a short course in pastoral visiting - amazon web...
TRANSCRIPT
1
We Meet In
Christ’s Name
A short course in
Pastoral Visiting
on behalf of your local church 2012 edn
Session 3
This session covers: good practice in Pastoral Visiting on behalf of the church and working together as a team
Esgobaeth Llandaf · Diocese of Llandaff · Esgobaeth Llandaf · Diocese of Llandaff
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Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visiting
Invitation
to add to
and shape the resources here...
These course materials include resources,
insights, ideas and quotes that other people in
parishes in the diocese have found useful.
Help to develop this course by making
suggestions of other things you have found
helpful… such as books, websites, quotes, ideas
and so on…
Write down the details and pass them to your
course leaders -
or send them directly to:
Canon Richard Lowndes
Diocesan Office
The Court
Coychurch
Bridgend
CF35 5HF
E-mail:
Space for your notes
“The Good Samaritan gave the man
to the Innkeeper for the next stage of
care.
He was not asked to carry the man on
his donkey for ever.”
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Arriving and settling
Start the session with some quiet.
You might like to light a candle.
Give space for anyone who would like to
mention, in a word or two, or a short
sentence, a joy or a worry that is on their minds
that they would like to share with the group.
You might want to mention something in the life of your
community or the wider world that you specially want to place
into God’s hands at the start of this session.
To pray together:
Creator God,
We gather at this place of meeting, of speaking, laughter and tears.
Be with us in the encounter:
And open our hearts to you.
Lord, teach us to be sensitive to the needs of others
As well as to ourselves.
Help us to listen to those who need to talk,
To be silent with those who need a still presence,
And to be practical with those who need to take action.
To weep with those who weep,
To laugh with those who rejoice,
To give food to the hungry,
And comfort to the lonely.
As Jesus Christ did. Amen. From Prepared to Care
We offer ourselves, O God,
Our small gifts and graces, our fragile lives and hopeful hearts.
Amen. Dorothy McRae McMahon
The prayer that Jesus taught us...
The Lord be with you
And also with you
Since last time:
Take five minutes now to share anything you have been reflecting on, wondering about, or
puzzling on, from the last session.
Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visiting
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Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visiting
Space for your notes
Christian Pastoral Care…
“...is that activity within the ministry of the
church which is centrally concerned with the
promoting of the well-being of individuals and
communities.
The ultimate aim of pastoral care is that of
ministry as a whole, that is to increase love
between people and God.
Its specific functions are healing, sustaining,
reconciling, guiding and nurturing.”
Stephen Pattison
The Blackwell Encyclopedia of
Modern Christian Thought
“Pastoral Care is, in essence, surprisingly
simple. It has one fundamental aim:
to help people to know love,
both as something to be received
and as something to give”
Professor Alastair Campbell
Rediscovering Pastoral Care
“Pastoral care is not about invading or taking
over.
It is about a compassionate presence.”
Lord Christ,
Shepherds were the first
visitors at your birth.
As we visit others, may we too, tread
with reverence
and gaze in wonder
as you are born into many ordinary
situations in our communities.
Amen.
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About this session:
This session covers:
More skills
Your boundaries—what you are
willing and able to do— and what it
is appropriate for you to be asked to
take on
Good practice for the sake of those you visit and
befriend and for your own protection
Working together as a team
What next — as individuals and as a parish
Getting into the habit of reflecting:
Continue to develop your skills in reflecting on your visits and encounters.
Practise this skill by listening to two encounters.
Identify the strengths and weaknesses of the encounters.
In pairs, describe to each other an encounter that you have each recently had.
What do you see as your strengths and weaknesses in that encounter?
What learning points do you notice? How will you work on these?
Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visit-
Lord Christ,
Shepherds were the first
visitors at your birth.
As we visit others, may we too, tread
with reverence
and gaze in wonder
as you are born into many ordinary
situations in our communities.
Amen.
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Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visiting
Space for your notes
Helping others—a reflection
We seek to help others from many motives –
genuine compassion,
guilt about an easy life,
a need to be liked.
Each [visitor] needs reminding of the saying,
“I’ll give you all the help I need.”
Be realistic.
Set boundaries.
Keep time alone against all intrusion –
even when it makes you feel lonely.
Keep time to focus on the One beyond all.
