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CONTENTSCH APTER PAGI

XIX. RELATION S BETWEEN MEN AND WOMENOF CULTURE

The D ifference that Time has Made «a m

The Progress of WomenThe Question of ChaperonageLove a nd Fr iendshipNo Necess ity f or InsolenceThe New Concept ion of LoveThe Gospe l of Modern LoveT he D awn of LoveLikeness a nd D i fference of LoversInfluence of a Woman

’

s Friendsh ipWoma n

’s Intu it ion in Love

The Va rying Qua l it ies of WomanOn the Subj ect of Fla tteryLove 13 Increa sed When Reciprocated .

Woma n’s Cha rm Counts More th an Beauty

Love Appea rs to Condone Fau ltsThe Danger of B a shfu lnessLove i s Not a Matter of WordsMa rriage is the Goa l f or Which Women Str iveThe Woman of Cu lture 18 Carefu l Not to CommitIndi scret ions

A Man Shou ld Not Compromise a Woman

Jea lousyWise Women do notmake Men Jea lousThe Proposa l of MarriageH ow the Proposa l Shou l d b e trea ted by a WomanThe Modern G irl Ma rries the Man of H er ChoiceWhen a Woman Rejects a Man

When a Man is Rejected

Examplifica tion:Tests to b e App l ied to a Man

Tests to b e App l ied to a WomanConversa t ion between LoversLove Let tersLovers’ Qua rrel sWhen a Young La dy Asks a Man to D ine at H er HomeThe Bachelor G irl’s Enterta inments m a

,

T.

vi CONTENTSCH APTER

B a chelor Enterta inmentsPresents Exchanged between Men and Women

XX . ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGSThe Mea n ing of an EngagementAfter an EngagementThe Announcement of an EngagementThe Engagement R ingThe Length of a n EngagementThe Period of Mu tu a l Adjustment sConduct during the Engagement PeriodLoya l ty is Essent ia lThe Break ing of an EngagementP lans f or the Wedd ingWhere the Wedding is Hel dThe Church Wedd ingThe Home WeddingThe HoneymoonAvo i d Unbounded FamiliarityLove MarriagesThe Ou tcome of a MarriageA Hindu Legend of MarriageMarri age is the B est S ta teQ u arrel s betw een Man and W if eRu les f or Conduct in Married LifeThe Parents of the Married Coup leThe Woma n Shou l d Have Charge of the HouseholdPract i’ca l A ctivitv f or the M arried Woman

Compan ionship in Marriage

Exemplz'

ficatiomCostume of Bride and Ma id s, and of Groom, Best Man

and UshersThe B est Man

Wedd ing PresentsAnnouncing the MarriageMa rr iage Laws

Ages at Which Marriage 13 Va lIdMarried Woman

’s Property

XXI . CONDUCT OF PEOPL E OF CULTURE IN

BUSINESSCul ture is a Business AssetProfi t by the Experiences of O thersWomen in the Bus iness Worl d .

Business Women Shou ld Not Imitate MenEngaging Manners Mean Success

CONTENTSCH APTER

Do Not Boast of Your Cu l tureAmbition and WorkAbi l ity is Always Recogni z edYour Work Shou ld b e Congen ia lAcqu isi tion of New H abits a nd Effi ciency of

.

Emp loyeesPersona l ity in Bus inessD ress and Conduct 1n BusinessThe Importance of the Power of Decis ionMake Sens it iveness a n AssetDo Not Become Careless or I l l TemperedLive Up to Offi ce Ru lesSome Ru les f or Bu s iness SuccessThe Qua l i ties of a Good Emp loyeeImporta nce of Tact in Bus inessThe App l ica tion of EfficiencyAna lyse Your Persona l EfficiencyD on

’

t b e a Troub le Maker or Time Wa sterCu l tivate D ignity and ReserveBe Sel f Confident a nd Stra ightforwardDo not Make Excuses or ArgueBus iness Demand s CourtesyAu thority Need Not b e Pa radedConduct Toward the Oppos ite Sex in BusinessThe Manner of a Woman's Conduct

Exemp lz'

fica tion:Tests of Your Persona l ityTests o f Persona l EfficiencyTest Your Bus inessH ow to P l an Your Work E

u

fficwntlyThink Beyond Your Job .

H ow to Increa se Your Execut ive Ab i l ity .

H ow to Handle Ca l lersTests of Abi l ity f or Sa l espeop leOflice Ru l es You Shou l d Make f or Your Gu idanceThe Cu ltured Woman and her Emp loyer

XXII . T H E HOME L IFE OF PEOPLE OF CULTUREOR CULTURE A s EXPRESSED IN TH E HOME

Cu lture Must b e Practised When AloneOne’

s Home is the Test o f Cu ltureThe Importance of Environment

Correct H abits Shou l d b e Acqu ired Early in L ifeMarri age Necess ita tes Adjustments

T he Mother’s Influence i s Most ImportantThe Fa ther’

s In fluence

Chi l dren Shou l d Not Lea rn too Rap idlyChildren Shou l d Learn to Express Cu ltureThe Child’s A ssociateS o o o o o I. A l l l

VI I

viii CONTENTSCH APTER

A Chi ld’s MannersThe Feed ing of a Chi ldH ow to Cure B ad Hab itsT he Awkward Age

The Hand l ing Of ServantsThe Home

The Princip l e of HarmonyThe D raw ing Room a nd the

The D in ing RoomThe Wa l l D ecorat ionThe B edroomThe Boudo ir

Exemp lz’

fica tiomCure of B ad H ab its in Chi ldrenFunera l sBuy ing Furn iture a t Second Hand ShopsTests of RugsCare of RugsLighting H ints

XXIII . SOME G ENERAL KNOWL EDGE E SSENTIALPEOPLE OF CULTURE

The Necessary Fundamenta lsThe Sprea d of Know l edgeTh e Science of Cu lture G ives FundamentalsT he Orig in of ScienceThe Early Ca uses of WonderT he B e l ief in God sOrigin of Greek a nd Roman GodsThe Teuton ic GodsThe Origin of ArchitectureThe S tudy of A rt

B e Your Own Crit icT he Nine Grea t Pa intersH ard Work Necessa ry to Become GreatScu lptureM iche l angelo a nd Rod inB envenuto Cel l in iModern Scu lptorsA rt Must Interpret the InVISIb ieD i fferent Interpreta t ions of ArtistsD i ff erent Ages of A rt

The Four Groups of Pa intingThe More Thorough Study of A rt

Brahmin Phi losophyB uddhismConfucian ism m I. )

CONTENTSH APTEB

Mohammedani smPh ilosophyReason a nd ConceptionThe B acon ian Method

Exemplifica tiomArtists and Their Work .

Exp lanat ion of Archi tectura l , So

tylesD ict ionary of Architectura l Terms

SXXIV. TH E PERSONALITY OF TH E MAN AND

WOMAN OF CULTUREA Grea t Factor in SuccessHonesty and IndustryPersona l Appearance a nd Hea l th .

B e Honest w ith YourselfKnow Thyse lf 1

The A rt of Living .

Have a PurposeTake Stock of Your ProgressCompet it ion Makes SuccessOpportun ity Comes Qu ietlyMake Intel l igence Your B aS1s f or Industry .

Systemat ise Your TimeSelf-D iscip l ineThe Fil ing of Deta i lsDo Not Fi l l Your M ind withUseless Informa tionImagina tionThe Evi ls of D ay DreamingInductive Rea son ingConstruct ive ThinkingG ive Time to T houghtPert a in ing to IdeasMake Note of Your IdeasPra ctice Makes PerfectNothing is Impossib le

Exemp lifica tiom

Know Thysel fThe Power of Associa tion inImproving the MemoryH ow to Keep FitSuggest ion s a s to TactFor Those Who Bel ieve in Luck .

When You a re D iscouragedMaking the Most of Opportun ities

1X

TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE

CHAPTER XIX

RELATIONS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE

The D ifference tha t Time has Made

lMONG many savage people gi rls may not

leave thei r homes unless a ccompan ied byrela tives . Unti l recently the cond i tions

{among civili sed people were not much di fferent . In

her book “The Old Fa shioned Woman ,

”-Mrs .

Elsie Clews Pa rsons , one of the most learned womenNew York society, told o f how one hundred and

3 ago an English or Amer ican woman whot vis i ting without the approva l o f her husbandected her hos t to a su it f or damages and imp ris

yea rs . Even were she to miss herthe roads , unless she were benighted and

in danger of being lost or drowned a man could not

off er her hospi ta li ty.Fifty years have made a lmost all of the changes

tha t have been made towa rd placing men and womenon a ba si s of equal i ty where free , frank , and openfr iendships may b e enjoyed , and where the di ff erences in the sexes i s not forever in mind . Un

til fifty years ago there was a grea t difference b etween men and ,Women menta lly ; and dur ing tha tperiod woman has made more progress than she did

ii

4“ THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

in the two thousand yea rs preceding. Roughly, onmigh t agree with W . L . George’s s ta tement thawoman had no educa tion a t all in 1 450 . In th ishe wa s more l ike man then than ever la ter , f okn igh ts could not read ; only pr ies ts and clerks werable to do so . Men could fight , women couldand those who could not fight were not consideredo f much va lue in society.

“ Women merely sangsongs

,used thei r needles , and brough t up babies .

The Progress of Women

With bu t f ew exceptions no woman lea rned tread unti l about the beginning o f the eighteent

cen tury . In I850 women began to wr i te poems andia r ies tha t embod ied thei r yea rn ings and b etrayemuch la ck o f knowledge of the world ; and th i s a ttime when Susan B . Anthony , then th irty yea rs 0was beginning the fight tha t resulted in givingwomen the r ight to vote.

These fa cts we have ci ted merely to Show tha tthe tradi tions o f correct manners in the rela tions o fthe two sexes have a rea l rea son for being changed .

B ooks o f “eti quette” wr i tten fi fty , or even twenty

yea rs ago a re ba sed upon cond i tions tha t no longerexi s t . Un ti l recently boys were told tha t theymight become Nap oleons , mill iona i res , or presidents , but women for genera tions had been dr illedin the bel ief tha t there was noth ing f or them to do ,

but ~ to plea se men . Thus was destroyed their sel fconfidence and tha t bel ief in oneself wh ich a lone can

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 5.

lead to success or even give capa ci ty to cope withda ily problems outside the home .

To-day, or ra ther until very recently, woman wasin such a revol t aga inst f ormer conditions tha t sheO f ten minimi sed even her own beau ty , and evenwomen o f Culture neglected their clo thes , ha i r , andcomplexions . A saner common sense ha s madewoman see tha t she should comb ine her graces andher ab il i ty so tha t she may rule in wha tever sphereshe may move . She a lso has lea rned tha t boldnessand f reedom from convention may not a lways b ea good policy, and i t i s better to adapt the old

order to the new in such a way tha t she may not in

vi te words o f scanda l which may b e unj ust and yethave serious effect .

The Ques tion of Chap eronage

Until the middle o f the n ineteenth century lega lgua rdianship f or unma rried women ex i s ted in mos to f the countr ies o f Europe . Even in Amer icachaperons were a lmost universa l f or young women .

The chaperonage wa s a lmost a s much O f a nuisanceto the pa ren ts a s to the young girls , a lthough not tosuch an extent a s among the Papuans o f TorresStra its , Where pa rents killed the ir daughters on the

ground tha t they would b e kept awake a t night bysui tors i f they were a llowed to survive .

But the problem o f chaperonage wa s very grea t insociety . A girl a ctually could not go out anywherea fter dark a lone or with a young man . Duenna s

6 THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

now a re seldom seen in Ameri ca , or even in England , and young girls go pretty much where theywish , bu t wi th certa in l imi ta tions . Some o f thesehave been outlined f or you in the twel fth chapter ofth i s work so f ar a s they rela te to women being withmen in public p laces , and in the seven teenth chapterthe rules govern ing go ing to the thea tre have beengiven .

A gentleman i s genera lly ap t to b e particula r inrega rd to the chaperonage o f the woman who hea dmires . I f he i s o f Cul ture and ha s socia l posit ion he i s ap t to trea t her with the deference tha tthe presence o f a chaperon indica tes so tha t she may

not suff er in the estima tion o f h i s fr iends . On th isa ccount he not only will not sugges t any indi scretionsbut will eff ectua lly prevent her being gui lty o f such .

50 i f i t i s the custom in the sphere o f society to wh i chhe belongs , he i s parti cula r tha t an older woman orthe lady’s mother sha ll a lways b e with them whenthey a re together outs ide O f her home .

A girl , on the other hand , will not a ccompany anyman a lone to a pla ce tha t she th inks he would not

permit h i s s i ster to vi s i t wi thout a chaperon . Th i stest i s a very sa fe guide for her, and she w ill findtha t i f he rea lly respects her he wi ll b e prompt toa ccep t the suggestion o f a chaperon . I f he shouldfind the chaperon i rksome there i s an ea sy way f orh im to make the p resence o f a th ird person less essential— tha t i s , to become engaged to the ginl.For some years , even in circles where chaperons

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE {f} ,

have been mos t insi sted upon , there ha s been a ten

deney to relax the requ i rement in the ca se o f olderwomen . Until a genera tion ago even a woman o f

forty and the head o f her own , or her fa ther’s ,household could not go about w i thou t a chaperon .

When Mrs . John Sherwood , the authority o f her

d ay, wrote in H a rp er’s B a z a a r in 1 887 tha t a

woman o f th i rty-five , i f decorous and not ostentatious in dres s and manner , could go a lmost any

where wi thout a chaperon , she shocked many o f herfriends in society, but nowadays the principle i swell establi shed .

In the sma ller towns and ci ties in thi s country,where everybody knows everybody else , a chaperoni s unnecessa ry. In la rger ci ties people a re mOre

pa rticula r, and a young lady wi thout a chaperonmay excite comment , and never ventures out a lonea fter da rk except to go a short distance to and froma car or to the corner drug store . A man i s , however , in many ca ses su ff i cien t chaperon i f he i s acting a s an es cort during a wa lk .

A S a genera l rule , the need o f a chaperon decrea ses ea ch yea r a fter a woman ha s reached theage o f twenty-five ; she i s then supposed to knowWha t She i s do ing and to b e able to take ca re o f her

sel f. Much depends upon her dress . A modestlydressed and unobtrusive woman o f Cul ture can go

a lmos t anywhere Wi thout insult , but there a re somewomen who by co stume and manner impress a lmostevery one w i th the feel ing tha t they la ck tha t first


gra ce o f womanhood , modesty . I t i s not a question o f beauty. Handsome women can conductthemselves so well tha t the brea th o f reproa ch needno t and does not touch them , and ugly women byfl a shy dress and manners may ga in an undeservedreputa tion .

Much la ti tude i s a llowed a l so to the woman inbusines s . Recently so many women a re employeda t n ight tha t one who happens to b e ou t a lone On

busines s finds no need o f an escort . Any one can

tell instantly whether she i s on her way to or fromher pla ce o f employmen t . A woman o f ma ture age

a l so finds tha t she must O ften meet men in the eve

n ing on a semi-busines s b a si s . Th i s i s well understood , and ca rries no reproa ch to her Culture p rovided the p la ce where they meet i s not one tha t ha sobviously been chosen f or purposes o f concea lment .O f course , unles s well-chaperoned , no woman o f

Culture would go to any of the gayer res taurants orcabarets a lone .

In all thi s ma tter o f chaperons a woman mustlet her intui tion guide her. I t i s better to b e sa fethan sorry ,

”a s the old saying ha s i t . I t i s a saying

tha t everybody knows but tha t unfortuna tely i ssometimes not rega rded . I t i s a lso true tha t i f agentleman rea lly respects a woman he will b e ca ref ul not to pla ce her in an equivoca l posi tion ,

especially when he has rea son to th ink tha t she trustsin h i s j udgment .

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 9

L ove and Friendship

Gone are the days when any friendship betweena man and woman wa s rega rded a s a f orerunnerof love . For centuries i t has been real i sed tha tthere i s such a thing a s

“ pla ton i c love ,”

as friendship w i thout sexua l feel ing i s ca lled . Nowadaysthere a re many women and men who a re merelybusiness or socia l a cqua intances and no more .

Such friendships may ripen into love , and in fa ctof ten do . But because a man and woman are

friendly and because they find plea sure in ea chother’s company, and ta lk or dance together, meansnothing. In New England ea rly in the n ineteenthcentury f or a man to wa lk arm in a rm w i th a girlwa s tantamount to an engagement . “ I f a gentleman looks a t you a t meeting, you a re suspected ,

”

wrote Eliza Southga te in 1 820,

“if he dances w ith

you a t an a ssembly, i t must b e true, and i f he r ideswith youThere has been a change since then , but unfor

tuna tely some women are not su ffi ciently circumspect and do not keep friendly men a t the right distance , nor draw a sha rp enough l ine on the one

hand between business and socia l a cqua intances anda lso between those who a re merely friends socia llyand those who a re ta citly avowed sui tors f or herhand . It i s this tha t i s cause o f many hearta chesnot only to women but to men .

Wha tever may b e the ba si s o f a cqua intance b e


tween a man and woman , the woman o f Culture isa lways very ca reful to preserve her dign i ty and p ermit no unwa rranted famil ia r i ty . The test of familiarity va ries na tu ra lly with occa sions , and a womanof Culture permits her intuit ion to b e her guide .

She must b e ever on her gua rd les t her feel ings

get the better o f her j udgment . The unfortuna teMa ry Queen o f Scots sa id : “ Ta lk not to me o f

the Wi sdom o f women ; I know my sex well ; thewi sest o f us i s but l i ttle les s fool i sh than the rest . ”

One sa fe rule tha t should b e followed i s f or a

woman not to a ccep t socia l a ttentions from a man

with whose family she i s unacqua inted . To do soi s to suffer a loss of d igni ty tha t lowers her in hise s tima tion . I f a fter a rea sonable period he makesno a ttempt to make her and h i s nea r rela tives ac

qu a inted , she should not let the friendsh ip transgres s the bounds wa rranted by business rela tions .The ea rlier she i s di sillusioned the less wi ll b e hersuff ering .

No Necessity f or Insolence

I t i s seldom tha t a woman finds herself subj ectedto any insolence unles s she ha s given a man somesort o f j ustifica tion for i t, ei ther by her words ormanner . Should a man p resume to show any in

solence or disrespect the woman o f Culture w ill immedia tely ca ll h im to a ccount ra ther by her mannerthan by words . The insolence i s then resented bya depa rture as quickly a s is poss ible without any

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THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

The New Concep tion of L ove

During the time tha t woman has come moreclosely to a pos i tion where she i s no longer dependent a lways upon men f or her l ivel ihood there hasa ri sen a new conception o f love . The firs t novel swr i tten were by Bocca ccio . H e a sserted tha t“ women a re na tura lly uns table , but theD ecameronshows forth very clea rly h i s Era ’s conception o f

love , wh i ch i s very f a r from tha t wh ich i s currentin th i s day and genera tion . To love i s by no meansthe same thing a s to b e wha t poets and novel i sts ca ll ,“in love .

”The man

“

in love” o ften sees in the

obj ect o f h i s emotion only the neces sa ry means forsome sor t o f self-gra tifica tion and no more . H e i sin love with hi s own plea sure Th i s i s wha t thepoet mean t who sa id ,

“ Love i s o f man’s l i fe a th ing

apa rt ;’ti s woman’s whole exi stence .

”

A perfect love must include spiri tua l sympa thy ,menta l compan ionsh ip , physica l respons iveness .The s cienti s t , Henry T . Fimek , spent severa l yearsin making a thorough study o f romanti c love a s de

scribed in h i story,fiction , and poetry . H e con

cluded :“ O f all the rhetori ca l commonpla ces in l i tera ture

and conversa tion ,none i s more frequently repea ted

than the a ssertion tha t love , a s depicted in a thousand novel s or poems every yea r , ha s exi s ted a t all

times and in every country immutable a s the mounta ins and the sta rs . But romantic love i s a modernsentiment les s than a thousand yea rs old .


e Gospel of Modern L ove

‘Not unti l Dante’s ‘Vi ta Nuova’appeared Wa s

the gospel o f modern love , the romanti c adora tiono f a ma iden by a youth , revea led for the fi rst time

in defini te language . Gen ius , however , i s a lways inadvance o f its age in emotions a s well a s in thoughts ,and the f eel ings experienced by Dante were no t

shared by his contempora ries , who found them b e

yond thei r comprehension . And in f a ct they weretoo etherea l qu i te to correspond wi th real i ty . The

Strings o f Dante’s lyre were strung too high , and

touched by his magic hand , gave f orth ha rmon i covertones too celestia l f or mundane ea rs to hea rin those days . ”

No word ha s so l i ttle preciseness o f mean ing or

such grea t ela stici ty a s“ love .

” I t i s very diffi cul tto pick up a book. or a newspaper w i thout findingt or indirect discussions o f thi s topic which

of un iversa l interest . Scienti s ts , however , fea rrush in where poets , novel i sts , and the wr itersr newspapers do not fea r to tread . Fa il ing to

adequa te explana tions in biology they f a ll backn the ma ster o f all poets , Shakespea re , whoseerstanding o f the human hea rt admittedly ex

teeds tha t o f all o ther o f i ts students , and who ha s

given perhaps the best defini tion . I t is one o f thosesca ttered a ll through his plays , and which has helpedto make his f ame enduring. Thu s in “ As You LikeI t ,

” Phoebe says ,“ Good shepherd tel l thi s youth

wha t i t i s to love,”and Sylvius answers

14. THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

It is to b e made of sighs and tears

It is to b e made of f a ith and service,

It is to be all made of f antasy,

A ll made o f passion , all made of wishes ;All adoration , duty and observance,All humbleness , pat ience and impat ience,All purity, all trial

,all observance ;

Here not only va r ious emotions , but qua l i t ies ofcha ra cter and conduct , a re a ssigned to love. Evenfea r has a p rominent place

Where love is grea t the littlest doubts are fears,Where little fears grow great , great love is there.

The D awn of L ove

The dawn o f love may b e recogni sed by the tendency to draw two persons together in mind and

body—in conversa tion and embra ce ; and in corresp ondence when sepa ra ted . There i s such communion o f though t and exp res sions o f a ff ection tha tgradua lly the person s feel a s i f they were mergedin one another , a lmos t a s i f they were one . Ab

i

sence may or may not make the hea rt grow fonder,but i t i s indeed a true tes t o f love . When withsepa ra tion the des ire to wr i te ea ch day and tello ther a ll tha t has happened lessens one may feelsure tha t love i s wan ing .

