Children’s Feelings of GriefA Sproles Family Funeral Home Resource

“We don’t believe planning a funeral should be overwhelming”

(765) 521-2400 | sprolesfamilycares.com

01“You can't protect your kids from the pain of loss, but you can help build

healthy coping skills.” - Rachel Ehmke

Most young children are aware of death, even if they don’t understand it. Death is a common theme in cartoons and television, and some of your child’s friends may have already lost a loved one. But experiencing grief firsthand is a different and often confusing process for kids. As a parent, you can’t protect a child from the pain of loss, but you can help him feel safe. And by allowing and encouraging them to express their feelings, you can help them build healthy coping skills that will serve them well in the future. Here are some important things to keep in mind…

Kids grieve differently

After losing a loved one, a child may go from crying one minute to playing the next. His changeable moods do not mean that he isn’t sad or that he has finished grieving; children cope differently than adults, and playing can be a defense mechanism to prevent a child from becoming overwhelmed. It is also normal to feel depressed, guilty, anxious, or angry with the person who has died, or with someone else entirely. Very young children may regress and start wetting the bed again or slip back into baby talk.

Take a break

Children grieve in cycles. For example, they may be more inclined to play and divert their focus from the death when the death is recent and parents are grieving intensely. More than adults, children need time to take a break from grief. It is important to know that it’s okay to take a break. Having fun or laughing is not disrespectful to the person who died; this is a vital part of grieving, too.

Answer the questions they ask

Kids learn by asking questions. When they ask questions about a death, it’s usually a sign that they’re curious about something they don’t understand. As an adult, a couple of the most important things you can do for children is to let them know that all questions are okay to ask, and to answer questions truthfully. Be sensitive to their age and the language they use. No child wants to hear a clinical, adult-sounding answer to their question, but they don’t want to be lied to either. Often the hardest time to be direct is right after a death. When a child asks what happened, use concrete words such as ‘died’ or ‘killed’ instead of vague terms like ‘passed away.’ A young child who hears his mother say, “Dad passed away” or, “I lost my husband,” may be expecting that his father will return or simply needs to be found.

Helping Children with Grief and LossTalk about and remember the person who died

“My daddy tickled me. He danced with me. He read to me.”  Remembering the person who died is part of the healing process. One way to remember is simply to talk about the person who died. It’s okay to use his/her name and to share what you remember. You might say, “Your dad really liked this song,” or “Your mom was the best pie maker I know.”

Children also like to have keepsakes of the person who died, such as objects that hold an emotional or relational significance. When his father died of a heart attack, Jeremy, 12, asked if he could have his Dad’s work boots. Although they were old, worn out and too big for his feet, they served as a memory of all the times his father had taken him to the construction site where he worked.

Encourage a child grieving to express feelings

It’s good for kids to express whatever emotions they are feeling. There are many good children’s books about death, and reading these books together can be a great way to start a conversation with your child. Since many children aren’t able to express their emotions through words, other helpful outlets include drawing pictures, building a scrapbook, looking at photo albums, or telling stories.

Attending the funeral

Whether or not to attend the funeral is a personal decision that depends entirely on you and your child. Funerals can be helpful for providing closure, but some children simply aren’t ready for such an intense experience. Never force a child to attend a funeral. If your child wants to go, make sure that you prepare him for what he will see. Explain that funerals are very sad occasions, and some people will probably be crying. If there will be a casket you should prepare him for that too. Take a peek at these general funeral etiquette tips.

Recognizing that each person grieves in his own way is essential to the healing process for a family. Listen to children talk about their feelings and watch their behavior, and you will help clarify and affirm these natural differences. Be sure to take advantage of Grief Support Services as well. You are not alone, and Sproles Family Funeral Home is here to help.

(765) 521-2400 | sprolesfamilycares.com

“You can't protect your kids from the pain of loss, but you can help build

healthy coping skills.” - Rachel Ehmke

Most young children are aware of death, even if they don’t understand it. Death is a common theme in cartoons and television, and some of your child’s friends may have already lost a loved one. But experiencing grief firsthand is a different and often confusing process for kids. As a parent, you can’t protect a child from the pain of loss, but you can help him feel safe. And by allowing and encouraging them to express their feelings, you can help them build healthy coping skills that will serve them well in the future. Here are some important things to keep in mind…

Kids grieve differently

After losing a loved one, a child may go from crying one minute to playing the next. His changeable moods do not mean that he isn’t sad or that he has finished grieving; children cope differently than adults, and playing can be a defense mechanism to prevent a child from becoming overwhelmed. It is also normal to feel depressed, guilty, anxious, or angry with the person who has died, or with someone else entirely. Very young children may regress and start wetting the bed again or slip back into baby talk.

Take a break

Children grieve in cycles. For example, they may be more inclined to play and divert their focus from the death when the death is recent and parents are grieving intensely. More than adults, children need time to take a break from grief. It is important to know that it’s okay to take a break. Having fun or laughing is not disrespectful to the person who died; this is a vital part of grieving, too.