Glib assurances that you are always available
are dangerous and arrogant, conveying the false
impression that you are more caring than your
are –
or can be.
When you are engaged with
whoever or whatever,
you are not available for anyone
or anything else.
Jim Cotter
Daily Prayer Waymark on
22 July 2008
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My boundaries—some decisions Take your pencil for a walk and draw a wiggley loop…
Inside the loop include those things you would be
happy undertaking.
Leave outside the loop those things you would not be willing to
take on—or do not think it would be appropriate for you to take on.
Monthly visits
Staying as long as ‘needed’
Weekly visits
Staying 1 to 2 hours
Irregular visits
Staying 30 minutes
Being phoned Occasional shopping
at any time
Be phoned but not Regular shopping
very early or late
Change library books Write letters
Take to hospital/doctor’s
appointments Take out for drive on own
Take to hairdresser
Take out to tea
Take to church
Include in family
outings
Do little jobs
around the house Collect pension
Other ………………………..
Other ……………………………..
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Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visiting
Space for your notes
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“Better together”
One of the many advantages of sharing in
Pastoral Visiting with others is that
between you, you are likely to have a range
of complementary strengths to balance your
weaknesses—and you will have different areas
you feel comfortable or uncomfortable working in.
What issues do the different situations raise for Pastoral Visitors?
What do they raise about how to choose who visits in what situation?
Jo: I have been diagnosed as having cancer of the liver. The doctor says that they are going to try
chemotherapy to reduce the tumour but s/he does not promise that this treatment will prolong my
life and s/he tells me there will be side-effects. I’m not sure whether to go through with the
treatment.
Mary: Since my third pregnancy my husband has been verbally critical and abusive as well as
pushing me around physically. I am afraid of him especially when he has been drinking which he’s
been doing a lot lately. I don’t know what to do and feel very vulnerable.
Pat: My spouse left me two months ago saying s/he didn’t love me any more and that s/he
needed some time to think things over. Even though s/he had seemed to be withdrawing a bit prior
to that, it came as quite a shock when s/he left and I have felt very lonely and depressed since then.
Chris: My oldest child has got involved with the wrong crowd at school and spends all her/his
free time hanging out in shopping centres. Though never studious s/he has lost all interest in school
and anything worthwhile. Recently I have noticed mood changes and I suspect s/he has been experi-
menting with drugs.
Billy: I have been in a nursing home for four months and I haven’t enjoyed a day since
I arrived. I resent the fact that my son and daughter feel I can’t manage on my own and have
decided this is the best place for me. I have no privacy and most of the residents are incapable of
carrying on a sensible conversation.
John: I have been in a wheelchair since I had a rugby accident when I was twenty. I can do
most things for myself but most people treat me as if I don’t have a brain, always talking about me
and asking others how I feel rather than talking to me directly. I want to be treated like a human
being.
Gwladys: My husband died two years ago – I miss him dreadfully, I keep wanting to tell him about
my day, and odd things that have happened. But I also miss having sex. Or any physical contact
with other people—I can go a whole week without being touched at all by anyone. I’m finding that
hard to cope with.
Other situations to discuss…
Consider the situations below:
In which of these situations would you feel comfortable undertaking Pastoral Visiting?
In which uncomfortable?
You will not be asked to give personal reasons—just to notice the differences between you. (Some
might be uncomfortably close to situations you have faced yourself. )
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Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visiting
Space for your notes
Don’t be afraid of prayer
A recent survey reports that “almost half
of adults pray and one in three believes
that God watches over them”
(See article below. Reported in
November 2007 Church Times.)
More often than not those you meet in
Christ’s name will welcome a suggestion
of prayer.
This can take many forms…
“Would you like me to pop your
name on the parish prayer list?”
“Would you like me to say a prayer
before I go?”
“Shall we say a little prayer
together about what you have
shared with me”?
“I’ll pray for you in the run up to
the interview. Let me know how
you get on…”
“Would you like me to pray for you
this week?”
“We have a special service of
prayer once a month. Would you
like to come with me?”
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Meeting together for mutual support and fresh wisdom
Divide into pairs, one as visitor/befriender and one as visited/befriended.
Each pair will have a different situation.
Visit/befriend for five minutes.
Then swap over and visit/befriend in a new situation.
After the “visit” you will get together and hold a “Team Support Meeting”
so you can talk about the issues you encountered—just as you will when
you form your team for real.
