the vetinari dualegacy chapter 11

Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! Despite appearances, this is in fact the Gen 4 College Chapter. It's a little long, but I think it's worth it!

Cory didn't get abducted, but A Momentous Event did occur. I finally got Snyder and Jenny to Try for Puppies! And it's a really good thing I did, because the next day...

Finn: "Waaah! My dog is dying and Rosemarie's not here for post-funeral WooHoo!"Dude, you're still in your heart boxers from last night's WooHoo.Finn: "But that wasn't post-funeral WooHoo!"Jenny: My puppydaddy! Noooooooo!Random Wolf: ZOMG BONES!!!11one1Death: "Uh, yeah, can I call you back? I'm sort of in the middle of a thing here... What? Oh, uh, pepperoni, sausage, and extra cheese... No, no mushrooms... Peppers are OK, though... Ugh, no, anything but diet... Yeah, yeah... Seriously, though, I gotta go."Snyder: I think I like Death Spicoli better.

And we have Chowdales! Darla's the white one; the others are Maggie, Morgan, and Sid.

Morgan turned out to be incapable of taking care of himself. He got to the point where he was too tired to eat and too hungry to sleep, and I got the "Take better care of your pets" message. I couldn't fix him without maxmotives, and didn't want to lose all four puppies, so I gave him up for adoption. Not to worry, though, I had GintasticNecat's SimSelf and little Billy Vetinari adopt him straight away, so he's not languishing in Pet Limbo.

See? There is little Morgan, and child Billy, and Gin, and their other pet, Leod MacGreggor.

He came with the Welcome Wagon and left two and a half days later. For a while, I thought he just sort of came with the house. You know, "Use a Maxis-made house, get a free Leod MacGreggor!" But eventually he left.

Enough of this digression! Time to check in with Wren at college!

Gin writes The Science of a Legacy. NERDS FTW!

Oh, Wren. Could you pick a less 'you' outfit to grow up into?"At least it doesn't involve riding breeches."You have a point there."Can I move to Havelock House now?"Just give me a minute to load the lot and pledge you in.

"You know you love me."You almost make me not hate Stabby Death Nose.

Wren Vetinari is a Gen 4 Prettacy spare. He's an Aries 6/9/6/5/6 Romance Sim with the LTW to be a Professional Party Guest. He's quite protective of his little sister Raven, and is great friends with his distant cousin Kestrel. Oh, and... he's hot.

Wrens are insectivorous passerine songbirds mainly in the Troglodytidae family. Most species of wrens have loud and complex songs.

Kestrel, you borrowed those breeches from Grandpa Larch, didn't you?"No. He was at Sim State, remember?"Oh, right. And you're not in a tank top, so I won't make any Village People jokes."Thanks for that."I'll go get Wren to pledge you into Havelock House.

"The Cheeks O' Doom are growing on you, huh?"Yes. Yes they are.

Kestrel "Kest" Vetinari, Gen 4 Uglacy spare, is a Virgo 10/3/8/3/6 Popularity Sim with the LTW to be a Celebrity Chef. He's very nearly the spitting image of his father Delphinium, aside from his eyes, which are wider apart like his mother's. Kest is mellow and patient and nice.

Kestrels are birds in the genus Falco, which also contains falcons. They are known for their hunting style that involves hovering over open country and diving down on their prey.

Wren meets a girl and, well, Melody "Sybil" Tinker never did this.

I'm trying not to think about the fact that this chick is one of Finn's 20 Simultaneous Lovers. Wren doesn't need to know that.

This is partway through Wren's sophomore year. He hasn't rolled the Want to Fall In Love or have A Bazillion Lovers or anything yet. He's like a wannabe Popularity Sim. Ah well, that's what the re-roll is for.

They didn't actually make Best Friends until after the kiss. Yay for bolts!

Wren's Want Panel right now? Throw a Toga Party, Throw a Sports Party, Rhea Goes To College, Ask Sim On Date. He really is like a wannabe Popularity Sim.

Hi, Raven!"I look like a soccer mom."Yeah, I'll have Wren pledge you in. And we have clothes waiting for you as soon as you move in to Havelock House!

"C'mon, I look killer in this."And Stabby Death Nose is so much less Stabby on you!

