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    Chapter 1: He saidI'm going to tell you right from the beginning what the world is like. No bullshit. Nobeating around the bush. Just the truth.

    People care about looks. Okay? It's just life. Why do you think hygiene isimportant? Why do you think the cosmetic industry goes through billions andbillions of dollars a year? I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just trying to give you ahealthy dose of reality.

    I had figured out from an early age that all girls were going to pick some other guy with a big pair of pretty green eyes and blonde hair rather than me. Nomatter how beautiful or spectacular I was on the inside. No matter how much wehad in common and no matter how strong a connection we had. If someonebetter looking was offering, I would be left in the dust.

    I wish I had it in me to tell you that I was at least "average" looking but to beblunt. I was just ugly as sin. I had glasses that I still had from kindergarden anddull brown eyes. A crooked nose that never looked good from any angle. Thinlips that weren't even worth being mentioned. Freckles that were scatteredacross my cheeks and for some reason I had this red tinge to my skin that madeit look like I was always sweating. My dark brown hair was oily, no matter howoften I washed it and the only purpose it served was to hide the rest of my facefrom viewing eyes.

    The only hope I had to reproduce was if my wife was blind or if a girl wasseriously drunk to the point where she thought I was Brad Pitt.

    To be honest, I was always pissed off and fuming about this. I think it had to dowith the fact that I had never had anyone come up and tell me. "Hey, I like you."Is that so much to ask? It's not like I want some chick to come up to me and fuckmy brains out!!! Though... I wouldn't mind that. But just a sign that said that theynoticed me and were in the least bit interested would be nice!

    It was getting to the point where I couldn't even look at someone who was better looking than me, male or female, because I would just get too angry thinkingabout it. I wanted someone to NOTICE ME! I want to feel that rush of excitement

    when discovering "love" and "sex" for the first time with someone who saw pastmy physical differences.

    I just wanted someone to like me because of who I am and not because of what Ilook like. Is that really too much to ask?

    As much as I hated to admit it. These thoughts never left me. It broke me downeveryday, no matter how hard I tried to escape it. I wanted to believe so bad that

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    there were people out there that weren't shallow and could see past whatsomeone was on the outside.

    But I was starting to believe that was a lie.

    Especially when a new girl walked into our classroom. I swear, when she did Icould feel the boners start to inflate with each step she took towards theteacher's desk. Even the TEACHER looked startled by her gorgeous good looks.

    And that was the last straw.

    God damn!! She could be a serial rapist and nobody would give a fuck! Doesn'tanyone care about qualities!? Doesn't anyone care that I'm going ot univerisityone day to be a geneticist!? Doesn't anyone care that I'm a good person!?

    It was at that moment, that I hated her with a fiery passion. I saw through her

    downright blasphemous facade that she put in front of everyone. I saw throughthe cheerful smile on her face and the perky body that she had. She was ashallow heartless bitch.

    And she was sitting right beside me... lovely.

    She had to be a succubus or something. The way the men in the room had their eyes on her. Hell, even the women in the class did! She was just this walkingglowing goddess. You had to watch no matter how much it costed you.

    I turned my head away, completely disgusted.

    If everyone else was going to judge a book by it's cover, then I might as well jointhe whole fucking crowd of comformists and do it too.

    I felt my blood start to boil with something unmistakable. Rage.

    I couldn't even concentrate the entire class which was saying a lot because itwas biology. Biology usually was one of my favourite classes and I enjoyedcoming to it everyday. It took my mind off this crap life of mine. But not today.

    I think I was more pissed off because just like every other boy in the classroom. Iwas attracted to this girl and at the moment, that was the last thing I wanted. Iwould've given my left arm for someone to take that feeling away. God, not onlyam I a raging geek that constantly complains about his own life and the thingsthat happen in it, but I'm also a hypocrit!

    I just wanted to die.

    She had this long rich chocolate brown hair that waved effortlessly with her

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    movements and this olive tone skin that made you drool from the thought of maybe one day bringing your lips to it. Her sparkling brown eyes seemed to hit allplaces at once and her features were perfectly proportioned with high cheekbones and a heart stopping smile. She looked like she was half indian and half caucasion and I wanted nothing more than to just stare at her all day.

    But I resisted. This was the last time I ever like a girl because of her looks. I amnot going to be one of hypocritical douche bags that goes and says one thing andthen does another. I am going to keep my ground this time.

    When class finally ended, I bolted upright and left as quickly as possible. I did abig sigh of relief when I was finally in the hallway. My rage was starting to fadeand I had to lean up against the locker to catch my breath.

    "Um... excuse me?"

    I turned around. It was the Succubus.My heart leapt to my throat. "Yeah?" I made myself seem annoyed.

    Her eyes broke for a brief second, showing confusion. She kept it back and heldup a map. "Where is the computer lab?"

    I sighed. The computer lab wasn't on the map. If I tried giving her directions, shewould just end up getting lost. "It's not on the map."

    She frowned, her once sparkling eyes now turning sad. "Oh."

    "This school is big, do you mind if I just show you?" I really just wanted to get outof her presence as quickly as possible and get on with my life. Being around her was hard as it was, trying to talk with her was a whole other world entirely.

    "Sure."

    I moved quickly but she kept up. Swerving through the student body and trying tododge dumb jocks had to be a sport somewhere because I had mastered the artlong ago. She wasn't bad either, she kept up my movements.

    I turned around every now and then to see if she was still following me. One time,she even had to grab onto my shirt to make sure she didn't lose me among thecrowd of students.

    Finally, we were here.

    "Here you go." I said, turning to leave.

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    "Thanks." She called out to me as I turned away.

    When I was halfway down the hallway, I turned around for a quick look and sawthat Ryan Diogardo was already on her. Figures. The top alpha dog and the guythat all women dream of having because of his ferocious good looks and status is

    going to get her. This just confirmed my theories. Beautiful people go after other beautiful people. I might as well just give up and find myself a nice girl whodoesn't mind investing in paper bags.

    The next couple of days, I found out that her name was Michelle. She was one of those shy girls that didn't make friends all that easily. At first, I thought she justwasn't interested in being friends with anyone here, but I noticed the way sheacted towards everyone and it wasn't with indifference, she was interested, butshe just didn't know how to show it.

    People started to slowly give up on her and the only people left that stuck around

    were the guys that drooled over her and were pretty much looking to get into her pants. Ryan Diogardo was one of them.

    From what I heard, they started going out. At the time, I wasn't that interested, Iwas busy setting up the Snow Sports club at the school. Mostly it involved a lot of free style skating and hockey that was co-ed, but sometimes we went up toWhistler and did some snow boarding and skiing. The club wasn't really thatpopular because it costed a lot to do the activities but I was one of the peoplethat actually put the time and effort into making sure everything went smoothly.