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Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visiting
Space for your notes
Examples of ways of
structuring team meetings
A routine team meeting:
1. Gather in a warm, friendly, welcoming
space.
2. Sharing led by Coordinator or designated
person.
Questions to evoke sharing:
What has been your experience of
ministry in the past month?
What questions do you have about your
ministry?
What are you learning?
What do you need to learn?
3. “Business” - new visits etc...
Break.
4. Input from the coordinator or someone
else on specific area previously
requested by the ministers.
5. Closing prayer led by group members
An ongoing training evening
1. Gathering
2. Introduction of speaker for evening
3. Input on specific topic by speaker
4. Break
5. Group process/interaction on topic
6. Group response reported to speaker
7. Speaker response and wrap up
8. Closing prayer
Topics for additional formation during
sessions might include ministry among the
bereaved, ministry among children, spirituality
of the minister, developing communication
skills, role playing (visits to the sick, for
example) and other concerns suggested by
group members.
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Meeting together regularly is an important discipline
Monthly (or, say, half-termly) team
meetings provide a forum for you to share
your experiences, process your feelings
(which is especially important for those who
visit terminally ill people) and continue to develop.
Sessions like these are good practice for all involved
in this type of ministry. They are an essential part in the ongoing
supervision of the ministry. Inability to participate regularly in
these sessions is a serious obstacle.
Once you have finished this course the aim is for Pastoral Visiting to get going quickly.
Discuss what is planned for your parish. There are examples of team meetings on the left.
How is it envisaged that you will meet? When? Where? What agenda? Who will convene meetings?
Annual reviews
Your course leaders will be happy to help you review how you are getting on as a team after six months and
then annually.
It is also good practice that each minister of care should be invited annually to evaluate his or her
experience and commitment to the ministry. Evaluation meetings between individual ministers and the
coordinator or parish priest will need to be scheduled. Participation in the regular team meetings is an
important factor to be considered in the evaluation. After reflection and evaluation, the minister may
then be invited to renew commitment for another year, or either side may choose to celebrate what has been
achieved and bring closure to this involvement.
Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visit-
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Space for your notes
Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visiting
Discerning the next steps… to discuss...
Meet your parish priest or Pastoral
Visiting Coordinator to discuss if you will
take this ministry further.
You might discuss:
Why are you interested in becoming a Pastoral
Visitor (minister of care)?
What you bring to this ministry...
Your hopes and expectations?
To what area of this ministry do you feel
called?
What is your availability for this ministry?
Before the interview concludes, you should
both be clear whether or not you have been
invited to exercise this ministry and whether or
not you have chosen to accept the invitation.
If you are going to Visit make sure you
understand the next steps and have meeting
dates, info etc.
If you are going to explore a different area of
ministry how will you do this? What support
will you need?
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Next steps...
For me: Use the grid below (that you worked on in
session 1) to think about how you have changed or grown during the course.
Prepare for the meeting by reflecting and praying. You might use a variation on the “Reflection at the
end of the day meditation” to help you do this.
For our parish
Use the guidance covered in this session to help you move from training to action.
Form a team and get started
Once your parish priest and/or coordinator know who will form the team, get an initial meeting fixed as
soon as possible and get going. Normally this should be within a month of the end of the course at the
very latest so that you don’t lose momentum. Then meet regularly—say each half term.
Report back to the PCC and keep them informed of progress. Ask for their prayers.
Register your team with the diocese. The advantage of this is that you will be sent details of training,
events and resources for Pastoral Visiting Teams. You will also be given a helpline number to access
further support and advice as and when you need it.
Go on learning and growing—as individuals and as a team. Plan HOW you will do this.
Set a date to review progress in six months. Your course facilitators will be happy to come back to
help you do this.
Pray for each other and those you visit.
The qualities of a caring person include the abilities:
To listen
To accept
To be available
To be patient
To keep confidences
To learn from one’s own
experience
To be sensitive to another’s pain
or loneliness
To be non-judgemental
To be able to offer suitable words
of hope and encouragement in the
midst of hurt and loss
…………………………….
Llandaff Diocese
Pastoral Visiting
* Give each characteristic a
weighting as follows:
1 = not important up to
6 = very important
* Then mark your own strengths
as you see them using a 1 to 6
scale again.
