FatherFatherFatherFather~Daughter SummitDaughter SummitDaughter SummitDaughter Summit National Center for Fathering

Since my daughters are crushed, I am crushed;

I mourn and horror grips me.

Is there no balm in Gilead?

Is there no physician there?

Why then is there no healing

for the wound of my daughters?

Jeremiah 8:21-22

The Need

Never before has a daughter so needed her

fathers’ acceptance, attention, and affirmation.

At a surprisingly young age, girls begin to

respond to society’s expectations. They

become vulnerable to the popular messages

that focus primarily on their bodies, their

appearance and their independence. Leading

research has clearly identified the dilemmas

associated with daughters who lack a father’s

healing presence:

“The lack of constructive interaction with

a loving, attentive father results in

apprehension and inadequate skills in a

daughter when she relates to males.”

Marshall Hamilton, Ph.D.

Women without fathers are more likely to

have a child before the age of eighteen, be

promiscuous, and less likely to commit to

long-term relationships.

Journal of Marriage and Family

A University of Arizona study found that 90%

of teen girls are unhappy with their weight

and daughters experience

“father hunger” when they are

not affirmed by their fathers.

Joan Borysenko, Ph.D.

The most revealing stories that highlight the need to strengthen father-daughter relationships, however, are

the narratives of daughters who write about the influence their father has had on their lives. From a

representative sample of the National Center’s Father of the Year Essay Contest these statements reveal the

cries of daughters.

“I do desire more open communication between my dad and I, because sometimes the words, ‘I love you’

would go miles farther than any distance he can spend on the road.

I tend to turn to my boyfriend all the time.”

Julie, age 16

“My father makes me build anger up inside towards him everyday, and everyday I grow a little bit weaker.

I don’t know how much more I can take of his insults. My tears have yet to end... All I ask is for the

happiness I had when I didn’t know the difference between mean words and words that meant, 'I love you'.”

Megan, age 17

“I love my father dear, but the things he does I don’t like. He means the world to me.

I’ll never stop loving him because he’s my father.”

Ashley, age 15

The Challenge

The research and narratives demonstrate that fathers influence their daughters in profound

ways. Unfortunately, fathers often fail to realize the importance of their interactions and their

role as a dad, especially as girls move into adolescence. Frequently fathers find themselves

distancing themselves from their daughters as they navigate through the changing dynamics

of adolescence. Communication becomes difficult and issues more complicated.

Unfortunately, this occurs at a time when daughters most need their fathers to be an even

greater positive presence in their lives.

Compounding the challenges inherent in a father-daughter relationship during the adolescent

years is a culture that is looks-obsessed and materialistic, and values women based on their

outward appearance. Young girls are bombarded with societal expectations promoting an

image that is unrealistic and unattainable, making them easy prey to depression, eating

disorders, addictions, promiscuity, and even suicide.

The Father-Daughter Summit

It is for these daughters and their dads

that the National Center for Fathering

has developed a unique

relationship-building event where the

balm of Gilead can be applied to the

wounds of daughters. We call this

event the Father-Daughter Summit

with the expectation that it will

provide a life-changing experience for

both dads and daughters.

Fathers Changing the World…

Fathers must make a radical commitment to express the value of their daughters

to the world. This bold step will rebuild the core of family life and much more.

It will require dads to acknowledge their need for new skills in fathering and

compel them to take a huge step of faith that will ultimately bridge the gender

barrier between their daughters and them.

One Daughter at a Time

To help fathers and daughters strengthen, or in many cases initiate or rediscover,

the uniquely beneficial relationship needed to produce strong, emotionally healthy

women, the National Center for Fathering has conceived a one-day event called the

Father-Daughter Summit. The event will be open to father-daughter pairs

including stepfathers, uncles, and father figures.

The primary goal of the Father-Daughter Summit is to engage fathers and

daughters in heart-to-heart relationship characterized by openness, acceptance

and affirmation. Specific outcomes expected for each of the participants who

attend as a father-daughter pair include the following:

• Participants will gain an understanding and appreciation for the

common needs of fathers and daughters and the unique personal

issues/needs relevant to their own father-daughter relationship.

• Each father-daughter pair will open a dialogue that provides a

foundation for ongoing communication of issues, concerns,

affirmations, and celebrations.

• Each father-daughter pair will establish goals for the continuing

development of their relationship and make commitments to specific

short-term and long-term action steps.

To achieve the outcomes of the Summit experience, attendees will participate in a

highly interactive seven-session program, interspersed with assigned activities.