    It had been a few weeks since she came to this school, I was pretty sure I had noshot with her. After all, if she was attracted to me, she would've been after mealready. Not that I was holding out or anything. I literally had no faith in my abilityto attract women. But... I guess there was a tiny part me of me that *wished* shewould notice me, you know?

    There was also a tiny part of me that wished I could forget about her too.

    When she rounded the corner one afternoon and spotted me putting up clubsigns on the bulletin board outside the office, she smiled at me.

    I felt the breath get knocked out of me, but I kept my eyes centered and dull. Itried to keep myself calm. I was not attracted to her. Not one bit.

    "Adrian!" She said as she came up to me.

    I was startled for a brief second. She knew my name?

    "Hey..." I said, reaching for my stapler.

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    She was silent for a second. "What are you doing?"

    I let out an exhausted sigh. "Putting up posters for the Snow Sports club at our school."

    "Do... do you like manage it or something?"I didn't make eye contact. I knew the moment I did it, I would slowly fall for thetrap that she threw at every other boy. I would not be ensnared. Not this time.

    "Yeah, it isn't that popular though." I tried to brush it off.

    "Why not?" She took one of the papers from my hand. "It seems fun."

    I cleared my throat, signaling I was uncomfortable. "It costs a lot of money. Goingup to Whistler, even with the discount group fees, is close to $200 a person."

    She seemed interested. "Ouch."

    "Tell me about it. I've been trying to get people to join for the past three years. Noluck."

    "I'll join." She spat quickly.

    I turned to look at her and was stunned. For some reason her beauty didn't effectme. It probably had to do with the wide-eyed look on her face as she realized thewords she just said. "Really?"

    "S-sure." She ran a hand up her hair. "Where do I sign up?"

    I pointed to the sheet of paper on the bulletin board. She took out a pen andscribbled her name down. Michelle Verma.

    "Thanks for joining, I mean it. We need lots of people. If we aren't over twelve inthe next couple of weeks we might have to cancel the trip." I tried to not soundtoo disappointed.

    "No problem." She smiled politely.

    It was awkward for a second. I found the best excuse I could to leave. "I'll seeyou later."

    It was lame, I know. It wasn't even an excuse. It was more like a rushedgoodbye.

    "Bye..." She said softly as I walked around her and left.

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    I released a breath of air I had been holding in as soon as I left her presence.

    I didn't see her around school that much the next week. When I saw her in thehalls, she waved to me though. I was always too stunned to wave back but

    sometimes I felt my hand twitch feeling the need to.I reminded myself that I was sworn off all dating that starts with a physicalattraction. She wasn't the only pretty girl at the school, but she was the only onethat seemed to not be a total bitch when I talked to her and that in itself was anaccomplishment by my standards.

    Around the end of the week, I heard that she broke up with Ryan Diogardo. Notthat I really cared. He was a total asshole anyway. She deserved someone whowas just all around better. Not some alpha male douche bag that cared moreabout the color of her pants more than the color of her eyes. If you know what I

    mean.So by Friday, I was in an alright mood. I had found nine people to sign up for theclub and they were willing to pay the fees. There would be a meeting after schoolexplaining a few things. I didn't think that Michelle would show up, but I wassurprised when she walked through the door.

    Not that I showed it.

    Our teacher guardian was the biology teacher-obviously. Mrs. Carr loved me. Iwas her best student and probably the only reason she hadn't burnt down theschool long ago. The woman was insane. She was really passionate aboutteaching and being young. She was all into the "new experiences and learningnew things" phase and she was more than happy to share that with everyoneelse.

    "Okay." I started as the eight students sat down in the lab desks. Michelleincluded. "There's lots of things to talk about, so let's get started."

    Michelle was a very good listener, occasionally asking questions. All the other students seemed bored hearing me go on about parent guardians and forms thatneeded to be signed, but she kept her eyes focused with a gentle smile on her face. It was nice for a change.

    But I refused to giving in.

    After the twenty minute meeting, I excused them all and Michelle came up to me,papers in hand, beaming. "I'm really excited."

    I tried not to encourage the excitement. "Really? That's good."

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    "When's the next meeting?"

    I turned to look at the chalk board behind me that read.

    Next Meeting: Tuesday after schoolShe bit her lip. "Oops. Should've seen that."

    "It's okay, you must've been distracted by my radiant beauty." I let the joke slip.

    Her eyebrows rose with every word. "Well, you are a good speaker."

    I took the compliment to heart. "Thanks."

    She looked like she wanted to say something else, but then backed away. "See

    you... Tuesday."I waved my hand at her and she stepped out of the classroom.

    Mrs. Carr was shaking her head at me.

    "What?"

    "Oh... nothing." She went to leave the classroom. "Are you coming?" She neededto lock up after me.

    "Yeah." I took the papers I needed and headed out.

    I saw Michelle exiting the building and I looked shamelessly this time, knowingthat if I did it while people were around or while she was watching I would befigured out in no time at all. Damn my male emotions. Couldn't I just findsomeone normal to like?

    Call me stubborn but I just refused to follow the crowd when it came to somethinglike this. Even if she DID like me, I think I would spend the entire relationshipworrying if I was good enough for her. So it was a good idea that I just stayedaway from the whole idea altogether.

    There was less pain that way.

    I didn't see her much the next couple of days and when Tuesday came aroundand she walked into one of the meetings. I could tell there was something wrong.She just had this rundown look in her eyes and her whole body was stiff. I eventhink she was wearing a scowl.

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    I got on with it. Talking about how the money needed to be brought in by nextMonday and that forms needed to be brought in. We also made a list of everything that needed to be pack and brought when we went on the trip.

    After the meeting, she didn't even bother to come over to talk to me. Either that

    or she just didn't want to talk with anyone.There was a very fine line between being an asshole and an ignorant asshole. Iknew that right now was one of those times I would have to let my pride take afew beatings so I could do that "right thing."

    I followed her out into the hallway. "Michelle!" I caught up to her.

    She turned around, she was surprised for a brief moment, then she lookedannoyed. "What is it?"

    "Is something wrong? You seem... different today."She brought her hand up to her head and laughed. "You know, it's funny, you'rethe only one that's noticed all day. Some friends I have."

    I didn't say anything, just stared at her.

    She sighed and caved. "Ryan is really annoying me. Is he always such a tool?"

    I had to laugh. "Do you really need to ask that? I thought it was blatatly obvious."

    "Well, he won't leave me alone. At first, I thought he was really nice and sweet.Writing me love notes and bringing me flowers, then after a week, he startedgetting demanding. Asking that I come to his house and getting me alone in hiscar. I didn't want to and I told him I felt uncomfortable. He didn't understand that,so I broke up with him. Now he follows me and stalks me. It's really creepy." Shepushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I guess I'm just having a bad day."

    "Get a new boyfriend." I immediately suggested. I didn't say it so that she wouldchoose me. It literally was the best idea I could come up with at the time. I figuredRyan might feel threatened and just give up.