The first principle o f love i s a wish ing o f all

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 15'

to the person beloved . This may b e , of

e , the feeling o f a man towa rd h i s si ster or

mother, or a woman towa rd her fa ther or brother.But , in the a ff ection o f a ll whom we ca ll lovers

i s a lways eff ectua l appetence working to a

er exten t, consciously or unconsciously, and al

or restra ined . This in a well-regula ted mind

to the menta l emotion and well wi shand leads us to delight in the presence o f the one

ved and to devise and engage in many efforts to

p lea se and to gra ti fy.Wha t i s i t tha t cau ses a man and woman to feel

thi s closest form o f friendship ? Ne i ther p sychologists nor physiologists have been able to answer.The poets and noveli sts do not seem to b e able toanalyse competently, even in the ca ses o f puppetsof their own crea tion .

L ikeness a nd D ifference of L overs

Thi s drawing together O f man and woman i soften incomprehensible not only to observers but tothe very individua ls who a re a ffected by it . Thereis o ften a l ikeness between the two pa rties , but qui teas frequently there a re ma rked di ff erences . Tallwomen o ften love short men , and the most incon

gruous combina tions o f f a t and lean , beauty and

bea st , kings and begga r ma ids , a re f amilia r . Oftenwha t Tennyson ca lls “

the poor girl whose hea rt i sset on one whose rank exceeds her own

” finds tha ther love i s reciproca ted . The restless man selects

I6 THE SCIENCE OE CULTURE

a quiet pa rtner , the timid woman puts hersel f underthe bold p rotector .I t i s an error , though , to believe tha t love, l ike

the poles o f a magnet , a ttracts the unl ike . Pa rtnersin a love a ff a i r must h ave someth ing in common to

draw them together . There i s seldom sympa thywhen one possesses Culture and the o ther la cks i tsexpression . There usually must b e a commun i ty ofta s tes tha t i s genera lly no t only na tura l but hereditary. An a ffin i ty o f some kind usua lly ex i s ts tha tmakes f or a mutua l understanding. They must b eable a t lea st to speak the same language and b e ab leto exchange idea s so tha t the other can comprehend .

Often the di ss imilari ty i s only such a s to make theind ividua l i ties doveta i l with one another .Wha tever di fferences there may b e , they must not

b e su fficien t to cause any ra sping . The dul l mindO ften l ikes a l ively wi fe who can d ivert h im ,

the woman o f sluggi sh temperament i s ap t tos ire a p layful husband . Yet there a re l imits to thabi l i ty o f opposi tes to blend with ea ch o ther . Aftea wh i le the novelty wea rs O ff

,often even befor

ma rriage . Too constant l ivel ines s wi ll provesetting to the sober-minded one . Th i s i s a th

you should bea r well in mind , and i ts contempla tha s been the cause of saving many fr

'

om ma rrtha t would but have brought unhapp ines s .bantering may b e l ike the perpetua l exp l

firecrackers and hence b e dis turbing evendoes not impress the o

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 1 7

sense of in feriority. Admira tion is well enoughbut when coupled by a rea l isa tion o f inability tocomprehend the loved one

’s mean ing it i s ap t to

bring more distress than would follow an a ctua lpermanent separa tion . A ff ection i s strongest and

most la sting when i t i s da i ly strengthened by the

same tra in o f idea s in the minds o f both . Such isthe love Bryant described a s tha t which grew w i thyears and f a l tered not w i th dea th .

”

But i t i s qu i te unl ikely tha t any advice regardinglove wil l b e seriously considered . Too ap t i s i tspower to prove so i rresi stible tha t the best counselwill fa ll upon cars tha t not only wi ll not heed butmay not even hear .

“By ways no morta l knows

love blows into the hea rt,” wrote Henley ; and Lord

de Tabley is responsible f or thi s truthful qua tra in :

Love at a touch will f alterL ove a t a nod will stay.

But armies can not alterOne hair-breadth of its way.

Influence of a Woman’s Friendship

The friendship o f a woman i s a very good thingf or a man i f the woman i s o f the right kind so tha ti t will have a refining influence upon him .

“ Plea sant the snaffle o f courtship , refin ing the manners andcarriage ,

” wrote Kipling , who , ma teria li st tha t heis , saw a t lea st thi s advantage in man’s a ssociation with good women .

1 8 THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

In la rge mea sure , however , thi s refin ing influenceupon the man i s due to the incidenta l sa crifice o f

sel f tha t i s neces sary. Love i s the emotiona l andsp i r i tua l ( imagina tive ) iden tifica tion of subj ect andobj ec t, i f not ra ther the merging and annih ila ti ono f sel f-consciousness in the consci ousness o f another .In Tennyson’s beauti ful love poem “ Locksley H a ll ,

”

he expresses the idea thus :

L ove took up the harp of life,And smote on all the chords with mightSmote the chord of Self , tha tT remb ling passed in music out of sight .

L ove’s a cti ons bea r the a spect o f sel f-sacrifice,b ut ina smuch a s i t ignores the cla ims of its ownsepara te subj ectivity and knows i tself a t one withthe obj ec t, the term is not s tri ctly appropr iate .

Love canno t well sa cr ifice a self wh i ch a s such isno longer empha s i sed , having lo s t all thought o f asepara te ind ividual ex i stence.

“We love to l ive , we l ive to love , wrote ActoIt i s the hea rt’s food and nour i shment and thh ighes t happiness and bl i s s . Some other be inb e blended with our own else our exi s tence i sljectless and our na tures unava i l ing .

In a ll norma l men and women there i s lovesometh ing to give o rder and un i ty to our liv

There may b e a va ri ce , or love o f r i ches ,or pa renta l love , fil ia l a ffection , sentimentgame or spor t, f or business or some one o f


described by Edga r Rice Burroughs a s the fem inine f or hunch . I t i s wider than percep ti on and

includes not merely the results o f conscious and

forma l Observa tion but a lso the innumerab le vagueand trans ient feel ings , emotions and unformula tedperceptions wh i ch a re hourly besieging and entering into our consciousness . Tha t men and womend i ffer enormously in the or igina l sensi tivenes s o f

thei r menta l abil i ty to sei ze such impressions i s wellknown to psychologi sts , a s i s a lso tha t women havegrea ter power in reta ining and uti li s ing such impress ions . “ A woman’s a dvice profits every man ,

”

sa id Ibsen , and nea rly every success ful man in bus ines s , society, or pol i ti cs to-day ha s some womanupon whose intuition he pla ces rel iance . Men

should have fa i th in women and give heed to thei rwa rn ings and counsel .

The Va rying Qua lities of Woman

Woman’s ways have a lways been beyond the comprehension O f men , and most o f them a re wiseenough to admit i t frankly. The va rying qua l i tieswhich woman i s sa id to po sses s have been very welldescribed in a Hindu legend o f the or igin o f woman ,wh i ch i s tha t “

In the beginn ing,when Twa shtri

came to the crea tion o f woman he found tha t hehad exhausted h i s ma ter ia ls in the making o f man

and tha t no sol id elements were left . In th i s d ilemma , a fter pro found med i ta tion , he d id a s follows : he took the rotundi ty of the moon and the


curves o f the creepers , and the clinging O f tendrils ,the trembl ing O f gra ss , the slenderness o f the reed ,the bloom o f flowers , the l ightness o f leaves , thetapering o f the elephant’s trunk , the glances o f

deer , the clustering o f rows o f bees , the j oyousga iety O f sunbeams , the weeping o f clouds , the fickleness o f the winds , the timidity o f the ha re , the vani ty o f the pea cock , the softness o f the pa rrot’sbosom, the ha rdness o f adamant, the sweetness o fhoney, the cruelty o f the tiger , the wa rm glow o f

fire , the coldness o f snow, the cha ttering o f j ays ,the cooing o f the kokila , the hypocrisy o f the crane ,the fidel ity o f the chakrawaka , and compounding a llthese together he made woman and gave her to

man .

”

Nearly every man agrees tha t woman i s the causeo f most of the trouble in the world , but mos t menl ike such trouble and go out o f their way to hunti t . Most men are indeed content to sa tisfy themselves with the advice o f the man who sa id“Women are meant to b e loved and not to b e understood .

”

There a re , however , some pecul ia ri ties o f the

woman tha t can b e expla ined i f not comprehended .

I t i s a well-known pa radox tha t the same Womancan b e two things a t di fferent times

, and in thi s l ieswha tever truth there may b e in the a ssertion o f

Pope tha t ,“Women have no cha ra cters a t a ll.

”

Professor Thoma s o f the Un iversi ty o f Chicago inhi s “ Adventi tious Na ture O f Woman”

expla ins thi s


by a sserting tha t their problem in the pa st has beennot to a ccommoda te themselves to solemn rea li ties ,but to adj ust themselves to the persona l i ty o f man .

Thus i t i s not surpr i s ing tha t they should a ssumeprotean shapes . A daughter begins by plea sing herf a ther in order to win l i ttle presents , continues toplea se men in the hope o f finding a husb and and ,

i f not sel f-supporting, she must , a fter ma rr iage ,plea se the man who ha s wedded her. Born and

bred thus to a l i fe tha t has involved the a cting o f

a pa rt from time to time, i f not a c tua l decei t , i t i snot surpr i s ing tha t the G reek playwrigh t, Ar i stophanes , wro te :

“The only th ing I bel ieve in a

woman i s tha t she will not come to l i fe a fter she

i s dead ; in everyth ing el se I di s trus t her unti l she .

is dead .

” Th i s idea , l ike many others o f the an

cient Greek p laywr ights , i s still perpetua ted by our

modern drama ti s ts , who bui ld a t lea st ha lf o f our

plays wi th th i s a s the theme.

On the Sub ject of Fla ttery

Lord Ches terfield a sserted tha t “

women have buttwo pa s sions , van i ty and love ; these a re the ir uni

versa l cha ra cteri s tics ; the man who fla tters themmo s t plea ses them the most ” Th is may not b e

‘

rega rded a s cha ra cter i s ti c O f women a lone . Every,

woman knows tha t a lmos t every man i s qui te a s suscep tib le to fl a ttery a s i s a woman , and there havebeen more women Who have won men bythem how big, handsome, strong , or


an men who have conquered women with simila r

ch fl a ttery on both sides soon became the sma lle o f society and now i t ha s become so com

monp lace tha t unles s well disguised , or rea sonablyexpressed , i t cea ses to serve i ts purpose . I t i s nodoubt true tha t both men and women a re plea sedby compliments from the other sex if they are wellturned and not obviously exaggera ted or sa i d to

crea te an impression . A burst o f enthusiasm or a

f ew words may show an admira tion . I t is di fficult

!not to like those who l ikeus . In thi s lies the trutho f the Old proverb tha t,

“ love begets love .

” We

are ap t to love those who love us and seek to find

meri t in them if only to fla tter our own vani ty.

Since i t i s not fla ttering to b e loved by one who is

not worth while , we ea sily persuade ourselves tha tthe person who loves us ha s some good qua l ities .The idea o f a person cheri shing an a ff ection for us

makes us feel tha t the person i s a ttractive .

Yet to love a person does not a lways beget love .

When the love i s shown on the pa rt o f those whomwe canno t love i t may produce aversion merely fromthe fact tha t we feel tha t the love i s go ing to causeus some sort o f trouble.

L ove is Increa sed When Reciproca ted

In a ll ca ses love i s increa sed when i t i s recip roca ted .

“ Love is like the moon ,

” sa id Segu r ,“ when

i t does not increa se i t decrea ses . ” When the person


loved has the further a ttra ction o f loving us

there i s l ikely to a ri se a mutua l a ff ection tha tbinds the man and woman by ties tha t cannot b ebroken , especia lly i f there is a rea l communi ty o f

interes t .There a re instances o f love increa sing , even when

i t meets wi th no response, and th i s ha s been knownto lead to sorrow which refuses to b e comforted andto pin ing and wa sting o f the body .

Physi ca l beauty in woman i s unden iab ly one o f

her grea tes t cha rms to a ttra ct men . I t ha s b eensa i d , though , tha t rea lly beauti ful women a re morea dmired by the i r own sex than by men . TWO thingscon tribute to th i s : one i s tha t many o f the mos tsensible men agree with W . S. Downey when hesa id : Beauti ful pea ches a re not a lways the bestflavored , nor a re handsome women the most amiable.

” A woman who i s very beauti ful o ften doesnot take the pa ins to cultiva te any other qua l ity,bel ieving tha t bra ins , educa tion , and sweetnes s O fdi sposi tion a re unneces sary to her ; a lso she i s ap tto b e spo i led . The o ther disadvantage tha t thebeauty ha s i s tha t love a ri ses genera lly from someo ther rea son than a dmira tion f or physica l beauty ,and a s Ovid truly decla red ,

“ A lover i s bl ind to a ll

the b lemishes o f his beloved .

” We a ll know O f

scores o f women who have not grea t beau ty whoh ave made better and happier ma rr iages than havethe a cknowledged beauties . Women cannot understand why th i s i s ; but men know .

AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 2 5 ,

oman’

s Charm Counts M ore than Bea uty

I t i s rea lly a ma tter o f cha rm more than beautyand indeed cha rm ha s been defined a s , Somethingwhich exerts an i rresi s tib le power to plea se and a t

tract . ” The etymologica l deriva tion o f the wordcha rm tells the story . Springing from ca rmen

,the

La tin word f or song, have come the words incantation , enchantment, charm . Cha rm thus i s enchantmen t, a w itchery tha t a ttracts ; we know not why .

Those who have i t show it in every word and ges

ture ; this i s one o f the a ttributes o f cha rm and the

a im O f thi s work ha s been to a id you in i ts a cquirement . Cha rm touches the senses , appealing to thema s beauty does ; but through voice , words , and movement .There must b e menta l beauty a s a pa rt o f cha rm ,

e ven though physica l beauty i s o f ten la cking .

Charm is not fa scina tion , a s tha t may die out in

a gently-disappea ring way a s would a f a shion .

C harm endures while fa scina tion decays ; and cha rmmay cons tantly increa se , being essentia lly a menta lqual i ty, coming from wi thin and increa sing with itsCul ture ; Wh i le beauty wanes wi th the pa ssing yea rs .It i s cha rm tha t makes the friends o f women whopossess i t fa i l to note tha t they are growing old and

gives to age a s delightful an a spect a s i t does toyouth . Cha rm is a better a ssu rance o f sweet , se

rene, and happy companionship,than i s beauty.

Steele once sa id o f a woman endowed wi th cha rmTo love her i s a l ibera l educa tion .

” When Dod


dridge a sserted tha t ,“ I f nobody loves you b e sure

it i s your own fault ,”he meant tha t i t wa s in tho

‘

power o f all o f us to a cquire cha rm .

L o've Appea rs to Condone Fa ults

O ften i t happens tha t love appea rs to condoneor even to ignore faults wh i ch appea r to a colderand seemingly les s bi a sed j udgment to b e flagrantlyconsp icuous . I t ha s even been sa i d tha t some a re

loved better f or their faults than f or the i r vir tues .

Love, though an egotist , can deify

A vulgar f ault , and drape the gross with grace,

Wro te Alfred Austin when poet laurea te o f England . But psychologists decla re tha t these appa rent incons i stencie s a re rea lly due to the fa ct tha temotiona l sympa thy i s a power ful a id to true and

deep insigh t . I t i s fortuna tely no less true tha twe have the qua li ties o f our defects than tha t wehave the defects O f our qua l i t ies .G rea t and deplorable laxi ty in regard to importan t duties o f every-day l i fe i s not infrequently com

p ensa ted by some ra re and beauti ful tra i t wh i ch i signored by the censor ious but seen by the sympatheti c .I t i s not a lways tha t those who fancy themselves

to b e in love ma rry . O ften there are many mildpa ss ions before the true love i s found . Al fredAustin decla red ,

“ Woman loves bes t the firs t timeand man the la s t . ” The Duke who had j ust j ilted

28' THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

may, or un fortuna tely may not , love them in return .

In so ftness and timidity consi s t ha l f o f woman’scha rm , yet ba shfulness i s rega rded a s a ma rk o f i l lbreeding, especia lly in a man .

“ I t i s only the ha shful who lose ,

” says a French proverb . Some o f the

grea test men have been ba shful . Hawthorne wa sso ba shful tha t with splendid physique and impress ive bea r ing he would shr ink and hesi ta te beforea stranger . Lord Tennyson i s another grea t man

who was noted f or h i s shyness . 1 Ba shfulnes s i snot a sign o f gen ius . Many o f the grea test men

have not been shywith women ; Shakespea re , Bacon ,

Wa sh ington , and Frankl in were bold ; perhap s over ,

hold .

The D anger of Ba shfulness

The grea t danger to men in ba shfulness waspointed ou t by Lord Ches terfield to his son . Thereis no th ing he decla red , tha t s inks a man so surelyinto the company o f low women and men .

“ I f aman thinks he sha l l not plea se he may depend uponi t he will not ; but with proper endeavours to plea seand confidence tha t he sha ll plea se i t i s a lmos t certa in tha t he wi ll .

”

Ba sh fulnes s ha s dr iven many men into the com

pany o f low women with whom they have sometimesformed entangling a lliances tha t have handi capped

1 In the third cha pter of this work inf ormat ion has been given as

to how to overcome this grea t fau lt .

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 2g

them f or l i fe a s wa s Jean in Sapho which Daudetwrote a s a wa rn ing to his son . A man should seekout the company O f women o f good repute and makehimsel f agreeab le to them . I t i s a pa rt o f his educa tion and he cannot pretend to b e able to expresshis Culture unless he i s a t ea se in the i r presence .

“ Fa int hea rt never won f a i r lady.

”

In“ Rory O’More ,

”Samuel Lover told o f a case

in po int :

Indeed then , says Ka thleen , don’

t think of the like,For I half gave a promise to soothering Mike ;The ground that I walk on he loves, I

’

ll b e bound .

Faith,”says Rory,

“

I’

d ra ther love you than the ground .

And bea r in mind tha t many a woman wouldrather tha t she b e loved than the ground .

Women like men to b e persisten t . There are

many proto types o f the woman who whisperingshe would ne

’

er consent , consented . Hugh Kellysa id : “ A fine woman , like a f ortified town , de

mands a regular siege , and we mu st even a llow herthe honou rs O f war in o rder to magn i fy her vic

tory The grea test plea sure in li f e to a woman i s ,tha t o f being wooed , and she does no t l ike to yield

too ea si ly a lthough she does like to b e u rged to do

so . On the o ther hand , she rea l i ses tha t i f she

yields too readily she may su ff er in the estima tionp f her suitor, f or i t i s true tha t

“ A lover i s like a

30 TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE

hunter, i f the game b e got with too much ea se heca res not f or i t . ”

Fa ilure , then , to ga in a woman’s love a t the firs ta ttempt should , instead o f causing di scouragement,only lead to further effort to Win her hea rt, unti l

you a re sa ti sfied tha t i t i s useless to make furthera ttempts . “ A man o f sense may love l ike a mad

man, but not l ike a fool ,” sa i d Rochefoucald .

L ove is no t a Ma tter of Words

‘Mos t women a re able to tell whether a man is

in love with them . I t i s not a ma tter o f wordsThe true lover does not express love but feels i tand Shows i t in h i s every a ction . Love mani festsi tself in a desire f or the welfa re O f the belovedobj ect and in a longing f or h i s or her presence , anddel igh t in approva l and sorrow a t pa rting .

“ Li fe,no t emotion , i s the proo f of love .

”

The man whose intentions a re honourable woosgi rls a t their homes and not by stea lth and in ou t

O f -the-way p laces . I f women would rea l i se th i s ,there wou ld b e fewer broken hea rts . It i s ea syenough f or anywoman by applying th i s tes t to knowwhether the man who woo s her i s ser ious and desi res to ma rry her ;

“We a re never deceived , wedece ive ourselves ,

” sa id Goethe, and th i s app lies towomen even more than to men , who la ck the intu ition tha t i s the endowmen t O f the wooed sex.

The man who does not mean ma rriage i s map t to begin h i s s iege o f a woman with thea tre

r MEN AND WOMEN OF'

CULTURE 3 1

t vita tions , dinners , taxicab ri des , and other luxuries ,which he O ffers a lmost w ithou t any encouragementwha tever. On the other hand , the man who rea llyloves i s timid a t first and very slow in his advances .His every a ction gives the woman an impression tha the feel s himsel f unworthy o f her ; but la ter he growsmore bold , seizing every opportun ity to b e with her .

.One o f the first indica tions tha t he i s very much inea rnest i s to a rrange tha t h i s mother and sisterssha ll meet her . A man who i s in love wi shes everyone to see the lady o f his choice ; he i s not sa tisfiedunti l he ha s exhib i ted her to his near rela tives andhis best friends .Woman na tura lly puts her best foot forwa rd wi th

man , since long traditions and all o f her experiencehave taught her to do so . Unti l very recently therewa s an invidious distinction in the minds o f peoplebetween the girl who wa s wed and she who was

unwed .

Ma rriage is the Goa l f or Which Women Strive

While In a sense i t i s true , a s Titania sa id in. Midsummer Night ’s Dream” tha t women “ cannotfight f or love a s men may do ;We should b e wooedand were not made to woo ,

”

yet man was a ctua lly,wooed , since woman fla shed forth in all her gloryto cha rm man , to win him as a husb and , i t beingconsidered in the very highest circles o f society tha tthe unwed woman wa s a burden . Hence came therace of ma iden aunts , and other Old ma ids” o f a


f ew yea rs ago , who were p i tied and often despi seda s fa ilures in l i fe . NOW tha t nea rly every ca reeri s open to woman i t i s no longer p i ty but envy , tha tmany o f her ma rr ied S i s ters feel when they see the

l iberty tha t she enj oys .Yet marriage i s the goa l f or wh ich most women

str ive, seeking to find happines s therein , and“ Woman’s love sti ll grows l ike moss upon a rock ,where even char i ty can find no so i l to nurture i tself,

”

a s Bovee sa id . The mean s o f a ttra ction exertedby woman a re so elabora te , and her technique so

fin i shed , tha t she i s rea lly more a ctive in courtsh ipthan i s man . Man th inks - tha t he woos yet h i s loving her i s u sua lly planned by the woman . By dress ,behaviour

,coquetry , modesty , reserve , and o cca

sional bo ldness , she ga ins h i s a ttention and leadsh im to love her . H e does the court ing, but shecontrols the process . The clever woman does nota llow the control to sl ip from her hands .In the presence o f the man who loves her and

whose love she returns a woman need not b e shy,though she must b e modest and not forward .

