,

that I want to end the night with a performance from

you and you bloody well listen!

Man on his feet(Stage Right) loses his cool and

charges at Macho D. Macho D, almost as if he was

expecting it takes out a handgun and points it at

the raging bull. The beast is tamed.

MACHO D

Who’s the action hero now, huh?

Macho D rises, turns to the BSCM and tilts his

head to Conman’s direction.

The BSCM takes out a handgun of his own and points

it at the head of the bemused Conman. At this

point Ace sneaks off stage through the RIGHT WING.

MACHO D

I’ve got your hubby and one of your infinite playmates

at my mercy. You want them to stay at my mercy, you get

on that table (pointing at the cards table) and dance!

Helen looks down and walks towards the table.

MACHO D

Can we have some music?

Nancy Sinatra’s "These Boots Are Made For Walking"

blares through a record player. Helen gets onto a

chair, and just as she gets onto the table, the

lights go out.

We hear moans and groans of pain.

(CONTINUED)

Page 14: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 13.

The lights snap back on. Helen is gone. Macho D is

on the ground with his gun being held on his face

by the enraged Man who charged at him previously.

The BSCM’s head is pinned on the table with his

gun lodged into the back of his neck by Conman,

who has now become a different man altogether.

DOC

Taurus. Conman. Please. Let go of your victims.

TAURUS

(gritting his teeth)

Quiet Doc! This creep has crossed the line.

DOC

But we haven’t. And we don’t have to now. Calm your

anger. Let these pricks go.

Conman pulls away. Taurus does so reluctantly.

Before leaving Taurus grabs the coloured sheets of

paper- the contracts.

DOC

Good. Let’s go find Helen.(shudders) We’ve got a lot of

explaining to do.

TAURUS

(pause)

We?

Doc and his brothers exit through the LEFT WING.

SCENE 4

Macho D rises from the ground, dusts his suit and

gestures the BSCM to go after Doc and his

brothers. BSCM exits through the LEFT WING. The

YELLOW LIGHT goes off. Macho D patiently stands

next to the chair on the right. Moments later, Doc

enters through the RIGHT WING.

DOC

You summoned me?

MACHO D

Yes Doc where are my contracts? Trashed them already?

DOC

Taurus did. He set them on fire actually.

MACHO D

That’s great. Just great! How could you let him Doc? I

thought you were an honourable man. I don’t really know

what that word means but you were it- honourable.

(CONTINUED)

Page 15: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 14.

DOC

What are you getting at cousin?

MACHO D

Everything I won last night, from the first bet you put

on the table to the last shred of your dignity, I won

because of my undeniable skill and your lack of it. I

can’t be punished for that. I deserve a second chance.

One more game of Poker.

DOC

I cannot go through another long-drawn, one-sided

contest.

MACHO D

You don’t have to. Just one game. Winner takes all.

Loser stays away from show biz for thirteen years.

DOC

Thirteen years?!

MACHO D

What is that compared to a lifetime in my prison?!

Which is what I had you and your family for, until my

contracts were burnt out by your brother!

DOC

I see your point.

MACHO D

(pause)

So? Do we play?

DOC

Yes. We play.

Ace enters with a pack of cards from the RIGHT

WING.

ACE

No points for guessing the outcome of this game.

Ace shuffles and distributes cards to the players

who have taken their seats. He lays out five

cards...

Doc plays simply to delay the inevitable. And it’s not

a long delay.

Macho D jubilantly turns in his cards and

maintains the same level of excitement while he

gets up and exits through the RIGHT WING. Doc sits

on his chair, contemplating his ill-fate. Ace gets

up from his seat. And while heading towards the

LEFT WING...

(CONTINUED)

Page 16: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 15.

Doc and his family, having no belongings to pack, make

their way empty-handed to a nearby village, where they

will be for the next thirteen years. Me and Doc and his

family, we go back a long way. So I’m going to drop by

to make sure they don’t waste their time cribbing.

Ace exits.

Page 17: Fools and Kings

16.

