7/29/2019 Chris Laine Farewell

1/1

Allen Park residentChris Laine isknown for manythings.

He is known forbeing a bacon connois-seur and a modern-dayDon Draper with a loveof beautifully scriptedfilms such as The Room.

The Oakland Pressnewsroom will now bevoid of sarcastic remarks,hipster glasses and Spotifyknowledge. It will also bevoid of anyone who can say,Thats your opinion, sir,in that bad ass way. Andwith a global bacon short-age expected this year on

top of it, the employees willretreat into an unavoidabledepression.

Reporter Carol Hopkinssaid, Chris is the hippesthipster but also very funnyand will go far in life. I willmiss him so much.

Another onebites the dust

An epidemic of OaklandPress employees have left inthe past couple years, andChris Laine will join theseranks.

Former employee KyleDuda asked, Where is

Chris going to work? Oh.That sounds, um, OK. Iguess. I mean, are you sureits not an indie record storethat happens to sell blood-infused teas, medicinal cowplacenta processed into $4sliders, second-hand hood-ies, Hamms beer and VHStapes of mainstream 90s

actionmovies?

After learning of Lainesnew employer, Dudaresponded, No? Youreserious? Hes actually goingto work for a dying steelcompany in Allen Park.That just sounds so awfu

holy shit I get it, now.That super ironic bastard!Chris. Taking a low-payingblue-collar job at a relativelyunsafe plant is by far themost hipster thing youveever done. Now. You canenjoy truly enjoy thosePBRs and greasy-spoondiners without feeling likea smug prick. Best of luckto you, good sir. See you inHamtramck.

Trader, but still oh-so-sweet Ann Zaniewski, wholeft The Oakland Press towork for The Detroit FreePress, said, Oh hai Chris.You're leaving the OaklandPress!?! YOU ARE TEARINGME APART! Congrats onthe new gig -- it sounds likea cool opportunity. I'm so

happyyou got a

promotion,unlike poor

Johnny. Hopefully

you'll now have more freetime to throw a footballaround with random peopleon the roof of a building.

Former copy editorand page designer NicoleBeattie, the most recentgraduate of the OP news-room to get a job for a PRfirm, said, Oh hi, Chris.Congratulations on fulfillingyour life-long hipster dreamof working for a nonprofit,and welcome to the darkside of public affairs.

Its not so bad. You area social media guru and Iknow you will excel in yournew role!

She added, Im sure thefolks at the OP will miss youimmensely, not only becausethey will have trouble fillingthe bacon-mustache-craftbeer beat, but becauseyoure a great guy with awitty personality that madedays at the OP more fun.

Im happy to call you a

friendwho canthrow a greatparty and shares

my love for the 90s,The Beatles and Detroitsports. Good luck.

Karen Workman, whonow works at Digital FirstMedia, takes the time toremember Chris all the wayfrom New York.

I have no doubt TheOakland Press crew willmiss Chris, his snark andgood eye for FB commentsto use in reax pieces.Fortunately, we can continueto enjoy his sense of humorthrough social media. Asa Brooklyn resident now,I wish I'd taken more timewith Chris to learn the waysof a hipster considering now

I'm a little lost in the hipsterhaven out here. Cheers to adream come true - maybe I'llcatch you in Williamsburgone day, she said.

I mustacheyou a question

Why are you leaving

us?Comm-

unity Engagement EditorMonica Drake asks. Chrishas become like family tous here at The OaklandPress. If I could give himone gift before he leaves, itwould be the ability to growa thick handlebar mus-tache. But still, despite thelack of facial hair, he hasbeen a very fashionableasset to the newsroom withthe coolest bachelor pad Ihave ever seen. I can alwayscount on him to make jokesabout Fox 2 News and tosend sarcastic emails tobreak up the day (sorry ifmy sarcastic radar isnt thebest over email).

Drake added that she willmiss seeing Laine in theearly morning.

But I know that Chrisis very talented, both inwriting and in the world ofsocial media. He will thrivewherever he goes, she said.

Rick Kessler, known for

his camping knowledge,said, Some people livevicariously through theirkids. Horror stories abound

of Little League Dadsand Cheerleader Moms

and how their profes-sional dreams are thrustupon Little Johnny andSusie. I live vicariouslythough Chris Laine. EveryFriday and Saturdaynight, I eagerly refreshmy Facebook page so I canparty along with Chrisand his Hipster friends.And, like clockwork,every Sunday morning,like Chris I also pledge tothe Facebook nation that

I will never drink again.Congratulations, Chris, andgood luck!

