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UNE MAISON PLACE DES FtTES A HOUSE IN THE PLACE DES FtTES

PBNDANTla guerre, Antoine Parrot avait deux amies.L'une habitait a Issy-Ies-Moiilineaux derriere le parc desExpositions. L'autre place des Fetes.I nvivaita I'hoteltan-dis qu'elles disposaient chacune d'un appartement. C'estpourquoi il sortait rarement avec elles et aimait mieux lesvoir a leur domicile. n comtnen~t en general par Suzanne,celled'Issy-Ies-Moulineaux.Elle occupait un sixiemeetage,clansun groupe d'immeubles municipaux. L'ascenseurnefonctionnait pas, en raison des economies de courant.z nfallait monter a pied. Comme Antoine Parrot n'avait pasI'habitude de prevenir de sesvisites, il trouvait souvent laporte dose. Suzanne, qui etait secretaire de direction clansune entreprise cQmmerciale,partait souvent le samedi et ledimanche chez sesparents, a la campagne, pres de Vierzon.Alors Antoine Parrot redescendait tranquillement les sixetages et, sansse presser,gagnait le metro qui allait mettretres longtemps, avec leschangements et la rarete des trains,pour le porter jusqu'a la place des Fetes.

n lui arrivait de trouver une seconde fois la porte dose,et il ne lui restait plus qu'a descendre trainer sur les boule-vards ou rentrer dans sa chambre, du cote des Gobelins.Mais le simple fait d'avoir vu la place des Feteset la maisonde Dejanire suffisaita le rendre content.

A l'un des anglesde la place, la maison de Dejanire etaitune ancienne petite ecole privee, une vieille demeure bassedu debut du XIXesiede. Elle avait appartenu aux grands-parents, puis aux parents de la jeune fille, des Grecs venusde Thrace, et qui avaient fonde un cours pour lesenfantsdeleurs compatriotes. ns etaient morts depuis longtemps etDejanire restait seuleavec sa sreur ainee, Antigone. Dans la

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DURINGthe war, Antoine Parrot had two girlfriends. Onelived in Issy-les-Moulineaux, behind the ExhibitionGround. The other in the Placedes Fetes.He lived in ahotel

room while they each had a flat, which was why he rarelytook them out, preferring to visit them at home. Generallyhe began with Suzanne, the Issy-les-Moulineauxone. Shelived on the sixth floor in a group of council flats.With theelectricity cuts, the lift was not working. You had to walkall the way up. SinceAntoine Parrot was not in the habit ofletting her know he wascoming beforehand, he often foundno one there. Suzanne, who was a private secretary in abusiness firm, often went off for the weekend to herparents in the country near Vierzon. Antoine Parrot wouldthen go quietly back down the six floorsand make his wayunhurriedly to the metro; as he had to change and trainswere infrequent, it took a long time to get him to the Placedes Fetes.

Sometimes he found no one there either and there was

nothing left for him to do but wander along down theboulevards or go back to his room, near Gobelins. Butthe very fact of seeing the Place des Fetes and Dejanire'shouse was enough to make him happy.

Dejanire's house stood at one corner of the square; anold, squat dwelling dating from the beginning of thenineteenth century, which had once been a small privateschool. It had belonged to the girl's grandparents; then toher parents, Greeks from Thrace; they had started classesfor the children of their fellow-countrymen. They had beendead for a long time and Dejanire was left there alone

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UNE MAISON PLACE DES FETES

maison trop grande, des pieces etaient encore occupees parles tables et les bancs d'ecoliers, l'estrade et le tableau noir.Sur les papiers peints delaves de vieilles photos de gensmaigres et graves regardaient dans le vide, a travers le verredes grands cadres. 11y avait meme le portrait d'un evequebarbu. Dejanire et Antigone etaient pauvres et vivaient onne sait comment en poursuivant leurs etudes. Antigoneavait vingt-six ans et terminait sa medecine, et Dejanire, adix-neuf ans, en etait a sa premiere annee de droit. AntoineParrot trouvait Antigone plusjolie, plus grande, plus mince.Dejanire avait les incisivesqui pointaient en avant, commedes dents de lapin. Mais c'etait elle qu'il avait connue lapremiere et Antigone le recevait toujours avec quelquedi!>tance,comme un ami de sa seeur. Elle avait une certaineseverite, du fait qu'elle etait l'ainee, et somme toute le chefde famille. Une humilite naturelle incitait d'ailleursAntoine, devant deux filles, a choisircellequ'iljugeait lamoins bellt:. Dejanire etait tres gaie et ne se prenait pas auserieux. Elle avait de gros seins, un derriere rebondi et elleriait tout le temps avec ses dents de lapin. Antoine avait latete de plus qu'elle.

