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This Month:> Yumi Zouma comes to town

> The science of pain> The Mayor talks housing

> Win a body piercing> Pro Wrestling interview

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www.thesourceonline.com

THISMONTH...

CORONA.CO.NZ@CORONA_NZ

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Pain. We’ve all stubbed a toe, most of us have been dumped, I know two guys who’ve lost a finger, one with a knife, one with homemade explosives - but that’s another story. The gist is that we all know a thing or two about pain. You could say that pain keeps us safe (Danny doesn’t do much playing with gunpowder these days), but we all risk the pain of heartbreak, time and time again…This month The Source takes a hard look at pain. Could be the pretend pain of a flying drop-kick off the top rope or the very real pain of losing your house. What about the pain of heartbreak or the pain of running an ultra-marathon, the pains to produce a first album after a decade of work and the pains we go to to relieve pain. Our brains can’t tell the difference between the pain of fire and the pain of losing your main squeeze. Funny that - maybe we aren’t as evolved as we thought we were or maybe we’re way more evolved than we care to admit.Think about it…Gigs, stories, jokes, Horrorscopes, booze, food, lots of stuff. Don’t be a pain, turn the page and get into it. Source Out.

THISMONTH...EDITOR/ADVERTISING: Scott Kennedy: 021 681 959 scott@thesourceonline.comDESIGN/ADVERTISING: Tim Buckley: 027 239 0342 tim@thesourceonline.comMARKETING/PRODUCTION: Sophie Kennedy: 021 339 173 sophie@thesourceonline.comACCOUNTS/PRODUCTION: Kirsten Young: 021 341 249 kirsten@thesourceonline.comDISTRIBUTION: Matt Booth: 022 041 8201 matt@thesourceonline.comFACEBOOK.COM/SourceNZ SNAIL: PO Box 689, Queenstown

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YUMI ZOUMA

THE SERWOOD WAGON TRAIN IS GAINING SOME SERIOUS MOMENTUM AS WINTER APPROACHES WITH A GROWING FOLLOWING AND SOME AWESOME EVENTS LINED UP FOR THE COMING FEW WEEKS. (Check out that line up on the facing page - nice.)If you really want a treat next month you need to get online and buy yourself a ticket for Yumi Zouma’s show on 1st May. This will be a standout show make no mistake and don’t say you weren’t warned.A band where each member lives in a different country — sounds impossible? Yumi Zouma however, has proved long distance is no impediment to great sounds. Even though the Kiwi trio are divided between Christchurch, New York and Paris, they have managed to produce and release some superb music.Full of synths, muted drum machines and smooth vocals, their sound is described as ‘dreamy electronic pop’ and ‘soft disco’. Band members Charlie Ryder and Josh Burgess (of Bang Bang Eche) started collaborating as bedroom producers, emailing song ideas to one another. After some development the boys reached out to vocalist Kim Pflaum, an old muso friend from Christchurch. After the vocals were laid down for one track, Yumi Zouma was born and the group were almost instantly signed by London/New York-based record label Cascine.Yumi Zouma play at Sherwood on Friday 1st May and you can get a ticket at utr.co.nzIf you haven’t made the trip out along Frankton Road to The Sherwood then what are you waiting for? Great food, fantastic wine list and they’ve even got a teepee.

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“ALL OF MAN’S NEUROSES STEMS FROM AN ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE FROM LIFE’S LEGITIMATE SUFFERINGS” CARL JUNG As humans we tend to avoid pain. But what if that uncomfortable pain was there to serve us in some way? In a discussion with Tim Brown, local Queenstown facilitator of “The Demartini Method®”, the idea is that our bodies give us clues, or ‘symptoms’ which act as generators for change; change towards wholeness and wellness. Tim: “Pain is fuel for growth. One perceives pain because they haven’t integrated the underlying emotion into their conscious awareness. Your painful emotions are the signposts towards experiencing unconditional love by showing you what needs to be worked on. Therein lies the gift. Everything is a gift. Another way that pain can serve you is through the victim mentality – some people unconsciously enjoy being in pain because they then get looked after.”The Source: “That could be one way of putting it – but is there a way that experiencing emotional pain leads to positive growth?”Tim: “Yes. You hear people saying “I want to get rid of this pain.” But, in fact, you don’t at all – it’s best to confront it and face it. Sometimes it’s like facing a big, scary dog – it’s best

not to turn and run but to confront it. This is a lot more self empowering. Most of us don’t like to get in touch with our emotions – we push them aside. But the suffering that comes with the emotion is the fuel for facing our problems – for an opportunity to grow as a human being and to embrace all aspects of ourselves. I am all things – Angel and Devil, Sinner and Saint – I mean, who says you’re not allowed to be angry?“Don’t think you will ever get rid of pain and suffering because once integrated you get a new experience to teach you to go to the next level of unconditional love… and so it goes on.”The Source: “Now isn’t that a scary thought?”Tim: “Yes. Nelson Mandela said “It is our light and not our darkness of which we are most afraid….” The Source: “Beautiful – that’s why we tend to run from our pain? Because it can push us towards something greater, that something may be unknown… which can be scary but rewarding at the same time.“For a session with Tim contact: tjbro137@gmail.comFor more info on“The Demartini Method®” check:https://drdemartini.com

IT STINGS GOODBy GEORGIA TODD

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O T A U T A H I T A T T O O . C O M

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BOOZE AND PAIN HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE CLOSEST OF FRIENDS. FOR EVERYONE EXCEPT THE TEETOTAL THE MEMORY OF A COLOSSAL HANGOVER WILL BE LOCKED AWAY SOMEWHERE IN THE DARKEST CORNER OF YOUR BRAIN TO PREVENT NEEDLESS SHUDDERING AND ACCOMPANYING MUTTERING, USUALLY, “UGH TEQUILA”. Before modern medicine was properly invented surgery was very, very, very painful. Having bits of you cut off by a well-meaning chap with a saw was generally considered a last resort kind of option. So patients would often be given enough alcohol to slow down the nervous system and therefore dull the inevitable pain response. Unfortunately the quantities needed would sometimes cause nausea, vomiting and even death. Sounds familiar.Out of the many urban myths surrounding our favourite legal drug one of the most persistent is that some brands of beer have a mystery ingredient that guarantees an accompanying headache (Steinlager) or creates a pointlessly aggressive mood in the drinker (Stella Artois). Well, we can confirm that there is indeed an ingredient in both of these beers that delivers said symptoms in spades, alcohol.

