You Only Get One Chance

Your Ultimate Guide to Craft aPowerful First Impression and beTruly Unforgettable to Everyone

You Meet

Alex and Katey Bailin

©2016 Alexander and Katey Bailin

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in a retrieval system, in any form or by anymeans, including electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise – without prior written permission.

The authors make NO GUARANTEES of specific results from reading this book. Although the authors have made every effort to publish the most accurate and up-to-date information in this book, we do not assume and hereby disclaim any liabilityto any party for any loss, damage or disruption due to errors or omissions, whether by accident, negligence or any other reason.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: How We Form First Impressions

Chapter 2: Your Digital Footprint

Chapter 3: Clothing: If It Don’t Fit, It Ain’t It

Chapter 4: Sing the Body (Language) Electric

Chapter 5: Damage Control

Conclusion

Additional Resources

Introduction

Did you know we use the same part of the brain that determines how things should be priced when we meet people? It’s been said we form first impressions within a fraction of a second after meeting someone.

We’ve all heard that saying, “You never get a second chance to make a good first impression”. As with most cliches, the reason this saying won’t go away is because ofits inherent truth.

The purpose of this book is to make the most of the factors people use to judge others, so you can make a standout first impression wherever you go.

Why are First Impressions Important?

This may seem obvious, but we judge people within seconds of meeting them. The first thing we look at is whether or not the person is a friend or foe. This is leftover from our caveman days.

Since we decide the person’s value when we meet them, it makes sense that we factor in how significant this person is to our personal goals and motivations when we form first impressions.

What you’re going to learn in this book is how to make astandout first impression to whomever you meet, whetherit’s a date, job interview, or networking event.

Here’s a story of a not-so-great first impression I made. In high school, I got a job interview at the retirement home I volunteered at. I loved volunteering there. We would play trivia, and I looked forward to the stories the residents would share about their lives.

However, when I got an interview to actually get a job there, my 17-year-old self was naive enough to think I didn’t need to prepare. So I showed up without having really even looked at the job description, just with the (incorrect) thought that they’d hire me because of my volunteer experience.

Not only that, but I forgot to turn off my cell phone, so it rang in the middle of the interview. Needless to say, I didn’t exactly knock ‘em dead. Nor did I get the job.

You may be thinking, “Duh. I know to research the job and turn my phone off. Why do I need to read this book?”. There’s a lot more to the science of first impressions than meets the eye. While each situation is different, so I can’t make a blood oath with the promise

of success, we can go over all the less-than-obvious aspects, and how to use them to tilt the odds in your favor.

Like anything else in life, you’ll notice the more you use these tips, the more confidence you’ll project into the world. Please let me know what tips and tricks helped you the most, and feel free to share any that you may have picked up along the way. This is a lifelong process, and we can all learn from one another.

Are First Impressions Even Accurate?

This is a pretty common question, and it’s understandable why you’d be curious about it. Here’s thething: whatever you feel on the inside is what you project into the outside world. So as far as the “accuracy” of the first impressions you give people...they are accurate in terms of what you felt in that moment.

As such, I can’t stress enough how important it is to prepare for that interview, date, or meeting. Knowledge ispower. You’ll never regret the extra time you took to make yourself look your best or learn about the person you’ll meet with. It’s one of the best investments you can possibly make in yourself and your reputation.

The first part of the book will discuss how we form impressions and what factors go into “sizing up” others.

Second, we’ll cover your online footprint. This will help you clean up any less-than-favorable Google search results and beef up your LinkedIn profile.

The third part will talk about dressing for the part, whatever that part may be. We’ll talk about color psychology and what the best colors are to wear for job interviews, dates, etc.

Fourth, we’ll go over nonverbal cues and how to read and use body language. You’ll be able to decipher how a person reacts to you in real time by being able to “read” them. This tool will be incredibly useful, especially if you’re looking for tells as to whether or not you got the job, or that guy or girl wants to Netflix and chill with you again.

Last, we’ll talk about damage control. Yes, you only get one chance to make a first impression, but if you messed up, don’t worry. It’s possible to recover from a less-than-amazing first meeting.

Let’s get started.

Chapter 1: How We Form First Impressions

People start to judge you from the moment they meet you. What do they look at to evaluate you?