A HOUSE IN THE PLACE DES FBTES

with her elder sister,Antigone. Now the house was too bigand there were rooms still filled with the school desks and

benches, the master's raised platform and the blackboard.On the faded wallpaper old photographs of lean, gravepeople stared into emptiness, through the glass of largeframes. There was even the portrait of a bearded bishop.Dejanire and Antigone were poor and managed somehowwhile going on with their studies. Antigone was twenty-six and in her final year of medicine, and, at nineteen,Dejanire was doing her first year of law. Antoine Parrotfound Antigone prettier, taller, slimmer. Dejanire's frontteeth stuck out like a rabbit's. But she was the one he had

known first and Antigone always received him a littledistantly, as her sister'sfriend. There was something severeabout her, owing to her being the elder, and after all headof the family. And then when it came to choosing betweentwo girls, a natural humility in Antoine inclined him to-wards the one he thought lessbeautiful. Dejanire was veryvivacious and didn't take herself seriously. She had bigbreasts, a well-rounded bottom, and she laughed all thetime with her buck teeth. Antoine was a head taller thanher.

Antoine Parrot sometimes made the journey all the wayto Issy-Ies-Moulineaux and the Place des Fetes knowingthat his friends probably wouldn't be in. Once there andfinding them out, he wasn't really cross with himsel£What matters in life is going through the motions of doingsomething, even if you don't do it properly.

One evening Antoine had eaten with Suzanne becauseshe had brought back some food from a weekend at herparents, and he stayed on after the curfew. In relationsbetween men and women, there is always a code, beyondwords, a series of tacit conventions, which is both moreprecise and more meaningful than language, because

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11arrivait meme a Antoine Parrot de se rendre jusqu'aIssy-Ies-Moulineauxet place des Fetes en sachant qu'il netrouverait probablement pas ses amies. Une fois devant laporte close, il ne s'en voulait pas trap. Dans la vie, il estimportant de sembler faire quelque chose, a defaut de lefaire pour de ban.

Un soirOUAntoine avait dine chez Suzanne,parce qu'dleavait rapporte des provisions d'un week-end chez sesparents, il laissa passer l'heure du couvre-feu. Dans lesrelations entre homme et femme, il y a toujours un code,en dehors des paroles, une serie de conventions tacites,encore plus preciseset chargeesde significationsque le lan-

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UNE MAISON PLACE DES FftTES

gage, car on parle souvent pour ne rien dire, tandis que cecode veut toujours dire quelque chose.Dans le code de cetteepoque, qu'une fiIle ne vous renvoie pas avant l'heure ducouvre-feu signifiait que vous finiriez la nuit dans son lit.Assure du denouement, Antoine n'attaqua pas tout desuite. Suzanneetait assisedans un fauteuilde cuir et M

regardait par en dessous, tandis qu'il discourait sur lapoesie de la Resistance,Eluard et Aragon. Vers une heuredu matin, il se pencha par-dessus le bras du fauteuil et luidonna un baiser.

<<]eme demandais si tu allais oser, lui dit-eIle. Pendanttoute la soiree, je me suis amusee en essayantde deviner aqueIle heure tu te deciderais.1)

Le premier pas fait, il se montra plus entreprenant et fitcomme s'il faIlaitpersuader Suzanne de l'accepter dans sonlit. Elleeut I'air detrouver cette idee tout a fait inattendue et

peu a son goOt.Enfin elle lui preta un pyjama a fleursdanslequel il eut du mal a entrer, mais qu'il pensait ne pasgarder 10I!gt~ps. EIle alia en mettre un eIle-meme. Unefois dans le lit, dans le noir, il constata qu'eIle avait lespiedsglaces et il offrit de les rechauffer. EIle les appliqua sansscrupules sur les sienset le froid lui monta jusqu' au creur,au point d'effacerun instant son ardeur. Maison s'habitue atout et il recommen~ a l'embrasser et a la caresser. ndeboutonna la veste de son pyjama et joua longtemps avecses seins. Mais quand il glissa la main plus bas, elle gardales jambes fermees et aucune supplication, aucun baiser,aucune caressene purent la decider ales ouvrir.

A HOUSE IN THE PLACE DES FETES

people often saythings that mean nothing whereas the codealwaysmeans something. In the code of that time, if a girldidn't turn you out before curfew, it meant that you wouldend the night in her bed. Knowing what the outcomewould be, Antoine didn't strike at once. Suzanne wassitting in a leather armchair and looking at him from underher eyes, while he held forth on Aragon, Eluard and thepoetry of the Resistance. At about one o'clock, he leantover the arm of the chair and gave her a kiss.

'I was wondering if you'd dare,' she said to him. 'I'vespent the whole evening trying to guesswhen you'd makeup your mind.'

Having taken the first step, he showed more enterpriseand behaved asifhe had to coax Suzanneto allow him intoher bed. Shepretended to find the idea totally unexpected,and little to her taste. In the end she lent him a pair offlowered pyjamas which he had trouble getting into butwhich he thought he wouldn't be keeping on for long. Shewent and put some on, too. Once in bed, in the dark, hediscovered that her feet were like ice and offered to warmthem. She unhesitatingly placed them against his and thecold struck right though him, momentarily taking all desireaway. But one gets accustomed to anything and he startedto kiss and fondle her again. He unbuttoned her pyjamajacket and spent some time playing with her breasts. Butwhen he slidhishand further down, shekept her legsclosedand no entreaty, no kiss, no caress could make her openthem.