Lion, the makers of Steinlager put this reputation down to the fact that Steinlager Classic was one of the first 5% domestic lagers in New Zealand but when it was first launched consumers drank it like unrestrained ninnies used to 4% lagers and got way more alcohol than they bargained for. I ask you.Finally we must consider the dreaded hangover. I had been putting this off in the hope that I would just run out of space on the page and never have to relive the memory of my own most colossal of hangovers. Ugh. That was awkward. For both of us.So, instead join with me in Larry Miller’s classic prayer offered up at the end of the carouser’s journey, the fabled Level Five of Drinking, “I swear that I will never do this again, as long as I live… and this time I mean it”.For your maximum pun enjoyment - traditional bock is a sweet, relatively strong (6.3%–7.2% alcohol by volume), lightly hopped lager.

By EDDIE GAPPER

BEERISM

THE HURT BOCK-ER

Eddie is one half of Altitude Brewing, your local craft

brewery. Check out our tap beers at Atlas or many other

outlets around town.

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Down at the Waterfront, 14 Rees Street, Queenstown . 03 442 5382

come and say hi:pogmahonesirishpub

REGULAR LIVE MUSIC

& NO SURCHARGE ANY PUBLIC HOLIDAY!

pogmahones.co.nz

DID YOU KNOW?

• Pigs can suffer from mysophobia (fear of dirt).• A newborn kangaroo is small enough to fit into

a teaspoon.• The average person visits the toilet 2500 times

a year.• The YKK on your zip stands for Yoshido Kogyo Kabushikigaisha.• A group of Pugs is called a grumble.• When you yawn and stretch at the same time you are

“pandiculating”.• The first man to survive going over Naigara Falls later died when

he slipped on an orange peel.• The word ‘mortgage’ comes from a French word that means

‘death contract’.8 9

THE AGONY OBSESSIONBECKY NIXON IS ONE OF THOSE WEIRD FOLK. SHE ENJOYS RUNNING. EXCEPT SHE RUNS DISTANCES THAT SOME PEOPLE DON’T EVEN LIKE TO DRIVE.Source: So Becky, you run 160kms at a time for fun. What got you into it?Becky: I used to do mountain biking, it just spiralled from there. And then I thought I want to do a marathon. I used to be a wine hag! Heaps of wine! I did my first Motatapu four years ago, it was my first marathon! Source: Then it spiralled you say?Becky: I did Naseby 100 miles and that was just undulating; running for a full 18 hours. Northburn was 36 hours and 100 miles and that was hiking and running. Not always vertical metres, but that is a goal.Source: You must have some talent for that surely? You’re either good or you’re very, very stubborn?Becky: I’m very, very stubborn and very, *very* obsessive. All I think about is running and when I’m going running next!Source: Does that run any other part of your life?Becky: Running is the most consistent thing I’m obsessed with. That’s the one thing I think about all the time.Source: Is there a goal, like the Olympics or the Commonwealth Games?Becky: I always want to do longer and harder. Steeper, longer, I just want to push myself as far as I can go. More

longer distance and more vertical metres!Source: Running for that length of time, it’s going to hurt at some point isn’t it?Becky: Well. Northburn was the hardest run of my life. I wasn’t trained enough. My legs were hurting, the bottom of my feet had blisters and it hurt every step I took. My body was aching from my backpack, I was chafing all over. I had sunburn. Tough mentally and physically. Naseby I got course record and I could have just kept running, I was in a different frame of mind. If you’re in a good mental space, whatever pain gets thrown at you you’re in a better place to deal with it. But you forget about all that after you get over the finish line! Source: What’s after 100 mile races? Becky: There’s one I want to enter in Europe. The Tor des Geants. 330 kms! That’s what I want to do next!

INTERVIEW

By MATT BOOTH

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10 Memorial Street, Queenstown. 03 442 6739

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HERE’S SOME MORE STUNNING STUFF FROM THE WORLD OF DESIGN...

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A CHAT WITH THE MAYOR

NOWHERE TO GO?

THE FIRST IN A SERIES OF CHATS, WE SAT DOWN WITH QUEENSTOWN MAYOR, VANESSA VAN UDEN. THE THEME OF THE DISCUSSION WAS HOUSING - NOW AND INTO THE FUTURE…Source: Queenstown has always catered well for the high end and is doing better for families and working professionals getting into the housing market, but what is happening with the seasonal workers and the lower earning locals - what are their housing prospects?

Mayor Van Uden: The ‘Kiwi Dream’ has always been to own your own house but I think times are changing and it’s a challenge for us. As much as we would like to solve the issue, all the dynamics that go into making a thriving community are not the responsibility of the council and while we can advocate and try and influence we are not in control of everything. We simply can’t go out and build houses, that’s not the purpose of council. What we can do is look at the land and the District Plan and try and make houses more affordable. Other parts of the world have looked into how long a house can be empty as we have a lot of houses that could be rented but are sitting empty right now. One of the things we are looking at is increasing the density in places close to town. Part of providing more housing opportunities is accepting that we need to live on smaller bits of land in smaller houses, that doesn’t mean shacks or low quality housing. And by high quality, we mean houses that aren’t necessarily expensive but are insulated, easy to heat and good to live in.Source: There has been a lot of controversy about the cabins in the campground - what is happening to them?

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NOWHERE TO GO?VVU: In 2002 the Council purchased 90 cabins and negotiated a ‘Licence to Occupy’ with the remaining 77 cabins, all with a sunset clause meaning that the owners/residents had 13 years to vacate the cabins and would pay an annual lease of $5200 until they did. So it should not be a surprise, they’ve had 13 years to make alternate plans. We recognise there is a lot of angst and uncertainty - but in the end that is a piece of high value public land. We recognise that people are going to need time and that is why we have given the remaining owners three options - to remove the cabin themselves, pay the council to remove it or gift it to the council and the council will rent it back to the residents until it is decided what will happen to the land. We know there are people living there who are struggling and we will look to help them into other housing and continue to look after them. And despite rumours to the contrary, we are not going to double their rent, we are doing this to help the people. It’s hard but it is coming to an end. Source: Obviously many people are struggling with this as many feel they have nowhere else to go.Nessy: On the 30th of September it will NOT be the case of pack

up your bags and get out, the residents will have first crack to re-rent them from the council. We will do everything we can to help them and a private company is looking to move many of the cabins to another site. It’s not fair to make it go on any longer, we need to bring it to an end and move on. There are so many rumours that are simply not true - James Clouston Memorial Park is NOT going to change and we are working towards a solution where the people living in the cabins have better places to live, long term.Source: Low-end housing in general in Queenstown leaves something to be desired.Van-dawg: I agree - at every opportunity I work with other mayors to advocate for a Warrant Of Fitness for rental properties, mandated by the Government. People shouldn’t be living in Dunedin style student flats, it’s simply not right. The people of Queenstown deserve better.