    She nodded, realizing that wasn't a bad idea. "Who?"

    "No idea, you can have your pick though. I doubt anyone would say no to you."

    She scowled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

    I felt my face getting hot, but I didn't say anything. I kept my eyes hidden.

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    Her voice was filled with disdain. "I didn't ask to look this way. I've tried hiding mylooks before and that didn't get anywhere, people just saw through it." She let outa frustrated sigh. "You have no idea how often I wish I was just normal."

    I felt like letting out a snort. Seriously? It seems a little sick that I would spend my

    ENTIRE life wishing for at least an ounce of beauty that she had and she wasmore than willing to give it away for $5 and a box of condoms.

    I couldn't believe it. I refused to believe it.

    "You want to be normal?" I asked, curiosity in my voice.

    A half smile. "Yes. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of only being noticed for what I look like.It's annoying. It's getting to the point where I don't even want to get romanticallyinvolved with anyone anymore. I should just become a nun or something." Shesighed dramatically. "You have no idea how lucky you are Adrian."

    I scoffed. "Lucky? I highly doubt it." I ran my hand through my hair, realizing Iwas close to sharing my thoughts on the entire world with her. "I should... getback. Mrs. Carr probably wants me to finish up so she can leave."

    I started walking backwards.

    She squinted her eyes at me, probably seeing right through my facade. However,she didn't look so rundown anymore. No. She just looked pissed off.

    I turned around before she could say anything and ran back to the classroom.When I came back, Mrs. Carr gave me a knowing look and smiled.

    Ugh! Mrs. Carr! You don't want to piss me off right now!

    I was pissed off because she was pissed off. How dare she complain about beingwonderfully gorgeous? And THEN try to make me sound like some God fromheaven above!? That girl had a lot of nerve.

    It was one thing to joke but this was just taking it too far.

    I didn't talk to her in biology class the next day and then everyday after that. Shemade no move to talk to me either, but I saw her sneaking glances at me fromthe corner of my eye.

    On Friday, we met up again for another club meeting. When she walked in, sheeyed me up and down with pursed lips and then sat down. I tried to ignore her.

    Stick to the plan, Adrian! My mind told me.

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    I didn't even look at her the entire meeting when I spoke. I felt my eyes hover over her and I made especially sure that she felt like everyone else. After all,that's was what she wanted, right?

    After the meeting, she came up to me with a sad look on her face while pushing

    a stray piece of hair behind her ears. "Hey..." She started."Hey." I focused on sorting the papers on the table.

    "I don't think I'll be able to get the money by Monday. Can it wait a few of days?"

    I finally looked up at her. "How long?"

    "Thursday."

    I let out a sigh. "I'll talk to Mrs. Carr about it. It probably won't be a problem."

    She let out a breath she had been holding and nodded. "Thanks Adrian." Shelooked like she wanted to say something more and then stopped herself.

    She turned to leave and I mentally slapped myself as I watched her exit theclassroom.

    I was an asshole.

    But at least I still had my pride.

    I told Mrs. Carr the deal and she agreed. If she didn't pay up by Thursday shewas gone. It wouldn't be such a bad thing, for some reason this year we had a lotof applicants. There were usually a few who couldn't make it, but I make it prettyclear that before you sign up you need to have the funds to pay for most of thetrips. I guess there were a lot of rich freshmen this year.

    Finally, Thursday rolled around. When I arrived at school, she was alreadywaiting for me inside the front door.

    She handed me an envelope. "Here you go."

    "Thanks. I'll make sure Mrs. Carr gets this." I put the envelope in my pocket.

    She was still standing there. "Adrian... I..." She stopped. "I'm sorry. I shouldn'thave dumped my problems on you like that." Her eyes were staring at meintently. I tried not to get lost in them, but it was hard. When a Goddess is near you, you stare! Boy, do you stare!

    I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. I should've just kept my mouth shut." I

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    walked my way around her. "I'll see you later."

    "Bye..." She frowned while watching me walk away from her.

    I turned quickly and brought my hand up to my forehead. Oh boy, did I have it

    bad. Why couldn't I just keep my hormones in check? This sucks. This literallyfucking sucks. Not only is she an angel on the outside, but she's also an angel onthe inside.

    And that made me angry.

    Nobody should be this perfect. Okay? It was just goes against all laws of nature.It was like someone knew that I was having these morbid thoughts so they threwher into the equation to screw it up even more!

    Thank you! Now let me die a lonely life in peace, please!

    My life before she came in was relatively happy. A little angst there, a bit of whining here. Now it was ALL the time. I couldn't get her out of my mind and Ididn't like that. I wanted to forget about her. After all, I swore that I would never EVER fall for someone on their looks again and that was an oath I was intendingon keeping. Forever.

    I tried to imagine what it would be like if they rounded up the entire malepopulation of students into the gym. Someone asked. "Who here likes Michelle?"And I would be the ONLY person in the ENTIRE school that wouldn't raise their hand.

    That was the thing that kept me hanging on. At least I had the balls to say that Icould resist tempation and that I could keep myself from feeling something for someone. At least I was man enough to realize how pathetic physical attractionwas before everyone else.

    Chapter 2: She saidThe two weeks before Whister was... pleasant. Michelle stayed away from memost of the time. We didn't talk much and when we did, it was awkward for somereason. Probably because I was so worried about letting my feelings slip and she

    was probably just... thinking I was weird. But whatever mood I was giving off waskeeping her away, so I was happy.

    The day that we were leaving for Whister was busy. We showed up to school atfive in the morning. We all looked like crap. Our parent volunteers drove us up.We arrived at nine in the morning. We checked into our lodge that we would bestaying the night in and then we chillaxed for an hour before our first couple of lessons in the lobby.

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    Everyone was socializing pretty nicely and so far there was no trouble. My mindwas in "parent" mode though. I wanted to relax and have fun but I also wanted tokeep everything together too.

    I guess Michelle noticed too."You need to chill out a little." She said while walking up to me. She crossed her arms. "We have a few parents and Mrs. Carr with us, you don't need to be... souptight."

    I scrunched my nose. "I know... it's just..." I sighed. "I can't help it."

    A smile was on her face. She looked amused. "Let's make a deal."

    I raised my eyebrows.

    "I'll help you relax a little and you can help me... ski. I've never actually skiedbefore." She blushed sheepishly.

    "Then why did you come?" I asked, shocked.

    She shrugged. "I wanted to. Now, what do you say?"

    I looked her over again. I wanted to refuse but I couldn't. Besides, a part of mewas actually... excited. "Deal."

    The next four hours was filled with excited giggles and me trying to keep my mindsane with a goddess beside me! Even when she was on skis she was graceful.She picked it up really fast and I was surprised. I didn't even need to go throughthe whole pizza, french fry routine with her.