Wh i le she may not make advances , and would su ff er in h i s estima tion i f she d id so , she can Show byher manner and her face tha t she takes plea sure inh i s company . One Of the tests o f true love i s i tsegoti sm ; lovers seldom ti re o f ea ch other’s so cietybecause they are a lways talking o f themselves .Women seldom fa ll in love with very handsome

men . Those who do so o ften regret i t . Some


months ago a widow whose husband had combinedwith his good looks much vani ty and philanderingdecla red tha t were she to wed aga in i t would “

not

b e to an Apollo .

” Herein l ies encouragement toman who i s not handsome ; indeed many o f the

happily ma rriedmen w ith a ttractive w ives havenotorious for thei r homeliness , and nei therthey had tha t money which is supposed a l

ways to b e able to buy beau ty .

The ,Woma n of Culture is ca reful no t to Commit

Indiscretions

Jean Paul Richter decla red : Love lessens a

woman’s del ica cy and increa ses man’s . ” Here

aga in , then ,i s a test a s to whether a man’s love i s

rea l or merely sensua l and transient . Howevermuch the woman of Culture may b e in love , she i sca reful not to commit indiscretions . It i s one o f

the things tha t marks her f rom the common herd ;and di ffi cult a s the di scipline may b e , she endures i tra ther than b e untrue to hersel f. The man app re‘

cia tes this and pref ers tha t his idol sha ll rema in on

a pedesta l , if he truly loves .An openness o f manner between the two sexes i sVery cha rming , b u t a l i ttle more , and i t becomesbo ldness . A modest behaviour i s a lso cha rming b uttoo much modesty i s prudery . Every woman knowsinstinctively where the l ine should b e drawn . Fre

quently a man , hesi ta ting on the verge o f love , willb e so cruel a s to make tests o f a woman’s worthiness


to b e h i s wi fe . In such ca ses the woman findsa s Emerson sa id : “

She wa s heaven when hesued her a s a s ta r ; she cannot b e heaven i f she stoop sto such a s he .

”

Any worldly wi se woman will advi se a womannot to ki ss a man other than a blood rela tive , unti lthere i s a forma l engagemen t . I f an a ttempt i smade she should res i s t i t bo th by words and a ctions .As Jane Porter sa id :

“ When the cup o f any sen

sua l plea sure i s dra ined to the bottom there i s always po i son in the dregs . ”

Gua rd aga inst rushing in to any a ction out o f harmony wi th your better na ture . When your idea lsstray and impulses aga inst your better na ture strugglef or expression , delay and fight . Po stpone the answerunti l a t lea s t the next day. On the morrow ap

proa ch the ma tter ca lmly wi th a clea r bra in and de

termine Whether i t i s better to do i t . I f i t i s rea llythe bes t thing to do , you can then so decide . Amoment’s fool i sh plea sure o ften ha s been known to

cos t a world O f pa in .

I f the impulse to wh i ch you were about to yieldwa s but the resul t o f a tempora ry mood , and you rrea lly better sel f approves on the morrow then youcan do it i f you W i sh , w i th your eyes wide open to

the consequences . In all probabil i ty you will b esure to do the right and not the wrong thing . NO

body ever means i t when he says ,“now or never”

unles s he ha s been wea ried by wa i ting long for a

deci s ion wh i ch you have taken a long time to make.


tective and sen timenta l a tti tude i s indeed incomp atible with res i s tance . The entrapping o f men in th i sway i s a regula r pro fession with some cla sses O f

b ra zen women ; and men must b e on their gua rdaga ins t th i s .

Jea lousy

Jea lousy i s an even O lder pa ssion than i s thelove o f the type tha t thi s chapter di scusses . Al

ways a strong Violent emotion , the development o fthe modern type o f roman ti c love ha s brought newtormen ts . In mos t ca ses j ea lousy i s enti rely due toimagina tion , and the fancies o f the j ea lous man or

j ea lous woman , tremble a t the pictures wh i ch th i spa ss ion can evoke .

The saying tha t true love knows no j ea lousy i strue only in tha t there can b e no j ea lousy in tha tperfect love where there i s a complete understanding and perfect confidence . Bu t such types o f lovea re indeed rare . Tha t kind o f love comes only

,

a fter ma rriage , when the ma rried pa ir have learnedto know ea ch o ther , in mind and hea rt and soulThe mo st usua l type o f j ea lousy i s the fea r thasome one else may capture the loved one . Th i s iu sua lly induced by a bel ief tha t the someone elsemay prove more cha rming and fa scina ting , and theman or gi rl bel ieves h imsel f or hersel f to b e only inthe cla s s o f the average o f h i s or her sex , and hencehas no pa rti cula r appea l . There i s no cure for thi sj ea lousy, but the person who feels i t i s unwise to

show i t . At most , the susp icion can b e confirmed by

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 37,

asking one’s sweethea rt whether he or she still loves ,The constant moan tha t you a re unworthy is , however , unwi se ; since indeed it may gradua lly lead theobj ect o f you r love to consider whether possibly

you may not b e right .If you f eel j ea lous , you should try to ca st thesuspicion from your mind . I f you b rood over i t

you w ill only make you rsel f miserable . Aga in and

aga in in this work we h ave a sserted the grea t powero f thought in causing those things to happen uponwhich the mind dwells . So in this , a s in other ma t

ters,the brooding over a suspicion may cause tha t

very thing to happen . I t is not Wi se to direct thethoughts o f your sweetheart into the wrong channel.

A woman may b e charming when she i s j ea lous ,but a man genera lly only makes himsel f ridiculous .,On thi s account he should try to keep hi s grievanceto himsel f and not b rood upon i t . Genera lly i t i seven f ooli sh f or him to demand an explana tion fromthe woman in question ; and he should no t do so un

less he i s willing to suffer the consequences . Awoman does speak o f her jea lousy , and can o f ten doso in such a way a s to increa se her cha rm and rea lly~fla tter the man ; but she should not do so too O ften ,

or she w ill become a bore , and defea t her a im bysending his f ancy in another di rection .

Wise Women do no t Ma ke M en Jealous

Some women purposely make a man jealous .This may succeed in a ffording some l i ttle amusement


for the moment , and there a re women who bel ievetha t i t a ctu a lly increa ses the man’s a ff ections . In

some ca ses th i s i s true , but the wise woman wi llguard aga inst any abnorma l ity in love and remembertha t the man who ha s been provoked to j ea lousybefore marriage may bide h i s time and become a

ver i table tyran t a fter he ha s become her husband.

Un ti l tha t t ime he a ccepts h i s misery a s a pa rt ofthe pun i shment he receives f or h aving loved her ; ,h is mind receives a d i stinctly unfor tuna te impress ion . I t i s not wise f or a woman to u se her beste ff orts to persuade her sweethea rt o f the truth ofthe saying : “ A man can b e happy wi th any womana s long a s he does not love her.

A very shrewd dowager in New York society,once gave some succinct a dvice to a young man

whom she desi red to help win a certa in young ladyas h i s br ide . These were the three things she toldh im to do

I . Make yourself indi spensable to her in manyl i ttle ways .

2 . Study her ta s tes .

3 . Wa tch f or the time when she feel s lonely andthen propose .

But before a man makes a proposa l , or a girl accep ts , the parties should cons ider not whether theycan get a long a ll right together but whether thcan endure exi stence without ea ch o ther. Nwhether you can l ive with h im , but whether yol ive without h im .

” T

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 39,

have quoted says tha t being together f or three longra iny days in the country ha s done more to dispellove than all the p erfidies ever committed .

There i s a very pretty poem by Mrs . Browningwhich sta tes the ca se more romantica lly

Unless you can think when the song is done,

NO other is sof t in the rhythm ;Unless you can f eel when lef t by one,

That all men else go with him ;

Unless you can know when unpra ised by his breath,That your beauty itself wants proving ;Unless you can swear “

For life, for dea th !

Oh, f ear to call it loving.

One of the weaknesses o f young girls i s to bel ievetha t they can reform a man a f ter ma rriage . Olderwomen who have tried it know tha t such a dreamis idle . The promises made before marriage are

too O ften broken . A man i s pretty likely to b e thesame a fter marriage a s before .

Another test o f love tha t should b e heeded beforethe making o f a proposa l by a man , or i ts a cceptanceby a woman , i s tha t if a hand gra sp does not b ringbliss there i s no rea l love . Any repugnance felt intouching the body O f the other if unloved , i s a p erf ectly na tura l phenomenon and may b e a ccepted a s

a sure indica tion o f a lack o f tha t reciproca l emotionwh ich a lone can make a happy ma rriage .

40’


The Prop osa l of M a rriage

The forma l proposa l i s seldom unexpected . Gen

era lly mutua l love i s well known by both to ex i s tbefore there i s a propo sa l . Sometimes a womanuncerta in a s to whether her sweethea rt desi res toma rry her , and impa tient a t the delay, wil l wa tchf or a chance to lea d h im skill fully to propose , u singthose methods o f wh i ch every woman o f Cu ltureknows .Twenty years ago i t wa s s till considered correct

f or a fa ther or mo ther to a sk a man i f h i s “inten

t ions a re serious . ” Th i s i s now so Obsolete a s to

b e a lmost r idiculous . The young woman o f to-daycan take ca re o f hersel f. Before she i s ready f or aproposa l she ha s made a su fficiently careful studyo f the man , so tha t she knows the best way to bringh im up to the po in t.The methods used by the heroes in the novels and

drama s seldom serve in rea l l i fe . A man will not

get himsel f into such a ridi culous a tti tude a s he p re

sents when down on h i s knees . Most proposa l s a remade with the s imple words : “ D a rling , wi ll youb e my wi fe ?” When a man says th i s , genera lly hei s s i tting nea r her and holding her hand . She an

swers“

yes ,”in a low vo i ce, and the thing i s done .

I t sounds very simple , and any man who loves a ,

woman enough to wi sh to ma rry her should not havemuch di fficulty in nerving h imself up to the po int o fmaking th i s s imple .decla ra tion ; yet i t i s true tha tthe boldes t, braves t men will b e emba rra ssed a t th i s


moment. A man should not worry over being emha rra ssed for his timidi ty i s fl a ttering to her.

Some men make the mistake o f taking too muchf or granted . In an a ttempt a t l ightness they w i llsay:

“When sha ll we b e ma rried ?” This i s an

a rrogant a ssumption , tha t , unless a ctua lly justified bythe ci rcumstances , will a rou se resentmen t in the

mind o f the modern woman o f independence . It i sa s much o f a mistake to say

“ Plea se ma rry me ,”

s ince this i s one o f the occa sions when “ plea se” i sout o f place. There should b e no pleading unlessnecéssary. In making a proposa l the man shouldrea l i se , a s well a s the woman , tha t he i s paying herthe highes t possible compliment . A man cannot p ayher a grea ter tribute than to Offer to devote his l i feto making her happy.

H ow the Rroposa l should b e Trea ted by a'Woma n

The proposa l mu st b e trea ted by the woman inthe same spiri t. It is only the most ordina ry pol i teness f or her to rega rd the o ffer o f hi s heart andhand a s an honour. I f she ha s any doubt a s to herf eelings , and wi shes to make certa in tha t he i s theman she would accept as a ma te f or l i fe , she shouldsay so . A long-extended courtship i s the best sa fegua rd aga inst an unhappy ma rriage . A man a lsomust rea li se tha t the plea sure o f being wooed i svery dea r to mos t women . She feel s tha t when she

ha s given her l i fe into the keeping o f one man she

must virtually abandon a ssocia tion with all others o f


the opposi te sex . Love i s l ike a cha rming romancewhich is rea d with avidity and O ften w i th such impa tience tha t many p ages a re skipped , to enjoythe dénouemen t sooner ,

” sa i d Thoma s Ma récha l .Mos t women enj oy the sweetnes s o f being courtedso much tha t they wish to make i t la s t a s long a s

possible .

I f a woman does not love a man enough to l ivewith h im forever

, she should b e fa ir enough bothto hersel f and to him to say so . I t i s a mistake totry to soften the refusa l ; in such ca se i t should b eso pla inly s ta ted tha t there will b e no misunderstanding. I t i s sheer cruelty to prolong h i s su ffer ing andto keep h im str iving f or a pri ze wh ich he cannot win .

'Men o ften a sk when rej ected i f there i s “anybody

else .

” I t i s rega rded a s a perfectly fa ir question insp i te o f i t s seeming impertinence , and should b e an

swered frankly. She need not name the o therman , and should not a llow h im to make any gues sesa s to the i denti ty o f hi s r iva l , unles s the la tter hasdecla red h imsel f and i s openly in the field .

When a woman has not made up her mind , or

the proposa l seems to b e too precip ita te , the bes tth ing to say i s

“ I do not feel tha t I know you wellenough to decide . I f she rea l ly ha s given consid

cra tion to the ma tter , i t would b e better f or her tos ay frankly :

“ Of course I have thought about i t ,but I haven’t made up my mind and must a sk you towa i t until I have done so .

”

I t i s a serious mi stake f or her to b e eva sive i f she


instance,ne i ther a man nor a woman can ma rry until

twen ty-five yea rs o f age , without the con sen t Of

pa ren ts , and even long a f ter thi s age set by law, the

force o f custom requi res tha t consent .In some f amil ies the fa ther or mother i s such a

power f or financia l or socia l rea son s tha t i t i s advisable to secure the pa rent’s sanction . Wha t thefa ther’s an swer will b e i s usua lly pretty well unders tood since during the courtship he w i ll have madethe young man’s a cqua intance and w i ll have formedh is estima te o f h i s cha ra cter and abil i ty . I f a man

is compelled to a sk the girl’s fa ther , he should b ebold and frank . The fa ther na tura l ly w i ll ask

whether or not he can take ca re o f h i s daughter ; i t i sthe fa ther’s duty to do so , and he i s perfectly wellwa rran ted in showing su fficien t so l ici tude f or hi sdaughter’s happines s to demand delay unti l theyoung man’s income i s adequa te .

When a Woma n Rej ects a M a n

When a woman rej ects a man , she should do so in

no uncerta in way. The usua l reply O f a woman O f

Culture i s : “ I am sorry but I do not feel tha t Ilove you enough to ma rry you . She migh t add :“ Why can’t we j u st b e good friends a s we havebeen ?” Th i s refusa l causes no i ll-feeling , S ince theexcuse for the rej ection i s adequa te . It would b e

a mistake to go into further deta i l s , except a s ha sbeen noted in the ca se o f her a ffections b eing pla cedelsewhere .

When a woman finds tha t a man has no intenti on

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 45 ,

of proposing, she should immedia tely do her best todrive him from her thoughts if she f eels tha t shea ctua lly loves him. This she can best do by avoiding any meetings w i th him . Such conduct w i lle i ther force him to decla re tha t he wi shes to marryher or else will prove to her defin i tely tha t he ha s nointention o f s o do ing . A woman cannot show herlove f or a man who refuses to a ccept unmistakableintima tions of the pleasure she ha s f ound in hi s society. Conventions do not yet permi t a woman to

submi t hersel f to the possible humilia tion tha t wouldfollow upon her a sking him to ma rry her . Insteadshe must even endure the sorrow and melancholy a s

grea t a s tha t described in these l ines from Shakespea re’s “ Twel fth Night”

She never told her love,But let concealment , like a worm i

’

the b ud,

Feed on her damask cheek : she pined in thought ;

And, with a green and yellow melancholy,

She sat like Pa tience on a monument

Smiling at Grief . Was not this love indeed ?

A woman so indiscreet as to a llow a kiss to b egiven and received , may, however , take thi s a s a

token o f love Offered and a ccepted and may say,“ Let’s tell mother or the others we a re engaged .

”

This has been f requently done , and the woman i sjustified in the step . I f she i s so bold , she mustab ide the consequences ; and i f he equivoca tes or re

fuses to permit the announcement o f the engagement


she must -immedia tely put an end to their a cqua intance , letting h im see very pla inly tha t she had unders tood the ki ss to b e a plighting o f the ir troth .

'When a M an is Rejected

When a man i s rej ected by a woman , he.

i s veryfool i sh to Show any anger towa rd her . I t w i ll ga inh im no sympa thy from her, and even h i s fr iends a rel ikely to laugh in thei r sleeves while they a ff ec t topi ty h im . H e must make the bes t o f i t . Therea re men who a llow themselves to b e put in the veryfool i sh pos i tion o f a rej ected sui tor , tra il ing a rounda fter the woman , letting a ll see tha t he ha s beenre fused and i s s ti ll p in ing. Such an a tti tude isromant i c only in novel s , and i s not in a ccord withto-day’s s tanda rds o f manliness . N0 man o f Cu lture wea rs hi s hear t on h i s sleeve where all may oh

ta in a view O f i ts workings .The bes t cure for a broken hea rt i s ha rd work

or some o ther diversion . In fa ct , i t i s well knowntha t many men have been spurred to labour tha t ha sbrought success by forgetting everyth ing else in theirda i ly pursui ts . Science , li tera ture , or bus iness tha thad been neglected in the days o f courtsh ip a ff ordssurcea se from sorrow . Some such feel ing is tha twh i ch impel s wea l thy idlers to go big game shooting, or on explo ra tion trips .In nea rly every ca se men and women survive the

pangs o f unrequi ted love .

“ Wha t i s first love worthbut to prepa re f or a second ?” a sked John H ay in


one o f the“ Pike County Ba llads” he wrote before

becoming head o f President McKinley’

s cabinet .There are those who ,

“ Hurt a s i t may, love on and

on f orever , and love f or love’s sake”

; b ut human

na ture i s such , tha t in nine ca ses ou t O f ten the firstlove is only a memory and the disapp o inted

’

one findsanother ma ri ta l pa rtner ; and in la ter yea rs ei therdreams o f the happiness he might have had , or , i fhe meets her a f ter an interva l o f yea rs , wonders whyshe ha s changed so grea tly since the days he wa s inlove .

The one best cure i s to keep a s f a r away from the

object o f your unrequ i ted a ffection a s possible .

Your S ingle experience o f love w ill have a good e f

feet on you in any ci rcumstance i f your love ha s beenpure , unselfish , a nd ennobling. Every one who ha sloved rea li ses the truth o f those familiar beauti fu ll ines o f Tennyson’s :

I hold it true Whate’

er befall ;I feel it when I sorrow most ;’T is better to have loved and lostThan never to have loved at all.

EXEMPLIFICATION S

b e Applied to a Man

I wou ld not the la dies a larmB ut you know good advice is a pearl

,

Don’

t ma rry a da shing young fel low,

If you are a sensib le girl .-WM . M . RANKINE Songs of Society ”

)


A woman will save herself much fu ture trouble and pos

sib ly heart pangs if before allowmg herself to love a man

she asks herself these questions abou t him

D o you know his mother and s isters ?H ow does he treat them ?

Is he loyal to his f riends ?Is he always compla ining ?IS there any interest that you and he have in common ,

an interest which is likely to b e permanent ?

Does he take notice of other women when he is with you ?Do other men like him ?Is he jea lous of you r honour and reputation ?'Does he want to meet you Openly, or does he wish to do

so clandestinely?Is he a lways shaved and his shoes shined ? Are his clothesbrushed ? If not , why not tell him how well he lookswhen he Is well groomed ? Tell him one point at a

t ime and see how he takes it .Does he ever speak slightingly of women ?D id he ever boast to you of his conquests of other women ?Does he sneer a t the things you respect ?Is he punctual when he makes an appointment withyou ?

H as he any ambition ?IS he selfish ?H as he a good temper ?Does he ever rub you the wrong way ?

Does he say nasty things abou t other people ?Is he clean in his conversa tion ?

Is b e gu ilty of f amiliar presumptions ?Can he support you if necessary?


Would you b e willing to sit Opposite him a t breakfast,luncheon ,

and dinner every day for the rest Of your life ?Could you b e happy without him ?

Tests to bed pplied to a Woma n

Remember if thou ma rry f or beau ty, thou bindestthyself f or that wh ich perchance w i l l neither la stnor p lea se thee one year.—SIR WALTER RALEIGH .

Before a man f alls in love with a woman he shou ld pauseand ask himself whether She is the kind o f woman he wouldlike to live with all his days . L et him carefully ask himself

these questions

IS she a ttentive and resp ect ful to her parents ?Does she Show consideration to her elders ?Is she always dressed in good tas te, whether her garmentsb e stylish or pla in ?

In her cos tume does she sacrifice utility to style ?

Is she always neat and clean and f resh looking ?Are her Shoes run down at the heel ?

Does she make any vulgar display o f her body ?Does she seem modest ?

H as She smiles for every one and a heart for none ?Is she selfish ?Does She take any real interest in your work and your

ambitions ?Do you like to listen to her talk ?IS she weak and wavering in performing her duties ?H as She a good temper, or is she easily provoked and ap t

to nurse her wra th ?Does she nag ? Not you , of course, but anybody ?

'


Does she treat inferiors with courtesy or only her

sup erIOrS?

Is She in the habit of saying mean things about herf riends ?

IS She vain ?A re her words characterised by charity toward all and

malice toward none ?”

Can you support her ?Wou ld you b e willing to sit opposite her at luncheon,breakf ast , and dinner forever ?

Could you b e happy without her ?

Conversa tion b etween L overs .

This does not dea l with What the cynical call the foolish s tage,

” when conversation is usually confined to questionsas to whether the other of the happy pa ir is really in

Before that there are long periods of conversation whichmust b e a testing of the fitness of the possible life com

panions .

These conversations between men and women generallyform the means of their determining whether or not they

shall love each other.A man should give some glimpse Of his ambitions and his

hopes . H e shou ld not do this boastfully b ut with a b ecom

ing modesty tha t withou t conceit states his merits .

A clever woman '

who takes a rea l interest in him will seekto draw him ou t .

There shou ld a lways b e a t alk about each other’s f amily.

Should any reticence b e shown on that subject it should bebrought up aga in . It is quite common to say

“ I am not

marrying the f amily,”

yet it is very f ar f rom the truth.

'

5 2' [TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE

Teeth,

Ad lib .

Talk No, 2—Yes , I

’

m married, but my wife doesn’

t un

derstand me .

T a lk No . 3—You

’

re just the type for the movies . Ihave a f riend connected with the What’s This CompanyI

’

d b e glad to send you to.

