Extended Dance Remix (b igger than Imprin t)

July 11, 1991 THEENGINEERINGSOCIETY'SSTUDENTFORUM July 11,1991

Fidel Se'izes Power

Fidel Reijerse-Pres Clare Stewart-VP-Ex Bill Baer - Treas. Stephen Kingsley-Jones Vp-Int

EngSoc is the Real Winner Fidel Seizes Power! !

Some of you reading this will know that our Engineering Society has new council executive. Most of you will not. In th e EngSoc elections held last Tuesday July 9, the faculty of engineering boasted a miserable 30% voter turnout . That's approximately a w~ole ~50 out of a potential 1250 engmeerm.g students exercising theIr democratic rights. Where was everybody? .

The EngSoc Presiden~ el~ct IS Fidel Reijerse, an enthuSlasbc 2B Geological Engineeri ng stu?ent. At his side as Vice PresIdent External is Clare Stewart, alIso of 2lB Geo. As Vice President nterna, we have the worthY S~ephen Kingsley-J ones of IB El ectnc~~ t

The election took place WI ou

any mishaps, says Chief Returning Officer Mark Waschkowski . A few spoiled (crossed-out) ballots surfaced, but not enough to make a great difference in the outcome. Waschkowski reports that the only real problem in this election was in getting people to come out and vote.

"We had campaign posters out by last Tuesday." The election itself was publicized widely "around EL, E1, E2 and E3." Various other media such as the Enginewsletter, the Iron Warrior and WATSTAR were exploited to notify engineering students of the : election, but despite all the hoopla, only a sman percentage showed up at the pons, which were open from 8:30-4:30 pm.

Waschkowski only regrets that about 12 classes were visited by the

candidates by arrangement, which is slightly less than what he would have liked. Oneof them was actually cancelled and one was a class-prof hour to which almost

nobody showed up. The class reps were generally very helpful, and the most of the profs who were asked for class time gave it willingly.

So EngSoc has a new executive. And a fine one it is. So what are they going to do for us in their term? Fidel Reijerse has promised a significant decrease in bicycle thefts. He hopes to beef up security in this regard. Change is also on Reijerse's mind, as he hopes to take on the administration and the way students' voices are heard.

Clare Stewart would like to make the shadow program more

Last Issue This Term!

effective in reaching out to the high schools. Instead of sending video tapes to represent us, she would have us send representatives.

As for Stephen Kinglsey-Jones, he will be improving ties with the dean and the administration. Our ties with the Federation of Students will also be on his mind.

Additional giants on the EngSoc council include Bill Baer as Treasurer and David Roorda as our Waterloo Engineering Endownment Fund Representative.

In the next sixteen months, we are going to see some great things from this new powerhouse executive. As we thank the leaving exec, we look forward to being impressed by this one.

By Jonathan Seet

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page 2 Iron Warrior

CA~l~r)J» J1B» A 1fJE§ JftJE§ lP)(Q))1 fJlD

BOOK REVIEW

FUNDAMENTALS OF ENGINEERING

TI-fERMODYNAMICS

John R. Howell

by Dave Hook Iron Warrior Staff

I have never been a fan of Howell's work, and his latest work, Fundamentals of Engineering Thermodynamics is certainly not going to convert me.

Fundamentals has an extremely weak plot line, which is pretty much nonexistent for most of the book. The characters are poorly developed.

The storyline itself is incredibly boring. I fell asleep after the first chapter. I did however, like the intense symbolism used in the analogies of the Erickson and Brayton thermodynamic cycles. Most of the fifth and sixth chapters were written in iambic pentameter.

The Exec Candidates on election night

I would not recommend this book for anyone, especially those with weak stomachs.

This tireless reporter tracked down the EngSoc executive candidates at a local watering hole. The time; midnight, the place; Bombshelter, the occasion; victory celebration. The stats are roughly as follows;

• voter turnout = 30% (normal for EngSoc and Provincial and Federal Government Elections)

• Fidel = President (33% of vote) • Clare = VP Ex (57% of vote) • Steve = VP In (58% of vote) When asked about their vision

for the future of EngSoc all the candidates concured that their vision was at present blurry. Some quotes are as follows;

Index pre-em pted

by cows

• '.. Wagipr iJ .-ron. Cor ....... pi ............... anicIea PI.I .. alf by .. m .... ic OCNIIJIIUAitJ of ... UnivenitJ of Watedoo. Vie_. ........ ill die Jga Wmigt. other 1Il_ daI ecIitcriIb. ..e IhoM of die IIIIhonI IIId cIo ... aec.e.tllrily Ntlect tho opinioAa of the ediIon or «he ~ Soeiety.

,.... lrol W.ujpr eacouulc, .ubaUuiona from ltudeau, faculty and othai melJlbcrJ of the univer.ity C4ltIIaaaity. SuIImbdonJ JhouW reflect the ~ ... infdIecruli ........ of the tmiveraity ill , ..... , ad should be typewria.a or OD • M.autoIh OC' MS-DOS J Ill- eM. n. ......... IW'IlC. cl ... (if wac.''') eel ..... Damber Iboulel be ~.. '

"fU!' ................. CKbawiae

"Not disapointed" - Nancy "16 months of pure bliss!" - Fidel "The Bombshelter staff is HOT" -Bill "Good Call" - reporters note "Shelter has no Guns&Roses"o Ingo "Who Cares?" - reporters note "Penguins Rock" - Clare "I hear Fidel's girlfriend has an older si ste.r?" - Bill "Please get me to the Orifice couch" 0

Pat (as;ae passed out on the Campus Center couch) I guess you had to be there. Good luck to Fud, Mole, Steve, and Bill, you'll need it.

• X WESTMOUNT PLACE PHARMACY

50 Westmount Rd. N., Waterloo, ONT.

OPEN DAILY: Sundays & Holidays:

9am - 10pm 11am - 9pm

WE ACCEPT U of W STUDENT HEAL TH PLAN

awed. becqtDe the .. opexty of 'dae Wul Wl{J'ior. which ...... the rilhl to refu~ publication of material which it deems wuuilebJe. TM hoD Warrior also reserven the right to edit grammar. spellfng and porUOIlJ of .text that do not meet university standw.. Authors will be notified of any major dw1&es dlat may be required.

All .ubmission. and advertising enquiries ahould be forwarded 10:

Irpn Warrior Enpaeenng Society CPH 1327 University of Waterloo WATERLOO. 0nIari0 N2L3Gl phone: (S19) 888-4762 fax: (519) 888-6197 e·m __ J: enasocOaunee. waterloo .•

;'

July 11, 1991

Uitor in Cfiief (jus Scaiano

1'{Jws 'Ecfitor: (jiseffe Cotta

Layout Manager: Mark.. CIiafi[

51cfvertising: tBn.upindcr 1\..andfiawa

51Tt 'Wort' !l(avi Srinivasan 'Danie{ Wong 1\!-cf !}{de n Stu

Pfwto:. Coan Me{cfrom 51ndrew 1\!-eves -:Haf{

Mags 51ntony PringCe

C on trio u tors : 'Drew Conway 'Dan Curtin 'Dave ::Hitcfuock.. 'Dave !}{oofc. Sanara ~tclien 1\95 'l\. nes ten. 'Denise Laccn.in Jtru(rfa bG'CNrcme 1(amesn. Mantfia !l(fwrufa M atfiews

'Tim Osoame Jonatlian Seet ?\!.n Sfaugn.ter Jon.n S tranart

~-J

JUly 11, 1991 Iron Warrior u·

Non-Sexist SUNshine Thin

M 0 , is our Sunshine Pick of the Month. A great friend of Waterloo Engineers, Mo loves the Warrior. For a pittance, Mo will read ily make small things bigger ... or big th i ngs smaller ... or will take it just the way you give it. -Mo loves a blast . What else can yo u say about a goddamned photocopier?

Tal- Eng

Ta 1- E ng is coming this Saturday to Fed Hall . It's going to be AWESOME! All proceeds go to the Learning Disabilities Association. Tickets are only $2. Come on out, help the Learning Disability Association and have a good time!! See you there!!

Engineering Short Story Contest

Be hold the top scribes in Engineering! The winners of the Short Story Contest.

1st Place goes to Ken Slaughter from Shafted and Pist'on for his story entitled "Virtual Reality". The Runner-Up prize goes to Richard Bell from 91.3 FM for his "A Most Primitive Attack". Look for clips ofthese coo] stories in future Iron Warriors (maybe next terms B-SoC IWs). Guys~ your prizes wi] 1 be available 10 the Orifice by Friday -- cheques for $30 and $15. Just enoug~ for a 24 and a

12 pack!!

Directorshi ps

Directorship application forms are due today at 3:00 p. m. Directorships are open to all students, previous Eng Soc experience is not required. Get involved in Eng Soc and make a Difference!!

Orifice News

The Orifice and the C&D will close for the semester on July 26, 1991. They will both reopen in September.

Legal Clinic

There will be a free drop in legal clinic held at the Waterloo Co­operative Residence Main Office today between 3:00 and 6:00 p.m. The legal counselling will be provided by Zinszer Cooke Pinchen.

Engineering Scramble Golf Tourney

On Sunday July 21, 1991, the Engineering Scramble Golf Tourney will be held at Columbia Lake. To participate, sign up your team of three or four in the Orifice. There will be a barbeque at POETS after the Tourney.

SSS TA Awards

The Waterloo Activity Committee of the Sandford Fleming Foundation presents awards to the most outstanding teaching assistants. These awards are based on nominations by the undergraduate classes and recommendations of their department. So, get your class together and nominate an awesome TA. Nomination forms are available at the Orifice.

page 3

NEWS Canadian Posture and Seating Centre Scholarship

Two cholarships valued at approximately $2 500 have been established to recognize and encourage studen t interest in and

attainment of a high level of academic and practical achievement in preparation for development and delivery of systems, methodology or assistive devices in aid of full participation in Canadian society by physically disadvantaged persons. The scholarships will be a warded to ou tstan din g studen ts who demonstrate an interest and ability in engineering and business directed toward delivery of such services. Interested candidates should apply to the Student Awards Office before September 30,1991.

Student Conferences

Application forms for Engineering Student Conferences are now available in the Orifice . Th e conferences to b e h eld during the Fall are the APEO, the RESSA cbnference in Quebec/Ontario, ana the CFES confcrenc(> hrld 10

Monln~ al in early ,Jllllunry. Application rorm s mus t. b,

returned Lo heryl in the Orific by noon on ,July l!}, 19~1.

Wm.JBeynon Memorial for Humani tarian Achievement in ENGINEgRING

The William J. Beynon Memorial Awards have been establi shed in recognition of the many humanitarian achievements made both individually and

profeSS ionally by William Beynon. The award valued at $900 is open to all Engineering students and recognizes actions drawing on or using Engineering knowledge to the benefit of society and humanity in a caring or noble way. Students may apply directly or may be nominated by faculty, students or other interested individuals. A one page summary of actions with supporting documentation should be submitted to the Student Awards Office by August 31st.

NEWS SHORTS NEWS SHORTS

page 4 Iron Warrior

WE ARE OUTTA HERE

My first (and only) term as editor of the Iron Warrior comes to a close with this issue. Well, T have to admit, I had a great time putting this paper together. Thanks to everyone who made comments and criticisms regarding the IW. lowe a debt to all of my writers, layout people, contributors, and photo people. All of the positive feedback we got, and the President's Award given to the entire staff is a testimony to the quality of work done by everyone. I would take this opportunity to mention everyone, but the names of all the contributors (with a couple of accidental exceptions) are already listed on page 2 of each issue . Most of the people listed under the inadequate title of "Contributors" helped with every aspect of the paper - from writing the articles to layout and editing, printing graphics, etc. I think we can all take a great deal of pride in what have surely bee n the biggest and best Iron Warriors ... so far .

Even though we have a staff of talented writers, I want to remind the rest of the readers that this is your newspaper, financed, in part by you r Engsoc fees . A lot interesting submissions are just dropped in my mailbox, so please, if there's something that you find interesting - write it down and submit it. Other people will probably find it interesting too . Don't worry if you think you can't write; that's what editors are for.

Again, thanks to everyone for their encouragement and support, with a special note to Cheryl in the Orifice for doing all of our mailouts, and all of the other behind the scenes stuff. Thanks also to ABUCIV and 2B Geo for making those awesome distribution boxes . Our goal this term was to entertain, inform, and give you something to do other than sleep in class. I think we succeeded. Gus

It's over! Sixteen months of change and growth for the Engineering Society and myself. I'm going to miss little things like having people stop me in the halls to say heno or talk about issues. I'm going to miss working so closely with all the EngSoc volunteers. I can't think of another organization in the world that encompasses so much initiative, talent, and enthusiasm (not even P&G)!

I would like to congratulate and wish luck to Fidel, Bill, Clare, and Steve as they take over. I was very impressed with the capabilities of all the candidates and am assured again that EngSoc is in good hands.

I'm planning to take it easy next term and work with the Engineering SQciety Building Feasibility Committee.

I would like to take this last opportunity to than.k some people who have really h~lped me make it through; thank's to all th e Class Reps and Directors who worked so hard, special thanks to Pat, Gus, Deni, and the Civil Dead Heads. Saving the best for last, a group of people I have the utmost respect for and owe a great deal to; Andrea, Dan, Shafiq, and Bill. Thanks a million!

Cheers! Drew

ij~V LOO~ (A~ INFoRMA7T'iZ:

-\4f: ~ J,.OOK i ----- rr/~ G-oRDor.J p(rJ~rJfl

'.

University is a time of decisions. From the day you decide to come, and what program to take, you are making decisions which will determine the course of your life. Decisions about where you work, who you live with, what clubs you join, all make up who you are and who you will be. I would like, in my last editorial, to pose a question - a decision - which I consider to be the most important in all of life, yet one which we sometime take very lightly. The answer to that question I leave to you.

All of us have come into contact with the concept of GOD. More likely, we've seen various different concepts of who or what (if there is one) God is. The Hare Krishnas at the airport, or the preacher on TV both represent views as to the nature of God. Most of the time, our view of God is a 'function of our upbringing or circumstances. It is essential, however, to look beyond this, and conclude what is the objective truth about God.

The idea of a God is as old as man. While one may question his existence, it's impossible to deny that throughout all time, and even today the vast majority of people have believed in some sort of diety .