Couldn’t agree more Vanessa - the rules of the market tell us that affordable housing is always going to be a hard ask in a town like Queenstown. Perhaps if everyone was on a fair wage, the unfair rents might not be so hard to manage...

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SNIP SNIPFiremen were summoned to the A&E Department of a London hospital to assist in removing a “thing ring”. Cutters at the ready, they were presented with the patient, his ‘meat and two veg’ extremely swollen and almost black, the whole sorry mess encircled by a thick titanium ring. The cutters could not make a mark on the titanium and the firemen had to concede defeat. The man had put himself in this situation three days prior to coming into A&E, delaying the hospital visit due to embarrassment and the vain hope that it would resolve itself. Doctors can often drain blood and remove the ring the way it went on but by the time he sought help his jewels were past saving. Full castration was the result making this eunuch a self-selected nominee for a living Darwin Award.

WTF?

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SECRETARY (2002)Lee (Maggie Gyllenhaal) is a shy young woman who, after a brief spell in a mental institution, is released into the care of her parents. Lee is hired as a secretary by E. Edward Grey (James Spader), a grim and ruthless attorney who warns her that her work will be both dull and demanding. She takes to the job with enthusiasm and athough she’s recently acquired new boyfriend Peter, she’s far more intrigued by Grey’s coldly patrician demeanor. While he often criticises Lee, she seems to thrive on his abuse - but one day he crosses a line when he insists upon spanking her after some minor mistake. Lee enjoys the treatment and wants it to continue but Grey can no longer take pleasure humiliating her when he knows that she likes it; he fires her. Finally discovering the key to her sexual and emotional needs, Lee tries to persuade Peter to be rough with her but he simply doesn’t have the taste or talent for it and she soon maps out a last-ditch effort to win back her job with Grey, whatever the cost.

thumbs UP

thumbs DOWN

Missed out on a season pass

Even shorter nights - c’mon

folks, get out there and make

the most of the last rays

before it’s wood-chopping,

puffy jacket and slippers-time...

TOPTRIVIALBUT EXCRUCIATING

MISHAPS• Extracting a nostril hair• Paper cut• Stubbing your toe• Pulling a rag nail too far• Getting chilli in your eye• Deep Heat in the nether regions• Stepping on Lego• Whacking your funny bone• Banging your foo foo on your

handlebars• Trapping anything in your zipper

Season pass in the bag

Plenty more biking to be hadAutumn colours

Adventure Dogs

CAN’T BELIEVE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN..

Bookings essential. Please visit skyline.co.nz/whatsonautumn

April Live Music Thur, Fri, Sat nightsCome and enjoy live acoustic music at Stratosfare Restaurant & Bar.

Skyline Easter Egg Hunt 2nd, 4.30pmWhat better way to kick off the Easter holidays than with a good ol’ Easter egg hunt? Use clues to search for eggs around the complex. Children gold coin donation, Adults $20, proceeds go to charity.

School Holidays Family Deal* 3rd – 20th

Looking for something different to do with the kids over the holidays? Why not take them Luging and treat them to a Jelly Belly pick & mix box? $137 for Gondola, 10 Luge rides to share, 1 pick & mix Jelly Belly box for 2 Adults and 3 Children.

May Dinner at Stratosfare Restaurant & Bar* A special deal for locals. Dine at Stratosfare Restaurant & Bar and enjoy delicious fresh local fare while taking in the breathtaking views. Adults $59, Child $28.

All You Can Eat Curry Night* 8th, 6.00pmLove curry? Get your fix of the best curry in town & wash it down with a pint. $39 for Gondola and curry, $7 pints.

Whisky Tasting Masterclass* 29th, 7.00pmAn opportunity to experience several rare and exclusive whiskys – whether you’re a whisky enthusiast, or if you’d just like to learn more about it, this is the event for you. $90 Adult.

*Terms and conditions apply. Gondola Annual Pass concessions do not apply to special events.

locals’ deal!

locals’ deal!

family deal!

SK

Q15

212

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Bookings essential. Please visit skyline.co.nz/whatsonautumn

April Live Music Thur, Fri, Sat nightsCome and enjoy live acoustic music at Stratosfare Restaurant & Bar.

Skyline Easter Egg Hunt 2nd, 4.30pmWhat better way to kick off the Easter holidays than with a good ol’ Easter egg hunt? Use clues to search for eggs around the complex. Children gold coin donation, Adults $20, proceeds go to charity.

School Holidays Family Deal* 3rd – 20th

Looking for something different to do with the kids over the holidays? Why not take them Luging and treat them to a Jelly Belly pick & mix box? $137 for Gondola, 10 Luge rides to share, 1 pick & mix Jelly Belly box for 2 Adults and 3 Children.

May Dinner at Stratosfare Restaurant & Bar* A special deal for locals. Dine at Stratosfare Restaurant & Bar and enjoy delicious fresh local fare while taking in the breathtaking views. Adults $59, Child $28.

All You Can Eat Curry Night* 8th, 6.00pmLove curry? Get your fix of the best curry in town & wash it down with a pint. $39 for Gondola and curry, $7 pints.

Whisky Tasting Masterclass* 29th, 7.00pmAn opportunity to experience several rare and exclusive whiskys – whether you’re a whisky enthusiast, or if you’d just like to learn more about it, this is the event for you. $90 Adult.

*Terms and conditions apply. Gondola Annual Pass concessions do not apply to special events.

locals’ deal!

locals’ deal!

family deal!

