the real life home school mom 2011 edition by virginia knowles

The Real Life Home School Mom:

It’s a Life in ReVision

by Virginia Knowles Maitland, Florida

2011 Edition

The Real Life Home School Mom by Virginia Knowles

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Publication Information Published by Virginia Knowles Address: 1925 Blossom Lane, Maitland, FL 32751 Web site: www.VirginiaKnowles.com Blog: www.VirginiaKnowles.blogspot.com www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com www.StartWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com (pre & elementary) www.ContinueWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com (middle school) www.FinishWellHomeSchool.blogspot.com (high school)

E-mail: [email protected] Subscribe to the Hope Chest Home School News: [email protected]

Original Copyright 2000 New Edition 2011 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the publisher, except as provided by USA copyright law. Printed in the United States of America Scripture taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version unless otherwise marked. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. Scriptures verses marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Books by Virginia Knowles Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade ... $20

The Real Life Home School Mom: It's a Life in ReVision ... $20 The Learner’s Journal Lesson Planner ... $11

If you order 3 or more books at the same time, take a $1 discount per copy. Shipping is 10% with $3.50 minimum. Florida residents add 7% tax. E-mail me at [email protected] for instructions before you send payment.

http://www.virginiaknowles.com/

mailto:[email protected]


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THE REAL LIFE HOME SCHOOL MOM It's a Life in ReVision

Table of Contents Dedication and Acknowledgements ... 4 Introduction ... 5 Part 1: Home Schooling Basics … 6 Blessed and Stressed ... 7 Aim for the Heart ... 13 Theory & Practicality: How Does Education Really Work? ... 35 Essentials for Educational Excellence … 45 Part 2: Daily Life and Logistics … 65 Life Management 101 ... 66 Busy at Home ... 76 Little People in the Home School ... 93 Part 3: Living, Loving and Learning from a Mother’s Heart ... 100 In Search of Sanity ... 101 The Hallmarks of a Gentle Spirit .... 116 Abide in Christ ... 129 Your Support Network ... 145 Building the Family Home … 155 Cherishing Your Marriage ... 173 The Home Schooled Mom ... 191 Epilogue in 2011 … 197 Lesson Planning Sample Pages … 200


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DEDICATION

This book is lovingly dedicated to:

My dear husband, Thad and our children: Mary, Julia, Rachel, Joanna, Lydia,

Andrew, Micah, Naomi, Benjamin and Melody and now to my grandson Jacob, too!

From the bottom of my heart,

I thank you for your patience and help while I labored over this book!

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

My older sister, Barb Dell, a former home school mom, encouraged me from the very start of this project back in 1995. (Yes, it took about five years to get it out the door the first time!) When we were very young and didn’t have a television, we wrote stories together. Barb, for giving me your only copy of your own first book, Miss Bluebird‘s Dancing Lesson, I am forever grateful. (Just don’t ask me where it is, because I haven’t seen it in over 40 years!) My parents, Phil and Mary Quarrier, prodded me to “write a book about all that stuff!” They have continued to be a strong support to me in my adult years, and I am profoundly grateful. Cheryl Bastian and Shelley Colter, this book wouldn’t be what it is without your honest but gentle advice. Thank you for the treasure of friendship and prayer over the last several years. Cindy Rushton offered much needed information on the practical aspects of self-publishing and kept telling me to “just do it”! So I did! My dear friends at NearHim Home Educators and Providence Home Educators have encouraged me and given me food for thought over the years. The readers of the Hope Chest Home School News, my monthly e-mail newsletter, have provided me with precious insight into the lives of home school moms around the globe, and have told me to keep writing!


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INTRODUCTION

THE IDEAL HOME SCHOOL MOM. What image do those words convey? If you are like me, your mind conjures up a composite portrait of all your aspirations. That Ideal Home School Mom juggles it all in perfect balance. Her house is always ready for unexpected company. The children can always find clean socks. They never burp or pinch each other or interrupt when she is on the phone. She never raises her voice. She effortlessly jumps from teaching algebra to teaching ABCs. She has a gourmet meal (with homemade whole wheat bread and garden fresh vegetables) ready at 6 o'clock sharp. She is the home school version of the Proverbs 31 woman, and unfortunately you know you'll never be just like her. You try and try, but as a Real Life Home School Mom, you fall short of the glory of her, your picture of perfection. I'm all for high ideals. I have visions for my family that will not let go of me. Yet in my own life, I see deep needs for renewal and encouragement that will not be met by a new and better curriculum. What I need is a new and better me! I know I am not alone in this. Who am I to write a book on home schooling? Certainly not Super Mom! I won't claim to be an expert on education or psychology. I have a Management degree and my work experience is in computer programming. My qualification is simply that I am a Real Life Home School Mom, just like you. As of 2011, Thad and I have ten children (seven daughters and three sons) ages five up to a married 23 year old who has a baby boy. They all have vastly different personalities, talents, and learning styles, so we have had to adjust our home school methods over the past several years. Beyond teaching my own children, my heart is committed to encouraging other home school moms. Many years ago, I compiled a set of notes called "The Little Book of Home Schooling" to hand out to new home school families and use at a "Get Started in Home Schooling" workshop. Since The Real Life Home School Mom first came out in 2000, I also published another book, Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade which is a comprehensive subject-by-subject teaching guide. In addition, since 1998, I have published the Hope Chest Home School News, a free e-mail magazine reaching about 1,000 families around the world. I notice that whenever I talk to home school moms, I hear the same thing: voices that are hopeful yet hesitant, full of both wonder and worry. My heart is with them. I know just how they feel!

This newest edition in 2011 is vastly different from the original in 2000 (and even from the 2007 revision, since I added in an extra 20 or so pages since then), reflecting what I have learned in the past eleven years, which has included raising teenagers into young adulthood, transitioning into new approaches to home schooling, and experiencing a “midlife reckoning” and corresponding spiritual renewal. I trust that you are learning and growing each year also, which is why this new edition of The Real Life Home School Mom is subtitled It's A Life in ReVision.

I have written these pages with an eagerness to minister to others who feel like I do. If I can encourage just one mom to hang in there through tough times, I will be satisfied. If you aren't the perfect home school mom, this is for you!


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Part 1:

Home Schooling Basics

Chapters:

Blessed and Stressed Theory & Practicality: How Does Education Really Work?

Essentials for Educational Excellence Aim for the Heart

In this section of the book, we’re going to start simple with some home schooling basics that somehow I, even as a veteran, need to have refreshed in my mind continually!

The Entire Object of True Education by John Ruskin

The entire object of true education is to make people not merely to do the right things, but to enjoy them;

not merely industrious, but to love industry; not merely learned, but to love knowledge;

not merely pure, but to love purity; not merely just, but to hunger and thirst after justice.

John Ruskin, 1819-1900

English writer, art critic, professor, reformer


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BLESSED AND STRESSED

The opportunity to educate our own children at home is a tremendous blessing and an exciting challenge. However, despite the fact that well over a million families have blazed the trail before us, our journey can still be fraught with difficulties and discouragement. When Thad and I were newlyweds, we embarked on a grand adventure, transplanting from Florida to Maryland. Some good friends had moved there the year before, and they welcomed us into a church full of home schooling families. This was a bit of culture shock to a starry-eyed 22-year old computer programmer! Though we had planned to wait a few years to start a family, the beautiful example was contagious, and soon Baby #1 was on the way. Meanwhile, the idea of home schooling tantalized and intrigued me, so my eyes and ears stayed riveted to these families. I saw that their children loved to learn and were growing up with a sweet and gracious spirit of maturity. What a blessing it was to soak up wisdom and vision from their example! I was always ready for a life of creativity and thrilling adventure, so by the time Mary was born in 1987, I was sold on home schooling. The journey was much simpler then. The years rolled along, with more babies and more books. Here we are two decades later and back in Florida again. It's a whole lot more complicated now... Sometimes I feel like I'm juggling too many balls and dropping the one labeled sanity! Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever wonder what made you do this thing in the first place? Like any blessing, home schooling brings new pressures and responsibilities. The stresses often take families by surprise. If you are unprepared, you will be tempted to turn aside and miss the real treasure. So my goal in writing this book is to help you:

refresh your vision for home schooling

acknowledge the common emotional stresses which affect moms

realize that you are not alone or inadequate

grab hold of some practical tools and hope for daily life.

The Benefits of Home Schooling

Sometimes to keep ourselves on track, we need to go back to the beginning and remind ourselves why we chose to home school in the first place. Let's focus for a few minutes on the visions we had at the start. If I were writing a pro-con list about home schooling, the “pro” side might be like this. Home schooling allows us to:

nurture a lifetime love of learning in a natural, affirming atmosphere

grow in unity as we spend time learning with and about each other

watch our children blossom and know that we played a major role

refresh our own knowledge of school subjects

direct the education and upbringing of our children (Deuteronomy 6:4-7)

present issues in the context of our family's values and beliefs

select and customize effective methods and curriculum for each child

give individual attention so each child can work at his or her own level

weave school subjects together logically and creatively


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delve deeper into fascinating topics, while cutting out busy work

let our children pursue personally motivating interests and projects

find out what truly works for our children with learning disabilities

protect our children from physical dangers rampant on school campuses

reduce peer pressure and competition, while offering positive training and opportunities for socialization

set our own daily and yearly schedules

train our children in the work ethic and responsible living

stay in touch with our child's environment

deal with problems promptly in accordance with family policies

teach children to make wise choices and set solid standards for excellence using the Bible, good literature, and mature adults as resources.

It sounds exciting, and what's more, statistical research on home schooling shows success. As a whole, home schooled children far surpass the national norm in scores on standardized academic tests and have also excelled on psychological profiles measuring self-concept and leadership aptitude. According to studies by Dr. Brian Ray of the National Home Education Research Institute, the academic scores are not even very dependent on the socioeconomic status, education level, or professional certification of the parents. It appears that the key factor to success is the commitment of the parents to making sure their children receive an excellent education. All in all, home schooling radiates as a bright star on the educational horizon for millions of American children. The numbers are mushrooming each year, but what kind of challenges will these new folks find? What is on the “con” side of the list? What things do you struggle with as a home school mom?

The Challenges of Home Schooling

A mom who starts to home school with unrealistic expectations is like a naive wannabe missionary who dreams of taking a crash linguistics course, dropping in on some far-off pagan tribe, and leading all the natives in the Sinner's Prayer before the canoe is even moored to the palm tree. It all sounds noble and glamorous, so we plunge in to transforming our own little household pagans into heavenly cherubs. After the first week (or the first hour) we get disillusioned and pick up the phone to dial the local school. We forget that we still have the raw material of our own children, the ones who haven't learned all that cherubic stuff yet. If home schooling has become a burden for you, may God restore your sense of wonder, joy, and fulfillment in this tremendous blessing. I don't have many easy 1-2-3 success formulas. We must work through real issues and real answers. I believe that most problems gnawing at home school moms are not academic, but matters of motivation, attitudes, choices, personal discipline, family relationships, and practical life skills. When I get discouraged or confused about home schooling, it usually boils down to one of those categories. Let's get a little more specific with some of these.


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Overwhelming Choices: The blessing/burden of choice is one of the first tasks meeting families on the thresh hold of home schooling. Wading through the maze of educational theories, teaching strategies, and legal options is a daunting task that robs many parents of their confidence. New home school moms and veterans alike are overwhelmed at the explosion of products and services on the market. Making too many mistakes can doom a parent to an empty wallet or a frustrated child. There are also decisions about how to allocate finances, time, and energy to make it all happen. What you have is the challenge of choices. Yet the Lord will not leave us alone to wander. It may take a while, but if we determine to be prudent and persistent explorers and we are sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, we will learn to discern the best educational options for our own children. Organizational Nightmares: Organization of time, space, and paper is another big hassle for home school moms all over the world. We trip on toys, search in vain for worksheets, find cookie crumbs under the couch cushions, and fritter away precious moments dealing with petty crises that really could have been prevented. If your home is like this, don't give up! Those who struggle with organization have a rougher adjustment, but it can be done if they are willing to learn. Consider it a fringe benefit of home schooling. Later chapters in this book present tips from the perspective of a naturally disorganized mom -- me! Opposition: Other people don't always share our convictions that home schooling is the best option for our children, and a fraction of these folks are quite vocal about their opinions. In decades past, when the modern home school movement was in its infancy and not always legal, the conflicts were even more alarming because they were most likely to result in a lawsuit or at least a tense visit from school officials or social workers. How grateful I am that the Lord has raised up a vast army of veteran home school families and organizations who now stand in the gap with us. Let’s be diligent to lobby for favorable legislation. Still, many current home families face worried grandparents, nosy neighbors, their children's former teachers, and the aforementioned government entities. While we may be relatively secure from legal troubles (depending on state and local authorities), we still face the sting of criticism and doubt that threaten to shake our confidence. I’m used to hearing people say things like, “Home schooling? That sounds hard! Doesn’t it take a lot of time?” I can handle that sort of comment, mainly because I know that it is hard and time consuming at times, and because it is not meant as a personal affront. However, it might cause me more mental anguish if anyone close to me ever said, “I don’t think you are doing what’s right for your children. They belong in a real school!” And yet so many of you do face that sort of pressure. If someone is trying to dissuade you from what you are convinced God wants you to do, you must know in your heart that the Lord is with you to sustain you. Hold on to your convictions. Seek encouragement from successful home school families. Use discretion and winsome ways in dealing with your critics. As Colossians 4:5,6 instructs us,

―Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.‖


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Pay attention to their specific concerns, because some of them may have a nugget of truth to help you improve, rather than abandon, your home school. Many grandparents and family friends can be won over by a well-presented home school book, workshop, or family open house. Be patient; it may take a few years of success before they see the wisdom of your ways. Family Frenzy: Many moms fear home schooling because they don't have a harmonious family situation yet. Maybe their children are resistant to instruction and discipline. Toddler mischief might be driving them crazy. The atmosphere is rife with bickering and pestering. The marriage relationship could be insecure. These moms wonder if they will ever accomplish anything! We assume that if we are going to be “good home school moms” that we have to have all our ducks lined up in a row before we start the game. Perhaps we think our devotion to home schooling will automatically immunize us from loneliness, anger, selfishness, or temptation. However, we haven't found a one-way non-stop ticket to piety. We still lose our temper with the children. We still crave the respect and appreciation that comes from accomplishment. We still covet our friend’s sweet little angels. We still cry in the bathroom. So we think we have failed, permanently and irrevocably. We aren't spiritual enough. We can't cut it, can we? The fatiguing demands of children and housework have done nothing to invigorate us. We want to collapse in a heap. Forget the dishes, forget the laundry, and forget school! I just want to sleep until noon! But somewhere in our hearts is a tiny spark of life that will not let us quit forever. We have had a taste of victory and we want more. It will not land in our laps. Our race for family excellence is a marathon, not a sprint. Long-distance running requires patience, perseverance, and practice! If you have had the wind knocked out of you, stop, lean on the Lord, take a deep breath, and rest a bit. Then keep pressing on! When I am tempted to give up, Philippians 3:12-14 is a passage that both soothes and stirs me:

―Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.‖

So we forge onward. We keep trying. Little by little, we start to grow in our family life. Sometimes it comes in spurts, but sometimes it seems a long time coming. We must have faith to believe that our Lord will finish the good work that he started in us (Philippians 1:6). If your family life is not what you want it to be, prayerfully make that the first focus of your home school. Think of it as a class called Family Living! The Evaluation Blues: I still remember our first official evaluation in kindergarten way back in December 1992. When we lived in Maryland, the county schools inspected home school families twice a year. I was one nervous rookie, so I gathered up every single educational item we owned and piled them on my dining room table in towering stacks. I wrote a ten page summary of Mary's skills and the topics we had studied. When the evaluator arrived, I recited our accomplishments and flipped excitedly through our portfolio. After about a half hour of this, the dear lady snapped her notebook


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shut and chuckled, “That's quite enough! You pass! And next time, I only need to see a few books and samples!” Evaluating progress is a major concern for home school families. While some of us bypass report cards and standardized tests, that doesn't mean we are ignoring evaluation. We take progress very personally because we are essentially grading ourselves. We can't just blame our children's failures on their classroom teacher, because we are the teachers. We struggle with questions: Should we push harder or go slower? Should our children be more self-directed? Are we teaching to their learning styles? Are they reaching maximum potential? Where is the finish line in our race toward excellence? My fitful pursuit of excellence puts me in a philosophical mood once in a while. One question rattles around in my head: “accommodate or challenge?” There is a fine balance between accepting natural human limitations and insisting on reasonable progress. In nitty-gritty terms, it's a choice between letting the sleeping dog lie or waking the old thing up to teach it some new tricks. It's a choice between cutting them slack or giving them flack. When our children don't mind their manners, we don't always know whether to be alarmed into forcing a drastic change or just sigh and tell ourselves they'll grow out of this childish stuff if we keep at them. When we hit a brick wall in an academic skill, is it a natural learning plateau, rebellion, or an inadequate curriculum? When I look at all I haven't accomplished in household organization, do I chalk it up to the fatigue of motherhood and active children, or do I chart out an amazing new schedule to really get with it? When have I done good enough? When do I get my pat on the back? When will that voice from heaven boom, “Well done, thou good and faithful Mommy?” Unreasonable Expectations: So what do you want out of me, anyway? The expectations of others compound this whole business of measuring up. Our identity as moms is at stake since our self-images are closely tied to home and family. With so many resources available to us, we feel we have no excuse for messing up. Our children must excel academically, spiritually, and socially, or we can't justify our efforts and the local critics will chorus, “I told you so!” Then there are nagging doubts. What if I buy the wrong reading program, neglect a critical “real world” skill, fail to cut the apron strings, or give the home school movement's reputation a nasty black eye? What if....? When we are struggling, we have a hard time 'fessing up and asking for help. We don't want anyone to think we are not “with it” or that home schooling doesn't work, so we suffer in silence and forfeit the rich counsel that could be ours for the asking. This measuring up doesn't just apply to academics. Many of us see home schooling as an entire lifestyle, not just an educational option. In the broad sense of “life as education,” home schooling isn't just part of our schedule, it is our schedule. The deeper we immerse ourselves in the home school subculture, the more it affects the way we view family life, government, health, entertainment, ministry, relationships, and myriad other topics. If you survey all the magazines, books, workshops, and web sites, you end up wrestling with dozens of viewpoints on different issues, each one claiming to be Biblically-based. What started as an innocent investigation of home schooling options is now a question of how you live, not just how you educate your children. Escaping peer pressure is one reason we home school, but now we face our own adult version of it. Do you feel compelled to buy a certain curriculum or institute a new family rule in order to be just like everyone else in your particular group? The way of wisdom is to be like the noble Bereans in Acts 17 who examined the Apostle Paul's teaching in light of Scripture. Let this pressure


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spur you to study the Bible and exercise discernment to meet your own family's needs. Special Cases: Besides these general stresses which concern almost all of us, some home school moms face more unique challenges. Not all home schoolers have suburban evangelical Christian families where Dad works nine-to-five and Mom stays home with three happy healthy children. Among our ranks are families with:

working moms, unemployed dads, and/or very tight budgets

single parents or step-parents

moms, dads, or children who are reluctant to home school

interfaith families

extended families who strongly disapprove

dads who travel, work long hours, or are otherwise absent

an only child or several children

academic, physical, emotional, or behavioral challenges

teens or parents who have been on drugs, in prison, pregnant out of wedlock, or expelled from school

homes in the inner city, isolated rural areas, remote mission fields, or “on the road”

children adopted at older ages, some with histories of abuse

other children in public or private school

religious convictions or other conditions which set them apart from other families I am not saying it is too hard to home school under these conditions, but neither is it easy. They can create a challenge in your own home, plus they are an extra hurdle to leap in your efforts to become part of the home school community at large. If you are in a difficult or unusual situation, hang in there! You aren't alone. There really are others out there just like you. And if you know someone like this, please encourage them, pray for them, and serve them!

How Are You Doing? All of these pressures on the home school mom are not inherently bad. They certainly keep us on our toes! However, we do have to watch how we react to the forces that pull and push us. They can either challenge us to new heights of accomplishment or they can discourage us into quitting. At times like these, it helps to remember the reasons you chose to home school in the first place. If you need that extra boost right now, go back and read the beginning of this chapter. Write your own “benefits” list to look at when you lose heart. Call a trusted friend for encouragement. My prayer is that we can lift one another up and spur one another on. With God's blessing, I hope this book will do that for you.


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AIM FOR THE HEART

In the journey of life, while we concentrate on dodging potholes and weaving through traffic, we often lose sight of the final destination. If we don't have any “down the road” view for our children, or we don't have a map to guide us there, the grand adventure detours into frustration, confusion, and discouragement. We get stuck in the rut of daily details -- the tyranny of the urgent -- and we forget to aim for the heart. My husband and I have many goals for our children, but the most important ones relate to their hearts. We aren’t always very effective at keeping focused on them as we should be, but these are the ones that keep drawing us back. This chapter is not exactly a simple one, but it is foundational. Before I even get into anything about academics, I want to focus on the heart. This is not just a matter of tacking on a few Bible verses to whatever else you are doing, but integrating into all of life the fullness of what God has for us as his precious children. Most of this chapter was added in the 2007 edition as the fruit of an extra several years of home schooling, child training, and growing as a Christian mom. After all, I’ve been through the teen years while I’m still in the toddler years! I am writing from the full spectrum of experience, not all of it rosy. I’d like you to learn from my mistakes. In fact, as I revise this again in 2011, I am freshly reminded of areas where I need to get to work again! Please don’t get discouraged by the length or depth of this chapter. It may take you a while to get through it. It will also take some thought and application. Also, for those of you who are just starting out with younger children, much of what you will read here is for “down the road.” You will be there before you know it, and now is the time to prepare for what is coming in the future. You are laying a foundation for it, not only in your child’s life, but also in your own heart. So, with those words of preparation about this chapter, let’s go! We will cover the following topics in this chapter, saving family life and child discipline for later:

♥ A Christ-Filled Life of Spiritual Maturity ♥ Creator, Creation & Creativity ♥ Learn to Discern: To Know and Do What is Right and True ♥ Prepare Your Children to Face Adversity ♥ A Sense of “Calling” for Life ♥ Nations & Generations: Home Schooling to Make a Difference in the World ♥ Justice & Mercy

A Christ-filled Life of Spiritual Maturity

My number one, absolutely essential top priority for my children is that they may know Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord. Without that, nothing else matters! I don't just want them to be lukewarm Christians who go through the motions and say the right religious phrases. I won't be satisfied until I see my children become whole-hearted, consecrated disciples of the Lord, walking in the power of the Holy Spirit and the authority of the Word of God. Being an example of this is the ultimate challenge for a Christian parent! We must encourage our children to seek God's perspective and not take their cues from the hopeless culture around them.


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―Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as

living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will... Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.‖ Romans 12:1-2, 11-12 (NIV)

As we teach our children about God, it helps to remember that we cannot save them. We can lead them to Christ, but we cannot be their righteousness or train them to be “good enough” to earn their way to God's favor. Christ alone is sufficient, and they must believe in him for their own salvation. I remind myself of Galatians 3:24: ―The law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith.‖ In the King James Version, it says that the law was our ―school master.‖ In many ways, that is our role as parents. We are there to lay down the standards, but most of all we are to point the way to the only One who perfectly fulfills them and who enables us to live in them. I constantly remind my children how Jesus loves them so much more than I ever could. He is the only one who is always gracious, kind, forgiving, and faithful, even when I am not. He is the one who gives ultimate wisdom, even when I don't have all the answers. They don't need to ride piggyback on my faith. Even as young children, they can know him for themselves and start a process of spiritual growth -- abiding in Christ -- which will last for all eternity. Our focus is on prayer, worship, Bible study, a solid Christian world view, church participation, practical service, and mature relationships.

Another thing to ponder is that little ones may respond in a childlike faith to the Gospel message, but not really truly understand it until much later. Is it wise to assume that they are “saved” just because they repeated the Sinner’s Prayer after you or because they were baptized? How will you deal with doubts later on? It is not uncommon for children in the upper elementary and middle school years to agonize over whether they are really saved or not. When this has happened in our family, we have had to patiently go over the basics time after time, trying to help them realize that it isn’t an intricate formula that gets them saved, but a very foundational and simple trust in a loving God.

At some point in time, our children need to consciously affirm the faith as being their very own. This may not happen until the teen years, even with faithful teaching and example from the parents and church. Julia, my second oldest daughter, says she didn’t fully “get it” until she was a teenager. It’s not that she didn’t have all the right information, and it’s not that she didn’t accept it, but she didn’t have the maturity to know how it would impact her life. In her teen years, as she plugged herself in at our local church, she grasped onto it for herself. I am so encouraged when I walk into her bedroom and find excellent Christian books at her bedside, ones that she has purchased from the church bookstore because she really wanted to read them herself. This is especially heartening to me since she has never been one of our big readers, so I know she wants to absorb this stuff! As she and her older sister Mary have grown in their love for the Lord and for the church, they have cultivated eager hearts to serve in children’s ministry, on summer mission teams to Bolivia, and with outreach events. They are disciples in their own right, not because Mom and Dad say they have to do this or that.

You may even find that a teen whom you thought had fully embraced the Gospel


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message as their own, now realizes that he or she had just been following along with what you taught, and now has serious questions about whether or not it is true. Many pastors we have known have told us this is true even in their own families, so don’t feel like you are unspiritual. It is better for this to come to light, rather than for a child to dwell in the false assurance that he is a Christian just because his parents are. This is actually a great opportunity for teaching your teen in a very purposeful and positive (non-judgmental) way what the Christian message is all about. There are all sorts of great apologetics books out there that explain the truth for young people, such as the youth editions of Lee Strobel’s books The Case for Faith, The Case for Christ and The Case for the Creator. Please take the time to know each child’s spiritual condition, just like a shepherd knows his sheep. Draw them out gently in private. Make it safe to talk to you by letting them know you are not going to intimidate or interrogate them, and that you won’t react in massive shock if they tell you something that you don’t want to hear. This is so important, especially in the teen years. We all want to be our children’s spiritual confidantes. This isn’t going to happen if we don’t have a warm and open relationship with them. Like most Christian parents, I desire for my children to grow in love, wisdom, honesty, humility, self-control, and so many other qualities. What will they be like as adults? If we do not start training them now, how can we expect a magic transformation at age 18? For example, if we do not train our children to respect parents and other authorities starting from babyhood, then it gets only harder and harder as the years go by. Contempt for human authority leads to a profane attitude toward God, while respect leads to reverence. If we don't teach our children to be honest about the cookie jar, how can we expect instant integrity when we hand them the car keys? The child who is faithful in the little things will become faithful with much, and the crucial training ground is right in our own homes. ―Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one

who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.‖ Galatians 6:7-9

If I want my children to grow spiritually, I need to share Scripture with them every day or their education is not complete! I often get discouraged with implementing this, but I keep trying because I know it’s worth it. I can’t change the past, but I can change the future. Many years ago, as I grappled with how to overcome the obstacles which have hindered us, I asked God to give me a new vision. How could I reach the hearts of my children, and not just their minds? Again and again I realize that cultivating positive attitudes in my children is so vital to the whole growth process. How they think about God, about authority, about learning, about work, about family relationships -- this is what can make or break a home school. As a result of this prayer time, I decided to start a special Worship and Wisdom Hour with my children each day. I set up special notebooks for each of us with sections for Songs, Prayers, Bible, and more. First we sang hymns (downloaded from www.cyberhymnal.org), contemporary choruses and classic children’s Bible songs that I selected for their emphasis on worship or on spiritual commitment. Each day, one of the children chose a song and I chose one, too. The kids enjoyed banging on pots and pans or Tupperware bowls with spoons to keep time. Sometimes they danced


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around while we sang or acted out the songs with hand motions. It was pretty lively at times, for sure! After singing, we prayed using a list of requests from family, friends and missionary magazines. Third, we had a short Bible study. And lastly, we read aloud from quality character building literature. Though my children were not always 100% reverent during this time, I was pleased with the results. I feel that it set the focus for the day. What is education without wisdom? And what is wisdom without God’s word? Well, the years have rolled by and times have changed. It is rare that our entire family gathers for devotional time together, except for an occasional Scripture reading by my husband at a meal. However, I do still try to have a Bible and literature time most mornings with my younger children, ages 10 and under. Now we often use the New International Reader’s Version (NIrV) which is easier for kids to understand than an adult Bible. Or we read from the regular NIV app on my iPod, which has larger print for my older eyes! We usually start off with a passage from Psalms or Proverbs before moving on to the New Testament. And I still have a good selection of Christian books to read aloud to them after that! This is a very pleasant and productive time for us. I like to think of this time as bringing my children to Jesus for a blessing, as folks did in Mark 10:13-16. Since a major reason for home schooling is spiritual training, here are over a dozen ways to help your children grow in their knowledge of the Lord through Scripture. ♥ Read a short passage of the Bible aloud at the beginning of each day. Perhaps Dad can

lead this at the breakfast table. (Don’t criticize his efforts if it doesn’t go exactly how you think it should go. Respect him as the spiritual leader of your home!) If your children are old enough, let them take turns reading. Offer brief age-appropriate comments and ask questions. The Gospel of John is a good place to start. If your pastor is preaching sequentially through a section of Scripture, find out what he is preaching on next week, and study it ahead of time. This will help your children understand and enjoy the sermon better.

♥ Set up a weekly one-on-one discipleship session with each of your older children. A child can really appreciate having Mom or Dad all to himself for an hour! Include Bible study, prayer, and confidential discussion. This is not a time to pick on your children's faults, but to communicate loving concern for their lives.

♥ Print out a list of Scriptures to go along with almost any unit study. You can use the web (such as www.BibleGateway.com) to find verses. Passages abound for myriad topics such as farming, nutrition, astronomy, or the Reformation. Make a copy for each child to read and keep for future reference. Or create a whole unit study on a theme such as creation, patriarchs, prophets, life of Christ, or the early church.

♥ Start a regular Bible memory program using a packaged card system or your own verses. Write the new verse on a wipe-off board each week and review the old ones. Children can also be encouraged to memorize longer passages or whole chapters. They can do this by starting with one verse, and then adding on a verse each day. Psalm 23, 1 Corinthians 13, Romans 8, and Colossians 3 are all worthwhile memory projects.

♥ Sing Scripture music, such as Steve Green's Hide 'Em In Your Heart series. ♥ Use a Bible story book as a first reader. Find one that is attractive, friendly, and easy

for beginning students. ♥ Read the Bible or a Bible story book aloud at bedtime. ♥ Focus on one Bible virtue each week or month. Find a related character, Scripture

story, and key verses. Look for related literature.

http://www.esv.org/


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♥ Let your children make illustrated Scripture verse posters. These make a worthwhile decoration for bedroom walls.

♥ Use Bible verses for dictation, handwriting, and grammar exercises. Examples: punctuate the verse, find all nouns, identify dependent clauses.

♥ Use Scripture passages for thinking skills activities. For example, print out the verses from Proverbs 15, cut them apart, and have your children categorize them under the headings of Integrity, Attitude, Correction, and Speech.

♥ Encourage your children to develop the habit of private quiet times. Equip each one with a good study Bible, notebook, and devotional tools.

♥ Take advantage of teachable moments. Be on the alert for opportunities to relate every day happenings and issues to specific Bible principles.

One note: be ready for your children to apply Scripture in ways which may be initially uncomfortable or inconvenient for you as a parent. One morning at breakfast, my husband taught the children about being content with what we have and being generous to share with others. He had just set an example for us by giving our extra vacuum cleaner to a single mom at his office. A few hours later, our six year old asked if she could give a pair of her outgrown sneakers to a visiting neighbor. My first reaction was, “But I was saving those for your younger sister!” Then I thought about how silly I was being. I needed to let Naomi share and put the Scripture into practice! OK, so that’s just a tiny thing, but here is something more serious. Just after two of our teenage daughters signed up for a 2005 missions trip to Bolivia, that nation was plunged into massive political upheaval, complete with a coup and rioting in the streets. For safety reasons, our relatives questioned whether we would still allow them to go. What a decision! We prayed and consulted with the mission trip leaders, and decided to let the girls make their own choice. They chose to trust God for whatever would happen, reminding us that ministry was the priority and that they needed to be courageous. They did face many different kinds of risks (including hazardous bus rides on narrow mountain roads and being exposed to lots of weird germs and bugs), but they wouldn’t have traded it for anything. Oh, did I happen to mention that I was 8 months pregnant with our 10th baby when they left? Yes, it cost me some, too, but there is no way I would have held them back just for my convenience. Since then, one of those daughters returned to Bolivia three more times, once by herself at the age of 19 for three months of hiking out to the remote mountain villages with another single lady missionary to do children's ministry. Scary for Mom? Sure! Sometimes applying Scripture can require something from us and personal example is such a powerful teacher. Fellow parents, let's persevere in the most important facet of home schooling: spiritual maturity! When we reap a harvest of godly young adults, what a contrast they will be to the decadent culture they will live in! The light of Christ in them will pierce the darkness. This hit home for me when my second daughter, Julia, graduated from our church’s home school program. The nine graduates each gave heartfelt tributes of honor to their parents. What they appreciated most was not so much the academics, but the heavy investment their moms and dads had made in their spiritual lives. I know there were many people in the audience who are not Christians, and some of them commented to me about how touched they were by this. It was such a testimony to them of the grace of God. Now that's a motivating vision for the future!


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Creator, Creation & Creativity

As home school moms, we long to fill our children’s hearts and minds with good things! We are not just talking about behavioral rules or academic skills, but a thirst for beauty. We are right to focus on the cross and salvation as the foundation of our faith, but we also need to reverence the Lord as our Awesome Creator. Think back to Genesis about how our Lord marvelously called our world into existence. Paradise! Beauty! Purpose in life! Oh, how sin marred this ideal, but creation still points us to our Creator. In fact, Romans 1:18-20 says: ―For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made.‖

I think that part of introducing our children to spiritual things, to the realm of a Gracious God in their lives, begins with an appreciation for creation. We should give our children ample time to enjoy the splendors and the intricacies of the natural world. They should gain a sense of divine awe for the masterful design of geographical formations, plants, and animals. This can inspire us to worship the Lord! The same God who created all this created me, too! We didn’t evolve from pond slime. We were designed by an all-knowing all-powerful God who has a plan for our individual lives. There are myriad excellent resources to teach our children about creation versus evolution. As home school families, let’s take full advantage of our right and privilege to use them. The Incredible Creatures that Defy Evolution DVDs are great for this.

Years ago, I came across a book, Romancing Your Child‘s Heart by Monte Swan, which expands on children, nature, creativity, imagination, a sense of wonder and mystery, the arts, and the heart far beyond whatever I could write here. I was captivated from the start by Monte’s description of his own Wisconsin childhood, and parents who nurtured his love of nature and of creative tinkering, even though he struggled with traditional learning. The aimed for the heart – and they got it! Monte writes: ―As we smell a wildflower in the springtime, watch a blazing sunset over the desert, or witness a thunderstorm on a sultry summer afternoon, beauty and drama capture our hearts. Is the wonder we feel the response He hoped for as He created these things? I'm confident that creation reveals another aspect of romance in God's heart. He's the first Quilter of prairies, the primer Painter of autumn colors, the archetypical Sculptor of the mountains, the master Composer of the whippoorwill's song, and the original Poet of grace and truth. And He has imprinted His creative image in human hearts. Burning curiosity, wonder at mystery, and the delight at finding a solution that makes order visible -- all these accompany creativity, giving us our fullest happiness and deepest satisfaction on earth." 1

Let’s go beyond nature study to more human endeavors. Our creative God, who made us in his image as creative beings, often reveals himself through the “common graces” of literature, art, music, and nature study. Charlotte Mason, the esteemed turn-of-the-century British educator who wrote much about home schooling, always urged parents to make the most of these, rather than merely dull dry paperwork. She envisioned children

1 Romancing Your Child’s Heart, page 99, by Monte Swan


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growing up wholesomely in the spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical realms of life. That’s what we want: true beauty, a keen aesthetic sense that so fills the soul that there is no room for the garbage our culture dishes up so liberally. The beauty I am talking about is not just “pretty stuff” for the eyes and ears. It is not devoid of pain and suffering. It is what transforms the soul toward the inner beauty of kindness and compassion – and that will mean exposure to the pathos of human existence. Our literature choices need to carefully reflect real life at the heart level. French archbishop Francis Fenelon wrote in 1687: ―Children filled with thoughts of their romantic heroes, become astonished when they look around in real life, and cannot discover a single person throughout the world bearing resemblance with their ideal hero. They would wish to live like those princes and princesses who are always charming, always adored, always above every care. What a disgust for them to descend from a hero and heroine, to the low detail and drudgery of taking care of a family. Children should be influenced by books that vividly portray life in all its trials and victories. Divine providence should echo throughout its pages. Characters who suffer wrongfully in a righteous manner, and display humble dispositions, will lay a secure foundation for the time when childhood may be stolen away; perhaps through the death of a loved one, sickness, or calamity. Children need informed instruction, and models of heroes and heroines of righteousness to fill their reserves for such a time. In literature as well as in history, God who doeth all things well, must be seen through the filter of His divine love and tender care of His children and as an avenger of all who harden their neck.‖ 2

Literature, art, music, nature study are so vital to “ignite the delight” in a child’s education but they must be worthy! Philippians 4:8 tells us, ―Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.‖

What is the learning atmosphere in our homes? Are they places where great books are read to one another in the evening (or at any other time), where lullabies and hymns are sung, where fine art books are contentedly browsed through on the couch, or where an older sister thinks to put on classical music so a tiny brother and sister can grow up with a bit of culture? We can have it if we choose it. Even if we don’t own all the resources we would like, we can always go to the library, or take a field trip to an art museum or a free concert in the community.

Beyond enjoying the creativity of other people, our hearts are nurtured when we create beauty, too! Art is not just another school subject. In whatever form it takes, it is a way of touching the heart, of being who God created us to be. We can affirm our children in their fledgling efforts at creativity. Each child has different talents and interests, but each one can find a niche or two. Whether it is a pennywhistle performance, a colored pencil drawing, a pattern block design, a piano minuet, a zany impromptu skit, a rollicking rhyme, a fragrant flower garden, or a tasty ethnic meal – may our lives be enriched by the abundant fruits of their creativity! We don’t expect perfection because we learn and improve as we go. We don’t want to squelch the desire with undue criticism. Our family once visited an Eric Carle exhibit at our local art museum. From an information panel on the wall, we learned that he was inspired in his vibrant artistry by a kindergarten teacher whose encouragement carried him through the rest of his dull years of education. How

2 As quoted in Education of a Child: The Wisdom of Fenelon, edited by Mark Hamby, Lamplighter Books


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much will our words of affirmation mean to our children, for whom we will be primary teacher for so many years? Let’s aim for the heart with the arts!

If you still think that the creative arts are optional, ponder for a moment how they can be used for God’s glory within the church. Our children have sung in choirs and on the church worship team, acted in church musicals, painted sets and sewed costumes for Christmas productions, face painted for community outreaches, mimed on mission trips, helped out with kids’ crafts during a Mom’s Brunch and much more. Our church also has several talented young dancers who bless us during holiday services, musicals, and youth outreaches. I see so much hope for the future of the church knowing these young people are using their creative energies – in whatever form -- to minister to others. Think also of how dependent our culture is on the arts to communicate messages about life. If we want to be able to draw people to the Savior, we are going to have to raise up a generation skilled in relaying the Good News through the most effective, heart-reaching means. Let’s get them hooked on honoring God with their talents while they are young! This starts with giving them high quality examples to emulate in the books they read, the music they listen to, the art they look at, the movies they watch, and the people they meet. Choose well – you are laying a foundation for life. That’s exactly where we’re going next…

Learn to Discern: To Know and Do What is Right and True

One reason we home school our children is to teach them discernment: to know and do what is right and true! We want to pass along our faith and family values, and not leave them vulnerable to everything else out there. We realize that discernment is not just about making isolated moral choices (like what movies are appropriate to see) or following rules to avoid negatives. It is also living by positive principles set down in Scripture and being able to listen to the Lord for specific life direction in fulfilling the destinies to which he has called us. We each have to discern not only right from wrong, but the “priority best” for us from among many “good” opportunities. Here are several ways we can teach our children discernment. Teach your children to evaluate what they learn and what they choose by Scripture. For a Christian, the Bible is the ultimate authority in life – not what culture or experts say. We should all learn to “set our minds on things above, not on earthly things” and remember that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” My daughter Mary once commented that “gray areas” where the Bible is not specific are not excuses for sloppy thinking. We can search for Biblical solutions for each decision that we face. James 1:5-8 assures (and warns) us, ―If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.‖ (ESV) It’s not enough to simply learn the truth – we need to apply it and to continually renew ourselves in it, claiming it as ours in Christ. ―…Test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.‖ 1 Thessalonians 5:21 (ESV)


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Teach your children the Bible and encourage them children in their own personal walks with the Lord. Even if you don’t get into complex discussions with your little ones, you can always introduce such basic concepts as “you reap what you sow” (what might happen if you do this…) and “do unto others as you would have them do to you” (how would you feel if…). Make sure they are especially grounded in the nature of God and the nature of man. God is powerful, pure, holy, just, good, and kind, while man is naturally deceitful, selfish, unfaithful, and proud. Knowing this helps us to trust and obey God’s way of doing things, and also to be wary of everything else in the world that has been corrupted by man’s sinful nature. Help them to establish a consistent, meaningful devotional time of Bible study, prayer, and worship. As they mature, look for a deeper understanding of the concepts. Learn to draw out their hearts, and see how their knowledge is affecting their lives, their attitudes, and their choices. Encourage them to cultivate a teachable attitude so they can seek wisdom. Teach your children to closely guard their own emotions. As I have watched the home school movement for the past twenty years, I have been grieved to observe the faith and virtue of countless young people shipwrecked by three very powerful emotions: bitterness toward parents (which results in outward rebellion or passive rejection of their values), pride (they know it all and don’t need any counsel or accountability) and unwise romantic attachments (which can sway someone into thinking or doing things that ought not to be thought or done). Feelings are sort of like the moon – they have a tidal pull (on our attitudes and choices) and they sometimes eclipse the sun (block our vision of truth), but they should also reflect the sun (show God’s glory in our lives). You may find appropriate times with your children to share your own experiences of dealing with your emotions so they can remember they are not alone, and perhaps find some strategies for handling their own feelings. You can also work at communicating regularly and lovingly with your children so you can be aware of the challenges they are facing. They should know that you are a safe person to talk to, that you won’t be too shocked when they share something with you, and that you will work through issues with them in a healthy manner, preserving their God-given dignity. Allow for different maturity levels among your children. Learning discernment is a gradual transfer of responsibility from the parent to child as their ability to reason develops. A newborn has no discernment at all, but by the time our offspring have reached “adult” age, we expect them to be making prudent choices most of the time. However, there is no abrupt cut-off at age 18; young adults still need parental input and guidance, although our goal is to launch them into independence. We all need accountability, even as older adults. I actually welcome my children making observations about my choices, as long as they are halfway respectful about it. They might say, “Mom, why are you watching that TV show? It’s not very edifying!” or “Mom, don’t you think what you just said was gossip?” Fair enough! Our lives are open books, aren’t they? And speaking of that, you may wish to share examples of how God has guided you through your decisions in life, such as in relationships, finances, schedule, educational options, career, ministries, health care, etc.


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Give your children a vision for the future. What kind of men and women do they want to be? Do they realize that the choices and habits they are making now affect their future in vital ways? I liken this to packing a toolbox. If a plumber or electrician or carpenter goes off to a job and doesn’t have the appropriate tools (drills, wrenches, nails, etc.) then he is ill-equipped for his job. If our children go off into life without the tools of diligence, wisdom, purity, respect, and other virtues, they will be ill-equipped to deal with what life throws at them. So their job is to pack their life toolbox now and prepare for success. They need these character qualities now, anyway, not just as adults! When you do see your children making wise choices, be sure to tell them! This can help guard them from wanting to give up, and they will be motivated to repeat the good things that you have appreciated in them. Remember that you are a gatekeeper. You decide what comes in and out of your home, and where your children go. You have the right to say “no” to whatever you think might harm your children, while at the same time allowing them increasing flexibility to make their own choices under your guidance. You need to provide wise leadership to your children in choosing friendships, books, music, movies, hobbies, group classes, and other things that may influence their attitudes and choices. Please remember that not everything that is labeled Christian is reliable or consistent with your family’s standards and values. There is a lot of religious crud out there! An author who has written one good solid book might be totally off base in another. The same thing goes for magazines, musicians, public speakers, etc. Be aware and beware! Here are a few tools to help you safeguard your children.

♥ Literature reviews from family values home school mom: www.bookangles.com ♥ Music and video game reviews, visit www.almenconi.com ♥ For movie reviews, visit Focus on the Family’s www.pluggedinonline.com ♥ For free Internet filtering, www.k9webprotection.com/

Provide worldview training. Show how Christian thinking compares with other belief systems and ideologies. There are many books, workshops, and camps available to Christian families. Some authors to look for are Dr. Francis Schaeffer, Lee Strobel, David Noebel, R.C. Sproul, and Jeff Meyers. You could ask one of your pastors to teach a worldview class to home school students or to the church body at large. Our own church is using The Truth Project DVD series (www.TruthProject.org) produced by Focus on the Family. Summit Ministries (www.summit.org) also has good materials and events. Choose academic resources consistent with a Biblical worldview. For creationist resources, be sure to check out the Creation Studies Institute web site at (www.creationstudies.org). Answers in Genesis (www.answersingenesis.org) has built a new state-of-the-art Creation Science Museum (www.creationmuseum.org) in Kentucky. Teach your children to think clearly and thoroughly. Train them to pay close attention to what they are studying, rather than doing the mere minimum to get through an assignment. (The Charlotte Mason methods of oral and written narration can help them with this.) Help them to search out the deeper themes in literature, rather than

http://bookangles.com/info/titles.htm

http://www.almenconi.com/

http://www.pluggedinonline.com/

http://www.k9webprotection.com/

http://www.truthproject.org/

http://www.summit.org/

http://www.creationstudies.org/

http://www.answersingenesis.org/

http://www.creationmuseum.org/


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just recalling details. Keep track of current events and trends (culture, politics, etc.), and evaluate them in light of the truth of Scripture. Teach logical thinking skills, such as spotting fallacies in reasoning. Help them write out a pro-con list and/or brainstorming pages when they are making decisions. Let your children face the consequences of these choices, especially as they get older. Experience can teach what lectures often can’t. Show your children that they can’t always judge a situation or a person by first appearances or impressions. Discernment requires getting the whole picture, not depending on stereotypes or snap judgments. We don’t have to be afraid of truth or of stretching our perspective, and we can still learn something valuable even from those who might hold a different view of things than we do. Remind your children that being discerning sometimes requires making difficult, inconvenient or unpopular choices. Encourage them that the eventual rewards (not always immediate) are worth it. They may have to stand alone when all of their peers (even home schooled ones) are doing something different. They may have to set aside their own desires to defer to the needs of others. They may have to delay instant gratification so they can obtain a more lasting or valuable future benefit.

Prepare Your Children to Face Adversity

In the summer of 2004, three destructive hurricanes blew through our area of Central Florida in a period of just six weeks. Our family had some major inconveniences from these, and eventually had to get a new roof, but that was nothing compared to the devastation that Hurricane Katrina wreaked upon New Orleans and the rest of the Gulf Coast just a year later. I can’t even imagine picking up the pieces of life after that. However, much of what we “weather” in life is not wind and rain, but other kinds of adversity. The storms of life will come and go, but will your child be prepared or be blown away? In some ways, home schooling appropriately shelters children from many storms of life. In other ways, it can prepare them to be even more effective in dealing with challenging and disappointing situations. This process takes effort on the parents’ part as they try to discern the balance of sheltering and preparing. There are many ways any parent can help prepare a child for weathering the storms of life. Cultivate a sense that God is in control, no matter what happens. Show how faith, hope, and love can conquer depression, fear, and anger. We don’t always understand what is happening, but we can trust a sovereign God. In showing God’s providence and our need for perseverance, you can use Bible stories (such as Joseph, Ruth, or David), Bible verses (such as Psalm 43:5, James 1:2-4, Romans 5:3-5, Romans 8:26-39, 1 Peter 1:6-9, and Habakkuk 3:17-19), hymns and worship songs, and prayer. Many children are disillusioned when they pray and God doesn’t answer as they want him to. Explain that sometimes he answers yes, sometimes no, and sometimes wait. Share stories from your own life when you asked God for something that would not have been good for you, and how you are glad you didn’t get your own way. You can also model a wholesome response to trials in your own life. Your children are always watching you!


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Equip your child with both skills and responsibility ahead of time. Don’t coddle your children – challenge them! If you make life too easy for them, they will never be strong enough to face the outside world. Stretch them appropriately in their academics and household chores, and don’t let them give up on an assignment just because they think it is too hard. Children who have learned to value responsibility and duty over comfort and convenience will have more inner strength to face challenges in life. There are also specific skills you can teach that will help your child prevent or solve problems that they might possibly face. At various stages of their lives, you may wish to cover first aid, home safety, emergency survival skills, map reading, traffic rules, self defense, time management, money management, organization skills, household repair, etiquette, and communication, etc. With younger children, role play “What If?” games, asking what they could do if they got lost at the mall or a dog started chasing them or another child dared them to do something wrong. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Teach Biblical peacemaking concepts. Walk your children through how to resolve conflicts, which are often either the cause or result of life’s storms. Peacemaker Ministries (www.peacemaker.net) has many wonderful resources, especially their Young Peacemakers curriculum by Corlette Sande. Adversity should not be an excuse for conflict. It can become a way to draw together with the ones we love. Let your children “own” their trials. You can comfort them and brainstorm with them, but don’t be quick to offer easy answers. Make it a dialogue, where you are merely coaching them through solving their own problems. Give plenty of time – don’t rush through this process! Follow up later on to see how well they are coping with the aftermath, and if there is any bitterness or confusion. Teach your children to think ahead of time about the consequences of their choices. “If I do this, then that could happen.” Let them suffer the natural consequences of their own poor behavior, since they will learn from that more than from a lecture. Do not let them whine, sulk, or manipulate others. Hold them responsible for their share of conflicts, rather than simply blaming the other party to salvage a child’s feelings. If you see your child reacting to a frustration with bitterness, accusation or impatience, stop them and role play a calm, wholesome response. I no longer allow my children to yell, “THIS IS STUPID!” Instead, they may say, “I don’t understand this.” And finally, encourage your child to look for a life lesson that God is trying to teach them through this. If they caused their own problem, they could learn to repent and prevent situations from happening like this again. In a situation that was not the child’s fault, they can learn patience to endure, faith in God’s care, and compassion for others who are suffering. Be sure to point out “evidences of grace” that you see in your child’s life because of this trial that has helped them to mature. Teach your child to be flexible enough to adjust to circumstances. They should develop the ability to switch to Plan B without undue agony, because rigidity is not an asset in life. Sometimes we have to think "outside the box" and get past being a control freak about our own agenda. For example, my then 12 year old daughter Lydia was trying to make a special welcome home dinner for one of her sisters when she ran into some obstacles. First, the ground beef wasn’t thawed out enough to make meatballs. We decided to do a roast instead. Then we found out that our oven coil was broken, so we had to cut up the meat into chunks and make a stew on the stovetop instead. We sent a loaf of

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braided egg bread over to a neighbor’s house to bake, and instead of cupcakes, she used the batter to make frosted pancakes! Plan B turned out to be yummy! There are so many times when life doesn’t go as we plan, whether it is a rained out picnic or a failed science experiment. We all have to learn to roll with the punches and not get bitter. If our children learn this while they are young, they will be light years ahead of the game! In your home schooling time, be aware of teachable moments. Read plenty of heart-reaching books where the people face difficult circumstances and talk about how well they handled this. While studying science, point out instances in the natural world where “adversity” is necessary to produce the best results: precious metals refined, gemstones hacked out of mines and chiseled into shape, muscles exercised, tree roots growing deep for nourishment and anchoring, etc. Math can be a major source of frustration. However, it can model more general problem solving principles, such as staying calm in the knowledge that the problem is here to teach something valuable, following instructions, breaking it down into smaller parts, thinking through the different options, working carefully with keen attention to detail, asking for help when necessary, and checking to make sure the solution is reasonable. See how even the academic aspects of home schooling can prepare your child for facing the storms of life? What a blessing!

A Sense of “Calling” for Life

Another goal of home schooling is to prepare our children for their role in the adult community as they move into the working world. This is not just an academic exercise in career planning, but a matter of the heart. You see, God has designed each one of us for a special spot in the scheme of history. At each season of life, he places us where our unique gifts and abilities can be developed and put to productive use. At times, it seems like our talents are hidden away, but he brings out each one of his treasures as he needs them. The saga of Joseph in Genesis 37-50, illustrates this concept beautifully. From Joseph's teen years, God gave him grand dreams for his life -- dreams which made his older brothers so intensely jealous that they sold him into slavery. From there he bounced back and forth between servitude and power. He was ultimately appointed second-in-command of Egypt, in charge of stewarding the nation through seven years of famine. Later, when Joseph had both excuse and opportunity for retribution against his brothers, he realized that though they had intended to harm him, it was all part of God's perfect plan. The Lord fulfilled the calling over a period of twenty years, even when Joseph was oppressed and “forgotten.” His purpose was not just to turn Joseph from a shepherd boy into a powerful ruler, or even to spare Egypt and the surrounding nations from starvation. These events ultimately played a crucial part in Jehovah's redemptive plan for all nations in history through the earthly lineage of the Messiah. He also has a destiny for each of us which interlocks with his eternal agenda! He doesn't reveal the details all at once, but neither does he leave us clueless about where we fit in. He expects us to faithfully use the gifts he has given: "We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." Romans 12:6-8 Do your children have any idea of what God is calling them to do in life? Are they


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aware of how he has endowed them with gifts and talents to be used for his service? Do they have any inkling of how to use their spiritual influence to impact the nations for Christ? Not only do we have spiritual gifts, we also have “secular” talents which can be used for God's glory. He has equipped artists, engineers, nurses, car mechanics, chefs, linguists, inventors, receptionists, computer whizzes, bricklayers, research scientists, plumbers, authors, politicians, farmers, bookkeepers, and everyone else. What would we do without them? Where does your child fit in? What will he or she do for a living? Of course, not all of these talents will be used in a paying career. Some will be used in the family, among friends, in the church, and in the community. Perhaps we can't put a price tag on these efforts, but we can still appreciate their worth. God's gifts and callings are not always apparent in young children, but are illuminated slowly over the years as they explore their interests and aptitudes. Often, God's direction for a person is affirmed by those who know him well. Other times, profile tests can be useful. It is important for us to be more aware of these things so we can plan a logical course of study leading to proficiency and enjoyment in the targeted occupation or ministry. In all our plans, let's seek the will of the Sovereign Lord, who can instantly change the course of our lives in very unexpected ways. ―Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend

a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that.'‖ James 4:13-15

―Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.‖

Proverbs 19:21 As we think about preparing our children for their calling in life, we can learn some lessons from the life of Hudson Taylor. I once read a biography of Hudson Taylor to my children which gave me some insight into home schooling. Hudson’s parents, James and Amelia, home schooled the children through reading aloud, dictation, grammar, French, Latin, arithmetic and plenty of heart-enriching nature study. More importantly, however, they were carefully trained in the Scriptures, having family devotions after breakfast and at afternoon tea. Next came a time of fervent prayer. James also gathered the children at bedtime for prayer with his arms around them. Then he would dismiss them to their own rooms for a time of private Bible reading, saying, “Learn to love your Bible, for God cannot lie. He cannot mislead you. He cannot fail.” Visiting preachers would delight the children with conversations about theology and missions.

This sounds like the ideal home school setting for spiritual growth, and indeed it was. However, there were some significant bumps along the way! At age 15, Hudson went to work for a bank, but unfortunately his materialistic and skeptical co-workers had a big influence on the boy. He wrestled with doubt about his childhood faith, and eventually turned away from it. Providentially, after several months, an eye disease forced him to quit his job. He sulked gloomily around the house, which irritated his father, who wasn’t aware of his son’s spiritual struggles. One day, shortly before he turned 17, he picked up a Gospel booklet in the parlor and decided he would read the story at the beginning but close it when it got to the “preachy” part. However, he read it all the way through, and was so


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taken by the concept of “the finished work of Christ,” that he was gripped with conviction and prayed to receive Jesus as his Savior. Unbeknownst to him, at that very moment, his mother, visiting a relative 50 miles away, was called by God to pray for the conversion of her son. She stayed on her knees in fervent intercession until she received assurance that her pleas had been answered. Hudson’s younger sister Amelia had also been praying every day for a month for her brother. After a period of spiritual growth and local service, Hudson felt called by God to go as a missionary to China, where the Gospel was virtually unknown. He did not know until many years later that his parents had prayed, shortly before his birth, to bear a son who would bring God’s word to that very country. He did indeed! After going through medical school (while living austerely and trusting in God alone for his finances) he set sail for China. Adopting native dress and hairstyle, he was a faithful evangelist, Bible translator, doctor, and mission organizer. By the time of Hudson Taylor’s death at age 73, the China Inland Mission had recruited 800 missionaries, raised 7.5 million dollars and converted 30,000 Chinese people to Christianity. I think this story can give hope to parents who are doing the best they can, but they have children who may or may not always “get” the message of the Christian life. Get a vision, lay the foundation, build on it wisely, and as you go, pray, pray, pray! Don’t get resentful if your child seems to reject your faith and values because that will only drive him further away. Wait and see what God can do. It could be that he doesn’t want you to depend on your efforts, but fully on his grace to save and transform your child’s life. He must get the glory!