Plusieurs fois ensuite il passa la nuit avec Suzanne. Elledormait dans ses bras, lui offrait d'abord ses pieds glaces,lui accordait sa bouche et sesseins,ne s'effarouchait pas desentir contre sa cuisse ou son ventre ce membre qui re-clamait son dO,mais eIlecontinuait a serrer lesjambes. Une

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Later on several occasions he spent the night withSuzanne. She slept in his arms, offering him first her icycold feet, conceding him her mouth and her breasts, un-alarmed to feel against her thighs or belly the memberthat claimed its due; keeping her legs tight nevertheless. At

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nuit enfin elle lui accorda ce qu'il souhaitait, mais demauvaisegrace et en faisantpresque semblant de croire que. ". .,nen n etalt arrive.

Elle continuait a partir frequemment pour Vierzon.Quand elle n'etait pas la, Antoine prenait le chemin de laplace des Fetes. Dans la vieille maison Oil tout etait fane,sauf Dejanire, il etait accueillipar les rires, le bavardage etlesgrands yeux noirs de lajeune Grecqueaux dentsde lapin.Parfois Antigone apparaissait,un peu froide, maisc'etait unplaisir de la contempler. Quand elle s'en allait, Antoinedemandait a Dejanire: «Votre sceurn'a pas de petit ami?»Dejanire repondait par un geste vague.

A HOUSB IN THB PLACB DBS dTBS

last one night she granted him what he wanted, but in agrudging way, making it seem almost as if nothing hadoccurred.

She went on going to Vierzon at uequent intervals.When she was away, Antoine used to make for the Placedes Fetes. In the old house where everything was fadedexcept for Dejanire, he was greeted by the laughter, thechatter and the huge black eyes of the young Greek girlwith her buck teeth. SometimesAntigone made an appear-ance, and,..in spite of her slight coldness,she was a pleasureto look at. When she went away, Antoine asked Dejanire:'Hasn't your sister got a boy£riend?' Dejanire replied witha non-committal gesture.

The house smeltdamp as old country housesdo when theshutters have been closedfor too long. In spite of her goodhumour, Dejanire often spoke about her poverty. She hadan old leather handbag which had lost its colour and wascoming apart in severalplaces. When it comes to poverty,women can cover up, dresswith nothing. But the handbaggives them away. Dejanire thought Antoine wealthy: hehadjust takenws law degree and was articled to a solicitor,though it was very badly paid.

After the allied landings i~ Normandy, the firm thatemployed Suzanne closed down and, being without asourceof income, the girl decided to go to her parents untilthe Liberation. She asked Antoine if he could go with herto Vierzon to help her with her luggage. He took a day off.She had all kinds of suitcasesand bags and they had a jobdragging them through the crowded metro, then into theno lesscrowded train at the Gare d'Austerlitz.

Antoine didn't staymore than a few hours in the Sologne.He didn't know what Suzannehad told her parents, but hefelt he was being welcomed more as a fiance than as a£riend. He ate a large meal such as he had not eaten for

10']

La maison sentait le moisi, comme les vieilles maisons

de campagne aux volets trop longtemps clos. Malgresa gaiete, Dejanire parlait souvent de sa pauvrete. Elle avaitun vieux sacea main en cuir, tout decolore, decousu enplusieurs endroits. En -ce qui concerne la pauvrete, lesfemmes peuvent faire illusion, s'habiller avec rien. Mais

le sac a main ne trompe pas. Dejanire considerait presquecomme un riche Antoine qui venait de finir une licenceendroit et faisait un stage- fort mal paye - chez un avoue.3

Apres le debarquement allie en Normandie, la maisonqui employait Suzanne ferma et la jeune fille, sans res-sources, decida. d'aller attendre la liberation chez ses

parents. Elle demanda a Antoine s'il pouvait l'accompagnerjusqu'a Vierzon, pour l'aider a porter sesbagages.n prit unjour de conge. Elle avait toutes sortesde valiseset de sacset

ils eurent du mal a les trainer dans les metros bondes, puisdans le train non moins bonde, a la gare d'Austerlitz.

Antoine ne resta que quelques heures en Sologne. n nesavaitpas ce que Suzanneavait raconte a sesparents, mais ilavait l'impression d'etre re~ plus comme un fiance quecomme un camarade. n fit un copieux repas,comme il n'en

106


avait pas mange depuis des mois. 11alIa se promener dansles bois avec Suzanne et ils firent un peu l'amour, deboutcontre un arbre. Quand il fut l'heure de partir, elle se mit apleurer. Antoine lui dit que la guerre allait bientot fmir.

A Paris, la vie etait entrecoupee par les alertes, et alorsle metro s'arretait. Mais Antoine montait souvent place desFetes. S'il trouvait quelque chose a manger, ill'apportaitaux deux jeunes Grecques et restait diner avec elles. Unjour que Dejanire etait seule et epluchait des legumes dansla cuisine, vetue d'un tablier bleu trop grand pour elle,attache par un cordon dans le dos, Antoine, qui se sentaitd'humeur stupide, defit deux ou trois fois lenreud. Dejanirele traitait d'idiot et renouait le cordon. Quand il recom-men~a, elle se retourna et engagea la lutte contre lui. Uninstant plus tard, elle etait par terre, sur le vieux carrelagerouge, terrasseepar Antoine. 11n'y avait aucune animositedans leur lutte. C'etait unjeu. Au bout d'un court moment,.Antoine ne put s'empecher de poser ses mains sur les seinsbien ronds de Dejanire. Comme elle se laissait faire, ilcommen~a a I'embrasser. Les levres s'arrondirent, se gon-flerent tendrement, s'ouvrirent, cachant les dents de lapin,et il rencontra aussitotune langue agile.

