love, courtship, and marriage
DESCRIPTION
This was used on our report (or should I say symposium) in our Guidance and Counseling subject. This tackles about crushes, love (different types of love and how to love yourself), courtship (in the Philippines), and marriage (rights and obligations of a wedded couple, the stages of marriage, the common marital problems) and there are also some additional pictures to make the topic easier to understand. Reporters: Cindy Asence Madel Austria Kitz Bajao John Kevin Benigno Marie Buena Bunsoy Aser Canta Instructor: Mrs. Jesselyn MortejoTRANSCRIPT
Love, Courtship, and Marriage
Crush• a painful experience, very common among
middle schoolers (and high schooler's and even adults to a lesser degree) that involves being obsessed with a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if u prefer), being attracted to them physically (most common), or emotionally- also called 'puppy love'
- Urban Dictionary
Seven types of Crushes
The Grown-Up Crush/ Adult Crush
It entails realizing your crushing on someone and using that fantasy relationship to explore aspects of
yourself
The Puppy Love/Childlike Crush
It is that longing for closeness that many of us can probably remember
from our grade school years
The Hot Crush/Adolescent Crush
The days of raging hormones… when one thought summed up the whole of our existence: “I
want to do her or him.”
The Obsessive/Stalker Crush/Plain Obsession
–This is what happens when a crush gets out of control
–The line between fantasy and reality has been crossed and
ignored.
The Friend Crush
have formed a great friendship with them, and then, one day out of the
blue *wham!* you’re suddenly head over heels for them
The Hollywood Crush/Character Crush/Literary Crush
Having a crush on a fictional character in books, movies, and
the like
THE INTERNET CRUSH/PUBLIC CRUSH
– It’s a crush! It’s flirting! – This one can cause trouble in some real
relationships, but can also be a healthy outlet
Love
15 Different Kinds of Love
InfatuationLoving feelings towards a
love object that are largely based upon fantasy and idealization instead of
experience
Romantic LoveAn abiding love for a
partner with whom you feel passion, attraction,
caring and respect.
ErosA passionate love
usually involving sexual feelings for a love
interest
Cupid or “Eros”
Companionate Love
Feelings of warmth towards a friend with whom you love
to spend time
Unconditional Love
A type of affection and caring that is so strong that you
feel it consistently, regardless of what that
other person does
Conditional Love
A love that requires specific action or conditions in order
to be maintained.
Puppy LoveA childish, innocent temporary crush on
someone that you don’t know well
Maternal Love
This term usually connotes love that is nurturing,
accepting and protective
Paternal Love
This term connotes love that involves guidance and
some authority.
Soul mate Love
This type of love is described as a love that has survived
multiple life times.
Spiritual/Divine Love
This type of love recognizes the Divine light
Love of Country/Patriotism
This is love for the place you live or the place that were born.
Self-Love
This is a positive feeling that you have about who you are and
what you deserve.
Brotherly Love
This term connotes having a feeling of love for your
neighbor
Tough Love
This term is used to describe a love that is expressed by setting boundaries for the good of the
other person
How to Love Yourself
Treat others with love and respect
Create goodwill and thankfulness
by practicing random deeds of kindness
Express yourself, perhaps in a
diary, or through short stories
LEARN TO LET GO OF PAST
EVENTS
Forgive yourself
Put positive statements up
some places where you will see them
each and every day
Sit in front of the mirror
Try to look past "material"
objects and feelings
KEEP A JOURNAL
BE PERSISTENT
Start working toward how and what you want
to do and be
Don't define yourself by what you've done
Hug Yourself
Be who you really are
TRUST YOURSELF
Think of five positive words
that describe you
Think about what you really want someone
to be like in a relationship
Practice receiving
love
PRACTICE SAYING “NO”
Do what you love
Treat yourself like you treat your
very best friend
Nurture yourself
STOP COMPARING
YOURSELF TO OTHERS
Stop trying to be perfect
Courtship
COURTSHIP
The period in a couple's relationship which precedes
their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an
agreed relationship of a more enduring kind
Courtship as a Social Theory
“Courtship is normally triggered and controlled by women, driven mainly by non-verbal behaviors
to which men respond.”