There’s a psychological theory called “thin slicing”. This refers to how we unconsciously form snap judgments thatmay otherwise take years to complete with the analytical side of our mind. We do this any time we meet people or have to make a decision.

Anyone you meet will “read” you in two parts:

1. Unconsciously: based on your appearance, body language and their frame of reference.

2. Consciously: if you make it to their conscious perception by interacting with them on a regular basis, they will make it a point to observe your behavior. They will piece together the information they learn about you to arrive to a conclusion.

3 Things People Look For When They “Size You Up”

Trustworthiness: how much warmth and competenceyou display.

Balance of Power: are you equals? Do you rank lower or higher than them?

Value: if there’s a power disparity, they will be wondering how you are valuable to them.

What Happens During a Conversation?

The people involved coordinate to take turns speaking and listening.

They decide what language to use and what to call objects/concepts referred to during the conversation.

They adopt similarities in speech patterns and accents as the conversation progresses.

In person, their body language will begin to coordinate. They will adopt similar stances or hand gestures.

3 Types of Learners

The 3 biggest ways we absorb information are through visuals, audio or kinesthetically. Which type are you? Read on to find out.

Visual

About 75% of the population are visual learners. You canusually tell if a person is visual because they will make a ton of eye contact during a conversation.

Here are phrases you’ll hear visual learners say (and things you can say to make them more comfortable talking with you:

“I see where you’re coming from.” “Show me what you mean.” “What’s your view on this situation?”

Auditory

About 20% of people are auditory learners. You’ll notice audio learners move their lips, as if they’re talking to themselves (because they are), when they’re processing a thought.

Some things you’ll hear audio learners say, or you can say to them to build rapport, are:

“I hear you.” “Sounds awesome.” “Tell me about it.”

Kinesthetic

Kinesthetic learners are only about 5% of people. You can tell a kinesthetic person because they’ll lean in toward you as you speak.

You’ll hear a kinesthetic learner say things like the phrases mentioned below. You can tell them these phrases to establish comfort:

“How does that make you feel?” “Keep in touch.”

How Do You Prefer To Get Your Learn On?

Not sure if you’re Visual, Auditory or Kinesthetic? Try this:

1. Relax and close your eyes.2. Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth.3. Recall an earlier memory. How does it appear to you? Do you see the image in your mind? Do you hear it or think about words that remind you of it? Or do you remember how things felt to the touch?

You may have a mixture of 2 learning styles, or even a combo of all 3. However, there’s almost always a

dominant way a person absorbs information. You’ll be able to tell your preferred learning style by the first way you process the memory from the exercise.

What is Charisma?

Charisma means “gift of grace” in Greek. It is personal magnetism that can seem almost divine.

Is it something you’re “just born with”? Contrary to popular belief, charisma is a trait that you can acquire and cultivate over time.

A 2011 University of Lausanne study proves this point. They found anyone can learn how to influence others by studying what’s known as “Charismatic Leadership Tactics” (CLTs).

What Makes a Person Charismatic?

The study observed a total of 12 core CLTs. 9 are verbal,and 3 are nonverbal. Below are the main traits of charisma, or CLTs:

Verbal:

1. Story

Abraham Lincoln said, “In order to win a man to your cause, you must first reach his heart.”. That’s the power of story. Stories allow our minds to escape to another place. This allows us to escape the ho-hum of everyday life and get swept up in suspense.

2. AnecdoteAn anecdote is a brief retelling of an incident that relates to the topic. Anecdotes are a great way to give context while creating an emotional connection with your listener.

For example, when I was in high school, I was in debate. Being able to see all sides of an argument brought me an incredible amount of insight. It also strengthened my creative thinking abilities.

All that would have been great except for the whole “having to speak in front of a crowd” thing. I was the whole nine yards of nervousness before our meets: sweaty palms, fidgeting, just wishing it was over. The only thing on my mind was, “How am I going to be able to debate an entire argument, when I can barely string a coherent sentence together?”. Behold the power of anecdotes.

Anecdotes helped me remember statistical data, because I could organize it into a sequence in my head. Instead oftrying to think of it like, “80% of people are unhappy with (insert issue here”), I would tell myself something like, “We’re going to start with the story of how this became such a huge concern. Talk about this family’s hardship and how it inspired people to form a group to protest against the situation.”