    But she kept up on her end of the bargain, I definitely kept mind off of things butthat was probably because I was so worried about pleasing her.

    When lunch finally rolled around, she couldn't stop talking! She kept going onabout how much fun she was having, how great a teacher I was and even whenwe were going to go for the next trip! To say that I was starting to like her wouldbe the understatement of the century.

    We sat down with our warm soup and sandwiches and she started talking again."Do you go skiing alot?"

    I shook my head. "No, I don't unless it has to do with school. My parents aren'tinto that kind of thing anymore, but they took me when I was younger and I fell inlove."

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    She nodded thoughtfully. "We're so lucky to live so close to this place."

    "I agree, where did you move from?"

    Her eyes lit up. "Alberta, from this small town called Rocky Ford.""Wow, that's a big move."

    She agreed. "It was, my Dad did some online business stuff for a while andcaught the eye of some people. They offered him some serious money to movedown here and work for them, so we moved."

    "Do you like it here?"

    She shrugged. "It's BIG. Rockford is super small. Has like four hundred people

    and only one school.""Wow, the population of THIS school is four hundred people! That's insane!"

    She was so excited. "Yeah, I know! It's taking a lot of effort for me to get used toso many people." She was so giddy, I couldn't believe she was this happy justtalking to ME. ME! "So have you lived here all your life?"

    I nodded enthusiastically. "Yup. My Mom used to live in the Ukraine though."

    "Get out. That's awesome. Does she speak Ukrainian?"

    "Just a little."

    She smiled. "When I was younger, my Dad forced me to start learning Punjabi,but I wasn't really into it. Besides, my Mom didn't know any, so it was hard tohave a conversation with her."

    "Punjabi?"

    "From india." She concluded.

    "You know, I thought you looked a little indian when I first saw you." I noted.

    I saw a blush start to form on her cheeks. "Yeah, my Mom is Greek and my Dadis Indian."

    "That's really cool. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

    "I have a younger brother, but he's in middle school."

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    I felt a little jealous. "I wish I had a sister or a brother. They seem cool."

    She scoffed. "Consider yourself lucky. Seriously. My brother is only twelve yearsold and he's already one of the biggest players I've ever seen."

    I started to laugh. "Get out, really?"

    She nodded, not able to contain her smile. "We've been here for a month, and sofar he's brought home FIVE girls from his school. No boys. Just girls."

    I started to giggle. "Wow."

    "Tell me about it. Mom has been trying to sit him down and give him the talk, buthe gets all flustered and finds some excuse to leave. It's hilarious." A naughtysmile came on her face. "I'm such a horrible sister too, I've been helping Mom

    and setting him up.""I would do that same thing." I smirked. "So you're not alone."

    "It's good to know that there's someone just as evil as me out there." She chided.

    After lunch, we went back out on the slopes. This time, we were actuallyFLIRTING with each other... at least. I think that was what we were doing.

    I was torn. This was not how I expected things to go down. In my head, I knewthat this was going against the sacred oath I had made to myself. I didn't want tolike her because of her looks. But at the moment, it wasn't even her looks thatwere attracting me to her. It was her energy, her absolute love for life. I didn't justwant to get close to her physically. I wanted to get close to her mentally too.

    And that confused me more than anything.

    More importantly... why was she interested in me? I wasn't anything special. Ididn't have a rockin' bod and a pair of pretty baby blue eyes to die for. I didn'teven have a proportioned face! What could she possibly see in me!?

    But there was no mistaking the interest in her eyes as she gazed at me. Therewas no denying that she was only talking to me and to me only.

    For once in my life, I felt special.

    When we came in for dinner, it was official. We were the best of friends. We goteach other's jokes. We told each other some of our embarrassing secrets and weeven exchanged phone numbers.

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    During dinner, she told me this really funny joke and I just couldn't help but laugh.It was THAT funny. I tried to hide it, but when I couldn't stop laughing her eyes litup with this new emotion. One that I hadn't seen on her face before.

    Victory.

    After dinner, it was starting to get dark, so there was no more outside stuff for therest of the day. Mostly everyone retreated to their rooms to go to bed and wakeup early so they could go out again. The girls that came on the trip had their ownroom and the guys had one that far away.

    When I laid in bed that night. I had this strange sense of excitement. My entirebody was literally shaking because I couldn't keep my mind off of Michelle. Icould barely sleep and when I did, I heard knocking on the door that woke me up.

    I turned to look at my roommate who was still sound asleep. I got out of bed,

    reached for my glasses and walked to the door. Opening it, I found Michelle."Hey." She smiled sweetly at me.

    "Michelle!?" I whispered frantically, wondering why she was standing outside mydoor at God knows what hour.

    I popped my head out and looked to see if there was anyone out there, then Istepped out and closed the door behind me. "What are you doing? You shouldn'tbe here." I was still whispering.

    Her voice was low, but she was still loud. "Hehehe, I wanted to talk to you, cutie.Can't I do that?"

    Cutie? Seriously? "Are you... okay?" I asked, perplexed.

    "I'm awesome." She came closer to me.

    That's when I noticed she was only wearing these skimpy penguin pajamas and Ifroze. I couldn't help it. My eyes fell down and rested on her flat stomach and her long legs and...

    "My roommate is really cool. Her name is Kate. Kate. Reminds me of Cake."

    My mind came back to reality and I weighed her words. "Are you drunk?"

    She brought a finger up to her lips. "Shhhh... Kate brought it in her suitcase,nobody needs to know. " She placed her finger on my lips and started giggling.

    She was suddenly very close and I found it hard to breathe.

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    "Michelle..." I whispered, trying to step away from her but my back hit against thedoor. "You need to go to back to bed."

    She pushed her body against mine and I shook as a huge surge of lust ran

    straight to my groin.Oh God. She needs to go. Now.

    "You want me, don't you?" She winked at me.

    Her words weren't a turn on for me like they should've been. Instead, theyreminded me of why I started this whole stupid oath in the first place. I was tiredof people thinking they could get anything they wanted because of their beauty. Iwas tired of people who thought they were better just because they were better looking then me.

    This hurt. The only way a woman would ever want me is if she was too drunk tothink. I tried to swallow the pain, but it only came back as bitterness. How dareshe take advantage of me like this?

    I pushed her off me.

    My voice was harsh. "Get off me. I can't believe you. Why do you think that awink and a pretty smile can get you anything you want?"

    Her hands dropped at my words and she went still. "Adrian... I..."

    "This is what I was afraid of. You know what? Just go. You're exactly who Ithought you were. Don't ever talk to me again."

    Her mouth was open, wide. She was shocked.

    I turned around and went back into my room. Feeling the fury leave me as Ileaned back against the door. A few seconds later I heard footsteps signallingshe had left.

    When I went back to bed, I tried to tell myself that the only reason she had actedlike that was because she was drunk but I knew the damage had already beendone. There was no turning back anymore. Besides, she should've had enoughsense not to come completely on to me like that.

