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WILLAMETTE WEEK PORTLAND’S NEWSWEEKLY

PRESIDENTOF BEERSWE BOOTLEGGED BEER FROM ALL 50 STATES FOR THE ULTIMATE AMERICAN TASTE-OFF. PAGE 12

e e e e e e e e e e

“HE’S FULL OF CRAP, BUT HE HAS NICE EYES?” P. 4

NEWS SUPREME COURT SMACKDOWN. P. 9 FOOD MISSED SHOT OF JAMISON. P. 23 MUSIC U-KREW VS. EVERCLEAR. P. 25

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THE PRESIDENT OF BEERS

We bootlegged beer from all 50 states for the ultimate American taste-off.

By Martin CizMar, John LoCanthi and Brian yaeger 243-2122

B eer is made from barley, hops, yeast and statute. We tend to forget, but the bearded men with sweaty brows who toil over copper tanks of wort have to appease not

only drinkers but the people in wingtips and pantsuits gathered under the statehouse dome. In Tennessee, you couldn’t make Rogue’s classic Dead Guy Ale without a distillers’ license. In Kansas, no beer with more than 3.2 percent alcohol by volume can be sold in the grocery store, meaning an easy-sippin’ barbecue beer like BridgePort Summer Squeeze comes from a shady liquor store with barred windows. In Alabama, home brewing is totally illegal, with an upstart brewer facing a felony for boiling the kinks out of his recipes. And across the country, distribution laws are tilted to protect Big Beer, which is why Apex doesn’t pour anything from the acclaimed Three Floyds, and Cowboys fans in Portland can’t sip Lone Star while they watch America’s Team on Sunday.

Willamette Week OCTOBER 3, 2012 wweek.com

Beer is liquid culture, and America’s tapestry of wildly varied laws creates very different visions of what’s popular or possible.

Trivial issues, you might say, especially with an important election looming. Why write about beer instead of something “important”?

A fair point. Except that beer birthed civilization. If, as many anthropologists believe, early human clans settled into cities to ferment grains, isn’t the beer a culture produces a fair benchmark of its peoples’ progress? Why even bother with civilization—entering a social contract, punching ballots and paying taxes—if we can’t get better beer out of it?

Once every four years, America picks a leader through its only nationwide elec-tion. We thought the throes of that cam-paign would be a perfect time to also find out which state is making the best suds. So, months ago, WW started a project called the President of Beers, putting the flag-ship craft brew from each of the 50 states through a blind taste test.

In keeping with American tradition, our

methods were slightly flawed and the decks stacked in favor of monied elites. We didn’t necessarily choose the “best” beer from each state, but a candidate popular among its people which represents them well. We broke a lot of laws to get these bottles. Because its illegal to ship alcohol over many state lines, we had it bootlegged—stuffed inside teddy bears, disguised as tap handles, and labeled as live yeast samples. We called in favors and spent hundreds for a case of bottles stocked at grocery stores in their native land. Intern John Locanthi spent the better part of his summer staring at spread-sheets and calling unfamiliar area codes. Six-hundred Dixie cups, four hours, three pizzas and 12 beer-soaked ballots later, we had the returns. And we were shocked.

e e e

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PRESIDENT OF BEERS CONT.

The last state without a single craft brewery in its territory, North Dakota entered our competition as an under-dog.

Because the sparsely populated plains state no longer has a craft brewery, WW contributor Brian Yaeger reached out to a home-brew club there. They sent us a bottle of something called “Beaverbear Barleywine” labeled with masking tape. But quality will win a blind taste test, and this humble bottle beat out America’s largest and most respected craft breweries—from Alas-kan to Yuengling—in a contest judged by a dozen of Portland’s top tasters. Actually, Tom Roan and Nancy Bowser, a couple from Fargo, might not be underdogs. Having home-brewed together since 1996, when they were impressed by the kettles and carboys at Bowser’s brother’s house in a Thanksgiving visit, the cou-ple have both become national-level competition judges. They make about 20 gallons of beer every month, and have brewed nearly every beer style. Beaverbear Barleywine is built from North Dakota barley and fi ve varieties of hops. The dark, malty brew “represents the hearty character of the state,” where “winters are cold, harsh and long.”

