BIRTH, MARRIAGE AND DEATHMALAY

CHINESE

INDIAN

BIRTHMALAY

CHINESE

INDIAN

PRE NATAL

Malay

Lenggang Perut

Chineserituals of avoidance and rituals of protection

Indian

Godh bharai

MALAY : LENGGANG PERUTA midwife( bidan) who has been identified as a suitable one, is called upon to examine the mother-to-be, and when it is ascertained that she has in fact competed her seventh month of pregnancy, the midwife is then officially engaged (ditempah) to perform the forthcoming delivery. The materials to be made ready for the lenggang perut are prepared. These are:

a) Seven sarung, preferably of seven different colours.

b) One gantang f rice.

c) One ripe coconut with its husk completely peeled off.

d) Some raw cotton yarn.

e) One stick of resin or gum (damar).

f) Candles.

g) A sirih-box or tray complete will all ingredients.

h) The amount of RM 1.25 sen as free for services rendered.

i) Some coconut oil or some other oil suitable for massage.

MALAY : LENGGANG PERUT•When these items are prepared, the bidan begins the lenggang perut. . The seven lengths of sarung are first laid out one on top of the other on a mattress and the pregnant wife lies down on them. The midwife then slowly massages the woman’s abdomen with the oil from below the chest downwards for a while. Following this the bidan takes the peeled coconut and placing it on the abdomen, lets it slowly roll down on to the floor. The position at which the coconut stops is noted. If it stops with its “eyes” pointing upward indications are that the child will be a boy, and if the eyes point downwards then the child will be a girl. This is the traditional belief.

•The actual lenggang perut now takes place. The bidan grasps the two ends of the topmost sarungfrom the pile of seven on which the mother-to-be lies, and then lifts the sarung a little and with it, the woman’s body, gently rocking the sarung from side to side once or twice, following which she pulls the sarung out from under the body of the mother-to-be. It is this rocking act that gives the lenggang perut ceremony its name. In similar manner the remaining six lengths of sarung are rocked and removed. The last of these will, following the completion if the ceremony, be given to the bidan, together with the other items already listed above.

•On the day of the lenggang perut ceremony a small feast (kenduri) is customarily held either before or upon the completion of the lenggang perut. To this ceremony close relatives and friends, in particular the women are invited. A lebai or an imam may be invited to say the prayers (doaselamat).

CHINESE : RITUALS OF AVOIDANCE AND RITUALS OF PROTECTION

Foods That Are Good and Bad During Pregnancy :

-Crab is bad to eat because it can cause a high risk birth.

-Lamb, if eaten, is believed to cause the infant to have asthma or other respiratory issues.

-Eggs are good to eat prior to pregnancy because the Chinese believe it helps with fertility.

-Eating a well balanced meal of meat and vegetables will produce a healthy baby. If you do not eat a well balanced diet your baby will be a picky eater.

-Squid is avoided as it is believed to make birth "sticky", or harder.

-Eating tofu and lettuce can help make a male child .Finding out the sex of the baby prior to birth is considered bad luck.

CHINESE : RITUALS OF AVOIDANCE AND RITUALS OF PROTECTION

•Once pregnant, a woman guards her thoughts. It is believed everything she does and sees will influence her unborn child. According to old Chinese tradition, what affects a woman’s mind will also affect her heart and connect with the baby in utero. A pregnant woman reads good poetry — she doesn’t gossip, laugh loudly, sit on a crooked mat, look at clashing colors, or lose her temper. Many Chinese women will read beautiful stories before drifting off to sleep. And, sex is absolutely forbidden during pregnancy

•It’s believed that if a pregnant woman eats food that’s not properly cut or mashed, her child will have a careless disposition. Or if she eats light colored foods, the baby will be fair-skinned.

•Many believe it is unlucky to throw a baby shower for an unborn baby.

•Chinese women will often drink a strong herbal potion to ease the strain of labor. Custom dictates that women not fear the laboring process, since birth is considered a women’s career to the ancient Chinese.