    She wasn't just drunk. She was wasted.

    And I wasted my time on her.

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    I felt kind of empty. Like I had invested a part of my soul into her well being andall I got from it was a cheap piece of ass and the smell of booze. I was such anidiot.

    But a part of me was still happy that I stood up to her like that.

    The succubus got succubusted.

    I wondered how she felt about that.

    The next day. I felt like crap. Not just because I hadn't slept a wink, but because Iwas actually debating about apologizing to her.

    I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

    Everytime she tried coming over to talk to me, I couldn't help but flash her a look

    that said "stay the hell away from me" and then she would begin to step backslowly with a sad look in her eyes.

    Did she even remember what happened? The hurt look in her eyes told me shedid. I figured she must've not been that drunk. Just enough to make me lookattractive.

    I think that's what hurt the most. That somehow I was dominantly restricted to thefriend zone at an immediate glance and then somehow after a bit of booze Isuddenly wasn't. Who the hell does she think she is?

    "Adrian." She begged. "Let me explain."

    I didn't even have the heart to look at her. "Just leave me alone."

    "Fine. Be that way." She brought her sensuous lips in a pout and turned aroundin anger.

    Something told me that wouldn't be the last time she would bother me and I wasright. When we got back from Whistler, she never stopped following me. Trying toexplain, trying to tell me she was sorry. At this point, I didn't even care anymore. I

    just wanted to get on with my life and focus on school.

    I admit it. I was hurt. Okay? Are you happy now? Sue me. I'm allowed to haveemotions and feelings. Teenage boys may have a bad rep as being sexed updouche bags, but that isn't me. As much as I would love to get into Michelle'spants, I had bigger things to worry about and as much as I wanted to forgiveMichelle and start over with her. That was just too much effort for a person whohadn't really proved herself to me in the first place.

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    I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I would be alone all my life. I hadtoo high of standards when it came to women and probably some weird trustissues that resulted from my "over thinking." As much as I would love to be in arelationship, it was just too painful and as sick as it sounds... every girl I looked atI compared to Michelle.

    I can't believe that after she threw herself at me, made a complete idiot of herself and then tried to say sorry, I would STILL have the hots for her. What was wrongwith me!?

    It's because I had a look into her world. I knew her humour. I knew how sheworded her sentences. I knew how she saw the world. I knew that she bit her lipwhen she was worried and that she touched her hair when she was nervous...

    I'm screwed. I'm literally screwed. If I keep comparing every girl I see to Michelle,what chance do I have at life at all?

    Of course. Mrs. Carr, being the observant bitch that she is, obviously sawsomething was wrong between us. I guess she saw us being all buddy-buddy onthe Whistler trip and then saw us doing everything but stabbing each other afterwords.

    So, a week after the trip, I walk into the Biology room, thinking everything is fineand dandy. Sit down at the lab desk. Michelle walks in. Sits besides me. Ignoresme. Just like every other day in Biology.

    Then, Mrs. Carr stares at us from across the room. You would think she wasgoing to shout our names at any moment. She was being so blunt that theSTUDENTS were even looking at us thinking "Are they trouble?" and the ever popular "Wtf?"

    For once, Michelle and I exchange confused glances.

    Mrs. Carr gets up and announces to the entire class that theres a newassignment and that she is picking the partners.

    Everyone groans, including me, because I knew who she was going to partner me with.

    Michelle.

    Bitch! I thought she was supposed to like me!? Have my best interest in heartand all that crap! Well you know what? I'm not going to stand for it.

    I'd rather do the project alone then with Michelle.

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    I went to her after class, Michelle walked out class and kept her eyes to the floor.Once she was out of the room, I gave Mrs. Carr a look of hatred.

    "I know what you're doing." I sighed. "It isn't very nice."

    Feigning confusion she asks, "I thought you liked Michelle?""Yeah, well I don't anymore."

    "Why not?"

    I sighed, not really wanting to spill my guts out to her.

    She pulled a chair out from underneath the desk and told me to sit down. "Tellme what's going on, maybe I can help."

    I sat down. "Splitting us up would be good help.""Just tell me what happened."

    "How do you know something happened?"

    All she did was raise her eyebrows at me.

    I gave in. "Okay, alright, but you didn't hear this from me alright?"

    "I might be able to let it slide if isn't that bad, but if it's life threatening or could putanother student in danger, I can't make any promises."

    I shook my head. "It isn't that bad, it's just..." I swallowed. "Alright. During theWhistler trip one of the girls brought booze in her suitcase. The girls got a littledrunk... I assume." I started fidgeting. "Michelle came to my room during themiddle of the night, drunk. I told her to go away and go to bed, but she threwherself at me. I pretty much freaked out and told her she was a slut in a nice wayand then left her. And now... well I'm just still pretty pissed off about the wholesituation."

    "I see. How do you tell someone they're a slut in a nice way?"

    I brought my hand up to my head. "I don't know. It just came out all at once. I wasstill tired. I was confused. Slightly nervous. Probably a little horny. I don't know!Okay. I don't know. I just want to leave things the way they are. It's best if I stayaway from Michelle."

    "Why do you think that?" Why does Mrs. Carr have to ask tough questions!?!

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    Obviously uncomfortable, I answered anyway. "Me and her, we're two differentpeople. We're in two different worlds. Do you see her, Mrs. Carr? She's... she'sabsolutely beautiful. I'm just... I'm just a nobody. Okay? I'm just a nerd who'sgoing to go to college and get a degree. Find some nice homely girl, marry her and then have homely children. End of story."

    She seemed pretty shocked by my confession. "Is that really what you think?"

    This conversation wasn't getting anywhere. Instead, pissed off and brooding, Istood up and just walked out of the classroom with a frustrated look on my face.

    I would get it from Mrs. Carr later, but right now all I cared about was retainingthe small amount of pride I still had.

    God, what is with women and emotions!?

    The next day, I had pretty much prepared for the worst.When I walked into Biology class, Mrs. Carr looked pissed and Michelle lookedeven more pissed. Lovely. Word of advice to all men out there. Never ever yell ata girl. It never ends well.

    When I got to the desk, I sighed and said, "When do you wanna do this?"

    Her tone was curt. "How about today after school?"

    "Sure."

    "Can't be long though, I have to work at six."

    I turned to look at her and was once again stunned by how effortlessly beautifulshe was. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, I found thetwo words that seemed to make the most sense at the time. "You work?"

    "Yeah." Was all she said.

    Something clicked in my brain, I don't know why, but I was interested. "Where doyou work?"

    She turned to me and frowned. "Mall food court..."

    "Oh." I blinked. "Since when?"

    "I don't know, about a month ago?" She said and then turned away from me.

    I took that as a signal that she wanted the conversation to end but for some

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    reason... I couldn't stop. I had to know something.

