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, AKrNG THE REUGION OUT OP THE CULT

There Is more to the "Religious Cult" Issue than Just religion, we are seeing more and more these days that the prob­lems caused by cults are more a prod­uct of the methods they use than the messages they preach. These methods are aggressive and highly coercive, many have little overt manifestation and all of themar^eryeffectlve.

Once we start to look more at the meth­odology than the message we can broaden our definition of 'cult' to Include both the religious groups, the Church of Scientology, the Church of Christ, The Family and the Unification Church as well as organisations without a thelstic Ide­ology, the financial cults "Money and

You" and the more aggressive Pyramid Selling organisations. In fact there are four readily discernible classifications of destructive cult, all of which are present and active In Queensland:

Religious Cults: These groups are focused on religious dogma. Some use the Bible, some are Eastem-reJIgJon-based, others draw on occult law, and some are purely Inverv-tions of their leaders. Although most claim to be of the spiritual realm, all one has to do to see their true colours Is examine how much emphasis Is placed on the "material" world - the luxurious lifestyles of the leaders, mil­lions of dollars of real estate, extensive business enterprises and so forth.

ally have to pay money to be "trained" and then are sent In vans far away to sell merchandise. Salespeople are ma­nipulated through fear and guilt and are sometimes physically and sexually abused.

Definitfons taken from the booK 'Combating Cult fi^ind Control' bv Steven Hassan.

Political Cults: Political cults often mal<e the news, usually with the word "fringe" or "ex­tremist" attached, but most people do not hear about the deceptive recruit­ment and mind control practices that distinguish them from runKjf-the-mlll fa­natics. These groups are organised around a particular political dogma. One such group's leader, Lyndon LaRouche, has run for President !n the past three elections and claims to advise top gov­ernment officials and business leaders. Another, the Aryan Isatlon, runs "survivalist" training camps to uphold a white supremacy doctrine, with plans to take over the United States or die trying.

Psychotherapy/Educational Cults: I These cults hold workshops and semi­nars for hundreds of dollars to provide "Insight" and enlightenment, usually In a hotel nteetlng-room environment. These cults use many basic mind con­trol techniques to provide participants with a "peak" experience. That experi­ence may be all that happens to most customers, but others will be manipu­lated to sign up for the more expensive advanced courses. Graduates of the ad­vanced courses may then become en­meshed In the group. Once committed to the group, members are told to bring In friends, relatives and co-workers, or cut them off. But recruiters are not al­lowed to disease much about the pro­gram. Many of these programs have caused nervous breakdowns, broken marriages and business failures not to mention some well-documented sui­cides and deaths by reckless accidents. The people who run these groups some­times have questionable backgrounds and often few or no credentials.

Commercial Cults: Commercial cults practice a dogma of greed. They deceive and manipulate people to work for little or no pay In the hope of getting rich. There are many pyramldfltyle or multHevei marketing organisatkins that promise big money but fleece their victims. They then de­stroy their victlnts' self esteem so that they will not complain. Success de­pends on recruiting new people who In tum recruit others. Other commercial cults Include those that browbeat peo­ple Into hawking magazine subscrip­tions or other Items door-to-door. These cults take out ads In local newspapers promising exciting travel and lucrative careers. Cult recruiters set up "Inter­views" Inside their hotel rooms, prey­ing on liigh school and college students. Vilicr, people nrc '.nccepied" they usu-

"What did they do to you? Couldn't you see what they were doing to you?" Weil the short answer Is no. Unlike physical assault, psychological a^ault need not be violent In nature, It need not be loud and brash and It need not be overtly corv frontlng. Some of the most vicious meth­ods of psychocoerslon can appear to be nothing more than a friendly chat.

It Is also worth pointing out that It Is not as If these organisations will tell you what It Is that they are truly doing to you or ask your permission, they will In fact do their best to mislead and de­ceive you. Although 1 am limited by space here, I had a brief look at some of the methods used by destructive cults to maintain obedience In my previous article on the subject printed In Issue no. 4 of Semper but if you don't have a copy oi that at hand, pop Into the chap­laincy centre and ask for their IHile pam­phlet, or If you are really keen make an appointment top see Cyril Muller for a chat.

HOW DO I PROTECT MYSELF? r , , -t • .

The best way to protect yourself against these groups Is to get educated. Search out as much Information as you can, be­come familiar with the names of the major groups, make yourself aware of the techniques that they use most com­monly and be prepared to question the fuck out of anyone who pulls you up on the street that cannot be dissuaded with a simple "Thanks but no thanks".

Learning to recognise these groups for what they are before they get a hold on you Is the best prevention but recog­nising them Is not always as easy as one might think, but there are a few sim­ple questions you can bear In mind when you encounter these people (I have said these things before In my other article but I think It does no harm to say them again):

How long have you {the recruiter) been Involved? Are you trying to recruit me Into any type of organi­sation? Can you tell me the names of all other organisations that are affili­ated with this group? Who Is the top leader? What are these persons qualifications and background? Do they have a crimi­nal record? What does your group believe? Does It believe that the ends Jus­tify the means? Is deception al­lowed In certain circumstances? What are members expected to do once they Join? Will t be expected to quit school or work to donate money or property, cut off friends or family who oppose my member­ship? Is this group considered controver slal by anyone? If so why? How do you feel about former mem­bers off your grouD? Have vou ever sat down with an ex-member to Hnd out why they left?

What are tha three things you like the least about the ^roup and the leader?

If you have recently Joined or are considering Joining an organisa­tion of this nature ask yourself these questions as welt as ask­ing the next member you speak to. If you have had any deeper dealings with an organisation of this type have a look at the fol­lowing criteria (psychologist Leon Festlnger's three elements of Cognitive Dissonance) and ask yourself seriously whether or not you feel they are applicable to the group you are dealing with. Once again I stress that if you have any doubt, please con­tact the Chaplaincy and they will be able to put you In touch with people who will be able to help you.

• HE THREE COMPONENTS OF ITIVE DISSONANCE

Control of Behaviour Control of Thought Control oi Emotions

OW DO I PROTECT MY FIENDS AND FAMILY?

One of the sad facts of the mat­ter of destructive cults, Is the In-fectlvlty of attempts by friends and family to discourage initial membership or encourage depar­ture. The truth of the matter Is that In this arena the Cults are the experts and we^are the nov­ices.

struggle to remove the stigma of stupidity and folly commonly ascrltted to ex-cuK members.

People leaving destruc­tive cults have to come to terms with some very tough home truths, not the least of which Is the facing of the friends and relatives that they have hurt, there Is also the gHef (descHbed by psy­chiatrists as something akin to the grief one suf­fers at the death of a friend) associated with the realisation that one has lost those years spent with the group and the realisation that soci­ety Is now, for the most part, alien and will need to re-entered with small and tentative steps.

However, people leaving destructive cults are of­ten viewed by the merrv bers of that society with no small amount of sus­picion and distrust. "How could they have been so stupid?" we ask, "How could they have been so gullible?", "How could they have not known what was being done?".

Seek help. DO NOT TRY AND SOLVE THE SITUATION ON YOUR OWN. IT WILL NOT WORK.

The only real option available as a preventative is education, If enough people acknowledged the problems seHousness for what It was and got about the business of education them­selves there would not be as many people Joining up as there are today. So be aware, and let other people become aware too.

VING IS ONLY HALF THE BATTLE

Since I wrote my first article on the subject the whole Issue of "Cults", both religious and oth­erwise, has experienced a great deal of publicity In the main­stream press, everyone from Four Corners, HInch and Today show has had their little go at It; shit, even Nelghiwurs Is Jump­ing on the Cult-Scare band­wagon.

The real Issues though, the ones that actually need to be ad­dressed, are In danger of being lost In the sea of glitz and hype that the mainstream press en­lists to sell Itself to the public, It Is good ratings to ^ry "Cult Horror - Ex-member tells all", It sells papers If your headline In­cludes the word "Torment" and you get a picture of a crying par­ent. It's great Journalism to reu­nite members and lamllles on camera. But this does nothing for the real struggle here the strug­gle of the Individual leaving the Cult to re-establish a normal life, the struggle to find the courage to face family and friends, the

One of the points that I made in my first article was that everyone Is vul­nerable, everyone, and that more and more of the people Joining these groups fit a disturbingly familiar profi le: young, middle-class background and smart (educated to secondary/tertiary level).

As long as we continue to treat people leaving de­structive cults as lepers people wil l continue to remain In groups for fear of precisely this social re­jection. Sometimes It Is easier to remain in a de­structive group that tells them over and over that they are loved and that they are good, than to face the realities of leav­ing Into a hostile society that will treat them like crap.

With things progressing the way they are, there is a good chance that you witl come Into contact with someone who has left a destructive cult at least once In your lifetime. All I can say Is that when It happens remind yourself that It could Just as easily be you.

yourself In their shoes.

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^lTe-Cmpm!^^^(m;ll1its^b0f: Now, with Superman in his papery grave, ifs fhe duty of fhe everyday person that means YOU fo

defend fhe Good ond Beautiful the RAINFORESTS against tvil Greedy Corporations!

Mitsubishi is one such corporation, which has distinguished itself remarkably by being fhe world's leading corporate destroyer of rainforesfsi Since governments and international bodies have shown no interest in stopping fhe destruction, the Rainforest Action Network has launched a ''Boycott Mifsubishi'' campaign. By prornofing a global consumer boycott of fhe compan/s products fhe campaign aims to pressure Mitsubishi to sfop destroying the forest. So YOU can he a part of iff

THERE IS NO PLAN. THE COMPANIES JUST GO IN AND TAKE WHAT THEY CAN, AS QUICKLY AS THEY CAN:.. The Mitsubishi corporation, consisting of 29 affiliated companies, is one of ifie world's largest induslnal and finan­cial empires. Its annual transactions exceecf $100 billion. In 1990, the jasl year for wf^ich data is available, Mitsubishi and Meiwc Trading com­pany, of whicfi Mitsubishi owns 66.8% were Japan's second largest importers of Iropicol timber. (Japan controls 30% of the world trade in limber) Much of ihe huge demand by Japan for Copied woods is accounted for by its use In the constnjciion industry. A large percent­age of il is used as forms for wel con­crete. After 2-3 jobs the wood is dis­carded Instead of being treated with oils and reused. Mi'subisrii also exports Iropicol woods lo iucroHve markets in Europe and Norlh America.

In Canada if has been given control over seven million hectares of virgin northern forest. It Is also building one of the world's largest bleached paper mills which will pollute one of Canada's largest river systems.

Mitsubishi is also logging, ihrough companies which It owns, in South America (Brazil, Bolivia and Chile) and in South East Asia (Indonesia, Malaysia, Philippinas, PNG). In a joint venture with Hyundai it is also logging in Siberia for silver fiis and endanger­ing the last 200 Siberian iigers in the wild. .•^-:/' :". ^

Mitsubishi has a 15 year logging con­cession of ?90;p00 hectares in Sarowak, Afeilaysid,' The industry-sup­ported InlemotioiKjl Trade ond Tiinber Organisation (ITTO) has identified this area as one of tfw wnrsf examples of over-logging. Stan Sesser, in an article on May 27,1991 m the "New Yorket', soys or Sarcrwok:

"There is no plan. The companies just

HOW YOU CAN HELP

go in and take what they can, as quickly as they can... The combination of bulldozers plowing their way to each tree thot's going lo be cut and skidders' droqging the Iree out - not lo mention the haphazard felling of the tree, which takes others with it when it falls - means that ten trees can be bst for every one actually loqcvsd. These damaged, crushed and buried trees add to the damage previously created by the bulldozing of roods, skid trails, log storage areas, and logging camps, which together can occupy up to 40% of the area \o he logged."

Yet Mitsubishi claims that since It abides by each SE Asian government's forestry codes, which supposedly enforce sustainable logging, it is doing nothing wrong. Then why has the world media been banned from Sarawak by the Malaysian govern­ment, if Mitsubishi has nothing to hide? Why is there o "block list" oT journal­ists? How can Mitsubishi tolerate with a clear conscience the jailing of tribol leaders objecting to the logging of their homes?

In April 1990, Mitsubishi's destaidive role wos brought to light worldwide by eco groups. The corporation responded by creating o slapstick "Envinonnifinlol Affairs Departmenr to promote a "green" image and defiect criticism. In bci its actions have been (ar from environmentally friendly.

Its launch of a 50 ha "reforestation research prDJect* in Sarcftvak has been widely promoted as evidence of con­cern for the environment. In Fact Mitsubishi has not otiemprfed to nsforest a single hectare of its 90,000 ha hold­ing there. The project uses up to 25 tree species (types) per hectare, whereas old growth roinforests, like those of Sarawak, usually contain 200-250 species per ha. The vast yorlefy of animal and plant life of the rainforest would be jrrelriayably lost. Furthermora reforesiailons would cost US $40,000/ha just in ifie first three yeors. That sort of funding could not be

maintained, not that the co.Tipany has comnnitted itself to reforesta'Ion, just fo a study on itl Also omitted from the study are the indigenous people of the areos !ogged and their surfering.

RAINFORESTS - LOST BY 2050 The Direct General of the UN Environmenioj Program, Mosiafa Tolba, has acknowledged ihof at ihe current role of destruction of natural resources we wil! be facing on environ­mental catastrophe by the turn of the century. The UN Food and Agriculture Orgonisatlon estimates an annual depletion of rainforests betvi een 11-17 million ho, a rale of 1% of the total rainfores? area. 17 million ha In 1990 is a rate of destruction which Is double that for the past decade. If destruction continues of Its present rate, these forests will be gone by 2050.

II must be realised that loqghg Isn't just chopping trees. Tropical loresis occupy 6% of total land area but contain 50% of all species. Many species of plonts, birds and animals have already gone extinct through logging activities. Many more are in danger. By taking all the frees of a particular type in a forest, which is what logging is, we are destroying an important part of an ecosystem, of an integrated whole. Birds, insects, animals and other plants which may depend on that free type may go extinct or be adversely affected. In turn other species which depend on these are affected and thus a spiral of damage is created. In many cases though, not just the desirable trees are token, but others are harmed. Whole ecosystems ore harmed. Before we consider our own needs we musl realise that each species of plant, ani­mal or insect has just as might right to exist OS us. We mustn't allow them lo become cosualiias of.a corporotion's greed. Species which might have pro­vided the cure for concer are disap­pear! rig. And net jusi cures but sources of perfumes, dyes, foods and other use­ful products are becoming extinct.

Furfhemiore, we need the rainforests to survive - they purify the air from dust and keep the planet's wafer cycle bal­anced, preventing such extremes as flood or drought. The deforestation of Africa has led to deseriificafion and drought and this is just one example. A reforested patch or lend has none of the beauty, the richness or complexity of c reol roinforesfs. How is Mitsubishi qoing to bring back the extinct animals, biras and plants? And yel the demand for tiopical hardwoods can be met in environmentally non-destructive ways.

GENOCIDE'FOR A QUICK BUCK The rainforests of Sarawak ore the home of the last nomadic hunfer-goth-erers in SE Asia, the bst few tribes to have that deep connection with their environment Western society lacks. The Penan, Kayan, Kenyan, Kelabit and Iban indigenous tribes are desperately trying lo save their homes from log­ging. Th."iy hove set up roadblocks to stop the logging trucks only to be arrested.

Logging doesn't just destroy hon es but also spreads malaria ana TB among indigenous people. Some are forced to move to the cities as their homes are plundered, food sources destroyed and streams polluted by ninoff. Their cul­tures, so tied to the forest, are facing destruction,

Furthemiore, logging causes poverty -Mitsubishi only employs 170 local peo­ple as opposed to the 250,000 who live off the forest itself. Not only that, local indigenous groups are not com­pensated for their timber since the gov­ernment does not recognise their land rights.

Mitsubishi is jeopardising the fijture of poor SE Asian countries by plundering their resources for a quick buck. By destroying the forests of Sarawak, and thus tneir homes and cultures, it is Inflicting genocide on tribal peoples.

While it may not be realistic to stop all logging operotions worldwide, the extent of logging ond irresponsible logging practices can be reduced.

The best way to g€* Hi8 message across to the Corporation is to boycott their products andte^ ihem know why. Products fo boycott: • Mitsubishi cars and {rucks - Mitsubishi TVs, YCRs and FAX machines • Kirin Beer - Value Rent-a Cor Furthermore, please write to fhem to let them know why you're boycotting their products at this address: President Makihara Mitsubishi Corporation 6-3, Marunouchi 2-Chome Chiyoda-Ku, Tokyo 100 Japan

In return expect a reply full of unsubstanrioted claims and "facts".

Componies doing business with Mitsubishi and to which you could write and express concern include: Apple Con^uter, Boeing, IBM, Lotus Corp., Master Card, Pepsi and Shell Oil.

Or simply conhact Environmental Youth Alliance (EYA) on campus and lend some support. Their phone no. is 358 4875.

Tbey are our forests and our future. Please don't let them be deslroyed by greed. Boycott Mitsubishi!

THE BOYCOTT CAMPAIGN

Experience hos shown ihot united oction against multinational corporations, like Mitsubishi, is effective. Yotchi Kuroda of fhe Japanese Tropical Rainforest AcHon Network (JATAN) believes that o 1% reauction in sales in the US alone will be enough to biing about significant concessions from Mitsubishi. Any decreases in soles around the world will bring if to the kible even faster. The Rainforest AcKon Groups have been working fo let the pub­lic know about Mitsubishi by:

1. Displaying banners by motorways. 2. Leafleting around universities and ciHes. 3. Demonstrations at auto shows. 4. High impact posters linking Mitsubishi to rainforest destruction. Keep an eye out for shjff that might be happening on campus!

Sources ILSi

Mitsubishi Campaign International Organiser's Manual, RAN (Rainforest Action Network-PO Box 368, Lismore, NSW 2480), 1993 World Rainforest Report, no. 25, June 1993 Green Left Weekly, no. 108, July 28,1993.

Francesco Frentiu for EYA

7<MJK

901\0 aw Dear Nigel What write Beverley Hills 90210 "Why it's my fave". Your words in the last issue tiave not gone unnoticed. Ttiough tilings are bleak, keep tieart young Elbaeouithe (which means one who, while it may appear is talking of one thing, comes true in the end and talks of another - you see, I too as a child read 13 pages of Lord ot the Rings at random, as a child). I know you don't know me, Nigel, (not truly) but I've been your biggest fan for years. 1 was devastated when I missed your one and only gig with the band "Pup­peteers and ttial's all" performing songs from your tape "Elvish songs of Love and Woe" with the really professionally de­signed cover but do really and truly want to buy a copy from Semperforthe ridicu­lously low price of dollars ten, I think your orange hair is just neat, fvlaybe one day you and I could share some readings of farce poetry and prose. I'd ask you but I know you'd just tell me to piss off. That's o.k, I like that about you too. May angels watch you as you sleep, Nigel. I'm sorry about your dog. iviaybe you could tell him tc "be of good cheer, dog, be of good cheer".

When I found out that you were awash with existential angst (and pectoral too, I hope), I almost beat myself senseless with a chain. How can I call myself a true 'Nigel Pearn fan and not wet' if I'm not constantly aware of the state of your health?....

hmm. I think you write about this putting stuff down and then no no Yours with highest regards P. PS Did you know that your name back­wards is 'legin'

OV\os\V4r\Yet Dear Semper People Phantom here with my contribution to your obituary. 1 have never previously voiced my opinions in the editorial sec­tion, so please bear with me. Being a Economics undergrad, there is little hope for future happiness. Semper fills that gap in my lonely heart were Macroeconomic textbooks do not. 1 am saddened by the demise of the current team but look 'orward to the changes ahead. As a guidelines to the new Semper dudes 1 have provided some possible solutions to improving the qual­ity of this quintessential part of my life. (1) I am nol Homophobic but I am con­cerned that a good proportion of this publication (too much) is dedicated to ho­mosexual issues. I remember not too long ago that almost the entire paper contained homosexual articles. Attempt­ing to make people aware of homosexual issues and problems is of great merit, but to attempt to persuade people in be­coming homosexual or joining GLOC or othersuch associations is wrong and only causes harm and disadvantage to those people who perpetrate such activities. Lay off the more naive uni dudes. 1 am disgusted by your attempts to make an important decision for them, (2) The shit load of paper you waste on absolute crap Eg. Drawings and sketches. How about helping to save the environment and cut down on paper use. Although not an avid greenie. being an economist, 1 recognise waste. Half of the shit that goes into Semper Is exactly that. Besides these minor nagging complaints 1 compliment the Semper dudes fortheir effort. Of special achievement was the reviews you provided. Very well done! 1 wish all the best and hope that you find an asylum of your liking. You're an insu­

lar bunch of bastards and it is time that you left ycur Semperoffice and came out into the real world. I must now return to my favourite place of rest, the UG library, floor 4, shelves containing books with reference numbers HB171.5.G647197 • JZ234,6,F11991. Regards, Phantom. (This is rot the last you will hear from me!)

Uh, well actually "Phantom" (if indeed ttiat is your igal nom deplume) this will be the last we will hear from you, as it is our last issue. We may very well be getting mall after ttiis issue, but we won't be paying any attention to it, especially any missives that come from such indignant cheeseheads such as yourself. Refering to your complaints, I'm afraid I'll iiave to disagree with you completely (but then, you knew that already, didn't you?) and if the Timelords have any sense then they'd do well to ignore your comments as well. Rrstly, none of the articles in this year's Semper have been about trying to per­suade people to become homosexuals, and I find It odd that you woukl think this. Jerry Seinfeld has this great sland-up rou­tine where he asks why it is that straight men feel so threatened by homosexuals. He figures that it's because men have weak sales resistance, because they're al­ways buying themselves shoes that don't fit properly or pants that are made of itchy material. So straight men are afraid that one day they'll accidently walk into a ho­mosexual store, and the sales assistants will talk them into taking a guy home: "Just walk around the store with him and see how he looks. Would you like to see him in a sandal?"

Second, on what basis can you validate that a "good proportion" of Semper is dedicated to homosexual issues? I'm sorry, my good "Phantom", but you're wrong, wrong, wrong. Seeing as you're an Economics undergrad, I'll prove this to you in terms you should easily grasp • numbers. Not including this issue, we have published 428 pages of Semper this year. Of that 428, only 29.5 pages of Semper included an article on homosexu­ality - less than 7%\ (Note that these fig­ures do not include letters to the editor, in which the homophobia debate has been raging of late, but does include the first page of Subtlety of Rabbits, with the infa­mous suck shots.) 24 of those 29.5 pages were part of the Queer Insert, which we produced In conjunction with Queer Tribes (formerly GLOC) to support Pride, and thus were supposed to be predominantly about homosexuality. Under 7% of a stu­dent newspaper is hardly a groundswell of articles lauding homosexuality, espe­cially when you consider that ?t least 10% of the population is queer. Looking at these figures, we editors feel that ii any­one has cause to complain on this issue, it is the members of GLOC for being so under-represented. Sorry people, if we could do it all again, we'd at least do 1/iaf differently.

Lastly, on the issue of the purported pa­per wastage. I'm not sure if you realise this, but some of the sketches you com­plain about are actually contributions, and as such are easily as valid as the articles we print Or maybe you're complaining abo ut the graph ics we use w hen we're lay­ing out, the pictures we place to enhance, attract interest to and (sometimes) hide the articles we print. Well "Phantom," we could lay out the paper without these graphics, using only those photgraphs and diagrams that are absolutely neces­sary, but I think you'd find that if we did 80, Semper would probably end up look­ing like one of your beloved Macroeconomics textbooks. Don't believe me? Then turn to our special Simper pages and discover for yourself what Semper would be like if it were produced in the manner that certain other student publications (usually those edited by the Right) are.

In closing "Phantom," thankyou foryour comments, and I hope you won't take It too harshly when I call you a lobster-brained pimpla-shil.

H%CSHex Dear Semper It's time that we - the students - be­came militant over the injustice which Is the Higher Education Contribution Scheme, rather than the sheer apathy which is our present condition. HECS is on the rise. Recently the Fed-era) government doubled the contribution to be made by those doing second de­grees, and reduced the income at which we are forced to repay our HECS detils, Yet very few of us raised an eyebrow, let alone a voice. With such a pervasive apathy it Is only a matter of time before HECS on a first undergraduate degree is increased, if only because governments can be sure there will be no opposition from students. Not only are we paying ridiculously high amounts for our degrees, we are getting increasingly less from them. For a start, many of us, after anywhere between three and six years at this Institution, will walk away without a job, but still retain a huge debt incurred before we've even earned a penny Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, we are working even harder to get these increasingly more useless degrees. Op­pressive workloads by lecturers are sti­fling independent thought. Ubiquitous exams, whose prime function is to jus­tify an overloaded bureaucracy, place enormous pressure on students to study and withdraw from extracurricular activi­ties. Exams such as these are not es­sential, but are used to bolster the bu­reaucracy. In several countries of Europe, student sit for exams when they feel ready, not when they are told to do so. And, if we are paying, we should not be dictated to. In essence, we are paying ridiculously highly for our degrees and, in the proc­ess, forfeiting more and more of our own control overthe tuition we receive. Whilst universities bolster their bureaucracies and impose increasingly exorbitant work­loads, we walk away with a sheet of pa­per worth thousands and thousands of dollars which will probably result in noth­ing-no jobs - for us. So, for three, four, five or even six years we will have worked our arses off, paid a huge sum, and not even gained the enjoyment which could be possible if lecturers would only real­ise that theirs is not ths only subject on each student's agenda. It's lime that we regained lost ground and re-told authority that students can­not be dictated to. We should not allow the growing bureaucracy (has anyone ever seen the sixth floor of the J D Story Building, filled to the brim with termites who are, after all, paid to watch over us) to manipulate us in these tough eco­nomic times. Without a stand, the cur­rent HECS situation can only get worse. Furthermore, whilst we now pay for our degrees, we receive increasingly less funding from the Federal government. Class sizes rise, individual tuition falls, yet we pay more and more for the de­gree which will likely lead nowhere. We have been ripped off, but few have said anything. Unless we want the situation to worsen, therefore, we must do something. We must at least say no more. And we must demand that we gain more from the de­gree we pay for, rather than less as is presently occurring. No other group in training pays fortheir tuition. TAPE students, who also receive tertiary qualifications, pay nothing. The Federal government, meanwhile, is intent on pushing us through the system so that their unemployment figures don't appear so embarrassing. They are looking after themselves, not us. It's time we struck back, T Ascott

CommenY Dear Semper It was with disappointment that I read Kiley Gaffney's comments regaiding the election of "Timelords" for Semper in the October issue. She appears to be either frivolousorhalf absent when she shames students for expressing such a prefer­ence. Indeed, as 1 understand the demo cratic ideal, it is the voter that has the final say and any attack on that principle should bs looked at as an insult to the intelligence of every voter. Secondly, if Ms Gaffney has no "personal grudge" against Stephen Dann then why should she then proceed to personally defame him?. There's nothing wrong with voicing strong likes and dislikes provided they have no relation to self-interest or vanity both of which are indicative of Ms Gaffney's self-confessed "wallow" in her "own self-importance". Ms Gaffney must bg either insensitive or totally ignorant of how such reckless and unnecessary attacks can affect the defamed, loved ones and friends even in the big worid of student politics. Thirdly, she makes the comment that Timelord's "track record" was ".... half an article published in September's is­sue, (and that) they are not really quali­fied to know anything about publishing something that people like." This Is like saying that because Socrates never wrote anything he did not know anything about philosophy! Similarly, it was Aris­totle in his Po//t/cs who observed that it is the diner and not the cook who is the better judge of a banquet (1282a20) meaning, for Ms Gaffney's benefit, that it is the reader, like the voter, who v/iil decide on Timelord's ultimate success or failure next year.

Finally, 1 would like to disclose my inter­est. I have no strong student political views one way or the other. As a general rule I have found that If you join a side they tend to let you down, fvly support for Stephen Dann is based simply on the fact that 1 treat him as a friend and he did not deserve such spurious, affected and petty criticism, Ms Kiley Gaffney notes in her post script that"... hopefully we will seen (sic) an­other great editorship once again," Per­haps this says it all. Sincerely, Kalos Kagathos BA/LLB

It is the opinion of this editor that there was a bit too much "Timelords" bashing in last month's Semper, but that's neither here nor there. We didn't really feel we had the right to change the other opinions ex­pressed, as apart from the editorial, they came from a letter to the editor and in an article that we had commissioned. Apolo­gies to the "Timelords" for any physical or mental discomfort they may have felt over the comments in last issue. Good luck for next year. However, if i see any of your squinty little faces in this office be­fore change-over week, I'm calling Secu­rity on you, Just so we know where we stand.

iV\\ DesV Yvs Dear Editors. Design students the length and breadth of Brisbane/Qld, were struck a low blow by the Brisbane City Council, however woll-intentioned their initial idea was for promoting a design ideas competition. At the awards ceremony (Fri, 24 Sept 1993) of prizes for the design competi­tion for the Victoria Bridge, the Lord Mayor told a small gathering of entrants, both profesvlonal designers and design studt-nts, that the judging committee deemed that no student entry was even

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worthy of a prize, not \hs. prize of $1000; not even $1 000 split between the en­trants; not even a commemorative pen and pencil set or drawing pen set or a scroll thanking the entrants for their par­ticipation • just not worthy of even any ncentive to enlighten people, however modest these student ideas might have been to those superior judging talent of the judging committee. Even the Courier-Mail/Sunday Mail which ran a parallel competition had the integrity to awards prize when it said it would. The attitude of the Council - to the pro­fessional designers • money, prizes, ac­colades; to the raive students who thought their ideas might count - "thanks for entering but bugger off out of it and leave it to the professionals", If the committee thought that by not awarding a student prize/s was going to give prospective entrants in any future design competition incentive, they've got a funnyway of showing it. After talking to a couple of livid student entrants, we agreed the slight we had received was a "kick in the guts" for all students con­cerned and that the tainted decision that our ideas are "second class" or "just don't count" have been well and truly re­inforced by this decision and have been taken on board.

The Institute cf Engineers and Institute of Architects and the B.C.C. are on no­tice to perform seme remedial act to salvage some face from this decision which will dissuade many a student, par­ent and teacher from endorsing partici­pation in any future competitions. Yours sincerely Paul Thomson (I was an entrant in the competition and compliment the Council for organising it but what voice do the students have if the Lord Mayor and the Council can't be flexible enough to encourage participa­tion and perform an inexpensive act of public relations).

Dear Semper Some weeks ago I watched with a mixture of bemusement and trepida­tion the National Party Conference on the Channel 9 News. Yes, all the Na­tional Party big-wigs were there - and as an added treat the great senile one ...oops! 1 mean the great ex-leader of Qkl-joh - was there as well. And the subject of the meeting of such esteemed minds? How that evil c.J.C. had harassed (quite unfairiy) and victimised poor old Joh over the last few years. Well - nothing unex­pected there, you may think. What 1 re­ally found alarming was the resounding call to abolish the CJ.C. when (JD the Nationals ever returned to power. How­ever, given that this isn't exactly likely In the riear future, I simply dismissed the whole charade. Until recently - aner a civic litigation matter, one unsuccessful party cor>-fronted me and demanded to know the name of the magistrate who heard the case. After telling the person this, he stated "well, you can tell him this.... when the National Party gets back Into power he'll be looking for another job". Now, 1 don't know aboul you - but this sort of person really worries me. This Is exactly the sort of mentality that led to years of corruption and vice throughout the Qld government and police force. 1 don't think the Nat's will regain power fora long time, but If the do, then heaven help us. Sure, the C.J.C. may seem like a lawyer's picnic at times, and may cost a lot of money to operate, but if It's a choice between them and some right-wing National Party asshole supporter, then I'll take the C.J.C. any day Kim Hudson.

Inthe Interests of

Equity Dear Ms Gaffney 1 am writing to you care of Semper to express my dismay concerning certain sentiments contained in a number of your articles written for this publication over the past months. I have read each of your contributions through this year, and to be honest, have enjoyed your humorous style and agreed (mostly) with your stated opinions. However, 1 can no longer sit meekly in silence and endure the (for want of a better term) "male bashing"; that seems so central toyourlihe of itiinH^;

tallyclosed universe in which any attempt by men to understand or sympathise is met with contempt and suspicion. This is hardly fair when, day after day, men are cal ed on to re-evaluate and modify their thinking and behaviour towards women (and rightly so - "men" as a con­glomerate do have a long way to go In this area). A further example of anti-maleism (as 1 wili label it) occurred in the "Birth from. Heir article (pg. 7, July ed.) where you, referred to your ex-boyfriend as your son's "donor" (read: "sperm sack). I must say that I find this type ofl objectlfication just as offensive as the^ numerous disgusting euphemisms used against women (such as "gash"). To so distastefully dismiss your ex-boy-.friend's mle in the whole affair does not

, ^ , . < , .??S^ait0r the feet that both of you were nec-

a sense of humour allow me to say 1 '^iMt^^&iid'-^i^^^^ quite well aware of the vvay invvhfcharti;^;io(j^j|}(ij^^j;iS^i male sentiments are inco^orated-intoll^p^'fe' your articles in an "Ironic" way-the SNAG^^il^'^ip, article (pg. 20, June edition) beij^a case1%.?j^{|*'' in point. I would siiggest^htw^erv^thatilp^Hi^ under the humour and tltppancy-llesia^pi^gjt predominantly harmful assumptiori: th8l;^^|gf all men are inedeemable.'^i;'''' ^-^-^ ^ -To pursue the SNAG exami^e'f tftiiififlif! Is a product of the feminist cilmate jthal is, I would at&JiBi^&j^0p(me^^'' men to redress n(|ii)f^spf|qu||'' der etc. in the Jight'bf;firi||i "" ^ fully accept that rti^n^"* priate the SNAGj|i^j ' fashionable, as.i||p1{^4 for their own encifeift)^ understandsWe. H d " dismiss all menj;!^ tempting to addrel^fiir,|BS{»nsit3|i in relation to-fil''* ' " me to be a miei, It implies thaf (apologies

sporting event, film, exhibition opening or whatever at the time of the birth, but according to yourdescription he was not only present but seemed at least some­what concerned of your well-being. The catalyst for this letter came with the

announcement in the pre­vious edition of Semper (pg. 3, October) that you are'how an "item" with

the "90210" col­umnist, and your ~co^•espondirga^

• tide "Cruising iwith the Love

y Boat" (pgs 18-19). it has been said

that hypocrisy is the greatest luxufy-1 be­

lieve that your position witlVuhis.artlcie is

mbsfiuxutfous. All year you have

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submissions with strong anti-male tenet, vilifymg men for their faults and dismissing them as creatures who will never Improve, only to turn around, allegedly' have a relationship with one\i of them and write a related article that, I assume, you hope will deflect crWicisn^ trom you because of its highly "ironic" tone. Yet. in the final paragraph, you do not seem to disguise too thoroughly the pleasure and enjoy-' ment the relationship with this male affords you al the moment, re­gardless of its "fairytale" na­ture. Is this not a case of "hav­ing your cake and eating it too"? I only hope that Mr Pearn has read your arti-, cles and understands the implications of his position as possessor of a penis. To summarise my case • I " have objected to what I see as anti-male sentiments in your articles Ms Gaffney I see these sentiments as offensive stereotypes and the promotion of them as irresponsible because they could serve tn antagonise and thereby marginalise [some/manyl men. 1 person­ally do not think it wise to take this line because after enough abuse an individual will respond by either closing their mind or their hands. Men have to take notice of what women are saying to them and start acting respectfully and responsibly towards women and women's demands if we are to move closer to true sexual equality Men may stop listening if the only things being said are insults and patronisations. The move towards equal­ity is too crucial to allow this to happen. 1 see anti-maleism as somewhat of a trend, a fad, the 'All men are bastards" syndrome. The prevailing attitude seems to be that small inequalities perpetrated by women against men are justified as long as the larger inequality of patriar­chy exists; a "revenge-feminism", if you will. 1 believe that patriarchy must be abolished, yes, but I do not see how in­flammatory anti-male attitudes are going to work towards a positive reconciliation. Besides, how can a statement like "All men are bastards" possibly be supported with any credence? I'll admit many men have been, are, and will be bastards, but all?!! It is as ludicrous and offensive as saying "All women are bitches". Again, if the agenda is approached on such an­tagonistic grounds it will only serve to marginalise, not harmonise. I hope that this letter will be accepted and printed by Semper not as an exam­ple of an enraged heresy against Femi­nism (which it was never intended to be) but as a sober call for equality If inter­preted as the former, know that I too have a sense of irony when I sign my name as Emmanuel Goldstein ex aequo el bono

Dear Emmanuel (nice nom de plume), I am so, 80, so, so sorry - so sorry

• to have patronised you in my cock-hat­ing literary frenzy. Thankyou for pointing it out lo me. Of course, being the fickle piece of gash that I am, my sentiments towards men's intentions and sincerity has radically changed now that i am in­deed fucking one (alas, he must be an odd boy as he enjoys my articles). I under­stand that men are trying to change, I com­mend Ihem whole heartedly but I will not stop from writing my 'own' stories. As for me referring to Jacob's donor as such -get fucked Emmanuel! I can refer to that person however 1 fucking feel like. All I can say Emmanuel is: thank you, no I re­ally mean il - thank you Emmanuel - for taking the time lo let me know how you really feel and maybe we can possibly get

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together some time for coffee or maybe a mother's morning and just chat about girl's stuff. Loving you Emmanuel, Kiley xxx

Dear Semper Thank you to Tim Mansfield, Michelle King and Cameron Eeles. Tim's article was the arti cle 1 always wanted to write for Semper, except now I enjoyed his so much 1 know he did it better than 1 would have. Viva Comics! If Superman was the first hero of the age of modernism, are there candi dates for The Postmodern Hero; or does the postmodernism undermine the Ideas of Hero itself? Whatever, 1 like The Incredible Hulk. It's inspiring to read of bold fellow Weenies^" owning their escapism, in Michelle and Cameron's article. Wouldn't it be cool if everyone accepted us? Nah, that'd be like Calvin's parents believing in Hobbies - no more mystery The Sub­tlety of Rabbits is either too subtle for me or poor story-telling. 1 vole for the latter. Robert Dennys

As the author of both the comics article and The Subtlety of Rabbits, I guess I shou/d comment I think that Comics After Modernism was awful. I wrote it in one draft, 1 had to leave out vast chunks of the stuff 1 wanted to say and whati ended up saying looked like a catalogue from a comic store than an article. 1 had to brush lightly over everything to meet the word limit and as a result had to limit myself to the mosl obvious, banal ob­servations. Poop, in a word. As to the Subtlety of Rabbits, i suspect it is bolh poor storytelling and too subtle for you at the same time. I'd be the first to admit that it has problems as a comic. To satisfy myself, 1 wanted to get a certain amount of plot inlo the five episodes which has necessitated huge, disorienting jumps in each episode making it very hard to fol­low, ever, graphically. Brett's done his best, but density of each script makes smooth flow almost impossible. On top of those technical problems, the

plot itself operates at several levels which

sometimes conflict. On the surface. Rabbits is a

quest-adventure with con­fused motivations, no appar­

ent goal and dunDb outcomes. Kind of like a Marvel comic

really. Within that obvious corny nar­

rative though, I'm trying to pro­vide a tour of some psychologi­

cal and phitosophicat ideas about internal harmony, alienation, bal-

^' ance of Ihe self and the way we form consensus about the world. That's all fairly obvious if you're al­ready familiar with those ideas. It takes a bit of work if you aren't Now 1 know that it's all fairly obscure

' and doesn't make a tol of sense. You aren't led comfortably Ihrough Ihe story by a lot of dialogue and caption boxes, most of the story is told graphi­cally, the text being almost a non sequitur. That's because 1 love comics which leave me adrift with no idea what's happening. I bought issue 4 of Ronir) by Frank Miller years ^go and I thought it was great 1 was completely mystified. 1 gradually picked up the rest of it and got vaguely disappointed. The whole thing was carefully explained and ali the mys­tery just evaporated. So for me Subtlety of Rabbits is doing two main things: it's presenting a synthesis of some ideas I like in a way that hopefully isn't too much of a bludgeon and it's an attempt to keep the disorienting sense of mystery which 1 love in a comic. If that conflicts with what you folks want out of a comic, sorry honey. This thing's between me and Brett The caveat's the usual: go write your own. Tim Mansfield

Dear Eds Thank God for Scott Coopers little slag off at JJJ. 1 thought it was only me that was getting a lad pissed off al the ol' ABC's youlh station of the nation. What he said is what I've been think­ing over the last couple of months (at least)! They used to play sort-of good music (well, they played

K the bands my friends and 1 liked), but all you get now is rep­etition galore, ihe same as MMM or B105, with maybe a teeny bit more variation. If 1 wanted to hear Top 40 songs, (if 1 iiear that John Mellencamp song again, I'll be forced to do something drastic), or any of that mind-numbingly boring rap, funk, blues, hip-hop shil that they seem to love so much, I would listen lo the other sta­tions. ! thought JJJ prided itself on play ing different (and quality) music and

^. not just any run-o-the-miil song. When I go out, 1 hear music that is rarely heard on the radio (if ever), but il cer­tainly seems that il is liked by the turn out at the clubs (es­pecially M a s s a n d 10 0% at The Site). There

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to be a huge void in Brisbane radio at the moment. ZZZ is half decent, depend-ingon if you have the same taste In music as whoevei is on, but at least you can enjoy "real music variety". I won't even mention that little self pro­motion "Oh-aren't-we-ever-so-cool" cam paign of JJJ about how Ihey play such a wide variety of bands, witn 'people oft the street' saying thev like PWEI, Neds. The Pixies, Ride, The Cure elc, etc. etc. Apart from the token song, I can hor) estly say that 1 haven't heard them fc quite a while and 1 want to, damn it . want to! Yours sincerely Miss Slightly Miffed Radio Listener

Dear Semper Editors I am not usually in the habit of slagging people off, in print and in public, espe­cially people wilh the name of Scott, bu; really Scott Cooper, who do you think you are? Are you that precious that yo>j cannot cope with other, 'unalternative people, liking the music you like? Who really cares if 15 year olds sing along tc songs like "Under the Bridge", and no' know that it's a song about injecting drugs? Who needs rnetorical questions anyway? 1 really must take you lo task about Tn pie J and this "selling out" business. Tc my ears it is still a "radical" radio sta­tion, however radical an organisation within the ABC can be. For you and othe people's information, with regard to the sacking and appointment of various an nouncers a few years ago, one of the "safe" appointments people refer to as evidence of the slalion becoming safer. lan Rogerson. did in fact work at the sta­tion many years ago before being lured to commercial radio. He and jonatnan Coleman had the program Club Veg on Triple J in about 1984, then went to Tn-pie M and 2SM (I think) after that. I don't particulariy like him as an announcer, but surely if all the announcers have lo stick to a certain playllst, then an indivldua announcer can do little to vary the mu sic played. For Brisbane radio, Triple . has been and still is, a breath of fresh air, to use a dreadful ciiche, much more I think than Triple Z ever used to be, al though I'm sure slagging off Triple Z, in these post-Brazil days, is flirting with po­litical incorrectness. (Don't worry I was there, a subscriber, and occupied the un­ion building along with every other politi­cal lemming tn the days of February and March 1989). 1 fail to see how bands sell out when their music is played on commercial radio. \'v bet you, Scotl, are one of the idiots who think The Cure sold out with The Hea< on the Door, or wilh having Lets Go to Beef played on Radio 10 In 1982 (do you remember Radio 10 Scott? i betyou dc orthe Go Betweens with 16 Lovers Lane or with REM with Green, or Out of Time.. can still remember the first time I heara REM, on Rock Arena, with live footage n "Sitting Still early 1986, and then sei-ing the video of Fall on Me in about Ao-vember of that year. The next day I went out and bougnt Life's Rich Pageant and played it solidly for the next few months 1 then bought the rest of the albums wher and where available, and the new onef when they came out, and considei my self a greal fan, bul do nol begrudge anyone or take Ihe stance that if vou didn't like them from the start, whet spotty thin drug addicts dressed in blacK were playing Murmur or Reckoning o-even Chronic Town (do you know Chronic Town Scott? No? then you cannot oe a FAN, a proper one, can you?) on thei' mono tape players in their miserable ildtt in West End, then you have no place IP consider yourself a valid person.! we"' to a mostly fuil Festival Hall in FebruLir\ 1989 (the Wednesday of 0-Week) ;iio saw them, and was blown away and '

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they came again 1 will go to Boondall, no doubt, and survive a packed house full of little kids and all sorts of people to listen to them, bul I won't mutter that these people cannot be here because Ihey haven't liked them as long or as much as me. Grow up Scott, you little boy however old you are your thinking is greatly flawed. The merging of "commercial" music and "alternative" music has happened and is happening right now. Yes, you can buy grunge clothes in Kmart, and as you say it's all marketing. Well, so whal? Do you tike particular music because It Is alter­natively fashionable or because it's good Scott? 1 would think the former. If you stop liking something when someone else does, or feel threatened if little giris like il as well, then you're an insecure and paranoid little specimen of limited ability Myself, 1 think it's an affirmation in my tastes or beliefs when (eventually) people come around to mine. Is Black Ticket Day less worthy because it won an ARIA award? No. Even though il was somelhing as pointless as Best Alternative Album. Alternative, man it must be good. WOW! I'll bet Scotl you charged your parents with conspiracy when you found oul Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were not real creatures. How did you ever cope? Were you ever the same again? Come in Number 2, yourtime is up. A final question - Do you remember the band Dream 6? Gee, they sold out when they became.... (A teaser for you, to sort out who is the real music fan). There is not commercial music or alter­native music, or any other sort. Surely in these politically correct times of the 1990s, we all should avoid labels as that is discriminatory There is good music and bad music, and that's that. Yours sincerely Scott Richards PS Like everyone else Scott, your shit would stink too. Page 34 was enough of a clue.

Amazing. During the year we've attacked politics, religion, the Courier Mail, con­servatism and bad fashion sense, yet few topics generated such heated mail as wlien Semper criticises people's taste in music. There were other letters that, for the sake ofspace, we didn't print The pro-and anti-JJJ viewpoints are fairly well rep­resented by these letters, but apologies to the correspondents whose letters didn't see print

denigrate. Can you not realise that you are guilty of the very sins against which you speak? That now that the means of communica­tion are in your hands - and nol Kerry Packer's - you wish to pedal.merely your own views and values. Your crime is the same, even if the accent is reversed. A student paper should be truly repre­sentative and nondiscriminatory yet yours is blatantly one-sided and down right derisive. Ayoung liberal has as much right to freedom of expression as ayoung homosexual. You cannot truly claim to be representative, given that a fair pro­portion of University students must be­long to or at least support the Liberal Parly Like the fascist slate that David Scott compares you to, you are extremely sen­sitive to criticism. You are so blinded by your own righteousness that you can't believe that everyone doesn't enjoy your paper as much as you do. If you're still reading by now, I'd just like to say that Kiley Gaffney is brilliant. Her article in your last Semper was as well conceived as it was painfully real. More of this and less bias, please, Love Always, D. Smith. ps. who cares aboul layout, it's content that matters. pps. how aboul a Semper that doesn't include the important, though excessively overworked issue of homosexuality.

Oh come on Kiley, stop mucking us about We know you wrote this letter. It's a bril­liant piece, satirising the small minded pre-ciousness of the dominant paradigm, but you gave it away with the last paragraph. We all know that no-one likes you and we only ever print your articles out of a mis­placed sense of pity. Stop writing this self-gratifying garbage, Gaffney, and go out and get yourself a husband.