INDIAN : GODH BHARAI (NORTH INDIAN HINDUS), VALAKAAPPU (TAMIL HINDUS) AND SEEMANDHAM(SOUTH INDIAN HINDUS)Ceremonies may be performed during pregnancy to ensure the health of the mother and growing child. The father may part the hair of the mother three times upward from the front to the back, to assure the ripening of the embryo. Charms may serve to ward off the evil eye and witches or demons.

The common thread in India is to bless the expecting mom and pray for the well being of the mother and the baby. It is the mom-to-be who is showered with blessings and bounty - cash, clothes or even jewellery - a sort of a “mother-to-be shower”. Also, traditionally it is attended by the women-folk.

BIRTH

MALAY CHINESE INDIAN

Cukur Jambul The Chinese Zodiac

The Baby’s Name

Jatakarma (child birth)

Namakarana (naming a

child)

Annaprasana (giving the

child solid food)

Mundan (shaving the

head)

Upanayana (sacred

thread ceremony)

MALAY : CUKUR JAMBUL

•Cukur jambul is the baby's very first haircut, done in accordance with Malay tradition. It is an important rite of passage for a Malay baby

•The cukur jambul ceremony generally coincides with the end of the confinement period (pantang) observed by the new mother, which lasts between 40 and 44 days.

•In a traditional cukur jambul, the baby's hair is tonsured and then ultimately buried in the ground. The closest family members are always invited to witness the event. Usually, prayers are recited or sung (also known as marhaban or berzanji). Everything in-between depends largely on family tradition and regional customs.

MALAY : CUKUR JAMBUL

•The new father or mother then carries the baby to each person who will snip off a lock – usually grandparents, family or village elders, members of the marhaban or berzanji group, and religious leaders. It is customary (though not compulsory) for those who do the honours to present the baby with a little gift in cash or kind. The locks are put into either a bowl of water or a young coconut cut and shaped into a bowl. In some families, it is also customary to weigh the locks and donate its weight in gold (or the cash equivalent) to the poor and needy. Once the ceremony ends, this hair is then buried.

•Another important element in the cukur jambul is the dulang or ceremonial tray which holds the scissors and the young coconut (or bowl of water). Often, these are accompanied by daun kunyit (turmeric leaves), bunga rampai (fragrant bouquet which usually includes pandan leaves, jasmine and frangipani), and perhaps some honey and dates.

CHINESE : CHINESE ZODIAC

When a child is born is also important to Chinese custom. The hour, day, month and year the baby is born dictate which of the Eight Characters he is born under. The Eight Characters are considered so important they will rule the child’s life. They foretell if a child will be successful, wealthy, or blessed with good fortune. Parents may also hire fortune tellers or soothsayers to read their baby’s fortune. The Chinese believe that each person is made up of some of the five elements – metal, wood, water, fire, and earth. If a fortune teller finds a child is lacking an important element, the missing element is incorporated in her name — unless the missing element is fire or water. If water or fire is absent, that is considered a good omen. It is believed that a child with too much fire could be injured by fire in his life; a child with too much water needs to be watched, for she might drown.

CHINESE : BABY’S NAME

•The Chinese wouldn’t dream of naming a baby before she’s born. In fact, they are given false names, or milk names, to scare away evil spirits. Ancient wisdom dictates parents refer to their baby as an animal or as ugly to trick the spirits into thinking the baby is not worthy of a kidnapping. Once the child is older, he is named.

•The Chinese sometimes have four or five names for a person — one for childhood, one for school, one for after graduation, and even one after death. And, the Chinese often honor family ties by using generational names. To announce the baby’s birth, a new father sends money and wine to his in-laws. Special ribbons fastened to the wine jar signify if the baby is a boy or a girl. Parents send red eggs to close family and friends — an even number for a girl, odd for a boy. Or they may send out boxes of fruit. Return gifts might include two kinds of cake, brown sugar, millet, eggs, and walnut meats.