Raven Vetinari, Aries 9/9/9/3/1, is a Permaplat Knowledge Sim and the Gen 4 Prettacy heir. Her new LTW is to reach the top of Adventurer. When her mother Jeannie was pregnant with her, the resident ghosts scared Jeannie to death, and it was several hours before Jon was able to resurrect his pregnant wife. Because Raven died before she was even born, she has occasional bouts of creepy-eyed prophecy, and the last one intimated a link between her and her distant cousin and Reaper Child Spider Jerusalem.

Ravens (Corvus corax) are highly intelligent birds capable of mimicking human speech and have been known to show play behaviors. The collective noun for a group of ravens is an "unkindness."

Wren? What's your Want Panel look like right now?"Uh... Make Out with 3 Different Sims, Throw a Sports Party, Throw a Toga Party, Meet Someone New, Entertain."That's pretty much a Popularity Sim Want Panel. Tell ya what, you're a spare and I don't wanna wait for the re-roll. Go up onto the deck and stick your head into the Orb Thingamajig."And that will do what exactly?"Well, you're a crappy Romance Sim and a good Popularity Sim, so now you can actually be a Popularity Sim."But Grandma told me to spend time with the people I love!"There's love and then there's love, kid. June meant 'caring-about-people' love, not 'groiny' love."Ah. Well then, let's zap away."

"Whooo. Tingly."What's your Want Panel now?"Uh... Meet Someone New, Throw a Sports Party, Throw a Toga Party, Ask to Pledge, Be Best Friends with Spider Jerusalem."Okeydoke. What's your new LTW?"20 Simultaneous Best Friends."And you're already up to eleven, so you should be Permaplat before you graduate! Yay Wren!

"Hey, I may not be a shameless man-whore like my dad, but that doesn't mean I didn't learn a few of his tricks..."

Cory hits college. Face-first. And, well, it's better if we take him in a bit at a time...

The outfit's not bad. His face? Well, he lives up to Gen 4 Uglacy.

We here at DrSupremeNerd, Inc are not responsible for damage caused to computers due to the high-velocity expulsion of liquids from facial orifices. Click forward at your own risk. If you are of a sensitive disposition, you may wish to skip the next few slides.

O...

That is one intense nose-dent. So... beaky... And he did not get a proper chin.

...M...

HIS HAIR IS GLITCHING THROUGH HIS BROWS!

...G!

Oh, Cory. Please get abducted. Alien genetics are really going to squiff that face up."Can I just get into Havelock House now?"Anything for you, my lumpy-faced little darling.

"You're staring at my cheekbones again, aren't you?"They're so... lumpy...

Cormorant "Cory" Vetinari, Gen 4 Uglacy heir, is a 7/7/8/3/3 Scorpio Pleasure Sim with the LTW of 50 First Dates. Everyone's end-of-semester money will be going to feed Gypsy Matchmaker Goopynose.

Cormorants are members of the Phalacrocorax genus. They are medium to large seabirds capable of diving up to 45 meters under water to catch fish for food.

"Hello, Spider Jerusalem...""Huh?"

"What the...? Tiffany? What are you doing here?"

"Surprised to see me?"

"Gaaahhh--put some fucking clothes on, you psycho!"

"Is that any way to talk to me?""You're walking around with just enough on to not get arrested. Maybe my dad's into that, but I sort of like a little of the mystery to remain.""I just came to see how you're settling in. It can be a hard transition to make, from living at home to going to college.""I was doing just fine until you showed up. I don't need a babysitter, and I haven't for quite some time now."

"Come on now. There's no reason we can't be friends.""You're the headcase sorority chick WooHooing my father. The reason we can't be friends is that I really, really don't want to be.""You shouldn't be that way. I can be very accommodating to my friends.""Ick. No. Extremely no."

"Oh, Spider, you're a Knowledge Sim, right? Don't you want to learn the things I could teach you?"

"Get away from me! I wouldn't touch you with some other guy's ten foot pole!"

"What do you think your father would say if I told him you were mean to me?""What do you think he'd say if I told him you came on to me? You're a fool if you think he likes to share his toys, and if you think you're anything but a toy to him, you're dumber than I thought. Maybe you thought dating him would be fun and dangerous, and by the time you realized you were in over your head, it was too late, but I'm not your ticket out. You knew my father was a murderer the first time you WooHooed him, and you got involved with him knowing what he was. I've got no sympathy for you."

"What makes you think I didn't know what I was doing? What makes you think I'm not here by choice? You are not as smart as you think you are, Spider Jerusalem--and you are nothing compared to Cypress. What he wants you for, I'll never know."