July 11, 1991

, , • •

It is only recently - in our society -that the concept of God has been separated from other aspects of life. In most societies, a person cannot go anywhere without seeing evidence, and feeling the influence of their society's view of God.

The question really is, "Who is God (does he exist?), and what is He like?" God should not be discarded simply because one hasn't seen conclusive "evidence" that there is a God. The question of God can also not be answered by saying "all religions have truth to them", based on the hypothesis that "all roads lead to Rome." The major world religions are simply not compatible. For instance, ask a Jewish person if what they believe is compatible with Buddism, or ask a Christian if his view of Christ as God can be reconciled with that of a Muslim, who believes that Jesus was a "prophet and a good man". The fact is, there has to be one answer, one truth. Either God exists or he is human invention. In the example of Christianity, either Jesus Christ is God, or Christianity is wrong, untrue.

The deci sion about who God is, and what one's relationship to Him is is more than just an academic exercise. Who God is, and what He is like' will necessarily have an effect on what why we believe God created us. What could be better or more fulfilling and enjoyable than doing the thing we were created for? These decisions - who is God, what is His purpose - must go beyond merely adhering to a religion, to a personal belief, a personal relationship. God cannot merely be about man made institutions, about buildings and rules - God must have a greater purpose in our existence.

I have made my own decision about God, and I believe that this is the most important decision in my life, because in one way or another, it influences my every action and goal. I haven't closed my mind to other points of view, because there are lots of areas where I still haven't fully understood God, or where I'm wrong. My goal is not to dogmatically defend what I believe, or to convert or convince others, but merely to live and seek ' the truth. So, what is God like?

, I 1 //./ .. ... '//Jh/~A _

J " "- 1 • ';" ~{U. :';'26 --;1

- July 11,1991 Iron Warrior page 5

Letters to the Editor The subject who is truly loyal to the chief magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures _ Jumus

To the Editor

1 I atn writing in response to the etter printed in the June 25th IW.

Besides the fact that I found the lett~r to be particularly insulting to engIneers (or probably to anyone who has ever helped to advance us beyond the "neanderthal" stage), I Was particularly annoyed with the author's implication that engineers are responsible for the bulk of our environ Tnental problems. He states that engineers "devote a great deal of their time to devising new and better ways of killing people, raping the environment and generally making life miserable for people around the globe". I s that a fact?

My i Tnpression was that

Letter to the Editor,

I'm and engineer, and I like it that way. I SUFFERING, and I'm PROUD!

We've got the greatest assortment of paraphenalia on campus: cool shirts,mini-tools ... Does MathSoc have their cwn official frisee? I think NOT! But it is really necessary to have our own jackets? A school jacket is the standard, time honored method of identifying yourself with your school, the whole enchilada, ALL HAIL UW .... . .... .

To the Editor,

i! n C i ne e r inC' , "W h eth er by Re: Letter by "voice of (T)Reason-25 professi onal engin e ers in our June '91 modern society, or by engineers long ago (eg. the Romans ) was responsible for almost every advance that society has seen throughout history . And is it not also true that the bulk of environ mental problems are created by human demand and consum ption, driven by a society composed primarily of non-engi neers? Does the author drive a car? Does he recycle every piece of garbage that he produces?

Does he live in a house, made of wood, from a tree that was cut down somewh ere in Canada? Does he write on paper, made from a process that inj eels large vol urnes of toxic waste into our lakes and rivers ( although better and more environ mentally safe paper chemica Is are being formulated every year) . If so, then he is as much of a culprit to our environTnental probleTTls as anyone else.

It is true that work performed ~y 'entists and engineers was m

SCl h d' t part responsible for t e Isas ers th t occurred at Chernobyl and BhaopaL . In fact, th ere are ::bad::

·neers J'ust as there are bad engJ' . doctors, lawyers and archlte~ts.

H YOU ever heard of a medIcal ave malpractice suit? The reason that

. eers can have such a bad engl n . h . wnen disasters occur IS tat, Jmage . ' f

tUTe we deal lD projects 0 by na , "large" scale, relative t~ the work

by other profeSSIOns. By done k '11 . ht the mistakes we rna e WI ng s, . t . t Inore heavily on socle y. lmp~; you are ready to "blindly .state

f the "problems assocIated all 0 h d 't . h engineering w Y on you VVlt '. ? propose some solutIons.

Dave Yates,

4A Chemical

Your letter to the Warrior was quite an eye-opening experience. We agree with you completelyin that we too are sick of engineers whining about their image, though our reasons differ from yours. You see, we are engineers. We feel that only a sm~l1 minority composed of two malO groups think ill of us :(1) Once necessary hard-line fanatics who spread propaganda about previously l eg itimate grievances against engineers on campus and (2) Uneducated or misinformed individuals taken in by media hype. Judging from your article you obviously come from th e latter of these two categories.

As aspiring young engineers, we do WANNABEE professionals. We are aware that narrow perspectives can cause a great deal of harm. However you cannot deny that a tremendous evolution has occurred (and continues to do so) in our profession. Much of your letter was spent blaming engineers for the current mess our planet i s in , accusing us of everything from 'devi sing new ways of killing people" to "raping the environment".

Your accusation that engineers are the "root of all evil" is completely unjustined if you realize that we nil demands made to us by society. We are not wiping our hand of the responsability for this mess, we're only saying that as a member of society you share the blame. Our society has demanded "disposable diapers" and "baby kill.ing missiles". All of these terrIble things were paid for by you and I, either directly or through tax dollars allocated by governments that WE elected. We would take your opinion more seriously if you could accept, as we have, the fact that you have played a vital role contributing to the mess.

Our Watstar addresses are and

We look samhoefman@108 ismurley@mechanical. forward to your response.

Scott Hoefman IB Civil Ian Murley 3A Mechanical

It seems to me that setting ourselves apart AGAIN, with our own unique jacket, is not the way to break down the LEMMING stereotypes we all suffer from. We should all be working towards more of a school identity: we're not only engineers, after all, but University of Waterloo students. Don't get me wrong .... I'm not saying our group mentality is bad (in a lot of ways, it keeps us sane, keeps us going), but let's not go overboard. Just a thought, no pressure.

Len Devlaming IB Chemdemned

o the editor: I am appalled to see that the

engineering image is considered by some to be so bad that a "Voice of Reason" considers us responsible for all the world's social and environmental ills. Despite what "Voice" might think, I don't believe that many engineers spend their ree time thinking of new and

glorious ways in which to destroy the planet and generally upset the rest of the people in the world.

Generally, engineers design articles for the use of the general populace, not for their individual pleasure. The reason that there are cars and aerosol is because people want cars and aerosols, espite the damage they cause in terms of pollution . Admittedly, engineers design the weapons which ar e used to destroy, but they are produced ut the request of politici.ans, mosl of whom ar lawyers. In fact, th only U.S. president in recent t.im s who was heavily in favour of arms limit.ation was Jimmy Carter, a form er nuclear engineer with the U.S. Navy .

Environment.al concerns have only come to the fore since th 1960's

and in the years before that, very few people were co ncerned with the planet's well being, mainly for the fact that it was seen as an infinite resource which could- not be damaged by human intervention.

o this day, political and economic reasons stall the implementation of many environmental mea sures. The U.S . government sti ll maintains that more studies have to be done before the acid rain issue can be addressed, and in the meantime do nothing to prevent the increase of pollution emissions. The technology to d ec rea se emission s exists, produced by engineers, but econ omics dictates that nothing be done.

The responsibility for the world's ills is not to be placed solely on the backs of those of us who design modern conveniences, but must be shared with those who request that the conveniences continue to be made available.

Seonaid Lee 1B CIV

Richard Bell 4N ELEC

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To the Editor:

An artsman an d an Engineer once found a gallon can, Said the artsma n, "Match me drink for drink and prove that you're a man . They drank three drinks, the artsman died, his face was turning green, But the Engineer drank on and said , "It's only gasoline. "

Now Venus is a statue made entirely of stone, There's not a ng leaf on her, she's as naked as a bone; On noticing her arms were broke, an Engineer discoursed, Of course the damn thing's broken, it should be reinforced .

And they say the Plummer's Hymn is sexist!!

Lady Godiva

page 6 Iron Warrior July 11, 1991

Writer Responds to V oice of (T)reason

Waterloo Plans Water Theme Park

by Ramesh Mantha

The Voice of Treason (VOT) , despite all his vitriolic and unsubstantiated comments, does make a point. Engineers are not one of the oppressed people of the world. Engineers may even have once deserved to be classified a s Neanderthals. Others have certainly taken much pleasure in classifying engineers as such.

However, engineers have recognised this as a problem and have successfully taken great steps to change. The VOT may consider our drive for recognition of this change to be whining but we engineers feel that we're simply asking for a fair recognition of our actions. It would be ridiculous to portray our quest for recognition as a major world issue and the VOT invalidates his argument by resorting to such absurd com parison s.

The VOT seems to take exception to engineers considering themselves a profession. Though engineering covers a broad spectrum of fields, it can generally be thought of as the application of science and technology to make things work and to do things better. Though this is at best a poor description , it shows that engineering is important and fairly unique, just as is medicine or law. I believe that this entitle s us to be considered a profession.

The arrogance that can accompany this is unforlunat bUl is one of the aspects of enginccring that is being changed. I again ask the VOT, we are trying to change our hidebound ways, why don't you do the same?

The VOT saves some of his most shrill criticisms for the end of his letter. Apparently, engineers are murderers and rapers of the environment. To address the issue of weapons. It is easy to make the blanket statement that weapons are all evil and then blame engineers for designing them.

These weapons were demanded by external political forces and engineers cannot be held completely responsible for their evil use. This does not abrogate engineers of responsibility.

However, in many specific circumstances in history, weapons were needed by nations and their need was accepted as morally right by the population as a whole. The engineers who designed these weapons acted as members of a larger society and the responsibility to develop these weapons must be shared by the larger group, not just by the engineers who did the actual designing.

Many Americans today consider the development of their arsenal to be just. They should be applauded or condemned for this as

a nalion without singling out the engineers who did the designing. If the engineers deserve condemnation, so does the nalion as a whole.

The argument aboul the environmental consequences of engineering follow lhe same tack. Engineers are a component of a larger society. Our society has chosen the route of a technologically oriented, growth driven development and this ha s lead to major envi ronm ental consequences. Engineers might develop tools of environmental destruction but the hands that wield these tools, namely all of us, bear the guilt. When our society chooses to take a path more friendly to the earth, engineers will be there to use all their abilities to clean up.

A large extent of what engineers do is beneficial to society. The advances in society that have resulted from skillful and peaceful uses of engineering are too countless to mention and should be weighed along with the bad when judging engineers.

Engineers are clearly a tool of society as a whole and reflect a society's chosen values and priorities. Those who would condemn us must realise this. The VOT seems to say that engineers carry out all the evil acts that he describes out of their own volition. 'rhis is clearly wrong.

'rhough engineers are tools, there is no reason for lhem to be passive ones. Engineers are guilty

in that they have not sufficiently used their position in society to advocate change. As the masters of technology, engineers are in a unique position to use their innuence to encourage society to reform its ways. If the VOT has made us realise this, he has served a useful purpose, though not one that his narrow mind may have intended.

by Sean Richens

Behind E2

Photo by Shawn Mindus

------~---------------------------------/~

~I

J

---WATEII

AN' I;

\IVA v€" COOl....

(no-talent) Artists Rendition by J .Stranart

Across l. 4. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 15.

16. 17. 18.

Down 2. 3. 5.

6.

7. 12. 13. 14.

They're silly in to-and-fro shifts. (5) A tad backwards, these numbers. (4) Does she work in C and D? Yes,perhaps. (5) I are all at this. (3) I won back the present. (3) P.B.'s in his cups. (5) Chemmies are nothing in Germany. (4) The Mother of All Engineers doesn't get high, we hear. (4) Not applicable, negative and too small! (4)

Take a walk home or lose it, we're told. (1,1,1,1) Crash downwind in error. (5)

To solve these we have to solve the3e. (10) Common in Essen, probably. (5) Wears around the poke, but you don't know this. (6) Go up to a girl for a computer you can't count on. (6) Force feed. (4) You'll probably fail this without a point. (5) Obsolete measure of a cat. (5) Without hesitation, Heather transfers this. (4)

uly 11,1991 Iron Warrior -Fina VP Spews The~Spew

By A.ndrea Lawrence

. Originally this spew was just gom~ to be an overView of what I have accomplished over the 16 months of my term as VP External but a sYnall incident Occurred at the Canada Day celebration that I think is Worth mentioning. The fo]]owi ng is a letter that Sandra Ketchen, Denise Lacchin and myself' wrote to the Imprint, KW Recol"d and Gazette:

As members of the Engineering Student Society at the University of Waterloo, we would like to address a corn. ment made by a member of the R- W community at the Canada Day Festivities at UW. After spending three hours running the mini·olympics for the children at the Canada Day celebrations, a few engineering students were having a fun game of tug of war. A passerby upon learning we were engineering students, commented "Oh ha ve you been drinking?"

Over the past few years, Ihe engineering society has made a concerted effort to improve it's image. The society raises over $20 000 per year for local charity at such events as the annual B us Push for Big sisters, Shinerama, Plant Sales, and Talent Shows. We feel being in.volved in Canada Day, as well as the other charitable events is a positive re/Zection on our society. Unfort unately, some members of our community persist in stereo typing all engineering students.

App roximately fifty engineering students volunteered their time and effort to help make Canada Day a fun and successful event Tor everyone. We deserve more credit for our efforts than suggested by the gentleman's comment.

Another incident along the same lines deals with the Iron Warrior. A group of journalism students at Conestoga College are writing an article. ab.out engineering student ~ubhcahons and hoW' the Iron WarrIor does not fit . to the typical stereotype of

I In hI· t. . eering student pu lca Ions. engm . . Traditionally the pubhcatlOns have b rude and sexist but there has een c b conscience effort to change een a . this b)' many engineenng schools. ( f rse we all know th at the Iron o cou W . "" ; <:: the best newspaper.) But arno· ~ .

h e these J·ournahsYn students w y at h O nly group of' people tel d . n ti ng or ackn ow e gmg comme ? these cnanges. .

The s e two even ts a re Just an . d· tl· on that an image problem 10 lca . t .