Arts & EntertainmentEditor Nicole Robertsonsaid she will miss hearingabout the latest fads.

He's my Hipster Tipster!With him gone, I'll neverknow what's cool. AndI'll miss seeing his Miniin the parking lot, saidRobertson.

Diana Dillaber-Murray,education reporter, is envi-ous of Laines calm andcollected way he deals withthe hardheaded public

unlike anyone else in thenewsroom.

I have enjoyed work-ing with Chris. He alwaysmaintains a calm, pleasantmanner no matter whatis going on. Also, he hasalways been very respon-sible when I've contactedhim about a guest opinion,letter or a weekend story,she said.

HIPSTER TIPSTER

THE WORLDS END

PricelessOAKLANDPRESS

Tommy Wiseau of The Room reacts to Chrisleaving: Why Chris? Why, Chris? Page C-1

Food Baconfest at record low with the departure ofOpinion Page Editor Page B-1

Delivered 24 Hours a DayJanuary 31 2013

Morrissey. . . . . . . E-1The Smiths. . . . . . E-2Mad Men . . . . . . . D-7Craft Beer . . . . . . . A-6Hipster . . . . . . . . . A-8Mustaches . . . . . . C-3Biden . . . . . . . . . . A-3The 90s . . . . . . . . B-4And, of course . . . A-4Opinions. . . . . . . . A-4

IndexTHE

PRESSOAK

LAND

Have opinions?Chris are better.1-800-DONT-CALL

Newspaper delivery888-977-3677

Weather99% chanceof clouds uponChris departure.

By JERRY WOLFFEOf The Oakland Press

Chris Laine had the abilityto get his work done quiet-ly and promptly.

It was difficult, at first,to read

his emails tellingme he needed sixeditorials withinthe next hour andeverything hadto have a tie-in toOakland County.

And then whenI miraculouslydelivered, with

Mr. Norton's help,of course, he'drewrite my ledesand change myheadlines.

That took a lot of nerve so Icame to admire his self-confi-dence and self-esteem.

I always loved how animatedhe became when talking aboutthese long hikes he'd go on fordays with pals...probably includ-ing some gals, too.

Did he realize that as a wheel-chair user, the closest I evercame to being in a woods during

the past 20 years was when Mr.Norton pulled me out of a wheel-chair when we were walkingalong a so-called accessible pathin the Smokey Mountains thislast September and JoAnn had

to get a Ranger toget me out of theunderbrush andthen put me backin my wheelchairwhile Mr. Nortonlooked on withhis tongue hang-ing out like hedeserved a treator something for

doing somethinggroovy.I hear, too,

from confidentialsources Chris is alegendary partier...

Shame he never invited me. Sigh!I and Mr. Norton wish him

well and know his life will turnout just fine because after beingin so many woodses (cq) in hislife, he has developed an innatesense of direction not only forwhich way is North but for whichpath should I follow in life toreach the top of the mountain.

By DAVE PHILLIPSOf The Oakland Press

The newsroom loses a bit ofcoolness with the departureof Chris Laine.

His hipster vibe hasintroduced several gems to

Oakland Press reporters, from theSexy Sax Man playing "that oneGeorge Michael song" to TommyWiseau's masterpiece, "The Room."

The Oakland Press may beworse off without his Downriverheritage, but the Michigan CreditUnion League will definitely ben-

efit from someone who I, person-ally, once saw wear a mustacheT-shirt while placing his finger,with a mustache tattoo, in frontof his upper lip, which had a fakemustache on it.

Chris is leaving some thingsbehind, though.

No longer will he be able toignore his values and obtain aguilt-ridden Chick-fil-a sandwichfrom Oakland University's foodcourt during his lunch break.

Gone will be the days of end-less temperatures in the mid to

upper-80s, as our splendid HVACsystem offers, making every winterworkday feel like a tropical vaca-tion. But I'm sure his biggest regretwill be the loss of several phonerelationships he's held with sup-porters or detractors of hot-buttonissues like Janice Daniels, medicalmarijuana and various OaklandCounty officials.

Good luck with the new gig,Chris. If you ever need some one todial your number, berate you andcall you a "bleeding heart liberal,"I've got your back.

Chris Laine, DavePhillips and Kyle Dudapose GQ-style at TheOakland Press displayat Arts, Beats and Eatsin Royal Oak last year.

The bleeding heart liberal

Reporter leavesbehind legacy as

legendary partier

VERYGOOD

TOUCH-

DOWN!

Newsroom says farewellto a bacon connoisseur