CY\SY\c\\\f\Q Dear Semper I notice a mistake in your last edition which needs correcting. In Jamila Trad's column, she incorrectly stated that Mar­tin Bush's Abortion on Demand survey was v/on by the 'Yes' case 117 to 97 during the Student Union Elections. In fact, the primary vote was No lo Abor­tion on Demand: 90 votes; 'Yes' got 86 votes. That is to say Abortion on Demand was rejected by a narrow margin. Mar­tin, in his policy statement, explicitly staled that only primary votes for the 'Yes' and 'No' answers counted towards the survey and therefore il is inaccurate

^ | ^ » ^»i|nM|r>r> i y > » A f y i T C ^° distribute preferences from any olher

Dear Semper 1 am a straight, while, male (which prob­ably means you'll stop reading this let­ter right now) who Is sick and lired of your prejudiced portrayal of myself and others like me. ! am writing to support David Scott in his criticisms of your Young Liberal Semper edition. Like David, 1 also enjoy bolh Rugby League and Union, and have friends who work, live and socialise In the areas men­tioned in your magazine. Yet, neither 1, nor most of my friends have ever, or would contemplate, being a liberal - young or old. Stop telling me that I am. As David points out. if such stereotypes were made of black, homosexual j r long­haired people you would scream blue murder. You seem to only want to go half the way You want freedom of speech, yet only on your terms. Whatyou can't understand is that preju­dice is wrong, in any form. In a free and supposedly democratic society all peo­ple are allowed to have their own values and be'iefs which no-one - not even left-winp extremists - should be allowed to

' candidate. The Pro-Life Society is satisfied and pleasantly surpnsed by the result, but concerned about how bitter Jamila be­came about il. In order to cheer her up, we have made her an honorary Pro-Life Society member. Yours sincerely Brendan Scott

TVxe Metse Dear Editors, Quite a good performance, your Semper, Fortunately not all of our lives chug around the dizzy axis of women women women being screwed between sessions atthe Schonell cinema. Creativity often finds life in poetry and too often chokes amidst pseudo-witty essays reeking of cynicism. 1 have been most entertained by many intelligent articles in Semper, bul, sadly the beauty subtlety and sincerity of po­etry seems to have drowned somewhere between the pages of our University pa-

per/magazine?? One token submission, possibly too late or maybe not useful;

r/ie Glassle Sometimes I sit on a cheap plastic seat wilh one leg too short and nobody knows why My back on green plastic is cool and the rum on the scratched wooden table is anyones And the eyes in my face which is thoughtful today stare ahead al the people who wonder why 1 am silent and they do not know the glass between us is just their heads So they think I don't hear the words they speak masquerading the thoughts spinning round My rum is cool and the glassie looks beat as I wonder if he sees ll all. A. David

Dear Editors of Semper Floreat I have a couple of items that I wish to get off my chest aboul you. Firstly I've enjoyed reading Semper Floreat. The "Star Trek - The Politically Correct Generation" back cover of a few issues back was rather humorous. Chor­tle, Secondly, why didn't you get yourselves over to our office this year? Are we loo far away or whal? Adam and myself dropped In on you several times this year and the favour was never returned. Okay so you are the Editors of Semper Floreat, one of the oldest (the oldest?) student newspapers around, but that shouldn't exclude a visit to some of the smaller, less resources student papers? Your presence would not doubt have added an extra ,.. unpronounceable French phrase to our office and in turn ourselves.

Thirdly is it too late to produce a com­bined Gravity/Semper? My budget is for shil right now and I'd love to get my hands on the equipment al your office as well as your money

Fourthly is it true that you knocked back an interview with Alice in Chains?

Fifthly where do you get your drugs? and how much?

Sixthly do you have tapes of Blake's Seven episodes that I can borrow?

Seventhly could you possibly send over the colour seps that Gympie Press mis­takenly sent to you instead of us. They have sentimental value and they burn well. Peace, love and overuse of Franklin Gothic Book, Paul Green Soon lo be ex-editor of Gravity

Dear editor of Gravity, Firstly Paul, thanks for the tax. Secondly, we did try to gel lo your offices this year on the few occasions that we were out at Griffith, but we couldn't find you because someone's planted all these bloody trees all over your campus. I'd do something about that if I were you - maybe have a burn off. I'll suggest il lo your ad­ministration. Thirdly, the prospect of a combined Grav­ity/Semper doesn't really sound all that ap­pealing if you've run out of money. How­ever, you're quite welcome lo come down to our office and be our layout slave for the last issue, but then, you already know that don'l you? Fourthly, not only did we knock back Alice in Chains, but also Headless Chickens, Screaming Trees and Julianna Hatfield at varying stages of the year Who do these

_D£QaiE_thltik_thfiV-arfi Jock st.irs?

Rfthly, we get our drugs at the campus chemist, and prices vary depending on whether you want Aspro Clear or Panadol. Sixthly, Nick is the one who owns the Blake's Seven videos, so you'd better ask him. To save you the trouble, I'll just tell you how it ends - everyone dies, except for Avon maybe. Seventhly, we know thai your colour sepa­rations bum well, how do you think we sur­vived the winter in this unhealed office? Peace, love and overuse of Helvetica, Andrew Horton Soon to be ex-editor of Semper Floreat

Qe\ S\acV\ To Whom It May Concern 1 am endeavouring to create within Bris­bane an infrastructure in the form of a network of people, households and in­stitutions, which will help lo speed up the arrival of a future in which those who want to do somelhing interesting and pur­poseful wilh their lives, can do so with some confidence that next week they will nol have lo devote their attention lo (say) finding a new job or place of residence, i am not yet convinced of the proposition (argued by Celia Green in - The Human Evasion) that society is in fact a device for keeping people distracted from to a certain dissatisfaction with the options that one can find on a CES noliceboard, or even in the "Positions Vacant" sec­tion of any newspaper. "We've learned that people can survive quite nicely without huge corporations, huge governments, and huge dogmas pushir.'g their lives. So here's the FringeWare aiternalive; Start your own 'corporation'. Trade with other like-minded people throughout the Global Village. Encourage innovation and pro­mote enterpreneurship. Promote fair, co­operative business practices. Emphasise products that facilitate creativity, health and play Explore consciousness alterna­tives. Build community through ad­vanced, available technologies, e.g. com­puter networks. Respect and consider the natural environment by promoting sus­tainable resource use. Thrive on sweat and wit and the kindness of str-ange peo­ple." (From the Mission Statement of FringeWare Inc., PO Box 49921. Austin TX 78765, USA.)

To find some strange people in Brisbane, write to:

Church of Virtuality/Reality PO Box 1620 Toowong Q 4066 AUSTRALIA

- bul don't expect a swift or comprehen­sible reply to any request for information. I can say this much about the V/R peo­ple: they are open to new ideas, about anything. For that reason, it takes some­thing truly unusual to capture their at­tention.

If this sort of thing sounds up your alley please have a go at reaching me at the address below. Yours, Mitchell Porter 254 Sir Fred Schonell Drive St Lucia Q 4067 Ph: (07) 870 5793

1tevi/H

by Marcus Salisbury

1

1

i

R U ^ D y , like beer-drinking, misogyny, farting and vomiting, has long been monopolised by a

monosyllabic minority of troglodytes in "Canterbury" jerseys. And that's not all. Rugby League, par­

ticularly, has become a national cult like no other, a sort of televised Jonestown on steroids. Rugby

League is more commercialised than Star Wars and more over-expo.sed than almost any part of

Madonna. Rugby League "stars" probably get away with more low acts lhan any other section of the community,

apart from the members oflhe medical and legal professions. Bet you didn't know that Wally Lewis was visiting a

newsreader on the sly in the lale eighties, at least until his hearing impaired (I'C-sjvak for "Jeaf^ daughter was

born? And how many "footballers" (why the hell do Ihe media refer lo rugby as "football," anyway'.',) have

wrapped their cars around trees, and been involved in nightclub brawls? And why did it take Mr PUxl and the boys

in blue so long to arrest Joe Kilroy for drugs possession when his nickname was "Smokin' Joe"? They musl have

thought he was spontaneously combustible or .something. More recently, there was Mal Meninga's use of some

horrible rude words (like "poo", "bum" and "hugger") at a televised Slate of Origin match. While it's true that

people use the f-word more lhan cur mums would have us believe, il wasn't right for Mal (Known lo generations of

.schoolfcids as ".Smell Mafinga") to u.se it. ft Viss just funny, that's iiil. 77ie sanctity ofa cultural icon was violated,

like when Noni Ilazelhurst appeared in the nick (and up the duff) in "Waiting." Maybe when the great unwashed

reidise that rugby players haven't got portable suns lucked away in Iheir bums they'll start lo take Ihe game seri­

ously. That was a joke, by the way. It's a shame, though. Rugby is Ihe only sport I have any time for (with the pos­

sible exception of nude volleyball), but il makes me quite sad to sec what's been done lo a good game of The

World of Business. If only all Ihe cool people would stan playing rugby, and not just wearing Ihc jerseys, but

University rugby is so very representative of the "I'm still in the GPS" mentality so pn2valent in the more stagnant

minds of Si. Lucia. Let's face il. Rugby is a good game. If I write that enough I'll end up believing it, I mean. I'tn

meant to be taking a particular angle for Ihis piece, and the only angle I seem to be taking is an extremely obtuse

one. Rugby League is ruined by its unrelenting and incredibly dumb marketing, and Rugby Union (aiound these

parts) is ruined by its GPS-Neanderthal's image. And the great majority of Australians lap il all up. But maybe

there's al least somelhing good (o be observed in rugby's egalitarian appeal. Unlike soccer malches, there are no!

jingoistic du.st-ups. reruns of World War Two or punks overturning the grandstands at rugby games.

The only nationalism inherent lo rugby is an infinitely stupid variety fas opposed to the plain stupid variety) like

when the QRI.. wilh the collaboration of Goss the Boss, made a New Zealand-bom Queensland Slate of Origin

coach an "honorary Queenshndei" a few years ago. Wow. They never even did that to Sir Johannes. I've noticed

Sir Joh isn't doing much these days, and I've thought of a new job for him. .'\ new residential college catering

exclusivelv for jocks should be b'Jilt on campus, called Bjelke-Pelerscn House. It would be able to lake over the

adminislralion ofall campus sport, and all campus sports people would live there. Bjelke-Petersen House would be

a Iraditional Christian college, with all the traditional Christian college facilities. pa.ston»l care, orientation rituals

and drownings.

ball. The might of American cultural imperialism could be

overthrown when the daffy Clinton administration is dared

to play rugby. Worse than thai. Ihey don't understand il.

being incapable of appreciating contact sports in which the

player aren'l waring wardrobes. And US sports teams have

such stupid names, as seen on the too-tight hats of hun­

dreds of Brisbane dimbulbs. The Boston Red .Socks? How

about Ihe Yellowstone Wet Britches? Or the .Minnesota

Braves? Heck, the Yanks name sports le,ims after ethnic

groups, but I've never heard of the Spokane Cauca.sians. Il

makes Ihe "Brisbane Broncos" sound quite restrained in

comparison. The Broncos seem lo be a Si'inper in-joke.

This is unfair. Rverybody should be in on the joke.

Uuwcvcr. this is Queensland where Rob D(.)rbidge, Griffith

UniveiTiity's "90210" graduation get-ups and Rick Burnelt

are all taken seriously. We're just incredibly good at kid­

ding ourselves. This article is good prool of thai. The point

I'm trying to make is that rugby is a bloody marvellous

game, hijacked by vested inleresi.s. Tor all I know,

Australian rugby has always been like Ihis. My own fond­

ness for the game was produced for the game was pro­

duced by growing up with it in Wales, with a Dad who

almost missed my entry into this mtirtal coil because he

was away playing rugby in r:inada, I'ho only prc-match

enten.TJnmenl I remember from those days wjs idle chat­

ter, not vomiting Ilwiray llennes or I'ina Turner miming

some gixlawful song while a male bimbo performs I'elUilio

on a saxophone behind her. 1 like rugby. I'm also ;ond of

religion, but institutionalised religion gets up my nose as

much as institutionalised rugby. Not that you can compare

religion with rugby. More people follow rugby than reli­

gion. But not ine. When 1 was a child. 1 tackled as a child.

Now 1 am gir)wn, 1 have set aside touch football.

Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata.

Sfianlili shantih sfianlifi

(Up the mifjhl}' Bronaxsl. Oink. Since all the jocks need to slay in shape, Bjelke-Petersen House would have to be located somewhere

out of Si Lucia, lo enable the athletic folk to run or cycle to University. Mount Isa is the prelerred loca­

tion, however the Rub al Khali is also an cption. (Jilier colleges would relocate there, as they are taking

up space and I don't want to go lo Springlield. Sir Joh himself would be the Waroen or ihe Master or

some Olher Dr Who baddie running the new college. Luke Shaw could be approached lo Iv .Sir Joh's personal

assistant and bot-bol wiper, and that much-lamented superannuated Kennett groupie Viclona Brazil couid be called

oul of her well-deserved exile to be the cleaning lady. \'o\i see? I've gis it all worked oul. It'll siive rugby a .shot in

the arm. nol to sav in the fixil. All the Australian Institute of Srum does is film ads for laxative :en:als. fhe time is

right It) rc-aefine rugby for wtiat il is: chess «ilh leather balls. Rugby is a very strategic game. I'll

have you know. The Wallabies don't just chuck the b;ill lo Davul Campese and hope nobody saw inem A fjp'iij y ^ C T/^PIX tTCl l Cf} LL(i Q^

do il. There's a certain degree of .strategy, skill, physical strength and cunning involved in playing the

game, it helps if you're built like a caravan park toilet block, but that's nol everyitiing. Mos! .State

Schools are built like caravan park shithouses. but Rugby l.lnion (like OP onei is a GPS doirain. at ^ ^ f i^'VlTI Q" (* '^ CllJ K'fDf*]'\) l O V

least for the time being. However, rugby is under-rated as a niedium of self-expression, for speci;iicrs O .J U

as well as plavcrs. I'he beerv gonkles on the hill al B;illymore aren't .simply a noisy hegemonic mess,

they also form a noisy hegemonic lump of modem artistic

f-ilmer-Davies has initiateu the process of inteliectuaJi.sing rugby, descnbing

ing (in the Courier-Mail) as like "the prept'raiion of a pack ot animals gomg hunting.' I don t want to

ram on anytiodv's parade here, but animals don'l Stan prepanng to go hunting only wticn Ihev ojcome ^ /^ f ^ fjjt o r" /I 11 (* f] Til P 11? P -

aware ol the presence of a microphone like Smell did. Bul rugby is still a new medium of sell-expres- x ' ^ ' »/

sion. There s not to be a new one. hasn't there? What's John l-mvles done to the novel thai Larry —. , .

anisicexpressionQuenslandlnisovnKaih J Q ^ J ^ ^ S h O l l l c i bC h u U t Ofl iJi.sini: ruabv. descnbing .Smed Mafinga s .swear- «/

Sterne uidn't? What scene did Dal; paint that hadn't ken turled out by llieronynxius Bosch for being n^^-M-^,g„^ ^,pM ITj^tt e / 3 childish? Whal poetic tricks have the bastions of University pcHitry done that couldn't be achieved by -•• *^* '*- ' ' OCxf*- X X f^fJ ' tJ €:>•••

giving a myopic, hyperactive toddler a typewnter? Sptirt is the art form tor Ihe next century. Tor sure,

mate. And think of what rugby cculd do lo international politics. If the world, instead of imposing sanctions on

South Africa, had simply told the Voortrckkcrs "if you stop picking on people who aren't dumb blondes we'll lei

you win at rugby sometime," Nelson Mandela could have been out on parole in lime to see the disgusting Prime

Minister Vcrwocrd buy Ihc farm. Rugby is the only sport that could possibly be called a "worid .series." not base-

1K\Atcei^

Christmas is upon us like we are the bare leg of society and the business community is a Rottweiler with a very nasty looking lipstick. Well some folks may like that kind of thing but it is something that scares me (I have never got over the fact that as a child I was always the one that our Great Dane, Rex, hunted out to help him with his recreational rubbing), Christmas is no longer the celebration of the birth of Santa (I went to a public school) -it is a smiling, chirpy little bloody sales assistant with a radar zoned in on you, the consumer, following you around until you feel guilted into buying something inappropriate and completely out of your price range, I hear you say "You weak cowl", but, you may mock me; you may spit egg nog in my greasy, shop-scarred face, but you will know - you will understand. Unfortunately just when you are boasting about your victories in the stores, the big day arrives and you must contend with that group of completely dysfunctional beings - your family (far, far worse than any store attendant -

genes) I have survived a hell of a lot of Christmases in my short and bitter lifetime and I know that:

SATANCLAWS

(..•H^J. * ff^

< \:.'

i

l

(

OALES BELLS ARE RINGING

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that soles people ore just doing their job -they ore Satan's warriors intent on brainwashing you so thatyouwill buy and buy again. At first you will think you are in control; you will think that your "No thanks, I'm just looking: is having some effect, but it is all a clever ploy: you will come home at the end of the day and find yourself unpack­ing items that you can't even remem­ber buying. Conspiracy theory • crap! This is reality. Have you ever thought about the fact that after seeing five billion picky consumers that day, they ore still friendly? Friendlier than any of your friends have ever been? Think obout it.

THEY LIVE, WE SHOP

To purchase, one must enter the war zone. Mostof us work out a sloci< re­buttal before we cross the threshold but is tnatenough? NO. The modern store attendant is worse than the scientologist (well, they are kind of similar, they both promise Nirvana for an exorbitant fee). They are hunters, and you guessed it, we are the hunted. Soles folks these days do courses enti­tled "Insinceritv: How to pressure a cli­ent into submission' and "Life is a STOte o' selling". These courses ore designed to heighten the soles approach into o careKilly designed enemy assault strot-

^^whot with Grandma's funeral and Grandpa's new hearing aid, we just don't have enough money to

buy the Icids anything flash this year. / /

egy The approach is: 1. they spot you as you enter into the air conditioned safety of their store • they moke eye contact; 2. They walk towards you smiling insincerely; 3. contact -{a) "Wow, it's amazing that your socks go so well with your dress. Can I help you with anything?" (the young department store approach. I hod this used on me lost week in Shoo .5lz) or (b) "Is there onything particular you are looking for. Perhaps I can offer some assist­ance" (this is the older sales person who sees no reason at all to ask you, a young person, rather they tell you .vhat you are doing end what you need - the parental approach).

WELL IT IS A RECESSION....

Christmas is a time for mutual verbal masturbation. No that is not when you wank each other and mutter things at the some time. It is when you overhear the SP saying to a customer "Well, it is a recession and most people are hav­ing such hard time paying their mort­gages and everything, that they wont fo purchase somelhing practical which will be timeiess ... and these hand-carved, Puerto Ricon, alabaster nap­kin rings ore the ideal gift." Just as often you will hear awkward consum­ers, those who only come out at Christ-rnas, tell the SP every hordluck story i;nder the sun: "My husband has just lost his job and the kids were so look­ing forward to a holiday at the Gold Coast this year but now we can't even atf ora to get them the new bicycles that ttiey wanted... and what wiih Grand-

If

§o §own!

ma's funeral and Grandpa's nav hear­ing aid, we just don't have enough money to buy the kids anything flash this year..." At this stage the SP, com­plete with extremely bored facial ex­pression will reply "How much do you want to spend?" o, if they think a little bit of pressure might mean more bucks, ihey will smile insincerely ond say: "Oh kids hove it so hard at school these days wilh peer pressure and all they wont is to fit in -1 know how you feel. Lefs look at something which your kids will love yet you con still afford", It mokes me sick in the guts! A recession has nothing b do wiih Christmas - peo­ple wiilspena or they won'i, iKsaseosy OS rhot,

ALL THE KIDS COME OUT TO PLAY For four years I worked in a toystore. Most people can not believe thor I worked in Toywo'ld for so long ond still hod u baby. 1 can't either. Many parents believe that a toy store is in fact a day core centre, and so fhey drop the kids off before they hit Myer or KMort. This is c lot of fun for the ol' toy rancher. Now there are two types of children: (a) the poor kids who ao-preciote being able to look at the toys in their boxes and wish for Santo to bring tliis one home (theseare the ones we used to let play with the toys and sometimes give them token little gifts), and: (b) the little spoilt pains in the arse who take every opportunity to take every toy out of it's box and ploy loudly with them (a fraction of these will tell

you that they hove one of these at home that their parents got from hong Kong). At Christmas, I became the toy rancher from hell, or Satan's toy rancher. I wanted to sell really expen­sive, badly made toys to some par­ents; I wanted them to be disappointed; I wanted tiiem to suffer on Christmas day when the toy broke and their chi Id would not stop screaming and scream-:;ig and screaming. Hohohohaha. That is the way SPs ore; they hate you, the consumer, for needing you so much. You never let them forget that you pav their wages and they will make you pay over and over again.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME

LATELY? Evaluating somebody's worth is nec­essary before purchasing o gift. Of­ten bod decisions are mode, le wnen you start seeing someone just before Christmas and spend $300 on them and they biy you a CD (fuck I hate that), so one must think rationally about ones budget and plot a hierarchy of expense and intention. Coll me old foshioned but I usuolly put more thought and not necessorily expense into tlie presents of those 1 taily love, where as I don't get my family any­thing. My porents decided when I was thirteen that there was no need to ex­change gifts anymore - and sob sob I still haven't sob sob forgiven them sob sob (help! I need fo workshop this)... .Anyway, don't you hate it when some­one you hod no intention of buying a

Uvcht U£H

gift for, lets you know that they have bought you something. I'm pretty lucky no, no-one gives me anything because I have Jacob and fhey know that oil of my money ond time will be channelled into rtKiking fhe fruit of my ovaries' day very special,

i rS THE STORY OF A LOVELY FAMILY...

After you hove owoken an6 ex­changed Christmas greetings and pos­sibly gifts with your housemates, you have to see your family. If you ore in a relationship, you will possibly see both fomilies. This is better becouse you know you only hove to stay a short period of time at both homes. I really feel for those whose parents live a long way away and they are condemned to days at the bestial mansion. Now that 1 am a family, I have to make a Christmas for Jacob. This is O.K. by me - I can be a complete Christmas fascist. No more pandering to drunken family members' memories of when you stuck that fifty cent piece up your nose when you were three, trying herd to avoid talking to your financially-

obsessed brother-in-law, arguing ve­hemently with your whole family about your politics and then crying as the 'dinner' is served.

CHRISTMAS IS A TIME FOR GIVING.... and bloody receiving. Don''t you hate people who soy "I don't mind if I don't get anything, I get more pleasure out of giving gifts than I do receiving them" What a load of crop! The best part of Christmas is lying around Christmas night, a vomit caught somewhere be­tween your mouth and your stomach from gorging all day, and checking out the day's haul: playing wilh those sar­castic little toys from your 'motes' ond then groaning over the Cotchit T-shirt in neon colours that your Aunt Betty 'thought you'd love'. So while I do not deny that I love buying or making quirky little surprises for my chosen

few, if I was to receive nothing at all on the big day, I think that I would feel a tod disoppointed ond could possibly even cry.

THE SOPPY MUSHY BIT

The whole point of Christmas is to share your love and affection in a safe physi­cal way wifh the people you love. It is what makes us brave the stores; it is what drives us to the family home; it is what inspires us to get all sentimental and mushy even though it is 75 degrees Celsius. This Christmos I will think of you oil, 05) lay in my son's pool in the shade,

welcoming my friends, who ore emo­tionally weary after parental visits, and I will gladly permit my merrimentto spill over into their troubled hearts. For those thotore Christmas orphans (have no plans to travel to see their family), organise a party and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

a vomif €aught

somewhere between

your moyth ond yovr sfomo€h

trom gorg" ing oil doyg ond check' ing oui fhe doy's houl

TEN IDEAL CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR FAMILY

! . "Why I Hate You" by Kiley Gaffney. Hopefully this gem will be in the book stores by late November. Not only a book of moving free verse, it also has blank

spoces so that you can fill in fhe intended's details, cost • $20

2. A photo of yourself with either a non-Anglo-Soxon or a grunge-meister. Mostof our parents are still a bit sheltered and consequently, socially challenged. A good y/ay to defeat bigotry is to personalise it. If you're lucky, and you tell them that you hove secretly eloped with this person, you may never have to face a family Christmas ever again, cost - $20 with framing

3. Something big, very ugly and cheap. An urn, a lamp or a settee cover will work wonders for the family home. Look around the second hand stores and don't spend over twenty dollars, cost - $20

.';. Tell your parents you are pregnant. What more con I soy! cost - free

;'.;. Something you really like and you know that they won't. Eventuclly, when you visit them, you can secretly reclaim the gift and they will not even noticed, cost - unlimited

i . "The Best of Moog" CD. I'm pretty sure this one would be available and it is bound to push someone in your family to suicide, cost - about $30

7. Cops with ridiculous slogans. No I don't mean Country Road orEspirt, I mean like Shark Bait, I'm with Stupid or Pissed Idiot in Progress, cost- $10 each

0. Something you already own ond don't want anymore. Preferably try to remove any unsightly stoins before hand, but if you can't you can always paint or tie-dye, cost - free

?, Something expensive and to their tastes. A good way to avoid conflict, cost • on unnecessarily large amount of cosh.

\ C. Teli them that you love them, cost - free plus you get to unload some guilt for not visiting fhem during fhe year.

Kiley Gottney

\

rr STILL ~ )

KAKE5 /

HER SAD . j

Iwas shopping at my local super

market when a little girl saw me. Staring incredulously, she rushed to her mother.

Dragging at her mother's skirt, she pointed and said "Gaijin da!" (Look, a foreigner!). As I left the store I said hello to some girls who I taught at school, but they only burst into fits of giggling and ran into the super­market. I hasten fo add I don'l draw this sort of reaction in Aus­tralia, but in Japan I was a reg­istered Alien with my very own fingerprinted I.D. cord. Rural

sistant Englisfi teacher in the public school system for a year. It is an excellent program, but it is competitive and you hove to be certain you want to stay

monff s is to Head out of Tokyo and choose any smaller city you like and look for work there. Most cities have an in­ternational relations division in the town hall who could send you to the right places to look for work. Japan is not as over-developed as you would think, you can siili sit alone in on ancient temple that is slowly decaying in the hills or find villages of ten houses with mud walls and

teacher in Japan is more about being a grungy expa­triate than becoming Japa­nese, but 1 did see aspects of Japanese life that no tourist could see: drunken office par­ties, class volleyball matches and long hours spent staring out of the staff room window. Japan is not a country for a tourist, mainly because it is so expensive; with on apartment and an income you can ex­perience the rituals of every­day life and get to know an

1 'W(^^ (^ R< Japan is not like living in To­kyo; there every second per­son is a model or a Mormon missionary, and the Tokyo child regards foreigners as part of the landscape. But in my small town I was fhe only foreigner and primary school children lived [ust to wave and yell "Harrol" at me. Even af­ter a year, they were just as keen. The advantage of living In ru­ral Japan is not just that you can practice being a celebrity, but that there is space. I lived in fhe Japanese Alps, sur­rounded by farms, mountains and old people (all the young people having left for Tokyo). Last year, I was one of nearly a million foreigners in Japan. Most of fhem are there fo sponge off the Japanese economy. People model, work in hostess bars, sell jewellery on the street, convert people to Mormon ism or teach Eng­lish. Not being beautiful, nor wanting be sexually harassed, nor having any jewellery, nor being a Mormon, I taught Eng-

sh. The advantage of Japan is that it is easy to get a work visa and still fairly easy to get a job. To get a "working holiday" visa valid for a year, you need to be under 25, have a return air ticket and $3000 in fhe bank. All you need is $3000 on a bank statement, so if you con get the money for just one day. . . Another option is fhe Japan Exchange and Teaching (JET) Program which is run by the Japanese Government and enables you to teach as an as-

for a year. Applications for the next year starting in July 1994 close in December. For further details of this program and working visas, contact the Japa­nese Consulate of Comaico Place, 12 Creek St (near the Riverside Centre) or the Courses and Careers centre. Japan is an expensive place and you need to have money to survive for a while, because even when you get a job you may not get paid until the end of the first month. Most people arrive in Tokyo, stay in Gaijin houses (boarding houses pro­viding a tiny room and noth­ing else), and find work by reading the employment sec­tions of newspapers and going to employment agencies. It is certainly possible to get a job that way: you don't need to speak any Japanese or have a teaching qualification, all you need is a degree of some sort (you meet lots of people with science degrees). However, To­kyo is getting much more com­petitive and fake Teaching Eng­lish as a Second Language (TESOL) degree certificates are widely used. Why would any­one want to live in Tokyo any­way? Excellent night clubs, res­taurants and shops, 100, 000 foreigners (at least) and the proximity of incredible wealth are all in Tokyo, but so are air pollution, crowds, a subway system that closes at 12pm and an hour long ride on a crowded train to your tiny, ex­pensive apartment. The option for those who wish to stay in Japan for more than a few

(A ^Ll (^r) ) t^ (^'

thatch roofs. Of course you are never far from super-highways that lead to the huge cities and even in the country, your apart­ment is unlikely to be very pic­turesque, but still much better than 10 square metres, five floors up and twenty stations from central Tokyo. In my year in Japan, i didn't learn Japanese and I knew other English teachers ^ ^ ^ ^ far better than on Japanese peo­ple. Being a English

f (Sv.t)D

area very well, rather than through a dull, expensive tour of meaningless tourist sights.

*/LO ^^JiC^'^

OSIES TAVERN

235 EDWARD STREET, BRISBANE Pti : 229 4916

^ 5

Ml

CONVEESAnC^lO MaiiagedunecBne(AFfierdsManiage)

7 / • ^ ^ ^ ~

f^ARIE Connaissez-vous

Louise Bedel?

JEAN Non, Je ne la connais

pas.

MARIE tvlais si. Je crois que

vous avez fait sa connaissance

Chez Suzanne samedi dernier.

JEAN Est-ce une petite jeune

fille brune?

MARIE Mais non. Cast une

grande blonde.

JEAN Oh, vous parlez de la

jeune fille habille en bleu fonce,

qui a joue de la guitare et qui

chante si bien?

MARIE Oui. Avec les cheveux

longs, le teint clair et de grands

yeux bleus.

JEAN Eh bien? Qu'est-ce qui

lui arrive?

MARIE Elle va se marier jeudi

prochain.

JEAN Avec qui?

MARIE Avec Charles Dupont

JEAN Je connais tres bien

Charles.

MARIE Qu'est-ce qu'it fait?

JEAN ll est

ingenieur-electricien.

MARIE Que pensez-vous de ce

mariage?

JEAN Je pense que Charles a

de la chance. II est gentil, riche,

et sympathique, Sa future

femme est ravissante et elte a

beaucoup de talent.

MARIE Do you know Charles Dupont? JEAN No, t don't know him.

MARIE Yes you do. I think you met him at Suzanne's last Saturday. JEAN Is he a gorgeous small brunette? MARIE No, no. He's a stunning leggy blonde. JEAN Oh, you are talking about the boy dressed in that skin tight dark blue sweater who played the guitar and who sings so sweetly? MARIE Yes. With long hair, great skin, and big blue eyes. JEAN Well, what about him? What is happening to him? MARIE He's getting married next Thursday. JEAN To whom? MARIE To Louise Bedel. JEAN I know Louise very well. MARIE What does she do? JEAN She's an electrical engineer. MARIE What do you think of this marriage? JEAN I think that Louise is very lucky. She is friendly. rich and going places, while her husband-to-be is enchanting, wonderful with children and very talented.

'L-t i < ; ; .Si:.i»hiiL.'. i i - . - . . : i iai ' ,:;.;;,••.•_,

Well as you should know, there was an academics s t r ike onThursday the fourteenth. What was It all about? Well several thingsactually and whi le i t 's academics who are get t ing shaf ted, byextention students and then the whole of society gets i t , so we5 h o u ' d

something about

ACADEMICS STRIKE

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In the beginning the world was good and academics had freedom to speak out and research in unpopular or uneco­nomic areas. Staff-to-student ratios were low and quality of education was generally high. Sure there were a few bad apples but they were eventually sorted out. Nobody had heard of economic rationalism. r

Then something bad happened, the money started to dry up. Some cretins decided to view education as a busi* ness, not a service, and appifed economic "rules" to them. Suddenly, academics h ^ to become "productive"; by that meaning giving out lots of degrees at low cost while pub> lishing ground-breaking research that had direct market-^. able applications. If you weren't productive you had to go. Rather stressful.

fn 1988, the previously existing employment conditions for Australian Tertiary Institutions were formalised under an AWARD. The award was basically ratification of what had already been done for hundreds of years in universi­ties of the free and democratic world. Tenure was the cornerstore of this process. Tenure is a state of employ­ment conferred upon experienced lecturers whereby they had a permanent jobTTfiey can't be fired due to personal­ity confficts with'superiors or because of money short­ages, tenure equalled job security. It meant freedom to comment on Issues to the media or government commit­tees, to express impopular views in lecture material and: to follow their personal Interests in researcit projects. !

This award still hasn't been fully implemented. In fact academics went on strike in 1990 over conditions not being provided as they should have been. Now the Vice-Chancellors want to change the award. Why?

PROPOSAL Now the Australian Higher Education Industrial Associa tion (AHEIA) is the body that represents the employers, basically the Vice-Chancellors. Vice-Chancellors are given the enviable task of trying to run universities, balance the books, keep money coming in, students going out and the reputation of the university high. I admit times are tough and VCs have a problem doing all these things^ so Economic Rationalism rears its pug ugly little face.

It's no great secret that some areas of this university are dangerously low on funds, Social Sciences is one, as Is Medicine. Things would be great deal simpler for VCs if they just sacked a larger number of staff, and I'm not talking secretaries, I'm talking lecturers and PhD tutors. Bugger it, I mean who really needs a Russian Depart­ment anyway (Hypothetical Example). They don't bring prestige to the uni by publishing Nobel Prize winning ma­terial and students can do without anyway. So lets' get rid of It, send the money we save to a more worthwhile department, say Medicine, which Is short due to mis­management not funding shortages. Is this fair?

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to the proposal, the AHEIA wants to change the part of the award relat­ing to the dismissal of Tenured staff. A large thrust of their argument Is: 'minimum legal provisions means maxi­mum flexibility, so trust us.* Yeah right, can I have it in writing thanks? Here's the main points.

E5 Freer Award allows us to Discipline or Dismissstaff who are non-performers more easily.

Great you say, good bye boring Lecturer X, stu­pid Co-ordinator Y or Moronic Chief Tutor 2. Han

- /. 'on a minute, the award as ft. stands sets outexplicit rules for Discipline or Dismissal of poorly

^ performing staff. It involves a review by a boarof academic peers|VC's reply \ nobody in "thereal world" gets sucli treatment true, but uni-

'"^verslty isn't the real^world, outside if you get; N,fired you get another job. However, if an aca­

demic is fired that's it, they never ever work. I again because worldwide everyone knows eve­

ryone in that field. This is no joke. VCs want toreplace the review by peers with and "independent review board" appointed by gue.ss who, theVCs. Sound like a puppet council to you? Docstome.

0 CEOs should have the power to determine if ajob should or should not be done.

r '. Again a "real world" argument. Thisr relates to

^c<«iidltiiDitt whereby a persbf} becomes redundan/ a n d would be the major avenue iof VCs' cost-/ : cutting drives^ l'.V« heard mumbles from student1: ^ v t ^ ^ lecturers would allow' j ybungefo^ one: old

"^i^doesn't necessarjr mean bad and two: redundan"means^nd more position, so it isn't replaced.From a VCs view this Is great-several dozenthousand dollars are saved a year, but studentnumbers don't go down. Redundancy Is bullshitand VCs know it. Under AWARD conditions re­dundancy Is only declared under certain circum­stances and fiscal difficulty isn't one. Losingstaff to redundancy means larger classes, eventhough In Science and Psychology they can'tget much bigger, lecture theatres only hold somany. As a result quality just goes straight downFrom here it's a short hop to removing wholedepartments as discussed before.

E3 With Government removal of mandatory retire­ment. Lecturers will go on forever, we need toget rid of them for new blood.

Mandatory retirement is a sticky issue. Thinkabout It • do you want an eighty year old police­man looking after you? How about a hundredand five year old one tlien? But no, media atten­tion focuses on dead wood academics. BarryChlswell, President of the Academics UnionNTEU for Queensland Uni, "I think there is agewhen people should make way for younger peo­ple.,.. However, statistics from the U,S.A showthat removing Mandatory Retirement actuallyencourages early retirement so VCs are talkingnonsense". Note that while Mandatory Retire­ment is removed in June next year, Qld Uni iscovered until 1996 by other legislation. Thenagain a Lecturer approaching the chop boastedabout this In one lecture I had and she was theworst I've ever had

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There's a host of other petty little changes to an AWARD that works fine, economic ra­tionalist arguments deliber­ately ignored. Fact is, bad lec­turers can be removed by pro­visions in the award. VCs can't get rid of "non-perform­ers", people In broke depart­ments who don't publish a lot; even with new provisions, poor lecturers in key depart­ments with good publishing records - say Chemistry or En­gineering - still wouldn't be removed. FTTT^:^

4 ; ' •'•" '•'••.if

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M you've got bad lecturers, tell them so. If you can't to .their face, write a letter or go and see the Union's Educa­tion Officer, that's her job. See the head of clepartment, faculty heads, apjidemic peers, anyone who^works with or has seniority to that lecturer. Also don't be petty, recognise the difference be-tvi iaen a boring course and a boring lecturer and be con­structive in your criticism. "You suck" doesn't really tell them where to improve.

And keep at them: the Edu­cation Office tells me that De-

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partment Heads are notorious in not picking people up and academic peers are often too tactful to be truthful. Push for a compulsory lec­turer assessment rather than volun­tary ones as at present. Out of 20-30 lecturers I had this year, only two have given out assessment forms and guess what, they were good lec­turers and confident of a good re­sult. Maybe compulsory student as­sessment isn't right (NTEU's stand) but independent assessment is needed.

Finally, support your lecturers; It might sound stupid but they are here to help us get degrees. Attacks on lecturers are just part of the

story (warning blatant left wing propaganda): HECS, Austudy and the jobs environment are indicative of policies (both Labor & liberal) that want to hjck students over a barrel (end spiel). End these attacks now, removing tenure affects teaching quality, research quality and staff mo­rale adversely. We're all in this together.

Steve Cameron Author acknowledges the kind help of Ellie fAoore, Education VP Union, Cathy Grant Officer ofNTEY, Barry Chiswell President of NTEU Qld Uni, Trish Short Academic from Anthropology & Sociology

Author wishes to condemn to the blackest pits of hell Brian Wilson, Vice Chancellor for being "unavailable for comment" and a bourgois slime to boot.

IF YOU'RE GEHING AUSTUDY OR ABSTUDY... READ ON

Tho Department of Fmploymonl. Education and Training (DEET) is makinr. it Basler for you to rospply 'or AUSTUDY and ABSTUDY in 1994. The 1994 continuing student's form only nsks 13 questions and will be direcirnnllod lo you.

The new continuing student form asks questions about: • Whether tlie information you supplied in 1993 is still up to date:

• Your eligibility for AUSTUDY or ABSTUDY in 1994: and • Your parents' or your spouse's income.

When will you get your form? Continuing student forms will be direct-trailed to you between 15 and 26 Octolx-r 1993.

So if you will be studying full-time in 1994 cotTiplete your form and lodge it with DcET as soon as possible to avoid delays in your 1994 payments.

If you do not know your exact 1994 course or subject details but do know you will bo studying full-time, lodge your form anyv/ay. This will ensure that you receive your pay in 1994. Bul remember, you musl lot DEET know of a:iy

changes in your circumstances which affect your eligibility.

Key things to remember for 1994 • If you're turning 23 in 1994, you wil' be eligible for the Independent rate from you' birthday.

• From 1994 the maximum amoun; of AUSTUDY/ABSTUDY Supplement Loan which students may take out is S6.000. You'll receive a Supplement Enlillenienl Notice with your 1994 Notice of Assessment aiiout 3 weeks alter youvo

iodged your Continuing Student form, informing you of your Supo'eiveni options. • Tl',c first pay clay in 1994 is 5 January, ll covers ltie p(.!riod from 17 January. ^ 1 2 3 3 )

Tl-.e first fortnig'itiy pay will bo 19 January. '- —w

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good vibes - happening tunes veryjjpw viclao4(ision - way cool fun

i i Neither is it good enough for Australia to be simply the 'smart country'. It must become the party country. 9 9

THE BIG KAHUNA POLICY SPEECH 1993

the hut that hosts is open 7.5 nights a week - most studious uni -dudesijoin the tribe, tonight!

turbot street ramp city ph 236 2848

did you count boys ond girts? Now ttiat was a bit nasty wosn't It, and

yes, I do feel terrible venturing criticism against such a God. but It has to be done I'm ofrold. The entire book (whoops, forgot

to tell you what It was, LORD OF THE RINGS, for you plebs who don't know) could be accused of being a boy's own adven­

ture, with a few female archetypes grudgingly thrown In. I know Ihot Tolkien's epic is a product of his time and his choice of

writing style, and I am the first person to defend his lyrical and fantastic tome, but I think recognition of the smoU women

problem In LORD OF THE RINGS Is called for. So If you're going to read this book (usually published as thre« separate vol­

umes) and I certainly recommend that you do so, go forth ormed with this warning and a textbook on Freudian theory.

LARRY NIVEN a n d JERRY P O U R N E L L E : I'm not going to talk about these two in detoll, but I thought I should

mention them. There wos ONE femole character In HOT£ W GOD'S EYE. Nice one guysf / re(ucton(iy admit that It was o

good story, major cringe factor though, I did like LUCIFER'S HAMMER, which is sort of a post-apocalyptic novel,

FRANK HERBERT: i LOVE Frank Herbert. He Is the man who brought me the DUNE series and I shall forever adore him for It Troglcally, he Is dead now,

and that elusve seventh DUNE novel has passed away with him, DUNE Is an epic of taily. well, epic proportions, it sweeps the reader aaoss thou­

sands of years of history, history which Is potrolled and guided by the ever present Bene Gesserit, a secretive group of highly trained, controlled, and

powerful WOMEN. The last two books in the series deal entirely with a fierce and bloody competition between these Bene Gesserit, and o worped

branch of ther clan, the Honoured Mattes, also all FEMALE. There are a few points where I disagree with Herbert's philosophy, but i found his novels

fascinating, enlightening, and at tfmes, profound. Wow. And I can stilt reod them without cringing too much at sexism, which is nice. Go forth and read

them all today (there are only six volumes!).

CL IVE BARKER: Okay, I know Barker is not o "classic" author, yet. And his

writing is olso classified as horror, as well as fantasy, nevertheless he is my f rst

™3'8" concejits of nfsci-

example ofa more modern SF& Faulhor. Most of his books Ihot I've read ... .,. n u o i u n / j r 1/ S" rfjinrnflr nn

(WEAVEWORLD, IMWICA, THE SECRCT BOOK OF THE ART) hove two main |/plfl//)np/f nrflrfnmin ""Ut/ fK/ fljlfi Of tftllSP fh'md characters, one female and one male. His female characters often end up "- '"PCU Pieii|/|||j|}3fj(;|(| |||j rngj, .. • , . „ _ ' « '" l»yi

knowing note about what's going on the their male friends, and hoving o fly/]//)raHftn ««„ J . ' " X ^"^

lol more power into the bargain. The "menstruum", a power significant In * / ' " ' " ' t l l / l l , |je||/ ilStfjUftl r|n/| }-|i/) | | - ^ : L I , ' " "

WEAVEWORLD, is, as the word suggests, linked to and possessed by QnpQ , | i , / U „ . r ^ ' * ' " " ' ' " I lu f iSS ufll/fl/lflf/pC women only. Now, I have had the occasional ctlnge (actor with Batker. THE * ' ' " ' " . l i i ' l ' . ' -P" fHf a r»i inn«->ji. . . "U/ IC j w.«te(ifofa DAMNATION GAME springs to mind, but In general his books are relatively

groan free (except for the blood and guts, but you con cope with that on your own). I'd porticularly recommend

WEAVEWORLD to beginners because It's got less gore.

/" ifi imrnm

, STEPHEN D O N A L D S O N : Donaldson is another one of these series writers. His most famous work Is THE CHRONICLES OF THOMAS

COVENANT, the first and second, three volumes each. I found the series really depressing, oh I enjoyed it. bul i defy anyone lo read the first thfee

.- books In pcrllcular and remain chirpy. Besides the fact thai Covenant has leprosy and his wife left him and his entire community would rather he

was dead thon honging around them, he ropes a woman In the first third of the first book and spends a lot of his Ume feeling sorry for himself. This did

not endear him lo me at a l l This Is part of the point of the book, however, and it's cerlolnly on Interesting read In terms of how the sltuatfon is handled,

I enjoyed the second series of three CHRONICLES more, there was a female main character alongside Covenant, being just as morose os he is. iMMMiL

Donaldson's MORDANTS NEED series (only two books this time, he must have been trying to give up) Is ptlmarHy about a woman and her struggle to « . « / / « ; til

understand ard use her own power. She Is a bit soppy, but then who Isn't? Donaldson's new series, THE GAP, which currently consists of three books, mltllll.ill

Is a much harder sclence-flcllon sti,ie, and a far cry from the fantasy and magic of his other novels. The first book contolns one of the most disturbing

stories of rape and degradation I've ever read In fiction, handled consummately welt and realistically. Although Morn, the woman subjected to all this,

Is abused throughout the books so fat. she Is by fat the strongest and most amoilng chofoctei Donaldson has ever come up with. \ was impressed.

mtilHi

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mmturtl^i WILLIAM G I B S O N : Just a brief word on the Cyberpunk moestro. His books, confusing though Ihey may be to the novice, don't make any dis­

tinction about who can have the biggest gun/ or the best computer hacking skills, they con be male or femole, Gibson doesn't seem to core. Try his

short stotles: BURNING CHROME, and his famous NEUROMANCER. These ate great books, but I con't stress enough thot they are not for beginners. » " * ' f w

JULIAN MAY JULIAN MAY IS A WOMAN, everybofly, do not be confused, i stress this a lot because I read her first two books thinking she was a " " " " * ' ' ' '

he. May is a fabulous author, her books are a strange mix beh*een fantasy and science fiction, with beautifully rounded characters, both women

and men. She has written a setles which Is sub-divided Into two different series (THE SAGA OFTHE EXILES. H books, and THE GAUCTIC MILIEU, to

be three books) with a joining book in behveen (INTERVENTION). Rush out and read all of them today.,.i got a lot of satisfaction out of them, and

'. their cringe factor is nlL Then you con wait with the rest of us for the next volume to come out (Get a move on. Julian!).

SHERI 5 . TEPPER: Tepper is o feminist author, and her novel THE GATE TO WOMEN'S COUNTRY Is one of my favourite books evet. The

whole slory Is about the divisions behreen men and women and how they ore constructed, although her story Is set In a sort of post-apocalyptic

future, it Is filled, as one would expecl, with female characters. And It's a good read as well, as a bonus!

ANNE RICE: While most of Rice's novels are classified as Gothic horror, ttiey are well and truly fantasy as well, dealing as they do with vam­

pires and witches. THE WITCHING HOUR Is (surprise, surprise) about a witch and her oncestors, and is semi-historical. Lots of scary bits and

suspense, INTERVIEW WITH A VAMPIRE, THE VAMPIRE LESTAT. THE QUEEN OFTHE DAMNED and TALE OFTHE BODY THIEF are. you guessed

It. about vampires, it is primarily a feast of male characters and a good se.-vlng of homoerotlca. The Oueen vampire Is a complete bitch. I'm not too

sure about the philosophy behind oil thot, but 1 simply can't be nasty to Anne Rice because 1 loved her books so much. Well, I warned you that this

was completely subjective, so there's no point complaining now. I'm only writing this so that more people will be as enUghlened as I am!

K A R I O N ZIMMER BRADLEY: This woman Is o Goddess, Her greotest work Is THE MISTS OF AVALON which Is a novel telling the tale of King I

Arthur from the perspectives of the women In his life, Moigoine {Morgan le Fay), Gwenyfarr and Vivienne. She delves deeply Into the philosophy of

Goddess worship versus Christianity, and the differences between o male-dominated and a female-dominated religion, Il's a lyrical ond thoughtful

novel and the best tteatment of Ihe Arthurian legend I've ever read. Among other things, she also co-wrote BLACK TRILLIUM with JuUan May and Andre

Norton, which was about three princesses, one each! What a complete legend.

Some other books lo try Include CHRISTOPHER HINZ's Porahva Series which contains an Interesting male/female confusion exprlenced by a

male character. Head for onything by JOAN D. VINGE (I'm thinking partlcuiorly of THE SNOW QUEEN, on Interesting look at attractiveness and

power). TERRY PRATCHETT (who treats everybody fairly equally, while taking the piss out of macho male stereotypes, try EQUAL RITES and THE

UGHT FANTASTIC), ISAAC ASIMOV my the FOUNDATION series, lots of won\en being techlnlcal and conttolUng) ond STEPHEN KING'S fantasy ond

sci-fl (particularly THE BACHMAN BOOKS which ore good for reasons of sheer brilliance, and EYES OF THE DRAGON, an adult fairy tale) Can any­

one else think of anything? I'm ofrold irs late and my mind has been bled dry of decent SF & F to recommend that Is low on cringe factor. Sorry.