. j n soclety abou engmeers eXIsts engineering students. and d that in the past these Grante . b t

P es mlght have een correc stereot)'

tn ey al"e a thing of the past, so keep th em in the past. Changing society's perceptions is going to take a long time and persistance by en ginee rs and engineering students. It starts with our actions here at the university and on workterTns. Societies perceptions aDout th e engineering profession wi 11 effect all of us more than we tn ink. The salaries and a" ailabi 1 :ity of engineering jobs cou1d be effected by the perceptions that hiring firms have.

On another note it has been a rea I lea rning experience during the past 16 months in office. I would like to thank Drew, Dan, Bill, en eryl and all the directors and class reps for making these past two terms the best ones for EngSoc ever! Over the past 16 months a lot of cha nges have taken place, from more organized office and C&D procedures, lots of new novelties including engineering leather jackets, to a very well organized memorial service in memory of the 14 women killed in Montreal on December 6, 1989, and a red oak planted just outside CPR in memory of the 14 women. The shadow program got off to a very slow start this summer, but wi11 be in full s wing come the fall term when it 'W'ill be integrated with the offi cial visits by highschool students.

Quite a few motions were passed this terTn by the EngSoc council inel uding not to support any events that involve strippers, to remove an d renounce any sexist symbol within the society, and to support th~ Ca nadi an Federation ot Engineering Societi~s in~tiative to wri te an other engmeenng song. All these motions are a good first step towards improving our engineering image .. I~ .anyone has any complaints/ cntJClsms about EngSoc please feel free to talk to the old exec OT the new exec as we would be happy to talk about student Concerns. ..

In closing I would hke to WIsh the neW exec, Fidel, Clare, Step~en a d Bin, good luck and remmd e n on e that applications for very d directorships are due a~ 3:00 to ay

1)' now (You don t have to be ~o a P

IP

d in the past to be involved lnvove now)

Bye, Andrea.

t I

LJ

~--------------------------~

page 7

As the term crawls to a hot humid finish, as my term as VP Internal slowly ends (oh God, now I'm crying), a few words.

To Drew Andrea, Bill and ' . ??) Shafiq (Shafiq, where are you ..

it's been an extremely rewarding 16 months. The time I spent with you guys was time well spent. To the new executive good luck and remember, this job is suppose to fun; if it's not, take a walk, have a beer, come back and try again.

Looking back (look I'm crying again) there have many changes to EngSoc and there wj]] continue to be more with each new infusion of blood. Whether you agree with the changes or not, everyone would have to admit that this EngSoc is one of the most progressive student societies in the country and I'm glad to have been a part of it. The event I'll remember with the most pride and satisfaction was the Montreal Memorial display and service held last December on the anniversary of the l'Ecole Polytecnique tragedy. For a while that day, a lot of people took the time to remember the victims and to reflect on issues beyond the next lecture, assignment or exam. My one parting request would be that this event be staged for years to come. This tragedy should not be forgotten.

Thanks to everyone and take care.

SCY ENG.

SCY ENG is an aggresive engineering company offenng the widest range of engineenng services believable. From the Taccoma Narrows bridge, to the DaVls Centre, from the Space Shuttle Challenger, to the Nuclear Reactor on Three Mile Island, we live on the cutting edge of technology.

With over 150 offices across Canada, we offer you the chance to see and work in mlijor metropolitan centres like Kapuskasing Ont .. Cum By Chance NfJd,. Flin Fl~n M~, or Kejimakujic NS. Or, if you prefer the mternational Jet set, our offices in Baghdad, San Salvador: Managua, Chemobyl and Libya let you get in on the actJon.

If you're not afraid of making mistakes, of failur~,. ?f getting flred, then give us a try. 'Cause at S~Y ENG, if It s worth doing, it's worth doing three or four tImes.

Providing quality engineering services for

two months.

-

page 8 Iron Warrior July II, 1991

CHEW How To Eat Like A Maharaja

Mark Chahl, Andrew Conway Chemadians

Well, now that you finally know who we are, let's get on with it. Sor;y there was no HTELAM last issue, even Indian Chef-wannabees have mIdterms and assignments and labs and... This week we've got a monster four­recipe-finale, featuring chicken as the dead animal flesh and yogurt as the dairy product.

A few nights ago, I was flipping channels and stop~ed a~ the TVO Home Study Show. To my surprise, it was Madhur Jaffrey s IndIan Cookery (you may remember we used her as a pseudo/ripoffnym). She cooked up some Shahi Korma Aloo Gobi and even demonstrated the proper way to cook chapattis. An~way, the point of this so-far-bland-paragraph is to inform you how you can get her excellent 200 page cookbook. It's $24.00 and about the best you can find. Call TVO at 1-800-663-1800 and ask for ext. 12. They take MC and VlSA, so you can buy now and have something to spend your first paycheque on.

All of our recipes this time involve yogurt. Yogurt is a widely-con.sum~d food type article in India. It's not the homogenized, sweetened, Cahforma concoction that most of you are thinking of. Indians use yogurt as an ingredient as a side-dish, and as a palate cleanser (sort of like sorbet), but NEVER a~ a dessert and NEVER sweetened. As a side dish, it is eaten plain with saltJpepper/chili/masalaietc or as khutta o~ raita. The last two are a mixture of yogurt and some grated vegetable hke blanched carrots, cucumber, white radish, or onion. Khutta is a great palate cleanser by virtue of the tartness of the yogurt, not to mention its cool ,soothing effect on singed tastebuds. Everybody makes their own on a daily, or bi-daily basis, and so will you once we teach you.

Another common denominator in two of our recipes iS dthe tandoor. A tandoor is a large , wood-fired clay oven used predominantly in central India. It was brought to India by the Moghuls of Persia (the guys who raped and pillaged the place before the British). The tandoor is used for cookin~ bread and meat, sort of like a barbecue. The two most famous tandoon dishes are tandoori chicken and nan . Tandoori chicken is yogurt marinated, along with spices, and cooked quickly in the infernal hear.t of the tandoor. This process results in chicken that is crispy on the outSIde, even though it is cooked skinless, and very tender in.side. Tandoori chicken is usually served as excessive-drunkenness-avoldance-food after about the first three rounds at Indian weddings. Needless to say, it doesn't last long. It's also notorious drunken-munchies food in the UK among Indians and non-Indians alike. Tandoori nan is a leavened bread made from white flour and cooked in the tan door. Pita bread is a middle eastern cousin of nan. Since most of you don't have a tan door, you can approximate it with a 450F oven or very hot barbecue.

This HTELAM was the best we've done all term, we had lots of food since certain editorial types couldn't make it over for supper. We ate so much we could hardly move. Gourmet, gourmand, is there a difference? One dinner mint each would have done us in!

by Mark Chahl & Drew Conway

Yogurt

Ingredients: n cups milk n tbsp old yogurt (one cup per person is a good serving size)

Directions: Have a glass of milk to prepare yourself for the numerous beers to follow! (saying "Milk Yourself' has lewd implications) Bring the milk to boil and turn heat off and cover. I usually do this step in a one liter Tupperware container in my microwave. (this step sterilizes the milk) Let milk come down to approximately room temperature, and pitch in and stir the old yogurt (the starter culture). Cover the container and wrap with a tea towel. Put in a warm place, such as back in the microwave(power offl!) or in the cupboard above the fridge. Leave overnight. Put in fridge next morning. Consume right away or wait a couple of days for it to get a little more tart.

Tandoori Chicken

Ingredients: chicken - legs and thighs with backs attached or not are the best since th is stuff is meant to be finger food - use two complete leg-th igh units per person tandoori masala* 1.5 tbsp lemon juice per kilo of chicken 1.5 cups yogurt (plain,natuTal or your own) per kilo of chicken chili to taste

*. get this at an Asian food store like in University Shops III

Directions: Beer Yourself! Follow the instructions that corne with the masala, but note the following: Make sure to skin the chicken and make a few cuts in each piece rightJbbbad to the bone. Add a little more masala than is recommended in the recipe, including the lemon juice and chili to taste. Add in the chicken and cover/saturate with marinade well. Store in the fridge overnight. Give the chicken a toss/agitation every now and then. Fire up the barby/get the oven at 450F (I've never used an oven, so I won't advise on how to do so.) If barbecuing, use High gas or low grill position. Spoon on the remaining marinade while cooking. Barby time is about 15-20 minutes. Check for doneitude by cuttinglbbbad to the bone. Eat it with your hands or with nan (below). You will cook this one again and again ...

oJ-

•.... AM 1: IN *+eLL '! T~EV ARE A c.NSTANi~V AWAl<e~(+-l<; N fliWT ~A1tE .... ILLUS\C>N~ •.. ' THESE IMA'lES f=o'-"M.

8£~Rf ME .... '" OF -n-tlNq$ THAT H~ vE B~e.N.

July 11,1991 Iron Warrior page 9

AND BREW Chicken Konna

Ingredients: 1 1/2 Ib chicken meat 112 tsp fenugreek 3 onions 1 tbs desiccated coconut 2 tbs oil 2 cardamoms, crushed 2 chi1lies (or powder) 10 fl. oz. natural yogurt 1 tbs cumin, ground salt to taste 1 tsp coriander, ground 112 tsp turmeric, ground

. 1/2 tsp ginger, ground lemon wedges to garnish DIrections:

Be~r you:self. Cut chicken into 1 inch pieces (I prefer to de-bone). Thm ly slice two of the onions. Heat oil in large pan add sliced onions a:r:d chi~lies, fry until golden brown. Dice remainin~ onion, add to pot wIth spIces, continue to fry until spices darken in colour. Add chicken and half the yOgurt. Simmer until th e chicken is cooked (add water if nessisary). When you are ready to serve, add remaining yogurt, and cook for two more minutes. Garnish with lemon wedges, serves four.

Nan

Ingredients: Basis: Single person serving of 3 nan. 3/4 cup regular wh ite flour 1 tsp baking powder 112 tsp salt 114 cup or so of plain yogurt, preferably your own. 1 tbsp cooking oil

Directions: I don't have to tell you the first stept Use half of the oil to grease up a mixi ng bowl. Perfectly mix the dry ingredients in the bowl. Slowly add in the yogurt and knead like a SOB. You should have bread-dough-like - dough . Smear the rest of the oil on the surface of the dough (this prevents drying out) Cover the bowl and let set a few hours, preferably overnight so the little critters in the yogurt can do some C02 production. Fire up the oven as hot as it will go (450-500F). Knead the dough and break into 3 golf ball sized round thingies. Roll to 7 or 8" circles on an oiled cookie sheetJcounter top. Make sure they're no thinner than 1/4" or you'll end up with cardboard! Put onto oiled cookie sheet and place onto bottom-most rack in oven. After 5-10 minutes look for bubbles forming in the nan, flip over with a spatula. Cook another 10 minutes or until browned in the high spots (if you've seen pita bread, you'll know what I mean, otherwise envision a Jersey cow). Use as an eating utensil like chapattis, or eat right away with the korma or tandoori chicken you've probably cooked.

The Barley Mow

I was flipping through the channels the other night and J came accross a man having a heart attack. This intrigued me, so I watched a little more only to find it was not an Amy movie filled with senseless violence but a show about looking after your heart.

Dispite this disappointment, my morbid sense of curiosity got the better of me, (or the fact that r had dropped the remote and probably would have watched even "Who's the Boss" for a minute or two before needlessly expending the energy to retrieve it.) However, this show reinforced what I have known all along, beer is good for you! Well, good for your heart. The average person should drink about three drinks per day! No shitl So, 1 figure my heart is as strong as at least 3 people. Not only this, but when I die I can donate my liver to two people.

As this is the final issue of The Iron Warrior and therfore the final Brew, today's topic is Brewing on your workterm.

There are . many advantages to workterm brewing, not the least of which is the reason most students start, $$$. But there are many other ad~antages to workterm brewing, thmk of the extra time you'll have wi.th no assignments at night, no m1dterms to worry about.

Depending on where you're placed there may be vast opportunities for brewing, yes, thi s is directed at you people who land jobs at. Molson's or Labott's Gust ask Drew about the st.uff you can "borrow" from these fine establishments) . For those of you going to northern Alberta (not t.he asshole of the world, but you can see it from there), you'll no doubt have lots of spare time on your hands (note: LYSOI can not be brewed).

". ,'r: l

'R"c.o SUPP&..4Et> Tha ~MN\O.

by Tim Osborne

And you people, like myself, who are working in Toronto, know you have to be loaded before going to a Watpub due to the anally retentive prices, will find a special interest in homebrewing (See Bru of the Week -High Alcohol Beer, May 30 Issue) .

Among the thing you can obtain on your workterm, include a thermometer, or jf you're so inclined, perhaps one with a nice digital display! Another important piece of equipment you may find useful is a hydrometer, for determining the alcohol content of your bru, or if this is not accurate enough for you a chromatograph would do the job quite nicely, while your at it why not see about a pressure filtration system.

Enough about where you're going to brew, how about what you're going to brew. Don't be afraid to try brewing different kinds of alcohol, remember anything with sugar or starch and some yeast will make alcohol under the right conditions, you may not make it to work for a day or two but come on, take advantage of those sick days, that' s what there for and besides no one forced you to drink that shit!

U nt.il next. t(~rtn, rememher, for on Iy $15 H w ck nnt! 2 hours of your t.ime you can hnv(' more b .or than you con <should) drink!

CHEEltSl

]:. .. (..AC~ MY COMPLETE TR"'~r IN Ht!1\.., SH'E. ~t:> ME 'TO "TH£ ~Ps..Q.f~ f.\(I)~ (Jur.' THe. ~E.ST W~g, ~'( I AT hSA~T CTWA~ S'(.{P'OS.,p

To ~E! WfiAT".. SET 14f>!

--~

page 10

Bicycle Security Concerns on UW Campus by Fidel Reijerse and Mike Morley

In the past few weeks there have been multiple incidents of stolen bicycles and accessories from locked bikes on campus. The statistics indicate thai the frequency of reported thefts has increased 300% over the same time period last year . Thefts are not only occurring at night but also during peak daylight hours. These thefts are campus wide and are not confined to one area. It has also become evident that the majority of the thefts are due to an organized group and that it is necessary to take action as the extent of their sophistication and boldness is yet unknown .

The following suggestions have been presented to the University of Waterloo Security. As a means of deterring thefts, a secure area be established, designated as a bicycle lock-up area on campus. It is suggested that this area be fenced and monitored by video or by a visit from a member of the security force every fifteen minutes.