    "So why did you get a job?"

    She turned to me, her eyes blazing. "None of your business."

    That's when I knew. The time lined up perfectly. She got a job three weeksbefore the trip to Whistler. She couldn't get me the money until... until the twoweeks were up. No wonder she didn't have the money ready on time! She waswaiting to get paid!

    It was a big confusing... but to sum it up. She got a job so she could pay for theWhistler trip! No wonder she was so shocked that she agreed to join the club. Ishould've known that she didn't have the money... yet I was so caught up inplaying the little game of "stay away from Michelle" that I didn't notice how kindand sweet she really was.

    I gave her my story on how I didn't think there would be enough people to come.She felt sorry for me and came to my rescue.

    And that... that just... that just slayed me. I shouldn't be mad at Michelle. I shouldbe praising her kind soul.

    "I'm sorry, Michelle."

    She turned, puzzled. "For what?"

    "For yelling at you. I was wrong." I whispered the words, not believing they had just came out of my mouth.

    She furrowed her eyebrows. "What's this about?"

    "Nothing. I just realized something."

    "And that something is?"

    I turned and smiled at her. "I like you."

    Her eyes went wide. "Oh..." She licked her lips. "I'm confused."

    This warm glow started to spread throughout me. Yes, she came onto me andwas a complete idiot on the Whistler trip. Yes she got drunk, but she spent her valuable time and money paying for the trip just to make me happy and to me...that really meant everything.

    "You got that job to pay for the Whistler trip, didn't you?"

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    She sighed out and closed her eyes. "Yes..."

    "Why didn't you tell me you couldn't afford it? I wouldn't have minded. Thingshappen."

    "Well, you just looked so excited about it when you were telling me, it was themost I had seen you talk. Ever. I saw how hard you worked trying to get peopleto join and I..." She brushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "I just wanted to helpsomehow."

    The warm glow never subsided. "Thank you. That means a lot to me... that youwould go that far and beyond. Seriously. Thank you."

    I saw a blush go on her cheeks. "It's no problem... really. I wanted to go... never been skiing before. I had fun. Well... for the first half of it."

    I winced at the last sentence. "That was my fault, I'm sorry. I should've realizedyou were..."

    She shook her head. "No, I should've just said no to the beer, but I didn't." Sheturned to me with a sad smile on my face. "I guess I'm just one of those lustydrunks."

    I had to laugh. "Don't worry about it. It's in the past..." I looked up to make sureshe was on the same page. "Right?"

    She nodded dillingently. "Of course."

    I turned around and saw Mrs. Carr looking at us. I rolled my eyes at her. You win,Mrs. Carr! You win! Okay? I apologized. I set things right. Now leave me the hellalone.

    Michelle whispered to me, "Sneaky little thing, isn't she?"

    I should've known that she would catch on. I turned and gave her a half smile."Yeah, me and her had a little discussion after class yesterday. I'd like to say thatI came out the winner but..."

    Michelle was already laughing. "It's okay. I like Mrs. Carr. I talked to her the other day and well..." She smiled sheepishly. "She was really helpful."

    "Yeah, she has her moments. Most of the time I think she's just a sociopaththough."

    Another chuckle. Michelle was so cute when she laughed, her whole face goes a

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    little red and it looks like she's trying to keep it in, but instead she just goes allout. "Yeah a little... your place or my place?"

    It took her a second to understand what I was talking about. "My place soundsgood. I don't know who will be there though. I have to pick up my brother too, I

    hope you don't mind?"I shook my head. "No, it's cool."

    She flashed me a charming smile and said, "Sounds good."

    Chapter 3: We saidAfter school, we walked out to the parking lot together and got into her four byfour. She was non stop chatting, not that I minded. I loved hearing her voice and Iloved hearing about her life. It was interesting. Everything from her player brother to her mixed ethnic family.

    "My brother is going to hate you." She warned.

    "Why?" I laughed.

    "He thinks that all guys I bring to the house are scumbags."

    "Even if they're there for an Biology project?"

    She thought about it for a second. "Yeah probably. I've had a lot problems withguys in the past."

    I wondered if I should ask about it but she didn't seem too intent on telling me, soI just kept my mouth shut.

    "I have a question..." I began.

    She turned to look at me. "I hope it's... not bad."

    "No, you don't need to answer it if you don't want to but... I don't know. I guess...why do you want to be my friend?" I turned to look out the window, finding it was

    better to concentrate that way. "I haven't seen you talk with a lot of people... youseem to avoid everyone."

    She sighed. "I didn't just pick you, Adrian." She focused on her driving for a while."It's a long story... maybe I'll tell you one day but all you need to know right nowis that you caught my eye. You stood out."

    "Me? But I was such an asshole whenever I talked to you. I didn't look at you, I

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    avoided you..." I went on.

    Her smile showed she was amused. "Maybe that's why I liked you. You weren'ton me right from the get go, climbing up and down, trying to get my attention. It'swas a nice change of pace for me."

    "So you pick the worst kid in the school to be friends with?" I scoffed.

    Her eyes hardened. "You are FAR from the worst, Adrian. Trust me."

    I raised my eyebrows at her.

    "Do you think that you're not worth it? Is that why you avoid people?" She askedme.

    I didn't reply.

    "You're far from horrible, Adrian. The reason people probably avoid you or stayaway from you is that you're always too busy or they think they aren't goodenough to be friends with you."

    "Get out."

    "No. I'm being serious. You're not bad looking. You don't have any other friends,so they figure you don't want any. You focus on your studies and you'repassionate about everything you do. People probably just think you aren'tinterested in them."

    Did she just say... I wasn't bad looking?

    I sighed out. "You don't know what it's like."

    "Then tell me."

    "You don't know what it's like to not have attention, or big group of people tryingto be your friend or to have people stare at you and come over to you and saythat they like you... It's lonely."

    "You think that just because I'm hot I don't have any problems?"

    I rolled my eyes. "You have your whole life laid out for you, Michelle. People lineup just to worship the ground you walk on. You don't know what it's like to feelthis way, like there's nobody out there that notices you. Do you know what it's liketo have nothing but heartbreak to look forward to in the future?"

    "Do you know what it's like to break those hearts, Adrian? Do you think I like

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    turning people down whenever they come up and scream my name, telling methey love me and want to be with me? Do you think I like it when people stare atme wherever I go? I can't have one good friend without someone telling me thatthey love me and then when I just try to tell them that I wanna be friends... theylook so defeated and heartbroken that they end up just not wanting to be near

    me anymore."She went on. "Most guys just throw themselves at me and I feel guilty because Idon't like that at all. I feel like sometimes I should just give in and date as manypeople as I could just so people will hate me and never want to speak to meagain."

    "Oh and girls gets jealous at me because all their boyfriends don't want to be withthem after they see me. I don't have any girl friends either because they KNOWas soon as they get a boyfriend, I'll just snatch him away."