INDIAN : JATAKARMAThe jatakarma ceremony welcomes the baby into the world. The father places a small amount of ghee and honey on the baby's tongue and whispers the name of God in his ear. During this Sanskar, the father feeds honey to the baby and pierces the baby's ear. This ear piercing is supposed to enhance the memory of the child .Brahmins chant Mantras for a healthy, long life of the child. This Sanskar is restricted to the family level.

INDIAN : NAMAKARANAIn Namakarana ceremony the child is given a name.Nama literally means 'name' and karana means 'to make, to effect'. All the activities in the world are carried on the basis of name. Every parent has the duty to give a nice name to the child, which reminds the child of some goal or objective in the life. It is very important to select a nice name for the child; the name should be meaningful which fulfills all the desires of the child. Whenever the child hears the name he will remember the meaning and purpose hidden in it and will be inspired by its meaning.Distribution of sweets to everybody. Afterwards a feast is usually arranged.

INDIAN : MUNDANMundan Vidhi is performed to carry out the first hair cut of the baby. If it is carried out as per the Vedic Method it removes any deficiencies developed in the child before birth.It is also said that the shaving of the hair stimulates proper growth of the brain and nerves. During this vidhi all the hair of the baby are removed and the baby's head is cleanly shaven.Hair collected during the hair cut are kept inbetweentwo puris ( fried indian bread ) and then offered to holy waters like Ganges, Yamuna or any other holy water bed.

MARRIAGEMALAY

CHINESE

INDIAN

PRE WEDDING

Malay

• The investigation (merisik)

• The engagement (meminang)

• The hantaran or the sending of gifts and part of the amount of money (wang belanja) for expenses

Chinese

• Request for marrying the bride

• Request for Bride and Groom’s Birth Dates

• Formal Gifts for the Bride's Family

• Select the Wedding date

• Set up the Bridal Bed

Indian

• Engagement

• Mehdi

MALAY : THE INVESTIGATION PROCESS (MERISIK)

When it is time for a young man to get married his family will look around to identify a number of potential candidates.

For this ceremony one or more representatives (wakil) of the young man’s family will pay a friendly visit to the family of the young woman whom they have in mind as his potential bride.

A hint will be given to her parents regarding the purpose of the visit, and their reaction will be assessed.

Following the visit both sides can begin to think more seriously about the possibility or otherwise of the union. It is possible that no progress may take place, and the young man’s parents or representatives will then look for another possible candidate.

MALAY : THE ENGAGEMENT (MEMINANG)

Once agreement for the marriage has been reached between the families of the potential bride and the potential bridegroom, preparations for engagement (meminang) take place.

(a) The date and time for the meminang ceremony.

(b) The amount of money to be paid by the young man for expenses ( wang belanja).

(c) Details regarding the gift (hantaran) items.

(d) The date and time for the actual wedding ceremony and feast.

Details regarding the penalty should one of the parties break the agreement for the marriage.

MALAY : DOWRY

MALAY : THE ENGAGEMENT (MEMINANG)

Customarily, the potential bride groom will send the following items to the potential bride on the day of their engagement:

(a) A gold or diamond ring.

(b) A betel-leaf container (tepak sirih) complete with betel leaves (sirih) and other ingredients. This is known as sirih meminang.

(c) A complete set of clothes.

(d) A scarf or shawl (kain tudung).

(e) Fruits or other gifts.

(f) A handbag.

(g) A pair of shoes.

The total number of gift-trays and the number of items returned as gifts by the potential bride must be in odd numbers, usually 7 or more.