Another suggestion is to have officers patrol the campus by foot or bicycle during the day and with increased frequency during the evenings. This allows for more complete coverage than can be offered by motor vehicle, especially of the interior of the campus which is inaccessible from Ring Road. Also, the current walk home security force could be utilized to patrol designated night bicycle lock up areas. This security measure would not be of the same calibre as the proposed bike lock-up, but would provide general areas that are more frequently patrolled.

It was also proposed that a more appropriate design of bike rack be introduced to gradually replace the current bike racks on campus. The existing racks cannot be easily used to lock up mountain bikes and do not provide sufficient security for any bike. It is suggested that the new design be cast in concrete footings to prevent any mass thefts.

Eng Soc "A" has lent its support to these proposals, as have the Feds. If anyone has any other ideas on ways of improving bicycle security on campus, please contact Fidel Reijerse through the Ring Road Classic mailbox at the Orifice.

AN t:> NOW I'to'I HEf\.E. ..... ,. ~,,~c:\£: ..... t\~L\. 'S HEK'I: '? , ... A ,...o's~ POOTST1!PS

Iron Warrior

Off Road Bonsai Classic

by Fidel Reijerse

On ~un~ 23, 1991, a group of enthuslastlc and suicidal mountain bikers showed up at Brubacher Ho,:,"se to challenge the most gruelhng Course ever presented to them. Before them lay uncharted land s containing unfamiliar beasts and knew what else. The bravest grouped and as a show of courage rode madly into the underbrush of the rain fore st. Hours passed. Finally the first rider was spotted emerging from the depths of the jungle. He was covered in unidentifiable green ooze. One by one the others emerged. All similarly covered. Any area that was not covered was pale from fright. They dragged their bikes to the finish line and collapsed in a heap of bikes, limbs and water bottles.

The second group, undaunted by the appearance of the dishevelled racers, eagerly awaited departure. They too were eager to prove their strength and courage. They grouped, and after a quick prayer tore off along the freshly beaten path. Fortunately the natives had all scattered when the first group of renegades had ripped through their territory. All that remained to obstruct the riders were the wild animals, snakes and mud pits of ooze. The crowd was tense. The impatience was in the air, as the first group of riders triumphantly came into view. The crowd sighed with relief as all tbe riders finally crossed the finish 1ine.

One group remained. A bunch of brave slightly irrational and psychotic runners who wanted to prove that their speed and legs of steel could carry them through the dangers that lay within and allow them to emerge unscathed. They

plunged headlong into the trees. Dusk fell and the crowd had almost given up hope of seeing the brave souls again when whooping was heard from the participants. The crowd turned to see the bedraggled runners stumble out of the dark. What an amazing sight.

So ended the second annual OfT­Road Classic. Th anks to all those who participated.

'h'tf, -. . ,

OFF- ROAD RESULTS

COMPETITIVE MOUNTAIN BIKE RACE - 16 km

1. Trevor Rickwood AHS 2. Sean Campbell Sci 3. Mike Morley Eng 4. Jamie Merrifield McPhail's 5. Tony Pringle Eng 6. Robert Busch Arts 7. John De Wilde Eng 8. Semko Szybiak Eng 9. Allistar Baker Eng 10. Bill Dainty Eng 11. Jeff White Eng 12. Nico Racca Eng 13. Eric Hakomski Eng 14. Steve Sloan Sci

RECREATIONAL MOUNTAIN B IKE RACE - 5 km 1. Sean Campbell 2. Bill Dainty 3. Dara Finney 4. Doug MacDonald 5. Semko Szybiak 6. Nadia Andretia 7. Ian MacKenzie 8. MJ MacDonald 9. Drew Conway

Sci Eng AHS Eng Eng AHS Eng AHS Eng

CROSS-COUNTRY RACE - 5 km 1. Ken MacLeod Eng 2. Dave Baerg ES 3. JeffWesthead Eng 4. Sundeep Rangan Eng

• .~:: No. '1: WANT HIM ,0 ~£ AWAKe ~--..-

Nil LO""G~1t 'T"""'A/ 2- H(JU R.5~ MR.... REA P f$.JI.. 'Ot'£ £FF£C..75" ~F '1"t4_ DR..\.lq5 A~~ WEARINu, OFF. St'4 WE IlJellEAs!: FOR HIS TR'At.

THEy'RE THE'f'R.E.

'TH~ D oS"'~ E.?

TALI<,,.., ~ , e.UT ~ C~",'T S'-\I(fN~, ,t. El'C£I-T •.•.

ANP JUD4~MrWT.

"

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- July 11, 1991 Iron Warrior page 11

Engineering and Science Quest

By ~ichelle , Laura, and Jean

. f Have you noticed the recent In ~ tat' f ~ IOn 0 small rugrats in E2 ~:<l . CP~? Been wondering why ~ neenng students seem to be

gett· d lng younger and younger these t~Y~? Have you been run over in

: C & D by hoards of starving ;Hlgets? The root of all these Sll~TT1.mas is ENGINEERING

CIE:NCE QUEST ' 91. And what, h°u. Trlay ask, is th i s program that as suddenly caused th ese swarms

of lhunchkin s to invade U of W? Well Jet me tell you:

Swarms of munchkins invade UW ...

. Engineering Science Quest is a pllot program that started this year. DUl'ing May and June the three of us (Michelle Miller , Laura Matthews and Jean Hein ) went out to Pu.blic and Cath olic elementary schools in the Waterloo region and conducted hands-on science and engi neering activities with the

kids. The response from staff an d students was great. We r eached about 4 500 kids through th ese sessions.

The second pha s e of Engineering Science Quest is a summer day camp. There are 25 k ids per week for a total of 8 weeks. This our second week of camp. We have been running activities such a s constructing sundials , using solar panels, playing na t ure games , learning a bou t groundwater and making our own sei smographs . -

As well as these group activities each kid has to prese nt a "Magic Trick" to their peer s and parents and explain it sc ien tifica lly . The se presenta ti on s take place every Thursday, starting at 4:30 in EL 103. We would like to invite anybody who is interested to come and watch the presentations on Thursday July 18th. You are also welcome to drop by our classroom any time and watch the fun . We are in E2- 1303E.

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The Engineering Student Centre: A Place of Our Own

by Gi selle Cotta

Space is at a premium m the engineering buildings. This fall there will be 780 trosh, that is 80 more students th an in previous y ears. These new students will create a demand for more academic space. At the same time, student servi ces must be expanded to accommodate a 1 arger stud ent body. Students come to Waterloo first and foremost to get an education, therefore, it is only right that academic space requirements take precedence over student space needs. But, the fact remains that student services need room to expand. Anyone who has been in the C&D knows that it needs to be expanded, but there is no place for it to e::xpand. Imagine the ideal solution: more academic space for the Faculty and enough student space to fill all our needs. Imagine an Engineering Student Centre, corn plete with a larger C&D, POETS twice the size it is now, a more spacious Orifice complete

NlqH'ffVf~I(ES, -n+e..Y'Vf CoME ~"'GK., •.

with offices and a meeting room . Now imagine that this is possible, because it is.

... Imagine an Engineering Student Life Center ...

The concept of building an Engineering Student Centre was in t roduced at the Joint Executive Council meeti ng on Jul y 6. It should be stressed that this is just a concept. No definite plans have been made, the Faculty and Administration have not been approached. It is just an idea that is being kicked around. The idea is to create 8000 sq. ft . of space for the Engineering student population. This would cost us (in 1991 prices) $916 000. Thi.s figure includes all furnishi.ngs, computers, etc. of the rooms. The money for the project would come from the Engineering students. Each student would have to pay approximately $20 each semester tor the next 15 years. This fee is based upon the worst case

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scenario. It does not take into account the means of reducing the cost, i.e. money from the Faculty for the return of the 5000 sq. ft. we occupy presently, government grants, alumni fundi.ng, etc.

Space or l h~k ther eof is not th e only factor which prompted the idea of an Engineering Student Centre. Financial reasons also came into play . The C&D needs more room but, in the exis ting locntion ,lhi : is not possible. If th e &D remain s wh er e it is, a new ventil alion system will h ave to b ins tall d. This will cos t En ~ Soc approximately $]5 000.

POETS is also a problem . Currently, POETS is licen sed by the University of Waterloo. All profits, approximately $35 000 annually, goes directly to the University. The idea is for Eng Soc to license POETS and as such be able to use the profits to benefit Engineering student life . Since POETS would be doubling in size, a portion could be set aside as a fourth year leisure area complete with the

pool tabl es from the fourth year study rooms. Andrew Conway, former President of Eng Soc "A" feels that the Dean's threats to eliminate recreational use of study rooms will be carri ed out within the next year . Moving th e tables to a recreational area would solve this dilemma.

... Thr a ls lo cllmi na lt' r cr ' alinnal u S of

L ludy rooms .. ,

'rh .Joint Exccutiv(' Council passed a motion to !-jet up n Building F eas ib i l it y ' ommitte '. Th e commiU e would be co mposed of students from gng Soc "A" and "0". It would study the needs of tho Engineering stud nt body over the next 8 months and report back to the Joint Executive Council. Their r eport will determine whether Or not th e matter should he pursued by a referendum . All students are welcome to join the committee, just sign up at the Orifice.

page 12 Iron Warrior July 11, 1991 -

The Ultimate High by Antony Pringle and Ken Slaughter (Shafted & Pist 'on)

So you've just seen Top Gun, The Right Stuff, and Memphis Belle, all in one sjtting. You begin to read, eat, and sleep aviation. You have it bad: you're a pilot wannabee. So how do you get started? How does one learn to fly?

The nrst thing many people say to a pilot is invariably, 'Tve always wanted to do that. How did you learn? What did you doT

The first step in getting a pilot's license is asking yourself how badly you want to fly, and why you want to learn . Flying light aircraft doesn 't provide mach-speed thrills, and it requires a considerable amount of responsibility and common sense. This does not mean it's not enjoyable. A lot of superlatives apply to flight training: captivating, engrossing, challenging, etc. The fun comes from learning how to handle the aircraft and make it do what you want it to do; be it mastering short field landings, getting out of a nve rotation spin, or recovering cleanly from a spiral dive .

the fun comes from ... getting out of a five rotation spin, or getting out of a spiral dive ...

The second step in becoming a pilot is to choose a flying school. Location is obviously a large factor (if you have a work term in Toronto, there are at least four airports to choose from, as in Ottawa, and Waterloo has one) but there are other factors to consider. For example, the nature of a flying school. Most schools operate as flying clubs, where students and licensed pilots pay a yearly fee (typically about a hundred dollars). Membership gives individuals the right to rent club aircraft,

subject to club rules. Flying clubs get most of their money from teaching people to fly, and instructing may therefore be more of a priority than running charters, selling aircraft, etc. On the other hand, aviation companies with a mix of services tend to have fewer students, and there can be advantages to this . Crowded classrooms, overworked instructors and traffic patterns

can be a problem at large schools. As well, a student gains more exposure to the 'real' world of professional flying.

Once you've chosen a likely place to learn, start looking at how much time and money this will cost you. Prices won't vary much in SoutHern Ontario; learning how to fly a light aircraft such as a Cessna 152 (a two-seat, llO-hp aircraft) costs about $65 an hour to rent, plus the instructor's fee of $28 an hour. Most instructors feel that flying about 1 to 2 hours a week is a good starting pace.

THE PRIVATE LICENSE

A private license is required to fly for pleasure, with and without passengers. Transport Canada has established mlO1mum flying times in obtaining all licenses. An private pilot applicant needs a total of forty-five hours of total flying time, of which twelve is any dual flying (with an instructor), twelve is any solo flying, and there is an additional five-hour

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instrument training requirement. Also, a student must have five hours of dual cross-country flight, and five hours of solo cross-country. Forty hours of ground school is also required, though many schools give their students sixty hours . Most run three-hour ground school classes once a week, for about twenty weeks, ending with a practice exam. Ground school includes theory of flight, aircraft systems, airmanship, rules of the air and the air traffic system, and navigation.

The vast majority of students require more flying time than the minima established by Transport Canada . The average time needed to get a license is seventy flying hours. However, an individual may vary considerably from the norm, due to frequency of the lessons, the proncency of the instructor, or a host of other factors.

After having completed ground school, DOT's three-hour, closed book exam must be written. Also, when the instructor feels you are ready, a two to three hour flight test, conducted by a designated DOT examiner (often one of the school's senior instructors) needs to be passed as well.

... the instructor will reach over to the throttle and idle the engine ...

What do you learn in becoming a private pilot? From the outset, the emphasis wil1 be on control of the aircraft and maintaining safety. On your first flight (unless you don't want to) you'll be doing at least some of' the flying. The first lessons will teach you how to maintain straight and level flight, gentle

turns and banks, and maybe some climbs and descending glides. You will move up to more accurate turns and banks, turning to a heading using the

aircraft's instruments, climbing and descending to a designated altitude. Once these have he en mastered, you proceed on to slow flight, stalls, steep turns, and spins. Once you've demonstrated your ability to control the aircraft through a range of attitudes and speeds, it's time to learn how to land. This has been called the hardest part of learning to fly, but it is probably one of the enjoyable. Landing brings together much of what you 've learned: turns, banks, climbs, descents, the way the aircraft feels at slow speed, the effects of pitch and power. At this time you'll probably also practice forced landings somewhere out in the boonies . After a ground brienng (and maybe an in-flight demo by the instructor) the instructor will reach over to the throttle and idle the engine. Your job is to put your now-gliding aircraft on final approach to a suitable emergency landi ng strip.

After demonstrated pronciency at these tasks, your instructor will send you solo, once completely satisfied you are ready for it. Soloing is a big thrill, but the work doesn't end

there. Solo landing practice follows, with emphasis on "specialty" landings such as short or over-an-obstacle.

The next stage is navigation exercises that will lead up to

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several cross-countries, at first dual, then solo. With the instructor out of the aircraft, interesting things happen on cross-countries. Cities and towns vanish. Rivers appear where there were none before. Your map starts to look like something the Sumerians drew. Getting lost ("tem porarily unsure of your position") is not doom for a student pilot; there's a number of techniques that will get you "unlost", and you will be taught those as well.