SK

Q15

212

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EVERYONE WHO’S EVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING A TATTOO HAS HAD ONE WORD PLOW THROUGH THEIR BRAIN LIKE A GASOLINE TRUCK CRASHING INTO A FIREWORKS FACTORY – PAIN. TORTUROUS, EXCRUCIATING PAIN, WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A STICK TO BITE ON AND ONLY THE COMPANY OF A ROUGH-AS-GUTS DUDE INKED FROM HEAD TO WHOA TO RUB YOUR BACK AND WHISPER IN YOUR EAR.Not true, well not all of it.We asked Sam Alpe, shop manager of Outautahi Tattoo if we were tough enough to take the pain. “It feels like a cat scratching a sunburn.” Two things I do my best to avoid, all rolled into one…“People expect it to be MUCH worse than it is, they build it up in their minds and most people are pleasantly surprised how manageable the pain is. Sure some people are told it doesn’t hurt and are in for a surprise, but most are ready - the pain it part of the experience.”“Most people aren’t too scared, they know what to expect and a tattoo is a right of passage, a permanent

memorial to the experience - an experience we hope is an enjoyable one.”“Part of the role of a tattoo artist and a studio is to guide their clients through the whole experience - right from helping them decide on a design and all the way through the session or sessions. We love it when a client comes in with some ideas and we work with them to create something that will look fantastic for years to come. A tattoo is way more than just a picture on your body, it’s a life changing decision and piece of art you’ll carry with you forever and we love being a part of that.”

Top 3 tips for getting your first tattoo:1) Don’t be hungover - not only will it

hurt more (duh), the alcohol thins your blood and can prematurely age the tattoo, causing the colours to run together.

2) Have a big breakfast - you’ll likely be in the chair for a long time and nobody likes you when you’re hungry.

3) Expect it to hurt - you’ll either be right or pleasantly surprised, either way you win.

SHORT-TERM PAIN, LONG TERM ARTGETTING INKED WITH OTAUTAHI TATTOO

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VOTE FOR THE OTAUTAHI TATTOO OF THE MONTH...Check the Otautahi Tattoo Facebook page and cast your vote, then well print the tattoo in next month’s issue.Go toFB: OtautahiQueenstown

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FLAME BAR & GRILL61 Beach Street,

Queenstown, New ZealandP: 03 409 2342

flamegrill.co.nz

Opening Times: 7 days from 12pmFood: Full menu lunch and dinnerBookings: PossibleMusic: BackgroundOutdoor area: Deck with one of the best views in town

FLAME BAR AND GRILL

ABOUT: Flame is bit of a legend around here. This lakefront restaurant has become a stalwart of the local dining scene. Flame puts all the emphasis on meat, with a distinctly South African influenced menu. Ribs are the hero; succulent, juicy and addictive! There is also a great bar with an extensive cocktail menu and some fantastic views over Queenstown Bay.SPECIALTIES: Steaks, Ribs and Burgers but they also look after the less carnivorous amongst us...SOURCE SAYS: If you’re looking for the perfect steak or some truly legendary ribs, this is the spot. Seriously, these guys are experts on the grill and they live up to their reputation day in day out.

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THE BATH HOUSEMarine Parade, Queenstown

New ZealandP: 03 442 5625

unwind@bathhouse.co.nz

Opening Times: 9am - lateFood: Full menu lunch and dinnerBookings: PossibleMusic: BackgroundOutdoor area: Absolute beach front

THE BATH HOUSE

ABOUT: The Bath House sits elegantly in the afternoon sun right on the shores of Lake Wakatipu. This beachside restaurant and bar has been a Queenstown landmark since it was built to commemorate the coronation of King George V in 1911. It was originally constructed with changing rooms for the modest swimmers of the day but has become a local favourite for tapas, freshly-cooked food and of course a great selection of wines. The service is outstanding and the location is probably the best there is in or out of town.SPECIALTIES: Breakfast, lunch and really great scones.SOURCE SAYS: If you want to step away from the hubbub of downtown it’s a two minute stroll along the Parade to this cosy, warm, lakeside hideaway.

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STEAMER WHARFQueenstown

New ZealandP: 64 (0) 3 442 5969

E: eat@publickitchen.co.nzW: publickitchen.co.nz

Opening Times: 12 noon - 11pmFood: Sharing plates and kiwi classicsMusic: BackgroundOutdoor area: Yes

PUBLIC KITCHEN + BAR

ABOUT: Good honest Kiwi fare sourced locally and designed to bring people together is the key concept behind Public Kitchen & Bar. Offering exceptional local cuisine Public Kitchen is all about sharing dishes of local produce caught in the hills, farmed down the road or caught off the coast.SPECIALTIES: Sharing plates are a big part of the great atmosphere plus the trifle is becoming a bit of a local legend. SOURCE SAYS: Public has only been open just over a year and already it feels like one of Queenstown’s classics. The best view, some of the finest food and great company. It’s always going to be a winner.

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THE BUNKERCow Lane, Queenstown

New ZealandP: 64 (0) 3 441 8030

info@thebunker.co.nz

Opening Times: 5pm - 4amFood: Some of Queenstown’s finestBookings: RecommendedMusic: DJs after dinnerOutdoor area: Yes, with open fire

THE BUNKER

ABOUT: One of Queenstown’s hard to find little gems, The Bunker is an intimate, rustic, fine dining and late night cocktail bar with a lounge-style outdoor deck. The focus is on great service in a unique rooftop location. An old locals’ favourite, last year the bar was revamped and enlarged but still remains an intimate late night hangout. SPECIALTIES: Cocktails, fine dining, DJs. SOURCE SAYS: This is the bar with the best two barstools in town. Get in early and stake your claim.

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SHARP RELIEFIN THE MODERN WORLD, WE’RE HARDWIRED TO AVOID PAIN. MOST OF US PREFER TO BE WRAPPED IN A COCOON OF MEDICATION RATHER THAN FEEL PAIN. But some people don’t avoid it; rather they seek to be in its epicentre. I’m not talking fifty shades of fluffy-handcuffs shit – I’m talking about inserting sharp hooks under the skin and suspending oneself from up high. So why does this seemingly insane practice appeal to thousands around the world? As Queenstown local Dave Camp – owner of Urban Tribe Body Piercing and body suspension practitioner explains: it’s basically science. “It’s all about the endorphins. You relax right down - it’s like a meditative state. It stresses the body and tricks the brain into flooding with endorphins which is a natural pain relief and provides an out of body state. So instead of doing 80 hours a week at a gym or 30 days at a meditation camp you can just fast-track it using the fish-hooks.”So it’s also about transcendence then. Most of us live on a singular plane of existence rooted firmly in the corporeal world. We occasionally venture beyond it and seek to get “out of our minds” whether we acknowledge it or not: sex, drugs, religion and for some people, extreme pain – all of it is aimed at

an elevated state of being that is to simply feel good and nothing else. No thoughts, no worries, no logic, no rationale. Using pain to achieve that state is nothing new, only taboo. Body suspension has been practised for centuries in ancient cultures to achieve the highest possible spiritual state. As Dave says, achieving this state is a pay off: it takes dedication and commitment.“I feel pain just as much as everyone else. I just deal with it differently. I work with it so I understand it. It’s not about your pain threshold, we all have the same threshold, it’s about focus. There’s breathing techniques. As you push the breath out you push the energy out.” Intrigued to find out more? Check out suspension.org or pop in to Urban Tribe and have a chat with Dave. As Dave himself is living proof, one suspension and you may well end up hooked. Sorry. Couldn’t resist. Also keep an eye on our FB page - we’ll be giving away an Urban Tribe piercing...