It blew our tasters away—scoring four points ahead of second place, the largest separation between any of the 50 beers we sampled. So, maybe the couple should open a brewery? “Why would you take a perfectly good hobby

and turn it into a job?” says Roan, who works as a mechanical engineer for John Deere. Besides, Roan and Bowser, a CPA, have seen other North Dakota brew-eries fl ounder. In the mid-1990s beer boom, two brewpubs opened in Fargo. One aimed to crush kegs for the col-lege crowd, the other, in a restored historic train depot, was aimed at a more upscale clientele. Both failed. With even President Obama drink-ing home-brew—the White House recipe was a minor Internet sensa-tion in August—Roan’s victory here makes a compelling case for making either beer or friends who make beer. “If we want to make a chocolate stout we can seek out the best Belgian chocolate, which comes in sheets and is not cheap, and we don’t hesitate about the expense because we’re in it to enjoy it,” he says. “Think about what you’d pay for that—like, $14 a

bottle—and I’m making out on the deal anyway.” Our congratulations to North Dakota—and home-brewers everywhere.

1. NORTH DAKOTATOM ROAN AND NANCY BOWSER,

BEAVERBEAR BARLEYWINE

THE CANDIDATES

THE WINNER

2. DELAWARE DOGFISH HEAD, 90 MINUTE IPA Also home to our nation’s No. 2, Joe Biden, Delaware’s Dogfi sh Head is known for its India pale ales, each named for how long the wort is boiled. The entry-level 60 Minute IPA is more common back East, but the West only gets the premium 90- and 120-minute versions. In a fi eld littered with similar brews, this clas-sic’s impressive fi nish shows brew-master Sam Calagione deserves his golden reputation.

3. SOUTH DAKOTACROW PEAK, PILE O’ DIRT PORTERFor possibly the fi rst time ever, the Dakotas team up to dominate a national contest. This brewery, based in the Black Hills town of Spearfi sh (that’s an eight-hour drive from Fargo), makes a porter that’s canned velvet—smooth and rich with choco-late and roasted-coff ee notes.

4. NEW HAMPSHIRESMUTTYNOSE, OLD BROWN DOG ALEAside from hosting the fi rst presi-dential primary, New Hampshire is

usually outshined by its New England neighbors. Not today. Smuttynose has been making Old Brown Dog—a hoppier take on similar British brown ales—since 1988.

5. FLORIDAFLORIDA BEER COMPANY, SWAMP APE IPAFlorida is the nation’s third-largest beer market, but craft beer sales have long been dismal down in swampland. Don’t blame the beer—this imperial IPA from the state’s largest brewery was great. It also won our informal “best label” poll.

6. ILLINOIS GOOSE ISLAND, DEMOLITION Home to our fl esh-and-blood presi-dent, Illinois was represented by Goose Island. Given that Goose

Island was bought out by Anheuser-Busch last year, its inclusion might irk some beer geeks, but Demolition’s strong fi nish shows the Chicago brewer is still doing things the right way. Or, it was when this beer was made—it’s now discontin-ued, though still on Oregon shelves.

7. OREGON DESCHUTES, BLACK BUTTE PORTER The largest independently-owned-in-Oregon brewery’s malty fl ag-ship, Black Butte, stands apart from the hop bombs of most Portland brews and above the rest of the West Coast. This Bend product is the best-selling porter in the whole country.

8. VIRGINIASTARR HILL, DARK STARR STOUTDark Starr exists because of the Dave Matthews Band. Coran Capshaw, the magnate who funded this Charlottesville brewery, made his fortune managing the jam act. Brewmaster Mark Thompson became interested in beer while working on his master’s degree in biology at Portland State University.

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9. MARYLANDFLYING DOG, DOGGIE STYLE CLASSIC PALE ALEKnown for labels designed by Ralph Steadman, the artist who illustrated Hunter S. Thompson’s work, and for moving its entire operation from Colorado to Maryland, Flying Dog also makes a very nice pale ale with a sexu-ally suggestive pun name.

10. ARKANSASDIAMOND BEAR, PALE ALELittle Rock’s Diamond Bear was the first brewery in Arkansas, luckily opening its doors mere months before native son Bill Clinton left the White House and the economy went to shit.

11. UTAHUINTA, DUBHE IMPERIAL BLACK IPAAre Mormonfolk pleased or embarrassed by the success of this Salt Lake City brewery? We’re curious how the Cutthroat Pale Ale, brewed specifically to clear the state’s 4-percent-ABV restric-tion for grocery stores and many restaurants, would’ve fared, but it’s only available in Utah. At 9.4 percent, the Dubhe imperial black IPA doubles the legal limit. It also uses hemp seeds. We’d humbly suggest Mr. Romney take the edge off with one of these on Nov. 6.