MALAY : THE ENGAGEMENT (MEMINANG)

CHINESE : REQUEST FOR MARRYING THE BRIDE

MatchmakerNegotiation between the two families

CHINESE : REQUEST FOR BRIDE AND GROOM’S BIRTH DATES

•eight letters (the year, month, day, and hour of the groom and the bride’s birth)

CHINESE :FORMAL GIFTS FOR THE BRIDE

As to the dowry of the Jia Zhuang, the bride’s family is expected to bring these items to the groom’s home:

• Mirror

• Comb

• Ang Pows for any unmarried siblings and the groom’s parents

• Sweet foods such as dried longans or dates

• One set of bed sheet

• Groom’s pants

• Two lamps with Xi stickers

• Face basin

• Ruler

• Spittoon

• Baby bath pail

• And a sewing box with thread, needles and scissors

CHINESE : SELECT THE WEDDING DATE

• Contacting with the fortune teller (according to the groom and bride’s birth dates)

INDIAN : ENGAGEMENT (AASHIRWAD CEREMONY, CHUNNI CHADANA, SAGAN CEREMONY, MAGNI)

It is also known as the sagai ceremony or ring

ceremony.

The engagement ceremony is basically a brief ritual wherein the couple exchanges gold

rings

This is followed by exchange of gifts

between the families like sweets, dry fruits etc. this is followed by either a lunch or dinner party.

In sagai, the bride is given jewelry, clothes, make-up kit and baby

toys, by the mother of the groom.

the groom is put tilak and given gifts by the family

of the bride.

A havan is also performed at times.

INDIAN : MEHDI•According to the ritual, the bride does not step out of the house after this ceremony. Mehndi ceremony is essentially organized by the family of the bride and is usually a private affair which takes place in the presence of friends, relatives and family members.

•During the ceremony, turmeric paste is applied on bride's face, feet and hands. After this, the Mehndi application begins. For applying Mehndi to the bride, a skilled Mehndi expert is called. He applies Mehndi on bride's hands, arms, feet and legs. Traditionally, the Mehndi applied to the bride was obtained by drying the leaves of the Henna plant.

•According to popular belief, the darker the color of the Mehndi, the more her husband will love her. As a tradition, the bride is not allowed to work in her marital house till the time her Mehndi does not fade away. This ceremony is primarily a women function, which takes place amidst musical beats of Dholak, with women singing traditional songs for a prosperous marital life of the bride.

Arabic Mehndi

Rajasthani Mehndi

Crystal Mehndi

Tattoo Mehndi

WEDDINGM

ALA

Y Akadnikah

MajlisBerinai

BersandingC

HIN

ESE The 4am siblings

feast

Parents to veil the bride

Fetch the bride

Door blocking games

Lifting the veil

Leave for groom’s home

Tea Ceremony

Wedding banquet

IND

IAN Var Mala

Mandap

Reception

MALAY : AKAD NIKAH

•Consent of both the bride and the bridegroom must be obtained, and the religious official (usually a kadhi) conducting the marriage must make sure the marriage is entered into willingly by both the parties.

•At times the marriage solemnization is in fact done by the girl’s father in the presence of religious officials. In a brief sermon given by the officials, the bridegroom and the bride will receive a briefing on their rights and responsibilities as a married couple, particularly from the Islamic perspective.

•There must be two official witnesses at the Akad Nikah. A marriage certificate will be issued by the kadhi or State Religious Council representatives following the ceremony, and this is to be signed by the bridegroom, the bride as well as the witnesses.

MALAY : MAJLIS BERINAIThe ceremony of Berinai involves the staining of the couple’s hands with henna. Lesser or greater berinai ceremonies are held three times as follows:

a. Berinai Curi takes place three nights before the actual wedding ceremony (akad nikah) with the participation of close relatives and friends only.

b. Berinai Kecil. Takes place two nights before the wedding ceremony with the participation of family members, neighbours and close friends.

c. Berinai Besar is usually held after the completion of the religious ceremony (Akad Nikah).

•For the berinai besar the newly married couple sit on the specially decorated dias (pelamin). Family members from both sides take turns to apply henna to the hands of the seated couple. Rice and a mixture of flour may also be applied to the palms and foreheads of the couple, as a sign of blessing.