Sci-fi ond fantasy Is a genre greotly undenralued. Its olso full of various sexist traps to ovoid. The whole point of writing all of this Is to encourage

you people to think about SF & F In a new way. Don't support the paradigm of male dominance that seems opporent In SF & F by not reading It at all!

Get your hands dirty! TTiere's a plethora of SF & F which Is written by women, or about women, or simply with women as powerful, thoughtful, intelli­

gent and Interesting characters, I hope all of this subjective rave has driven you to sample It yourself (or, if you're already a WEENIE^M, to try some of

the books I've nenlloned which you haven't read yet). My key word Is THINK, think about It. be aware of the problems, and try out some authors who

do something about It. What more can I soy? Oh yes. if anyone has a problem with what I've said, you could write and complain, except for the fact

that this Is Ihe lost Semper for the year. No wonder I've been such an Ice-hearted Ulch Talk about stereotyping.,.

'^l. M. Ay

"pMlflN 111 U i ln r i i i ) f Bilk Skip

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DjuG predominantly to the tenuous financial status of students, most people on campus will experience the mixed blessings of communal style living at some time during their studies.

Colleges, share households, flats and squatting are just some ol the variations of communal living arrangements that students seek in order to secure a roof overtheir heads. Some of these arrange­ments work better than others and some don't seem to work at all, but as most would attest the major factor that con­tributes to tho success of communal liv­ing is the people involved. It may be true that some of the best friends one can-ever hope to make are found within a. sharehouse but it seems to me that this romantic notion is the exception that proves the rule. In fact many a linne, in my experience, share houses havebeen the very environment for losing the best friend one could ever hopedto have had.

It is a well documented fact;that living in cicse quarters with others pushes the dy­namics of interpersonal relations to the brink. We all have either had,,pr know someone who has had, flatmates whc have pushed relations wei|;Over that brink. Such people are aptiy coined '1lat-mates from hell" and rangefrom merely the annoying people who incessantly in­vade your persona! space to th6se who are diagnosed pyschotics.

It seems that even in Ihe planning stages of communal living an element of horror arises. Two good friends of mine have been planning to move in togetherfor over six months but are constantly encounter­ing hurdles in their plight to find a suitable abode. Rnancial concerns and rather na­ive expecttons of what the rental dollar,, buys in Brisbane see them destiheci tb>.e-main living in situationsfaryiroVSetharia^^^ innaginable in the context '6if.sljident share housing-livingat honnie;^^*^-'-''"

But perhaps there's a lot to be said lor those gtitsy. enpugh to stjck it out with^ the folks. Cheap accommodation, pre­pared meals and a nice sense of famili­arity is undoubtedly better than some of the sceneries that occur when living with strangers. One of the bigest mistakes ol judgement can occur when you follow the assumption that the stranger moving in with you will be the same person you spoke to at the initial interview. Aestheti­cally they may be the same but you can rest assured that their true self won't be exposed until they're stubbing their cigerettes out in your coffee and stealling your toothbrush. Afriend of mine trusted

his initial impressions of his llatmate and paid the price. An "easy-going, open-minded hippy groover" moved into his tiny apartment in New farm much to the initial approval of all parties. As inevita­bly happens, however, his "other side" soon began to show. This mild mannered hippy began throwing temper tantrums and screaming when things failed fo go his vray. He smoked the already musty and claustrophobic house out with pot, wouldn't leave the house for days and mumbled incessantly to himself as he pottered around the house with nothing to do and nothing to say. He showered at lengths three or four times a day, en­suring that the "off-peak" system was never lull lor any olher purposes and failed to have even the most remedial phone-msssage skills. He came to be known to all of Troy's friends as ''psy­cho-hippy" and accordingly we avoided him like the plague.

Another friend ol mine, Jill, similairly breached the stranger danger rule. Her breach was more abhorrent, however,; as she left the share house she was liv­ing for a holiday after instructing her house mates to lind a "suitable" person to move into their spare room. On her return she discovered to her dismay that the new house mate was a misogynist, middle-aged englishman whip hadno Ws outside relaying stories of sordid «exual experiences with Asian firbstitutes, pat­ronising the house's other occupants and tracing the'Gypsie line In his family tree.

'^rt;ij'n{qrtunate bijt inevitble stranger scerterio occurs when studying abroad. Christina traveled to Madrid whet© she nhdved; into an apartment with two women who she says can only be de­scribed as "ideal mediaimage women".

•-They slept in make-up, spent hours in the bathroom and treated even/thing slightly concave as an ashtray. They were promiscious party-ers who raged till the early hours and as a result Christina was never quite sure what strange and foreign people would be in her home al any given time.

Another traveling friend of mine, Alex, came to Australia to study Irom the U.S. under the assumption that an inlerna­tionai studies organisation had secured acommodation for him complete with "suitable" and "compatable" flatmates.

He is under the impression that the peo­ple in charge of matching students up were either smashed out of their brains or playing a really fucked joke at the time as the outcome was three students liv­ing together with zero common interests or tastes, to whom communal living has become the enriwdinf^nt ot a nightmare.

Some degree of commonality is neccessary when share housing. My friend Jill, who is an easy-going agnos­tic lunste' moved in with a Christian cou­ple at one stage in her share housing career. She believes that her female housemate was the only person she had ever actually seen to wear white high-heels with pastel coloured shorts. The couple, although engaged, slept in seperate rooms and only left the house to pursue recreational activities when they went Rennaissance dancing. The house was adorned with laminated pic­tures accompanied by Bible quotes and the smell of old people permeated all the rooms. She believes that this rather odd faclniakes perfect sense as they had a psychological age of 85.

Sex is a factor that tends to complicate already enormously complex sharehouse politics. Outside of the ob­vious, "never sleep with your hbiisemates" rule, there is also those

• problems that arise out of the normal "extra-house hold affairs". A friend of mine, Jeremy, found himself living with women who alter sleepirig with the same guy found that they were on pretty shaky ground wilh each other. The situation was conveniently saved when one of themburnt the house down: Yet another friend of mine Greg, was living in a house where his housemate's sexual partner made animal noises inthe adjacent room and where the happy couple once got so carried away that they boiked in front of him while he watched 'The Big Chill" in the lounge room.

I suspect that the communal living ar­rangement that takes the cake for sexual complications is college. A friend ol mine describes his as the frustrating fate o1 living in college, being forced to share walls wilh people whose nocturnal cries of lustful ecstacy permeate Ihe privacy ot his room with mechanical monotony lor up to 20 hours a day. And this is say­ing nothiig of the bizarre politics of in­

cestuous sexual relationships that inevita­bly occur in colleges.

The horror flatmate story that stands out Irom all those I have ever heard was that of David's. He describes his experience as such: "She was short, eighteen years old with a body odour problem. She was an alcoholic and a vallum addct. The diagnosis at the time was Temporal Lobe Epilepsy and so she tended to hear voices a lot. Everything was O.K. for the lirst 30 hours that we lived with her, then when she was left alone for a bit, as the other people in the house went lo the shop for some milk, she smashed loLvers in the house and madeaprettypathetic attempt at slashing ner wrists. She was released from hospital the foltov/ing day and everything was O.K. fcr a while. A few days later, however, if she was lett alone at any time, in any room, she would take to smashing something and trying to slash her wnsts. Perhaps naively, we consid­ered this fairly aben-ant behaviour, and as a result called her mother who came and took her away (to Wolston Park, I believe). A few days later the police rolled up at our house looking for her. Apparently she had escaped from her ward. The following week on the public notices on 4ZZZ Ihere was a message from someone w'rth my ex-housemates name to someone with her best friends name. The message was as follows: 'They found me and I'm back inside. Come visit.""

So what can be said for communal living? Well, even given all the crap that seems to happen in share housing environments, most people appreciate the experience. II the truth be said Ihe strong majority of peo­ple leave horror housemates only to move in lo other communal living arrangements. This may be that their financial situations prevent them Irom exploring alternate ar­rangements or it could be that despite the problems inherent, sharehousing is one of the most rewarding experiences ever. It may no; be fun all the time but it is the delicate art of getting along with different people in different situations that really builds char­acter and maturity. An ex-housemate told me that the secrel of sharehousing is know­ing when to get out. I believe her and I rec­ognise that things only seem to go reaiiy bad if you don't get out in time. At any rate if by chance, and believe me chance will have it. that you encounter horror housemates in your student We you can pretty much be assured of one underlying constant: you will probably be theirs. H

4r

»>^ov£^roKe5 4 f^oQfU! Take me awayfmm all

this. John. Take me away from ali the woiry and fear.' Emma sighed, her breast heaving. 'Oh,

i know I'd make }vu happy.' With a smile In his eyes, he pulled her

to his chest. 'Oh darling. I know It's mad but.

dash It ali I love you.' .And then there was

Hogcr. hanging there. Hanging...

2u(fK?</-^«t\

*I^J

< >

^

Ran into Andrew at the Autobank, the worst possible place to accidentally run into someone you hate. He was thrilled to sec mc and I responded with an admirable fervour. He'd been on the town the night before and wore sunglasses, probably to hide bloodshot, puffy eyes. Or maybe not, it's just that I never wear sunglasses and am suspicious when I sec them on others. In any case, he was seedy and proud of it. There had been a 'score' the night before, a man with the body Adonis and the demeanour of Adragqueen. "It's always the same," he says, "You're out on the meat market) you spot what you're sure is a prime side of roast beef, you take him home, and discover you've left with a kilo of mince." His statements revolt me, not least because I am a vegetarian.

ffiday.

Tony calls me at nine "DidyouseeLarryKramerintervicwedonSB Slastnigh-no?-don'tworrylvideoditforyou," I am pleased,

Kramer fascinates mc as I have no set opin­ion of him, and I am grateful. Tony is a good friend and an incredible archivist. His hobby is homosexuality, his video collec­tion has everything from the first 'dyke' episode of Roseanne to news footage of his own involvement in rallies, protests, kiss-ins. He is like a bower bird, I remember standing in his flat once and feeling almost dizzy. I was surrounded by a mass of blue objects and though beautiful, they blocked my view of all else. He sits there in his nest, utterly pleased.

Saturday.

The Long-Awaited Coming-Out Party. Mel, my favourite dyke in the whole world is having a coming-out party, held by her mother. Judy is an amazing woman and since it is two years since her daughter came out, she decides to hold a party. I am the guest of honour as Mel and I came out at the same time, shortly after we tried to date each other. All went well until Mel's Great-Aunt and second cousins drop in for a surprise visit. I am wearing a t-shirt that reads "I can't even think straight" and there are at least three sets of freedom rings hanging around slightly strained necks. Judy dies, and tries to find a way of dealing

with this new slant on the night. Somehow the visitors miss the point, and Great-Aunt Maud turns co me as she leaves and says "I love your shirt dear. 1 know just how you feci sometimes." Judy's guilt over not just outing her daughter to the more extrane­ous rellies threatens the mood of the evening, but we do our best to reassure her of her 'coolness' and settle down to a k.d. lang video and a V.B. carton. Vive la Revolution!

iunday.

Tony calls, he has an audition and wantsmy advice on what to read for it. The playis Hamlet. He is nervous, he'd like Laertes,but of course deep down he longs to playthe Danish Prince. I thought this anddecided why it is that all actors want toplay Hamlet so badly. It all makes perfectsense - he gets more than half the lines inthe entire play, many in the form of somevery introspective soliloquies. He gets todie on stage, he gets a mad scene (but is hereally mad? - actors love shit like this), hegets a sword fight and he gets to weartights for over three hours. No other partin the history of theatre is as egotistical orself-indulgent. I wish him good luck forLaertes (no - "Break a leg," I say) and rollmy proverbial eyes.

' i

monday.

On the way home from university, I drive over the already dead body of a magpie. The force of the car leaves its wing flapping on the ground, back and forth, still attached to the body, in a horrible parody of flight. It is an impossible, hopeless action but I feel moved. I want to laugh and cry at the same, something they arc always taking the piss out of Liza Minelli for doing.

tuesday.

Lunch with Mum, who is well and chirpy. My obsession with Jonathon has gathered momentum and I am compelled to tell all to my forever open and often bemused mother. Jonathon has one arm, something that should be incidental, were it not for the crush I once had on a man in Sydney who had one leg. This seems significant to me. "I don't know if I'm merely being attracted to people in a very 'politically correct' way," I tell her, "or whether I've

just discovered a new fetish," She laughs, but the pizza is bitter and I feel cold.

tvedneiday.

I call Tony, who has been cast as Gertrude in Hamlet. A woman is playing Hamlet, in fact the whole play has been cast cross-gender. He Is not disappointed but nor is he thrilled, he's certainly been given a 'challenge' and has the opportunity to 'stretch himself, but I fear the production will cither be brilliant or inane. Tony is worried that it may simply be embarrass­ing, but for the time being is going ahead with it. "You still get a death scene." This is mv consolation.

tijursday. Autobanking again. Ahead of me, the fluo­

rescent-lit sign above the teller flickers

more frequently than a strobe, but softly. Is

this dangerous? Perhaps it is intermittently

flashing sub-conscious messages, like

'Bank More Money' or 'Drink Coke'. And

I have reached that tragic state in my finan­

cial life when I resent the fact that I can

only get money out in lots of ten dollars.

There is $8.36 that I may not reach until

next week. It is within this strange state of

mind that I start to think about Jonathon,

who I am meeting for coffee tomorrow.

Something strange happens, I feci, well,

gooey and the line fades away and the bank

is gone. And my hands reach around me

and I touch my arms and in this gentle self-

embrace, this moment of touch and mem­

ory and love, I begin to smile.

Tim Benzie.

Well we Couldn't Resist

Telling You If You Have

You'lLGet At HuSlSr Taringa,

JACK'S

RESismcE imEms

i :

(

a hassle-free afternoon coffee chat or some time out enjoying tfie pleasures of air-headland. Debt is like dene: most of us experience it at some stage, some of us five through it and virtually nobody wants it But the unpleasant fact is that for many of us, Debt is an unavoidable pari of our current life experience.

Whether you're a student, a paid worker, a parent, or a combination of these and more, you ore o cul­tural commodity and like other products in the morket gou incur research and development, raw material, processing, maintenance and advertising costs when trying to keep pace and to keep it to­gether. This article does not oper­ate from a protestant work ethic basis that says you should only cre­ate opportunities you con afford, always live within your means, and accept that. In time, If you work hard enough. It will "all come together". Comments In this scenario ore glib, ill-considered and deny reality. If they i lud worked means most of us wouldn't be here; instead, we'd be stuck in the suburbs for the next forty years saying "HI. how ore you today?" full-time (ond probably still with debts). Thanks to a succession of anti-student government politics, just getting to Uni at all (let alone establishing a career) means that many of us have to go into debt now in order lo have even a folnl chance of getting what we want in the long-term. But there ore different ways of doing this and some are better than others. It's also Important to re­

member that most of us go into debt In limes of need but with relatively adequate plans and capabilities of meeting commitments. Bul due to foreseen (and sometimes u nfo res ee ABLE) circumstances, we can encounter a lol of pit-falls along the way, and when you get in 0 jam you need lo know fhe best way of getting out of it. Here are a few strategies for coping in the quagmire.

First of all, and most importantly, DO NOT KIUL YOURSELF. This Is not a joke. Your major priority is to stay alive, i am not presenting on argu­ment that people don't have the right to suicide, nor am i attempt­ing to discuss all trie issues Involved with il. Put simply, In this context, money hassles should NOT be seen OS Insurmountable, and oreNEVER, NEVER worth dying for. People in their late teens and early twenties are among the highest risk groups in relation to potential suicides, and while family problems and Issues of identity are counted QS the major causes, financial stress is often a contributing factor (where It is not the sole reason). We all worry about cash, but any financial problem, no

matter how serious, CAN be re­solved (see the various financioL legal and personal counselling ser/lces listed in the following).

[^^ Secondly, a few notes on HECS ore warranted. Sometimes people from flnanclaUy-dlsadvonlaged back­grounds question whether going to uni Is actually a feasible option because they worry about HECS. DON'T DO THIS. If anyone you know or care about hao such sec­ond thoughts, talk them out of it. and sign their enrolment form for them if you hove to. Tho best thing we can oU do (even those who can afford up-front fees - all three of them) is to simply NOT PAY i t Tak­ing the deferred payment option sends the message to Canberra that we simply can't afford it, and won't accept It. Al present we are required to repay HECS ofter we reach a certain Income level, but it is not an IMMINENT financial con­cern so don't dwell on it. Unless the recession subsides you probably won't ever be earning enough to repay It anyway. However, in recent budgets we hove seen this income level repayment requirement de­creased, meaning we will ha*/e to

pay It back sooner. There ore olso concerns that a future government may convert HECS debts to a bank-controlled system, with consequent higher Interest rates, shorter repay­ment time and potentially, pay­ments required as soon as the plan goes Into effect. BUT KEEP STUDY­ING. If you are stressed about this (and who isn't?), then put your en­ergies Into positive use. Get in­volved with the ontl-HECS cam­paigns, ask questions and keep in touch with what's happening. The only reason full up-front fees weren't instigated was because of student action. It will take contin­ued student action to stop anything more terrible happening to the mess that is "FREE" (sic) education.

WUm-imlmmM Thirdly; the minefield of Austudy issues. If you're not on Austudy at least apply, you may be eligible, and if you're not eligible but still need It then there ore strategic plans you con put into action to try to get It. Marriages among friends ore one way among a limited few. and Information about these "some­what sensitive" (I.e. potentially Ille­gal) avenues is best gleaned from friends and their experiences. If

3A,vit^

you are on Austudy and need more money (I.e. if you don't like a sta­ple diet of hvo-minute noodles and living in a toilet block), DONT take the "loan-conversion option". You pay 50 cents of your Austudy for every one dollar you are "privi­leged" enough to borrow. It's a crap system and you shouldn't contrib­ute to it. If you con find a reason­able job that fits fn with your study, you can earn up to $6 000 a year on top of your subsidy. There is also the possibility of cosh-ln-hond jobs, though these are few and far be-hveen, or you can create your own by doing things like a market day stoU.

If you receive notice threatening to cut-off your AUSTUDY, (those nice love-letters from the Division of Ben­efits Control), don't panic. Go straight to Diana Coghlll in the Un­ion Counselling Office to work out what's happening; she has long ex­perience in the area and knows what to do. Deadlines for response to notices con often be extended. Similarly, go to the counselling of­fice if you have problems wilh un­employment benefits.

S®®SSIIJ §@©a//?fgjy If you do get cut-off, or you lose your job, you con still get assist­ance from Social Security, in the form of an "Emergency Payment". This requires you to go into one of the offices, fill in lots of forms, wait for hours and basically stand there demanding money until they give it to you. You need details of bank

accounts, etc. so they know you actually ore poor and ate not just doing this for the jolly good time it provides. If you have finished study and your Austudy has stopped, don't wait for the K weeks to get unemployment benefits, if you can show them you ore in dire need (same process as above) you should be put on to payments within 0 few days. If you're in major short-term trouble (you can't eat), you con go to the Red Cross or the Solvation Army for Food Boxes and Vouchers. This is no big shame-out, and you con always repay them with a donation when you're back on your feet. Or you can use the time-honoured system of getting help from friends, and doing the same for them when they need It. This is 0 system many students have relied on, successfully, for years.

Counselling and Careers can pro­vide short-term (three month) loans of up to $200 for emergency, study-related expenses (like fees, books, food, rent, moving, etc). These con sometimes be extended for a fur­ther three months if you hove prob­lems repaying. The Student Union also has an emergency fund for those who don't qualify, and con be applied for through the Union ad­ministration.

Ijonger-term loons through counsel­ling and careers ore also available for higher amounts, though these ore harder to get (you con't get one

for a computer) but you don't have to begin payments until you gradu­ate and the interest is better than the bonks. Bonk loans ore dodgy because the interest is high and they have few options providing safety-nets if you get into trouble. You also need a guarantor (now called a co-borrower, just to make it sound more stressful) if you haven't hod a loan before. A co-bor­rower may be hard to find if you don't get on with your parents or their credit rating is just as bad as yoursi

' 3 U kL» (i/ii (i tb i i ' ! / to iv

Take it from one who got burnt: CREDIT CARDS ARE SCARY! The interest rote is very high and pay­ments are required every month. However, if you are in this situation remember that you only need to repay the INTEREST amount each month, not necessarily a portion of the original amount borrowed. This mokes it easier to cope with if you lose your job or other commitments arise. Avoid them if you con, but if you can't, get a reasonable credit limit that you'll be oble to pay within a fairly short time.

There are olher options if you're in a "complete diosler lone" with money and none of the above can help. The Financial Counselling Services (OLD) incorporated is a free service run on limited funds and volunteer staff which helps people who hove gone through most other avenues to no avail, They can help people .estoblish

future plans to ovoid disaster, or can direct people through the ar­duous and very serious tosk of de­claring bankruptcy. This option is not token lightly and everything possible to ovoid it is attempted. The staff ore very helpful and ex­perienced, and can be contacted on (07) 257 1957. Legal help with debt-related matters may be sought through the Australian As­sociation of Community Legal Cen­tres, The University Legal Senrice and in some coses, Legol Aid.

These ore just a few fairly simplis­tic options i've managed to uncover, and there ore doubtlessly many more. When you or a friend ore in a jam, moke sure you TALK ABOUT IT so you know your choices and get different perspectives on what to do. When the stress is imminent it's not always easy to think clearly and rationally, it may involve a small decision, it could require you to change your lifestyle or move house, or it may demand a total re­think of your life and necessitate some serious professionol ossist-ance. But whatever happens, Debt is a problem that is best faced with the help of others, and there's no point destroying your life over it. Be alert to, there's no point destroying your life over it. Be alert to danger signs from yourself and others, and be there to help when needed. DEBT MANAGEMENT along with un­employment, it will be one of the few growth industries of our era.

Daniel Philps

il, K, KSIIillT L.UNCH EVEf^YDAY & DINNER eef^ORE 7P>M

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1L^\X>f-oy.(

THE HOUSE AT POOH COLONY

CHAPTER FIVE

IN WHICH KANGA AND ROO SUCCEED, CHRISTOPHER ROBIN SULKS AND EEYORE TELLS POOH ABOUT HIS PUDDLE.

Rabbit poked his head out of his hole and looked Importantly around. There was no-one aboul al this lime of the morning but he looked around Importantly once more just in case anyone happened to be looking his way and then he pulled his head back into his hole and frowned. You see Rabbit had decided to have one of his Busy Days and he needed an audience to be Busy in front of and Tell Significant Things to and Rush Past Importantly crying "Can't stop - there's an awful lol lo do, even for me!" (You see there was more than a little bit of Paul Keating lurking deep within Rabbit).

He mused for a second on the idea of visiting Pooh who always made for a good audience but then he remembered that Pooh had a habit of Missing the Point and would probably ask Difficult questions about the exact nature of the Busy Day. Also he knew that if he visited Pooh then he'd also end up visiting Piglet and that these two would some­how manage to get things Hopelessly Confused and end up Mud­dling everything up in such a way as ihey got a lol of everyone's attention, which wasn't what Rabbit felt like at all today.

Which meant thai he should probably visit Kanga's House which was the closest one anyway. Rabbit liked Kanga and Roo a lot, especially Roo who said, "Yes, Rabbit" and "No Rabbit" almost belter lhan any­one else in the Forest. Less appealing of course was the thought of Tigger who also lived there now and around whom Rabbit often got that Somehow Not Quite in Absolute Control sort of feeling. Still, maybe Tigger would be oul today, and even if he wasn' I, Rabbit could always order him off to complete a Distant Task somewhere. That was one of the advantages of waking up in the morning and feeling particularly Captainish. So Kanga's House it would be.

When he arrived, Kanga's door, usually open and welcoming was shut fast. "Bother!" said Rabbit, feeling that his day had somehow gone Horribly Wrong, but he knocked on the door anyway for he was a Conscientious Rabbit and he wanted To Be Sure.

"Go away!" came a muffled voice from inside. "Just go away and leave us alone."

"Ha!" said Rabbit brightening visibly. "Hallooo! Kanga and Roo, it's me Rabbit!"

There was the sound of locks being undone and bolts shot back and then the door opened a crack revealing Kanga's face. "Hello Dear!" she said, "I'm sorry about Roo saying those things before, he gets very excited as you know."

"Hello Rabbit!" said Roo happily, poking his head around the door as well. "You can't come in, we've SUCCEEDED!!"

"Really?" said Rabbit impressed, which he quickly changed to a "Oh yes, well done. I've been waiting for it you know, knew that you'd get there. Of course I succeeded years ago, but haven't talked about it much." He paused. "Didn't want to worry Pooh you see."

"What Roo actually means to say," said Kanga, "is that we've SE­CEDED."

"GO AWAY I" cried Roo happily bouncing up and down. "GO AWAYand STAY AWAY! You can't come in!"

"Ah!" said Rabbit.

"Yes," said Kanga, "I'm sorry but it's true. Unless you have a visa of course. Do you have a visa?"

"No," said Rabbit,

There was an uncomfortable silence. "Well then I'm very sorry" said Kanga and she closed the door.

"Ah!" said Rabbit again, a little less sure of himself which he quickly changed to a self-important "Aha!" when he saw Christopher Robin (and Pooh) walking towards him. "Christopher Robin!" he shouted. "Christopher Robin!"

Christopher Robin stopped and smiled. "Hello Rabbit" he said. "Il's a lovely day today isn't it?"

"Well," said Rabbit, "it is and it isn't. Actually it's a Busy Day that's turned Horribly Wrong or is that Significant, I'm not quite sure which. You see Kanga and Roo say that they're seceding and although I think I have the situation well in control, maybe youTl like to lend a hand anyway."

Christopher Robin sighed. "Somedays I wake up and can't help feel­ing like a Contrived Metaphor for a Waning Colonial Power," he said as he knocked on Kanga's door.

Once again there was a sound of bolts being shot back. "Hello Christopher Robin," Kanga said placidly when she looked around the crack in the door. "I suppose you've heard."

"Yes," said CR. "I've just been told and I'm not particularly happy about it." He stood there with his hands on his hips. "In fact, I simply can't allow you to secede from the Hundred Acre Wood."

"Yes you can" said Kanga, "you'll have to. And Roo and I also wish

ynitf-tuo

to host the Olympics."

"Sport?" said Pooh nervously taking a step back.

"But what aboul all the other animals," said Christopher Robin mis­erably, "if you secede they might all secede too and then I won't have anybody to play with."

"I'm sorry," said Kanga firmly, "But you .simply can'l slop people from having their own lives when lliey decide they want to have ihcm."

"Yes, Piss off Christopher Robin!" said Roo excitedly. "Wc don'l need you anymore! We are a Republic! We are a Republic! Nya nya nya nya nyaaa nyaaa!"

"Oh shut up!" said Christopher Robin crossly, "or I might increa.se the quota on this year's cull," And he .stalked away feeling quite Un­loved and leaving Rabbil there lo sort things oul as Best He Could.

As they walked away, Pooh suddenly had a yen to know how Kanga and Roo had come to be at the Hundred Acre Wood in ihe first place bul when he asked, Christopher Robin got all uncomfortable and started talking aboul History and How Things Change and about the Importance of Tradition and Symbols and things like that. So eventu­ally he asked again: "How did they actually get lo be here?" and Christopher Robin ira-la-la-ed for a while and finally said "Oh you know Pooh, in the Usual Way, if you know what I mean," and Pooh, who didn't, said "Oh!" Then he nodded his head twice and said, "In the Usual Way. Ah!" Then he left Christopher Robin (who was sulk­ing) and went to call upon his friend Piglet to see whal he thought about it.

"Aha!" said Pooh.

"And lonely."

"You sec I'd been thinking," said Pooh des­perately trying to Fill In the Silences, "nol very well of course, bul a little bit. Yes I was thinking aboul Kanga and Roo and aboul how they came lo get where they've gol and so I asked Christopher Robin and he told me that they'd got where they're at through something called the Usual Way."

There was pause. "Oh," said Eeyore, "In ihat case I know exactly what the Usual Way means."

"Do you?" asked Pooh, surpri-scd to have gotten Somewhere at last (though he wasn't quite sure where).

"Yes," said Eeyore, "ihe Usual Way involves throwing me out of my home home and giving il away lo someone else,"

"Giving whal?" said Pooh, who had lost the thread.

"My home," said Eeyore patiently.

"Eh?" said Pooh (Suinled).

"Yes il's quite exciting" said Eeyore, "I used to live where Kanga and Roo now live. At least 1 thought 1 did. Bul 1 suppose I was wrong. After all, we can't all have houses."

"Who threw you out?" said Pooh, shocked.

"Christopher Robin," said Eeyore bilteriy.

"Poor you," said Pooh.

"Oh no, nol really" said Eeyore "I've gol this puddle, and although it's not much,it's mine until the sun dries il up."

"You know that Kanga and Roo have become a Republic ?" said Pooh. " ^

"No." ^"r^^"^

On the way there however, he came across Eeyore who was standing gloomily in the middle of a puddle. "Hallo Eeyore" said Pooh cheer­fully, "How are you?"

"It's wet," said Eeyore.

"Is it?" said Pooh wondering for a Difficult Cerebral Moment why Eeyore would choose to stand there then and then deciding thai the answer probably wouldn't be one designed for Bears of Very Little Brain to understand anyway and moving the conversation on the safer intellectual territory. "I say Eeyore, what do you know about the Usual Way?"

"The whal?"

"The Usual Way."

"If I'm involved" said Eeyore, "then il's probably wel."

"Oh really?" said Pooh, suddenly feeling like a character in a Samuel Beckett play without even really knowing who Samuel Beckett vvas.

"And cold," when on Eeyore remorselessly.

..>«&. '^. \

:i / ' '

C'^./ #

"Well they have."

"Oh."

"Docs .!iai change anything?"

"Will they give me my home back?"

"Probably not."

"Then probably no."

"They might give you something tliough," said Pooh.

"Maybe the damp bit down on the right which nobody wants," said Eeyore drily.

"Maybe," said Pooh.

"I'd probably have to prove it was mine," said Eeyore.

There was Long Silence in which Pooh probably would have made up a Hum if he hadn't been feeling so depressed.

"Oh Eeyore," said Pooh iheKindhearted Bear. "I am sorry."

"Well, it's not OK" said Eeyore, "nor is it enough."

There was another long pause. "My puddle has dried up." said Eeyore. "Typical." And he walked away.

A.A.Nigel Pearn

IT

^^DM^^ro^e-S 4 1 0 'I'm sorry Toby,'said Mr Davids, 'but your horse Is very sick. I

don't think shell make It.' 'nol'shouted Toby, .

you're \^ongl Bright Lady has gotta be

okayl She's Just gottal She'll make It. even Ifl have to nurse her all

bymysclH' Ai\d then Ihsrc was

Roger, hanging there. Hanging...

i r ' k cr

' ' ' ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

V ^

^ravV/2«X.A/^\

{-rne WORLD'S riosr

"iitAAttf-it^Mi

100% Pure Unemployment

When I first

started writing

this article I real­

ised that there

are far too many

areas of discus­

sion to tackle, so

I will be restrict­

ing this article to

just a few. Firstly

ril put forward a

radicnl notion of unemploy­

m e n t which pro­

poses that nobody

be employed.

Then TU discuss

current trends in

employment and

contrast them

with the dreams

of a couple of

decades ago for

technological transforma­

tion of society-

Some terminology

employed person: someone who sells their time and physical or mental resources to an employer for money. Buckminster Fuller calls these people wage slaves. Their only option for material well being is to do as they are directed by their employer rjid/or the em­ployer's representatives (management) in or­der to be paid a wage with which they can buy or hire the goods & services necessary for living.

employment and worJi: These are not the same thing. There are many variations of people who work but are noi employed. One example is people who stay at home and raise children, or perform housekeeping tasks un­paid. Another is people who work on thea­tre, art, writing and other cultural activities which receive no direct payment. More broadly, people who perform any activity from sport to study to gardening are in some sense working. The value of the work is of­ten intangible, but to say that employed work is the only work to produce value is obvi­ously nonsense. Compare, for example, the value of an amateur actor to that of a park­ing ticket inspector, or the value of a profes­sional surfer to that of a volunteer telephone counsellor. Clearly these activities cannot be reasonably compared either in terms of value of service to society or in terms of monetary reward.

unemployed person: if we take this to mean someone who appears in the Australian Bu­reau of Statistics unemployment figures then it means someone who is actively seeking lo become a wage slave, in a broader sense it means someone who does not have an em­ployer. It does nol, however, mean that these people are not doing any work, it simply means that the work they may do is not con­trolled by someone else under the threat of withdrawing the wage that the person re­quires to live.

100% Unemployment: The basis of this idea is that people should not be required to perform any set activities in order to have the right to food, shelter, clothing and other basic human needs. The political agenda of the mainstream political parties in this country (and most of the rest of the industrialised world) seems to be domi­nated by economics. Parties win and lose elections based on the budget deficit, the rate of economic growth, inflation, and most importantly, the rate of unemploy­ment. "Full employment" has until re­cently been the stated goal of all majorpolitical parties in this country. During thelast election campaign however we heard politicians and the media discussing theidea that zero unemployment was an un­realistic goal, and that we would have toaccept some (minimal) level of permanentunemployment. Commentators and mem­bers of the public seemed dismayed andshocked by the concept. To some anarchisttheorists it seemed ludicrous that this was a new concept as they have for years beenproposing 100 % unemployment. It isanother way of saying that wage slaverymust end. In our society at present eachindividual is inserted at one end of an edu­cation system and at the other end, afterten to fifteen years, they are transformedinto a potentially productive economicunit (human resources as we are nowknown) and consumer of goods and serv­ices that the already-activated econoniicunits produce.

You will norice that governments' education, employment, and nowsocial security systems are

overtly being re organised to produce ihemost flexible and valuable (not to men­tion compliant) human resources possible.Anyone who comes out of the systemwithout the will or capacity to be em­ployed is treated as a 'problem'. Becausethe system wears a humane, liberal-democratic face it is a problem for governments

i

"To some anarchist theorists it

seems ludicrous that this was a

new concept as they have for

years been proposing 100% un­

employment"

to keep a balance between aiding the survival of these anomalous units and demonstrating their abnonnality to the productive units and to themselves. The way the zero-employment theorists would have it is that everyone in society, whether producing 'sellable' goods and services, looking after children, working on art or surfing, or even (gasp) idle, should be entitled to a basic lifestyle, and not be required to perform any specified task to receive it. The proponents of 100% unemployment question the premise of the system which says that in order to live you must be privately wealthy, a wage slave or the dependent of a wage slave. So do some of the unemployed. There are some people who subvert the control mechanisms of the welfare state to achieve some less idealised version of the full unemployment utopia. I know a growing group of peo­ple who receive a fortnighdy payment from the govern­ment, ostensibly to tide them over while looking for full time paid work. A quick look for 'employers' in the week­end paper or the yellow pages suftlces to keep the DSS happy and tiieir time is spent producing Semper articles, tiieatre projects, television screen plays, paintings, song writing, performance art or surfing. Our culture is increas­ingly enhanced by people who are working for no reward other than peer recognition and potential paid artistic work, while the government pays tiiem enough cash to eat, have a roof over their heads and afford a bit of cheap entertainment.When we look at all of the goods and serv­ices that would cease to be produced if people could live witiiout employment in jobs they hated it gives us a hint that the other side of the produce/consume equation must also be altered; we would have to be a lot less materialis­tic, we would have to consum.e not only less, but also dif-ferentiy. Perhaps not enough goods and services would be produced to sustain even a basic standard of living. Maybe we would have to compromise, and allow for some mini­mal percentage of employment (perhaps 15 - 30 %, but having that work far more evenly distributed.) This way we could have some luxuries at some limited cost of drudge-work.

Thus far we have approached the case for maximum unemployment starting from the desire to elimi nate wage-slavery. However if we start from the

premise that the constant expansion of human consump­tion on earth (very closely linked to anotiier goal ofall the major political parties: "economic growtii") is causing ir­reparable damage to the systems of life the planet sup­ports then we must consider reasonable ways of cutting down that consumption, and the minimisation of employ­ment seems to be one of the more interesting ways of achieving this.

The Technological Dream. Does anybody else remember all those late seventies and eaily eighties documentaries about the computer boom and robotisation? I remember sociologists and technology bof­fins alike telling us that we should all leam how to use ever expanding leisure time, because as years went by computers and robots would gradually take over most of the work that humans were now doing. In some respects they were quite conect. Thousands of blue collar workers have been put out of work due to increasing manufacturing automation. It is true that machines can eliminate a lot of drudge work, but this has not resulted in the increase in 'leisure time' so long predicted. Those people replaced have either been pushed into other in­dustries, or they remain unemployed and hence regimented and demeaned by the social security system and the social attitudes that stigmatise the unemployed, or dependant on spouses or relatives and invisible in the statistics. Meanwhile in higher paid, 'professional' jobs the trend is towards longer and more demanding working hours and less leisure time. Paid work is being more and more disproportionately distrib­uted, and the increase in 'leisure time', if it exists at all, mani­fests itself as involuntary redundancies and early retirement for people who society demands pin their self esteem to their employability. The term 'salaiy' has come to mean fixed pay for unlimited hours of work; selling your body and brain to a company for $XO,000 per year. Politicians and social theo­rists talk about 'job-sharing' and more part time positions for more people, but private employers know that a part time job will have a fixed upper limit on working hours that a full time job will not, and that the logistics of having more employees means higher overhead costs. Starting the reduction of em­ployment by this method is an idea that is getting a lot of discussion at the moment, and it is one link that I can point to between current employment patterns and a future of mini­mum employment. The hurdles may be overcome if a lot more time and thought (and attitude changes) go into diis idea

Technology is being used to eliminate dull jobs, but this is not socially useful if the people who used lo per form those jobs aie in effect relegated to a scrap heap,

and the wealth created by the machines in their stead all goes to the owners of theindustiies which use the technology.

Some Slogans in Summary; • Employment is tiie comodification of human beings. • If the system values your contribution at zero tiien tiie system is broken and not you. • Fixing tiie unemployment 'problem' starts witii destroy­ing die notion tiiat employment and work are tiie same tiling. • Don't consume what you don't need and you will need less employment. • Working without an employer may be difficult, as there will no longer be anyone to tell you what to do. • Government is turning Universities into employment training institutions. It is your duty to turn them back into places of learning,

Keith Duddy

3ft.vit<^-|r 'ytvc

AND THEBRIDES

LOOKEDRADIANT

Brisbane'owndyke

weddinIt's true lesbian and

gay marriages are norecognised by law i

the Sunshine State, sowe staged a weddinfor our own Interna­

tional Lesbian Dacelebrations. Intern

tional Lesbian Da(ILD), is an annual

event where lesbiancan show their soli

darity, pride, anstrength.

.

/ / / O o i c p / o C e on the 8 Octo­ber, ond this year we staged a politi­cal demonstration, taking the form of a dyke wedding. It was held in Post OfRce Square on Sunday 10 October. We hod the full wedding party con­sisting of the Bride (Deni), the Bride­groom (Solange), our Dyke who gave the Bride away (Lucinda), our Best Dyke (me, I've heard all fhe jokes!), the Bride's Dykes, the Bride-groom's Dykes, the Flower Dyke (our very cute Possum), and fhe Page Dyke (Jcon). We also hod a celebrant, Goi Lemon (her real name), who conducted fhe action/ceremony and with fhe help of Carolyn Ride, explained why ovke feminists were staging a patriarcnal, sexist, oppressive ceremony which we should be opposed to.

As dyke femi ni sts {not aW dykes ore feminists, |usf like not all 'eminist are dykes), we ore opposed to the traditional institution of mar-""iage. A custom originally created for c-conomic gam ana bioooline purposes nnd later smoothed over as o much fnore suotle tool to oppress women and Keep them in their rigntful pigeon-hole of 'property of fhe Waster' - the man. However, mony lesbian ond gay peo­ple have taken certain of the aspects more positive of marriage reappropriated the custom. (Not all dyke feminists ore comfortable wifh this, but not ail dyke feminists hove the same political belief systems.) We de­cided to stage a wedding to show our hatred for ihe traditional 'institution' of marriage, and to show that lesbi­ans con have fhe same desires to share in tneir lover's life publicly, and have a right to do so. It was a political ac­tion to make ourselves visible to the broader community of Brisbane. We wanted to show that yes, we are lesbi­ans, we do have lovers, and we should be able to hold hands, and kiss, and hove celebrations in public. This is a right heterosexual people have always enjoyed, however up until a few years

ago sexuai acts between people of fhe some sex was illegal and holding hands in public on offensive oct. Now even though it is legal, it does not mean we still don't get beaten up and abused by people who refuse to accept us. We don't core if you don't accept us, but you hove no right to condemn us or restrict us from exercising our right of expression. So,, fhe wedding was mak­ing use of our right to express our love for our sisters, not only our lovers, but all our sisters, in a public place. Gai eloquently espoused all of these feel­ings of fhe women gathered, one pro­ceeded to conduct the ceremony It was not the traditional 'love, honour and obey', but a promise to respect and love one another, and fo shore in each other's lives for as long as they will be together (not the traditional - 'till deofh do vou porf). Solange presented Deni wifh a ring ja personal gesture which was on unplanned port of fhe action/ ceremony), and then the brides were linked by a pair of handcuffs. This, of course, is a mockery of the traditional axchanges of rings - symbols of own­ership. The Brides proceeded down the aisle and the ceremonv wos com­pleted.

Luckily enough, we did not receive any abuse from members of the public oefore, during, or after ihe ceremony. We had onlookers, and a iot of lesbians new to the community attended the wedding and the recep­tion afterwards, A lot of questions were asked as fo why we held fhe action/ ceremony, which is a good sign that performing a public ceremony which has been re-oppropriafed from the dominant culture draws attention, but also educates people. We may seem angry, we may be very vocal, our com-munify may even seem insular, but fhe next time you walk down the street or ore in a public place, you see how many heterosexual couples ore dis­playing public affection, then see how many lesbian and gay couples ore vis­ible and expressing affection. And when you don't find any, don't ihink

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it's because there are hardly any les- ^^, ,^^^^ ;, ^t risk - OS bian and gay people around, or in re- ' spectable, conservative areas. We heterOSeXUols-is make up at least 10% of the popula­tion, and hold positions as lawyers, VOUTS. doctors, lecturers, members of the ' armed forces, soles assistants, we're /i v R everywhere. Yet if we are visible as Anita tseyer lesbians ond gays and on our own,

• • r" s- •

*v.„

Carolyn^s Speech:

it is important for us to be here today as out, proud, tough, uncompromising dykes. While there's been a lot of fuss lately in the

mainsh-eam media about "acceptable" dykes - lipstick lesJDians, lesbian chic and so on - the majority of dykes are still not /

accepted, and still discriminated against. Everyone who has tried to talk about being a dyke openly, or to hold hands

with their lover or kiss their lover in public, understands that.

We are subject to the same homophobic violence that goy men ore. We ore prohibited from adopting children, getting legally married, being 'out' In a teaching or childcare position. The courts can take children away from us, we can only be shown in movies as flannie - wearing construction workers (and the message is that there > is something wrong with that) or psychopathic murderers. What this means is that despite the media pat ting themselves on the bocks for their tolerance, a lot of this hideous sex'st homophobic society hates us.

Unfortunately, as a result, a lot of lesbians hove internalised homophobia. That's why events like this

are so important. Not only for the women here, but the worker who can't or won t come. No-one

"out there" is going to "accept" us, make us proud of ourselves, give us power We have to be

proud in ourselves, we hove to kicking love ourselves for who we ore, get into lesbian pride,

and take the power society doesn't want us to have.

Carolyn Ride , y^y''^'^':r-'"^ii^;^,

,":~---—'~-*: „ / ./IlilV'p—-^

(A Not Drowning, Waving have released a new album called Cinus. It's style js typical of Not Drowning, Waving: moody, evocative, intelligent But this album also includes a couple of songs with popular structures, and upbeat dis­positions. The strong production of Hugh Jones, who has worked with Sim-

' * — I

pie Minds, Echo and die Bunnymen, Del Amitri, and Died Pretty, adds depth and aural interest to the almost cin­ematic style of many of these songs. I calked to Russel Bradley, the penoission-ist, who called torn Melbourne. Q: How are tilings going widi the new

album.' A; Good, so far. We're just sort of madly

rehearsing and everything for the show, so we're leav­ing the rest of that stuff to Mushroom at the moment, but it seems to tw going okay It's always really odd; that first moment when a record comes out you're never re­ally sure whatfe gonna hap­pen. It usually just sits around until you start doing shows, but it seems to be do­ing okay

Q; Are you planning a tour, then, to sup­port the albutn?

A: Well at the moment we're just doing Melbourne and Sydney shows that arc booked forthe launch, and then up until Qiristmas we're just gonna do capital cidcs, but they're not fully planned as in a tour date. Usually we have to do a tour for an album, but this one is "Oh we might justsort of hit places and then come back, and just save all the ef­fort and money that a tour costs, and you just plod around the countryside."

Q: You recorded the new album, Cir­cus, in Wales. What made you choose that?

A; I suppose it half a record company thing. Originally we were keen on using Hugh, the producer. He had used this studio a lot, atid wc just wanted to basically record in the country somewhere. We've found in past records, the ones you can concentrate best on are the ones where you're away and everybody's living together, and just fo­cused on the record. In ear­lier albums where wc just went into the studio on a Monday and a Tuesday you find they either tend to drag out or your conccntradon breaks because you do lots of other things as well. So that was the first thing, but we were thinking more of being in the country up around here. But the record com­pany said "Ah, there's a nice farm in Wales" and we said "Oh... ah... yep! That'd be pretty good!" (Laughs)

Q; You weren't tempted to incorporate

some Welsh Miners Choirs, or Car­diff Singers of the World in your work?

A: When we first thought about it we thought we could do something like that, but in reality the time schedules we were on wouldn't allow it. We had a lot of pre-producdon in London, so by the time we got to Wales it was heads down and doing it Wc were in a lit­tle village outside of another town which is just over the border. It was hard to getanyson of musicians: the main musicians tend to gather in London, so it would have been a half day trip out for them. Any other mu­sicians we used was when we were mixing down in London. It was dif­ferent to what the New Guinea record was, where people were just wandering around so you just found people and got it. It was a lot more solid work.

Q: With the Taheran album you started being classified in Lhe World Music cat­egory, but this one seems to be a de­parture from this. It seems like a much poppier album.

A: Yeah, with that album we had dons a lot of w ork with the PNG stuff and that was a major part, but it tended to gather momentum. Originally we got an of­fer to do some lessons in mc studio and in return we'd get some record­ing time, so Tabtran started as a project that wc wanted to do for liin, and then it evot?ed into the album. Then once itbccomes an album it be­comes a tour, and became a whole lot of things, so that just snowballed re­ally, and tended to put us in that cat­egory.

Earlier albums have had "splashings" of what I'd call world music but I don't really think that we're a world music band. Its a funny sort of tide anyway, I mean in Ainerica at the Womad festival Crowded House are playing. I suppose we area world mu­sic band if tney are.

Q: Arc you concerned at all, with your use of PNG musicians on that album, about crossing that line between cultural ex­change and exploitation?

A: I diink you have to think about it a lot, just purely from the outsiderls point of view. The record had been recorded when all that stuff about Gractknd and Paul Simon started coming out, and that was a major point of the blurb on the back of T^erm: that it wasn't anthropological, it just a group of people getting together. But I think you have to be very careful with i t There's also an assumption niade by western cultures that it's the indig­enous cultures that are being taken advantage of. But the music industry in PNG is really strong, and is actu­ally probably tnore organised than in Australia. Musicians get to record for free; studio time gets taken out of their royalties but all cf them get roy­alties, and all of them make some sort of money The artists who record a lotare able to make a living from mu­sic, which is very rare in Australia. And if an American act was over here in Australia, we would like to play on their record because it could advance

our careers as well. I think ttiat hap­pens a lot I read an interview with Paul Simon's guitarist and he defends the GrMtlmdtKm^, because now he gets work in L.A. and is a session mu­sician over there. With us it was done on quite a low budget, but we were very careful that if someone co-wrote something their royalties would be sorted out Then you have people standing by saying thati just a token gesture, so it's a re­ally hard question. But the altema­tive is that people don't collaborate, and then tnat's almost worse. So, originally I thought that what Paul Simon was doing, I would be the first to complain about it, but in the long run that sort of music got a really big break, and people now are listening to Soweto music and that sort of thing.