Answer the questions they ask

Kids learn by asking questions. When they ask questions about a death, it’s usually a sign that they’re curious about something they don’t understand. As an adult, a couple of the most important things you can do for children is to let them know that all questions are okay to ask, and to answer questions truthfully. Be sensitive to their age and the language they use. No child wants to hear a clinical, adult-sounding answer to their question, but they don’t want to be lied to either. Often the hardest time to be direct is right after a death. When a child asks what happened, use concrete words such as ‘died’ or ‘killed’ instead of vague terms like ‘passed away.’ A young child who hears his mother say, “Dad passed away” or, “I lost my husband,” may be expecting that his father will return or simply needs to be found.

02Talk about and remember the person who died

“My daddy tickled me. He danced with me. He read to me.”  Remembering the person who died is part of the healing process. One way to remember is simply to talk about the person who died. It’s okay to use his/her name and to share what you remember. You might say, “Your dad really liked this song,” or “Your mom was the best pie maker I know.”

Children also like to have keepsakes of the person who died, such as objects that hold an emotional or relational significance. When his father died of a heart attack, Jeremy, 12, asked if he could have his Dad’s work boots. Although they were old, worn out and too big for his feet, they served as a memory of all the times his father had taken him to the construction site where he worked.

Encourage a child grieving to express feelings

It’s good for kids to express whatever emotions they are feeling. There are many good children’s books about death, and reading these books together can be a great way to start a conversation with your child. Since many children aren’t able to express their emotions through words, other helpful outlets include drawing pictures, building a scrapbook, looking at photo albums, or telling stories.

Attending the funeral

Whether or not to attend the funeral is a personal decision that depends entirely on you and your child. Funerals can be helpful for providing closure, but some children simply aren’t ready for such an intense experience. Never force a child to attend a funeral. If your child wants to go, make sure that you prepare him for what he will see. Explain that funerals are very sad occasions, and some people will probably be crying. If there will be a casket you should prepare him for that too. Take a peek at these general funeral etiquette tips.

Recognizing that each person grieves in his own way is essential to the healing process for a family. Listen to children talk about their feelings and watch their behavior, and you will help clarify and affirm these natural differences. Be sure to take advantage of Grief Support Services as well. You are not alone, and Sproles Family Funeral Home is here to help.

“You can't protect your kids from the pain of loss, but you can help build

healthy coping skills.” - Rachel Ehmke

Most young children are aware of death, even if they don’t understand it. Death is a common theme in cartoons and television, and some of your child’s friends may have already lost a loved one. But experiencing grief firsthand is a different and often confusing process for kids. As a parent, you can’t protect a child from the pain of loss, but you can help him feel safe. And by allowing and encouraging them to express their feelings, you can help them build healthy coping skills that will serve them well in the future. Here are some important things to keep in mind…

Kids grieve differently

After losing a loved one, a child may go from crying one minute to playing the next. His changeable moods do not mean that he isn’t sad or that he has finished grieving; children cope differently than adults, and playing can be a defense mechanism to prevent a child from becoming overwhelmed. It is also normal to feel depressed, guilty, anxious, or angry with the person who has died, or with someone else entirely. Very young children may regress and start wetting the bed again or slip back into baby talk.

Take a break

Children grieve in cycles. For example, they may be more inclined to play and divert their focus from the death when the death is recent and parents are grieving intensely. More than adults, children need time to take a break from grief. It is important to know that it’s okay to take a break. Having fun or laughing is not disrespectful to the person who died; this is a vital part of grieving, too.

Answer the questions they ask

Kids learn by asking questions. When they ask questions about a death, it’s usually a sign that they’re curious about something they don’t understand. As an adult, a couple of the most important things you can do for children is to let them know that all questions are okay to ask, and to answer questions truthfully. Be sensitive to their age and the language they use. No child wants to hear a clinical, adult-sounding answer to their question, but they don’t want to be lied to either. Often the hardest time to be direct is right after a death. When a child asks what happened, use concrete words such as ‘died’ or ‘killed’ instead of vague terms like ‘passed away.’ A young child who hears his mother say, “Dad passed away” or, “I lost my husband,” may be expecting that his father will return or simply needs to be found.

03Talk about and remember the person who died

“My daddy tickled me. He danced with me. He read to me.”  Remembering the person who died is part of the healing process. One way to remember is simply to talk about the person who died. It’s okay to use his/her name and to share what you remember. You might say, “Your dad really liked this song,” or “Your mom was the best pie maker I know.”

Children also like to have keepsakes of the person who died, such as objects that hold an emotional or relational significance. When his father died of a heart attack, Jeremy, 12, asked if he could have his Dad’s work boots. Although they were old, worn out and too big for his feet, they served as a memory of all the times his father had taken him to the construction site where he worked.