•The Adat Berinai is intended to cleanse both the young persons now married to each other. Henna is regarded as a blessed item, that is, it is used as a means of cleansing and protection from evil or malicious influences.

MALAY : BERSANDING

•The hari langsung, literally “the day of completion” , which also involves the bersanding or ceremonial seating on the dias, is considered the high point of a Malay wedding.

•The bridegroom is not allowed to enter the bride’s house before the bride sends him a prepared betel leaf known as sirih latlat or sirih genggam. This is a sign that the bride now awaits the arrival of the bridegroom. The bridegroom walks slowly towards the house of the bride, his party is led by womenfolk. This is the ceremony of berarak, or walking in procession. Behind them come the group of musicians beating various types of drums, especially the hand-held kompang, as well as bearers of decorative flowers (bunga manggar).

•In Johor, the bridegroom need to give some money knows as “tol” to the groom’s relatives before he can sit on the dias.

•The arriving party take their seats in a special area of the house for the martial arts ( pencaksilat) performance which is held as a sign of welcome and paying respects to the bridegroom as the king for the day. Then both the bride and the bridegroom are invited for the bersanding ceremony

MALAY : MAKAN BERDAMAI•Following the bersanding the newly-married couple will come down to the halamanrumah for lunch or dinner (kenduri), to which guests will be invited.

CHINESE :THE 4AM SIBLINGS FEAST

•Eating rice at four in the morning is one of the quirky things the Bride has to do on her chinese wedding day.

•The bride will eat an early breakfast of rice, fish, meat and vegetables with her whole family.

•A sweet dessert cooked with lotus seeds, red dates, dried longan, dried magnolia petals, wishing the bride a sweet married life is also served.

•For the teochew, this meal symbolizes the even distribution of the family's prosperity. This is the official farewell meal, so only good things and well wishes are mentioned at the table

CHINESE : PARENTS TO VEIL THE BRIDE

•The traditional chinese bride was dressed in a heavily embroidered and beaded red silk rainbow robe.

•On her head she will wear a beaded phoenix crown 凤冠 covered by a red wedding headscarf 红布 weighted at the corners with beaded tassels.

•The rainbow robes and phoenix crowns 凤冠霞披 are copies of official costume worn by empresses for state events. They are heavy to wear and not easy to obtain nowadays.

•Chinese considered marriage as a joyous red event 红事. Death is considered a solemn white event 白事. There will be a clash of fortunes 相冲 if the bride should see another red or white event on her wedding day. By wearing the red wedding headscarf she will avoid seeing these events on her way to the groom’s home.

•Some believed it also protected the bride's modesty from glares of passersby or even evil spirits who may create trouble if the bride was pretty.

CHINESE : FETCH THE BRIDE

The bestman need to bring these :

•a piece of raw pork leg which is mum's reward for bringing up the bride,

•at least four or more, even number of tangerines or oranges for good fortune,

•some dried persimmons for prosperity,

•some dried longan in shells for sweetness in the marriage,

•some dried lotus seeds for having many children,

•some dried magnolia petals called “pak hup” to wish for hundred years of closeness and happiness in the marriage.

CHINESE : FETCH THE BRIDE

The groom must not open the car door when he

arrives to fetch his bride. He has to wait patiently for

the bride's younger brother to open the bridal car

door for him.

The younger brother will open the door and

pass him two oranges. The two oranges will be

left in the bridal car for good fortune.

The groom will give this younger brother a red

packet for opening the car door. If the bride has

no younger brother, a younger male relative or

a younger male friend can play the role.

CHINESE : DOOR BLOCKING GAMESThe most popular game is to bargain for a red packet either of huge amount or of amounts that requires a difficult mixture of notes and coins. $999 or $99.99, as 9 has the same sound as long “jiu”, for a long marriage. Some may ask for $888 or $88.88 as 8 has the same sound as prosperous “fa” for a prosperous marriage.