Q: How do your songs come about? How is a Not Drowning, Waving song put to­gether?

A: ItV a real mixture, David's got lots of lyrics, and something might come from David having the l^iics and a piano line, but then there's other songs that we tend to write in sub-groups. Rowan James and I might do tapes of rhythms, and rhythmic scuff, or David and Helen might have rehearsals to­gether, and then we might cross over and things stan like that. Then other rimes we might say, "Right, we need some songs" so wc all just get together and have a play around with each per­son!; idea. I suppose Claim was quite a differentalbum from Tabtran in that respect, because then we were just sort of plonked in New Guinea, whereas here wc had a lot of rime separately co get things together.

Q: The addition of Helenls cello seems to add quite a bit to this album.

A; Hdenls been playing with us for quite a while, but hadn't recorded very much. She'd done a little bit on Proof, I think, but since then we've been touring and stuff, so this is the first fill] recording for Helen. Hugh's production brought ttiat out quite a bit, with the electric cello which makes some re­ally bizarre sounds which cross over: you're not sure whether they're gui­tar, keyboard, or cello.

Q: And there!; a rumour floating around that your Helen is the subject of the Things of Scone and Wood single, Hafpy Birtbday Htlen. Can you con­firm or deny this?

A; (Laughs) We've heard diat somewhere else, too! No, apparently it was just a job she got, she played on one of the songs on theiralbum. But apparently the singeri girlftiend is also named Helen. There seems to be confiision because I've heard that one before. But that!s a pretty strong definitely not

Q. A couple of the songs on the album are get­ting quite a bit of airplay on Triple J. Had I heard Albert Namajhra before Greta was released?

A: We'd actually done that as a Live at the Wire­less on Triple J. We had been playing it on tour, and it was recorded by them, and they wanted to put that live version on their Live tt tbe WirelesT

^^DVg.Ki roKe6 < T" " -Well.'said Mary, 'this

really Is a most peculiar place.'A large dog

ftoated past, dragging a ante of noon beh/nd It In a bright black wagon.

'Excuse mc.'called Nary, 'but could you

possibly tell me where I am?'Tlic dog regarded hcrs^cly. rou are In IhelandofMlmsy.'U

replied. And then there was

Roger, hanging there. Ilmgng...

SA^ t t ^ -e^^

album. But it was just one of those live recordings we did at die end of our tour, and we were never really happy with it, so we wanted to record it how we wanted it recorded. The live version is a more stripped down, raucous version, and we wanted to put a lot more mood into it really

Q: You seem to be firmly csablishcd here in Australia. Do you have a following overseas?

A: Cirxus is our first major release with Warners in America, so I suppose this is the time. It just came out last week in the States so the next couple of months will be the testing of that. We're meant to be go­ing over in February to do some promotional shows, but ttiat depends on how well it goes here.

Q: Where will you be aiming: the col­lege radio circuit or com­mercial stadotis?

A; There's so many radio stations in Ameria, and Not Drown­ing, Waving sat in this fimny spot, because now die col­lege radio is dominated by bands like Sugar or Nirvana, and that sort of stuff which Not Drowning doesn't fit into at all. But now, along­side the "Adult Contempo­rary" stations, they've "Adult Altemadve" type sta­tions which are like a Triple J, but for over twenty year olds. Its actually quite big, and they're really enthused about Not Drowning. But they have so many rides for things ovci' there its ridicu­lous. I mean I've no idea of just that many radio stations: they've got more in one city than we've got in Australia. Even dealing with Warner Brothers over there, half the shows work out to be for Warner Brothers' people. Warners is such a gigantic organisation that where in Australia you've only got to get die two people diat are interested in your album en­thused, over there you've got to get about 100 people enthused. Its a big job, that one.

Q: Just the traditional final question from us at Stmbtr, •what is your favourite Jane Austen novel?

A; I have no idea actually, is there a multiple choice? I suppose it throws you 'cause you think, now "Vhat sort of record is it, but novel, umm, novel?" Rowan should have done the interview, he would have got that one. Rowan!: a literate man.

L o m e GerlacSi

g^/^^U^J

(Tt^B WofKLj)'s MOST

BACK ROW: Michelle "Weenie^"" King, Munay Henman, Anila Beyer. Mark "Boo* Mclnnes, Marcus "Goon" Salisbury, Eleanor

Mamey, Marcus Dunk, Jomar Russ, Nicole Gaslaldin. SECOND ROW: Katy "Bom lo Be" Wild, Kyla "Bom to Be" Reid, Peter "Where's that tucking Film Review eh?" Murphy. Ward "Kill Rob" Levingslon. Tim "Subtlety" Manslield, Lome "Hi There" Geriach, John "John" Mullen. THIRD ROW: Joanne Loth, Kiley "Cockhater no more'Gaffnay, Nigel •^0210" Pearn, Christina Koch, Nick "I am not a member ol

the YoungLiberals" Dent. FRONT ROW: Andrew "Hey, don't I get a nickname?" Horton.

ABSENT: Kirby Anderson, Mariana Auliciems, Laura Bahnisch, Andrea Baldwin, Tim Benzie and his Mum, John Bimiingham, Melanie Bickerstall, Shane Bogan, Sandy Brown, Stephen Bull, Launz Burch, Stephen Cameron, Michael Garden. Marina Carmen. Damien Cassidy, Hayley Cloake, John Cook, Scott Cooper, Michaela Costigan, Megan Cmikshank, Mallhew Oabrowski, James Denton, Keith Duddy. Cameron Eeles, Vicki Englund. Rebecca Fariey, Therese Ford. Tyler Gates, Lome Geriach, Deanne Green. Paul Green, Mark Greenway, Justin Grimm, Sean Groth, David Gunsberg, Julie Hamwood. Sally Haydon, Matthew Horton. Jaqueline Jago, Paul Jerted, lan Johnson, Steph Kehoe, Frith Kennedy, Vicki Kovacs, Lisa Kuiri, Robbie Lapan, Toni Lawson, Dan Leach, Gai Lemon, Brett Lethbridge, Yvelte Lian, Mark Ludlow, Rob McAdam, David McMillan. Ellie Moore, Karen Murphy. Michael Nolan, Collette O'Neill, Freya Pinney, Daniel Philps, Adam Raboczi, Karl Rickard, Carolyn Ride, Bill Rodgers, Darryl Rosm, Pippa Rudd,'Brendan Scotl, Sam Searie, Cameron Ward, Nick Ward, Michael Ware, Kathleen Williamson, Christabel Wills,

Special Thanks lo: Sandy and Martin for making this outsize sized issue possible; Pietro, Desley, Joanne and the rest of the Union Pizza Calle staff for feeding us during late-night layout more times than we care to remember any contributors we forgot to mention; the rest of the SEA executive lor doing a decent job this year Lindsay Colbourne, once more, for teaching us everything we know: Adrianne, Tess and Penny, once more, for their RSI; Michael Garden and Paul Jcrred for their help with the Queer Insert; The Women's Collective lor their help with the Women's Insert; Lome Geriach and Jim O'Brien for their help wilh the Environment Insert; D Smith for his/her help with the Young Liberal Insert; Ihe English language, just lor being there; and Jane Austen, without whom ...

II was a year ago trial "Lunch" won Semper, and a lol ol watef rias gone under irie bridge since trien. but someltiing lias been lett unsaid. Something irrportant.

(Michael!

We're Sony. We' inoi<xiyiwb«»l you S«ny " • ' * ' « 3vlty-'Kv+i<

WORST THIMS SAID AFTER SEX W""ST EXAMPLES OF NIAIE NBBITY IN FILMS 1. Are you finished?

2. I love you.

3. Oh my God, you're a mon,

A. Get off me.

5. Where ore my keys?

6. Do you love me?

7. You said you'd pull out,

8. Did you cum?

9. Let's hove coffee sometime.

10. You're under arrest.

1. William Boldw/in in Sliver

2. Patrick Swayze in Dirt/ Dancmg and life

3. Michael Dougios in Fatal Attraction and

eling Ifstless?

probably Basic Instinct, bul v/e were too

repulsed to see it after Fatal Attraction

4. Mickey Rourke in Angel Heart

5. Robert Hughes in ABBA; The Movie

6. Jeff Goldblum in The Fly

7. Richard 'Orca' Gere in Somn^ersby

8. Marlon Brando in iosf Tango in Paris

9. Brian Dennehy in Belly of an Architect

h m

1

^ we l l Idle no more. Behold, q litany of lists-is upon

you. In no particular order and witti no particular purpose please contetHplate ttiem.

Guaranteed otaeast two minutes of fun for ttie vftrble family. Try H at fjorrie. Ask yourselves wtial would you

chonge? What makes you shiver wim its complete aptness? Make your own lists? Form your own list club. Send money to Tim

and Leah.. >

10. John Cleese in A Fish Called Wanda

ihE QREAT

OR T H E R I S E A N D R I S E O F T H E L I S T

' W UST: M o m ; m m l s ; lo taks Imnmpn; tsiljf; ImlBii; isUls; m laHs smU; lo Hai/s im file aim la ase an a lat atjfam

Miagfapaaa.

by Tim

Benzie and

Leah Mercer

A MEMOIIABLE

MIX OF H *

MADCAP,

MOVING AND ^ " ^

MAYBE MAUDLIN M T S * I I MDMENIS

mm DON'T BE

LITERAL,

THINK

UTfcRAl,

THINK LISTS.

2.

3.

Margaret's bitchy exterior cracks as she confronts the nurses she

feels have alienated her - "When did one of your ever even offer me

a lousy cup of coffee?"

Radar announces in O.R. that Henry Blake's plane has been shot

down over the sea of Japan • "Tfiere were no sun/ivors."

Winchester saves the legs of a patient at the expense of one of his

9.

hands in a life or death

operation, only to discover rfie

man is a concert pianist.

Hawkeye performs unnecessary

surgery to keep a maniacal

general oul of the war, and B.J.

is morally outraged.

5. B.J., the quintessential 'family man',

has an affair and ends it, racked with guilt

- "I am hopelessly in love wirfi my wife."

6. Margaret and Hawkeye, stranded in a hut and under

heavy fire, make love.

7. Klinger meets MacArthur dressed as The Statue of Liberty.

Hawkeye walks naked through the camp as part of o wager that

eve^one at the 4077th is so exhausted and depressed that no-one

will notice. Someone does.

Father Mulcohy tells a war correspondent of on incident that moved

him - a surgeon warming his hands from the cold over the freshly-cut

body of Q new pah'ent on the operating table.

0. When Radar is sent home he leaves Hawkeye his once most prized

possession ond symbol of his lost youth, his teddy bear.

c

. E

s r

P R E R E Q U I S I T E S F O R fl S P I E L B E R C F I L M ' " ^ " ^ °^ ^° * "'®' ^"^^'^® children. 2.Special effects and lotex (and lots of it). 3.Huge and potentially grating orchestral score by John Williams (to be employed

inappropriately and often).4.Shofs of actors looking amazed at somerfiing off-screen. 5.A P-G rating (regardless of tfie level of violence or gore).

6.An inane sequence rfiat works purely as a set-up for rfie frighteningly inevitable blockbuster sequel. 7.A completely undisguised

moral. 8.A female lead destined for obscurity (Remember Melinda Dillon, Dee Wallace, Kate Copshow and Karen Allen? Maybe not.)

9.Angst regarding farfier/son relationships (see: Hook, Jaws, E.T., Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones and ihe Last Cnjsade).]0.$70Q million

on the first weekend.

6

FILMS THAT SOUND LKE GAY ^^^ ^ f " ^ « E D IN HumBm PORN FILMS

1. 2. 3, 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Howard's End

Lorenzo's Oil

The Finn

Rambo: First Blood II

The Naked Gun

Freejack

Fiddler On The Roof

Lethal Weapon

The Hard Way

Locker Room Hard Cock

Adion 6.

GREAT MICKEY ROURKE FILMS

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10

7.

8.

9.

10.

"Dealing wirfi unrequited love" - Joanie falls in love witfi Potsie, who

she sees nc* as a nerd but a 'dren' (a nerd backwards) and in a rare

moment of sensitivity Potsie gently lets her down.

"Coming to terms wirfi deorfi" - Fonzie fells Richie, comatosed from a

motorcycle accident, rfiat he loves him.

"Winning isn't everything" - Richie goes from basketball star to goot

in only one episode and in consolation Mr C offers him a lifesaver.

"Taking responsibility for your odions" - Chachle accidentally bums

down AmokJ's and eventually owns up to it.

"Adulter/ - As a meons of alleviating his own guilt, Richie admits to

Lori-Berti that he has h<KJ an 'affair' and is surprised she doesn't

share his relief.

"Mid-life crises" - Marion variously searches for self-respect and a

new idenfity/working os a waitress at Amokl's, ploying rfie lead in

The Rainmaker, entermg a ballroom dancing competition wirfi Fonzie

ond belly-dancing for Mr C.

"Confronting your feurs" > Richie calls Fonzie a nerd.

"The value of friendship" - Richie compromises his friendship wirfi

Fonzie for rfie sake of a [oumalistic scoop, by revealing rfie Fonz's

fear of liver, , \Vf : y >;

"Money isn't everything' - Richie knocks back tfie chance to win big

prizes on a game show vy^en he is offered rfie answers but refuses.

"Accepting your own limitations" - In o mogozine quiz Marion and

Howord independ^rfy assess each otfier as average end in a

bittersweet nwment Marion notes rfiat tfiey truly are Mr and Mrs C.

MODERN PHENOMENA W I S E EXISTENCE UNDERMINES THE

POSSIBILITY OF A BENEVDIENTGOD 1. Wheel of Fortune 6.

2.Australian Supreme Court Judges 7.

3.Lawrie Kavanagh 8.

4.Velcro 9.

S.Luke Shaw 10.

GREAT LIST HEADINGS THAT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE

TIME BoT WENT NOWHERE 1. Incidents Most Ukely To Increase Teen Angst.

2. Emban-assing Ways To Die.

3.:: Sure SignsJ^ 4. Mocfem Wlibse Existence Supports The Possibility Of A

':-,;,Berievoj»vt;God;^ 5. y / cH^ t^ Male Can Say On Discovering Their

ivtele Ffi&fid Is ! ^ 6. Most Cbfitrhwl And Ludicrous Merchandise For Jurassic Park.

7. Famous People And The Animals They Resemble. 8. Ways d K i f e g Spiders WitfioutUtnglnsech^^^^^

Btoncomonia

David Irving

Tlie Logies

The British Royal Family The Westfield Young Entertainers.

WORST THINGS SAID To

A WOMAN ON

DISCOVERING THAT SHE

Is A FEMINIST 1. "Why do you have to be so

angry all rfie time, ifs so

unfeminine,"

2. "I rtiink women should be

equal but..."

3. "You're just excluding me."

(Most often said by white,

heterosexual males)

4. "Isn't rfiis rfie post-feminist

era?"

5. "Yeah, but imagine you have

tfiis black and white painting,

wouldn't it be all rfie more

powerful if tfiere was just a

splash of red.: (Someone

actually said this to me -

Leah).

6. "Are you a lesbian?"

7. "I've just been brought up fo

believe ifs good manners to

give your seat to a lady on

rfie bus."

8. "Thafs nice luv, ifs good to

have a hobby."

9. "My morfier's a woman."

10. "I believe in equal pay for

women, tfiat obortion is a

matter of personal choice,

despise being touched up at

work and get really angry

tfiot I can't walk tfie streets

safely ot night, but I'm not a

feminist."

9. Life-Enriching Moments That Hove No Connection To Film or

Television.

10. Great List Headings That Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time But

Went Nowhere.

THE END xo PS.

tiieir kUDWteiise): Garmt Beiate, Staosy Gallsgltan, Nick Bent, Sam Evans, Kiley Galtney, Mark Mclnnes, Nigel Pearn, Ls lyson-Doneleit Int Waile and liiose In connection wiOi Usl i l wtto shall remain nameless to protect tin dignity oi Qie writers.

he^itf-fHye

".?n^rv7'^^*^'''?^V^^i?j^.'';r-" r''X '-'"'• • ''

i

^t>iti^-two

RABBITS

PARTS OF ORIGINAL DOCUMENT MISSING OR ILLEGIBLE

^Mty-foM^

TH©?6 fon (Ajeeii^s. TT WAS eAt?Lv,

PARTS OF ORIGINAL DOCUMENT MISSING OR ILLEGIBLE

FERAL TELEVISION No. 3: THE JOYS OF NON-RATINGS TELEVISION

n 0 few shorl weeks from now we will hove finished our exoms, ond, br better or lor worse, completed onolfier hectic yeor ol university. Before us stretch the untold joys ol he summer vocolion: I'meless, wonderful, blissful months in wiiich we con catch up with old friends, read lliol book we've olwoys

been Teoning to read bul just never hod the lime to, and basicolly redevelop o social life after these long monlhs of study. Or, most probobly, turn inlo mindless zombies in front of our hollowed television screens. Unfortunately for us, however, the lime wlien most students nowliove the lime lo vraste in froni oi 0 television sel, the stolions, in their infinite wisdom, decide lo subject JS to o teievlson junkie's worst nightmore; the non-ratings television season.

Now, I knew ihol mony people would roliier hove oil ol their body hoir similtoneously yonked out thon wotcf' non-ratings television, but personolly I think t's just o matter of prspective. Some of the hoppiest television viewing moments of my life hove been spent wotching non-fo'ings television. It's all jusI o motte'' of finding the beouty of the non-rolings season. First of oil, we shou'd consider thot the non-rolings seoson is the only time of yeor that we get roving lunatics like Derryn Hinch or jerks like Mike Willesse off our screens. And Mi mony of us may mourn ^e possing oi those slick, new shows on summer break, ^,e teevision stolions try to plocote us wilh those tried and true gems thol just refuse lo loy down ond die; lhe reruns. Every year, the television stations dig up those clossic reruns for the upcoming non otings seoson; culling edge televiran like tlie Tho lima Tunne/ |how did those two guys frovel fhirough history without a single person commenting on their suits ond skivvies?), r/ie Saint, Nf^/ifsto/lcer, The Avengers, sono fovour-of them. thot one con-be the some

Chonnel 10, in gun and has been hit with wsDo 'Av television (Remember Achieved on • W r

ONE CAN

EAsily

bECO.VH

AddlcTcd

TO sliows

VVlllcIl ARE

lIlfN

pROMpily

CUl slfORT

by iliE

RETURN 0(

TIIE RATINQS

SEASON.

Dad's Army, Th& Odd Couple, Night Courtond, my per-ite, Kung fu. Clossics, vronderful televison classics, everyone Shows just so horrendous, so poorly odea', so terribly written, nol help bjl foil in love with lliem. Summer vocolion just wouldn't withoul them.

on otiempt to get thol vital nonfotings edge, bos jumoed the olreody started screening non-folings television. We've olreody some cutting edge fifilish comedy in tlie form of Some Mofh-'Im, It Ain't Half Hot Mum, ond, currently grocing our screens, lie triumphant return of Are You Being SenredJ thai? The show thol survived fo.' yeors in England, ond even Austrolion version, on the sirengin of three jokes: "Myp'jssy.,"; Humphries, ore you free?'; ond "inside leg'.)

But as well os [A/ j j j f giving us the opprtunity to catch up on some clossic, much-ioved reruns, , lhe non-ratags seoson gives te'evison stolions the chance lo experiment RtlLRN 01 wilh fresh new talent, to boldly throw off the constrictive shack­les a' the cut- 7I1E RATINGS ^°°^ °'i"gs seoson and screen the talent thai deserves, nay, demonds lo crAcnv be seen;'o basicolly trot oul the new shows that were deemed loo shitty to oir I -><J - j \^ g rotings season. Remember The Fresh Prince of Bel Air^. Hooperman (0 John Riller comedy best leflburiedj? % Two Dads? Well, neither do I, but rest assured thol os osfute non-rolings television viewers, we'll be given the chance to check out some similor offerings. Chonnel '.0, ogoin leoding the pock I nolice, hos olreody starling to fry out sane new shows, like Heorts Afire jonolher John Rilter comedy, need I soy more?). There's also a couple of blond cop shows floating oround; low and Order, 0 show in the Wil Street Blues vein, ond Sirens,, 0 sort of T/j/r/ysomerfiing meets Hill Street Blues kind of th.ing. But the choice pick cf the new shows being offered this non rating seoson is the Class of '96. Sure, it moy be 0 poor men's BH 90210 except with otrocious octing, otrocious characters, ond ofrocious plols, but I consider it to hove much more relevonce to us as uni students thon BH 902tO, considering its university environ.nent. ll also has a much more creddy soundtrack, having used songs by Crocker, *he lo's, The Jesus ond Mary Choin, and R.E.M.

There is, however, o dongsr in sompling the joys of non-ratings televison. One con eosily become oddicled lo shovrt which ore then promptly cut short by the return of the -alings season. Sure, we may not have observed a minutes silence for the passing of such obove noted gems like the fresh P'ince or Hooperman,, but every so often 0 show with promise gets cut. A couple of yeors bock 0 chonnel tried oul 0 show colled Dork Shadows,, a vampire story which wos based on a series way bock in iie '60s (so my mum tells me). Sure, it was kind of tocky in places, but it kind of impressed me by subverting the rules of the vampire genre right out by having the tj icol "good doctor vo.Tipire hunler" chorocte' turned inlo 0 blood sucking parosile ond then gunned down by trigger hoppy cops in episode 2. Unfortjnotely, Darii Shadows vras pulled off lhe oir jusI os it started lo get interesting, never lo be seen ogoin. I never did find oul whol happened to that vompire, Bornibus. Nothing is worse ihon not finding out what happens ol the end ofo story Similarly, I reoliy go' into Kvng h o couple of years bock, and was sorely dissoppointed to never hnd oul whol hoppened lo thol softspoken Shoolin monk with the dusty hot, sironded in the Wild WesI.

So, in conclusion, here a few tips to discovering the joys of non-rolings television: t. If you see o reoin ihot you've seen before, then watch it ond tope il; chances ore you won't see it ogoin. You won't believe how many people hove osked me if I loped oil those ^ung fu episodes. 2. Oon't be afroid lo woil tp until two in the morning for 0 show thol sounds promising. This is when all the good shows come on (I remember Dork S/iodcwj ond Nigi)lsk3lker being aired at obscene hours], ond if it is bod, then the sleep deprivotion will no doubt moke il seem good. Orot leost loughoble. 3. Don't get olioched. Don't gefoffoc/ied.'. Just don't. Watching non ratings television should be like a one righl slond; a one off event wilh no emolionol otlochments. Otherwise, you'll just gel hurt. Believe me. ! went into withdrawal over Kung fu..

So, while non-rolings television moy be 0 poor substitute for 0 new season of BH 90210, for the ostule television oddict it con still have ils joy s. And far those of you intending 0 vocolion of just "sittin' oround", then I highly suggest that you discover these joys; it con mean the difference between enjoying your holidoy or being bored shitless. Now, where's thol damned television guide; I'vu gotta check if Kvng fu is coming bock...

Cameron ietes

FERAL TELEV

}^o, 4: IN DEFENCE OF FAN CULTURE: or wiiy it's oli tiiat I like Doctor Who

I. A BIT OF A BITCH

I've got to start off by saying thol I'm o little bit miffed thol ifie Timelords won Semper, Bul hey, wots' under the bridge blah, bloh, blah. Whot I'm reoily miffed oboul though, is that in order ta win they fiendishly oppfoprioted something ^ot I hold very deor, that something being tie cultural institution this Doctor Who. We all sow them, poroding and Haunting themselves oround tiie place wilh their TARDdressed like lhe Ooclov and giving oul jellybobies, ond oil for whot? A; For straight columns ond block white newsprint. Yep, ihot's il. Not somelhing ihot I personally could see the Doctor doing.

It seems lo me thol if onything, lhe Doctor is quite a liberol felfow (thot's smoll "I'l who has respect fadifference whether in humans or in alien species. Whe-ever he Irovels in space and lime, he fights fo-justice and supports the rights of the morginolised against dominant and powerfol oppressors. I dor,'i know,- but this seems strongely Qt odds wilh the right-wing platform ihal the TIMELORDS and Iheir suppoers SPECTRUM ron on, I meon, jist who on earth gave itiese people the right to use Doctor Who for thovm self-interested ends? Why ddn't onybody lell ihem that only those groups morginolised in termsdoss, roce and gender ore ollowed to oppropriote aspects of populor culture?!

I I . SUBSTANTIAL A N D IMPORTANT ELEMENT

My reoson for writing this article however, is nol to slog off ai other people (ailhough it's kind of fun).Whol I reoliy wont lo do is briery address 0 few myths thol seem to exist oboul fons and fon culture,myths wliich the TIWELORDS hove done nothing lo counter. Bul fitsi, 0 little bit on my own status os o f

I love Doctor Who. I have fovea il for a very long time, I wotch it. I hire lhe videos lo wolch (couse I coffofd to buy them), I buy Doctor Who Monthly when I con offord it, or read il in newsogenis until I eethrown oil. I read lhe novelisotions of the stories, ond am close to having 0 full sel. I reod the NewAdventures, i hove o Tom Baker doll ot sits on my bookshelfI think of lhe 23rd of Novem- | | | ^ B | ^ ^ | ^ H | ^ B ^ | ber 1963 nol os the day l.'-aKennedy was shot, but os the ^ K O f f f f i V R R f f l f ^ B ^°i ^°^^°^ ^° ^'"^'^ 1°"

no, the Doctor is nol a reincor- ^^tMI/MKiKK/fw^^ ^''^ °^^^^^' ^ ' ''^ °"'myself as 0 fon, even though I H ^ ^ ^ b l K ^ ^ ^ f l hove nol networked wilh other fons (except my brother, ^ • ^ ^ ^ M n f ^ ^ ^ M H who is also 0 fon)

Why js >iv ENJoy-

MEM of A qood

DociORWiiosiORy

SEEN AS. "cliildisli",

whilsT SOMEONE

who r:\joysTliE q >

ERA is SEEN AS I1AV-

iNq qood IASTE"?

fandom os being moybe a dongerous. The question I csk seen os 'bizarre", when to the study of Shokespeore,sonnets, subscribes b Shoke-occdemic essoys on SHole-in lieir chosen field"? Wiy novelisotions of oil the sto'iessomeone who hos o thing lo.'or "ohcionodo"? Why is my

whilst someone who enjoys the opero is seen

Some pecple would look on my touch odd, childish, perhops however, is why is my fondom someone who devotes their life knows oil lhe ploys, poems ond speore Quarterly ond writes speore, is seen os "a speciolisi is my desire to own the moke meon "obsessive", whilst onlique furniture is 0 "collector" enjoymen' of o good Doctor Who story seen as 'childish", OS "having good taste"?

This therefore is Mylh # 1, thol to be a fan of, or hove en interest in populor culture is on unworthy ondirrotionol pursuit, whilst on inleresi in "high" culture is reosoned ond tasteful. Thinly disguised in ihiisorgumeni is on elitist cultural hierorchy, whereby popufo'culture ond ils products ore seen os the mind output of mass production ond consumption, designed to appeal to the base emotions of the greoiunwoshed. To be 0 fon of populor culture therefore, is 'o prove oneself os being devoid of ony cultj'olstondords ond having low sociol status. The products of "High" culture, however, are usuolly the work0 creative genius, are an "acquired taste", ond rother ihon appealing to the emotions, oppeol to tie intellect, lo be a fon of "High" culture is to prove oneself 0 pssessor of bolh loste ond high socol slonding. Thot ihis sort of outlook is blotonlly elitist ond 0 means by v ich certain groups of people cboth justif/ iheir own inlerests and maintain rigid ond hierorchicol social boundories is oil too obvious.

This leods me on to Mylh #2: 'Fans ore potentially dangerous obsessives, who find it difficult to discerbetween Action ond reolity". Speoking from my own experience, I would hove to soy that this is unt(i.1 really don'l believe thol the TARDIS exists, nor do I wonl to spend my time stolking ony of the odorshove ployed the Doctor. Despite the foci ihol the media would have us believe thol oil fans ore polenJohn Hinckleys who wonl to kill Ronold Reagan to get the oltenlion of Jodie Fos'er (nvhot's so crazy obwonting to kill Ronold Reogjn onywoy?), most fons have 0 fairly firm grip on reolity.

Finally, Myth #3: 'Fons ore inactive cullurol dopes, who possively receive the lexis of popular culturmindless consumers'. Mony recent studies in lhe field of fondom hove shown thol rother than beiigpssive in 0 form of slavish devotion, mony fans (porticufarly those marginalised in terms of class, roond gender) ore octive in using th.e objects of their fandom tocreote meonings specific to their own sosituotions, thus providing a focus far empowermenl. An example of this is 0 number of female Star fon writers who, in writing s'ories where femole choroclers who were subordiiote in the originol ser(such OS Uhuro) ore broughl to the fore, are oble to moke the series speok to ond from their osubordinated sociol position.

So there you go, I'm sure there ore many more myths of this type flooting oround, but you gel the pAs far all you fons oul there who ore oshomed of your fondom, perhops it's time you started to stop htdyour copies of Starlog ond Soop under the bed, ond odmit to the world thol you both wolch ond lNeig/iiwiTi. Bul then again, moybe not....

Marcus Dunk

.J-yp'-r.*::'..'.'^

CULTURES

TSI The Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander Student Asso-aation has had a big year during 1993. As this is 'The ^ a r of the World's Indigenous Peoples' there have been many events the students have been taking part in.

"'^SraSel

f«&s ILNV^A

NAIDOC week is an annual event that celebrates the Tent Embassy in June of 1972. The Student Association held a flag rising ceremony with invited guests and students partaking in Indigenous food 'A Taste of Stradbroke' lo the delight of ali, il was the first time both indigenous -the Aboriginal and the Torres Strait Islander flags were raised. Our association would like lo thank the Director, Mr fvlichael Williams for his assistance and participation in this event. We would also like to thank the Student Union forthe funding, without which their would have been no luncheon. It is a source of great pride that these tv/o flags remain aloft, and for that we would sincerely like to thank the University, for erecting two new flag poles flown for 1993 as part of their commitment and participation in 'The Year of the World's Indigenous Peoples'. It should be noted that this result was a joint event with the Abo­riginal and Torres Strait Islander Studies Unit. It Is our hope that these two symbols of indigenous Australia's pride remain abft In recognitron and a sign of respect of the unique place these two cultures hold In Australia's society. ,. '

Some students partictpated In the U of Q NOWSA Con­ference, In whfch two well known Aboriginal identilies ~ Lisa Bellear and EvaJohnsbn - were among the guest speakers and workshop hoklers. . , ,

sr

NAIDOC week^was also held during this"week, enabling many non-Aboriginal and Tones Strait Islander people to participate in Brisbane's celebrations. Many of our stu- their final acts for the indigenous people of this coun dents were back In Danwin for the 'International Youth tjy in 1993, if the U of Q commissioned a study Into Conference'JOne of our previousstudents, Greg Phillips the history of the Aboriginal people who owned the was a guesispeaker at this conference, whfch was a great land that the University is sitting on. This should then, success, and a popular topic of conversation for some months.;.

The U of Q Cultural weeks was a huge PR success, and we hope you all enjoyed partkJipating in our cultures as much as we enjoyed presentingjhem to you. The Great Court activities provedjlo' jw^he^rnotst popular and stu- with all the possibilities that it brings for our students, dents sh6jffed^a,keelunterek ln[p^^^ crafts and Bul we will bW a sad farewell lo 1993 The Year of other pei cwnfjers-O'nce'ag jfihe^St^^^ Union must be , the World's Indigenous People". thankedlbKfifridfhg uk^'i

There 11181111636^20 p f ^ ^ l S ' ^ ' ^ d u a t l n g In the

J * ; ' . ' -

^ f

^ • « .

Dr Richard Nile started as head of the Australian Studies Centre here at UQ in July last year. Previously he was Deputy Head of the equivalent at the University of London. While there in 1992, he wrote a book entitled Australian Aborigines as pari of a series called Threatened Cultures". The series was for the lop end of primary school children (12-14), and aimed at presenting many important issues without being patronising or sentimental. These books received very positive reviews in educational journals around

the world, receiving comments such as:

• warmly recommended for... con­cerned readers of any age de-sen/es tfie widest promotion and readersttip amongst young read­ers...

• important and tt)ougfj-provoking

• tiigfilightspositive aspects (cfcut-tures)

• very useful for Ihe school library and a good resource for lhe class­room

• exposes many myths

• refreshingly honest

• are worthy additions to the school library.... and (Australian Aborigi­nes) has a particular immediacy and relevar\ce for New Zealar^ders

• useful resources in support of the UN Yearof Indigenous Peoples.

That is, until the book came lo Australia.

Let me just take a side-step at this stage and give you a little back­ground information. Richard Nile is not just another academic. He grew up in Aborigine communities in Western Australia and speaks flu­ent Nyoongar. He originally wrote the book only forthe overseas mar­ket, with the opinion that Aborigi­nes would be better writing books aboul themselves for non-Aborigi­nal Australians. But earlier this year, the book Australian Aborigines be-came available in Australia.

On June 12 of this year, an article appeared inthe Adelaide Advertiser in which the South Australian Po­lice Commissioner called for ths book to be 'immediately withdrawn Irom South Australian schools.' He described the book as 'divisive, negative, and portrayed an inaccu-rt.te picture to impressionable chil­dren who would accept what they read as factual. I cannot understand how such biased and Inflamnnatoiy information could be taught in schools in our children.' He did not deny the tensions of the past, 'but to cynically Ignore the great ad­vances which have been made is to paint a grossly distorted piclure.' The Police Association Secretary has described it as 'velbal diatribe' and'inaccurate'-

Why all the luss? On 7 page chap-, ter from lhe whole book entitled "Polkie bruitaHty," The chapter was not grossly distorted, inaccurate, nor inflammatory, it was based upon publicly avaitabte statistics and information.

December graduation ceremonies this year, and we are extremely proud of all of them. We would like to lake this opportunity to congratulate them and wish them the best of luck in any future endeavours. We are hoping that in the near future, our students will be able to graduate wilh an appropriate insignia do­nating their culture of origin. We are proud of our culture and v/ould like the U of Q students and staff not only to share in that pride, bul to actively partici­pate in that pride and know that the numbers of Abo­riginal and Torres Strait Islander graduations are in­creasing,

A few students are hoping to attend the 'Interna­tional indigenous Conference' in Wollongong in December. This witl be, I have been assured, an inspiring event. At least one student wilt also be at­tending the 'Australian Indigenous Woman's Con­ference' in Melbourne on the last weekend of Octo­ber. '

There are still many issues that involve indigenous Australians at U of Q - thaf need our participation and some need resolving. Racism, sadly, is stil! a problem for some students and unfortunately in these troubled times of 'f\/iABO', it is on the rise. We must all watch our outward behaviour to ensure that our self-culturalism does not manifest itself into acts or actksns of racism. It would be appropriate as one of

suggest be made available to all students present and new as an act of respect for these people and in acknowledgment that this is their land spiritually evenif it isno tongerin 'white'Australians legal terms.

We are ibbking fonvard to the 1994 academic year

Vicki-Ann M Golden A Murri Student at U of Q

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has been a major figure in the Aus­tralian Film Industry foryears, hav­ing co-written many of the cnjcial

Australian features films of the seventies and eighties. As a national columnist, he has provoked ire and admiration through his razor wil and a willingness to say ex­actly whal he thinks about his famous con­temporaries in politics and show business. Now, whether to give his opponents a fair chance to strike back or simply as an ex­ercise in creative egotism, he's made an autobiographical film: The Nostradamus Kid.

Ellis based his script on "two encounters I had wilh the end of the world". Noah Taylor plays the author (called Ken Elkin) as an obsessive, intellectual and sexually rapa­cious nineteen year old at Sydney Univer­sity, where he experiences a disastrous re-

.V"

P E R S O N A L I T Y

Bob Ellis was raised as a Seventh Day Adventist,

became a legend whiie stiil at Sydney Uni (where he

edited Semper's equivalent, Hon! Soit) and has just

made a film about waiting for the end of the world.

Last week, with consummate timing, he announced

he's contesting Bronwyn Bishop's seat in the Sen­

ate. Half the country calls him a national treasure;

the other half, a dickhead.

Si^

lalionship wilh Jennie (Miranda Otto), and foretells worid desloiction during the Cu­ban Missile Crisis of 1962. In flashback the film also covers a Seventh DayAdvent-ist Camp in the Blue Mountains where the 14 year old Elkin struggles with guilt, ado­lescent sexual yeaming and religious apocalypse.

1 don'l Ihink anyone who hasn't been through it knows what it's like to come out of a religion like the Adventists because practically everything you did was, at one lime or another, a sin," says Ellis. For a couniry boy the atmosphere of Sydney uni brought its intellectual and physical pleas­ures, but also an enormous burden ol guilt. There was this need in me for the end of lhe worid," says Ellis.

There's particular affection for Ellis's mem­oirs down al Semper, where organised re­ligion is seen as an enemy of free expres­sion, and il's not unheard of for us lo get drunk and sleep on the lloor ot the oflice.

On the other hand, we're not likely to be prosecuted for using the word "bullshit"; and having sex in the showers wilh the sons or daughters of newspaper magnates pushes the bounds of romantic longing. The above all happen in the Sydney Uni­versity of 77ie Nostradamus Kid, and, if Ellisis to be believed, it's all more or less tme.

Was there something special aboul Syd­ney Uni in that era that il seemed to pro­duce such an outburst of energy and crealive freedom?

"We didn't know we were going to be worid famous," says Ellis, a deadpan comic who can number Clive James, Germaine Greer and Bruce Bereford as his contemporar­ies. "At the lime we were going to parties, going to coffee shops and being in drama societies, dabbling in politics and student

newspapers. There was a feeling of great possi­bility al the time, we'd just v/on a war and Ihere was no concept of unem­ployment; if you got the sack you'd get another job. Everybody wanted lo be a renaissance man, you idolised Peler Ustinov or RobertMilchum, There was the idea ol "romantic readi­ness" in that generation.

"1 think it was one of the great international gen­erations. And curiously hardly anybody left town, which would seem to be lhe logical thing to do."

19Nostradamus Kid hasbeen on lhe cards since the late seven l i e s when Ellis waspursuaded by renegade British producer David Puttnam to wrile the script of his formative ex­periences. The film has been variously proposed over the years to be di­rected by Paul Cox (A Woman's Tale), Carl Shullz (Travelling Nonh) and also John {The Year My Voice Broke) Duigan."Bul he decided lo go away and do the rather similar Wea ot One Night Stand which was aboul

teenage kids trapped inside the Opera House wailing for the end of tha world. II was terrible."

Having re-aquired the rights to his own script, Ellis eventually got a sweet revenge on Duigan by nicking his actors (Noah Taylor, Loene Carmen and Bartholomew Rose) and crew (including cinematogra-pher Geoff Burton and designer Roger Ford). But there was no emnity on either side and Duigan was in fact slaled lo act in Ellis's film as Ken Elkin at 40. "Which 1 thought was a witty idea. But in the end he had to urgently re-cul Wide Sargasso Sea in America so we dumped it on Noah al a day's nolice. I was considering lo appear myself bul I don't look suffidently like Noah. I also thought a film about me that ended up with me appearing would probably be testing the audience's tolerance. I'm glad Noah was the last person you saw in the film."

Bul don't expect you rave rage NoahTaylor-

1 £

as-sensitive-boy-growing-up-in Ihe- eariy-sixties movie. Taylor's Elkin (his best per­formance in a film by a mile) is a dry, pri-apic learaway with a rough and direct sense of humour; gawky, misanthropic, sexy in an ugly kind of way and refresh­ingly un-New Age.

As far as Ellis is concerned getting Taylor for the part made the film. "He's extraordi­nary. He seems to have Ihis telepathic communion wilh the audience which veiy ve^ few screen actors have. You'd have to look back to Chaplin and Kealon or Bogart; he should be a big slar. Bul he's not that interesled. He doesn't believe he's an actor, he wants lo be a painter, a rock singer and a poel. Anything bul acting, which he does sublimely but which he re­gards as a contemptible craft. I think if you have a genius tor something you often unden/alue that thing." Taylor is probably the only actor who could aclually portray Ellis larger than life, which is, well, pretty big.

"We had to work very hard lo pursuade him even to read it, il took somelhing like eight months and he didn't want to do it.

"But I was able lo get him to take part in a reading with his friend Loene Carmen (who got the part as Meryl, the Seventh Day Adventist who ends up s stripper in Sydney) and he gained confidence in me through that experience. He said yes on the very last day before we had lo cast somebody else. Nobody else could have invested that character wilh such charm. If the role had been played by Russell Crowe the film would have been of no great interest."

Thatisnollounden/alue Ellis's contribution as the voiceover narrator of his own slory: some ol lhe best laughs are to be had from Ellis's bluntly wry delivery. But the casting, for Ellis, is the crucial task of a director. Miranda Olio, seen on

stage here in Brilliant Lies plays the soci­ety giri Elkin meets, loses, and finally tries to save from lhe nuking of Sydney. (The character's father wants her "to marry Kerry Packer".) Ellis mel Miranda Olto al a party and was convinced at once -"we never auditioned anybody else".

Newcomer Jack Campbell plays McAllister, Elkin's hugely pretentious poel friend ob­sessed with Robert Mitchum."He'd never acted before but he looked so much like Milchum and that kind of Byronic university figure." Did such a ludicrously cool person actually exist? "He's a mixture of several people, one of whom is Robert Hughes, and another is (poet) Les Murray Another is now a film producer, Richard Brennan (Newsfront) who was a mad Mitchum buff and it was on him we called Ihal night [when Ellis lied Sydney in fear of Ihe bomb] and he was watching that Mitchum movie and refused to come with us."

One of the drawcards of The Nostradamus

Kid tor Sydney celebs is the fact that Ihey might actually be in it in some guise: "Have you seen that appalling Bob Ellis's new film?" "Seen it, darting. I sleep wilh him in it!" But whether or nol you've ever known Bob Ellis, this is a greal, eniertaining movie, as testified by rave reviews from the Edinburgh and Montreal film festivals. Yet il's been all but ignored by the charac­teristically obtuse AFI awards, receiving nominations only for script and costume design,

"I am really outraged." says Ellis bluntly "One of the films up for best film called On h^y Own is one of the worst films in mod­em history. Noah isn't even nominated. Ei­ther the Melbourne voters were so bloody-minded they'd vole for anything Mel­bourne-produced or the voles were liter­ally lorged. The policy is lo puff-up inter-

then nol bring lhe piano in doors? And then let some maori fuck her? No way."

Bul the future of the industry is something Ellis has no fears for. The last twelve months have been the best year ever in Australian film" • citing upcoming releases No Worries, This Won't Hurt a B/f, The Custodian, and Shotgun Wedding. A bright future, thai is, "if we can hold the line and nol fall over into that stupid non­sense that results in getting American stars, big budgets and international stories that go nowhere. If we can keep budgets low and make local and accurate and ef­fective stories."

For Ellis it's nol a question of finding the great Australian director: a greal film can appear from nowhere, or from the least auspicious ol directors. (Periiaps a not

is in the fad that he's an incarnation of the plain-speaking, red-blooded and probably Ugly Australian, tarted up in intellectual talk. The quintessential educated Aussie who ei­ther hartiours no prelenfcns, or lor whom Aussiedom is the greatest pretence of all.

To be honest, friough, his attitude to women in The Nostradamus Kid Is really excusable only by the fact that, well, it was 1962. One of the Seventh Day Adventists (who later be­comes a minister), faced with the end ol tbe world, says to Elkin: let's rape all lhe women." And the script does lurch ruefully from one sexual conquest to another. There is plenty of room in the monlhs lo come for a welkle-sen/ed feminist Bob Ellis backlash. Though fornow. let's just give thanks f orthat rare thing: a witty and intelligent Australian movie.

Nick Dent

national co-productions, and three oul of the four best film nominees (777e Piano, On My Own, Map of the Human Heart) are. The Piano I think is exiremely puffed up and overrated and although it's beauti­fully done it's very illogical. I can under­stand why people like The Piano but I'm outraged by Wap of the Human Heart. which is rubbish. So it's obviously a policy decision and it's like Yeltsinite democracy, sending the troops into Ihe Kremlin."

Isn't that going a bit far, Bob? I mean, you can accuse the AFI of corruption but how dare you dislikef/ie Piario • Ihink of all the people who cried in it! Ellis does rale Jane Campion very highly: "She made the best film ever from this region - An Angel at My Table. The Piano is obviously something she wrote in film school. Tell me, how can a desperate man with an axe (Sam Neill's character) just cut one finger oH? Obviously he'd cut the whole hand off. Why would he marry a "soiled" woman with a nine year old child, pay the freight lor the piano and

unexpected opinion Irom (he man who also wrote and directed Ihe appalling Warm Nights On a Slow Moving Train.) "Chris Kennedy, the man who directed This Won't fiurt A Bit, is one of the great talents of this country ot all time, and he's a frigging dentist! Michael Jenkins made a film called fleije/starring Mall Dillon, one of the worst of all time. But he went on to make the best Australian miniseries of all time. Scales ot Justice, and The Heartbreak Kid. But if you saw Rebel you wouldn't believe he'd overwork again,"

The Nostradamus Kid is set for a No­vember/December Brisbane release.

FOR a follower of Australian film a chat

with Bob Ellis is a dream come tiue. Nol only was here there when it all

started happening in the earty seventies, he's prepared to criticise his colleagues in the in­dustry, Ellis's long-standing feud with Austral­ia's best-known director, Peter Weir, is legen­dary. "He and I hate each other. We live three houses apart and we're constantly trying lo tun each other over." Perhaps Ellis's appeal

^ - f>Ke

feminism as a force that was strong when it needed to be (that is in the 'bra burning' * ) but is now only a concern for a strange iiind of 'repulsive' subculture.

n • I was In a philosophy

tutorial in which there was

a majority of women and,

although all of the'women

believed in equal pay and

respect for womenin rela­

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every meaning of the word.

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extreme feminists to ac-

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'hese quotes are from female students and represent modem perspectives on feminism, Mosl students see feminism as a force that was strong when il needed to be (that is in the 'bra burning' 60's) but is now only a concern lor a strange kind of 'repulsive' sub-culture. When I asked women on campus about feminism, almost

everyone referred lo 'hairy-legged dykes' who fonn a group of 'radical feminists'. They spoke of this group wilh distaste, making it clear that the 'radical feminists' were the reason that they did not want to be associated wilh modem feminism. From their point of view modem feminism doesn't have much lo do with most women.

And yet, women do woriy aboul their safety on campus and use the safety bus in fear of being attacked. Women do care about their opportunities in woricplace believing in equal pay for women and acknowledging that there is still a long way to go before women achieve full equality. Women have extensive social support groups in which they share their disappointments wilh the way men are slow lo change, hence the success of the "All men are Bastards Diaiy". (To ensure I'm not branded as 'another cock-hating feminist" by that last remarit, I would like lo state: I am not using the success of this diary lo show that all men are bad. just that women are disillusioned wilh the way they are treated by SOME men,) Women hale being harassed by men on buiWing sites and in passing cars; and are sick of being treated like pieces of meal in nightclubs. Don't these views, asserting the rights of women and validating the importance of women's issues, reveal ihem as 'feminists'?

Part of the problem lies in the current representation of feminists as 'other', as somehow removed, from most women. To me il seemed that the women I sprAe to had very little contact with the 'haiiy legged women wilh shaved heads'. Yet when 1 told them Ihal 1 don't shave my legs I was treated with curiosity, bul no repulsion, and I don'l think that I was actually regarded as a 'real' feminist probably because I am too much like them!