«Qui t'a appris a embrasser comme cela? demanda-t-il.- Je ne suis pas comp)(:tement arrieree», repondit Deja-

nire.

11continuait sa rapide conquete. 11avait imagine trouversous la main une petite toison frisee, rebelle comme latignasse cl'un enfant batailleur. Mais non, il recontraitdes herbes sous-marines, un sexe liquide, pret pour l'amour.

«Tu dois etre vraiment trop mal, sur le carrelage», ditAntoine.

11aida Dejanire a se relever. D' elle-meme elle se dirigeavers la chambre voisine. Les volets etaient restes fermes.

Elle se deshabilla clans la penombre, en riant de confusion.108


lIlonths. He went for a walk in the woods with Suzanneand they made love a bit, standing up against a tree. Whenit was time to go, she started to cry. Antoine told her thatthe war would soon be over.

In Paris, life was constantly interrupted by air-raidwarnings and whenever that happened the metro stopped.But Antoine often went up to the Place des Fetes. If hefound something to eat, he took it for the two Greek girls,and stayed on for an evening meal with them. One dayDejanire was on her own, peeling vegetablesin the kitchen,wearing a blue apron which was too large for her tied atthe back with a string. Antoine, who was in a silly mood,undid the knot two or three times. Dejanire said he wassilly and did it up again. When he undid it again, sheturned round and started fighting with him. Next momentshe was down, on the old red-tiled floor, overpowered byAntoine. There was no animosity in their struggle. It was agame. A few secondslater, Antoine couldn't resistputtinghis hands on Dejanire's plump round breasts. As she didn'tseem to object, he began kissing her. Her lips rounded,gently swelled, parted, covering her buck teeth, andimmediately lie encountered an agile tongue.

'Who taught you to kiss like that?' he asked.'I'm not a complete beginner,' replied Dejanire.

He pursued his rapid conquest. He had imagined hishand touching a curly little fleeceas unruly as the mop ofhair on a pugnaciouslittle boy. Instead,he found seafronds,and she was moist and open, ready for love.

'It must be very uncomfortable for you on the stonefloor,' said Antoine.

He helped Dejanire up. She led the way into the nextroom. The shutters hadn't been opened. She undressed inthe half-dark, laughing to cover her confusion.

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UNEMAISON PLACE DES FETES

«C'est la premiere fois que je me mets nue devant ungars;on. <;afait un drole d'effeu

Elle dansait d'un pied sur 1'autre, les seins bruns et quisemblaient pres d'edater, fremissant a peine. Son petitcorps potele, a la taille cambree, etait charmant, un peuanachronique. Le lit etait un vrai vieux lit, tres haut. Deja-nire l'escaladaet s'etendit de tout son long. Antoine essayade lui faire l'amour avec beaucoup de douceur. Pourtantelle eut un peu mal et encore plus peur.

«Pourquoi m'as-tu choisi moi, pour la premiere fois? luidemanda Antoine.

- Parce que. . . C'est mon affaire.

- eela m'ennuie un peu, parce que ce n'est pas toi quej' aime.le crois que j' aime Suzanne.l)

Dejanire s'arracha a ses bras, sauta du lit et remit sesvetements. Antoine voulut s'expliquer:

«Tais-toil),lui dit-elle.

n seIevaa sontour et tourna un moment dansla maison,suivant d'une piece a 1'autre Dejanire. Mais la tristesseet

1'hostilitede lajeune fille, contre lesquellesit ne savait quefaire, 1'obligerenta s'en aller. Quarid illui dit au revoir, ellene lui rendit pas son baiser.

Le lendemain it envoya un pneumatique4a Dejanire, luidemandant de lui telephoner. ElleI'appela en fm dejourneea 1'etudede I'avoue. n lui demanda comment elle allait.

«Bien.le vais bien.- On peut se'voir?

- le veux bien, mais pas chez moi.

- Alors on pourrait boire un verre ensemble,au quartierLatin ou ailleuru

ns prirent rendez-vous pour lejour suivant, et se retrou-verent au Maheu. n faisait chaud. Dejanire avait mis unejupe plissee bleu marine, un chemisier un peu fane et elleportait son vieux sac decousu en bandouliere. Elle semblait

no


'It's the fust time I've taken my clothes off in front of aboy. It feels funny.'

She hopP'oed about on one foot then on the other, herdark breasts, which looked as if they'd burst, barelyquivered. Heer chunky, well-shapedlittle body was charm-ing and ratb.er old-fashioned. The bed was a real old bed,a very high ~ne. Dejanire climbed onto it and lay stretchedout. Antoin~ tried to be as gentle as he could with her. Butshe felt som~ pain and still more fear.

'Why dicl you choose me, for the first time?' Antoineasked her.

'Because _ . . Well, that's my business.''It bother~ me a bit because it's not really you I love. I

think I'm in love with Suzanne.'