* Meet with your parish
priest or team coordinator to
reflect together on your
strengths and weaknesses,
aptitude and interest in taking
this ministry further.
Look back at the section entitled
“An invitation to ministry” on
page 19 of session 1 to guide
you through this stage of
discerning together the
ministry you might now go on to
exercise.
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Some basic good practice guidelines Draw your own guidelines as a team.
Personal safety Most visits are happy, comfortable occasions when
everyone feels safe and the visitor often feels as
ministered to as the person being offered care.
However, it is common sense to recognise that when
visiting someone in their home we are
vulnerable and need to bear some things in mind.
When visiting – know where your exits are and do a brief mental risk assessment wherever the visit
takes place.
Talk with other visitors about what helps them feel safe, particularly in the home of someone you don’t
know.
Let someone know where you are going and how long you expect to be and if possible tell that person
when you are back.
Sometimes you may be asked to visit someone who you are unsure of; ask another visitor to go with you
– either into the home or to wait outside in the car as back up.
Self-awareness
You need to be aware of how some pastoral situations may affect you and to leave space between the
tasks of the day. If you have suffered a bereavement you might be able to offer great help to a person in
similar circumstances but this might be very draining or upsetting for you. Your reactions may take you
by surprise so do not be afraid to ask for help or talk an issue over with your team coordinator/supervisor
or another person whom you trust and respect.
Know your limits
Avoid allowing people to become too dependent on you as a pastoral visitor – be clear what you are able
to offer and what the person might need to go elsewhere for.
Handling “rejection”
Recognise that people have a right to say ‘no‘ to your visit. Try not to feel rejected! Part of caring is
being respectful to the other person’s wishes and giving them space to deal with things in their own way.
There may be another occasion when a visit comes just at the right time.
Referral
If the person visited asks for further help, find out
what action they want you to take.
Do not promise anything you cannot fulfil.
Keep alert to when you need to refer. It is a good
idea for the church or circuit to compile a list of
useful contacts in the local area, giving a copy to
each pastoral visitor. A copy of this can be displayed
in each church and needs to be regularly updated.
See the next page.
Resources
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Useful Addresses and Telephone Numbers Build up your own directory of useful contacts.
When you register your team with the diocese you will receive
a copy of the diocesan “Help!” guide.
Action on Elder Abuse
Astral House, 1268 London Road London SW16 4ER
Tel: 020 8765 7000 Helpline 0808 808 8141
Email: [email protected]
Help The Aged/Action on Elder Abuse Web site: www.i.will.co.uk
Churches Child Protection Advisory Service (CCPAS)
P O Box 133, Swanley, Kent, BR8 7UQ
Tel: 0845 120 4550 Helpline: 0845 120 4551 Fax: 0845 120 4552
Web: http://www.ccpas.co.uk Email: [email protected]
Disability Discrimination Act Help Line
DDA Help, Freepost MIDO2164 Stratford upon Avon CV37 9BR
Tel: 0345 622 633
Web: http://www.disability.gov.uk
Public Concern at Work Suite 307, Baldwin Gardens, London, EC1N 7RJ.
Tel: 0207 404 6609 Email: [email protected]
Web: http://www.pcaw.co.uk
More contacts of your own:
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Safeguarding vulnerable adults
Adapted from material in “Encircled in Care” a new
handbook on pastoral care published by the
Methodist Church in autumn 2007.
What is “Safeguarding”?
“As Christians we are charged to love and care for each other.
This is particularly true where the most vulnerable members
of our community are concerned. Children and young people
have specific needs, which can be met by the Church if its
members respond to the call to be Christ’s people, living in
his way. Safeguarding is about preventing the abuse of
people of all ages and abilities and promoting their welfare.
The aim of a Safeguarding policy is to create Christian communities of love and care, where good
practice in this area becomes a way of life.
Vulnerable adults
There is growing concern in the UK about the abuse of adults who are vulnerable. In 2000 the
Government introduced legislation (the Care Standards Act) and a guidance paper called ‘No Secrets’.