Ta lk No . 4—1 have two motor cars, b ut they a re both in

the repair shop .

T a lk No . 5—Wou ld you like to have luncheon some day

a t the Ritz ?

T alk No . 6—You seem to b e an exceptionally intelligentgirl , capable of grea ter things than the work you are doing.

When you talk to a man or woman avoid trite topics and

stereotyped phrases . Make a careful study of ChapterslvIII, IX , and X of this work and bear in mind that the

man or woman to whom you are talking is likely to considerWhether he or she wou ld like to hear the same line of con

versation and in the same voice for the rest of life’

s existence.

And b e carefu l not to overdo the matter of sympathy,

You know very well that those people whom Amy L esliedescribed as

“

as sympathetic as a chameleon, have theirwords discounted .

And as f or sincerity, remember tha t it is a dose that must

b e administered in modera tion . Man loves sincerity until

he finds it .

L ove L etters

Be very carefu l wha t you write when you are in love.The newspapers have printed many

“

stories” that Show the

danger of carelessness in this respect .


A safe rule is to write nothing that you would not say in

public. It is all right to tell your love if you are willingfor all the world to know it , b u t do not u se any words or

phrases which would make you blush if they were publishedin the newspapers .

Your letters might not be published in the newspapersb ut remember tha t a woman’

s handbag may b e stolen or

letters may f all ou t of a man’

s pocket . This sort of thing

happ ens every day.

Unfortunately people do not burn love letters . Being

tokens of a ffect ion they are preserved. They o f ten f all

into the wrong hands to the great annoyance of the

Sometimes the most ardent love a ff a ir ends suddenly. In

such circumstances letters shou ld b e returned if they havebeen saved. O f ten they are not returned, and yearsaf terward may cause serious embarrassment to the

wri ter.Read the rules given in Chapter XV of this work regard

ing the correspondence between women and men of Cu lture.

Preserve as much formality as possible. Be even more careful in your written words than you would b e of those whichyou sp eak.

The most sa tis f actory love letter, when a man and womanare in different cities, is one that tells what you have beendoing and who you have seen ; what you think about something that has happened. Occasionally there should b e men

t ion of how much you miss the loved one and long to be

again with him or her. NO“

kisses” Shou ld b e enclosed

unless the love has reached the“ kissing stage,

”and is well

known by your f riends to have done so .

Be careful to keep control of your feelings ; do not say

54 ,THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

more than you mean ,It seems formal to do so, b ut before

you mail a love letter you shou ld read it over. O f ten you

will find that you have u sed the wrong word. Yourthoughts may have run so much f aster than your p en that

you will have omitted a“

not”that changes the whole mean

ing Of your sentence.

Remember tha t while spoken words may perish, yourwritten words may return to embarrass you until the day

Of your death.

If you want to pour out your heart in a letter expressingto the full your passion , write such a letter. It will giverelief to your pent-up f eelings . But when you have rereadit , b e sure to burn it up . Thousands of such love letters arewritten daily by men and women of Cu lture and probablyas many love letters are written and burned as are writtenand mailed.

Shou ld a f riendship b e broken do not hesitate to ask for

the return of your letters. It is your due ; you would not

wish them to f all into the hands of the successor to yoformer loved one

’

s heart .

L overr’

Quarrels

A word or stone once let go can never b e reca l led—SPANISH PROVERB.

Q uarrels a re always b ad. Those of lovers are the wo

There are those who say that the quarrels of lovers a re

summer showers tha t leave the country more greenbeautiful ; yet this is very f ar f rom the truth. It is sel

that there is any sweetness in a reconciliation suflici

compensate for the sting. Even a t iny quarrel over acause may cause scars that will last for years.

MEN AND WOMEN OF CULTURE 5 5,

It is said it takes two to make a quarrel ; and obviouslyWhether this is true or not the quarrel would not last long

if the f ault were all on one side. When the quarrel beginsthere come recriminations, and each of the lovers is ap t to

om the past all possible subjects of grievance many

had long been forgotten until the new quarrel

When a quarrel threatens, try to have su fficient con trolof yourself to examine carefully whether the cause of the

quarrel is worth the f racas it is causing.

“ A sof t answer turneth away wra th, bu t grievous strifekindleth anger,

”said Solomon, the wisest of men ; and he is

well known to have had very great experience in dea lingwith women since he had 700 wives.Diplomacy convinces the wise person that when f ault is

found, the best thing to do is to either f rankly or tacitly

admit that you are in the wrong, unless it is a matter thatis really a great moral principle and of importance. The

great trouble is that it is difficult in the first moment of

anger to realise what is of real importance.

Ask abou t the ma tter ; find ou t why it happened and how.

If some words are the cause, ask an explanation of theirmeaning if it is of importance. If not change the subjectas qu ickly as possible but not in such an abrupt way as to

make your eff ort obvious .

To say“ I am awfully sorry ; I didn

’

t know you f elt thatway about it , but now I see your po int of view,

”has nipped

many a quarrel in the b ud.

A great mistake that is made by many men and womenof a quarrelsome disposition is that constant f ault findingis ap t to check that f rankness which is so essential to the

p roper understanding of one another on the part of lovers.

5 6 TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE

The one who is criticised continuously and who feels thatit is unreasonable is likely to become secretive. Instead of

telling the other all about everything, there is concealment

of actions and thoughts . Such is a very unfortunate stateof a ff airs and will lead to much trouble .

The best way to avoid quarrels i s to bear with‘

anotherperson’

s f aults. It is useless to quarrel several times overexactly the same thing. When a person does somethingseveral times, it is almost certain that it betrays a fixed habit.Such habits are not likely. to b e broken . You must decide

once for a ll whether you will love in spite of these habits,which you probably will not b e able to curb , or whether

you will overlook them for the sake of other qualities thatmake you love.

Should a qu arrel end in a partIng In anger, there shouldb e an attempt to get hold of the loved one as soon as your

anger is over. The telephone has b een a grea t inventionin that it makes it possible to annihilate the distance that

the first bursts of anger have put between those who havequarrelled.

If you think that you were possibly in the wrong—mindyou , you may have some right on your side, b ut yetmay be part ly yours—write a note saying so and send it

messenger. Better yet telephone ; if the person is not

leave word to phone you . If you were in the wrong,so. When this is followed by a renewal of pledges off ection , it may indeed lead to increased love.

Really serious quarrels between men and womenof ten prevented a courtship reaching the stage of an en

ment . If a man or woman finds that the o

going to nag and be a constant source


will b e a natural hesitation to tying oneself up for life toconstant quarrelling.

Sometimes quarrels , if not too bitter, serve a usefu l purpose. They enable mu tual understanding of important

upon which there are diff erences and lead to the mak

a sort of a plat form upon which the two can unite.

ere is one saf e rule to observe in a quarrel. This is to

the biblical injunction ,

“L et not the sun go down

upon thy wra th.

”Try, if possible, to patch up the quarrel,

before it can cause a sleepless n ight either to you or to the

person with whom you have quarrelled.

When a Young L ady d shs a M an to D ine at H er H ome

E arly in the acquaintance of a man and a woman, shouldboth b e unmarried and if there seems a possibility of therebeing something more than f riendship , the lady should invitethe man to dine at her home.

She shou ld extend the invitation in this wise : Motherwould like to meet you , since I have spoken so of ten of you .

When could you come and take dinner with us ?”The

man will then name a convenient day.

When he arrives there should be an una ffected presentation of the man to the f amily. It is a serious mistake forthem to make '

an attempt to dress up for the occasion , al

though of course they should b e dressed well in his honou r.The members of the f amily will all greet him warmly and

shake hands with him.

No effort Should b e made to have the dinner much moreelabora te than usu al

.There may b e an extra cou rse or

two, but there should be no attempt at display. Such wouldbe easily detected and things might go wrong. If the fam

'


ily is in the habit of serving dinner in the English style,instead of a la Russe ( see Chapter XIII ) that style shou ldb e followed.

The man is most interested in knowing the kind of peopleone

’

s f amily are . It is to meet them that he is dining a t

your home, and he will think all the more of you if you

make no a ttempt to concea l your ordinary way of living.

We have emphasised these points so strongly becau se some

young women do make these mistakes, and instead of ga in

ing in esteem by it they actually su ff er in the man’

s estima

tion . Cu lture is not a matter of the number of servantsone employs nor the number of courses one is in the habitof eating. It is, however, a matter o f neatness , and greatcare should be taken that the silverware and napery are

above reproach .

The young lady whose household is more elaborate willhave an easier time of it . She will simply tell her motherthe date when she wou ld like to have the young man invited,and her mother will write a note of invitation .

The man so honoured Should ask the young lady and her

mother to go to the thea tre and dinner with him on some

later evening. Such an invitation should not b e given the

same evening, so that it may not b e too obviously in returnfor the hospitality tha t has been extended . H e shou ld writea note to the mother, probably a f ter a conference withthe daughter, to find out what would b e a suitable day.

The Bachelor Girl’

s E nterta inments

The most popular enterta inment for a bachelor girl isa f ternoon tea . She has an advantage over her s isters inthat , while they may not entertain in this fashion on Sunday,

she may do so, and thus she is likely to have more men pres

'


such as : Will be glad to have you come to tea next Sun

day three to six,”and this entrusted to the post .

If the apartment is large enough there may b e dancing.

The mu sic may b e furnished by a phonograph and as theremay not b e enough men present the girls may dance witheach other

,

The a rrangements a t such a tea should b e of the simplestand no e ff ort at display or pretentious spread of delicaciesshould b e made

Bachelor E nterta inments

A bachelor may enterta in ladies at his rooms, if he has a

sufficiently appropriate apartment to warrant so doing, and ifhe provides a chaperon . Na tu ra lly no party a u deux or a n

qua tre ( of two or four) is permissible hence the chaperonis essentia l , even though the host b e an artist with a stu

dio.

If he is a member of a club he may entertain a pa rty of

women there, and may even ask a woman to take luncheonor dinner with him if he also invites a chaperon . It is not

good form f or a woman to dine alone at the club with a

man unless he is a blood relative. Members Of clubs are

notoriou s as gossips, and no woman should subject herself toremark.

Should the en tertainment b e a t his club, in his rooms,or at a rest aurant , some attention Should b e pa id to t abledecora tion . There always Shou ld b e flowers , if his pu rsecan a f ford it , and these should b e a Single bunch of rosesor some other flower tastefu lly displayed as in the ladiesluncheons, described in Chapter X IV. The desire of him

self and the other men present for masculine viands should


be subordina ted and the dainty food that women f ancy

should b e substituted in the menu .

When the party is given in his apartment it must not b etoo in formal. A t a studio supper even t in cups and paper

he used . But a supper in his apartmentsuld be furnished by a caterer, and the la tter shou ld send

china , napery, and silverware needed, as well as the men

the proper service.

On this account if a bachelor is not a member O f a clubhe prefers to entertain ladies a t a restaurant . This should

be carefully planned in advance, and all the arrangementsmade as a lready have been described in this work.

Presents Exchanged b etween M en and Women

The exchange of presents between men and women is

strictly limited by the following ru lesThe gif ts tha t custom permits a man to give to a lady

are limited in good society to books , candy, and flowers .

Any girl who accepts any other gif t , on any pretense,shows tha t She is ignorant of the ru les of correct conduct

among people of social position ,

A man can give a near relative'

anything, Of course,while in the event of an engagement there are slightly moreliberal rules , b u t otherwise it is an actual insult to a womanto give her any va luable present .A gif t of clothing is regarded as an insult .

A woman can give a man a book, CIga rs , or a cigarettecase. But it is a sa fe ru le for a woman never to give a man

any presen t , unless she is engaged to him. It may lead to

a misunderstanding.

x,Presen ts o f little things that can b e used in the Office,

given by people in the same office, are permissible.


In giving a book to one of the opposite sex you should b every su re that it is a sa fe present . Preferably it Should b ea book that you have read yourself and have enjoyed .

Your f riend is perfectly justified in believing that you agreewith the views expressed by the au thor, tha t you like that

kind of book, and f eel that you r friend also would likeit.

The f act that you a re rich and your f riend is poor doesnot justify you in making an undue display Of your prosp erity. H e may accept your gif t b u t he will resen t it .A man mu st , of course, accept any present that a woman

Off ers him, even though he may not wan t it , and may knowit to b e b ad taste on her part to have given it to him. H e

must disguise his thoughts and thank her politely.

As has been expla ined, a woman cannot accept any valuable presents f rom a man not a close relation . Even at the

risk of O ff ending him she must decline. She Should say:“It is so nice of you to have thought of me, bu t I really

cannot accept it . And she must be firm in her refusa land if he persists and sends it she must retu rn it withnote. A gentleman will understand and not revea l the laof Culture tha t asking a reason would betray.

For him to ask a reason , and seriously persist , wouldmean that either he did not understand the rules o f socia lusage or that he thought the girl was ignorant of them.

The best gif t to O ff er a woman is flowers . If a man

can a ff ord it he should send them a t every possible oppor

tun ity if he Wishes to Show an interest in her. But to

send them is an indication that he has such interest .A gif t of flowers is the best recogn i tIOn of a woma

birthday ; they are also especially appropriate at Easter,


at Christmas . On these three occasions it is regarded as

merely a courtesy.

Many men make the mistake of sending flowers that a re

more valuable than they can a ff ord. This , like every at

tempt at “

showing off ,”is in b ad form

CHAPTER XX

ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS

The M eaning of a n E ngagement

N Am eri ca , even among people o f Culture, wespeak o f the man and woman who have agreedto ma rry as “

engaged .

” I t i s a new word and

a lmost taboo among people o f Cu lture in England .

I t has been so genera lly used by the ma sses , however , in th i s country , tha t the cla s ses a lso use i t,a lthough in England i t i s sti ll a s socia ted with ’Arryand

’Arriet .There a re three words tha t might b e appl ied .

Betrothed” i s the old Engl ish word , and i t s equialent i s a l so used in Germany. The word “ trmeans fa i th , and so i t indica tes tha t the pa i r havexchanged fa i th .

“Aflianced

” i s the word in use in England amonthe upper cla sses . Members o f grea t family“a ffianced” a lso in France , I ta ly , and Spa in .

Old French word afia nczer means trust .Both

“a ffia nced

”and

“ betro thed mean pledgedwh i le engaged” means merely a p romisewh i le i t ought to b e the same thIng, Is not .

people o f Culture in recen t yea rs , the wo64

ENGAGEMENTS AND WE DDINGS .65

trothal f or engagement” and a ffianced or b e

trothed f or“engagement have come into increa s

ing use a lthough the newspapers still ca ll i t an “en

gagemen t .”

Among us a s a rule i t i s really an engagement,”

since there i s an increa sing tendency to rega rd theperiod between tha t and the ma rriage , or a t lea s tuntil the sending out o f the wedding invi ta tions , asone in which the man and woman a re lef t a s muchto themselves a s they choose , and with us engagements are very o f ten broken . The grea ter the Culture a person possesses the more cautious he or she

i s in mak ing any engagement to ma rry or anyother kind , and the more reluctance i s shown inbreaking such a promise . With people o f Culture apromise i s as binding a s an oa th .

In Shakespea re’s “ Twel fth Night” the holy man

sa id , in speaking of a betrotha l , tha t i t i s

A contract of eternal bond of love,Confirmed by mutual joinder of your hands,A ttested by the holy close of lips,Strengthened by in terchangement of your rings ;And all the ceremony of this compactSealed in my function .

One rea son f or the favour whi ch the word he

tro thed” rece ives now among people o f Culture i sthi s sentiment tha t clings to i t ; f or

“ betrothed”

signifies kn ightly truth and tenderness .AS f or the word “

a ffi anced ,”

you w i ll have no


ticed tha t i t i s a lways used in the ca se o f the pr incelyand other grea t families o f Europe none o f whoml ightly make such promises o f a ll iance .

One th ing must b e borne in mind by a woman , andtha t i s tha t a “ secret engagement” i s virtua lly no en

gagement a t a ll. I t i s a promise withou t witnesses ,and there a re plen ty O f people who a re so b a sea s to break such promises . There Should b e publici ty about an engagemen t so tha t there may b e no

tempta tion to break i t f or insu fficient cause. Amongthe lower cla sses in Grea t Br i ta in breach o f promisesui ts due to secret engagements a re quite frequent .'Here in Amer i ca , in every circle Of society, there i s agrea t unwill ingnes s to hold a man to a promise of

ma rr iage when he seeks to break i t ; and , o f course,a man would he laughed ou t o f court i f he were toinsi st on a woman not changing her mind i f she

Wi shes . Yet secret engagements have made many awoman a widow , before She became a wife.

'

After a n E ngagement

When an engagement ha s been a rranged i t i s cu stomary among people o f Culture for i t to b e con

fi rmed in the p resence o f the members o f the resp ective famil ies . Usua lly the bride’s mother invites theman and h i s family to d inner ; and then there i s amutua l interchange o f congra tula tions , and perhap sa t tha t t ime the da te f or the wedding i s di scussed .

Th i s i s our substi tute f or the betro tha l ceremonietha t are still in vogue in Europe . In En

5


cho i ce a s to the selection o f their husbands and

merely exchange a f ew words in the p resence o f

their families and , perhaps , have their hand kissedbefore the wedding .

'The Announcement of a n E ngagement

An engagement should b e promptly announced .

Genera lly thi s is done by sending a notice to (thenewspapers , wh ich must b e signed by e i ther o f the

contra cting pa rties , or by the mother o f the b ride ,so tha t the edi tor may know tha t the news i s authentic. Such notices form a la rge pa rt O f the so

ciety news” pub l i shed in newspapers o f the townsand sma ller ci ties . In the grea t ci ties , however ,they are seldom pub l i shed unles s one or the o ther o fthe pa rties to the engagement i s well known .

Where no such publi c announcement i s made throughthe p aper i t i s not the custom to send out e

announcements , a s i s done in some Europeatries , but the news must b e spread by word o f mou

The man and the woman Should both tell a ll

their fr iends . There should b e no rea son f orcrecy, and noth ing can rea lly j usti fy i t . I t i s ttha t some young women preserve reticence a s toengagements on the ground tha t “

an enga'

g

has such a poor time ,” but th i s , l ike many 0

men ca ll “ women’s rea sons , does not applyopposite sex , and an engagement should no

secret a t a man’s reques t .in mind the axi om in

ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS 69

ment i s no engagement , and i f the man requests tha ti t b e kept secret, the woman should say tha t Shepref ers not to b e engaged unti l he is ready to a llowi t to b e announced . In the meantime , under th i srcumstance the woman , who i s true to her inna teulture , will not permit any O f the f amilia r ity tha tcustoms o f the day sanction on the part o f en

cd couples .

he E ngagement Ring

The pledge o f an engagement i s the r ing. Inand in plays sometimes and a lmost a lways

motion pictures the hero has the engagement ring1 ready in a l i ttle b ox in his vest pocket . But thi snot done in rea l li fe . A man shows too much

tha t he will b e a ccepted when he provideshimsel f w i th a ring and aga in how could he knowtha t i t would fit the third finger o f the woman’s lefthand ?

- A woman should b e consulted in regard to the

ring , since some women prefer sapphires to diamonds , and one i s a s good form a s the other . The

man a sks the woman to let him mea sure her finger,and he should have the ring f or her the very nextday. I t not only disappo ints the woman but i s impol i te to delay its purcha se any longer than i s ahsolutely necessa ry. Since there i s a lways a chancetha t the ring may not fi t, there should b e an

understanding w i th the j eweller tha t i t can b e ex

changed f or one of the proper s ize. It i s not good


form for a woman to go with a man when he buysthe r ing , s ince she must not know Wha t i t costs .Hence the man must depend a lmo st entirely uponh i s knowledge o f the woman’s ta ste .

A man should not buy a r ing tha t is more ex

pensive than he can a ff ord , s ince i t may mislead h i sfiancé a s to h i s wea l th . I t ha s been sa i d tha t theperiod o f courtship i s one o f dece i t dur ing wh i chboth the man and the woman seek to delude the

other by the suggestion s o f a ttra ctive qua l i tieswh ich they do not po ssess . When the engagement begin s there should b e an end to all

p retence,since from tha t time forth , a t lea st , t

should b e franknes s and no a rousing o f fa l se hwhose d i s sip a tion will add to the a l ready toonecessa ry adj ustments tha t must take place a fte

marr iage .

The L ength of a n E ngagement

C ustom makes the woman the j udge o f the lengtho f the engagemen t . The usua l per iod i s two

months , wh i ch i s a su fficiently long time f or the man

and woman to become a cqua inted .

“ Ride not postha s te to your ma rriage ; i f you do , you may in the

period o f your journey take sorrow f or your inn an

make repentance your host ,” sa id Whetstone . An

the Engli sh , French , Germans , I ta l ians , and Dutc

all have a proverb : “ Ma rry in ha ste ; repent a t lesure. I ts preva lence in a ll these languagesthe universa l popula r bel ief in i ts truth . Som

ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS 7 1

a long engagement i s arranged , SO tha t the engagedcouple may make up their minds more fully, butsociety looks wi th dis f avour upon this . Should a

long engagement b e necessa ry f or any rea son i t i sbetter to have no engagement wha tever , leaving theman and woman free until they a re ready to tell theworld tha t they a re about to ma rry.

A man is not permi tted to a sk for a long engagement. Should he b e abou t to go on a long journey ,or intend an absence o f severa l months , there shouldb e no engagement . To make one is unfa ir to bo th ;since the girl left behind is pu t in a very di fficult p oSItIon , and the new envi ronment and the separa tionmay gradua lly dim the man’s recollection o f her

cha rms . I f they are rea lly in love , the sa fest plani s to ma rry, or else to pa rt w ith a promise . Ex

p erience shows tha t such engagements o f ten lead tounhappiness since one may rema in loya l while the

o ther f orgets . Nea rly everyone knows o f instancesduring the World War tha t prove the advantageso f the course which we have mentioned and whichha s the strong approba tion o f society.

Sometimes engagements a re f ool i shly made tha textend f or long periods , perhaps f or yea rs , the mar

riage being planned to take place a t some indefin iteda te . Such an a rrangement seldom brings happiness to the woman . She su ffers f or her grea ter constancy; and since a woman ages f a ster than a man ,

she may wake some day to find tha t her dream O f

happiness i s over .