Anecdotes, like stories, can be sourced from anywhere. Think about your own personal experiences, or ones you’ve read or heard from people around you.

3. MetaphorMetaphors are used to explain complicated subjects and bring images to the forefront of the person’s mind. They bypass the critical factor and activate the listener’s right brain.

4. Sentiments of the GroupYou know the saying, “strength in numbers”. The desire to belong is an inherent human need. So when someone gathers a group of like-minded people together and their words reflect the beliefs of the group, it can pump a feeling of adrenaline and euphoria into the room. MartinLuther King’s famous “I Have a Dream Speech” comes to mind.

5. Set Higher Goals for Yourself and 6. Have Confidence You Can Achieve Your GoalsThese two traits are grouped together for a reason. Don’tbe afraid to expect more from yourself. Never waver in trusting that you can accomplish these goals.

In 1917, when he was eight years old, Glenn Cunningham’s legs were severely burned from an explosion. Doctors said there was no way he would be able to walk again. He lost all 5 toes on his left foot. Not only that, but he lost all the skin from his legs, which left them covered in scar tissue.

After the accident, if he wasn’t asleep in bed, Glenn was wheelchair-bound. One day, when his mother wheeled him outside to enjoy the sun, he forcefully threw himself out of the wheelchair. With his legs dragging behind him,Glenn crawled around the yard.

He reached the picket fence, where he managed to hoist himself up. As he gripped the fence to keep balance, Glenn moved along the length of it. His motivation was so strong that he did this every day, until the ground around the fence was completely worn down.

Through his sheer determination to walk again, combined with the ability to grit his teeth through whatever he had to endure to make it happen, Glenn notonly walked again – but ran. He ran everywhere he could. His delight was infectious, and would bring a smileto peoples’ faces as they saw him jetting by.

Glenn competed in the 1932 Olympics. He competed again in 1936, and won the silver medal for the 1500 meter race. This man, known as the “Kansas Ironman”, who was sure to never walk again, much less run, broke the world record for the fastest indoor mile.

Glenn’s story illustrates how strong the human mind is, even when all odds are seemingly stacked against you. When you get discouraged, remember, like Glenn, you just have to put one foot in front of the other. Before youknow it, you’ll be walking. With enough dedication to walking every day, soon you’ll be able to run. When you start feeling down, remember the sense of freedom that’s waiting for you on the other end and keep at it.

7. ContrastsNeed a powerful way to remove people’s objections about the point you wish to convey? Use contrasts.

We judge pretty much everything by comparison. This is known as the Contrast Principle. You apply it when you think about any possible concerns the person may have, then contrast them with your point.

8. ListsThree part lists make your point or argument feel “complete”. As we talk about in the Speaking Without Freaking book, the rule of 3 is popular for comedy writing. Three is the perfect number for a list, because it’sthe lowest number needed to start a pattern.

Next time you watch your favorite comedian do stand-up,notice if they use the rule of three. Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair is also a fan of three part lists.

9. Rhetorical QuestionsThese are statements disguised as questions. They are powerful because they convince the listener that they came up with the idea themselves.

You may wonder, “How can I know whether I’m asking a rhetorical question?”. Most of us ask rhetorical questions every day, whether we’re aware of it or not.

Here are a few common examples of rhetorical questions:

“Is the pope Catholic?” “Why me?” “Is rain wet?” “Do pigs fly?”

I could give you more examples, but there’s no point in that, is there? Especially if you had to comb through pages of these. But who’s counting? After the first page or so, you’d probably think, “Is this some sort of joke?”.

Now, do you want to go on to the next part of the book? I don’t know, can fish swim?

Wait, What About the Nonverbal Cues?

We’ll discuss the Nonverbal Cues (Facial Expressions, Gestures and Lively Tone of Voice) later in the book, in Chapter 4.

Now let’s talk about how your online reputation precedesyou, for better or worse. Focusing, of course, on the former.

Chapter 2: Your Digital Footprint

Growing up, my dad always told me to “never put it in writing”. Of course, being a stubborn teenage girl, I’d ignore this valuable advice time and time again. Whethergetting caught passing notes to my friends (in which I called our teacher a less than favorable name) or complaining about my job on my Xanga (this was the early days of blogging, circa 2003), I’m sure he got frustrated having to do so much damage control.