By ROSA MEEKUMS

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Here’s Dave hanging out at the World Bar ‘back in the day’

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SHARP RELIEF A young woman was taking golf lessons and was playing her first round when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she returned to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said “You’re back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole” she replied. He nodded and said “Your stance is far too wide.”...........................................................A girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this since it is clearly true and runs home crying. A while later she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says “My mummy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”...........................................................A husband who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road the wife has grown tired of this. “Mother of six” he would say, “what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!” Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out “Mother of six, I think it’s time to go!” The wife immediately shouts back “I’ll be right with you, father of four!”

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”Johnny: “Seven.”Teacher: “No, listen carefully. If I gave you two cats and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”Johnny: “Seven.”Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Six.”Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?” Johnny: “Seven!”Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

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THE BLACK BELLAMY

Our ‘How To’ guide to some old favourites and a few new ones... COCKTAIL OF THE MONTH

30ml Gunpowder RumBarspoon fig conserve15ml apricot brandy7ml orgeatOrange wedgeCranberry juice

METHOD:Shake all except the juice and pour into a tall glass - add more ice if needed and top with cranberry. Garnish with another orange wedge and a grind of black pepper (which was worth its proverbial weight back in the day).Enjoy while admiring a long sunset off Cape Cod and try not to run aground.[Inspirations: the Mai Tai, the Cape Codder]

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IT TURNS OUT BILLY RAY CYRUS WAS RIGHT - AN ACHEY BREAK HEART DOES HURT, AND IT’S REAL PAIN. THE SOURCE SPOKE TO LOU PARKER, OWNER OF THE STUDIO PILATES AND PHYSIOTHERAPY, ABOUT PAIN, S&M AND WHY PAIN HURTS SOME OF US MORE THAN OTHERS.“The first thing to learn about pain” Louise says “is your nerves don’t send ‘pain signals’ to your brain, they just let it know something’s happening through a process called “nociception”. Your brain then decides whether to interpret those nociception signal as pain.” Think of S&M.“So being whipped by a guy in black latex might be fun if it’s done by the right person and you’re a Fifty Shades fan... but if you’re an inmate at Guantanimo Bay, you’ll probably enjoy it a whole lot less.”But how does a broken heart link to pain?“It’s all about interpretation. You might perceive a breakup as fiery knives stabbing you in the heart, or a welcome opportunity to painlessly lose some extra weight. If your brain weighs up the circumstances and decides that being dumped is a

painful experience, then the pain you feel is *real* pain.Pain doesn’t mean damage“The latest research tells us you can have tissue damage with no pain and you can have pain with no tissue damage.It’s circumstantial: If you twist your ankle scoring the match-winning try, you’ll barely notice it but if you twist it the day before the big game - it’ll hurt like hell.”But why do some of us feel pain more than others?Again, it’s circumstantial. You’ll feel more pain if you’re tired, stressed or depressed... and if a particular body part is really important to you, you’ll feel it more too - as any bloke who’s been kneed in the Crown Jewels will attest.Why is linking pain to a broken heart important? “It’s a revelation for health professionals like me. It changes the way we treat pain, especially chronic pain. Once upon a time we just had to dose people up on super-strong drugs but now we have scientifically proven non-invasive, drug-free treatments that work as well as, if not better, than drugs.”

LOVE HURTS (FOR REAL)PAIN OF A BROKEN HEART PROVEN TO BE REAL PAIN

By SEA READ

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WIN BOOTY

You can also find our back catalogue online at ISSUU.com

LAST MONTH WE HAD HEAPS OF LUCKY WINNERS. IF YOU’D LIKE SOME BOOTY FOR YOU AND YOUR CREW GET INVOLVED. WE HAVE WEEKLY COMPS FOR OUR FOLLOWERS. EASY PEASY. THIS MONTH IT COULD BE YOU, SO GET IN THERE.

THIS MONTH YOU CAN WIN:JOIN IN ON FACEBOOK TO WIN HEAPS OF COOL STUFF FROM OUR SUPPORTERSFACEBOOK.COM/SOURCENZ

HORRORSCOPEARIES: Time to get adventurous in bed. Do you even *know* the difference between jam and marmalade?

TAURUS: Feeling bullish? Good! Better than feeling sheep... ish.

GEMINI: Don’t be the wet fart in the lift. Be the emergency toilet paper.

CANCER: Who’s your daddy? No one knows...

LEO: Don’t worry f you didn’t make plans for Easter. Neither did Jesus and he’s a legend!

VIRGO: Fifty cent raise for minimum wage. Try not to spend it all at once.

LIBRA: You will meet a tall dark stranger. Hopefully it’s Grace Jones and not the Grim Reaper.

SCORPIO: You’ll feel lighter than air this month. So will your bank account. Lift Pass!

SAGITARRIUS: New sensations this month! But please try not to smack the asshole wearing the beanie indoors.

CAPRICORN: The girl sending you the Tinder message “Got wood”? She’s not horny. She’s freezing.

AQUARIUS: April is your month to travel! Tough decision: Gore or Nightcaps?

PISCES: This is the month to wash your car. Seriously, it’s almost as dirty as yo momma.

28 29

ENDURING LIKE A PRO

THE SOURCE HAS A YARN WITH PRO WRESTLER MARC PERRY – AKA MARCUS KOOL. S: So, in the ring, who are ya?MP: Marcus Kool’s an archetypical English footie hooligan. He thinks he’s tough and he thinks he’s cool. From Backstreet Boys theme music to lime green string vests… he might have been cool in the nineties…S: So what IS wrestling?MP: It’s ‘Sports Entertainment’. It treads the line between entertainment, theatre, performance and sport. Wrestling is about storytelling – it’s about the background to the characters and a classic ‘good’ versus ‘evil’ format. S: How you plan a performance?MP: We plan an ending and steer towards that. You have to do things on the fly and work with the audience. Trust between the two wrestlers is important – it might be a performance, but there’s potentially some pain involved. S: What’s the biggest myth about wrestling?MP: That it’s ‘fake’. It’s not a competitive fight, it’s a performance. But wrestling isn’t like Eastenders, there’s only one take as it’s in front of an audience. It can be quite obvious if you muck up.