The Period of Mutua l Adjus tments

As has been sa id , people o f the h ighest Culture rega rd a promise o f ma rr iage a s something sa credand not to b e broken except f or grave rea sons . Yet

among the grea t ma s s o f people engagements a rera ther l igh tly entered into and a re rega rded a s a

period o f tria l before the forma l ma rr iage , duringwh i ch they lea rn ea ch o ther’s ta stes and ways . Ma

tua l courtesy i s the best a ssurance o f happiness , ando f making the course o f true love run smoo thly .

Many o f the th ings tha t a re “ j ust my l i ttle ways”

must b e abandoned by both , f or i t i s a prel imina ryper iod of mutua l adjustments ca ll ing f or many sl igh tsacr ifices a s well a s f or courtesy . Dean Swi ft sa idtha t the rea son why SO f ew ma rr iages a re happy i s“ because young ladies spend their time in makingnets , not in making cages .

”Du ring the engagement

many men do escape from the net .

“ A continuous dropping on a ra iny day and a contentiouswoman a re a l ike ,

” says the B ible .

To wha t exten t confidences should b e exchangedbefore ma rr iage i s la rgely a ma tter o f j udgment inindividua l ca ses , a lthough in thi s , a s in any otherma tter , the old saw,

“ Lea st sa i d soones t mended”

app lies . I s there any better advice tha t could b egiven in th is or any other ci rcumstance than tha t o fC onfucius , the grea test o f Ch inese s ages , who declared :

“ Silence i s a true friend tha t never b etrays .Nearly every man and woman has had some sort

ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS,73

OFa fl ir ta tion before the r ight person i s encounteredthi s may b e taken a s a ma tter o f course . The w i seman or woman does not a sk any questions a s to theexistence of any previous love a ffa i rs nor how f ar

they may have progressed . Such questions onlya rouse unea siness , since human na ture is such tha t noa ssurances a re adequa te , and the tru th i s o ften re

garded a s a lie even i f i t does not furn i sh a ba sisf or exaggera tion in the imagina tIon o f the l i stener.

Certa inly one should not go out o f his way to destroy any i llusion tha t his sweethea rt may possessin rega rd to him. When a man is engaged a new

l i fe begins for him . The pa st , wha tever i t may“

h ave been ,shou ld b e buried in Oblivion .

“

The happiest woman , l ike the happiest na tions , have no his

tory ,” sa id Geo rge Eliot , and even mo re to the

po int i s the maxim o f Pa sca l Man does not wishto b e told the truth . Certa inly he does not wishto hea r i t if i t i s disagreeab le .

Conduct during the E ngagement Peri od

The period o f the engagemen t,however, does

mean tha t each must practica lly give up the societyo f any other person o f the opposite sex . Na turallyi t i s to b e presumed tha t i f there have been any en

tanglements , however slight , they have been removedso tha t there ha s been f reedom o f contract and no

chance for any emba rra ssment .The announcement o f an engagement i s tanta


mount to the posting o f a sign , No trespa ssers allowed , a l though we do not go to the extreme tha ti s followed in China and in many pa rts o f Asia and

Africa , where the engaged girl stays indoor s unti l she i s ma rr ied . But with us no woman o f Culture permits any man but her fiancé to ca ll on herexcept on her day a t home ( i f she ha s one ) a fterher engagement i s announced ; nor does she a cceptinvi ta tions to enterta inments wi th any o ther man

even i f she i s chaperoned . Presents , even o f

flowers , from o ther men a re taboo,unless they

a ccomp any a note congra tula ting her on her engagemen t . People o f Culture wi ll not invite the engagedgir l to a dance , a dinner or a reception , withouta lso invi ting her hance, and should any one do so , i ti s her duty not to a ccep t . Such restr i ctions provei rksome to some women ; i f they do not l ike themthey make a serious mistake in ma rrying a man

,f or

a fter ma rriage the woman will find tha t her conductin th i s respect must b e even more stri ct .Throughout an engagement a man ha s a per fect

r igh t to exerci se control over h i s fiancée’

s friendsh ipwi th other men , and a t the same time she ha s a rightto say wha t other women he sha ll meet or ta lk to .

I f a man ha s plea san t friendsh ip s wi th o ther womentha t he wishes to continue he must e i ther introducethem to the woman to whom he i s engaged and see

them only in her presence, or else he must abandonsuch fr iendsh ip s a l together . Any o ther conduct i sunj ust to h i s promised bride .


made them one . Thus i t i s cons idered b ad formf or engaged couples to seek out da rk corners .A man will find tha t i t is a wise policy to b e a s

pol i te and considera te a s in the ea rl ies t dayso f courtsh ip .

“ Courtesy wins women a s well a s

va lor may,”and the more a wel l-bred man loves a

woman the h igher the pedes ta l i s upon wh ich heplaces h i s idol .The per iod before ma rr iage then , being one in

wh i ch adjustments a re made before i t i s too la te,the adjustments mus t b e made . I t i s the per iod during wh ich should b e developed tha t perfect understand ing which a lone can form the ba s i s o f a happymarr iage . The bes t use to make of i t i s not !

to

cri ti ci se nor to find fault , but to di scover new tra i tsto admire , so tha t happ ines s may increa se day byday.

Often when marr iages have been a rranged f orrea sons o ther than love the period a fter the b e

trothal serves to give a rea l apprecia tion o f ea cho ther’s qua li ties tha t br ings mutua l esteem . To en

ter sa fely in to the ma rr ied s ta te i t i s necessa ry tha tthe man and woman bo th have an unders tanding o f

human na ture ; they must unders tand ea ch other’sdi sposi tions and compa re them , finding po ints o f

conta ct,a rriving a t the result frankly and candidly.

The ‘Brea king of a n E ngagement

'

An engagemen t to wed i s seldom broken a fterwedding cards have been sent out , since i t

ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS 77j

necessita te sending a no te o f explana tion to all the

guests and would cause a grea t dea l o f unplea santcomment . But , un f ortuna tely, so many promi ses tomarry are made heedlessly tha t engagements a re

often broken . This i s very serious , but i t i s betterto break an engagement than to ma rry and procure ad ivorce . Even though the laws o f some churchesforbid divorces and the divorce laws in a f ew sta tes

are very strict, there a re now l iving in America ha l f'

a million divorced persons who a fford l iving proo ftha t ma rriage ha s been a fa ilure so f ar a s theyare concerned .

More than two hundred and fi fty yea rs ago

Franci s Qua rles , poet and cup-bea rer to QueenElizabeth o f Bohemia , gave thi s advice which i sworth considering to-day :

“ Ma rry not too young ;and when thou a rt too old

,marry not ; let thy liking

r ipen bef ore thy love ; let thy love advise be f ore thycho i ce ; let thy cho ice b e fixed before thou ma rry ;remember the whole happiness or unhappiness o f

thy li f e depends upon one act ; he tha t weds in ha sterepents o f ten by leisure , and he tha t repents him o f

his own a ct ei ther wa s or i s a foo l by conf ession .

”

I t is thi s desi re to avo id being rega rded a s a fool5 brought abou t so many unhappy ma rriages ,f ter the loosely made engagements

,ba sed on

f ancies , tha t a re so popula r in America ,man and woman have been too cowardly to

ak the ties . If there i s a rea l rea son for the

cella tion i t should b e done ; and incompa tibili ty of


temperamen t i s one o f the most va l id rea sons

‘

p ossi

b le .

When an engagement i s broken the man a ssumesthe blame, and Culture demands tha t whether he or

the woman i s in the wrong he must let her spreadthe tidings and a ssign wha tever rea son she chooses .Wha tever she may say he cannot deny. Th i s i s sowell known tha t a ctua lly the woman a lways gets thecri ti ci sm , and mos t people a ssume tha t i t i s her faul t .Hence i t i s tha t a woman i s very reluctant to breakan engagement . Society a lways ra i ses i ts eyebrowswhen an engagement i s broken ; and , a s we have sa id ,people o f Culture should keep their promises . Yet

i f there i s rea l rea son i t i s better to break the em

gagement than to have recourse to the d ivorce courtsla ter . The mistake i s not so much

'

in breaking theengagemen t a s i t is in making i t in the fi rst pla cewithout a full knowledge o f the person whom one

ha s planned to make hi s li fe pa rtner .Na tura lly when an engagemen t i s b roken the

man returns all the letters and presents he may havereceived from the woman and she does the same .

She i s not obliged to return any gi fts received before

the engagement but genera lly she does so . No me

mentoes o f thei r mi stake should b e preserved a s i twould serve to keep a l ive cruel memor ies . When

an engagement i s b roken the man and woman shouldavo i d ea ch o ther’s society. Thei r friends will not

b e so impol it i c a s to a ttemp t a rapp rochement,


and will avo id inviting both o f them to the samefunction .

Pla ns f or the Wedding

Two months a f ter the announcement o f the en

gagement the wedding genera lly takes place . The

da te is set by the bride and her mother , a lthough theman may b e consul ted . Everything to do with thea rrangements f or the wedding , the sending ou t o f

the cards and other deta i ls , a re in the woman’s hands

completely . The man may supply a l i s t o f h i sfriends to whom the invita tions may b e sent , and

he may a ssi st in addressing the invi ta tions,but

he must no t a rrange f or their engraving, and

o f course he must not p ay f or them . A man

must not p ay any o f the expenses o f his wedding,except to buy the wedding ring, provide the f ee

for the clergyman and give gifts to his ushers andthe bouquet to the bride .

A very precise oldtime a ri stocra t o f New Yorkbroke her daughter’s engagement some yea rs agobecause her fiancé b rought her a dress from Pa ris .She sa id tha t i f he did not know enough not to giveher daughter clothes while she wa s under her roofhe wa s not enough o f a gentleman to ma rry her .

Though this may have been an exaggera ted feeling,the principle wa s right , since a man must not p ayf or the shoes , gown , wedding invita tions , or any

other expense o f tha t nature for h i s betrothed . The


principle i s tha t a man should not p ay f or anythingf or h i s fiancée tha t she could not return i f the en

gagement were broken . The min i s ter’s f ee i s pa ida fter she ha s become h i s br ide .

In sending out invi ta tions the rule i s tha t theymust b e sen t by the bride’s mother to every one uponher vi si ting l i s t . I f only a f ew guests a re desi redthey must b e invi ted informa lly , pre ferably by wordo f mouth , and announcements sent a fter the wedd ing to everybody o f the mother’s a cqua intance .

The forms o f invi ta tions and announcements are

given in the exemp lifica tions to'

this chapter , a s a re

o ther deta i l s o f the wedding ceremony tha t are not

dwel t upon in length in th i s theme .

Where the Wedding is H eld

One o f the firs t questions tha t a r i ses i s whetherthe ma rriage should b e a t the bri de’s home or in a

church . To b e ma rried by a civi l ceremony i s regarded by many people much a s in the l ight o f ane lopement , and in those countries where i t i s re

quired i t i s customa ry to supplement the civil ceremony with a church wedding .

The church wedding i s much to b e preferred .

There i s an I ta l ian proverb which every one knowstha t runs : “ Ma rr iages a re made in heaven .

”

From th i s ha s a ri sen a bel ief tha t i s a lmos t a superstition , even among those who a re not devout , tha ta ma rr iage not sanctified by a

—clergyman or pr ies tWill not b e happy . I t was Chr i stian i ty tha t gave


marriage it s religious chara cter, a ccording to Wes

termarck in hi s very voluminous “ History o f Mar

riage .

”The Founder o f the church did not p re

scribe any ceremonies , b ut from St . Paul’s saying inEphesians V, 32 , the Ca tholi cs developed the i deatha t ma rriage wa s a sacrament , and o ther churcheshave continued the tradition . Though since the

time o f L uther Pro testants have not rega rded it a sa sacramen t mos t rel igious denomina tions have madei t a divine institution . Many b rides do not rega rda wedding ceremony a s enti rely “ r ight” unless i t i sperformed by the clergyman and in chu rch . Thisf eeling should b e respected by the man . H er wed

ding day is the grea t event in a woman’s l i fe , and theman shou ld , if only for pol i cy

’s sake , do everythingto encourage her in tha t belief and let her have herway in every deta i l .Home weddings a re genera lly held only when the

bride’s f amily ha s a very la rge house and desi res toavo id the presence of the curious . Except in C a thol i c churches , however , there may b e a s much priva cya s desi red ; o f course , in a Ca thol i c church a priestwill seldom permi t tha t chance comers should not

have a ccess f or their prayers under any circumstances .The home wedding i s less ceremon iou s than the

church wedding . There a re seldom either bridesma ids or ushers , there being no room f or them inany but the very la rgest hou ses , those tha t approachin size the palaces abroad ; but in the pa la ces abroad

.82 THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

the ceremony i s performed in the chapel on the

e sta te i f not in the grea t Church nea r by .

The Church Wedding

A church wedding may indeed b e a s simple a s a

home wedding since the l i ttle p a rty o f verba lly invited gues ts , mostly rela tives , may go to the churchand have the ceremony sanctified there . Brideswhose pa rents can a ff ord i t genera lly like to have thegrand and gorgeous church weddings and , a s i t i s herone grea t chance to b e the cynosure o f all eyes , neither her ba shful groom , nor her parents a re ap t to

grudge her thi s sa ti s fa ction .

The Church wedding w i th a la rge number o f in

vita tions sent out a lso means , o f course , a host o fwedd ing presents . Custom prescribes tha t everyperson who i s invited to a wedd ing sha ll send a present . These need not b e elabora te but must b e sen tto the bride befo re the ceremony and addressed toher a t her home and in her ma i den name . A br ideshould wri te a note o f thanks to every one who sendsher a presen t and before she leaves her home ; theseshe must wri te whether she knows the people p ersonally or not , a s they may b e fr iends o f her husb and .

Ca re in sending these notes i s an essentia l o f

Culture , and many brides have wri tten them unti lthe very momen t when they a re about tothe ca rr iage f or church . I f any presents a rr ila te f or such a cknowledgment the ma tter m


When the ceremony i s over the br ide and groom

go down the a i sle first,fol lowed by the children ,

the bridesma ids , and then the ushers , the fa ther andmother and then the gues ts . The ushers often gofi rst in order to b e o f genera l a ss i s tance in keepingb a ck the people a t a very fa shionable church wed

d ing .

Widows who a re rema rried canno t wea r a vei l ororange blossoms , and custom prescribes tha t theywea r ha ts and have no br idesma ids .

The H ome Wedding

When the wedding takes pla ce a t home the br ideand groom en ter together and take their pla ce beforethe clergyman , who awa i ts them ; then come the

fa ther and mother and o ther fr iends . The fa thers tands nea r enough to give the bride away, and a

pa ir o f ha ssocks i s provided for the bride and

groom to kneel upon . Depending upon the s ize o f

the home , the ceremony may follow in some re

sp ects tha t used in church . Note the deta i ls in the

exemp lifica tions to th i s chap ter .In the opin ion o f the world , as shown in mo s t of

our Ameri can novels , ma rr iage ends a ll. In rea llif e

'

it i s , or should b e, the reverse . Ma rriage i s thebeginning not the end of romance . The honeymooni s the rea l beginning . The word honeymoon meanshoney month , and dur ing the luna r monthdays following the wedding , the Teutons dror methegl in— a beverage made o f

ENGAGEMENTS'

AND WEDDINGS 85

beverage f or thirty days wou ld cloy us to-day, butthe honeymoon should b e a period of unending del ights .

The H oneymoon

The secret o f happiness during the honeymoon

rests in not neglecting to b e a s agreeab le a f ter ma r

riage a s be f ore . The grea t Swedish noveli st , Frederika Bremer , who played so grea t a pa rt in improving the condit ion o f Scandinavi an women ,

wro te : “ Many a ma rri age ha s commenced like therosy morn ing and peri shed like a mushroom; wherefore ? Becau se the ma rried pa i r neglected to b e a s

agreeable to ea ch other a f ter thei r union a s theywere before . Seek a lways to plea se each other ;lavish not all your love to-day ; remember tha t mar

riage has many to-morrows .Formerly much secrecy wa s observed a s to the

place where the honeymoon wa s to b e spent. Nowa

days , tha t the rough jokes o f pea sant origin havebeen softened , there i s no need o f the happy pa irtescap ing by stea lth , and i t

‘

i s indeed becoming customary not only f or the wedding guests to fo llow themto the tra in or steamer , b ut even f or the newspapersto publish where their honeymoon w i ll b e spent .Yet during the honeymoon nei ther b ride nor groom. i s supposed to write to any b u t thei r pa rents , andonly brief no tes to them if a t all. The period o f amonth is supposed to b e spent entirely in ea ch o th

ler’s society . It i s much shorter than the per iod


tha t the B ible orda ins in Deuteronomy, ChapterXXV, Verse 15 , wh i ch says :

“ When a man ha thtaken a new wi fe , he sha ll no t go to wa r , nei thersha l l he b e cha rged with any bus iness : but he sha llb e free a t home one yea r and sha l l cheer up the

wi fe wh i ch he ha th taken . The Copts o f Egyptand the Armen ians , two o f the o ldest Chri stiansects , s till observe th i s manda te o f the B ible , a t lea s tso f a r a s i t applies to the women ; among the Coptsa br ide may not go ou t , even to see her p a rents , unti lher first ch ild i s born , or until the end o f the yea r ;and an Armenian bride speaks only w i th her husband f or a l ike period , and speaks to h im only whenthey a re a lone .

Even the per iod o f a month i s a ctua lly not obl i

gatory with us . Not long ago a young woman re

turned in a week to her house in Newport , whereand her husband settled down ; and in many ca sesthe honeymoon trip i s one o f only a f ew days .

Avoid Unb ounded Famili a r i ty

One o f the grea t th ings to avo id during the honeymoon i s the change from the most ca reful respectto unbounded famili a ri ty .

Ma jo r Ca ldwell , one o f the mos t Cultured getlemen in the cava l ier sta te o f South Ca ro l ina ,sa id : “ I never wonder when I see a brideweep . I t i s l i ttle short o f appa ll ing to thinka woman having to l ive with a man in clo sest co

p anionship , day and n igh t , a s long a s the two sh

ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS 87,

b e in the world , to sha re his fa te , endure hi s whimsand tempers , put up wi th his stupidities and weaknesses , comf ort him in a ll his afllictions , work f orhim ,

run the risk o f his inconstancy and unkind trea t~men t— and added to a ll these things encounter the’

risk o f bea ring and rea ring ever so many children .

”

The fina l effect o f ma rriage i s to merge the physica l into a spiritua l a ssocia tion . The first grea trude awaken ing to both i s when the mutua l discovery i s made tha t Prince Charming i s only a man

a f ter a ll,and tha t the Angel i c Being i s not a lways

sweet tempered , but ha s many o f the annoying little ways tha t other morta l women possess .

L ove M a rriages

Cynics have given this a s a rea son why love mar

ri ages o f ten end disa strously , cla iming tha t the disillusionment i s fa ta l . These cite roya lty a s an exam

p le ,claiming tha t with other people a lso ma rriage

should b e dicta ted by pol icy or family interest srather th an the f eelings o f the women and men who

are j oined in wedlock . Yet even among roya lty themost success ful ma rri ages have been dicta ted bylove . Queen Victoria o f England made her own

selection and wa s happy . Queen Eleanor,w i fe o f

Gustave Adolphu s o f Sweden , made a love ma r

riage aga inst the w i ll o f her f amily, and they were

a happy , f a i th fu l , ma rried couple under whose rulelSweden rea ched a grea tness which i t ha s neveri since enjoyed . It i s refreshing to read how on


meeting h im a t Frankfort j us t a fter h i s capture oftha t c i ty and h i s grea t vi ctor ies over the Germansshe threw her a rms a round h im and excla imed ,“ Now a t la st i s Gustavus the G rea t a pri soner .

”

Those ma rriages not b a sed on love a lso may

turn ou t well when the necessa ry adapta tions a re

made , and o ften they a re followed by a rea l sincere love in spi te o f wha t another Queen Eleano rs a i d : “ True love cannot exi s t among tho se who are

ma rr ied together .

” When pa rl iamen t compelledfMa ry and Will iam III to ma rry and rule a s j o intsovereigns o f England , in o rder to put an end to

thei r r iva l cla ims to the throne, he, stern and hardas he wa s , came to love the beauti ful , excellen twoman who ruled England wh ile he led her a rmiesin the field . Loui sa o f Prussia , the cha rmingwoman who se portra i t i s still one o f the most p opula r in the world , soon lea rned to love the ra therdull Freder i c Will iam III and wa s o f grea t help tohim and her peop le in o rgan i s ing resi s tance to thetyranny o f Napoleon . So much d id she do f or the

women o f Germany tha t her s ta tue in the Thiergarten in Berlin i s a shrine to those o f to-day, re

mindful tha t royal ty can b e b eneficent a t times .

The Outcome of a M a rriage

“ Ma rriages a re not as they are made, but a s theturn out ,

” decla res the I ta l ian proverb . There a

only three outcomes to a ma rr iage , i tei ther happy, vexa tious , or insip id .


wh ich they“ turn ou t

” will depend on the abil ity o f

the pa ir to adapt themselves to the“ condition not

a theory” tha t confronts them . N0 two people can

b e in exact harmony and a lways have the same idea s .pa rents had a very popula r anecdote, nea rlyotten to-day. I t was o f a Quaker lady whoto a friend : “ Everybody i s queer excepting

thee and me, and even thee i s sometimes a li ttlequeer . ”

Question ings and nagging seem to b e the chiefcause of ma rita l unhappiness . A bride seemingly

e more sa crifices than the man , since ha rdlyf eel s tha t he need continue to woo a fter heThe fi rst misunderstanding i s ap t to b e b e

e the bride expects the same l i ttle a ttentions tha treceived during the courtship ; i f the man pos

sess true Culture , he will a ccord them to her ; b ut too

o ften he neglects to do so . I f, in thi s fi rst mi sunderstanding, she succeeds in overcoming her disapp o intment and not showing i t , the same manoeuvreWill b e ea sier next time , and fina lly she will becomean expert . The bride mu st lea rn tha t much sel fcontrol i s necessa ry to live in perfect ha rmony wi tha man who before the marriage wa s re a lly a p er

f ect stranger , and who a f ter ma rriage may b e lessperf ect , b ut more strange , a s his pecul ia r ways a re revea led .

You know tha t you express your Culture not

alone to impress other people, b u t a l so f or the

effect on yoursel f . In the same way you must let


your husband , or wife , a lways see you a t your best ;Both should bea r in mind tha t the instructions givenin Chapter I I o f thi s work apply a s much to the

wedded a s to the unwedded . After ma rr iage youshould try even ha rder than ever before to makeyoursel f a ttractive . Men do not ca re f or womenwhom other people do not va lue , and a woman soonloses pride in a husband whose possession by herdoes not make her envied by other women .