Dejanire t:-oreherself from his arms, jumped out of bedand put on ber clothes. Antoine tried to explain:

'Don't say anything,' shesaidto him.He in turn. got up and hung round the house for a while,

trailing Dejanire from room to room. But the girl's sadnessand hostility, which he could do nothing about, forcedhim to go a'\Vay.When he said goodbye to her, she didn'treturn his kiss.

The next day he sent Dejanire an expressletter, askingherto telephone him. Shecalledhim late in the afternoon at thesolicitor's office. He asked her how she was.

'Fine. I'm fine.''Can we Seeeach other?'

'Okay. but not at my house.''In that Case let's have a drink together in the Latin

Quarter or somewhere.'

They fixed a time on the following day and met at theMaheu. It was hot. Dejanire had put on a navy blue pleatedskirt, a rather faded blouse and she was carrying her oldsplit shoulderbag. She seemed sulky. By way of making

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UNE MAISON PLACE DES F~TES

bouder. Pour meubler la conversation, Antoine Parrot luiparla de ses lectures recentes. n avait decouvert dans unerevue un extraordinaire recit, «L'illustreThomas Wilson».Dejanire lui demanda de lui preter des livres.

«11n'y a qu'a faire un saut chez moi, aux Gobelins), ditAntoine.

ns y allerent a pied, par la rue Gay-Lussac et la rueClaude-Bemard. n faisaitbon se promener.

Dans la chambre d'hotel, Antoine choisit quelqueslivres,puis il voulut embrasser Dejanire. Elle refusa ses levres etse debattit dans sesbras. n plongea la main dans son decol-lete pour lui prendre les seins,mais elle se rejeta en arrieresiviolemment que le corsageau tissu un peu mm se dechiraaI' epaule.

«Voila ce qui arrive avec toil>,dit la jeune fille.Elle se mit a f accabler de reproches blessants. Elle lui dit

notamment qu'il voulait- devenir avocat, mais qu'il man-quait de la psychologie la plus eIementaire.


conversation Antoine Parrot told her what he had been

reading recently. He had come across a truly amazingstory - 'The Famous Thomas Wilson' - in a magazine.Dejanire askedhim to lend her some books.

'It's no distance to come round to my place atGobelins,' said Antoine.

They went round there on foot, via the Rue Gay-Lussacand the Rue Claude-Bemard. It was good to be walking.

In the hotel room, Antoine chose a few books, then hetried to kissDejanire.Sheturned her lips away and struggledin his arms. He plunged his hand down the open neck ofher blouse to seize her breasts, but she jerked back soviolently that the rather old fabric of the blouse tore at theshoulder.

'That's what happens with you,' the girl said.She began to heap reproaches on him, that were in-

tended to hurt. One thing she said was that he wanted tobe a barrister but that he lacked even the most rudimentaryidea of psychology.

Antoine gave Dejanire a needle and thread. She took offher blouse, sat down on the bed and began sewing it upwith careful little stitches. Antoine watched her in silence:

in her slip,her shouldersmarked where the strapshad been,her dark, fme-textured skin, with the cleft of her breasts,she formed the subject for a picture which pleased himgreatly. At the same time seeing her bowed as she was bythe sewing, her sadness, the humiliation of Dejanire,undressed not for love but to repair a disaster, made himfeel as guilty as if he'd been the son of a banker who hadtried to rape a working girl.

Her mending done, Dejanire got up and put her blouseback on. When she buttoned it, Antoine felt with distressthat the two breasts which he had just seen disappear werelost to him for ever.

Antoine donna du fil et une aiguillea Dejanire.Elleretira son corsage, s'assitsur le lit, et commen~ a le coudrea petits points minutieux. Antoine la regardait en silence:la jeune fille en combinaison, les epaules coupees par lesbretelles, la peau mate au grain tres fin, le sillon des seinsformaient le sujetd'un tableauqui lui plaisaitfort. En memetemps le dos voute par le travail de couture, l'air de tristesse,et l'humiliation de Dejanire deshabilleenon pour l'amour,maispour reparer un desastre,lui donnaient une conscienceaussicoupable que s'il etait un filsde banquier ayant vouluvioler une ouvriere.

La reprise terminee, Dejanire se leva, et remit son cor-sage. Quand elle le boutonna, Antoine eut l'impressionbouleversante de perdre ajamais lesdeux seinsqui venaientde disparaitre.

112 113

UNE MAISON PLACE DES PftTES

Apres cette de~treuse soiree,Antoine retouma place desFetes,maismoins souvent. Dejanire et lui etaient redevenusde simples camarades. De temps en temps, une petitephrase blessantemontrait que lajeune fille n'avait pas touta fait abandonne sa rancune et sa mefiance.ElIelui deman-dait aussi, avec toujours un peu d'ironie blessee,des nou-velles de Suzanne.

Paris fut libere. Antoine Parrot changea de situation etdevint I'assistant d'un grand avocat.Sn eut beaucoup detravail et alIa encore moins souvent place des Fetes. Deja-nire lui disait qu'iI etait en train de devenir important etqu'iI avait un nouvel air trop satisfait qu'iI ferait bien desurveiller. Elle lui annon~ un jour qu'elIe avait pris unamant, un etudiant tourmente et idealiste.