Encourage a child grieving to express feelings

It’s good for kids to express whatever emotions they are feeling. There are many good children’s books about death, and reading these books together can be a great way to start a conversation with your child. Since many children aren’t able to express their emotions through words, other helpful outlets include drawing pictures, building a scrapbook, looking at photo albums, or telling stories.

(765) 521-2400 | sprolesfamilycares.com

Attending the funeral

Whether or not to attend the funeral is a personal decision that depends entirely on you and your child. Funerals can be helpful for providing closure, but some children simply aren’t ready for such an intense experience. Never force a child to attend a funeral. If your child wants to go, make sure that you prepare him for what he will see. Explain that funerals are very sad occasions, and some people will probably be crying. If there will be a casket you should prepare him for that too. Take a peek at these general funeral etiquette tips.

Recognizing that each person grieves in his own way is essential to the healing process for a family. Listen to children talk about their feelings and watch their behavior, and you will help clarify and affirm these natural differences. Be sure to take advantage of Grief Support Services as well. You are not alone, and Sproles Family Funeral Home is here to help.

“You can't protect your kids from the pain of loss, but you can help build

healthy coping skills.” - Rachel Ehmke

Most young children are aware of death, even if they don’t understand it. Death is a common theme in cartoons and television, and some of your child’s friends may have already lost a loved one. But experiencing grief firsthand is a different and often confusing process for kids. As a parent, you can’t protect a child from the pain of loss, but you can help him feel safe. And by allowing and encouraging them to express their feelings, you can help them build healthy coping skills that will serve them well in the future. Here are some important things to keep in mind…

Kids grieve differently

After losing a loved one, a child may go from crying one minute to playing the next. His changeable moods do not mean that he isn’t sad or that he has finished grieving; children cope differently than adults, and playing can be a defense mechanism to prevent a child from becoming overwhelmed. It is also normal to feel depressed, guilty, anxious, or angry with the person who has died, or with someone else entirely. Very young children may regress and start wetting the bed again or slip back into baby talk.

Take a break

Children grieve in cycles. For example, they may be more inclined to play and divert their focus from the death when the death is recent and parents are grieving intensely. More than adults, children need time to take a break from grief. It is important to know that it’s okay to take a break. Having fun or laughing is not disrespectful to the person who died; this is a vital part of grieving, too.

Answer the questions they ask

Kids learn by asking questions. When they ask questions about a death, it’s usually a sign that they’re curious about something they don’t understand. As an adult, a couple of the most important things you can do for children is to let them know that all questions are okay to ask, and to answer questions truthfully. Be sensitive to their age and the language they use. No child wants to hear a clinical, adult-sounding answer to their question, but they don’t want to be lied to either. Often the hardest time to be direct is right after a death. When a child asks what happened, use concrete words such as ‘died’ or ‘killed’ instead of vague terms like ‘passed away.’ A young child who hears his mother say, “Dad passed away” or, “I lost my husband,” may be expecting that his father will return or simply needs to be found.

Talk about and remember the person who died

“My daddy tickled me. He danced with me. He read to me.”  Remembering the person who died is part of the healing process. One way to remember is simply to talk about the person who died. It’s okay to use his/her name and to share what you remember. You might say, “Your dad really liked this song,” or “Your mom was the best pie maker I know.”

Children also like to have keepsakes of the person who died, such as objects that hold an emotional or relational significance. When his father died of a heart attack, Jeremy, 12, asked if he could have his Dad’s work boots. Although they were old, worn out and too big for his feet, they served as a memory of all the times his father had taken him to the construction site where he worked.

Encourage a child grieving to express feelings

It’s good for kids to express whatever emotions they are feeling. There are many good children’s books about death, and reading these books together can be a great way to start a conversation with your child. Since many children aren’t able to express their emotions through words, other helpful outlets include drawing pictures, building a scrapbook, looking at photo albums, or telling stories.

04

(765) 521-2400 | sprolesfamilycares.com

Attending the funeral

Whether or not to attend the funeral is a personal decision that depends entirely on you and your child. Funerals can be helpful for providing closure, but some children simply aren’t ready for such an intense experience. Never force a child to attend a funeral. If your child wants to go, make sure that you prepare him for what he will see. Explain that funerals are very sad occasions, and some people will probably be crying. If there will be a casket you should prepare him for that too. Take a peek at these general funeral etiquette tips.

Recognizing that each person grieves in his own way is essential to the healing process for a family. Listen to children talk about their feelings and watch their behavior, and you will help clarify and affirm these natural differences. Be sure to take advantage of Grief Support Services as well. You are not alone, and Sproles Family Funeral Home is here to help.

(765) 521-2400 | sprolesfamilycares.com

We don’t believe planning a funeralshould be overwhelming.

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We meet with you and gather important and unique facts about your loved one.

We Listen

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