love, courtship and marriage produced by simon siew

Love, Courtship and MarriageProduced by Simon Siew

7 Stages in Boy-Girl Relationships

Produced by Simon Siew

Infancy-babyhood

Boys and girls interested only in themselves


Early Childhood

(before age 8) Boys and girls

seek the companionship

of other children,

regardless of sex (i.e. not

gender conscious)Produced by Simon Siew

About age 8

Boys prefer to play with boys, girls with girls (i.e. gender conscious)Produced by Simon Siew

Ages 10-12

Antagonism shown between the two sex groupsProduced by Simon Siew

Ages 13 to 14

Girls become interested in boys, try to attract their

attention; boys

however are aloof


Ages 14 to 16

Boys also show interest in girls; some individuals begin to pair off at this time


Ages 16 to 17 onwards

Going out in couples become

common. and is considered to

be natural among youth.


Four stages of Love, Courtship & Marriage seen through the analogy of

shopping• Friendship - window shopping,

scouting to see which to buy. Don’t limit your friendship, do as many as possible, and be friendly.

• Courtship – eagerly looking at the product carefully to decide whether to buy it or not. REMEMBER: See but NO Touch!

• Engagement - putting a deposit for the product which is signaling your intention to buy.

• Marriage - buying the product, closing the deal (no refund or return of product allowed!)


The four processes leading to marriage


Friendship/

Relating

Courtship Engagement

Marriage

Praying Inquiring Filtering Relating

as a friend

Deepening friendship leading to commitme

nt

Announcement of

marriage intention

leading to greater focus

on each other.

Romance begins here.

Entering into a

lifelong covenant of loving each

other

• It is important to look ahead to marriage even though it may still be a long way off for many of us.

• This is because a happy successful marriage does not come easy as it involves careful thinking and planning.

• Marriage does not just happen – it takes effort, time, energy and much prayer.

• Unless we make it known that we are interested in getting married and do something about it, chances are that you will remain single.

Looking ahead to marriage


Wrong reasons for marriage

• Pregnancy• Rebellion• Escape• Physical attraction• Social pressure• Guilt • Pity• Infatuation• Romance


• It is falling in love at first sight, a blind love which lacks realism.

• It tends to idolize the person and sees only the attractive qualities while overlooking the flaws.

• It is an emotional high which does not last long as feelings have taken over common sense.

• It hits suddenly and is an instant love without any deep thought.

• Often fickle - person may be in love with more than one person.

• It is a selfish kind of love which cannot survive separation and brings disapproval of family.

Marks of infatuation


• Infatuation is often marked by the fact that the couple always want to be alone and they strive on heavy petting and intimate contacts.

• When the physical intimacies finally give way to sex, there is nothing more for them to experience (no more thrill) and that usually is the beginning of problems in their relationship.

Infatuation and physical intimacies


‘PUPPY LOVE’ LEADS TO…


A

DOG’S LIFE!


• Waits for the right time and the right circumstances.

• Has its roots in friendship.

• Brings out the best in you and the other person.

• Has commitment and is respectful of the other.


• Develops slowly.• Emphasis is on giving.• Love wants what is best for

the other person.• Love is willing to wait.• Has a positive behavior and

is unselfish (selfless)• Recognizes faults.• Controls physical contact.• Often brings approval of

family.

Marks of true love


• It is natural to want someone to love you and for you to have someone you can love in return (it doesn’t mean you are desperate!).

• However you cannot make someone love you as love is always a choice and cannot be forced upon a person.

• No matter how much you may love a person, you cannot change him/her to love you.Produced by Simon Siew

What love cannot do

How do you know whether the person is the right person?

• You need to ask first whether you are the right person.

• Seek someone with the same faith and love for God.

• Check to see if your parents approve of the person.

• Seek the counsel of godly people for they often can offer insights that you do not have.

• Do you feel peace and joy in your heart from knowing that person?