    "Which makes me wonder if I had any real friends at all. I try to have ameaningful conversation with a boy and their eyes just glaze over and by the endof it their eyes are on my breasts and the soda I'm holding is in their face."

    I laughed at that.

    "Most people could care less what I have to say. As long as I got a nice prettyass to stare at and some tight fitting clothes." She snorted. "They either hate myguts or they're completely obsessed with me." She banged her hand on thesteering wheel. "I am so SICK and tired of having these weird creepy old guyscome up do me when I go to the mall and try and hit on me."

    She turned to me. "So, yeah I do know what it's like to be heartbroken."

    "I'm sorry..." I started.

    When I turned to look at her. I realized for the first time, that she didn't look likethe Succubus I thought she was. She didn't even look hot. She just looked like apassionate girl who wanted to be recognized and noticed not because of her looks but because of who she was.

    She was just like me.

    I realized the emotion that came next. It was a strange euphoric feeling, it startedin my chest and it made my blood race as it traveled along my limbs until itreached the tips of my fingers and toes.

    I understood then and there.

    I was in love with Michelle.

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    God help me.

    She turned and smiled at me. "Don't worry about it."

    "No, I'm serious. I shouldn't have been so... depressing."She shrugged. "You needed to say what was on your mind. Sometimes I wish Icould do that, but there's nobody here to listen. I'll just remember that next time Iwant to say something... I can say it."

    "Are we doing another deal?" I said with a half smile.

    It took a second for her to catch on. "Of course. We're friends right? I mean, I'vedone some stupid shit... you've... been well..." She laughed. "Pretty well perfect,but we're all human right?"

    "As far as I'm concerned. You have done nothing stupid."

    Her smile was sweet. "Thanks, Adrian."

    "No problem."

    "Let's just hope my brother likes you now."

    I chuckled. "No doubt."

    When we stopped in front of the middle school. I saw a very VERY charming boywith a smile race up to the car. He noticed me sitting in the seat beside his sister and that smile turned into a full blown smile.

    I was pretty sure I already scratched off the "like" list.

    He got in the backseat. "Who's... he?" His voice was full of despair.

    "He is my Biology partner. We're going to the house to work today. You don'tmind, right Dara?"

    He crossed his arms. "Yeah, whatever."

    "What do you want for lunch?" She asked, switching topics.

    "Edible food for once."

    She had a look of panic on her face. "Dara!"

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    "Hmphf." He said, turning to look out the window.

    "I'm sorry, he's snooty sometimes." She turned to me.

    I shook my head, keeping silent. "No worries."

    The ride to the house was... incredibly uncomfortable. Dara kicked the chair behind me at least five times and I pretended not to care. Michelle was right. Hewas the little trouble maker.

    When we got there, he was first out of the car and he raced up to the house. Hehad his own key and he got in quickly. Michelle seemed sooo embarrassed,apologizing madly and constantly telling me how much of an angel he usually is.

    As soon as I entered the house. I knew they did a lot of tradition Indian cooking.

    "Oh wow." I said, coming in.She frowned. "This is the door way."

    "I know, I'm talking about the smell. Who does the cooking?"

    She smiled sheepishly. "That would be me."

    "It smells great in here." I heard my stomach rumble. "My stomach agrees."

    She laughed. "What do you want?"

    I looked shocked. "Oh no... I couldn't."

    The sweet smile was back on her face. "Don't worry about it. I'm thinking sometandoori chicken, what do you think?"

    "Sounds delicious. Do you need help?"

    And so we spent the next half an hour making a feast the Gods themselveswould have problems resisting. Her brother only came out once to eat it and thenretreat back to his room.

    When we got started on the project, it was already four and we didn't have muchtime to get anything done because she needed to get to work. She dropped meoff before she went to work and gave me a cute smile before driving off.

    I sighed... there was no doubt in my mind now about how I felt for Michelle.

    But I couldn't tell her. She'd label me like the rest. Call me an obsessive stalker

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    and ditch me on the side of the road.

    So I kept it in.

    The next two weeks were painful. I felt myself getting closer to Michelle and yet

    so far away at the same time. I knew what she was talking about now when shesaid people couldn't be friends with her. It was hard not being able to go all theway. It was hard keeping that professional distance. I had to catch myself nearlya billion times when I would start leaning closer to her or when I was about totouch her.

    It was painful but seeing her smile was worth it.

    Everyone in school knew we were friends now. Of course. Why would they thinkwe were dating? After all I was just some homely nerd who I'm pretty sure bynow they thought was gay or something. After all, if I hadn't tried to hit on

    Michelle, then there MUST be something wrong with me.But it wasn't like that. I was so attracted to Michelle that it nearly killed me. I reallytried to not get turned on by her beauty, but... I couldn't.

    Sometimes, it tore me up inside. Knowing that I was no better than the peopleshe had told me about in the truck. If she knew what I was feeling then... shewould let me have it. She would hate me. She would leave me.

    Also, there was one little problem still left. Ryan Diogardo.

    He came up to me one day, all macho with his foot ball buddies behind me. Hehanded me a note. "Can you give this to Michelle?"

    I just nodded. What was I going to say? No? Yeah, that would go down well. I'dend up in a locker, stuffed and burned to the ground.

    I figured, what could it hurt? It was just a silly note. It wouldn't hurt Michelle. If itmeant that I wouldn't get stuffed in a trash can, I'm sure she wouldn't mind megiving it to her.

    I looked down at the note and read it.

    I want you, I can't help myself. You're the one I want. I don't look at anyone but you.I think about you all the time, even when I'm dreaming.I see you and my entire day brightens up.Please let me in. I want to go further.

    When I read it, I felt this tiny vice squeeze my chest.

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    It's amazing how the note pretty much summed up my entire feelings for her inone little package.

    I knew I couldn't ever write her a note like this. I would be gone from her life in an

    instant. She would call me a hypocrit, and say I was just like all the others.The note ended up depressing me more than I would've liked. I was so caught upin my feelings for Michelle that after school when she came up to me. I was sodistressed and nervous that I just gave her the note with a grunt and a "Here"and took off without a word.

    When I got home. I fell on the bed, completely exhausted.

    Life sucks. You know? Maybe it would just be for the best if I pushed Michelle outof my life. It would hurt her, yes but that didn't mean I didn't have any right to be

    happy. It hurt knowing that by pushing her away, I would just be like the othersbut it hurt even more knowing that Michelle would never see me as anythingother than just "a friend."

    The phone started to ring, but I ignored it. Probably Michelle laughing over thenote and how stupid it was that Ryan would say those things, even though thosewere the exact words I would write to her if I had the guts to.

    God, this was painful.

    Ten minutes later. Someone was at my door, knocking.

    What the hell?

    I got up and walked over to the door.

    There stood Michelle. Tears were in her eyes.