The legislation is aimed at the statutory sector where it has become apparent that there have been abuses
of those who are vulnerable. The ‘No Secrets’ guidance contained in section 7 of the Department of
Health and Home Office guidance is the equivalent of the ‘Safe from Harm’ guidance with children and
young people. It is for everyone working with vulnerable adults. As with child abuse, the private family
home and the local community (including communities such as the church) are areas where abuses can
occur. Becoming more aware of these issues will enable abuses to be uncovered. It will also help those
who are being abused to be more willing to disclose abuse that they have suffered, and will enable them
to obtain help more quickly. We also need to be conscious that many people, who may be defined as
vulnerable or may become vulnerable, could be unable or unwilling to speak for themselves.
Who are vulnerable adults?
There are many definitions of ‘vulnerable adults’. There are definitions which local authorities work to
and there are definitions that church denominations are developing. Many recognise that adults may
become temporarily vulnerable and also that some whom others might regard as vulnerable may not like
to be classed as such. In 1997 the Lord Chancellor’s Dept. suggested that a ‘vulnerable adult’ is someone
‘who is or may be in need of community care services by reason of mental or other disability, age or
illness; and who is or may be unable to take care of him/herself against significant harm or
exploitation.’
The ecumenical ‘Churches’ Forum for Safeguarding’ has adopted the following definition of a vulnerable
person as being one who may be at risk and in need as a result of:
• Sensory impairment (see also list at the bottom of next page)
• A learning disability
• A physical illness
• A mental illness, chronic or otherwise, including dementia or addiction to alcohol or drugs.
• A reduction in physical, mental, or emotional capacity or, who has for any reason become unable to
protect him or herself from significant harm or exploitation.
The full statement from CFS is available on the Churches’ Agency for Safeguarding (CAS) website
under ‘Safeguarding Forum’: www.churchsafe.org.uk
The Baptist Union have developed ‘Safe to Belong’, an excellent resource offering
policy and good practice guidance helping churches review their work with vulnerable adults. Visit
www.baptist.org.uk for more details.
Visit the Methodist Church website www.methodist.org.uk for helpful information, policies and further
contacts. See also: www.methodistchildren.org.uk
Resources
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Safeguarding children and young people The Llandaff Child protection team work within the framework of
The Church in Wales policy on the protection of Children and
Young people to support and educate parishes in best practice in
Child Protection.
PCCs are responsible for ensuring that they have a current policy
and good practice in place in accordance with diocesan policy
and guidelines.
All members of Pastoral Visiting teams MUST be CRB checked BEFORE exercising a visiting ministry
on behalf of the church. Speak to your parish child protection coordinator. Forms are available from
Glenda Edwards at the Church in Wales offices on 02920 348 216.
Each member MUST be familiar with the guidance on the folded blue Llandaff Child Protection Card
and carry it with them when Pastoral Visiting.
Team coordinators must be familiar with the full Church in Wales code of good practice.
From the Diocesan Child Protection Card:
If a child discloses abuse:
Listen carefully and sympathetically
Make a written record
Reassure the child
Let the child know you need to tell someone
Do not make the child repeat the story
Do not promise confidentiality
Do not investigate or communicate with the person involved.
INFORM:
Your parish Child Protection Coordinator
(NAME…………………………………………………. Tel:……………………………...……)
or the Child Protection Officer for the event
The Diocesan Child Protection Officer
The police or social services
Safeguarding Officer: Monica Carroll - 07791 271945
More on vulnerable adults from CCPAS. A vulnerable adult may be a person who:
Visit: www.ccpas.co.uk
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A closing time of prayer and quiet
Pray for each other—for God to use your gifts in whatever way each one of you is led.
Give thanks for all that God has already done in and for you—and for all that is to come.
Father of all,
we give you thanks and praise,
that when we were still far off you met us in your Son and brought us home.
Dying and living he declared your love,
gave us grace, and opened the gate of glory.
May we who share Christ’s body live his risen life;
we who drink his cup bring life to others;
we whom the Spirit lights give light to the world.
Keep us firm in the hope you have set before us,
so we and all your children may be free,
and the whole earth live to praise your name;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen. Common Worship
Post Communion Prayer
Church of England
Bless us loving God
As you have blessed this time together
Bless us loving God
As you have blessed our conversations
Bless us loving God
As you have blessed our questioning
Bless us, Creating, Redeeming and Sustaining God.
Amen. Encircled in Care
Be creative about
your closing
worship.
What words, music,
symbols will you use
as you come to the
end of your initial
training together and
prepare to move on?
You might like to
sing
“Make me a channel
of your peace”
or some other
suitable hymn or
song.