RELEASING SHAME AND GUILT

Lent 2 – March 16, 2014

This morning, we hear the story of one of the more notorious, and certainly most vilified

of Jesus disciples, Judas Iscariot. Throughout the Gospels, when the disciples are listed, Judas is

always last, and usually with the note that he is the betrayer. His birthplace, as indicated by his

name, Iscariot, was Kerioth, a farming village about 23 miles south of Jerusalem. Therefore,

Judas was Judean, while all the other disciples were Galileans. The others were brothers. They

were friends. Like Jesus, they were from the northern region of Galilee. It is said that Judas may

have held the purse strings for the group, so even though he was an outsider, he was in a position

of trust. Judas’ identity, actions, and motivations have been debated throughout the centuries.

This morning, I invite you to listen to the words of the Gospel of Matthew as we attempt to

consider our own ways of dealing with guilt and shame. Listen for the word of God.

SCRIPTURE READING: Matthew 26:14-16, 20-25, 47-49a, 27:1-5

Without entering into the debates of the ages, let’s consider Judas, a man who realized

the err in his ways and had a change of heart. He repented and attempted restitution, saying, “I

have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” Then, he judged himself as guilty, beyond

forgiveness, and gave himself the death sentence.

In this second week of our season of Lent, our season of forgiveness, I encourage you to

consider the ways you may judge yourself. Was there a time in your life when you did

something, or didn’t do something, that you regretted? Did you attempt to go to the injured

person and apologize, maybe even make restitution? “I really sorry, I made a mistake. Is there

anything I can do to make it up to you?” Maybe the person forgave you; maybe not. Maybe it

was a long time ago. Have you been able to put it behind you, or, like Judas, have you left

yourself hanging.

Shame and guilt are topics we seldom talk about, but they influence our understanding of

ourselves and hold us captive in ways that distort our lives. Our hope is shaken and we expect

misfortune because, after all, we deserve it … or at least we think we do.

Guilt and shame, what is the difference? Well, we feel guilty for what we do; but we feel

shame for who we are. We may feel guilty because we lied to our mother, but we feel shame

because we are not the person our mother wanted us to be. The distinction is subtle, and granted

there is some overlap, but it is an important distinction.

Let’s start by acknowledging that both guilt and shame can be healthy when reminding us

of our essential responsibility and relationship to others. It is healthy when that twinge of

conscience is rooted in reality. It means that we are aware and uncomfortable for what we have

done and with being less than we ought to be, or want to be, and we are moved to change.

On the other hand, unhealthy guilt and shame is not rooted in reality. It is a good gift;

gone bad. Our faults are exaggerated and we believe that we will never measure up. We

consider ourselves to be a phony, a coward, a bore, a failure … and, all in all, a poor dope with

little hope of ever becoming acceptable. We may find that we become anxious, angry, passive-

aggressive, depressed as criticism of what we have done is perceived as disapproval of who we

are.

People invent many ways to escape their shame, but it is not a condition that we can

escaped – it can only be healed. And it can only be healed by grace.

Grace is the beginning of our healing because it offers the one thing we need most: to be

accepted without regard to whether or not we are acceptable. Theologian Lou Smedes writes,

“Being accepted is the single most compelling need of our lives; no one can be friends of

themselves while at the edges of their consciousness they feel a persistent fear that they may not

be accepted by others.”

Grace heals, not by uncovering an overlooked cache of excellence in ourselves but

simply by accepting us, the whole us, with no regard to our beauty or our ugliness, our virtue or

our vices. We are accepted wholesale. Accepted with no possibility of being rejected. Accepted

once and accepted forever. Accepted at the ultimate depth of our being. We are given what we

have longed for in every nook and nuance of every relationship.

“The grace of God comes to us in our scrambled spiritual disorder, our mangled inner

mass, and accepts us with all our unsorted clutter, accepts us with all our potential for doing real

evil and all our fascinating flaws that make us such interesting people. God accepts us totally as

the spiritual stew we are. We are accepted in our most fantastic contradictions and our boring

corruptions. Accepted with our roaring vices and our purring virtues. We are damaged

masterpieces, stunted saints; there are ogres and angels in our basements that we can hardly tell

apart and that we have not dared to face up to. But to that shadowed self within each one of us

grace has one loving phrase, “You are accepted”. You are accepted.” (Smedes)

Grace heals our shame, at the beginning; not by taking all our shame away and not by

separating the sheep of undeserved shame from the goats of deserved shame but by removing the

one thing all our shame makes us fear the most: rejection. Nothing that could make us

unacceptable will keep God from accepting us.

Grace is a spiritual nova in our midst exerting a force stronger than vengeance, stronger

than retribution, stronger than resentment. Grace is one of the things that separates Christianity

from other religious traditions. And if we can learn to accept it, we will find our lives

transformed in amazing ways.

The truth of the matter is – grace has been given to all of us. Notice in today’s scripture

reading that Jesus was never angry, judgmental, or disrespectful to Judas. No, Jesus was

sometimes patient and always gracious – in fact, filled with grace. In the end, it was Judas who

was angry, judgmental and disrespectful of himself and the outcome was his own ultimate

retribution as he took his own life.

My friends, the truth is that grace has been given to us all. We can accept it and allow it

to transform our lives or we can fight it, live with continuing internal turmoil, and remain but a

shadow of what we were created and intended to be. And I believe that this makes God weep.

So the question is … should you? Can you? Do you dare? Overcoming the past takes

faith… and it also takes courage—courage to trust enough to accept the gift and shed the

problems and mistakes of the past and to begin to dream again. When shame and darkness hide

all glimpses of the future… when relinquishing the past means an uncertain tomorrow… when

you’ve judged yourself and are at the end of your rope and about to give up… you can find

healing through faith. Listen as the Lord gently whispers, “It’s all right, my child. . . I will help

you. I will not give up on you. Please, don’t give up on yourself. I love you.”

Beloved sisters and brothers, embrace the gift that already has been offered to you.

Allow God’s acceptance to form your identity and sooth your anxieties. The gift already has

been given. God isn’t taking it back. God is simply waiting for you to embrace it.

You are accepted. Wherever you are. No matter what you have done. No matter who

you think you are or how despicable you feel. You are accepted. That is the essence of the

gospel. And that is God’s message to you.