S: Who has been your favourite opponent?MP: I’ve never met a bad person in wrestling. Everyone is unique, eccentric and really nice. I met DJ Qualls – the skinny guy from The Road Trip in an Expo in Dunedin last month, we ended up doing an impromptu skit together. S: How did you get into wrestling? MP: When I was 14 I spotted an ad in the local paper and decided to give up my Sunday football sessions and learn to wrestle. Dad was distraught.S: Run us through your training regime. MP: Being physically fit is important but it’s also about timing, speed and balance. I practice running the ropes (bouncing from rope to rope across the ring) and how to land as well as character-specific moves.

I like to do a lot of character work too – I’m working on getting everyone to hate Marcus Kool. S: Can we have a go? MP: Yeah! It’s a unique, fun way to keep fit. I run personalised sessions at Fight Science gym in Queenstown.Get in touch – twitter @marcuskooland Instagram@officialmarcuskool

By BETHANY G. ROGERS

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As you’ve probably gathered, The Source runs with a theme each month. Why? Just because we can. We’d also like you to know what’s coming up next month so you can join in and have your say. We’re keen to hear from artists, writers, photographers, DJs and opinionated freaks - especially if you’ve got something you want us to publish or you’ve got something you need to get off your chest... Next month’s issue flies under the banner of:

“COMMUNITY”If you’d like to contribute email us: info@thesourceonline.com

NEXTMONTH:

Bath HouseThe BunkerEichardt’sFarelli’sThe FindFlameFront RoomBound Otautahi TattooPog MahonesPub on WharfSkylineBella CucinaNo5 Church LanePublic Kitchen + BarSherwood

PolicePost OfficeQT Medical CentreBus StopQT GardensMemorial CentreLibraryVillage GreenInformation

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events . community . arts . culture

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COMMUNITY

30 31

Many Queenstowners will be familiar with the wonderful world of Jess Winchcombe and her bold jewellery making style. For the rest of you don’t worry you can now find a great collection of her work on sale at Bound Bookstore, Church Street. Jess was awarded the 2010 Whitireia Fingers Award and took part in the Marzee Annual International Graduation Show in the Netherlands in 2011. She also participated in the international mentorship programme, Handshake with her chosen mentor Warwick Freeman which led to her work being exhibited at the Schmuck International Jewellery exhibition, Munich 2012.Based in Queenstown - exhibiting nationally and internationally, the work is anything but ordinary. Pop in to Bound for a look next time you’re passing.

JESS WINCHCOMBETALENT

30 31

Queenstown.com has grown up and is now the definitive resource for getting under the skin of this enigmatic wee town: www.Queenstown.com

HAPPINESS HOUSE Drop in to their awesome OP Shop open Mon-Fri 9am-4pm. Donations always welcome and if you need a helping hand, just let them know. Help out:FB: Happiness House Queenstown

PEOPLE DOING IT COMMUNITYIF YOUR COMMUNITY PROJECT NEEDS SOME EXPOSURE, GIVE US A YELL, WE’LL ALWAYS TRY TO FIND ROOM.

TEDX QUEENSTOWN TED is an international phenomenon. TEDx is the smaller brother and the Qtn TEDx crew are hard at work prepping for the next instalment. Local and International speakers and artists join forces to enrich your community. Keep up:FB: TEDx Queenstown

GUERILLA DRIVE IN A new location every time, matched up with an old movie and some popcorn equals a fantastic way to spend a night out. Facebook is the best way to stay in the loop: FB: Queenstown Guerilla Drive-In

QUEENSTOWN LIFE Wakatipu blog by Queenstowner Jane Guy. Queenstown Life is like a handbook for living in the Wakatipu. Join in the discussion at www.QueenstownLife.com

QUEENSTOWN TRADING If you’re looking to buy, trade or sell something in the Wakatipu, this is the Facebook page for you. Crackin’ deals: www.QueenstownTrading.co.nz

ROUTEBURN DART WILDLIFE TRUST Bring back the birdsong to the Routeburn and Dart Valleys. Controlling predators is the name of the game and it costs a lot of dosh. Donate at:www.rdwt.org

G.D.I.

32 33

- 12 habanero peppers- 2 carrots- 1 lg. onion- 6 cloves of garlic-1/2 tbs. salt-1/4 tbs. white pepper- 1 lime- 8 tbs. white vinegar

Cut habanero peppers in half and remove seeds. Drop in boiling water for 30 seconds to blanche.(handle with care) Remove peppers and put onion, carrots and garlic cloves into boiling water and cook until tender. Squeeze juice from lime and combine all ingredients and put in blender. First chop, then blend at high speed. done!

Just put in wide-mouth jar and store in fridge. Spoon out this hot sauce as needed. Delicious on cheesesteaks, hamburgers, pizza, or added to soups, chili, tomato sauce. Also can scrub garage floors.

PEPPER JOE’S ISLAND HOT SAUCE KAITIME

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CAST IRON NACHOS and a jug of beer

for $25.00

Big enough for two (or three if you think eating is cheating).Valid between 5pm - 7pm

(and only with this voucher)

Upstairs, 53 Shotover Street

facebook.com/worldbarqtninsta: @thefindqt

32 33

WHAT’S ON APRILTUE 31 MARCHTHE FIND :: DJ Stubacca Live from 10pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne 9pmSilkworm @ Zephyr 11pm

WED 1 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Scottish Live @ 10.30pm

POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live @ 9pm

THU 2 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Salmon Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Freefall Duo @ 9pm

FRI 3 APRIL GOOD FRIDAYTHE FIND :: DJ Salmon Live @ 10.30pmTHE SHERWOOD :: DJ Dani Gun (Vinyl Northern Soul and Rocksteady) @ 9pm

SAT 4 APRILTour de Wakatipu - Queenstown Bike Fest, Millbrook, Arrowtown, 9amTHE FIND :: DJ Stubacca @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Charlie Gibson 9pmTHE SHERWOOD :: DJ Ian Loughran (DUN expert post-punk)