Before they allow the groom to fetch the bride, the sisters may require him to

•answer obscure quizzes relating to the couple's courtship,

•enact the marriage proposal,

•sing love songs to the bride,

•praise the bride with chinese proverbs,

•complete physical tasks such as push-ups

CHINESE : LIFTING THE VEIL

After completing the challenges the groom enter the bride's home to fetch the bride. The groom will enter the bride's room and lift her veil to kiss her.

CHINESE : LEAVE FOR GROOM’S HOUSE•A good fortune woman or the matchmaker will shelter the bride with an umbrella while she is under the open sky. This is probably some form of protection against any evil influence.

•The bride's father or a good fortune woman will throw rice and pak hup (dried magnolia petals) at the bridal car before it drives off.

•The teochew father will also splash water behind the car to bless the bride with an everlasting marriage as "spilt water will not return to the bowl".

CHINESE : ENTER THE GROOM’S HOME

•Before the bride enter the groom's home, the groom's family and friends will hide in the house to avoid clashing of luck. When the bride has entered the bridal room, the family and friends will return to the family hall.

CHINESE : TEA CEREMONY

When will you serve tea?

• The tea ceremony for the groom's side is usually in the morning once the couple has settled down a bit in the bridal home.

The order of service is:

• parents, grandparents, grand-uncles and grand-aunties, uncles and aunties, elder brothers and sisters, elder cousins

CHINESE : WEDDING BANQUET

•Chinese wedding banquets are traditionally paid for by the groom’s parents. The bride’s parents and relatives are invited guests.

•Menu :

•roast sucking pig (virginity)

•fish (plentiful)

•noodles (long life)

•sweet red bean soup with “lian zi” (sweet life, fertility)

•tea (respect)

•alcohol (celebration)

•7-up (seven happiness)

INDIAN : VAR MALA CEREMONY•It is also known as Jaimala and basically involves exchange of garlands between the bride and the groom. Like all other customs and rituals, this is also a significant ceremony which finds reference even in the Vedic literature.

•Once he arrives there, the mother of the bride welcomes him on the doorstep with a poojathali. She applies tilak and performs aarti to bless him and to ward off any evil. After this the groom proceeds towards the main stage, where he awaits the arrival of the bride. After a while, the bride reaches the spot with a garland in her hands. Seeing this, the groom also stands and is given a garland. All the close relatives, friends and family members flock around the couple, for the ceremony.

•The Jaimala ceremony begins with the bride trying to put garland around the neck of the groom. This is prevented by groom's friends, in order to tease the bride. To enable the bride perform the ritual, the associates on her side help her to do the same. This is one of the most awaited moments of the wedding as everyone enjoys the tussle between the two parties as well as the new couple. Finally, the groom also puts the garland around bride's neck. This ceremony indicates that the bride has accepted the groom as her loving husband.

INDIAN : MANDAP CEREMONY

•After the var mala ceremony is over, the couple is blessed by the elderly people of both the families. This is followed by the mandap ceremony, which is performed under a canopy supported on four pillars. This is called Mandap. It is usually made of bamboo and is decorated with red and silver colors.

•The four pillars of the mandap signify the parents on both sides, which toiled hard to bring their children up. The mandap ceremony usually takes place at the house of the bride or otherwise it is held at the wedding venue itself. All the rituals during the mandap ceremony are performed in front of the sacred fire and hymns recited by the priest, from Vedas. The main rituals conducted here are Saat Phere, Kanyadaan, Maang baharai etc.

INDIAN : RECEPTION CEREMONY

• Reception ceremony is celebrated just after the main wedding day. It is the first public appearance of the newly wed couple after their marriage.

•The reception ceremony also serves as an opportunity for the bride to know the acquaintances and associates of the groom's family.

•Reception parties are laid with sumptuous food to treat the guests a little more. It is accompanied by good music and ambience to add to the zing.