• If there is more than one person to choose from, pray for wisdom to decide on the best match for you.


Differentiating between God’s

will and God’s

wisdom

• God’s will is not hitting the bull’s eye because God’s will is more comprehensive than that.

• Some people believe that God’s will is very specific e.g. that there is ONLY one person whom He has predestined for you to marry and that marrying anyone else is against His will.

• On the contrary, it is possible that there may be more than one person approved of God and you will want His wisdom to decide on the better choice/match.



Seeking out those approved of God (within His will)

Those approved of God are those of the same faith and love for Him and who follows the Bible.

2 Cor. 6:14,15 - Do not be yoked together with unbelievers….What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

Someone who is a Christian but who is already married or has a lifestyle contrary to God’s words cannot be considered as one approved of God.

Seeking God’s wisdom to decide the best match among those approved of Him


After separating those approved of God from those who aren’t, pray and seek after God’s wisdom to determine which among those approved is the best choice for you.

This is where the issue of compatibility comes in.

How compatible are you with your friend? How much does the 2 circles interlock as the

friendship progresses


YOU YOUR FRIEND

Hardly anything in common with each other Not the best of choice


YOU YOUR FRIEND

A little bit in common with each other Possibly a good choice but will have much

to work on in marriage


YOU YOUR FRIEND

Much in common with each other Definitely a much better choice


YOU YOUR FRIEN

D

The two have become soul mates

Areas of compatibility

• Spirituality – ardent for God versus complacent, compromising

• Values – strong moral values versus immoral ones



• Personality – introvert versus extrovert

• Tastes – sophisticated and refined versus coarse and rough disposition



• Intellectual level – knowledgeable and well read versus simple

• World views – parochial (narrow) versus universal (wide)



• Interests – Hobbies– Games– Sports– Music– Politics



• Future outlook – what each other wants for the future and the directions of their lives


• Approach to conflict resolution – Flaring up openly /

embarrassing each other in public

– Violent outburst– Silent treatment / ignoring

the other– Complaining through a third

party– Expressing problems through

writing to each other– Speaking openly to each

other truthfully and tactfully



What makes men and women attractive

• Like attracts unlike i.e. the feminine and masculine appeal of both sexes.

• A man seeks to marry a woman and NOT a man and vice versa.

• The draw of a woman more often lies in her soft, gentle and kind nature and demeanor than for her looks (even those that is important too).

• The draw of a man lies in his ability to inspire confidence and to project strength and security as well as display wisdom. The warmth of his personality helps too.


• Create opportunities rather than wait for things to happen (be proactive). Take the initiative to make new friends and have a wide circle of friends.

• Learn to do self-introduction or ask others to introduce you to friends

• Research - find out about the other person through your friends.

• Look for opportunities when it would be totally alright to be with that person.

How do we make friends with the opposite sex


• Be creative in the way you seek the person’s friendship so that it won’t seem like you are wooing the person which can be quite alarming for one who is not ready. E.g. Be of service to the other.

• Person is stealing glances at you.

• Unusual number of ‘‘coincidental’ bumping into each other. Person likes to be in your company.

• Person is extra helpful to you - always volunteering to help you.

• Person starts sending letters or emails, cards or gifts at every possible occasion or is Texting SMS you frequently.

• Person is asking your friend about you.

• Person is asking you things which are personal e.g. birthday, tel. numbers.

• Starts offering to pay for your food or other expenses.

How do we know the other person like us?


The four processes leading to marriage


Friendship/

Relating

Courtship Engagement

Marriage

Praying Inquiring Filtering Relating

as a friend

Deepening friendship leading to commitme

nt

Announcement of

marriage intention

leading to greater focus

on each other.

Romance begins here.

Entering into a

lifelong covenant of loving each

other

love, courtship and marriage produced by simon siew

Documents

simon siewages

simon siewit

simon siewinfatuation

simon siewpuppy

simon siewthe

simon siewfour stages

simon siew7 stages

simon siewabout age