A HOUSE IN THE PLACE DES FftTES

After this disastrous evening, Antoine's visits to theplace des Fetes were less frequent. Dejanire and he hadreverted to being merely friends. From time to time, somehurtful remark showed that the girl had not altogether gotover her resentment and her mistrust. She asked him for

news of Suzanne, always in a rather ironical, injured way.

Paris was liberated. Antoine Parrot changed his job andbecame an assistantto a well-known barrister. He had a lotof work and went even less often to the Place des Fetes.

Dejanire told him that he was changing and becoming self-important and that there was a new air of smugness abouthim that he'd be well advised to watch. One day sheannounced to him that she had got a lover, a tortured,idealisticstudent.

'I'm not really in love with him. But I think r m verysensual.I can't do without it.'

Suzanne came back to Paris. Antoine went to meet her

at the station. In love with her as he was, he was disap-pointed when he saw her appear on the platform. He hadthought of her too much and he barely recognized her.She felt this, her smile as she greeted him froze and shesaid:

'If you don't like me any more you can clear off.'He protested. Somehow he felt as guilty as on the day

when he had torn Dejanire's blouse. He took. Suzanne'scases. He had no taste for introspection, otherwise hemight have discovered deep inside him that the bondwhich held him to Suzannewas not love but fear.

(1e ne suis pas amoureuse de lui. Mais je crois que jesuis tres sensuelle.Je ne peux pas me passerde faire ~.»

Suzanner~t a Paris.AntoinealIaI'attendrea la gare.CommeiI I'aimait,iI fut de~ en la voyantapparattresurle quai. n avait trop pensea eIleet c'est tout juste s'il lareconnaissait.ElIe le sentit, son sourire d'arrivee se figea etdIe lui dit:

«(Si je ne te plais plus, tu peux foutre le camp.»n protesta. n se sentaitaussicoupable,d'une certaine

fa~on, que le jour 011iI avait dechire le chemisier de Deja-nire. n prit les valisesde Suzanne. n n'avait pas de goCltpour I'introspection, sinon iI aurait peut-etre decouvert, aufond de lui, que le lien qui le retenait a Suzannen'etait pasI'amour, mais la peur.

C'etait toujours un lien, et on pouvait s'y tromper. Lesoir, iI resta coucher chez elle. n se rehabitua a Suzanne

mais, malgre I'amour sincere qu'iI croyait lui porter, iI neparvint jamais tout a fait a oublier la deception qu'iI avait

II4

Nevertheless, it was a bond, and there was the possi-bility of being wrong. That night he stayed at her house.He accustomed himself to Suzanne again, but howeversincerely he thought he loved her, he never succeeded.in

lIS


eprouvee a la seconde on elle etait descenduedu train.


Quelques semaines plus tard, alors qu'il sortait ducabinet de son patron, Antoine Parrot eut la surprisede voirSuzanne qui l'attendait sur le trottoir, devant la porte.C' etait la premiere fois qu'elle venait le chercher apres letravaiL n eut a peine le temps de I'embrasserqu'elle lui dit:

«Si on se mariait?»

Pour lespreparatifs du mariage, Suzannese mit a retour-ner souvent a Vierzon. Elle ramenait des meubles, de lavaisselle.Sa mere lui preparait un trousseau.Plein d'ardeurpour son nouveau metier, Antoine avait souvent trop detravail pour l'accompagner, et il restait seul a Paris.

quite forgetting the disappointment he had felt the momentshe got off the train.

A few weeks later as he left his employer's chambersAntoine Parrot was surprised to see Suzanne waiting forhim on the pavement outside. It was the first time that shehad come to meet him from work. He'd hardly had timeto kiss her when she said to him:

'Why don't we get married?'In order to prepare for the wedding, Suzanne began

making frequent visits to Vierzon. She brought backarticles of furniture and crockery. Her mother prepared atrousseaufor her. Antoine, who waswrapped up in hisnewjob, often had too much work to accompany her, and hestayed behind in Paris.

One Sunday, having fmished looking over a case, hewent up to the Place des Fetes. The house still worked itsmagic on him and he loved the absurd wave of emotionthat came over him the moment that he rang withoutknowing whether the door would be opened or whetherDejanire would have gone out. On this occasion,the Greekgirl was there with her sister, the ravishing Antigone.Antigone had now succeeded in becoming an intern andat the end of the afternoon sheleft for the hospital.Antoinesaid that he was going to marry Suzanne. Dejanire said:

Un dimanche, apres en avoir fini avec un dossier, ilmonta jusqu'a la place des Fetes. La maison etait toujoursaussi cha1'IJJ.aJite,et il aimait cette petite emotion bete quilui faisait battre le ca:ur quant il sonnait sanssavoir si onlui ouvrirait ou si Dejanire serait sortie. Cette fois, la jeuneGrecque etait la, avec sa sceur,la sijolie Antigone. Mainte-nant Antigone avait reussi l'internat,6 et dIe partit en find'apres-midi pour l'hopital. Antoine raconta qu'il allaitepouser'Suzanne. Dejanire dit:

<1'en etais sfire depuis le debut.»Au moment on il partait, il avait presque la main sur la

poignee de la porte, Dejanire le regarda avec l' air de semoquer de lui et declara:

«Ce que j' avais envie de t' embrasser aujourd'hui!- Cela n' a rien de tres difficile.»

n prit son visagedansles mainset commens:aa l'em-brasser longuement. Sansrien dechirer cette fois, il debou-tonna son corsage et sortit les seins du soutien-gorge.