When the cross-country phase is finished, it's onto instrument flying, perhaps the most bizarre period of your training. Previously, you were taught to keep your eyes outside the cockpit, scanning the ground for landmarks, looking for other aircraft. A quick glance at the instruments is all that is needed to ensure the numbers are what they should be. The emphasis is on flying with reference to the ground and the horizon. However, should you, through poor planning or bad judgment find yourself in clouds, flying with no horizon and no ground reference, things are somewhat bleak. With no visual cues, the body's inner ear confuses the brain as the aircraft turns, banks, climbs and dives . A pilot with no instrum ent-flyi ng experience will usually last about eighty seconds in this environment before losing control of his aircraft. Flying into weather that demands instrument flight (IFR

Iron Warrior

weather) is illegal for a non-IFR pilot. Weather is a major killer of private pilots, and the purpose of the five hours of in strument training is not to teach a student how to fly on instruments, but how to survive long enough to get out of any IFR conditions he or she might find themselves in.

The instrument training

teaches one how to use the aircraft's six primary flight instruments to control the aircraft through banks , turns, climbs, descents, even unusual attitudes. The instructor keeps an eye on things as the student flies . A hood is used to block the student's view of the outside, forcing him to concentrate on the instrument panel.

Once this stage is finished, the instructor will work on making sure there are no loose ends, testing your skills in the air and your knowledge on the ground. Once the practice flight-test is out of the way, you're ready for the real thing.

for every airline seat in Canada, there are five hundred pilots qualified to fill it ...

So what will this cost you? Sixty-five hours of flight time, along with the instructor's fee, works out to over $5000. Include the ground school tuition and the books needed, and you're looking at about $5500. Small wonder most people, after hearing all this, decided to wait until they're working full time before they plan on getting a private license.

ADVANCED LICENSES

Obviously, the private pilot has limited flying privileges, and many individuals choose to augment their flying skills by getting advanced licenses and ratings. The commercial license requires a total of two hundred hours flying time, during which pilots can perfect the manoeuvres learned in private tr~ining. A

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commercial license holder is permitted to fly for hire. The IFR (instrument flight rules) rating is required to fly a plane when predetermined visibility and cloud base minima aren't met. Thus, a pilot isn't at the complete mercy of the weather and can fly on days that the private IFR (visual flight rules) pilot would be grounded. Many pilots combine the IFR rating with a multi-engine rating, enabling them to fly complex twin-engine aircraft in most weather conditions. Finally, the highest license, the airline transport

license (ATPL) can be obtained by high-time pilots after having passed both written and flight tests.

MEDICAL CONSIDERATIONS

Transport Canada health and fitness requirements must be met in order to get any flying license. Generally, candidates should be in good health, with no history of heart problems, and no debilitating diseases. Contrary to popular belief, perfect vision is not a requirement. Pilots with near sightedness as poor as 20/100 are permitted to fly, as long as corrective lenses are worn. In fact, many airline pilots do not have perfect vision, and wear contacts or glasses.

AVIATION CAREERS

The greatest determinant of flying proficiency is flying hours . To pilots, hours mean everything. Getting all the required licenses and ratings doesn't necessarily that a pilot will be employable . A green commercial pilot will likely have to build hours by doing things like instructing, flying light charters, or flying bush planes in the Canadian north. And none of this work is particularly pleasant nor financially rewarding. As

page 13

well, the aviation industry is extremely cyclical; job opportunities vary with the seasons, the economy, and global security. Still, many pilots do

contrary to popular belief, perfect vision is not a requirement ...

manage do scrape alo ng and build eno ugh hours (say, ten thousand) to apply for the coveted airline positions. Currently, however, all airlines state that they have hundreds of applicati ons on file from competent individuals . It h as been said that for every airline cockpit seat available in Canada, there are five hundred qualified pilots to fill it. ~So even after having spent tens of thousands of dollars on flying instruction, after having risk ed life and limb teaching uncoordinated students how to fly, and after having spent a few good winter flying rickety old airplanes up north, the average pilot still has a only slim chance of getting a secure career. The moral? Engineering is a good career to fall back on. Engineering careers in aviation (i e . fli g h t s i m u I a t ion, maintenance, component design, accident investigation etc.) are generally more stable and financially rewarding than flying positions.

The moral ? Engineering is a good carrier to fall back on.

Still, many perseverant flying types do manage to g t good jobs. The romance of flying is a never ending passion fOT some. Flying enables one to soar above the clouds, have complete three dimensional freedom of motion, and look down at the earth in all its perfection. It is no wonder that flying is such an obsession for some, who are persistent enough to pay the dues of a piloting career. Plus, the concept of being in control of a massive piece of aluminium, full of people, travelling at forty thousand feet, at one thousand kilometres and hour, has its appeal...

page 14 Iron Warrior July 11, 1991

UW STUDENTS GO TO ST. VINCENT Four years ago, a group of

Canadian university students took a week off to go on a missions trip to the island of St. Vincent in the West Indies. So much need was seen in that one short week, that students have been returning every year.

Just before the summer term began, about 60 students from around Canada, half of whom were from UW, took the plunge and made a commitment to go to the island. The trip was organized under the auspices of the Navigators of Canada, a Christian group that is actively involved on campus. One of our main areas of work was in the island's secondary school system.

... 70% of children can't go to school past the age of

eleven.

The schools on the island are all under the British system, which means that the students write a standardized set of Cambridge exams. When children reach grade five, about 70% of them are not allowed to continue in school; the island does not have the space to accommodate them. Of 18 highschools on the island, only one

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offers form six, a cross between grade 13 and first year universty. We taught a range of subjects, including science, English, math, business, geography ... Dan McIver (2B Rec) was asked to teach cricket. Too bad he didn't know how to play.

The school buildings are not in the best of shape. Some have five classes in a common room . There isn't enough chalk for all of the teachers. Teachers don't have access to such luxuries as paper or photocopiers, so they usually don't give assignments or tests until the final exam. Often teachers do not even show up to teach their classes; they just can't be bothered. Many of them have just graduated from highschool themselves and have no formal training as teachers. As such, we were much more qualified to teach than they were.

We realize that our going down to St Vincent to teach isn't going to solve all of the problems on the island. One of our goals is to improve the quality of the education in St. Vincent. To accomplish this we bring down school supplies. This trip, we brought down several classroom sets of dictionaries, chemistry lab equipment, gestetner machines with supplies and paper, and other teaching aids. We also finished construction of a school, and did some construction and maintenance on two others. Four

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years ago, we put a roof on a highschool; three years ago we gave another school electricity.

... 74% of children born last year were born out of

marriage

The moral fabric of the island is in complete chaos. Last year 74% of the children born, were born out of marriage. I'm 23: by the time most girls reach my age, they have had 3 or 4 kids and look about 35. Most of the young people on the island do not live with their parents; they live with aunts, uncles or grandparents. Parents are often forced to move to Canada to find work.

... children abandonned in the streets

Liberty Lodge

Liberty Lodge is a home for boys whose parents don't want them. There are 30 kids between the ages of 5 and 12 living there. Some of the children have been there for years

without seeing their parents. Some of them don't even know who their parents are; these kids were abandoned in the streets. There are only 120 000 people living in St. Vincent, and there is a waiting list of over 1000 boys trying to get in in Liberty Lodge.

When our team visited the Lodge, one of the things that struck me was the poverty. I don't reea]] any of the children having shoes, and they an wore old, torn clothes. Dinner consisted of three bites of sardines which, according to one of contacts, was the best meal they had had in two years. Standard fare consists of a slice of bread and a slice of baloney.

... the only answer to hope­lessnes is Joy ...

The other thing that struck me was the joy. These kids had absolutely nothing, yet they were all happy. One of the kids had an old gear which he rolled around with a stick. He did that for two hours and loved it. They were absolutely thrilled that we came down to visit them and that we cared about them. They were so trusting and open to us that it broke my heart. It reminded me of a Bible verse: in Matthew 9:36, Christ had just been going through the cities and towns. He saw that an the people were lost, and confused, and he "had compassion on them." This was an emotion I felt all the time in St. Vincent. Just before we left, we gave aJl the kids a gift. It was only a piece of gum, but the reaction! Most of them had never recieved a gift before.

Georgetown

Once the largest city on the island, Georgetown has been decimated by the government and natural disasters. It used to be the centre of the sugar cane industry on St. Vincent. The government, however, decided that the industry was not profitable enough, so it uprooted all the sugar cane. They didn't realize that a third of the labour force had been involved in this industry. In 1979, Souffriere

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July 11, 1991 Iron Warrior page 15

erupted and destroyed 25% of the banana crops for the next two years. Hurricane Allan took out 95% the follwing year. The city now has an unemployemnt rate of over 80%.

... 80% unemployement... I People are living in shacks that you wouldn't put your dog in. Buildings have fallen in the streets and remain neglected. The people in Georgetown have no hope and no motivation to try to improve their situation. The youth roam the streets with nothing to do. Ifthey're lucky, they might get a job picking bananas.

I ... 300 people can now see ...

One of our groups held an eye clinic there. Over 300 people were fitted for glasses. We faxed the prescriptions back to Canada where labs (in the K-W-Guelph area made th e glasses. All glasses were donated by Luxotica. The next week an opthamologist went down and fitted them properly.

We spent a lot of time talking with people. Vincentian's are the most open and friendly I've ever

met. We held Bible studies in the schools during lunch: in our school of 300-350 students, we had over 125 students studying the Bible. The goal of this work was to give them confidence regarding their faith in God and to let them know they have the ability to help others with their faith also. We spent some time with the more mature Christian students showing them how to lead Bible studies and how to share their faith . We tried to show them that they can make a difference in their country, and that their lives can have meaning and hope.

I've on ly touched briefly on some of the work we did on the island, but I think you understand that it was an action-packed two weeks. In order to get some personal time in the Bible, we were getting up at 5 or 5:30 AM. We came back exhausted. We also came back moved. I was almost torn apart by some of the things I saw. It was a life-changing experience, and if you ever get the chance,I strongly urge you to participate in a similar activity. I promise you won't regret it.

Colin Meldrum 3A Civil

•.•• ONE (IF R(CJ)'S

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The Sandford Fleming Foundation Waterloo Campus Activity

4333 Carl Pollock Hall, U. of W. Waterloo, ON, N2L 3G1 (519) 888-4008

9(aren 9f(ar~ScfioCarsfiip %inner raI£1990

Linda Hachey 3B Systems Design

This award Is made to Third Year Female Undergraduates, based on academic achievement and contribution to Engineering Student Life. The scholarship is awarded in memory of Karen Mark, who was a Third Year Chemical Engineering Student at Waterloo.

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Your Class Rep will be receivi ng a nomination form soon. Remem­ber that great TA who provided excellent assistance. Nominations will be received by the EnglneerlnQ Undergraduate Office until Friday, July 26, 1991 . Get your nomination in soon.

An organization devoted to the advancement of engineering education.

--

."

page 16 Iron Warrior July 11, 1991

Euthenic Karm.a: Part II by Jonathan Seet

Marc was dazed from the constant drone of the voices. They had him entranced and spellbound by the sheer beauty they seemed to possess. He was not really aware of where he was going, or even the surrounding scenery. But he was aware that he was almost completely out of control of his conscious mind.

Marc's head hit the floor as he passed out. In the darkness which he recognized as the subconscious dreamscape of his mind, Marc could still hear the voices all around him. It was as if they danced around him . He saw the silhouette of the old man Ernie, whom he barely recognized from the church. The shadow began speaking to him.

''I'm sorry. If I'd known, 1 would have killed you." What did he mean? Killed me? Why? "1 didn't know you were the Son." The son of whom? Ernie's image disappeared and his mind blanked out as if by some powerful force . Another voice spoke.

"My son, please do not hate me. I do not want to be hated." It was a velvety, rich voice that tired his mind. "It won't be that bad ... " The voice started to chuckle and then broke into a full laugh.

Marc, by now, was thoroughly confused. But he was still unconscious ... it must all be a dream.

Marc awoke strapped to an altar­like structure. A woman was standing above him . She was adorned in the classic high­priestess white robe. Her facial features were strong. Her cheek bones held the frame of her beautiful face high. The lips perfect, the nose, the chin, also perfect. But it was her eyes that held him down. He could not move under her gaze. Marc stared deep into her brown eyes, which reflected compassion and kind of love that he had only ever seen in his mother's eyes. This woman, however, was not his mother. She had a small dagger in her right hand and a jagged hook in her left.

"Where am I?" Marc was sure he knew the answer to this question. "I seem to have the worst luck with women."

"You are the son of Satan. Do not make this difficult on yourself." Why is it they always say that when you have no idea what they're talking about?

"What are you talking about? What do you mean the son of Satan? I'm the son of a man named Bob. You haven't answered my question." A puzzled look crossed her face.

"Bob? Bob must be Satan." "Yes, that's right," This

woman must be soooo stupid! " that's right, Bob is Satan . I hate Bob. So what? Since when do you sacrifice people for having fathers they hate?

"You are the son of Satan. You are the antichrist." Uh-oh. Not good ...

"So, ah, you are going to kill me? A good old-fashioned sacrifice. Didn't they used to rape virgins and the n kill them? And ... oh wow! Aren't you in luck today! I'm a virgin! Sacrifice me! I'll give my body to God!" He was being silly and talkative in his nervousness. In order to forestall this psychotic woman. He looked around and noticed it was the same church he had come across earlier on. That explained the absence of voices. The woman looked at him, licking her lips . She actually considered what he was saying. "Where the hell am I?" sentence. He couldn't think of anything else to say to her.

The woman stepped back. She tugged on the straps that held him down. Firm. She stroked his hair back from his face.

"Such a shame." Marc jerked his head away. She stopped, looked at him and appeared to be insulted. "You are in the house of God."

"So it appears, but you don't seriously think I am the antichrist do you?"

"God punishes the minions of Satan. In ways you cannot imagine ... tI

"Well, I'm here right now aren't I. You're boring me to death. Isn't that bad enough'! Come'on ... lemme go."

"N 0 you are not in Hell yet. You will not have to wait long."

"And ... " he didn't finish his "Do not joke, son of Lucifer.

You must die painfully so that God may transplant your soul."

"WHAT?? Where to? What's he going to do? Give my soul to some souless ghoul on Bay Street? John Turner? Helmut Buxbaum? Charles Manson? Who? Do I get to be somebody else? Jimmy Page?"