A H indu L egend of M a rriage

In a ll ages wi se men have been skepti ca l a s to

man’s happiness a fter ma rriage . Socra tes , husbando f the famous shrew Xantippe, sa id , when a skedwhether or not a man should take a w i fe : L et a

man take whichever course he will and he will b esu re to repen t .” A Hindu legend , some five thousand yea rs old , tells the sto ry o f mos t ma rri ages .

I t i s :After one week with h i s wi fe the firs t man went

to Twa shtri, h i s crea tor , and sa i d : “ Lord,th i s

crea ture tha t you have given me makes my l i fe miscrable . She cha tters incessantly a nd tea ses me b e

yond endurance, never leaving me alone ; she requiresincessant a ttention and takes up all my time , and

cries about nothing and i s a lways a rgu ing ; and so

I have come to give her ba ck aga in ,a s I canno t l ive

with her .

”So Twa shtri sa id : “ Very well” ; and

took her ba ck . Then , a fter another week , Man

came aga in to him and sa i d ;“ Lo rd , I find my l i fe


time to time mention a f ew bachelors who have ac

complished someth ing in the world , but ma rried men

rea lly do a ch ieve the mo s t, and find advice ba sedon the in tui tion o f the ir wives o f grea t va lue . D r.

Johnson conserva tively summa ri sed the world’sopin ion when he decla red “ Ma rr iage i s the beststa te f or a man in genera l , and every man i s a worseman f or not being ma rried .

”The r ight sort o f wife

surely ha s a refin ing influence and a ids in the developmen t o f a man’s Culture . Even the cyn i ca l Volta i redecla red :

“The more marr ied men you have the

fewer crimes there will b e ; marriage renders a man

more virtuous and more wise .

”A nd a fter a ll, who

ca res i f a Po rtuguese proverb decla red : “ Ma rryand grow tame . A re not tame an ima l s moreuseful than wild bea sts ?Man and woman in ma rrying make a vow of lov

ing one a nother . Would i t not b e better f or thei rhappiness i f they made a vow o f plea sing ea ch other,a s advi sed by Stan i slaus , the grea t Pole . By following thi s counsel the most cri tica l per iod a fter ma r

riage , when the desire to plea se i s forgotten ,even

i f only momen ta r ily , may b e avo ided . I t i s thenthe fi rs t qua rrel begins , and the fa ct tha t wha teverthe cause a woman wins a tempora ry victory, a ffordsno sa ti s fa ction even to her . A woman’s tongue isher swo rd and she does no t let i t rust,

” says the Ita lian proverb , but she should rea l i ze tha t her sha rpwords leave wounds tha t time and kisses do not

a lways hea l .

ENGAGEMENTS AND WE DDINGS 93;

narrels b etween M a n a nd Wif e

A gentleman o f Cu lture does not qua rrel withhi s w i f e , i f only because i t is impolite . Commonsense should restra in o ther men f rom doing so .

“Women have b u t one system wha tever their condi tion in l i f e ,

” Judge Segmuller to ld M . L ecoq,“ they deny everything , and then they weep .

” Thosetea rs must b e dried by the man , and so he i s sureto lose .

The first quarrel i s indeed an unfortuna te epochin ma rried li f e , b u t if the hu sband shows w i sdom ,

and the wi f e gentleness , i t wi ll not b e la sting . The

important thing is to let i t end a s qu ickly a s po ssib le .

Either the husb and or w i fe makes a serious mistake in appea ling to outsiders f or support or a ssistance . More serious i s the mistake made by thosewho a ttempt to interf ere .

“ Ma rried couples resemb le a pa ir o f shea rs , so jo ined they cannot b e sep

a ra ted , o f ten moving in opposi te directions , yet a l

ways pun i shing any one who comes between them ,

sa id Sidney Smi th , the most popu la r and wittiestman in English society, in the ea rly pa rt o f the n ineteenth centu ry .

Qua rreling seems to come na tura l to some people ,Who appa rently a re not ab le to exist wi thou t it , butwho get a long together on the whole sa tis f a ctorily .

A Chicago girl,not long ma rried , compla ined to her

fa ther abou t her husband and sa id she thought shewould have to leave him . H er fa ther a sked wha t


he d id . Why , he fights me,

”the daughter repl ied .

“Pshaw, returned the fa ther ,

“ Haven’t your mo therand I been fighting each o ther f or twen ty-five yea rs ,and don’t we get a long very well together ?”

The D anes have a proverb tha t conta ins the secreto f a happy ma rr ied l i fe .

Wisdom in the man,

Patience in the wife,Brings peace to the house

And a happy married life.

The comic newspapers o ften give rea lly good ad

vice , i f only by mistake , s ince the humouri sts have a

more or less superficia l knowledge o f the human na

tu re tha t they ca ri ca ture . The wise husband ,whether right or wrong, brings home a gi ft to h i sWi fe and the qua rrel i s over. As Flo rian Slappeysa id : “ There a in’t no th ing like a presen t .Actua lly the happiness o f ma rr ied l i fe depends

upon the power o f mak ing sma ll sacrifices w i th readlness and cheerfulness . Few person s a re everca lled upon to make grea t sa cr ifi ces or to confergrea t favours ; but a ff ection i s kept a l ive and hap

p iness secured by keeping up a constant wa rfa reaga ins t l i ttle selfishnesses . Th i s i s why ma rriagei s the comfort o f the cons idera te and the prudentbut the torment o f the inconsidera te and the selfish .

Trifles a re the a ll-importan t things . A grea tp roportion o f the wretchednes s wh i ch ha s so o ften

embittered ma rr ied l i fe ha s had i ts o rigin in the


6 . Once a day say to a wi fe “ I love you ,”to

'

a’

,

husband ,“H ow s trong you a re . I f the la tter

rema rk i s r idiculous , say“

H ow clever you are ,”for

everybody bel ieves tha t .

7 . Forgive your pa rtner seventy times seven andthen burn the ledger .

The Pa rents of the M a rried Coup le

Humouri sts have crea ted the impression tha t themother-in-law i s a d i s turbing f a ctor . Actua lly th i si s very f ar from the truth . The mother o f the wi feu sua lly proves a very effi cien t a ssi stant to her intaking ca re o f the man , and i s ap t to expla in and

condone h i s off enses , she having had some exper iencewith the very diflicult and intra ctable an ima l . She

seldom expresse s any opinion aga ins t h im unless he i svery much in the wrong, and so he makes a mistakein not respecting her j udgment .The mother o f the husband i s more ap t to take

h i s s ide in every dispute and b e keenly cr i ti ca l o fher daughter-in-law. The d i fference i s very ea s ilyexp la ined by the old saying : Your son i s your sontill he gets h im a wife , your daughter i s yours ti l lthe end of her li fe” ; thus must

“

the mo ther b e moreor les s j ea lous tha t any o ther woman should haveinfluence over her son .

With the fa ther-in-law th ings are d ifferent . H e

i s usua lly ap t to ho ld a loo f from e i ther hi s son or

daughter and the one whom h i s ch i ld ha s ma rried .

But when anyth ing i s done tha t can awaken h i s


pride and sa ti s f a ction ,he w ill b e found ready to

give qu ick response to tha t emotion .

The Woma n should have Cha rge of the H ousehold

I t i s well to look a t a ma rriage a s a contractin which mutua l obliga tions a re incurred and

which must b e observed . To b e gu ilty in any

respect in not do ing so i s to b e guilty o f b ad f a ith .

“ Ma rrying is ea sy b u t housekeeping i s hard , saysthe German p rovenb . The woman o f Culture knowshow to run her house . I t is still considered essentia ltha t a woman should b e able to manage her household and tell the servan ts wha t to do . In the

ranks o f society, where the bride does not performany household du ties hersel f, she i s suppo sed to b eable to sup ermtend them . Even queens and daughters bo rn in grea t households are given suchtra in ing a s a pa rt o f their educa tion . L ove w i ll lin

ger longer with a pla in , eflicient housew i fe , thanwith a beauti ful sloven . Dickens taught thi s in hi spathetic sketch o f Dora , the child w i fe o f D avidCopperfield . A truly and thoroughly efficient wi fei s a lways a joy to a man who finds his household t esources doubled by good management .Mp ney ma tters , a re indeed the rock upon which

many ma rriages split . The w i fe i s not told the

truth about her husband’s income, and fancying tha th i s purse i s limitless , runs up bills f a r in exces s o f hi sabil ity to p ay them . In such . ca ses i t i s genera lly


the man’s own fau lt . H e should tell h i s young wi fehow much he can a fford to a llow her to spend .

Money i s o f grea t importance,but i s not everyth ing,

a s the wife knows who se husband i s so fool i sh a s totry to substi tute money and luxury f or love .

Pra ctica l d ctivity f or the M a rried Woma n

Whether or not the wi fe shou ld continue to worka fter ma rri age i s a ma tter which must b e left to the

deci sion o f the interested pa rties and governed by thecond i t ion s tha t ex i s t in individua l ca ses . A generat ion ago a man would not permi t h i s wi fe to engagein anywork . To-day i t i s rega rded a s all r ight , andmen o f grea test Culture find no obj ection to thei rwives b eing employed in money-ea rn ing occupa t ionsi f they so desire . At lea st unti l household dutiesor ch i ldren prevent i t i s rega rded a s well tha t a

woman should have wha tever outside in teres ts shewishes , and she i s not expected to sit a t home a ll

day long wa i t ing in pa tience f or his homecoming .

Practi ca l a ctivity f or women rel ieves the stra inupon the ma rriage s i tua tion .

Th i s i s one o f the th ings in wh ich a wi fe shouldnot lose her own ind ividua l i ty . An echo i s a lwaysmonotonous , and no good comes to any one a s its

result . Both the man and w i fe should reta in theirown idea s about things . Their pra cti ca l va lue to

each other depends upon full and frank d i scussion .

Comp anionship in M a rriage

One o f the most important th ings f or a man to


est poets o f the la s t genera tion . No poet ever hada mo re dis tinctively ma scul ine temperament thanRobert B rown ing . The la st th ing he would havethought o f do ing would b e to igno re the prima lphysica l elements tha t underlie a l ike the highestand lowest fo rms o f l i fe . H e wa s a man in

whom a ll the senses l ived , and with a maximum o f

vim and vi ta l i ty . Like G eorge Meredith , the mostpopular o f novel i s ts w i th cri tics , he never hesi ta tedto admi t tha t our finest forms o f feel ing have someroot in the red so i l o f human i ty . In fa ct , a s longa s we a re on the ea rth , we a re o f the ea rth ea rthy,but tha t i s no rea son why we should no t a lso b e o f

the heaven heavenly . Yet Robert Brown ing’s senseo f the rea l sp ir i tua l un ion o f marr iage wa s su

preme . It i s to hi s dea d wi fe he cries in the nob lepoem o f

“ Pro sp ice , wh i ch anti cipa tes h i s owndea th .

A peace ou t of pain ,

Then a light , then thy breast ,Oh thou sou l of my sou l ! I shall clasp thee again

And with God b e the rest .

H e addresses her a s hi s lyri c love,Ha l f angel

and ha l f bi rd .

”H e quo tes , in one o f the most

touch ing pa ssages o f The Ring and the Book ,”

the saying o f Chri s t tha t in heaven they nei therma rry nor are given in ma rr iage , adding,

“H ow

r igh t i t was o f Jesus to say tha t .”

A nd wha tBrown ing meant and taugh t was tha t the earthly


elements o f ma rriage pa ss into the heavenly. The

instinct o f sex i s forgotten in the pa ssion of the

soul , and i t i s becau se tha t spiri tua l pa ssion i s ini tsel f so divine tha t he devoutly bel ieved and taughttha t in another world soul w il l meet soul and dwelltogether in a truer marriage s till , from which all

ca rna l elements a re f orever pu rged .

The idea l towa rd which every happily ma rriedcouple a spires , and the w i sh which is the ma inspringof their existence , has been beau ti fully expressed by‘Rober t Burns . The grea t lyric poet o f Scotland

immorta li sed the ma rried couple growing old

ther , sha r ing ea ch o ther’s joys and sorrows

,and

ng day by day through thei r l i fetime new joysthe a ssocia tion . The poem is “ John Andersony Jo ,

”one o f the most famous o f love poems .

the qua int Scotch dia lect “

jo” means sweethea rt ,

ren t means stra ight,“ beld” i s ba ld ,

“

pow” i s

head ,“ canty” i s jolly

,

“ maun” i s must.

John Anderson my jo , John ,

When we were first acquent ,Your locks were like the raven,Your bonny brow was brent ;But now your brow is beld, John ,Your locks a re like the snow ;‘But blessings on your f rosty pow,

John Anderson , my jo.

'John Anderson , my jo, John,We clamb the hill thegither ;


And many a canty day, John ,We

’ve had wit’ ane anither ;Now we maun totter down , John,And hand in hand we’ll go ,And sleep thegither at the foot ,John Anderson ,

my jo .

EXEMP LIFICATIONS

When a wedding is to b e celebra ted in church all

o f the vestibule doo rs leading to the church a re

closed,and the outer doo r a s well , excepting the

centre street door by which the brida l process ion i sto enter a s soon a s the ca rriage o f the bride appea rs .After the procession ha s formed in the vestibule thedoors to the centre a i sle a re thrown open , and theorgan i s t s ta rts the wedding ma rch .

The ushers go fi rs t , wa lking two and two . The

bridesma ids follow ,a lso in pa i rs ; then the ma id o f

honour wa lking a lone, and la st o f a ll the br ide on

her fa ther’s a rm.

As the bride and her fa ther approa ch the a lta rthe groom comes to greet h i s bri de and , taking herhand , leads her before the clergyman .

The bridesma ids and ushers divide into two equa lgroups , one p a ssing to the left and one to the righto f the bride. The bridesma ids s tand on the ins

The ma id or ma tron o f honour stands a t thehand o f the br i de . The first b ridesma id takesplace i f there i s no ma id or ma tron o f honour .


Cos tume of B ride a nd M a ids,a nd of Groom,

Bes t

M a n,and Ushers

The bride’s dress should b e o f wh i te sa tin , or

gandie , muslin , or ch iffon , o f a creamy ra ther thana blui sh wh i te , which i s very unbecoming . The

gown should b e cu t sl ightly open a t the neck , withsleeves rea ch ing to the elbows . Only a t an evening wedding may the bride wea r décollette or shortsleeves . Some churches will not permi t such a cos

tume .

At her second wedding a bri de should not wea re i ther wh i te , a vei l , or orange blossoms .The long ve i l i s o f tulle or la ce . Some br ides a re

fortuna te to have a vei l o f rea l Brussel s which ha sbeen worn by her mother and grandmother beforeher.

A wrea th or sma l l cluster o f a rtificia l orangeblossoms adorn the ha ir and o cca siona lly the gown .

Long wh i te gloves , white kid or sa tin sl ippers ,Wh i te s ilk stockings , and a bouquet o f wh i te flowerscomplete the bri de’s co stume .

The shower bouquet i s made by fa sten ing flowersa t interva l s to long strands o f n arrow wh i te sa tinr ibbon .

The groom’s present i s u sua lly a piece o f jewellry,wh i ch h i s bride wea rs a s her only ornamen t . She

should wea r only wh i te or colourles s s tones such a s

diamonds or pea rls .The bride must on no a ccount b e seen by any

one except her own family or bridesma i ds , a fter she


i s dressed in her brida l a rray, unti l she emerges f orthe ceremony.

The bride decides the co stume o f the bridesma ids ,who mus t a ll b e dressed a like. She tells them wha tshe wishes them to wea r , the colours and f abri cs a swell a s the design f or thei r gown s and ha ts . L ight,pretty colours and sheer f abrics w i th picture ha tsare usually the bride’s choice f or her ma ids . The

bridesma ids a re expected to provide their own cos

tumes .

The bride provides her ma ids wi th bouquets“

and

i s expected to give them souvenirs which may con

sis t o f gloves , b ags , jewellry, or van i ty boxes , whichare sometimes o f silver or gold , which may b e costlyi f the bride i s wea lthy . These a re given before thewedding b ut must not b e worn during the ceremonyunless i t b e a piece o f jewellry appropria te f or

wea r on such an occa sion . I f worn by one i t mustb e worn by all.

A sister or young cousin o f the groom should b eamong the bridesma ids .The number o f bridesma ids depends entirely upon

the caprice o f the bride ; one o f them is known a s the

ma id or ma tron o f honour . Usua lly this f avou redlady i s a ma rried sister or close friend o f the bride .

She must dres s in colours and wea r a ha t . She

wa lks a lone directly before the bride up the a isle i fa t a church wedding or into the drawing room if a ta home wedding . Sometimes there a re no bridesma ids b ut only a ma id o f honour .


When the wedding ceremony takes pla ce in the

morn ing or a fternoon the bridegroom wea rs a frockcoa t or cutaway , a s he may pre f er . His wa i stcoa ti s h igh cu t o f wh i te or ma teria l to ma tch the coa tand hi s trousers a re gray str iped . A white , p a legray, or lavender four-in-hand tie , a h igh s ilk ha t ,and gray gloves complete hi s co stume .

The bride provides whi te b outonnleres f or the

groom ,the bes t man , and the ushers , who must all

Wea r clothes s imila r to those o f the groom .

At an even ing wedding the men wea r dress su i tswi th wh ite wa i stcoa ts and na rrow whi te lawn ties .The groom is expected to give souveni rs , usua llystickpins , to h i s best man and the ushers .The bride’s mother dresses wi th quiet elegance in

an a fternoon frock or in décolleté i f in the even ing.

The dress o f the bride’s fa ther consi sts o f a

frock coa t with wa i s tcoa t to ma tch , with da rk stripedtrousers .

The Bes t Man

The groom is regarded a s a very help less personand hence the bes t man ha s to see tha t everythingp roceeds smoothly so f a r a s he i s concerned . Thusthe oflice o f best man i s a very important one .

The bes t man engages the min i ster , selected bythe bride , and p ays his f ee wh ich he gets from the

groom and which must b e pla ced in a sea led envelop e . H e a l so secures the ti ckets f or the wedding

journey, takes charge o f the r ing , wh ich he pla ces


Present s a re a lways sen t to the bride and not to

the groom , a l though close fr iends o f the groom may

give h im persona l gi fts .The pa rents o f the bride and groom usua lly give

the necessa ry s ilver , a tea service and wha t i s ca lledfla t silver— kn ives , fo rks , and spoon s . O ther rel

a tives genera lly send useful and pretty silver a r

ticles .

F riends may send wha tever they wish ; a set o f

handsome towels , a dozen l inen sheets with the

br ide’s in i tia l s embro i dered on them,sma ll a rti cles

o f s i lver or ch ina , or a rt icles f or the dress ing tab le .

I f you canno t a ff ord an expens ive gi ft there i s norea son why you should not send an inexpens iveone .

Bachelo r fr iends may not give the bride j ewelsor a rti cles o f clo th ing .

I t i s better not to have the si lver ma rked,a s i t i s

perfectly proper f or the bri de to exchange i t i f sheha s dupl ica tes .Only the family or very in tima te fr iends may p re

sent their gifts persona lly . O thers must send themby mes senger or express prep a i d or directly fromthe shop where purcha sed . The family o f the

groom must not presen t presen ts persona lly to the.

bride .

Al l the la rge shops have blank cards and envelopes so tha t i f you have forgo tten your own you

may wr i te your name and a f ew words such a s :


.With best wi shes or“ Wishing you every happi

ness ,”and enclose i t w i th your gif t.

Sometimes busines s a ssocia tes in the same oflice

as e ither the br ide or groom ra ise a fund amongthemselves f or the purcha se o f a present . Such a

gi f t should b e one tha t w ill b e o f rea l service, and i ti s considered good ta ste f or some member o f the

commi ttee to consul t w i th the bride’s mother beforemaking the purcha se .

Presents may b e sent a t any time between the daythe invita t ion is received and the wedding day.

Some people believe tha t if they do no t receive an

invita tion to the wedding they a re no t a t liberty tosend a gi f t , b u t i f f or any rea son the wedding ispriva te, and no invita tions a re i ssued , i t is properto send the bride any remembrance you wi sh .

Any present should b e sent bef ore the receip t of aforma l announcement o f the wedding .

I f f or any rea son your present is no t sent beforethe wedding, write a note when you do send i t , expla ining the rea son f or the delay .

It is not usu a l to give presents to couples who slipoff and ma rry wi thout tell ing their friends of theirinten tion .

A bride genera lly acknowledges presents on the'

day they a re received . To acknowledge them all

a f ter the wedding, even a week la ter,i s permi ssible,

but better letters can b e written in the enthusia smof the moment and grea ter app reci a tron i s shown by

1 10 THE SCIENCE.OF CULTURE

a promp t note o f thanks . The note o f thanks neednot b e long , but i t must not b e wr i tten on the bri de’svi s i ting ca rd . Th i s should rea d someth ing l iketh i s :

My dea r M r . H ughes

I wan t to thank you f or your pretty tea servi ce,Wh i ch i s j ust wha t we will need .

Sincerely,MARY JARNDYCE .

When the importan t day draws nea r the bridemay b e too occup ied to a cknowledge the gifts a s

they come , but she must keep a l i s t o f the gifts andthe ir donors

, and must write a gra cefu l note o f

thanks a s soon a s poss ible a fter the wedding , al

ways mention ing the gi ft specifica lly and add ingsome words o f apprecia tion .

In some o f the sma ller ci ties and towns they stillreta in the old custom o f displaying wedding presents . People o f Culture in la rge ci ties instead o f

d i splaying them a t the wedding sometimes a sk a f ew

intima te friends to come in some a fternoon beforethe wedding day and see them .

I f any display o f the presen ts i s made the ca rdso f the dono r should b e removed so tha t there can

b e no compa ri sons .

Announcing theM a rriage

C a rds o f announcement a re ma iled immedia telya fter the wedding, by the bride

’s family to those

1 1 2 TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE

A combina tion card o f the bride and groom , withthei r address

,and her a t-home day may b e enclosed

with the announcement .The form f or the wedding Invi ta tion i s given a s

one o f the exemp lifica tions to Chapter XV.