12. HAWAIIMAUI BREWING CO., COCONUT PORTERThat Hawaii produces a coconut beer is not surprising. That this particular beer wowed tasters is a testament to its great balance of sweetness and spice in a roasty porter. Many of the Kona Brewing beers found on the mainland are actually brewed right here in Portland, but this can was floated over from Maui.

13. VERMONTMAGIC HAT, NO. 9Vermont has more breweries per capita than any state. This style-defying ale is hoppy, malty and slightly fruity. The secret? Apricots. Magic Hat also purchased Seattle’s apricot-loving Pyramid in 2008, but remains unavailable west of the Rockies outside of a few stores in California.

14. INDIANATHREE FLOYDS, ALPHA KING PALE ALEPossibly the most lauded brewery in the field, Indiana’s Three Floyds also proved the hoppiest. Alpha King Pale Ale, not surprisingly, finished near the top of the heap. It does not distribute in Oregon, but you can find Axes of Evil, the brewery’s collaboration with new Portland brewery Gigantic Brewing. (See page 22.)

15. OKLAHOMAMARSHALL, ATLAS INDIA PALE ALEA young and highfalutin brewery, Tulsa’s Marshall suggests you pair this IPA with oily fish or washed-rind cheeses.

16. MONTANA BIG SKY, MOOSE DROOL BROWN ALE Big Sky Brewing has been around since the mid-’90s, rapidly becoming the largest brewery in the state with the second-most breweries per capita. The incred-ibly malty Moose Drool can be found all over Oregon.

17. IOWAMILLSTREAM, JOHN’S GENERATIONS WHITE ALEJohn’s Grocery—lovingly called “Dirty John’s” by Iowa City natives because it once sold Playboy magazine—is 50 years old, but stocks the best selection of beer in the state. Millstream, which has been around since the ’80s, named this fruity witbier in its honor.

18. CALIFORNIA SIERRA NEVADA, PALE ALE As the top-selling craft beer in the country, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale could make a case for being America’s flagship beer.

19. KANSASFREE STATE, AD ASTRA ALEWhat’s the matter with Kansas? Well, lots of things, actually. It was the first state to prohibit alcohol, and did not ratify the 21st Amendment. This is the land of Carrie A. Nation and her bar-wrecking hatchet. But cheers to Free State’s Ad Astra Ale, a well-hopped amber.

20. GEORGIASWEETWATER, 420 EXTRA PALE ALEThis is one of several beers with a marijuana-themed name from Atlanta’s SweetWater Brewing. Founded in 1997 by a duo of car-petbagging beer enthusiasts from the West Coast, the largest brewery in the Deep South—it’s actually larger than Rogue—has helped modernize the backward Southern beer scene.

21. NEW JERSEYFLYING FISH, ESB AMBER ALEThe Garden State is cur-rently working out the kinks in its brewery laws, and one of the main proponents of these changes is Flying Fish Brewing. This brewery recently expanded, sadly discontinuing its flagship ESB in the process.

22. ALABAMAGOOD PEOPLE, BROWN ALEWhen an Alabama legislator pro-claimed that Bud “drink purty good” as he argued against raising the state’s ban on beers

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16 Willamette Week OCTOBER 3, 2012 wweek.com

PRESIDENT OF BEERS cont.

it’s a subdivision of the Portland-based Craft Brew Alliance, the latter because it was purchased by Vermont’s Magic Hat in 2008. Despite distributing only by the keg, Mac & Jack’s is one of the 50 largest craft breweries in the country and is ubiq-uitous north of the Columbia.

41. MISSISSIPPILAZY MAGNOLIA, SOUTHERN PECAN NUT BROWN ALEMississippi is one of several Southern states whose brewing industry has been held back by arcane laws. Two of our tasters said Lazy Magnolia’s Southern Pecan Nut Brown Ale, which tastes exactly like the name suggests, is normally very good, with our bottle coming from a bad batch.

42. ALASKAALASKAN BREWING CO., AMBERAlaskan Amber is brewed from a Gold Rush-era recipe from a long-gone Juneau brewery. Two decades ago, this beer won the consumer poll at the Great American Beer Festival. Today, this grocery-store standby is one of the slowest boats in the fleet.

43. COLORADONEW BELGIUM, FAT TIRE AMBER ALEColorado is one of country’s great beer states. But Colorado’s largest brewery and its signature beer, named in honor of the brewmaster’s life-shaping journey through Belgium by mountain bike, didn’t impress anyone in a blind taste-off.

44. NORTH CAROLINAHIGHLAND, GAELIC ALEHighland is the largest brewery in Asheville—“Beer City, USA” as deter-mined by Internet ballot-stuffers. The poor finish of this Scottish-style ale, described by one of our tasters as a “benchmark of mediocrity,” suggests that online fanbois should spend less time deleting their cookies and more time traveling.