Each session is planned to guide fathers and daughters through a series of exercises

and learning experiences that teach basic principles about the relationships between

dads and daughters while also helping each participant to explore deeply personal

issues that must be addressed in order to successfully reach the relational summit.

The Sessions

Session 1 – The Potential of Every Father-Daughter Bond

All participants join in this introductory session where the importance of the father-daughter

relationship is established outlining the value of dads and the value of daughters. The diversity in

father-daughter relationships will be acknowledged and a commitment made to fully participate in all

sessions and exercises for the fullest benefit from the experience.

Session 2 - Personal Profiling

This is the first of two “Dad Only”/“Daughter Only” sessions. After focusing the dads on their

personal family history and reviewing its impact on their view of women and children, the men are

provided with the opportunity of a small group experience followed by the completion of the Father-

Daughter Profile which provides structure for open discussion of strengths and areas for work in

relationship with their daughter. At the same time, the daughters are led through exercises to identify

factors that are affecting the quality of the relationship with their father, and the completion of the

Father-Daughter Profile.

Session 3 - The Daddy-Daughter Dialogue

In this one-on-one setting father-daughter pairs establish a dialogue using the profiles completed during

the prior session. The dialogue occurs over a shared meal, a daddy-daughter picnic. It is during this

time that the foundation of sharing through honest dialogue is established and the development of a

plan of action for strengthening the relationship begins.

Session 4 - The Heart of the Father-Daughter Bond

In this session, the entire group will be assembled and the speaking team will affirm the sharing that

has occurred in the previous session. High participation low competition activities are used to

enhance appreciation for the differences and similarities in the fathers and daughters and to encourage

continued growth and mutual support. This effort is supported by a presentation of the daily

expressions and emotions of the unique bond between fathers and daughters.

Session 5 – The Practice of the Father-Daughter Bond - Probing Inner Places

The second of two “Dad Only”/“Daughter Only” sessions provides dads and daughters with a new

perspective. The presenters for the fathers include young adult daughters, and the presenters for the

daughters are fathers. Fathers are given practical tools for understanding the unique needs of their

daughters and daughters given discernment in building relationships with their father and with other

young men.

Session 6 - Commitment to New Goals

Again the dads and daughters are given a time one-on-one to focus on solidifying their commitment to

strengthen and maintain their bond. Each father-daughter pair will be encouraged to do further work

on their action plan by dreaming about the future of their relationship. This session begins with the

father presenting his daughter with a rose and concludes by reading the notes they have written in the

prior session.

Session 7 - Public Declaration and Celebration

Our concluding session gives fathers and daughters the opportunity to celebrate the commitments to

their relationship that have been made over the course of the Father-Daughter Summit. A special time

of affirmation and blessing concludes the event and leaves the lasting seal of hope that what every dad

and daughter wishes for their relationship is within their reach.

What a Difference a Day Can Make!

35% Prior to the event, daughter were surveyed and

35% were very satisfied to extremely satisfied

with their relationship with their father

83% Six weeks after the event, 83% of these same daughters

were now very satisfied to extremely satisfied

with their relationship with their father!

Life-Changing Impact

We realized how we have hurt each other, failed, and limited our responses to worldly

interaction. With what we have learned, we have taken a new direction of openness, humility,

and prayerful consideration of how the Lord wants us to glorify Him in our roles as father and

daughter. I have been able to reconcile some issues with my father and communicate what we

learned to my wife, so the effect is multiplying. For all this I am very grateful to you and the

Lord.

-- David, Austin, TX

I'm glad I came because I know that we will have a stronger relationship with my father and

know how to work through our problems; we will also be stronger individuals. There has been

amazing healing!!! I pray for you all that you will reach more because it will change the

world!!!

-- 20 year old daughter, Nashville, TN

The Presenters:

Carey Casey Tim Smith

CEO, National Center for Fathering Parent Coach and Author

Daughter, Patrice Perkins Daughter, Nicole Smith

Urban Youth Director Inner-City Los Angeles School Teacher

Kristi Hayes Milton Harding

Youth Director Pastor and Fathering Coach

National speaker on abstinence Darrell Green Youth Life Foundation

Randy Phillips, Ph.D.

Founder and President, Passage

Daughter, Kimberly Phillips

Student Azusa Pacific

Please contact Lucy Bloom

for more information regarding

how you can make a difference in the lives of daughters

Lucy Bloom

National Center for Fathering

10200 W. 75th St., Suite 267

Shawnee Mission, KS 66204

800.593.DADS

913.384.4661

lbloom@fathers.com

www.fathers.com/summit

Together we serve as agents of change to turn the hearts of fathers to the

needs of their daughters and the hearts of daughters to their dads.