    "Adrian!" She threw her arms around my neck and leaned forward.

    I stumbled backwards.

    She pressed her lips to mine.

    I was lost for a second, in such a deep shock I didn't know what was going on.

    Was she drunk again?

    She pulled away and looked down at my stunned expression. "Bet you didn'texpect that, did you?" She was so happy, so giddy. She giggled. "Writing this

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    note was so... so perfect. God, Adrian. I've been trying to find some way to tellyou back. Really. I have. But I thought that after the drunk Whistler accident youwould... you know... not be interested at all."

    "I just feel bad for wasting all this time now. I should've told you sooner." She

    cleared her throat. "Adrian. I like you. A lot. No. Fuck it. I love you."My mouth fell open.

    No way was this happening. It couldn't be happening.

    She looked down at my stunned expression and anger flicked in her eyes. "I justtold you I loved you... shouldn't you be more happy?"

    I heard the words come out but they were the wrong ones. "I didn't write the noteMichelle... Ryan did."

    She stepped away from me. Her entire being breaking in front of me in slowmotion.

    She brought her hand up to her head, touching it lightly. "Oh..." Her voicetrembled. "Oh God. I'm so sorry. I... I'm so embarrassed... just... just forget thathappened."

    Her shoulders slumped. The smile disappeared. The youthful glow in her eyesfaded into a deep sadness that looked like it would be forever striken to her face.

    Every second I stood there watching her broke my heart. I wanted to tell her whatI felt, but she went on.

    "This... this didn't happen, okay? Let's just..." She backed up until she hit thedoor of my house and then she had this defeated look on her face. She sobbed.

    Why couldn't I say the DAMN WORDS! God damnit!?

    "Why?" She whispered. "Why don't you want me?" She started to cry. "Why can'tyou just be like the others? Why is it so hard for you to notice me? Do I meannothing to you?"

    I stood standing, completely stunned. I saw her hand reach for the doorknob, butbefore she could leave I pressed the door back with my hand.

    I titled her chin up to look at me and the once beautiful eyes that I could get lostin were pools of despair.

    I leaned down to kiss her but she pushed me back roughly. "I don't need your

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    pity." She said coldly, while wiping the tears from her face. "I get it, okay? I'll justleave you alone."

    Before I knew what was happening, I spoke. "No."

    She stood still, waiting for me to go on."Michelle... I love you too." I choked and reached for her hands.

    Silence.

    She leaned her forehead against my chest, soaking in my words. "Really?" Her words came out as a shaky breath.

    "Why would I lie?"

    "Then... why do you distance yourself so much from me?"I closed my eyes, knowing fully that I was going to have to explain myself to her."It's... complicated."

    "Tell me everything."

    "Alright..." I swallowed. "That... that day that you walked into that classroom, Iwas attracted to you and I hated myself for it. Before you walked into my life, Ihad been mentally complaining about how beauty wasn't everything and abouthow looks couldn't get you everywhere in life. So I made up my mind right thereand then that I would treat you with indifference."

    She gasped.

    "Unfortunately... the more I got to know you, the more I started to like you. Not just because of your looks but because of everything else. It was hard, Michelle.I'm not going to lie and say it was easy for me to ignore you looks, but I did it. Isaw past the pretty smile on your face and I kept digging deeper until I hitsomething that was bad, but I never did. You are... an angel. I don't even knowhow to describe how much you light up my world. Not just with the way you look,but the things you do, the way you make me feel. It... it means everything to me."

    "I thought that if I could prove to myself that I didn't like you, that I wouldsomehow gain more pride and I'd feel beter about myself, but instead... I just feltworse. I felt like an idiot, because instead of focusing on how I felt, I kept mymind trained on ignoring you."

    I noticed then that she was crying. "Mrs. Carr..." She started, then stopped.

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    Mrs. Carr? What the hell does that have to do with my heart breakingconfession?

    "Mrs. Carr and I talk all the time..." She wiped more tears off her face and staredup at me. "Do you remember when you showed me to the computer lab? I

    remember looking at you and thinking. 'What the hell? He's not even looking atme?' and then as soon as you took me there, you left immediately. I was so...confused. I had never had someone treat me like that. At the very least, peoplealways treated me in a friendly manner, but you just didn't care at all."

    "So I talked to Mrs. Carr about it the next day. She was confused too. She saidyou were usually nice to everyone. So... I started watching you and my interestgrew for you everyday after that. I wanted to know why you acted the way youdid and then after a while... I just wanted to get closer to you. Watching wasn'tenough, so I found any excuse I could to get close to you which was..."

    "The Whistler club." I finished for her.She nodded. "Yeah. Right before I went to my room... the night before I gotdrunk. I told Mrs. Carr I really liked you and stuff. I was still confused at the timeand I guess I thought the beer would make it better, but it made it worse." Shestuck her tongue out of me and sniffed. "I guess we've both made some badchoices."

    She was still clinging to me and I stepped away from her, suddenlyuncomfortable. I could already feel my face start to heat up.

    This was so awkward. "Well, this wasn't exactly-"

    Before I could speak she jumped me and pressed her lips to mine again. Thistime I didn't hold back. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her back.

    When we broke this kiss, we were both smiling and she started giggling. "I'vebeen wanting to do that for a while now..." She went back in for another kiss andI didn't stop her.

    "Yeah... wow..."

    She giggled. "You're different from the rest."

    "So are you." I went in for another kiss.

    I was so estatic. We couldn't stop kissing. It got so deep that the only time we leftwas to get more air and then we went back down again.

    "So that night..." Another kiss. "You came to my room..." One more kiss. "You

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    really wanted me? It wasn't just the booze?"

    She shook her head. "No. I really wanted you, it wasn't just the booze."

    Another kiss. I wasn't sure where the time went. My head was dizzy, she was so

    intoxicating. My own poison..."I really want you now too." She whispered huskily into my ear. Her breathreaching my neck and causing me to go insane.

    I found out a lot of things that night. The most important thing, beauty wasn'teverything. I looked at her and instead of seeing a goddess in the flesh, all I sawwas... Michelle. Michelle, the girl who laughed at my stupid jokes, the girl whocould cook the most amazing Indian food ever and the girl that... loved me for exactly the same reasons.

    I'd like to say that beauty and looks meant nothing to me but that would be a lie.My relationship with Michelle told me that sometimes beauty is important. If Goddidn't want us to notice beauty, then why could we see colors? Why could wesmile? Why could we laugh? There were so many things that made the worldwhat it is. So many mysteries that made me frustrated beyond belief because Icouldn't figure out what they were. And that only made me realize that maybe... it

    just wasn't worth losing your mind over.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is... attraction isn't evil. Beauty is there for areason. We SEE it for a reason. If you let your senses and your heart guide you.It won't do you wrong. Take it from someone who's been there. It's a lot moreimportant to see with your eyes then with your pride.