ACT II

SCENE 1

Doc is still at the table under the SPOT LIGHT.

The BLUE LIGHT comes on. He is joined by Taurus,

Conman, Helen and Ace who has put his shawl back

on.

ACE

You haven’t perished Doc. Treat these thirteen years as

a break that you and your family need, to prepare

something monumental. Something epic.

TAURUS

(annoyed)

Which we will get to work on after 13 years.

ACE

Rome wasn’t built in a day was it? Think about it. Your

work has already left a mark in cinematic history.

Thirteen years from now your comeback will be the most

awaited event of the millennium. But first things

first. You need a story that is universal in appeal.

And I’ve got one.

DOC

Pitch it to us then.

ACE

It’s simple. The story is about you, your family and

your illustrious lineage.

CONMAN

(jokingly)

You’re such a rip-off artist.

ACE

(smiles) Yes I couldn’t resist, because the story of

your lives provide enormous scope for drama. And just

to push the drama factor, I’ve set it in the ancient

times when Gods, Beasts, Sages and Kings and Queens

lived under one roof.

DOC

A mythological backdrop. I’m intrigued.

The BLUE LIGHT goes off.

Page 18: Fools and Kings

17.

SCENE 2

The RED LIGHT comes on. Macho D and the THIRD MAN

from SCENE 1 enter through the RIGHT WING.

MACHO D

It’s official Uncle. Tenth hit in a row! And everyone

thought Doc and Co were set to take over the family

empire. Who would’ve known that their talentless hack

of a cousin was ten times as capable as them, of

becoming the country’s number one show man?

Driving them away from the world they were born to

inhabit, it might have seemed harsh. But I was born to

inhabit this world as well, right? This world of show

business?

Uncle nods.

My business, like theirs, was to show. But no one was

paying attention to my creations. It was like no one

wanted to look at my babies. Like my babies were

dim-witted, ugly, insignificant. That hurt. So I had to

eliminate my cousins from the race.

And now that I’m on a winning streak, I’m not going to

let anyone steal my thunder. This is my time.

The RED LIGHT goes off.

SCENE 3

The BLUE LIGHT comes on. STAGE LEFT, Ace and Doc

are reading a scene from scripts.

DOC

"Yudishtra and Krisha are in conversation. Yudishtra:

Krishna, these thirteen years would have seemed endless

if I did not have you and my brothers and Draupadi by

my side. A simple thanks might not be adequate, but it

is all I have to offer. Where do we go now my friend?

What do you foresee?"

ACE

"Krishna: Though my actions and my words have proved to

be prophetic in the past I am no prophet dear

Yudishtra. I simply say and do what my heart desires. I

told you that your people would eagerly await your

return, that they would welcome you with garlands and

good wishes. Your time has arrived. Discover for

yourself what happens next."

They fold up their scripts.

(CONTINUED)

Page 19: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 18.

ACE

So neither of us know where the story is going.

DOC

It would appear so. The script has mirrored our lives

so far Ace. The outcome of my talks with Macho D today

will take the story in the direction it is supposed to

go.

ACE

You want to remain truthful to the end. Very good Doc.

DOC

Yes. All right, I should be on my way. I’ve got our

lives to reclaim. Thirteen years! It’s been a long

wait. Thanks for being there for us Ace.

ACE

It’s been an honour Doc. But what if Macho D denies

your claim?

DOC

Well then I’ll have to smash his head with a mace.

Awkward pause.

I’m only joking. I’ll just be reasonable and hope that

he reciprocates.

ACE

Good luck Doc.

(to the audience)

Macho D did not reciprocate.

Turns to Doc who exits through the LEFT WING.

And that was the last that I saw of Doc.

Page 20: Fools and Kings

19.

ACT III

SCENE 1

Taurus is seated at the head of the table. Seated

on the left is Conman and seated on the right is

Macho D’s Uncle. Ace and Helen are standing

around. The atmosphere is eerie. Everyone waits

anxiously for Uncle to speak.