"I don't want to be like him. Maybe the two of you get your rocks off at the thought of hurting people, but I don't. And if you got involved with him willingly, you're just as nuts as he is."

"Well, then you have a problem, don't you? I'm here to keep an eye on you. It'd be easier to do it if we're friendly, but your animosity isn't going to stop me. Cypress wants to ensure that you're not getting away from him, and I'm here to keep him informed.""This isn't fair.""Like you said: your father doesn't like to share his toys, and if you think you're anything but a toy to him, you're dumber than I thought.""I...""Cat got your tongue?""Leave me the fuck alone!"

"Don't you know you can't run from this, Spider? There's no escape for you."

Dad...

You just suck all the joy out of everything in my life, don't you?

Rhea comes to college. And I think that's the same outfit he had when he was a teenager. I might not change him out of it."Hey! If I have to placehold Havelock House for an entire generation, the least you could do is get me some new threads!"Well, if you had an original face, personality, Aspiration, or LTW, maybe I'd like you better."Maybe you should have rolled the dice a few times. That's not my fault."OK, fine, I'm willing to cut a deal. If you autonomously beat the stuffing out of Cow Mascot, I'll do a BC with you. Autonomously, mind--no Influence from anyone else, and it's gotta be a cloud-of-smoke, headlock, put-up-your-dukes Attack. Deal?"Deal."

Hey, I'm not unreasonable. He's got the personality to do it.

"I don't think I like the hair. And didn't you say you'd get me new clothes?"I'm not sure about the hair either. I sort of like you in that shirt, though.

Rhea Vetinari is an Aries 9/9/9/3/1 Knowledge Sim with the LTW to reach the top of Gamer. He looks exactly like Wren, has Raven's personality, Jonquil and Raven's Aspiration, and Juniper's LTW. He is a Gen 4 Prettacy spare and he will be placeholding Havelock House because he bugs me.

Rheas are flightless ratite birds in the Rhea family native to South America. They are omnivorous and have three toes.

Raven, that's not very ladylike!"Pfft! I live with a bunch of guys! No room for pink frills and prissiness around here!"

"Hoo-rah!" *smash*Are you going to go inside and leave an air-muffin on the couch now?"Eew, no, too many neat points."

Hey, Wren. How's the best friend-making going?"Close to fifteen. Did you need anything else?"Nope. You're just pretty to look at.

"What? Seriously, I inherited the Cheeks O' Doom Mojo!"

Rhea? That works better if you wait until after Cory fixes the faucet. And also if you're not through the door.

First Havelock House Toga Party! Most of the people were too outgoing to show up in actual togas! Kest wanted the party, but I let Wren raise the score.

Well, he used to be a Romance Sim, right? This is still pretty easy for him. But he's not ending up with the cheerleader, because I do not want a llama-clad spouse at the family weddings.

Wren gets his purple heart and Kest gets his Roof Raiser.

"Cassidy? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to visit my brother at college. He must be there by now, and it won't take me long to find him. I haven't seen him in a while, and I know he'll be glad to see me.""But Cass, you can't go!"

"Why not? It's not like I can spend time with him when he's living with Dad--this might be the only chance we get to hang out.""Mmmm. I was going to surprise you today. I made plans for us to spend the day together.""But... We live together. I barely see Spider Jerusalem at all.""We never do anything special, Cassidy. I went to all this trouble to make today special. Don't you want to spend time with me?"

"No, of course I do.""Then go get changed and we'll go out.""But Spider--"

"Your brother will still be there tomorrow. Aren't I important to you too?""No, Jake, of course you are! But Spider's my family!""And you're my family, Cassidy. I thought you felt the same way.""I do!"

"Well, if that's true, why don't you want to spend the day with me?""It's not that I don't, but Spider... He plays things close to the vest and I feel like he needs me.""Cassidy, he's grown now. What can you do for him?""I can be his brother.""You care about him more than me."

"Jake, no! I love you!""Do you really?""Of course I do!""All right, then, it's settled. Go change; I'll wait for you in the car.""But--""I thought you said you loved me.""...I'll be out in a few minutes.""I love you too, Cassidy."

All those wishing to stab Mr. Big in the nards with a rusty fork, please form an orderly line behind me.