II6

'I knew it from the beginning.'He wasjust about to go and all but had his hand on the

door handle when Dejanire looked at him as if she weremaking fun of him and declared:

'I wanted so much to kiss you today!''That's not difficult.'He took her face in his hands and began to kissher for a

long time. Without tearing anything this time, he un-buttoned her blouse and took her breasts out from her bra.

II7

UNE MAISON PLACE DES dTES

«Oui, embrasse-moi encore les seins», dit Dejanire.Mais c'est tout ce qu'il fit, ce jour-la, dans l'entree de

la vieille maison, car elle lui dit qu'elle etait desolee, quet, . . .c etalt un maUVaISJOur.

Antoine et Suzanne se manerent. Antoine quitta sachambre d'hotel et vint s'installerdansI'appartement d'Issy-les-Moulineaux. Apres son mariage, il retourna une fois

voir Dejanire. Elle lui sembla de nouveau fermee, un peumeprisante. Elle lui raconta que l'etudiant qui avait ete sonamant venaitde se tuer d'une balledansle ccatr. n etaittrop miserable et souffi-aitd'etre rejete par la societe. Elledisaitcelade telle fa~onqu'Antoine sesentaithonteux d'etre

bien installedansla vie, avec une femme legitime, un appar-tement-et une situation pleine d'avenir. L'etudiant avaitlegue a Dejanire sonjournal intime.

<<lete le preterais bien, dit-elle a Antoine, mais je n'aipas confiance en toi. Tu connais toutes sortes de journa-listes. Tu seraiscapable de le leur donner.»

Dejanire etait injuste, amere, mais elle ne semblait pasdesespereepar la mort de son amant, et c'etait le principal.

Une autre fois, Antoine la rencontra sur le boulevarddevant le Palais de Justice. n lui fit un bout de conduitejusqu'a la place Saint-Michel. Elle lui demanda:

«Comment va Suzanne? Elle te fait toujours desmiseres?»

On avait-elle ete prendre cela?

Quelques mois plus tard, alors que Suzanneetait partie aVierzon pour plusieurs jours, Antoine eut envie d'allerplacedesFetes.Au terme du long voyage, il y avait toujoursl'escalier roulant7du metro et soudain on se trouvait a l'airlibre, arrive dans un autre monde, semblait-il. Dejanireetait absente et il laissa un "mot dans la bolte aux lettres,pour demander a la jeune fille de lui telephoner.

118

A HOUSE IN THE PLACE DES F~TES

'Yes, kiss my breasts again,' said Dejanire.But that was all he did, that day, in the entrance-hall of

the old house: she told him she was sorry that day was nogood.

Antoine and Suzanne got married. Antoine left his hotelroom and went to live in the flat at Issy-Ies-Moulineaux.After his marriage he went back once to see Dejanire.She again seemedto him withdrawn and slightly scornful.She told him that the student who had been her lover had

just shot himself in the heart. He was too wretched andfelt he had been rejected by society. She said it in such away that Antoine felt ashamed to be comfortably estab-lished in life with a lawfully wedded wife, a flat and ajobwith good prospects. The student had bequeathed Dejanirehis private diary.

'I'd lend it to you,' she said to Antoine, 'but I don'ttrust you. You know all sorts of journalists. You're quitecapable of letting them have it.'

Dejanire was unjust and bitter but she didn't seem to bein despair about her lover's death and that was the mainthing.

On another occasion,Antoine met her on the boulevardin front of the Law Courts. He walked a short way withher to the Place Saint-Michel. She askedhim:

'How's Suzanne? Still getting at you?'Where on earth had she got that idea from?Some months later when Suzanne had gone off to Vier-

zon for a few days, Antoine had an urge to go to the Placedes Fetes. At the end of the long journey, there was thefamiliar escalator leading out of the metro and all at onceyou were in the open air, in another world it seemed.Dejanire wasn't there and he left a note in the letter-boxasking her to phone him.

119


Quand il redescendit dans le metro, les visagesde tousles voyageurs lui parurent marques par le betise ou lamechancete. Aucun ne semblait douter de son importance,ou du droit d'occuper un certain volume et de respirer I'airdu voisin. Aucun ne songeaita avoir un regard d'amitie oude compassion pour les autres. Chacun etait enferme.danssa rumination ou sa durete hostile. Antoine eut envie de

pleurer comme un veau.Dejanire l'appela le lendemain.«Jevais toujours chez toi, lui dit-il. Pour une fois, viens

chez moi. Je t'invite a dejeuneuQuand illui ouvrit la porte, il vit qu' elle avait mis un cha-

peau, parfaitement laid et ridicule. Elle souriait de toutesses dents de lapin. Pauvre Dejanire! S'endimancher ne luiconvenait pas.

11lui fit oter son chapeau et son manteau et lui servitun verre. Puis: tandis qu' elle faisait le tour de la piece,examinant chaque meuble, chaque objet, il passa dans lacuisine pour preparer le dejeuner, c' est-a-dire du beefsteaket des spaghetti. A la fin du dejeuner, ilIa laissa de nou-veau pour aIler faire du cafe. EIle aIluma une cigarette.