Personally, I feel thai the disgust towards 'radical feminists' is unjustified and the result of ignorant prejudice. However, they are only part of feminism as a whole movement and, as in any political movement, there are many different factions. The association of feminism with only one of its factions can only be seen as a uninformed view. At the same time the importance of radical feminism cannot be underrated, for without extremism, moderatwn is almost impossible lo achieve. A 'moderate' approach can undermine the importance of the issues being dealt with. For example, how can you have a 'moderate' approach to rape? Also a moderate approach does not allow for the inevitable opposition towards change. Susan FaludI outlines the reaction lo feminism in "Backlash - The Undeclared War Against Women". She discusses how women's achieve­ments have been undeimined in popular culture, the political arena and the wori<lorce. Examples of this backlash are clear in cunent advertising that shows women in soft-focus whispering "Hil me" to sell chips, and in the altitudes of judges to rape victims. Women's liberation is not a matter of 'diplomacy' or 'tacifulness' anymore than Aboriginal criticisms of racism should be 'polite'. Radical Feminism is a force that is necessaiy to deal with real issues in Ihe community, and one that should be supported, not ostracised, by women.

In the Oxford Dictionary, Feminism is defined as "advocacy of women's rights on basis of equality of sexes", and should be seen as such. But instead ol being depteted as a force that represents all women, the concept ot "Feminism" is only shown as a concern of those in the margins. The saying "I'm not a feminist bul 1 do believe in equal rights" has become a catch phrase when it is a contradiction in terms! Feminism is a force that supports and empowers all women. The distaste for the word 'feminism' and its treatment as a 'dirty word' wori(s to steal the movement's driving lorce - women.

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discovered by us wandering the halls oflhe University, ashen-trembling. When he saw us be grabbed my arm and said "Ki

^:X^ 'y' all mean? Whvare we here?" We gave him lhe latest copy ofSarte's Fan . '\V '•'' • ,\ ,' Mag and sent him off for a sleep. So unfortunately he is noi available to do \\}fyf'\; lhelastBH90210 column and we've asked Pip, " »V-'''' ' i | where lhe noble Pearn lalas, alas) finished oH.

'i . ' 1 ' ^ ' ! •'*• A note from the editors: Nigel Pearn our usual BH90210coli (V v""''i discovered by us wandering the halls oflhe University, os/ien-iu^cu uuu l-wj*, •• ; i- , i . f i Vitr-""'-* ••' ' !*]>'.\ trembling. When he saw us be grabbed my arm and said "Ka^^what does it i^i^(y\A^r'''i' \{'iv\^^

. - , , t:jm'..;^i.!MM *VV JY'Y ibelast BH90210 column and we've asked Pip, easilyas vapid,

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'^i^^W^' The laughter and sorrows, the highs and the lows: like sand3'|hip:^j^the hourglass of our adolescence

Last month Nigel Pearn used this space to write self serving, self centred, self obsessed drivel about this childhood in the vain hope of endearing himself to you, the readers.

Tragic really considering that poor old Nigel has gone the way of all metaphor writing puppeteers. You see, Nigel is no longer writing this col­umn. Watching the bloody awful repeats of the early episodes of the famed B.H. brought about the demise of this chronicler of our times. Realising that Jason really does have bad hair and that Nigel really does look a bit like him, our beloved editors used their influential powers to fire Nigel and hand over the Beverly Hills article to a younger, hungrier, bustier, 90210 fan.

There will be those amongst you who don't agree with this decision. After all, Nigel Pearn was once a dashing young lad and I am the first to admit that he showed promise in his earlier days. I myself, have religiously followed his progress. Along wKh others 1 wept many a tear when 1 heard of his defection to, dare I say il Paradise Beach. I was the first to smile with uplifted spirit when he returned to the flock. However, there comes a time when we must move on. Please think of me, not as the destroyer of the mighty Pearn, but as a highly qualified replacement. Before you judge me, consider my credentials.

1. Beverly Hills 90210 is my very favourite show ever, ever, ever, except for Press Gang and the early episodes of M.A.S.H.

2. 1 have never missed an episode of this three year epic saga.

3. I know the actors names AND the characters names.

4. Every month when it is my turn to do the grocery shopping at Woollies I leave off one item (usually the toilet paper) so that I can purchase my eagerly awaited copy of the Beverly Hills 90210 Official fviagazine (She does, she does: her housemates)

5. 1 was given an antique bracelet, a four piece dinner set, a set of six win glasses and a Dylan Doll lor my 21st birthday.

6. I fucked Luke Peny.

Well, I didn't actually fuck him. V»/e didn't even exchange bodily fluids of any kind. But I did meet him in a crowded night club at 4 o'clock in the morning. (I did honest!) At least 1 think it was him. However, my memory is as vivid as if he was stiil standing next to me gazing adoringly into my bloodshot eyes at this very moment. It was the happiest night in my sad and shallow existence.

He was shorter lhan I expected and I don't know whether he appreciated me screaming, "Luke I love youl", and dribbling on his designer cowboy boots as fainted at his feet. Nevertheless, he was kind enough to share a kodak moment wilh me and 1 am kind enough to share that moment wilh you.

Believe it or not certain people who I once considered to be friends (with the initials N.P.) spat their all day suckers off the campus at sight of this piccie.

P.S. Lukie said I look a bit like Jenny Garth.

Pip Boyce

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In life, there are bul three rules you need to follow to live a happy and care-free existance: Never sneeze whilst wearing a clown's nose; never play "corners" in the car when the person you're sitting next to is the driver; and never, under any circumstances, be­come involved in what is euphemistically termed a "relationship."

Relationships, by and large, ore stupid, where every sentence increoses the level One has only to look of a couple who are of complex inanity from the sentence pre-deeply in love, ond thus on the cusp of a ceding it, all the while revealing the op-relationship, to reolise the volidity of this portunity for yef onolher, even more in-slotement. People in love lend to act as if one sentence fo assert itself, os the pair ihey were supporting choroclers in a of ihem ploy a game that neilher of fnem cutesy Saturday morning cartoon - o car-loon where the world is pointed in a dozen shades of poslel, and lhe charac­ters all hove names such as "Schnuzzel" or "Wooby," In foci,.people in love lend to refer to each other by si;ch nomes: "I wuvyou, Schnuzzel." "1 wuv yoo too, my willle Wooby." Compored fo people in love, Punky Brewsterlooks like a nard-bitten cynic; the Cabbage Patch Kids, products of a bro­ken home.

Listening fo fhe conversotions of such a couple con often resemble wotching 0 conversational Monde

con Win: "I wuv you Schnuzzel." "1 WUV you even more, Wooby." "No, 1 WUV you rrore, Schnuzzel." "Nooo, 1 WUV you more, Wooby" "Nooo, 1 WUV yoooo more, my itsy koolsy Schnuzzely-wuzzely," "Nooo, I WUV..." And so on, od infinitum. There is o variation of ihis convsrsolion,

in which the couple ore tS^folking on the phone:

Si(t^-^ouv

"But I don't want to hong up," "Well, I don't w a n t you to hang up." "Oooh, but I've got fo go . " "I know. I should let you go." "I don't want fo go." "I don'f want you fo go," "Okay, what if we hang up together?" "All right, on the count of three. You count." "I don't wont lo count, you count," "What if we count together?" "Okoy. I'll sfort. I ..,"

" ... 1 w u v y o u , Schnuzzel." "Oh, I wuv you too, Wooby." "I wuv, wuv, wuv, wuv, wuv, wuv, wuv you, Schnuzzel.

If was Sartre who said "Hell is other peo­ple," which is remarkably perceptive com­ing from one so French. Which brings us to fhe port of this essay where, by o clever analogous ploy on words, I am supposed to turn that phrase on its head ond show fhot if other people ore Hell, then people in love ore for worse. Something like "If Hell is olher people, then people in love are ..." Are what? "Like Hell, only more so?" Doesn't really ring true, does it? Thol's fhe trouble wifh Iryino fo creote on analogy thot fops on obsoTute like Hell. You can't do it. 1 mean, once you're in Hell, it doesn't get any worse. You con't go any further down. Well, I suppose ihere's olwoys Adeloide.

"I wuvyou the most, Wooby." "If Hell is other people, then people in "Nooo, 1 wuv yoooo Ihe mosl..." love are Adelaide." Actually, il kind of And so if goes. grows on you offer a whiie. Nof only do people in love behave os if Regardless of fhe difficulties of that last they had tapioca for brains and maple onology, let's just take il os read that peo-syrup for blood, bul love has a number of serious by-producf that ore sometimes overlooked by a couple in their oll-enconv possing urge fo sweat'. The first, and most obvious, by-product of love is lhe possi­bility that, somewhere along the line, breeding will-take place. This sort of ac­tivity should be actively discouraged, as

Ele in love ore about os welcome os o ad case of ringworm in the massage

parlour of a nudist colony, there is absolutely nothing obout love and relotionships thai mokes any sort of logi-col sense. Consider the romantic notion that, no matter who you ore, no matter how lowly your station, fhof somewhere

nol only ore children octuolly o sexually in the world there is your perfect match fronsmilted disease, but when fhe children This begs a number of questions; How ore born, fhe entire community is sub- can people ever hope to find their ideal jected fo unfortunate public displays of porfner, without fhe oid of nationally syn-polhetic parental offecfion, which often dicoled doling programs? Whof if your fakes the demented style of communico- perfect partner is already dead? Whof if

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tion mentioned obove fo a ridiculous extreme: "Wook, Wooby, she's gotta widdle smiley-wiley on her widdle focey-woco. Yes she does. Yes she doesi Who's o woosy soosy boosy, hey? Who s 0 woosy soosy boosy." It is a minor mirocle that anyone leorns how to folk properly withoul the oid of television, as par­ents certoinly aren't any help.

The second by-product of love is analogous lo nu­clear waste being a by-producf of eleclricol Eower. The by-product of

)ve is love poetry. Like nu­clear waste, love poetry, once created, has an un­fortunately bng holf-life, ond like nucleor wosfe, love poetry has the obility to moke inno­cent people very ill, possibly scarred for

life. If has often been remarked fhol you mired in this predicament, there is usu-need a licence fo drive a cor, fo own o ally only one recourse: AngsfH Angst, by gun or to keep o dog, bul any old fool ifself, is nowhere neor as onti-sociol ond can hove children. Tne same might be sickening os love is, olfhough it must be sold of writing poetry. Unforf unofeiy, there reiferofed fhof poetry should be avoided ore no legal requirements thai must be under pain of death. The only thing worse fulfilled before onyone feeling o stirring thon fhe poetry of someone in love is the in their soul is ollowed fo put pen to pa- poetry of the unloved. It is one of the great-per and answer the coll of their muse, est frogedies on lhe world that there ore Oh, if only the phrase "poetic licence" so many words thot rhyme with "oione," actually meant somelhing. because fhe angst poet will usually lake

greot advantage of this weakening in the

they live in a completely inaccessible region of the world, such as the plains of Upper Mongo-lia?2 Or Canado?3 And how will you know fhol person when you see fhem? Actually, there is one sure woy of being able fo fell whether or not you hove met your perfect match. The person whom you shall love for the rest of your doys. The one whose nome you wil l scream out during sex. You will know this person by one gratingly obvious characteristic: When you meel fhem, they will be madly in love with some­one else. Possibly en­gaged. Probably to one of your close relatives or

best friends. For those poor souls fhof find themselves

v

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lay ar (fill in

English language. Aside from angst po- lunole, porticularly for the dog. etry, fhe other activity fo be avoided when Finolly, if all of this is nof enough fo dis-one has hod o short shorp dose of reality suode from fhe poth of relafionsnips and is singing along to songs written specifi- non-Plofonic love, then please bear in cally for lhe angst-ridden. No-one looks mind (he fact that, even in ihis enlight-

Earticulorly chorming if they start war- ened day and age, long-term relofion-ling in o maudlin fashion to The Smiths,

The Cure or Neil Diamond. If you ever feel gripped by fhe angst-ridden desire fo burst ouf in song before you burst out in tears, for God's sake do if properly. Sing olong fo Frenfe or R.E.M.'s Shiny Happy People, because nothing con mend a broken heort faster thon irony Wifh the possible exception of choco-lafe.5

ships will in all probability lead fo mar­riage. While this institution moy be frowned upon at least it has the advan­tage of liberating fhe people involved from fhe cold ana lonely nights of single living. Heh. Yeah, right. Quite frankly, there ore dozens of activities fhof ore more worthwhile than spending night af­ter nighl wifh fhe some person for the rest of your life. For example, you could buy

Love is genuinely unheolthy, in fhot the o stopwatch and try fo time how long a classic signs of foiling in love ore a loss second is.'o You could fry and think up o of appetite and lock of sleep,* Consider­ing that falling in love is caused by hor­mones that are working towards urging you fo fulfil fhe biological need to propa­gate, thus ensuring the survival of the spe­cies, it hardly mokes sense fhol in doing so il weokens the people falling in love in this manner. Noture, how­ever, is a wicked pnac-ticoi joker, which would perhaps explain erections.' Whol 's more, if you are madly, deeply, passionately in love, wouldn't it follow that you would lose even more sleep ond eot even less at a time in your life when you need to be looking and feeling your healthiest and most attractive? Beauty may well be in the eye o' fhe beholder, bufit'so lucky thing for couples everywhere that the beholder's eyes are usually as bleary as the object is grungy. Then ihere is olwoys fhe romponf possi­bility fhot things may start to sour in the Land of Fuzzy. Even then, the oil pervad­ing ridiculousness of relationships tends

more disturbing genre of music than karaoke yodelling. Or, now that you have sworn off relotionships altogether, you con jusf sil in your lounge room oil by yourself, watching television with the vol­

ume turned down, and store at the phone, thinking to your­self "I'm not bit­ter. I'm not bitter. I'm not bitter." Not thot I ever do that of course. Its just that, well ... I've heard ihat this is what some people do. Sod, Ditler people. Nol me. Oh no - 1 have on obso-lutely fantastic so­cial life. Lots of friends. Loads. Gosh yes ... Lots and lots. Never a dull mo­ment Never. I'm not bitter.

useiliolliiiillliatlsiif-fereilfroiiilcrrilileiiisoiii-nia,Ilieii lreayili(itl was just liaviflg a lol of dreams a b u t having trouble sleeping,

' There ore some who would cloim ifiof il i i wrong fo tolk about love and relotionships os f they were nothing more thon on excuse for to twist the real wor ld into strange and - , — y — - -

clashing pottems, like some sort of Rubik's people '« get together ond rut They soy thai hypercubV As on exomple, I was watch- ° rolofionship must bo based on somelhing ing o couple have on orgumenlafo party fhe other night. You could tell if was one of those reoily big arguments because not 0 single word passed between the two of fhem all evening. Hove you ever no­ticed that the biggest arguments are the ones where nothing is said? Sometimes, arguments begin nof from something you might hove said or done, but from some­thing you haven't said or done.^ This is humon interaction ot ifs most surreol. Af­ter on evening of such frustrating non-com-municotion, if would be very easy fo blow the wholo "relationship" schlick owoy then and there. Few people take this easy way ouf, preferring to keep the relation­ship and calm down in another fashion, such OS chanting o monfro,' kicking the family dog or joining a cult. This is unfor-

p musr bo based on someming more; higher volues such as trust and mutuol understanding. To these people I soy; 'You ore skkl"

2 This concern may possibly be oddressed by the focf that one of (fie most tried ond true methods of moking someone nofice you ond wont lo oo out with you is lo play hard to gel. Playing Rord to gel is even cosier when you've never oclually met the person. I om currency playing hard lo get wilh Hildy Gertrudenson, 0 junior porlner of on Icelandic low firm. Thou-sonds o l miles owoy, she is beginning to won­der why I never coll.

3 Lot's toke o good look at Canodo for a moment, ihall wo? On meeting occosionol American exchonge shjdents, I notice ihey try ond claim thai they ore from Conodo. Why would ony sone person wont lo do this? If ever there were o shy ond awkward cousin in lhe family of notions, if is Canodo. Canada is the

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UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN QUEENSUND Students

Adeloide of the world. I meon, they're pari of lhe British Commonweollh, so things are slacked ogainst ihem in the credibilily stokes from the start. Consider then ihot Canada is coughl between lhe 'cultures' of France ond America. That's arrogance on one side and obnoxiousness on the other - il's like being caught between the proverbiol irresisloble force ond immovable objectl

^ The only olher recourse is bitterness, which is basicolly onqsf after its had o few drinks. Bitterness, on the whole, isn't os bod as it's mode ouf to be. Do who) I do • cheer yourself up by making lists of animols which hove shorter life spons thon you do: mayflies, gup-pies, leaders of the Liberal parly .,.

^ Chocolole is oil five food groups.

^ I used to ihink that I suffered from terrible insomnio. Then I realised that I wos iusi hov­ing a lot of draoms about hoving trouble sleep­ing. I'd woke up tired and restless ofter dream­ing about staying up all nighl thinking oboul how lired and restless I wos going fo feel in the morning.

' Now remember, I said explain, nol ex­cuse!

9 'What haven't I done? O.K., whol haven't I done? I've never srolet' lhe eost face of Ever­est, ihol's something I hoven'l done. I hoven'l ever written Pride and Prejudice. I hoven'l mode o woll of otters. I hoven'f ever been oble to explain myself completely. I haven't ever... oh, never mind,"

^ A montro is o simple sound which, when repeoted as o chant, is supposed to moke il easier for you lo focus on that which is most important. People are encouraged lo discover the own montro which will work best for them, helping them to centre themselves. I've finolly found my montro: 'Me, Me, Me. Me ...' I find it helpJ fo self<enlre myself.

' ^ I got mine clocked in of three minutes ond forty. Forty what, I don't know, but forty none­theless.

s^-(-K f ^

e Number G 1993

Editorial Hi everyone. We hope that everyone is studying hard and getting ready for the final examinations of 1993. iL's been a hectic year for everyone here at Simper but we hope that you've enjoyed the mag and that's it has compared favourably with the professional standards of other Brisbane rags like The Courier Mail. I'll be an article clerk next year at Boris, Filtcher, and Toss but Wendy will be continuing with her studies part-time and wili probably still be contributing her inter­esting, non-polemic and readable articles. The team that's coming in is a really great bunch of guys and they'll be working with you (the students) to make for another great year.

Last week we got a leLter from CSIRO objecting to our article on Prickly Pear infestations upon the Moreton Bay

islands. They said that our article implied that no work was being done on the problem and that this was untrue. They've been researching the potential effects and environ­mental impact of introducing a native African insect into Australia to combat the Pear. Well sorry guys, in spite of this, the Prickly Pear continues to threaten a large number of Australian eco-systems - particu­larly the closed ones which occur on places Uke islands. We stand by our article and the criticisms implied!

Negotiations with SPRA continue and hopefully their magazine and ours will merge into one edition some­

time in 1994. There's no doubt that its finan­cially wasteful to put out two magazines on campus particularly when the ideals of both of them are so similar. Of course this will involve a slight rationalisation of publication staff on both sides, but hopefully the result wili a a stronger, more streamlined operation that will continue to be informative and criti­cal, but at the same lime behaving in a more cost-effective manner. Thanks for all your support during the year, particularly to our team of dedicated contrib­utors (Yay Davo and Mick). Good luck in the future! Ciao.

Ed.

Exam Tips i _ ) n' Hints

Well fellow students, exams are nearly upon us and we here at Simper thought it might be useful to share some tips on study - after all, thaf s what we are here for, isn't it? Here goes....

• Make siire you have all of your notes... - in the correct order - neatly written for easy reference - in triplicate just in case you lose a set.

• Organise study sessions with your peers. That way, you can share the misery.... ha, ha. But before you have one at your house, check with mum and dad first.

• Don't forget to sleep! At least eight hours a night in a well ventilated room is ideal.

• Brain food. Carrot juice is espe­cially good. Avoid that naughty junk food.

• Make tapes of your notes and play them to yourself when asleep.

• Abstain from alcohol. Yes, it may be difficult at first but if you want that 'seven', some things need to be sacrificed. Besides, there will be plenty of time to drink and be merry once you've completed your exams.

• Use a reward system. If you study for two hours, then nip over to the kitchen and make yourself a yummy treat.

• Relax. Treat study as a game and it will seem so much less of a chore,

• If you get stuck on a section of work, go for a walk or do a cross­word. Don't watch TV, this will

only distract you from the matter at hand.

• Make sure you keep plenty of spare change for photocopying. You never know!

• Set out a schedule of study and stick to it! Don't make any excuses for deviating from it and you'll do just fine.

• If you think you've performed badly in an exam, put it to the back of your mind. There's no use cry­ing over spilt milk is there?

• Dress in comfortable, loose fitting clothing. You don't want to con­strict the flow of your blood to your brain.

Simper would like to wish you the very best of luck in your exams. Remember not to let anything distract you and you'll pass with flying colours. Just think of how proud everyone will be!

By Davo and Mick

Suddenly, the Simper editors realised that photocopying a cartoon and placing a self-

referential caption underneath it wasn't that funny after all.

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Union Refectory Announces Holiday Opening Hours

The Union Refectory has announced amended opening times for the summer break. From December 3rd

1993 through to February 27th 1994, the Refectory will operate during the follow­ing hours:- Monday-Thursday 9,30am-3.30pm A source close to refectory management was ecstatic about the new hours, stating that "the rationalisation of operating times will make shopping and eating at the refectory a much more pleasurable experi­ence. We are all very exciting about this change in the business hours of the University of Queensland's premier culi­nary establishment and we hope that staff and students will be as well." The source emphasised that this was a trial run and input from all affected was welcome. "There will be no drop in the standard of service provided, or in the quality of the food. In fact we are expecting students who live nearby to drop in for lunch dur­ing the holidays, just as they did during

semester. It also provides the ideal opportunity for new students to see just how good the service here is."

There has been some opposition to the new hours wilh

members of 'Friends of the Refectory' voicing concern at the changes and the effect that they may have on the University's holiday population. "It's a shame. These new hours will alien­ate staff and students who have to be at the University on Fridays. That is our principle concern."

The organisation also vvas woiried about the lack of consultation that surrounded the implementation of the new hours. "We were not consulted," said a spokesperson of 'Friends of the Refectory' "We find the situation to be highly inappropriate and we can only

hope that it won't occur again." Will these new holiday hours disadvan­tage students, especially those v/ho come to University during Fridays? Rest assured that Simper will keep an eye on events and repori back on the success (or otherwise) of the latest developmenls.

By Davo and Mick

Uni Cricket Team Set For j Great Season Social Simper

Yes, sports fans, Uie cricket season is upon us once again. The university cricket team has been training hard during the

fooiy season and they are keen, keen, keen to do us all proud. Mosl of last year's team have been retained with the exception of Johnno & Big Gazza who have graduated. All Uie best fellas in whatever field you try your hand at! Batting looks to be the side's slrengUi wiUi Uie middle order looking especially solid. Bazza's been sulking the ball well in the nets, but we all know Uiat it's out on Uie field where it counts. The opening pairing of Robbo & Jimbo have developed a great understanding after an initial unfamiliarity (musi've been all that Ume spent down at the pub togeUier, eh guys?!). Their run­ning between die wickets has to been seen to be believed.

Bowling is an area of concern. It is not enough for Stevo to carry the team on his own as he can't roll his arm over all day

by himself. Fielding also appears to be fairly average wiUi Uie excepUon of Uie slips who have been displaying excellent reflexes. Alt in all, an exciUng season looms with the pos­sibility of the team making a significant mark on the compelition Uiis year. The lull squad for tlic first game is as follows: Robbo (c), Jimbo, Baz/.a. Dazza. LiUle Ga/.za, Howie. Stevo (vc), Frankie. lan. Dandu. KuWinskioff. Nico (12Ui man) Best of luck guys! by Mick and Davo

The beer drinkers at this Uni have been pretty busy as these really great pictures show.

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5M "I want to be different,

the different people, difference all around,

and be indistinguishable,

like everbody else I tuant tc be like. I want to be just like all 1 have no further interest in being the same, because I have seen and now I know that that's what 1 want. 1 don't want to blend in I want to be part of the different crowd, and assert my individ­

uality along with others who are different like me.-*" IT'S SBTURDf^V - KING MISSILE

C 2

Listen, is anybody else confused out there? Do you t t i ink tw i ce , for example, before pulling on tha i Cure T-Shir t because you know that the first group of Goths that you pass will coolly deem you a "try hard" and eye you with disdain because your hair isn't jet black and supported by industr ial strength glue? Hesitate to wear that bomber jacket as a group ot enraged Bombers just might beat you up because you're not "in the hood"? Feel kind of strange humming Pet Shop Boys in front of a Technohead because your hair is dyed jet black and supported by industrial strength glue? In fact, does it seem that anything you might ever take an interest in has been appropriated by one youth subculture or another as a symbol of just how "diflerent" and "non-conformist" they are? Well , I for one am sick of it, and in this art ic le in tend to blow the whist le on these elitiist, judgemen­tal youth subcultures that continually claim to be "different" and defy the pressures of "con­formist" society. Now, 1 can understand the strong pull that a subculture can have on a person, especial ly a teenager. Teens, often uncertain of themselves and their place in a soci­ety which pressures everybody to conform to accepted social norms, feel the need to assert their individual­ity and defiance of these norms. A subcul ture which claims to be suf­ficiently different from these social norms can provide the per fect medium for this asser-

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tion. But as well as proclaiming their individuality and differ­ence, a subculture also provides a teen the chance to self-identify wi th something larger than themselves. They can take com­fort in the fact that they are not just a lone voice announcing their individuality, but a whole group of people announcing their indi­viduality. It's much easier fo defy social norms and be differ­ent from everybody else when you do it in a group. A subculture wilt appropriate something (typically clothes or music but always: something highly noticeable) that appears to differ from the social norms and begin to incorporate it into their "alternate" lifestyle. As a consequence, each subculture will have at least one major dis­tinguishing feature which both serves as a focal point, and a way to identify others who self-identify with the lifestyle. This d is t inguish ing feature then serves as a symbol that differ­entiates the subculture not only from mainstream popular cul­ture, but from other subcultures. It's all very tribal, really. This is where my problems with youth subcultures come in. These symbols of differentiation are so fiercely guarded by the subculture that has appropriated them as their own that those who just so happen to adopt one of these symbols, be it clothes or music, but obviously doesn't self-identify with the subculture in question, are held in disdain. Others, who attempt to self-identify with a particular subcul­ture, but somehow fail in totally embracing the lifestyle, are held in derision and scorn, and are r e f e r r e d to as " t r y - h a r d s , " This is because they are seen as threats that may compromise the "difference" that is proclaimed by the subculture. Any hint of the introduction of popular cul­ture would subvert the "differ­ence" of the subculture. This is why bands once so beloved by a subcul ture that are seen as "sell ing out" are dropped like hotcakes (serious Goths dis­owned the Cure years ago). This

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is also why "try hards" are so cruelly scorned, as Ihey repre­sent a weakening of the precious "difference"; a diluting of all the subculture stands for. In fact, in order to maintain its alternative status, a subculture imposes an even stricter pres­sure to conform than Ihe society which they are differentiating themselves from, in establishing their "di f ference", those who self-identify w i th subcul­ture are

forced to look just like everybody else in that subculture. A great way to assert your " ind i ­viduality", eh? Even more ugly, is when one subculture's symt>ol of differen­tiation clashes with another sub culture's sumbol of differentia t ion , and a state ot hosti l i ty arises between the two groups of "outsiders". 1 remember the years of my youth in my home town of Redcliffe, a city much l ike Wynnum (In tact, for an accurate descr ip t ion of Redcl i f fe, just re-read Kiley Gaffney's article about Wynnun-in issue 7, and substitute the noun Redcliffe whenever you see the noun Wynnum). Even in Redcl i f fe, the teens felt th strong need to self identify wilh something larger than them­selves, and most teens either called themselves Bevans (a sub­culture typified by wearing flan­nelette, driving Monaroes, sit­ting outside of Seven Eleven's, and Jimmy Barnes) or Mods (an incredible subvers ion of the original Scooter Mod subculture, a Redcliffe Mod was basically anybody who considered them­selves an " indie") . Anyway, everybody took their subcultures so seriously, that there were some dangerous clashes between Bevans and Mods, including a con-fronta tion at a local hockey field that

has gone down in Redcliffe leg­end. Very t r iba l , don't you think? Anyway, t i red of having my clothes and music tastes dictated by these subcultures/tribes who

claim to be so damned "non­conformist", I cast a highly critical eye over a few of the subcultures noticeable in Brisbane, and came up with a few thoughts. You may be able to think of more local subcultures than i have but maybe that means I'm not very cool . Anyway, here they are, those paragons of "difference."

skatebeads Wow,

1 Who . would have ever thought that skating would become such a creddy thing? Bul not only has skating become creddy, but has become the central differentiating symbol of an entire subculture based around of it. A skatehead can be easily spotted by the skateboard pro tec t ive ly nursed under one arm like a security blanket, or a perhaps a substitute penis (1 wonder if it's true; big board, little ...). Skatehead fashion demands baggy knee length shorts (although longer is nice), gym boots (All-Star brand score extra points for cred), and quite often a short sleeved T-shirt worn over the top of a long sleeved one. Does this double one's cred if both shirts are of creddy bands? Hair is usually short, and facial nair (particularly those annoying little goatees) is a bonus. A skateboard, however, is essential. Gumby rides a skateboard. Does this mean that Gumby is creddy?

The central distin-guishing feature of a

DOittbCfS Bomber is a bomber jacket, which is usu­ally accompanied by

Trousers or jeans that are least five times too big for them. This is worn wi th a loose dress sh i r t , although a T- shirt is also acceptable. Bombers deliber­ately cultivate a very street­

technofreaks It seems that the centra l distinguishing feature of

pos i t i ve l y squirming w i th delight as their status as "mys­terious tortured outsiders on the fringe of society which nobody

wise look by adopting many of the features of street kids; that is, a highly mobile, root less appearence which is achieved by having a duffel bag slung over a shoulder, accompanied by loose, comfortable, functional clothing. Bombers can be seen proudly walking "their" streets in the early hours of the morning, try­ing to look at home. They also l ike to appropr ia te Af ro-American ghetto speech, in order to enhance this s t reet -wise image.

There is, however, one small difference between Bombers and the street kids they try to emu­late. The average Bomber has probably spent over 300 dollars acquiring their percjous bomber jacket and street smart clothes, and, most importantly, has a bed to go home to at night. Your average street kid doesn't.

weenies

Technofreaks is wearing hideously loud shirts with hoods, ingesting huge amounts of E, and dancing furiously to music that sounds curiously like a car a\arm. Technofreaks enjoy gath­ering most frequently at social functions called "Raves", which essentially consist of cramming aboul a thousand drug fucked kids into the same room, with D.J.'s repeatedly playing the same song (not that anyone seems to notice), setting off flares every now and ther\ for the benefit of those E'd out of their heads, and charging about 20 bucks for the privilege. Technofreaks insist that they have a good time at these Raves, but considering that a Technofreak on E could have a good time in a morlurary, their testimony should be discounted. Of all subcultures, Technoheads are the least elitist in attitude, and don't really seem to mind foo much if elements of popular cul­ture seep into their subculture; no doubt due to a party, party, party attitude. Still, don't turn up at a Rave in a Metallica shirt unless you want to get some pretty strange looks. Techno D.J. 's enjoy giving themselves names like Ferret, Mock-E, Tricky Fly. and Shit-E. Well, you can't get much more "different" than that now, can you?

You knew this was coming, didn't

Okay, okay, we did the Weenie thing to death last issue, but i just can't help' myself. Anyway, I hope that you realize by now that Weenies have their own symbol of differentia­tion, and a group of like minded people to self-identify with, just like any of these other subcul­tures. It's just that Weenies have picked a rather, um, weenie way of asserting their differ­ence, and actually want more rather than less people to self identify as Weenies. Interestingly enough, a reason­able proportion of the people at Semper this year (including the editors) are either Weenies, ex-Weenies, or Weenies in training. Pretty cool, huh?

goths

Actually, it's not very difficult to pisstake the Goth scene; just make some joke about a bunch of kids pretend­ing to have their mid­life crisis at the age of16 bewailing their teen sorrows, and indus t r ia l strength glue, and there you

really understands or takes the time to" is confirmed yet again. I suppose I should really leave better enough alone and deny them the sat is fact ion. Then again, I really can't resist... An article in last year's Semper revealed that Brisbane's once flourishing Gothic community were taking refuge in the Midian-l ike labyr in th that sprawls beneath the Great Court. Recently, however, there has been something of a Goth resur­gence in Brisbane, and when it comes to subcultures, the Goths are about as elitist as they come. Serious Goths have exacting codes of dress and affectations that must be strictly adhered to; up and coming Gotho that don't conform to these standards run the fearfu l risk of being rejected as "try-hards". As a consequence, Goths make it their business to conform to Gothic standards. Jet black hair is essential, and having it teased and defy gravity with the help of industrial strength glue, a-la Robert Smith (sorry, couldn't help myse l f ) , scores extra points. Black clothes are obliga­tory, as is a whited out face contrasting sharply with black eyeliner and lipstick. Of all the subcultures, Goths are the most judgemental of others who may attempt to appropriate the symbols of their subculture. They fiercely guard their status as being non-conlormists who stand outside of "conventional" bounds, being harshly critical of any would-be Goths and even of each other. The thing that Goths most fear is for their "d i f fe rence" to become the "norm". As a consequence, the need to conform in the Gothic community is double that of the society they differentiate them­selves from. Gothic = freedom from conformity? 1 think not. Benedictine monks were easy on themselves compared to this subculture. Phew. That sure was easy, wasn't it?

have it Easy. Too easy. Personally, 1 wonder if pisstaking the Goth scene actual ly proves to be counter productive. 1 can image any half-serious Goths out there reading this acting highly offended with their mates, but

Now, at this stage many of you are no doubt forming lynch-mobs and crying "Well, what do you want then, mister smarly pants? Do you want everybody to act and look and be just the same, with no individuality and differ­

ence at all. That's just what the Nazi's wanted, and I'm gonna write a letter to Semper about it." Chances are, however, if you have been offended by this article, then it's because you no doubt believe the bullshit about being "different" that subcul­tures are meant to typify, and have not listened to the basis of my criticism. Let's go over it, shall we?

Personally, I'm all for difference and individuality. I find the bland crap that we hear on Top 40 radio boring (and quite often JJJ as well, but that's another dis­cussion, isn't it?), and the recy­cled garbage that gets pumped out of Hollywood an insult to my in te l l igence. I respect and applaud anyone or anything that subverts the dominant paradigm in any way. Things would be very dull if everybody was the same.

However, I find it deliciously ironic that while these subcul­tures are attempting to proclaim the i r " d i f f e rence " f r om the norm, and their hatred of con­formity, they only end up being conformists to their own subcul­tures. Conformity of one kind is replaced by another, which is often stricter than the one they have just escaped f rom. Unfortunately, the kids wrapped up in the wonder of a youth sub­culture do nol seem to see this, and this results in the jealous safeguarding of the symbols of dif ferentiat ion, and contlicts between the subcultures. The supposedly liberating act of being part of a youth subculture, then, proves to make people who take it seriously even narrower than they were in the first place. I'm not condemning youth subcul­tures entirely. As I said earlier, I can understand the need to self-identify with something larger than oneself. I did myself at one time. But just because I like Techno doesn't mean I want to be a Technohead. Just because I wear a Cure T-Shirt doesn't mean 1 want to be a Goth, People shouldn't take subculture too seriously, because they'll just end up conforming to something in the end. Really, it doesn't matter what you wear, or what you listen to. So don't judge people for it. People are people, that's all. Accept it. Now, Ihere's something in that for everybody, isn't there? Cameron E e l e s . (Glad to say something nice and positive -he thinks • in his final article).

**^DV£KiraKe5 4 UoQWU! •

The t>abe walked Into the room. She had a

body that went all the way from her ankles to herneck, and she was giving me a look that would have had weak men on their knees. 7 ... cr. was /ooWng for something,' I said as I

picked myself up. And then there was

Roger, han^ng there. Hanging...

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with Boo and Dee

If you remember last time: Dee, under tbe hypnotic con­trol of tbe evil Dr Klein, bad a Heckler und Kocb VP 70 automatic (in silverplate witb motber-of-pearl handle) aimed at tbe oblivious Boo...

Boo: What wa^ that 'click'? Ooooh, see that woman over there? She'a

wearing a Liherly floraldcarj with a kather cap. Veryjlylidh.

Dee:I... can't... do... it.

Boo: What waj that?

Dee: I know he'j evil, hid I jiut can't. Dr Klc'ui waj wrong; everyone had

iiorne good iji them. Even Boo. I jiutt know it.

Boo: Who are you talking to, Dee? Who [i evil? Oh look at that man! A

Ivenchcont, I mean, I a.ikyoul IIone<flly, Mme people have no ,>harm.

Dec: Don't you ever think about anything more important?l People are

heing torture? in Cfl.ila Rica and all you think about iJ fabric and acced-

iwricil

Boo: Co,ila Rica ? Did I ever tell you about the gorgeous handpainted wall-

tile>f 1 boiujht there? Lovely, and JO inexpeimve. Of course I haggled....

Dee: Aaaaargbl

Boo: You know you really ought to take a holiday, Dee. How about

Alexico? Lord'bve-me, will you take a look at that? Come off it sweetie,

that look died witb the lemon palnsuitand 'Number 96'1

Dee: That's it, /can't stand ill I am goi/ig to kill youl

Boo: Roll-me-over-and-paiJit-nu-purplel Now that's high glamour if ever

I saw itl Peacock feathers at this time of morning I

Dee: (pause) Where?

Boo: Over there, ihe darling with the drops and the red velour tights.

Dee: I see what you mean. Although I would have chosen sonuthing a little

less...

Boo: Obvious?

Dee: Yes. Perhaps somelhing in a royal blue, or even a green?

Boo: I ,iee what you mean. Now look, about that holiday....

Dee: What about Nepal?

Boo: Kxotitjuel

Dee: Aktolulely, Boo.

Semper e.xclnsii't'. While Boo and Dee sample band-^'oven

Nepalese climbitu] jackets, here's a snapshot we found tucked

away in lhe 'To be shredded'file of their ejcrltoirc. That's right,

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The main event started with a queue outside Oavies Park that took half an hour or more lo negotiate.at.times.vj.heard::the distance.dulled 5trains,:0f,th.e,Headless Chickens' "G as ICi;ankifig-Slatiqn'! iWa^ that:J;wa6iTjji|sing 6iit:(WS<irtiethlng becapsedle'gat-^'vii'as^^ the urge;ii3 imntediatelyoheck:bi)t!the bands;bri:'ehiry-seem^:&j^V^^ ur of findinig friends who vyrerei lr^ady-inside. Aitet^ihavinjHeard coptipus at the ticket price ($38:pir8-s6!dand;545 at th©gate):lb^gan to inveslgatefilwhatitjiie punt­ers got for their mortieyi: The festival this year v\^3:spread out over itwo-oyalsi-af^ pro­vided loiir stages, tliie «« rangsfT\ent of whicb seerned to eliminate •Meit^'^i^^^'''*^"^ other stages quite satisfactorily. The bi Jtop hosted the big bands .asllJsiiie^lJhe far stage seemed to h^^-the griingier bands; :an(:l the oval had markets ;and-|lie;;added attraction of a gyro «fefcjse thingimy {yptJiknov ltlTioae 3 circles:coniiected.olf metal which someone strajis themselves into and flails around in all orieritatibris;**)?Perhaps the most inlerestingitent was the performance tent, ji i the corner-ofitheimain oval, where there was sornethtng a little offbeat and experimentaihap?ieiilrig:all the time. This tent seemed to beUyid's attempt to bring some contenporaryarl^ to the great unwashed. It was received with rriixed (eelings by the non-art-consuining public. I wit­nessed two 'blokes' disagreeing about what to see next, ending in one of them going to check out "that weirdo shit over there", to the disapproval of his mate.

So how aboul the music? Well 1 treated the affair as much like a social gathering as a concert, and having failed to buy a programT:wM^sed'ii-p of things. The Falling Joys are, as evet; the Falling Joy#f)di^n^ly making very good use of their contrasting pretty fiarmonieisind (more distdrt^^ i remem­bered) guitar noise. The Clouds were nici* to tftellowbut t ^ back of the big tent. And 1 could go on describing pt^fesslbrial musiciao5:8oing:a g ^ job.... but then 1 saw Ween, Having heard their ':PiireGtJava? album a feVirtimeiS:I wasn't ready lor two gtiys and two guitars (one acoustic) with:ahidc(?n DAT machinooir $equer>ceror whatever to provide the rest of the sound. Most'c^the songs I heard I'didnptrecognise, but wai impressed tionetheless, "Cover If v/t(h gasoline and set it pnfre* \^^^ larly rnemorable, mainly because the acoustic Weenfe; put down hisguitar, stepped up to the mic, and belted out those words over and bvefr in; a forceful felsetto that reminded nie of Sylvester. They followed up with a song vvhose title.waS a:sirigl8.:Span word, and built up a frantic energy with both gi;itars;and>biT) ;|;r6cbrded ba^jSnes that re­minded my of the Pixiespf thSi Come on Pilgrifif ieral;|t^$et«nded:pfip|oably enough) with their JJJ smasilPush ths little daisies andniaketherriCorrwIp presented as a slow weepy ballaci with lots iaf cello and violin accbnipaiiyihg the acoustic guitar. The result was hilarious at one level, but disconcerting because the lyrics were so easy to understand, and had a really dark edge. I think the audience was a tittle taken aback, but wS).eriit.ended they bjrpke.intq the standard yersipri, and received a great response as:^ey;:lflf|;:t}ie st^3|Anpllier;pleasan|i|i|iri$tt;^}^ | had always assium9d;tii3tthey!v^s to har-bp:u||(|fr»aiiy ol. VJIiei^siirTieiplitold mii^i:|iis:<5ui|||lijn|)^i|^^ band that I was watchinq from a distance wasCaliaula f was sturmerf^fll have to make

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i|y»;^;be||re sunset i l p r r i | | | ^ i t y w^pilcltiiieci:;by the stridepHliliJliiltfcka of i i i : ! i i i l^ ' 'copl^ '" ^ H i S P j i P i v circleiibVe*;ihS;-i^nt. Sudden| | | i i i i i i i )wn low

| | | | i i | | | e club house3aBd;;6ey|^;hundr^5tpng^^ balls eaSiiiiijrrfeiing from i i i i i i y - The crowd;:;ne;ar|y,iantii !pating yipab!|;|>ifl$|s, swoopeciiliiifi^iiiiiiind that iiSiW^®''® Omniscisj illS&iieipiildvertisin^^^^^ l l i l p ^ n g the legend|jfs!S|Fp)|;Mihutes later thlihpf|jer l a r i d ^ | i i i | i } i | p t to the l l l r p g e stage and (pt•bf;it pd|ped an alieactslti)!-!iiivig^ scales i||(Rlchard Mansfieid;|rpmQGj)^H6 was soon ibifted||;;|S^;i^ plastic l lpl loons on their he|d|i|pj|nk^merge^y:M^ around '••the field in a pseudo-baliistic-rnairiner tolhe-straitif # i i ^ g n i f t r o ^ the PA, and then

proceeded out of the gate and into the crowd where they were separated and one was followed and attacked by a strange little man wearing therapeutic undenwear, who pro­ceeded to hump one of them to death on the ground before ejaculating fluid all over it.

Ejaculation seemed to ba a repeating themsofthe evont; The Snuff Puppets (gro­tesque 12 feet high characters with people operating then^ from the'lnside) perform­ances ended in the simulated fellatio ot one puppet by another, culnanating in a lot of falling }oy$ fans being covered in a sticky whNe substance. Another of their perform­ances showed the birth ot two male baby puppets who proceeded to emasculate one another. Another parlwn^ance consisted of a drag-pope and his assistant performing rituals (of a rather sttty nature) lo induce a junrping-casile to self'InfJale. Soon after it v/as up the crowds went wild and began jumping, fauttfie inflation n^rst have suffered a crtsis of faith, and before long the castle was collapsing on top of the revellers and their spilt beer.

On the whole the crowd seemed content and peaceful, and a Inendly atmosphere pre­vailed. Police and security were fairly unobtrusive (to the detriment of the South's goal posts in one incident near the beer tent when 6 people climbed onto the oross-bar, and then rocked and swayed until it came down, leaving one bl the tall upright poles leaning at a peculiar angle.)

The main stage seemed to take forever to prepare tor the headline band (Siouxsie & the Banshees), and resulted in some restlessness among the people waiting. Then when they made it on stage they proved what I had most feared when I saw the lineup - that they have lostiwhafeverap^ they had for'rne, and seem to be a band stuck between got hie and:$lBCtr6-poFi. They appear to have an Identity crisis.and Siouxsie herself: doesn't have enough; magnetism to distract you from their uritformityof presen­tation of songs. Of cpursei therewere exceptions, soma of the old songs did some lo life again I enjoyed "Dear P'ritdence" and "S;pellbound":;and one or tvvbrothers;; Maybe it's [ust that 1 don't like theilr new:sound enoggh, and that the old sohgisi&relplayed using that style. Anyway i ly i i^ a bi ^^ lo leave during theehcore to get a head start tow^ds cjabs^hVutture Istreet rathel;than be disaf^pinted any further.

I'm nol sure of the v^ti^j^-^av^ng so maf ystmultiahBous performers|asid8lrpm inflat­ing ticket prices to 'tmicela laj-ger profit,i:a${;find:that;moving froriv^ageiitqi'istage in desperate pursuit tp;^i5^;|irVo<i want (and the jhevitafaility of clash^)^:unapp^aling. I would rather have a'isingfejineup whicheipwsrne tirrffl/oiit^to Io< see performers, have a IliitjiWii IwliEirwhen ttte;tabds^:l idofiiY^^ the day enjoyable, and the tftusicai performers aSiinteresting as the;%rt I enjoyed the social aspects, arid J Jbiiihd tfiat Glarewasa-I^erfed buildup tothe event, but 1 have trouble justifying the ticket price, and I would prefer less fot less.

Keith Duddy

^Dj

[—1 PI

M elboume airport was cold and wet. We were four travellers, a mixed group of undorgrads, non grads and maybe grads. 8,52am wc emerged from Ansctt flight 172; bedraggled bul enthused.

The uip had begun five hours ago when night became morning. A dimly lit bedroom was dragged into murky focus by (he squeal of my iasane alarm clock. It is less like a bell and more like the sound of someone lorttir-ing a squirrel. Il is good for the soul ;o have your senses battered inlo leixsc alcris^ess by a piece of dysfunctional technology. It re­minds you of your place in the world. I think the batteries were flat.

A few niinutes later, I made a bleary exit from my bedroom, stepped in the catfood, and stumbled outside to the Uxi, westward bound.

Tyler's house was quiet Too quiet, I thought. I didn't want to have to wake him up and remind him why I was there;

He was weary but awake. After a quick pre-f lobart conference over coffee and cones, we were perky and away to collect the last two disciples. JM was next aboard. Now, JM is not a man witb conventional attitudes to­wards luggage. He did not have a .suitcase, but a sausage shaped bag-thing the size of a small hOTSc. Christina was eventually found somewhere on Montague road. Introducdons were made and with our boots bursting with happiness, we sped away to the airport. A car full of bleary eyes, and faces vacant of expression, passing silently along the pre­dawn streets with nothing U) mark our pas­sage but the whisper of an experience yet lo be lived, and the faint aroma of pilchards. ,

Is it Mnreasonable to expect free alcohol on a domestic flight at 6.30am7 Apparently so, judging by the Jook I got from the steward. Mind you, 1 usually get strange looks fixim Stewards. Paranoia perhaps, though this one was weird. Hair like a Ken Doll and his eyes far too close together. Tbe trip to Hobart was in two stages, Brisbane to Melbourne; Mel­bourne to Hobart. We bad a three hour stop over and had anangcd for an old friend to meet us at the airport.

By 9.00am wc had found a bank and an open bar and had decided to slay in the aiiport rather than lose time travelling lo the city. By eleven o'clock wc had all bought a round, wc were running out of room on the table and we needed to gel some air. To the carpark we went, five of us stuffed inlo a small car. Our fiiend thus produced, some illegal herbs

that had been cunningly dried and rolled so that they closely resembled a cigareUe. Clever, very clever....! heard someone strike a match.... AD indeterminate amount of time passed.... slowly.