Wren: "I want a new best friend!"Cory: "No touching!"Raven: "This is how people get their asses whupped, big bro."

"Stop breaking the sink, Wren!""Sorry. I do have the least amount of neat points of anyone in the house.""You're making a mess!""But I always fix the sink and clean up the puddles.""Just stop it already!""I'm trying!"

Poor Wren. Six neat points, and he's the sloppiest one in the house. I think it's time to upgrade the sinks.

"Hey, Wren, wanna punch me?""No.""Why not?""Because I've played this game with meanies before.""I'll let you hug me.""...Your offer intrigues me... But still no."

"How's your... crispy black thing?""You couldn't have showed up with that pizza five minutes ago?""I didn't know you were gonna burn breakfast, Mr. Wannabe-Chef."

"Hey! I'm Wren! I have a loud and complex song! And thanks to my high Creativity, it won't make your ears bleed!"

"Best friends! Yay!""...This would be so much less awkward if we weren't in our pajamas.""...I know, right?"

"Hey, wanna be one of my 50 First Dates?""No.""You sure? All this could be yours for thirty whole seconds.""I don't think the guy I've been dating would be too understanding of that, Cory."

Yup, Raven's got a boyfriend and his name is Ryker Trottier. And they threw me a Slow Dance Twirl.

Didn't take much to get them Crushing on each other.

Ryker gets the first big red heart...

...but it doesn't take Raven long to get hers.

The date ended in the traditional manner of most Sim college dates that involve big red hearts.

Rhea? Would you care to explain the color of your plumbbob to all the nice people?Rhea: "Today I learned a very valuable lesson."And what would that be?Rhea: "Pizza is not supposed to be green and buzzy!"Raven: "I thought you were a Knowledge Sim."Rhea: "Well, today I have knowledge that I did not have yesterday."Raven: "Heh heh heh. Me too."Rhea: "I'm gonna go barf now."Raven: "Can I perform some more WooHoo-related experiments?"

"Congratulations on falling in love!""Thanks! All the opportunities for kissing and WooHoo are a real plus!""...So, what's that like, anyway?"

Whoops. Cory and Rhea still haven't had their first kisses. Cory because all he did was go to school, sleep, and stargaze, and Rhea because, well, you know. Cory's been on dates, but none of them were good enough to end up with a kiss.

Wren: "This is so cool! We never just hang out like this!"Cory: "Well, if SOMEONE would install Bon Voyage, we could Spring Break on Twikkii Island or something."Kest: "Hey, we can make friends just as well here."Rhea: "I still have food poisoning. I need to go barf again."Wren: "Bro, that pizza was out for the cow. Germ warfare, and stuff."Cory: "Yeah, Raven was smart enough not to eat it, right, Raven?"

"Uh... Raven...?"

"In an evergreen forest, two harts war. In joyous madness, one casts a die, while the other in cold logic places his trust. Between them, a spinner is caught in a web of deception and struggles against the strands of fate. At the final conflict, the heavens will weep, and what was will once again be."

"Do you think you ever get used to that?""Rhea, call Dad.""I have to barf.""NOW."

"Raven? You okay?""My head hurts. My head's never hurt before.""Well, you're usually less obscure than you were just now."

"You'll have to tell me what I said. I can never remember. I... Ryker?"

"I came by to see if you wanted to go to dinner with me, and... What's going on here? What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me! I just do this...thing...sometimes. I sort of make prophecies, but it's not a big deal."" 'Not a big deal?' I saw your eyes go dark! I thought you were just a nice, normal girl!""I am! Most of the time!""Maybe that's great for someone else, but 'most of the time' isn't good enough for me."

"Ryker, please! I love you!""Forget it. I'm not going to end up with some freak.""But--""We're through."

"No one talks to my sister like that! You're operating under the delusion that you're too good for her, but the truth is you should count yourself lucky that she came down to your level! And if you don't get out of here right now, you're going to have to deal with us!""Wren's right! I'm so mad at you, I'm going to refuse to be friends with you!""Can I kick his ass?" knucklecrack "I'm in the mood to kick his ass." crack

"Like I'm going to stick around here! Now put your chest away and let me at those stairs.""You did not just insult the chest.""That is it! I am very definitely going to be ignoring the Want to be friends with you that I will inevitably roll tomorrow!"crack pop crack

*urk*

*blaaarrrf*"What the-- You're all a bunch of freaks here!""...I think I'm starting to feel better..."