UNCLE

All these years Macho had been basking in his

unexpected glory. He was convinced that your lot would

have lost all sense of hope and ambition after your

exile.

Nothing could prepare him for the excitement with which

Doc burst into his office. I could sense Macho’s heart

shrink. He realised right then that if the family

legacy was to be carried on by him, he had to remove

your brother from the picture. Permanently.

So he fired a bullet into your brother’s chest, put his

body inside a car and had it driven off a cliff.

TAURUS

It must’ve been a nice car. Was it insured? Because our

brother’s life sure as hell wasn’t!

CONMAN

You come here weeks after his death to confirm what we

already know? That’s kind of you. Now please stop

making us miserable and get out of our sight.

UNCLE

You’re misunderstanding the purpose of my visit. I’m

here to help.

CONMAN

Help? You’ll be our eye-witness and stand up against

Macho D when the time comes?

UNCLE

The boy is well-protected by his father and all his

foul political connections. Anything I, or anyone says

against him, will become immaterial.

TAURUS

So what then? We let him escape scot-free?

UNCLE

That, or you challenge him to a game of Russian

Roulette. Heard of it?

(CONTINUED)

Page 21: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 20.

CONMAN

Yes. But I think we’re looking for less suicidal means

to get revenge.

TAURUS

What makes you think he’ll agree to play?

Uncle gets up. While walking around the table...

UNCLE

When Macho plays Russian Roulette against an opponent,

I come in as the Spinner. I spin the wheels of the guns

of both players. That way Macho is guaranteed a hit the

very first time he pulls the trigger, and the opponent

is not.

THE PERFORMER from ACT 1, SCENE 1, emerges from

the LEFT WING. He comes on stage and freezes.

Uncle turns to the performer.

It’s a trick I picked up from my father. He was an

illusionist. He also taught me card tricks, which I

passed on to Macho, which he unfortunately used against

you in the game of Poker.

TAURUS

Oh thanks for that.

UNCLE

I had to do it to win his trust. So that when this day

arrived, when Macho’s rivals were ready to cause him

pain, I could be of assistance, and Macho wouldn’t

suspect a thing. Why would I do something so wretched?

I want Macho’s father to feel the excruciating sorrow

of losing one of his own. He murdered my father simply

to gain hold of a sorry little piece of land where my

father did his solo acts. When I saw Macho take your

brother’s life, it was like watching an action replay

of my father’s last living moments.

The performer breaks out of freeze mode and starts

searching his pockets.

PERFORMER

It seems I’ve forgotten to bring my cards.(with a wry

smile) This is embarrassing.(turning to Uncle) Child,

bring me my deck of cards at once.

As Uncle approaches the performer...a

GUNSHOT...the performer falls to the floor. A BSCM

comes in from the LEFT WING and drags the

performer’s body off stage. Uncle walks after the

body, but halts before the LEFT WING.

(CONTINUED)

Page 22: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 21.

UNCLE

If you boys decide to challenge my nephew to Russian

Roulette, I will spin the wheel in your favour. I’ll

give you time to consider my offer.

Uncle turns to the RIGHT WING and walks. He is

almost off stage...

TAURUS

Throw him the challenge. Tell him that I want to see

him bleed.

Uncle nods and exits.

CONMAN

Are you insane!? Taurus save your action star antics

for the screen!

TAURUS

Brother, don’t suddenly act like you care about someone

apart from yourself.

CONMAN

What is that supposed to mean?

TAURUS

I’m referring to your lack of concern when your own

wife was wagered like a poker chip! You were so caught

up in your own stupid little act.

ACE

If I may speak Taurus, it wasn’t stupid at all. If

Conman was getting prepared to play the role of a

loving husband, he would’ve reacted differently.

TAURUS

And that’s not selfish?

ACE

It most certainly is. But that’s Conman for you. And

Conman if you need the faith to take on your cousin in

unimaginable ways, you need to get lost in the

character that Doc had written for you. His last wish

was for his script, the story of your lives, to get an

honest ending. You can give him the ending that he

wanted. Conman you can help Doc, you can help us. Start

by helping yourself.