I eventuaUy regained the power to speech and looked up through the smoke filled cabin. 1 could just make out the face of the person next to me. Through the dense in­criminating air, my voice seemed distant.

"What's the timer'

"Five to twelve." The seconds passed like centuries as the words crossed the chasm be­tween us and took on meaning and signifi­cance in my bead. Somewhere, deep down in the musty corridors and forests of my mind a silent mechanism clicked into place. Five to twelve. Five two twelve. 5-2-12. An air-

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port, a plane, a drama conference, Hobart.

I leapt from the car. The others were already out and gathering their belongings. I esti­mated we had about three minutes before our connecting flight across the Tasman left without us. It had started to rain again. We said speedy goodbyes to our friend and ran madly for the departure terminal. Bags and coats flying behind us, stamping through the puddles in the carpark. Every step agony for

; those of us with five schooners of Tooheys ; classic fighting for room iti our bladders.

' The l^raan is not veiy big, as seas go. An irour l i ^ we were met by three sniiling faces from the Festival of Australian Student Thea-t^. They, looked like ns - tired but enthusi-

: asHcrXcifually. they didn'tlooklike us at all. : iTriiey were cleaii for a start ^ didn't stink iiof l»CTv And they'had decidedly more cash

than we did.

Hobart Uni' Drama Society "Old NickTheai,: Ire Co." puts on a comedy revue every year, and the returns from this one pixluclion fund their activities for the rest of the year. This year they had U:n tiiousand people Ihrough the door and takmgs were around S50 000.

We told this on the way from the aiiport to our hotel. The man driving was introduced

Another hideous construction with red brick paving and a few to.ken shrubs. The archi­tecture around was quite nice; old al least. If made quite a change lo be around buildings that were more than ;hirly years old.

We found the Centte for Arts after aboul an hour, looked in the gallery, bought so.-ne postcards. Hunger drove us back the main drag. By this time it was late evening, and it then that we discovered an unportant thing about Hobart

Everything shuts at sunset.

Tiue. There were the occasionally signs of life, feral children, a few stray cats, but apart from that Wednesday nights in Hobart are a very quiet affair. We eventually found an open Italian Restaurant and bad some ad­equately delicious and filUngpcsta.

By tbe time we left it was 9pm and the res­taurant was closing. The streets were dead quiet so we thought we'd head back to the New Sydney before the thought police came in white coats and dragged us away for breaking the curfew. When we rounded the comer of Bathurst Street our hearts leapt and spirits warmed.

.There was tbe New Sydney, a loud proud

to us as 'Uohriny". Wict during the joumey^<:S'^^^'°f J°^'^'' '^ ^ ' '^"°n °^^°°^ '""^ 'drink. An oasis amidst a sterile and desolate his car phone interrupted the conversaUon.

Both times he reacted with a reflex arm moyemeot knd swept tbe device to his ear.

"Johmiy )C, here", was his openmg Ime. Ex­cuse tne? I said excuse me!? Calling your­self "Johnny" is fine if you don't mind sounding like a flaccid rubber prophylactic, but Johnny Jt. Jesus. Well done to everyone in the car for keeping it together.

Wc were told that the response for FASThad . been greater lhan expected so tbe accommo­dation was in separate hotels. Tbe main group of 60 or so were at the transit centre. Wc along with fifteen others were to stay at the New Sydney Hotel. Tlic fortune of this siuation did not become fully apparent un­til later in the week, though il soon became obvious that we had lodging in one of the best pubs m Hobart

«The downstairs bar was the kind of place ~ v-vwbere you wanted to drmk. It bad a long oak << bar^with draught everythmg There was a '•^ fireplace setinto tbe opposite wall which was " *' burning every night Upstairs was where our

,j^, rooms were They were small practical and " ,^ap« tbe best of backpackers luck.

ilaived|n bwn a day eaiiy, so after we &t%t.^:^,i.. i_ J T., J •»-» essentials

landscape. A veritable foundation of joy, braying its presence to Ihe dead and the deaf.

We strode in the from door and nudged our way to the fire as all thoughts of an early night were drowned in a pint of Pale Ale.

Thursday morning heralded the arrival of other delegates from all around the counuy. At Sam they started banging and shouting and stamping and generally sounding happy. We, on the other hand, emerged from our squalid hovel looking as seedy as a vegela-ble garden, mumbled some helios and siu.m-bicd to the bathroom.

The confaence offidaliy opened at 5.30pm that night with a welcoming pissup followed by a brisk walk to the Peacock Theatre for the opening night of lhe Old Nick Theatre Go's producuon q£The Rover. At lhe gathering we were presented with ourF.A.S.T. l-shirts and a bagful of maps and brochures, ihc bar was free and the dnnks flowed steadily.

The Rover is tpparently a "bawdy restora­tion comedy", Wc only stayed for the lust half as It faUed to entertain - a.bawdy com­edy in need oif restoration.

Afterwards all 80 of lis headed along to the opening night cast party,; Again the bar was firee.Again the drinks flowed, Wedanced and.

'^ysym'^i^\-<-^-^^ "'1' < J ». * . - talk^ and mihgled tjll the wei'early hours. ^ ^ ^ ^ f ^ ^ t ^ ^ J y S « Tbefirstnlghtof iheffesuvalleftmeinawe ®fd«blen?inlttate»>lThejCBD,revolvcs ^ .»*". f__

- T ^ o f atahdst walk to exploit Hobart.

at 6M amount of money and oiBanisation

p.!-'

behind the week. We had been in and out of bars and thea'jes all nighl. Wc were the city's guests, or so il seemed.

Workshops of all kinds were held during the next three days. There were workshops on photography, direction, improvisation, belly dancing, puppetry, marketing, script writing. I don'l know how many people made it to lhe Friday morning workshops, They started at 9.30am and as far as I know most people were still drinking at four in the morning.

My fu-sl encounter with these thcauical dis­ruptions to a hangover, was in a perform­ance studio in North Hobart at the belly danc­ing workshop. Tyler and 1 were the only guys there. The woman who took the lesson was like an extra from Aladain. She was an in­credibly big, voluptuous woman witb long fake eyelashes, long dark hair and covered in jewellery and tassels. By the end of the three hours v,e could all do a little forma­tion dance across the room. The idea I think is lo have incredibly flexible hips thai can move independent of the rest of your body. Some people could do it very well, and some people looked like a duck with broken legs being dragged sideways.

If ever I hear someone talking ill of belly dancing however, I shall rabidly defend it as an excellent past time.

The highlight of the week in regards to per-fonnance was a production of Beckett's Wail­ing for Godot. It was done by Sydney Univer­sity Drama Soci­ety over two nights, the first act on Friday, the second on Saturday. I saw before me one of the most astig­matic and ideo-l o g i c a l l y crapped-one plays of the 20th century, become the simple and incredibly great theatre that it is. 1 fell off my chair twice, it was riveting and completely hl-

••lan6us.'.r"-":.

.Queens land Uni's contribu­tion to the weeks entertainment

^^^.

took fonn during the ]ast nightcabaret. Most university's had brought an ensemble cast down and had performed a piay, wc how­ever, preferred to hold back and wait until llie last nighl of the festival lo make a dev­astating theatrical strike. In this, wc were debaledly successful, 'fhough, the sight of Tyler doing an unpression of Mr Squiggle with half a tub of vaseline smeared on his face, will stay wiih me for a long time.

The conference concluded on Monday morn­ing when all the various groups caught morn­ing flights back to mainland. Our flight was not until 1.30pm, so we were the lastto leave. Il was strange spending a few hours in an empty hotel, once again we were alone in the New Sydney.

It was a tired and solemn group th at returned lo a rainy Monday in Brisbane. Our dream land that was Hobart had vanished as quickly as it had appeared, zooming in and out of reality through a hole in the wall of an aeroplane.

The trip was a great experience, like a week in another land and copious thanks must go to the people behind tbe festival, everyone from Old Nick who put time and enthusi­asm into anything from selling you a beer, to holding a workshop on direction. Pande­monium, we love you.

DAMIEN CASSIDY

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^ OPTUS: the evolution of a campaign

OPTUS comm unlcatlons

The past four years have been major ones for Optus:

In this time, we've become established in Australia, laid thousand of kilometres of cable and run major campaigns in every capital city leading up to the telecommunica­tions ballot. And one by one, city by city, we've lost.

But we're not about to give up.

Optus is determined to give you the best communica­tions service around at the most competitive price. That's why, v/hen you ask for cheap long-distance and international calls, we can still say -

'yes'

OPTUS commuatc* tions

The past four years have been major ones for Optus:

Thanks to the increased sunspot activity and the occa­sional U.S. nuclear test on New Zealand, things are diffi­cult in the world of telecommunications. We've endeav­oured to research a remedy to the problem, but the fact is, Australia has run low on qualified Science graduates since the education cut-backs of the 90's.

But we're not about to give up.

Optus is determined to give you some sort of service, sometime, as soon as we figure out whal the problem is. Until then, you'll get the response that Australians ex­pect from their telephone companies -

OPTUS comm untCi tloni

The past four years have been major ones for Optus:

Along with competing with a third telecommunications company, Murdoch's SkyPhone™, there have been the damaging ramifications of the Surgeon General's find­ings on the incidence of brain tumours in mobll phone users.

But we're not about to give up.

Optus is determined to stick this one out, with the sup­port and understanding of our customers, who realise that with the extra demands being made of us, we'll endeavour to still provide you with the answer you've grown to accept -

'probably'

OPTUS comm unlcitlons

The last four years have been major ones for Optus;

In this time we've begun to realise what an ungrateful bunch of whinging bastards Australians are. Just because your line cuts out half-way through another turgid con­versation with your Auntie Dawn, you think you've got reason to complain. The joke's on you, though, because most of you try to complain by ringing us up! Duh! As if you'd be able to get through to anyone that way.

We're about to give up.

Optus is sick and tired of you all, so if you try and com­plain any longer, we'll be quite happy to tell you all to -

'what NOW?' • 'just fuck off Gi/)ittf^-*i/)i

< .

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il 's IVIR SCiLNcE! IN ANOTHER WACKY VOYAGE OF

SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY CALLED:

"SEND IN THE CLONES! "

Something that all scientists must be wary of is the possibility that a foreign power may be interested In your latest discovery, and will go to any extreme lo acquire it. if you ore working In certoln countries, such as North Korea or the United States, you run the cddKlonal risk (hat your own country will take extreme measures to procure your Invention before it reaches the open market (the ulti­mate goal of all science.) Scientists ore rea­sonably safe from the threat of their own national espionage sernce here In Australia, however, seeing as ASIO Is the world's Ointziest secret service. One con hardly im­agine being afraid of the agents of ASIO, the only espionage group that has to hold doorknock appeals to raise money for their operations: •v/ho's ot Ihe door, dear?" "It's ASiO. They want to know If we want to buy any VTorld's Finest chocolate bars." "Oh, not agatnl We still haven't finished eat­ing the peanut brittie they were selling to raise money for those ejection seats." ASIO con't afford to bug rooms, so they just give their surveillance targets complimentary pads of paper and ask them very politely if they wouldn't mind writing down everything that they say "Excuse me? HI. I'm from ASIO, are you en-Joying your stay in our country? Good. Um. i'm sorry lo trouble you mate, but would you mind especially Just taking some notes down for us while you're talking io the Boiiv:an ambassador. Partlcuiorly anything obout the bomb, okay? Beauty i'll be off then. Oh, and can you print that In block letters, our type­setter's on strike. To." This trick actually works less often than you'd realise. Agents of other Internationa 1 espionage serv­ices such as the ciA. KGfi or Mossad. go through on extensive three minute training course In the detection of ASIO agents • they're the ones with the complicated pass­word: "I am a spy which Is usually followed by Iheir devious countersign: 'I am a spy as well."

I mention the dsk of scientists falling victim to the forces of International espionage be­couse (myself hove encountered this prob­lem, due to the immense breoklhioughs I hove made in scientific theory ondoctlon loy design, i hove courted death on rmmorovs occasions due to the revolutionaty natuie of some of my Inventions, such as the Battery Operated Baitery (batteries not Included}. The discovery that is about to be imparted to you is of such staggering Importance, and the risk to my life Is so genuine If Information of my discovery Is leaked, that I have had to lake steps to ensure that this aiscovery is a secret shared solely between me and my thousands of trusted readers. This article has been printed on o special blend of psychoactive paper, the effect of which Is thot while you may read this ortic.e and un­derstand it on a basic, subconscious level, if you were to fy to describe the contents of the article lo anyone else, your btoln Is now programmed in such d way thnt It would sound to the person you were to talking to as If you were merely describing the rontings of an amateur writer with little. If any, scien­tific knowledge. Thus, my secrets will remoin protected - clever, eh? How many times have you stopped what you were doing, oerforming brain sjrgery, or breathing perhaps, and thought to yourself, "If only there were more than one of me." (By "me", of course, I meon me Mister Sciencel. and not. for Instance, you. Its only natural for us to wont more than one of me In the world, but why there should ever be a need for more than one of each of you completely escapes me. Cheap fuel, perhaps? Glue?) Well think no longer, because now this glori­ous wish has become rapturouslj fulfilled, •rhe recent filn, Jurassic Pork, demonstrated the advanced scientific process known as merchandising. Additionally, hidden some­where between the glorious special effects and rather superfluous acting was a second, almost as odvanced, scientific technique known os "cloning."

CC/HCNT B C X Tt iCATKC rcMt jmm ccmisrrmfMs wrim cur Dust off your best suit, tap shoes and toils - the tap-comedy with two left feet, Richard Harris' award-winning fop musical Steppirig Ou^ will be staged at me Cement Box Theatre for a strictly limited season from October 27th. The production does away with any pretensions. It is not your overage "dance musical". It combines many oppeoling dance styles, delighlful (real) characters and a down-to-earth hu­mour. The theatre will be transformed into on old church hall where a group of "amateur" tap danc­ers meet weekly, cajoled and inspired by their teacher towards a stunning performance ot a charity show complete with top hots, cones and a few surprises. This is the first Brisbane Production of Stepping Out since the release of the 1989 film starring Liza Minelli.

STEPPING OUT From October 27fh (preview) - November 13lh Wednesday to Saturday at 8.00pm Matinees - Friday at midday and Saturday at 1 .OOpm Tickets at $15 and $10 wilh discounts for group/school bookings For bookinas and enquires phone 371 7663. Preview-al tickets $10

pcsTMCcmspmmicss ppcstm Hiam cows nmr This production of Michael Gow's "Europe" is Postmodern's first collaboration as a production team. The ploy deols with lhe issues of numan relationships and cuihiroj conflict, set amongst die ruined churches and flaky pointings of Old World Europe. Douglas, a young Australian full of hope and longings, travels from Australia to find a stage octress, Boroara, with whom he had a brief affair. He discovers that although he may have crossed oceans to reach her he still has to cross a cultural barrier. The ploy will be performed by James Kable and Peta Downes and will be directed by Peto Davnes.

Dotes: October 31, November 1,2,7,8,9 ot 8.00pm Tickets $12 and $8 Bookings phone 371 7663

Bookings are now open for 1994 Contact Kaz on 371 7663 for details

HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN CLONE: EaUlP»EHT:

A forceful personality A short, sharp kick A gullible identical twin

(You can see where this is heading al reedy, can't you? Easily offended readers please turn the page now.) PROCEDURE:

STEP 1 - When you are born, make sure that you have a gullible itJen-tical twin. If you are not born with a gullible identical twin, then for goodness sake, go out ond buy one, as you never know when they'll come in handy. STEP 2 - Using your forceful per­sonality, start bullying your gul­lible identical twin from a very eorly age. This should occur as soon as possible, preferably when the two of you are learning to talk. Start saying things like "You arc not you. You are ne. You only think that you are you, when re­ally you are I. I am me, and you ara .ne, only I am the real ne, while you are merely the pale shadow of the real ne." Care must be taken that your parents dc not discover that you are conducting scientific experiments on your sibling, as all but the most liberal of house­holds take a dim view to the brain­washing of their children. (Un­less, of course, the brainwashing is being performed by members of the porent's religion, in which case it is regarded as respect­able.) STEP 3 - As the two of you grow up, moke sure that at least three times a day, at completely random inter­vals, you give your gullible iden­tical twin a short, sharp kick in the stomach. If, for some reason, your gullible identical twin be­gins to protest this treatment, remind them that they ore you, and that they are merely sharing the

pain that you feel. Of course, you need not tell them that the pain you are feeling is pain in your foot, as opposed to pair in the stom­ach. If you begin to feel twinges of, heaven forbid, con­

science, remember that "conscience" is only •'science" being conned, or tricked, into feeling bad about something. If scientists actually listened to these pangs of con­science, then where would the world be today? No strip mining, no nu­clear power, no marshmallow puff breakfast cereals ... we night as well go back to living in fields and worshipping fish gods. Ignore those rabble-rousers blithering on about humankind's inherent good­ness! It's for science! STEP t - There is no Step 4. If you don't have a completely submis­sive, simpering gullible identi­cal twin then there's something wrong with you. Cone to my lab ond I'll run some tests on you. They won't hurt much. Trust me.

.'ifSUITS ;

The biggest advantage in hoving a totally submissive clone is that whenever you might hove a slightly odious task to perforn, all you have to do is inforn your clone ond, because the clone thinks that it is you, it will mistakenly be­lieve that you" task is actually its task. For example, say you have been caught having an affair with the girlfriend of an escaped crimi­nal (and let's face it, it can happen to the best of us). All you have to do is quickly run out of the room, push your clone out of your waiting Sciencenobile, and allow your clone to take your pun­ishment like a nan. Or, your sa­distic science tutor (is there an­other kind?) may have picked you to clean out the lab assistants' cages. All you need do is hand your clone the Drano and ice-cream scoop and point it towards the stench, and suddenly your after­noon is free once r ore. Or, you might be being paid a large sun of money to contribute a series of spurious science columns to an over-rated student newspaper, in which case your stupid clone will ^ery easily be convinced that, because it is you, it will have to spend hours every night slaving over a hot word processor while you get the chance to ... to ... Hang on a moment ... THAT BASTARD'.

(SAFE Top Floor Toowong Villaae Shopping Centre

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10% DISCOUNT ON MEALS OVER LUNCH AND 5 2 . 0 0 PER LARGE GIASS OF WINE ON PRESENTATION OF STUDENT CARD

6v*t«^-M*^K

FERAL TELEVISION

No. 5: FINAL CREDITS

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R ecently, hvo of r.y fovourile televiiion shows finished. Long run­ning series that had captured my imoginotion, my emotionol involvemenf, my television viewing time. They were The Wonfhrlfloarsand Dograss:

High. To moHi the event, they were given speciol double-length episodes which resolved relotionships ond gave us insights into the futures of the chorocters' lives. Soon we should be seeing the final episode of Cheers, which hos just finished in America.

[I've actually started o collection of final episodes. So far I hove The Wonder Yean, family Ties, Twin Pealts and Degrassi High (including the lost one from lost years series). I didn't ge! Goadhyo, FarawoH and Amen {M*A*S*H) and I'm hanging out for Cheers to finish.)

Finol episodes ore very sentimental ond bittersweet. They leave you wilh feors in your eyes. The characters in the show ore your friends and it is difficult to say goodbye to someone you've spent the lost few years of prime time television with. You've shored their ups and downs; their hopes, dreoms ond fears. Mind you, the foct fhot Goodbye^ Farewell ond Amen was the first episode of M*A*S*H I ever watched didn't prevent me from being deeply moved.

Final episodes mark the moving on from certain stages in life. In The Wonder Years it morked the finol year of high school from Kevin ond Winnie. What were they going to do with their lives? Were they going fo get married ond form the nudear family for the seventies? Well, no. Winnie went fo ort school in Poris o.id Kevin gol morried ond became o writer. Of course they did hove sex once before they parted.

Degroisi High fini'hed in a similar manner Joey proposed to Coillin, but then storied muck­ing around with Tesso jhe was always a bit of a dickhead anyway). Snoke and Wheels both hod attitude problems (Wheels ending up in jaii). Lucy was in a car accident, others went to college or got morried ond it all didn't end happily ever ofter - but then again, Degrassi High olwoys inclined oway from wonderful happy endings.

fomi/y Ties finished when Alex left home to work as o yuppie in New YoHc. While intending his room to remoin os a shrine in his honour, the rest of the family were preparing to use if for olher purposes. Mallory gove him a red handkerchief (for colour). Jennifer finolly informed him thot she was smorter thon he was, ond his father told _ htm some bizorre facts of life.

And of course, with the end of the could forget Margaret Houlihan wonting to soy Potter riding off on very emotionol people.

But one of the

Fi,\Al EpisodES REiviiNd us TIIAT

soo\ER OR IATER, AU qood

lIliNqS MUST COME TO AN E\d...

TllAT EVEN TIIE UNTASY lANd of

TV aNNOT ESCAPE REAliiy.

itm

M*A*S*H finished Korean War. Who Howkeye kissing goodbye, or BJ not goodbye, or Colonel his horse? h was a goodbye for many

strangest final epi­sodes of all time was Blake's Seven. Though it always hod o way of leaving o slightly bitter taste, 1 don't think anyone expected to see their heroes except for Avon shot by the Federation. At least it left no chance for a new series, or any tacky reunion speciols.

But of the multitude of series on TV, very few get "real" finol episodes. Mony seem to just fade away into obscurity • their rotings not justifying another series. And we're lett with nothing but a memory of what once was or might hove been. Con onyone remember the final episodes of laverne and Shfrley, Welcome Back Kotter, hioonUghHng, The BeveHey Hillbillies, Hill SI Blues or Diff'rent Strokes? Others seem to go on forever, even after the major characters hove left, the show having lost the elements thot mode it good in the first place. Happy Days being an excellent example of i\\s. Once Richie wos gone, what possible reason was there to continue? Of course, there ore some shows that connot end oppropriofely Another one of my favourites, My Sister Sam wos unable to continue after Rebecca Shoeffer was shot by a tooney.

A few successhjl shows spown new series, such as Joannio Loves Chacht ond Aftermash. However (and perhops fortunotely) these tend not to do so well. Still olher series hove "reun­ion* shows some yeors afterword, presumobly to hep the re-nJns olong. Eight is Enough and Gilligan's Island both did this, in the process manoging to sirongle any affection we moy have hod for the original shows!

There ore some series currently running *hot in my opinion deserve an oppropriote finol episode. These include Murphy Brown, Roseanne, Beverly Hills 902 70 (soon pleasel apologies to Nigel], ond Nethem Exposure. Other shows like Married With Chil­dren, LA' Law, a,id The Cosby Show ore bound fo go on forever until their ratings drop • OS oil shows do ot one stoge or anotiier • ond they go to the great video tube in the sky.

So why do 1 like final episodes? Becouse they remind us that sooner or later, all good things must come to on end • and mony bod things too. Thot even the fontosy land of TV cannot escape reolity. They also remind us ihot we foo, must move on in life. And now it is time for you to move on to the next page/story.

Murray Henman

1 t Movie

M l with Cowboy "How Many Times Dot Have •M To Tell You Th^re is No Such Thing As A S I BAD Giant Earthworm mvie"Bob:<

So. IIK Holidays, rmcc an dcmily .way, arc nm suddenly ju^t around thu corner. JenwcK'h (or h il vlfvcnl Ten. Wfwt jrfyou^'oinjjlodfnvJlhyour.'.L'K'.,..

IJo yiiu find thai the iiica ofa wwkcnd in lidli dK-sn't h,wc the same appeal as it used Iof Do you find th.Mprepartr\g for the annual "Christmas Trip wilh the Family" dx-sn't /jfVe ythat sanw .sense o(tin^tin» excitement it did w/icfi you were five! DIK'S the thought of speninfi ten weeks slrainhl. with no lectures for njliel, with your h()usem.atei make your littlecurl?^ Well this.is just what youhavc Ivcn waiting for! COWBOY BOB'S ALL NIGHT MOVl MAfWTHON! Whin it all comes crashing down around ytxi, when your grades come ihrtKjgh and you realise jusJ how badly yiw'vc lually d<inc, when your iriends desert you lor a beer al the R.E. lo <;ek+)ralc their Grades, wiicn your Family start calling you daily "When arectxning. over Love? We'd realtv like lo see your jrades." Know Ihal there is one place you can go where ytxj are always welcome, where ihc sun is always shining and Ihe pimply gil behind the Cfwnler knows your ii rst name", no, nol McDonalds bul your ICKDI video store.

r>ROGftnM ON€: TH€ nil NIGHT SCI-FI F6ST: 200U a SPACE OOYSSEY, ALIEN, AKIRA, BLAOE RUHflER

Ap^rt trom Akira the olher three tilms on the program are usually in the .S2-4/weck seclion and Akira will probably sel ytxi back Si^d, iolal cost (withoul munchiesl S10-l*5 (S20 with munthies). - ,

This is a gri al way to spend an evening, gel atoupto friends round (but not loo many, throe • or lour is aboul ycxjr lim t here), lour litres of coke and six packs r)f lolly-gobble-bliss-bjmbs, tum out the lighls and slait watching. The order 1 havo suggested here is not com-pulso/y, bul I find il to be Ihe most, rewarding combination. Start lhe first filrn at around 8.3(lpm and the dawn should just about'be hreaking when W/ar/t' /Gunner's lilies roll, which is kind of fftting really. ' ' ' . •

2 0 0 1 : A SPACe ODYSSEY

This Kubrick maslerwork is a visual leasJ of epic proportions that folbws an at­tempt by humanity lo deal with an imposing black obelibi< of obviously alien ori-

, gin found on the moon thai, like a beacon, sends off a strange signal inlo space. A spaceship is sent out lo investigate the consequences, if any, of this signalling (Note: This.is a VERY simplified version of tho plot. The only way lo understand the iilm properly is to see i l l . The visual.elfects are sublime, the direction charac­teristically inventive and the pholograpKy is marvellous too. It is. recently voted one of Ihe lop ten films of all time and 1 think that after seeing il you will agree..

ALIEN . • • •

Directed by vtHcran filmmaker Ridley Scott and starring Sig(Ximcy Weaver, Tom Skcrril anda truly terrifying beast fk-signed by arlis H. fx-'iger, Alien is oije of the classic Sci-fi films. Its' [K;n/ading sense of dauslrtijjhohia, its inlensity, its merciless ditctlion and spectacular sets put it in a class of ils own. The mining vessel lhe Noslromo, returning frt>m a mission inlo drep space, calls ils crew oul of hypersleef) hallway home to investigale a mysterious signal being broadcast from a neariiy planet. They think il may be a distress call so tfiey go down to the surface to invosligate, they very quickly discover thai lhe signal wasn't a distress call al all bul

'a warning. Wlial follows is a prolongefl 'bug-hont' Ihrough the labyrinthine corridors, air duct,s and cargo bays oflhe Nostromo wilh the crew of the Noslromo up against The'Alien. .

AKIRA

This animated feature film from Japan is destined to become a yardstick by which other animated films will be judged. Based on a series of gr^hic novels byihe same name/4il'/ra deals wilh genetically engineered psionics, the literal creation of people wilh 'mind-p(*w-crs'. We follow the lives of Kaneda and Testuo, two members of a futuristic bike gang. One of lhe,T:i.,gets cajMured by the secrel organisation conducting Ihe experiments and the other (ires Io gelhim oul, sort ot. like'2noi Ihere isa wholo'lot more lo ihis film lhan I could cram into ihis paragraph. Sufficelh to say that it truly is a great film and well worth the 'New Release' price you will pay for it (and even ihal won't last forever, pretty S(x>n it'll be a two buck screamer like the rest of fh'emP

BLADE RUNNER

The second film on the program by Ridley Scott.'lf you hav'e not heard of lilade Runner, based oh Ihe novel Do Androids Dream of ElectricSheepby Phillip K Dick, then you have obviously bceri living on another planet. Sladc Runnerh. to my mind anyway, Ihe ultimate Sci-Fi film, director's cut or no direclcv's cul (ailhough lhe director's cut, it you can find il, is the IxKler lilml. Harrison Ford plays a futuristic cop whose job it is to track dow'n illc>gal androids and kill ihem. At Ihe start of the film we learn of Ihe escape ofa group of Nexus Six androids irom an ofl-wotid colony wliere they were used as slaves, they have returned to Earth and Ford has to hum ihem down and kill Ihem. The vision of the future presented in Blade Runner is darkly possible, a timely reniinder of the road we are Iravelling and a pidute ot whal could be just around the corner. The production o,i this film is all but llavvless, Ihe sets, lhe clolhes, Ihe liH:alions, the lighting, everythin". See it. [tont'J n.85i...

6v«(y-ei^£l

No sense in waiting up for Billy

" for be is out ^ Moy^ng'Movntains

Itis 11.30 ahd he has caught a falling star and put it in his knapsack

I'm going to bed now . Turn down Billy's fylankbts

> AndcloseVourdoor ^ • 1 . ' 1

for when Billy sleeps He dreams Impossible dreams

Benbokho '

s p r a y o b s c e n i t i e s

c a r . . .

Harriet the Alligator cleans her teetti with sticks from the fun andhappy swamp.

2 ^ ^

"she has a spiky back and "

^ ^a^

.carries fish who are loo tired to swim.

A l l i g a t o r s have w h i t e b e l l i e s b e c a u s e t h e y hey are

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FREE GIASS OF WINE OR STUBBIE OF LOCAL BEER ON PRESENWION OF STUDENT CARD

In resjion&to^l^lleg Gaffhey^^rgiti^e fr6m a few issui^botcl^ Semper received MMM^e^frtm a mother mjmbmMmn^

forth a more

'••', \ tied on'the lounge to watch a little TV. Within min­utes mylwaters broke and I flooded the lounge and the flobir, \ called my daughter to get towels. Iain (my husband) hiad gone to the shop. Contractions came hard but sdll about five minutes apart. I rang Elaine who,sald;|iie would come straight away.

;:::::|I:;|i^;|&et.:^ SO whcn my husband 'i{WS^^^^^^^^^]iX^.\x was cold.at the bot-

ii:; «iiSts: ::4ii*sss £i2 jnjj Jtetiics to

IC^RI i i i i u t c s after I called and

My last birth expa|i|ices My first child was?||planne^ii^s|| was riddled with iriliiventioiiiidliii began. It ended in a^iiB^arein^lli;? My second child v | ^ b | b ^ i p |

feel the |ii|^i^||i:;:pushiq^iutrge. I:;;knew from

A •-'•^i^gjj j ^ br|||iha|if should not ^*^- ' just l e t | i | | p i y do all the

I had niHifxperienced the • of iti)fpiBSus births.

j5^sse^jji*tbc urge got ^ ^ ^ p i p l i l ^ ^ ^ f ^ w a t e r as I

J ^ l ^ ^ ^ i i i h U i l i i l l ^ l l i j p position

*i^E);-;I had been iiKfe::VE showed

Ug l i l y 7cm dilated. f | p % t e 0 ^ ^ p i | | | ^ p j r g c to push was

of labour I was t r a W r r l d H o ^ s p i l i i r a i ^ i i p o l a l M l i i ^ W position. My •.yy/yj^.^ y;-.-.. 'yy-'y-: ^ ^i^-xr-js^:'.-:;;-;:*:':':-:':•:•;•:•;,- • • - : - ' , * .-.•:•iy/''-%y.^)C-'''-'''-'-^'^^ • i ••

sarean again! I wailllvlistat^ll dtMowever, . bab^y^ffliii^i^i^jililPWpi^d to one sm ^ believe that cmotiooilitathcr m^ physical prob- ':-:i^Mm^^^^^^mF^^^^i^^m^i>^°'^^ ** ''! cms were there iis ^Ulcd ia hclibitaI;iBecausc of L- ; f.-i:-i:'L-^Kiigi.ij t-Ammi\L:. li..: ^I^sdampenliirid for awhile

. when | p | l jpgnantlvith my third .."Idsjfilfd'iplfli^ and walked and "^^il^^^^m^ second, 1 was con- 5v'?li^drl:i'-thiR^ .thp:arpct from the

this inner fcclinf tha||||i|uld birthsli^by naturally, I set out to elirtfinat<||i|piiri^;thatl|?uld physically be the cause child almost vinccd I would'succeimii vagiriii birth. I spent •;;l6#i|e;;tp|!ii^^^ I lay dowri my pregnancy workii|||^i|hy physical status and . exhauSi^d-p^Xlaincdidi^rio '"cqugst. with affirmations anc||i|i^||; relaxation techniques I wasohiyjScxtid closing to 4cm with prepared myself e m o ^ ^ p : ':;:co I beg3n my lead up t^^pl^ th with a night of pre- up. It seemed hard to rcmertibq^ly I had even labour. Regular five|^|| |^iy contractibn§which. wanted to try. My husband:||^;^||evastated, but kept mc awake unii|ipi!j||hat morning I/vvokc at ;|;h%did not want nif: t o j l M l ^ p e believed we sue with no sign c | | ^ U ) ^ p I cox>)i)(^ii|||0h:my covi|||^^;^I^p?Jg||iy our plans to go;:io l^^ri^^n. B r i | | i i S J | | j l n a , o p t i o n S f f l | i i i i i H M M | i ) ' t a k e some dme May Gaskin (aim Sidwife out my iTij 5^y: be holding me in Texas USA||^vcll |ffiierc wtbl£ffliiwifcM.up. I p r p j ^ ^ ^ ^ W l p i p p i i d not cope oil Elaine, so I w fcipot cott^rned ahout^lOiiSpinto- my ov^vi0i^^^m^^0^^msxt overwhelm : labour so f a | ! | l ^ h o d l j cam| :h i t | i i |g | . but.;,. ing me p ^ ^ ^ p ^ M B j U t ; alone one or witli no contd^ns . -Jl- :W:i!i^^ .MfSiS^k§^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^:'' ^'^ ''' ^ =" Two days lawfiell rcstc|ibegan Wji^^d^^M^9^.^^^^0^ 111? tractions aboiMlO minute-^art. Th i | , b i ^^p ; | ^ . : ^ p ^ j « ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ "^^^^- ^ '°""*^ *" 5.30pm <»t'thc 10th of C^iber. T T i f i i i ^ ^ S ' S S w M ^ ^ S i o r m e I didlplknow I had! until about 9.30pm when 1 # |at to tK% i avcryhwvy bright red sho'<ii§^mm<idvft;&t ^^ dons became stronger. I cleM&l myself:tjf"*'•'' *^

line through esehicontraction; Iain citrie b | | i I had coni

H ^ i i i i i l S i i i t . h i d l l b col imed me. I

wanted Elaine to examine me again, but she was reluctant so I examined myself. I could feel the baby's head but I could also feel the rim of cervix, thick and bleeding. I continued to lie on my left side, unable to move. I had terrible pain in my sacrum and at one time felt it rise up as the baby's head manoeuvred around in my pelvis. At midday another VE by Elaine showed the baby to still be posterior but no longer asynclitical. My cervix was 8cm dilated but still ' /£ inch thick and bleeding. The diagnosis was a little more promising but I was exhausted from all the pushing. It had been seven hours since I felt the first urge to push. I continued to lay on my side and often I bellowed with the pain which was engulfing me. During the next hour or so, I was sure my baby had turned to anterior as I felt the sacrum rise up again. At 2.30pm Elaine did another VE and found that only an anterior lip of cervix could be felt. The baby's head was definitely rotating. At about 3,45pm Elaine did another VE at my request and held back the lip of cervix with the next contrac­tion. My baby's head swept over her fingers and I was in Second Stage. I was exhausted but totally in awe. My baby was finally coming.

/

Iried a few posidons and finally got comfort­able in a supported squat. Iain held me up and with the aid of a mirror wc stared in amaze­

ment as our baby's head began to appear at the entrance or should I say exit to my vagina. Second stage was a very different feeling the rest of labour and I found n ysclf enjoying it. I was well prepared from listening to other women for the burning sen­sation that heralded the crowning of the baby's head. It seemed like ages but within only 15 min­utes Cody's slippery little body slithered out all covered in vernix and thick meconium (baby's first bowel motion). My husband cheered and I cried, and Elaine was a grin from ear to ear. I had finally done it. My body was capable of natural birth. Although I did not experience the great "high" I thought I would, I was left with a knowing; a belief in the importance of birthing your children natu­rally. I was so very happy and yef sad for all the women who have not yet or never would feel like I did at that moment. Many thanks and much love to my wonderful hus­band who had total faith in me as a woman to birth my baby and a special thanks to Elaine who strug­gled through some hard times with me during my pregnancy and who ultimately trusted and sup­ported me through a tough labour. Thank you for your faith In women and birth.

DIERDRE

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null and void. And then there was

Hoger, hangln<} there. Hanging...

Artist Ocylan; Greg Writer. HortoiY, Andrew

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FFORTS Of those

w o n d f T" •'

cont r ibu to rs to Semper

Id est, in no particular order and apologies to all those omit­ted, Julie Lawrence, Mitchell Porter, Frith Kennedy, Evelyn ^ Hartogh, Sam Searie, David McMillan, John Archer, Ian While, ,; Iain White, Andrew Horton, Stephen Bull, Mandy Gurties, Adam Hughes, Gav Evans, Aliex Wightman, Jo*Anne Abbott, EUie Moore, Anne Riordan, Rebecca Moore, David Shankey, Jamie Nourse, Wendy • Nekon, Aaron Yuile, Paul Fogarty, David Gunsberg, Eleanor Marney, Mark Eades, Carol Dowling, Sean Healy, Katy WUd, Tyler Gates, Jak Catchpoole, Liz Tyson- Doneley, Myles, Rob Houghton, Warren Bester, " Sarah Harward, Bridget Kesling, David Francis, Launz Burch, Jim O'Brien, Paul Wallace, Chris Lassig, Chris Kayler, Howard Wiseman, Brett Sneddon, Iain Clark, Ray, Jen O'SuUivan, Beth Robertson, Pippa Rudd, Jamilla Trad, Therese Forde, Lesley Penrose, Katie Graham, Kerry

Beier, Toni Lawson, Jenny Carnell, Michelle WUUams, Phil Lane, Janelle Carrigan, Graeme McCowie, Ian Storey, Siissanna Winnet,

David Rivers, David Maxwell, Laura Bahnisch, Shannon Owen, Tamara Foale, Ward Levingston, Louise Carney, Chris Moore, Thomas Meadowcraft, Peter Cask, Matthew Horton, Rosemary Draper and PJobling

-1992-

* %

r f ie people who brought articles in off the street -

we love you.

The people who actually did articles on request -

we love you.

The Thank-You Pages

The people who submitted articles which we lost (Sue Harris for one, I know there were others, I forget Oops, s o ^ ) Articles by people wiUi pseudonyiis, 'name withheld by request', or ones wc shnply utterly faded to credit. In particular articles by GLOC, the article about the £aw School, the articles about vhrisection, the vegetarian article, the 'Holy Smoke' arUcle and the short story'University Balls'by D.Y. Tristen. All the review writers ' AU the people who wrote letters to us, even die complaints^ god knows we were tliank-ftil for any recognition, biit particular thanks to Sta^islaw Jaslnski & Victor A- Vbltaire for the loony letters, D Smith for the nasty ones and Ian Syson for the clever and ftinny one. 'Hoffoaan Alchemist' ahd 'Dionysian Pharmacologist' are you still out there? We love ypu and want to be your friend...

MAGGOT - ^ MAGAZINE for their cartoon 'Troy and the Bungalows' which we shameiessiy . ripped off in ourmlnj-Semper ' V

IWlA.'i«ic. ' , ^ . . . l^irifesCORNELIUS O'Reilly ,

for doing what he did *^ ' ' and writing about jt ^ \

• ^ • . ^ ^ • _ • ?%^ for his reguil r contributions of , consistently high standard

foredftihg the Vtfomen's Semper

Thanks to people who their time to help bri newspaper to you, incluu but by no means limiter"'- ' Beatson, Dan CNeill ax Keyes of the Prisoner Service.

Other thanks to peon'— helped go to all the. n ion sta£f but in pairticu__ ones next door in Clubs &' and in Finance for puttin; withPhll's drummibg r— ing nice to our conti when they wanted : Gympie limes for heir ibie and providing the C, ^ effect, ZZZ for ghring V ' night requests, Afatm and Steve the tectinolo from Prentice, Mum the bromide Camera, I peculiar ability to listen to o song over and over; frog, the bear, the mo prarie dpg, the Tcray shark, ^ Justin Da Schrodinger's Cat, Sin "Danny Boy", the print thje'scanner and thd li»' hksi and most ofall, yoi out whom none of thi have been financially posi

. Finally, inexpressible thanks go to the Union Sf contributed to the continuing vitality of Semj creative energy above and beyond the call of i

Thanks also to - the IRI Executive for giving us a sense of purpose, 09micJ?«/if<ief for providing count­less opportunities for plagiarism, Paul G Tully ibr the lai^lis, Michaela Costigan and Shiion MCKen^ the winners of our poetry and short story compe- ' tition, all the other entrants as well and Michael Coombes and Duncan McCandle, the winners of the De£u:e-a-$5-note competition.

L I N D S A

COLBORNE,

SOHAEFFER A R B A

H O S K I N O S ,

P E N N Y W I C I

AND

«iASON H o

We love yduse all.

An Ironical diank-you goes^e^ Winslett who, like most of otu> fl (lialX did absohitely bugger-al last year but have contribute* year's Semper.

Thank you for your kind attc

Good-bye. Phillip O'Dea Martin Bush Darryl Rosin

Editors of I

-1992- " (yes, dammit, 1992)

The Thank-You Pages

Union Newspapeiv

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ANIMAL EXPERIMENTATION It think it's dreadful that rabbits are used to test cos­metics, not to mention silly. I mean, have you ever seen a rabbit look good in eyeliner? When there are so many students around complaining that they're short of cash, it seems criminal to be experimenting on bun­nies.

BONDING, MALE This is to be discouraged, as it genercdly leads to shout­ing, thrusting and behaviour generally reminiscent of the lo-iver primates. Testosterone and atcohot do not mix.

BOO Fashion guru, glamour-puss, s-wan-about-to-^vn, close'., confidante and shopping consultant to the rich and famous. Sometimes a little surreal, mostly just plain nasty.

CELIBACY It occurred to me the other day that if you say them fast enough 'celibacy' and 'ShirleyBassey'sound un­cannily similar. I -ivonder what that means?

DRUGS Throughout human history, drugs have been used to explore the many facets of human consciousness. This journey of self-exploration is quite distinct from fash­ionable drug-use, which is a form of social expression. It •was very fashionable in the late seventies to have only one nostril, a perforated septum, and a $70 000-a-week 'grocery' bill; this is why people snorted co­caine. Not all drug-use is so tainted with fashionabUity. It would be cynical of me to suggest that the sudden upsurge in the popularity of consciousness-altering drugs such as E was anything less than a profound human impulse towards self-actualisation, rather than a profound impulse to jump on the Cool Thain. / for one find it a source of great pride to see so many of my fellow human-beings taking such an active inter­est in their spiritual growth.

This drughas enjoyed a widespread popularity for rea­sons which are quite beyond my comprehension. Why •would anyone want to take something that makes them fall in love with complete strangers regardless of the fact that they are probably wearing fluorescent bike shorts and 'bum-bag'? See also 'Drugs'.

Believe it or not, I had a bit of trouble thinking ofa social issue beginning with T. I must Kave been un­conscious. Who could ignore the resurgence of 'flares'? Oh , and of course there's 'feminism' too, isn't there?

GOVERNMENT Actually, I only picked 'government' because it begins with 'g'. I really wanted to talk about Bronwyn Bishop, the woman with the future of the Liberal Party (now there's a misnomer) in her clutches. And hair like a fibreglass cycling helmet. And an unfortunate predi­lection for wearing fuschia.

HAIR TRANSPLANTS Some of you may not feel that hair transplants are as pressing a social issue as, for example, toxic waste dis­posal. To these sadly blinkered readers I merely say: open your eyes, open your miniis.

INTELLIGENCE, ARTIFICIAL The techno-cretin compulsion to engineer artificial in­telligence couses me much anxiety. It does; many a night I've lain awake wondering whether people who wear pocket protectors shoidd really be defining our ideaof what constitutes 'intelligence'. As for intelligence generally, I take exception to peoplewho pretend to have it when they don't. I similarly dis­like people who pretend to be stupider than they really are. I think people should find their optimum stupidity level and stick to it.

JURASSIC PARK All the attention given to this film has overlooked the vital fact that, fashion-wise, it has all the allure of acrylisocks. I don't care how many squillions of people have gone to squecU and cringe at the sight ofa gang of sweating behemoths with brains the size of chick-peas; it didn't justify Roll'n'Roll Wrestling, it doesn't excuse "Jurassic Park." I'd franfeJy rather sit through "Betty Blue."

-KARAOKE What can I say? The desire to exult in the voice, to raisit in praise of Creation, is as old as the human species. So is the understanding that not everyone is equally gifted in the 'praising Creation' department. Since time immemorial, people have understood that teetering drunkenly in a smoky room belting out Neil Diamond with no regard for pitch or dignity is not a desirable practice. Unto, now.

LOVE There are those who hold that being in love is like being on a rollercoaster, by which I infer that it involves a shoperiod of excitement and pleasure followed by the world being turned upside down and, in the case of persons of sensitivity, vomiting. Being in love need not be an im­pediment to a stylish existence, provided one keeps it in perspective and does not abandon taste along with one's friends. Warning signs include: referring to the loved onas 'honey' or 'sweetie' except in jest; pretending to be referring to the loved one as 'honey' or 'sweetie' in jest when you know perfectly well that you really mean it; making gratuitous references to the physical and/or sexual attributes of the loved one in their absence, thus rudely interrupting conversations of vital importance to the circulof ion of information (i.e. gossip); a diminution in your sense ofproportion such that you think the loved one 'won't mind' if you wear a sweat-shirt and stone-wash jeans in public. If at any point you use any of the following expressions, seek immediate counselling: 'MrMs Right', 'the one for me' or 'my baby'. Generally speaking, love ispleasant enough in itself, buits side-effects can devastate your self-identity, your other relationships and your fashion sense.

ONARCHY Hurrah for the Queen! People -wonder why I'm a monarchist; I say, loofe at fhe US Presidency. Austrolion needsit own identity, it's true. Preferably one not provided byKen Done and John Singleton. And the Queen hai, fome very nice hats. What more do you need to know?

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NEW AGE, THE Anything thatpromotes the wearing of fleecy-lined tops in rainbow tie-dye is to be approached withscepticism.

NEW AGE GUYS, SENSITIVE There were sensitive men long before the coming of the New Age; and there wUl be sensitive men long after this particularly noxious fod is dead and gone. The only significant difference, in fact, is that SNAGS feel the need to advertise. It's a funny commercial world we live in. isn't it readers? I happen to think honesty is a pre­requisite for personal change. If you don't like babies and talking about your feelings, don't pretend you do. because you'll just end up resenting them and having to go to counselling. Being sensitive isn't a bad thing. However, trymg too hard, bunging it on and generally going in early don't rate.

OPRAH More than the voice ofa nation; the ever-nodding icon of an 'America that Cares', a symbol of unwillingness to give up in the struggle for effective, permanent weight-loss, and, most devastatingly ofall, the cata­lyst for seemingly limitless numbers of noisy Ameri­cans with a total lack of shame to tell an eager audi­ence about their prostate operations or the fact that they're jealous of their daughter's career as a cheer­leader Not so much a social issue as every social is­sue, Oprah's influence over millions of viewers should be a source of profound concern to every person who worries where their culture is headed.

POLITICS Sometimes I give the impression that I don't take an interest in politics. This is untrue. I often chat over cof­fee with a friend of mine who's a socialist. We talk about the revolution and whatnot. It's just that I think that some things, like shopping home decor and putting down a good cellar are apolitical.

QUEEN, THE Cross reference, see Monarchy ("Hats")

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REINCARNATION I have several problems vJith the idea of reincarnation. For one thing, how many Cleopatras can there have been? And what crime can possibly have been karmically disastrous enough for someone to be rein­carnated as Jeffrey Archer?

SEXUALITY I believe very strongly in everyone's right of freedom of sexuai expression. Sexual idenfity is entirely an indi­vidual concern, and no-one has the right to impose their moral restrictions on the expression ofa basic biologi­cal drive for pleasure. Having said that, I still think pub­lic displays of affection are unseemly and should be avoided by all people of taste,

SPRINGFIELD I think not.

