need to refresh your marriage

Need to refresh your marriage

Take your mind back to when you were courting your spouse and even when you married. You were all there for each other and you could even go an extra mile to do anything for your spouse. Over time things

changed. What Happened?Kigume KaruriWednesday, November 15,

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• Over time ‘rust in marriage’ settles in. The zeal that one had diminishes and spouses start taking each other for granted. There is no more freshness in their marriage and if not careful, there could be strains and pains in these marriages.

• We need to freshen our marriages every time to keep alive the flames.

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• Refreshing means:

Bringing back or attempting to bring back to the original state

Repairing or mending the broken pieces

Bringing back to health

Re-instating what has disappeared

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• We need to refresh and fight for our marriages so that:

God gets the glory

Fulfil the purpose of marriage

Role models for our children

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• Marriages are made in heaven, but maintained here. Wedding is an occasion but marriage is for life. Are you maintaining yours? There is a difference between a well-maintained car and that never goes for service!

• Hence the need to refresh or bring newness to your marriage

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• Remember that your husband or your wife, the one person you love most on this earth, the one person you pledged to honor and cherish until death, is not your enemy. You are on the same team! You need each other.

• Don’t be fooled into thinking that your spouse is your enemy.

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• Satan is our enemy! 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

• The devil wants us to be so consumed with fighting against each other that we forget to do spiritual battle against him.

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• After your honeymoon, it’s so easy for your marriage to become boring. Your spouse stops being that person they were during courtship. If nothing is done to address the boredom, your marriage might just end in a divorce.

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WAYS TO REFRESH YOUR MARRIAGE

• 1. BRING TO MIND WHAT ATTRACTED YOU TO YOUR SPOUSE

• After marriage, it’s so easy to focus on the annoying things your partner does. You somehow neglect the things that attracted you to your spouse.

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• You can refresh your marriage by reminding yourself of the traits that attracted you to your spouse. When you do this, you rewire your brain to focus less on your spouse’s annoying habits and more on the traits that made you adore your spouse

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• 2. SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE

• During courtship or honeymoon, you always had an interrupted time with your spouse but these days you spend all your free time watching TV or chatting on social media.

• To refresh your marriage, you need to spend more time with your spouse without distractions.

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• 3. DO THINGS TOGETHER

• Doing things together as a couple is good for your marriage as it helps build lasting memories you and your spouse will cherish.

• So think of something you can do with your spouse. Learning something new together would also help your marriage.

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• 4. SPEND TIME WITH YOUR SPOUSE WITHOUT COMPLAINING ABOUT ANYTHING

• Married life comes with lots of complications and matters requiring urgent attention. This affects the conversation with your spouse. The conversation with our spouse tends to be on fixing a problem at home.

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• Try having quality time with your spouse without complaints. Doing this will help keep you and your spouse relaxed while also strengthening the bond with your spouse.

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• 5. IMPROVE YOURSELF AND YOUR APPEARANCE• We tend to focus so much on our spouse’s flaws

sometimes that we forget we also have our own flaws.

• Some have this annoying habit of getting too comfortable after marriage. They stop taking care of their health, hygiene and appearance. This is so wrong.

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• Improve your weaknesses and don’t let go of your strengths. Don’t get too comfortable with your hygiene, health and appearance. You also have to make yourself happy because you can’t give what you have.

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• 6. COMMIT TO PUTTING EFFORT INTO YOUR MARRIAGE Every couple struggles at different times. Couples who make the plan to work at it throughout their lives will continue to do well in their relationships.

• Couples who are doing well recognize that each spouse needs to put effort into their marriage.

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• At times, one spouse may do more than the other, but their mutual commitment to work at things keeps them going strong even in the rough times.

• It is very common for couples to go through issues throughout their lives. It is not stress by itself that breaks couples apart, but it is their inability to support each other through that stress that can lead to those breakups.

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• 7. BE PRESENT

• In relationships we often focus on how things were in the past, or how we'd like them to be in the future. We try to create perfect memories so that we can look back on them in the future, rather than actually being in the moment while we're having it.

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• Try, for an hour or so, being present with how you and your spouse are right now and just noticing what unfolds instead of pushing it in any particular direction.

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• 8. START DATING EACH OTHER AGAIN

• When you say your vows, the dating shouldn't stop. Sometimes we get lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life and pressure, forgetting about cherished "couple time.“

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• Make a date with your spouse and put it on your appointment calendar. Treat it with the same respect as any other important appointment.

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• 9. KEEP GROWING AS A PERSON

• Marriage doesn't replace personal growth. In fact, it should enhance it. Maintain your own interests and don't be afraid to pursue activities without your spouse from time to time. Keep yourself balanced between being your own person and being a great spouse.

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• 10. DON’T HOLD A GRUDGE

• Talk about what's bothering you in a rational way. Ask clearly for what you want, and let your spouse know why it's important to you. Resentment will destroy your marriage.

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• 11. APPRECIATE YOUR SPOUSE

• Let your spouse know you appreciate what he or she does and his/her personality traits. Appreciate their sense of humour, generosity, hard work and companionship. The more you praise what you like, the more you'll get of it. We all want to be appreciated.

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CELEBRATION + APPRECIATION= MOTIVATION

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FINALLY

• We can always refresh our marriages by giving new and improved forms, structures and appearances. You can’t continue the same things year in year out. You must bring freshness to your marriage and avoid having a ‘rust’ or ‘stale’ marriage.

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• It is not late to do something differently and refresh your marriage. Take time to do an inventory, realize what has been wrong and make amends. Bring newness and freshness into your marriage. You can never be bored again. The onus is on you and nobody else. Do something about it and save your marriage.

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