2006 bateman christmas newsletter
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8/14/2019 2006 Bateman Christmas Newsletter
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B
2006
SCRAPBOOK
All photos 100% real. We never, never forget to take pictures.
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Zoe ran away from
home this summer.
When found by her
parents several weeks
ater, it wasdiscovered that she
had joined the Manti
Temple Pageant and
fallen victim to the
seedy world of
portraying angels andtownspeople. Her
eventual rescue
required great
sacrifice on the part
of her loving parents,
who were forced to
drive her all the
flippin way to Manti three times a stupid week.
Having finally been successfully deprogrammed from the
brainwashing she received at the hands of one of
Sanpetes many dangerous cults, she returned to hernormal life of trumpet playing, book reading, baby sitting,
food eating, Sam smacking, good grade getting normalcy.
We were so proud of her recovery that we sent her to
Michigan, which was just fine.
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Sam was proud and delighted to be
nvited to join his Grandpa C. and his
uncles on the annual rock-climbing 4-
wheelin trip in Moab this fall. Brent
was not invited due to the certainty of
death involved. However, Sam was
gladly sacrificed.
Sam had a wonderful time. He
reported that every moment filled
him with unexpressible emotion
especially during those magical
times just prior to tumbling,
plummeting, or conflagrating.
The boys enjoyed many marvelous
adventures, as shown here in these
ive photos actually taken at the
scene. Sam eagerly anticipates next
years trip, and sincerely hopes that he
can set all of his affairs in order and
prepare an estate plan prior to
embarking.
Sam 4-wheelin in his uncles truck.
Sam has fun while wheelin.
The boys hit a snag.
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Jeffrey, after many years of eager anticipation, finallygot the opportunity to play competitive sports this
year. Although the sportwas soccer, which did notgive him the longed-for
opportunity to wield a bat,stick, or other club-likeobject, Jeffrey finallyfound a way to show hissportsmanlike side.Although he did discovermany things about
himself, such as his ability to inflict injury bykicking, he took great pride in being able toleave it on the field, and did not constantlyhound and harass his family members to justplay with him please for five measly minutes.
Daisy joined a local choir this year, which resulted in many wonderful experiences. Her favoritewas during the annual Halloween
concert, which scared the holybezeebus out of her. Trooperthat she is, she managed toing through her tears ofterror. Undaunted, she activelyeeks other outlets for hercreative passions, such asconstantly asking her parentshow to spell every single wordever spoken, forgetting to tellwhere she is going, and climbingon home teachers.
Daisy enjoys her choir Halloween concert
Jeff greets his opponents in his usual
friendly manner.
Jeff during one of his many
indoor practice sessions.
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Terri once again enjoyed success inher fifth career teaching young
people how to invent stuff.Those that receive BYU Magazin
will see on page 9 of the latest issuean article in which she is prominen
featured. She does outstanding worand is amazing at her job.
She also continues to do well in herother four jobs; child-rearer, ebay
seller, jewelry/card/stamp/foodmaker, and primary presidency
member.
Brent is now, officially, half the man he used to be.
Terri teaches her engineering students how to recognize a screwdriver
After
Before
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1. Everything in this poem really happened. No kidding.
2. Final Season Record: 1-14. The one victory is due to the other team not having enough players. Nevertheless, we went ahead and
played them with our full team against their seven guys, and we lost something like 36-4.3. This is slow-pitch softball, people.
4. This was one of my best players. Give the man a break. He had never played softball before. In fact he had never watched softball
before. He once ran out to play center field without a glove.
5. How is this possible? The next stanza explains.
6. The throw home hit the ump dead center in the chest, while the catcher calmly watched from less than a foot away.
7. Except for the very last game, that rule was invoked every single time we played.
8. On the last game, we literally had to beg people off the street to play with us. However, that wasnt a bad thing. See the previous
footnote.
9. Not kidding. We would have lost to the Bad News Bears. We would have lost to the Berenstain Bears. We would have lost to flippin
Yogi and Boo Boo.
Team by Brent1
think that I shall never seeA softball team quite as stinky;2
A team where strikeouts often last;because the pitch is thrown too fast;3
And if a hit flies like a bird,The batter runs straight toward third;4
Opposing hitters can all four bases roundThough their hit doesnt make it to the mound;5
And watch the ball to the outfield goWhen to a base we try to throw;
A team whose catcher often roamsAnd thinks the umpires covering home;6
A team that really thinks its cool
That theres a ten-run mercy rule.7
The faithful players all talent lack,but players that can do not come back.8
Only teams coached by fools like meCould be the worst in history.9
Brents team attempts to field a popup.
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