Nations & Generations: Home Schooling to Make a Difference in the World

Like James and Amelia Taylor in the 1880s, one of my goals has been to inspire my children to see how they can make a difference in this world for God’s glory. "Nations and generations!" has been the cry of my heart, echoing the cry of God's own heart. We've studied cultural geography to learn about how people live and what they believe, and we've talked about missions, but sometimes reading a biography about a missionary who lived a hundred years ago is too remote. We need to know that is going on the world right now - and how we can participate! Learning about global current events via the Internet, newspapers and TV news has also been quite fruitful, though we have to fight the tendency to be armchair spectators. Just knowing about a crisis around the globe does nothing to alleviate it. I realize that the most important lesson will be personal example. What do they see me doing and what can we do together? We've always made a point to send both money and tangible items towards missions. Please understand that as I write the following examples, I am not trying to brag. Instead, I write to share a testimony of the Lord's faithfulness to our family as we are trying to serve him globally, as well as offer some practical ideas for your own families. As I mentioned earlier, in the summer of 2005, my two oldest daughters, Mary (then 18) and Julia (then 16) traveled to Bolivia on mission trips hosted by our church. Julia returned three more times after that. She has a real heart for the people of Bolivia and for extending the Kingdom of God. After she returned from there the first time, she hung a Bolivian sugar sack over her bed. Then over the following weeks and months, she did something that I considered most unusual: she taped up a whole bunch of newspaper


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photos of people around the world who are suffering from war, famine, injustice, and natural disasters. My eyes welled with tears when I realized why she had done this. On her nightstand, heavily marked and highlighted throughout, was the book Ministries of Mercy: The Call of the Jericho Road by Timothy J. Keller. There are a lot of things I wish I had taught my children all throughout their home school years, but I’m glad to see that they are at least developing hearts for compassion, service, and world missions. I wrote this poem when Julia went to Bolivia her third time, for three months…

To Bolivia, With Love (A Bolivia, Con Amor)

by Virginia Knowles

To Bolivia: Out of my ten, Julia is just one But a full one she is One full of life and love and laughter One for you, from me

With bubbles and balloons for your little ones And a Bible in her language and yours, side by side (It speaks love in any language) How beautiful are the feet that bring Good News: She will walk in your mountains (Lord, have mercy! Snakes, be still!) And she will give hugs in your villages Speak words of grace, too And so she will love and listen and learn Just a short while Though it seems so long to a mother far away And even if she leaves a part of her heart in you Even if she empties herself for you This is the paradox: I know you will send her back full From Bolivia, with love How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!" Isaiah 52:7


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As I re-edit this book in 2011, my daughters Rachel (20) and Joanna (18) are in Chiavari, Italy for three months living with missionary friends and teaching English as an outreach to the community. Whenever my children have the chance to travel abroad to serve, I cheer them on! Sure, I miss them, but I love to see them venture out! And so I wrote this poem for them!

To Italy with Love (In Italia con Amore)

by Virginia Knowles for Rachel and Joanna on February 2, 2011

To Italy with love, I send two daughters Together on a mission to go forth, beyond! To their ancestral homeland of beauty and ancient lore For the love of Gesú and ordinary people Story by story: telling truth Stitch by stitch: knitting hearts Meal by meal: nourishing souls Sweet Sovereign Spirit In and through these two And those who came before And those who shall come after evermore Kindle a fresh flame, a new Renaissance in Italy When art retells the gospel glory And minstrels sing Amazing Grace May a rebirth of your vibrant presence abide in this place Neighbor by neighbor, village by village Bring your abundance of life to Italy with love. Sì, abbondanza di vita in Italia con amore.

On the home front, my kids have had a lot of fun stuffing shoeboxes with small items for needy children around the world, and then delivering them to a Samaritan’s Purse (www.SamaritansPurse.org) drop-off point. Our church's Sunday School did this as a project this past year and gathered over 100 boxes! This is a worthy ministry organization that I highly recommend. Our children have also helped pack care boxes for pastors in the Ukraine and children in Mexico to be personally delivered by friends. One year, the girls collected blankets from our friends and neighbors to be sent to Sudan for Voice of the Martyrs’ Blankets of Love program (www.persecution.com). VOM has been a terrific resource to us. We've read their magazine articles about the persecuted church around the world, watched their excellence children's video (Stephen's Test of Faith), and subscribed to their children's quarterly, LINK magazine. On the topic of persecution, also be sure to check out the International Christian Concern web site at www.persecution.org for information on the International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church, which occurs each November.

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In 2001, we assembled gift baskets for Indian and Chinese students at UCF, followed up by a traditional American Thanksgiving dinner for them at our house. The kids worked hard to prepare the meal and decorate the house. They also had a chance to share their own talents with our guests: one sang a Thanksgiving hymn, one played the piano, etc. We got quite an education about Indian culture that evening as our guests shared about religious pilgrimages, arranged marriages, idol worship, and other Hindu customs. This was a wonderful extension to the unit study on Asia that we had been doing. Since it was Thanksgiving, we jumped on this opportunity to watch an animated video about William Bradford and the pilgrim colony with our guests. This naturally led into a discussion about the stark difference between the American form of government and the Chinese way, and introduced our guests to the Christian faith in gentle and winsome way. For Christmas the year I was pregnant with Ben, my daughter Mary (then 16) gave me the gift of prenatal care -- for a woman in Africa! She ordered this gift in my honor through Harvest of Hope, an outreach ministry of Partners International. You can "send" such unusual gifts as goats for milk and breeding, native language Bibles, bicycles for church planters, school supplies, sewing machines for cottage businesses, emergency medical kits, well-building supplies and more! Call 1-888-887-2786 or visit www.harvestofhope.org to see a catalog of gifts in different price ranges. One spring, we hosted a whole bunch of missionary kids for a party at our home while their mothers enjoyed an elegant tea at a friend's house. This was a great opportunity for my children to use their creativity to extend hospitality to our little guests. Another year at Christmas time, some of my daughters helped me distribute little Christmas outreach packets to our neighbors, which included a greeting with an original Christmas poem and a Gospel of John. We hung these on doorknobs with pretty ribbon. For the past several years, we have been committed to sharing as much as we can with Headson Makazinga, a village pastor and church planter in Malawi and Mozambique. The proceeds from my Learner’s Journal lesson planner go to him for Bibles, hymnals, conference expenses, and orphan care. We also produce and ship Chichewa language tracts for him to distribute. The children have helped with this endeavor. Some families decide to sponsor a child through Compassion International or another trustworthy organization. This provides the child with money for food, clothing, and school expenses. Your own children can correspond with them, too. Nations and generations! We can make a difference in the world if we look beyond the borders of our own countries and realize there are billions who haven’t heard of Jesus and his love.

Justice & Mercy

―He has showed you, O man, what is good.

And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.‖ Micah 6:8

One of the greatest privileges of educating my own children is the opportunity to

teach them about the themes of justice and mercy. Whether we are studying classic

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literature, history, geography, current events, careers, science & technology, health, home economics, and even math applications, these concepts can be woven through our curriculum. Take a few moments and think of how you can do this. Human nature being what it is, the drama of conflict and suffering unfolds down through the ages and across the world. I want my children to be able to respond not just with their heads, but with their hearts. I want them to evaluate ideas and actions in light of the truth of Scripture. In addition to what I have already listed in the “Nations and Generations” section, here are a plethora of ideas for incorporating the concepts of justice and mercy into all of the subjects of your education program.

Scripture: Study what the Bible says about the subjects of justice and mercy. You

can do a search on these words in Scripture at www.BibleGateway.com. For starters, take a look at the entire chapter of Isaiah 58. Think about how you can apply it in your own lives!

Family Life: Model justice and mercy in your family relationships through

fairness and mutual respect, but also patience with others who aren’t holding up their end of the bargain. Teach your children to endure perceived offenses without undue fussing. Children love to cry, “It’s not fair!” Usually this means they haven’t gotten their own way. Life isn’t always fair, but a lot of the time we just need to go with the flow, allowing someone else to go first or get the bigger share. Yes, there is a time to stand up for yourself and for others, especially in matters of moral conscience or flagrant injustice, but much of the time we just need to yield rights and show preference to others.

Community Service: Foreign mission projects are exciting, but they aren’t the only ways for our children to serve God and others. There is so much to be done in our own communities! Part of this is just being aware of needs as they come up, such as babysitting for a struggling family, serving at a church event, mowing a neighbor’s lawn, or planting flowers during a community day. But we can also take the initiative for planned community service. One of our friends took her girls to visit a nursing home every week. Teens might tutor and mentor disadvantaged elementary age students each week through an inner city ministry. Some churches organize periodic service projects for the youth, such as packing food at a homeless ministry. Habitat for Humanity (www.habitat.org) also offers work projects building homes for the disadvantaged.

Perspectives: Learn to think from other people’s perspective and give them the benefit of the doubt. When we observe other people who are different from us or disagree with us, it is easy to get judgmental and critical. This is a poor example to our children. We need to walk a mile in the other man’s moccasins, and take the plank out of our own eyes before we dig around for the speck in someone else’s eye. As home school families, we can look pretty strange to other people and we want them to think well of us even if we don’t agree. Let’s extend the same courtesy. We may be strange, but let’s be gracious, too.

History and Literature: Read well-written books, especially biographies and

historical fiction. Talk about how people in these stories made just or unjust decisions, how these affected other people, how they responded to one another, what they could have done differently, etc. If we are reading about slavery or some other time of great injustice, I want my children to think of how they would have responded. When she was 10 and we

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were studying the Holocaust, my daughter Rachel asked if I would have sheltered Jews during World War II. I would have done something in the anti-Nazi Resistance movement if I had lived then. But that begs the question: What am I doing about injustice now? How am I living out justice and mercy in the 21st century?

Government: This is another school subject that lends itself to a study of justice

and mercy. For a civics class you can study your country’s executive, legislative and judicial systems to discover how laws are made and enforced. What does the constitution say? What checks and balances are in place to prevent corruption? How are freedom of speech and freedom of religion protected? How are criminals punished? How are minorities and women treated? Next, do a comparative study of various political systems around the world, including republican, democratic, monarchy (with our without a representative government like parliament), communist, socialist, military dictatorship, etc. Find out what life is like in Iran or Cuba. Reading about wars also provides many scenarios for discussion. There are at least two viewpoints for every conflict. No one is entirely right or wrong. Each side has reasons for acting as they did. Innocent civilians suffer for poor decisions made by their governments and are not “the enemy” themselves. You can discuss concepts such as “just cause” for revolt against an unjust government, reasonable force, aggression vs. self-defense, pacifism, etc. We should apply this to various conflicts, past and present. This is excellent material for logic and thinking skills.

Current Events: When you read the newspaper or watch a news program, talk

about the concept of justice. Was the court decision fair? Why is this person claiming discrimination? What programs should the federal or state government fund? How does the welfare system work, and is it effective? What policies should the government set about issues such as euthanasia or stem cell research?

Writing: For language arts, you can study vocabulary (integrity, justice,

righteousness, compassion) and assign creative writing projects relating to justice and mercy. “What would you do if you found an iPod on the floor of the science museum at a field trip?” “If you had $500 to give to five different charitable organizations, which would you choose and why?” Whom do you know who embodies the concepts of justice and mercy? Write them an encouraging letter! Many folks are discouraged in the midst of their service, and your kind words of affirmation could give them just the moral boost they need to continue. Think about it!

Careers: Discuss workplace ethics from your own family’s experiences as well as

news stories. Talk about how a person’s actions affect others. If an employee embezzles money or isn't a good steward of resources, it makes prices go up for the customers. If an employer discriminates in hiring or firing or allows harassment, this reduces employee morale as well as hurting the offended party. Our actions affect others!

Civil Protest: Talk about boycotting and picketing as a means of non-violent social

protest. How have these been used throughout history? What has been the result in various circumstances? Are there any products or companies that you boycott? Why? Would you ever picket? If you have a TV, watch the news for labor union disputes, environmental activism, and other forms of protest.


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Education: Talk about the ethics of education. What does it mean to cheat on a

test or plagiarize writing? (One of my children seemed to make a huge leap in her ability to do addition using our homemade flash cards, until I realized that the paper was thin enough for her to see the answers on the back!) I need to teach my older children how to properly attribute a quote to another source, and how much word for word excerpting is appropriate in various kinds of writing. Home school moms obviously have to help their children with schoolwork, but do give some thought to how much is appropriate for each age level and situation. At some point, children do need to think for themselves. If they need to take a chapter test, go ahead and prepare them ahead of time for it, but then just let them do it! They need an honest appraisal of their performance. We shouldn’t always shield them from that! As long as we are on this topic, are you adequately complying with state requirements for home education?

Fairy Tales: Fairy tales often present a simplified view of justice. The lines

between good and evil are clearly drawn since little people can’t always understand the nuances of more complicated characters and plots. In the older versions, the villain (the big bad wolf, the wicked witch, etc.) usually meets his or her doom in the form of death. The newer non-violent versions have the bad guy chased away “never to be seen again” or reformed due to the innocent example of the child hero. Most times there still is that sense of closure, the “happily ever after” that young children need to assure them that all is well and the world is safe. At some point in time, children need to mature to the point where they can appreciate a more realistic story that may not have a tidy ending.

Games and sports: A little healthy competition provides great opportunities to

practice fair play, good sportsmanship, following the rules, taking turns, and being kind to someone who is less experienced or physically able. If your child is struggling with team cooperation, ask him, “What would you say to a player acting like this if you were the coach?” You can also find out what kinds of games and sports are played around the world, especially in Third World countries where they don’t have fancy toys. Can you send a box of soccer balls to an orphanage overseas? Justice and mercy are so close to God’s heart. If we want to reflect his image, they must be close to ours as well. British ministry leader Mike Pilavachi encourages Christians to not turn away from news about injustice or oppression or poverty, but to act. ―Because the truth is, if we don‘t look properly, we‘ll never cultivate a true heart of compassion. If we want our hearts to be changed, then we need to get involved. Often I think we‘re afraid to see things fully because we know that once we have, we can never plead ignorance to God; we‘ll have blown that excuse out of the water.‖ 3 Pilavachi quotes Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. as saying, ―We will have to repent in this generation for not merely the cruel words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people.‖ So I plead with you, my fellow home school parents, as you rightly shelter your children in some ways, don’t isolate yourself or them from the needs of the world that God has called us to serve in his name. If we don’t, who will? 3 Mike Pilavachi, When Necessary Use Words: Changing Lives Through Worship, Justice and Evangelism, published by Regal Books. First quote is on page 114. Second quote is on page 132.


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I recently taught a workshop called "With Literature and Justice for All" about how to teach ethics using historical fiction, biographies, poetry, speeches, and documents. I developed this chart as part of my handouts.

"Virtuous Reality"

Virtue Reality Wisdom & Understanding ~ discernment to know what is TRUE and how to apply it to life; listening to others to find out what (and why) they are thinking and feeling; getting the whole story without bias; respecting other perspectives that may differ from your own. See Proverbs & James 1:5-8; 3:13-18.

You can't believe everything you see or hear. Many people are ignorant and/or deceptive. Many are also biased and cast an unfair light on the opinions of others, leading to prejudice and discrimination. Not only this, but there is an information explosion with TV, Internet, newspapers, magazines, and more. What is true, real, important and relevant?

Integrity & Honesty ~ doing & saying what is right and true, no matter what ~ knowing & following convictions even at great cost. See 2 Corinthians 1:12, Ephesians 4:25-28.

We often have to stand alone. We also have to overcome the desire for ease, popularity, wealth that might tempt us to compromise.

Courage ~ bravery & valor in the face of physical limitations, opposition, difficulty, or danger. See Joshua 1:9, Hebrews 11 and 1 Corinthians 16:13.

We are not promised an easy life in Christ. Our ultimate safety is in heaven, not on earth. It takes faith in God's care for us to dare to stand firm and risk danger for justice and mercy.

Compassion ~ ability to notice another's need, show mercy, and do something to alleviate suffering and/or bring joy. See Psalm 112, Colossians 3:12-14, James 2.

People are hurting now more than ever, but many don't show it or we don't know them already. Have we isolated ourselves from suffering by apathy or ignorance?

Justice ~ not only treating others fairly, but working for truth, liberty, and equity in the society and culture as a whole. See Isaiah 58, Amos 5, Micah 6:8, and Matthew 23:23.

Many people are only out for themselves, willing to cheat, lie, slander, steal, exploit, and even murder to get their own way. Imagine living in a third world country where the government is corrupt or inept.

Peacemaking ~ seeking to extend peace to those who oppose us, as well as mediate between others (individuals and/or groups) in conflict. Also, preventing conflict from happening in the first place. See Matthew 5:9, Romans 12:9-21, 1 Peter 3:8-12.

War, gangs, and lawsuits are daily news. Conflict is an inherent part of human nature. Much of this is due to selfishness, but also plain misunderstanding and ignorance certainly factor in too.

Patience ~ self-control when tempted to be angry, endurance when tempted to quit, the willingness to wait when tempted to demand what we want right now. See Proverbs 15:18, 16:32, 19:11, Romans 8:18-30.

We all want it "yesterday if not sooner!" This is the age of instant gratification, and much injustice occurs simply because we have not learned to wait and to control our selfish impulses.

Aim for the heart! Our agenda is so much bigger than spelling tests and science experiments. I encourage you to seek out the Lord's will for each of your children, and to work diligently and purposefully according to what he reveals. Get a vision for something bigger! With the grace of God, our children can be a shining testimony to the world in the way they conduct their business, raise their families, worship the Lord, and serve the needy. That's a powerful motivation for me as I carry out the daily duties of being a home school mom!


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THEORY & PRACTICALITY: HOW DOES EDUCATION REALLY WORK?

As abstract as they may seem, your educational theories and philosophy will make a daily difference in your home school experience. Have you taken the time to research the major approaches to home education, think about how they apply to your family and write down your own particular opinions and goals?

Working With the Author of Life As you sort through educational issues, it is helpful to note the various components that need to make up the package. On one side is The Student with his or her unique abilities and interests at this age or stage. On the other side is The Body of Knowledge that you wish to impart to The Student. By what means will you do this? Enter Teacher, Materials, Methods, Schedule/Sequence, and Setting. Yes, we have a Who, What, How, When and Where. Is that all you see? Is there something missing? Of course! You can get this sort of mechanistic approach to education in any secular academic journal. While all of these are necessary, there is no true education without constant reference (and reverence) to the Author of Life. To borrow an illustration from a traditional college model, I like to think of God as the Professor, and myself as a Graduate Assistant. As I teach, I am fully accountable to my omniscient Boss, who opens the bountiful library of his wisdom (Scripture) to direct me through his plans for each branch of our studies. He is also always “on call” (through prayer) to discuss the students, course contents, format, curriculum, schedule or whatever else befuddles me at the moment. And though I have had years of education myself, I am still learning right along with my students. If we see Jesus as the prime mover in education, this infuses life into learning. No longer shall we merely learn a list of uninspired facts to regurgitate later. Now we see it as the process of discovering the world that he has made, seeing his divine hand intervening in human affairs throughout time (history) and space (geography), developing the gifts and skills that he has given us to serve others. Most of all, it is becoming who he wants each of us to be on the inside where a standardized test cannot measure the results.

Entering into Your Own Philosophy of Education With this emphasis on keeping God at the center of education, it is nevertheless tempting to look around at whatever our concept is of a “godly home school family pursuing academic excellence” and then to try to imitate every tidbit of what we read or hear. During my first several years of motherhood, I devoured books and magazines by Mary Pride. Her profound influence on me is one reason that we have ten children and are such avid home school advocates. She published over a dozen of my own articles in her various magazines and newsletters, and though I do not agree with her on every point, I have a deep respect for all the hard work she has done on behalf of the home school movement. In my early years of family life, I idolized her so much that I wrote her a letter and suggested that she make a video about her family, featuring home schooling, home business... home everything! It would be so perfect, wouldn’t it? She quite politely


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declined! Though she was (and is) a home school guru, she was humble and real enough to let me know that her home was not a public showcase and that her family did not belong on a pedestal. In the years since, I have gotten out of the habit of living life according to the question, “What would Mary Pride do?” and started thinking more about “What does Jesus want me to do with my family right now?” (And that is just as Mary Pride would have it!) When we start out being parents or home educators, we have lots of theories about how things will work. Like good lab scientists, we put our theories to the test and see what comes out of the “black box” -- what works, what bombs. We adjust a few things and try again. Oh rats, I still didn’t get the exact results I wanted! But our children aren’t rats nor robots, not angels nor demons. We are very complicated human beings, and we are each unique! What works for yours, or for the expert who wrote that great book, may not work for mine. What worked for my oldest may not work for the next in line. What worked last year may not work this year, even for the same child. You can read all of the home school books, magazines, and web sites, and talk to a gazillion moms in your support group or e-mail loop, but the bottom line is that you have your own family to educate.

Theories, Methods and Materials: Tools for Teaching and Learning Educational theories, methods and materials are very useful tools available to us to accomplish whatever task we need to do right now. Like any tool (from a hammer to a power drill, from an egg beater to a paring knife) you pick it up when you need it, and you lay it aside when you don’t. Some we use every day and always keep close at hand, while others we pull off the shelf once or twice a year for a special occasion. For example, when you teach math, you might have a workbook which you use daily at a regular time. It provides healthy structure so you can cover everything in an orderly way, and it is convenient for you, all laid out as it is with an answer key for quick grading. But when you teach the concepts such as addition or place value, you find it helpful to pull out the math manipulatives (anything from an expensive set of plastic blocks to a handful of raisins) for a personal demonstration that you read about in one of your teacher idea books. When you sense that they need extra speed with computation, you could shelve the workbook for a week or so and just concentrate on drill -- oral, written and/or computerized. Then you show your child the real life application as you cook or build a birdhouse or count out change at the grocery store. You are making wise use of your tools, both tangible and abstract. But these materials and methods are still just tools in the pursuit of the end result. You don’t need to feel obligated to them; they are your servants, not your masters! Likewise, as I sift through the popular home school styles -- traditional textbooks / workbooks, relaxed schooling / unschooling, classical education, technology, unit studies, Charlotte Mason method, etc. -- I find certain things which are useful to me in each one. I have blended them in various amounts at different stages of home schooling, always trying to go for the least fuss and most effectiveness and enjoyment. For the rest of the chapter, I will try to share what I appreciate about each of the major educational approaches, and how they have worked or not worked in our family, in the hopes that you will see something you would like to adapt or avoid. Please keep in my mind that I am not an expert or know-it-all on any of these methods. These are just my humble opinions!


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Traditional Structured Approach: The classroom style of home education, using formal textbooks and/or workbooks, is depended on by many families and disdained by others. As far as the routine schedule, this works well for families who most appreciate structure and who are in a situation where they can easily make it succeed. These children know what they are expected to do at each hour of the day and can develop reliable habits of study and work. If the schedule is not too rigid and is sensitive to the maturity level of each child, it will be a blessing for years to come. But if you have tried to stick to a detailed daily schedule and it just doesn’t fit your family style, you don’t need to feel guilty! Just do what works for you! In my opinion, textbooks and workbooks definitely have their place in the scheme of things. The advantage of the best of these is that a body of knowledge about a certain topic is laid out in an organized and comprehensive fashion. The students can proceed through them sequentially and get a fairly logical overview of a subject. They are convenient for the teacher to assign and grade. On the down side, they can be quite expensive and tedious in large doses. In our early years, we only used traditional workbooks for math and handwriting. However, we now use textbooks and workbooks in many different subjects. I am particularly happy with Apologia Science at all levels. We also use A Beka extensively for middle school and high school history. I’m impressed with many of the readers we have used from Christian Liberty Press, too. Progeny Press and Total Language Plus literature study guides use the “whole book” literature approach and are useful for upper elementary through high school. We have also used various grade levels of the Write Source series with great success. We are diehard Horizons Math users in the elementary grades, though I confess that I rarely read the lesson plans in the teacher manual. Honestly, I still have an aversion to text books, but I am thankful that they are here in this busy season of life just to keep things rolling along. There are many benefits of text books and work books. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You can use them as the main course of the educational diet or you could just serve them as side dishes! If you are interested in the traditional structured home school approach, I recommend reading Home Educating with Confidence by Rick and Marilyn Boyer, which is available from www.thelearningparent.com.

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of the Traditional Approach

♥ Set up a reasonable daily schedule for each family member. ♥ Choose text or workbooks for subjects with sequential skills, like math or grammar. ♥ Textbooks make excellent references for content subjects. ♥ Serious high school subjects often require more formal materials such as textbooks. ♥ Select interesting and attractive materials that you wouldn’t mind using yourself. ♥ Save money by buying used and/or reusable books. ♥ Answer keys will keep you sane and are worth the extra money, especially in the

upper grades. Relaxed Schooling / Unschooling: Almost diametrically opposed to the traditional structured approach, “relaxed schooling” and “unschooling” are both similar and different from one another. They both emphasize real world experience, lower level of structure, interaction with knowledgeable adults, and independent learning based on curiosity and the “need to know” a concept at a particular point in time. “Unschooling” as


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advocated by the late John Holt, takes place when the child chooses what, when and how he wants to learn, with minimal direct adult intervention. In contrast, Dr. Mary Hood, Christian author of The Relaxed Home School, still calls for a low-structure independent learning environment, but advises parents to formulate definite goals and hold the child accountable for progress. The strong points of these approaches are that the child ideally becomes a self-motivated, eager learner who can handle the varied situations that life brings. A child who has been overstressed by typical classroom methods may especially appreciate a period of unschooling.

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Relaxed Home Schooling or Unschooling

♥ Include your child in household projects, errands, community service, etc. Teach as

you go. ♥ Take field trips to interesting places. ♥ Allow an unstructured time each day for the child to pursue her own hobbies and

interests. ♥ Encourage your child to develop relationships with other enthusiastic adults who

have wisdom and skills to impart. ♥ Provide hands-on tools and supplies needed for independent projects and learning. ♥ Fill your home with interesting books about all kinds of subjects! ♥ Allow your child to help pick out learning materials and activities. ♥ Encourage learning as something your child does for himself, not something done

to him. Unit Studies: While I don’t like to be stuck with just one label, this is admittedly my specialty that I return to again and again! Unit study is a natural method of learning which attempts to weave many school subjects (language arts, literature, history, geography, career orientation, science, technology, art, music, math application, etc.) around a chosen topic for a period of time. One goal is for the child to see the logical connections between the subjects. The other goal is to focus on a topic in its “natural habitat” of related information, just like we do in the real world. Knowledge is not split into tidy little isolated boxes, but comes alive as a whole body. You can also present the information on several levels for different members of the family. A big plus is that most of your reading materials are available in your public library, which can make unit studies a very low cost method of education! While I love unit studies, I do have to watch out that I don’t try to make everything we learn fit into the current unit study. Obviously, it would be difficult to teach every math skill using only your unit study, though I have a friend who has done this in the younger grades with a single child. I also can’t expect them to learn everything there is to know about a topic. They would quickly get sick of it! I’d rather pique their interest with a good solid introduction, a framework on which they can hang other related facts they encounter later. My children also have their own interests that sometimes seem to take precedence over my planned theme. When I am tempted to ask, “But what about all those weather books on the shelf?” I have to bite my tongue when I realize they are reading books about other good topics -- like butterflies or the Civil War -- at the moment. If I see them drawing a kangaroo, I don’t say, “But you can’t do that until we study Australia!”


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A possible disadvantage to unit studies is that you do have to invest some planning time, but this can be as simple as doing a computer search for good titles at your library, swooping along the shelves to pick out the best of them, carting them home, assigning books to various children and planning a few related activities. Almost any of these steps can be partially delegated to your children!

You will find more information on unit studies in the Essentials of Educational Excellence chapter, as well as in my book Common Sense Excellence: Faith-Filled Home Education for Preschool to 5th Grade.

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Unit Studies

♥ Choose a theme such as The Human Body, Pioneer Days, Insects, Desert Life or Music.

♥ Decide how long you plan to spend studying this theme. ♥ Write down your goals for what you want your child to learn. Make a list of

subtopics in the areas of literature, science, history, geography, careers, etc. ♥ Use the public library for most of your books! ♥ Plan a few simple hands-on projects, writing assignments or field trips.

Living Books / Charlotte Mason: Miss Charlotte Mason was a late 19th / early

20th century leader in British education. Her Parents National Educators Union schools, in homes and villages around that country, championed natural learning methods, high quality literature, the fine arts, orderly home atmosphere, healthy outdoor time, and the dignity of the child. Her methods, outlined in the six volume Original Home Schooling series, have made a comeback in modern home schooling circles where they are also known as “living books” or “life experiences” education. Mind you, I haven’t yet been able to plow through all of her own writings, but I do appreciate the books and magazine articles I have read about them. If I had to choose one approach to home schooling, this would be it! For language we use dictation, copy work and narration; choose interesting “whole books” written by authors with a passion for their subjects; and teach children to read with a commonsense blend of phonics and sight words. There are so many other ways we have used Charlotte Mason to appreciate art and nature, but to list them would start another whole chapter! My favorite book on this is The Charlotte Mason Companion by Karen Andreola.

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Living Book / Charlotte Mason

♥ Choose interesting “living books” and biographies for reading aloud or independent

study. ♥ Keep lessons short and varied so that the mind does not become dull. ♥ Assess comprehension by oral or written narration, in which the student tells back

to you what he has learned. ♥ Use dictation and copying to practice grammar, handwriting and spelling. ♥ Go on nature walks and draw what you see. ♥ Allow plenty of time for unstructured outdoor play. ♥ Study fine art and listen to excellent music, focusing on one artist at a time.


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Classical Approach: This medieval system of education, revived in this century by British writer Dorothy Sayers, proposes teaching the Trivium, three mental maturity based levels of learning called Grammar, Dialectic and Rhetoric. Hallmarks of the Classical Approach are memorization of facts, classification skills, Latin, formal logic, theology, debate and ancient cultures. Sayers’ goal was “to teach men how to learn for themselves.” Used in private and home schools, it offers a rigorous intellectual education. One major challenge facing parents is to pull together all of the hard-to-find books and supplies needed to fully implement a classical education. Also, for parents who lack a background in such scholarly subjects, the thought of teaching them can be quite intimidating. But this should not prevent parents from picking and choosing some of the classical tools and principles as needed. Our oldest daughter attended a one day a week classical education program for the first two years of high school, and I think it was a productive experience for her! If you are interested in the classical approach, I would recommend reading The Well-Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise, or at least poking around at their web site, www.welltrainedmind.com.

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of the Classical Approach

♥ Give your child Bible verses, short lists of facts, or famous quotes to memorize. ♥ Teach the Latin and Greek roots of modern day words to improve vocabulary skills. ♥ Show your child how to spot logical fallacies (faulty reasoning). ♥ Practice making organized, understandable, interesting public presentations. ♥ Study the history and culture of Ancient Egypt, Greece, Rome, Middle Ages, etc. ♥ Teach your child how to classify animals, plants and other data. ♥ Give your child a thorough overview of Biblical events and concepts. ♥ Hire a tutor or enroll your child in a class to cover a particularly difficult classical

subject. Computer Technology: Not usually seen as a distinct “approach” to education, computer technology has nevertheless become a major part of how we teach our children, often supplanting the use of other methods such as text books. This is partially out of necessity as we’ve entered this new technology-dependent millennium. Computer skills are vital for college education and adult occupations. A computer offers rapid, compact, efficient access to information. It is a very time-saving, patient, “friendly” interactive tutor for basic skills. It gives your child the power to create attractive reports and displays to showcase what they have learned, as well as the ability to quickly communicate with others via e-mail. You can even enroll your child in on-line courses. For example, in our state, students can get credit for free courses offered by the Florida Virtual School at www.flvs.net. Three of my children have taken on-line classes in from FLVS for middle school or high school and we've been very pleased. I am so thankful for the four computers in our home! (I especially love my husband’s laptop which I can take into the bedroom and use while I sit in my favorite rocking chair!) Creating their own blogs has been quite educational for several of my children, as they learn how to edit and upload pictures and videos, design HTML code, and write about science, history, fun activities, and other topics. There are some cautions. We lambaste the use of television as a babysitter, but neither are computers any substitute for a wise and caring human teacher. We should


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always be aware of what our child is doing on the computer (especially if they are using the web) and offer parental guidance along the way. We should put reasonable limits on the time our children spend in front of the screen, and severely curtail the use of time-wasting non-educational games which can hurt the eyes and strain the wrists. After all, the time spent at the computer is time not spent in healthy outdoor play, reading good books, making creative things with the hands or helping around the house. At our house, each child is assigned one specific hour per day, and non-educational games are usually only allowed on weekends.

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Computer Technology

♥ Excellent CD-ROM and on-line software programs (much of it free) are available for all topics and age levels.

♥ Teach your child how to use word processing, spreadsheets, and simple databases.

♥ Do web searches to research information ♥ Let your child use e-mail to correspond with friends and relatives. ♥ Show your child how to create a web page or a blog. ♥ Consider enrolling your child in a web-based or e-mail academic class. We have

been very pleased with the Florida Virtual School (www.flvs.net), which is free to Florida residents but still available to others.

The Cooperative / Group Class Approach: This is quickly becoming one of the

most popular options in the home school movement. Our own family was quite involved in cooperative and group class education for many years. Cooperative education is when a number of families gather together on a regular basis to share the teaching and learning. For example, the last co-op we were in had 100 children, from nursery age through high school, from about 25 families. They meet met all day on Mondays at a local church. Each mother is responsible for teaching or helping in at least two of the four class periods, which cover Math, Science, Social Studies and English. Some students opt out of one or two classes and go to study hall instead. This is an academic co-op, with required homework assignments, rather than a stand-alone enrichment co-op. A team of ladies administrates the group, but all the moms all pitch in to get the job done. For the four years we were members, I really enjoyed teaching the middle school English class (literature, creative writing, grammar, spelling, etc.). I could do things there that I couldn’t do at home, and spend time focusing on creating terrific lessons for one class instead of for all of the subjects and grade levels. We used a mix of different teaching styles, based on the topic and ages of the children, as well as the teacher’s own favorite style. We will likely return to the co-op approach to home schooling sometime in the future. Our children have also taken weekly enrichment classes taught by volunteers at church, as well as paid weekly tutorial classes in high school math and science.

Quick Tips for Using the Best Facets of Cooperative Learning

♥ Pray about the situation before you jump in. Once you make a commitment, you

need to stick with it, so count the cost. What do your husband and children think? ♥ Look for a group that is well-organized, with clear policies for classroom discipline,


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homework, sick children, etc. ♥ Consider what subjects you would enjoy teaching, and plan your lessons with

diligence and creativity, just as you expect the other moms to do for your children. ♥ Make every effort to be there every time and be on time. ♥ Train your children how to behave in a classroom setting, such as learning to raise

their hands, speak respectfully, keep their hands to themselves, etc. Make sure your children complete any required homework, too!

♥ Teach with love and genuine concern for your students, accommodating to their skills levels, but gently stretching them to higher accomplishments.

♥ If you are personally starting a group from scratch, go visit other local co-ops first to see how they work. Take good notes! And try to start small. You can always grow as you go, but if you start out too large, you may have a fiasco on your hands.

The Eclectic Approach: Synthesizing Your Own Style

Are you boggled after reading about the different approaches to home schooling? Which is right? Which is right for your family? If you think about it, what the people who teach these approaches are trying to describe is how you can most effectively allocate your family’s time, money, space, attention and decision making capabilities to secure the best education for your children. To that extent, each one is valuable. I doubt that any single approach offers everything you will ever want, and there are so many overlaps that we can’t even say they are mutually exclusive. I guess I use what I call the Eclectic Approach, attempting to combine the interest and organization of unit study, the natural methods and love for beauty of Charlotte Mason, the order and discipline of traditional education, the freedom and imagination of relaxed home schooling, the scholarship of the classical approach, the convenience and fun of computers, and the accountability of a co-op. I cherish the freedom to pick and choose from whatever will work at the moment with each child. I feel so blessed to be a home school mom just because of that. If you ask me what my philosophy of education is, I would say:

―God is the Creator of the Universe, the Author of Life, the Prime Moving Force in History, and the Ultimate Teacher. He has chosen my husband, children and me to be members of one family, to live and learn together. In his grace and wisdom, he has given parents the awesome responsibility to train and educate children so they can know, worship and serve him in practical ways all of their lives. Our children can learn by being with us, watching us, listening to us, conversing with us, and working with us as we go about our daily lives. Through personal relationships, reading, and writing, they can acquire and share knowledge and skills with others. They can gain direct experience with the world around them through hands-on discovery and projects. They can learn self-discipline as they follow plans that are not all of their own choosing, but they will also enjoy the satisfaction which comes from individually pursuing their own God-given interests and talents.‖


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It it Time for a Change in Home Schooling?

If you are frustrated with home schooling, you may sense a need for change. In fact, you just might be itching to do it differently. Don't be afraid to break out of a rut and start something new. It is wise, however, to take things a little at a time! First re-evaluate why and how you are home schooling. Maybe you need to adapt your curriculum or teaching methods to your growing children or a new understanding of the learning process. A fresh breeze of new ideas can stir through your home school and give you a new burst of energy. Some moms start with a very structured text book program and later decide to loosen up and do things a little more creatively. They might add an occasional unit study, or plan more field trips, activities, and independent projects. Other moms launch out with “100% natural” teaching or unschooling, but then gravitate to a little more structure and routine as their children grow or become more numerous. When our family started home schooling, I thought I would make up our own entire curriculum as we went along. I avoided text books, designed our own worksheets, and racked my brain every day for new ideas. The children learned fairly well this way, but after a few years I realized that I was leaving small gaps in their skills and that I was tired of trying to “reinvent the wheel.” I started investing in more structured curriculum for math, some language arts skills and science. This allows me more time to plan unit studies for history, geography, creative writing, literature, art, etc. We also still liberally use hands-on manipulatives, homemade materials, and other spontaneous learning methods. Our family is now more efficient and more effective, so I am glad I felt the freedom to change. I think it is very important to be sensitive to God's leading as you discern what to do each year for education. It might not be something you expect. We were very happy home schooling with a co-op for many years, but then I felt a strong pull to go back to what my husband calls "pure home schooling" again. I wanted more control of what my children were learning, and longed to use all of the wonderful books on our own shelves, but I'm thankful for the years we had there. This year we are focusing intently on American history. But our switch brought another change that I hadn't foreseen, but which has proved to be a good one. Because we were no longer going to be in co-op, one of my teenage daughters planned to do a combination of on-line work and independent studies until she could start dual enrolling at the local college for the spring semester. We laid out her curriculum plans for the year and enrolled her in her on-line courses. For some reason, however, she could not seem to get motivated to work without assignments from teachers, and the college stopped accepting dual enrollment students from our county. We needed to think of something else. As it turned out, she started as a public school student for her sophomore year of high school. I had complete peace about this decision, and she has done quite well there in every way, working very hard to maintain top grades in challenging classes. It's not what I originally planned, but it's working! Home school moms don't need to feel embarrassed about laying aside curriculum or teaching techniques that just aren't working right now. Effectively meeting our children's educational needs is more important than justifying the time and money we have already spent concocting a program that doesn't work. Maybe you can adapt the program to fit your needs, save it for later, try it with another child, lend it to a friend, or sell it. We all make occasional blunders when choosing materials or methods. It is part of our growth as teachers!


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Education for the Future: What About College? College is a huge issue for many home school parents. It is for us. My oldest four daughters all started dual enrolling in the local community college when they were 16 or 17 years old. This is an extremely common practice among the home schooled young people here in Central Florida, because it is an economical way (free tuition!) to get a jump on college credits, and it takes a teaching burden off the parents for the more advanced courses. I don’t have any complaints about how this has worked out in our family, except that it is definitely a step away from the home school lifestyle. You just don’t have as much contact and influence over your teens. Plus, you are sending your teen into a culture that is probably alien to your way of life. Many parents think community college is preferable to a high school because the peer culture is less intense and there is less bureaucratic control for parents to wrangle with. Some teens are mature enough to handle this kind of “culture” and some aren’t. We haven’t seen a major detrimental effect on our daughters, who have actually gained more appreciation for the sensibility of the Christian lifestyle after seeing the alternative. They have had to endure a lot of rough talk in the classroom, as well as a lot of anti-religious teaching. Yes, we did wrestle with whether or not to send our oldest daughter to a private Christian college out of state. In the end we decided that we couldn’t afford it (even after scholarships) and we would rather have her home and have some direct oversight in her life. She ended up living at home while attending the state university. We currently have two daughters in college. We try to talk with them pretty regularly about what’s going on in classes and with other students and they have all held their own well enough. We take it as it comes, with much prayer! Many home school parents are opposed to sending their children into a secular college classroom for four years because they are worried about the effect of professors who do not profess a Biblical faith. That is a valid concern, but I don't think we should write off the possibilities for higher education, even in a public university. There are some alternatives to spending all that time in college, though. Granted, some careers (accounting, medicine, engineering, etc.) require a degree for professional certification, but for the rest, possibilities abound for a truly creative and productive education. Some students choose trade school or “college ala carte,” picking only those courses which will be most useful in their individual pursuits. Others design their own liberal arts program by delving into the plethora of great books which reinforce the Christian world view, and illuminate rather than degrade the spirit. Ironically, the most interesting options are offered by a combination of new-fangled technology and the revival of old-fashioned concepts. On the “new” side, there are college level options in computer on-line courses, educational video, teleconferencing, and who knows what else to be developed in the next few years. And, in a return to old style education, we can consider apprenticeship, family business, entrepreneurship, and independent study. Many valuable skills can also be learned in volunteer settings. As God leads, we can customize a quality “higher” education, just as we have been doing all along in the younger years.

~*~*~ Whatever style of teaching and learning you choose for your family, I am confident that with diligence and creativity, you will do a fantastic job. You will make adjustments – some big and some small -- along the way. There is nothing wrong with that at all! Just have a terrific time learning with your own kids!


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ESSENTIALS FOR EDUCATIONAL EXCELLENCE

Home schooling is one of the most challenging jobs there is, yet it also has tremendous potential for shaping the world to come. Few of us would bother if it didn't somehow hold out the hope of more responsible children and excellent results, but it sometimes still seems like a marathon. It can take constant hard work from Mom and Dad, which bites into our own agendas. Focusing on home schooling takes discipline. If you tend to spend school hours concentrating on your own tasks or hobbies while your children work “independently,” you may be physically present but mentally absent. Your prime role during these hours is teacher, so you must be available to explain assignments, answer questions, and untangle frustrations. This is not to say your children should impatiently demand every minute or that you can't fit in snatches of this and that, but Mom's close attention is a key to success. Kids can’t raise themselves effectively! One thing I have always heard in the home school movement is that it is more important for a child to develop strong Christian character than to fill up the brain with skills. This is true! The qualities of faith, honesty, courtesy, generosity, diligence, and others are totally indispensable for pleasing God. Janet, a veteran home school mom of seven, has sage words: “A lot of us have pressure and conflict because our society overvalues academic skills instead of spiritual development and we want our kids to be able to compete in the market place with public-schooled ones. This is particularly acute at the high school level, when you must complete specific amounts of hours, tests, and paper trails in order to get a diploma. I believe that if they have the character and not all the skills, they will be able to excel beyond people who have skills and not the character.” Amen! Of course, the ideal is to teach our children to be strong in both character and practical skills. It's not an either/or situation. In fact, character training moves beyond the theoretical as children learn how to work. They must become productive and diligent with their current school work so they can also effectively serve God and others. Here is my personal list of essentials for educational excellence.

♥ Determine the Style and Capabilities of Each Child ♥ Provide Appropriate Curriculum and Resources ♥ Plan and Assign Lessons ♥ Set Up a Daily School Schedule ♥ Organize Your School Room ♥ Keep Track of School Papers ♥ Clearly Demonstrate Each Educational Skill ♥ Use Academics and Your Example to Develop Practical Life Skills ♥ Add a Little Adventure ♥ Develop a Sense of Teamwork ♥ Evaluate Success ♥ Encourage an Attitude of Excellence


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Determine the Style and Capabilities of Each Child How our children approach and accomplish their work will depend on their unique personality, learning styles, physical development, attention span, and intellectual and emotional maturity. Home school parents must determine how their children learn best, and what level of skills and information they can pursue. There are lots of technical sounding labels in educational theory, but the main point is to find out whether your child needs:

♥ materials and methods which are primarily: visual (sight) -- books, pictures, graphs, diagrams, videos auditory (sound) -- audio CDs, songs, chants, rhythms, discussions, lectures,

videos tactile (touch) -- puzzles, math manipulatives, kits, hands-on activities kinesthetic (movement) -- activities using the large muscle groups

♥ structure (routine and sequence) or spontaneity ♥ solitude (peace and quiet) or companionship (group work) ♥ supervision or independence ♥ logic or intuition

Your research will pay off if you find even one or two hints to help you reach your child more effectively. If you can see that your child's uniqueness is a precious blessing, you will learn to affirm it, not try to “fix” it. Teaching to your child's style can make or break your home school. Another mom once implored me to pray for her family when they started home schooling again. In kindergarten they had used a traditional Christian textbook curriculum and a structured classroom schedule. They were both stressed out and exhausted, so the next year she enrolled him in a Christian school where he repeated kindergarten and went on to first grade. Her son's teachers complained about his classroom behavior, even though he did good work and was relatively compliant. What was the problem? They discovered that he was an active kinesthetic learner! He couldn't sit still in the classroom for hours and do nothing but page after page of workbooks, so he would dutifully finish his work and then go find something else to do. Was he a disruptive child or a budding genius? Wiser from the experience, they started using activity-based unit studies with great success. He has since graduated from high school, and his mom is still joyfully home schooling his younger siblings. As we seek to match assignments to interests, it’s important to find out, “What does my child really want out of this and what is he or she capable of doing?” I often interview my children and ask them about their home school experience. I want to understand their preferences and aptitudes, and most importantly, find out what I can do to help each of them have an enjoyable and effective education. I am sometimes surprised by their answers! While I can't give in to every wish or pet peeve, I am able to make some adjustments. When my oldest daughter was in fifth grade, she told me that she was ready for much more independent study. Our conversation gave us both an extra boost of confidence toward self-directed learning. She would consult with me on her writing and research assignments, discuss what she was learning, and grade her own math. I helped her with math sometimes, and she participated in family worship and some discussions,


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but otherwise she was a self-motivated, independent student. She preferred not to take part in our read aloud times, because she is not an auditory learner and she felt she could use her time better working by herself. I had a hard time letting go of her with this, but I needed to respect her individuality. Even from her elementary years, she has been gifted with words. In her middle school and high school years, she read mounds of great literature (classics and modern works), researched her writing topics thoroughly, mastered typing and desk top publishing, honed her skills in the mechanics of the English language, took e-mail correspondence courses in creative writing, and attended a two week workshop for high school students at the World Journalism Institute. In her senior year, she enrolled in a challenging on-line Advanced Placement English class, founded a journalism club for home schooled students, and wrote freelance articles for various newspapers and magazines. For all her effort, she scored very high on the SAT, and landed several generous scholarships which pay her cash for living expenses in addition to her academic expenses. While in college, she worked written extensively for the campus newspaper, coached other students at the University Writing Center, tutored students through our local public school system, and interned at the Orlando Sentinel and Daytona Beach News-Journal newspapers. She landed a very prestigious three month Dow Jones copy editing internship which she completed just after college graduation. Now in her mid-twenties, married and with an adorable baby boy, she works as a staff writer for Wycliffe Bible Translators, partly from home, and partly by splitting shifts with her husband. I believe she has great writing talent, and obviously others agree! She is certainly a well-rounded young woman! In contrast, my daughter Julia is not really a paper and pencil person. Thad and I had to work more closely with her to help her stay “on task” with the few subjects which required this kind of format. I tried to leave ample time for her to pursue her favorite hands-on educational activities, like collecting butterflies, playing the piano, playing outdoor sports, gardening, cooking and trying to beat Dad at chess. Though she was not a book worm like some of her sisters, she would often read and write about her hobbies, so I couldn’t really complain! Julia played varsity basketball for four years and dual enrolled at the community college during her last two years of high school. She has a heart for missions, too. In her late teens, she discovered our church’s bookstore, and has been an avid reader ever since. However, she did not choose to continue with college. Likewise, my other children are all a varied mix of talents and learning styles. Each one is so different. I have to remember not to try to force them into one mold! After three years of using Getty-Dubay Italic style handwriting workbooks, Rachel decided to secretly teach herself “loopy” cursive. When she surprised me with a full page of beautiful traditional cursive, I knew in my heart it was time to honor her preference and release her from the work books. She had found her own style, and I wasn’t about to squeeze her into my mold. (Oddly enough, she still chose to finish the work book!) Now in college, she is planning on a career in nursing, where I'm sure her beautiful handwriting will be very appreciated! Beyond understanding a child's learning style, we must determine the right level of academic difficulty for each subject. This will not necessarily correspond with their grade level or age. We need to find a balance between pushing a child (often to satisfy our own ego) and doing overkill on a concept or skill. A child may initially resist an unfamiliar skill, even if it's at the right level. You must have faith that you will soon break through the “outer crust” of difficulty to the point where it becomes easier with practice and they can


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comfortably sustain their production level. If it is truly too hard, you may need to back up to something easier or review foundational skills. On the other hand, your child may show interest in a concept not typically presented until a later grade. Feel free to explain it in simplified terms and work on it as long as she remains interested. Home schooling gives us freedom to adjust the pace to the child. If you are using age-integrated unit studies, remember to include different materials and activities at appropriate levels for each child. Some middle-level books and projects can suit the whole family, but others will frustrate the young ones or bore the older ones. Older children often resent the thought of working on the exact same assignment as a younger sibling, so try to vary the difficulty level if they are working on the same topic. As you consider your child’s needs, remember to accommodate any physical challenges they might have. Vision and hearing tests are quite important. We thought one of our daughters was being uncooperative in her work. Then, during a routine vision screening at a curriculum fair, we found out that she is legally blind! A good pair of eyeglasses, and later contacts, has made a world of difference. People are not always aware when their vision or hearing is deteriorating, so regular checkups are imperative!

Provide Appropriate Curriculum and Resources Our children will attain maximum productivity and independence only if they are equipped with the appropriate learning tools for each task. As they mature, they will be able to choose for themselves what they need to get a job done. Until then, we must do it for them. And there is absolutely no shortage of options! The trick is to pick the right ones for our students, and not just assume that what is popular or flashy or inexpensive is the best choice. We should try to be aware of what is out there by reading home school magazines, looking through catalogs and web sites, going to conventions and workshops, and talking to friends. Then we evaluate our possible alternatives, pull together a “package” for each child, and check to make sure we are adequately covering the basics and some of the extras. My two favorite companies for ordering curriculum are:

Timberdoodle at www.Timberdoodle.com (360)426-0672 1510 E. Spencer Lake Rd, Shelton, WA 98584

Timberdoodle, a small family company, does not have as wide a selection as some other supplies because they very carefully screen what they carry. They will let you know if there is a possibility you might find something objectionable or less than helpful in any of their products. They stock a lot of hands-on fun stuff, too. Their customer service is stellar, and the prices are discounted. They even give away free books with each order. I have been buying from Timberdoodle since 1990, and I have always been pleased!

Christian Book Distributors at www.ChristianBook.com and (800)247-4784

Here is where you get the massive selection, which can be overwhelming! This is about as close to “one stop home school shopping” as you can get. Just remember – just because it’s there doesn’t mean it’s good or that you need it!

http://www.christianbook.com/


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The resources our children need for learning can include books, audio CD's or tapes, DVD's or videos, computer software or on-line programs, kits, hands-on manipulatives, homemade teaching aids, charts, posters, art supplies, and lots of paper. We need to choose materials which fit each child's basic learning style (such as visual, auditory, tactile, or kinesthetic), so we can cater to his strengths. However, we shouldn’t limit ourselves to just one of these learning modes but stretch him in his weaker areas too. Our educational menu should include the main course (core curriculum), side dishes (supplementary materials), and dessert (fun stuff). Don't assume that the curriculum you already have on hand will be suitable for each of your children. I have often had to switch grade levels and even publishers to find the product which is most effective for a particular child. It is usually worth the extra effort and money because it takes the headache out of teaching. Plus, there are now more options for the other children. Other times I am unable to find something which quite fills the niche, so I design my own materials. For example, I took craft sticks (like tongue depressors) and wrote the Spanish words for numbers 1-20. The children can lay them on the table in order (a nice hands-on activity), say the words, and then flip them over to check the numerals on the back. If you use unit studies, a large portion of your reading materials can come from the public library. Let your child help pick out the books which are most appealing to him on the chosen topic. This lets you select materials at the right level, assures him that you value his opinion (which further captivates his interest), and prepares him with research skills needed for more independent study later on. Be sure to show your child how to do a search for books using your library's computer system.

Plan and Assign the Lessons Based on your child's style and capabilities, as well as the curriculum you have chosen, you may be ready to write out specific goals and plans for them. Try to estimate the time each assignment is going to take so that as you try to figure out how to fit each task into your child's daily or weekly routine, you can determine whether your expectations are realistic. At first, pare it down to what you know you can do without a strain; you can always add other things in later. After you have mapped out a reasonable routine, you can assign work. You have authority as the teacher and home manager to give orders, so don't feel guilty about making them follow through. While we should be flexible and sensitive, we still must be firm. Our children need external discipline until they develop their own self-discipline. If you stick to a fairly regular routine, the tasks become somewhat automatic. Have you tried a routine, only to have it slide into oblivion after a few weeks? Don't give up! Try again! I remember telling myself, “It looks hopeless, but the results I want are not going to happen unless we take another shot at it!” We may only move forward inch by inch, but at least we are headed in the right direction. What about the child who always claims that he “didn't hear you” assign a job? Make sure that he hears! Don't yell the instruction from another room and hope that it bounces into his ears. Call him to your side. Speak to him face to face, with full eye contact, and have him acknowledge you. When you give the instruction, ask the child to repeat it back to you. If the task is complex, list the steps on paper and have him read them in your presence. Beyond hearing with his ears, make sure that the child listens with


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his heart and mind. If you have to keep nagging about it after you know he has heard and understood the instruction, you could definitely have a serious character issue on your hands! Even “forgetting” could be a sign of passive disobedience since we can all choose to remember what is important to us! Academic planning runs the gamut from long-range goals to daily details. Let’s start with the big picture. Do you know where you are headed over the next few years? This will give you an idea of what you need to do this year. If you continually use grade level textbooks from a single publisher, it’s easy enough to just buy the next book for each subject. A look at the “Scope and Sequence” will tell you where you are headed. I have always enjoyed unit studies, but I didn’t want to approach this haphazardly. To make sure we covered all of the important themes in a logical order, I devised a five year plan with about sixty different topics to cover history, science, geography, literature, health, etc. We did history-based units sequentially, from Creation to Life in the Future, and the other units were often related to the general time period, such as Desert Life after Ancient Egypt, or Modern Europe after Renaissance & Reformation. We finished up this five year plan, and while we shuffled, combined and even deleted units, I was quite pleased with the results. We had fully intended to just keep repeating this unit study cycle, but we have altered our course since then, especially since we were in a co-op. Don’t be overwhelmed with this concept if it’s not quite your style. You don’t have to do it this way, or even do unit studies at all, but you should think through how you approach long-term planning. When our oldest daughter started her high school years, long-term planning became of utmost importance. We joined a private school enrollment option for home schooling families, and the administrators helped us choose courses that would take our daughter to her goals most effectively. Annual Planning Your annual planning will depend somewhat on what approach to home schooling you take. For the subjects where you plan to use packaged curriculum, this could be as easy as choosing what resources you are going to use and dividing the assignments down into semesters, quarters, months or weeks. If you are designing your own curriculum based on unit studies or literature, you can write out a list of what you wish to cover this year, and then allocate how many weeks for each one, putting them into general order of when you plan to do them. It also helps to pull out your calendar and schedule in any holidays or weeks off. If you are involved in a co-op or other group classes, this will set your basic schedule for you. If not, you can probably structure your year however you wish. For example, for younger five kids this year, I chose to plan six major American history units, each six weeks long, to make up 36 weeks total. I decided to schedule one week off between each unit, and three weeks off for the Christmas holidays. There have been some adjustments to this. Since we took an 11 day trip up the east coast to see historical sites and visit family, I counted this as one week of school, and shifted our school year start date to a week earlier. I also tucked in an extra week in February so the kids could catch up on assignments and so I could take a trip out of town the following week. I am glad we have this flexibility. Of course, taking these one week breaks during the school year means our summer break is not as long.