Ace begins to sing Sad Brad Smith’s "Help

Yourself". The others join in. They sing, they

dance till the LIGHTS GO OUT.

Page 23: Fools and Kings

22.

SCENE 2

LIGHTS SNAP BACK ON. Taurus and Macho D are seated

opposite each other at the table. Uncle is seated

at the head of it. Ace, Helen and Macho D’s

personal BSCM stand close-by. Uncle shows the men

at the table TWO BULLETS, and inserts one each

into the wheels of TWO REVOLVERS. He spins the

wheels and pushes them into place.

MACHO D

Conman decided to skip this?

ACE

No he’s on his way. He had to arrange for an extra

horse to pull his chariot.

Uncle passes a gun to each player. Macho D speaks

to Ace with a forced calm.

MACHO D

(amusedly)

What do you mean? Oh wait. He’s "in character" eh? Well

it won’t be the first time he’s done it for nothing.

TAURUS

Shut up and play.

MACHO D

My, my, somebody’s really eager to pop my head. Go on.

Fire first.

Taurus takes his revolver. He raises it and takes

aim of Macho D’s forehead. He hesitates to shoot.

Uncle shuffles uncomfortably on his chair.

UNCLE

(to Taurus)

All right! Listen young man. I’m sorry. I couldn’t do

it.

Nervous glances are exchanged between the people

on stage.

MACHO D

Do what?

UNCLE

(while getting up from his chair, to

Taurus)

Walk away while you still can.

Uncle goes STAGE RIGHT.

(CONTINUED)

Page 24: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 23.

MACHO D

(loudly)

Do what!?

UNCLE

I’m sorry Macho. I promised these men that I would take

their side in this game.

MACHO D

(shaking)

What?! Why?!

All of a sudden Taurus pulls the trigger. We hear

a click but no gunshot. Macho D turns to him in a

flash, grabs his gun and pulls the trigger...just

another click is heard. Everyone else watch in

horror.

MACHO D

(to Uncle)

Where’s the damn bullet?!

UNCLE

I don’t know! I didn’t jinx either of the guns!

After a second or two, Taurus pulls the trigger

again. And again. Macho D does the same. We still

hear only clicks until...gunshot...Macho D’s BSCM

has taken out his gun and fired. Taurus falls back

on his chair- dead.

Macho D stares at the body in shock. His assistant

pulls him out of his chair and they make their way

to the RIGHT WING. From the LEFT WING Conman

enters, wearing a vaeshti and an angavasthram. He

is holding a bow which he has strung. He lets go

of the string and the BSCM jerks his body, cries

out in pain and falls. Macho D is about to snatch

the BSCM’s gun, but Conman strings his bow with

another invisible arrow and aims it at the

terror-struck Macho D. Macho D halts.

CONMAN

Pick up your weapon.

MACHO D

I’m sorry?

CONMAN

Pick up your weapon. I cannot attack one who is

unarmed. Do you not know that it is adharmic?

(CONTINUED)

Page 25: Fools and Kings

CONTINUED: 24.

Macho D pounces onto the BSCM’s gun. The moment he

touches it, Conman releases his arrow, throwing

Macho D to his left. With the little strength that

he has left, Macho D fires at Conman. Conman

winces and slumps to his knees. Seconds later, the

rest of his body hits the floor.

UNCLE

(to Ace and Helen)

I’m sorry. I couldn’t bring myself to hurt my child.

Uncle walks out through the RIGHT WING. Helen

stands by, shell-shocked. Ace, trying his best to

remain calm, walks up to the front.

ACE

(to the audience)

The story of Doc’s family just got the most explosive

ending. Call me heartless, call me sadistic, but I

can’t wait to finish Doc’s script.

HELEN

So you got the exciting ending you were looking for.

ACE

Helen...I...

HELEN

Just make sure you go easy on my boys when you write it

down.

ACE

But Helen. Doc wanted to stay true to...

HELEN

I know. But my boys deserve better.

FADE OUT.