Ma rriage L aws

Licenses a re required in all the sta tes and ter

ritories excep t Ala ska . Ca l i forn ia r equires b othpa rties to appea r and b e examined under oa th

,or

submi t aflidavit .Ma rriage of first cousins i s forbidden in all the

s ta tes except Alabama , C a l i forn ia , Colorado , Connecticut , Delawa re , Distr ic t o f Columbia , Georgia ,Hawa i i , Idaho , Kentucky , Ma ine, Ma ssa chusetts ,New Mexico , New York , North Ca rol ina , RhodeI sland , South Ca rol ina , Tennessee , Vi rginia , and

Wa sh ington .

Ma rr iage between step-rela tives i s forbidden ex

cept in Ala ska , Ar i zona , Arkansa s , Delawa re, H a

wa i i , Ill ino i s , Indiana , Iowa , L ouisana , Maryland ,M inneso ta

,Nebra ska , Nevada , New Mex ico , New

York , Oh io, Oregon ,Tennessee , Utah , and Wiscon

sm.

Ages a t which Ma rriage is Va lid

Ma les ( age without pa rents’ consent ) , 2 1 years

in every Sta te except Idaho , Ill . , M i ch . , M inn .,Nev. ,

N . H . , N . C . , S . C . , Tenn . , and W . V., where i t i s

I8 years .


Ma les ( age with pa rents’ consen t ) , 1 4 yea rs in

Ky. , L a .

,N . H . , and Va , ; 1 6 yea rs in Iowa , Tex . ,

and Utah ; 1 7 yea rs in Ala .

, Ark . , Ga . , and Kan . ;

1 8 yea rs in Ariz . , Cal. , Hawa i i,Idaho , I ll . , Ind . ,

Mich . , Minn . , Mont .,Neb . , Nev. , N . Mex . , N . C . ,

N . D ak . , Ohio , Okla ., Ore . , Porto Rico , S. C . , S.

D ak . , Tenn . , Wis . , Wyo . There is no defin i te age

provision in C t . , D el. , Distri ct o f C olumb ia , Fla . ,

Me . ,Ma ss . , N . J. , N . Y. , R . I.

, S. C . , Tex .

, and

Vt ; 2 1 yea rs elsewhere .

Fema les ( age w i thout pa rents’ consent ) , 1 6 years

in Md .,N . H . ; 2 1 yea rs in Fla . , Ky. , L a .

,Pa . , Porto

Rico , R . I. , Va . ,W . Va . , and Wyo . ; 1 8 yea rs in

the other Sta tes .Females ( age wi th parents

’ consent ) , 1 2 years inKy. , L a .

,Md . , M i ss . , Va . ; 13 yea rs in N . H . ; 1 4.

yea rs in A la . , Ariz . , Ark . , Ga . , Iowa , N . C . , R . I. ,

S. C .,Tex. , Utah ; 1 5 yea rs in Cal. , Hawa i i , Kan . ,

Minn . , Mo . , N . Mex ., N . C N . D ak . , Okla . , S.

D ak .,andWis . ; 1 6 yea rs in Ill . , Ind . , Mich . , Mont . ,

Neb . , Nev. , Ohio , Ore . , Porto Rico , W . Va .,and

Wis . ; 1 8 yea rs in Ala ska , Col. , Idaho , N . Y. , Tenn . ,

and Vt .The lowest age a t which a single f ema le can make

a va lid contra ct , except ma rriage , i s 1 8 yea rs in”Ark . , C al. , Col. , Hawa i i , Idaho , Ill . , Iowa , Kan . ,

‘Minn . , Mont . , Neb . , Ohio , Okla . , Ore . , S. D ak . ,

Vt . , and Wa shington ; 2 1 years in the other Sta tes .Most o f the Sta tes require consent o f pa rents to

marriages o f males under 2 1 or o f fema les under


1 8 ; exceptions a re f or ma les under 1 8 in Idaho , Ill . ,Minn . ,

Nev. , N . H .,S. C . ; under 20 in Hawa i i ;

under 1 6 in C t . and Tenn . ; f or women under 2 1 inFla . , Ky. , L a . , Pa . , Va .

, W . Va . , and Wyo . ; under1 6 in Ct . , Ill . , Md . , Nev. , N . H . , R . L , Tenn . , and

W . Va . under 1 5 in M inn .

The lowes t age a t which a ma rried fema le can

make a va l id con tract, except ma rriage , i s 1 4 yea r s

in Ari z . , Iowa , Tex . ; 1 6 yea rs in Neb . , Ore ., Porto

Rico ; 1 8 yea rs in Ala . ,Ala ska , Ark . , Cal. , Hawa i i ,

Idaho , I ll . , Ind . ,Kan . , Minn . , Mont . , Oh io , Okla . ,

S . D ak . , Utah , Vt . , Wa sh . ; 2 1 yea rs in the otherSta tes .

Ma rried Woma n’s Prop er ty.

The maxim tha t used to b e current wi th husbandsWha t’s yours i s mine, my dea r , and wha t’s minei s my own ,

”wa s a ctua lly true unti l very recently.

So recently , indeed , tha t many women do not knowo f the change th a t ha s taken pla ce in the law.

The au tho r o f“ Engli sh Women’s Lega l Guide

s ta tes her former condi tion tersely a s follows“By the common law, prio r to the series o f a cts

known a s the Ma rried Women’s Property Acts ,1 870

—1908, a woman by ma rrying stood to lo see i ther permanen tly, or during ma rried l i fe , a ll ac

tua l benefi t in any property o f wh i ch she wa s a t

the commencemen t o f , or might during the ma rri ageb e , po ssessed . The theory wa s tha t a man and h i s

1 1 6 THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

noti ce to the contra ry by lega l publica tion—and

sometimes even tha t does not exempt him .

In many sta tes a man may no t d i spo se of any rea lesta te without the consent o f h i s wi fe , a s shownby her signa ture to the deed .

CHAPTER XXI

CONDUCT OF PEOPLE OF CULTURE IN BUSINESS

Culture is a Business Asse t

USINESS i s merely one o f the many activitiesin which people a re engaged . Though to

some people i t seems to b e very f a r removedfrom Culture , yet a ctually there i s nothing in whichCulture i s o f grea ter a ssistance . The whole coursetha t you have studied in the Science o f Culture i sapplicable in nearly every deta i l to business methods ,and can b e made an a id to bu siness success .The world has come to rea l i se , during the la stgenera tion , tha t business and Culture are not disassocia ted , but tha t Culture i s an a id to business .The college gradua te formerly received a tra in ingintended a s prepa ra tion f or the professions and

which wa s supposed to unfi t him f or business . Now

more than ha l f o f the gradua tes o f the grea t universities enter a lmost immedia tely into business l i fe .

.There i s a growing rea li sa tion o f the truth tha t thewider the scope o f one

’s knowledge the grea ter thechance o f success . Those who know only how to act

as priva tes in the a rmy o f business rema in such ,wh ile those who have the tra ining tha t fits them to

1 17

.1 1 8 TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE

become o ffi cers reach the better grades in bus inessl i fe and mount to the h igher pla ces by their a cquiredtact j ust a s they a scend the socia l sca le .

Profit by the E xp eriences of Others

The Science o f Culture tea ches how to ma rsha lyour fo rces and apply the knowledge tha t you have .

John Wanamaker sa id : Every man s tarting out

in busines s wi ll have to go over a ha rd road and

find out i ts turn ings f or himsel f. But he need not

go over h i s road in the da rk i f he can take with himthe l ight o f ano ther man’

s experience .

” Thus weare fool i sh not to overcome the prej udi ce tha t

!

exi stson the pa r t o f many independent young men and

women aga ins t profiting by the exper ience o f o thers .The ci ted fa ct tha t business appea l s more and

more to young men and women wi th a universi tytra in ing i s f a r from implying tha t such an educational equipment i s necessary to success . In fa ct ,it may b e quite the contra ry . F . W . Woolworth ,who left thousands of s tores a s h i s memor ia l , sa idtha t h i s success wa s because “ I d id not have to overcome the handicap o f inher i ted wea lth , wh i ch usuallytakes a ll ambition o f a ch ievement out o f a youngman .

” Nei ther he nor Wanamaker , whom we havequoted , had a college educa tion , but both admittedlypossessed inna te Cul ture a nd neglected no opp or

tunity to a id its development . To these merchants ,a s to any other person , i t wa s a grea t a s set, giving


a week he rece ived a t the start o f hi s businessl i fe to the mill ion dolla rs a yea r, and bonuses b es ides , tha t crowned hi s successful ca reer .

Women in the Business World

Another new development in the bus ines s worldhas been the entry o f women , who find tha t the gra cewh i ch ga ined socia l success f or them , w ins pri zes inthi s new sphere . They confirm the dictum o f H a z

l i tt tha t “ Gra ce in women win s a ff ection and reta insi t longer than anything el se . I t i s an outwa rd and

vi sible s ign o f an inwa rd ha rmony o f soul , and

i ts lack i s the grea test impediment to success .Woman’s grea tes t gra ce i s the cha rm o f Culture ,which makes her rule every situa tion a s she con

fronts i t .The woman o f Culture i s in business not to wh ine

or to weep , but to win . She i s not in industry fromcho i ce a lone , but i s there f or the same rea son a s

man : to ea rn her da ily bread , and so i s not man’sr iva l but h i s co-worker . The best and mos t eflicientwomen a re those who avoi d flirta tions and a re dignified and sl ightly a loo f in their dea lings w ith men .

They know tha t a reputa tion f or husband huntinginj ures any woman who makes business her ca reer .Nor do they yield to the tradi tiona l femin ine weaknesses . The women who a re so sensi tive tha t theyreti re f or a cry impress men a s being o f the cl ingIng vine type popula r in novels o f the la st generat ion but now undes i red a s a ssi s tants ei ther in busi

CULTURE IN BU SINESS

ness or the home , where man desi res an able and

eflicient a ssistant, not one who must b e forever humoured and pampered .

In pa rt thi s expla ins the opposition tha t manymen have to the employment o f women who a re

overdressed . They bel ieve tha t such have morethoughts o f the impression they will make upon men

than o f their work . This does not mean tha t thedowdy or i ll-dressed woman i s desi red ; f a r from it .Da intiness in cos tume ha s an i rresistible appeal ,b ut there must b e a suitabili ty in dress tha t makesi t in ha rmony w i th the work tha t i s to b e aecom

p lished . The man o f Culture respects the woman

who i s dressed a s those o f his own family wouldb e i f they were on a business errand , and who scornto wea r the frills tha t do not fi t into oflice surroundings .

Business Women should not Imita te M en

By no means does this imply tha t the woman inbusiness mu st imita te ma sculini ty and try to b e a

business man ra ther than a business woman . To do

so revea ls a lack o f Culture a s well a s a fa ilure toapprecia te tha t men and women are di fferent beingsby the rules o f our socia l l i fe . Professor Ra lph L .

Power, o f Boston Un iversi ty,gave a very strong

wa rn ing in a lecture to hi s cla sses o f women whenhe sa id : When a woman tries to b e a man she

invariably overdoes i t. I mean,o f course , in the

adoption o f a manni sh swagger , a mann i sh manner,

1 2 2 : THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

and a“ mann i sh hustl ing . A woman who takes a

man a s a business p a ttern ra rely takes a gentleman .

She fa i ls because she imi ta tes a type o f man all

gentlemen detest . The fact i s tha t men never f or

get f or a momen t tha t she i s a woman , but theirthought s mos t o f the time in business hours are

on business . Business i s business— nothing more .

The woman who holds the job i s the business womanand noth ing but a busines s woman .

”

One o f the correspondents o f Dorothy Dix, a

popula r wr i ter f or the newspapers on woman’s problems , a sked her why sometimes she spoke in hera rti cles o f busines s women”

and a t other times o f“ working girls .” Mi s s Dix expla ined tha t : “ I ti s the di ff erence between a career and a job . Abusiness woman has a defin i te purpose . The num

b er o f busines s women is very sma ll and they are in

grea t demand and very well pa id , because when a

woman gives to business her mind and hea rt , she

develops a superla tive ta lent f or ’it . Bu t there are

many working gi rls who ea rn l i ttle because they a re

worth l i ttle . Every woman who starts out to ea rnher l iving must decide f or herself to wh ich cla ss shewi ll belong .

”

E ngaging M a nners M ean Success

One o f the rea sons why Culture i s o f such ad

vantage to success in busines s i s tha t engaging man

ners mean succes s . All o f us know tha t manypeople owe advancement to thei r courtesy . We


cite di spa raging thoughts that do inj ury to yourbusines s chances whether you are employer or em

p loyee .

D o not B oa s t of your Culture

As you lea rn to expres s your Culture , however ,you should avoid any exhibition o f a rrogance tha tmight a rouse resentmen t . You know by your own

experience tha t the people whose Culture i s mostimpress ive a re not those who a lways take pa ins toa s sert i t. Those who boa s t o f such a qua l ity bytha t very boa sting betray tha t they lack i t . The

Culture tha t compel s respect i s not bla tant but p erva sive , so tha t your in tu i tion tell s you tha t i ts p ossessor i s a gentleman or a lady

,and your in st inct

makes you trea t them a s such .

A plea sant addres s i s rega rded a s the grea tes ta sset in business , and such cannot b e a pa rt o f yourpersona l i ty i f you betray any tra ce o f supercil iousness . Wha t i s popula rly known a s uppi shness ,

”

or the a ssertive independence tha t i s ca lled “ freshn ess ,

”a re sure to make enemies ra ther than fr iends .

Yet there must b e the po i se o f Cul tu re to succeed .

Th i s i s wha t Ha zl i t t mean t when he wrote : “ Aperson who i s confused in manner and ges tu re seemsto have done something wrong , or a s i f he were

consc ious o f not possessing any qua l i ty to give h imconfidence in himsel f . ” Read aga in and studyclosely the th ird chapter and make use o f i t in your

busines s rela tions i f you have not a l ready done so .

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 1 25,

Amb ition a nd Work

The idea l condit ion f or success in business i s tohave la rge and well-defined ambitions in mind . Askyoursel f whether you have a worth-While ambition .

Should thi s cross-examina t ion o f yoursel f revealtha t i t is la cking , you should seek out one and a im

a t the goa l , else your eff orts w ill b e misdirected sincethey wi ll have no defin i te obj ect . The concentration upon a worth-while purpose i s certa in to bringgood results . The very eff ort to a tta in you r am

b ition is splendid menta l discipline .

“ I f we did not

have to struggle we would b e weaklings ,” decla red

John D . Rockefeller . “

If we struggle man fully and

push on everything wil l work out all r ight , he

added .

The thing to bea r in mind a lways i s tha t wha twe do f rom day to day i s not a lone f or tha t daybut f or the future . Those who look ahead are

those who win . To study and to lea rn Wi th a purpose in your s tudy and your work , and w i th diligencein both , ever str iving towa rd the goa l , i s pretty certa in to mean the achievement o f the desired resul tor a sa ti s f a ctory approach to i t . “ Knowledge i sforesight, and f oresight is power ,

” sa i d Comte ; thecomb ina t ion of these two i s eff ect ive in any circumstance .

The man or woman wi th a rea l i sa tion o f thiscea ses to b e a blind horse in a treadmill , and in

stead becomes a f actor in the work o f tha t world inWhich he or she l ives .

,


A b ility is A lways Recognised

Abili ty i s too ra re a th ing not to b e recognised .

You know th i s by your own experience with thosewith Whom you come in conta ct . You must growmenta lly and keep up to da te . In order to makea l i ttle po ss ib le , one must know much ,

” decla redMa rsha l Foch . A nd a s you lea rn to make the mosto f yourself you constantly find new opportun i ties .The successful man makes opportun i ties , so peoplesay, but a ctua lly he sees those wh ich others do not

recognise a s opportun i ties and i s quick to take ad

vantage o f them a s they present themselves . Unn

doubtedly there a re many ca ses o f unj ust dea l ing inbusiness , yet when you prove tha t you are capab leo f do ing better work advancement i s a lmo st certa into b e o ff ered to you ; especia lly i f your persona l ityhas been developed by the exp ression o f true Cul-L

ture .

A re you advancing ? A re you taking ca re to de~

Velop your Culture , are you app lying i t to makeea sier the pa th tha t leads to success ? Charles M .

Schwab ha s given an answer to any d i scouraging ob

jection you may make a s to the rea sonableness o fsuch questions . H e sa i d “

The men who miss suca

ces s have two genera l a l ibi s : ‘I am not a genius ,’

i s one and the o ther i s ,‘there are not a s many 0p~

p ortunities a s there used to b e .

’ Wh i ch i s yourj ustifica tion tha t you use when you a re too la zy tos tr ive ? Schwab decla red tha t nei ther excuse holds ,s ince the first ha s noth ing to do Wi th i t a s very f ew


Professor James , in h i s a rticle on habi t, wh ich i sstudied a t mos t o f the colleges , says :

“We mustmake automa ti c a s many usefu l a ctions a s we can

and gua rd aga ins t growing into any ways tha t a rel ikely to b e disadvantageous to us . In the a cquis ition o f a new habit we must ( I ) take ca re to launchou rselves with as s trong and decided an in i tia tivea s poss ible ; ( 2 ) Never su ff er an exception to occu runti l the new habi t is securely rooted into your l i fe .

Ea ch lapse i s l ike the letting fa ll o f a ba ll o f string,wh i ch one i s ca refully W inding up

— a single slip un‘

does more than a grea t many turns will w ind aga in ;

(3 ) Sei ze the very first opportuni ty to act on everyresolution tha t you make .

In j udging efliciency o f employees much a ttentioni s pa id by la rge corpora tions to habits . One o f

these concerns , employing hundreds o f men and

women , keeps ca reful record on th i s basi sI . Accura cy .

2 . Appearance .

3 . Quantity o f work p roduced .

4 . Industry and steady appl i ca tion .

5 . Observance o f o ffice rules .6 . Ca re in handling company’s property.

7 . Courtesy and goodwi ll towa rd fellow em

p loyees .

8. Ini tia tive (wh i ch i s o f course the same th inga s executive abi l i ty . )

9. Suggestions made .

10 . Number o f times la te .

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 1 29

1 1 . Number o f days and hours absent .I t i s interesting to note tha t eight o f these elevenquestions rela te to hab i ts . A nd a lso you know welltha t even when offi cia l records a re not kept in suchdeta i l the employers o f a sma ller number o f peopleconstantly make such a reco rd o f impression s inthei r mind a s to those who are on thei r payrolls .

Persona lity in Bus iness

Grea t ab i li ty w i ll not overcome a poor personali ty . Persona lity i s fully 50 p er cent . in a tta iningsuccess , either in business or socia l lif e . Nei therab il ity nor persona lity a lone can gua rantee your ga ining your amb i t ion , b u t the two together , b lendedinto a per f ect comb ina tion , make you r victories certa in not only in the end b u t a lmost day by day.

In thi s course we have sketched the ma in po intstha t make f or a plea sing personal ity outside the

o ffice ; inside the oflice they a re not much di fferent.

{The nea tness tha t attra cts both a s to your body andyour clothes , the menta l poi se tha t Culture develops ,a graceful gesture and ca rriage , a low, plea sant

vo ice and conversa tion tha t betrays your Cu lture ,(a ll o f these will contribute to push you f orwa rd and

make your comrades and employers anxious to help

you becau se they admi re and l ike you . Nea rlyeverybody likes to b e with and to help bright , sunny ,and a ttra ctive people . The nu rses o f grouches andthe incorrigibly discontented a re soon genera lly re

ga rded a s misfits—a s indeed they a re .

1 30 TH E SCIENCE or CULTURE

D ress a nd Conduct in Business

Al l tha t ha s been sa id in rega rd to your dres si n the fourth chapter o f th i s work applies verys trongly to your rela tions in business . When a man

'

or woman i s ca reless and slovenly in dress the powero f sugges tion i s such a s to make people suspect tha tthere must a lso b e slovenl iness in work . Fopp ishness i s out o f pla ce in an oflice on the pa rt o f men ;

and mos t men obj ect to a woman presenting an a fter‘

noon tea appea rance instead o f appea r ing a s ap

p rop ria tely clad a s the business Women o f their ac

qua in tance .

Ta ct,i f not the desire to plea se f or selfish rea sons ,

would seem to suggest tha t any man or womanshould dress to sa ti s fy h i s or her employer , and not

h imsel f or hersel f. There ha s been much va in di scussion in newspapers from time to time a s to the

r ights o f oflice men and especia lly o f women to dres s'

a s they choose . But a fter all, promo tion , sa lar ies ,'

and continuance in a good po s i tion,a re dependen t

upon the plea sing o f the employer , or ch ief, and

any o f us would b e fool i sh to run counter to knownprej udi ces . Hence , a man o f Culture will avo i d in

the o ffi ce the so ft colla rs aga ins t wh ich so many a rep rej udi ced

,and a l so will not wea r bright-co loured

neckties , fancy socks , or fl a shy jewellry. You mustradia te sma rtness and nea tnes s a s does the man

cleanly shaven , or the woman with well-ca red-f orha i r and bo th men and women should haveula te hands and na ils . Your hands a re

'I32 THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

a habi t l ies well with in your power, and i f you are a

victim o f th i s habi t tha t di ssipa tes menta l poweri t i s your own fault . The man who makes up h i smind quickly has the best chance o f success ; to b e

unable to act w i thout consulting wi th other peoplefosters a spir i t o f dependence tha t inj ures the powero f in i t ia tive and deci sion tha t cha ra cter i ses a ll men

and women o f grea t executive abil i ty . Undecidedpeople who a re forever delaying annoy everybody.

An employer who i s va cilla ting commun i ca tes h i sindeci s ion to everybody else . As Shakespea re sa id

O ur doubts are traitorsAnd make us lose the good we of t might winBy fearing to a ttempt .

Consider well before you act , and then put yourhea r t and soul into your deci sion . The grea t capta ins o f industry a re tho se who dec ide quickly, anda ll o f them a t t imes make mistakes but they profitthereby . This i s wha t ea ch one o f us should do .

The wise man apprecia tes the mistakes he makesa nd lea rn s from them ,

and hence does not make thesame mistake tw i ce . Rea d aga in and both studya nd apply to your business ca reer the lesson s givenin Chapter III and i ts exemp lifica tion on the cure

o f indeci sion .