"Into a non-being." Marc stopped being snide and

for the first time wondered what if this woman did not let him go. He was now terrified. The woman intended to kill him with the instruments in her hands in the name of God.

"God expects you to kill me? Did he tell you that?"

"Yes, of course. I spoke to him personally ...

"How did you know it was him?"

"He said he was God. The word of God is sacred."

"What if it was Satan lying to you. Apparently, he's quite good at that sort of thing." He wasn't sure if he believed in either Satan or God, but the murderous bitch was going to mince him into a million tiny pieces if he didn't talk her out of it.

"There was light all around ... a At the top of his chest, she cut a

small cross. He yelled from the pain. Still chanting, the woman kissed his forehead. Marc attempted to head-butt her but did so as she pulled away and missed her. She placed the tip hook she held in her left hand into the centre of the cross in his ch est and dragged the hook down the front of his body.

She continued to dissect him slowly, making his agonizing death as painful as possible. great peace, a presence..... She had not heard a word he said.

She ripped the clothes off of his body, deftly twisting the dagger around the seams. Marc lay on the altar of a church in the middle of Toronto completely naked. Cool, man. This doesn't happen every day. But he was absolutly speechless with terror. She started chanting Latin of course! They do this in the movies. But she's not going to rape me. Oh well ... Tearing his flesh from his bones, she knew which parts to rip in the most excruciating manner. This "sacrifice" took several hours to complete and all the while chanting and kissing. Not once was she interrupted by outsiders and not

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once did she stop to look around her. Marc's soul was released in the slowest fashion possible. The fabric of his soul was tattered. All good, bad and personal characteristics were completely washed from the torture of the sacrifice.

Marc's consciousness arose in the physical warmth of a factory. He was not in a body. His body was apparently in pieces. He had no eyes, but he could see. He had no ears, but he could hear. He had no mouth, but he could hear himself speak. In response to his speech, other voices replied and welcomed him to The Punishment. This was where demons, sinners and the like were imprisoned for eternity. They were condemned to various forms of inanimate objects. All inanimate objects, all forced to observe humanity forever in a form of futiliy. So I was the antichrist. It so happened that Marc's inanimate form was that of a toilet-seat.

In a store, Marc's mother was talking to a salesperson about the last night she had seen her beloved son.

"Of course, I loved him, but I don't know what happened. He has gotten into fights with his father before. But Bob and he never escalated to this. Why would he run away?"

"Hmmm ... well, are you going to pay for that with cash or your card?"

"I'll put it on my card." The lady rang the sale through.

"As I always say, if you love someone, set them free. If they love you, they'll come back into your .. arms.

"Yes, well, it's been two days now. I'm beginning to get worried. Wel1...thank you! And good day!"

Marc's mother left the hardware store that day with a brand new toilet-seat for her husband's bathroom.

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July 11, 1991

Point: Let 'Em Stay

As reported by Dave 'Don't worry Gus, I'll get this done on time' Hook

Since people are talking about getting rid of Quebec, I decided to get a francophone to list some of the ideas that Quebec should stay part of Canada. Here is what he had to say:

"Allo, ma name iz Jacques Laroque, and I talk wid diz OUTRAGEOUS ACCENT cuz I'm FREANCH!! You English bedwetting types make me want to throw up! You seeelly business types from Toronto, [ wedl personally Crush you all!! ........

Well, that was sort of a waste of time. So here are a whole bunch of my reasons why Quebec should stay part of Canada: .

* People in Ottawa could not live without Hull's liquor laws. * This country needs a hockey team worse than the Leafs - The Quebec Nordiques. * Preston Nazi and his Conform Party would have nothing to whine about. * Withou t more Oka conflicts; the Canadian military wouldn't have anything to do. * That big long French bread is just SO good. * Without Canada's only WLAF franchise, the Montreal Machine, we would .... oh, well, so it's not a GREAT loss. ... Without Quebec, Ontario would be the province most hated by the West. * I know that I speak on behalf of the entire country when I say that I want to share the same country as Corey Hart and the Bonhomme. ... What would Labatt's Dry base its ad campaign on? * Without Quebec, Canada would become a very lopsided shaped country. * Eastern Canada needs a real hockey team (The Canadiens). I'm sorry, I

I Canada needs Mitsou. I really don't think the Senators are going to cut it. " We'd have to change Newfie jokes to Quebecker jokes. * 'Oh Canada' at sporting events is kind of dull without the accompanying chorus of boos. * Canada needs Mitsou. The U.S. has its video slut, Madonna. * It would make another country that has a better Olympic team than us. * Stompin' Tom Connors would have to rewrite all his songs about Quebec. * We would have to relocate L'Hiver Carnival to the 500.

" How many other OUTRAGEOUS ACCENTS could we make fun of?

see page 3 pinup!

Iron Warrior page 17

Counterpoint: Why should we Let 'Em Stay

By Ken "Please don 't throw at molotov cocktail at me " Slaughter.

Note: this reporter was recently ordered - I mean, volunteered, to write an opinion piece on the possibility of Quebec separation. Since I knew little about the issue, I decided to talk to someone who was at the cutting edge of this vital question: a Quebec anglophone.

Locating an anglophone proved to be dicey business, and in the end the Iron Warrior's crack Special Commando Squad had to be called in. The search for a Quebec anglophone was to prove arduous and long, requiring many dangerous trips to the nightclubs and discos of Montreal. It seemed we would never find our quarry. Then, a break in the mission! While buying fresh

Last Anglo spotted in East Townships

supplies of Seagram's cooler and malt-beverage products in a small store in Hawkesbury, we spotted a National Enquirer with the bold headline, "Last Anglo Spotted In East Townships". The article reminesced about the days when these creatures had roamed the Plains of Abraham in their thousands. We had a lead! The Squad eventually tracked our Anglo to a small survivalist cabin in the Laurentians. Here a small, wizened man in faded camos and armed with a Daisy pellet gun crouched behind boxes of canned food and back-issues of "Soldier of Fortune". He shouted out - his voice quavering in fear - as we approached, "Is you lot from the Spicer Commission?"

"No", I bravely -replied from behind a really large tree. "We just wanted your opinion on Quebec separation." With this a hail of painful, stinging pellets rained on us. Time for a change of tactics. The squad quickly whipped up a plan. We tempted the anglo out into the

You untie me sonny, and I'll untie you a piece of OplnIOn ...

open with an 8 x 10 glossy of Preston Manning. Once he was exposed, we jumped and swiftly tied him up. As we helped ourselves to his food, he looked up defeatedly and said, "Okay, you win. What do you want?"

"Your opinion", I said, munching a Vachon cake. "What do you think of Quebec separating? Is it going to be bad for Canada to let them go?

"Let them go? Let them GO?!" he screamed, his face purple with rage (or maybe the ropes were too tight). "I don't even think we should let 'em stay! You untie me, sonny, and I'll write you a piece of opinion about why Canada should kick 'em out!'

I considered. Such a piece would be incendiary, base, and insulting. On the other hand, I wouldn't have to do any work.

"Sure", I shrugged, and bent to untie his knots.

So here it is.

Counterpoint: Kick 'Em Out,ISayl

By Eddie the Anglophone

When this pup asked me to submit my humble opinion on Canadian unity, I welcomed this opportunity to speak my mind, as well as recover my circulation. f,

I've lived in Quebec all my life. I've watched my kids being forced to learn French, I've been fined and impri son d for trying to exercise fr edom of expression in the language of my choice. I've been sn ubbed by Bourassa and abandoned by a Federal government more intent on maintaining it's primary power base than ensuring all Canadians were treated fairly. I'm fed up! [fs time we gave Quebec the boot!

Now, not all of you have the informed, objective view I have. So I've compiled nine reasons why the rest of Canada should send Quebec an eviction notice. By the way, here's a suggested notice. As you can, I'm also an

accomplished poet. In fact, I fancy myself the "Gilles Villeneuve" of English Canada Quebec Seperatism Movement.

Dear Quebec: Roses are red, violets are blue The Expos are out AND NOW, SO ARE YOU!!

Love, the rest of the country P.S. Please return your key.

I P.S. Please return your key I TOP NINE REASONS WHY WE SHOULD EVICT QUEBEC FROM CONFEDERATION: 9. We won't have to give any more music awards to Celine Dion. 8. Canada will finally have a neighbor who we won't envy. 7. Brian Mulroney will lose his seat. If he stays here, he'll be forced to become a truck driver again, a situation whose irony is not lost on the truckers. 6. If Brian loses his seat and Chretien's Liberals win, we'll have yet another leader who makes caricature and satire incredibly easy. 5. We'll be able to gloat about kicking their ass in 1754 like we'v . cCft'tly nlwnys w'lntcd to. 4 . W won't have 1.0 learn Fr nch. In s tt'nd, we'll learn morc vital, living lnn~uage s like QuickBllsic or TurboC. 3. I'll b ubI to stop feeling inC, rior whenever r s e onc of those smug "J me souviens" license plat s and don't understand what it mean s. 2. We can finally give CSIS nn enemy nation to spy on.

And the top reason for kicking Quebec out is: 1. We'll have a second country where we can do cross-border shopping.

Boat race crash kills spectator

GRANDE CACHE, Alta. (CP) - A woman watching a jet boat race was killed yesterday when one of the boats went out of conlrol and crashed into spectators.

Elsa Carlson, 68, of Grande Cache, AJta., died in hospi­tal of injuries she received after one of the boats lost control and landed on the banks of the Smoky River.

Eight other people suffered minor injuries.

The crash took place on a fairly treacherous stretch of the course known as Hell's Gate rapids. The Smoky River·, in west·cenlral Alberta, was running particularly , r:lsl because of recent heavy rain!\.

page 18 Iron Warrior July 11, 1991

AI)ADAY

July 11, 1991

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page 19

page 20 Iron Warrior July 11,1991

A Time Once Passed Revisited ' As some of you may know, this

past Saturday saw a full day of one hour seminars that was held in EL. They were about arts, sciences, and pastimes from medieval history. The courses ranged from dance, to armouring, to herblore (no, these were only used for medicinal purposes!), and the second most favourite one: wine making. There was a brewing class scheduled, but it was cancelled.

The day started at 9:00 am and ended at 5:00 pm with an hour off for lunch. While this may sound like an engineer's class schedule for a weekday, let me assure you it was much more varied, and ( dare I say it?) more informative.

What have I gotten myself into?

When I first walked around and sawall these people dressed in bright colours and leotards (only the men), wearing sandals, I asked myself 'What have I gotten myself into?' My second thought was to see if there were any normal people around. The other people who attended the lectures were average people, most of whom were attend Waterloo, but some of whom were simply interested people from the surrounding area. At any given time, except lunch, there were from four to six classes going. This meant that I had to sacrifice some possibly interesting subjects such as Archery and Stained Glass for courses that, for me anyway, take a natural priority such as Chainmail, and Wine-making, or Vintning.

In the first seminar, which happened to be chainmail, I noticed some interesting things. First was that the fell:>w informing the group seemed like a very nice guy. Second was that I noticed he knew what he was doing. In a short time he had not only shown us how to make the individual rings and join them to make the armour (or jewellry), and a shirt and hood of chainmail which he had made, but he also had us each trying our hand at connecting the rings. While I

He knew what he was doing.

by Dave Hitchcock

wasn't very fast at it, I enjoyed it, and the hour fairly flew by.

The second class I signed up for was dance . ( Not the most masculine choice, but ) What better way is there to meet people than to hold hands with someone of the opposite sex, and proceed to

make complete fools of yourselves together? Fortuneatly thin~s were as I had hoped: the dances we were trying were the simple ones that the middle class peasants danced. The instructor was again, a very nice man who was also very undersatnding. The dances we did would be the ones that you might see in medieval courts in the movies, movies like Robin Hood, where the lords and

Anything you needed could be made from leather.

ladies are dancing hand in hand, gazing longingly into each other's eyes, moving gracefully about the floor in perfect time to the music and the other couples ... Sorry about that, I digress. An aspect of the dances that was jokingly stressed was that after you memorise the movements involved, you can concentrate on your partner and even flirt with them. The explanation for this is that in medieval times the only time that a young couple in love could be alone and unchaperoned was on the dance floor. So a11 the advances were made there. Neat, eh?

My third choice of classes was leatherworking. I was curiour what went into making that wonderful leather Engineering Jacket of mine. We not only saw some sample work that our instructor had completed or was working on, but also we were shown that almost anything that you needed during the middle ages could be made from leather; everything from clothes, to shoes, armour, sheilds, water jugs, decorative boxes and satchels.

Even though found it interesting, I found that the start up cost for all the tools (even before you stock up on leather) was out of my range.

After lunch was the Armourer. As can be expected, he had the largest turnout I sawall day. He explained the history of armour,

$1000 for a shirt of armour

concentrating on helmets and why they had been developed, and he proceeded to show us pieces of armour that he had made. Believe it or not, that is this man's chosen profession: to make and se11, and he even had a brochure with prices to prove it. The cost ranged from $150 for a pair of splinted grieves (armour for your forearms) to over $1000 for a scale byrnie ( a shirt of armour consisting of a leather shirt with 20 gauge. spring steel leaf-shaped pieces attached), more if you want the finish polished, and even more than that if you with it to be out made of stainless steel.

Which brings me around to a good point. These presentations were put on by the Society for Creative Anachronism. They are a society that tries to explore arts, and sciences (witchcraft, and alchemy are considered sciences) that were practised in the period of 500 AD to 1500 AD. And above all else, the goal is to enjoy yourself. For example, my dance instructor is a computer programmer who travels, most to the States, on weekends to attend dance

festivals within the Society. This style of learning encourages people to try things that they normally wouldn't get a chance to try in the modern world, such as sword fighting.

A large part of the Society revolves around fighting, mirroring the middle ages. Either men or women who actually fight, or the people who armour them, supply them with weapons. The weapons are specially modified so as to be safe in combat. The witches concoct the healing slaves and potions for the warriors. So the armour that the chains (don't worry, he won't be sending you any letters) and the other armourers make is put to the test on the battlefield more often than not.

