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Balancing the

Power

Beyond the bullying hype

Steve Heron

i1

Slide 2 Workshop noteswww.buildupzone.com

Downloads page - misc downloads

Slide 3 MYTH:

“A bully is a bad person that

picks on you.”There is no such thing as a 'bully'!Don’t get me wrong,

people do bullying things.

Slide 4

BULLY

Have black hair

Slide 5

5

Slide 6

BULLYCould look like anyone

Slide 7

7

“Everyone has the right to

feel safe and be respected”

Slide 8 “A repeated, persistent or

systematic action by one or

more people that violates

another’s rights to feel safe and be respected.”

Definition of Bullying:

Slide 9 A person who

commits a bullying act is

hurting as much as a person who is the recipient of

this form of disrespect. 9

Slide 10

Hurt people ...

hurt people10

Slide 11

11

BULLYviolent

evilVICTIM

innocentfaultless

Slide 12

12

wrong

relationships

Izzy Kalman defines

bullying as:

Wrong Relationshipswww.bullies2buddies.com

“The modern world failed to teach

morality, kindness and love.”

Slide 14 BULLYING IS ALL ABOUT POWER IMBALANCE

Slide 15

15

Cutting a cake with a hammer

Slide 16 Zero Tolerance

The Bullying Triangle

BULLY

RESCUER VICTIM

Slide 17

If we bully the bullies ...

It will only make more bullies

17

Slide 18

Punishment is a poor method of teaching right from wrong

18

Slide 19

Punishment looks like it works...but it doesn't.

19

Slide 20 Bullying is mostly

about a shift in power associated with a change in each person's life

stance.20

Slide 21

21

The Compass of Shame

Donald Nathanson

Slide 22

22

If it ain't broke - don't fix it!

Slide 23 It makes more sense to prevent bullying by empowering those who are hurting to handle their hurt before they hurt others.

23

Slide 24 It also makes more sense to prevent bullying by empowering those who are hurting to handle their hurt before it sucks the social confidence out of them and they allow others to treat them with no respect.

24

“If you want to

decrease bullying in schools, don’t pay a

lot of attention to it!”

Slide 26

NO

BULLYING

NO PUTDOWNS

Slide 27 Bully Proofing

THE BUZ Approach:

◦ Create communities of respect

◦ Connectedness

◦ Positivity

◦ Restorative Practice

◦ Relational and emotional skills learning

Slide 28

MORE

= LESS BULLYING

Slide 29 “We all have the tendency to feel bullied when we feel powerless or when we are in conflict with someone and we don’t know what to do about it.”

Slide 30 ◦ Much bullying

happens between children who used to be friends

Much bullying stems from unresolved conflict between children

Slide 31 One of the most effective tools against bullying is the skill of conflict resolution.

Slide 32 The BUZ Hopscotch Method of Conflict Resolution

Emotional competence

Self control (Regulation)

Empathy

Using I Messages

Communication

Assertiveness

Problem Solving

Negotiation

Creative Thinking

Compromise

Collaboration

Party Skills

Slide 33

Bully-proofing is about balancing the power.

Slide 34 What do kids say?

MEANWhat does

MEAN mean?

Slide 35 Bully Proofing

Bully-proofing is helping a child to learn the social skills to handle a situation where they feel that their right to feel safe and be respected

has been abused.

In simplified language;

When I feel picked on.

Slide 36

36

Cutting a steak with a feather

Common School Bullying policies - strategies

Tell them to STOPStop it!

I don't like it.

Slide 38 Common School Bullying policies - strategies

WALK away

Slide 39 Common School Bullying policies - strategies

TELL a teacher

Slide 40

What can Star Trek teach us about bully proofing

Slide 41

Fly away

Slide 42

Open communications

Slide 43

Fire back

Slide 44

Get reinforcements

Slide 45

Deploy the deflector shields

Slide 46 The BUZ Gimme 5 Bully-proofing Strategies

1. WALKThe walk tactics

A quick eye contact

Keep your head up

Walk away the cool way

Don’t say anything back

Say something positive to yourself

“If you're not there, they can’t pick on you.”


2. TALKThe talk tactics

Say how you feel

Say why you feel that way

Say what you want (be positive)

Slide 48

The BUZ Gimme 5 Bully-proofing Strategies

2. TALKThe talk tactics

Say how you feel

Say why you feel that way

Say what you want (be positive)

Ask if you have done anything to make them treat you this way

Say sorry if you have done something to them

“Be firm but friendly with your words.”


3. BOUNCEThe bounce tactics

Humour

Compliment

Invite

Agree

Deflect“Be clever but friendly with your words.”


4. GET HELPThe get help tactics

Find someone you trust

Ask them if they can help you

Tell them what happened

Tell them how you feel about what happened

Tell them what you have tried so far

“Getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness.”


5. BULLY SHIELDSThe bully shields tactics

Build up your confidence

Have a group of supportive friends

Handle your feelings

Change negatives to positives

Treat others as you want them to treat you“When people are cruel, it makes all the

difference to know where you’re going and where you come from.”

Stephen Fischbacher

Slide 53

“Bully shields

are really

about your

self

confidence.”

Slide 54

“I know

who I

am!”

Slide 55

Slide 56

All power to the shields

Slide 57

Cyber Bullying?The acts of 'wrong relationships' have spilled over

to the social networking of our younger generation.

Slide 58

Walk - ignore

Switch off

block

delete

de-friend

Cyber Bully Proofing

Slide 59

Talk - communicate

"Can we meet to talk about this?"


Slide 60

Bounce - retorts

Be clever but friendly with your words


Get help - supportFriends

family

on line

Report

off line


Slide 62

Bully Shields (Personal power)

Keep your confidence

up


Slide 63

All power to the shields

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