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When I schedule out the year by week, I set up a Semester Planning Grid table in a word processing document. The columns are Week #, Date, Description and comment. Then I fill in our general unit study plans for each week. I can shift things around as needed when I have it on the computer like this. You can find a sample blank form for this in the back of the book. For subjects like math and language arts, I write goals (desired results) and plans (how we will do it) for each child. I decide which curriculum we will use, and then divide the pages down into weekly and daily assignments. One year, I had this written down for Mary’s fifth grade Writing: GOAL: Learn the writing and editing process, from brainstorming to final draft. PLAN: Read the entire Writer's Express handbook at the rate of 3-4 pages per

day. Work on some phase of a short report, essay, or story every day. Write about our unit study or choose topics from the “Idea List” in your notebook. Use the encyclopedia, dictionary, and thesaurus as appropriate. Meet with Mom 2-3 times per week to discuss your work.

Mary actually decided that she liked the book so much that she finished it within a few months. I find that I often have to change our goals in the middle of the year, setting new challenges for the child who has surpassed expectations, readjusting the workload for the one who is still struggling, or even switching curriculum. Christmas break is a great time to make these evaluations. Monthly Formal Curriculum Lesson Planning If you are using formal curriculum such as text books or work books, you will need to read the teacher’s manual to prepare for upcoming projects. From your annual planning, you should already have a good idea of how many pages you need to complete for this time period. This can be adjusted depending on whether your child is ahead or behind. Now is the time to divide the required pages down into weekly or daily chunks. I start by counting up the number of pages to be completed, then divide by weeks or days to find out the average number. Sometimes there are not logical breaks on these exact numbers, so I go through the book page by page finding out good places to break up the assignments, such as at the end of a chapter or section. I also assign less pages or no pages at all for days I know we will be out of the house for classes or field trips. Self-Designed Curriculum or Unit Study Planning for Several Weeks If you are designing your own curriculum, you have a bit more work to do! Your job is to decide which resources you plan to use for this time period, in which order, or how long you plan to spend on each one. For example, when I prepare for a history unit study, I write lists of age-appropriate objectives, research topics, and ways to integrate the school subjects, such as writing, literature, art, and music, and maybe some science. (We usually do most of our science separately.) This helps me to brainstorm for ideas, map out a variety of activities, and determine what supplies and library books I would need. After I bring home the library


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books, I gather piles of them along with books we already own. I choose which ones to read aloud and which ones to assign for each child’s independent research. I also decide which ones we will read each week, usually keeping them in somewhat chronological order. As we proceed through the unit, I refer to my plans and keep us on track. Weekly and Daily Lesson Planning I want my children to know exactly what I expect of them, and to have a strong grasp of their school routine. At one point, I developed The Learner's Journal, a weekly grid lesson plan / record book. You can find a sample at the end of this book, or you can purchase printed books from me, one for each student. I now do all of my weekly/daily lesson planning on the computer. Each child receives a double-sided page each week. On one side of the page, I type our group lesson plans in sections for Monday through Friday, listing every book, video and activity in detail because this not only serves as a guide for what we plan to do, but as our official record of what we actually get done. As we read together in the mornings, I can just go right down that list, checking off as we go. If we don't finish something on the assigned day, I either cross it off to show that we aren't going to do it at all, or draw a downward arrow to show we will do it on another day. This section also lists field trips or classes away from home. A group page might include daily assignments like these: Monday □ John 5:1-15 and Psalm 20 □ Field trip to Leu Gardens in morning □ P.E. class at YMCA at 1 PM □ The Civil War pages 37-41 by Fletcher Pratt □ Turn Homeward, Hannalee chapters 1-2 by Patricia Beatty □ The Lincoln-Douglas Debates (COF) by Brendan January

Tuesday: □ John 5:16-30 and Psalm 22 □ The Civil War pages 42-44 by Fletcher Pratt □ Turn Homeward, Hannalee chapters 3-4 by Patricia Beatty □ American Adventures "Bloody Antietam" pg 72-77, by Morrie Greenberg □ Listen/sing "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" by Julia Ward Howe □ In God We Trust, "Clara Harlowe Barton, Angel of the Battlefield", pg 182 □ The Story of Clara Barton (COF) by Zachary Kent, 1860s □ Abraham Lincoln video by NEST with Gettysburg Address Their individual assignments, grouped by subject, are on the other side of the page. (I print an extra copy of this for my own notebook.) I might give the student a day off in a certain subject if we are going to have a busy day with other educational activities. If you are pressed for time and your child generally grasps the material well, you don't have to assign every problem on a page. If the math book has two rows of similar problems, consider assigning only the first row. For each incorrect answer, assign a make-up problem from the second row.


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One child's science assignments might look like this. Science Read assigned pages from Science Encyclopedia and then write a paragraph about something interesting you have learned each day. □ Mon: Pages 158-159 "Rivers and Lakes"

□ Tue: Pages 160-161 "Coastlines"

□ Wed:

□ Thu: Pages 162-162 "Seas and Oceans"

□ Fri: Pages 163-164 "Life on Earth"

When my kids know exactly what is expected like this, they can say, “I've done my math and grammar, but I still need to read this book, do the science experiment, and edit my new story on the computer.” If they do this consistently from week to week, they will make progress. If they struggle with this, I find that I have to check with them every day or so to make sure they are on track. Some children required more supervision than others. As children get older, they can take initiative for independently completing and recording assignments. In order for this to work, you may need to streamline the number of subjects studied during a semester. Overloading with electives can lead to confusion, so choose what is important for your family and don't feel guilty about bypassing all the nifty things that other families do. Better to do a few things well than do many of them poorly! This will also give them the freedom to choose some of their own topics for independent “delight directed” research. Spontaneous Assignments Some teachable moments come up unplanned, or you decide you need to adapt or expand an existing assignment. I also give them on-the-spot assignments such as:

"Read this story to me and I'll help you with the hard words."

"Can you build a dodecagon (12 sides) with Cuisenaire pattern blocks?"

"So tell me what you learned about Abraham Lincoln in your history book."

"Dad just stacked piles of bricks by the garage. Can you calculate how many there are using the formula for volume?"

“Your handwriting looks like it needs some work. I think you need to do a page in this Italic workbook.”

"Grandma just sent us an origami book. Let's make a crane!"

"It's time to write thank you notes for your birthday presents! Why don't you draw pictures to go with them?

"Ooh, here's a recipe for bagel pizzas! "Count how many bagels we have and tell me if there are enough for us to make these for lunch."


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Set Up a Daily School Schedule

What about a daily schedule? Home school families vary widely on their approaches to a daily school schedule, depending on the style of curriculum and the personalities, ages, and body clocks of family members. Find out what works for you! Feel free to change your schedule as needed. However, don't use your freedom in home schooling to let things slide. Even though many of us are loath to copy an institutional classroom, we still need to stay focused and cover the material in an orderly fashion. To do less is to cheat our children out of a quality education. Set fairly consistent starting and ending times for school, as well as a general sequence of events. You don't need to be enslaved to the minute, but your children should know what to expect. It doesn't hurt to post a daily schedule in a conspicuous spot. Each family needs to assess their own situation, but here is an example of the flexible framework we have used in the past to keep us on track.

7:00 - 9:00 Breakfast, meal clean up, personal hygiene, etc. 9:00 - 10:00 Group Bible lesson, unit study read aloud, and discussion. 10:00 - 12:00 Math and language arts, with individual tutoring. 12:00 - 1:00 Lunch, clean up, and maybe a few minutes of free time. 1:00 - 3:00 Independent research, projects, crafts, undone academics,

etc. 3:00 - 4:30 Free time and outdoor play 4:30 - 5:30 Tidy house 5:30 - 6:30 Dinner preparation and last-minute clean up. 6:30 - 8:30 Dinner, clean up, family time, bedtime routines for little ones

For kindergarten, an hour of “sit down” time can be more than sufficient. Older elementary children may require three or four hours of concentrated study. Let them spend the rest of the day helping around the house, reading for pleasure, and doing creative projects.

Organize Your School Room

The best curriculum won’t do you any good if you can’t find it or you are constantly tripping over it or spilling things on it. So we need to keep things organized! Proper care of school materials is good practice in stewardship and can cut down on irritation from lost or broken items. For example, children should learn to treat books gently, conserve paper, turn off the computer, rewind videos, and put away the scissors. It is also important to locate your learning areas for maximum effectiveness. Over the years, our main learning area (school room) has been in three different spots of the house. First, we used what most people would consider the dining room adjacent to our living room. We outgrew this after a year, and now it is our computer room. Then we moved into a “spare” bedroom, but now that houses two children. For the past several years, our learning resource area and our true dining room have shared quarters. Situated in the middle of the house, it is a large room with a huge conference table, chairs, and several full bookcases. We were actually able to save a lot of money on all of the furniture in this room. Most of it was given to us or bought used. We have also been creative with what we have. It’s amazing what we’ve been able to cram into this room! We actually don't


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do much school in there, though, preferring the comfortable living room for both group reading aloud and independent work. Here are several things you can do to set up and maintain effective and organized learning areas in your home. Think about where the best places are for your learning areas. You may not have much of a choice, but you can always think “outside the box” and set up learning areas around your home. For example, maybe you can put bookshelves in the living room near the cozy couches for reading. You can keep your arts and crafts supplies near the kitchen table or out on the back porch, wherever you do messy projects. You can tuck a bin of books in a cabinet or on the child’s desk in his bedroom. Organize your books logically. For example, one shelf could hold your own books about home schooling and parenting. You can put basic reference books and handbooks (dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopedias, atlases, nature guides) on another shelf. On yet another shelf you could arrange non-fiction works by basic topic (geography, earth science, plants & animals, health, American history, technology, biographies, etc.). Another shelf could hold paperback fiction. Each child could also have their own bookcase in their bedroom to hold personal favorites. We have about 2,000 books in our home, and it does take some shuffling and juggling to keep them organized, but the time is well spent if it makes them more accessible to the children and keeps them off the floor. I confess that books still pile up in various spots around the house, but at least I know that kids are reading them! Sometimes, I have needed to remove every single book from a bookcase in order to make repairs to it or when we have had to put new flooring in a room. This is a prime time to totally reorganize it from scratch. Keep small bins in your school area for supplies and little stray items. We have separate bins for regular pencils & pens, colored pencils, crayons, scissors & tape, stencils, painting supplies, math manipulatives, flash cards, game pieces, and little stray items. In this last bin we throw all of the little assorted items (such as game and puzzle pieces that have gotten separated from their sets) which accumulate in the nooks and crannies. I try to put them away every couple of weeks. Why don’t I just put things away in their correct homes as soon as I’m done with them, or as soon as I find them out of place? The children and I do try to put most of our stuff away quickly, but to be honest, I just don’t have time to run around the house all day keeping every little thing in its perfect place. It’s more efficient to throw them in the bin and do a whole batch later. Get school room equipment and supplies to make your job easier. These are useful to me: an electric pencil sharpener, a heavy duty 3-hole punch, a sturdy stapler, lots and lots of see-through plastic boxes, and a CD player. We also get a lot of use out of our all-in-one printer/fax/copier. We often use 2” clear plastic tape to reinforce the edges of maps and posters, as well as repair books and puzzle boxes. Use plastic zip-style bags to store sets of loose flash cards. Label the bag with a description of the card set (i.e. Addition 1-20). Store several sets, labeled edge up, in flip-top plastic box, and you can easily find the needed ones at a glance.


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Purchase a whole case of copier paper to use for drawing and computer printing. Just don’t put it all out in one spot. Take out a stack, and then hide the rest. Other school supplies can also be bought in bulk to save money and time. Store back issues of magazines in binders with plastic inserts or in magazine boxes. I know that some people say you should never save magazines, but I think the home schooling ones are worth keeping around for a while!

Keep Track of Your School Papers

Do you feel overwhelmed with record keeping? Try to view lesson planning as an exciting sneak preview into your adventure in learning. Chronicling your progress through daily record keeping can give you a delicious sense of satisfaction and accomplishment. Staying on top of your paper trail makes you more organized, effective, and credible. Write down your accomplishments promptly, at least the same day, or the details may prance right out of your brain. I say this from experience! You can see at a glance what you still need to cover. Though you can't always expect to do everything on the list, it gives a sense of accountability and helps you to accomplish more. If you have a computer, it is easy to customize your own forms to meet the needs of each child. On your lesson plans, include spaces to write specific goals for each school subject (reading assignments, worksheet pages, projects, research topics, etc.) If you want to combine this with a record sheet, have your children check off the assignments as they are completed, and write in extra daily accomplishments. I have included sample pages from my Learner’s Journal Lesson Planner and Resource Log in the back of this book. (You can also buy my Learner’s Journals separately! Check my web site at www.VirginiaKnowles.com for more information.) Set up a three-ring binder for yourself as a working notebook. Include current lesson plans, lists of library books checked out, year-long schedule (unit topics, holidays, vacations), notes on upcoming unit studies, purchase lists, blank forms, and recent support group newsletters. Another binder can hold reference materials and teaching suggestions in various subjects, motivation and inspiration, and future school plans and curriculum considerations. Give each child one or more school notebooks and other paper-organizing tools. These will contain lesson plans, record sheets, written work, reference charts, worksheets to be completed, drawing paper, etc. Use dividers to split up the subjects (if you are using one notebook) or subjects within subjects (such as Grammar, Writing, Spelling, and Literature for English class). Slender workbooks can be included in this notebook using magazine inserts. Young children can use three-prong folders. Give them magazine boxes to hold personal papers and coloring books. Save the best samples of art work in a large envelope or file folder. As the notebooks fill up, throw away unnecessary papers and transfer the rest into a portfolio notebook to be saved for official year-end review. We usually do this in January to start fresh for the new semester.

http://www.virginiaknowles.com/


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Give each child a clear plastic bin to store all of the school books and supplies. If you find something lying around, it is easy to put it away, and your children will know where to look to find their stuff. It also keeps your bookcases from becoming messy and your books from becoming bent and torn, since your child won't constantly have to wedge their books into the correct spot on the shelf. I store our school bins on a lower shelf of one of our bookcases, but the kids are welcome to take them around the house with them to wherever they are doing their school work. Occasionally we need to clean them out. Set aside a section of a file drawer or file box to archive old school related items. Curriculum receipts, official documents, news clippings, support group information, and others can each have their own folders. I don’t personally like the looks of file cabinets in public areas, so I bought a few large plastic file boxes at an office supply store, and put them under our computer desk. This conserves space and looks a lot better. If you do unit studies, set up a place to store materials ahead of time for each topic. This might be a notebook, folder, or box. Then you can collect relevant magazine articles, booklets, maps, reproducible worksheets, and hands-on objects.

Clearly Demonstrate Each Educational Skill Here is the instruction part of training. The point of teaching is to give our children the skills and confidence to tackle their school work with increasing independence. We must show them how something is done, instead of expecting them to know it instinctively. A task may seem simple to you, yet still be totally foreign to your child. It often takes much repetition and practice to make it really click, so don't get discouraged if you have to go over the same thing several times. At various teaching levels, you may need to do it while the child watches, do it with the child, coach while the child does it, or give feedback after the child does it. Many home school parents fall into the habit of testing before teaching. If you hand a child the book and expect him to figure out an unfamiliar assignment alone, don't be surprised if he gives up in frustration. You don't have to present a full lesson from a teacher's manual for each subject every day, but you should be prepared to teach new concepts when the child reaches them. Our children generally get overwhelmed when first working on an unfamiliar math concept. The first section of the lesson may start with tears and moans of, “I can't do this! It's just too hard!” I sit next to the child and show the procedure several times with some of the problems on the page. At times, I demonstrate with math manipulatives. Then I coach the child through the next several problems, pointing out any errors and giving hints for appropriate strategies. Generally, he or she can complete the rest of the page smoothly and is usually smiling and confident by the end. I point out that the child can now do something that he or she couldn't do before. The child has learned a new skill and developed the capacity to think through a problem, so the struggle was worth it. How can you compensate for concepts and skills not adequately covered in a basic curriculum? This is a prime time to exercise your creativity in the teaching process! Keep trying until your child understands the concepts and is proficient in the mechanics.


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Here are a few examples:

♥ Use manipulative materials (Cuisenaire snap cubes, dry beans, craft sticks, etc.) to demonstrate math concepts.

♥ Draw a quick diagram to explain a scientific principle. ♥ Make up a rhyme to teach a list of facts. ♥ Set a Bible verse to a catchy tune. ♥ Write easy words on index cards to reinforce a phonics lesson.

There are options available to those who feel unqualified to teach certain subjects:

♥ Learn ahead of your children from books and workshops. ♥ Use independent study books, audio cassettes, videos or CD-ROM. ♥ Ask Dad to teach. ♥ Arrange for private tutoring or group classes.

Use Academics and Your Example to Develop Practical Life Skills

Education is not just about stuffing information into the brain. We need to know what to do with it, how to apply it in daily life. No matter what careers our children choose and no matter how technology changes, they will need some basic life skills. Occupations may come and go, but in my opinion there are certain work skills that will never become totally obsolete. They are applicable for both men and women in almost any life pursuit. We must teach them to our children, largely by our own example, but also by specific instruction. The following topics are not just academic skills. They reflect heart attitudes and priorities. Let’s train them well, in the context of a Biblically-discerned home life!

Life Management: how to manage time, set goals, evaluate options, make

decisions, plan details, read with discernment, organize resources and space, maintain and repair commonly used items, optimize health, etc.

Finances: how to earn money, budget, manage a checking or savings account,

make wise purchases, avoid scams, stay out of debt, stretch and conserve resources, interpret financial and economic data, make wise investments, do personal and/or business bookkeeping, and most importantly, maintain contentment in a materialistic society.

Communication and Leadership: how to converse pleasantly and effectively,

use proper body language, write clear correspondence and reports, give oral presentations with visual aids, debate logically and persuasively, offer direction to colleagues and subordinates, and appeal to those in authority.


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Add a Little Adventure OK, OK, so life isn't just a matter of fun and games, but a spoonful of sugar sure can help the medicine go down. We can help our children actually enjoy the process of doing their work rather than just tolerating it. In the process, they will learn their own lifetime techniques for making tasks interesting. Children are naturally inquisitive. This creates big demands as Mom and Dad are barraged with “how” and “why” questions at inopportune moments. Within reason, we should not squelch curiosity, but catapult it into self-motivated learning situations. Here are some ways to enliven academic pursuits:

Hobbies: Hobbies can provide beautiful balance to a home education program. They offer brain-enriching opportunities to plan projects, select materials, follow patterns and instructions, develop skills, care for equipment and supplies, make useful items, and nurture creativity. You could spend tons of money on this (“I want a pony!”) but many activities are free or cheap.

Imagination: Encourage your children to use their imaginations to ask “what if?” Let them pretend to be the first astronaut to land on Pluto, a child on the Mayflower, or the discoverer of a peculiar new plant in the Amazon. Stock a dress-up box with a variety of costume components.

Interests: Plan some of their school lessons around their own interests. At the beginning of one school year, I let each of my children choose one independent unit study topic to do for three weeks. Rachel chose dogs because she was passionate about them, even though we haven’t ever had one. She became a virtual “walking encyclopedia” about various breeds. She knew how big they are and the countries from which they originated. She constantly checked out library books about dogs, including titles on how to draw them. Her walls were covered with her sketches, original stories and collages of magazine pictures. One Christmas, she received two dog calendars, a dog watch, and several stuffed dogs. I also gave her a small plastic set with several breeds, which she identified using our encyclopedia, and then arranged in alphabetical order. For her birthday, I found the Dogs and Puppies Complete Identifier guide book featuring more than 170 breeds in full color photographs. As you can see, from this one interest, she learned reference skills, geography, math, literature, art, creative writing and alphabetization -- and she didn’t even know she was doing school work! Later, she switched to other interests like music and British literature.

Literature: Include adventure stories in their literature selections, especially as they relate to a unit study. When we studied Australia, we read the first three books of Robert Elmer’s Adventures Down Under series, set in the 1800s. In the evening before bedtime, we read fun chapter books. It doesn't even seem like school time.

Seasons and themes: Plan art projects, literature, field trips, music, and cooking to enhance holidays, seasons and unit studies. For example, at Christmastime you can plan an Advent Adventure unit by singing carols, baking cookies, making presents, and reading favorite Christmas poems and stories. For St. Patrick's Day, make green foods to eat, and read about the real St. Patrick.

Bookmaking and displays: Let your children make an illustrated book or display to creatively summarize what they have learned about a topic. Our kids love to make booklets by stapling together copier paper with a construction paper cover. For tabletop projects, we might use three panel folding display board.


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Creativity box: Fill an odds-and-ends box with spools, straws, craft sticks, cord, clothes pins, toilet paper tubes and other items for children to make things of their own. Collect old small appliances for your young tinkerers to dismantle.

Nature study: Go on nature walks and collect specimens to identify and observe. Are there any nature trails in your county? One of my sons, age 11, is a nature lover and a talented photographer. He combines these two passions by taking pictures of birds and plants, then editing them on the computer and uploading them to his nature blog. He also records bird songs with our video camera. He extends this to academic studies by doing research on birds and their habitats, as well as making detailed pencil sketches. We equip him by providing several high quality bird guides, including ones that have an audio component that plays bird calls for each page. The best thing we can do is give him plenty of time for this hobby! This is a huge part of his science studies.

Field trips: Visit local sites such as a bakery, fire station, museum, etc. If you will be visiting a location often enough, such as a science museum or botanical gardens, consider getting an annual pass.

Science experiments: Check out books from your library to find activities which are educational, entertaining, and fairly uncomplicated. Keep basic science exploration supplies on hand, such as magnifying glasses, magnets, and test tubes.

Gardening: Let them plant a garden. If you are a novice or have a black thumb, try buying mature plants instead of growing from seed. This is also a time to build relationships with neighbors; if you see someone working outside and they have a great garden, ask for advice! People are usually thrilled to share their expertise.

Pets: Get a class pet. I suppose this could be anything from a caterpillar in a jar to a herd of dairy goats. Think through this decision carefully. With most pets, your commitment runs at least a few years. If your pet is unfriendly, your child may resent caring for it. If you choose a nocturnal animal such as a hamster, it might make noise at night and sleep through the day! You can also choose temporary pets. Our kids keep a terrarium on the back porch ready to house lizards, frogs and other small critters they catch in the yard. They might keep them for a few hours or a few days and then let them go. I like this kind of pet best of all! Our children also love keeping fish. They started out with small aquariums, learning a lot about different kinds and they care they need. We have these smaller tanks (up to 5 gallons) in the living room and two bedrooms. They kept pestering me for a huge tank, but they are quite expensive. Then a friend e-mailed and mentioned that she wanted to give away her 50 gallon aquarium with convict cichlid fish in it. It is now in our dining room. Some of the cichlids have had hundreds of babies, which was especially fascinating to watch. It is also interesting to see how the fish relate to each other, chasing each other around the tank. Even my husband will sit down and gaze at the tank for several minutes at a time. Of course, we've had several fishy funerals, too.

Games, puzzles and crafts: Try strategy and word games such as chess, Pente, Rummikub, Boggle, Scrabble, Twenty Questions, Concentration, etc. Let your child keep score to sharpen math skills, especially in Scrabble, where there is doubling and tripling. Find related games, puzzles, and crafts to supplement regular lessons. Teacher’s manuals and web sites sometimes include ideas for these, but you and your children can make up some of your own.

Group festivities: Participate in your support group’s science fair, history day, international festival, fine arts show, or other opportunities. If they don’t already offer these activities, why not volunteer to do it this year?


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Develop a Sense of Teamwork “If your children don't go to public school, how can they ever develop team work?” So goes one common objection to home schooling. It's true that our children need to learn how to work cooperatively with those of differing abilities and opinions; this is, after all, how the body of Christ functions! However, if you have more than one child, this should not be a problem. For many families, co-op classes, sports teams, 4-H or hobby clubs, and youth choirs are also appropriate in the overall educational program. Since we often learn best by “passing it on,” let your children teach each other. Encourage them to share tidbits from independent study. Allow older children, under your supervision, to tutor younger siblings. Give them lists of suitable activities (“20 Things to Do with Cuisenaire Snap Cubes”) or let them dream up their own. They can use dramatic voices and sound effects while reading aloud books or making up stories. Plan family learning situations where each can participate at their own level: experiments, skits, games, foreign language, etc. Let them come up with many of the ideas and work them out by themselves. Our children used to like to plan surprise concerts for us; they chose the songs and practiced them in secret, complete with their own hand motions. Home schooled kids sure are creative! Multi-grade unit studies can include the whole family. All of your children study the same basic topic, such as “The Ocean” or “Pioneer Times.” Plan group reading and activities, as well as individual assignments for each child. Each one can then teach the rest of the family what they have learned, perhaps through a brief oral presentation, a homemade book, or a poster. Not all learning will be cooperative. Too much “togetherness” can lead to chaos and spoil the fun. I believe there should be daily sessions for individual grade level math, phonics, etc., when each child receives one-on-one attention from the teaching parent. They should be encouraged to work very quietly or split up into different rooms so as not to distract each other. Allow your children to team up with other home schooled friends for science fair projects or other cooperative pursuits. This gives them practice in coordinating work with someone outside of the family and lets them pool their materials and unique skills. It significantly adds to the fun factor too! Arrange for them to spend a few afternoons together for collaborating. Some mothers consult with each other about curriculum plans so their children can be studying the same books at the same time. Several families in a support group could set up a weekly, monthly, or seasonal co-op day. The children can enjoy a variety of activities which we don't have the background or energy to prepare, while also interacting with other home schooled children. A few families could gather in a home, or you can have a formal program at a church building, with fees, professional teachers, and several elective options for various ages. Classes can be based on a unit study, crafts, music, science demonstrations, sign language, writer's forum, Drama Guild, gymnastics, or whatever your creative minds can concoct. Each mom has a job: host the group, coordinate details, teach lessons, bring snacks, supervise preschoolers, etc. Just be sure that your co-op involvement does not gouge too deeply into your private home school instruction time.


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Evaluate Success Like they say, it's not what you expect but what you inspect. If you don't demand consistency and thoroughness on their tasks, they won't take you seriously. Children are not naturally motivated to work when they would rather play. If they can convince you that they are incapable, they are halfway to their goal! Make sure that the child carefully follows your instructions unless you give him creative license to do the job as he sees fit. Did she do a quality job or was she sloppy? Did he balk and drag his feet? Has she been “faithful with the little things”? If the child can't quite work up to standards, then you must evaluate the need for an easier task, more on-the-job training, or a serious attitude adjustment! Evaluation is not just a matter of a few dispassionate facts on paper. Something much more precious and sensitive is at stake here! Home school moms ask themselves, “Are we really doing the right thing? Am I a success or a failure at this project of home schooling? What kind of teacher am I? What kind of mother am I? Are the children up to grade level? Should I be pushing them more, backing off, switching to something else, or what?” Evaluation of home schooling is for both official purposes and your own information. In our state, standardized testing is not mandatory, and we did not feel a particular need for this until our oldest was in middle school. Now our children (third grade and up) usually take the tests. The objective information which a test gives can be very helpful if properly interpreted, especially in the older grades. You can prepare your child in the few weeks prior to a test by coaching them on specific test-taking strategies, as well as tutoring them on the skills and content areas which will be measured. However, in my opinion, we shouldn’t try to “teach to the test” all year to the detriment of a rich learning experience. That defeats the purpose of education! In years past, we hired a certified teacher and his wife (a home school mom) to evaluate our children, inspect their portfolios, and send a report to the county. They gave us very valuable suggestions and pointed out gaps they saw in our program. This informal interactive setting is especially effective for younger children. What about evaluation for your own information? Most curriculum packages have tests and answer keys, but what about the less-structured curriculums, especially those you have designed by yourself? You still need to know whether you are covering the material adequately and making progress. Part of this is just going to be your general “feel” for the situation. Go back to your original written learning objectives for this school subject or topic. Check whether you either accomplished what you intended or made an equivalent substitution. If not, were the expectations too high? Look for an improvement in skills. Review written samples from a few months ago and note the progress your child has made. If you are proceeding at the right level and in a reasonable manner, he should now be able to do some things which he couldn't do before. Other things he struggled with should be somewhat easier now. If you aren't making any progress, you may need to back up to an easier level or drop it for now. In “content” subjects like literature, history, or science, look for an expansion of your child's understanding. If you must leave a paper trail, don't lean too heavily on work sheets and book reports. Just keep an accurate reading list and jot down a summary of discussions or demonstrations. For your own information, you can talk informally with your student to see if he is more familiar with the topic than when you began teaching it.


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Check for a grasp of basic concepts and ideas more than minute details. Their brains should be organizing the information into “learning hooks” which they can use to make more sense of related data in the future. As children mature in their thinking skills and their understanding of a topic, they should be able to synthesize (look at the “big picture”), analyze (examine the small details), and compare/contrast (see similarities and differences). They should be able to carry on an interesting conversation about the subject and verbally summarize back to you what they have learned (this technique is also called “narration” by Charlotte Mason fans). Your children may wish to try explaining a concept to a younger sibling or present an oral report for the family. Skill subjects such as math, spelling, handwriting, grammar, and phonics, require quick feedback before errors get ingrained, so grade papers promptly or work orally. If a child continues to make the same mistakes, look for the reasons so you can go back and reteach the concepts. Continue to review the skills periodically until they are mastered. When you find a mistake, you must choose whether to just mark it or make your child go back and do it over. There is a fine line between pickiness and a reasonable insistence on accuracy and neatness. Certain skills, such as math and phonics, require stricter attention to detail than more subjective pursuits. Public speeches, formal papers, and final tests should be taken more seriously than private discussions, rough drafts, and pop quizzes. Giving feedback to your child takes ultimate wisdom! You need to be tactful, but you shouldn't let them pout every time you point out a problem. Something is wrong if you consistently have to coax your child out of a pity party. If there doesn't appear to be any obvious problem with the curriculum, the child may need to get a grip on his emotions and learn persistence and fortitude. Stand firm and hold your ground, because you are preparing your child for life in an unsympathetic and competitive world. Success comes to those who “go for it”: the people who overcome the obstacles, accept constructive criticism, and discipline themselves to plow on through until the job is done. If you are banging up against an academic brick wall, talk with your child! Do this at a time when he is rested, relaxed, and able to carry on a reasonable conversation. Don't put the pressure on or accuse him of failure. Instead, ask for his help in understanding what the problem is from his perspective. Maybe he has not understood your expectations or the concepts have not been clearly explained. Maybe he has absolutely no interest in the topic and is resisting your attempts to teach it. You might have to come to some sort of compromise on the “negotiable” elements of your program, while being firm on the essentials. Your child's level of motivation has much to do with his success. When you honestly listen to your child's opinions, you are doing yourself a big favor.

Encourage an Attitude of Excellence The heart of the matter is that our children can do just about anything they set out to do. It's not just a question of ability, but of self-motivation. You waste your time when you have to nag, and they may earnestly hope this will discourage you from even trying! (Don't ask me how I know this! Just learn from my mistakes!) It sometimes seems like an uphill battle to teach our children to take initiative and responsibility in caring for self, possessions, home, and education. However, it is vital to our ultimate success in home schooling, since future employers want enthusiastic, diligent, and responsible workers. The attitudes our children learn working in our kitchens, backyards, and school rooms will


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carry over into whatever careers they enter. We also know that God wants us to train our children to have enthusiastic servant hearts in all they do, and to gain the intrinsic satisfaction of doing a good job. They will learn perseverance as they stick with difficult and unpleasant tasks. None of this is natural; it takes diligent training and enthusiastic example from the parents. Is your child paralyzed by fear of failure? Assure him that you selected the assignment just for him, and that you will provide whatever resources, instruction and moral support that he needs to truly succeed at it. This builds the healthy confidence that comes from a nurturing relationship between parent and child, and it reflects the care that our Heavenly Father has for all of us. Once you have shepherded your child to a measure of mastery, he can take pleasure in his accomplishment and feel more comfortable about doing it independently. Children sometimes have a hard time seeing the “big picture.” They need to see how their success in school relates to careers, homemaking, ministry, and personal life. If your child questions the relevance of a topic or skill, do a little research project on how it is necessary for success in “real life.” For example, math calculations must be accurate so that buildings don't fall on our heads, we pay the right amount at the store, our recipes are edible, and we don't run out of gas or get lost on vacation. We delve into history because it chronicles God's intervention in the affairs of men and teaches principles of leadership. We learn language arts to acquire information and to communicate our thoughts and ideas effectively. We explore science because it reveals God's creative hand and opens up new doors of technology and discovery. Children need to realize that learning makes a difference and that it is exciting. Encourage them to use their God-given powers of imagination and creativity to embark on the grand adventure of discovery. When they are nurtured with a love of learning rather than mere duty, then that is the most powerful motivation toward excellence! Institutional schools offer grades as bait for studying. Many home school parents don't feel that traditional letter grades are effective incentives, but we still need to affirm our children for good work. A smile face at the top of a workbook page can bring a smile to a child's face. An attractive new book could encourage a child who has recently learned to read. A child who has completed a chapter of math might appreciate a session with fun math software. Be creative with your rewards. They may not be the “main thing,” but they are frosting on the cake!

What is the ultimate motivation toward responsibility and excellence? The pleasure of God! ―Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.‖ Colossians 3:23-24

~*~*~ How are you doing on these essentials? Don’t get overwhelmed by everything at once. Pick a few things (or maybe even just one) to work on at a time. Ask a friend for advice or help, if necessary. Talk to your children and husband, too! And most of all, pray to the Lord for wisdom. He wants your children to have an excellent education even more than you do!


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Part 2: Daily Life & Logistics

Chapters:

Life Management 101 Busy at Home

Little People in the Home School

Now we’re hitting some of the nitty gritty stuff! This is not so much academic, but daily life when your school campus is also your house. What do you do with clutter, laundry, meals, and most of all the active toddlers? Let’s find out! But first, a little old time household humor to start this section right!

Doing the Wash: Grandmother’s “Receet” (Author Unknown)

Laundering instructions from a time when the only “appliance” was a scrub board!

1. Bild fire in back yard to heet kettle of rain water. 2. Set tubs so smoke won’t blow in eyes if wind is pert. 3. Shave one hole cake lie soap in billin water. 4. Sort things, make three piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile cullord, 1 pile work britches and

rags. 5. Stur flour in cold water to smooth then thin down with billin water. 6. Rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, then bile. Rub cullord but don’t bile -- just

rench and starch. 7. Take white things out of kettle with broom stick handle then rench, blew and starch. 8. Spred tee towles on grass. 9. Hang old rags on fence. 10. Pore rench water in flower bed. 11. Scrub porch with hot soapy water. 12. Turn tubs upside down. 13. Got put on cleen dress, smooth hair with side combs, brew cup of tee. Set and rest a

spell and count your blessins. There now, don’t you feel better already? Here we go with Daily Life & Logistics!


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LIFE MANAGEMENT 101

Drop Thy still dews of quietness till all our strivings cease;

take from our lives the strain and stress and let our ordered lives confess

the beauty of Thy peace.

John Greenleaf Whittier (from the hymn “Dear God and Father of Mankind”)

Let Our Ordered Lives Confess the Beauty of Thy Peace...? What home school mom hasn't wished for the “dew of quietness,” ceased strivings, a little less stress, and an ordered life! Daily life can place overwhelming demands on you. You are the family teacher, doctor, police woman, lawyer, judge, psychologist, manager, interior designer, seamstress, chauffeur, maid, chef and playmate all rolled into one. So what in the world is Whittier talking about? It seems that an ordered life is just an elusive fantasy or that we have to be born orderly. Many moms claim they aren't “the organized type.” By birth and rearing, I fall into the “messy” group, so I was in for a shock when I married Mr. Meticulous, had children, and started home schooling. For a while I used the excuse that getting organized would diminish my creativity and spontaneity, but that soon wore thin. I had to do something! Home school moms cherish flexibility and autonomy, but some of us overdo it to the point of rejecting any structure. We try to wing it, making up our lives and school from scratch as we go along. We end up feeling frazzled, exhausted, unproductive, unfulfilled -- and guilty. We start to wonder if we really need a system after all, and relish the new idea of taking control of our lives with a schedule, routine, budget, and lesson plan. We realize that we don't have to be victims of circumstance anymore. When I take the extra effort at putting my life in order, I realize that this gives me peace from the storm. Life makes sense when I follow a plan, and an added bonus is that I now have more liberty to focus my newfound spare time and energy on creative pursuits. My brain is less cluttered by loose ends. Order and organization allow us to live “on purpose,” to see our dreams and goals come to fulfillment. We can make a plan and make it happen. To be honest, there are months and even years when I am better at this than other times. My success ebbs and flows with how much of a priority I make it, as well as what’s going on in the family, such as a new baby. If I’ve let it slide for a while, it’s hard to get going again. Just a word to the wise! Let me clarify what I mean by order. I am not talking about a regimented minute-by-minute schedule, a white-glove-clean house, robot children, strictly structured classroom-style school, or lesson plans written on stone tablets. Life with children is unpredictable, so we must be flexible. There will be down days when we only accomplish the bare basics. Even on good days, we all need room to live and breathe. If we set ourselves up with unrealistic expectations, we will be bitterly disappointed. There is plenty


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of room for different personality styles and comfort levels. Some people can't function well with any amount of disorder; others are comfortable with a relaxed loose-ends lifestyle. For all practical purposes, my working definition of an ordered life is:

♥ I will have specific goals and plans in various areas of life. I will accomplish the most important ones, plus some of the optional ones. I will not go off on tangents.

♥ I will not create extra work through neglect of details. An ounce of prevention is worth of pound of cure.

♥ In my schedule and home atmosphere, I will enable my husband to be both productive and relaxed. When he gets home, I will have sufficient emotional reserves to cheerfully attend to his needs.

♥ My children will know what to expect in the general sequence of the day. They will gain productive habits and self-discipline to launch them into future careers and family life. I will be able to give instructions, knowing they will obey without undue fussing or delay. They will be successful in school work because I will tailor it to their needs and make sure they do it.

♥ I will be able to confidently invite people into my home. Since I will prepare ahead, I won't be so frazzled with the details that I can't pay attention to my guests. This will make them feel comfortable and welcome.

♥ I will be able to find what I am looking for quickly without disrupting the household. I will also recall information from the “memory banks” of my brain without getting overly confused.

♥ When I am sick or otherwise prevented from actively pursuing order, my system will not automatically fall apart. It will have sufficient momentum to function for a while without me.

These are definitions to which we can all aspire! We can personalize these basic facets of order to our own family situations and know that we are taking positive steps in the right direction toward success. I believe that this reasonable level of order is the prerequisite to true productive creativity. A world-class composer must have a handle on the “laws” of music theory before writing a symphony. The orchestra members must have the self-discipline to practice their instruments, read the music as it is written, and follow the conductor's cues, or the symphony will be a cacophony instead! Our Creator is “the God of order, not chaos” (1 Corinthians 14:33). He designed a gloriously exquisite universe, quite systematically, day by day. He is the same God who gave intricate instructions to the creative craftsmen who fashioned the tabernacle, and he is the same God who can put your life back in order if you will follow his directions! The order in our lives starts from the center; for Christians, this focus is that “Jesus is Lord.” Everything else in our lives must flow from that, or nothing will make sense. But beyond that universal focus, God has a specific plan for each of us. Our job is to discern our individual mission in life and report for duty. Our approach to this will profoundly influence how we manage our daily lives.


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Motherhood Management Let's think about two different moms at exaggerated ends of the spectrum. Mom #1 rolls wearily out of bed when the preschooler starts whining for breakfast. The two older children stumble out of their rooms, poking each other, and meet with a sharp reprimand from Mom. After eating, the children wander off and Mom is left alone to clear up the debris. The baby starts to whimper and Mom discovers a blow-out diaper oozing onto the high chair. She sets the jelly jar back on the table and carries the baby upstairs to the nursery. As soon as she gets the messy diaper off, she hears a crash downstairs. It is the jelly jar, now shattered and splattered on the kitchen floor. After she mops, Mom trudges back upstairs to nurse the baby. The other children scamper outside to play, barefoot and in their pajamas. When Mom yells for them to come in, they track mud all over the fresh-mopped floor. During morning school time, Mom #1's third grade son repeats the same math mistakes from yesterday, because she didn't grade his paper. They can't do the science experiment listed in their text book because they didn't buy the supplies. While Mom hunts for flash cards for the first grader's phonics lesson, the bored preschooler throws blocks at the baby. By now it's lunch time and Mom must try to make peanut butter sandwiches while clutching a howling baby. The bedraggled family has just finished eating when the phone suddenly rings. It is a home school friend, inviting them all over to play that afternoon. Escape! After a frantic scramble to find matching shoes, they jump in the van and fight over the front seat. During their visit, Mom and her friend spend the time commiserating over the lack of good field trips in their support group, and ask themselves if maybe they should switch groups. Actually, though, Mom's friend is thinking of quitting home schooling anyway, and the social time turns into a gripe session. On the way home, Mom drops off the overdue library books and stops at the grocery store to get meat for supper. She forgets to get a new jar of jelly, but her children manipulate her into buying candy bars to keep them quiet. When they get home, Mom has to set the groceries on the floor because the table is still covered with the remains of lunch and the counters are full of clutter. The preschooler has missed his nap and runs around wild until Dad walks in. Mom has a pulsing headache and the house is trashed. There is very little to write down for school, but Mom hasn't kept records this week anyway. So that was an exaggerated Mom #1! (I hope!) What about Mom #2? She has the same children and the same house, but her perspective is totally different! Mom #2 gets up early to have her quiet time and a shower. The preschooler is up when Mom gets out of the bathroom, so she puts him to work setting out the breakfast dishes. She turns on some music and greets her grumpy older children with a smile, because she knows that the next 10 minutes can either make or break the day. After breakfast, the children all take their dishes to the sink. One child wipes the table and another sweeps. Since the jelly has been transferred to a plastic jar, the preschooler enjoys putting the food away. Mom throws in a load of laundry, takes tonight's dinner out of the freezer, and quickly reviews her to-do list and lesson plans. When the baby starts to whimper with that blow-out diaper, Mom takes her and the preschooler upstairs. The preschooler picks out a picture book and plops onto the floor. Mom changes the messy diaper, washes her hands and nurses the baby to sleep. It's time for the third grader's math lesson, so the first grader takes the preschooler


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into the living room and helps him with a puzzle. At the dining room table, Mom pulls out a fraction chart to demonstrate the math lesson. She can see the concepts click in her son's brain. This is a dramatic improvement from last week's fraction frustration which impelled her to make the chart in the first place. Then the two older children switch places so that the first grader can do her math and phonics with Mom. After this, Mom calls the other children in for a science experiment. She pulls the supplies out of a plastic bin, opens the book and directs the children through each step as the preschooler watches with wide eyes. School time proceeds smoothly through the morning. Lunch passes amiably with only one cup of spilled milk and lots of scattered crumbs, which are quickly cleaned up. When the phone rings, Mom waits for the answering machine to come on, finds out it is a home school friend calling, and picks it up. Her friend invites them over to play, so Mom checks the to-do list. No, it won't fit in today. Mom reminds herself, “Great ideas deserve great planning,” so she suggests postponing it until Wednesday. This is fine with her friend, yet Mom detects an odd note in the voice on the other end of the line. Is anything wrong? “Well, yes,” replies the friend. “I am so burned out with home schooling. I'm thinking of quitting. I just can't seem to get it together. How in the world do you do it?” Mom chats with her friend for 20 minutes, trying to think of a way to encourage her. She recommends a helpful home school book which she has been reading in snatches. After Mom gets off the phone, she tells her children that they can go weed the backyard strawberry patch if they put their shoes and socks on first. She then makes a quick phone call to the health insurance claims department. Next, she pulls out her home school planning notebook, opens to the support group section and flips to her field trip planning page. She calls the local science museum about group prices and jots down all of the information on a notebook page. When the children are ready to come inside, Mom stands guard at the door to make sure that dirt doesn't sneak in too. The preschooler is filthy, so Mom sticks him in the tub. It's also time for his nap time story and cuddle. Mom grabs her own book to read in his room, because she knows she will have to prevent the nap-fighting preschooler from escaping. When he drifts off to sleep, she sorts through closets and drawers to find items to donate to Salvation Army. For the rest of the afternoon, Mom reads to the older children, plays with the baby, supervises clean up time and prepares dinner. When Dad gets home, Mom tells about the day and hands him the notes from the health insurance phone call. After dinner and a short Bible video, Dad reads to the children while Mom grades papers and fills out home school record sheets. Mom and Dad chat about the agenda for the next day before she goes to bed, tired but satisfied. What's the difference? On the surface, the most obvious thing is that Mom #2 has prepared for her day and prevented many of the time-and-energy-eating hassles that plague Mom #1. If you probe a little deeper, you might detect that Mom #2 has gone beyond mere survival to true productivity. How? She is focused on important goals and priorities previously set with Dad. In line with what she feels is her mission in life, she wants to develop a warm home atmosphere, be a helpful partner to her husband, teach and train their children effectively, optimize the family health, grow in her personal life, and assist other moms to do the same. These goals are attached to specific tasks (home schooling, reading, cooking, decluttering and cleaning the house, phone calls, etc.) which Mom does little by little each day, in delicate balance. She must keep her goals and tasks in


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mind so she doesn't get sidetracked. She knows when to say “NO.” Mom #2 is both efficient and effective. I know this ideal mom seems unattainable, yet we can at least see improvement to the extent that we emulate her and aspire to her ways. These two moms reflect different management styles: Management By Objective (MBO) and Management by Exception (MBE). MBO managers set positive, specific, measurable, attainable goals with steps to implement them. They also anticipate situations so they are ready to prevent them or respond to them. In contrast, MBE managers coast along until a problem comes up and then they react to it. They spend prime time on “fighting fires” instead of on productive work. For some, MBE is actually Management by Explosion. What is your current management style? As you move toward MBO management, ask God for a mission statement for your own life, a reflection of what he has called you to be and do. Next, seek God's vision for your life in the areas of marriage, child training, home school, finances, health, ministry, home making, schedule, personal development, etc. These should all be in harmony with your mission. List your specific goals in each area, both long term and short term. Choose a few that are important and/or urgent, and set up a brainstorming page for each. In detail, list the steps and resources needed to pursue each goal. Knowing that I don’t operate in isolation, I even include sections for God’s Part, Others’ Parts and My Part. Hold on to your visions and keep them in your mind every day! Review your goals and evaluate your progress. Are you overwhelmed? Pace yourself and don't try to accomplish everything at once. Major on one or two things, and dabble in the others as you have time. You are not obligated to become an expert in every “essential” school subject, extra-curricular option, or homemaking skill. Find what fits your unique family. Keep your goals and priorities in balance, so that hobbies, projects, and ministries don't crowd out your first duties to spiritual growth, husband, children, and home life. Plan ahead so that you can avoid spending all your time reacting to problems. When you are calm and rational, think through recurring problems to reveal creative solutions for the future. For example, if your child routinely bursts into tears while doing a certain subject, consider alternative ways to present or supplement the lessons. The care you take in solving your child's learning problems, rather than merely shifting blame, communicates to him that he is worth something. Your approach to life planning and problem solving will be one of the strongest lessons to your children in the home school of real life. Not even the zippiest workbook can surpass a resourceful and sensible mom.

ADD and Me? We'll Manage!

Last year, I realized that I very likely have Attention Deficit Disorder, based on family history and my own experience. Hmmm! So that's what's been going on all these years! Perpetually forgetful. Generally messy. Hard to follow instructions or information that isn't written down. Difficulty with administrative details. Easily bored or distracted. Impatient with interruptions. Tending toward procrastination. Struggling with daily self-discipline. Not even noticing small things that need to be done. No wonder I drive my family nuts sometimes! Yep. That would be me. And some of my kids… No, it's not just laziness, though I'm sure I'm guilty of that sometimes, too. No, I'm not dumb. I teach and write well enough, and graduated from college with honors. Like many people with ADD, I can also "hyper focus" for periods of time in an effort to tune out distractions and compensate for my quirky mental wiring. When I started to think about it,


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I could count dozens of ways (lots of lists -- and more) that I've already compensated for ADD (or the assorted symptoms thereof if I don't have a full blown clinical case of it). I am amused that one of the most recent helps with this was a very unexpected gift. Even before I heard about the possible ADD, someone who loves me and wanted to bless me gave me an iPod Touch, which I never would have bought for myself since it is out of my price range. It not only has music (which I love!), but web and e-mail (when I'm within wi-fi range), clock alarms, calendar, note pads. My favorite app on it is a wonderful running To Do list that keeps tasks in date and priority order, beeps at me when I need to remember something, and is easy to edit when I don't actually get to something when originally planned. Ah, relief! What a Godsend! That has been a huge help to keeping me on track. I take it with me wherever I go, so I can type something on the touch pad whenever I think of something I shouldn't forget! One other thing I did early on is to encourage myself by writing four lists: ways I already compensate for my ADD brain, things I still need to work on, my personal strengths, and my personal weaknesses. I've listed my "compensations" and "strengths" below. A couple weeks after I wrote these lists, I called my husband and told him that I had forgotten the most important thing I had ever done to deal with ADD -- I married him nearly 25 years ago! He is much more organized and detail oriented than I am! I don't know what I'd do without him! By the same token, I balance him out in other areas, like my creativity and sense of adventure. So I don't regard ADD with a sense of dismay or doom. It's just a difference that we need to work around.

My Existing Compensations for Symptoms of ADD

married Thad! reading things to remember or understand (visual learner, not auditory) master grocery list (organized by aisle) on computer to print each week chore charts for kids To Do list on iPod Touch very detailed sermon notes write down names of people I meet address lists on computer e-mails, documents, and Google Reader kept on computer for information -- can do

quick search to find what I need without remembering exactly where I put it! weekly prayer list vacation packing lists on computer, plus vacation organizer notebook and car bins detailed lesson plans for school -- unit studies plus some structured curriculum keeps

things "together" journals and notebooks bins & bags for school supplies, games and puzzles school bins for kids' books, notebook, supplies teacher bin ready for morning school time labeled storage clothes bins bookcases and video shelves organized by topic clocks in most rooms of house blogs to record memories and thoughts that I might otherwise forget photography to help me remember


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dish cupboards have standards places for most items seasonal and holiday decorations in bins detailed outlines and even scripts for public speaking, though I also ad lib

My God-Given Personality Strengths

creative, poetic, deep thinking

love beauty, art, nature well-read, with a pretty good memory for what I read out-of-the-box thinking writing and public speaking soft heart: able to sympathize and empathize with others flexible and spontaneous adventurous -- like to break out of ruts eclectic interests - learn about a lot of different things and people sociable and conversational value relationships over tasks once I really get going on an organizing task that needs doing, I get a lot of stuff done

OK, your turn! Think about what challenges you face in life! How do you handle them? What are your strengths? How is your personality unique, not necessarily "flawed"? Get out your paper and pencil now. Ready, set, go!

The Secret of Replacement Perhaps the path to your life goals is hindered by destructive personal habits. Trying to break them seems to be a lost cause. How many New Year's Resolutions are dead and gone by the end of January? Sometimes concentrating on the distressing patterns in our lives only digs them further in. This dilemma reminds me of the poor man in Luke 11:26 who had a demon leave him, only to come back with seven worse evil spirits. His heart had been swept clean, but the Holy Spirit had not been invited to fill the empty spot. True repentance and reform require that we turn away from the bad thing and toward the high ideal. The good shall prevail over the bad. This is firmly established in Scripture:

―Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.‖ Romans 12:21

―The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me ... to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.‖ Isaiah 61:1a, 3b

―... you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.‖ Colossians 3:9b, 10

―The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.‖ Proverbs 14:1

―All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.‖ Proverbs 14:23


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―A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.‖ Proverbs 15:1

―A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.‖ Proverbs 17:22

As Francis de Sales noted in the 17th century, “As to these smaller temptations… as it

is impossible to be altogether freed from them, the best defense that we can make is not to give ourselves much trouble about them; for although they may tease us, yet they can never hurt us, so long as we continue firmly resolved to dedicate ourselves in earnest to the service of God…. Content yourself with quietly removing them, not by contending or disputing with them, but by performing some actions of a contrary nature to the temptation, especially acts of the love of God… This grand remedy is so terrible to the enemy of our souls, that as soon as he perceives that his temptation incites us to form acts of divine love he ceases to tempt us… He who would wish to contend with them in particular would give himself much trouble to little or no purpose.” 4 What are the life areas in which you long to improve? What are the habits you want to banish? Let's replace our hit list with our hot list! The Hit List The Hot List Retaliation and Alienation Blessing and Reconciliation Complaints and Depression Gratitude and Cheerfulness Accusation and Nagging Encouragement and Affirmation Rudeness and Harshness Courtesy and Kindness Gossip and Slander Prayer and Protection Habitual Messiness Systematic Tidiness Distraction and Slothfulness Daily Routine and Diligent Work Junk Food (Body and Soul) Wholesome Nourishment Ugliness Beauty These are not passive changes. They require positive action. They demand that you go out of your way and take extra effort at doing good things that don't come naturally.

♥ “I won't eat that extra piece of chocolate cake. I'll have a banana and a glass of milk.”

♥ “I won't give my husband the silent treatment because he was rude to me. Instead, I will figure out why he was upset, pray for him, make a list of his good qualities, and fix his lunch for tomorrow.”

♥ “I won't watch soap operas. I will listen to worship music while I fold the laundry.”

♥ “I won't tear out my hair over teaching double digit addition. I will demonstrate with hands-on materials.”

♥ “I won't nag the children about our messy school room anymore. We are going to clean it up, get rid of the junk, buy organizing supplies, put the papers in notebooks, and schedule a tidy time every day.”

4 As quoted by Gary Thomas on page 76-77 of Seeking the Face of God, published by Harvest House.


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If you have tried and failed, tried and failed, this may seem like a hopeless effort. Keep your mind fixed on the fact that the changes are possible and that they are important. They will only come about if you encourage yourself to keep trying, no matter how many times you fail. And then, wonder of wonders, some day it will click! Eventually your new hard-won habits will even become natural and you will wonder what all the fuss was about. Isn't God good? Hold on though, because the danger isn't over. When the victory breaks through, there's a strong temptation to give yourself a big pat on the back! That's just about the surest way to slip back in the pit, because ―pride goeth before the fall‖ (Proverbs 16:18, KJV). Sometimes God asks us, “Just how much did you think you could do by yourself?” Arrogance will make you regress, but humility ensures progress. To God alone be the glory, for the great things he has done!

Living Life on Purpose Life management is not complete unless we think about our how daily home life reflects our faith in God. I found an excellent Bible passage that I think really talks about how we must work to reach our children’s hearts with spiritual truth as we teach academics, take care of our homes and relate to our family members. I use 1 Thessalonians 5:12-22 to evaluate my effectiveness as a home school mom, and to give me the perfect prescription for getting our lives back in balance.

―Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil.‖

Based on this passage, I developed a checklist to evaluate my own progress in nurturing my children in the Lord and preparing them for productive adult life in family and careers:


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The Thessalonians Prescription:

A Checklist for Home School Moms

1. Do I take the time to cultivate a reverent, fervent, joyful heart and home life? 2. Do I work hard to provide spiritual leadership through good example and

teaching? 3. Do I require my children to show proper respect toward both parents? (Some

people think that respect must always be earned. While we should try to be worthy of both respect and emulation, there is a certain kind of respect that needs to come with positions of authority -- such as parents, pastors, teachers of any kind, and government officials -- regardless of what our child feels about that person or the situation.)

4. Do I keep my children busy doing good things? 5. In my pursuit to teach my children independent living and learning, do I

patiently exhort those who refuse to work, encourage those who lack confidence, and help those truly need direct assistance?

6. Do I seek to be a peacemaker by encouraging kindness and prohibiting revenge? 7. Do I give thanks in all circumstances, knowing God will bring good from them? 8. Do I eliminate influences and activities which are not the best for my family? 9. Do I teach my children to discern good from evil and to seek God’s will? 10. When I see God’s Spirit beginning to work in my child, do I avoid quenching this

progress with my own impatience and perfectionism? 11. Do I pray earnestly and continually for my children?

Home schooling can provide the ideal setting for daily discipleship, which needs to be the focus of any true education in our family. When Mom’s heart is nurtured through abiding in Christ, she can handle the challenges of the day better. When children’s hearts are cooperative and teachable, they will learn academic skills much easier. Sometimes it seems like a sacrifice to lay aside my own individual interests to invest the necessary time, energy, and love into my children, but the blessings are abundant and the rewards are eternal. It forces me to lean hard on God! As we all lay aside the old attitudes and methods that have hindered us, may God renew our minds so we can be truly productive for his glory. This is life management at its best.