I finally got my act together and listened to his wisdom. Itwas bad enough back in the days of Internet infancy, but now, practically everything you do online can be tracked in some way. I know this is not new or novel information,but we don’t think about this influx of data and how it could make our reputation precede us, for better or worse.

Nowadays, it’s common for employers to Google prospective job candidates before considering them for a position. Potential roommates or romantic partners may also try to find out about you before meeting you.

Whether or not you’ve done this before, Google yourself. Just type in “First Name Last Name”. See what comes up. Does someone with a similar name come up

in the Google search for your name? Try Googling your name with your city and state or country and see what comes up in the local results.

If you see something that’s less than ideal, see if you can find the contact details for that site. Try contacting the site owner to see if you can get it taken down. If not, don’t worry, there are other avenues we can take to try to get it removed, which we’ll be discussing in a moment. Then look through Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Pinterest, etc. search by your name.

Here are some tips for managing your digital footprint:

Make your social media accounts private! Manage your settings so only your friends can view your updates or photos.

Consistently use the same name across all your socialmedia sites.

Be sure to include your location, or where you want to move to, in your online profiles. This will help your name come up in the search results for the area.

Think twice before you accept a friend request from your boss or a client.

Don’t make status updates complaining about a bad day at work, a stupid client or how ridiculous your boss is.

Sign up for Google alerts for your name. This will tell you if your name was mentioned in a blog or article.

Maybe you remember a few years ago when two Domino’s employees were fired for a gross video they posted on YouTube. While I’m sure you know better than to smear snot on food (or document it), even a seemingly innocuous gripe about work could come back to bite you.

Instead, vent about it to a friend or a family member (notin writing, of course). Watch a movie or hits some balls at the batting cage to blow off steam.

Yes, it can seem like a huge invasion of privacy. I’ve evenheard of potential employers adding friends of the job candidate so they can peek at the candidate’s social media. But it’s better to stop dwelling over it and just accept it and learn to use it to our advantage.

How to Maximize Your LinkedIn Profile for Success

Why is LinkedIn important? A study done by the University of Massachusetts at Darmouth found that 81%of Fortune 500 companies use LinkedIn as part of the recruiting process.

When someone searches by the People Search option on LinkedIn, they’ll see your:

Name Profile Picture Headline

Worth a Thousand Words

People who view your LinkedIn profile are going to see your picture first. A 2015 study done by the Online Journal of Communication and Media Technologies shows that profiles with a picture are viewed as more competent and credible than those without a photo.

Make sure your profile picture is only of you, and you’re dressed professionally in it. It’s human nature to want to make eye contact with others, so skip any pictures of you wearing sunglasses.

Title

If you’re searching for a job, check job sites like Indeed.com. Check out the specific title of the position you want. Then add that title to your LinkedIn profile.

For example, if your LinkedIn job title is currently set to “Receptionist”, but the company you want to work for calls it “Administrative Assistant”, change your job title to“Administrative Assistant”.

Review the description for the job you want. See if there are any specifications that match your experience. If so, add those skills to your LinkedIn profile.

If the company says they want a candidate with Pivot table experience in Excel (assuming you have Pivot table experience), say, “Pivot table experience in Excel” in your profile instead of just “Experience in Excel”.

Headline

Your headline is your chance to grab their attention. As acopywriter, I can’t emphasize the importance of a remarkable headline enough. When writing your headline, switch your focus from “I” to “You”. What can you do for them?

The headline is going to be what influences whether or not the person clicks on your page. Here are some examples of awesome LinkedIn headlines:

Copywriter who knows how to craft compelling content your readers will love.

The Digital Consultant you’ve been looking for.

Marketing Maven with a knack for turning words into revenue.

See how they answered the question of what they could do for you?

Additional Tips

Here are some more helpful hints so you can craft an impressive LinkedIn profile:

Make sure you’ve got your most up-to-date contact information listed.

Join 2-3 groups in your desired field. This will put you in touch with people in your industry. Contribute meaningful content to the groups. Keep marketing and sales pitches to a minimum.

Hopefully these tips can give you a head start on establishing an unforgettable online presence. Of course, this is just the tip of the iceberg, as the entirety of this subject is beyond the scope of this book. In closing, a good rule to have in mind, before posting something, is asking yourself whether you’d want a prospective employer to see it.