TOM CRUISE Australia's favorite son-in-law. Every review ofa Tom Cruise film says 'In this film Cruise shows that he re­ally can act'. In every case this is a complete lie. Tom stole Nicole away from us, which was nice, but now is trying to reproduce, which is not. Casting Tom Cruise in the film version of Interview with a Vampire is like casting Bryan Brown as Oscar Wilde.

UTERUS This is not a fashion accessory, but an organ for reproducing the human race. My own serious doubts about the validity of the human race lead me to a certain ambivalence regarding the uterus. I think that, like chiffon, the uterus is a dangerous thing in the wrong hands.

VERITATIS SPLENDOR Forthe ignorant masses, this means 'the splendour of the truth' and is the Catholic Church's latest dec­laration on matters of morality. It is also proof that Pope JPII is about as up-to-the-minute as pig-gut condoms and chastity belts.

VEGETARIANISM I heard the other day that the reason Madonna is a vegetarian is because it makes the skin paler. Now there's o woman who knows fashion! I couldn't be a vegetarian because I have perpetual craving for blood! blorxl! blood!... ah, well, moving right along.

VIRTUAL REALITY I think virtual reality is probably a very handy thing and bags of fun. although it does worry me that VR seems to appeoi most fo a class of people whose entire conception of the outside world comes through the telephone line. In the future, VR will enable users to explore the whole gamut of sexual behaviours -mthout the mess and fuss of having to actually interact wifh real people. / imagine this will prove very handy for those who relate better to their modems than to their co-workers.

WARANA A celebration of Brisbane Culture, which is under­standably not much longer than a week. An inter­national conspiracy to keep Julie Anthony in a job.

WILD, K As regards fashion, see also Murphy, K. (Gratuitous in-joke)

XENON A heavy inert gas. Not a xylophone, which was my other option..

YENTL A musiccU about Barbara Streisand disguising her­self as writer/director/singer/actor so that she can score as much screen-time as is humanly possible. Begins with 'y'. rhymes with 'lentil'. What more do you need to know?

ZEITGEIST This is a very handy word for record reviewers. If you don't know what it means don't worry; neither do most of them. I for one am totally offended by journalists making gratuitous usage of foreign phrases. Ciao!

7<UCfU^-*<!W5K

DIVING FOR <fe*. 1 I PEARLS RQTC

Djving

Pearls isa diatribe against the cruel stupidity of Economic Rationalism, told through the lives of the workers it, affects. Set in an industrial • coastal town somewhere in present-day Australia, the p)ay is performed against a set resembling a mining slag \ieap, a grey mass of coal incorporating industrial machinery, a bench and a minature train-set. This . versatile set is used to portray the many settings of the play and reniains a , constant reminder of the ' ggiy drudgery of an indus­trial worker's life.

The play follows the ro­mance t)f two middle-aged workers, Barbara and Den. During their relationship these two both begin to see hope and a way out of their monotonous life. Barbara hopes to get a job as a hostess at the new resort hotel, and taltes an expen­sive course designed to . teach her deportment and presentation. Den is encour* aged to learn greater skills and take more interest in the workplace by brotHer-in-law, Ron, who arrives as a

' consultant to increase pro-. ductivity in the factory where Den works. However the dreams of these two and their encouragement of each other are shown to be "bullshit"; no silk-purse is ever going to be made out of Barbara's working-class pig's ear and Den's bosses care nothing for the facto­ry's future or that of the workers there. Barbara and

Den, for III,

their /ambi­tion

and skills are

trapped • , by the

,// 'economic. ^ "" ^^^J ideology -

and the class structure pf •

the society they live in. Trapped too, but by more than class, is Verge, played by Siobhan Lawless, who does a v6ry effective job of playing a difficult role. Verge is Barbara's retarded daughter and entirely free from "bull-shit"^ ^he i? full of Energy and ambition but' is told that she can never , acheive anything because of her condition.

Den, played brilliantly by John .Wood, is a touching and inspiring portrait of an Australian worker. Honest and simple, but \yith convic­tions and commonsense that author Katherine Thomson is cleariy saying are too valuable a resource to waste . Similariy Barbara, played beautifully by Jacqy Phillips, is full of enthusiasm. an4c.orn()iiJtment, but is rejected ais a worker be­cause of her manners and accent.

Diving for Pearls effec­tively _^^ and •com- ^ pas­sion­ately shows that Aus­tralia, as much of the world, is driven by capitalist-greed. Facto- ries with a potential to work are closed

to make a fast buck and the workers of Australia are powerless and exploited. However the play offers very little in terms of a solution.

RQTC has created a fine performance from a good script. All the actors play their parts well, though none as well as John Wood. All in all the play keeps you in­volved and gave me a few beilylaughs, expect to be depressed though.

COSIFANfUTTE FORCE OF DESTINY i Lyric Opera

After ^ the Lucid dl Lammermoor debacle the per­forming Arts Complex, in con­junction with Jhe Australian Opera has brought us two Operas of such contrastiiig nattjre as Cos! fan Tutte and The Force of Destiny. Mozart's Cost fan Tittte ts most aptly described as a light hearted "romp" the focus being the morals and manners of the late 18th century while Verdi's Force of Destiny is a turgid taie of tbe inescapability of love and the cruelty of fate. But the differ­ences don't end there, the di­rection, overall presentation and more directly the empha­sis placed by the respective production teams on the as­pects of both Operas create two very differ- ent Operas sue- cessful in

their own way.

t60^

Cosi fan Tutte, i^d)r

* MA

Opera (and that's saying something) was in' this, in­stance made up of a self suf­ficient cast of six who worked vveir together in demonstrat­ing the flawed, nature of mo­nogamy. Cosi fan Tutte was craftily directed by the young, up and coming Ross A Perry who takes full advantage of the inherent humour in both Lorenzo da Ponte's libretto and Mozart's subtlety ironic music. Perry plays up directly to the audience without los­ing the feasibility of his Char­acter's motives. Overall,' I felt the singing wasn't quitie up to snuff but was 6a^iiy compen­sated by the eager approach of the young lovers and almost equally enthusiastic, bespi|ia (Christine Douglas) ar\d Don Aifonlso (Roger Howell). Unfor­tunately Christine Douglas ,was unwell and didn't quite carry her arias confidently, e 4 i l l ^ h a f i n o l . v a ^ i i K . \u^r>. X M

enjoyable and down to earth adaption that succeeded in that it was thoroughly enter­taining; , f . , i',

The Force of Destiny at­tempted to strikfe a different chord and was definitely more musically orientated but less successfully directed. The stage design was disappoint­ing it was ultimately an ab* stract set with leanings to­wards symbolism and conjur­ing some unfortunately remi- niscences of sixties pop art. The acting was wet at best and stone old at worst with the exception of John Bolton-Wood's Fra Melitone. Beverley Bergen as Preziosilla {A young gypsy) was chal­lenged beyond her capabilities but on the whole the singing by what seemed an abnor­mally large cast was ex­cellent especially the auspiciously talented Lisa Gasteen as Donna Leonora di Vargas who en­tranced the audi npe^with her incredible voice.

more capable of bridging the gap between generations, Mind you, Verdi did use some crap librettos. It is a pify that neither of these productions were capable of transforming the audience members to an­other world and combining the emotional manipulation of music with Optical allusion of stage play to create a truly phenomenal work. .

TOO CLEVER BY HALF

A.C.R.G.N.Y.IVI.

The recent success of ACRO­NYM'S King Lear woujd seem to have tipped this company over from amateur to semi-professional status, (the only real distinctibn bbtvveien 'ama­teur' and 'professional' thea-tr^, one might argue, being

actors and the ticket prices).* The danger with success is that it must be followed by more success if you are; to progress, and while King Lear may have been a hard act to follow. Too Clever By Half suf­ficiently manages to maintain the momentum. '

Too Clever By Half'is written by Russian playwright Mekan-tier Ostrovsky, heralded as Russia's favourite prior to the revolution, and acclaimed for sending up the aristocracy and upper middle classes with fervour and delight.

The story is centred around Yegor Giumov, a young man who decides that he will . be­

come successful by ^ny means possible. Giumov em­barks on a process of using his friends and relatives to extraordinairy lengths as he literally takes on different personalities to accommo­date those he meets. Giumov tries, eventually unsuccess­fully, to be "all things to all people.",.

Having tired of this review, and all that is to follow requir­ing flamboyant, opinionated dribble that we simply, don't have ihe energy for, we will introduce to you our new thea­tre review rating scheme. Su-, perlative performances/ef­forts will be given the rating of 5 Gilfedders, pn a sliding scale down to the unenviable and appalling, 1 Babette.

Direction - 4 ^ $ e-»4 '9 o'«^

f.ightirig - 3 G ' s ' Costumes - 3 G's ' Make-up -.3 G's j Performances - Lisa Hickey, Martin Odger, Martin Challis -4G's (sorry, nobody gets the big 5 but the boy himself)

Well. That taken care of - w e strongly recommend that you go and support this theatre company, now deservedly find­ing its feet. You'll be enter­tained!

MSlJijil<s)i?a

\ •'l^^ . » - - \ i ..r ' '*• V J

It is interesting to note that ^ ^ of the two Operas Verdi's TAe \ Force of Destiny is the more \ contjemporary yef Mozart's \ stories ar.e more accessible, ^

WHORES IN HISTORY PROSTITUTION IN WESTERN

SOCIETY

NIckle Roberts

While the title may Hng of moralism, the contents are revolutionary rather than reac­tionary. Forthe author of this history a whore is a whore and that's not inherently a bad thing to be. Nickie Roberts describes herself as 'a veteran of the ^ Soho trade'. Some readers may

liiafsimiiPiaviHiBiiraHimUIiK •her earlier work on the whores movements of Europe and America in the twentieth cen­tury. Her. prodigiously researched tome begins- in ancient .SumeVia where priestess-prostitutes lent their authority to king's by the consummation of sacred mar­riages. Along the way we meet

'the twelfth-century King Alfonso of Castile whose attempts to legislate.against brothels and . pimping left working prostitutes isolated and vulnerable to blackmciil by the authorities.

\ This book-shows there is plenty of historical precedent for the

highlights the higher rate of .arrests for Black-American 'prostitutes. Male prostitutes are not central to the story but they're there. This engrossing account is a must if you're interested in the history of women and working class people.

m

IK11 • 9 1 I f t I ZJ • • 11 (A] #2111^ I

land's present legislators! ...,.-.•-_ r_ , ••- ^py jg not just a

a detailed argument that the' ' *whore-stigma' works t6 op­press all women. Each succes-

7:V:^if;]iilii*:ilt?siiiiilii&li MU1I

FUNNY . BUSINESS David Housham and John Frank'Keyes

ion book of a British TV show (apparently co-produced with

l l l lSKlfMMUPlV/i^lpLk'lTi iai^lr ial l

much of. What we have seen has been desperate (the Leslie Nielsen-hosted show on hu-

tution resulted in an increase in Monster," about Roseanne

dare to walk alone after dark. Throughout history church and state have not been too pure to I ijitjiiwu^jiipgirmfSjimrjMiHyj^^Ai trade. Meanwhile a strict Good Woman/Bad Woman dichotomy serves to force women into either marriage or prostitution for their livelihood. However. Nickie Roberts does,

not cohtine her crmcisms to legislators. Second Wave mid­dle-class feminists who refuse to listen to sex workers.do not escape her sharp pen. in 1971 a group of feminists in the US organised a conference on prostitution without inviting any prostitutes! Kate Millet is damned by her own words as shedescrjbes one of the sex workers who gate^ tashed the conference as "paradigmatic of the personal disorientation of the Uptown girl... completely impervious to logic".

The book is limited to the Western situation, covering Europe, North America and a ^ . brief mention 6f the Australian* whores' movement. Within that context it is fully aware of racial and sexual differences. It

visual (Rowan Atkinson's opus on sight gags). Strangely, Funriy Business has a completely l l l l l ^ l d t l H l t l l t t K l f l H l H M t l l K t K l K W l V

brief stories of the lives and works of about 80 or so comedi­ans and comedy teams, with separate pieces on British and American radio, TV and film comedy.

I'm not altogether sure what Funny Business is intended to ^ achieve. Ifs too ^ ^ \ V brief to do ^ justice to the works of the great comedians, and is best treated as a brief overview of Twentieth. Century Comedy. It works very well on that level, and is also a terrific introduction to some little-known but hilari­ous comedians, such as Tommy Cooper and Bob Newhart.

Funny Business unfortunately .also includes bits of conven­tional opinionizing amongst-the factual details, phrases such as "Jerry Lewis is funny" and "Edna Everage is Barry

Humphries' finest creation." This is the only real glitch in the book, and it's not much of a problem. Funny Business is worth reading, but make up your "own mind on what's funny, don't let a book tell you. The lists of "key films" included with each comedian's biography are helpfuK but not definitive. This book is very readable, however, and occasionally produces an" interesting piece of trivia, such as the fact that Ben Elton was originally going to play Mike in "The Young Ones," and that. DaVe Allen's Aunt was a friend of WB Yeats. There are a few comedians here who 1 didn't expect to make anyone's list of the 80 best, but the great ones are airhere,'although how could" anyone hope to do justice to Spike Milligan or Buster Keaton in two pages {with photos)? Still, it's very interesting, but stoopid ("Laugh'ln" joke).

I must admit, Funny Business makes you realise how comedy can influence social mores. Bill' Cosby did more for civil rights

.than any amount of LA riots, and any comedian "telling Pope and period jokes and not delat­ing their expletives" had better

Bruce for obtainingithem the i £ j ! 2 £ ^ V T M l l r a l l l JVv l l lV I I tl2Jfl

concept to come out of Funny Business is that comedy works best when there are no holds barred, as demonstrated by

y^u^QiiilmsiliSMStMmiUti Connolly, and by Alexei Sayle's

"with the poncho and the lapsang souchong... watching an avant-garde Polish mime

mvmjM bollocks."

N o w THAT'S funny.

Marcus Salisbury

ifsncK ON YOUR

COLLAR Dennis Potter

Every so often a TV series comes along which is so good

c ^H^

B

RE

that it practi- ^ ,cally re­deems the~ whole me: . ' dium. Lipstick v On Your Collar, which just finished on the '• -,. , ABC a couple of weeks back, is the •

' latest six-parter from the legendary * / Dennis The Singing Detective Potter. A few ^ ,' things particulaj;tsea . Potter show: horrendous sexwal guilt; grotesque

. skin diseases (Potter himself suffers from psoria- • * sis); and old songs, which the characters brdak into (rfiiming the original records) at any opportunity. The singing, in

\ particular, is what people re­member from the bleak Pennies From Heaven and the bitter, agbnised The Singing Detective ; it's a brilliant device becausie

"•not only does it emphasise the, importance of popular songs for eQlivening people's dreary existences, It breaks up the naturalistic dr^ma with humor­ous song and dance. Lipstick On Your Collar, deals ' with the experience of a group

: of young Londor;iers in 1956, ' the time of the Sgez Crisis.

Private Francis Francis is incred­ibly shy, clumsy, Welsh, and a . lover of literature; he takes up a position at the war office as a translator of Russian docu­ments, moves in withttls shrew-IshAuntand born-again Uncle, and falls in love with the woman upstairs, Sylvia. Sylvia is a gorgeous blonde, the sexual • ideal of the fifties wqman. She Is pursued by a demented . cinema organist and assaulted by her brutish husband; and

arid his colleague Private Hop­per. Hopper is a part-time drummer who dreams of rock

the niece of an American colo­nel who is far too intelligent for him. Meanwhile in the war

suffers a, breakdown in the standoff with Egypt. The series is a brilliant, blackly comic portrait of an era: the sexual mores, the incredible atmos­phere of repression and reli­gious guilt, the first cracks widening In the empire and the emergence of a new spirit of freedom for the young.

lose the impact of the song and dance routines of course, but Intact are'Potter's brilliant dialogue ahd storytelling. While it's a series that has been executed almost perfectly on

the screen, the scripts offer , credible reading for

' anyone who missed iter

" yearns to dip into

hard copy of Potter's liter-

''• ary genius.

Nick Dent

DAMIA Anne McCaffery

Well, much as I hate to criticise a bastion of my childhood,' ;

.>McCeffery really should stop • churning out books just be­cause people expect her to. Damia is the second in a series which goes nqwhere, and hope­fully will stop going anywhere after this volume. Her story is vague, her ideas are good but unexplored and her characters wander about aimlessly, con­stantly lonely .and angst-ridden, until, of course, the climactic happy, ending, predicable as

• always. And she is so fucking sexist that I stopped reading her years ago but wanted to review this book as a chance to have a bit ofa bitch. Well, a major bitch actually, because It really pisses me off that McCaffery abuses the golden chance to reach a predomi-' nantly male audience with a

books full of heroic female

homosexuality as well (There s probably a few Semper readers rushing out to show her some support now that I've used that "h" word). But it's not her conservatism I object to. Okay, I'm lying, I DO really hate it when women are portrayed as begin oppressed by having ovaries, or not dealing with their children because they have a job as well as ^ baby, or giving up their individuality without ^ question to put on their aprons when a man comes Into their lives! I have a bit of a problem with bein|f fed this sort of shit In my sacred escapism time!

So, keeping it brief (sihce I already got to rave about the type of sciehce-flctloh I do and don't like in a whole artide, not just a review) l thought Damia . was okay, in fact, just the book to read if your Intellectual capacity has been severely reduped by having the flu, as mine was at the time. If you can manage to ignore such literary gpms as "Sweet talking words is for a woman: standing your ground is a male prerogative" 5 (p^e 47) and remain in control of your faculties, then this book is for you! But you'd better hide

. the matches if you iee Wie around, because I'm obviously '

• some sort of looney if I can get so het up about a work of fiction.

Michelle King

PASSIONS OF THE MIND SELECTED WRITINGS

A,S. Byatt\

This Is a typically academic book with quoting of obscure

cleverly placed snippets of Victorian ppetry and a fuck of a

brained morons at the slightest,: anymore'aboutthis.'becauseto

main is in the area. As soon as they locate and clahn. such a man, they proceed to want to

worry about what's wrong with them if they can't seem to have any. Which Is fine with me', so .long as a woman's value as person Is not measured by her

stand most of it but If you fancy yourself as my mental superior ' give it a go and write to Semper

Evl!lijTIi19l

Karen Murpfiy

cooking a bit much for my liking too.

tive and anti-all-sorts-of-things, like women's rights and classless

, societies, and I've always been a bit suspicious about her attitude to .

TONY . T O N I TONE '

Souls Of SOIlI'Polydor

Laurie Anderson once said that "^alk-Ing about music Is like dancing aimut archRecture" which tends to paint the role of the record review In rather an absurd light. Nonetheless, I will attempt to convey my Impressions of Sons of Sou/, t will not, however, attempt to be objective • oblectlvlty has no role where ^ tastels involved. I. suppose I could at­t e n d fairness, banter terms around like "well crafted" or "melodic" or "In the best traditions of Motown" but why tether? I dianTen]3y this album. My suspicions began when i noticed that each member of the group thanked God (pronounced "Gard") in the album's ' cr.edlts >• now, no offence to the afore­mentioned but'The Lord doesn't have a great reputation for attracting exciting contenfporary musicians, does.^7 My fears w^re realised with the first track. Tfils was yet another one of those count-

' less male vopal/soul groups*that seems to Infest tife American popular music scene.... yoo know, the ones that upon receiving their award thank Gard forgiv­ing them the success that their nfilnd-less pap definitely does not deserve. As each of the fifteen tracks ground on (average track time Ave minutes) i found It rnore and more difficult to distinguish any elements that could-differentiate each song as Interesting or engaging tn Its own right. My Ex-Glrlfrlend featured some background (and I mean back­ground) funk-style guitar a'ia Prince and a vocal sound reminiscent of Michael Jack^n on Rock i/Vlth You. The fifth track /.eaWn'reminded me of the Motown standard Second Th^$ Emotion purged of all but one bar played over and over (and over). / Couldn't Keep It to Myself showed promise during Its funky, disjointed introduction, but quickly deteriorated Into the inef fiectual style that permeates the entire album. The award for most nauseating track, however, is a close tie between Tell Me Mama (where did we go wrong)" and the epic (In duration only, certainly not construction) Anniversary. The former

this album's death warrant In my eyes -the softly spoken male voice imploring to female reason and compassion In order to re-kindle the wayward relation­ships (due no doubt to the man's Indis­cretions):

"Yes, I still count the days and the hours that we've been apart .... you see, what we had was genuine; yeah. It was real.

I guess It's true what, they say -You never mfss a good thing untlf you 've lost It But If I could tum back the hands of time

•Losing you would be the furthest thing from my mind

second last track was certainly the coup de grace - at nine minutes and twenty fdur seconds it stands as a towering monument to insipid smarm. This is the sort of music that constituted the sound track for A Different World. If I was forced to pick a favourite I wo.uld have

strength of the ragga vocals, nothing else. For me this album fails into* )he "so in­offensive It's offensive" category. How can the human race Justify the contin­

ued proauciion ana consumpiion oi inis rapid drive!? I WANNA KNOW - WHO'S RESPONSIBLE! JAMES DENIOS

THE SHARP Tills is tlie Sharp ? Warner ' CLOUDS HlDWlediesSRedEye As a fan of live mu­sic who's been bored by so much r: of what I've seen In the past two years, H I can heartily rec- I Onunend the Sharp I to you as a rock T ^ and roll concert * event.^Watching \ ' f these guys play In ;.'r'*;^. a crowded pub can give you an idea how those repressed kids In the fifties felt all of a sudden when early rock and roll groups took to the stages of the sour old dance halls and got down to It. Tfiey Jump, they pout, they stand on their instruments, they get everybody down on thefloor, and they don't miss a note. They can make me dance when I'm not even pissed, for chrissake, and that's saying something.

• "We don't record anything we can't re­produce live," says Charile Rooke. Well true enough, listening t<> tMs record Is ^n exercise in deja vu from their gigs, i realise that not only havo I heard prac-, ticaily ail of the songs before, l-know all the viords. And I've only seen them play three times. Upshot: this Is a catchy band. But In that case I'm seri­ously worried about the longevity of this record. The singles TafkingSfy,Scratc/i

•My Back and Train of Thought are shoved roughly to the front of the al­bum leaving the softer touches of Yeah t Want You and Cfoserto the middle^ the latter having more than an echo of Crowded House- and the brasserj three chord stuff towards the back. And that's as Itshould be. .' Watch out, as well, for the Sharp back­lash. They are going to be huge and they'll suffer ail the flack that Frente! did, just for being themselves. People will notice that they're stuck .in a rockabilly rut, that they sing almost exclusively about sex, that Chariie's haircut Is stolen from the one l^lck Rhodes had in 1982, and they ail ap­pear to be getting much more than their fair share of ^rouole sex . Until then. Just buy the record and have a hell of a lot of fun. There's more than one song about sex on the new Clouds LP, Thundethead. The record is a complete turnaround from the crisp and precise pop of Penny Cen­tury, with the new Clouds (Dave Easton and Raphael Whittlngham on guitar and drums) exploring rougher and dari<er shades of pop meteorology. Pick of the crop is the exquisite and delicate Ghost

an encounter with a dead lover; the sin­gle. Sower of Bliss, Is a dart< fellatio of rhythm. One of the album's major conceits though Is the ten-minute thun­derstorm that comes In at the end of Rocket. Some bad Lhld memories to

obviously had a good hard listen to Lush and Underground Lovers)but doing them better than anyone else. A great album. DENitis CHAPLOT

M A N I C , . ^ S' T R E F T ! Mi

M km the Soul Columbia

Here's a British band that appar-

IT

model themselves on lots of oid nasty bands like The Sex Pistols, acted the goat with Journalists, sneered a bit etc. The bassist looks like he's In The New

Yorit Dolls, the drummer kicks like he's In Th© Damned and the guitarist looks like some mod from The Jam. Fascinat­ing. And, Just to show 'em, Ricky Edvuards slashed "4 REAL" Into his ami a couple of years ago. "Fuckin' alrlghtlfwe re­spond, until he goes away. It tums out they're simply a boring rofek band, full of Hg choruses, big guitar so-

'ios and big Impassioned vocals some­how reminiscent of Mike Edwards from Jesus Jones. The sort of guys who like to spit, but accidentally get It on their vinyl trousers. But don't get me.wrong. They're awful.

. MICHAEL HOLAN

"I need fuckin' lovel" hollers the lead singer. I could suggest a few other things he heeded. Talent, being a number one priority. ^ ViCKr KOVACS ,

THE L E V E L L E R S ^ TIieMerS Liberation'

Ah, now here's music. The Levellers are a muItHnstrumental five-piece from the UK who have been described as 'anarcho-hlppy-folk-punksters'I Oh how zany! A k>t of hyperbolic crap has been written about this band In Rolling Stone (what a surprise!) but some of it is war' ranted. This album has a satisfying com­plement of ballsy tracks that prove that you don't heed the Incessant-pounding of guitare to drive a tune along; The In-fluences'ar© broad, from the obvtous folk and Celtic-roots through to the Clash, but It comes together strongly and with a convincing degree of passk)n. HAUK MCINHES

THE V E R L A I N E S lilflljOlltHhereFtyingNu'n ' ,11

. Yes, It's true, lhe Verialnes are yet an­other Janglygultar pop band frorn Dunedin, New Zealand. How can the fourth or fifth largest city in a country with a total population equal to that of Sydney produce so much talent? Pe^ haps we'll neever know... Originally formed back in the eariy eight­ies, the Verialnes have existed for most of their career as a threei>leee, Inspired no doubt by the crisp, mlnlriiallst pop of

Dunedtn pop bands, the (three piece) Clean. With this album, however, they have changed drummers yet again and added another guitarist, thus launching Into the midfllnetles as a four piece. This has been reflected In their sound with a shift from the aforementioned cri'spness to the more contemporary sound of fuzzier guitars with just the faintest hint of, dare I say it, grunge? After limited listening, my favourite and hot tip for first single Is This Valentine,

Ing you that? I mean you're either go-

Downes, the creative force and founder of the Verialnes had a classical music background, but it all Just sounds like

tainly a valuable addition to any Jangly guitar New Zealand pop collection. H BUSH * • •

P A T R I C I A " KAAS ptilriciukiuis. TGUfileCliafniB • •^•' Columbia

Well a Tourde Charme it cer- , '*•' \ talniy ain't! '' More, 10% charm and a good 90% bland restaurant music. Patricia Kaas, her accompany­ing musicians, and her favourKe coutu-

rlprs (listed in the credits), havo man­aged to produce an album which trades heavily on'pretentiousness and cliche. The album cover features Madamolselle Kaa& - wistful In Wack and w^ilte; her voice is breathy; she sings In French; she Is accompanied by a small orches­tra; and. she (wanklly) refers to her al­bum as her "beautiful baby*. Aaghl I found none of her songs memorable, or « . , . . _ • . - U I . I . . . . . ••

one that I could 'morph' Into TlAiho), and in fact, the entlrje album would send you to Meep, If it wasn't so damn an­noying! On the up sicle however, If you're about to open a French restaurant and need some white noise;... NICOLE GASTALDIH • "

B L I N D M E L O N ' Dlinil fielon Capitol/ -.>' ."'-'^ • £Mi ^:

i) a t h e r ' : ! -disapointing actu-. ally. The single Afo ' " •' \ ffa/n, which I like, " Is not really repre­sentative of the album, they are quKe heavy at times, which Is OK, but they are IncredkJIy predtetable. The vocal­ist Shannon Hoon l ^ a voice whteh Is kind of a combination of Janis Joplln and Axl Rose-very raw and gritty. TheIy^ tea are Interesting, but'the songs, while not being bad, are, on the whole, bo^ .

SCOTT CQOPER

P R I N C E , : . ' llie Hits/Ili8il-5iil8s Warner ^ bi this ever chang­ing worid, It's nice 2 know-thM sorne things will ahvays { remain the same. ^ , insect spray wili never kill cockroaches, the word "para-

Prince film clip, a banana Is never Just a banana. The obsession Prince has 4 acrobatics between the sheets (and in

hits; or If they can then the'y would cer­tainly have trouble trying 2 determine why these songs weren't released as singles. 200 Balloons, the B-SIde 2 Batdartce, Is basically a different ver­sion of Its fllpside, thus capturing the energy of the ort^nat (?) without the annoying samples from the film and the recun-ing "Batinaaan's". Also Included are variousout-?akes that, became club

Eroth Cltyjtntl Irrestsiable Bitch, and their dance-floor pedigree shows. The cost of this package ($60-$701 be­lieve) may sound a little prohibitive, but it Is certainly cheaper than trying 2 buy up Prince's entire back-catalogue. Be­tween this set and the classic double album S/gn '0' the. T/mes you need never '

A'HDKEH HOgTOH

• * , - ,

H I 6 H T Y 'l M I G H T Y Boss T O N E S donXlioouilioiiitopitftij Mercury That's right ^ v That's right boys, '* • you ddn't. This Is a disturibing blend of thrash, hip hop and big bias^ band sounds-. Wrap your brain around Uiai concept. Too much reggae and too much samene^ for the MMBT's to everget exciting. I wasn't pxclted, and I wouldn't play K at any party. Unless I didn't like the peOpler. Hby, now there's a thought.... I \ Vt.cKi KOVACS

'l*t»MM<J«W**l>* ^ » . « * « « / . A f c *

liNg^-.lJB.liMli i f f f iTrWIl l '" phonebooths...) is well documented on this three CD retrospective. The lyrical

'ous {Head,Hohiy Toad, She's Always In Mytfali). It's a good thing Prince Is still so young, otherwise he might possibly B labelled a dirty old man. it's also a good thing that he Is so talented, oth­erwise we might possibly have tired of him after the almost four hours worth of music Included In this set. It doesn't happen, however, and 4 this reason I can recommend this compilation 4 any­one's music collection. After fifteen years of recording and f ou^ teen albums. Prince hasn't felt the need 2 reinvent himself as often as Madonna has, but It Is Interesting listening 2 the shifty Ih musical focus that Prince has made between albums, from the funk driven pop of Confrov'eisx,2 the pop driven funk of Gett Off. it would have been difficult 2.cram any mAMk r v A ^ l i r i n n i h a e a rifckcz ikf%ii I n v

possible 2 satisfy the wish list of tracks of every Prince fan, but I lament the loss of Paisley Paik.yhe Cross and / Wish U Heaven. Thankfully; however, the entire Batman album has been ignored 4 the sickly pap that most of tijat project was, and though the copious liner notes pre­dictably take the form of intense ego stroking. Prince'has resisted the urge 2 include the completely self-aggrandls-Ing My Name Isfrlnce. Pertiaps he fig­ured that we knovj by now. Of the Asides, well you woiild easily B able 2 slip them onto the CD tray at your next party and people would have difficulty distinguishing them from the

L A R R I K I N S Tiie larriliiii Sessions ASC/Phonogram' rfi.e pip Keg ot Ram, The Death of

With a Swag on my Shoulder ani many more! Traly "A Panorama of Australian Folk Songs from the City and Bush". But not, it must be said, the sort of album one would expect from Brisbane heavy electronic band Pure Bunk. Indeed, one

CD from this Inimitable local band? The word from the studio Is of a release

. scheduled for eariy next year. Full of the raucous noise that has endeared them to the Brisbane public. Pure Bunk's new recordings-

• [Enter Andrew Semper Editor, cheerily] Andrew: "Hi Michael! Watcha doing?" Oh, er, nothing much y'kriow.... (weak smile) A: "Writing up a storm I see. Great! (no­tices CD covers) Aaahl The music re­views. Can I have a took?" Aw c'mon, wait 'til I'm flnls,hed...um...a surprise, right? (silps review under some magazines, sweats a little) A: (becomingsuspicious) "I'm only go­ing to see it later" (moves closer) NOI i mean,\vel), sure but you now how I am about.these things....

M: icaii rigiii. nvji if/viiiis ui

Isn't that Mary Kostakldis?" Where!? (Jumps up and rushes to win­dow) ' , (Andrew grabs review, reads «,. folds arms and begins tapping foot) A: "What the hell Is this?" 0K.1, er... A: (points to door) Out. ' ' " . But I was Just A: Out! OUT! OUTII (exits) Mumble mumble worth a try mumble....^ ^ kiCHAEL (DJ BUNK) HOLAN »

F R O N T E N D - L O A D E R All Star Jam Survival

. Having heard of this band through vari­ous sources I was looking forward to actually hearing some of their material for myself, expecting periiaps an Aus-

Ing Helmet or the wash'n'gouge grunge of Swervedrlver. Expectiitlon soon turned sour, however,'as It became ap­parent that here was nothing more than competently played, average heavy ' rock. Ail Star Jam (about Jesus and Sa­tan In a.band) has some pretty'snazzy bass'lines and vocals that remind me

about Weak as Piss was the title • unin­spired pub«ore If ypu ask me. My at­tention was beginning to wane as the obligatory acoustic Intro to the aOwm's

. Shwie, the third track 0ifc^ei^ began. Iron Will followed and it would have taken one for me to stop sftaring at the track counter wlshlr^ K was all over. I can't dven remember the demo track strange Tools. XMi well, you win some, you tose sonte down the back of a fillip cabinet. Give It a listen and decide for yoursjelf. \ JAHES DENTON

1

URBAN SPECIBS IfieDpeiiencefl'Talking Logd .... r

•

Urtun Species prove.that the cross4e^ tlllsatlon of rap and reggae is a produc­tive one J This EP Is a catchy mix of souk ful yet desultory rap (a la De La Soul) with a strong reggae Influence, some slow cool brass licks and a host of In­teresting tinny samples. Well worjth sticking an ear to. ' HARK HCINHES .

T H E E X P O N E N T S HhllDliesLliyellOltllstOllePhonograrn

Awww, disappointed! Given the fact tttat The Exponents are a New Zealand

{"b<^ flrids fish, boy look like he loves fish") I iyas expecting an Interesting

Chills, Jeari Paul 5atre Experience etc.) IVIaybe I subconsciously linked "Expo­nents" with "Residents" and assumed

' the same amount of strangeness would be featured.... I dunno. The fact Is that there is very little' here to get me ex­cited. The tlUet'rack features pleasant. harmonies bat Is basically an uncompli­cated pop ditty (the presented questkm is not even answered!}. Nameless Girl­ie a lilting acoustic number complifhented by gravelly vocals, and jSomeUntes features gurgling keyboard that underplnarather sombre song wtth a nonetheless snappy pace driven t y thick bass and a shuffling Manche8te^ esque drum riiythm. However, by the time the disc whiried drpund the video mix of Why Does Love Do This to Me (fK still didn't know) lt,Just wasn't enough to win me. I think they remind

ten and decide for yourself. "

JAMES DENTON

THE CRANBERRIES. OfeamS island

Oh look, I like the Cranberries. Sure I said I hated The Cranesl Sure I said I hated little girlie voices! But I also re­serve the ri0A to change my mind. Does that enter under loumallstic privilege? Who cares!? I don't. Anyway, Dreams Is a great track, and obviously the most commercial of the three on this single. Buy It - better yet, buy the nlbum. VICKI KOVACS

'J

I-Much Ado About I Nothing A m I life only oni.' around IKTI.- who

w.isn't lurncd giY ShakL's[x.'arc hy hav- -injj liis plays SIMJVCH down my ihroal in sthoot? Somclimoii it seems like il.ln any. rase Kenneth .ll'ranaglVs jubilant Much ,Ad() About Nothing is Ihe perl"e( t rebuttal lor anyone who's ever used that excuse. This is.nothin}; like hard work: it's simply

I a very tunny, very heaulit'ul movie.

A (astle in Sicily is {bu setting tor Shake­speare's tale ot' love deceptions, some tor the good, some tor the bad. At centre stage is the "merry war" between the suave Lord Uenedick (Kenneth Branagli) and (jie spir­ited Ik-atfire (Emrpa Thompson). Don I'edro of Arragon ([X-nzel WaslTinglon) and his company have come victorious in war lu the house ot Ciovernor Letjnato (Kichard Briers). No sooner have ihey ar­rived lhan young Claudio ot' Florence - a • ?ery hearlt'ell Robert Sean Leonard trom

, Dead I'oels Society ^ falls in" love with Leonato's daugllter Hero, and with Don I'edro's help the match is made. Dori

"Pedro nexl conspires to bring logether Henedick and Beatrice, suspecting that Iheir conslanl declarations ol' mutual Joalhing hide tliuir attraction to one an­other, - ' ' •

Meanwhile Don Pedro's poisonous brother, Don |olin the bastard (Keaiiu peeves) decides to vent his spleen' by dis­gracing Hero and stopping the wedding. It's up to dementfd watchman Dogberry (Michael Keaton) to uncover Don John's villa iny.bet'orethegovernor's house erupts into discord.

, Forhis I'ourthidirecfingetlorl, and his sec­ond Shakespearian outir^g, Kenneth Branaghhasmadea hugely appealingt'ilm with lavish produciton values and a good balance of British and American actors. Mud\ Ado'i budget is several limes ihal ot" Rranagh's inspiringly gritty Honry V.

' (Henry's climactic baltle scene, it"you can believe il, was tllnied in a car park.) With Hollywood money behind Much Ado, Branagh is tree to let (he camera roll lan­guorously over Ihe hillsides of Tuscany,

Yel much of lhe secrel of Branaghli ap­peal lies in his.complele failh in the magic of lhe Ihualrc, which he demonstrates in a few audacious touches. He sees no in ­congruity, for" instance, in the casting of Denzel Washington and Keanu Reeves as brothtrs. And why should there be? This is no realist piece/ it's simply a bunch.of aclors excelling in the art. Washington is, by the way, territlc, while Keanu the vil­lain doesn't jar as badly as Keanu the Eng­lish aristocrat in Dracuh. Don |ohn is a cardboard villain, so all Keanu needs lo do is sneer and look good in leather.

When she appears Emma Thompson prac-ticaUy acts everyone else off tiie screen. Kehnelhgels another chance, after Peter's Friends lo show us a whal a tunny guy he • really is, wilh Benedick's side-splitting one-linersand soliloquys on bachelor­hood. Being the director often means you can cast yourself and your wile in the best parts!

The only weak link is Michael Keaton, who really does opt for the si Ily voice and tbrced mannerisms as Dogberry. Watch oul though lor Hen Ellon (yes, Ben Elton) as Doglv.-rry'sdimwi't oi'fsider. Verges.

Muc/i .Ado About Nolhi"n<; has it all; joy, sadness, love, dancin,i(, singing, argu­ments galore, and it's goirg to he mighty popular around Oscar time. See it in­stantly. One word oi warning ihough; don't get caught- in a crp'wd of schoolkids. they're going to love il loo, hut then again they'll talk ihrough any­thing.

Nick Derit

II was inevitable that Dave bo made.'the storyline utilising the conspiracy theo­

ries and controversy of lifoin the While House. As a result the film is both corny and preaiclable. ^

ll seerns to me that this movie, starring Kevin Kline and Stigourney Weaver, was based on that episode ol Qef Smart where Max was to pretend lo be the prince of some obsclire South American country lo protect the security of the real prince. In Dave Kevin Kline pays a look alike Presi­dent who is rc>cruiled by While House se­curity to pretend to be lhe President dur­ing a highly vulnerable appearance. When the President falls fatally ill, Davo (Kevin Kline) finds himself playing Presi-. dent indefinitely. The whacky repercus­sions of a layman in the seat of President arc straight put of Oft Smart and range from Kevin KhVio falling out of the Presi­dent's seat to him overcoming the forces ot political evil surrounding him. His greatest hurdle; as President, is to con­vince Ihe first lady.(Sigburney Weaver) thai he is the cold politician she married. When Dave's friendly and honest nature breaks through the facade, bolh tho en-.'. tire couniry and thp first lady falll in love wilh him.

While politics aren't discussed il seems apparent ;hat tho government in office is enacting right winged economic ration­alist polic OS and has lost sight oflhe need

g to provide welfare and assistance lo sec-lions of the communiiy. These policies are contrary to both the first lady's and Dave's political ideals. Dave turns against those who sought to exploit the situation to gain office and declares that the government is on a mission lo provide every Ameri-

• can with a job. Scared of the position of power that Dave obtains the baddies ex­pose him lor the fraud (hal was commit­ted white the real President field office, faced with ihis controversy Dave schemes to expose the baddies, clear the-names of the goodies and to return lo his layman lit'e, In lhe ond good triumphs and Dave runs for council. Cool Huh!?!

While it was inevitable thai a film of this _ sort he made the plot doesn't really lend

ilsell lo anything. In fact it's a bit ofa noth­ing film and one in which even the acting talent qf its iwo leading characters doesn't afford il much of an impact. Sigourney's zero sub­stance character is especially disappointing. When she isn't acting like a bitter and twisted bitch she simply smiles a tol and acts supportive ly. Dave is, overall, a bit of a dumb film. While Kevin Kline provides a. ; s' -^^'v ' j | couple of lau^s, I'd prel'ef to see CJel Smart re-runs any day.

Kyla Roid

1 win Peaks: F i r e W a l k With Me After much delay and many anii-cli

maxes David Lynch's decplydislurbing drama which wa* panned by critics and vievyers when it was released in America (and elsewhere) last year, finally is being released here (thanks must go lo (he distributors ViflaJ>e-Roadshow t'or the 18 mpnths-delay!). Why the wait? Well because despite he TV sc" ries being one of the more- accessible pieces otT.ynch'work this movie prequel (NOT sequel) is>.his bravest and mosl sur-roal piece of celluloid yel.

The I'ilm opens, in Deer Meadow with a young waitress named Teresa Banks be-

• ing found brutally murdered (sound fa­miliar) a Ithough nol "wrapped in plastic". FBI head Gordon Cole (Lynch) sends agents Chel Desmond (played in ultra-cool fashion by singer Chris Isaak) and Sam- Stafiley (an anally retentive Kiefcr Sutherland) to investigate. After Desmond tnyslenously disappears mid- invostiga-

' tion, special agent Dale Cooper is senl.lo pick Ufj Ihe leads. The action then shifts , forward, a year lo the idyllic(?) town qi Twin Peaks and Laura Palmer for a seven day countdown, depiding Laura's torrid double l i te, including her cocaine addiction.promiscuity, boyfriend prob­lems and of course bad boy BOB^

Being a feature'film (just dver 2 hours) Lynch has had to concer^t'rate more on Laura Palmer than the plethora of char­acters and subplots that were evident jr\ the series. Apparently a lol of lhe familiar' faces vyere filmed but ended up on the ctHlng'room floor. Sb favourites such as Audrey, Sheriff Trurnan (and gang), Ben Home and Pole and Catherine Martell do not appear. Others like Cooper, Shelly, Leo and David Bowie (despite prominent billing) make only brief cameos.

Once again Angeb Badalamenli's sub­lime^ soundtrack plays an integral part in Ihu mood of story and is even better lhan Iho TV soundtrack. You don't have lo be a Peak Freak lo see the film, even-though it Would help in understanding it, but one does have lo enjoy Lynch's cinematic style, symbolism and ambiguity. In short il's less a film and mere of an utterly mes-murising and unforgeftablo experience.

The final quote would havo lo come from Lyach himself: "Twin Peaks - fire Walk With Mv is first ofall for people who havo a sense for macabre humour and gror tesque surrealism. Twin Peaks is no place. It's a stale."

Caleb Ru«ld

The Living End IJAlclQight M o V i e

lent premise aboul two seropositive

guys vyho hil the road, one yearning for

nihilistic release and one futilely clinging

to the tamiliar, the everyday routine, and

then you scf\d |hem on a voyage of lib­

eration "across the barren existential void

called lhe USA", and lhen...And then

whal? N.

\

1 sure don't know, and director Gregg

Araki doesn't seem to cither, which is a

pity given the film's strong point of'de-

parture'. The Living End is a well-written;

well acted, excellently shol'^nd edited

movie thai I would uninhibitedly recom­

mend - except forit's persislehl, lelhargic

directionjessnoss. Maybe that might be.^

an appropnate underlying Iherpe - maybe

• bul il traiislates inlo a feeling that Araki>

has set His star-crossed lovers loose and

then can't think of anyplace interesting I

lo t^kc them. ' .

Apart from that ihough, The Living End is

prelly fab, full of vigour and black, black

humour, Jon (Craig'Cilmore) and Luke

(Mike Dylri) meet by chSnce..alter peri­

odically orbilting each other's livesal Ihe •

outset dl the film, and resolve thpir origi­

nal |:tersonalily differences to begin a*tem­

pestuous, raunchy love affair. Both men

ha'i'e had their lives radically altcredby

receril H.l.V. tests - they hoa'd into the

synset, Jon's toothbrush and Snoopy slip­

pers in tow, after Iho volatile, free-feeling

Luke shoots a cop. Left behind is Jon's

het-friend?/si5ter?, Darcy (excellent, un-

'derstatcid support trom 6arcy kada), wlio

is their one (phone) line back to reality. f

Audience gels an uhdiluled,,atmosphefic :

dose of American neon and

wastelandscapes reminiscent of Kathfyn Ritfplnw'i; M<';ir RnrL MIIK: fanH iCc a rlol'L i

humour. Jon's bumper sticker is "Choose

Death"; the vignette of quirky dramatic

momqnts by nameless cameo actors is ex­

cellent, and Luke's encounter wilh two

killer dykes is a total hoot (that noted how­

ever, can we say ENOUGH ALREADY

wilh the cinematic killer lesbiatis??)

So don'l get me wrong -1 really liked The

Livipg End. It's guc'rnlli cinema at il's

$2(),()()<l-hudget-technical best. Shots and

.lighting are bolh economical and beauti­

ful, performances uniformly good (and my

god, it's a couple of realistic gay chdrar-

ters; and a truthful perspective on AIDS, ^

and some honest, genuinely sexy love

scenes, and alt this within a semi-main­

stream release, with an American Film In-

^lilute grant- oh, oh, it's ail loo much!!!) -

just that airnlessness, dude, that aimless-

russ, Nevertheless.Araki is sure to go on

loeven more noteworthy things, and per­

sonally I can't wail to sec 'em.

Oh, by the way, this will probably be my

last review for Semper - I'm off next year,

oh some Grand Adventure, I hope. See

you, dudes - boo hoo, boo hoo!!!l Writ­

ing tor Semper has bec n a blast - and

when you're nol wriling, well hell, you_

can always hang oul at the ol'fices, use

the phones and the photocopier, annoy

the editors...Bul I guess you have to slop

being a Semper groupie at some stage, so

farewell to you, gentle reader, and adios

guys -* I'll he sure to write

E l e a n o r M a m e y

with Cowboy "There is No Such . '. Thing As A Bad Giant Earthworm ^ i Movie" Bob ' ' • ' ^ ^ ^

PnOGlinM TUJOs THC DUSK TO DAUIN fnNTASIII FCST:

KRULL. LADYHAWKE, THE PRttiCESS BRIDE. EANTASIA • '\

' All these films are at lhe $2-4/weel( mart, lolql cost $8-12."Recomm€rKJed mwidiies for this.pne: lea, lijosl

and Tim-Tarns, Wa! oost $3-4. All up for the evening approx. $15. This pnMratii Is definilely one lo shore

arid, unlike the all nighl Sci-Fesf, lhe more lhe meiri'er;. Padtvoor house with D&D'relugeesi escapists, dope-'

heads and nostalgia, buffs, scatter them liberiaRy about the floor ond sofos, odd a generoos hdping of fluffy

pillows and a couple of blanlcels, Idll the lighls and hil ploy. Fed free (o join in with the cast in the saying <*

their lines because, lets face il, mosl of us know at least one of t h ^ films by hecri.

K R U L L " . ^ • •

Krvl/was ofie ol those mogicd films that come oot of the mid-eighlies 'fon/osy film spedol elFeds' croze. I

don'l know the name of the director or the nomes of many of the odors, lieB I don1 even know the names of

most of the choroclers but il doesn't mofler, nol with a film l(b Knill. If bos all the elements of a fine fantasy

flick, a hero ( ^ wants to moiry tfie haplnej wifh o bunch of groovy companions, a heroine fhdl everyope

> wonts to marry (or so il wookJ seem), o bod guy (who wonts to morry the heroine) vn'th o heap of evil looking

' accomplices, weird kxattons, bizarre andilory ast. several menoroble v gJ1etles and simple yel vibrant style

of direction. KruJI, l i b nwny of the great fantasy films is one that you only ever rewember bit* of. Bul remem­

ber them you sholl. Lai^h abng at the companions' witty banter, cry with vour friends when lhe cyckips dies,

shudder in fear at the find oonffid, gasp in awe tc the I V o p I ^ is fulfilled. Eal those Tiro Toms, drink thd tea

and get really really soppy; Everyone shocild onf e inr a while.