45. NEVADATENAYA CREEK, CALICO BROWN ALEQuality beer starts with quality water—just ask Olympia. (Ed: On second thought, don’t.) So it stands to reason that desert states had a rough go in our contest. Considering how much drinking is done there, Las Vegas is a wasteland for beer lovers, and this brew doesn’t represent any oasis.

46. WEST VIRGINIABRIDGE BREW WORKS, BELGIAN-STYLE TRIPELA Belgian-style tripel is not what one would expect from the hills of this rural Appalachian state. But, when the craft-beer scene is small, you never know what will emerge as the domi-nant brew.

47. TEXASSPOETZL, SHINER BOCKShiner Bock—actually a dark lager, not a bock—accounts for three-quar-ters of Texas’ largest brewery’s sales. It’s unavoidable in the Lone Star State but got a shrug in Oregon and was pulled from our shelves. Look for it around Seattle, where there’s a differ-ent standard.

48. LOUISIANA ABITA, PURPLE HAZE The state famous for drive-thru dai-quiri shops and the drunken hedo-nism of Mardi Gras entered an aggressively light, crisp raspberry beer. Abita’s Purple Haze is the kind of beer that everybody at a party can enjoy—especially people who don’t like beer.

49. MAINE SHIPYARD, EXPORT ALE This is the top-selling brew from the Other Portland, though Shipyard’s poor results suggest the largest brewery in Maine isn’t up to our stan-dards.

50. PENNSYLVANIAYUENGLING, TRADITIONAL LAGERThe oldest operating brewery in the country—and largest beermaker in this election—finished dead last with a light American-style lager that impressed no one. What does it mean when a blind taste test of experienced beer drinkers ends with a home-brew in first place and the largest American brewery in last place? We report, you decide.

higher than 6 percent ABV, the state became a battleground for beer rights. It’s only allowed 22-ounce bottles since August, and home-brewing remains illegal.

23. IDAHOGRAND TETON, TETON ALEGrand Teton Brewing actually began in Wyoming before relocating to Idaho. Teton Ale is a relic from the brewery’s days in Jackson Hole. It’s a medium-bodied amber ale that, sadly, isn’t distributed to the neighboring Beaver State.

24. KENTUCKYKENTUCKY ALE, BOURBON BARREL ALEConfirming stereotypes, Kentucky proved the toughest state to deal with in this project. Crazy laws, general indolence and unintelligible accents made it extremely difficult to get someone—anyone—inside the Bluegrass State to send us beer. We finally ended up with an ale aged in the white-oak barrels used to make

Kentucky’s better booze.

25. NEW MEXICOSANTA FE BREWING CO., PALE ALEFounded in 1988, New Mexico’s oldest brewery makes a pale ale described by as our experts as uni-formly “decent.” As our friends at The Santa Fe Reporter called it, “not too strong, not too light, not too dark, not too light.”

26. WYOMINGSNAKE RIVER BREWING, LAGERLagers fared poorly in this election, but Snake River’s Vienna-style brew was an exception. It’s maltier, sweeter and altogether more flavorful than the American-style lagers that domi-nate this country’s macrobreweries. Twenty-sixth is not a bad finish for the least populous state in the union, which we can also thank for inventing the glass growler.

27. RHODE ISLANDTRINITY BEER CO., IPAThis IPA from the smallest state, Rhode Island and Providence Plantations, actually tasted more like a hoppy West Coast IPA. Trinity also has the distinction of being the only candidate in this election owned by a real politician, Rhode Island state Sen. Joshua Miller.

28. CONNECTICUTTHOMAS HOOKER, LIBERATOR DOPPELBOCKThe Liberator Doppelbock was a ringer in this contest, boasting absurdly positive reviews throughout the beerosphere. This hoppy “liquid bread” may not have lived up to its high expectations in the election, but we really enjoyed drinking our second bottle.

29. NEW YORKMATT BREWING CO., SARANAC PALE ALEMatt Brewing Company is the sec-ond-oldest family-owned brewery in the country, but it’s only been brewing its Saranac line of craft beers since 1985. Saranac Pale

Ale—not to be confused with Saranac Pale Pale Ale—is what you’d expect from a mass-produced pale ale from upstate New York.

30. SOUTH CAROLINATHOMAS CREEK, RIVER FALLS RED ALEThomas Creek founder Tom Davis toyed with this recipe for years as a home-brewer. This rust-smelling red ale was finally ready for the public when the Greenville brewpub opened in 1998, and has dominated the coun-try’s mobile-home capital ever since.

