don’t be nice be real 012610 972003 slideshare

Columbia Chamber of CommerceEPIC Lunching Out of the BoxJanuary 26, 2010Beverly A. Thompson, MS, HPT, HPI, HIA

• performanceRIGHT

– Process Improvement: Process Redesign; Documentation; Change Management

– Talent Management: Hiring, Keeping & Growing Talent– Organizational Development: Assessments; Program

Development & Evaluation; Culture Transformation; Facilitation; Survey Design, Execution & Evaluation

– Economic & Community Development: Group Process; Problem Solving; Project Management

Experienced in mid to large-size, for & not-for-profit organizations in government, healthcare, insurance,

& manufacturingBeverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010

Understanding Yourself Discussion Starter Absolute Essentials Examples Close – Your Questions

Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010

ME:- Learning & Change- Performance

Improvement- Economic &

Community Development

YOU:*22-40*Wanting Life

Balance *Learning & Growth

Opportunities* Developing

Leadership Skills


CONTINUUM OF ESCALATION

FIRST NEXT AGAIN LAST TIME


“What a saga -- you are such a drama

queen/king.”

“Oh, great – here we go again!”

“I’m so sick of it always being about YOU!!!”

“Shut up & get over it!!”

“Don’t ever talk to me again – about

ANYTHING!!!!”Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010

Listen. Respond with empathy. Share your thoughts. Give feedback. Seek common agreement.


Let the speaker get it all out. Ignore personal biases. Focus on the speaker. Ask open-ended questions WITHOUT

interrupting. Don’t judge. Model positive body language.


What is empathy?

What is sympathy?


Em·pa·thy – the action of understanding, being aware of, being

sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this

– Pronunciation: \ˈem-pə-thē\– Function: noun – Etymology: Greek empatheia, literally, passion, from empathēs emotional, from em- + pathos feelings, emotion — more at pathos

– Date: 1850Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010

Sym·pa·thy – 1 a : an affinity, association, or relationship between persons

or things wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other 2 a : inclination to think or feel alike : emotional or intellectual accord 3 a : the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings or interests of another

– Pronunciation: \ˈsim-pə-thē\– Function: noun – Etymology: Latin sympathia, from Greek sympatheia, from sympathēs having common feelings, sympathetic, from syn- + pathos feelings, emotion, experience — more at pathos. Synonyms: pity, attraction.

– Date: 1579Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010

(Ø “SORRY” –Ø “I” – FACT & FEELING):

“It’s difficult to accomplish the project on time when there is still so much to do.”

“You’re still really stressed by what Jill did at the first meeting, aren’t you?”

“That conversation Jack & Jill had is really eating at you.”


“Your excitement for this project is contagious.”

“All the feedback I’ve heard since your presentation has been very positive – your message really hit home.”

“You deserve all the credit for guiding the emotional discussion to a successful close.”

“You da man!”Beverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010

Discretionary. Use “I.” Build trust.


“I notice every time you encounter Jim or Jill, you seem to become agitated. What ideas do you have to get over this disagreement?”

“I notice when you bring this topic up, you don’t have any control over the circumstances. Do you think it makes sense to drop this and move to something that excites you?”


“I’m impressed with what you accomplished. Frankly, I expected you to ask for an extension on the deadline because of the complexity of the assignment. Instead, you jumped in with both feet, and gave it your all. Thanks for making our team look good! I think you would make a great mentor for our new employees. Are you interested?”

“I’m so proud of what you just presented at the committee meeting. I congratulate you for learning that program so quickly.”


WHAT – WHAT – WHY

1.What they’ve done or said.2.What would be more effective.3.Why it would be more effective.


Aggressive – Listen. No arguing. Speaker’s name.

Formal. Clear responses.

Undermining – Focus. Sarcasm. Calm and cool.


Unresponsive – Open-ended questions. Silence. Patience.

Positivity.

Egoist – Factual. Agree. Questions. Disagree when

you KNOW you’re right.


“Last week you were going on about this same subject. You’re re-hashing the same things without changing the outcomes.

Instead, if you jotted your points on paper & objectively looked at what can & can’t be changed,

you’ll minimize your feelings of “poor me,” you’ll see what you CAN control & change & you’ll move your outlook to a more positive place by having a plan to move forward.”


Reflect Respect Win-Win: Compromise

Don’t talk about the subject anymore? Have different perspectives on the subject.

Agree to disagree from this point on


Can you say:

“Oh, great – here we go again!”

“I’m so sick of it always being about YOU!!!”

“Shut up & get over it!!”

“Don’t ever talk to me again – about

ANYTHING!!!!”


Can you find new friends?????


‘What do you say, or how do you deal with a person with whom you had an issue, you have thoroughly discussed the issue once or twice & either apologized or explained why you did it & thought it was the right thing to do (or both), but the other person keeps bringing it up as an indication of mistreatment or lack of caring?’

‘Interested in learning tips for conflict resolution &

ways to be straight forward with others (not being a push over).’


• performanceRIGHT

– Process Improvement: Process Redesign; Documentation; Change Management

– Talent Management: Hiring, Keeping & Growing Talent– Organizational Development: Assessments; Program

Development & Evaluation; Culture Transformation; Facilitation; Survey Design, Execution & Evaluation

– Economic & Community Development: Group Process; Problem Solving; Project Management

Experienced in mid to large-size, for & not-for-profit organizations in government, healthcare, insurance,

& manufacturingBeverly A. Thompson performanceRIGHT 1/26/2010

don’t be nice be real 012610 972003 slideshare

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