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BUSY AT HOME

In the last chapter we took a look at grand goals. Now let's focus on some of the nitty gritty daily details. This season of your life is full of intense mothering, home making, and home schooling. Have you ever been quite so busy? Concentrate on maximizing your time and managing your home, because if you can get control of elusive minutes, you will reclaim precious days to share with the people you love. My degree is in Business Management, and I learned one life-changing concept which has spared me from many stupid mistakes. Here it is! Efficiency is doing things the right way, but effectiveness is doing the right thing. If what you are doing is not even worthwhile, it doesn't make any difference how fast you work, how hard you labor, how elaborate you make it, or what process you used, because it will still be a waste of time and resources. How does this apply to time-conscious home school moms? If an activity is not really necessary, there is no point in doing it faster or fancier. It is better to concentrate on doing one important thing thoroughly than to cram in a dozen trivial pursuits. Don't be afraid to cut through meaningless clutter in your curriculum or schedule. For example, you don't need to attempt every project suggested in a teacher manual, since most of them were designed for a class of thirty, not your one-room school house. As you evaluate options, discern whether the learning value justifies all the gyrations. Make sure the essentials get done; then you can add on a dollop of the frills. Beyond the school room, seize the confidence to slice activities out of your schedule if they hinder your family's mission in life. To God, we must always say “Yes,” but to people, we must learn to sometimes say, “NO!” For example, my husband and I were both heavily involved in Sunday School ministry every week for a few years when our children were young. It was not the best fit for our spiritual gifts and it was taking a toll on our little ones, so we eventually dropped back to substitute status. I know of one congregation which actively recruited every member for some church ministry, but they wisely told the moms, “Raising your children is your prime ministry. You don't need to sign up for anything!” Amen! There are also tons of worthy children's activities, such as sports, music lessons, field trips, and clubs which could easily gobble up your time. Home school moms sometimes feel that they must get their children involved in lots of extra-curricular excitement to compensate for not being in “school.” As a result, they often spend more time in the car than at home. Be selective. Some families limit each child to one out-of-the-home commitment at a time. Other families try to do activities together or offer alternative home-based hobbies. If you want your children to have professional music lessons, see if you can arrange for a teacher to come to the house. Get involved in a church or home school musical that will hit three birds with one stone: ministry, music training, and fellowship. There are ways to have fun without going crazy! Often we think we are accomplishing things if we keep busy doing whatever flies our way. We fill up our time with phone calls, project deadlines, and endless meetings. In the end, we look back and see that much of it was busywork! We need to discern whether our efforts are fulfilling our true priorities: growing in our Christian faith, loving our husbands, training our children, building a compassionate home environment, and serving God's Kingdom with our own special blend of spiritual gifts and callings.


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Let's get back to basics. It's not how busy you are, but who you are inside that really counts. For a real eye-opener about true effectiveness, take a peek at 2 Peter 1:5-8. After listing the core maturity traits (faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love) it asserts that ―if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.‖ It takes time to build character, so reserve some hours in your busy schedule for reflection and renewal! Efficiency and practical tips are still wonderful to the extent that they liberate us to pursue worthy goals. By all means, put them to work! Since the nitty gritty details of running a home and school can be a stumbling block to many moms, the rest of this chapter is a sampler of tips in the following areas:

♥ Daily Household Routines ♥ First Steps to a Tidy Home ♥ Children and Chores ♥ Calendar Scheduling ♥ Household Paper Work ♥ Marvelous Meal Times ♥ Clothing the Lilies of Your Field ♥ Home Decorating

Daily Household Routines

Due to a combination of procrastination and forgetfulness, many of us find it easy to tune out daily responsibilities. It is hard to change years of bad habits, but the rewards more than compensate for the effort. Do routine chores every day so they won't pile up. Cultivate a “DO IT NOW!” attitude. Tie everyday tasks to deadline events, like meals, Dad's arrival home, and bedtime. I once had an effective bedtime routine which was posted several places around the house. Life changed, so what I had then wouldn’t work now. I am still working on breaking into good routines! If you are faced with a monstrous job, don't keep putting it off! Break it up into manageable chunks and do a little each day for a week. For example, if you are deep cleaning the kitchen, tackle the refrigerator on one day, and reorganize and wipe down the pantry cupboards on a different day. Watch out for time wasters! Restrict TV watching, since it wastes time and cuts productivity. Instead, put on upbeat music to get your body moving as you work. Use an answering machine to screen calls during school and family times. Think like an efficiency expert as you examine your housework methods. Keep supplies handy. Make a list of jobs which can be done in 15 minute “in-between” times. Do two things at once, like tending soup while giving a spelling test, or grouping your errands and appointments into one outing.


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Create a realistic routine for periodic household chores. You can divide your weekly chores into short list for each day of the week (i.e. Friday: clean master bathroom, take out the trash, and plan next week's lessons.) Some organized types of moms manage to pre-schedule monthly and quarterly chores (i.e. wash walls on the third Monday of each month). However, many of us are just not wired that way, so don't feel guilty if you can't seem to break into these routines. Here is my approach. First, I try to do all major cleaning and organizing during school breaks, especially Christmas and summer. The children are expected to help! We also attempt to stay on top of the crucial stuff (laundry, dishes, basic tidying, etc.) daily. The children’s chore chart includes most of these items, but I still have to supervise. Other than that, when I notice that a task really needs doing, I do it that day or as soon as possible -- while I am still motivated! So if I see lots of smudges in my refrigerator or a layer of dust on my ceiling fans, I clean it on the spot. If my husband drops hints about a messy closet, I organize it. This relaxed approach may seem like heresy to organizational gurus, but it works for our family. Keep track of other specific routine or non-routine tasks. If you have a handheld computer such as an iPod Touch or Blackberry, use it! But even if you don't, you can jot a short list of things to be done in the next day or so -- such as phone calls, errands, and special projects -- and attach it to your refrigerator where you can see it easily during the day. For items to be accomplished within the next month or beyond, make a more comprehensive list to go in your notebook or on the refrigerator. Sit down for a quiet hour of brainstorming and try to recall all of the little elusive details. To help jog your memory, talk to your husband and children, consult your calendar, review your goal lists, look around the house, and browse through your paperwork. Jot it all down as you think of it, then type it on your computer or neatly rewrite it in categories:

♥ Items to Discuss with Husband ♥ Phone Calls & Correspondence ♥ Errands & Purchases ♥ Paperwork / Computer / Finances ♥ Household Care and Repair ♥ Upcoming Events (Holidays, Births, Vacations, Hospitality, etc.) ♥ School Preparation ♥ Miscellaneous

First Steps to a Tidy Home

Since I am a recovering messy, learning to keep my house organized and clean has been quite a challenge for me! You see, when I was a little girl, my bedroom was piled so deep in junk that I could have hidden an elephant in there. Mom had to turn off my light at night because I didn't dare walk across my room in the dark. Yes, I was bad, and I didn't get any better until I had roommates, then a tidy husband, and then a bunch of children. If I didn't do something, I was going to drown! Here's a sample of what I have learned from books, the example of others, and personal trial-and-error. Get a vision for “kosmos” in your home. My boys and I once read the book Archimedes and the Door of Science by Jeanne Bendick. She mentioned that the word


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cosmos, which we think of as universe, is from the Greek word kosmos, which means an orderly and harmonious arrangement. This is something the Greeks highly valued; they were so pleased that the heavens exhibited this quality. In my life, this inspires me to pursue kosmos at home. I try to stoke this vision by reading home organization books by such experts as Don Aslett, Sandra Felton, and Emilie Barnes. View cleaning up as a form of art. Imagine how beautiful your home will be if you stay on top of it all. Picture clear counters, glistening appliances, neatly folded laundry in the drawers, smooth carpets, and shiny tile. Give a room a facelift just by removing clutter and tidying things up. Be ruthless! Give away what you don't need or that distract you from important priorities. Apply the Philippians 4:4-8 test. If it's not good, noble, true, and pure, out it goes! If you have a bunch of active, curious children, don't expect an immaculate house! Young children can make a new mess every time you turn around. Tackle the germs and the obvious clutter first, and don't get hyper about every speck of dust on the furniture or hand print on the wall. You don't have to have “House Beautiful,” just a home full of living, loving, and learning. Invest in household equipment, tools, and supplies to get the job done right and save your precious time and energy. Also, be sure you have proper household storage such as shelving, plastic bins, sports equipment racks, and organizers for musical and computer media. A place for everything and everything in its place! Assign consistent “addresses” to all items close to where they are used. Teach all family members where things belong. When you find something out of place, reinforce its correct address: “These markers go in the blue box up on the shelf, not in my pencil holder!” There are also proper places to do different activities. For example, we have a rule that you can’t eat, drink, or do messy projects in carpeted areas. Of course, the rule is often ignored, but it helps somewhat, especially with the younger children. I don’t want glue stuck on my carpet or on the couch, nor do I want to have to retrieve dirty cereal bowls from bedrooms! (We have cockroaches in Florida, after all!)

Children and Chores

You can’t do it all yourself! That’s the first rule of housework, in my opinion. Get those children busy, and watch the work melt away. What happens when parents fail to train children in everyday responsibility? Picture Tommy Tornado. He dawdles through his school work finding every excuse for distraction. He still hasn't finished his math page by the afternoon, and since it's so B-O-R-I-N-G, he shoves the book aside and retrieves his model airplane kit from the closet. He has the glue, newspaper, and plastic parts all spread out on the kitchen table when his friend Joe rings the doorbell wanting to play. Mom asks from the next room if he has done his math yet. Tommy calls back, “Yeah...”, justifying to himself that he has done some of it. He runs outside and is soon happily rollerblading down the street. An hour later, he


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stumbles back inside, totally exhausted, and plops down in front of the TV with a snack. Mom nags Tommy to clean up his airplane mess and take out the trash, but he is now comatose on the couch in front of the TV, amid potato chip crumbs and apple cores. She ends up doing it all herself, still resentful about the jumble of Legos and crayons from this morning. When Dad gets home, already tired from a long day at work, he nearly runs into the rollerblades left in the driveway. He is now in no mood for mercy when he steps inside the house to greet his tired wife. It's going to be a long evening! Multiply this by a houseful of children, and you have trouble with a capital T. And as Tommy slides through the teenage years into adulthood, he will face major obstacles in higher education, career, and family life. One basic difference between adults and children is that adults tend to think of “duty” things (productivity, safety, health, hygiene, tidiness, thrift, etc.) while children naturally gravitate to “pleasure” pursuits (play, food, friends, relaxation, affection, crafts, etc.) Sure, adults like these things too, but often have a hard time “cutting loose” when there is so much work to be done. They run themselves ragged, skimp on meals, get overwhelmed, and start grumbling. Meanwhile, the children play until they drop (all the while making excess work for Mom and Dad), and then they don't even think about helping out. What is the solution to overworked parents and lazy offspring? Train the children to work! At first, this will just mean cleaning up their messes and taking care of personal hygiene. Later, they must learn to pitch in on family responsibilities and household chores. As the children come up to speed and carry their own weight, then the adults are more able to relax and enjoy life with their children. Everyone wins! The children become more mature and actually get to spend friendly time with Mom and Dad. The adults, on the other hand, can cultivate a childlike appreciation of simple pleasures like naps, hugs, games and evening strolls. True balance comes when all family members learn to intermingle duty and pleasure by adding adventure to their tasks, alternating periods of work and rest, and laboring together in a spirit of comradeship. Rather than being pitted against each other, the parents and children are blended into a team! Here are a few tips to help along the way: Insist that tidying up is a necessary part of every project. Don't let your children go on to the next activity until the last one is cleaned up. If they don't have time to clean it up, they don't have time to do the project! To be honest, our younger children have yet to learn this, and it’s a constant source of frustration. I don’t like to have to play detective later on to figure out who made the mess. Schedule regular tidy-up times. Have a “Power Hour” before Dad comes home in the evening or, better yet, before they go out to play in the afternoon. Ask each person to pick up 10 items or play “Beat the Clock.” Make it fun! Think of how Cinderella danced with her mop! Put on some bouncy music and let the children play “clean-up train” together. Each one chooses to be a different kind of train car -- one for toys, one for clothes, one for papers, etc. As they toot through the house, they make stops at each room to collect and transport the cargo. Set the timer and race to clean up the play room in 15 minutes. When you have a little more time, put the block bucket in the middle of the floor and see how many they can throw in. Confiscate items which are repeatedly left out. Some families have a “redemption box.” The children have to wait until the next redemption day, pay money or do extra chores to get their things back.


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Make a chore chart. There are many ways we have done this, and you can come up with the way which works best for your family. At first, we started with as many index cards as we had children who could do a fair share of housework. On each card, I wrote a daily mealtime chore at the top and then another chore for each day of the week. Then I slipped them into a plastic photo page that had four segments labeled with my children’s names. I attached this to the refrigerator door, and rotated the cards each week. One card might have looked like this:

Meals: Load dishes. Mon: Vacuum and dust living room. Tue: Organize your bedroom. Wed: Vacuum your bedroom. Thu: Vacuum and dust living room. Fri: Gather trash from around the house.

After a few years, I decided to design a computer spreadsheet to produce weekly chart pages. Children’s names went across the top, and days of the week went down the side. Using the cut-and-paste function, I created three different pages, shifting the columns of chores around so that the first child got chore set A one week, set B the second week, and set C the third week, and so forth for the other two children who shared those sets of chores. We changed the page each Sunday. Next, after reading more about the subject of chores, I decided to assign my children “permanent” chores in a specific room, without rotating each week. In other words, instead of assigning one to wipe the table, and another to sweep underneath it or one person to load the dishwasher and another to unload it, I chose one child for each whole area. The limit on this was that if someone else made a big mess in your area, they had to clean it up. My oldest daughter asked for the hardest job, kitchen duty, because she truly liked to see it clean and figured she was the best person for the job! Another daughter was responsible for keeping the bathroom clean every day, another had the dining room, and another the living room. This set up eliminated confusion about who did what and prevented people from getting in each other’s way or having to wait for each other to do a chore which needs to come before their own (like unloading and loading dishes). Now that we have more children available to work, we are back to a chore chart with more specific tasks based on age levels and availability. For example, one of our little ones sets out the silverware at dinner time and folds all of our cleaning cloths. Our two oldest sons gather and take out all the trash. One of our girls cleans the bathroom. We schedule our teenager’s chores around their class, work, and sports schedules. Picking the right job for each child is a matter of knowing what they are physically and mentally ready to do, what they are naturally good at, and what they can learn. A toddler can put his socks in the hamper and pick up his toys. A fourth grader could clean the bathroom or vacuum carpets. A teenager could shop and prepare meals. Let the organized child tidy closets, the energetic one rake leaves, the creative child make a centerpiece, and the nurturing one entertain younger siblings. You might find that a job truly is too hard or hazardous for one child. On the other hand, with a little training, a younger child could become quite capable of a job that you thought was too difficult.


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Provide appropriate tools for your children to help clean house. Imagine that you had to clean a giant's house with the giant's own tools! Stretch, pull, stretch, pull! Provide your children with child-size brooms, dustpan, work gloves, garden tools, aprons, etc. Keep a whole pile of wipe-up cloths on a low shelf. Use non-toxic cleaners stowed in a caddie which can be carried from room to room. Give them plastic bins for easy toy storage. Make it simple and it will more likely get done! Eventually, your children will learn which tools or supplies are used for each task. The narrow vacuum nozzle is used for cleaning the cracks in the couch, while the wide one is used for the floor. One spray bottle is for cleaning windows, but the other is for disinfecting toilets. The ability to select an appropriate resource is just one more step on the way to independence. Train your children in specific home maintenance skills. I once handed my young daughter a spray bottle and asked her to clean our toaster. She honestly didn't know that you aren't supposed to douse the heating elements with chemicals. On the bright side, I got a new four-slice toaster! It is not a waste of time to lay aside the worksheets to teach home skills. Sure, it's faster to do the job yourself, but they have to learn some time; the sooner they learn, the sooner you will be free to do other things. Teach a little at a time, work with them, and allow them to succeed at small assignments before going on to more complicated ones. Since children can't read our minds (except when we are thinking of ice cream), we need to clearly and systematically explain and demonstrate the process. If the task is to sweep, then “show-n-tell” how to get under the edge of the counter or how to shift the dustpan back to catch the last few crumbs. You could also write a detailed list of steps for “How to Clean the Bathroom” and tape it to the wall for quick reference. For young children learning to clean their bedrooms, you could make a picture chart or have them learn key words: CLOTHES, BED, PAPERS, TOYS. Teach your kids to work together to get the job done. Parents often hear bickering among the children about chore assignments. If you tell young children to “clean up the living room,” you will almost invariably hear one child complain, “He isn't doing anything, so I'm not going to either!” It might be better to tell them, “Bob, you pick up the toys while Ann picks up the books.” With these clearly defined responsibilities, they won't feel obligated to make up for the slacker. Whichever way you do it, don't allow your children to compare among themselves or boss each other around, because you alone have the bird's eye view of the assignments. As they complete household tasks, they will soon learn that timing and sequence are important. If one child has to wait for another to unload the dishwasher before he can put the dirty dishes in, and Mom has to wait for the dishes to be cleared out of the way before she can make dinner, these “log jams” disrupt efficiency. I urge my children to think of other people when they are choosing which of their tasks to do first. If someone else is waiting on you to do a certain job, that one takes priority. This may seem like a subtle lesson, but when they get out into a career where they must cooperate with their colleagues, they will appreciate your training. Children must eventually develop the capacity for truly working together rather than merely alongside one another. This can start out simple, as in: “Bob, please hold the bag open while Ann dumps the trash in.” With older children or teenagers, you could say, “The Miller family is coming for dinner on Saturday. You can figure out a good menu,


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shop for the ingredients, and fix the meal.” At this stage, they are not just performing pre-assigned tasks. They must actually plan the details, check their resources, budget, make decisions, negotiate compromises, and split up the work according to their interests and abilities. As a mini-committee, they are preparing for life in the “real world.” Inspect what you expect. Housekeeping standards vary from family to family, but they must be clearly communicated and checked. If they don't do it all, or don't do it right, they need to do it over. Your children should be able to tell when a job is done by certain criteria such as:

♥ When you tidy up, the whole room should look better at first glance. ♥ Junk must not be shoved behind doors, in closets, or under beds. ♥ Toilets and sinks must be sprayed with disinfectant. ♥ Hard surfaces should not have sticky residue after cleaning. ♥ If you must pile up books or papers, make the stack neat and steady. ♥ Putting away the tools and supplies is part of the job!

As you set and enforce your standards, remember that your child may eventually share living space with a roommate or spouse accustomed to a much tidier lifestyle. If you find that the child's work is not up to par, go back over the first seven “essentials” again! Or consider whether the problem is a matter of attitude... which takes us to our next and most important element! Encourage good attitudes toward home responsibilities. “Housework? Isn't that Mom's job? Does she think I'm a slave or something?” It is a rare child who gleefully serves at menial chores. Excellence won't enter their minds until they grasp a sense of ownership over household tasks. Our children must get the idea that they are vital members of the family team and that we are in dire need of their assistance. Teach your children to value a clean and tidy house. Remind them how much more pleasant it is to walk across the floor without tripping, slipping, or sticking! A clean house is its own reward, but is that enough? While a system of rewards can help spur your children to do a good job, they also need to develop the internal motivation of doing a job for what it produces, not just what it pays. Some families pay cash for all chores, citing that a worker is worth his wages. Others feel that household work is the price you pay for living in the home, so each one should do his share without extra compensation. In the middle are those who don't pay for routine chores (laundry, dishes, sweeping, etc.), but offer rewards for doing extra work (yard work, baby sitting, deep cleaning, etc.) As an alternative to money, children can earn privileges such as outings or private time with parents. Whatever incentives you choose, a word of appreciation is always appropriate for a job well done, especially if they have cheerfully taken the initiative without being reminded. When my husband Thad was about nine, they moved into a Massachusetts ski lodge that his father managed. Thad worked in the kitchen and dining hall after school. He had plenty of outdoor fun, but he sure learned to work! Even now, he can't walk past a sink of dirty dishes without at least rinsing and stacking them. He must be the most diligent person I know. He encourages me, “Honey, just train the children to be busy at home!” When it comes to dirty dishes, sticky floors, or smelly toilets, children can suddenly


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develop a sense of squeamishness. Somehow this never bothered them when they were making mud pies, catching worms, or eating yogurt with their bare hands. Yucky stuff and germs will be around for the rest of their lives, so the sooner they learn to deal with it, the better off they will be. Remember your high school or college biology class? When we had to dissect a rat, my classmates and I were all disgusted. However, I knew I had to put aside my nausea and do it, so I pounced on the task with morbid glee, o the amazement of my lab partners. (I beg pardon from all of you non-violent animal lovers out there!) Gross messes don't faze me much now. Tell your children to roll up those sleeves, plunge in, and then disinfect themselves later. That's why we have soap, hot water and rubber gloves! It takes some training, but a child who is willing to follow the “foot washing” example of Jesus and dig in to a dirty job is fit to serve God in the most profound way.

Calendar Scheduling

I once accidentally scheduled a dinner party on the same night as a home school meeting. I knew they were both “next Tuesday,” but because I hadn't written either one on the calendar, it didn't dawn on me that they were both on the same next Tuesday. This was not an isolated incident, but fortunately these mistakes can be prevented with the proper use of a calendar. Use an electronic calendar synched to your computer, if you can. This makes it easy to switch dates and times, and as an added bonus, you can set it to sound an audible alert when it is time to do something that you might otherwise forget. It is also portable, so you will probably have it with you at all times. Hang a large family calendar in a central place close to the phone. Keep it coordinated with your husband's and children's personal planners (electronic or paper). Record all regular meetings, activities, appointments, and field trips as soon as they are scheduled, and check with other family members before you make commitments. When you come home from the library, mark the due date on your calendar. We gave up on using those pretty picture calendars, because we have so much stuff to write down that we need one of those big desk size calendars with the huge blocks. We hang it in the kitchen, where we can all see it easily. We also use computer programs to enter calendar information. We can print out as many copies as we need for different family members to keep us all on the same page with our schedules. At the beginning of the year, mark your fresh new calendar with all the birthdays and anniversaries. Make a master list of these occasions to keep from year to year. Plan big events like vacations, reunions, and celebrations weeks or even months in advance to make details smoother, allow optimal arrangements, and save money. Don't view your husband as an obstacle to your schedule. He is your partner, provider, protector, and leader. He can help you say “no” to overload even when you don't realize you are in above your neck. When someone asks for a commitment of your time, you may want to tell them that you will give an answer after you have checked with your husband. He will appreciate your consideration in honoring his leadership and guarding his need for privacy and relaxation after a hard day's work.


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Household Paper Work

Welcome to the Information Age! Even with high-technology, much of our data is still on low-tech paper which must be either organized or constantly shuffled. Try scheduling at least one time each week to handle paper work which cannot be done immediately. Make the rounds of your home to collect all loose papers, gather them all into a pile, and tackle it! A clean desk and a trash basket full of discarded papers bring a tremendous sense of satisfaction. Stock up on paper storage devices: notebooks, magazine boxes, file cabinets, folders, and archive boxes. You need them! Just make sure that you keep them organized, and weed out old stuff on a regular basis. Use a computer to store a lot of your records. This is the ideal way to maintain your financial records, calendar, phone & address list, and more. It can be easily changed, and you can fit lots of stuff on each page. Be sure to back up your data. We use jump drives (also known as flash drives or thumb drives) and an external hard drive for backing up important documents and other files, which also makes it really easy to transport them to our other computers. We still print out a lot of what we enter in to the computer, so we still have to deal with the papers, but it’s not quite as much. Set up a notebook for your personal and household records. Packaged organizers can be adapted to your needs or you can set up your own with a three-ring binder and dividers. You can also find apps to store much of this information on your iPhone, iPod touch, Blackberry or other device. Here are some possible sections:

♥ Schedule / Calendar: To-do list, project list, planning forms, calendar pages, family schedules, master list of birthdays and anniversaries.

♥ People: Personal phone/address list, organization and club member lists, legislators, personal notes on people, hospitality plans, items loaned or borrowed, letters to answer

♥ Grocery / Menu / Nutrition: Grocery checklists, diet instructions, meal plans, nutrition information, favorite recipes, product boycott lists

♥ Finances / Insurance: Monthly budgets, things to buy, expense records, cost comparisons, financial goals and plans, tax information, Scriptures on money and finance, “in case of death” summary of important financial and legal information (bank accounts, debts, insurance, will location, burial, etc.)

♥ Children: Clothing sizes, personal goals, Bible verses on children, practical Mommy tips, safety reminders, activity and craft ideas. If you have outgrown baby books or can’t find them when you want them, you can write personal notes about your children in this notebook section.

♥ Ideas / Goals / Personal: Goals/plans/priorities, notes from favorite books, new things to try, inspirational tidbits, personal writing

♥ Health / First-Aid: First-aid and emergency tips, family medical summaries (a page for each person including a record of illnesses, injuries, treatments,


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immunizations, weight and height, etc.), instructions from or questions for health care providers, medical insurance information, health ideas, exercise instructions, and Bible verses on health and safety

♥ Home Maintenance / Decorating: cleaning & organizing tips, maintenance & repair summaries, decorating plans and ideas, items to buy, stain removal chart

♥ Paper: lined, unlined, note cards, graph paper, and other special formats

Marvelous Meal Times It's 5:30 p.m. and one of your children wails: “Mommeee... I'm hungry! What's for dinner???” Dinner? Oh, my! Is it really that late? You rummage around in the refrigerator. You see a container of leftovers and hope rises until you realize they are over a week old. Next you check the pantry closet for tuna fish. Nope! The freezer? Let's see, chicken... No, that takes too long to thaw. How about ground beef? OK, into the microwave! Oops, the edges are now brown rubber. Oh well, it will mix in when you fry it, but what can you have with it? Guess it will be another “Surprise Casserole” night! “Oh yuck!” chorus your loyal children. Peanut butter and crackers, anyone? Don't laugh too hard, because it happens even at my house! My children still snicker about the time when my laziness and creativity collided and I fixed egg casserole with green bean and mushroom sauce. It was awful! Even my clean-your-plate-or-else husband wouldn't eat it. I obviously don't have 100% success with meals, but I'll share with you the things that do work. Keep your kitchen organized! Arrange your storage areas for convenience. Put seldom-used items in less accessible spots or get rid of them. It is easier to wipe up spills and crumbs if your counters aren't cluttered. Put all of your baking equipment in one cupboard, and your plastic containers in another. Keep a canister for sharp knives at the back of your counter if you don’t want them in a child-accessible drawer. You can store a few flexible cutting mats and mini cutting boards along with them. Do nutrition research as it applies to your family's health needs and tastes. Your library probably has cookbooks for nearly any style of wholesome recipes, and you can easily do web searches to find a ton of them, too. It's still true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Choose meals that your husband enjoys. Don't just serve what you think the children will eat. Treat Dad like a king! Plan meals before you go to the store. Make a list of your most commonly used recipes and their ingredients. Figure out what you need for this week's menus, and inventory what you have on hand (including leftovers). Take note of upcoming events on your calendar: nights you will eat out, have company, or need to eat quickly to get to a meeting. Try a rotating menu schedule. Each week has a different set of recipes and a standard shopping list. After three or four weeks, the cycle starts again. My older children are very good at meal planning, after years of practice. Type and photocopy a detailed master shopping checklist. Include products that your family normally buys, sorted by aisle location in the grocery store. Choose one full service supermarket and supplement with trips to a warehouse club,


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discount bread outlet, fruit stand, or health food store. When I was pregnant with our 10th baby, I did not have the stamina to make it through a full grocery trip. Our 11 and 13 year old daughters would take the organized list and gather all of our groceries while I sat on a bench nearby. The only thing I had to do was pay for the stuff! They have gotten so good at grocery shopping, they can figure out the best deals and brands themselves, and they know what extras will be acceptable along the way. Check into cook-ahead plans. This might be once-a-month, once-a-week, or fixing a double batch of recipes. Pre-cook your meats. Roast a turkey or brown several pounds of ground beef to freeze in bags for several meals. At the very least, you can make your husband's lunch for tomorrow as you make lunches for today. Train and delegate! Get the children to set and clear the table, wipe counters, sweep the floor, and do dishes. They need this experience just as much as you need the break. Teaching your children to cook is a vital part of your home education program. Remember Home Ec class? Young ones can tear lettuce for salad, pour drinks, or mix muffin batter. Later, they will progress to actual stovetop cooking. When you are ill or rushed, it’s such a relief to have children who know how to fry scrambled eggs, chop vegetables, mix meat loaf, or assemble burritos. Our unit study on “foods and nutrition” paid big dividends in my children's interest and ability in the kitchen. Sure, there is an occasional botched recipe or broken dish, but who am I to complain for all the help they give me? At times, we have assigned each of our older children to plan and prepare dinner one night a week, which is a huge time saver for me. They do fix lunches for their younger siblings almost every day, anyway! You may also wish to teach your children proper food storage techniques to reduce spoilage and keep your food safe to eat. One of my young children, trying to be helpful, put all of our fresh meat away in the kitchen cabinet, where it was not discovered until the next day! Ouch! Run the dishwasher every night before you go to bed. Unload dishes after breakfast, and fill the dishwasher throughout the day. Our large family actually runs three or four loads per day! You can also assign color-coded cups and bowls so you will know who has cleared their dishes or not. They can also use the same cup over and over again during the day. Don’t forget to enjoy your meal together! We’ve only talked about the logistics of mealtime. The real heart of it is family fellowship. Families can get so busy with activities away from home that dinner time is often a rushed or on-the-go affair. While we might not get to eat together in leisure every evening at home, we should make the effort to do this most evenings. We can start by asking God’s blessings on the meal. A traditional “grace” in our home is one passed down from my grandparents: “Give us grateful hearts, O Father, and make us mindful of the needs of others, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.” Then take the time to talk! If the art of pleasant meal time conversation does not come naturally to your family, you could ask each person open ended questions such as, “What was the most interesting thing that happened to you today?” or “What is the favorite thing that you did today?” If these aren’t specific enough to elicit anything more than a shrug, try questions like, “Billy, would you like to tell Daddy how you caught the gerbils when they escaped from their cage this morning?” or “Nicole, why don’t you tell


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us what you learned about Amelia Earhart at the science museum today?” And do try to keep things positive without tense arguments or petty corrections. Those are best handled privately later on, or better yet, prevented ahead of time. “Don’t cry over spilled milk” – just keep a damp cloth handy at the table for the inevitable messes. Say something like gentle, like: “Oops! There goes your cup! You can wipe up the milk with this. And let’s move your cup away from the edge of the table so you won’t knock it over with your elbow again.” You can also hold fun and informal table manners “classes” at lunch so you can be prepared for a peaceful dinner when Daddy is home in the evening. That will make for a more marvelous mealtime!

Clothing the Lilies of Your Field

Those lucky lilies! The flowers of the field are arrayed in dazzling colors with velvety soft textures, and they don't even have to do laundry! If your house is like mine, clothing care is a never ending job. Here are a few suggestions to make life easier: Equip your laundry area or bedrooms with plenty of containers for sorting dirty clothes. For several years, we used old laundry detergent buckets and labeled them for each child, as well as delicate clothes, linens, white clothes, items to be bleached, etc. We have less space in our laundry area since our garage was converted to living area, so I try to keep minimal dirty laundry out there. The kids are supposed to bring out their clothes when they are ready to wash, and not let things pile up. I find that square laundry baskets are much more practical than the larger rectangular ones because they are easier to carry, especially for young children. We also use smaller, transportable hampers (rectangular trash baskets) for their dirty clothes in their bedrooms. We have a small hampers in our dining room and kitchen for dropping in wet rags used for wiping the counters, drying dishes, or cleaning up spills. These get washed every day! Round up all dirty clothes and linens at a regular time each day. If you do this in the morning, you can sort them into your bins or baskets, and get the first load going before starting school. If you do it at night after they put their pajamas on, you can have clean clothes ready for the morning. Try to put away clean clothes the same day they are washed and not let them pile up. If you do a mixed load or two of all of your children's laundry every day, they may each have only one or two outfits to put away. I usually sort the clean clothes into separate piles for them so they can fold and put away their own stuff. Otherwise, it takes much longer for them to get it done if they do the sorting themselves. I like to put the sorted piles on the dining room table and have them come put it away right then, rather than leaving them in baskets to be ignored. It's really obvious that it has to be done before the next meal! Other moms fold their kids clothes and put them into labeled bins so that they can put them away.

As soon as your children are able, make them responsible for their own laundry. You will need to show them which washer and dryer cycles to use, how much detergent to add, how to treat stains, and other specific skills. Children as young as age two can help fold wash cloths, match socks, and put clothes away. Stock up on a few dozen pairs of identical socks to cut down on sorting. Equip closets with plastic hangers, low rods, and sturdy plastic boxes to make it easier for them to finish the job.


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Use the dot method for labeling clothes for each child. The first child's clothes are labeled with one dot, the second with two, the third with three, etc. When the clothes are passed down, just add a dot. We use black permanent or laundry markers for this. This makes it much easier to sort clean clothes for each child. I just can't remember whose clothes are whose otherwise, and it saves me a lot of aggravation having to hunt the kids down to see if something belongs to them. I use dots for my boys, who all share a bedroom, since I wash their clothes together. For my two little girls, I use their initials, adding an extra line to Naomi's N to make an M for Melody. Lay out clothes ahead of time when you are going out. This will cut a lot of frustration as you are trying to get the family out the door for a field trip, co-op classes, or church service. Ideally, you should lay out clothes, shoes, and hair accessories the night before. Find good sources for “recycled” clothing. Garage sales, consignment shops, friends, and family members are good bets. When you don't pay full price, you aren't as grieved when an item is damaged, lost, or outgrown. We often find plastic bags with hand-me-down clothes in them next to our van after church, and we’ve been known to do the same thing for others! It makes sense! Teach your children (and maybe the adults too) a few laundry policies. Here are a few of ours:

Don't go outside in stocking feet. Use towels, pajamas, and sweaters more than once before washing. Take wet or heavily soiled laundry directly to the laundry area. Turn items right side out and empty pockets before placing in the hamper. Never put crayons in pockets, even for a minute! Tell Mom about stains and rips immediately, to be fixed before laundering. Use a smock or wear old clothes while doing messy projects. When you take out anyone’s laundry from the dryer, lay clothing such as nice skirts,

pants, and shirts nicely across the top of the basket or on a bed so they won’t get wrinkled, and alert the owner that their laundry is out.

Home Decorating

When you are home schooling, your home is your campus. You are there all day. You want an inviting, attractive atmosphere for learning, not just in your official “school room” but anywhere you and your children might find yourself working during the day. Decorating dilemmas are plentiful at my stage of life, so they require premium creative energies. How about you? If you groan every time you look around your home campus, this will affect your morale and productivity as an educator and homemaker. OK, I know you are on a tight budget and maybe you have to live with a stained carpet or outdated wallpaper for a time. Maybe you bought a “fixer” house, and it has you in a fix! You are not alone. I've been there!


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Our living room was a constant sore spot for years, and I was embarrassed to have people visit. Our two ancient couches were adorned with mismatched makeshift throw covers which pulled out of place when anyone sat down. In desperation I finally cried out to God, “Dear Lord, I don't want to be materialistic, but I really need two couches. They don't have to be fancy, and I don't care where they come from, but it would be nice if they matched.” Two days later, I discovered that an anonymous young artist had inked a tic-tac-toe board smack in the middle of one of the light colored cushions. “This is the last straw, God. Help!” The very next day, I got a phone call from some neighbors down the street who did not know of our desires. “Virginia, we have two matching couches here that we don't need anymore. They are about six years old and in great shape. Oh, and one is a couch bed. We don't want to be pushy, but you are welcome to have them for free.” Wow! Praise God! What an answer to prayer, what a difference in my living room, and what a way to build a friendship between neighbors! We used those couches for years before replacing them with a sectional sofa from a garage sale. Finally, when we renovated our entire house several years ago, we actually bought new couches! Knowing how much time we spend reading in the living room, I shopped very carefully for just the right ones. We finally picked a pair of dark red micro-fiber puffy cushion sofas. They hide the dirt, the fabric is durable, and they are ultra comfortable! Moms, I'm not saying that God will drop matching sofas in our laps every time we pray, but your situation is not hopeless. Most times, the Lord is just asking us to use the creativity and resources that are readily available to us. We can create a pleasant place to live and raise our families, even on a tight budget. Perhaps you can get a few buckets of paint and teach your older children the techniques. Our older children are quite proficient with painting, and have often done their own bedrooms with a little help from Dad. They have an immense sense of pride in their accomplishment. If you don’t have a child who is old enough to help you, and your husband is uninterested or too busy, ask a friend to help out. It’s always fun to eat pizza with them after the painting party! Even if you aren’t going to repaint a whole room, a few touch ups will do wonders. You can quickly repair dents in your walls with a small tub of spackle, a spreader and some sand paper. You can also hang pictures over the bad spots. Or how about making some inexpensive room decorations during your home economics class? Any mom can do something! Start small with a simple centerpiece or a corner of a room. Experiment, research, dream and plan well. With God's help, you can make it happen! Here are my other simple tips for decorating your home on a tight budget… Decorate with things you already have, especially family heirlooms and thoughtful gifts. Group related items together into a pleasing arrangement. Create wonderful aromas with candles and potpourri! Rotate your decorations seasonally so you have something different to see. Use baskets for a homey look, especially since you can put things in them! Gather new items little by little, and you will have quite a collection after several years. Make your own decorations using inexpensive materials from a dollar store, Walmart,

or craft store. Keep your house tidy, since clutter distracts from beauty. Frame family photographs, greeting cards, magazine photos, or nature pictures. You don't need anything fancy or expensive! Simplicity is beautiful!


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How are you doing with these little household details? Titus 2:4 encourages us to be busy at home, so we rejoice in the dignity of an important, God-ordained task. When life hits a frenzied pace, or it seems that the piddly stuff is about to make you pop at the seams, remember that the point is to make your schedules and systems work to create a warm and orderly home environment for your family!

My Glorious Dishtowel

by Virginia Knowles in 2007 I confess. I guess I am just sentimental about dishtowels. This one came into my life 25 years ago, fluffy and fresh, bright with glorious rainbows, back when I was still a fluffy, fresh, and bright young college student. It arrived in a care package from my mother, nestled in with edibles and kitchen practicalities, and maybe an inspiring new book to feed my idealistic soul. My mom understood about such things (and still does). She always said that new dishtowels could perk up even the dreariest kitchen, and that rundown apartment kitchen sure needed it! We had no dishwasher except the human kind, so that towel did daily duty at my sink. And each time I would hang it up proudly so everyone could see its glorious rainbows. And here we are now, all these years later. I wearily plop a toddler on her little oak bed in my bedroom. My tenth toddler. In my bedroom still. Someday she will move out to another room, when my first no-longer-toddler-now-bright-fresh-idealistic-young-adult-daughter moves out of the house, but we are in no hurry for that, no hurry at all. Still, I am a tired mommy, a busy mommy. And even after this particularly long and tiring day, it is not time for me to go to my bed yet, except to sit on it and fold another mound of laundry, the foothills of Mt. Neverest, as call my unending five-loads-a-day pile. And then a wave of melancholy washes over me. Even in the dim light of the go-to-sleep-sweetie-I’m-still-right-here bedroom, I can see this dishtowel in my hand, this faded and threadbare dishtowel, with its once bright rainbows barely recognizable. It is so thin I can see through it. How has it survived this long? In these 25 years it has done its daily duties for sure:

drying dishes (imagine that!), sometimes in the hands of my handsome and helpful young husband-to-be, who though no longer as young but still as handsome, is also still kind enough to help in the kitchen

soaking up the drips from the leaky air conditioner in that old apartment

laying under fresh-baked cookies cooling on the counter in our newlywed apartment

wiping away traces of morning sickness

playing peek-a-boo with a baby

soothing a fevered brow of a sick child, and another sick child, and another…

cushioning china in a cross-country move to a bigger home for a growing family

mopping up spilled juice, milk, and assorted unmentionable liquids from the floor

covering a pan of rising bread dough made by an eager baker-daughter for a family Thanksgiving feast

cleaning a young face covered with spaghetti sauce, peanut butter, blood or runny nose

wrapping an ice pack to keep it from being so cold on a bruised forehead

maybe even cleaning a hamster cage, though I hope not…

and much more, much much more, over and over and over again


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And between each time, to sanitize it for its next task, it is stuffed in a bucket with all of the other wet smelly kitchen linens, churned with bleach and detergent in the washer, and then shoved unceremoniously into the dryer with the heat and dizzying spin, sacrificing its lovely fluffy fiber to the lint trap. Then, after being crumpled into a clean basket, it is folded and crammed into the linen closet or the drawer by the kitchen sink, or, bypassing all of these, snatched right from the dryer and put immediately to desperate use again. It is needed, needed all the time. Like me. And so the wave of melancholy, as I sense its metaphor of my own life. I feel like this dishtowel. Old. Used up. Threadbare, with frayed fringes where neat hems used to be. Always in a spin. Like the faded rainbow, where have my once sparkling young dreams gone? I weep and wipe the tears with the towel. I hold it to my face and breathe in deeply. It is soft, so soft as it comforts me, as it has comforted others. It deserves dignity. I do not want it to be carelessly discarded by someone who does not understand dishtowels and nostalgia, so I tuck it safely into an unseen crevice on my bookcase where no one can find it. I clear the rest of the folded laundry off of my bed and sleep. Oh, how I need sleep. I wake in the wee hours of the morning, as I always do, like it or not. My mind churns, as it often does, thinking, pondering. This is not a bad thing in itself, because I love to think and ponder and dream awake, but right now I would rather sleep. And then it dawns on me, like a glittering rainbow as a shaft of sunshine suddenly illuminates a gray and drizzly sky. This is the glory of the dishtowel, the glory of my life. What? What is the glory? Service. Being used up from constant need. Emptying myself in order to fulfill my purpose. Love working itself out in humble and practical ways. This is why I’m here: in God’s strength, serving my husband and children in our busy life-filled home, where celebrations mingle with sorrows, and the momentous punctuates the mundane. This is the life I chose, preparing young hearts and minds to fulfill their own life destinies. It is a good life. The recent words of another bright, fresh young woman flood in to comfort me: “Mrs. Knowles,” she said, tapping me on the shoulder on a Sunday morning at church. “Mrs. Knowles, I believe the Lord wants me to remind you that your motherhood is a holy service to him. It is no waste. When you bow down to wipe up a spill from the floor, you are bowing in worship and service to him.” Remembering these refreshing words, I rise from my bed and tiptoe over to the bookcase, quietly, so as not to wake the tenth toddler, who nonetheless starts to rustle in her bed, sucking her thumb furiously until her I’m-about-to-wake-up-breathing evens out into restful sleep again. I grope around in the crevice and my hand feels the softness of the towel, the esteemed towel. There are tears to wipe again, but this time tears of gratitude. I am thankful that, unlike my lowly and lifeless dishtowel, I can be renewed and I will receive my reward.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." Jim Elliot


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LITTLE PEOPLE IN THE HOME SCHOOL My children must have a whopping team of guardian angels. Let me tell you about just one of them as a toddler and preschooler. First, we temporarily lost two-year old Rachel in a subway station on a field trip in Washington D.C. At age three, she removed a child-resistant cap and swallowed several handfuls of fruit-flavored children's vitamins and iron tablets. Ironically, I was busy childproofing our school room at the time! (She spent a very expensive night in the hospital, but came home in full health.) Then there was the time we had seven firemen in our kitchen removing a tight plastic glue-tube top from her finger, while the neighbors paced up and down the street. Speaking of keeping our community helpers busy, twice in one week Rachel dialed 911 and hung up. She had been listening to a sing-along safety songs tape. The policemen who arrived on our doorstep were not amused! Several years ago, I went to a home school retreat and was relieved to see that a question-and-answer period was on the agenda. My burning question, as the mother of a kindergartner, preschooler, toddler, and baby, was, “What do I do with my two year old?” Rachel wasn't young enough to lie around and coo, but not old enough to sit still and color. These dear veteran home school moms replied, “Trust the Lord and this stage will soon pass.” Yes, Rachel is now a responsible young adult. She has outgrown most of her previous mischief. However, since she has several younger siblings, preschool days were far from over in this house! Now, 18 years later, my youngest child is finally in kindergarten, but now I have a grandson who visits one afternoon a week! I have not totally conquered the art of home schooling with “little people” around, but I can share a few practical suggestions.

Pregnant Pauses

Pregnancy is a time to reflect on the awesome blessing and responsibility that each child brings (Psalms 127 and 128). I like to meditate on Psalm 139 because it reminds me how intricately the Sovereign Lord designs each baby in his workshop called the womb. This is also a prime opportunity to teach older children about conception, gestation, birth, and baby care. Why not plan a unit study on this? There are plenty of children’s books out there on these topics, but you do have to prescreen them, because some of them are a little too advanced or graphic about the process! You may also wish to consider allowing some of your children attend the birth or a sonogram, or at least watch a video of it later if the hospital permits videos during birth. Mary (then 7) and Julia (then 5) witnessed Lydia's debut at a local birth center. They only came in the room for the last five minutes, so they were spared watching me go through too much pain in an unmedicated birth. All five of our older girls (ages 5 to 13) joined us for Naomi’s birth, and Mary (then 18) watched Melody’s birth. We never had any problem with this, even for our hospital births. It was a priceless experience for them, giving them an idea of what they can expect when they have babies. I think it especially helped Mary before she gave birth. With all that fantastic work going on inside, pregnant moms must take extra care to get proper sleep and nutrition. It's a perfect excuse to unload excess activities from your


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schedule! Your children can also spurt forward in responsibility as they learn to help you through the months of morning sickness and bulkiness. You may be home schooling from the couch, but that’s OK! I thought you all might enjoy a poem I wrote to announce our pregnancy with baby #10, who turned out to be our precious Melody Lynn.

We've Counted Up Our Blessings by Virginia Knowles

We've counted up our blessings, Now we're counting them again, We've got nine terrific children, This summer, we will have ten! God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform So we're going double digit Which is way beyond the norm. Our hands are full, our house is full, Mom's belly will be full, too. But there's still room inside our hearts, For a baby fresh and new. Rejoice with us!

Wee Little Babies

Be sure to plan at least four to six weeks off after the baby is born, even if it means you have to start school in July. Your family needs a relaxed time to get acquainted with the new bundle of joy, and you need daytime rest since the little wiggler might wake you up all night. Take it easy during this time, and enjoy all of your children, not just your newborn. One little mental snapshot that I tucked away in my memory is this: It was 10 PM on a Sunday night in July 1999. I was nursing Micah while my husband Thad went to pick up my mom at the airport. I hadn’t had a chance to put Andrew to bed yet, so he was sitting on the living room floor playing with a handful of Lego blocks. What made it such a precious moment was that he was absolutely quiet (a rarity for a two year old boy!) and every minute or so he would look up at me and beam such a radiant smile that I felt my heart would melt right out of my body! He seemed so contented just to sit at my feet doing something simple, enjoying my fellowship. As the weeks go by, you will be able to ease back into your school routine again. Tend to your baby's needs, such as nursing, burping, diapering, or cuddling, before each school session. Otherwise, you'll have a tiny ticking time bomb! Nursing moments can even be redeemed beyond the obvious opportunity for relaxation and bonding. You can use this time to listen to your children read aloud or play verbal games. When I sat down to feed a wee baby, I would often swivel my rocking chair to face our huge continent maps, which completely covered our computer room walls for many years. Then I would ask the children to find a country, such as Nepal, or all Europeans nations starting with F, or the state to the north of California. I would also read home school books, listen to music, have a quiet time, read my e-mail, edit books, or plan lessons in my head.


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Speaking of nursing, I’ve always been a proponent of the “breast is best” philosophy, and I still am! However, my last four babies had to start formula supplements as newborns for medical reasons. I took this pretty hard at first, but then I recognized this as a gift from the Lord during such a busy season of life. Bottles gave me extra flexibility. There were times when it was harder to nurse, like when I needed my hands free to teach school, when we were driving around in the van, when we were in a public place, or when I had to be away from them for a few hours. Bottled formula became a real sanity saver for us, once I knocked the self-righteous chip off my shoulder! Yes, breast is still best, but a bottle will do in a pinch. A baby sling allows you to wear a baby or toddler on your chest. He might quiet down and even fall asleep when cradled so close to your body, and you will have your hands free for holding books, writing, etc. Newborns lie down, but older babies and toddlers can sit up. Slings are also wonderful for field trips to places where you can't bring strollers, or for discrete nursing. I used a sling for my last six babies, and highly recommend them. Another very helpful piece of baby equipment is an adjustable height reclining high chair. We received one from my parents when our seventh baby was born in 1999, and we’ve been using it ever since. It allows us to keep baby or toddler in the room with us, at our own seated height, while we eat or do school. They love to watch us, and, compared to an infant seat on the floor, it keeps them safer from being tripped over or having things dropped on their heads! One evening while I was making dinner, Micah was sitting in the chair. By rocking himself forward and back, he managed to scoot it all the way over to the bookshelf and grab an encyclopedia. At age 11, he sure does love to read now! My other favorite piece of baby equipment, the bassinette, is one we didn’t discover until our 10th baby. I could kick myself for not using one earlier! Not only did it fit compactly next to my bed for easy night nursing, but we could roll it into the other rooms and keep baby safely with us. The only drawback is that you can only use it for a few months, but it was well worth the $40 we paid for ours. Several of our friends have borrowed our bassinette since then, and they have all raved about how wonderful it is.

Work With Your Little Ones At Their Own Level

Education doesn't start when children turn five and enter kindergarten, but at birth. We don't need to start them on formal “school” until they are ready, yet we should still make definite plans and efforts toward age-appropriate mental growth. This is such a crucial period for learning about the world around us. Remember how much time you spent with your oldest child at this age? It was vital preparation for school. Introduce your preschool child to numbers, letters, shapes, colors, animal sounds, music, Bible stories, etc. Use books, pictures, games, cassette tapes, and hands-on experiences. Reading aloud is a key activity at this stage. When Mary was two or three years old, we had a pocket guide with about 50 common American birds. Somehow she managed to memorize the names of all of them by looking at the pictures, which is a feat even I couldn't accomplish! Though she can't remember many of them now, this activity was still quite valuable as a pre-reading skill because it trained her to distinguish visual details and to use her auditory memory to recall the names. When I would read aloud to her, she wanted the same books over and over.


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After a while, she could recite long stories word for word as she saw the corresponding illustrations. Of course, now she is an adult journalist, so this early memory training seems to have paid off! Other concepts to teach very early on are obedience, gentleness, tidiness, and quietness. It is not impossible to teach a toddler rules such as staying away from schoolroom bookshelves. This takes persistence, but the more you follow through on your instructions, the easier it will be. Just keep commands short and simple, using the same phrases over and over from day to day. If you tell them not to do something, give them positive alternative, such as, “Don't play with that video. Here's a board book.” Communicate truths about life in very simple terms. From babyhood on, I always ask our children, “Who loves you?” I answer for them, “Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you, all your sisters and grandmas and grandpas and aunts and uncles love you. But Jesus loves you most of all!” We go through the litany of: “God made the pretty flowers and the green trees! God made apples for us to eat. God made bunny rabbits and kitty cats. And God made you. He did such a good job!” Toddlers also love the “Where is your nose? Where are your eyes?” game. Cause and effect are not beyond their grasp. One preschooler insisted on taking her clean clothes into the shower with her. She quickly learned that the consequence was wet clothes! Young children also gain confidence from participating in their personal care routines and simple household chores. Toilet training presents its own set of stresses and rewards, yet how you react to “accidents” sets the tone for future learning experiences. To be honest, our children were a little slow to learn potty training. I finally decided it wasn’t worth the aggravation to push it before they were ready. Some of them were over three, but when they did learn, there weren’t so many accidents, and I didn’t have to fuss. Pay attention to motor skills and speech patterns. If your child lags behind, you will need to spend one-on-one time to help him catch up. Our family had a very difficult time understanding the speech of one of our daughters at the age of three. We knew that she had an “output” problem and not a language processing disorder. After prayer, research, and observation, we decided to bypass speech therapy for the time being, and instead redouble efforts at communicating with her. We realized that she had gotten lost in the shuffle of everyday conversations. One sister made a list of the troublesome sounds and coached her on them. Thad and I helped her recite poetry and the Lord's Prayer, and encouraged her to sing along with us. Her aunt, a speech therapy major, offered her advice. Everyone made a point of complimenting her when she spoke clearly. In just six months, her pronunciation had improved, she spoke in more complex sentences, and best yet, she enjoyed talking! By her fifth birthday, she had only minor diction problems and could read fluently. Now she is a very gabby adult with no problems talking at all!

Include the Little Ones in School Time

Young children have keen antennas for both rejection and inclusion, so involve them in school time whenever possible. Hold them on your lap when you read a book. Let them scribble with crayons, squish with play dough, or swish with a paint brush during art. Let them play with math manipulatives along with the others. If they show interest and ability, provide a few fun preschool workbooks. They soak up so much information just by watching and listening to you teach your older child, and they may shock you with their abilities if you let them try things before the “normal” age.


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There are exceptions to this advice on inclusion. At our house, math turned to chaos because the two preschoolers made a predictable amount of noise and mess while the older ones were trying hard to concentrate on their workbooks. I finally decided that those two had to play together in an adjoining room while the rest of us worked quietly for a half hour. If we must do something that cannot be interrupted, such as a messy art project or science experiment, we save it for nap time or for evening when Dad is home. Your preschoolers can work on a simple educational task while you are teaching your older ones. Get them started on this first, and then they are less likely to clamor for attention. When they start getting restless, spend a little more time with them. Take a snack break or send everyone outside for a few minutes. A spill-proof cup of juice or milk can buy you a few quiet moments when you really need them.

Arrange Your Home for Safety

Children are not always very safe creatures. Is that an understatement or what? When my son Andrew was little, he almost always had some sort of stick in his hands – perhaps our brand new meter stick, a broom, or a branch from outside. He just had the urge to poke and wave and otherwise endanger the safety and sanity of his siblings. And then there was string: a shoelace or his toy tape measure or maybe his sister’s kimono sash. Whatever the form, he just wanted to either tie it to something (with lots of good strong knots) or swing it wildly around. All the better if there was something hard tied to the end so he could get some momentum going. I lost track of how many times I had to confiscate the sticks and string. All that aside, there are some things you can do to make your own home safer. Make sure that you child proof the whole house and yard. When you least expect it, your younger child could wander off and get into serious trouble while you are busy. Accidents happen faster than you can blink. Most of them end up with just a bumped head or frightened child, but you never know when the “big one” will change your life forever. What you can do is prepare for and prevent needless accidents. Here are a few ideas:

♥ Teach older children to shut bedroom and bathroom doors every time. ♥ Secure all doors to the outside with child proof doorknob covers. ♥ Use a hinged safety gate, which swings open easily for adults. ♥ Secure a vented bi-fold closet door with ribbon ties high out of reach. ♥ Put forbidden items on a high shelf and hazardous items in a locked cabinet. ♥ Insert shock stop plugs in electrical outlets or install a spring-loaded cover. ♥ Remove small items that your child might choke on.

Set Up a Play Space Stocked with Interesting Toys

If young children have a place to call their own, they will feel more welcome and they won't bother others as much. Rotate your supply of school time diversions often to keep them interesting. Here are some quiet, tidy options: child-size table and chair, felt shapes, blocks or building sets, Cuisenaire materials (rods, pattern blocks, snap cubes, etc.), pegboard, big beads and lacing cards, matching games, dress up clothes, stuffed animals and dolls, coloring books and crayons, board books and tactile books, sturdy puzzles, stacking cups, play house with kitchen equipment and plastic food, educational videos, preschool computer software.


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Teaching your tiny ones to clean up after play time will save you hours of nagging in the years to come. To make this easy, give them low shelves and plastic bins to put away toys and books. Don't allow them to have out more than one set of toys at a time; for example, they must put away the basket of dress-up clothes before they get a puzzle out.

Recruit Your Older Children to Help An older sibling can play with younger ones or read them a story while you are working with another child. Many children find it fun to teach preschool concepts to their younger siblings, and it helps solidify their own knowledge while they teach. If you have a few school age children, consider setting up a regular routine of “shifts” so each one can take a turn being the teacher for half an hour. Even a mature preschooler can help entertain a toddler in a safe enclosed room for brief intervals. Siblings get excellent opportunities to practice relating to each other in mutual cooperation and servant leadership. My teenage daughter Joanna helped four year old Ben start learning to read with a Dick and Jane book. Several days later I was shocked when he started reading stories from it to me! I never gave him any formal phonics lessons, other than teaching him letter sounds. Our children love babies. When we had tiny ones, they would snatch them from the crib and carry them around the house every chance they got. The girls once told me they would never go to public school because they would just die without their little sweeties! Home schooling has made such a relationship possible. When our babies just won’t settle down by themselves, we play “pass the baby.” Any spare pair of arms can get called into duty! While I’ve gotten good about balancing a baby on my lap, it is much easier to read aloud or tutor math if someone else will take him or her for ten or fifteen minutes. When they get tired, another sibling gets a turn. It’s not uncommon for a big sister to be curled up on the couch with a baby and a book while I work on something else. One word of caution: do not expect your older children, unless they are mature teenagers, to supervise tots in an unsafe environment, such as near a busy street, in the woods, or close to a pool or pond. You are courting danger if you think that since your elementary-age children are home schooled, they are automatically mature enough to keep younger ones out of trouble. The older child could get distracted, or may not discern trouble. The smaller sibling may also simply be too fast, strong, or persistent. Don't risk it! When your older children are in middle school or high school, they may appreciate taking a CPR / First Aid class to prepare them for babysitting siblings or other children.

Trade Off Child Care for Field Trips

Field trips often have age restrictions which prohibit bringing along preschool siblings. Perhaps you can trade off babysitting with another mom in your support group. One mom watches the younger children while the other mom takes the older children on the field trip. Dads, grandparents, or other relatives may also volunteer to chaperone your older children to cultural events, such as concerts and plays, which would not be enjoyable for preschoolers.


