your money story · 2017. 9. 29. · when suggesting money story, make sure the client feels it’s...

Money StoryCurriculum

Copyright©2017 YeldarbAll Rights Reserved

The Money Story was originally written for the NFL as part of a psychology

of money project done in 2009. The objective is to allow the NFL player and

their advisors to get an understanding of the beliefs that influence their

behaviors. Our childhood experience, our family narratives, and the

observations we make about our peers (as well as the stories we know about

them) all inform our behavior, whether we are aware of that or not.

In the life of an NFL player as well as the lives of the many people facing

major shifts and changes, there are decisions and commitments that have

short- and long-term impact. Money Story is an exercise with practical

application to show the client the potential consequences of their thoughts

and behaviors. This tool gives you an understanding of the mindset that

underlies your client’s decisions and commitments so that you can help alert

them to potential obstacles and make the most skillful decisions.

~Susan Bradley

Money Story

History


Money Story can be used:

When the client’s behaviors appears to be compromising their

desired outcomes and purpose.

When the expectations of others – family, partners, and possibly

non-profits, are challenging.

When expectations are confusing, and possibly conflicting with

the best interest of the client.

Money Story is a useful tool to sort and prioritize goals as new

responsibilities are being considered.

It can be used in any stage of transition, but is most frequently

utilized during Passage.

If time allows, Money Story should be introduced during the

preparation time of Anticipation.

This tool is also helpful for someone who is exploring reinvention

and discovering how they got where they are today.

Money Story can be used in conjunction with Purpose Method Outcome,

Managing Expectations and Decision Free Zone.

Money Story is growth mindset in action!

Money Story

Usage


The sustainable way to change consequences is to change your mindset.

Money Story

Protocol


1) Review the definition of Money Story below (it is also on the 4th page of the

worksheets).

Your Money Story is the narrative that is the source of your behavior around money.

That narrative—that story—grows out of your beliefs, your mindset about money.

And whether you consciously think about your mindset or not, it informs your behavior/actions.

Actions have consequences, as you know. If you don’t like what has generally

happened as a result of your actions, something has to change. Deep, sustainable change

comes from changing your mindset, but not everyone is ready or willing to do that

immediately. But do you know what most people will do? Agree to change some of their

actions or even agree to craft a new Money Story. And this kind of outside-in strategy

works remarkably well.

Mindset

Story

Behaviors/Actions

Consequences

Money Story

Protocol


2) Show the interplay of story and mindset with their family’s story (Part One in the worksheets).

a. Have them tell the story.

What did you repeatedly hear about money when you

were growing up?

What did you see? How was money earned, spent and

saved? What did you family do with money?

How did your friends get and spend money?

What expectations did you have about money for

yourself for your future?

What expectations did others have of you and money?

b. Identify the beliefs—the mindset.

Money is a vehicle in the service of mindset. What

mindset do the memories above reveal? What is the

subtext? (e.g., money is good or bad, wealthy people are

dishonest or powerful or good)

What was the function of money? Identify the why

behind its use.

c. Evaluate the outcomes. What where the consequences/outcomes

and do you think that they “worked for” your family? Why?/Why

not? Discuss.

3) Explore the present (Part Two in the worksheets).

What is your Money Story now?

What mindset does it represent?

How much is it informed by your family’s story?

Do you think it is working for you or not?

Why?/Why not?

4) Action Steps (Part Three in the worksheets)

a. If no change appears to be needed, record the positive

Money Story as a reference point for future decisions.

b. When things aren’t working, mindset needs to change.

Sometimes just hearing it out loud and finding it strange or

unappealing is enough. But other times mindset needs to be

changed from the outside in, by first changing the behavior

as if the underlying mindset had changed.

If change is desirable, a plan and a system need to be created.

New habits need to be formed to replace the ones that had

undesirable outcomes. This is how you change from the outside

in.

Money Story

Protocol, continued


When suggesting Money Story, make sure the client feels it’s relevant.

Some people have already done this kind of work, which you will

discover as soon as you begin talking about it (#1 of the protocol).

This is a good example of giving the work back to the client. Start by

setting context and establishing readiness. Give them Part One to take

home. Set up a follow-up appointment within a reasonable time for the

discussion. Some clients are better with a short turnaround and others

need more time. Determine the best follow-up approach for your client

based on their needs. Allow a generous amount of time for discussion.

Be sure to tell them that this is a growth mindset experience and in

order to accurately identify where you need to go, you need to articulate

where you are coming from (hence, Part One).

If you are working with partners/spouses, consider doing the entire

exercise with both of them. Encourage them to fill it out alone alone and

then merge their stories.

Money Story is highly personal, and the insights and conclusions might

be surprising to you, the client, or both. Ask plenty of questions,

particularly when there are surprises. Normalize what they are feeling.

After the discussion of the past, give them Part Two. Again, allow a

generous amount of time for the debrief discussion.