SUN 5 APRIL EASTER SUNDAYPUBLIC KITCHEN & BAR :: Shay Muddle 2pm-5pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Dave Arnold @ 9pmTHE FIND :: DJ Jonnie Live @ 10pm

MON 6 APRIL EASTER MONDAYTHE FIND :: The Return of MOJO Live @ 10pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Dave Arnold 9pm

TUE 7 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Ribera Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne 9pmPol + Pearly @ Pub On Wharf @ 9pm

WED 8 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Scottish Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live @ 9pmRules Of Addiction @ Zephyr @ 11pm

THU 9 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Salmon Live @ 10pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne @ 9pmFreefall Duo @ Ballarat Trading Co @ 9pm

FRI 10 APRIL ARROWTOWN AUTUMN FESTIVAL BEGINS THE FIND :: DJ Salmon Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Freefall @ 9pmFields of Fibre Exhibition Opening 5.30pm, Cloakroom Gallery, QT Arts Centre. Ends May 6Versificator @ Vinyl Underground, 10pm

SAT 11 APRILShaping Our Future Glenorchy Visioning Forum, Glenorchy Community Hall, 9am – 6pmTHE FIND :: DJ Stubacca Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne @ 9pmTHE SHERWOOD :: DJ Dani Gun @ 9pm

SUN 12 APRIL Shaping Our Future Glenorchy Visioning Forum, Glenorchy Community Hall, 6.30pm – 9.30pmPUBLIC KITCHEN & BAR :: Pol & Fiona 2pm-5pm THE FIND :: PENDULUM DJ LIVE @ Queenstown Memorial Hall @ 9pm. Official After Party @ The Find THE SHERWOOD :: Guerilla Drive In Presents: Sherwood Film Night

MON 13 APRILTHE FIND :: MOJO Live and Loud @ 10pm

TUE 14 APRIL THE FIND :: DJ Ribera Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne 9pmSilkworm @ Zephyr 11pm

WED 15 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Scottish Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm

34 35

NO NONSENSE. JUST GOOD TIMES

THU 16 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Salmon Live @ 10.30pm POG MAHONE’S :: Freefall Duo @ 9pm

FRI 17 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Salmon Live @ 10.30pm POG MAHONE’S :: Live Music @ 9pmTHE SHERWOOD :: DJ Jamie Newman (AKL indie dance + euphoria)Versificator @ Vinyl Underground 10pm

SAT 18 APRILEpic MTB Challenge, Lake Hawea, 7amRace to the Sky, Cardrona Valley, 8amCatalyst How to Write a Play with Roger, Queenstown Council Chambers 10.30amTHE FIND :: DJ Stubacca @ 10.30pm POG MAHONE’S :: The Plebs Live 9pmTHE SHERWOOD :: Great North (AKL Two-time Best Folk Album Tui winners), The Bads, Brendan and Alison Turner. $5 The Hamiltones @ Ballarat Trading Co. 9pmRules Of Addiction @ Vinyl Underground 11pm

SUN 19 APRILARROWTOWN AUTUMN FESTIVAL ENDS Mega Avalanche, Cardrona Bike ParkTEDxQueenstown, Queenstown Memorial Centre 12pm PUBLIC KITCHEN & BAR :: Shay Muddle 2pm-5pm THE FIND :: DJ Jonnie Live @ 10.30pm

MON 20 APRILTHE FIND :: MOJO Live & Loud @ 10pm POG MAHONE’S :: Dave Arnold @ 9pm

TUE 21 APRILFESTIVAL OF COLOUR BEGINS Wanaka, Queenstown, Luggate, Hawea and Cromwell THE FIND :: DJ Ribera Live @ 10.30pm POG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne @ 9pm

WED 22 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Scottish Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live 9pm Freefall Duo @ Ballarat Trading Co @ 9pm

THU 23 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Salmon Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Freefall Duo @ 9pm

FRI 24 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Salmon Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Avalon North 9pmTHE SHERWOOD :: Tessa Lyes (QTN folk songwriter), Single Release with Joseph van der Hurk (Falconets). $5Queefcheeks @ Pig & Whistle @ 9pm

SAT 25 APRIL ANZAC DAYThe Routeburn Classic, 7.30amDemolition Derby 2014/15 Season Finale Central Motor Speedway, Cromwell, 2pm THE FIND :: Pol Nichoson’s “Twenty Three” Album Launch. Guest songwriters Derek Smith and Dom Hazell. Starts 8pm.POG MAHONE’S :: Kylie & Jimi @ 9pmTHE SHERWOOD :: Sherwood Festival of Synths with Misfit Mod (UK), Little Phnx (AKL) and Instant fantasy (CHC). $5

SUN 26 APRILFESTIVAL OF COLOUR ENDS THE FIND :: DJ Jonnie Live @ 10.30pmPUBLIC KITCHEN & BAR :: Dominic Hazell 2pm-5pm

MON 27 APRILTHE FIND :: MOJO Live & Loud @ 10pm

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TUE 28 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Stubacca Live @ 10.30pmPOG MAHONE’S :: Dan Browne Live @ 9pm THE SHERWOOD :: Hannah In The Wars (UK/Wanaka electric folk) album release with Luckless. $5Silkworm @ Zephyr 11pm

WED 29 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Scottish Live @ 10.30pm

POG MAHONE’S :: Calico Live @ 9pm

THU 30 APRILTHE FIND :: DJ Salmon Live @ 10.30pm POG MAHONE’S :: Freefall Duo @ 9pmTHE SHERWOOD :: Princess Chelsea and band (AKL Chamber Pop) $5The Hamiltones @ Ballarat Trading Co. 9pm

FRI 1 MAYTHE SHERWOOD :: Yumi Zouma (NYC/Paris/CHC) and Doprah (CHC) - Indie Electro Dance. Presales from utr.co.nz.

If you’re looking to promote your business or want to get the word out about your upcoming events or gigs then call Scott 021 681 959 or Tim 0272 390 342 or drop a line to info@thesourceonline.Let’s have a chat over a coffee and nut out a plan. Our shout.

Our What’s On Guide is only as good as what we know...If you’ve got an event, a happening or a get-together you want to tell the world about, drop us a line and we’ll do our best to help you promote it...

IS YOUR ADVERTISING WORKING HARD ENOUGH?