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Enjoy Your Little Ones While You Can!

I occasionally write notes about my children in one of my notebooks. It is fun to see how they have changed, and they get a big kick out of me reading their “histories” to them. Here is one of their favorite stories. When Mary and Julia were three and almost two, I lay sick in bed nursing newborn Rachel. As I read a Christian parenting magazine, I marveled at my sweet little girls who weren't bothering Mommy. Then hysterical giggling tipped me off to trouble. Little did I know that they had been downstairs in the kitchen, dumping a gallon of milk all over the chairs and floor, and tossing cereal, crayon wrappers, and toys into the flood. As they grew up, when I was sick, these same daughters would entertain the little ones, fix lunch, make get well cards, and tidy the house. Praise be to God! They do grow up! Here’s another tale: I rushed around getting ready for a baby shower, and then when I went to put on some clean non-Mommy clothes, I discovered that my bedroom was wall-papered with a whole bag of sanitary pads. I knew I couldn't be the only mom in this boat, so as an icebreaker at the shower, I asked each mom to describe some silly antic committed by their children. Soon we were all roaring in laughter! What mother hasn't found a child with scissors behind his back and a hunk of hair on the floor? How about toothbrushes in the toilet or melted crayon all over the clothes in the dryer? Little ones can be a constant source of humor. One time I snapped, “You drive me bananas!” at one of my preschoolers. With perfect aplomb, she retorted, “Well, you drive me strawberries!” Our family often takes a walk around the block. Our preschooler trots along behind his sisters, giggling all the way, but he also stops several times, fascinated by sand, rocks, and scolding blue jays. The look of wonder on his face is a priceless memory. Children enable us to see God's creation freshly. Fresh? Well, sometimes our children are anything but! At times the sights, sounds and smells of little ones turn even a devoted Mommy off. Stick him in the tub to get him squeaky clean. Put on his cutest clothes. Then sit down to cuddle and play, sing a sweet song and nuzzle in his soft hair. Your little one needs it and so do you.

~ * ~

Fall in love with your small children all over again. It is their birthright. Children are a blessing, whether we have many or few. Love, nurture, protect, and train them to the best of your ability as a faithful steward over the most precious of all God's creation.


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Part 3: Living, Loving and Learning

from a Mother’s Heart

In Search of Sanity The Hallmarks of a Gentle Spirit

Abide in Christ Your Support Network

Building the Family Home Cherishing Your Marriage The Home Schooled Mom

To be honest, this is really the core of the book. I’ve just been easing you into it slowly… The farther I travel the home school journey, the more I realize how important it for me to have a nurtured heart to not only survive the daily stresses, but to grow in my own spiritual life. Home schooling becomes a way in which God changes me into his image, and that is good news! It also becomes a way to build my family as I learn to love my husband and children from the heart.


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IN SEARCH OF SANITY Home school is many things, but utopia is definitely not one of them. Some folks think it's the next coziest thing to sipping hot cocoa in front of the fireplace, but the most common reaction I get from moms who don’t home school is: “I've got to give you credit. I wouldn't have the patience for it.” I have news for those ladies. I certainly don't have great gobs of natural patience either, but we do it anyway. I am going on faith that God is going to build in our family, little by little, all of the character qualities it takes to be successful. When time get rough (and they do), that is what not only carries me through, but allows me to stay enthusiastic about the blessing of our home school. Believe me, bad things will happen. I could rattle off dozens of examples from our own family in recent years. Some merely annoy or inconvenience us, but others cause a deep ache because no end is in sight or because we keenly see our own inadequacy of character. Whether the future looks bleak or you just feel the heat of daily hassles, rest assured that you are not alone in your struggles. May I share just two of our experiences?

The Monday Morning Blues

One Monday morning in 1995, our school day got off to a particularly sour start. We were all grumpy, the girls were being uncooperative, and I was discouraged! Our unit study theme was The Life and Times of Jesus, but I felt that if I had the audacity to teach this when we were all in such negative moods that the girls would come away with a bad taste for “religion.” Things calmed down when the younger girls took afternoon naps, so I decided to try again. Mary and I had quite a good discussion while Julia, who said she wasn't interested, floated in and out. Finally, Julia came over and asked, “Mom, what are you are talking to Mary about? Can you explain it to me?” She sat down as I read the Scriptures again and told her what they meant: Jesus is the only way that we can get to God the Father and the only way to go to heaven. Julia responded, “Can I ask Jesus into my heart now, Mommy?” I was floored! We had been through the salvation message so many times with all the girls, but on the day when I least expected it, she wanted to act on it. I prodded her, “Are you sure you understand, honey? Let's go over it again.” We discussed it a little more, and then she prayed to Jesus to forgive her sins, make her a new person, and help her grow as a Christian. Mary decided that though she had done so before, she would pray just so she could have a time to remember for sure. I will always remember September 17, 1995, as the day the Devil fought to keep me from sharing the gospel. By God's grace I persevered and won. Press on, sisters, because ―your labor for the Lord is not in vain‖ (1 Corinthians 15:58).

The Slump of Slumps

“If I was a quitter, this is when I would QUIT!!!!” This once came from me during a deep month-long slump when I had five children under the age of nine. I was struggling with how to walk in joy and peace in the midst of chaos. Our whole family was plagued with lingering illness. Fever and congestion tormented me on and off for weeks on end, so fellowship with others was non-existent. Daddy worked long hours on frustrating projects. I was on edge about ovarian cancer tests and freaky hormones. While I was out of


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commission, the children squabbled, misbehaved, and balked at helping out. Housework fell by the wayside. The toddler learned to climb out of her crib and needed to move out of our bedroom into her own room. As a result, we suddenly had to move school into our dining room and rearrange the rest of the house. Tension mounted high. I was tempted to yell all day -- that is, when I wasn't wiped out in bed! I was fed up with trying to run the whole thing on my own efforts and energy. How ridiculous! If these kids were going to be part of my school, well, they'd better shape up their act! I threatened to quit and send them to school, which shook them up. Quitting sure seems attractive at times, though! (Keep in mind that I am not speaking against a calm, well-considered, reasonable decision to stop home schooling a particular child, but rather an angry reaction to circumstances that will communicate rejection or defeat.) The next best thing seemed to be a manifesto. If teacher unions can make demands about working conditions, I reckon that I’m entitled to a few of my own. I set to work on a list of “the way things are just going to have to be if this whole project is going to fly.” I resolved that my children have to pitch in and help get the job done with regular chores. No more whining or gross chatter! No more fussing about school assignments! No more cereal still stuck to the floor at dinnertime! No more raiding the refrigerator during school hours! No more coming to the school table in pajamas and uncombed hair! That goes for Mom, too! This was a pivotal time for me as the Biblical phrase, ―Let everything be done decently and in order‖ (1 Corinthians 14:40), suddenly gained new relevance in the home school arena. I asked myself, “If I paid another mom to teach my children in her home, what reasonable expectations would I have for the learning environment and academic progress?” and “Why should it be any different here?” Like any effective organization, my family needs basic policies and procedures for the way we do things in our home, school, and relationships with one another. Thanks to a little adversity and fresh resolve, we set out on the road to making this happen -- though more than a decade later we are still quite a hike from our final destination! My cheerfulness and health returned eventually, yet looking back, I thank God for that “dark night of the soul.” Yes, it was terribly unpleasant at the time. Worst of all, I often neglected prayer, Scripture, and edifying language. Yet I was humbled to learn how small I am compared to a Sovereign God. I gained a whole new sensitivity to other struggling moms, and at the same time found myself surrounded by dear Christian sisters who prayed for me and offered practical help. Later, I wrote an article on surviving burnout for our support group newsletter, and many ladies told me that this particular article ministered encouragement to them at just the right time. Since that time, I have seen much progress in our school, homemaking, and family life. Don't give up, sisters! In the grace of God, there are things you can do to improve your situation.

Ditching Out or Climbing Out of the Ditch When you are battling a slump, it is tempting to either lie there in the ditch or to bail out and give up your dreams. You might think, “What's the use? I'm failing at this home schooling stuff. I'm tired, frustrated, and burned out. The house is a mess. The kids are driving me nuts and we're behind in our school work!” Are your convictions being tested? How firm is your commitment to home schooling? Maybe you started just because it looked interesting or your friends were doing it. If your motivation, methods or standards are based merely on someone else's


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precedent, you need to seek the Lord to see what he wants you to do and how he wants you to do it. You are accountable to him, so he will give you the wisdom you need. ―Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.‖ Proverbs 3:5-6

―If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all

without finding fault, and it will be given to him.‖ James 1:5 Undeniably, there are down times in home schooling when we feel we have no strength or resources to sustain us. It sometimes takes a while before we come to our senses, lean harder on the Lord, and find him to be truly sufficient after all. However, it is not at all unspiritual to feel low once in a while. Think about the book of Lamentations or all the Psalms which start with a “woe is me” mood. As Ecclesiastes 3:4 reminds us, there is: ―a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.‖ In Matthew 5:3-4, Jesus teaches that: ―Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.‖ Home school moms often mourn at the lack of progress in their children. We want so much to disciple them into whole-hearted, hardworking, godly, intelligent adults, but the set backs are discouraging. The same Apostle Paul who penned, ―Rejoice in the Lord always,‖ was also grieved, frustrated, and distressed as he viewed the behavior of those he was trying to reach for God or as he struggled with his own inadequacies (see Romans 9:2; 2 Corinthians 1:8-11; 4:7-10; 11:28,29 and Philippians 3:18). On occasion, he even brought sorrow to other people!

―Even if I caused your sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it - I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while - yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.‖ 2 Corinthians 7:8-11

Worldly sorrow manifests itself in pity parties, false guilt, spiraling despair, bitterness, endless introspection, etc. It leads us toward death, robs us of spiritual joy, and ruins our relationships. On the other hand, godly sorrow brings us to repentance, reconciliation, and ultimately joy. In Luke 18:9-14, it wasn't the “thankful” Pharisee who was commended, but the contrite tax collector who beat his chest and wailed, ―God have mercy on me, a sinner.‖ Likewise, godly sorrow makes us throw ourselves on God's mercy. It prompts us to take a hard and sober look at our circumstances to see how we have fallen short and what action we can take for serious and lasting improvement. In these situations, James 4:7-10 commands us: ―Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your


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hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.‖ When the Lord sends low points into our lives, he doesn't intend for us to stay there forever. It's just for a period of time, though it seems long to us. After we humbly acknowledge his holiness and our weakness, his purpose is to lift us up and restore us!

―Sing to the LORD, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning... You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.‖ Psalm 30:4-5, 11-12

To those of you who struggle with your emotions, may I offer a heartfelt confession? I have shed many tears of doubt and confusion. Can the Heavenly Father really transform my life and shepherd my children past my mistakes? I often wonder what secret key will make it all come together in a neat package, but I suspect it's a matter of patient endurance and trust. Progress doesn't come all at once. I need to live by faith in the Almighty, not by the sorry sight of my own shortcomings (see 2 Corinthians 5:1-7). I also need constant encouragement! My sisters in Christ have often poured out a healing balm of mercy, consolation, and prayer. The loving intercession of a church prayer team has comforted me. Going to church every week has also been a boost. A few times I have had to drag myself to a service, not feeling like worshipping, yet God has met me there with a special sermon or song to renew me. If you wrestle with yourself like I do, please don't go through this trial-by-fire alone. If you don't find any relief from depression, anger, or other destructive patterns, do not be afraid to get help. Don't be so concerned about your “home school mom” image that you allow your hurts to fester. Carefully work through these issues with your husband, an experienced home school mom, an older “Titus 2” mentor, or a godly pastor who is supportive of home schooling and your other convictions about family life.

Taking Control of Your Thoughts

Our attitudes are largely a matter of choice. When it comes to dwelling on unhealthy thoughts, the Devil may prompt you, but he can't “make you do it.” If you are a Christian, you have the authority as a daughter of the King to ―take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ‖ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Suppose a dangerous criminal has escaped from a nearby prison and is lurking in your neighborhood with a pistol in her purse. She looks innocent enough when she knocks on your door and asks to use your phone, but fortunately you just saw her mug shot on the evening news. Instead of opening the door and inviting her in, you dial the police, who haul her back to the slammer in their squad car. You would not even think of harboring a fugitive like that in your home! We should likewise be on guard against allowing destructive thoughts to linger in our minds. They may seem innocent enough, as angels of light, but their “mug shots” are clearly displayed in the Scriptures. We may freely call on Christ Jesus to banish them from our lives and spare us from untold hazards. So


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what thoughts should you invite in? Meditate on lovely and pure thoughts which glorify God. These “guests” should be entertained continuously! These few ideas have helped me. Shield Yourself from Satan’s Hateful Bombardments with God’s Protective Promises: Many years ago our family visited St. Augustine, which is the oldest continuously inhabited city in the United States. It has been under Spanish, British and American control at various parts of its colorful history. One thing that interested me about the Castillo de San Marcos was when the guide related that during a bombardment, the British attackers, situated on an island across the river, had to aim their cannons continuously at the same spot to have any hope of breaking through the tough plaster-covered coquina. Once they broke through the white plaster, the darker bare spot became their visible target. Fortunately for the Spanish, the British would cease firing at night so they could rest. Then the Spanish, under cover of darkness, would scale their own fort’s walls and apply new plaster, making the weak spot disappear. The British eventually gave up! It struck me (pardon the pun) that we all have weak spots spiritually. Those who have received forgiveness from God, through trusting in the death and resurrection of Jesus, are covered with his righteousness. But sometimes it seems that a hypocritical hole is blown right through our faith. Rather than wallow in guilt and let Satan keep taking fire at our vulnerable areas, we need to daily be re-covered and hidden in Christ’s protecting grace. Our enemy is a liar who came to steal, kill and destroy. He is always accusing us! But we don’t have to listen to him!

SATAN’S HATEFUL BOMBARDMENTS I am, and always will be, a failure as a mom. My children are going to be failures. I’ve already blown it too bad. My life is out of control. There is no way out of this chaos. My circumstances are just too hard. My problems are going to ruin me. I am the only one who is struggling like this. God must not love me anymore. God isn’t taking care of me. There is no hope. I can’t do it.

GOD’S PROTECTIVE PROMISES

♥ There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Conviction yes,

condemnation no!) ♥ The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. ♥ You did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear. ♥ You received the Spirit of sonship so you can call God “Abba” (Daddy). ♥ You are a co-heir of Christ’s glory if you share in his sufferings. ♥ Your present sufferings are not worth comparing with this great glory. ♥ The Spirit helps you in your weakness by interceding for you.


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♥ In all things God works for your good because you love him. ♥ You have been called according to his purpose -- he has a plan for you! ♥ If God is for you (and he is), who can be against you? ♥ He will graciously give you all the things you need. ♥ God justifies you, so no one can condemn you. ♥ Jesus is at the right hand of God interceding for you. ♥ You are more than a conqueror in Christ! ♥ Nothing, no NOTHING, shall separate you from the love of Christ.

All of these promises from Romans 8 are for those who have placed their trust in the

saving power of Christ Jesus. If you already know him, PRAISE HIM! And if you haven’t yet experienced the joy of personally knowing Christ, won’t you take some time right now and talk to him about it? Make a Sanity File. If you find yourself plagued in a certain area such as fear, doubt, or anger, write out Bible verses on their positive counterparts: hope, trust, peace, etc. Organize these in your quiet time notebook, small photo album, or index box, and keep it ready to grab in stressful times. When the dastardly mood strikes, you can fight back with Scriptures, just like Jesus did when he was tempted by Satan. As I have said before, we must claim God's promises by faith, even when our eyes don't see an immediate victory. Here are a few topical Scriptures for your Sanity File:

♥ Spiritual Warfare and Victory: Joshua 1:8-9 / Psalm 3:3-8; 6:1-5; 51:10-17 / Zechariah 4:6 / Nehemiah 8:10 / Luke 10:17-20 / 1 Corinthians 10:12, 13 / 2 Corinthians 1:3-7-11 & 10:4-5 / Ephesians 6:10-12, 14-18a / 2 Thessalonians 3:3-5 / 1 John 4:4; 5:5 / 2 Peter 1:3-4 / Revelation 12:10-12

♥ Comfort and Peace: Psalm 23 / Psalm 30:5,11,12 / Psalm 37:3-9 / Psalm 62:1-2, 8 / Psalm 131 / Psalm 145:8-10, 13b-14 / Isaiah 40:8, 11, 30-31 / Isaiah 41:10 / Isaiah 42:3-4a / Isaiah 43:1b-31a, 18-19 / Matthew 11:28-30 / Romans 8:28, 37-39 / Ephesians 1:3-4, 7-8 / Ephesians 3:20-21 / Hebrews 4:15-16 / James 1:2-5 / 1 Peter 5:6-7 / Jude 24

♥ Consecration and Service: Matthew 5:14-16 / Matthew 20:26-28 / John 13:14-17 / Romans 10:14-15 / Romans 12:1-2 / 1 Corinthians 9:12-23 & 15:56-58

♥ Loving Relationships: Psalm 133 / Romans 12:9-18, 21 / Romans 15:1-3, 5-7 / 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a / Galatians 5:22-23 / Ephesians 4:2-3, 29, 32 / Ephesians 5:19-22 / Philippians 2:1-4 / Colossians 3:12-14 /James 1:19-21

Dwell in God's forgiveness. When you do blow it, don't pile yourself under guilt or discouragement. God’s grace can wash away the foulest attitudes. If you have offended anyone with your actions and attitudes, make sure that you apologize promptly and sincerely, ask for forgiveness, and affirm your care. Unresolved conflict is a major stress factor in any family. As home school families, we are even more vulnerable because we are around each other more. There is so much opportunity for Christian growth as we learn to extend grace to one another. Monitor the input to your thought banks. Evaluate your choices of books, magazines, newspapers, music, TV, radio programs, movies and even personal relationships. How do these set the tone for your day? Does what you read, view, and hear


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encourage or undermine your goals for a wholesome learning environment? Garbage in, garbage out! Focus on success. We probably do 95% of everything quite adequately, but it is the 5% “failure” rate that we concentrate on. When it seems like home schooling is too hard or that you aren't accomplishing anything, take stock of what you have done. You will find that you have taken many of your achievements for granted. As you think about a realistic view of an institutional classroom (busy work, high student-teacher ratio, objectionable curriculum, etc.), you will see what a blessing it is to have your children at home. Remember that progress is not always immediately visible. Give it time! Replace fault finding with good seeking. Keep a keen eye out for any small success, and play it up! Praise specific positive behaviors or efforts:

“Wow, Emily, you just read a whole page by yourself! Good job!”

“Rob, I'm really impressed that you chose to do physics first this morning. I know it's challenging for you!”

“Bekah, I'm so pleased that you were gracious when Andy was rude!”

“Pete, I know that you got the final answer wrong, but you did the first three steps just right! It's only those two digits that got switched.”

Think of others who are less fortunate. When you are tempted to throw a pity party, think about the suffering saints through the ages (that's what home school history class is good for!) or about Christians who still endure dire situations. How often I have taken my daily comforts for granted, forgetting those who are being tortured and killed for their faith all around the world! It still happens! No inconveniences or interruptions I have can even compare. For example, Corrie and Betsie ten Boom were imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp for the crime of providing hidden refuge for Jews in their Dutch home. They learned the secret of rejoicing in each situation that God brought them into, even throughout deep suffering. Though her sister Betsie perished, Corrie continued her life of sacrificial ministry worldwide for another thirty years. Let her stories, found in The Hiding Place and other books, inspire and encourage you. Beyond merely thinking of suffering people, go a step further and do something to help. Serving others gets our minds off our own troubles and helps us be thankful for what we have. By blessing others, we too are blessed. Also, through community service, our children learn the lessons of love. What you are able to do depends on your family situation (time, finances, children's needs, etc.) but here is a sampler of good deeds your family can do in a few hours with less than $25:

take a box of baby things to a crisis pregnancy center

serve a meal at a homeless center or work in the church food pantry

baby sit, cook, or clean house for a sick friend

visit a nursing home or invite a lonely person over for a meal

buy a child's Christmas gift for Prison Fellowship's Angel Tree program

wield a hammer or paint brush for Habitat for Humanity

assemble a care package for missionaries


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I have always been encouraged by Isaiah 58:6-12, where the Lord promises that those who serve the disadvantaged and satisfy the needs of the oppressed will receive God's light, healing, presence, protection, guidance, reputation, strength, refreshment, and answers to prayer. What more could we ask for? See circumstances through God's eyes. The limitations which seem to constrict you are actually either challenges to hurdle or channels to follow. If they are challenges to hurdle, don't let them beat you down or discourage you from accomplishing your God-given priorities. Go on in his overcoming power! On the other hand, if you sense that the Lord has graciously allowed these particular limitations to channel your life, think of how a river bank restricts the flow of water so that it goes where it is supposed to. For example, if you can't afford a fancy curriculum, this may be God's nudge to turn your creativity toward a low-cost alternative. If you are a one car family, this can help you focus your energy on home-based pursuits instead of running around town. If your dining room doubles as a school room, you have extra incentive to clean up messes promptly. If your TV breaks, this can force your children to be more resourceful with their recreation. There is always a reason, though it may not be revealed until eternity. God can work all things together for the good of those who love him in order to transform us into the likeness of Jesus (Romans 8:28-30). Read a good book. There are so many good books out there to encourage frazzled moms! Ask a trusted friend for recommendations. I like to read inspirational books regularly, keeping a basket of my current picks near my favorite reading chair. Just the process of reading something wholesome or practical helps to calm me down and restore my sanity. Learn to laugh. It's good medicine! Try to at least a little bit of humor in almost every hassle and inconsistency of life. It's better to laugh than yell. Many times, a tense child can be coaxed back to calmness with a humorous approach to the situation. For example, if a child is annoyed because he can't find his school work, put on your best dramatic voice, and announce a mystery to be solved: “The Notorious Case of the Missing Math Book.” Then get out your magnifying glass and prowl around the house like a detective. Allow yourself to cry, too. Sometimes that's just what you need. God made our emotions, and sadness is a very valid one at times. The Bible speaks a lot about crying! "Put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?" Psalm 56:8 "Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!" Psalm 126:5 "Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5 "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing." Psalm 30:11 "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:4


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"Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh." Luke 6:21 "She has wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair." Luke 7:44 "Jesus wept." John 11:35 "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15 "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 21:1 Another poem, of course…

"Do Cry" by Virginia Knowles

Do cry There is no shame When teardrops fall as healing rain Our Comforter who sees and knows Collects them all in his bottle. Do they mingle there with ancient tears of long ago? Or far-flung ones around the globe? I do not know, nor do I always know why I cry Just that there is a deep welling up inside Or perhaps a thorn prick of conscience Or an oozing scrape of disappointment Or a dagger thrust of insult Or even the gashing grief of death As blood flows, so do tears But they are wiped away By One who also binds up wounds. Do cry But not from indulgent self-pity Or twisting others to comply Cry to wash the soul Turn the heart with fresh resolve A firmness born from tenderness Cry for justice, mercy Mourn for suffering that is not your own To hear the groans and seek to console With the comfort you yourself have received There is a blessing in brokenness Do cry: then go on in love and joy and peace.


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Truth and Grace in the Stories of Our Lives

It could be that your sanity is tested by painful memories from the past. I am not a

major fan of secular therapeutic psychology, but I still see the value in dealing with any emotional baggage that is continuing to trip us up. It is not just going to go away by itself, but neither are you powerless to deal with it. I’ve always said that God is in control, that he is Sovereign. Now it’s sinking in a little deeper, a little richer, a little more personally, as he is illuminating a fresh way to renew my mind. If you are like me, you have a Life Story with countless chapters, and more than a few of them swirl up your soul with confusion, fear, guilt, or bitterness.

“What if?” “If only…” “Why, God, why?” These are compelling questions, to be sure, but what are the answers? I am learning

to reinterpret the experiences of my life by searching out evidences of God’s truth and his grace in each situation, whether past or present. In his Awesome Providence, he has a plan for my life, and that includes the bumps and bruises along with way. So: truth and grace! What do I mean?

Truth: What actually happened (or is currently happening), apart from how I have

perceived it? This requires a little objectivity because our feelings can be so deceptive! What details would someone else add to the story? This could either be someone who was involved in the situation, or a mature, trustworthy friend or pastoral counselor. Now, what would the Bible say about what has happened? I have to be careful not to pick out an isolated verse, but instead seek out the “whole counsel of Scripture” as various passages round out the picture. It also helps to use Biblical terminology rather than pop-psychology jargon. Truth requires acknowledging my own contribution to the problem rather than merely blaming someone else. After all, if my sin is part of the problem, there is hope: since the circumstances are not entirely out of my sphere of influence, then I can repent and become a part of the solution, too. Another question: What truth did I learn from (and about) the Lord in this situation, and what does he still wants me to grasp even now?

Grace: How has God poured out his mercy and forgiveness on me during this time,

even though I may not have recognized it or appreciated it yet? How has he used a proverbial “brick wall” (a blocked opportunity) to channel my life in a new direction? How has he brought about spiritual growth? How have I learned to lean harder on him, rather than rely on my own self-effort? How has he provided other people to bring encouragement, comfort and truth to me? How can I experience his grace and liberty freshly, even if much time has passed? How can I find a release from my bitterness through forgiving others? How can I overcome evil with good, and respond to an insult with a hearty blessing? How am I to extend this healing balm of grace to others who might be suffering as I have?


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If you have been through a troublesome time that still weighs heavily on you, or if you are still rehashing uncomfortable details and feelings, you may have been encouraged just to forget it all and pretend it didn’t happen. That’s a nice thought, but it isn’t always possible or healthy to suppress painful memories.

Instead, I believe that we can reinterpret our life stories and thus release the bitterness, confusion, guilt, or fear from our minds without necessarily forgetting what happened. Then we can look back on the very same story with joy and gratitude over what God has done for us. This will enable us to move on in life with confidence that he will still be with us, working his quiet wonders!

Back to the Genesis story of Joseph and his spiteful brothers: No matter what he had suffered as the consequences of his brothers’ jealous hatred, he could say to them, “You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.” He saw the providence of God in bringing him through slavery and prison to a position of power where he could preserve the lives of entire nations throughout a famine.

Try this little exercise. Pick a chapter from your life story that still bothers you – maybe not a big hairy one this first time, but something manageable. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you as you take time to evaluate it from a fresh perspective of truth and grace. (You can use the Truth and Grace questions above as a launching point.) Write your thoughts down if you can, and don’t rush through it. If you kept a journal during this time (which I highly recommend!) then read through it carefully to glean insight. If you need the perspective of someone else involved, ask for it if you can do so without undue conflict.

After you have your thoughts organized in your head or on paper, start summarizing the key points. Now, write out a short “Authorized Version” – the “Grace And Truth Edition” of the story -- that you can quickly recall whenever this memory comes to mind again. I like to use the acronym GATE for “Grace And Truth Edition” because a gate is usually attached to a fence, which is a boundary designed to keep things and people secure. You can go in and out of a fenced area safely by walking through an open gate and staying on the path.

Likewise, the Grace And Truth Edition of your story allows you to revisit your past on the Path of Providence, rather than veering off into destructive thorn bush thought patterns again. We must continually discipline our minds toward true and wholesome thinking, even after we know how. This is not a one shot deal, but the spiritual warfare of taking our thoughts captive to Christ Jesus, as we learned about earlier in this chapter.

I know how easy it is to be plagued with fear and confusion about what will happen in the days and years to come, whether with my health, children, marriage, home schooling, ministry, finances, and whatever else touches so close to my heart. I want to be able to look forward in faith and confidence. And I can, because “I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future!” God is great and God is good! I can trust His truth and grace!


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The Spirit is Willing but the Flesh is Weak

Are you just plain tired? I’m with you, honey! One evening at bedtime, my kindergartner asked me if I could read her a story book. I declined, reminding her of how many books I had already read to her that day. So she countered, “Well, how about if you make up a story from your head?” I told her I was way too tired for that. Not giving up, she had another suggestion: “Well, maybe you could just sleep-talk the story!” Truth be told, some days I feel like I am sleep-talk teaching! Home schooling is a high energy occupation, but at times we feel so physically weak that it's hard to give it our all. Our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19), so working toward optimal health enables us to serve God more effectively. It is quite common for women to experience temporary bouts of fatigue, depression, irritation, and general malaise. Often this makes us feel guilty because we automatically think it indicates spiritual or relational dysfunction. Not so! Your body can trigger many of these feelings too. Consider such health factors as nutrition, sleep patterns, vision, muscle/bone strength and alignment, chemical substance use (prescriptions, drugs, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, and food additives), illness, disease, allergies, genetic history, hormone function, and the physical demands of menstruation, childbearing, and menopause. We must think holistically and practically about body, mind, and spirit. Problems don't always just go away; we must deal with them through personal research, consultation with health caregivers, and positive action. As I entered middle age, I had to find the balance between making peace with my changing body, and figuring out what to do to improve my health. For example, at age 40, my eyesight started to decline. I still don’t have to wear prescription glasses, but I’ve gotten to the point where I can’t read without an inexpensive pair of reading glasses. I keep several pairs around the house so I can find them when I need them or switch to a stronger pair for smaller print. Every time I put them on, it’s a reminder that I’m getting older. I’m OK with that now. I know I’m not alone. There are other things I can be more proactive about, like my diet and my energy level. My diet is an uncomfortable topic for me right now. I know I need to eat healthier food, and I’m trying to make changes here and there, but it’s hard. It’s easier to pop a few frozen pizzas in the oven for lunch, but my kids are teaching me to take the extra few minutes and warm up some tortillas filled with black beans, onions and cheese. They also offer me some fresh sliced apples or a big glass of water. Maybe they want to keep me around for a little while? If you find food choices to be confusing or your problems are severe, seek professional nutritional counseling. You may be reacting to ingredients in overly processed foods or medications. Choose a healthier menu, including lots of whole grains, fiber, vegetables and fruit. Start cutting back on products which are high in sugar, fat, caffeine, sodium, cholesterol, MSG, etc. Keep healthy snacks, not junk food, on hand. An occasional sweet treat can lift everyone's spirits, as long as it is balanced with a sensible everyday diet. You may wish a book such as The Smart Weigh by Pamela Smith, a Christian nutritionist with a very balanced perspective on health and nutrition. The way you move can affect your state of mind. When you are stressed out, move gracefully, slowly, and quietly. When you are feeling sluggish, then try to move briskly, confidently, and productively. Take a walk around the block or in a nearby park. If you have a hard time getting motivated for this, just promise your children that you will all take


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a walk every day. They will probably hold you to your word, just for the chance to get outside. If you have several children, perhaps the older ones can ride bikes around the block while you push a baby in the stroller. The children need exercise for P.E., and it can help them settle down for more quiet work. The YMCA is a non-profit organization dedicated to the community, so if you feel like you can’t afford a membership, apply for a scholarship, which might be up to half of the total amount. Our family joined the YMCA several years ago. This year, they started P.E. classes for home school students, which my children really anticipate each Monday and Wednesday. We also enjoy swimming in the pool. When we had preschoolers, they enjoyed playing in the child development room while I used the cardio and weight equipment. We need the aerobic exercise! I found that the best machine for me is the elliptical since it reduces the impact stress on my ankles. I also lift weights regularly. When you wake up in the morning feeling ill or drained, it is tempting to act like a vegetable and put life on automatic pilot. Before you know it, the house is a mess, the children are hyper and disobedient, and your tension rises to fever pitch. If at all possible, stay on top of the household situation and your basic daily routine from the very start, even if you must supervise from the couch. Explain to your children how much more you need their cooperation when you are not feeling well. If they can work independently or supervise little ones, you may still get a chance for a snooze. Speaking of snoozing, a good night’s sleep is so important for home school moms! The times when I stay up late, I really pay for it the next morning. I get grumpy, and this leads to time-wasting conflicts with the children. It’s just not worth it. As we are reminded in Psalm 127:2, “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat -- for he grants sleep to those he loves.” Don’t cheat yourself out of God’s replenishing gift of sleep! If sleep is a problem for you, consider these suggestions which have been very helpful to me:

Arrange for a “desperation nap” during the day – everyone must be quiet!

Don’t use the computer or watch TV before going to bed.

Don’t talk about tense issues before going to sleep.

Take two non-prescription sleeping pills (such as Tylenol PM) on nights when it is particularly crucial to get a good night’s sleep.

Even if you suffer from ongoing health problems, remember the Apostle Paul, who had some sort of physical affliction which he called ―a thorn in my flesh.‖ When he pleaded for God to remove it, the Lord replied, ―My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness‖ (2 Corinthians 12:9). I personally know home school moms who battle chronic disabling illnesses, and I have heard tales of women who teach from their sick beds. As they provide us with a precious opportunity for service, their persistence also testifies mightily to the overcoming power of the Lord working in them. That same power is available to us, whether our own afflictions are great or small.


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The Transitions of Life

Just when it seems like you have home schooling all figured out, everything changes! Beyond the normal challenges of our children growing up, there are some other specific transitional challenges that we can face as home school moms. These transitions might include pregnancy, the birth of a new baby, miscarriage, our own health issues, moving to a new home or a new community, taking care of aging parents or chronically ill children, grieving a death in the family, surviving a church split, switching support groups, taking on leadership in a home school organization, laying aside outside activities to focus more on the home, going through menopause, marital crisis or divorce, a wayward child, or any other number of circumstances that try our souls. Have you ever taken one of those profile tests which gauge your stress risk based on how many life changes you have undergone in a one year period? Do you ever feel like you are off the charts? I do! In 1997, Thad’s dad died of a sudden massive heart attack, our son Andrew was born (with a small hole in his heart), Thad had to close down the family business and find a new job, his mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, and we started the school year with a new kindergartner. In 2003, it we did it all over again when we our son Benjamin was born, Thad laid aside his full-time paying job to care for his mother who died of lung cancer that year, and he took on the care of a psychiatrically disabled sister. Both years were completely tumultuous, but by the grace of God, we survived. Several factors helped us keep our heads together throughout the extreme upheaval. We have faith that God is good and that he will take care of our needs and comfort us in sorrow. That is the most profound security! Thad and I learned to cooperate more to get everything done and to support each other emotionally. Friends and family pitched in with meals, baby sitting, bags of children’s clothes, and lots of prayer. I can finally appreciate the saying, “I don't know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future.” So when it seems like life is swirling around you, take the advice of the old hymn, and “hold to God's unchanging hand!” He will never leave you or forsake you. His mercies are new every morning. ―Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard; he has preserved

our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. You brought us into prison and laid burdens on our backs. You let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.‖ Psalm 66:8-12

I also find that each season of transition, even though involving grief or great difficulty, are valuable in teaching me about life and equipping me to minister to others. A pastor once referred a woman to me because she was facing a particular situation in life that I had already gone through. Serendipitously, something dawned on me as I replied to her. This epiphany was that everything we go through in life (whether it is thrilling, joyful, confusing, distressing, challenging or simultaneously all of the above) becomes part of our “life song.” It weaves itself into the message that we communicate to those around us, even when we don’t know they are listening or watching. The phrase “this is my song and I sing” started dancing in my head, so the next day I sat down and wrote this poem.


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This Is My Song and I Sing

by Virginia Knowles

This is my song and I sing Lyric of life, medley of my days Melody and harmony Solo, duet, chorale, round Love song and lullaby Anthem and protest chant Rhapsody and dirge Staccato, legato, crescendo, rest Measure on measure, mystery on mystery, mercy on mercy Stories of love, loss, faith, adventure, struggle, hope, grief, Heaven at last I sing my own part as only I can These lines, this life, penned by One who sang me into being Who still rejoices over me with singing Amazing grace, how sweet the sound! This song of my pilgrimage A cry of jubilee long coming Echoing into an eternity of praise This is my life and I live it This is my song and I sing.

~*~*~

Realizing that I've "added another verse to my life song" helps me make sense of the challenges I face. It restores sanity when I remember that I am becoming stronger as I navigate the years, learning new skills and perspectives as I go. In our quest for home school sanity, it takes constant readjustment to juggle the needs of our own body, soul, and spirit, not to mention those of our children. When it comes right down to it, though, I wouldn't trade home schooling for any other lifestyle. I cherish the opportunity to spend time with my children and shape their futures. The challenge of teaching them totally banishes boredom as it stretches my creativity, resourcefulness, and faith. Even after a stressful day, I still look forward to all of the lessons (academic and otherwise) that the next day will bring. May we all discover what it takes to not only survive the stress, but plunge onward into a joyful life full of blessings.


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THE HALLMARKS OF A GENTLE SPIRIT

The unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit -- that's the elusive prize sought out by Christian home school moms. In our hearts is a burning desire for spiritual renewal which will result not just in Bible knowledge, but transformed lives. Yet we get preoccupied with our children, housework, academics, and other activities. The flame gets quenched and we find ourselves getting irritable. Whatever happened to our ideal of a sweet mother gently leading her children into a love of learning? What can we do to recapture a vision for godly womanhood? Let's look at several hallmarks of a godly and gentle spirit:

♥ Reverence ♥ Humility ♥ Submission & Service to Others ♥ Dignity ♥ Joy & Cheerfulness ♥ Quietness of Spirit & Speech ♥ Peacemaking ♥ Patience ♥ Preparation

Reverence

Reverence is the first foundation for a gentle spirit. As I grow in an abiding faith in the power and goodness of God, I am less likely to strive and claw for things which will only temporarily satisfy me. Knowing he will graciously provide for each need, I can turn my focus from selfishness to service. I can be pure-hearted and single-minded as I ―seek first his kingdom and his righteousness‖ (Matthew 6:33). One of the most beautiful examples of reverence is found in Mark 14:1-9, when ―a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.‖ The astonished onlookers harshly rebuked her, but Jesus responded with tender and everlasting affirmation. She had lavished not only perfume, but wholehearted love and devotion. She is an inspiration for us all to pour out our lives for Jesus.

Alabaster Jar by Virginia Knowles from Matthew 26:6-13

Alabaster jar, costly sweet perfume, Devotion broke it open, fragrance filled the room. Poured over Jesus‘ head, anointing for the grave, Some saw only money lost, but Jesus blessed the love she gave. Broken and poured out, broken and poured out, But there‘s no waste of life, just fragrant sacrifice And it‘s all because of love.


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Can you see his love? Messiah on the cross! Body broken, blood poured out, for our sin‘s redemption cost. Can you see his power? Victory over death! Hell could not contain him, nor quench his living breath. Broken and poured out, broken and poured out, But there‘s no waste of life, just fragrant sacrifice And it‘s all because of love! Lord, break me for your glory, pour me for your name. Let me share his sufferings and power just the same. Crucified with Christ is what I want to be, For when I‘ve died to my old life, I‘ll rise up to be free. Broken and poured out, broken and poured out, But there‘s no waste of life, just fragrant sacrifice, And it‘s all because of love.

It is important to note that we can be outwardly reverent, while inwardly distant from the Lord. He doesn’t just want the surface thoughts, words, and actions, but abundant life in the inner being! Are you just living in the daily stuff or are you living wholeheartedly in the love God lavishes on us? The Lord himself is to be number one, the top priority, the center of our lives – not family, not home schooling, not homemaking, not ministry, not our rules or standards, not our reputation, not anything! These things, as good as they are, can become idols in our hearts if we cling to them too tightly and react in ungodly ways when they are threatened. As Matthew 10:37-39 warns:

―Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.‖ Proverbs 4:23 ―Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.‖

Instead, we need to lay these good things on the altar as an offering to the Lord. As

a teenager, I memorized a Scripture verse which asked, “Who then is willing to consecrate himself this day unto the Lord?” That’s still a question for us today! We all need to be consecrated to our Master who made us, ransomed us with his blood, and has full claim on us. To be consecrated is to yield ourselves and our families to be set apart for a holy purpose, and not for selfishness. I need to grasp onto what God has called me to be and do. I want to live out this season of marriage and motherhood in full devotion to my sweet Jesus, and not let anything come between us. A reverent woman has the number one priority of a strong, worshipful relationship with the Lord. What else does reverence lead to in our daily lives?


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Humility

One spring, I attended a ladies’ workshop at church on the topic of pride. I thought I was just going to accompany my teenage daughters; of course, they needed to hear it. Oh my! How is that for pride? God had a much bigger purpose for me. Listening to the solid Biblical teaching convicted me, but that was just the start. One of the books I read, the classic Humility by Andrew Murray, showed me how we must actively pursue true humility as the only proper relationship between humans and their Creator. Foundationally, it is not whether or not we are being arrogant in front of others (though this matters, too) but how we see ourselves before God and how we respond to him. Murray says:

―I am sure there are many Christians who will confess that their own experience has been very much like my own in this, that we had long known the Lord without realizing that meekness and lowliness of heart are to be the distinguishing features of the disciple as they were of the Master. And further, that this humility is not a thing that will come of itself, but that it must be made the object of special desire and prayer and faith and practice. As we study the word, we shall see what very distinct and oft-repeated instructions Jesus gave His disciples on this point, and how slow they were in understanding Him. Let us, at the very commencement of our meditations, admit that there is nothing so natural to man, nothing so insidious and hidden from our sight, as pride. Let us feel that nothing but a very determined and persevering waiting on God and Christ will discover how lacking we are in the grace of humility, and how impotent to obtain what we seek. Let us study the character of Christ until our souls are filled with the love and admiration of his lowliness. And let us believe that, when we are broken down under a sense of our pride, and our impotence to cast it out, Jesus Christ Himself will come in to impart this grace too, as a part of His wondrous life within us.‖ 5

After starting to read Andrew Murray’s book, I decided to embark on a serious

Scripture study about humility. I spent hours and hours on this over a period of weeks. It amazed me how vigorously the Bible commands us to humble ourselves before God and warns of us how pride is an abominable barrier between us and him.

I became so convicted of the evidences of spiritual pride in my heart, that I begged God to do whatever it would take to remove all remnants of this and my many other sins. It was very painful emotionally, especially when he called me to face up to unhealthy thought and behavior patterns which took root in my younger years. Almost all of them – no matter what outward form they took -- were long waving tentacles connected to the poisonous jellyfish of pride. I believe he allowed me to see my sin more clearly so I could seek fresh mercy from him. I just could not get past it by myself, so I cried out to him for help. When I didn’t know what words to say myself, I learned to appreciate the gift of praying in the Holy Spirit, and knowing that Jesus himself is interceding for me at the right hand of his Father. There is more to this story, but I’ll save it for the next chapter, “Abide in Christ.”

5 Andrew Murray, 19th century South African preacher, from his book Humility which has been reprinted by various publishers with various subtitles.


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I know my own sin, even when it’s not apparent to those who might want to put me on a pedestal. I have so much room to grow. When I think of how much the Lord has done for me, there is really no reason to think I’m better than anyone else. It’s all an undeserved gift from God. Anyway, humility is much more appealing if we are trying to attract someone to our way of living, isn’t it? What if we turned someone off to being a home school mom because they didn’t want to be like the conceited person telling them that they should, or because they didn’t think they could be good enough to do it successfully themselves? Oh, they need to know it is only by God’s grace! The best place for each of us to grow in this humble consecration is where it is most challenging -- in our own families! “Be it ever so humbling, there’s no place like home.” Before we move on, I’d like to give you some tools to use as you battle pride and cultivate humility.

Symptoms of Pride: Ask the Lord to search out any roots of pride in your heart so you can confess and repent from them. Here are a few surface symptoms that might indicate a problem…

♥ Apathy or complacency about spiritual disciplines such as Scripture, prayer, worship, confession of sin, accountability, and church life

♥ Reluctance to listen to others, receive correction, acknowledge fault, apologize graciously without counterattack, forgive wrongs against you, or serve in menial or inconvenient ways

♥ Dissatisfaction or ingratitude for the many blessings in your life, as if you deserved better or as if you had earned them by your own merits

♥ Self-centered attitude in wanting the best for yourself, craving approval and recognition from others, comparing yourself with others, demanding that others serve you, or being offended when you are slighted

♥ Critical spirit, gossip, slander, divisiveness, fault finding, blame shifting, jealousy about the success of others, resentment when others are recognized

♥ Talking too much about or showing off your “superior” family lifestyle, spiritual gifts, knowledge, possessions, appearances, accomplishments, children, church doctrine, or educational approach

A Small Sampling of Scriptures on Pride and Humility:

♥ Genesis 3:1-13; 11:1-9 ♥ Psalm 25:1-22; 51:1-17; 52:1-9; 115:1, 123:1-2; 131:1-2; 138:1-8 ♥ Proverbs 3:5-8; 11:2; 12:1; 15:33; 18:12; 21:4; 22:4; 25:6-7; 29:23 ♥ Isaiah 6:1-8; 29:13-24; 57:14-21; 58:1-14; 66:1-2 ♥ Lamentations 3:19-33 ♥ Micah 6:6-8 ♥ Zephaniah 2:3; 3:9-20 ♥ Matthew 3:1-12; 11:28-30; 18:1-4; 20:20-28; 23:1-12 ♥ Luke 1:38-55; 14:7-11; 22:24-27 ♥ John 3:23-31; 13:3-15 ♥ Romans 11:17-36; 12:1-3; 12:16; 14:10-12 ♥ 1 Corinthians 1:25-30; 13:4-6 ♥ 2 Corinthians 7:9-10; 12:1-10


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♥ Ephesians 4:1-6; 5:22-24 ♥ Philippians 2:1-18 ♥ Colossians 3:12-21 ♥ Hebrews 12:18-29; 13:12-17 ♥ James 1:19-21; 3:13-18; 4:1-17 ♥ 1 Peter 3:1-9; 5:5-11

A Word of Balance and Grace: At the same time, while we are seeking humility, it is vitally important to not get mired down in thinking of ourselves as despicable worms, depraved sinners who can't get anything right, and who had better not take initiative for something new because people might thinking we are showing off. Our new identity in Christ Jesus is as dearly beloved saints who are more than conquerors through the one who loved us enough to die for us. True humility is not speaking of yourself in defeated, deprecating terms, but rejoicing in who Christ himself has made you to be as you abide in him. I will write more about that later. I believe that many home school families are often vulnerable to spiritual abuse and over-authoritarian teaching by those who love power and control. If they can get us to think of ourselves as been incapable without their counsel, they can strip us of our confidence as new creations in Jesus who have been equipped and empowered to serve him. Yes, we certainly listen to what trustworthy people teach us, but then we evaluate it by what we see in the whole counsel of Scriptures, and we act according to our own consciences, the leading of the Holy Spirit, and wise counsel from a variety of sources. This is not pride, but maturity, and it is becoming increasingly necessary within the home schooling movement, especially with so much information available on the Internet. There are so many home school gurus out there who are eager to tell us just how to run every little detail of our lives and our children's lives. I think when we are in emotional pain or we are insecure about our ability to raise and educate our children, we tend to grasp for answers and not think through whether they are true or whether they will fit our own family. The gurus often assure us that if we do it their way (the only right way, of course!), we will be guaranteed to have godly children who will lead the world, and warn us that if we don't, our children will turn out to be wicked heathens. Don't buy that! Take what you hear and read with a grain of salt. They might have something worthwhile to say buried in there among their man-made rules and theories. That's what makes the whole deal seem so plausible. But you have to learn to analyze each part and ask, is this really true? And if it isn't, you have to be willing to stand your ground and not give in to accusations that you are being proud. It could be that the people who are so eager to sell you on their product or paradigm need a stiff dose of humility themselves. I would also like to share with you another an essay I wrote for my blog which addresses the tendency among home school families to become arrogant about our lifestyles. I am seeing this even more and more, especially on-line in the blogging community, and the vitriolic language and attitudes grieve me! I see this as a huge turn-off to those who might otherwise be interested in home schooling, but who don't want to associate with people who are so prickly about it!


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"Do It Well, But Keep it Humble" by Virginia Knowles in 2010

"Homier than thou!" A bunch of years ago, Mike Farris of HSLDA wrote an article about being “homier than thou” (a pun on the old phrase "holier than thou") in which he cautioned home educating parents against arrogance and self-righteousness, especially when relating to other people who have chosen (or have no choice) to do things differently. I can’t remember all that he said, but the phrase stuck with me. Unfortunately, I find that it still applies. I read several blogs about Biblical womanhood, family life, and home schooling. I truly appreciate each one of them, but occasionally I stumble on a post or subsequent reader comments that make me cringe. Usually, the writer is trying to make a case for home schooling, or having a large "full quiver" family, or respecting your husband's leadership, or following the courtship model, or training daughters to be "keepers at home" or whatever the worthy issue is. That’s good, up to a point. The problem is when this turns into a diatribe and ridicule against those who either may disagree with them or who are simply asking sincere but pointed questions because they really want to understand what all the fuss is about. This grieves me. This is not Christian grace or humility. It is not "speaking the truth in love." I see it as a huge turn-off to those whom we really do want to win. As the old adage goes, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." I’ve always treasured the home schooling lifestyle for the positive benefits that it can bring, rather than as a negative reaction against public schooling. Sure, I think home schooling is better! That’s why I’m doing it, despite all of the challenges! That's why I spend so much time writing and speaking to encourage and equip other moms in this Grand Adventure. But that doesn’t mean that someone is “bad” or “brainwashed” if they don’t (or can't) home school. (Yes, I have seen those exact words used…) Coincidentally, my friend Stephanie sent me a note the other day which confirmed my thoughts: "I cannot thank you enough for your example of not only home schooling, but of godliness and love. You never pushed home school on me or told me how awful it is to send your kid to public school or anything like that. Your children have flourished in both the collegiate and business worlds as well as in their social endeavors. You did what you believed God would have you do and did not push those beliefs onto others. I thank you for that. My children and I have been blessed by the years I was able to teach them and have them home 100% of the time. Starting my final year of home schooling , that is why I wanted to say thank you to you for helping me travel down this glorious road." You see, we really don't have to be obnoxious or strident to get our point across. When my younger kids bicker (as they often do) I remind them that the only thing you prove by calling someone an "IDIOT!!!!" is that you yourself are one. Of course I am preaching to myself as well! We simply cannot build ourselves up by tearing others down. We will only prove how immature we are! Maybe this little article itself will seem like a diatribe. It’s not meant to be. My aim is to bring a little necessary correction in an area where I too have been guilty. We home school moms can take a certain amount of satisfaction in how our children are turning out. I’m certainly proud of my ten terrific kids, even though I see their weaknesses and they definitely see mine! Where this parental contentment takes a turn for the worse is if we smugly give the impression that the reason why we are having so much outward success is because we are so good at what we do!


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Bosh! Whatever we do is only by the grace of God. It is this grace that will also pick us up again after our pride leads to the inevitable downfall. If you ever get to the point where you recognize things in your own heart or your children’s lives that make you gasp in shock, then thank the Lord for his enlightening mercies! This is the opportunity to embrace the gracious gift of humility and to plead for his help. We need to be keenly aware of our continual dependence on God. Sometimes he allows these bumps -- big and little --to shake us out of deathly complacency. Brokenness brings so many blessings, not the least of which is a new and deeper compassion for hurting people. You see, no matter how good things look on the outside, folks are struggling. We may hide it well, but we all have fissures beneath the surface. Some of us have even experienced internal earthquakes. I am full of gratitude for the very painful, eye-opening seasons of my life, even the ones that continue to make me gasp. They were (and are) the mercy of God to wake me up, to spur me to pursue change, to help me to bring compassionate grace and healing to others, to make me see how his power is perfected in my weakness. In our home school, it is Mom who is really being educated! So, dear friends, whatever you do, "Do it well, but keep it humble!"

Submission & Service to Others ―Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,‖ exhorts Ephesians 5:21. Submissiveness, though scoffed at in our culture, is a key hallmark of a gentle-spirited woman. It beckons us to, ―Look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others‖ (Philippians 2:4). The gentle spirit delights in doing good deeds and bringing joy to other people. It doesn't matter whether the other person has a position of authority; we can willingly serve the least of God's people because he has given us a spirit of humble compassion. It is also submission which allows us to sacrifice our time, money, and energy to home school our children in the first place. Granted, it is often difficult to lay aside my own desires to fill the need of another person. I want to be in control! Often the hardest people to submit to are those in our own homes. Your child asks you to get up from your easy chair and fetch the Cuisenaire pattern blocks from the top shelf. You have to wipe up another potty mess. Your husband says you can't afford that fancy curriculum you have being drooling over unless you are willing to give up on buying dining room chairs. He has to work late and can't watch the kids while you go to the home school meeting. He points out behavior problems cropping up in the children. It's uncomfortable! As Christian women, we are especially called to submit to our husbands. Titus 2:5 admonishes us to be subject to them, ―so that no one will malign the word of God.‖ But I am selfish and proud. I resent being told what to do, and even more, I resent being corrected when I don’t do what I’ve been asked to do. My defensiveness and lack of humble submission have often driven my husband to bitter frustration. Trust me, ladies, men take this very personally. Even if you don’t like how your husband brings something up to you, do yourself a favor and listen to what he is trying to say. I see how many rough areas in my life are due to not taking my husband’s wise counsel seriously. I have often brought trouble on my own head by wanting things my own way. As I make an effort to sweeten up, his responses to me can become so much more tender and patient. He doesn’t need to speak forcefully if he knows I am listening and responding.


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Suppose your husband says, “Honey, I really have doubts about that TV show the children have been watching every afternoon. Please don't let them to watch it anymore.” You might think it's an educational program which gives you a little break from childcare. If you sense that your husband is open for discussion, you might attempt a respectful petition. But let's say his decision is firm. If you secretly let your children watch it anyway, you will lose all their respect! In their minds they think, “If Mom can ignore Dad, then so can we... and we can ignore her, too!” Thus, Biblical child training and the power of your example go out the window. In 1 Peter 3:1-6, marital submission is inextricably linked with a gentle spirit:

―Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.‖

One evening, I’d had it “up to here” with my children. After dinner, my husband asked a very innocent question about my day that set me off again. I snapped, “I’ve had it! I’m out of here! I’m going grocery shopping!” But as they say, “It was a dark and rainy night….” Thad firmly instructed me not to go out in that kind of nasty weather, but I wasn’t listening. A little rain wasn’t going to stop me! I stomped out of the room, grabbed my shoes, and marched out to the car. I drove all the way down the street before the Holy Spirit started reminding me of what my husband said as I had slammed the door: “You’re setting a very poor example for the kids.” Convicted, I drove once around the block and then pulled back into my driveway. I sheepishly walked back into the kitchen, soaking wet. Later that night, I learned that a tornado had blown through the area about the time I had left the house, and a large tree had toppled along the route I would have been driving. Yow! I am so glad I decided to submit to my husband after all that night! True godly submission is motivated by our trust in the Sovereign Lord who ordained authority, not by threats of what another person will say or do. But does submission mean being a doormat or compromising our convictions? No! Let's go on to the next mark of a gentle spirit.

Dignity

The epitome of feminine nobility, that infamous Proverbs 31 woman, is ―clothed with strength and dignity‖ (verse 25) and her works will ―bring her praise at the city gate‖ (verse 31). Gentleness does not mean being a wimp! A godly woman has strong character and convictions. Without being obnoxious or strident, she is courageous enough to stand up for what is right and protect her children. In our godless culture, she is sorely needed! A woman of dignity can let insults roll off her back because she is secure in her identity as a precious daughter of the King of Kings. She also has holy confidence, even when others look at her as “just a housewife wasting her time at home.” She knows that her hidden


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efforts are destined to impact eternity. In her own home, the woman of dignity does not give in to selfish demands from her children. She has the firmness to say, “No!” and to stick with her decision, no matter how loud the whining gets. She makes sure they do their school work and chores, even when they would much rather play. She does not allow her children to treat her with disrespect. She knows a parent's job is to train them to obey quickly, quietly, cheerfully, and completely, so ―faithful instruction is on her tongue‖ (Proverbs 31:25). I believe that a woman of dignity does not allow her husband to treat her with disrespect either. I’m not saying she should be strident or overly defensive about it, but he may need some sweet and firm retraining on how a gentleman is supposed to speak to a lady. I’ll write more about this in the marriage chapter, though. For now, just remember to be a worthy woman of dignity, and then it will be easier for others to treat you like one. And even if they don’t, you are still doing the right thing and the Lord will be pleased.

Joy & Cheerfulness

Joy is a powerful witness that God is present and working in our lives, and cheerfulness is a sweet ministry to the oppressed in spirit. These qualities have a profound impact on how our children view life and Christianity. ―...even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an

inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.‖ 1 Peter 1:8b-9

―A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.‖

Proverbs 17:22 ―A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit... All the

days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast... A cheerful look brings joy to the heart...‖ Proverbs 15:13, 15, 30

Being joyful is not the same as being “happy.” It makes a catchy children's tune, but we honestly aren't “inright, outright, upright, downright happy all the time!” Happiness is based on circumstances: good health, compliant children, ample finances, etc. True joy flows from God working in us through the often stormy situations we face. Rejoicing is something we choose to do, instead of a fickle feeling that floats up and down, in and out. ―Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,

because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in

our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.‖ Romans 5:2b-5


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Quietness of Spirit & Speech

There is nothing more attractive in a woman than ―the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.‖ But how can we nurture a serene spirit in the middle of the sometimes overwhelming demands of motherhood and home schooling? This, too, goes straight back to the Lord!