"What say you and me go follow that guy and kick his ass?""Um... I don't know about the ass-kicking, but I could probably manage to puke on him again.""Dude, gross.""I have learned a hard lesson about eating buzzy green pizza.""Well, if you don't wanna join me, I guess I'll just go on my own.""Have fun with your ass-kicking.""Will do."

"Hey, baby sister, I'm sorry. I know you loved him. But at least he showed his true colors before you got really serious, right? You'll find someone who deserves you, I know it. This totally sucks right now. I wish I could make it better.""Raven? I could hook you up with a box of Kleenex, a fluffy pink bathrobe, a pint of Chunky Monkey, and a copy of Thelma & Louise."

"Thanks, Kest. Make it a pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk, and I'm in."

"...so that's what she said?""That's it, as close as I can remember. Like I said on the phone, this was less straightforward than the last one. It gave her a headache.""It's about the Legacy, obviously. Larch and Cypress.""Yeah, but Larch is dead! It's not like he'll be involved in this thing any more than he already was.""How's Raven now?"

"Her boyfriend caught the whole thing. He got pretty unglued about it and dumped her right then and there. She didn't take it so well. Raven was really into him, and he acted like a total jerk. The rest of us let him have it; we won't be seeing him around here again. Nobody messes with my sister and gets away with it.""Where's Rhea? I thought he'd be here for this.""He's praying to the porcelain god. Ate some bad pizza.""Isn't he a Knowledge Sim?""Yeah. We don't understand it either.""Thanks for calling me, Wren. I'm going to go find Raven and make sure she's okay.""Last I checked, she was hanging out with Messrs. Ben and Jerry."

"There you are! I heard about what happened. I'm sorry, Raven. I know what it's like when you lose someone you love.""It's not even like what happened with you and Mom. He was mean to me, Dad! How could I have ever fallen in love with someone as horrible as him? How can I trust myself to find someone to marry to carry on the Prettacy if the first guy I fall for turns out to be an ass of the highest order? I suck at this! You should have let Wren stay the heir. He'd be so much better at this than me.""The decision's made, and Wren can't be heir now, regardless. What happened isn't your fault, and I don't think your taste in men is irreparably flawed."

"But what if it is? What if I can't do this?""You wouldn't have said you could protect the family if you couldn't do it. You're special, Raven, and I believe in what you can do. Somewhere out there is someone who can see that too; it's just a matter of finding him.""So I guess that means no more sitting around in my pajamas feeling sorry for myself, eating Phish Food and drooling over Brad Pitt shirtless in a cowboy hat?""Eventually, you'll have to get dressed again. And, well, Cherry Garcia doesn't count as a serving of fruit, sweetie."

"But how do I know when I've found the right one?""When he loves you for everything you are.""I love you, Daddy.""I love you too, Raven. And if you give me the name of the young man in question, I can arrange for a little 'accident.' Being a Criminal Mastermind has its perks.""Best Daddy Ever."

"Hey! What's that big white thingy up there?"That's a platinum plumbbob, Cory. You went on 10 First Dates."So... shiny!"Yeah, I know you haven't seen one since your Teen birthday. That's what it looks like! Don't get used to it; you're a Pleasure Sim with three playful points, so the only thing that will get you platinum is dating, and the only dates that last longer than two seconds are dates with ugly chicks, and they don't get dropped with any regularity, so... Sucks to be you, I guess."Why couldn't I have rolled Fortune?"You would have been SOOOO much happier as a little money-grubber.

Gypsy Matchmaker finally throws me a bone in the form of this little gem, April Royce, who is about as facially-challenged as you're likely to see from a female Sim without the Christy/Carmen Patch-face. I let Cory go on an actual date with her.

She's a Scorpio Fortune Sim. Hooray for meanies!

And Cory finally gets his first kiss!

He cannot kiss this poor girl without his beaky nose glitching through her face. But they did fall in love by the time she left the lot.

Cory asked her on another date in the middle of the night, which ended with the traditional Car WooHoo for all the extra Aspiration points (a whopping 13K, if you play your cards right).

Of course, April came by to drop off a couple of date bouquets when Cory had called up Gypsy Matchmaker again, and walked in on Cory on another date, so she's not exactly thrilled with him right now, but it shouldn't be too hard to get their relationship back up if I need to marry her in.