My fifth seminar was about medicinal herbs. When I mentioned this to one of my friends he had some preconceptions as to what herbs he liked. But this was a really

interesting session because the woman talking to us doesn't go out and pick her own herbs, she goes to a natural food store and buys ingredients by the kilogram. The number of thick books written by notable people was amazing. These and many other smaller books were recommended to us if we were interested. Many of the simple remedies used in the middle ages mirror their scientific counterparts. For example ASA, the drug found in Aspirin, is also

ASA is also found in willow bark.

found in willow bark which was part of the prescription for a headache. As with the other seminars, the woman talking to us was very nice. So the moral of the story is: If you are a starving student who can't afford off the shelf prescription drugs, look around for an herbal substitute. There is even a mild hallucinogenic at the Natural Food Store, but I'm not giving it away.

The next seminar was another dance class. There were four different dance classes in all, with a different dance being taught at each one. This one unfourtunately only had three of us all of the dances needed six or m~re people. So we found out a lot of history of the English Country dances, made popular by Queen Elizabeth I, and a lot about the Society. Did you know that there is a chapter onboard the American aircraft carrier the USS Nimitz? A juggler came in part way through the hour, and gave us a crash course in juggling. That shows just how much these people wanted us to enjoy ourselves, and learn interesting new things.

The final seminar was vintning ( yes that's spelt correctly), otherwise known as wine-making. The hour was spent almost entirely on mead, otherwise known as honey-wine. We were instructed on how to buy the necessary equipment, how to mix the ingredients for the different recipes, how to ferment and bottle it, and most

A batch takes nine years to age

importantly what to expect if something goes wrong with the batch of mead. Simply put: There are wild yeasts everywhere, even the air. If one of these gets into your wine (or beer) as you are brewing it, it means two things: 1.

July 11, 1991

you didn 't sterilise everything well enough, and 2. your batch will end up anywhere from vinegar to bottles that will clear a room of all your friends due to the smell of rotten eggs. Now you know why in the Brew & Chew column, the first step to brewing is always STERILISE EVERYTHING! With the mead it is more important because it takes a batch anywhere from six months to nine years to come of age (taste really, really good.). Our instructor left us with a recipe for an overnight mead that if bottled will last up to two weeks, unless it's drank before then. The problems with it are that it is nowhere near the quality of the other types (fruit --and herb blends), and that the alcohol content is embarrassingly low (more on par with an American light beer, around 2%). My

The Ultimate High by John Stranart

Another design project is under way in the bowels of engineering. Four fourth year mechanical engineering students are trying to build a remote control airplane with the aim of lifting the most at the .1992 SAE AeroDesign competition. The contest will be held in April of 1992 and is tentatively scheduled to take place in central Florida.

Waterloo has participated in this contest several times in the past. However, most of these efforts were performed by one or two students who used their own RIC equipment in building the aircraft. This year's team is starting from scratch and acquiring equipment which will remain with the school so that the project may become a regular one, such as the SAE Formula car, the mini-baja off-road racer and the shell fuelathon vehicle. The team has no previous model to work with, nothing that can be built upon and improved. As well, the team has no previous RIC model experience. With nothing going for them except enthusiasm and their engineering background, the teams goal is to win the 1992 competition by application of the design loop and putting in lots of time and effort.

There are three primary restrictions on aircraft entered in the competition. A specified, unmodified engine must be used, it must be a fixed wing aircraft (no helicopters or lighter-than-air craft allowed) and the planform is restricted to 1200 square inches. Planform is the projected area down and includes such things as wings, body, landing gear struts and control surfaces. The competition itself consists of two components. The first is a design competition. This includes a report detailing estimated lift capability of the aircraft, full scale plans and instructions fur assembly and a ten

Iron Warrior page 21

'.u.l,'~ favourite part e was the ever familiar just ification our own alcoholic beverages: the end product is about $0.77 per wine bottle, but this is without taking into consideration you $5.00 set costs. Any takers?

$0.77 per bottle of wine

Overall, I found the day very informative, and all the people were very nice. If you are interested in joining the Society of Creative Anachronism or just in finding out more about them, contact me and I'll see what I can do ( I'm not a member, so bear with me) . In conclusion, eat drink and be merry!.

minute sales presentation. No actual aircraft is required for this portion of the competition. The second component is a flight competition.

The score obtained is based solely on the weight of cargo carried aloft; tile weight of the aircraft does not count. Only by doing well in both portions of the competition will Waterloo win the 1992 event. In 1991, Ryerson Polytechnic carried the most aloft, but the University of Central Florida came in first overall.

The 1992 team attended this year's competition to glean as much information as possible. Several dozen spectacular crashes occurred, from a plane losing a wing in mid­flight, to the University of Warsaw's entry spiralling into the parking lot. Several were due to the flight conditions, which were rain and gusting winds, some were due to control problems and som~ were due to poor project planning. Several of the aircraft were on their maiden flight.

The 1992 team is made up of Mike Duffy, Grant Matthews, Steve McKinney and John Stranart, with Professor E. Brundrett as supervisor. They started work on the project back in December, approaching the Chairman of Mechanical Engineering for a room and some start-up funds. Some work was performed over the last work term, primarily background research. This term has concentrated on developing a schedule and budget, examining construction techniques, analyzing several configurations, and learning to fly. During the upcoming work term, the team intends to perform wind tunnel tests on several wing profiles, turbulence tripping devices and on one or two of the analyzed configurations which looks most

Test Flight? Who said we needed to test fly this thing?

promlsmg. On their return in January, plans include preparation of the report required for the contest. construction and testing of a

prototype and competition aircraft and participation in the contest. This is to be followed by a triumphant return to Waterloo.

BRIDGE.;.

By Chris Sheppard

yo! Brothahs and Sistahs, it's the Shep here with ya, comin' to ya live on a freaky -deaky Friday night....votc for me and I'll set you free from the powers that bc ... Yo!. .. l've got more of what your lookin' for .... OOOH! .. .. the shep here outta control at the controls ... the Shep here .... just you and me in the place to be ... alright, I'm here all night, chill in' on the mike ... Yo! brothahs and sistahs .. .feelin' alright on a Friday Night .. .. Yo! ... Shep here with ya ... havin' fun from eight 'til one . .,Yo! . ., kickin ' bass in yo' face ... Yo! Shep hcrc ... vote for me and I'll set you free ...

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page 22 Iron Warrior July 11, 1991

So What DID Jesus Preach? Rob Knetsch, Waterloo Christian Fellowship

Over this term I have written a number of articles in the Iron Warrior discussing various misconceptions about Christianity and trying to show that there is a real and living faith out there which is very different from that seen by the general public and the media. The purpose was to show that people who are Christians are not unreasonable nor out of touch with reality. I want to show that there are credible foundations to the Christian faith, and that, even though Christians are by no means perfect, the faith should not to be blamed nor rejected on these grounds. I also discussed th e difference between what I perceive people believe makes a person a Christian, and what Christians as a whole believe.

A Christian, by definition, is a follower of Jesus Christ; they believe in what he taught. So, what DID he teach? Some people accept a very watered down view of what he taught which does not contain the essence of his preaching. For many, he was a wise teacher who said "This is my command: Love each other" (John 15:17). This message commanding people to love each other, to love their enemies, and to "turn the other cheek" was indeed a core teaching of Christ's, however, there was much more. More important than his wisdom, his preaching, and his radical new ideas, is his death. Jesus died on a wooden cross, a form of execution the Romans of that time used only for the worst criminals. Jesus did it willingly and with full knowledge beforehand; he even predicted his death to his followers.

Why did he do this? Where is the wisdom of dying willingly in such a horrible way? Well, Jesus did this for our sake. How? Well, to explain, I have to bring in a word that you'll probably cringe at: SIN. Everyone in the world is sinful, that is, they are imperfect; everyone sins. God has given us freedom of choice, yet with that freedom comes the potential to act contrary to what

God wants; this is sin. The proof of this is all around us in the world: greed, war, child pornography, rape. injustice. Moreso, it is evident in our own lives. Who of us has not lied or taken something that's not ours, or hurt someone. People within the church are not incapable of sin either. So what does the death of Jesus have to do with this? Well, our sin has caused us to become separated from God, as He is a God who's nature is completely good and free of sin; God is perfect. God, as a God of Love, created us to know him personally, and this sin prevents us from being able to do that. A perfect God cannot stand to have sin in his presence. In fact God demands punishment for this sin, because God is also just. BUT GOt1 ;oves us so much that, instead of mak in g us suffer this punishment, he lived on earth as Jesus, the only perfect man, and died in our place. "God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8).

The story does not end with the death of Christ. Because he is God, Jesus also rose from the dead to claim victory over sin and death. "Christ died for our sins ... He was buried ... He was raised on the third day, according to the Scriptures ... He appeared to Peter lone of his followersl, then to the twelve. After that, He appeared to more than five hundred ... " (1 Corinthians 15:3-6). Over five hundred people verified that Jesus was alive again. Now Jesus offers us freedom from sin - and thus the relationship with God for which we' were created -, since he has suffered the punishment that we deserved. All he asks is that we accept him as the Saviour he is. Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through me" (John 14:6). How does one go through Christ? It is necessary to accept the reality of personal sin, and to recognize the need for Christ. This is an act of faith, not an emotional nor intellectual

agreement. It is also not as a result of being a good person "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works ... " (Ephesians 2:8,9).

Pretty heavy stuff. It may sound strange, but there are many very reasonable people who believe all of this. C.S. Lewis, the famous writer of the Narnia series as well as many other novels, and essays, says he was the most reluctant Christian in all of England, yet he could not deny what he believed was a very real and valid belief. Even the editor of the Iron Warrior believes all this stuff. Christianity is unique from other religions in how it deals with our sinful nature. Jesus was different from Buddha, Mohammed, or other 'prophets' in that, instead of claiming to know the way to God, he declared that He IS the way to God. Instead of never really being sure if we are forgiven for our sins, we are promised that if we just confess our sins to Him, He is faithful to forgive us. Confessing is not merely a verbal agreement, but an actual and sincere admission to God of our imperfection and our need for Him.

My intention in writing these articles was also to gain respect for my beliefs. I find it ironic that, in a world which preaches that we all must have an open mind to everything, some people immediately scoff at the name "J esus" and refuse to really look into Christianity. Jesus Christ must be looked at not from the viewpoint of the media, or of people, but from the Bible. I challenge people to have an open mind and read the Bible and to try to understand what it really says. Try reading the books of the Bible from which I took the verses used in this article. As a Christian, I have been challenged by reading parts of the Koran (the Islamic equivalent of the Bible); surely others can do the same with the Bible.

How To Eat Like a Maharaja Revealed

The opinions expressed or represented in no way represent those of the editor or Engsoc as a whole.

Unanswered Questions of the Universe

by Dave Hook

Last week, Rasmus presented a Jist of things that he didn't understand. Well, he's not the only one. Here is a list of things that I want to know:

* What do garbagemen do on the other 6 days of the week? * How do you know when you're running out of invisible ink? * Are there any trees or rocks on campus that don't have a plaque next to them? * Why don 't escalators travel at the same speed as the handrails? * Why do catalogues always take pictures of watches at 10 minutes after 10? * Why do all profs tell you that their course is SO important? Has anyone ever had a prof tell them that their course was useless? * What do they ship styrofoam in? * Why don't country musicians ever call themselves 'D.J.' or 'M.C.' or 'Fresh'? * Does anyone really give two hoots how they get the soft creamy caramel inside the caramilk bar? * Why plastic pocket protectors? What are pockets so in danger of? * Why are there so many rumors about Elvis still being alive, yet none about Divine still being alive? * What do profs mean by 'slide-rule accuracy'? Isn't that oxymoronic? * Why is it that textbooks cost $70, yet Schaum can cover the same material for $15? * Who is Schaum, anyway? Is he some guru sitting on a mountain top in Tibet that knows everything about everything? * Just what is under those orange things in CPH? ,. Why are there no 'Single X' or 'Double X' rated films? * Is there life on Mars? Is there life in Guelph? ,. Is there really a use for hyperbolic sines and cosines or are they just more formulas for us to memorize? * What does Northern Fried Chicken taste like? * If a fly is called a fly, why isn't an ant called a walk? * If there are Smurf babies and only one female Smurf, who knocked up Smurfette? (My guess was that it was Clumsy) * Why do rappers want to see other people sweat? * What does 'Word to your Mother' mean? * What do you say to God when He sneezes?

July 11,1991 Iron Warrior page 23

y I Like The Bus

I use to drive.

by Ken Slaughter

course, to the new electronic fare box on KW Transit buses. You put your fare in the box, which automatically counts it and signals the driver whether or not you've put in the correct amount. It prevents people from shortchanging the bus. Recently, I was privileged to witness a newer, even more intelligent box in action when a passenger climbed aboard and put in his change:

in it." "Plus you control a huge vehicle crowded with people who don't wear seatbelts and are totally at your mercy ," I added. "There's that, too."

My car was the old famlly Honda Civic, a vehicle that had been passed from generation to generation like a priceless heirloom. By the time she (I cannot denigrate this car with an "it") expired of brake failure in St. Catharine's, the Honda had seen the rise and fall of Joe Clark, the return and re-exit of Pierre Trudeau, the shuttle, the Challenger, Ronald Reagan, George Bush, a rebuilt engine, a cracked windshield, and at least two odometer roll overs. She was ready to go.

Which means I've been riding ~~ii~~lllli the bus to get around. It's be~n a <J nostalgic trip, because I spent ten years outside Ottawa, and rode OC Transpo all the time . If there was

There's more than a trace of the experimental philosopher in Earl. Not content simply to read philosophy, he seeks to actively change others' lives according to the basic tenets of Marx and Kafka. Such as dropping passengers off at the wrong locations. He was kind enough to demonstrate this to me once. An insurance adjuster, a precise man in a neat business suit, climbed on and, obviously unfamiliar with bus routes, asked Earl's advice on how to reach his destination. "No problem. I'll get you to where you have to go," Earl said with a friendly grin. Twenty minutes later he dropped the man off on a remote road running through the middle of a dark forest. As we pulled away I could see the guy's expression when he realized that this wasn't the Mutual Life Building.

ever a more beautiful city with a more messed up traffic system, I've never seen it! Ottawa by default is made for riding the bus. Kitchener-Waterloo is another member of the Drive-and-Die league.

So here's my tale of riding the 1S

city . First, there are some things that I like about riding the bus: 1) You can read a book. Not just your own book, but whatever the person next to you is engrossed in. 2) You can catch up on your sleep. 3) The bus is a great place to meet girls. I mean , already you've both got something in common - neither of you is driving. Here's a typical conversation I had: Me: Hi! I'm Ken. I see you're riding the bus, too! Her: Uh, hi ... You're not a psycho, are you? Me (laughing cheerfully): Me? Do I look like that? Hey -- do you wanna see how I can make my tattoo m~?