―The LORD your God is with you... he will quiet you with his love...‖ Zephaniah 3:17 ―Be still and know that I am God.‖ Psalm 46:10

One result of a quiet spirit is quiet speech. What is in your heart comes out of your mouth! If you store up bitterness, that's what spills out. But if you fill up on divine love, this will flow out in kind words. The words you choose will bounce back to you in the reactions of others. You reap what you sow. If you speak graciously to others, most likely they will respond pleasantly. If you yell at them, you can expect them to yell back! A quiet heart trusts in God, no matter what life brings. The testimonies of Christians who have suffered much while remaining yielded to God have often inspired me to keep going. A quiet heart is also content. If I am grateful for whatever God has provided, then I don't have to complain or stew over my present circumstances.

―Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.‖ Philippians 4:6-7

God's peace! What a tremendous gift! Not only can we have peace with God, through trusting in the cross of Christ, but we can have the peace of God: the assurance of his care. Further still, he also gives us peace with others.

Peacemaking The Jews and the Gentiles in Bible times weren't exactly on congenial terms, yet Jesus died for them both to destroy the dividing wall of hostility (see Ephesians 2:14). We too can enjoy peace with our brothers and sisters in Christ. But peace is not passive! God's kingdom needs peacemakers.

―But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.‖ James 3:17-18 ―If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written, 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord. On the contrary: 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.‖ Romans 12:18-21


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The first duty of a peacemaker is to live in peace with those around her. In your relationships, is there an atmosphere of harmony or discord? Are there any barriers of hostility that need to be broken down by persistent and prayerful love? Is there an undercurrent of resentment that needs to be rooted out and released? Do you want to break a cycle of angry patterns (passed down from your childhood home) before it is passed on down to the next generation? God has the power to heal your relationships and emotions, but you must choose to forgive. What about your children? It is very difficult to teach a child who is bitter and resistant, so take time to repair the relationship instead of pushing harder on academics! Beyond making peace between parent and child, we also have the challenge and privilege of being ambassadors of reconciliation (1 Corinthians 5:20) as we introduce our children to the peace of God through the Gospel of Christ. Then, we must train our children to live in peace with one another (Psalm 133). Whether it is breaking up a quarrel or showing them a more gracious way to respond to an irritation, we can be peacemakers! Here is another idea for moms who are trying to be peacemakers: Stop, Drop and Roll. Given the sheer size of my family, there is a high probability that someone will be involved in an unpleasant confrontational conversation (argument) in a given day. A mom needs a way to deal with all this and not get overloaded. Here's a quick explanation of something that helps me keep my sanity when conflicts arise. I developed this concept from the standard "what to do when you clothes catch on fire" Stop-Drop-and-Roll instructions. Think of a conflict as a fire that is about to burn you up. If you thrash around wildly or run away, the oxygen is going to feed the flames. Stop, drop and roll! STOP: When you find your temper flaring, your jaw clenched, your muscles tense, STOP! Don't yell, nag, threaten, accuse, slam doors or otherwise lose it. You've seen the red warning flag, so STOP! "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." (James 1:19, NIV) DROP: You've got resentment, bitterness, frustration roiling around inside. It's a burden, and a heavy one at that. You're going to have to lay it down eventually -- why not RIGHT NOW? Drop your burden at the feet of Jesus. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7, NIV) You don't have to carry it one minute longer. Forgive! ROLL: Get on with it. If there is a solution to your conflict, work it out calmly, paying special attention to preventing a recurrence of the same problem in the future. After that, go about your business and don't let the whole thing stop you in your tracks or cause you to stew. You've got a life to live! "Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 3:13-14, ESV) When I remember to Stop, Drop and Roll, it helps me solve problems much more effectively and efficiently. I also don't carry around frustration quite as long, which makes me more productive the rest of the day.


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Patience

At times, it seems like forever before progress is made in an area. Maybe you have been making desperate attempts at self-improvement and are just about to give up on yourself. You think, “If God is so powerful, why hasn't he changed me yet?” It's time for patience! ―I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry‖ (Psalm 40:1). Perhaps it is your children who need your patience: the first grader who knows the alphabet, but just can't take the plunge into blending sounds, or the fourth grader who can't understand long division after repeated demonstrations. The patient mom reminds herself that this is all quite normal; they will learn eventually as she affirms their efforts, stays tuned to their abilities, and uses her many resources. There is another kind of patience -- the ability to control your emotions in times of stress or irritation. Home schooled children often don't live up to their parents' fantasy expectations of perfection: always tidy, pleasant, cooperative, diligent, etc. This reflects “failure” on the part of the parents and can lead them to be bitter toward their errant offspring. Then every small transgression grates on the nerves and the molehill turns into Mount St. Helens. However, we are not forced to erupt under pressure. It is a choice! If we want victory with this, we cannot let our children keep pushing the limits while we vainly try to control our tempers. It is far better to deal with a problem instantly, calmly, and firmly, before it gets out of hand. We also need to have hearts and minds that are well-prepared to meet the challenges of the day.

Preparation

What is it, in our everyday home school lives, that gets us ruffled up? An unexpected situation throws us for a loop. A “little” neglected detail comes back to haunt us. We have been burning the midnight oil and just aren't ready for morning. We have been lax in child discipline. We don’t have a clue what to do for school today. Whatever the situation, the lack of preparation quickly robs us of joy and makes us anything but gentle.

―She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls... She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks... When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet... She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.‖ Proverbs 31:15, 17, 21, 27

Preparation is absolutely necessary in the spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical realms. For a home school mom, this could include a morning quiet time, discussions with your husband, setting goals, planning lessons and menus and schedules, learning how to teach, ordering your curriculum on time, deciding ahead of time how to respond to various forms of childishness, etc. If you don't stay on top of things, you will end up under the pile!


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A Woman of Beauty When I find myself having a “bad hair day,” or I snap at my children, or things just look dreary, I remind myself of what is truly important for a woman of God. The words to this song were inspired by 1 Peter 3 and Proverbs 31.

A Woman of Beauty by Virginia Knowles

A beautiful woman is quiet in spirit, gentle in all that she does. Adorning the inward part, she trusts the Lord with all her heart, She is a woman of beauty! She is a woman of beauty! She does not need ornaments of fancy gold, and it's not in how she fixes her hair. As long as she's clothed in strength and dignity, it doesn't matter what else she wears. A beautiful woman is quiet in spirit, gentle in all that she does. Adorning the inward part, she trusts the Lord with all her heart, She is a woman of beauty! She is a woman of beauty!

May the Lord minister to your spirit, making you not just a home school mom, but a gentle woman of true and lasting beauty.


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ABIDE IN CHRIST

Invitation to Stillness by Virginia Knowles

Quiet your soul to ponder, wonder, and worship the Amazing One. In these still and focused moments, embrace his everlasting love for you. Savor his sacrifice: Heaven to Earth, an infinite journey of grace When he came to rescue, release, and renew you. In sacred response, draw near with a whole heart, a deepening communion. Be still in his presence, be filled with his presence Father, Son, Holy Spirit: God with us. Day after day, time with him is your most precious treasure. Be the fruitful branch abiding in the Vine. Be the little lamb in the Good Shepherd‘s tender care. Be the beautiful Beloved in the Lover‘s embrace. Ask, and he will surely show you how.

~*~*~ Is it possible to nurture a gentle spirit, show constant compassion, and be productive in home making, teaching, and the rest of our responsibilities? Not in our own strength! As I seek God's character, I become aware that a pure and holy life (as I described in the last chapter) is impossible to accomplish with my own feeble abilities. It is humbling to say, “OK God, I can't do it by myself. Whatever progress I make has to come from you.” As Galatians 3:3 asks, ―After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?‖ I must continually depend on the fresh filling of the Holy Spirit, not so that I can use his power, but so that he can use me. What will be the result? Godly character! ―The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control‖ (Galatians 5:22). One striking characteristic about fruit is that it just doesn’t grow by itself. It must be connected to a living, growing plant. I love the way the King James version expresses this truth found in John 15:4-8:

―Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.‖


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When it comes to being fruitful and loving as home school moms, we must depend utterly on abiding in the True Vine, Jesus Christ. The million dollar question is, “How do we continually abide in Christ?” Sometimes I just seem to feel closer to God as I go through periods of vibrant growth. At other times it seems like I am withering away spiritually. Ironically, I can get up a little early to have a devotional time, but then when my children are bickering at breakfast or squirming during our morning Bible lesson, I can suddenly lose my temper. How quickly I forget his grace which is always available to me! So merely going through the ritual of reading your Bible and saying your prayers is not the magic key to 24 hour piety. I must “turn my eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face” every moment of every day. That doesn’t mean that I am on my knees or that my nose is in the Bible all the time. It would be pretty hard to do dishes that way! But with eyes of faith, I need to sense his constant caring presence in my home and talk with him as I go about the daily responsibilities he has given me. I may be weak and sinful, but he is strong and righteous! His grace is sufficient to meet all the demands I face as a busy home schooling mother. Have you tried communing with God before, only to feel your fervor fizzle out? Maybe it seems like you don't get anything out of it or that you are just talking to yourself. I think that most of us struggle with developing a consistent and meaningful time with the Lord. What makes it worse is that after we have been away from prayer and the Word for a while, we feel guilty. We hesitate to go to him because we feel unspiritual and unworthy. We wait longer and longer and the guilt piles higher. We fail to see his open arms waiting for prodigals to return. When you are out of fellowship with God, think who it is that wants to keep you that way. Is it God? No! He died for you to redeem, restore, and reconcile you in the first place.

―A broken and contrite heart he will not despise,‖ (Psalm 51:17)

―A bruised reed he will not break and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out‖ (Isaiah 42:3).

Hebrews 4:16 assures us that we may confidently approach the throne of grace for mercy, and we will receive it in time of need. Seek the intimacy that comes by faith in the loving Lord, not by a human righteousness obtained from moral behavior and Christian activities. He is ready for you! I promised in the last chapter that I would continue the story about my spiritual pilgrimage which began with a study of humility. You see, the Lord didn’t just want me to learn facts about humility; he actually wanted me to become humble. And that is not exactly a sterile academic experience! For me it took a very painful season of seeing my own heart for what it was. Some might call it a Midlife Crisis, but I like to call it a Midlife Reckoning – a sober look at who I was and where I was going in life. If I had known at the beginning what it would take me through, I might not have had the courage to take the first step. As a newlywed, I memorized Psalm 84, and learned that the Valley of Baca represented a place of tears. How fitting it is for me to recall these verses as I meditate on the brokenness God called me through in this time of intense spiritual searching:


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Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength until each appears before God in Zion.

Ironically, my pilgrimage started right about the time when I was celebrating my

30th spiritual birthday with a trip back to Pennsylvania to attend a family reunion, the very setting in which I had met the Lord in the first place! When I had gotten saved in July 1976, on a bicentennial family vacation, I knew the Lord was giving me independence from a lifestyle of sinful thinking to which I, at even the tender age of 12, had become enslaved. And he did! I had been suicidal before, but now I had a zest for life. I grew by leaps and bounds in my Christian life throughout my teen and young adult years, even going on mission trips. Yet so many unhealthy patterns of thinking from my childhood, including a craving for approval, persisted in my heart over the next three decades. While they were usually dormant for long periods of time, every so often an unhealthy mental habit would rear its ugly head, and in shock I would wonder, “Where did that came from?” Then I would stuff it back down again and try to forget. But this couldn’t go on forever. This was to be the summer of Jubilee for me. The Lord had whispered into my soul that it was time to face the past, time to root out besetting sin in my life. And sure enough, I found myself in the midst of a spiritual battle for the integrity of my own soul. I had been wrestling with my conscience for weeks, realizing that something was amiss in my spiritual life. I just didn’t know what it was at the time, but I wanted to find out. My journal, which had once been neglected for months at a time, now took on fresh new importance as I daily penned Scripture verses, as well as my inner thoughts and prayers.

Early one morning, after a night of fitful sleep, I began to see a vision of my heart at

two levels. The crevices of the deeper region were mostly packed in with decades of debris. On top of this hard crust, I had piled on the outer workings of my daily life: wife, home school mother of 10, homemaker, church member, writer, and other duties. I realized that even in my spiritual life of Scripture study and prayer (which have been so very valuable), I often live in the “oughts” and not from true desire or spiritual passion. As I wrote these newer insights into my journal, the crust to the deeper places started to crack open.

―Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me – a prayer to the God of my life.‖ Psalm 42:7-8 I longed for God to invade the very core of my heart, to wash away all of the debris

with the healing flood of the Holy Spirit. I wanted to be filled instead with all that is lovely, noble, pure, admirable, and true. I became captivated by the glorious mystery of his surprising love for me. Ever since then, my heart has cried out to the Lord for mercy. Seeing my own inadequacy has only made me adore his sufficiency even more. As I started realizing this, a poem flowed from a broken spirit:


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Rhapsody in M by Virginia Knowles

Myriad mercies:

more and more

merited? no! no merit in murky miserable me

Mystery:

manic malice meted on Messiah Martyr

Mighty and Meek

Miracle:

manic malice meted on my Mediator misses me

marvelous mercies ministered on me

Majestic Master:

master me

move massive mountains in me

make merry melodies in me

mirrors of Thee in mere me

more and more

myriad mercies

As an overflow of this spiritual revival in my heart, my hunger for Scripture and prayer became ravenous, like a bear waking up from a long winter’s hibernation! My quiet times became like manna to my soul. I couldn’t settle for one short devotional time during the day anymore – I wanted to slip away to be with the Lord whenever possible! While my experience was very dramatic to me, I believe that the Lord wants all of us to be continually renewed, day by day. Let’s talk more about how this can work in your life.

Joyful Liberty About the time that I experienced renewal is also when I started seeing a new appreciation for the beauty of God and his creation, and for other peoples' reflections of that in their art, music, nature, and literature. That overflowed into my home schooling as well. It was also a time for what I call a fresh poetic surge when poems started pouring out of me in celebration of God's grace and goodness! Many of those poems are in the pages of this book. I was so aware of being kept in God's unconditional mercy to take me as I was, but at the same time, I still wondered how I could change the habits and attitudes that had hindered me for years? It's wonderful that God takes me as I am, but shouldn't I have changed in some of these areas by now after over 30 years as a Christian? God takes us where we are, but he doesn't want to leave us there. He wants us to move on and grow up. It seemed like many people around me were focused on mortifying their own sins and becoming holy by their own efforts, as well as by constant confession and accountability. For a while, this seemed like a humble and pious approach and I embraced it. However, over the years, I realized that it was way too easy to forget God's grace in this


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approach. The more I tried, the more I felt neurotic, depressed, anxious, and frustrated. I knew this was not honoring to God. Then God, in his mercy, opened my eyes to assure me that instead of being a filthy and depraved little worm with a deceitfully wicked heart, that I was now a new creation in Christ, a precious saint in his sight, covered in the righteousness of Jesus by his sacrifice! I needed to rest and rejoice in this glorious truth, that God was going to change me, not by my own self effort, but through his grace! I started seeing how much I had succumbed to legalism. I think there are actually two kinds of legalism. One is made up of picky outward man-made rules to prove that you are in the "in crowd" spiritually. I almost think this is the more harmless kind. The other kind is an inward legalism. It says, "I am going to be good no matter what! I am going to hack those sins right out of me no matter what it takes!" It is an attempt to make yourself holy and remove your sin by your own efforts. It leads to self-righteousness and wanting to give up. Both types of legalism are unfortunately rampant in the home schooling movement, in my opinion. Many times we do what we do because we want to raise kids with perfect godly character. We rely on our methods, our rules, and our curriculum to do this, rather than on the Spirit of God working in their hearts. Unfortunately, if and when they don't toe the line, there's a lot of stuff to deal with! In learning to overcome this inward kind of legalism, I had to study the gospels. I've been studying all four gospels concurrently, working through them to find out: "Who is Jesus and how can I be like him?" I want to find my true identity in Christ as a saint set free from the power of sin, walking in the power of the Holy Spirit, willingly responding to what God was doing in my life rather than trying to hack out my failures by myself. John 8:36 proclaims, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." Why would we ever want to be in bondage again? Such joy and liberty comes from the amazing grace of God! There have been many areas of my life where I have struggled for years and felt like I couldn't change, but when I began to focus on my identity in Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit to change me, that is when I began to change the habits, the attitudes, the patterns of thought. The transformation came when I realized who I was in Christ rather than focusing on how much sin I had to get rid of it. Yes, there will be times when you stumble and fail. My encouragement to you is to get back up, ask God for help, and keep going. When I am discouraged or feeling blue or going through a monster case of PMS, I remind myself that the feelings will pass. It helps to get a nap or a good night's sleep, read an encouraging book, talk to my husband or a trusted friend. Another benefit of being confident of God's love and acceptance, is that you become an authentic woman, not pretending or performing for others. As a home school mom, you don't need to impress others with your family's accomplishments and you don't need to criticize others to make yourself feel better. I am delighted that my acceptance and approval are in God, not in other people. I don't need to crave approval from others, and I don't need to fear their disapproval. Proverbs 29:25 says, "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe." I found this to be true again last year. I needed to write an e-mail to my friends about an issue I had prayed about and that I knew had to be addressed. However, right after I hit the send button, I suddenly had a panic attack. I had never had one before. It was so weird! My heart was pounding. I tried reading aloud to my kids, but I couldn't even breathe normally. This went on for a few hours. Why? I was


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subconsciously afraid of how people would react to what I had written. Then I thought, I don't need to do this! I am a Christian, I wrote what I needed to write, I prayed about it, and in confidence I can do the things I need to do! Once I realized that, I determined never to let that happen again. I took courage in God's grace and trusted him to use that e-mail for his glory -- and he did! People have told me how much it meant to them. If you are doing what God has called you to do, you don't need to fear anyone! This precious truth has given me the liberty and boldness to speak up and speak out on other issues since then. People have told me how much they have appreciated my voice and my perspective. I am so glad that I am no longer captive to fear of others! We can also be captive to our own fear of failure. What if we mess up in home schooling? What if my children are ruined forever because I used the wrong curriculum? What will people think? If you get stuck in this mindset, you will be paralyzed! You will be too afraid to do anything! This holds true for our kids, too. If we are constantly demanding perfection or ridiculing them for their mistakes, they will be reluctant to try anything difficult. They will stick with the safe and easy stuff, rather than challenging themselves to stretch their abilities. This totally quenches the love of learning. Instead, you need a holy confidence from God! He is quite capable of working in and through you in spite of your weaknesses! Your weaknesses showcase his power even more splendidly! I want to encourage you to focus on the good things -- the great things God has created you to be and called you to do. If you do that, you'll be too busy to spend much time messing up! So get your joy and enthusiasm back! Your purpose in life is not so much to avoid sin and mistakes but to reflect the glory of God by trusting in him, by going out and living the Grand Adventure. Likewise, our motivation in deciding to home school our kids should not be in what we are trying to avoid, but what we are trying to nurture in their lives: a love for God, a love for family, a love of learning. This completely changes the focus of how we do it as the years go along, too. Home schooling becomes joyful journey rather than a dreary duty. There is a fullness in it. If Jesus's life is flowing through you, that's going to bring you the joy, peace, and love. So you don't need to be a "driven" home school mom. I'm not talking about being "type A" personality, but about having the mindset of "Just got to DO it, no matter what we squash in the process, we've just got to get this done to prove it, no matter how well we get it done!" You can't make your kids holy either. You must rely on God, and rest and work in his grace. If home schooling has become burdensome to you, you're probably taking on too much. It's not that you need to do less, but that you need to transfer your burden to Jesus. I wrote another poem during a season when I realized that depression and anxiety were edging into my life through both legalism and the subtle lies of the enemy of my soul.


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It Became to Me a Dark Thing by Virginia Knowles

It became to me a dark thing: Words spoken over me, into me Claiming divine light, right, might to rule. "Go down, worm soul, go down - You are unworthy to assume the dignity Of one with victory crowned." As if I had swindled treasure! Embezzled grace and glory from celestial storehouses -- A dastardly slave, masquerading as a devoted heir. Contrary! The enemy himself ransacked, then accused and confused this child.

Truth: Every spiritual blessing is lavished freely From the Father's endless bounty of grace - And these are not even His only such gifts to me! First He paid, once for all, a royal ransom of liquid crimson To redeem me as one who, yes, had bolted astray in wild folly with trinkets to squander But then, once broken and defiled, repented and Returned from far off, drawn homeward by trust in a certain goodness Welcomed with wild glee by Him who sees down the road with forgiving eyes. Such is the magnificent mercy of a Father's unending love The true inheritance all along, abandoned and then reclaimed.

It became to me a dark thing: There is a sulking shaming one who spurns my merry celebration of grace Who daily offers back my filthy prodigal rags in place of my dazzling robes. His grudging shadows seek to quench the light of truth. What shall rekindle in me my Father's radiance? Lift eyes from mud. Look up for rainbows, brilliant and glorious Reflected by a well-washed and shining prism: Saintly faith turned toward the light of truth. Set your focus on things above, not on earthly things Gaze on the Throne where darkness never dwells, to the King whose rule is Love To His right side, where the Redeemer Son intercedes to purify the Beloved Bride.

"Let there be light!" Words spoken over me, into me, right and might. A daily echo of unspoiled Eden calling forth fresh life Revealing the delight on His face as we walk in the Garden again, restored. Shall I ever listen, as Eve did, to the serpent's hiss of deceitful destruction? The father of lies wraps words in figments of light To drag us downward to a certain darkness. Yet there is One who speaks a more powerful word: Mercy triumphs over wrath. "Let there be light!" My heart dances once more, sings the hallelujah! So this gracious truth, this truthful grace, has silenced the foe again. May I always trust, rest, bask, delight in my Father's life and love. It has become to me a thing of light.


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A Quiet Time and Place for Daily Devotions Whether you are aware of it or not, the devil would love to distract you from immersing yourself deeply in God’s presence. He would love to destroy your relationships and steal your joy. And he will do just that unless you recognize your enemy and prepare to fight. If you are engaged in spiritual warfare, doesn’t it make sense to put your armor on when you first get up? Some moms have quiet times first thing in the morning so they will lay a solid foundation before cluttering their brains with other concerns. Even if you can’t devote an extended time early in the day, it helps to at least pause and ask God to prepare, protect, strengthen and equip you for the challenges of the day. Truth be told, sometimes I have my main quiet time in the evening after my children are in bed. Then I am not rushed and I have a chance to reflect on the day just finished and prepare for the one coming. If you must have your quiet times while your children are up and around, you may need to think of a diversion for them. If they can sit still for a little bit, they can have their own quiet time with a picture Bible, Bible story video, or music and/or story audio CD or cassette tape. They could copy the letters in a Bible verse, color in a picture, or do a puzzle. An older child could read to a younger one. Whichever options you choose, do let your children know that this is a special time for you, and they must be quiet. My younger children often wake up before I finish my quiet time. I either hold them on my lap, let them lie on my bed, or send them off to play in the next room. Other times, I have to finish up quickly and hope I can come back to it later. I am blessed to have an ideal place for a quiet time in my bedroom. Many years ago while on a morning walk, I spied a perfectly good rocker recliner chair on a neighbor’s curb with a “free” sign on it. It was calling my name! I jogged home to get my van and a strong teenager, and claimed my prize. There is just enough room for it right next to a tall bookcase where I stow my Bibles, personal journal, quiet time notebooks, and an ample supply of Christian books and magazines. I could live in this chair! I do slip away from the household chaos to my little sanctuary a few times a day for at least a few minutes of heart renewal. I might read a chapter from a devotional book or a few verses from Scripture, or flip open my prayer journal, or just lay back with my eyes closed and think about the Lord. Even though I usually have a regular morning quiet time, I find that these “snacks” get me through the day more sanely. Many moms have trouble concentrating on their quiet times because they get distracted by clutter, paper, projects, or people around them. If this is your problem, set apart a quiet “chapel” area for reading, writing, and perhaps even spreading out reference materials. If a private area is unavailable, don't despair; God will meet with you anywhere. Find a pretty basket to tote your things to the quiet spot of the moment.

Be ready to focus quickly on the things of God during what little time you might have. Learn to lay aside “the cares of this world” and concentrate on what the Lord has for you. Yes, there will be a time to bring before him in prayer the issues that concern you, but your focus should be on his sufficiency, not on your troubles. He is so much bigger than our circumstances! We bring our problems, our confusion, and our weakness into the Throne Room of God. As we draw near to him, we will bring out his strength and wise answers so we will be equipped to deal with them.

Your quiet time notebook or journal will be an important element for success. I find that the process of writing things down helps lock them into my brain. It also grants the


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opportunity to come back later and review the material I have studied or prayed about. Using a notebook helps guard thoughts and notes from getting lost in the shuffle. A three-ring binder is easiest for adding and removing pages, but you could use a spiral note pad or a folder. I actually use my journal for anything related to quiet times now. I write my own observations and questions about life, some of my prayers, and plenty of Scripture verses and quotes from whatever books I am reading. This has been such a lifeline to me in the past year as I’ve been so aware of my need for God’s mercy. I think of so many Christians through the ages who whose lives have been enriched by journaling. Let’s not overlook the middle of the night as a quiet time for quiet time. I am a chronic insomniac and I have a toddler who sometimes gets up “in the wee hours” so I’m usually somewhere between 3 and 5 in the morning. During these times, I remind myself of the mercies of the Lord, pray for others, and think of Bible verses I have memorized. I also do this as I am falling asleep at night, and sometimes as I lie in bed trying to wake up in the morning. This is also a good practice for mommies who are night nursing their babies, as I did off and on for nearly two decades.

―My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.‖ Psalm 63:5-7

Apart from our formal devotional times, we can bask in God’s presence throughout

the day. We can especially use our daily duties and routines as object lessons of God’s truth and grace. When you are making dinner, think of the feast he is preparing for us in heaven. When you are washing dishes, be thankful for the abundant food you ate off of them, and pray for those who are less fortunate. When you are cleaning up your kids’ muddy toes, think of how Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. A yucky toilet, stubborn laundry stain, or dirty diaper can remind us of how he washes our foulest sins away: “white as snow.” This attitude not only inspires our souls with the holy character of God, but makes our work meaningful and less irksome. I find that, like Brother Lawrence, I can “practice the presence of God” no matter what I am doing, even if I am not kneeling in prayer or reading my Bible.

For an extended time of entering into communion with God, be sure to enjoy your Sabbath! This is a time when I don’t have to feel guilty about laying aside many of my regular daily duties. I like to use Sunday afternoon as a time for leisurely reading and contemplation, as well as rest. What a precious gift from God! Summer is also somewhat of a Sabbath (or sabbatical) for home school moms since we aren’t so busy with lessons. Use some of this time for refueling your own heart for the year to come!

Coming Before the Throne of Grace in Prayer

Do you find yourself droning, “God bless Grandma and the missionaries in Africa, help Susie to get better from the flu, and make Mike mind his manners, Amen.” How can we make our prayers more meaningful? This is not a purchase order to a computer, but a conversation with a Divine Father. He has something to say too, if you will listen quietly and resist the temptation to do all the talking. Prayers do not have to be long. As the Bible says, ―And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will


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be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him‖ (Matthew 6:7-8). At times, the most appropriate prayer is simply, “Lord, have mercy!” I send that one up all day long! Prayer has so many different facets beyond just asking for things. Take the time to look up these verses, and let them kindle in you a thirst for prayer and a knowledge of the power of intercession. Write them down for continual encouragement.

Communion with God through Worship and Adoration: Psalm 46:10; 84:1-4 & 145-150; Romans 11:33-36; Revelation 4:8-11

Confession and Restoration through His Forgiveness: Psalm 51; Isaiah 57:15; Hosea 14:1-5; Hebrews 4:16; James 4:6-10 & 5:16; 1 John 1:6-10

Consecration and Dedication of our Lives to Him: 1 Chronicles 29:5; Proverbs 3:3-6; Isaiah 6:8; Romans 6:13 & 12:1

Thanksgiving and Praise for All He Does: Psalm 136:1; 2 Corinthians 2:14; Ephesians 1:3-6; 1 Thessalonians 3:9 & 5:18

Petition and Intercession for our Needs and the Needs of Others (According to God’s Will and for His Glory): Psalm 118:4; Mark 11:24-25; Romans 8:26-27; Colossians. 1:9-12 & 4:2-4; 2 Thessalonians 1:11-12; 1 Timothy 2:1-3; 1 John 3:21-22

Spiritual Warfare: Psalm 3:3-6; 1 Corinthians 10:12-13; 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 & 10:3-5; Ephesians 6:10-18; 2 Peter 1:3-4

If all of this is too hard for you to remember, just use this short acronym: P.R.A.Y. This stands for Praise, Repent, Ask, Yield. We PRAISE, coming to him with adoration for who he is and thankfulness for what he has done for us. Then we REPENT for the sins we have allowed to come between us and God, not only the bad things we have done, but the good things we have neglected. We ASK him for what we and others need, in a spirit of humble intercession. And we YIELD our will to his will and consecrate our lives to his service. You can teach this process to your children as well. The Bible is full of wonderful prayers, such as Colossians 1:9-12, by which we can confidently make petition for ourselves and others to glorify God according to his will.

―For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.‖

―And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.‖ Philippians 1:9-11


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We can also pray using the words of God’s pilgrims who have gone before us in the faith. This is not cheating, but gleaning from the very best of spiritual wisdom from the ages! Many church groups have favorite prayer books. I occasionally dip into the Book of Common Prayer that my husband inherited from his father. I have also found meaningful prayers on the Internet. Of course, I’m sure you’ll come up with your own original prayers, too. You may want to write them out in your journal. Or, you may want to jot down short prayer requests, along with the date; you can review them often to see which ones God has already answered. You could reserve a section in your Bible study notebook for these prayer notes and guides. Now I put prayer requests on my iPod touch, but in the past I used the back of my journal for my prayer lists. When was done with a journal, I copied the requests that were still current into my new journal and added others. I try to pray for my children regularly. There are specific things I pray for each them based on their needs and circumstances, but these are some more general things I like to think about when I intercede for them. What to Pray for Your Children A heart which personally and fully understands, embraces, and shares the gospel Reverence for God, and a passion to please and serve him Continual filling, anointing, and equipping of the Holy Spirit God-honoring family relationships filled with respect, affection, compassion and

cooperation Protection and strength to face moral temptation and cultural pressure Repentance and humble acceptance of correction Guidance for decisions about education options, as well as future college and career Maturity to make the right decisions for the right reasons Wise priorities for using time Preparation for marriage and parenting – pray for their future spouses, too! Ask your children how you can pray for them! What to Pray for Yourselves as Parents

Unity in and commitment to your marriage – or if you are a single parent, basic harmony with the other parent (and any step-parent) in raising your children

A warm and trusting relationship with your children, characterized by healthy and open communication

Forgiveness and release from bitterness, whether conscious or subconscious Confidence and boldness to lead, even when a child attempts to manipulate or rebel Wisdom to know which battles are worth fighting, and when to let your child make

decisions (and face the consequences) That you will be an example of godliness, wisdom, grace, and good humor To make praying a little more organized, I broke down my lists into different days, with items from different categories (family, ministry, our church, missions, etc.) split into different days. For example, on Monday, I might pray especially: for my daughter Mary's little family, my teenage son Andrew, my parents and grandmother, my husband's job, family finances, my own time management and diligence, our senior pastor and his wife, and mission work in Africa. On Tuesday, I might pray for my daughter Julia and son


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Micah, my brother's family, my husband's leadership of our family, our marriage, our Bible study group from church, missions in South America, and the pro-life movement. I put these lists on my iPod Touch for quick reference. If your church publishes a list of missionaries and ministries that it supports, you can keep this with your regular prayer list so you can interceded for them, too.

Prayer is a form of worship, too. Do you take time to just adore the Lord and to meditate on his goodness? Try writing out a prayer of thanksgiving to God, praising him for what he has done in your life. Write it down and share it with your children! Maybe they will be inspired to do this, too. Here is one that I wrote many years ago:

Psalm to Sweet Jesus

by Virginia Knowles

Sweet Jesus, you bring to me all that is good: Comfort and hope when I am discouraged, Peace and reconciliation when I am in conflict, Strength and enthusiasm when I am weary, Wisdom and guidance when I am confused, Courage and confidence when I am afraid, Forgiveness and mercy when I have done wrong. You bore the fatal punishment that I deserved, Yet rose up again in power, Promising that if I would turn from my awful sin, And believe in your awesome grace, I could become your own precious child, And enter into your everlasting Gloryland. Such a rich salvation that I could never earn! As a simple gift of gratitude, With help from your Word and your Spirit, I will trust and obey your loving commands, I will worship you with my prayers and songs, I will serve others joyfully, I will share your Good News, So that each one who hears and believes May receive the matchless treasure Found only in you.

O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing!

Melodious prayer ministers to the Lord like sweet fragrance and sinks deeply into our own hearts. I am amazed at the emphasis the Bible places on music in worship. While preparing a unit study, I came across these passages, which are in the English Standard Version:


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―I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD.‖ Psalm 40:1-3 My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody! Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!‖ Psalm 57:7-11 ―Praise the LORD! Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise in the assembly of the godly! Let Israel be glad in his Maker; let the children of Zion rejoice in their King! Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre! For the LORD takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with salvation. Let the godly exult in glory; let them sing for joy on their beds.‖ Psalm 149:1-5 ―The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.‖ Zephaniah 3:17 ―And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.‖ Matthew 26:30 ―About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them, and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken. And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone's bonds were unfastened.‖ Acts 16:25-26 ―Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.‖ Colossians 3:16

Wow! What a way to keep our minds joyful in the Lord! Music reaches the heart in a way that spoken or written words cannot, and even breaks down the prison doors within our souls. Take the time to learn some hymns and choruses, and continue to sing them throughout the day with your children. I have found that children often spontaneously burst into song; what we have “recorded” on their brains will go round and round until it comes out of their “speakers.” Perhaps you might keep a song book or a worship CD handy so you will be ready with words of praise. If you have an MP3 player or iPod, you can load it with your favorite songs and listen as you work around the house. When I’m working out at the YMCA, I love to listen to worship music with headphones on.


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A Journey in the Word

The Bible is not a book that you master in an hour, but something that should master you for a whole lifetime. You can always learn something new as long as you have a hungry heart and a diligent mind to read, study, meditate, memorize, pray, obey, and share it with others. When my children were very young, it was easy to teach them simple Biblical truths as they related to school subjects. By the time they reach middle school, and start reasoning and thinking abstractly, we must gird our minds for some tough questions on complicated issues! No longer can I teach Creation Science by merely pointing out that God made this and that on thus and such day. I have to provide a solid background in apologetics, and counteract the errors of evolutionary theory. What makes it harder was that the creation science books available don’t always agree with one another, even when written by conservative evangelicals! And now I can’t just skim over the Pilgrim saga with stories about the Mayflower and eating turkey with the Indians. I must be prepared with a lesson on the theology of the Puritans and the religious persecution they fled in the Old World! I can read accounts of this in Christian history books, but again, these are going to vary widely based on the doctrinal position of the publisher. The same goes for our studies of world geography, government, nutrition, and more. If I can’t count on reference books for solid answers, I must rely on the ultimate authority -- Scripture! The Bible bursts with instruction and counsel on our finances, schedule, wardrobe, nutrition, health, education, careers, entertainment, friendship, marriage, parenting, politics, and the rest of life. It helps you to sort through the issues facing you as a home school mom, both in your own family life and in all of the literature that stuffs your mail box and book shelves. There is a war of values and truth in our culture and in our churches. With so many conflicting messages, the only way to discern the true Christian message is to go directly to the Source -- the Bible. The sure foundation of Scripture gives us confidence and authority for ordering our own lives and families under God, so we don't need to abdicate our responsibilities to secular institutions. As we study the Bible to search for God's treasure, we are charting vast territory. At times, we press on over long distances by reading through large portions of Scripture. At other times, we pause to dig deeper in our search for hidden treasure through a topical study or a verse by verse analysis of a passage or even an entire book of the Bible. There is joy in the journey. It is a blessing to read the Bible through in a year at the rate of a few chapters per day. This method gives a sense of flow and overview to Scriptures and keeps us from getting stuck on one subject while neglecting the “big picture.” In order to do this, you will need to read three or four chapters daily. If you want a little variety, split it up:

A Psalm or chapter of Proverbs: You will cover these twice in a year.

Two chapters from the rest of the Old Testament: You could go straight through from Genesis to Malachi, or alternate between historical and prophetic books.

A chapter from the New Testament: Alternate the Gospels with Acts, the Epistles, and Revelation. If you read a chapter a day, you will finish in less than nine months and can start over again. Or slow the pace and read a little less than a chapter each day.


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As you do this, jot down verses or short summaries which impress you from the passages. See if you can find any links between the Old and New Testament portions you have read. Beyond reading through larger sections of Scripture, make time periodically for in-depth systematic study. The “flip-it-open-and-see-where-I-land” method may work once in a while, but is not sufficient for continued growth. Imagine standing blindfolded in front of your refrigerator trying to choose your meal by grabbing the nearest container. Out comes a jar of pickles for your dinner. That's OK for a snack, but not a meal! Carefully choose a book of the Bible or a topic which meets your needs right now. Keep things in context by letting Scripture interpret Scripture. One way to study is to choose a specific topic. Using your reference materials, locate related passages from different sections of the Bible. Sample themes: The Life of Paul, Passover, Joy, Patience, Prayer, Children, Marriage, Money, Health. Invest in a few Bible study tools, but shop carefully to get products which are both theologically sound and easy to use. Choose ones which will also be suitable for your children as they grow older. Consider adding these items to your home library, whether it is print or digital.

♥ study Bible with built-in concordance, cross-references, study notes, maps, etc. ♥ topical reference - to look things up by subject ♥ complete concordance - to look things up by individual words ♥ Bible dictionary - to look up meanings ♥ other Bible versions ♥ Bible commentary by a respected theologian ♥ study workbook on a book of the Bible or a topic ♥ Bible study software

For an example of digital study media, you can download the Bible in many versions, as well as the complete (or concise) Matthew Henry commentary for free or at a low cost onto your portable device such as an iPhone, iPod Touch or Blackberry. It's portable, right there wherever you are. The digital versions of study materials certainly save money, as well as space on your bookshelf! I also find these even easier to use than the print versions since they are completely searchable, and since you can adjust the font size to whatever is easiest for you to read. For long term study, choose a whole book such as Colossians. When you start, get an idea of the book's context (author, audience, theme, time frame, geography, key people, etc.) Skim through to get a broad scope of what you are about to learn. Break up the book into manageable passages. Your Bible may already have verses sectioned off with logical headings, or you can split them into clusters of several verses. Using your favorite version at www.BibleGateway.com, paste the passage double-spaced into a document, and then print it out for easy marking. If you do this on your computer, you will have these passages ready for future activities. Bible software programs can print out the passage automatically. Here are some ways you can approach a passage of Scripture:


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♥ Read and summarize. Pick a favorite verse to write down and memorize. ♥ Look for “SPACE”: Sin to confess, Promise to claim, Attitude to change,

Command to obey, Example to follow. ♥ Make a list of timeless life principles. Ponder how you can apply them. ♥ Outline the passage. Or mark phrases with lines and squiggles to indicate who,

what, when, where, why and how. ♥ Study verse by verse. Research key words and concepts with your reference

books. If you have a cross-reference Bible, look up verses listed for the passage. ♥ Use the passage as a basis for your prayers. ♥ Write the verses on a card with colorful markers or print from your computer in

a nice font. Share them with another person or post up on your wall. Rather than just quickly reading the verses, take the time to meditate on them. What do they mean? How can you apply them at your house? It is good to sit quietly and think, but you can also meditate on Scripture as you go about the rest of your day, pondering these things in your heart. I read from Luke 16-17 one morning, and jotted down several application phrases onto a card to put in the pocket of my capris: Faithful in little, faithful in much. Serve one Master: God! God knows what‘s inside your heart. Forgive others repeatedly. Don‘t expect praise for doing your job. Thank God for what he has done in your life. Lose your life to keep it. Just feeling the crinkle of the card in my pocket as I’m sitting or walking reminds me of what I have read, and I do take it out once in a while to remember them.

Try to read at least occasionally from good solid Christian books to help you walk out your faith and apply the word. Several trustworthy authors are Andrew Murray, Jerry Bridges, John and Noel Piper, Gary Thomas, Elisabeth Elliot, Corrie ten Boom, and Amy Carmichael. A good devotional book with short selections can be just right for a busy mom. My teenage daughter Joanna found Charles Spurgeon’s Morning by Morning, Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest or Thomas a Kempis’ The Imitation of Christ for me at our library’s used bookstore -- nicely bound hardbacks for $1.50 a piece! To supplement your study times, keep Bibles and inspirational books at various places around the house so you can grab one quickly when you have a spare moment. Keep a small New Testament in your purse for when you are away from home. Remember Deuteronomy 6, which admonishes us to have God's word inscribed on our door posts and gates. A modern version of this might be a Scripture verse printed out from your computer in a nice font on colored card stock and posted on the kitchen cabinet. Calligraphy or needlepoint verses make a beautiful encouragement, too. All of this is “scattered sunshine” to help lift you up at odd moments of the day.

~*~*~ Are you abiding in Christ? I encourage you to come to into his presence with a yielded heart, ready to change any detail of life in patient submission to God. “Devotions” may seem like just another item in a busy day, but as we abide in Christ, and will find refuge, restoration and renewal. We will be well-equipped to serve our families joyfully. His grace is sufficient for us!


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YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK Forever etched in memory is my first impression of a home school support group. I had been “doing school” with my four-year-old for several months and decided to join a group to prepare for kindergarten. As I listened during the meeting and chatted with the ladies afterward, I was struck by a thought that I have never since doubted: “Home school moms are the most creative and friendly people I have ever met!” It would be impossible to share with you all that I have learned from support groups since then, whether the format has been a small group in a living room, a panel of veteran moms, a curriculum show-and-tell night, or a picnic in the park. Even more than the information I have gained, I treasure the fellowship and the encouragement I share with kindred souls. Much of our success as home school moms hinges on nurturing by others. We have a unique set of needs and questions which are best satisfied by those who understand what it's like. I am not talking just about curriculum and lesson plans. I am talking about instilling a vision of raising wholehearted godly children in a time intensive, close quarters setting, surviving daily skirmishes without burning out, and setting priorities to see our goals accomplished. Books and magazines can help, but there is nothing like a warm human body. I thank God for the women who launched me into home schooling. Though some of them had been at it for over ten years, they didn't think it was a waste of time to coach a Mommy whose children were still preschoolers. Their quiet example speaks volumes to me even now, over twenty years later and several hundred miles away. Sometimes I keep myself going with the simple thought that if they can do it, so can I! I want to be that inspiration to someone else.

Your Local Home School Support Group Finding and joining a good local support group is a logical first step toward connecting with others. We need to gather for mutual encouragement and to gain a wide range of perspectives and approaches. We grow by hearing testimonies of God's grace in tough times. Support groups also grant the opportunity to discover new friends for more personal one-on-one nurturing. Maybe a new friend will be the missing link to solving your particular problem. Maybe a phone call will be just the help you crave on a trying day. Maybe a smile or a knowing glance across the room will give you the tiny bit of energy to keep on going. A little spark can set a fire blazing in your heart. For a new or potential home school family, a support group is absolutely essential to prepare for the challenges of choosing curriculum and setting up a workable routine. Many metropolitan areas have at least a dozen local groups, each with its own flavor. Some are affiliated with churches, while others center around a certain curriculum or enrollment program. If you haven't yet been able to locate a group which meets your specific needs, contact your state home school organization, which you should be able to find with a quick web search. Once you get involved, you will find opportunities to minister with your own gift, whether it is organization, teaching, hospitality, or humor. Many women do not realize how much work there is and how much they are needed. As a support group grows, one person just cannot do it all and still maintain a quality family life and home school. In my


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opinion, the most effective support groups are led by teams of several women who recruit others for specific tasks such as the newsletter, field trips, craft days, Spelling Bee, socials, etc. In addition, all members should volunteer for jobs which match their talents. Be prepared for a few snags along the way. Support group service requires learning to submit to each other: following the policies of the group and/or sponsoring church, listening to the opinions and suggestions of a diverse membership, and being willing to turn over a cherished task to a fresh face. As we participate in the activities and responsibilities of the support group, we must remember to balance the needs of our own family. It’s easy to get so overcommitted with committees and projects that we neglect the whole point of home schooling: nurturing our husbands and children. One mom became so frazzled leading her support group and planning field trips that she had lost the joy of being with her own children. She was tempted to give up home schooling, but wisely chose to cut back on her activities and spend more time at home. Even when our schedules are generally in balance, we still need to be sensitive to our family situations at the moment. One night my husband arrived home from work just as I had to leave for our monthly support meeting. Since I was scheduled to lead a small group, I felt quite anxious to be on time! After a brief but sharp disagreement with Thad, I jumped in the car and raced down the street. Halfway there, fighting back tears, I realized that it was pointless to go and “encourage” others when I was not at peace with my husband or myself. I knew that to obey Matthew 5:23-24, I must go reconcile with my husband instead of offering my “gifts” at the meeting. I turned my car around and contritely drove home. God gave me blessed peace at serving my own family that evening, and another mom easily filled in as small group leader.

Finding Support in Cyberspace A large part of my ministry to home schooling families is by blogging and an e-magazine, the Hope Chest, but I find a lot of support for myself on-line, too. I have several favorite home schooling, mothering, homemaking, and theology blogs that I subscribe to via Google Reader. This keeps the clutter out of my inbox, and I don't have to hop around to several blogs every day looking for something new. I just click on Reader from my Gmail account, and it shows me new posts for the sites I have entered. When I add new blogs to my list, I try to weed out ones that aren't as helpful anymore. Communicating with others on-line requires a new set of skills. Learning "netiquette" is important to keep from offending others with comments that might be interpreted differently because the reader can't see your face or hear your tone of voice, and may have never met you personally. It's easy to get sucked into a heated debate in an on-line forum or even in the comment section on someone's blog. This is especially true with some of the peripheral debates about family life and theology. When you are tempted to type in a snappy retort, ask yourself, "Would I say this to their face?" Remember that there is a person and a story behind even anonymous screen names. You just don't know what that person has gone through in life, what their fears or pains are. We need to bring healing, not more hurt, in our interactions with others on-line. We also need to be cautious with on-line privacy, especially with our children. There are people out there who can cause us trouble if we say too much.


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Learning from One Another “My Letitia is six years old and she can recite twenty poems and do multiplication tables. Of course she's upset that four-year-old Charity is doing long division now...” It was always so amusing to hear my girls pretending to be mommies at a support group meeting! In our real life support group, it is fun to hear about all the different families and how they approach home schooling. Being such creative people, home school moms are full of fresh ideas and solutions which they are most happy to share. Unfortunately, this can also make other moms feel inadequate, wondering if they are doing it right. They can be misled to believe that if only they carefully copy the methods of the “successful mom” that all their problems will be over. For example, several of my children learned to read at age four. This wasn't due to any one particular curriculum or technique that could be replicated for instant success by the masses. In fact, two of my children charted entirely different paths, and finally gained fluency and enjoyment when they were nearly seven years old. I attribute each one's success to personal interaction with Mom, the child's own interest and readiness, a houseful of interesting books, a strong emphasis on phonics and reading aloud, and lots of playing around with different ideas! My advice has helped other moms find a starting place for teaching reading, but they need to work out the details with their own individual children. My attitude in a support group is that I can learn from and share with the other moms, but none of us has to imitate or compare. We take a little from here, and a little from there, but a giant share comes from our own intuition and common sense. One of the beauties of relationships within the home school community is that we can pick each other's brains for ideas while acknowledging that each family is unique. What excites one would bore or frustrate another. One day many years ago, my friend Debbie and I sat at my kitchen table brainstorming about upcoming unit studies when she noticed my plan to present a “Pretty Potpourri” unit. “Do you really think you can spend three whole weeks on flowers, poetry, hospitality and manners?” she chortled. “Sure! Remember I've got all girls!” I replied. Debbie looked around the room at her six sons and mused, “Yes... I guess we'll do a unit on small engine repair!”

Accepting One Another If you hang around any support group long enough, you will discover that there are great differences of opinion on education and all the rest of life. Maybe your group has moms who are deeply committed to various teaching styles, such as structured text books, classical education, Charlotte Mason methods, unit studies, or unschooling. When you were a new home school mom, did it give you culture shock to meet women who birth their children at home, use medicinal herbs, and bake their own organic whole wheat bread? There also may be women with strongly held theological or moral convictions not shared by your family. Put them all together and how do they react? Do the die-hards also live love? Do you all learn from each other and show willingness to try something new? Is there a climate of acceptance and warm concern? My friend Debbie (the one with the six sons) moved away to a rural area and joined a church which is much more conservative than the one I attended. Since many of the families were new to home schooling, she invited me to drive up and present a workshop for them. Knowing that even my old-fashioned lifestyle might seem carnal to them, I felt


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extremely nervous about it. I dressed extra modestly and changed all of the Bible references in my handouts to the King James Version. Imagine my relief when these dear women greeted me warmly, listened enthusiastically, and thanked me profusely. Their welcoming spirit transcended their strong personal convictions about lifestyle. Be a welcomer! When a newcomer visits your group, go over and talk directly to her, look in her eyes (not over her shoulder at your buddies), put a gentle hand on her arm and tell her how glad you are that she has come. Introduce her to someone who has similar children or who lives near her. Then stand and chat for a while about her family. Get her name and phone number to invite her over for lunch or tell her about an upcoming field trip. Many support groups set aside time for small group discussion. During this time, in one special group, the new moms could meet with one or two veterans to ask rookie questions, get acquainted, and receive a packet of useful information. It can be such a delight to meet others who are starting along the same path. Welcoming newcomers in these ways is so vital. I know that women have quit home schooling (or at least been tempted to) because it seemed that the other moms in a support group were apathetic and unhelpful. Accepting one another also means resolving problems peacefully and quickly. If there is a conflict or misunderstanding between women in your circle of fellowship, it doesn't just affect them, but their families, mutual friends, and even strangers. We must be peacemakers, not side-takers. Gossip and slander must not find a listening ear. As the Apostle Paul exhorted in Philippians 4:2,3a:

―I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel...‖

Peeling Back the Mask

What if you are afraid of investing yourself in others or letting them see you as you are? I did not have many close friends when I was growing up, since I was viewed as a loud-mouth geek. As that image gradually softened over the years, the Lord graciously brought new friends alongside, but there is still a chunk inside my heart that feels unlovable, unworthy, and unattractive. I have known the pain of being betrayed in friendship, of finding myself outside the circle of those I thought had accepted me. The fear remains. If people really knew me, if they saw me in my unguarded moments, would they still like me? Are they just being polite? If you wrestle with thoughts like that, you are not alone! We are here! We are real! We labor with you, flawed as we are. It is well known that pastors' families shoulder a burden of stricter standards in the public eye, but it's the same for many home school families. We feel that we must fulfill certain expectations to be a good advertisement for home schooling. The literature of our home school subculture is full of worthy examples of piety and devotion. While we longingly read it, we must reluctantly admit that we are still human beings with human problems and oh-so-human children. We may wear a smiley mask in public, but our own families know what really goes on behind closed doors when frustration or fatigue sets in. I would love to preserve a spotless public reputation, but I am not perfect or even close to it. I disgust myself routinely. I feel like a hypocrite when The Accuser condemns me and tells me to give up. Thank you, God, that you are merciful and forgiving. Do not


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cast us aside in our foolishness! We are complex people, heir to the human pathos which has fueled writers, philosophers, artists, and theologians through the ages. We are not isolated or immune from our world of poverty, greed, ignorance, profanity, prejudice, and disease. We don't even understand ourselves. We do the things we don't want to do, and don't do the things we want to do. Becoming a Christian or wife or home school mom does not solve all our problems. In many ways it brings them into sharper focus. What we do with our problems is the big issue. Pride may tempt us to deny or hide them, even from ourselves, with a smoke screen of spiritual talk, but hypocrisy is no witness for Christ. At the other extreme, airing all our “dirty laundry” in public is not healthy for anyone either. We need a balance of reserve and transparency. While we shouldn't get overly explicit about our troubles, it is liberating to confess that life can be a zoo at our house, our children are not always excited about their lessons, and that Mommy occasionally explodes. We can say this and still affirm that home schooling is a precious blessing in the middle of chaos. Our credibility is intact because we are not hiding skeletons in our closet. Real people can relate to us. They can approach us with their own frailty and know that we comfort them from experience. Super Mom can leap over a mile-high mound of laundry, banish children's tears with a mere glance, and zip through grading papers faster than a speeding bullet. However, even with our fatigue and frustration, we have something better: the blessing of being Real Life Home School Moms. Our toil and trouble is mixed in with love, adventure, the freedom to be ourselves, and the comfort we share with other muddling mothers. If you have been holding back from investing yourself in other women, you are robbing yourself of one of the most profound blessings God has given us. Having true friends means taking the risk of being known intimately and loving unconditionally. For us home school moms, it means going beyond our four walls and pristine public images. In our emphasis on family autonomy and self-sufficiency, perhaps we forget that women need each other. We mothers must mother one another! As I have become more intensely involved in raising my family, I have had less time to spend with friends. Jesus had scores of followers and a dozen apostles, but only three close companions. Likewise, we can have many acquaintances, several good friends, but few very intimate relationships. I have also found that at various life stages (such as marriage, motherhood, the start of home schooling or when switching to a new church), I have had to shift my attention from old friends to newer friends who share our lifestyle. While we shouldn't just abandon our old friendships, this change is quite natural. As the ditty goes, “Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.” How I cherish the special friends I have made in the past several years! I rarely get a chance for a one-on-one visit anymore, but I’m glad I can pick up the phone for a chat. We share cries of pain, sighs of frustration and squeals of joy. I treasure their prayer, advice and understanding. A few of these women have the insight and courage to help me refocus when I get off track and to counsel me when I confess my sins. What a divine gift!

A Mentor for Mom

I believe home school moms need mentoring relationships with more mature or experienced moms who help them gain wisdom, vision, and knowledge. Susan Hunt explores this key concept in her book Spiritual Mothering, which a dear friend gave me for my birthday in my early years of home schooling. Over the years, this friend and I both


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grew in mentoring in different ways. She has helped to lead a home school support group on and off for many years, as well as speaking to groups, writing books, evaluating students and their portfolios, and organizing an annual literature conference. I have very few administrative skills, so I stick to writing constantly, speaking at her literature conference or support group meetings a few times a year, and occasionally meeting one-on-one with moms to help them get started or keep going in home schooling. I think mentoring is vital in the home school movement, where we are bound by common purpose and needs. Each of us can benefit from a few close friendships with both veterans and rookies to share needs, strengths, weaknesses, ideas, perspectives, and resources. The Apostle Paul surrounded himself with other believers at various levels of maturity. At the start, he was led and launched into ministry by Barnabas. He rubbed shoulders with Silas, with whom he had a rather wall-shattering songfest. He was like a father to young Timothy, guiding him into a ministry that would span generations. We too need mature sisters to lead us on, growing sisters to walk along side us, and seeking sisters to follow after us. Bringing people to maturity in Christ is the goal of both home schooling and mentoring. The concept of discipleship is uncomfortable to some. We have all heard of churches with very controlling authoritarian structures. When I advocate mentoring, I am not talking about manipulation, invasion of privacy, or a system of hierarchy. What we need is a reasonable level of openness and accountability which enables us to help each other discern potential or existing problems so we can find practical solutions. How do you get started in a personal mentoring relationship? Before you do anything else, pray! Ask God to show you what you need and trust him to provide it. In a letter to a home schooling friend in another state, I mentioned my longing for a local mentor -- someone with a big family of older girls and lots of experience in home schooling. This mother of six wrote back and gently reminded me that what I need first is a more Spirit-led relationship with Jesus. No mentor could fill all my expectations or yours. Go to the Lord first, then let him show you where he has provision for you in other people (Matthew 6:33). Get your husband's counsel on this issue too, since he is the God-given spiritual leader of your family. Next, think about what you are looking for. Do you need more help choosing curriculum, teaching a challenging child, or being patient and organized? Seek someone who is achieving those goals. The ideal mentor has godly character (Titus 2:3 and Proverbs 31) and bases her life and teaching on the solid foundation of Scripture. While she should have a good measure of successful experience as a home school mother, she certainly doesn't have to be perfect. In fact, she needs a strong dose of humility and vulnerability, because if she makes you think she's Super Mom and you know you aren't, you may lose hope. Your relationship should grow secure enough for her to gently and confidentially help you see areas for improvement (Proverbs 27:17 and Ephesians 4:15). She needs to be willing to share her life (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8), and available to spend time with you without overloading her schedule or sacrificing her family. It's a big plus if you are already in the same activities and groups. She should also share your convictions and it helps if she has a similar approach to home schooling and curriculum. If you can't think of any likely candidate, ask the leaders of your home school support group. (If they get enough requests for this, they may consider organizing a mentoring program.) When you do find someone that looks like a good match, simply ask her if she is interested. She may not be available right now, but she will still be honored that you thought of her and may refer you to someone better suited. Once you have found


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a mentor, discuss with her what you both expect to give and receive. No mom wants to feel under pressure to be perfect or to always be available at moment's notice. You might suggest, “Let's get together next Saturday for a few hours without the children so we can get to know each other better.” Then you might meet each other once a month (with or without children), touch base weekly on the phone and pray for one another daily. Occasionally your families could get together for a barbecue or whatever. This is where it is especially helpful if you attend the same church, home school support group or home group Bible study, since there will be natural opportunities for you to see each other. Veteran home school moms often have difficulty finding more experienced mentors. Unfortunately, some mega-veterans who would be qualified to fill this void feel that they don’t need a support group anymore because they are facing physics while the younger moms are all still talking about phonics. They might just be too busy to attend one more meeting. If nobody in your support group is able to give you much advice from “further down the road”-- you might have to seek one of these moms somewhere else. Even if they are too busy for regular support group involvement, they may still welcome the opportunity to fellowship with you one on one for mutual encouragement. If you are open to mentoring others, take initiative! Look for someone who needs a boost. If you are a veteran home school mom, you could lead the way for a mother with less experience. Even if you are a rookie, you could still take the hand of a preschool mom. You can be a vessel through which God can supply mercy and truth, so ask him to lead you into what could be one of your most important and fulfilling “outside” ministries. There is balance. Our God-given priority is still our own family. We can't spend the whole day socializing or letting others monopolize our attention. Empty chatter and gossip are worse than a waste of time and should be tactfully silenced. Often, a person who complains of endless problems needs to be exhorted to take responsibility for following through on the solutions. New home school moms are also likely to come to you for detailed advice on issues or curriculum for which there are already abundant resources. It's exciting to help them get started, but this can be very time consuming! After giving them some information over the phone, or inviting them to your “home campus” for an afternoon, you can refer them to a relevant book or prepare your own handout to answer the frequently asked questions. I also used to host small groups of prospective kindergarten moms in my home in the springtime. We would sit around my kitchen table, talk about what home schooling really is, share questions and ideas, and look at some of the educational materials on my shelves. This allowed me to help many moms at one time, and gave them the great opportunity to meet one another and find playmates for their children. Some of these kids are now teenagers! Where has the time gone? Whenever I talk to a new home school mom, I encourage her to join a local support group so she will have many “human resources” and perspectives. Much as it would feed my ego to think so, there is no way I could meet all their needs myself, even if I had all the time in the world. Many support groups host a home school orientation in the springtime, with tables manned by ladies experienced in the different major methods, plus plenty of catalogs to take home. At this orientation, moms can be encouraged to attend a state home school convention, so they can listen to the fantastic speakers and browse the book tables. One of our support group leaders often reminded me that we can’t spoon feed the newcomers every morsel of information. We have to equip them to dig into the feast themselves!