This girl... yeah, I don't even know what her deal is. She brought over a sculpture following a handshake date with Cory. It's pretty bad when a two-second date from a guy who looks like he was chiseled from a mountain face by an insane monkey with a jackhammer is the highlight of your social calendar, lady.

Two-second dates are NOT the highlight of Cory's social calendar. LOTS of two-second dates are the highlight of Cory's social calendar.

"Hey, Raven, Wren says you should head outside and meet the latest walk-by.""Why?""He says the guy is your type.""Cute on the outside, ugly on the inside?""Whoa, whoa, I'm just the messenger. Do what you want. But it's Wren. If you can't trust him, who can you trust?"

"You must be Raven! Your brother's been telling me about you. Is it true you went Permaplat as a teenager? I gotta say, I'm jealous.""Wow. Um, okay.""Sorry. I'm Tom. I love meeting new people; I'm glad I stopped by here today. This place seems great!""Yeah, the guys are a friendly bunch.""Hey, you seem pretty friendly too. I mean, you came out just to say Hi!""I guess I did, didn't I?"

"Hey, uh, you're pretty cute for a guy putting up with my brothers.""You're pretty cute for a girl hitting on a guy in shorts and a sweater."

Thomas Kearney. He's a Leo, he's a Popularity Sim, Raven has a bolt for him, and he's not lazy. He's a keeper!

"There appears to be a llama and a guy in his pajamas at the poker table.""We get a lot of that around here."

"Gosh, it's really great that you're not shy or anything!""I'm sorry--the booty, it calls to me."

Hah! Raven and Thomas throw me the hearts at the same time!

And you know what that means...

Yup, testing the springs on the Havelock House automobile.

"Hey, it's all shiny and white again!"20 First Dates. But you can cowplant that chick if you want; she keeps costing your dad Customer Loyalty Stars.

Ehehehehehe, Finn's Fins is next chapter...

"Tom? I have something to tell you and it's maybe gonna freak you out.""You used to be a guy? You like to eat babies? You harbor a secret crush on the Cow Mascot?""No, no, and no. My mom kinda died when she was pregnant with me, and it took my dad a few hours to resurrect her--us--and because of that, I sort of sometimes make prophecies, complete with creepy eyes and a spooky voice. I can't control it, and I don't even remember what I say, but it seems to be intended to keep my family safe, so I don't mind it so much.""Huh.""Do you hate me now?"

"Don't be silly, Raven! I knew you were someone special; I guess I just didn't know how much until now.""You're not going to dump me and leave me sobbing into my Vermonty Python?""I'm not dumb enough to let you go. You can cry over a bowl of ice cream if you want, but don't do it on my behalf.""I'm really not so into being heartbroken.""I'm really not so into breaking hearts. Especially yours."

Permaplat for Wren! 20 Simultaneous Best Friends before graduation!

And 30 First Dates for Cory. Need to wait for the end of the term for everyone's grant money for Gypsy Matchmaker.

I know I said I was going to re-roll Raven at the end of sophomore year, and I actually had the die in my hand, but then I had the horrible feeling like it was gonna come up Pleasure, so I put it down. Cory is the last serious Pleasure Sim I am going to have. Playful Pleasure Sims, I don't mind so much, but serious Pleasure Sims are miserable creatures.

"Wren, you just broke that toilet!""I know.""Now there's water all over the floor!""I know.""The Environment in here is tanking!""I know.""It's not like we have money to hire a repairman!""I know.""You'd better fix it.""I will.""And mop up the mess.""I will."

Poor Wren. You'd think he's a total slob the way things break around him.

Wren graduates!"And these pants are supposed to have an Untucked shirt with them. Awkward!"

Final tally: Wren graduates with a 4.0. He got Permaplat by getting 20 Simultaneous Best Friends, becoming Big Sim On Campus along the way. He let Ryker have it for being a jerk and got Raven introduced to her current beau. Quite simply, Wren rocks.

Do you know what this is? This is Permaplat for Cory! Suck it, Call Wren To Chat +100!

And assuming he dies of old age, he is the absolute last serious Pleasure Sim I will ever, ever have. From now on, they will be Cheesed as soon as possible.

Since Cory was a good boy and went Permaplat, I let him go on an actual date. The gal in question is the lumpy-faced bartender that Finn wooed (and WooHooed) way back when.

It's only creepy if you, you know, think about it.

And this was the point at which I realized I had lost all semblance of control.