L A D Y H A W K E '' •. ' ' ' • • '

This film has a simikir pedigree to Kru//, it b basically a kwe story bcNveen a hero bbouring under a myste­

rious curse and a heroine, also cursed. There is the obligolory groovy ownponion or two ond the suitably ^ 1

villain and originator cj,lhe curse. The hero and heroine love each other an awf i j lot and they really want to

be together as Inuch as they can, wliich is a bit of a bummer really because they hove be^n cursed.' Dun'ng the

day the hero is human and thi heroine lakes'the form of a havd( (hence ihelille) and during the night rfie hero

takes the form olo wt^ whilst lhe heroine becomes humon, thus they are always together yef olwo)|s opod

(makes me wonl b cry just wriling about it • sniff). To break the curse they musl ponfront the villain who artsed

•tberii whilsl both in human form. Impossible yoo say?,nb. Iw, surprise, surprise, ihWe is aoing te.be an

edipse, the sun and the moon wil be' in the slw together at tlje some lime, haice the quest, the pfa* ond the

adion. The sidekido od as comic relief throughout and ore well playd. A fine film.

THE PRINCESS BRIDE • •"

Direded by Rob Reiner (Spinal Top, Harry Mel Sally) and stomng too many famous people to mention The ft'i r o - ' J . ( t . .„- i . t i f_lli:_-L D: I I . J .? *rt_ f ' - l ^ , -J . • - . t i L . . l» „ :i.

fad they hove, bund iuie Love" the rarest of a8 bves, which is o bil of o shit because ihey ore both so poor, '

so he lajves to seek his fortuiie. In the iitferim however, the local Prince'Regent cleddes that he wonts to' marry,

and he picks the farm gid to be his bride, his Princess Bride. A third porty tl«n kidnaps Buttercup and takes off

with her. The form boy returns with a recjuisile number of i?kirveIlous companions and attempts to effect o

•rescue. Hence plol, thenre an^ odkjn. I won't soy too much morea I will give owoy loo mOcfi of this film whicfi

deserves lo be urtoinled by preoognilive reviewers like myself. All «xj need to know b that the ingredients are

all present in iheir corted proporliom |1 villain & ocoamplices, 1 hero & ocoomplices, I eminently marriage­

able heroine, several wcirid members of andHpry cast, severql celebrity cameos ond I greot pksl).' . .

FANTASIA '

The Disney Magnum Opus. If you boven't heard bf this one you obviously I'lve on the some plonet as lhe

people who hoven'l heard of fl/a/e Runnsr. Mode more than 50 yeqrs ogo fontei'o, ore of the firsi onimoted

feolure films ever mode, hos arloinly stood the test of time. In on almost surreal, dreomy presenlatkm f anfo-

sia has no reol pkil, il is simply o series of onimaled presenlatbns inspi'red l^'dassicol music. Yoii listen to the

music and wotdi whol lhe animolors come up witb to occompany it, that's il. Sounds simple but it isn't.

Fanloiia is o reword wotdi thol enleitaiiu as much tis-any plot driven feature yoo core to mention.Jf you do

• watch this offer all the other films on this list, you will be at ihal stage of sleep deprivation where yoo could be

sold to be under ihainfluence of a mind altering substance, and Mien you ore in ihat stole Fonfbsfo is .a totol

spin out. This film has got il oil: ballet dandng hippos, demonic overtords roising the dead, the sorrerer's

opprenfice scene, cenlours, pixies, nixies, sprites ond much much more. Fmtasia deserves oil the recognition

^ it has reraived in f is half tenlury ond wil! oonlinue lo receive high praise for at least o half centu^ more.

PESOUNDTRACK) • • ' * . .

We/I//lol/usf otout wrops Hup for me Uks (Say goodbye andl'! kin you), it's been a good year ar)d I've got'

W wo/c/i some ex^ienl films (hnwrraw I'll miss you). I sincerely hope that our 'time together (Voo bow iol

I'll always he trw} has inspire(j yau-and you conftnue-to watch and enjoy CMIms or\ video long o/fer I'm

• gone (And w/ii/e I'm owoy, /'// wrile fiome everyday), and gone I shall be as this is the hit issue for this year

ar)d i'm just ahoit due to ride off into the sunset for the last lime Il's been hr). I won't be seeing you a^ ever '

again ho(ar\d I'll sendall my h/ing to youj, S9 remember, there won't be a nexl time and...

iHiM IS NO SUCH THiN^ns H naif GinNT (annwoaitn Movie.

Cowiwy There li No Such Thing AJ A Bad Giant Earthworm McwV Bobolso goes under the rome DaVid Gunsberg.

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. | i^;tl|e^1s(x€ntury':near^,,jt"is| l^nerally^accepted that women I >iave|he righit to control the own : ^n|es|lncomeKsexuallty,''ecluca-5 *tibn etc. However, good old Qld,^ :^ lmv,>ni^^g others, still makesj ^^iiiSortion abrjmlnai offence under

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male's health-abonioh can be (}ermltted. How-" ever, these qUafIfications still ensure that the: "" worhanJs denied the finarchoice. \ •' <

, If youconsider vtfho makes the laws, .the ciir-'rent state of abortion'law Is hardly surprising!!«, How a male (oops, did Psay male) bureaucrat '• can assume to understand the thoughts and feelings of every pregnant woman is beyond me,\ Every pregnancy is unique, because every..,' woman is unique*Moreover, women arefuijy ca-, pafale of deciding whether to continue a preg­nancy orjnot. NO SINGLE LAW SHOULD BE ABLE TO DETERMINE A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CONTROL HER BODY,

• Hence, the PRO-CHOICE CAMPAIGN which ad-- vocates that WOMEN MUST HAVE THE CHOICE

TO TERMINATE OR CONTINUE THEIR PREG-. - N A N C Y : ;-..,.„_^ \ • • . - , \ •••', . \

The Goss Labor Government promised to put the abortion issue on the agenda. It has failed

I to do so. This is unacceptable and neglectful. • We must let the Qld government know that we twant abortion on demand. So... we are going to write Jhousands^of letters to parliament, rally, make subqiissions etcXWe also have plans to

-establisha Pro-choice 'club' at \ Uni next year. The Pro-life as­

sociation has a fully funded group through Clubs and Socs at Old Uni. It's time that peo-

\ , pie who believe inchoice haves a voice on this campus. \

Abortion IS an issue which af-. „ fects all women so if you sup­

port pro-choice and women's right.tocontrortheir own lives GET INVOLVED^ IN V THE CAMPAIGN; Con- / :

\ tact Sarah or Andree-; through the vWom-:/ en's Area. Phone f

\ 3711611 and ask, I: for the Women's }

, Area. Thanks.

lhe Pro i i - '

•Hv-'-'Sf'l.'ir-'' '"^u.

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I F W E ' RE I L U C K ^ . ONE DAY WE W I L L

GET WORK P R O P P I N G UP THE SYSTEM

THAT OPRESSES U S ,

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I'm no to uni are sues is being

; saying that non mainstream people shouldn't come 'ersities or that left students and student unions

wisting their time fighting on access and equity is-But if that's all we do and ignore what kind of shit

taught we've fairly shot our selves in the foot

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Challenge what you are being taught - challenge the

fucked curriculum, tell people about how the research

you are doing will be used in wartime, fight against aca­

demic dogma and teachings that are racist, sexist,

homophobic. Argue to get other than completely main­

stream (and probably totally fucked) things taught in

your course. Demand the employment of progressive

teachers with new ideas. Maybe some social change could

come from this, 1^ n d «^ir

^ ^ s w ^ f » u t : b o n n f t > ; "t In c^ b u i l d i n g s

\ l fe 'Jr if '

The year is over and now it's time to say goodbye....

I've only got one thing that I'm really keen to say, "Thank you Daniel". My year would have been empty

^ withoMt you. I would never have been able to cope I without your ever ^smiling face there to keep me ft motivated. A

^ . Daniel, you are wonderful. Has there ever been such i- a brilliant Secretary? How do I adore you? Let me

< 1 count the ways.... ^

I I I only doubted you once. The nasty Brendan affair Jl I tainted my confidence in your ability for a moment. ' p Yet you overcame! You arose like a phoenix, biggei

i better and more beautiful than ever. My faith was p renewed. Never ever will I doubt you again. Please I forgive my momentary doubt, I understand that you

,0. M must test the strength of your followers - I will not l l fail again. ,

H When I return from my pilgrimage to the land of your ^ ancestors, I will become your ever devoted slave.'

'. ' • ' • • ' • - I

Master, thank you for blessing my life with your attention.; Jamila f ' . t

Why did College Student Club presidents' support

lilt's/-.''.' " ,.?-•<' !. \

Spectrum in their political Spectrum (os do most right wing teams) based much of their

campaign on the traditionaliy conservative vote of the colleges.

Spectrum flyers endorsed by all Studenl Club presidents (except

l.H) were delivered to every college room on campus. The unin­

formed endorsement by the presidents gave credence to Spec­

trum's ridiculous claim that this years left wing executive had

failed to support colleges.

campaignin

1 feci able lo offer some informa­tion on this situation without too much political bias, as I did not run wilh S.E.A. last year, FOCUS this year, or any team ever (ex­cept the non-affiliated "Mum Said

(quite an insignificani amouni). The real problem for colleges is a failure to interact with the Union and make the most of the serv­ices it offers. As Colleges VP, i have consistently written to Stu-

\Ve Could" Semper team). 1 ran lhe dent Club presidents asking for position of Colleges VP independ- their involvement and advice and ent of any political party only af- even attended dinners at several ter the elected right wing Colleges colleges seeking input into my VP resigned at the start of the year role. With a very few exceptions - so much for the right (ie Spec- (to whom I give my thanks and trum) looking after colleges. apologies for abuse in this arti-As for Spectrum's claim that this cle) the support and information years Icfi wing executive has I received was non-e.xistent. At-siripped colleges of their funding, tendance at the meetings I have I can inform you that last years called lias been minimal, demon-right wing executive and this years slrating a general contempt for the left wing executive differed in their services provided by the Union. colleges area budgets by only a U is true that the polling booths few hundred dollars per college were removed by this years Un­

ion. This was not done out of hate for the colleges or lo stop from voting. The turnout of voters al college polling booths fails to justify the expense and, I think it is fair lo say, college residents already have more opportunity than most students lo vote. I am not writing this in support of any particular parly, more to suggest that the uninformed support of the college presidents encouraged students to vole with­oul really considering the issues. Vote for the people who you think will do the best job, just please be aware of what you are voting for.

STOP PRESS I've just heard that it's very likely that Spec­trum's newly elected Colleges Vice President has already resigned. Once again proving that Spectrum fails to support college stu­dents, contrary to their much vaunted clai.nis.

:

e r g

i

The problem with this time pf the year is that you start looking over the past

year, assessing it's value to your life. Have I just wasted a year? Was there

any purpose to any actions I've done? Etc, etc. Wtiile this is a necessary

process, It can be very soul destroying. It's worse for rne this year as I'm

Wliat have I done for part-time students? I hope p/t and external

graduating - I've got the post four years to assess.

students feel more involved with the Union, or at least feel noticed.

REMEM!» The Union now has policy on p/t issues, for the first time.

UIMIOisl IN/8UST V>F<OVIE>E

OHILDOARE, A.S REOUIRED,

I.E- EV ERV A.C^nriVQ-riES EVEIN

UNION EVEN

3 ' 7 " i " I G * ! " ! . No student should find parenting any more a barrier to study than necessary, One of the P/T Area's responsibilities is to ensure that you get the most out of your time at Uni,

A problem not being addressed at Uni still Is ttie invisibility of mature-age students. There is no specific policy, mem­bers of the Union or anything to represent M.A. students

The final work ''ve been doing has been to start the process that will nnake the P/T Area the P/T & M.A. Area. I feel that this is vital if M.A. students are ever to get representation and services from the Union. Of course such a change would require a huge amount of v\/ork and constitutional changes, This will need to be continued by next year's P/T VP, I hope it will happen.

Lastly, 0 huge thank you to Danielle Spinks and Adrian Gavin for being the only Union hack people to consistently help the Area and turn up to Committee Meetings, (Although Adnan you're close to hack, you only miss out through non-student status).

I've had fun, loornt heaps and hope I've made a difference.

Best of luck in exams.

'Anyone who said they are interested in the conference notes from The Voices of Experience conference - they are still not available, I'll get them out as soon as possible.

Yours sincerely for the lost time Collette

Map of the known Union

Legendary \ TVFtJur E(i3e \

The

Pool

Professor

nx-ltShop

TlieProvsTbial SAntf Bsach

HOKA HOKA HEY! Come to tlie Education Area Summer Holiday Camp

• Write articles for the Alternative Handbook

• Describe subject you 've taken for then benefit of first years

• Other Neat Stuff

Where: Union Complex

When: December-January

Contact: Sally Haydon, Ph371 1611

this is my last opportunity to directly communicate with students via Semper. It seems that despite the fact that I have six weeks to go in my term, things are already coming to an end.

One could perhaps assume tliat this would be a perfect opportunity to reflect on my year as Secretary, as a full-time student politician, as a hated member of society, but I wont. I do not want to poison the exuber­ance and idealism of the incoming lot.

I will instead dwell on some of the happy and interesting things that have been happening recently

Health Week Youth Week finally came and went. For those who participated in the events, like the seminars/workshops/market day it was an informative and uplifting experience. For those who didn't it was probably just a normal week really.

Health Week probably touched fhe lives of 800 or so people which isn't a bod effort by us wretched souls who organised it considering that our target group are younger, generally fitter and tess concerned with their health and other sectors of society.

Health Week was definitely not the healthiest period in my life, I was stressed, irritable, depressed, manic - all at the same time, (but at least I have insight).

1 believe the events in Health Week will have residual effects besides those people who directly attended seminars or the market day. A major function of it was fo raise the awareness of health issues among students and to at least get them thinking about health in broader terms than they usually do and letting them know where to seek help.

Further, it has been said to me "If it changes the life of two or three people, it has all been worthwhile". And I really do feel that warm minor glow - truly.

Nothing much else happened As you can tell, Health Week has pretty much dominated my life for the past month or two (besides going to Italy) so really nothing much else has happened. Except that all my powers have been stripped to the extent that I may have to sing Karaoke - something I vowed I will never do - but if is strange what the Union does to you.

Back to being normal My time as Secretary Is nearly up. Bock to being a normal student-well as normal as you are anyway. I am a bit scared though; will it ever be really normal again? To think of it, was I ever really normal in the first placel Most people don't give a shit about other people - Why can't 1 be just like them?

To anyone who actually finished reading this thank you so very much for being there, just to listen fo the angst of the Union Secretary, it is all really silly and probably compares nothing to your pre-exam nerves.

1 am reminded of a Poem by Pippa Rudd

Daniel sits in his room Full of drear Full of gloom Why, this Problem does he have? Because his room is painted mauve.

What tone should I take ^

Z S T o s t a l g i c ^

I c i

I N Q U I R I N G

A N D

F R A G M E N T E D ?

£ ' i - 'ob ' • • * ' ^ '> " ' »

Activities has finished its programme of events for the year, as most students seem to be nwking study our nfxiin pri­ority for the next couple of weeks.

This yeor has been extremely challeng­ing. Starting the job in December with high aspirations of a year packed with functions which hundreds of people would die to attend, it soon dawned on me that I was faced with a huge task in merely rebuilding Activities af­ter its ottempted closure by lost year's Right-wing Executive. The area hod done nothing in 1992. Staff and stu­dents didn't know it existed.

The year started with the biggest O-week ever seen, which for myself and my volunteer helpers doubled as an experiment in sleep deprivoKon. Tra­ditional events, the Pool Party, Toga

Party and Market Day, were backed up wilh 0 range of activities in the form of a Revue, comedy Night, Womens' Cabaret and on alternative music con­cert. Fun was in reported attendance at Recovery Week with the highly suc­cessful Fiesta and Robert Forster con­cert.

The downside was that the net result was a loss of $40000, which come as a big shock. I'm sure, though, that with experience gained in planning on event of this scale, that this figure con be reduced without detracting from the quality of OWeek,

The rest of year has seen many sightings of fun: the Things of Stone and Wood Concert (a 600 strong crowd), the workshop programme (es­pecially the bar and self-development

courses) and the Bob Geldof concert. Fun sustained multiple stab wounds and is still convalescing following the dramatically unsuccessful St Patricks Day Massacre. (At this junction it will be possible to announce that next year's Activities programme will be sponsored by the makers of Green Beer).

I wouldn't even try to claim that this year has seen Activities reach its full potentiol. l-lowever, considering the state the area the beginning of the year, I feel justifiably proud of what we have achieved. I believe thot the foundoHons have been laid for a hiph-profile vibrant Activities area, offering a wide range of activities which truly reflects the spectrum of interests stu­dents on campus posses. We've worked our guts out to rebuild Activi­ties and I certainly hope that this work isn't wasted by another politically motivated attempt at closing it.

Of course, a witless milbop such as myself could not possibly have run the Activities Area single handedly this year and I would like to take this op­portunity to thank a few people

• my faithful sidekick (ha-reversol of Cweek, hey?) Paul Butler, who started as O'week director and ended as Ac­tivities Organiser.

• everyone who attended and partici­pated in Activities this year.

• Greg, Mario & Megan, the finest screenprinters in the land

• Everyone who helped in Activities and 0-Week.

• Eric for his kind words of encour­agement

• Dove, Ingrid and Herbert Morcuse for their one-dimensional warming

• the UnicHi Staff for their patience

• my friends for keeping me sane.

Finally, thanks to all those people who helped and voted for FOCUS in the elections.

Good luck to everyone in exams.

Until next year. Yours in Activities Murray Watt Activities VP

u

I I nmnm] The last three weeks have been spent in organising a Rally/Fonim and distributing information on, |

the HECS changes, student poverty, HECS on placement and the SWOT VAC thing. If you've missed out |

on hearing about them, I'll go through them here in brief. I

HECS Increases /Changes Going B e f o r e t h e F e d e r a l S e n a t e in D e c e m b e r Double HECS for second degrees which is not good for people who are doing the degree to upgrade iheir work chances or who change their minds. For goodness soke are we supposed to come out of school, put on a degree and leave it at that?

1 ' / 2 times the HECS rate for people who fake longer than the pre­

scribed time on their degrees. This is based on credit points rather than

actual time spent at university (so you don't get punished just for going

part-time). Even so, I think maybe a lot of people who hove had hard

times will be charged for taking longer than the prescribed time. This

odds to the above one cs well. Pick your degree and get it done. Experi­

mentation and diversity seem to be getting the shove.

Income level for repayments ore to be lowered.

Rotes of repayment of HECS are to be increased.

A u s t u d y Austudy was not increased. Austudy is still 74% of fhe poverty line, that's

if you can get full Austudy. Some people are finding that they can't

continue their studies as they can't afford to. Other people find that they

are unoble fo attend University became of financial barriers.

They have extended the Austudy loon from trading in up to $2 000

allowance for a $4 000 loon to $3 ODD allowance for a $6 000 loon.

Big fucking whoop.

Gee, I could be in more debt.

Just for living

Gee, thanks.

Sounds like they're dodging raising Austudy.

It's not 0 terribly good loan anyway.

Let's say you get some Austudy, soy $4 472 (which is, incidentally more

Austudy than i got and i had to support myself).

That's about $86/week

hlove to pay rent ($50), food, phone, electricity, transport, entertain­

ment.

You could trade in $1 500 (arbitrary figure).

To receive $3 000 in loon (for four years of study would have been $12

000 in debt at the end of the degree).

BUT, I had to trade in $1 500 fo set a $3 000 loon so my total Austudy

only goes up by $ 1 500,

RESULT: a $3 000 debt to get $1 500.

They would like to soy that it is an interest free loan. In foct, you pay the

entire of the extra Austudy in interest and then the entire of the extra

again.

S w o t

V a c There is a motion going up before the University Admin to get rid of

Swot Vac. Nothing has been decided get. There is a petition against

fosing SWOT VAC being circulated or you can come up to the Union

Building to sign it.

Great Court Rally, Wednesday 1 3 th O c t o b e r Well, the rally went ok. We got about 100 people in the Great Cou.'-- on

Wednesday fhe 13th October Among the speakers we had:

A Democrat Senator - John Woodley

The President of the Academic's Staff Association - Barry Chiswei!

The President of the Student's Union - Sandy Brown.

The usual Education Vice-President - Ellie Moore

The occasional or unusual Education Vice-President - Phil O'Dea (me).

It was mainly on informative event and I think it was successful in show­

ing that any single problem that pops up at University is connected to

ongoing issues of whc has influence and control over education.

I've finished my stunt at being EVP for the lost three weeks.

Next year, there will be a whole new lot of 1 st year students who won't

perhaps know what's going on. Anyone who wonts to help or wants

information on education things - our number if 371 1611.

And now over to Eilie to go on. Ellie is the real EVP.

L L I V O R

Congratulations Phil for organising a timely informative comous ra ly

that lots of students attended and appreciated.

HECS on W o r k E x p e r i e n c e if you have done Clinical Practice in Speech Therapy, Occupa»)Oia' Therapy, or Physiotherapy, or Fieldwork Placements in Social Wo'< we would like to interview you! The subjects in question are: ST330; ST430, 0T312; 0T412; PT341; PT440; SW301; and SW401. If you naven't done these subjects yet we'd really like you to get in touch wifh fhe Edj-cotion Area of the Union, 371 1611, and get involved in the compogn against HECS on these subjects. |

T h e EVP^s F a r e w e l l The next EVP's report will be by Sean Lynch, who ran with FOCUS, fhis year of being EVP and a member of the Union Exec has been exhousimg and anxiety-inducing at times, but it's been lots more rewarding than the two years of watching other people do nothing with the Area. I'm sure after a couple of mouths recovery, I'll admit I hove enjoyed learning lots and getting education action happening out of the Education Area again. A Student Union is a wonderful thing to get involved in because it's full of wonderful people who believe in working very hard for the rights of students.

If you wont to read a more detailed account of what has happened in the Area this year, and more schmaltz, see my report in the Union's Annual Report.

Ellie Moore

Hrisba^O M\T S i l BH O XOVHKV %kHl> TO ICt « XOUvO \lO>N X0>^ HAOW 1 1

A fter scoring a four album deal with BMG Dream Circle are one of those anomalies to Ifie local scene; ttiey have the elusive record

Arista in 1391, Brisbane band Dream Circle contract in hand but have rarely played in their hometown this year. Gigs have been sched-

find themselves at the end of 1993 amongst uled for the following monlhs.

record release frustrations, still waiting for Dream Circle arose from the remnants of Atomic Beat Squad, a band Ihal sequenced its way

their debut release. around Bris in the late eighties; essent'alty a cathartic vehicle for Peler Kam's nightmarish narratives.

II more than sen/ed its purpose however, scoring Nm a record deal but it lacked the energy of 'real' playing. Recently I spoke to Peter Kam (vocals) and Mike-E (daims) about the band's evolution.

"Atomic Beat Squad was highly sequencer d i«»f i a i d essertiatly, just guys up (heiB miming, ll migttf have looked good and sounded okay, but nd»|Jls ^ ' 8 v e ^ d .i'sfir>exQtttf5g tuin-afound. i dorj't war^

to harp on that point but there is thai whcj^Mfliflwi^tt between players and an inletadive unit a id someone who waltzes in vM^^tisc and says^'So, $ i$ v^a l we're ddhg today/*

The current Dream Circle line-up includes Murray Johnstone (keys/programming), Daniel Ringstrom-Hansen (guilar) and Shayne (daims) and as Mike-E points out there's more than just five years of

friendship keeping this rhythm section together.

"We've even got our own tattoos, man,' says Mike-E in his best Wesl-coasI American accent.

And where, exactly, do you sport these?

"I've got a little sucker here," pointing to his arm. "And Shayne's got one which represents similar togic on the same arm."

Needless to say the last few years have been incredbly frustrating, especially for Peter who has been the one conslanl in a litany ot variables. Members have lett, songwriting partnerships have dissolved in London and Sydney and now their Valley practice room is being taken from beneath Ihem. Enough

to send mosl off the rails, but in all this the focus has always been the songs and some hell-bent crazed vision that the world needs to hear them. Of course the odd bottle of bourbon doesn't go

astray....

"Ywah, well I'm seeing AA twice a week," laughs Peter. I t was good though because I had to clean out all this shil, there were just too many people who were in il for the wrong reasons and its just

taken a long time to clean the house out - i fs just hideous. But ifs kind of there now, matching latloos," says Peter, sunendering lo the vagaries ot the bizz wilh a wty grin.

At this stage the band are concentrating on writing and demoing for an album that is tentatively due in February. The time lags on the release of their material have also ignited a few other headaches.

The track I did in London virill have to be re-mixed because no ifs more than a year old, ils shelf life har now gone and we wanl to give it a harder edge," says Peter.

Mike-E agrees, "If you want to keep up to date you've got to keep recording stuff. We've gol a little recording studio sel up in the Valley, a little eight track and we're just 24 hours a day, man. New stuff

all the lime. Pete and fi^urray are always dredging for samples, getting loops happening, and Shayne and I will be wori<ing on different stuff always somelhing happening, all the time."

"Yeah, totally. We wanl lo be innovators!' says Mike-E. Dream Circle songs drift and float over many tenitories, both emotionally and muscalty. From the brutal funk-groove and fun, if somewhat blurred,

commentary of "Conformity" to the softer tempo and reflection of "Windows", their songs are often tempered with a sense ol melancholy. The scars and the lessons of previous ventures have ail been

painlully induced by the members of Dream Circle but this has proved to be incrementally beneficially to their music and attitude. No longer infected wilh the Techno bombast and 60s pomposity, that being the legacy ot Atomic Beat Squad, Dream Circle now find themselves embroiled in the contusion of the

nineties but their search is now for somelhing real and meaningful. Kam's esolenc insights and ?cit"dscapes are the type that grow on you, needing tinie lo seep into your conscious and lake hold.

Bul if you let them in, they'll haunt you like a recurring dream.... cycle.

John Mullen

'?t-h<iy-l««

m

IS

CRACKNELL ROAD

I've driven along Cracknell Road: ifs a dippy, twisty lurny sort of place winding trom Annerley Ihrougti Clitton Hill and out to Tarrigindi. Very suburban. Is Splat Acrobat's music suburban? I guess. For ttiose of you not in ttie know the Splatlies have been

logelher about three years, producing a breezy kind o) guj-tar pop: the obvious comparison is with Brisbane's own Go-Betwetns, as Splat Acrobat ooze a kind of country mel­ancholy evocative ot Spring Hill verandahs and a general wish to be somewhere less hoi. Robert Forster (inlen/iewed in Semper #1) has even paib them the ultimate compliment of covering their song "Scaleen". So if you dig Robert Forster then you II prob­

ably go for this 11 song cassette, which mixes clean guitar sounds wilh Anihony Ross's wailing vocals. There were pretty strong rumours that Splat Acrobat had split up. Untrue-they've pared down lo a four piece for the time being. So you can see Ihem live and il you want a retreshing antidote lo grunge land thrash, that's exactly what I recommend you do, Dennis Chaplot

,HE MELNICK ' / KNOW YOU AKl, BUT WHAT AM I?

Local band lhe Melnicks provide the Brisband scene with a cule junk mini-album ol 11 songs. I can't say that I am impressed with the originality of the songs, bul originality isn't the aim

here. 'Hero Sandwich" is so similar lo the rest of the album that it is the best and the worst of the tunes avail­able. The lyrics go a long way to showing exactly whal makes the l flelnicks lick, as they make a hero sandwich from J Masciss (Dinosaur Junior). Evan Dando (Lemonheads), Thujsion Moore {Sonic Youth)and Black Francis (ex-Pixies), Toppings include lettuce and cheese however I would venture to suggest that a few more ingredients are required - spices like pepper, and a bit

ot thai special one called variety. Paul Green

i

E

«V% 10 SKt "V S >N TOIWVMITOH^^^^

The performance tent at Livid over the last The enomious crowd which gathered at this year's Livid to witness the frenetic confrontational aesthetic of GREENACRES would

few years has seen a number of highly creative, innovative and free certainly agree. Extreme, loud and gut-wrenching this group of youngmen achieved the ultimato - stomping beyond the boundaries of

thinking artists strutt their stuff. what is expected in performance art and rock 'n roll.

Of course, we all think that the name GREENACRES is paying homage to that crusty, corny and never lo be forgotten American sil-com of the 1960s. However, we are wrong. The GREENACRES of true fdkloric proportions existed in the nelherworid that is Toowoomba • a house lo be reckoned with in Anzac Avenue across from the abbatoirs.

Bom of the embryonic GRIM RIPPERS, these five artists/musicians -Geoff Corbett, Casey Hilliard, Andrew Wear, Gavin Herrenberg and Pecker Andrews - are making their definitive mark on the Brisbane music/art scene. Their backgrounds include art college in Toowoomba and Brisbane. This upbringing has resulted in an irnesistable aura of self parody which highlights and punctuates and emphasizes their driving social satire.

Questioning their own existence and that of others around them is amusing and endearing, but also potentially dangerous. But, they are feariess when il comes to stepping on toes and this is where the essence ol their outrage lies. There is no luming your back on a GREENACRES performance.

The contrasting events at which they've performed recently suggests their accessibility to a wide range of people. In September they played a memorable sel at the FIERCE fundraiser al Boulder Lodge, perfomied al the University of Southern Queensland Arts Ball, and as mentioned previously, made their point, literally, at the October LIVID festival. Events on the immediate agenda include a gig at' Metropolis on 29 October and another on 31 October al Freakworid in the Valley.

The GREENACRES strategy is simple. They are primarily there to entertain an audience, but are inteni on including a harder analytical edge for those who are interested in taking their performances one step further. They are the proverbial iceberg - only 10% of its bulk appears above tha surface, while undemeath is a dangerous and massive force to be reckoned with. These self proclaimed Senstive New Age Yobs are on a mission of tackling the issues of violence and hypocrisy through their perfonnancc'music. Their "special effects" are gritty, unadulterated, coo! raw energy and a sense of humour which would put Buddy Ebsen and Zsa Zsa Gabor to shame.

Joined on stage by the intense and manic Ben Cotbett, their performance at LIVID channelled thought, energy and action into amanifestation of self mutilation - violence at a sale distance. Jheaudtence was treated to a soaring ride of aural and visual highs and lows - never allowed a breath. This performance/music is about doing, not procrastinating or pretending, and it is also about thinking and feeling - in part'cular physical pain. Someone else's nol yours. Their performance is essentially ritualistic, and is a wonderful parody of the pain of the martyr - the endurance of Ihe Christ figure emerging from lhe mud and straw to Derate and harangue the audience again and again. No escape. Intention certainly draws attention.

GREENACRES Music Suggeslions:Tom Wailes, Nick Cave, James Brown. Henry Rollins, Beasts of Bourbon, Primus, Meat Puppets, Bad Religion, Suicidal Tendencies, Black Sabbath, Kim Salmon and Living Color.

GREENACRES Film Suggestions:

AnytNng by Nick Zed, Sergio Leone, John Waters, Peler Greenaway and David Lynch. BARFLY FRANKY AND JOHNNY (Richard Lowenstein), GHOSTS OF THE CIVIL DEAD, and FACES OF DEATH. Anything starring Burt Reynolds.

GREENACRES Reading List:

Anything by Henry Rollins^ William Bunoughsjrederich Nietzsche. Henry Miller, Charies Bukowski, and Joe Cole's PLANET JOE. Anythingby Henry Holhns, William bunoughs,_Fredench Nietzsche. He

GREENACRES In Pursuit of Greener Pastures

DREAM CIRCLE Following the recent success of Dream Circle's Brisbane Showcase performance fhe band is now confirmed as Headliners for the Ausmusic Day concert to be held at the

River Stage on November 27 1993.

For further Information contact David McEwan ph 279 5036 or Darren Erskine ph 870 3400 at BMG Queensland

Francine McLennan's Latest Play .... Do you have a Jar Fetish?

HOOLA HOOPS AT MIDNIGHT Surreal, neo Tokyo, not neo nazi, cyber blasting, hypo allergenic absurod/techno, drag extravaganza 8.00pm 15-18 December Metro Arts Theatre, 109 Edward St, The City Bookings 832 1068

ENDEAVOUR FOUNDATION Endeavour Bookfest Book Sale R N A Grounds - Horticulture Pavilion 6th,7th,8th November 1993 Saturday, Sunday, Monday Over 250,000 Books, Magazines, Comics Also bric-a-brac sale Doors Open 9.00am-5pm Thanks to Library Locums Pty Ltd

ZZZ Market Day

Saturday October 30 12 Midday Albert Park

Cnr Wickham and Leichardt St Spring Hill

"A Clockwork Orange" Debacle Theatre will present its Brisbane season of

Anthony Burgess' A Clockwork Orange at the Cement Box from Jan 12th-29th

An exciting production team has been assembled to create a mixed media stTow which presents A

Clockwork Orange in a critical manner examining its function in our culture from the publication ot the

novel in the early sixties, through the furore created by the film to the recent rock-opera devised by the

guitarist from rock group U2.

David Helfgoff, Concert Pianist will perform at tfie Queensland Cultural Centre Auditorium on Friday, 12lh November 1993 at 7.45pm. All proceeds raised will go to assist Ihe work of GROW (Qld), Community Mental Health Movement. Tickets; $25 and $20 students and pensioners, are available from Dial n Charge, 846 4646

THE QUEENSLAND BALLET will present t w o major ballet seasons - Carmen and the A B C Festival Gala.

Carmen is a ballet that never fai ls to stir the emot ions. T h e power a n d the passion of this f a m o u s love story will come to life on the Lyric Theatre s tage wi th the magnif icent dancers of T h e Queensland Ballet and live music by the internationally acclaimed Queensland Phi lharmonic Orchestra .

T h e Carmen season is strictly l imited t o six per formances only at the Lyric Theatre:

Thur , November 18 7 .30pm Fri , November 19 7 .30pm Sat , November 2 0 1 . 3 0 p m Sat , November 20 7 .30pm Sat , November 2 7 1 . 3 0 p m Sat , November 2 7 7 .30pm

T h e A B C Festival conta ins the fol lowing tempting scenes : T h e ba lcony scene f r o m R o m e o & Juliet, Bolero and Savage Earth.

musicaniiclub the cutting edge is gelling sharper 11 August

25 August

8 September

IS Soplcmbcr

22 Septembe­

rs October

13 October

20 October

1 Oeccinbcr

2? December

7:30 AM:si.i'i V<ci«s'iO!; Ir:o 9;30 Jo'i Usl'.ot s Jeitel

7:30 Wi.Mlfni;^ F,i:r 9:30 A:-V UK pur'utlrs Cl(,!:l:: V.'i : ..It ,in1

fliOO - 11:00 r:;ir: J': Ti.c tiirr / ( ::(' :'rniit SYi1r>*y:

7:30 Af;r.::riy B i . f WM ri:'|i!!i..' C.vt'.i'w. 9:30 ! . « 1: f-;,s-T: Ir.:,

7:30 I I : . i ^ .'!is 9;30S:i-v' Hii-,s.-:: <i..

7:30 I'l r!:fl,:;t. 9:30 ]v'l"l" 'ft:>^\.'rr:

7:30P(Hi:iisS!<iii ::::iv:. 9:00 h . !• i iil.i iSr'ij,^ Eirnt.::

7:30Uir-,. i .p i':.-ii..iii .mijl.'ipvi .|;i.>,tini:, v. : 9:30 l=<.i;':<.l H(M;*'I I>r-,,f"l':.pn 5y!lii''v: *i v;:!:.!::*.'.j;t:r- Fl. O i* If. 'TI M('I|;:;:.'PI,4 A i l ' AfV^.lfiS WlPPllP.!!! :|P Oli.Hti-l

7.30 S.pp.ii: n j.pip'p-. 9:30 P,.PP' LI.PII.

7:30 M.p.i:,.' (ipp., 'F p ' j;(ii:!ipppi, piiiis. . 9:30 1 ' •. ll'.l'tPS Di l U:ir: 1 [ l i i T y !IPP|'| A:iipl,w!i';

princess theatre i^" 1 8 Annerley Rd

'i '' '^' Woolloongabba A $5 admission

bookings/enquiries Mtoduclion ManagGt Robon Davidson ph. 857 3975

Presidciil: Elliott Dalqleish ph. 844 717.''

toi eai c ir

i

1

tBd^

hl><V:*inii];llii PHONE 3711 611

Ext.270 12.30-2.30

DECR P H S S Hny t e Films!

$20 STUDENT/CLUB $30 CONCESSIONS $40 ADULTS

FOR SEPT, 0CT,N0V, WE WILL PRESENT THIS FESTIVAL IN CINEMA 1

ON WED-THU AND CINEMA 2 OTHER DAYS.

kll OTHER Sessions mil

feiiture NiWER defeases <

Please check COURIER M A I L

BRISBANE REVIEW

T IME -OFF or phone

3711879 As disriijutors can only advise us each Monday availability of prints for films opening on Thu,

CANADA - FRANCE - ITALY - GERMANY - SPAIN

ONE F LM §f STUDENT/CLUB nur n m $4 STUDENT/CLUB &l^'l §^ CONCESSIONS UNt MLM <5 CONCESSIONS tue&Thu) $8 ADULTS TUE&THU $6 ADULTS

ENCORE FESTIVfiL OF WORLD CINEMfi CLASSICS 2 FILMS it V^5f^I^l r|WFM(l$4ALLFiLMS flWVnflV ^VA I 9 . 7 . ^ I ^ ^ ' ^ ' ^ ^ r i i m ^"da PIZZA for $6! HNY UHY $10 ADULTS C L U B Ye4':nOADlILTS/JlOAIIOttK5

OPEN TOTHE PUBLIC AIRCONDITIONED FREE CARPARK

fl DEREK IflRMflN FILM

r - ^ from a p i n y trr

C H R I S T O P H E R M U R L O W E

3l)oul an

TILI3A l A R M A N f i l m based on a iG l l i con lu ry p lay •^s'ljlish K ing w h o spurns his w i f e SV\ ' INTON(Of Iando) fo' a ma le lover. Aga in i i o d c r n touches mal<c a timeless v isual ly c lagant f i ln ' (1hr30)

STEVEN SOlJERHEKCH's Cannes iresi I ' lclufc Winner j is a s leamy v i e w o f c o n l c m f x i r a r y Louisiana couples, A dari i ly com ic look a l h idden ident i l ies and suhi imaled L fceiinRS in a v ideo cu l lured society. t l h r ' l l t I

T3P, sex, lies and

'Jvideo/T / I tape .V

6WINNER!^^T;2il AUSTRALIAN r iLM AWARDS J Y ' - " >

>A />VR. I> '& I I I \,

NAVIGATOR' ;ir,f'D'tVi\lfiD\iu'L|

ROSEIiCRfllini .VINCENT W A R i r s ( V i j ; i ) am. i z in i ; s lorv of Med ieva l minors on a quest lo save ihc i r v i l l j j ; c . t h e v enri u p in

20lh Century N e w Zealand i)ut desp i le t h f ' l i m e w a r p ^ l I I I ^ f k m T M J l

have o n l y u n t i l d a w n lo save ihei r v i l la j je ' ^ ' ' ^ ' ' - ' ' ^ ' M U l L v C f l ) | k K l l I

T O M S T O I ' I ' A R i r S play is ac l i ia l lv HAMLET as seen d D C 1 ) ^ 0 1 ) I f i o m Iho po in t o f v iew o f t w o ' o f ils charat ters, I I I * ! " V M I I I / r o l l o w i n K (heir oscjpa!!os. l l is a I'jsi ina l in j ! vvi l ly i ~Qm 5 ( C r C 0 " " ' ^ •"" I c n n c c p l fu l l o f (on ip lex i t y and fje<ei1. ( ihrSS) ' ' ' ' '•"-

M O S T P O P I VANCOUVER t TORONTO FILM RST1V*L

A CYNTHIA SCOTT FIL >*i3

liEST FILM AWARDS wore ^ i von lo a l i lm w l i i t h lolls

lhe Irue stories of a ;;rt;ii|) o f e lder ly w o m e n i l r andw l r

in l ieaul i l 'u l Canad ian wi lderness. Full o f ( l a rm, il

isr|oli j;hll 'ui, funny, wa.-ni anri h u m a n . ; l h r -4 ( ) i |

I'.ATRICE I t C( )NTL's ! , \ lons ieur H i r e i o i i j ; i na l l i vpnol ic f i lm a l iou l a n a n S y o u l h l u l desire, >exu.d l on j l i n j l and roni . in l i t . cilnession. Wonde r f u l l y sul i l le,

J;)U(.hii i j ; ly honesl aud a funriy j ;em of a l i !m ( l l u H ) )

|||jf-AN«X>lK)"WGAJ:W-

/ 7 \ • C E S A R ;

A FILM BYJIMJARMUSCH

\^ D O W N ^ 1 : 'BY LAWid

l # ^ TOM WAITS lijl^A

l ARMUSCH's f i l m is sel in the bayou r ount ry a round Ti|>yr \ nfifjfitOfijWm Ne.v Or leans , the slory o f : ! men w h o meel in pr ison i . l i / r i i l i r , ? ^ "

and Ihei f escape and c o t i i r adventures, Su|X'rb D&VV i j l io lof i raphy and Tom Wail 's j ; real music score; ! hr4()i

• lOHN UJBIE •

ROBEHTO 8ENIGNI

JAR.MUSCH's off the wal l t o m w t y , ihis t ime sel in

Memphis , involvin}" Ihroe separate hut in lenv ind inp

- y; s'.orics and another qreal Ireal o f Mo.mphis classics "ENDLESSLYWITTY

Vv .m ixed w i l h l ohn lauries orif j inai music. ' " ' ^ ^ * " BRILLIANTLYOrFBFAT

MYSnHY TRAIN ^<^

• \ / E i i t r > i _ . j v i y v u L i i n .

ITEACHER" lOSEVANDAM

ISABELIEADJANI

& GERARD DEPARDIEU

LMUSIC is lhe l ink in this g lo r ious p r o d u t l i o n of Romance arid inir iRue, sel in a brea lh lak ing European counl rys ide. A f i lm in w h i c h Ihe p o w e r of music i s — — j

] comp lemented hy iman?s of s tunn ing beauty. ( I h r S O ) ! " A 1 ^ I | M T

) DEI'ARIJIEU & A O j A N l b r ing (o l i fe the true slory o i ^ • A • I | - J 5 • I I R0131N and his model/mistress. A s io iv of p r o f o u n d ! I A l l l l r l l

sexuality set i n the Bohemian quarter o f I'aris in I h o ^ ^ * - ' * ^ - ^ 1 ^ • - M-p

1 9 l h c o n l u r y (2hr3T) TOiSTOSTOfROMirs MISTS ESS C ' - ^

M I C H n C L P H U N CONNK •OOTH •>^

MICHAEL f'ALI.N's Victor ian romance is seasoned ; w i l h h u m o r and sol in stunning locat ions Swi tzer land

and O x i o r d in r c l a l on t the i r ue story o f his

I grandfather's romance w i i l i an .American. (1hr33)

I HAL HARTLEY'S (Trusl.'SimpIc M e n ) d e b u l f i lm is ai jam, sty l ishly or ig ina l and strongly based in ils Ci>aractcrs in te rp lay A refreshing , w i l t v commcn la rv on sex, love and Ihe ond of l l ie svor ld . { Ih r36 ' !

FRESH. FUNNVi

fl Film bu

HRL HflRTLEV I«t«l;JJrtHt>IJ.lJIK'Jg.J-lrf.<r<dlJiJ.TT;y^,/,1jd,a,Hij,l:^.»«,lllr<*^iSld!<>tTsyn¥F--^''-^ddw^l^

PHONE 870 3566 fAott'fri from 5.30 TueAThu 12-2PM Sat-Sun from 2.30 (Pizxat from SPM)

CONCESSIONS f o r UN[MPLOV[D, PfNSIONERS,

o p p r o u e d C lNFMf l /TH i f l lR t g r o u r

THU-WED 28 OCT-3 NOV fftvard II (M)) Ihu9PV,»ffi,Sal ;( 'M,'-Sun JPM

Sex, Lies, Videotapes(M) thu rPM,Tfi,5.it. qPW Sun H'j. ' _

The Navigator (PG) Sat- iPsvtue;psvvv«i'iPM Rosencrantz & Guilderstein (M)

• • • • • •

THU-WED 4-10 NOV Company Of Strangers (G) Il)u •)P^VT^l.SJl 'PM/Sun IPNt

Hairdresser's Husband (M) riiu rPM /Fr iSj l "tPM • Sun_5P\l

Dowri'By Law(M) SlI I P M T L I . 7P«.1 W'LHI W.\

Mystery Train(M) Sal iPM/I j i " IP\V\Vi '<j 7PM

• • • • ; • •

11-17 NOV Music Teactier(C) Thu.Fn.f^l -PHSgn: . ] ! )

Camille Claudgl (PC) thu. Ffl. Sal 9.-15• Sun I : 5

American Fr'iiiids'fG) • .H J.JO. 'ut>. 'Aifl 'PM

Unboiievablo Truth (M) S.l! J.tO Tui>. V\(>.,| <)p\i

• _• • 1 *

MARY .•\1.1"R • i \ i :

.\1, \\'001V\R[^

PASSION FISH

'.1:1-

MISSISSIPPI

MASALA M V M . ?,NJf.*. ',/.!;)

The first ten readers

WIN a free pass to any film

on tfils page Cal at Samper

and name a ppsvfOS Sean Connapy film!

KOHERT ROOKIGL.E/ tirM f'ln won ,i((l,iim ,it Sydney, McllKnime ar-.d Brish.inc t ilm Fesliv.iK. ,UKI is .i U'stimen; 1(1 whci! f MM lie .i( I'.ievcd v.:ih(uil >' million dtill.ir hiKl.yet. A MIC of niiM.lkt'n identity, where ore is never sure wl-.,ili^ uoinny lo h.ipucn. ll is '.i n)js;li, r.iw, alisnlulely riveimK .ulven'ture lilni th.ii m\U-> one of the most .iMon.slun}; tlirettcri.il dcluitv in a decide. A delit'litful. fxhiler.ilin:

«N EXHftEWTfWj nenoN COHEDY

(lint l i : . 1 l l u - l j i i l - - " ' t ' i . t % . . ^ . . . . 1 " ^ • • , » , . . , .-1

,11 itiari ^ ihi' .urival ol a ni.iior ncsv Uticnl. 11 nu i •' : iown tOMiCWf 1 Kmuum Hlirt lux

VVOLFGAS'G PETERSON (The Boat) stars this yuor's best actor, CLINT EASTWOCJO as a setrtot service agent in a psychological thriller pitting him against JOHN ,\VAlK(;viCll's insiditius would he presidi niial assassin. He has been haimted hy I'rosident Kennedy's tleath.as it may have been pos'.ihie tor hi;n to have saved i'.is life. It is I'ullOf nail biting suspense and cat and iinuise games lo provide over 2 hours of gripping susuense. t hrH)

CLIN']' IN

^-^-^^^

vVSTWC )C )1) \ I 11 M I'.l

v . n i . i ( ; . \NC, I'l l l - lK '^ i l x

L I N E OF _ FIRE

V.

To jump from plane, first catch bus...

^iM.1

Skydiving is only one of the things you can do by bus

in the Northern Territory.

Buses are also great for canoeing and camel trekking.

As well as horseriding, ballooning, barra fishing,

crocodile jumping, mustering, 4WD safaris, swimming

or just relaxing.

You can do all of these and more when you travel to

the Northern Territory with Greyhound, Pioneer or

Bus Australia. And if you buy an "Aussie Pass" you get

unlimited travel over the entire Australian network.

There's even a special bonus discount for YHA/

Backpacker VIP members.

So, why not have a holiday and let someone else

do all the driving?

J. >,-"-'Sr?.»

ii