Part Three can be done together. Some people have an epiphany

during Part Two and realize their mindset was problematic and are

skillful at changing it. And of course, their behavior follows. But some

people need that outside-in approach consisting of a set of steps to take

that will help them see different consequences. For them, changes in

mindset occur when they see the evidence they want to see

(consequences of behaviors).

Money Story

Coaching Tips


Your Money Story:A Growth Mindset Experience


A powerful boat leaves a powerful wake.

The captain of a powerful boat looks

forward—not behind—yet at the same time

understands where they came from and the wake

they will leave behind.

With these worksheets, you can take a look at where you came from and where

you are going, and then assume your position as captain, purposefully

steering your powerful boat.


Your Money Story began before you were in

kindergarten, and probably influences your

money behaviors, expectations, and decisions

to this day.

It was formed by direct and indirect messages

you received from your family, friends,

relatives, and community. These messages

helped formulate how your family talked about

money, how they got it, and how they spent it.

Your neighborhood, church, peers and the

media also had messages for you about money,

whether or not you were aware of it.

All of those messages created your mindset

about money when you were a child. And that

informed your Money Story, which is literally

the narrative you tell about the place of money

in your life when you were growing up.

You may or may not still have the same

mindset; that’s what this experience is about.

We are going to examine your past and present

mindsets and whether or not they are

positively influencing your behavior.

If your relationship with money could use

some improvement, this growth mindset

experience will demonstrate that there are

actions you can take starting right now, to

better that relationship.

What’s Your Money Story?


The Creation of Your Money Story

Your Money Story is the narrative that is the source of your behavior around

money. That narrative—that story—grows out of your beliefs. And whether you

consciously think about your beliefs or not, they inform your behavior/actions.

Actions have consequences, as you know. If you don’t like what has generally

happened as a result of your actions, something has to change. Deep, sustainable

change comes from changing beliefs, but not everyone is ready or willing to do that

immediately. But do you know what most people will do? Agree to change some

of their actions or even agree to craft a new Money Story. And this kind of

outside-in strategy works remarkably well.

The Power of Choice

You can’t control consequences, but you can control your behavior, your

story, and your beliefs. You have The Power of Choice.


Your Money Story: Part One, the Past

What did you repeatedly hear about money when you were growing up?

What did you see? How was money earned, spent and saved? What did you

family do with money?


What expectations did you have about money for yourself for your future?

What expectations did others have of you and money?

Money is a vehicle in the service of beliefs—of mindset. What beliefs do

your recollections reveal? What is the subtext? (e.g., money is good or bad,

wealthy people are dishonest or powerful or good)

What was the function of money? Identify the why behind its use.

Evaluate the outcomes. What where the consequences/outcomes and do you

think that they “worked for” your family? Why?/Why not?

Your Money Story: Part Two, the Present

What is your money story now?

What beliefs does it represent?

How much is it informed by your family’s story?

Do you think it is working for you or not? Why?/Why not?

Do you think that you have a healthy relationship with money now?

Name some of your actual behaviors regarding money?

What kinds of outcomes an consequences do you see as a result of your

behaviors?

Would you like to see different outcomes/consequences?


Your Money Story: Part Three, Take Action

The good news is that if you don’t like the outcomes you are getting, there

are several ways of reliably changing the outcomes.


Mindset

Story

Behaviors/Actions

Consequences

1. The way to create deep and sustained change is

to change your mindset. Many people find that

kind of inside-out change to be difficult.

2. Carefully crafting a new story that reflects your

desired mindset is a more palatable way to go

about producing change for some people.

3. Others find it easy to develop new habits to

replace the old ones (that produced consequences

that they don’t want).

Mindset

State the mindset that isn’t working for you: I used to believe that

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Craft your new mindset:

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Story

Craft your new Money Story:

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Behaviors/Actions

Name three behaviors that weren’t getting you the outcomes you desire:

1. ____________________________________

2. ____________________________________

3. ____________________________________

What three behaviors are you going to cultivate to replace the above ones?

1. ____________________________________

2. ____________________________________

3. ____________________________________

Name three small things you can you do each day in the service of creating your

new habits?

1. ____________________________________

2. ____________________________________

3. ____________________________________

Finally, is there anyone or anything in your life that is at odds with the behavior

you are trying to cultivate? Do you need to see less of someone or have a

conversation about what you are trying to do? Do you need to change the

location of something or some activity?

For example, let’s say you have a spending problem and you have a standing

lunch date with a friend and the venue is the mall and you shop after lunch. You

could change the location of lunch or you could have a conversation with your

friend about taking a walk instead of going shopping. And if the person in

question doesn’t support swapping out shopping for walking, you should think

about what that means and you should notice what that feels like and learn

from it.

You have a lot of control over what happens

in your life around money. You can choose your behaviors,

your story, and even your mindset.


your money story · 2017. 9. 29. · when suggesting money story, make sure the client feels it’s...

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