31. ARIZONAFOUR PEAKS, KILT LIFTERLocated in an old dairy just steps from the campus of the nation’s largest university, Tempe’s Four Peaks Brewing managed to become one of the nation’s 50 largest without distributing a single drop across state lines. This reddish-brown Scottish ale has unexpected heft considering it’s intended primarily for consumption inside the fiery Valley of the Sun.

32. OHIOGREAT LAKES, DORTMUNDER GOLDDortmunder is a style of lager most people confuse for a Pilsner. In his 1969 classic, A Treatise on Lager Beers, Portlander and tasting-panel member Fred Eckhardt argued Dortmunder deserves to be its own style, and he’s prevailed. Named for an industrial city that once boasted Germany’s largest brewery, Dortmunder used to be its nation’s best-seller. But the Dortmunder Union brewery was shuttered in 1994 and the style has been on a long, steady decline, with occasional stir-rings of revival that don’t pan out. This Cleveland brewery has a dark sense of humor.

33. WISCONSINNEW GLARUS, SPOTTED COW ALENew Glarus’ owners sold their homes to start the brewery, now the 19th-largest in the country. Spotted Cow has been the most popular beer in the Badger State for five years running, but this Wisconsin-exclusive farmhouse ale earned a shrug from our voters.

34. MICHIGANBELL’S BREWERY, AMBER ALEThe oldest craft brewery east of Colorado, Larry Bell’s company was founded as a home-brew supply shop and now produces an array of well-regarded beers. Oberon, a summer wheat beer, actually manages to outsell this stuff in just one season on shelves.

35. MASSACHUSETTS SAMUEL ADAMS, BOSTON LAGER You’ve seen the commercials and tried the beer. If this is what you’ve

been drinking for the last 30 years, please allow us to make 34 new rec-ommendations.

36. MISSOURI BOULEVARD BREWING COMPANY, PILSNER Kansas City’s Boulevard makes some really great beers. This bottle, a simple Pilsner with a label puckishly designed to look like a European iter-ation of Budweiser, isn’t among them. But considering everything Missouri has done for this nation’s beer—the state is home to those Budweiser frogs—we thought it an apt candidate.

37. NEBRASKATHUNDERHEAD, GOLDEN FRAU HONEY WHEATA canned wheat beer that’s high in alcohol and thick in body, with the flavor of honey-baked bread. Nebraska allows beer to be shipped to Oregon if you’d like to try some for yourself.

38. TENNESSEEYAZOO, DOS PERROSThis Mexican-style ale was created to obey Tennessee’s strict limits on alcohol content in malt beverages. The very sweet Dos Perros comes with a paltry 3.5 percent ABV and uses corn to lighten its body. Yazoo recently started a distillery to skirt the strict ABV limits, and promises more potent beer in the future.

39. MINNESOTASUMMIT, EXTRA PALE ALELike many of our flagships, this pale ale debuted with its brewery. This old-fashioned brew might’ve been something exciting back in 1986, but is painfully dull 25 years later.

40. WASHINGTON MAC & JACK’S, AFRICAN AMBER What, not Red Hook or Pyramid? The former was not eligible because

HOW THE ELECTION WORKEDTHE CANDIDATES: Our goal was to get the “flagship” beer from all 50 states. Not the “best” beer, but a beer that best represents its state. Most candidates are the best-selling local brews in their homeland. Others are nationally known or symbolic. All were obtained during the same month from friends, brewer-ies and retail stores and stored in a cool, dark place until election day.

THE VOTERS: Our tasting panel was made up of Hilary Berg of Oregon Wine Press, John Chandler of Portland Monthly, Anne Marie DiStefano of the Portland Tribune, legendary beer writer Fred Eckhardt, beer blogger and event organizer Ezra Johnson-Greenough, brewery aficionado John Lovegrove, famed “Beer Goddess” and author Lisa Morrison, Sarah Pederson of popular beer bar Saraveza and WW’s Martin Cizmar, John Locanthi, Ben Waterhouse and Brian Yaeger.

THE VOTE: All 50 beers were tested during a four-hour marathon at the WW office on a sunny Sunday afternoon. Each beer was presented in a 1-ounce sample poured into a Dixie cup. There were no style notes. Each beer was assigned a movie-title code name so it could be discussed without con-fusion (Sunset Boulevard was our winner; The Lord of the Rings was last place). Voters scored each beer on a scale of 1 to 100, and the final results were tabulated by averaging those scores.