L' eau bouillait quand elle entra dans la cuisine.«<;a marche?» dit-eIle.Antoine versa l' eau bouiIlante dans la cafetiere et reposa

la casserole sur le fourneau. Dejanire sauta dans ses bras.Ce fut un veritable saut, tout au moins Antoine eut I'im-

pression qu'eIle avait bondi et qu'ill'avait attrapee au vol,en l'air. Entre deux baisers elle lui dit:

(1e ne sais pas ce que c'est, mais decidement il y a quelquechose entre nous, quelque chose . . .

- C'est vrai», acquiesffa Antoine.lIs gagnerent le studio et Dejanire alIa s'etendre sur le

lit conjugal.Pendant une longue periode, ensuite, Antoine n' eut pas

120


When he went back down the metro the facesof all the

passengersseemed either stupid or malevolent. None ofthem appeared to be in any doubt about their importanceor their right to occupy a certain volume of space andbreathe their neighbour's air. None of them thought ofshowing any friendliness or concern for the others. Eachon~ was wrapped up in his own thoughts or sat stony-faced and hostile. Antoine wanted to cry like a baby.

Dejanire called him the next day.'I'm always coming to you,' he told her. 'Why not

come to me for once. I'll give you lunch.'When he opened the door, he noticed that she had put

on a hat, a perfectly ugly, ridiculous one. She was smilingwith all her buck teeth. Poor Dejanire! Being dressed updidn't suit her.

He made her take off her hat and coat and gave her adrink. Then while shewas going round the room, having agood look at every object and every article of furniture,he went into the kitchen to cook lunch, steakand spaghetti.When the meal was over, he left her again to go and makecoffee.She lit a cigarette.

The water was boiling when she came into the kitchen.'How's it going?' she said.Antoine poured the boiling water into the coffee-potand

put the saucepan back on the stove. Dejanire sprang intohis arms. It was a rea] spring, at least Antoine had the im-pressionthat she had leapt and that he'd caught her in midair as she was flying. Between two kisses,she said to him:

'What is it about us?I don't know what it is, but there's

definitely something.'' I ' ' A. dt s true, ntome agree .

They came into the living-room and Dejanire went andlay down on the conjugal bed.

For a long time after that Antoine had no opportunityI21


I'occasion de retrouver Dejanire. Certains jours, iI avait

tres envie de la voir, mais justement il n'avait pas le temps,ou bien ia porte de la place des Fetes etait close. La vie lesseparait, comme on dit. Dejanire finit ses etudes et Antoineapprit qu'elle s'etait mariee et etait panie en province, dansla Sarthe ou la Mayenne.


of going to see Dejanire. Some days he wanted very muchto see her but then it turned out he hadn't the time or elsethere was no one in at the Place des Fetes when he called.

They went their separate ways, as the saying goes. Dejanirefmished her studies and Antoine heard that she had gotmarried and gone to live in the country somewhere inthe Sarthe or Mayenne.

We all have our pilgrimages and our shrines. Once everyfive years perhaps, Antoine fmds himself near the Place des

Fetes. Whole districts around there have been pulled down.Yet the old schbol which was Dejanire's house is stillstanding. Antoine would rather it were demolished withthe rest. But there it is, looking a bit shrunken now, onthe corner of the street. You'd think you'd only have toring at the door. And indeed he has to stop himself fromgoing and ringing. Everything is so much the same.Behind the window on the right, and its drawn curtains,is the room where he unfastened Dejanire's blouse whenshe was nineteen, and stroked her breasts. When he goesaway, it takes him at least the whole journey across Paristo forget the injustice time has done him, far greater thanthose against which he pleads in court, utterly irreparable.But then Paris is vast and, until the next time, he doesn't

often think of the house. Is it still up there? Haven't theyfinally knocked it down? And he's not sure whether he

ought to want to see it again or be afraid to, the day hereturns to the Place des Fetes.

Chacun de nous a ses petits8peIerinages,sestombeaux.Une fois tous les cinq ans, peut-etre, iI arrive a Antoine depasser du cote de la place des Fetes. On a rase par la desquartiers entiers. Pourtant la vieiIle ecole qui servait demaison a Dejanire existe toujours. Antoine aimerait mieuxqu'elle eut ete demolie avec le reste. Mais elle est la, unpeu tasseesur elle-meme, a l'angle de la rue, iI semble qu'iln'ya qu'a sonner a la porte. Et vraiment il doit se retenirpour ne pas aller sonner. Tout est tellement pareil. Der-riere la fenetre de droite, et ses rideaux, iI y a la piece onil degrafaif le corsage de Dejanire et caressaitses seins dedix-neuf ans. Quand il s'en va, iI faut qu'il traverse au

moins tout Paris pour oublier cette injustice que le tempslui fait, bien plus grande que toutes cellescontre lesquellesiI plaide au Palais, tout a fait irreparable. Ensuite, Parisest vaste et, jusqu'a la prochaine fois, il ne pense que rare-ment a la maison. Est-elle toujours la-haut? N'a-t-on pasfini par l'abattre? n ne sait s'iI doit souhaiter ou craindre dela revoir, lejour on il retournera place des Fetes.

4 une maison place des fetes a house in the place des fetes

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