Her: A-Actually this is my stop. (Gets up and leaves). Ken (thoughtfully): Strange girl. She didn't even wait for the bus to stop . I like her, though.

Well, they don't all go so smoothly as that, of course.

4) The modern bus is full of cutting-edge technology. I refer, of

Driver (ominously): Sir, did you put in the correct amount? Passenger: Uh ... yeah, sure I did. Fare Box: HE LIES LIKE A DOG. Driver: You fool! This is Kitchener Transit you're dealing with! Fare Box: SHALL I INCINERATE HIM, MASTER? Passenger: No! Wait! It was a mistake! Here ... here 's ten bucks! Keep the change! Driver: That's better, sir. Now, don't forget your transfer .•

I understand the new system is quite profitable. 5) You can go up front and talk to the driver, and explore the world of pubHc transportation. Here's one memorable conversation 1 had: Me: Gee, you've got a great view! Driver: Look, buddy, could you please sit down? I'm trying to-Me: Ok~y. Hey, what's this button do? Driver: No! Don't touch that! 18 Wheeler: Honk! Screech! Crash!

Well, maybe it's not a great idea to talk to all the drivers. Some of them, however, are worldly guys who could teach you a lot about l1fe. Take Earl for instance. Earl drives the 8B Westmount bus, but you know he'd be just as happy driving the 7 A, or even the 13 that's only found on Weber. Earl's got a Ph.D in Philosophy from Laurier. His sad, yet content; nature tells you that he has found the true meaning of life, but he really wouldn't have minded if he'd missed it. "I like my job Ken", he told me one day, sweeping the big beast around a curb. "It's all about connections, and motion, both relative and absolute. Man's universe is reduced to a set of predictable routes and times. It's schedulE.;d. I find peace and order

"You see Ken?" EaT I . said excitedly, gesturing with one hand and steering with tho oth'r. "Twenty minutes ago that man knew where he was going. I Ie was in charge of hi s life. Now he's been brushed by the essential chaos thut exists beneath the skin of everyday reality, a mere victim of circumstance. But he'll grow with this experience; he'll streLch his horizons. "

"He's stretching now", I said, looking back. "I think there's a pack of wild dogs after him."

"Aha! What rich symbolism!" Of them all, my favourite bus driver is Ray. Perhaps this is because he is also the most frightening. Ray runs the 12A route like it's his own personal kingdom-sort of KW Transit's answer to Apocalypse Now's Colonel Kurtz.

The first time I climbed aboard his bus, I felt a wee bit apprehensive. Ray was wearing an ancient, cracked leather jacket instead of the sober, wine-colored KWT blazer. An old flying helmet covered his shaved head. He smelled of oil and old wars, like a museum piece that had somehow lost it's way. "Your money kid," he

said, and cackled. ''Your money or your life."

I guess I started to worry when I realized Ray wasn't really there. Maybe it was radio waves messing with that steel plate of his; maybe it was too much ultraviolet from the sun, I don't know. The first time I rode his bus Ray looked at me and said, "How old are ya, kid?" When I told him, he shook his head and muttered, "That damned Colonel.

When's he gonna stop sending youngsters up in crates like these?" He sighed. "Well, as long as you're here, help me get this bird · over the Hump. I've got a load of penici11in for Rangoon back there " I looked int9 he a Q:.~i~,I,l"",..,.",,,,~_ bus. A long-haired teenager was necking with his girlfrirnci. They wer(' th' ollly olhC'r p!ls~C'ng" rs. What could I sny'? l lll'lpNl him shift, nnd tog!'lh 'r we got over the Hump .

Yet behind the whN'l ItllY waR sOnlething' gn'at nnd tC'rribk, n driving tnnehine with uncanny instincts, n sort of Top Gun of Tran sit. He found hol(!s in Lrnmc where cars wore bumper Lo hUl11 per. He could predict to the second when the bus would arrive at the next stop. A dispatcher's voice on the radio would ask f01" a transfi r nt the mall for some stranded passenger, and Ray would hurry to the rescue, as if on a Quest to protect a fair maiden.

Somehow, through insanity or delusion, Ray had brought drama and adventure to what was often a boring and mediocre job, making what he did worth doing, and worth doing well. Still, I didn't like driving with Ray at night. At night something strange happened to reality. The radio's crackling voices became somehow distorted, as if they were calling from a far away place, a place that didn't exist anymore. The traffic noises would dimi"nish as the darkness pressed against the windows, but you could still hear engines turning mighty propellers. I never looked outside, because I feared that if! did I would realize Ray was sane and I was the one who'd been hit on the head. If I looked outside, I might possibly see great silver wings, a jungle miles below, and the · Himalayas rising far into the stratosphere before us.

page 24 .

,

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Iron Warrior

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July 11, 1991

July 11, 1991 Iron Warrior page 25

Needles Hall Optimistic as Second Rounds Begin by Gus Scaiano

Needles Hall announced preliminary placement figures for first round interviews. These figures may not accurately represent the placement situation, since 60 students (25%) clid not sign up to take part in second rounds. The number of students listed as unplaced after first rounds in all engineering is 240. This is about 20% of the students enrolled in engineering this term. The actual number is somewhere between 175 and 240, since the 240 probably includes many students who are returning to jobs or have found their own, and have not notified Needles Hall. It is essential that any students in this position go to Needles Hall and clarify their situation for the fall term. The overall placement is not exceptionally low when compared to other terms.

Of the unplaced students, about one third are in 1B. This is a normal proportion, since 1B students have the least work experience and training. The 2B and 3A years have about the same number of unplaced students. The number of 4A students is higher than expected;

about 25% of the unplaced students are in 4A Again, these figures include the students who are unaccounted for by Needles Hall, and so may not be entirely accurate. The shortage of upper year jobs, and the low placement is likely a result of both economic factors, and students being too selective.

As second rounds begin, John Westlake of Co-op feels optimistic for the fall prospects. At present there are fewer jobs than students in second rounds, but co-ordinators will be working hard to reach a one-to­one student-to-job ratio. As economic conditions continue to improve, and as the fall draws nearer employers can be expected to come forward seeking students. The fall has traditionally been a 100% placement term - every student with a job by the start of workterm. Westlake feels that 100% placement for this fall is realistic as well, but recognizes that not all students will get "the perfect job". While the job situation is certainly not back to the "good old days" level, every student can expect to get a job if they are willing to "give a little on occasion."

CRYPTIC CROSSWORD SOLUTION

Late Breaking News

CASI

There will be a video presentation of "Top Gun and Beyond - Human Factors Design of High Performance Fighter Aircraft" on Tuesday the 16th of July in DC 1302. Coffee and Donuts will be provided, all are welcome.

P**5 I

UPDATE

These are the P**5 points as of July 10th.

ABUCiv 10550 ASYD 8880 Frog 7755 Psychosis 6285 Eno·rgy 4255 Mech-Me-Wet 4120 Ohmnipotent 3475 Chemadians 3280 Chemdemed 2955 G$ 2665 Screwdriver 2460 Shafted 2255 Roadkill 2015 3A Chern 1830 Rampage 1825 Dirt 1075 1B Civ 990 Clirnechs 795 GI Geos 360

Poly tech Women Commemorated

July 6th, 1991, the Joint EngSoc Council planted a Red Oak in the quadrangle outside POETS, to commemorate the 14 women killed in the Montreal Massacre. The tree is of the same type as the fourteen Red Oaks planted at the Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal.

UW Climbing Campaign

member: " ... the Davis

Centre, because its

th re ... "

BLOOD DONOR CLINIC

Sponsored by MathSoc and

EngSoc

Monday July 1 5. 1 99 1

Campus Centre 10:00 - 4:00

Please Eat Before Donating

The Canadian Red Cross Society +

MORON WARRIOR THE PAPER FOR STUPID ENGINEERS WHO WILL LAUGH AT ANYTHING

NOW THAT'S A WEIGHT OFF

byDidiConn

At approximately 3:15 on the afternoon of Wednesday, July 3, an unidentified UW student walked into the office of Dr. David J. Burns and proceeded to cut Dr. Burns' head off with a chainsaw. Burns is the current Dean of Engineering here at Waterloo.

Campus Police are un able to explain how the perpetrator was able to enter Burns ' office with a chainsaw, which is a large motor-driven piece of cutting equipment used primarily in the felling of trees. "I have no idea how this could have happened," says Officer Dan ("Puff') Wheaton. "I mean, he didn't have an appointment or anything."

" ... 1 have nothing against the man

personally ... in fact, 1 don't think I've ever actually met him ... "

Little is known about the motivation for this surprise beheading, but a few clues can be pieced together. Ron Lilycropp (3A Systems) recalls seeing a young man holding a severed human head that same day at Farah's Pood Mart in the University Plaza. "He was saying something to the cashier about a scavenger hunt, and how he needed to finc! a silver platter. I guess it could have been the Dean .. J wasn't really paying attention ... "

MY SHOULDERS!

Campus Police believe the person in this photo may be the culprit. "I think the fact that he's holding a ehainsaw and the Dean's head

seems almost a dead giveaway." says Officer Wheaton.

Although so far the stunt has been met with amusement by the administration and student body, it may well have more serious repercussions. Separating a person's head from his body . restricts blood flow to the brain, depriving it of much-needed oxygen. This may lead to

impairment of motor function or

" ... mainly 1 just thought this picture would freak out the

editor. "

even, if left unchecked for too long,

permanent damage. Officer Wheaton says he can only hope that the unknown decapitator will "put it back" when he is finished.

It is not known whether thC' loss of his head is expected to affect Dr. Burns' performance as Dean.

ELECTION RESULTS and, quite frankly, has no intention of involving himself in your stupid, pathetic lives at any time during his term in office."

that Chair buttons are still on sale for just $18.00 each. Ask in t.he Orifice. by James Noble

In a hopelessly one-sided election whose outcome was certain within an hour of the polls' opening, Chair has been voted President of the UW Engineering Society (A).

This comes as quite a sUl"prise to political observers, considering Chair's unusual platform consisting of:

- no promises - no past experience - no campaign publicity of any

kind. Chair has not expressed any plans to make Engsoc better than ever or create a more positive image for engineering. In fact, thus far Chair has refrained from making any public statements or even attending any meeting of electoral candidates. According to a spokesman for Chair, thi. is " ... just his way of showing hi~ ulter contempt for Engsoc and Engilwt'rs in general. He has absolutC'ly no interest in your petty little afrair.

Given this ambivalent attitude, how then can he explain Chair's landslide victory? "I think mainly it's because all the other guys' posters were just so damn lame."

Traditionally, the president is the chief executive or governing leader of an organij':ation or political state.

The spokesman for Chair would like to remind l\lW readers

Your new A-Soc President

July 1991 moron warrior

YOUR PROSTATE AND YOU

( reprinted from the Toronto Star, June 6 1991, with thanks to Missy Gold.)

The first two drugs being tested to treat enlargement of the prostate gland look promising, although not as effective as surgery, a Texas doctor says. Dr. John McConnell told a news conference at a meeting of the American and Canadian Urological Associations in Toronto that doctors have been seeking alternatives to surgery because the operation carries a risk of complications or, in a small percentage of cases, death . He said both drugs carry less risk

but must be taken for life and have only about a 50 per cent success rate compared with 80 to 90 per cent for surgery. Only one of the drugs, an alpha-blocker, already approved for use as a treatment for high blood pressure, is on the market so far. The other, Proscar, is only available for clinical trials.

( editor's note: a gland is a cell or organ in animals which synthesizes chemical substances for the use of the body. )

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.:--::. · ::. They ·:c·alredh~ a sexti~nY"~~iadj'~st~(i" " .' . .-<'.~ -. pers·o.lla,litY; ·a.1over of young .boys, an amoral

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UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO

A T-SHIRT IS A LIGHTWEIGHT GARMENT FOR THE UPPER BODY, USUALLY SHORT-SLEEVED AND OFTEN HAVING SOME

MESSAGE OR ARTWORK PRINTED ON THE CHEST.

HOW 'BOUT THAT GOD, HUH?

by Inga Swenson K-W Christian Person

Sometimes my non-Christian

friends ask me what it means when I say, "Christ died for our sins."

I explain that Jesus died to form a bridge between this world and the Kingdom of God. Because of Jesus' act of Love, sinners may be forgiven and can enter heaven .

My friends then say, "But I still don 't understand. You say God gave the world His only son, who we then nailed to a piece of wood until he died ... and for this, Mankind is somehow rewarded?"

I tell them that they misunderstand the importance of the crucifixion. Jesus knew all of what was to happen . He could have stopped the soldiers, but He didn't. He sacrificed His own life for Man, and it's because of that Love that

. Man is saved.

Now they start waving their arms around and saying "But that doesn't make any sense! What has letting yourself be killed got to do with people being forgiven?"

I say that they are arguing out of ignorance. If they would on ly read the Bib-

But they interrupt and ask how I can say I believe in this stuff if I don't even understand 't m 1£. I say "I understand it perFectly!" Then they say "Then why can 't you explain it?" and I say "I a m explaining it! You're just not listening!" and they say "Oh, we're listening all right - we're just not hearing anything rational!" "Rational???" I say, "Look, pal, this isn't a science . it's faith! Our human minds are not capable of understanding a11-"

"What the h ell kind of argument is that??? I mean, why do

continued on page 4

in roving memory

of Peter

page 2

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UPON, AfII!7 CONV'llIONS, (9vAt..t J:tC4-r1oNS, ANf? £'tPEc1A1iotJ<;; CWI~I..'f ffF/Nfif7.

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"/?ICHARP " OR ''RICK .. OR SoI"lE~,"'rr??!

The r sult.s of t.h Boat Racing finals h ld this pnst we k nd nre as follows : 1st place: Ch mpuchia 2nd place: Kiss my Grits 3rd place: Civyllis 4th place: Ed Asn r 5t.h place: Moron Lemmings Boat Racing is a relay sport in which t.eams compet to see who can drink beer the fastest.

who taugfit US a{{ how to smi{e again

-

July 11, 1991 Iro n Warrior

y Pay More? Support YOUR University!

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~',- ,. : .".:;~ .: ,.' .' \

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