~Moore and Perper
Four phases of species-typical courtship process
• looking for and appraising potential sexual partners
• pretactile interaction with those partners
• tactile interaction with them• sexual intercourse
Courtship in the Philippines
• It takes a far more subdued and indirect approach
• Involves stages• It is common to see the male
showing off by sending love letters and love poems, singing romantic songs and buying gifts for the female
Courtship in the Philippines
• Practice of singing romantic love songs, reciting poems, writing letters, and gift-giving
• A Filipino male suitor expresses his interest to a woman in a discreet and friendly manner
• No approaching on the streets and asking for a woman’s number
Courtship in the Philippines
• The teasing practice assists in discerning the actual feelings of the male and the female involved
• A Filipino woman is "shy and secretive" about her feelings for a suitor
• The Filipino man fears rejection by a woman
Courtship in the Philippines
• The "teasing phase" also helps a man who could be "torpe”
• Asking the help of a “human bridge”
• Courting a woman in the Philippines is described as a courtship that also includes courting the woman's family
• Serenading a woman at night
Courtship in the Philippines
• A traditional Filipina is expected to play "hard to get”
• The woman can also have as many suitors, from which she could choose the man that she finally would want to date
• PDAs not allowed• Pamamanhikan stage
Public Display of Affection
Pamamanhikan
Modern Courtship
• Starts with the "teasing stage" conducted by friends
• Involves a common friend• Emergence of new technologies
Parents still prefer that their daughters be formally courted
within the confines of the home
Still valuing the avoidance of
premarital sex
Marriage
Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and in love, in order to continue
the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to
heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at
those at the altars to the spirits of the land and grain.
~Confucius
Marriage/Matrimony/Wedlock
• Social union or legal contract between people called spouses that establishes rights and obligations between the spouses, between the spouses and their children, and between the spouses and their in-laws
• Usually formalized at a wedding or marriage ceremony. The ceremony may be officiated either by a religious official, by a government official or by a state approved celebrant
Carl and Ellie of “Up” Story
Arranged Marriage
Rights and Obligations
• Giving a husband/wife or his/her family control over a spouse's sexual services, labor, and property.
• Giving a husband/wife responsibility for a spouse's debts.
• Giving a husband/wife visitation rights when his/her spouse is incarcerated or hospitalized.
Rights and Obligations
• Giving a husband/wife control over his/her spouse's affairs when the spouse is incapacitated.
• Establishing the second legal guardian of a parent's child.
• Establishing a joint fund of property for the benefit of children.
• Establishing a relationship between the families of the spouses.
The 7 Stages of Marriage
Stage One: Passion
Very strong and significant
Stage Two: Realization
A more real vision of the rest of your life begins
Stage Three: Rebellion
Simultaneously offended at being called wrong and claiming the moral high
ground
Stage Four: Cooperation
Step Five:Reunion
Step Six: Explosion
Mission: Deal the best you can with life’s challenges and changes, but at the
same time, keep yourself happy and healthy.
Step Seven:Completion
–there is never a belief that the best times are
over –– they should always be
today and tomorrow
Common Marital
Problems
COMMUNICATION
“To truly know another, we must be willing to see the world through their eyes, not simply our own. If we listened as well as we spoke,
really connecting would take care of itself .”
UNRESOLVED BAGGAGE FROM YOUTH
“Sometimes when we're in bed with our partner, it can be
really crowded with invisible and unwanted visitors.”
UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS
“We must be willing to look closely and honestly at ourselves to see if these are
truths about us. Not everyone is willing to do this. To truly understand what you are seeing in another, you must first hold up a
mirror and understand what you are seeing there.”
SEX AND INTIMACY
“If your sex life is in need of a tune-up, chances are your relationship needs tuning
first.”
RESENTMENTS
“If you've ever been forgiven for your "falls from grace" in life, you know how
powerful a healing experience it is. Much as resentments are poison to a
relationship, ownership and mutual forgiveness are its salvation.”
INFIDELITY
Killer of trust and commitment
In-Laws
“Both the wife and the mother-in-law are competing for the attention of the
husband.”~John Gottman, PhD
Cure: Solidarity
MoneyLack of balance between
money’s problem and power
Cure: Plan as a financial team
Housework
Not supporting each other in tasks
Cure: “When husbands do their share to maintain the home, the couple reports a more satisfying sex life.”
~Gottman
Kids
According to surveys, 70% of married women feel unsatisfied when the baby
arrives
Cure: Wake up to reality
Sex
Sexual desires are not as blissfully matched as you had thought
Cure: Trust