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Why the Church? I’ve noticed a lot of discussion (and debate) in home schooling circles about “the church” -- what it is and what it should be like. I know there are many home school families who are as cynical toward the organized church as they are to the public school system. In the past 30 years, due to family moves and other providential circumstances, I’ve had the privilege of membership in over a dozen congregations with slight to moderate variations from one another. Each one was manna to my soul in some way or another! As an avid student of theology, I care deeply about sound doctrine, but I’d rather be in an imperfect church than none at all. If I ever find the perfect church, I won’t attend it, because I wouldn’t want to ruin it! Yet we have also left churches because the problems were serious enough that we needed to find a healthier place to worship and grow together. I see this as a matter for serious prayer and contemplation. I think home school families face some unique challenges with the churches they attend. On one end of the spectrum, some churches seem apathetic or even antagonistic to the home schooling lifestyle, making you feel "weird" and old-fashioned. Or you might worry about worldliness of other kids or the wishy-washy doctrinal teaching within the youth program. This can certainly be a concern, because you have little control over what resources they choose to use, and the Emerging/Emergent church movement (which is quite often heretical) is making deep inroads in youth ministry programs within evangelical churches. I really appreciated one of our former churches, which highly encouraged and even expected parental participation in all youth meetings. We knew what our kids were learning and had the chance to follow up with them about it later. It also gave us the valuable opportunity to get to know and observe their friends, which was quite important to me. On the other hand, you might encounter a church where the home schooling lifestyle is firmly entrenched or even mandatory for those who are core members or leaders. Here the challenge is more of conformity and control. This sometimes escalates into the abuse of spiritual authority, especially in churches with roots in the shepherding movement of the 1970's. In a legalistic church, if your family doesn't fit in with what is expected, you may find yourself on the outer fringe, deemed second class citizens. Or, if you do fit in, you might be tempted toward elitist self-righteousness and make other people feel unwelcome. In some ultra conservative home schooling churches, there are rigid man-made standards for dress, worship style, entertainment, etc. Are people treated as pariahs if they don't toe the line? Will they be kicked out of the proverbial holy huddle? How will this rejection affect the children, especially the teens? Will this pull them toward outward conformity (accompanied by depression or anxiety when they can't measure up) or push them into overt resistance (often labeled rebellion by the overzealous) because they rightly discern that the standards are ridiculous? Either way, it is not likely to nurture them into a full and vibrant faith. They will see the lack of warmth and joy and be repelled. Can we then blame them for latching on to wild and crazy friends who at least accept them for who they are and know how to show them a fun time? Yes, churches need to have reasonable Biblical standards for behavior, but there also needs to be a whole lot of grace and exuberance for life that makes it all possible and worthwhile. Ask yourself, "How is my church affecting my level of joy, peace, and compassion? Am I drawn to worship God from the heart?"


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"The Lord says: ―These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is based on merely human rules they have been taught." Isaiah 29:13

Fortunately, church does not have to be an ordeal. There are plenty of normal, grace-filled, life-affirming churches to choose from. Don't give up your search! The most important reason for the church is that Christ himself established it. Yes, we automatically become part of the universal Church when we become part of Christ, since the Church is his Body. But there is also a need for faithful fellowship with other believers in your geographical area. Web boards, e-mail lists, and TV broadcasts may enhance our Christian growth, but they are no substitute for the living, breathing local church. A local church offers a diverse mix of backgrounds to broaden and deepen our spiritual lives. What a joy it is to walk into the auditorium each week and see people so different from me! “Every color, dark or light, they are precious in his sight!” Jesus is Lord, not just of white middle class Americans, but over every nation, every skin tone, every socio-economic status and educational level. This kind of healthy diversity builds respect for others into the lives of our children. There is no sense of us versus them but of being dear brothers and sisters in the Lord. I can learn from those who are further along in the Christian journey, while at the same time helping others along the path. A local church offers flesh-and-blood accountability. I know how easy it is to drift in the Christian life, even after decades in the faith. Having people personally looking out for my spiritual life is a vital safeguard for my faith. I’m not talking about an invasion of privacy here, just a valid concern that allows certain people to ask, “What is the Lord teaching you right now? Is there any way I can help you through your struggles?” If there is a disagreement, this is a valuable opportunity to be like iron that sharpens iron to one another. If I get off balance, my brothers and sisters can bring me back to reality again. Most likely, I’ll even be prevented from getting to that place because I am hearing the whole counsel of Scripture wherever I turn in the church!

A local church offers in-depth teaching and corporate worship. The good pastor invests hours of his time to prepare his message each week. He wants build his flock through the public preaching of Scripture rather than amuse them and make a name for himself. Likewise, the musicians work hard so we can lift our own hearts in praise to God. Rather than find all the reasons why we didn’t like the sermon or the music, do we take the time to express our sincere appreciation to those who so faithfully serve us? What a responsibility! A local church offers a place for adults and children to develop and exercise spiritual gifts and works of service. The preacher can’t do everything by himself! Each member must do his or her own part, though mommies with little children must certainly be careful not to overdo. It is especially encouraging to see young people being mentored into church life by serving on the worship team, reading the passage at a Bible study, scrubbing floors, collecting the offering, tutoring students, serving meals, or watching out for the wee ones at a church function. This is such a practical part of their training into maturity.


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A local church can choose to offer educational opportunities to round out what we are trying to do at home. Our former church offers a lot of support for home schooling, through tutoring classes in high school math and science, free enrichment classes for all ages, support meetings and workshops for dads and moms, and used curriculum sales. A local church supports missionaries in other lands. Part of a church’s budget is usually set aside to extend the gospel around the world through financially sponsoring missionaries. Many churches send members on short term overseas outreach trips, including whole teams of teens and young adults. Yes, your local church can be one of your most important support networks in home schooling! What can you do to serve and grow?

~ * ~

As a part of the body of Christ, you are connected with your Christian sisters and brothers. As a home school mom, you are connected with others who are investing in their children's education. We all need a strong network of give-and-take relationships, so take the effort to invest your life in others beyond your home. Get involved in a local church and a home school support group. Find a mentor. Be a mentor! We all need somebody to lean on!


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BUILDING THE FAMILY HOME

One of the beauties of the home school movement is the emphasis placed on family autonomy and vision. We have taken back some of the privileges which society has relegated to institutions, and insist on the right to direct our own children in the nurture of a Christian home. Though each family has its own set of convictions, preferences, and ministries, we can unite around a common goal of raising children who will change the world for Christ. Amid these noble goals, it is often quite discouraging to see the difference between our visions and the cold hard realities of family life. Picture this scenario: It is 5:30 PM and you are trying to fix dinner when the preschooler dumps a box of eggs on the floor. The baby is shrieking in the crib, school books and crayons are jumbled on the table, and two children are tussling over a pile of toys near the front door. The phone rings; it is someone trying to sell aluminum siding. As you try to convince the telemarketer that you have a brick house, your husband walks through the door. He is home early from work, shoulders sagging. His eyes scan the rubble for signs of adult life. You hastily hang up the phone and peer around the corner of the kitchen doorway. What is your conversation going to sound like? At times like these, we need to go back to Scripture and catch the vision again. Colossians 3:14-21 is bursting with encouragement.

―Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.‖

Though this passage doesn't specifically mention families until the end, it is full of wisdom for us as we work to build a team spirit in our homes. Family unity is one of the main goals which propels us into home schooling in the first place. Family conflict is also the one thing that will pull apart a home school faster than anything else. The HOME (the family environment of love) is the most important thing in the home school. Please take the time to read the passage again before you go any farther. Meditate on God's word. Allow it to fill your heart and mind. This is just a tiny sample of the Bible's instructions for family life, but I am deeply convicted when I read it. Please know that our family is still working on all of the


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principles in this chapter. As human nature has it, in the heat of the moment we forget what works and what doesn't. Then we have to pick ourselves back up, offer our heartfelt apologies, and keep trying. Nevertheless, our failure does not negate the principles. To the extent that we follow God's ways, we have success. Therefore, I commend these thoughts to you, not based on “having it all together,” but instead on the sure foundation of God's Word. Before I get further into this chapter, I would also like to recommend a great book: For the Family‘s Sake: The Value of Home in Everyone‘s Life, by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. It is a very thoughtful book on family life, with an emphasis on building warm, nurturing, “good enough” families. Gary Thomas’s books Sacred Parenting and Devotions for Sacred Parenting are also very helpful to me. Bitterness, blaming, complaining, and discouragement tear down family unity, yet God has graciously provided for us the remedies of kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, gratitude, etc. What a difference! What is it going to take to make this a reality in our families? We have all tried to do “better” at loving our families, yet we still fall flat on our faces! The key is Jesus Christ living and working in us, beyond our puny efforts. Little by little, bit by bit, persevering and pressing on in the midst of failure, we will eventually triumph by his grace. If our home is to stand strong, it will be on the foundation of Christ as we build up the four walls of communication, consideration, cooperation, and commitment. The roof, which is “over all,” is the compassion we have for one another.

Communication: Cultivating Graciousness

Learning to communicate effectively and graciously is not just a change of speech habits, but an attitude shift which first comes from within your heart and then flows out from your mouth (see Matthew 12:34,35). Your thoughts and feelings are reflected by your words, tone of voice, and body language. Do your husband and children sense that you are delighted to see them when they walk in the room? Do you acknowledge their presence with a smile and a warm greeting? Do your nicknames for each other affirm each person's worth, rather than degrade it? What is the general atmosphere around your home? Do you seek to see your children as blessings rather than burdens (Psalm 127 and 128)? One of the quickest ways to improve the emotional atmosphere is to make a habit of speaking in a soft, cheerful voice. Proverbs 15:1 tells us, ―A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.‖ It is tempting to use yelling to gain momentary action, but it is unproductive in the long-run. James 1:19,20 reminds us that, ―Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.‖ Choose to affirm and exhort your family, rather than blame or accuse. When something annoying or inconvenient happens, emphasize the need to solve the problem instead of arguing over whose fault it is. Motivate with sincere encouragement, not guilt trips. If someone needs correction, focus on the specific positive effort or result that you want to encourage more than the negative habit that you want to eliminate. For example, you might say, “Please try to write that more neatly and stay within the lines,” instead of, “You are such a sloppy writer!” If we seek redeemed communication, we must deal quite firmly with the words that fly around in our homes. The Scriptural standard is to speak the truth in love, saying only what is edifying for building others up (see all of Ephesians 4). Make your children aware


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that contemptuous or profane phrases are totally unacceptable in your family. By your example and instruction, teach your children to cheerfully use phrases like:

♥ “Thank you!” ♥ “May I please _________?” ♥ “You are welcome!” ♥ “Would you like some _________? ♥ “May I help you?” ♥ “I'm sorry! I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” ♥ “Yes sir, I'll do that right away.” ♥ “Excuse me!” ♥ “That was a good idea!” ♥ “You did a good job!” ♥ “I love you!”

Humility is absolutely vital to Christian family communication. Think about what prompted the Lord to confuse the language of the nations. Wasn't it the arrogance at the tower of Babel? Even today, if our pride has made us stiff toward others, we won't be able to hear them and they won't want to talk to us anyway! Humility is what bridges the gap and lets us speak the universal language of love. Closely related to this, gratitude is another hallmark of gracious conversation. As each one does something to help, thank them! Be quick to praise a child who has been particularly polite, patient, or thoughtful. Watch their eyes light up when they realize that someone has really noticed! It serves us all better if they get attention for doing right, not just for acting up. And what glory when we hear them affirming one another! Many times our husbands or children will complain that we aren't listening to them. They tell a joke or show us something interesting and we brush them off with, “That's nice, dear!” before we turn our attention back to our own business. If a family member wants to discuss something, we might mumble “yeah” or “uh huh” after every few phrases. Sisters, this won't build up our husbands and children into lovers and thinkers! If you have a hard time listening to them in the course of conversation, learn to ask progressively in-depth questions about a topic that they enjoy. Forget about using this as a gimmick. You really must pay attention and get involved in the conversation. A private conversation, away from the prying ears of others, can often open up lines of communication. When I run errands, I sometimes take just one of my children along. This offers an opportunity for more intimate sharing. We can air our concerns, discuss an issue or just make small talk. They feel a special closeness, and so do I! And finally, communication is not just a matter of exchanging pragmatic daily details. We must also pass down our heritage to the next generation. Our children love to hear stories of our childhood adventures, of how we came to faith in Christ, faced disappointments, suffered from our foolishness, and overcame challenges. A picture is worth a thousand words, so our photo albums are priceless! The children are also thrilled with the sagas of our ancestors: the premature birth at home during an Iowa blizzard, the French Huguenots who immigrated to the New World, the Revolutionary War captain who died in the Wyoming Massacre, the great-grandmother who raised her younger siblings on a primitive island in the Bahamas. They learn about God's providence and our precious family values through the legacy of storytelling.


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Consideration: Living with Understanding

To truly love someone, we must understand them. This can be hard at times, because all people can act irrationally at the most inconvenient moments. But it is worth the effort and we do have help. God, who loves us infinitely, knows each of us intimately. He can give us insight into our husbands and children as we consider them and think about who they are:

♥ in-born personality style and spiritual gifts ♥ interests, desires, and aptitudes ♥ learning styles and modes ♥ attention spans ♥ fears, insecurities, weaknesses, and “chinks in the armor” ♥ body rhythms which affect moods and capabilities ♥ academic skill and comprehension levels ♥ physical maturity ♥ attitudes and relationships with siblings ♥ needs for friendship ♥ spiritual growth in the Lord

I believe there is great value in discerning what makes your family tick. Your son, daughter, or husband may be wired with a different personality style than you. Each one is a unique creation, hand-picked by God to fit into your family for your benefit. As a microcosm of the church, each Christian family is a body of believers, ala 1 Corinthians 12 and Romans 12. Some family members have the gift of being go-getters who love to take charge and get the ball rolling. Others are filled with quiet mercy and a servant heart to see and meet personal needs. One may be a creative idea-factory, always coming up with a lively new twist on the situation. Still another is an administrator, thoroughly handling the fine print of life. Sensitive parents can use these talents and tendencies to motivate their children in schoolwork and relationships. Don't forget your husband! It took me ten years of marriage to realize that my husband Thad functions best in an ordered atmosphere. In fact, it's not just his preference, but his prerequisite for productivity. For the longest time, his heartfelt pleas to “get things organized” came across as nagging, and his attempts to do it for us seemed like interference. However, Thad is good at it! He is the one who pays attention to the tiny details that would otherwise trip us up. I may be the creative engine of the family, but my husband is the conductor who keeps us on track. We are balanced, as long as we appreciate where the other one is gifted to compensate for our lack. However, I can't just say, “It's his gift, so let him do all the organizing.” He is genuinely too busy, so I must do my part with a whole heart. I have also discovered that growing children need privacy and freedom to be themselves without too much prying. They need a place to put their treasures, practice their organizational skills, arrange things to suit their own style, and entertain guests. They need time to read, think, tinker, and create. Family loyalty aside, being cooped up with a bunch of siblings for hours on end can be unbearable! Even if your children share bedrooms, as ours do, try to set aside a little personal haven for each one.


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Another facet of consideration is to be sensitive to our children's emotional and social needs, so that they can enjoy being home instead of in a classroom setting. Though we should be selective and keep things in balance, our children need buddies just like we do! When my daughter Mary (then age nine) repeatedly expressed her need for personal friendship with another Christian girl her own age, I started scanning the list of families in our home school group. I found a like-minded family with girls the same ages as Mary and Julia, plus three younger boys. The children had similar interests and cherished every visit, phone call, and sleepover. I enjoyed spending time with their mother Leah, too! The friendship between Mary and Katie has been a lifelong one. In high school, they chose to go to the same group classes, and now as young adults, they still get together, and they were bridesmaids in each other's weddings. The circle of friendship also grew to include several other girls. Since I felt it was important to provide my girls with a quality opportunity for socialization, I initiated a monthly mother/daughter tea for the 9-12 year old girls in our support group. We called it Rubies and Roses, because the moms are the rubies and the girls are the roses. It was a smashing success. The key ingredients were yummy snacks (potluck style), an easy craft, a show and tell (bring an item or share a talent), and lots of great conversation. We met in a different home each month, which gave each girl a chance to practice hospitality. The second year, the group was split up so that the middle school girls had a Jewels for Jesus club, and the third through fifth graders had Rubies and Roses. Each hostess could either plan a tea or a special event such as ice skating, talent show, service project or other low cost activity. This was such a great way to meet the “socialization” need of our children! Consideration really boils down to thinking of the needs of others before our own, or as Romans 12:10 says, ―Honor one another above yourselves.‖ Even little touches of thoughtfulness are meaningful, and your own example grants much mileage to your training attempts. Make yourself available when they need help. Smile. Write love notes and tuck them under pillows or into Dad's lunch. Kiss the boo-boo, even when you are busy. Notice the facial expression or body language that says there's a hurt on the inside. Give lots of hugs, kisses and back rubs. Watch the card trick that your son wants to show you. Find a little favor you can do for your husband or child that will communicate: “You are special!” Can you fix a favorite recipe or display one of their favorite items? You can also encourage your children to look around to meet the needs of others through compassionate and willing service. The home is the ideal place to practice this, especially with older children helping the little ones and setting a mature example. The home atmosphere can be transformed by such small courtesies and attitudes as helping each other with chores, tutoring younger siblings with troublesome skills, and staying quiet during nap times and school.

Cooperation: Living in Harmony

Cooperation between family members is both vertical and horizontal: parents and children, Mom and Dad with each other (discussed in next chapter), and children with children. What about getting our children to cooperate with us? When I was 17, the Lord convicted me of passive defiance toward my parents. I was a good Christian girl who didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, or run around with boys. However, I didn't follow instructions and could always think up several reasons why I shouldn't. When I confessed this sassy


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attitude toward my parents, they felt the freedom to lead me in new and exciting paths, and were more open to attending church with me. My fervent prayer is that all of our children will learn willing submission much earlier than I did. Obedience does not come naturally. We must teach and train our children what is right, and then keep following up with them to make progress. Sometimes we think that obedience is merely a matter of complying with a set of rules, but true obedience is from the heart. Like the story goes, a child can be sitting down on the outside, but standing up on the inside! That kind of obedience is always strained, and only practiced when you have your eyes on them. One cause of conflict between parents and children is rules. Home school parents are famous for setting standards for their families. After all, we want nothing but the best for our precious ones! Reasonable rules are certainly a component of family life, but as I think through how we develop these, a few important principles come to mind. Our family’s standards and rules should be fair and reasonable, not arbitrary or picky. We shouldn’t make a rule just because other families do it. We don’t want to be self-righteous, pretending that we have perfect knowledge and obedience. Eventually, people would see the many flaws beyond our masks -- the same faults our children see in us every day. So in all things, we want to be wise and humble, depending on God for both guidance and strength to do what is right. There are four principles I think we can use when setting sensible standards for our families. As our children understand them, they are more likely to want to cooperate.

♥ The Test of Truth: For a Christian, the absolute standard is the Bible. The Scriptures are quite clear on crucial issues, and give plenty of general principles to guide us through the gray areas. We shouldn’t have to agonize about whether it’s OK to get drunk, cheat on tests or taxes or spouses, etc. (See 2 Timothy 3:16-17.)

♥ The Law of Love: The whole law of God is summed up in the command to “love

one another.” (See Matthew 22:334-40.) Will our choice help other people or hurt them? We teach our children to “do to others as you would have them do to you.” We don’t want our children to call each other nasty names because it violates the law of love. Similarly, we don’t take what belongs to others or punch people in the nose. We want our teens to come in at a reasonable hour at night so Dad can go to bed and get some sleep. It all boils down to loving others! Read 1 Corinthians 13!

♥ Sensible Stewardship: We must faithfully use and care for the many resources

which God has given us, and neither squander nor destroy them. These include our time, money, possessions, health, energy, intellect, talents, moral purity, relationships, the environment, and much more. (See Matthew 25:14-30.) If I restrict TV viewing, I am preserving our time, intellect, and moral purity. If I don’t let anyone take food and art supplies into the living room, I am trying to extend the life of our furniture and carpet. If I warn them against the dangers of smoking, I am guarding their health. If I insist that we take our recyclable garbage out to the garage instead of tossing them in the kitchen trash, we are conserving the earth’s resources.


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♥ Winsome Witness: How will this affect my ability to be a positive influence on others? I’m not advocating the “what will the neighbors think?” kind of fear that provokes many picky rules. But, we should honestly evaluate whether our choices will cause others to stumble on their journey of faith. That may mean we do some things in private or keep our opinions to ourselves. (Look up Romans 14.) This will also mean that we need to keep our front yard looking neat and tidy. The children have to put their bikes and roller blades away when they are done. And it means that we keep complete school records for our annual evaluations. We want to be a good testimony for our chosen lifestyle!

Once you have communicated your standards clearly to your children, you need to

enforce them! While the eventual goal should be that they follow your instructions quickly and without complaint the first time they are given, this can be a long process requiring much patience and understanding for their maturity level and the circumstances of the moment. If they are highly distracted or excited or upset, or they are still quite young, they may need a little extra grace and transition time, with calm explanations of what you expect them to do. Sometimes in our van, just before we arrive at an activity, we rehearse the kind of good behavior that we expect there, noting any special challenges such as a safety consideration. Whatever you do, don't get in the habit of yelling, nagging, or flailing your arms to capture attention. Not only is it a hard rut to break out of, but it's a highly contagious disease! (Yes, I know about this from firsthand experience. We're still working on this. This mommy needs more training time to learn consistent calmness and dignity!) Keep in mind that your children are not properly cooperating if they talk back, stamp their feet, glare, dawdle, roll their eyes, slam doors, or show other signs of disrespect -- even if they do follow the "letter of the law" in carrying out what you have told them to do. I often remind my children that the instructions I give them are really simple to understand and obey. They just need to choose to follow them with a reasonably good attitude! However, I also need to remember that they are human. There will be times when they choose to disobey repeatedly, for whatever reason. I have to guard against getting angry with them for showing up my inability to "control" them. This can turn into a huge power struggle where I feel like I have to make them obey in order to save face and look like a good home school mom. That can lead to a really strained relationship based on performance rather than grace. On the one hand, I don't want them to try to manipulate me so that I don't dare give them more instructions in the future, but by the same token, I don't want a situation to escalate to the point that one of us does or says something we will later regret. Some problems should be prevented, rather than just corrected in hindsight. If you analyze the trouble spots in your home, you might notice that children tend to misbehave when they are unsupervised or bored. When you are trying to get housework done, complete a personal project or teach the others, one child is begging for something fun to do! If you brush him off, he might go find something foolish to do. Plan ahead. Help your child make a list of things he can do and keep supplies and equipment handy so he can help himself and put things away when he is done. Or kill two birds with one stone and find a way to include him in your housework. Many children don't mind folding laundry or working in the kitchen with Mom if they can have a friendly chat, verbal game, or fun music at the same time. You can also let natural and logical consequences pack their own punch. If a child


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leaves her toys out in the rain and they get ruined, this natural consequence is its own “punishment.” Logical consequences are initiated by the parent but still closely related to the “crime.” If a child “forgets” to do his math, he might miss out on a family activity until it is done. If he carelessly damages school materials, he might have to pay for replacing them. Logical consequences can be dealt out matter-of-factly without using sarcasm or lecturing about how it "serves them right." And they should be able to see how you have to live with natural or logical consequences to your own actions. It is a normal part of life. We all want our children to get along with each other. ―How good and how pleasant it is when brethren live together in unity,‖ says Psalm 133:1. Unfortunately, our children bicker just like most children and this can be so discouraging! The little ones fight over teddy bears, Lego's, and Mom's lap. The big ones argue over the computer, the bathroom, and Mom's ears! And while we are supposed to be “building family unity” with home schooling, we have yet to completely kick the habits of name calling, teasing, pestering, and making unpleasant faces - even though we have a pretty sign on the living wall that proclaims, "Love is spoken here." At this point, that is more wishful thinking and a reminder. I must encourage myself constantly with the fact that they play (and sometimes work) pleasantly together for long stretches of time that are merely punctuated with conflict, loud and unpleasant as it is. During their quiet moments, they chat amiably, share secrets and goodies, and plan projects. This reminds me of my childhood relationship with my sister, who is my dear friend now that we are grown up. How much more pleasant our young years would have been with a little more compassion and consideration, and how much sweeter my life would be now if my own girls would just catch the vision of harmony! So what are we supposed to do with children who refuse to get along? The rude words are just a symptom of hostile attitudes. It boils down to a lack of love, which needs to be addressed as a spiritual problem first. When I see a problem spring up between my children, the first thing I ask is, “Were you being loving and kind?” and then, “What has God called you to do? Are you going to do things God’s way and be blessed, or try to get your own way and be miserable?” I encourage my children to reconcile quickly and completely when they have offended each other, and not just mumble or growl “SORRY!” just because I am standing there with my hands on hips. A proper apology has at least three elements: taking responsibility (“I was wrong”), expressing remorse (“I am sorry”) and seeking peace (“Please forgive me”). After the other child has affirmed forgiveness, I like to see them give each other a hug or at least a cordial handshake, but in all reality, sometimes the most prudent course of action is to banish them to opposite ends of the house until they really cool off and keep a close ear out for aftershocks. We must also concentrate on building positive experiences between brothers and sisters. Let them work near each other at activities that are less likely to flare up into confrontation and then graduate to projects which require true teamwork. One day, many years ago, my two older daughters were having a sharp disagreement over makeshift costumes for a skit. Finally, I ordered them to drop the quarrel and go do something else. The next thing I knew, they were outside weeding our neglected experimental vegetable garden. This was an opportunity to work alongside each other without having to battle about decisions. Now who said that home schooled children lack opportunities to learn socialization skills?


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As parents, we also need to “pull weeds” at the points of specific conflict and ask ourselves, “What can we do about this situation?” Here are a few common problems and possible solutions:

A younger sibling keeps getting into an older child's things.

♥ Train young children not to do this. ♥ Provide private spots to store personal possessions. ♥ Encourage the older child to not be quite so possessive!

A child is frustrated at not “ever” winning in games between siblings.

♥ Encourage your children to be good sports. ♥ Remove a child from a game if he refuses to cooperate. ♥ Choose an easy game or an adaptation of current game.

Two children want to use the same items at the same time.

♥ Take turns by time period. ♥ Buy extras of commonly used items like colored pencils. ♥ If the arguments persist, consider confiscating the items until

they learn to share.

Children complain of unfair chore assignments.

♥ Evaluate the assignments to see if they are fair. ♥ Clarify what you expect for each job. ♥ Rotate tasks between children or encourage teamwork.

One child feels that another one is the favorite.

♥ Figure out if this is true! ♥ Affirm and show affection for each child. ♥ Avoid unhelpful comparisons.

Children tease each other about skill levels and talents.

♥ Ask your children to appreciate and affirm each other’s individual gifts and talents. Describe how each is a benefit to the entire family.

♥ Talk about whether or not this speech is loving and kind.

A child pesters for attention by name calling, mimicking or making faces.

♥ Give positive attention to this child. He may be feeling neglected or left out.

♥ Teach the offended sibling to tune out the behavior. Ignoring it might eliminate the motivation.

♥ Correct persistent offenses with rebuke or punishment.

A child is cranky and taking it out on others.

♥ Ask your child what is bothering him and see if you can work it through together.

♥ If your child is tired, it may be time for a nap, or at least some alone time in a quiet room.

Children are having a conflict over which group activity to choose or who goes first.

♥ Let your children take turns choosing, either by the event or for a whole day.

♥ Better yet, teach the Christian virtue of “giving preference” to one another. We are trying to teach them to be unselfish, aren’t we?

A child tattles with the intent of getting someone else in trouble rather than solving the problem. They play the victim to get sympathy or advantage.

♥ Teach children to independently solve conflicts, and to “suck it up” when the offense is minor. Supervise playtime closely if a fight is likely.

♥ Listen to both sides of the story. Both children might be wrong. Insist that the child tells you what he did wrong before he tells you what his sibling did wrong. This is called “telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

♥ Clarify which problem situations need report to parents. ♥ Address the attitude with which the child presents evidence

against a sibling. If they are trying to get the other in trouble, this displays a lack of love. An unmerciful attitude is grounds for punishment.


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What about physical chastisement? I believe, based on Biblical admonition, that there are times that Christian parents can choose to use limited physical chastisement for cases of open rebellion and intentional disobedience (see Proverbs 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 29:15 and Hebrews 12:5-11). However, problems can occur when we lash out in anger or fail to bring proper closure with forgiveness and reconciliation. Children notice our attitude even more than the temporary pain. Genuine concern, not hostility, should be the motivating force in our discipline. Responsiveness, not knee-jerk reaction, should be the rule of the day. Our relationships with our home schooled children will either bring us hours of joy or hours of grief every day and will profoundly affect our ability to teach academics. I am also convicted by the Lord that I need to spend at least as much time praying for each of my children as I do correcting them! A word about child abuse: I can't write about physical chastisement without tucking in a cautionary word about abuse. In February 2010, a young girl adopted from another country into a home schooling family died as a result of her parents attempting to "discipline" her until she would fully comply with their wishes. Her “offense” was that she mispronounced a word during her home school lesson and then showed some resistance to being corrected. She was beaten for hours with a plumbing supply line until her tissues broke down and poisoned her bloodstream. Another brother and sister had significant injuries as well. I was heartsick when I read about that, especially since I had been tracking news stories in the home school community for years, and these deaths are not the only ones. In fact, a mother I once interviewed for my home school e-magazine was later convicted of murder in the abuse death of a child. Many horrible abuses that don’t happen to result in death are never even reported. Much of this is the result of very misguided or overwhelmed parents trying to implement “Biblical” discipline in their homes. This is not Biblical discipline and it must stop, even if a man sells a half a million books in the home schooling community proclaiming that this is the godly way "to train up a child!" As compassionate Christians and as a home schooling community, we must have zero tolerance for abusive parenting. On a smaller scale, this is tragic for the individual precious children that God has entrusted to us to raise with love and kindness. On a larger scale, if we seriously want to preserve the abundant liberties we enjoy as home schooling families, we're going to have to make sure that our movement is not characterized by such aberrant behavior. We need to start speaking out and educating one another about healthy family dynamics and child discipline. I am not railing against reasonable corporal discipline, nor should we overreact to an occasional minor accidental injury related to this, but we do need to take a stand when we see any of these warning signs:

Parental action which results in bruising, bleeding, welts, burns, fractures, dislocations, or other injuries (I don't consider very temporary minor reddening of the skin to be a concern)

Parents who neglect to seek appropriate medical care for an injury out of fear of being accused of abuse

Parents who withhold proper food, sleep, hygiene, or emotional nurture from the child as a form of punishment

Parents who force their children to have unnatural contact with urine, feces, or other unhygienic situations


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Parents who lock their children up in a room for extended periods of time (I'm not talking about reasonable "time out")

Parents who are “out of control” in their anger or who are more interested in punishment and retribution than in compassionately training their child

Parents who routinely resort to extended yelling, shaming, ridiculing, harsh accusation, and other forms of verbal and emotional abuse -- which are not only bad enough by themselves, but can be (but not necessarily) a signal of physical abuse

Parents who publicly advocate using discipline methods which seem abusive or excessively harsh, even if they are taught as being “biblical” or “godly”

Children who are cowering in fear from their parents, or who are unusually withdrawn, depressed, or aggressive

This may be you! If so, stop now and get help! Your child’s safety and emotional well-being is far more important than your reputation. Do we want to train our children that it’s OK for Mom and Dad to be violent bullies in the name of Jesus? How can we ever teach them self-control if we aren’t setting the example? Things can get better! Things must get better! Perhaps it is your husband who is doing this. You may think that it would be unsubmissive to intervene in a “discipline” situation because your husband is supposed to be the spiritual leader of the home, or because if you were being a "better mom" your kids wouldn't behave badly enough for him to get that upset. Sorry ladies, but these excuses just don't fly. In Acts 5, Sapphira was punished just as harshly as her husband Ananias because she went along with his deceit and tried to cover for him. So you don't get off the hook for your responsibilities just because you are "submitting" to your husband. If your husband is out of control to the point of abusing your children, you have the moral and legal obligation to do whatever you can to put an end to this behavior. If that means you need to physically restrain your husband and/or take your children to a safe place until he calms down, then do it. If this is a pattern and your children are in continued danger, you need to get outside help. Call a trusted friend, your pastor (unless he condones or ignores abusive discipline), a professional counselor, and/or your community’s family crisis center -- and keep going until you get the real help you need. While we are on the topic of inappropriate parenting, I’d like to say a few things about over-authoritarian control in the Christian home schooling movement. I know most of us are investing so much time and effort because we want our kids to turn out to be fine, upstanding young adults. We don’t want them to make the same mistakes we did. We want to keep them out of harm’s way. We don’t want them to “fall into sin.” Fair enough! But I think we need to take a serious look at how we view our children and how we train them. (I am reevaluating this, too!) I think some among us have become control freaks with our kids. We need to realize that we aren’t God, we don’t own our children, and we don’t need to dictate every last little detail of their lives or isolate them from all outside influences, especially as they move into the teen years. We don’t need to use ridicule or guilt-trips to get them to behave according to our expectations. Yes, we need to teach them as best we can, be wise "gatekeepers" over the influences in our homes, and certainly set a wholesome example -- but most of all we need to pray for them and trust God, who loves them so much more than we ever could. We need to listen to our kids and not try to shut them down whenever they express disagreements. They should have the freedom to share whatever is on their hearts (hopefully in a respectful

http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=acts+5%3A1-11


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manner!) without fear that we will react in shock, disapproval or rejection. We need to seek to inspire our children into such a warm relationship with their Heavenly Father that they will increasingly learn for themselves how to hear and follow his voice. Home schooling should not be the means to unduly limit our children’s options in life, but to launch them into the Grand Adventure (risks and all!) which our loving Lord has planned for them!

Commitment: Sticking Together with a Passion

Commitment is a pledge not only to stick together, but to cherish one another! It's not just gritting your teeth because you have to, but grinning because you choose to. It's not just co-existing in the same house, but actively building relationships. Commitment says, “You belong to me and you are important to me, so I choose to invest my time, energy, and emotions in you.” In the “love chapter,” 1 Corinthians 13, commitment is reflected as it ―keeps no record of wrongs‖ and ―always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.‖ Commitment compels us to forgive family members who cause us irritation, inconvenience, or utter embarrassment. We don't have the “luxury” of nursing a grudge or giving up on them, because they aren't expendable. When it seems that a relationship with our husband or child is drifting toward apathy or alienation, our commitment leads us to tenderly but doggedly pursue and renew. Even after our prodigal children squander our emotional reserves, commitment allows us to welcome them again with open arms. If we are committed to our family, we will be loyal to each one. What an old-fashioned word! When we are gabbing on the phone with our fellow home school moms, isn't it easy to gripe about everything our family members have done to us? When our children overhear us recounting every last bit of their mischief or our frustration in raising them, what does that say except that we are willing to sell out their budding reputation for a morsel of sympathy? Worse yet, it sends the message that we think they are burdens instead of blessings from God. I'm not saying we should never tell others about rough family times, but we must be discrete and guard against a complaining spirit. Our intimacy in the family makes us all vulnerable. If we want our husbands and children to trust us with private thoughts, we must remember that “loose lips sink ships.” Children need to learn this too. It's a cruel world out there, so brothers and sisters have got to stick together on the family team. Commitment is also found on its knees in prevailing prayer. Sometimes I just can't scale the wall or ram the gates to get through to a resistant or bitter loved one. The Lord knows the way through the labyrinth into the inner sanctum of every heart. My prayers, carried by God's ministering Holy Spirit, can enter in and gain an audience where my words or deeds could not. Finally, commitment demands lots and lots of time! Home schooling certainly requires moms to spend “quantity time” teaching, disciplining, reminding, feeding, wiping, etc. Tucked in amidst all of the basic care and daily duties are little pockets of meaningful moments: a hearty laugh, tender cuddle, captivating joint project, or eye-opening conversation. Much of our “quality time” as moms is interspersed throughout the day like this, but what about the dads, who aren't around as much? When they come home, there is still a pile of tasks for them to complete. We need to guard their “spare” time from excess chores and meetings so they are free to enjoy family activities. As parents, we must make


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distinct choices about what is important rather than coasting with whatever is convenient. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but one day when I was seven years old, our TV mysteriously broke. We could no longer spend several hours a day watching sit-coms and cartoons, and thus it remained for six more years. My parents wisely broke the addiction that stifled our creativity and growth. Soon we realized that the worlds of music, art, literature, and gardening were more exciting and productive than Gilligan's Island and The Brady Bunch. My brother and sister and I all ended up with a lifetime love of learning. Many of the skills we pursued in our TV-free childhood days have served us well as adults. I fondly recall the many hours spent with my sister, reading side by side, designing our dream houses, writing zany stories, and going to Saturday morning music theory classes at the conservatory. My brother helped me with the piano. Mom and Dad took us to concerts and ethnic restaurants, and we never missed a school musical with John on the trombone or keyboards, or Barb at the cello. Dad later taught me computer programming and prepared me with a job skill that paid my way through college. As a family, we had become unplugged, but not unglued. In our own household, we haven't totally gotten rid of our TV. We enjoy educational videos, some PBS, and occasionally the evening news. Putting limits on time is always a challenge! We occasionally put the TV in storage for a few months when it has consistently gotten out of hand. You can also buy a set with a “parental control” feature so you can block out TV access for hours at a time or filter offensive content. Families need regular hours for the 3Rs of recreation, relaxation and rejoicing with one another to affirm their commitment. Why not try a few of these TV-free activities?

♥ Read aloud a chapter from a long book or choose short picture books. ♥ Write appreciative notes to relatives, missionaries, shut-ins, or each other. ♥ Produce an annual family newsletter. ♥ Write and illustrate your own books. ♥ Play thinking games, like chess, 20 questions, or Scrabble. ♥ Design your own game! ♥ Try sign language, Braille, or Morse code. Take a blindfold walk. ♥ Have an art contest or draw self-portraits. ♥ Bake cookies and deliver them to someone who needs a lift. ♥ Walk around your neighborhood and chat with whoever you meet. ♥ Take a nature walk and make collages with your specimens. ♥ Work together on a special household or garden project. ♥ Have family worship time with songs, prayer, story, and craft. ♥ Look at photo albums, show slides, or listen to old records. ♥ Tell stories of when Mom and Dad were young. ♥ Put on a talent show or dress up for skits. Make sure the camera is ready! ♥ Let the children try the old guitar or clarinet. ♥ Have a family discussion about topics like where to go on vacation. ♥ Go to a concert, play, art museum, or zoo.


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Compassion: Love in Action And finally, the roof of the house! Compassion is where it’s at! Love is the most important commandment. If we are teaching our children oodles of other things, but fail to teach them how to love, then we have failed!

―And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect

unity.” Colossians 3:14

―If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:2

―Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.‖ 1 John 2:10-11

―Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

1 John 3:18

―All men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” John 13:35

This is what the rubber meets the road, dear moms. You can lay aside the academic

assignments when you must, but make love the number one lesson. Home is where it starts. Home is the ideal training ground, the boot camp of life, the laboratory of working it out until we get it right. Sometimes it’s easy to be “nice” to others outside our homes, because we don’t have to live with them, and because we want them to have a good impression of us. But if we can learn to love at home, we are truly successful. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t experience this yet. Just keeping working at it in the grace of God. Compassion for others wraps up the whole bundle of good things that God does in us! It is the one proof to the world that we live in him, and he in us. If you have chosen to home school in order to empower your children for Christian leadership, then their education will not be complete without learning, through your compassionate example and God's grace, how to love. I'd like to share with you some notes about compassion that I did for a presentation called "Amazing Grace for Home School Moms."


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"Tender Compassion"

Tenderness is a special character quality for mothers, but it comes from God. He leads us with gentleness so that we can lead our children with gentleness.

"He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young." Isaiah 40:11 "As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." 1 Thessalonians 2:7-8

And so our children become dear to us, and we are delighted to share our own lives with them -- but only as we are filled with God's tender compassion for us. As we live in the lavish love of God, we can learn to listen and respond to our children, rather than react at them. We don't need to be tyrannical dictators anymore. We don't need to feel like we must dominate our children, to use our own self-effort to make them holy, as if we expect a bunch of outward rules to change their inward hearts. Josh McDowell once said, "Rules without relationships reap rebellion." We've all seen the tragic results of teens and young adults who have walked away from their family and their faith because life was all about legalistic rules, without any warmth or grace. GRACE! Our own grace toward them will lovingly point them to Jesus, the source of God's grace. On the other hand, our bitterness will only drive them away from God. We need to let go of the bitterness and anger of daily irritation or unmet expectations of how mature your children should be by now. Hebrews 12:15 says "See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." Many people think that our children will only be defiled by the TV, by bad friends, or by the Internet, and yet one of the worst ways they can be defiled is by bitterness in the family! This will alienate them from you and your values faster than anything. Anger just doesn't work. As James 1:19-20 exhorts us: "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God." Proverbs 15:1 reminds us that "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." The issue of child discipline can be rather tricky at times. Yes, we must deal firmly and directly with issues, rather than being in denial. However, we must do this with right motives and with self-control. We don't need to shame or guilt-trip our kids into doing what is right, but teach them a better way. 1 Corinthians 4:14 sets the standard for parenting when Paul says, “I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children.‖ So instead of coming against our kids to inflict vengeance on them when they disappoint us, we come alongside to restore them with grace and to gently teach them the right way to live. So we can say, "I care so much about you that I want to see you succeed in life. This kind of behavior is going to bring you down, so I want to do whatever I can to help you choose better in the future. Now let's talk about it…" We can choose to speak sweetly from the heart, with deep and tender affection. Tell


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your children often how much you love being their mother. Give them hugs, kisses, pats on the back -- even if they seem to resist it. Cheerfulness should start early in the day with a hearty "GOOD MORNING!" because "This is the day that the Lord has made -- let us rejoice and be glad in it!" You don't need to be morose or uptight! Enjoy your day! Be energized with a smile! We can begin to affirm in our children the ways we see that God has gifted them and how they are growing up. We can notice and praise little acts of kindness or signs of progress. We can celebrate their accomplishments, whether it is learning to read a few words, or making the baseball team, or playing in a piano recital, or finishing a project. Whatever it is, celebrate it! There is so much power in our words and small gestures. Do you really really REALLY want to get through to your kids? Then don't yell at them! Speak sweetly to them! Proverbs 16:21, 24 reminds us that: "The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction… Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." (And yes, it is convicting for me to read these words again. I still have a long way to go!)

A Word About Our Children’s Future Families In this chapter so far, we’ve been talking about our own families. I want us to look ahead now to the families our children will have in their adult years. The preparation starts now! I shudder when I think about the future of our society, and how family life is sinking further into the pit. The attack on the traditional nuclear family has been relentless. Children are expected to express their independence through hideous rebellion. Only a remnant of teenagers guards their physical purity, and many more compromise their thought lives. The concept of a faithful lifetime marriage is seen as all but obsolete. The distinction between the roles of men and women has been blurred and mutilated. The unborn, handicapped, and elderly are targets for destruction or neglect. It makes me all the more determined for our family to be a stark example of God's grace and hope, both now and in the future. What will the future bring for each of our children? Will they marry and bear children? Marriage is not God's plan for every young adult. Consecrated single men and women can give undivided attention to ministry (see 1 Corinthians 7). Do our children even know that this is an option? Are they acquainted with godly single role models? Are they determined to live their lives for God’s glory rather than moping around waiting for a spouse? If our children are destined for marriage, how will they find God-fearing spouses? We may be a bit old-fashioned, but like many home school parents, my husband and I are somewhat attracted by the model of courtship, but not necessarily how it is presented by many in the home schooling movement and not as a hard and fast rule. To us, this means that romantic relationships are reserved for adults who are logistically and emotionally prepared to make permanent commitments, rather than play around with a series of tender young hearts. The goal is serious preparation for marriage, so courtship is marked by maturity, purity, and a reasonable amount of guidance from parents. For many years, our family attended a church where most of the families shared these convictions. Most of the young people there hang out in groups, especially after basketball games, or for lunch after church. That was the example set for our children as


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they were growing up. However, that's not how it worked for my oldest daughter, whose husband was several years older and hadn't been exposed to that mindset. Nonetheless, after a few bumps (mainly as my husband and I adjusted to this change in plans), they are happily married and have a precious little boy. I constantly marvel at how my son-in-law cares for his little family. Our second daughter is more enthusiastic about the courtship model, and so is the young man who is courting her. They have known each other for several years. It is different with each couple. With seven daughters and three sons, I certainly need to bear that in mind! In recent years I have become aware of severe abuses of the courtship model within the home schooling movement. In some families, a young woman has very little say in her own future, being denied opportunities for academic education or job experience with the view that she is only going to ever be a wife and mommy. In this way, she is virtually trapped into either marrying young or living at home well into her adult years because she doesn't have the resources to choose another way. Her parents (and often those in her church or social circle) closely monitor her interactions with all young men, and in some instances, choose (or attempt to choose) her future husband for her. In these families, the courtship process is quite rigid and tightly controlled by the girl's father, leaving little room for spontaneity, authenticity, and romance between the young couple. Even if she is told that she has the final say on whether or not to marry a certain young man, she might have so little confidence in herself that she takes the first guy who comes along, reasoning that she might get another chance. Quite often, the results of tightly controlled courtships are tragic, with couples discovering that despite this "guaranteed success formula" for choosing a mate, they really don't like each other at all once they actually have a chance to really get to know one another without constant chaperones. In one tragic case of a young couple married after a tightly-controlled courtship, the young man shot his pregnant wife to death. Yes, that's an extreme case, but there are also plenty of cases of divorce and infidelity among couples who followed the courting model. Other young women have been completely alienated from their families because they objected to unreasonable control over the courtship process by their parents. Many have even been thrown out of their homes because their parents think they are "in rebellion" and don't deserve to be part of the family anymore. Hello? Is this what we really want after a lifetime of investing in their lives through home schooling? We need to learn to finish well, with love and grace, not an obsessive need to control the lives and destinies of our adult children. I believe the process of our children finding their mates should be a joyous time of following the leading of the Holy Spirit and getting to know one another in natural ways. Yes, parents can be involved, but we don't need to depend on legalistic regulations and intrusions. We pray for our children, walk by faith, and wait to see what God will accomplish. May I share a little of my own story? I first moved to Florida, far away from my parents, when I was 17 and in my second semester of college. Why? I was “in love” with a boy I had met on an overseas summer missionary team. It was a very volatile match, and two years later we canceled our wedding plans. Over the next year, I went on a few dates and learned the folly of chasing guys who weren’t interested in me. I also devoured Elisabeth Elliot's book Passion and Purity. I often wondered when I would meet Mr. Right. Then, when I was almost 21 and a college senior, I met “him” at church. Thad, who is four years older than I, had not dated for about three years because he was convicted by the Lord to keep his heart pure. As we got to know each other, he told me he would not


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pursue any relationship without the goal of marriage. What a relief that was for me, since I wanted no further part of the dating scene! Over the next year, the Lord's direction to marry was confirmed by our families and the pastors who did our pre-marital counseling. Our wedding was a joyous occasion, and I have reaped the abundant benefits of marriage to a faithful Christian man. I want our children to be likewise blessed with Christ-filled marriages, unless God calls them to sanctified singleness. I often pray for their future spouses, that God would raise them up in love, wisdom and purity. And I see that I must prepare my own children to fulfill Biblical roles in marriage. I want my daughters to know that there is no shame in pouring their lives into being wives and mothers, while at the same time not making this into some sort of legalistic expectation on them. I want my sons to revel in their responsibility to lead, protect, and provide for their families. I want them all to know that children are a precious gift and heritage to be raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. And I hope that when we are old and decrepit, they will still remember to honor Mom and Dad with tender care! How can a mom prepare her daughter to be a wife and mother? We can set an example, in big and small ways, as we live our daily lives. They will learn the essence of it as they see us relate to our husbands, nurture and discipline our children (including them!), plan and teach academics, organize, economize, cook, clean, sew, garden, decorate, fix things, tend to sick ones, show mercy to the needy, and so forth. It will be entirely natural for them to work alongside us and even to take over various tasks as the years go by. When they leave the apprenticeship of our homes, they will be equipped! Likewise, our sons can be prepared for adulthood by watching their fathers cherish and serve Mom, discipline the children, make leadership decisions, provide and steward the family finances, maintain the house/yard/car/equipment, and all the other things that husbands do. Wise parents also make sure that their sons will be capable, in character and skills, to provide for their families without depending on income from their wives. We are looking out for our grandchildren!

~ * ~ Families are our dearest earthly resource. Let's treasure the opportunities we have to worship, work, serve, play, learn, grow, and love... together.


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CHERISHING YOUR MARRIAGE

A loving, Christ-filled marriage lays such an essential foundation for a successful home school lifestyle. Does that statement fill you with hope or with a sense of despair? Perhaps you feel like your marriage has failed. Maybe you are already divorced and you don’t think this chapter applies to you. Or maybe your husband is not a believer in Jesus, so a Christ-filled marriage sounds impossible. Please keep reading, because I think you will find something helpful here anyway. I just have to recommend a stellar book on marriage that I didn’t discover until after 20 years of marriage: Gary Thomas’s Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy? Gary Thomas is one of my all-time favorite authors. I think I’ve read eight of his books so far. This particular book has totally changed my perspective on marriage, just when I needed it most. I was initially resistant toward reading it, but the more I read, the more I wept and repented for my sinful attitudes. This is not a “how to” marriage book, but a deeper look into how marriage challenges us to grow. While it should be required reading for all couples, I think it will be an especially vital encouragement to those who are struggling with less than ideal relationships. More than any book on the topic, it has helped me to adjust my thinking to the firm foundation of Christian maturity in marriage. Strong and godly marriages never just happen. Certainly no marriage is perfect. We all have room to grow. A healthy, enduring marriage requires much hard work and commitment, as well as continual repentance and forgiveness. It is tempting to coast along taking marriage for granted because, after all, we are home schooling, and of course home school families have it all together; if we don’t happen to have it together yet, well, we’ll just have to “fake it until we make it.” But what happens when the edges of our sanity become frayed at home? What happens when we are tempted to settle for mediocrity? What happens when we let the guard down? Home schooling doesn't automatically immunize our marriages against conflict or even divorce. I know plenty of home school marriages that have already broken up, and even more that are on the rocks. If you are home schooling to build family unity, you can expect to come under constant attack from Satan. He does not want husbands and wives to love each other or bear and raise godly children. He will do whatever he can to break us apart, even in subtle ways. If we think we stand firm, we had better watch out lest we fall! (1 Corinthians 10:12) Some people assume that Satan only goes after the weaklings because they are an easy target that he can pick off easily. Some say that he only bothers to attack the strong folks, because he knows what damage they can do to his evil plans by extending the Kingdom of God. Let’s not be naïve. He will go after anyone for any reason! I hate to seem so pessimistic, but this is the truth. However, we do not have to be victims. God has called us to be overcomers, “more than conquerors” through our faith in Christ. But to conquer, we must realize we are in a battle. When I first published this book in 2000, I organized this chapter around five dangers that war against a marriage in a home school family. In this new version, I’d like to take a more positive approach, and focus on these seven safeguards to protect our marriages instead. (Like a mama sneaking vegetables into casserole, I’ll still cover those dangers!)


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♥ Safeguard #1: Focus on Your Foundation ♥ Safeguard #2: Make Your Marriage the Priority Over Every Other Earthly Pursuit ♥ Safeguard #3: Respect Each Other ♥ Safeguard #4: Forgive Each Other ♥ Safeguard #5: Communicate with Grace and Purpose ♥ Safeguard #6: Guard Your Purity ♥ Safeguard #7: Steward Your Resources

Safeguard #1: Focus on Your Foundation

“At least you have a common foundation in Christ,” my friend encouraged me. There was a hint of sadness in her voice, because she has what is euphemistically called an “inter-faith marriage” but which for her is a constant struggle. What keeps her going is her own strong faith in the Lord, which she had renewed after her wedding. I took her gentle admonition to heart. While Thad and I didn’t (and don’t) have the perfect marriage, we at least have Jesus together. That’s huge for me. So does that mean you are doomed to failure in home schooling if your husband is not a believer, or is spiritually immature, or has glaring flaws that are adversely affecting your family? Not at all! But you are going to have to work all the harder at pursuing God for yourself, at training your children in God’s ways, and at building your marriage despite the hindrances. Even if you know the Lord and your husband doesn’t, your faith is still a foundation. Remember these words in 1 Peter 3:1-2?

―Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives— when they see your respectful and pure conduct.‖

The passage in 1 Peter 3 goes on to extol the beautiful and quiet spirit that we all need as wives. Why? Not just because it makes for a happier marriage, but because it pleases the Lord! At our wedding, the soloist sang a song I had written. One line of the chorus went like this: ―Show us your purposes for our union, that we may glorify you, Lord.‖ Did we even know what that would entail? After more than two decades, the most important question for me as I look at my relationship with my husband is still, “What are God‘s purposes for me in my marriage?” One purpose is to use the very challenges of daily life with my husband to shape me into his own image, to prepare me as the bride of Christ (Ephesians 5:22-33) and not just the bride of Thad. And that’s a good thing! That’s where my eyes need to be: on Jesus, not on my circumstances. If my expectations are resting on the Lord’s grace and mercy, then I will be less likely to place an impossible burden of expectation on my husband. Likewise, my commitment needs to be on pleasing first the Lord and then my husband, not on pleasing myself. As I focus on the Christ’s faithfulness, it becomes my own, and I learn how to be faithful to my husband. As I contemplate God’s unconditional love, I become willing to receive it and give it to my husband. My foundation is secure. One of the benefits of life in the Lord is that we are part of his earthly body. Our church families throughout the years have played such a vital role in strengthening our marriage. First, there are the solid Sunday morning sermons that set our hearts on Christ’s


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way of love and peace. Then there are the small Bible study groups where we can discuss how to apply Scripture in our daily lives and relationships. In our former church, the couples in each small group met together once a month to talk about marriage, often by discussing a book such as Sacred Marriage. It was through our conversations there that I realized how much we are not alone, that other husbands are much like my husband, and that other wives are much like me. This has been so liberating. At one couples’ night, a newlywed husband shared how when he and his wife have a conflict, it helps to pray together. This verse (Matthew 18:20) came to mind: “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.‖ If we want the best marriage counselor present, all we have to do is pray, and God shows up! I’m grateful that this young man brought up the idea of prayer to encourage the rest of us old fogies who have been married much longer. I am also thankful for pastors who have so graciously counseled us when we have hit bumps in our relationship. They are real human beings who have had struggles in their own marriages. So they do not see it as a sign of weakness when a couple asks for pastoral help, but as a sign of strength and humility. I think every marriage needs this kind of boost somewhere along the way! Churches can also host family-building workshops. And finally, there are the friendships I have with other women at church who have encouraged me in fulfilling the good plans that God has for me as a wife and home school mom. What a treasure churches can be in helping us focus on our mutual foundation in Christ!