WHAT’S ON APRIL

36 37

By: Scott KennedyPol Nicholson is so woven into the Queenstown musical scene that it’s almost a surprise when you see a band kick in and Pol isn’t there. Treading the boards solo, as part of Free Fall, duos with nearly every muso in town and stints in Silkworm and Mojo - Pol is Queenstown music.While he’s long paid the rent covering other band’s work, at long last and after over decade of work his first album is set to be released in April. Titled ‘Twenty Three’, it’s as much of a retrospective as a leap forward.Acoustically driven with crisp vocals cutting through the mix, it’s music for people who like to listen. Lyrically introspective and a poignant mix of instrumentation, it’s clear to see there has been much thought gone into the musical pallet. Gentle horns, rollicking piano where a guitar solo might have more easily fit - it’s the musings of a pro who’s sidestepping the easy tricks and treading the road less traveled. Sonically the album feels fresh and well crafted with great performances and a warm mix that well suits a glass of red by the fire. Pol’s vocals shine above with a shimmering double-tracked harmony on songs like ‘In Motion’

that underline what a decade of professional musicianship does. He knows when to push, when to pull, when to shove and when to hold.While some debuts drip with inexperience, naivety and wide eyed wonder - Pol Nicholson’s ‘Twenty Three’ is the work of a seasoned pro at the top of his game. The optimism comes from the heart and the melodies seem to flow from his soul. Pol’s debuting the album at a release party on April 25th at The Find. He’ll be performing with a full band, showcasing these new tunes and for the first time ever sailing his own musical ship, flying his own flag - and long may the voyage last.

Free Falling UpQUEENSTOWN ROCKS

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WEEDing Reception (based on an error in an email) by Barbara Glass… breaking news from our Investigative Journalist Greg Lass (900 WORDS)Is it a sport, power gardening or just a clever hoax? No one knows whether it started here or was brought in by one of our many visitors to the Wakatipu. It’s promoted as a good way to rid your garden of weeds. Always a very boring but important part of good garden management.For me it all started one evening at Monty’s. Alf, my contact from the Recycling Depot and I were having a beer when he casually remarked that they had had a tenfold increase in green waste disposal. It didn’t grab me as being a very significant event in the overall scheme of things. After all only that morning The Earnslaw had run down a black shark, of all things, in Queenstown Bay. Then last week a call-out of all the emergency personnel in response to a visitor from America who was convinced there was a parachutist in the middle of the lake trying desperately to land on a the back of jet boat that seemed oblivious to the drama playing out behind it. Readers may remember the picture of them all at the edge of the lake with the headline “All dressed up and nowhere to go”. So extra green waste seemed small fry after all these excitements. But Alf was convinced in his slow, methodical way that something was up. “Why,” he said, poking me with a very green finger, “has the fence to the recycling depot been cut in several places? Why is the pile of green waste disturbed every morning? I always leave it tidy and sorted big branches to the left, smaller ones in the middle and leaves and grass on the right.” He looked at me like I should know or at least investigate.So we staked out the Recycling Depot that night, lying low in Alf’s tiny hut with flashlights and armed with a wooden leg off a recycled table and an old ski pole. Unfortunately we dozed off due to the effects of too much beer taken to fortify us and awoke to see lights flickering all over the green waste piles. Was it aliens in need of manure? Was it some phenomenon of decomposition? Some pre-explosive sparks? “Caution is needed here Alf” I said, but he was off brandishing his wooden table leg, flashing his light and shouting. “I’m arresting all of you for willful damage to my green waste piles. You can’t escape. I have half a dozen armed men at my back!” As you can tell my job as an investigative journalist is dangerous and exciting but this was to prove more ridiculous than frightening. We had flushed out a

SHORT STORY Continuing our series of short stories supporting our local writing community. If you’d like to contribute, get in touch.

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group of senior citizens who were in a terrible state of shock due to Alf’s militant declaration. We sat them down to a nice cup of tea in Alf’s now very crowded hut and got the story from Cyril who kept reminding everyone that he had just had major by-pass surgery and all this excitement wasn’t good for his heart. Evidently they had been talked into a Weeding Reception by the smooth talking owner of Weeds ‘R’ Us. The idea is that garden owners host as many as four to five Weeders who come to their large properties and after an initial weigh-in are given as many old wool fadges as they want and then are let loose in the garden to weed and clip back overgrown shrubs and trees. After a few hours a whistle is blown and they all line up for re-weighing with their fadges. The heaviest combination of Weeder and fadge wins and gets paid for the hours he or she worked by the property owners with a bonus paid for the extra kilos over their nearest competitor. “Then why, the obvious question is, are you trying to retrieve all your garden waste and in such secrecy?” I asked. “They took Gilbert and Gertrude Gnome” said Merna, looking rakish with willow twigs in her silvery perm. “And my ornamental tiled bird-bath. I brought that all they way back from Hong Kong last time we were there” said Eliza, all the rings on her fingers trembling at the memory of its loss. It was a similar story of loss and bereavement from them all and shame that they had been had.“So we figured they would have dumped them here” said Cyril.“We have to find them” they all chorused. Alf’s heart softened at their distress and he promised “I’ll do a very thorough search tomorrow and will pull out all the rubbish…” a collective gasp from the assembled seniors pulled him up “...err … precious garden artifacts and have them ready for you to collect.”I took Ron Sly, owner of Weeds ‘R’ Us with me to the Recycle Depot later the next day and he seemed genuinely surprised at the rows of garden gnomes, ornamental bird baths, small statues of barely clothed women with no arms, mower parts, bike parts and paving blocks to name a few of the things uncovered. He hadn’t really registered that the weight difference of several hundred kilos from the prior and post weigh-ins could hardly be down to weeds. He promised to inspect all the fadges from now on and offered to help return all ornaments to their owners.This article is not a Advertorial for Weeds ‘R’ Us but if you do want your weeds sorted Ron has assured me that his team of Weeders has now been weeded out and he assures me your gardens will be weedless but not ornament-less from now on.

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DIYWEDNESDAYCREATE THE BURGER OF YOUR DREAMS

Every wednesday you can build the burger you want. Choose from the list of ingredients, say how much you want between your buns and we'll make it.

IF YOU HASHTAG #DIYWEDNESDAY AND TAG @THEFINDQT YOU COULD WIN $20 TOWARDS YOUR NEXT CREATION.

THE FIND, UPSTAIRS, 53 SHOTOVER STREET, QUEENSTOWN • #DIYWEDNESDAY • #THEFINDQT • FACEBOOK.COM/THEWORLDBARQTN