I don't know why Kest is heart-farting Cypress.

I don't WANT to know why Kest is heart-farting Cypress.

We will never speak of this again.

I let Kest go on a date with the cheerleader. Yeah, she WooHooed Wren. And will shortly give Kest +13,000 with some automotive WooHoo. Again, it's only creepy if you're paying attention!

"Dammit, Cory, stop breaking things! You were the last one to use the dishwasher and trash masher, and now they're both sparking! Who do you think has to fix those?""Heh, you, actually, seeing as how Supreme Nerd doesn't like you.""Exactly! The least you could do is pretend to feel bad about it!""Eh, nope. Wren had nice points; I don't. Guilt trips worked on him."

So I guess the person in the house with the fewest number of neat points is the Kiss of Death for appliances and plumbing. Even if the neat points in question, are, say, SEVEN.

Kestrel graduates!"Time to take the Cheeks O' Doom back to Riverblossom Hills!"

Final tally: Kest graduates with a 4.0. He threw a bunch of Roof Raiser parties, made a bunch of best friends, lit into Wren for breaking the bathroom a couple of times, and the Cow Mascot made him cry once (but it got cut for space reasons; Spider Jerusalem paid the Cow Mascot back for it, trust me). Kest is still mellow and he rules.

This is Cory and Squiffy Alan. Squiffy Alan came in and started pranking, and, well, you can't do that when all of the nice Sims have left the building. Cory was not amused, and the fact that his poking/slapping hand is glitched into a cup-holding position probably did not help.

Cory and Squiffy Alan autonomously made enemies. Sort of funny considering that if Cory had been a girl, I would seriously have considered marrying Squiffy Alan into the Uglacy.

Oh, Squiffy Alan. You shouldn't do things like that. Cory is mean, and he has maxed fitness, and you... don't.

Dammit, Fighting Glitch! This should have been a lock for Cory! Man, now I gotta go back to MATY and see if I can't find something to prevent this from happening again.

Autonomous brawl, by the way. Too bad Cory lost. Would have made a much better story the other way.

And well, as for the other favorite target of Vetinari Ire...

"It was something to do with the cow, right? I forget what I was supposed to do to make you not hate me."It didn't involve accepting the flirt, moron. I swear, you are the doofiest Knowledge Sim I've ever had.

Jon: "So, you're the young man my daughter's got her heart set on, eh?"Tom: "I suppose so."Jon: "That's fantastic!"Tom: "I'm glad you feel that way."Jon: "If you break my little girl's heart, I'll break your kneecaps!"Wren: "And I'll help!"Tom: "Right. Big No on the heartbreak."

"Tom, I love you, kneecaps or no! Will you marry me and join my family's Legacy?"

"Of course I will, Raven! ...Your dad, he was kidding about the kneecap thing, right?""Eeeehhh, not so much.""Well, then I guess I'll have to do everything I can to make you happy.""You won't get any arguments from me."

Final tally: Raven graduates with a 4.0, was already Permaplat when she got to college, made a bunch of friends, watched her still-beating heart get ripped from her chest and stomped flat by Ryker after making a prophecy, and finally found Mr. Right in Tom Kearney.

I needed at least one Cow Mascot Pwnage picture. When the cheerleader has to get off the Dance Sphere to beat the crap out of you, you really are going to get your ass handed to you, Cow Mascot.

Cory graduates!"Icky polo shirt!"

Final tally: Cormorant graduates with a 4.0, and had 50 First Dates to go Permaplat. This has left him with a few options for a spouse, although I haven't decided on one yet. We'll see what turns up at the family business when he moves back home. And he will begin his telescope vigil anew!

But what kind of Simmer would I be if I didn't offer up a bit of a teaser...

"Hello, Spider Jerusalem.""Dammit, Tiffany, stop following me!""Sorry, kid..."

"...but you've got the wrong girl."

Next time: What's Sycamore doing with Spider Jerusalem? How will the weddings go? What will the Gen 5 Dualegacy kids look like? What, exactly, is Finn's Fins?

But first, a few nuggets of Vetinari goodness for your viewing pleasure. Clicky clicky!

StalkerCam!

Morgan all grown up! Chowdales look awesome! He's got the Chow coat and tail, but the floppy Airedale ears and chin-beard. He may be kind of a doofus, but he looks very smug here, like, "I'm a cool-looking dog, and you know it!"