Safeguard #2: Make Your Marriage the Priority Over Every Other Earthly Pursuit

Moms, you are certainly to be commended for all you do in home schooling your kids. But in all honesty, that’s not the very best thing you can do for them. Yes, I still think it’s the best educational option, but there is something you can do at the same time that is even more important: CHERISH YOUR MARRIAGE! I know you’ve heard it said, “The best thing that parents can do for their children is to love each other.” That is so true. Your marriage is the foundation for a healthy nurturing home. A strong marriage will facilitate a home school, but a weak one will destroy it. Unfortunately, moms can be so devoted to home schooling and dads so consumed in their careers that they become apathetic to each other and place the marriage relationship to the back burner. We think our mates will understand that we are too stressed out now for an intimate conversation or more. We think this will be temporary and that soon we will be “back on track” but it drags on and on. This leads to resentment, alienation, and loss of productivity. You will be worse than when you started, because now you need to take more time and emotional energy to restore the relationship and heal the hurts. If your husband senses that the home school, hobbies, or ministries are replacing him as the love of your life (after God), he will resist you in your efforts. If you place him as the rightful priority, he can be inspired to lift some of your burdens and energize you to accomplish even more! We all need to carve out prime time for our marriages, even if it means laying aside other activities. As you make your marriage a top priority, you will start to think about the very best ways to add zest to your relationship. You won’t be content to get away with the bare minimum anymore. You will want to invest fully into bringing joy to your husband’s life


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and building the kind of intimacy that is God’s design for marriage. Be creative! Here is a list to get you started, inspired by ideas given at a workshop at our church:

♥ Find out what he likes you to have finished around the house when he comes home from work, and then make it a regular practice to please him by doing this. Or do one of his chores for him as a surprise.

♥ Go for a walk and hold hands, lie on a blanket in the backyard and look at the stars, or take a picnic to the park.

♥ Don’t give up on date nights just because you have young children. Have a friend keep the children at their house and fix his favorite dinner, served by candle light. If your children are home, put them to bed and then enjoy dinner at a card table in your bedroom. Dress it up with a fancy tablecloth, candles and flowers from the garden, put on some romantic music, and enjoy a gourmet meal or dessert. This could be as simple as a mug of hot chocolate and plate of graham crackers.

♥ You may need to use some of your date night time to plan your schedule and budget or to sort through your family dynamics, but try to focus on the blessing of your “just the two of us” relationship.

♥ Try to get away for an occasional weekend without the children! We like to go to historic St. Augustine (where we honeymooned) and stroll through art galleries, living history museums, and antique shops.

♥ Keep your bedroom tidy, smelling fresh, and tastefully decorated. It should be a haven of rest for him. If you can, set up two comfortable chairs so the two of you can sit and talk in privacy whenever you want.

♥ Give him backrubs! Oh, this is a daily thing at our house for both of us. Not only does it relieve stress, but it gives us a chance to touch one another lovingly and show our affection in practical ways. After all these years of marriage, we know exactly where to press by feeling around for the tense muscle ripples. Or you can wash and massage his feet after a long day on them.

♥ Ask if you can plan Valentine’s Day this year, and let him plan your anniversary. ♥ Buy a special treat for him at the grocery store, and make sure your kids don’t break

into it! Keep a secret stash of his favorite candies, and bring one out once in a while! (Thad hands me a chocolate truffle every now and then when I’ve done a great job at something or when I look like I need a little lift. I don’t know where he hides them!)

♥ Take time to write him a letter specifically telling him what you love and respect about him. You could cut out lots of hearts and pink and red construction paper. Write a reason you love him on each one and tape them all over the house.

♥ Always have your “romantic feelers” out and pay attention to special events happening in the community, such as free concerts, art festivals, etc.

♥ Hide a small cooler in his car with his favorite drink and snack to enjoy on his ride home. (Just remember to tell him it is there sometime during the day!)

♥ Burn a CD with some of his favorite songs, or ones that are special to you as a couple. Put it in his car’s CD player. Or buy him a little MP3 player and load it with his favorite music so he can take it wherever he goes. Pray for ideas – God will answer you!


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A marriage relationship is for a lifetime, long beyond this short period of active motherhood. If you don't invest intensely in this intimate relationship, you may not have much in common when your children leave home. The couples who are still gazing lovingly into each others’ eyes at age 93 are the ones who either kept the fires brightly burning or who lit them up again after they fizzled out. If you think it’s too late because the apathy has already set in and the spark has already gone out, DON’T GIVE UP! You can start all over again, with the same guy. Rekindle, renew, repent, refresh, and rely fully on God. There is hope.

Safeguard #3: Respect Each Other!

―Let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.‖ Ephesians 5:33 (ESV)

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T.” We all know how to spell it, but defining it is another thing altogether. What does it mean? Is it something that someone has to earn, or something that we grant another person based on their position in life? Well, both. But really, the best kind of respect is what is freely given out of our own hearts, not necessarily because someone is divine enough to deserve it or dominant enough to demand it. The sad truth is, respect between husbands and wives is sorely lacking in even Christian home school households. I think a lot of it has to do with pride. I know this has been the case in my heart. It is easy for me to develop a superior attitude toward my husband, thinking I know much more than he does because I read more about parenting, or because I spend more time with the kids, or because I have a more intuitive personality, or even because I know how to use the computer better than he does, or because I have written books, as if any of that proves anything. At the same time, even when I am not dishing out the respect that my husband needs, I can hypocritically resent it when I don’t feel waves of admiration and appreciation flowing in my direction from him. So, I guess I have to admit that I’m selfish, too! Yes, wives should be respected! We deserve credit for all of our smart ideas and hard work. We don’t want “this guy” coming home and asking what we did all day! A home school mom can feel that her creative talents and nurturing care are unappreciated since they are hidden away amidst the drudgery of paperwork, laundry, dishes, and PBJ sandwiches. We can whip out all of the lists on what a housewife would be worth monetarily if you had to hire someone to do all of that domestic stuff. So I’m not letting the husbands off the hook here. But, on the other side, how many of us wives are really making a concerted effort to pour on the respect for our husbands and their masculine leadership? When did he become “this guy” and cease to be the hunk we were gushing over on our wedding day? Your husband wants to be more than just a breadwinner, and God’s blessing flows through a home where he is honored by all. You want to be more than just a housewife, and what bliss in the family when your husband and children rise up and call you blessed! So why is it so hard to respect each other? Part of it is burnout. Look, I know you’re tired. I really do! I have 10 kids – need I say more? Like me, you’re at very close quarters with active, curious children all day. To make it worse, your hubby probably faces the unrelenting drain of office politics, meetings, and phone calls. After trying to be patient with other people all day, it is easy to get irritable in the evening. It’s easy to tune each


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other out. Moms, please don't get so “peopled out” that your husband, your precious partner, feels unwelcome and disrespected in his own home. If you need a little buffer time in order to be civil, arrange to lie down alone in a dark room and relax for a few minutes before Dad comes home. Try to make his home coming pleasant with a fresh appearance, a warm greeting, and a tidy house. Give him a chance to take his shoes off and peek at the mail before he gets bombarded with the burdens of the day. Get the children to tidy up and practice their best behavior, too. We can learn to treat each other royally. Some wives struggle with disrespect because they do not understand the inherent differences between masculinity and femininity. Men are different! We should not expect them to be always soft, sensitive, tender, creative, and intuitive. I can get irritated with my husband for being so logical and meticulous in his thinking or for “coming on strong” when he thinks something needs to change in our home, but in all honesty, I need to appreciate how he balances me out. This is part of God’s design for our family. We would be in huge trouble if he was just like me or if I was just like him. Another thing that can hinder respect is that many of us did not have strong role models in this area while we were growing up. If you didn’t have Christian parents, or even if you did, this might be a generational sin issue that’s tripping you up. You’re just relating the way that you saw your folks relate, because healthy or not, that’s all you know! If this is true, acknowledge it, and then move on. You can do better than this. Don’t use it as an excuse any more. It’s got to stop sometime, so why not now, in your generation, before your kids starting using it as an excuse in their own marriages? OK, so what do you do if this respect thing just isn’t happening in your marriage? I’m not saying you should start gushing praise for your husband if the well has been running dry for quite some time. He’d probably get suspicious and wonder what kind of “nutritional supplements” you’ve been popping all day. You can start small. The first step is to at least get yourself up to the zero line, if you’ve dipped below. In other words, zap the disrespect! All of it! Cut the criticism, nix the nagging, and wipe out the whining. Or, as Francis de Sales said in the 17th century, “Have contempt for contempt.” Gary Thomas writes in Sacred Marriage, ―Contempt is born when we fixate on our spouse‘s weaknesses. Every spouse has these sore points. If you want to find them, without a doubt you will. If you want to obsess about them, they‘ll grow, but you won‘t!‖ 6 You will also need to stop undermining him in front of the children. “Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?” I’ll tell you, that wretched garden grows weeds of disrespect, because whatever we do, our children will imitate. And if they disrespect him because of your disrespect, then they will invariably end up disrespecting you, too. The way you speak to your friends about your husband also reveals your own character as a wife. If you are grumbling and complaining to whomever will listen, it is likely that at least some of these folks will commiserate with you and agree with how bad you’ve got it. They might add in their own poisonous comments about “MEN!” that will not help your attitude or her attitude at all. Long after you have either forgotten the offense or learned to interpret it rightly, your friend might still remember your disparaging comments. This would not build the reputation of your husband among those who know him, and it might come back to bite you later. I find that I must train my tongue to be charitable when I am frustrated with something in my marriage. This doesn’t mean that I 6 Gary Thomas on page 70 in Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More than to

Make Us Happy? published by Zondervan


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pretend everything is perfect when it isn’t, but that I want to be discrete and respectful to my husband, which in turn honors the Lord who gave him to me as my life partner. As you start clearing away the clutter of disrespect that has trapped you in the negative realm, then you will be more motivated to move things on up to the positive side. Start simple with noticing and appreciating your husband for the way he already is – and tell him so! Pay attention! Nobody wants to be ignored. Even the little things really matter. He takes out the trash. He pays the bills. He locks the doors at night. He prays with the kids at bedtime. Whatever! Don’t take it for granted! When you are ready to bump things up a notch from there, you will want to start soliciting his advice and assistance more regularly. Many moms consider the home school as their own private domain of expertise. Without intending to, they can easily shut Dad out of his leadership in this important area of family life. Moms sometimes jokingly refer to their husbands as the “principal” of the home school, but few actually treat him as that. Dad often has perspective to guide you through a sticky problem if you are willing to listen. Even if he doesn't seem as “spiritual” as you, don't ignore his counsel (see 1 Peter 3). He is responsible as leader of the family, so let him lead. There are some really practical ways that you can cultivate respect for your husband in a home school setting. You can ask him for observations as you are trying to discern each child’s preferred learning style. You can involve him in curriculum choice, and not brush him off if he objects to what you are already planning. Listen to him! If you are going to rearrange a room or the whole house to accommodate home schooling, seek his logistical input and his physical brawn. If he wants to tackle teaching math or science or history, let him! If he can take off time to chaperone field trips, glory be! Dad needs a sense of ownership in the home school. Now don't go and nag him if he doesn't want to do anything, but he should feel welcome to participate when he is able. And finally, at the pinnacle of respect, learn to respond to your husband with your whole heart, beyond what he says or does. Start seeing him as the gift from God that he is, and treat him that way!

Safeguard #4: Forgive Each Other! Let me say this right up front: You married a sinner and so did he! That means that forgiveness will be a daily necessity, so you may as well get used to it! I know this seems like a negative section of the chapter. But I want to give us a vision for something precious. Forgiveness is such a gift for our marriages! It allows each of us a way back after we’ve blown it in our relationships. It gives us a way to be like Jesus, who sacrificed himself that we may be forgiven and come into fellowship with our Heavenly Father.

―…and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.‖ Romans 5:5-8


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What a way to be like Jesus! What a way to restore fellowship with the ones whom we dearly love, even when they have been weak and offended us, or when we have been the guilty party and they forgive us! I hope that you are as excited about forgiveness as I am! Let’s get back to that concept of “You married a sinner and so did he.” This is such a key to humble restoration in marriage. Elisabeth Elliot says:

―The consciousness that we are alike in our need of redemption is a liberating one. For there will be times when you find yourself accusing, criticizing, resenting… But you will find yourself disarmed utterly, and your accusing spirit transformed into loving forgiveness the moment you remember that you did, in fact, marry only a sinner, and so did he. It‘s grace you both need… you love, accept, and forgive that sinner as you yourself expect to be loved, accepted and forgiven. You know that all have sinned and come short of the glory of God, and this includes your husband who comes short, also, of some of the glories you expected to find in him. Come to terms with this once and for all and then walk beside him as ―heirs together of the grace of life.‖ 7

Gary Thomas, in Sacred Marriage, heartily concurs:

―The key to the discipline of fellowship is understanding this fundamental reality: All of us face struggles, and each one of us is currently facing a struggle that we‘re having less than one hundred percent success overcoming. If we‘re married, the fact is we‘re also married to someone who is failing in some way. We can respond to this ―bitter juice‖ by becoming bitter people, or we can use it as a spiritual discipline and transform its exercise into the honey of a holy life. In this fallen world, struggles, sin, and unfaithfulness are a given. The only question is whether our response to these struggles, sin, and unfaithfulness will draw us closer to God – or whether it will estrange us from ourselves, our Creator, and each other. Will we fall forward, or will we fall away?‖ 8

I personally want to move toward my husband. I’ve had enough of closing myself off, of hiding behind a stiff barrier of pride because I didn’t feel like dealing with how he could possibly hurt my feelings if I opened up to him. I found that bitterness and an unforgiving spirit tended to quench my affection for my husband. Bitterness will take you where you do not want to go and keep you there far longer than you think you can bear to stay. It will defile your children, too.

―Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ―root of bitterness‖ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled…‖ Hebrews 12:15 (ESV)

7 I don’t know where this Elisabeth Elliott quote originally came from, but I found it in handouts for a ladies’ retreat at

our church. 8 Gary Thomas on pages 176-177 in Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More than

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Bitterness is a prison, but the door latch is on the inside of the cell. You can walk out whenever you choose to forgive from the heart. No, this isn’t easy, but the alternative is far more arduous. Which would you rather have, a life set free to rebuild your marriage, or a life chained and corroded by the acid of an unforgiving spirit? Don't forget the power of intercessory prayer to change both of your hearts! If there is an unresolved issue that hinders your family's unity, ask God to help you find specific ways to break it down in love. Then follow through!

―Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.‖ Colossians 3:12-15

Forgiving your husband does not mean that you ignore his sin. If you sweep the issues under the carpet, they won’t go away. They will just make your walk very lumpy! Yes, there are offenses that we can just choose to overlook, especially as we remember that all of us have bad moods once in a while, and that we don’t have to take every misunderstanding as a personal attack. However, if your husband has sinned against you and this continues to affect your relationship adversely, you may still need to confront him with gentleness and respect.

―If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‗I repent,‘ you must forgive him.‖ Luke 7:3b-4

If you are in a painful marriage that is negatively shaped by your husband's poor behavior, I encourage you to get a copy of Gary Thomas's book Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands, which is a companion to Sacred Marriage. I've recommended it to many friends, and so many of them have told me what a vital help it has been to them. He starts by encouraging wives to be strong in their own spiritual lives (for their own sakes and to equip them for helping their husbands) rather than giving way to fear or intimidation. He helps them to understand the mind of a man (we are so different!) and to create a climate for change. In the last section of the book, he presents real life case studies of couples who have faced issues such as anger, marital unfaithfulness, lack of involvement with home and children, etc. A lot of Christian wives buy into the misconception that in order to be submissive (as the Bible encourages) that they need to suffer in silence and just passively go along with whatever happens. I've actually heard some people say, "If you bring it up once, that's an appeal. If you bring it up again, that's nagging." Personally, I think that's bosh. That would mean that a husband could just conveniently ignore a glaring problem, figuring that his wife has to shut up if he chooses not to listen right away. A wife has the sacred responsibility of addressing these important issues with feminine strength, prayerfully and firmly persisting, while entrusting the results to God. That doesn't mean her husband will change. She is not


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responsible for that. But she is responsible to keep speaking the truth in love, as creatively and persuasively and sweetly as she can, until he "gets it." (There is a difference between that and rancorous nagging, which we should avoid.). No matter what happens, she at least has the dignity of knowing that she is "beloved in Christ" and precious in the sight of God, whether her husband realizes it or not. At the same time, I don't think it particularly helpful for husbands or wives to be overly focused on what is wrong with their marriages. I would say it isn't healthy to expect to fix every little irritating thing. And though we should be willing to honestly confess our own sins and to be prudently aware of the struggles our husbands face, there should also always be a delicate balance between transparency and reserve, even in an intimate marriage. It is not necessarily edifying to know about every little thought that goes through each other's hearts and minds. Some issues, at least initially, might best be handled with the help of a wise and trusted friend or pastor. I also think that gratitude and affirmation for each other's positive qualities can really sweeten things up. There are so many petty things that can be overlooked and tolerated with the acknowledgement that we aren't perfect either. A culture of constant confrontation (whining, nitpicking, harsh criticism, accusation, suspicion, assumption, etc.) needs to give way to a culture of grace, patience, and forgiveness. Of course, before you speak to your husband about his faults, you must remove the log from your own eye so that you can see clearly to remove the speck from his, as Matthew 7:1-5 admonishes us.

―Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‗Let me take the speck out of your eye,‘ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.‖ Matthew 7:1-5

A word about physical and emotional abuse in a marriage… I wish there was no need to address this topic, but this problem is becoming quite prevalent within the home schooling community. Husbands should never treat their wives like dirty doormats in the name of “Biblical submission.” You do not need to passively accept physical or verbal abuse. I've heard from some of you who are being subjected to this kind of degradation. This is not right! You are not becoming a “liberal feminist” if you begin to draw healthy boundaries of respectful treatment around yourself, such as removing yourself and your children from dangerous or threatening situations or insisting on getting counseling, even if he won't come with you. I believe that a wife who passively allows her husband to continue acting in a hostile, belittling or abusive way toward her is actually not showing him true respect, despite her apparent docility. Why? Because she is coddling him like a spoiled little child who is incapable of acting like a mature man. She is enabling his poor behavior. Instead, she needs to speak up and call him toward what he needs to become. She also needs to become strong in who she is as a woman, so she can give her husband and children the best of who she can be, instead of an empty shell of false "submission" to unbiblical marital domination.


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Safeguard #5: Communicate with Grace and Purpose! Communication is another precious gift from God. Being able to share our thoughts, our ideas, and even our deepest feelings with someone we love is one of the main reasons we get married in the first place. It was probably so easy for you to talk with your darling before you got married, but you’ve probably found that it is not so easy after the honeymoon! Yes, communicating wisely and graciously with your husband will take work, time, and patience. We have to think about what we are going to say, and how it will benefit the other person. We can’t just blurt out the first thing that comes to our lips. The goal of communication is to build our marriages, so manipulation needs to be banned from our conversations! Miscommunication is a very common problem in Christian marriages. I know what I am thinking in my head, but my words do not always communicate my assumptions. The problem is that I think they do, and I get frustrated if he doesn’t “get it” the way I meant it. And if my husband doesn’t understand me, it’s his own fault, isn’t it? That sounds laughable, but that’s how so many of us operate. We don’t realize how differently we process information, either because of our own background, or our personality style, or whatever else may be affecting how we think. Clarifying your expectations for one another will also help build your marriage. What do you and your husband expect from each other and the children? Are your expectations reasonable and suited to your own situation? Have you communicated them clearly and tactfully and given them ample time? (Whatever our expectations are, we must put them in the hands of God, who is the only one perfectly able to meet our needs as husbands and wives.) Periodically ask your husband to be specific about what he wants from you. What is most important to him? This will vary from husband to husband. You can't please your own man by assuming he is just like your friend's husband. Ask your honey to make a list of things that he thinks are important for you or your family to do or be. Beside each item, ask him to mark “A” for very important, “B” for moderately important or “C” for less important. If something is vague, prompt him to add descriptive detail. When he says that he likes an attractive wife, is he talking about a calm spirit or a new hair-do? If he wants a clean house, does he want you to scrub nooks and crannies or just keep the clutter at bay? What kind of home school does he envision? For fellowship, does he want to have another family over for dinner every month or go to a midweek class at church? What kinds of food does he like? Give him the freedom to share his heart! To paraphrase Shakespeare, “How shall I love thee? Please list for me the ways!” So many of our communication problems arise because we aren’t clear in what we say, and we get frustrated at not being understood. But then there are times when we actually intend to be harsh because we are angry. Oh, we’re speaking “the truth” as we see it, but there is no love in either words or tone of voice. But there needs to be, no matter how we feel. I often tell my bickering children, “No matter what he says or does or how you feel about it, you must be kind!” Those are good words for our marriages as well! How many problems could be avoided if we would just heed the wise words of Scripture?

―Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.‖ Ephesians 4:15-16


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―Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of

redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.‖ Ephesians 4:29-32

So what do you do when there is a serious breakdown in your communication? I’ve been there, so I am not writing from the ivory tower. There was a time in our marriage when I realized that something needed to drastically change in the way Thad and I related to each other. Wishing wasn’t going to make it better, and reacting in anger only made it worse. I had to do something positive, something redemptive. (Gary Thomas later confirmed this for me in his book Sacred Influence: What a Man Needs from His Wife to Be the Husband She Wants, but at the time I just knew that the Holy Spirit was leading me, and that was enough.) Anyway, back to my story. Thad and I each had unhealthy patterns in the way we thought about each other and talked to each other. These made me vulnerable to bitterness, disrespect, and feelings of estrangement. I knew these concerns needed to be addressed for us to make any lasting progress. Yes, I could have survived a while longer, but I didn’t want to settle for the bare minimum when I knew that the Lord had called us to so much more. I wanted a fulfilling friendship with my husband, not petty tolerance. So I prayed hard and sought counsel from a wise friend. Then I wrote a long letter to my husband, because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to say it in a conversation. I confessed the many areas where I had gone wrong, and I asked for his help as sweetly as I could, with suggestions for specific changes for both of us. Then I sealed it up and asked him to take a walk with me around a local lake where we often stroll. As we sat under the gazebo, he read it silently, looking up at me now and then. To my relief, he responded graciously to me with expressions of forgiveness and commitment. This was the start of working together to rebuild what we had let crumble. I am so grateful for my husband, and for the gift of communication! What if trust in your marriage has broken down to a point where you don't feel like you can even communicate your personal feelings with him, because he might make fun of you or use this information against you in the future? I once heard a wise counselor share that in a situation like this, you may have to ease back into more intimate conversation very slowly. He used the word picture of offering a sandwich on the porch to someone whose clothes and feet are very muddy. (I think of the old days when hobos came around asking for food from local farmhouses.) You can't really invite them inside for a fancy gourmet meal, but you can offer them sustenance until they are cleaned up enough to be suitable for indoor hospitality. The point is that we can still have conversations with our husbands, testing their trustworthiness by sharing smaller ideas and seeing how they respond. We don't need to throw our pearls before swine, but we begin to rebuild the intimacy and trust by offering encouragement and gentleness to them. At the same time we wisely protect our hearts from being trampled again until they learn to be kind and gentle in return. Communicating graciously with our husbands can be a challenge, but it will build our marriages and glorify God.


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Safeguard #6: Guard Your Purity!

Christ has called us to be a pure people, having sacrificed himself on the cross to make this possible. This is not an abstract or “other worldly” concept. It meets us right where we are. Purity is not a natural thing at all, which is why precious metals must be refined. Our souls must be continually refined, too! As Christians, we must guard what God has taken the effort to purify. Please do not think that your commitment to Christian marriage (somehow implicit in the fact that you home school) will protect you from temptation. It is foolish to assume we will never feel like compromising the sanctity of our marriage vows. Any savored thoughts about “someone else” need to be taken captive to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). And it is not just about “cheating” on our husbands physically. Desires for extra-marital emotional intimacy can be just subtly devastating, even if they don’t lead to blatant sexual sin. If you are justifying your thought life or indulging in fantasy day dreams, imagine how you would feel if your husband were thinking about another woman like that. As Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:27-28):

―You have heard that it was said, ‗You shall not commit adultery.‘ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

―Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.‖ Proverbs 5:15-18 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4

Why am I making such a big deal about this? I have seen the havoc that can result when Christian husbands and wives don’t guard their hearts. Because of indwelling sin, our hearts are still incredibly self-deceptive. We can justify just about anything that we want to do, and then still try to blame the bitter fruit on someone else. Dear friends, temptation can sneak up so unsuspected, even at Christian gatherings. Please be careful about your speech, actions, and appearance in the presence of others. You may not even realize that you are flirting with someone until it is too late. And if someone is flirting with you, even in subtle ways, it can be easy to just enjoy the attention rather than see it for the danger that it is. An emotional bond, even from a seemingly casual conversation, can be a powerful thing that could potentially diminish from the rightful bond you are supposed to have with your husband. Guard your heart! And if you have already given away a piece of your emotions to someone else, repent before the Lord and ask him to restore your full affection toward your husband. Stay-at-home moms have the blessing of shelter from sexual harassment that women experience in the workplace. I am grateful for that, because I had more than one coworker make a pass or an innuendo during my earlier career years. However, our husbands may still be exposed to temptation at the office. Other men can put on the peer pressure with their jokes, pictures, and off-color comments. Women can be seductive,


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either through naiveté or downright brazenness. It's a totally different mind set out there! While we don't need to be consumed with jealous suspicion, we do need to stand by our men. Pray for your husband in his daily battle for integrity and purity. Make your presence known at his office with occasional visits or a family picture on his desk. Stay attractive for your husband and fulfill his physical and emotional needs within the sanctuary of your marriage so that he will be less tempted. Let me make it clear that it is not your fault if your husband does give in to temptation. However, it will serve your husband well and please the Lord if you make it easier for him to stay faithful to your marriage.

―Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.‖ 1 Corinthians 7:5 ―You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue.‖ Song of Songs 4:9-11a

Now that is the kind of romantic passion which the Lord has designed for our lives! What a gift!

Safeguard #7: Steward Your Resources!

Finances can be a major stress on marriages. Most of us live on one income and some still have debts, which can easily cause heated conflict. Perhaps your husband thinks his hard work isn't appreciated, or worries that you will blow the meager budget on the home school. As the family grows or orthodontist bills loom on the horizon, he feels the increased pressure of financial responsibility. You might wish your husband understood the needs for quality curriculum, magazines, and workshops. Maybe you are tired of accounting for every penny and wish you had some money to spend on yourself. Money is an especially volatile issue when one spouse does something really foolish. Several times in the past two decades or so, my husband and I have each made mistakes which cost us big bucks. The first temptation is to fume and fuss at the guilty party, but then we remember that though we are all human and prone to error, God is still in control. Our marriage is too precious to hold grudges. If stewardship is an issue in your marriage, I encourage you to sit down with your husband and talk. Crunch your numbers, research your options, and be willing to cooperate with one another! You can find creative ways to cut your expenses, increase your income, and be content with what you have.


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Cutting Expenses Budgeting: Wise wives stay involved with the family financial situation and are aware of the cash flow. With their husbands, they use a monthly budget, and review it together often. Try to be united and “on the same page” with money issues. While my husband is mostly in charge of the finances, he likes me to transfer my checks and debit card transactions into his checkbook and specify categories of expenses. We talk often about finances. As a side note, in case one of us dies unexpectedly, we have an organized summary file of all of our assets, expenses, and insurance policies. This doesn’t contain all of our financial documents, but it does have accounts, contact information, web sites, on-line passwords. I know where the rest of the information can be found if necessary. We also made a point to update our wills together just before our tenth child was born. We have seen the chaos that can result when these details are not taken care of. Debt: Are you in debt? If credit cards are problem, yet you need the convenience of ordering by phone, use a debit card which takes money from your checking account. Set up some family rules to curtail spending. Some couples agree not to spend more than a certain amount of money (like $20) without checking with the other spouse, and to never spend more than another amount (say $200) without a 48 hour waiting period, even if they are together. Just think of all the purchases you have regretted, or other times when you waited and found out you didn't need an item after all. Health insurance: Is health insurance killing your budget? In our case, since my husband is self-employed and we have a large family, there is no way we could afford commercial insurance. Instead, we are blessed to be members of the Samaritan Ministries health cost sharing plan. For about $300 a month our large family gets basic coverage for any illness or injury over $300. We pay our bills, and then send documentation to Samaritan Ministries. Within a few months, other members (who are assigned to our case) send their monthly fee directly to us, adding up to the covered amount. We have added an optional program for injuries resulting from car accidents, and another for expenses over the already high cap. We have been with this program since 2004 and are quite satisfied. Members of programs like this are also legally exempt from mandatory health insurance coverage. You can check it out at www.SamaritanMinistries.org. Miscellaneous stuff: Whatever your expenses are, you can put your stewardship, diligence, wisdom, and creativity to work! Grandma always said, “Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without!”

♥ Avoid eating out or using expensive convenience foods very often. ♥ When running errands, bring food and drinks with you in an insulated bag. ♥ Cancel subscriptions which encourage a materialistic lifestyle. ♥ Make your own gifts, greeting cards, decorations, and entertainment. ♥ Cut your children's hair and learn how to repair clothing and household items. ♥ To save on labor costs, ask friends to help with big projects or barter your skills. ♥ Use garage sales and consignment stores to buy and sell. ♥ Organize your home to avoid replacing lost items. ♥ Borrow seldom used items.

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♥ Shop around! If you take your time, you can usually find the best deal. ♥ Alert friends to your upcoming purchases so they can keep an eye out. ♥ Choose items which are versatile enough for many purposes and seasons.

Curriculum: When you are planning for what educational resources you will need, try these money-saving strategies:

♥ Shop carefully, concentrating on the basics first. ♥ Borrow, trade, or buy used materials as appropriate. ♥ Look for reusable or reproducible materials. ♥ Try to see products or get personal recommendations before you buy them. ♥ Consolidate mail orders with friends to save on shipping charges. ♥ Consider making some of your own teaching aids. ♥ Use the public library!

One year, a few days before Christmas, I was in a local warehouse store buying bulk foods. As usual, I was also drawn to the book aisle, where I ogled over the beautiful sale-priced Kingfisher Children's Encyclopedia. I really wanted to get it (who knows if it would be there the next time?) but my husband was upset that morning because I had already blown the budget for children's gifts and home school. I needed to honor my husband, so the purchase would have to wait. A few hours later, my neighbor Marie knocked on the door and handed me a wrapped Christmas present for the children. You know what it was! God provided! This sort of thing has happened so many times that it’s like a game to see God’s hand at work in meeting our needs – finding an unexpected but much needed bargain on clearance or discovering a perfectly good recliner chair at someone’s curb with a free sign on it or being able to trade math books with a friend. God is good!

Making Extra Income

What about making extra income? If you must work for pay (at home or elsewhere) you probably battle extra stress and fatigue. On the other hand, the stay-at-home mom may feel guilty that she isn't working for a second income to pay off debts or have extra money for fun stuff. She might feel pressured to start a home business on zilch time and energy. Please let me warn you about taking any job -- at home or away -- which requires you to routinely shove your wife-Mommy-teacher-house duties aside to meet deadlines. Any job will divert a portion of your energies, so you may have to drop other activities. Balance is the key. I have had several years experience as an at-home working mom doing computer programming and bookkeeping for vastly different organizations: a Navy contractor, a church denomination, a mid-size company, and a few family businesses. I know now that it is imperative to avoid employers or clients who would try to compromise your integrity or usurp the authority of your husband. Further, it is best to retain the right to either turn down work or fit it into your own schedule. It is unprofessional to accept a project for which you lack sufficient time or qualifications. Yes, part-time work can be worthwhile if your husband is supportive, you can still attend to your family duties, and the extra income allows you to make ends meet so you don't have to pursue a full-time career. On the other hand, it could be the straw that breaks the camel's back!


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Being Content The most important key to financial success is to be content and thankful with what God has already graciously provided, knowing that we are his stewards and channels of his blessings! For encouragement in this area, here is a small sample of Scriptures from the English Standard Version. Let these Scriptures help you to be content with your husband’s provision for your family!

―Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart… Better is the little that the righteous has than the abundance of many wicked. The LORD knows the days of the blameless, and their heritage will remain forever; they are not put to shame in evil times; in the days of famine they have abundance… I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread. He is ever lending generously, and his children become a blessing.‖ Psalm 37:3-6, 16, 18-19, 25-26 ―Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me… And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.‖ Philippians 4:11-13, 19

―Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing

into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food

and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge

people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs… As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on

God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.‖ 1 Timothy 6:6-9, 17-19

Stewardship is not just a matter of money, but all our resources. As homemakers, we need to work hard taking care of our homes, as we talked about in the Busy at Home chapter. The more you take care of your possessions, the longer they will last, and the more you will be able to enjoy them.

―The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.‖ Proverbs 14:1

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Marriage is a priority, a privilege, and a prize. We need to protect it, nurture it, sanctify it, and commit it to God. A strong marriage is a legacy of love to our children and, in the Lord, is the foundation for building our family team. When children see Mom and Dad deeply in love, this is a most vital lesson they can learn in this school called home. I'd like to share a poem I wrote as a wedding present for my daughter Mary and her husband Ryan, who worship as messianic Jews. I didn't even know that in a traditional Jewish wedding, seven blessings are often offered for the couple!

Seven Blessings for One Marriage by Virginia Knowles

Reverence

As you stand side by side in humble awe of Him, Devote and purify your hearts to please the Holy One in whom

Justice and mercy met on the cross.

Wisdom As you ponder the mysteries and epiphanies of life,

Think, imagine, listen, linger, and reflect with one another. Learn from the LORD and His Word: Know and then do.

Light

As you reflect the larger luminescence, Seek to mirror the marriage of Messiah and his beloved Bride,

A radiant, translucent testimony of grace and glory.

Purpose As you embark on a journey of excellence together, Move forward faithfully and fruitfully as partners

On your mission: a grand adventure of faith and destiny.

Joy As you drink of the abundant sparkling fountain,

Make a merry melody and holy harmony to celebrate our Creator, Who beautifully fashioned each of you for each other.

Peace

As you confess, forgive, reconcile, respect, and embrace, Let shalom, wholeness, blossom as an olive branch,

And you shall be united in the One who makes all things new.

Love As you commit to cherish and nurture one another,

Surrender, serve, and sacrifice with loyalty and affection In the sacred marriage which our God has entrusted to you.

May these blessings be yours in the LORD!


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THE HOME SCHOOLED MOM

It's lesson planning time! As you prepare your heart and mind to teach your children, your thoughts roam through the tasks at hand. The books are all lined up and the pencils are sharp. This child is learning fractions, that one is doing chemistry labs, and the preschooler is discovering the alphabet. But wait! Did you forget a student? What about Mom? You are being home schooled too! Don't say, “I'm so busy teaching my children that I don't have time to learn things for myself!” Make time! It will help you stay fresh, serve your family more effectively, and set an example to your children of the joy of lifelong learning. Being a “home schooled mom” involves several things:

♥ Continue Your Teacher Training ♥ Study with Your Students ♥ Keep Those Brain Waves Rolling ♥ Nurture Your Creativity with Home Arts ♥ Accelerate Your Learning Curve ♥ Find Your Own Learning Passion!

Continue Your Teacher Training

School administrators know that teacher training is not a one-shot deal, so they require continuing education classes. Likewise, home school teachers need to keep on researching about the learning process. There is always something fresh to discover! Reading several home school books and magazines will give you a broad spectrum of approaches and ideas. One word of caution: home school books and magazines are a great prescription against discouragement, but like any “medicine,” overdose is possible! If you spend too much time reading, you may end up feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. Not every idea or standard fits your family right now, and even the ones that do must be taken a little at a time. No home school author has a perfect perspective, no matter how strongly the opinions are expressed or how nifty the techniques seem. Prudent parents evaluate each idea by Scripture, “second opinions” from other families, and their own experience teaching their children. Should you teach your child to read at age four, or delay until age eight? Should you allow them to count on their fingers or use a calculator? Should you ever use textbooks? What about flash cards? The bottom line is that we are free to try a wide variety of teaching techniques in order to find what works for each of our children. I'm not saying that moms should skip discontentedly from one expensive product to another; each one deserves a fair trial. However, your trial-and-error will be less prone to error if you make it a goal to read regularly about home schooling or special learning challenges facing your children.


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Study with Your Students

Another way to be a “home schooled mom” is to study school subjects along with your children. This doesn't take much extra time, since you have to read most of their books anyway. Whichever curriculum style you use, you can:

♥ Giggle with them at the animal pictures in a nature book. ♥ Drink in the high quality literature which you may have missed as a child. )I

often find myself choked with tears during the tender parts.) ♥ Let history come to life through captivating stories and biographies. ♥ Check out related adult-level books to enhance your own perspective. ♥ If your students learn a new style of handwriting, consider changing yours too. ♥ Explore the intriguing principles behind math equations or science

experiments. ♥ When you are curious about a subject, look it up in the encyclopedia. ♥ When you are at a loss for just the right word, reach for the thesaurus.

A great side benefit is that while you are soaking in all of this fascinating information, your enthusiasm will be a contagious motivation for your children in their own learning pursuits.

Keep Those Brain Waves Rolling!

Make regular time for stimulating your brain. Home schooling can be demanding and draining -- as well as exciting and fulfilling. Don't succumb to the routine or get stuck in a rut! Truly creative home school moms learn to keep electrical energy zipping through the gray matter. They prepare their minds for action (1 Peter 1:13) so that they are ready for situations that come up. When we hit the snags of home schooling, we really need our wits about us! As with any worthwhile life choice, there will be hard times when you feel like giving up. All of us have days when almost nothing gets done or when our children don't act like the rosy-cheeked cherubs of our dreams. As you seek practical solutions to the situations you encounter, you will be amazed at your own creativity. Brainstorming is a very valuable skill which you can teach your children by example and by letting them participate. As you encounter each problem (um, I mean “opportunity for growth”!), sit down and analyze what is really bugging you or what is hindering your progress. There are solutions, so take some quiet time to think and ask God for wisdom, ala James 1:2-8. Sometimes the answer is “stick with it and learn endurance”, but at other times you will gain insight into specific things that you can do. You will find that you grow in organization skills, self-discipline, and creativity. Home school is for real life -- and you are being home schooled too! The most common use of our God-given creativity is daily problem solving. Do you ever face questions like these?


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♥ What can I do to freshen up my quiet times with God? ♥ What should I teach until my backordered school books arrive? ♥ How can I help my third-grader memorize the multiplication tables? ♥ What should I do when I can't afford the curriculum I want? ♥ How can I get my children to eat their vegetables? ♥ What educational things should we do on vacation this year? ♥ How can we finish everything we need to do today? ♥ How should I arrange the school room? ♥ How can I protect my computer when the preschooler uses it? ♥ What can I do with this leftover chicken?

It's time to start brainstorming! Pray for God to inspire you and to remove mental blocks. Thank him for your resources as you take inventory of what you do have to meet each need. You may find the answer right at home! Here are a few hints on the brainstorming process. Saturate your brain with the situation, thinking through each facet of it. Look at it from different angles. For a particularly sticky problem, grill yourself with hard questions about any personal barriers you need to overcome. Think of other areas in which you creatively solved a practical problem, and how that knowledge can carry over to your new situation. Read about the subject and talk with other people. The discussion process can make it all seem clear. Since home school moms are generally creative and helpful people, ask for their opinions at several points in the process. Ideally your support group is a big idea exchange. We can always benefit from another's perspective and experience. List all possible options and ideas, no matter how crazy. Don't be afraid to try something different! For example, think of how to use what you already have in an entirely different fashion, such as partitioning a room with a bookshelf or storing game pieces in a plastic frosting container. Add a little spice to academic subjects by using a smorgasbord of various approaches, activities and learning modes. Let your child choose interesting sub-topics and resources for further independent research. Invest in or make high-interest supplementary materials: hands-on manipulative materials, games, colorful charts, etc. Do something to give your home school a jump start. Write down all of your thoughts and nifty ideas promptly so you won't forget. You can always come back to them later if your train of thought is interrupted. Evaluate the options, pro and con. Include prices, time required, drawbacks, uncertainties and expected results. Give yourself plenty of time to let these things rattle around in your brain. Then choose the best alternative and try it out. Did it work? If not, don't be discouraged! Change something or start over with Plan B or even Plan C. Remember Thomas Edison and his thousand failed attempts to invent the light bulb!


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Nurture Your Creativity with Home Arts

How about home schooling for mom? Our creative home arts skills can flourish in our families and then overflow to the outside world. They make our lives more beautiful and satisfying. Edith Schaeffer, in The Hidden Art of Homemaking, encourages women to develop and express the “hidden arts,” the little creative things you do in your home that sometimes no outsider even sees. You might take them for granted, not aware of their potential, but if you start small and practice them consciously in your daily life, you may see them blossom outward from your home.

Our creativity flows from the fact that we are made in the image of our Creator. The Holy Spirit fills us with unique skills, abilities, and knowledge to serve God and others, not just ourselves. In Exodus 35-36, Bezalel and Oholiab not only crafted sacred articles for the temple, but taught their skills so others could join in the holy task. The shepherd boy David ministered with anointed music to soothe a disquieted king (1 Samuel 16:14-23) and wrote everlasting psalms of praise. Dorcas, in Acts 9, made clothes for poor people. The creative Proverbs 31 woman also spread out her hands to the needy.

What do you think of as creative? Here are a few ideas:

♥ drawing, painting, calligraphy, sculpture, stained glass ♥ photography, photo album arranging, origami, booklet making ♥ toy making, greeting card design ♥ sewing, needlework, clothing design, costuming ♥ hair styling, wardrobe selection ♥ singing, playing a musical instrument, composing music or lullabies ♥ puppetry, drama, poetry, humor, choreography ♥ story telling, fiction/factual writing, letter writing ♥ cooking, baking, menu planning, experimenting with recipes ♥ hospitality, celebration ♥ flower arranging, landscaping, gardening ♥ home organization, interior decoration, furniture restoration ♥ inventing, teaching, mentoring, problem solving

Obviously, you can't do it all! What do you want to do? Are you confined to the things for which you have natural talent? Some things may come easier, some you may enjoy more, and others you may excel at. However, you can learn a little something about many things to enrich your family and home school. Ask yourself these questions:

♥ What talents have I already nurtured? ♥ What hidden arts or secret ambitions do I want to develop? ♥ How can I use these talents to serve God and others? ♥ What steps must I take to get started? ♥ What equipment and supplies do I need? ♥ Can I get a friend to teach or coach me?


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As you evaluate the options, please realize that creativity changes with motherhood. Your stage in life may inspire you to delve into areas you had not thought of before. On the other hand, if you have young children but you don't have a separate place for your own projects, there may be some activities you will have to save for another season of life. For me, this includes oil painting and extended quilting projects, since they involve time, mess, spread out space, and hazardous supplies. I still do crafts with the children, draw with markers, sew simple items, make up songs, and write. Calligraphy would be another fitting hobby since it requires minimal setup and supplies, and can be used for home decoration and gifts. What a blessing it would be to have beautiful Scripture passages to grace our walls!

Accelerate Your Learning Curve

When my daughters came home from Miss Dee's house with glowing accounts of baking bread from scratch, I just had to tease Dee about being “homier than thou.” But one day, since my husband has a weakness for homemade bread, I decided to try my hand at whole wheat. I called Dee for a recipe, gathered my ingredients, and plunged in. Three weary hours later, I had four soggy loaves, five dough-covered daughters and a totally messy kitchen. “Why did I ever do that?” I wondered. Yet I had lots of flour and yeast left over, so a couple weeks later I tried it again with a different recipe. I'm glad to say it was much easier and tastier the second time around! Several months later, I could bake four loaves with only about 30 minutes hands-on time. What made the difference? It was the learning curve! I had to discover more efficient ways to work, twiddle with the recipe, invest in tools and supplies, and learn to assemble large batches of dry bread mix ahead of time. I also found sources for bulk ingredients. For example, a two pound package of yeast costs about $2.50 at a warehouse club, which is a better buy than the four ounce $4.00 jar at the grocery store! But now I must confess the pinnacle of my learning curve: my mom gave me her old bread machine and now it's a snap! So was it a waste of time doing all the fiddling and learning? No! I still make my own huge canisters of bread mix with bulk ingredients, and at least now I know how to make bread by hand if necessary. I was also able to teach my daughters how to do it, and some of them actually enjoy the process! Much of motherhood and homemaking requires learning curves. We need time to acquire the skills of our trade without expecting instant success. Whatever the subject is -- academic instruction, child training, marital communication, cooking, gardening, hair cutting, sewing, crafts or house cleaning -- at the start it seems like you'll never get it right. It just doesn't seem worth the effort, does it? Yet you persevere. Try, try, try again. Practice makes perfect, and all that stuff. Pretty soon you're a veteran. An extended trial-and-error process is not always necessary. Creativity is not just a matter of totally spontaneous originality. Our projects are often based on previously developed plans such as recipes or patterns. Especially when we are learning a new skill, we must be willing to follow instructions. When we have gained enough proficiency, then we can branch off into more original ideas. In my eighth grade sewing class, the teacher told us to go buy a pattern for a simple piece of clothing. Being a rather fanciful girl, I had other ideas! I sketched an elaborate velvet gown and told Mrs. Gregg that this would be my sewing project. “No way!” she replied. “You don't even know how to sew yet, much less design something like that!” I meekly bought a pattern for a rather plain skirt, followed the instructions, and learned the basics. The principles and practice from two years of home


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economics classes have served me well for 20 years. Now I can follow packaged patterns as well as design my own projects. Do you want to accelerate your learning curve? Consider these tips:

♥ Read about your topic; the library is full of how-to books. ♥ Start with some form of written instructions or one-on-one coaching. ♥ If you have problems, ask someone to help you troubleshoot. ♥ Plan ahead to be sure you have the tools, supplies, time, and space. ♥ Relax and take a deep breath. It’s hard to work when you are tense. ♥ Work slowly and methodically, referring to your instructions often. ♥ Make sure you clean up promptly so the project won't haunt you! ♥ Evaluate the results and think of how you could do it differently. ♥ Write down your new ideas and try a few of them next time. ♥ After you have a grasp of the basics, you customize the project as you want. ♥ If you really don’t like it after a while, chalk it up to experience and quit!

Don't be afraid to try new things, including fresh variations on old routines or projects. Allow learning curves for the rest of your family too. Affirm their efforts and encourage their creativity, but don't demand perfection or squash enthusiasm. Let us all curve right on up to success. If we are skilled in our work, we'll serve before kings -- like King Jesus!

Find Your Own Learning Passion!

Forget what your kids are learning for a moment! Do you have a topic that interests you personally? Give yourself permission to do a little research and reading. This is a good example for your children, as long as you don’t get carried away with it to the detriment of your family schedule. You can’t learn about everything, but I’ll bet you could be an amateur-expert (is there such a thing?) about one or two subjects. I obviously love to research about family life, education, and Christian growth. In my case, I write from the overflow of what I learn, and this has turned into two books and ten years worth of e-magazines and freelance articles. I also love literature and history, which in turn richly equips me to teach in our home school co-op classes. I’ve been told that my enthusiasm for the subjects is abundantly evident. That’s because it comes from my heart! No, you don’t have to write books or teach classes about your chosen subject, but I do encourage you to enrich your own life and your family by learning for a lifetime.

~ * ~ As I have shared my heart with you, I pray that this book has encouraged you to see the great dignity and worth of being a home school mom. By your example, your children will see that home is a center for creativity, joy, and growth. They will see that skills and relationships developed in our families fit us for service in God's big world outside. And that is what home schooling is all about!


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EPILOGUE IN 2011

Friend, thank you for reading so far through this book. It's been a long road on this journey of home schooling for us so far. Thad and I now have 10 children, ages 5-23, and a baby grandson. They are all so different from each other. As I write, I look over at my youngest little sweetie girl, Melody, a curious kindergartener who was born while I was in my early forties. (Trust me that this was a big change from having babies in my early twenties!) They say that having children keeps you young. I'm not at all sure about that. But still I am struck afresh with the wonder of a small child who is just learning to read and suddenly takes off like she's been doing it all of her life. I get to laugh at my teenage son's card tricks, marvel over the beautiful photos that my young adult daughter is taking on her mission trip to Italy, ponder over another daughter's scholarship applications, borrow a good book from another daughter's bedside table, help yet one more fourth grader through three digit multiplication, chase down a giggling second grader so he can read his book to me, tuck away my sixth grade son's detailed nature study sketches for safekeeping, bounce my grandbaby in my lap until I have to hand him to his mommy to go home, and yes, even see a tenth grader off to the public school bus at 6:30 in the morning. It's quite the life. I often say that I am still "in the middle of the story." I don't yet know how it will turn out along the way. Sometimes circumstances are such that it's a struggle to stay hopeful for the future. You know the strain, don't you? And yet I do have an ultimate hope for the future, that God will bring me safely home, that grace and love will prevail, no matter what else happens. So I leave you with three final poems of encouragement. God bless!

Grace Will Lead Me Home by Virginia Knowles

Grace will lead me home Like a pillar of fire for a pilgrim in the wilderness Like a shimmering star hovering over new Glory and Peace on earth That wise ones still seek and follow. Grace leads me home When the way is dark and wayward voices call I listen for the Shepherd's steady voice When my soul cries for thirst, he leads me to the oasis To the crystal fountain whence the healing stream flows Grace leads me home Because God is with me: Jesus full of grace and truth Grace upon grace dwelling in the tabernacle of my heart My Messiah abides in me and I in him, my hope of glory Grace leads me home Because the Holy Spirit is my Comforter, My Counselor to guide me in truth Because I cry "Abba, Father! I am your child!" I am more than a conqueror Nothing can separate me from your love And You will lead me home.


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Between the Seed and the Tree by Virginia Knowles

A seed so small a mere breath might scatter it Never to be seen again, lost on a barren path Yet by some miracle planted with purpose Dry shell softens, releasing a pale root into welcoming soil Down growth, up growth, green stem, leaves

What will it be? A tree? From this tiny seed?

The seedling grows Straight up, skyward bound Up and up, empowered by life within A tree to be, and already a tree Defying doubt this slender sapling Shall someday become a solid trunk With lush canopy of branches and leaves A fruitful, sheltering garden blessing.

Though lost and fragile Once found by Love, we took root and grew Now between the grace and the glory Still in the middle of the story By faith, with hope, skyward bound

Springing forth from the first promise toward the full reality

Our destiny unfurls in slow motion

Between the seed and the tree.

A Mother’s Seeds by Virginia Knowles

A mother sows seeds Sows in hearts softened by sweet nurture Seeds of myriad sizes, shapes, and sorts: Truth, mercy, faith, repentance, salvation Wisdom, praise, discipline, responsibility Love, joy, peace Here a seed, there a seed, everywhere a soul seed. No mother is purely saint, saintly pure So subtle weed seeds slip from her packet too: Bitterness, pride, impatience, sloth, doubt, scorn, fear She may wisely snatch them up again right away Before harm takes root in tender spirits But some sink in and grow in spite Later to be plucked out, or not.


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Yet she seeks to sow good seed in good soil Not for the pleasure of plowing, digging. straining Staining hands and knees with clay Casting bloodied thorns and stubborn stones aside Not for these trials she toils, bowed low But for the hope, for the promise of the soul seed‘s sole purpose: Oh, for the fruit! Working, watering, worrying, weeping, watching, waiting. wondering: Will these tiny seeds fulfill destiny First with green stem and fragrant blossom, and then fruit at last? Or will they lie lifeless underground or shriveled on dry crust of earth? Oh, did one, even just one, take root deeper and deeper in the divine deep? Anchored by a sturdy, centering, downward shaft With fragile spreading threads tangled outward, seeking sustenance? Oh, for the fruit of those roots unseen! So: more seeds! Sow more seeds! Sow and sow again! Lord, make them grow! For a mother must be faithful but He alone can bring forth fruit! (Soli Deo Gloria! Gloria in Excelsis Deo!) His fruit is sweet and succulent, swelling with more seeds Later to be scattered far beyond her own field, season after season. Nations and generations shall witness her seeds and His fruit Fruit from seed, and seed from fruit From her home to His uttermost gardens From her time to His eternity For a mother‘s heart sows well beyond her own wee plot She mothers young and old, neighbor and sojourner Her reach is far and deep, patient and persistent. Any seeking soul becomes her soil She meets needs with diligent deeds Bathes each one in warming rays of kindness and prayer A mother‘s heart sows these seeds then Waters, works, watches, waits, wonders again and again By faith, hope, and love, she reaps abundant harvests When goodly, godly fruit is ripe at last!


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Lesson Planning Sample Pages

I want to share with you two sample pages from my Learner‘s Journal lesson planner and resource log, as well as an semester planning grid. The full lesson planners contain other pages in the front, including Major Resources Used, Field Trips, Most Important Literature, Special Accomplishments, and more. You can order these colorful spiral-bound books by e-mailing me at [email protected] for more information.

Lesson Plan Page

The top part of the lesson plan page has nine large blocks. If you give daily assignments, light lines divide each block into sections for each day of the week. If you give weekly assignments, ignore the lines or use them to divide individual assignments within the week. You can put a small circle to the left of most assignments so your child can check them off as completed. Or if assigning several different pages from a book, write each page or lesson number and have the child circle that when they are done. The blank blocks can be used for other subjects, lists of supplies or materials that you need, or other comments. Character Training: I use this spot to note specific Bible readings or have a child

merely check off that they read the Bible. I also use it to assign research in Bible reference books and to record what we do in character education programs.

Language Arts: Use this for literature, phonics, grammar, spelling, vocabulary, handwriting, creative writing, dictation, copywork and other areas of language arts.

Math: The easiest way to write assignments is to list each lesson or page number and have your child circle them as they are completed.

Social Studies: This subject includes history, geography, civics, sociology, psychology, career education and more.

Science & Health: This section covers science readings, nature studies, experiments, technology studies and health.

Arts: This could include music, art, crafts, drama, and more.

CHARACTER TRAINING LANGUAGE ARTS MATH WOT grammar Horizons Math

O 98 O 99 O 100 O 101 O 78

O Read Proverbs 2 Italic handwriting

O 15 O 16 O 79

O Copy Proverbs 2:3-5 O Read Charlotte's Web

O Read one other book O 80

O Young Peacemaker O Write paragraph about

Lesson 6 farm life O 81

O Look up "wisdom" in O Copy spelling list Math Blaster CD-ROM

dictionary and concordance O Spelling test O O O O

Across the bottom of this page, there are five smaller blocks for Monday through Friday so you can note appointments, extracurricular activities, co-op classes, meetings, field trips, project deadlines, birthdays, etc. This helps you and your child prepare for and plan around what’s coming up.


201

Resource Log On the right hand side is the Resource Log. Use this page to list the resources your child uses this week, such as books, kits, DVD's, etc. The Format & Topic column is to note what kind of resource it is (book, video, etc.) and what it is about. This will make your portfolio much more meaningful when it is evaluated, because the contents of the resource are not always apparent from the title alone.

DATE TITLE AUTHOR FORMAT & TOPIC

09/ 08 Charlotte's Web E.B. White classic f iction / farm life

09/ 08 Lyrical Life Science audio tape / anatomy

09/ 09 Harriet Tubman NEST Entertainment animated video / U.S. history

- - bio - - 1800s

09/ 10 Jump Start 3rd Grade Knowledge Adventure CD-ROM, all subjects

09/ 10 Life on Our Farm Joyce Higgins non- f iction / farm life /

photographic

Notes

At the bottom of this page is a Note section. Some will like to use it to evaluate how they did that week. Others will give more detail about their activities or projects. And some will need this area as an overflow for the books they read!

Semester Planning Grid

This page, which is not included in the Learner's Journal, is for mapping out a semester's worth of weeks, especially for those who do unit studies. On this sample, note that I only use week numbers when we are actually doing school, but I account for every week on the calendar, from the start of the semester to the end.

Week # Date Description Comments

1 Aug 23 Explorers & Oceans Field trip to beach 2 Aug 30 Explorers & Oceans 3 Sep 6 Explorers & Oceans Labor Day 4 Sep 13 Explorers & Oceans 5 Sep 20 Explorers & Oceans 6 Sep 27 Explorers & Oceans Oct 4 Fall Break Trip to Grandma's

7 Oct 11 Early Colonial Era

OK, now here are the actual pages (slightly modified to fit in this book)!


202

LEARNER'S JOURNAL LESSON PLAN

CHARACTER TRAINING LANGUAGE ARTS MATH

SOCIAL STUDIES SCIENCE & HEALTH ARTS

SCHEDULE OF EVENTS

MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY


203

LEARNER'S JOURNAL RESOURCE LOG A List of Books, Videos & Audio Resources, Software, Kits and More

DATE TITLE AUTHOR FORMAT & TOPIC

NOTES


204

SEMESTER PLANNING GRID

Week # Dates Description Comments

the real life home school mom 2011 edition by virginia knowles

Documents