Make Sens itiveness an A sset

Sensi tiveness and worry a re two other habits thatinter fere with busines s success . The habi t o f look

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 133

on one’s sel f a s a poor , miserable creature i s cer

to insure f a ilure . You must never admit tha ta re unequa l to any difficulty tha t con f ronts you .

on ca rry yoursel f w i th a sel f -confident a ir you

not only impress o thers b ut , wha t is equa llyimportan t , your own bel ief in your success w il l a id

you to a tta in it .Properly disciplined , developed , and perfected ,

your sensi tiveness may b e made an a sset . A certa instage f right tha t in the ca se o f many grea t men ha s

had to b e overcome, is b ut an evidence o f sensitiveness to impressions , a sort o f intu ition tha t is , indeed , a very good and serviceab le quality . McKin

ley wa s one o f our most popu la r Presidents ; hi sery grea t sensitiveness to the thoughts o f othereop le wa s a source o f hi s strength in tha t i t gaveim a power to understand wha t they thought

and hence prevented him from making mistakes .Quickly he a cted on the impressions thus received ,and seldom wa s b emi sled . We a ll know grea t business men who have the same sensitiveness and t e

sponsiveness to impressions . These do not showtheir sensitiveness any more than did PresidentMcKinley, b ut a lthough the ma rtyred president wa sone o f our most domina ting, graceful , and convinc

ing o f speakers , he told a newspaper friend o f hi stha t he never rose to make a speech tha t hi s kneesdid not tremble .

ts Success ful men and women conquer their sensitiveness and harness i t to the chariot in which


they r ide to success .1

They may feel a t imidi ty,but they refuse to a llow it to appea r . Therea re three po ints tha t you must fix firmly in yourthoughts

I . My sensitiveness i s not a defect , but i t i s a par to f my menta l equipmen t .

2 . I intend to make i t serviceab le to me .

3 . I sha ll no t a llow others to feel tha t i t ha scaused emba rra s sment to me . I sha ll use i t to sensethe op in ions of other people but I sha ll act upon myown j udgment a s to whether i t wil l b e beneficia l tome and my interests .D o not let your sensi tivenes s persuade you to a

comp romise or,any la ck o f deci s ion . A compro

mi se i s a device by wh i ch nei ther the r ight nor theWrong th ing i s done ; therefore i t can b e in no wayWholly s a ti s factory .Worry i s often a form o f sens i tiveness . To

Wa ste t ime in fretting a nd worry i s to dra in the

s tores o f nervous energy and not only j eopa rdise thesucces s o f wha t you a re plann ing but to increa seyour susceptibi lity to a des troying habi t . A lacko f continui ty o f purpose i s fa ta l to ambition ; indecision

,worry, and misdirected sensi tiveness are con

trib utors to such a la ck o f persi stence .

D o no t B ecome Ca reless or Ill Tempered

Two o ther habits tha t are hand i cap s a re shi ftlessnes s (or ca relessness ) and inabili ty to keep one

’s

temper . Ca relessnes s i s responsible f or more mis


a tempta tion to h i s fellows to try to impose on

him , j ust a s i f i t were a game to b e played . You

know how most people del ight in tea sing tho se wholose thei r temper ea sily ; i t i s a cruel habi t but ahuman tra i t , and a person o f Cu lture i s a shamed tob e the butt o f those who love to tea se h im into an

ger .

Any one can lea rn to control a temper howevers trong . I t i s only necessa ry to keep the emotionswell in hand and tell yoursel f, when tempted to flyin to a pa ssion , tha t i t i s a very fool i sh th ing to do .

,The man who i s cool under all c ircumstances b ecomes a ma ster o f men a s well a s o f h i s temper .

There i s much to b e los t by betraying anger and

there i s seldom anyth ing to b e ga ined . One o f the

mos t success ful o f big business men decla red tha the never los t h i s temper except premedita tedly .

{Therefore h i s anger was dreaded . With mos t p eo

p le los s o f temper i s rega rded a s merely a boori shi rr i tabili ty and i t never receives any sympa thy ex

cept from those who p rofit by our weaknesses andtherefore encourage us in them .

'L ive up to Oflice Rules

Those fool i sh people who a re a lways a ssertingtha t “

no one can impose upon me ,”

a re a l so thoseWho break oflice rules . You must observe o fficerules . There a re people who believe tha t thoughthey break them they “

get away with i t but thesepersons a re the fi rs t to b e di scha rged when cuts a re

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 137,

made in the oflice force , and the la s t to get their

p ay increa sed . An o ffice cannot b e run haphaza rdw ithout rules ; in f a ct , you canno t run your own l i fewithout such . When a man ha s been la te , ifhe makes up f or i t by staying la te , he i s a rbi tra rilya rranging a schedule tha t may pu t the whole officeforce ou t o f kil ter . Tra in yoursel f to get up on

time ; i t i s a good discipline f or your will .O ffice rules tha t you should make f or yoursel f

a re , to avo id devoting time to socia l ameni t ies inthe morn ing and wa sting time in gossip instead of

working ; and a lso decide to discourage friends anda cqua intances f rom ca ll ing you on the telephone .

Do not u se the telephone unless i t i s important , sincei t annoys and dis tracts people . A nd on your a rriva linstead o f gossiping , content yourself with the

cheery good morning tha t greets wi th an expression o f good wi ll the others in the oflice ; but do not

rela te your experiences during the hours since youleft . Even though they should interest they are

decidedly out o f place. But b e sure to b e plea santin manner , f or even a b ad night i s no excuse f orbeing snippish or snappish .

The novice in an o ffi ce finds i t diflicult to l iveup to the o ffi ce rules a s well a s those to which hi sown judgment may have made f or him . There a re

a lways tempters in the guise o f counsellors , whosewords deceive us because they have a fa lse appearance o f soli citude . With ea rnes t words and sym

pa thetic smiles they try to persuade us to b e dere

'

138' THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

lict to our duties and our better self . They seem tobusy themselves with spo il ing the l ives - , o f o thers ,and are usua lly unconscious o f thei r crime in so

do ing . They usually talk abou t the freedom to l ive0ne

’

s l i fe, with a b solute forgetfulnes s tha t the interdependence o f human beings is such tha t the b itternes s o f regret may follow to-morrow the though tlessness of to-day ; and perhaps a day’s ca reless

plea sure may have i ts a tonemen t in the wrecking ofa l i fe .

Such persons do a s much harm in ki ll ing enthusi

a sm, a s in any o ther eff ect tha t follows thei r insidious temp tings . Success in th i s world i s la rgelya ma tter o f enthusia sm .

“ Nothing wa s evera ch ieved wi thout enthusia sm , sa i d Emerson . Anabsolute devotion to wha tever we have in hand,and a determina tion to make i t worth wh i le , not

only f or the u ltima te result , but a lso because o f the

deligh t in doing any kind o f th ing well , i s surelyneces sa ry f or succes s in any l ine o f endeavour .Enthusia sm can come only from concentra tion ,

and

i s crea ted by i t . D ewey , the p sychologist , a s sertstha t “

the key to success in a ll ach ievement i s thecontrol o f the a ttention ,

” wh i ch i s in perfec t a ccordwith Emerson’s maxim .

Some Rules f or Business Success

Occa s iona lly in th i s work reference has beenmade to Baron Rothsch i ld’s “ Rules o f Bus iness . ”

Th i s Rothschi ld , the firs t o f grea t bankers to win


one in a busines s . They not only help inside“

the

oflice but o ften become so conspicuous in this dayo f inefliciency tha t those who posses s them receivefemp ting o ff ers from o ther concerns .The habi ts tha t seem to b e most apprecia ted a re

those tha t are a pa rt o f the second na ture o f thosewho have developed thei r Culture . Such habit sa re : loya lty, trustworthiness , fixity o f purpose , andtha t sympa thy which man i fests i tsel f in tact . One

employer o f many men, who ha s seen many mil

liona ires gradua te' from hi s tutelage , ha s decla red

tha t a good employee , the kind o f man to whom a ll

th ings are possible , must posses s these five qua l i t ies

H e must have an agreeable persona l i ty .

H e must b e trustworthy , reliable, and dependable .

H e must b e di l igent .H e must have j udgmen t .H e must have good manners .

Each one o f these qua l i ties i s an essentia l pa rto f Culture , and i s a s certa in to win in socia l l i fe a s inbusiness l i fe . Now tha t business demands a highergrade o f men and women such Culture i s absolutelyindispensable to ach ieving succes s . To these shouldb e added the posi tive dead-in—ea rnes t enthusia smtha t crea tes confidence and i s not an exaggera t ion ,

and tha t physica l hea lth wh i ch ha s become so es

sential in these days o f the s trenuous l i fe tha t beganj us t before Theodore Roo sevel t discovered there

was such a th ing and which to-day demands tha t

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 1 4 1

your physica l and menta l energy sha ll a lways b egrea t, wi th power ful resources in reserve . Tra ining for such may b e had from day to day by avoiding la te hours and b ad food and seeing to i t tha t

you will not b e out o f sorts In the morn ing. D e

pressions a lmost a lways a re due to neglect o f therules in hea lth . Note the advice in exemp lifica tions

of Chapter II.

Imp or ta nce of Tact in Business

The ta ct tha t tells must b e shown not only withyour employer or chief but w i th your subordina tes ,your f ellow employees , and all o f those w i th whom

you come in conta ct . Tact i s tha t qua li ty whichmakes friends o f everybody, enemies o f none , and

yet ha s i ts own way. I t increa ses with the development o f Culture ; therefore in each chapter i t hasbeen told how to apply i t in va rious si tu a tions . One

way to show i t in an o ffi ce i s to avo id saying sha rpand sa rca stic things or making disagreeable innuendoes . The tempta tion i s sometimes very diffi cultf or a witty person to resist ; b u t i t i s wha t the col

lege boys ca ll “ footless . ” Saying such things onlymakes enemies , and those who applaud rea lly a re indread lest they in turn b e made the ta rget o f yoursha fts : hence they a re inclined to minimise the ef

f ect o f such a possibility by covert sneers behindyour back .

Tact then i s merely a ma tter o f giving thoughtto other people besides to yoursel f . I t is not un


selfishness ; i t i s the h ighes t kind of thought andintense in i ts selfi shness , f or you are certa in to profitby i t . Th i s work wi ll have fa i led o f i ts purposeif i t has not taught you to th ink . Techni ca lly ,thought i s merely a developmen t o f the imagina tion ,and how to exerci se tha t qua l i ty will b e di scussed inChapter XXIV. It impl ies knowledge well roundedsuch a s i s given by the s tudy o f the Science o f Culture . I t brings about efficiency in business and inyour persona l li fe .

“Because a man has a mind i t

does not follow tha t he can think correctly ,” declared

Doctor Swa in . You must vi sua l i se the importantth ing to b e done and di scover the rea sons for do ingi t , i ts resul ts and the va lue to you and itS '

value to

your concern . There are f ew people more pra ctica lthan Henry Ford , whose

“

tin Lizzies clutterup the h ighways o f Amer i ca . The Chicago Trib unein h i s mill ion do lla r libel sui t aga inst i t , succes sfullysusta ined its cha rge o f h i s i ll i tera cy . Yet in h i so ffi ce there a re framed these l ines by Berton Bra ley,Wh i ch he a sserts are h i s s timula tion

TH E TH INKER

Back of the beating hammer, by which the steel is wrought ,Back o f the workshops’ clamour the seeker will find a thought ,The thought tha t is ever master of iron and steam and steel ;That rises above disaster and tramples it under heel .

916 916 916

Back of them stands the schemer—the thinker—who drivesthings through ;


most important th ings to do to-day, and concen

tra ted h i s efforts on these,taking up other things

only when they were unavoi dable . Such sort o f

sys temisa tion migh t b e applied by ea ch one o f us toour da ily work , and the spa re t ime b e spent inorigina ting new things not only f or us to do but tokeep o ther s employed . We fa il , some one ha s sa id ,only because we do not a ttempt more . The man

whose day i s mos t crowded seems to b e the one

who ha s a ccompli shed mos t a t the end o f the day.

From the investiga tion o f F . W . Taylor , to whicha llusion ha s been made, a va luable lesson can b e

drawn by ea ch one o f us . I t shows tha t howeverfamil ia r any o f our emp loyments may b e there i spo ssible room f or improvement . W . C . Redfield ,

one o f Hoover’s predecessors a s Secretary o f Commerce , decla red in a publ ic address some yea rs ago“ A th ing i s not r igh t because we do i t . The besto f us have much to lea rn . We can’t a fford to b e

deceived about ourselves . I t is better by sel f-analys i s to find and correct our faul ts than to have othersdo i t f or us .

Ana lysis your Persona l E /ficiency

Thi s idea o f effi ciency and sel f-ana lysi s i s by no

means a s novel a s we imagine . I t ha s been appl iedto themselves by the grea t th inkers f or many cen

turies . I t i s thi s tha t equipped them to becomeleaders . Frederi ck the G rea t had the idea nea rlytwo hundred years before i t became an announced

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 145,

business principle, and no modern business expertcould express the idea any better than did the Kingo f Pru ssia when he sa id : “ Men su ff er most fromlack o f applica tion in forming a clea r idea of the

subj ects upon which they a re employed .

Unless we take time to think we a re a lmost certa in to suff er unplea sant consequences and will b eforced to take time to repent .A test f or you to apply to yoursel f to judge yourpersona l efliciency i s given a s one o f the exemp lifica

t ions to thi s chapter . Be sure tha t you apply i t toyoursel f if you a re amb i tiou s and wish to succeedin business . You should make the necessa ry discoveries about yourself and your fitness f or successin any busines s bef ore you enter i t, and not a f terwa rd . Even if you a re now engaged in a business ,sel f-ana lysis and an ana lysi s o f the bu siness w ill ,perhaps , Show you tha t you should make a change ;and if thi s i s true the sooner you find it out the

better. Usu a lly, though , i t wi ll b e f ound morepractica l f or you to develop yoursel f in those directions where your sel f-ana lysi s revea ls sho rtcomings .O f ten a f ew sma ll changes in yourself w ill result

in a wonderfu l increa se in both your business ands ocia l effi ciency . Sometimes the b ad habits tha t

you discover and lea rn to conquer and the di ffi cultiestha t vanish be f ore your courage become va luablea ids in the developmen t o f your Cul ture and in

giving you tha t ma stery o f sel f which a lone can leadto the ma stery o f others .

,1 46 THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

D on’

t b e a Troub le Ma ker or Time Wa s ter

No man can win business success single handedand a lone . H e must have fr iends

,helpers , and sup

porters or he will fa i l . Such a re ready a t handamong your fellow workers i f you will lea rn howto u se them . Your fellow workers w ill b e dividedinto two cla sses : those who a re fr iendly, and thoseWho a re trouble makers . We all know the troublemakers ; they exis t in every o ffice or shop and are

d i sliked sometimes to the po in t o f ha tred . She , and

sometimes he, cri ti ci ses her fellow workers , ca rr iesta les , i s di scourteous and d i ssa ti sfied . The result i sfri ction

, and the wise employer,discha rges him or

her ; and no one i s sorry to see the trouble maker

go , s ince everybody ha s suffered by h i s presence inthe oflice .

One cla ss o f trouble makers i s the person who i sa lways making j okes about anyth ing , everything,and everybody.

'Sup erficially he may seem to b e

popula r, yet usua lly i s well ha ted . Never r i di culeanybody ; i t not only shows a la ck o f Culture on

your'

pa rt , but you must bea r in mind tha t nea rlyevery oflice joke costs you a friend . I s i t worthi t ?I f you have flipp ant ways , no one will take you

ser iously . A n o ffice cut-up never becomes a gen

era l manager . Even among sa lesmen the man who,

tell s funny stories i s rapidly giving way to the man

who s tudies his goods and h i s customers . The man

who i s a lways in terrupting o ther people who a re

'


When you converse with busines s a ssocia tes youshould b ring a round the conversa tion to a subj ecttha t the man or woman knows best ; in n ine ca ses outo f ten he wil l l ike to ta lk to you about i t , and youWil l lea rn something . There should b e a s l i ttlevi si ting a s possible in office hours , but i f there isconversa tion , steer i t yourself ; do not let i t dr i ft .

’Be Self Confident a nd Stra ightforwa rd

Above a ll in your rela tions wi th your fellowworkers and , indeed with a ll with whom you come inconta ct in business , never let any betraya l b e made o fa lack o f sel f-confidence . Your questions may b e

fla tter ing and should b e , but you must not show a

lack o f knowledge o f your own specia l ty . For morethan two thousand yea rs the Ch inese have had a

proverb wh ich runs : “H e tha t does not bel ieve in

o thers finds they do not bel ieve in him ,

”and i t i s

j u st as true tha t he who does no t bel ieve in h imselffinds tha t others do not bel ieve in h im .

You should b e a lways frank and stra ightforwa rdin dea ling wi th your ch ief, whether he i s yoii r em

ployer or the head o f tha t depa rtment o f wh i ch youa re a p art . You want h im to have confidence in youand you cannot get i t except by being frank . I f youoccupy any sort o f a confident ia l posi tion you mustremember to b e d i screet, and a lways b e wa tchfulles t you betray your trust unknowingly . The bes trule to adopt i s s imply not to d i scuss confidentia lma tters with any one ei ther a t home or in the o ffi ce .

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 149‘

Resi st the tempta tion to make a show o f knowledgeo f business secrets . If a sked outright in rega rd toanything o f this kind i t is much better to say,

“ I donot know ,

” instead o f“ I can’t tell you .

” Eva siveanswers seldom plea se anybody .

Be strong and a ssertive b ut wi thout being o ff en

sive. Avo i d any show o f too grea t humil ity, especially the hypocri ti ca l humility tha t i s worn merelya s a ma sk .

I f by your manner you Show tha t you feel you remployer i s imposing on you i t only serves to i rr i

Ca relessness about little things w i ll makef a nagger ; o f course he does not l ike to b eposition nor should you enjoy be ing con

cri tici sed . Do not show resentmen t whenfinds fault ; bear in mind tha t he , too , ha s hi sub les .

D o no t Ma ke E xcuses or A rgue

When you make a mistake i t i s best not to makeexcuses unless you have a good one . People whoa re a lways trying to justi fy themselves a re bores .Profit by the mi stake so tha t you w ill not repea ti t . I f you had a rea l rea son f or do ing or not doingsomething i t i s all right to expla in if you a re ab leto give rea sons instead o f excuses . The rea sons ,i f good , will impress your chief . Some yea rs ago a

writer who had much vogue in wri ting advice to

workers declared tha t an employee should not do

anything without a sking why, i f he did not a lready


know why. Th i s developed a very la rge numbero f oflice a ss i stants who were o f grea t annoyance tothei r ch iefs ; especia lly s ince the ir questions wereo ften so frequent and persi sten t a s to become po sitively a nui sance and sometimes impertinent . Tryto find out yoursel f the whys and wherefores insteado f becoming an o ff ensive interroga tion ma rk . Yourch ief cannot spa re the time to tell you why he wan tsthings done . Your pa rt i s to do the thing and do

i t well , and sometimes the explana tion would re

qui re more time than your ch ief might b e able to

a ff ord .

‘More than thi s , there i s a danger th a t yourquestions may d i splay some deplorable ignorance on

your pa r t.Argu ing with your ch ief i s a very b ad pol i cy .

H e wants things done h i s way, whether i t i s ther igh t way or not . There i s a story told o f an ep i

taph on the tombstone o f an automobili s t who waskilled in a coll i s ion . I t i s

H ere lies the body of William Jay,Who died ma intaining his right of way,

H e was right , dead right, as he sped along,But he

’

s just as dead as if he’

d been wrong.

The right th ing to do i s to obey your ch ief andl a ter i f you th ink you know a better way tell h ima f terwa rd modestly and in simple deferentia l words ;but b e certa in tha t you know wha t your suggestionmeans and tha t you a re pretty sure he has no rea sonf or a contrary pol i cy tha t he does not ca re to reveal .


AuthorityNeed not b e Pa raded

When you become a ch ief rea l i se tha t i t i s notthe pr iva te o ffi ce or your name on the door tha tgives you rea l authori ty . I f a man knows youknow , and you know he knows you know , you do not

need to make any pa rade o f authori ty . Authorityi s the impres sion o f yoursel f tha t you have fixed inthe o ther man’s mind .

On becoming a chief you shou ld very gradua llyd i scourage any l i ttle familia ri ties . Th i s may b e

done so gently tha t no resentmen t will b e fel t . But

continue to cal l those o f your subordina tes whom

you l ike and tru st by the old n i cknames , especia llywhen other people a re not a round . Some o f yoursubordina tes will b e very sens i tive i f you neglect todo so . In th i s you must b e guided by your knowledge of the man’s moods and d i sposi tion . But

a lways remember tha t dign i ty, i f ca rr ied gra cefullyand Wi thout a ff ecta tion or superci l iousness , i s b ecoming.

I f you are a ch ief you must make yoursel f resp ected , not by words or discipline , bu t by your man

ners and persona l i ty . Avo i d being discourteous to

your old a ssoc ia tes , s ince you r promo tion does notj ust i fy you in abandoning your manners . Mos t actso f d i scourtesy o ccur because people do not th ink .

I t is seldom tha t any one intends to b e rude .

not insu lt any one needlessly , and b e ca reful noa lways carry a ch ip on your shoulder , looking


insults and suspecting tha t every one i s trying toinsult you .

Courtesy i s the lubrica ting oil tha t lessens f ri ctionin business a s well a s socia l l i fe . D o your sha rea lways , whether you a re a chief or a subordina te ,to make things run smoothly . Such reciprocitymakes f or an esprit de corps , or team wo rk

,tha t

benefits everybody . Much o f the team work any

where , i s due to the kind o f example tha t i s set bythe chief ; so i f you are one yoursel f bea r thi s wellin mind . Be just , courteous , and pa tient , and do

your own pa rt o f the work with the care and a ttention tha t you wish others to pra cti se .

“ You w i llnever have the right team work unless each man i slooking a f ter all o f his own job , and all of the othersknow he i s ,

” sa id John N . Willys , o f the WillysOverland Company.

Conduct Towa rd the Oppos ite Sex in Business

In every pha se o f l i fe men and women can showthei r Culture or i ts la ck by their conduct towa rdmembers o f the other sex . Business i s no exception .

The inva sion o f a high cla ss o f men and women o f

Culture into bu siness ha s much ra ised the s tanda rdso f pol i teness , and i t i s our duty a s business peopleto see tha t such standards a re being constantlyra i sed in stead o f lowered .

The rules o f Cul ture govern ing the rela tionsbetween the sexes are not suspended because they

f


a re a t work in the same o ffi ce , sh0p , or factory:But busines s and socia l rela tions should not b e

mixed ins ide the offi ce , nor should a woman a llowanyman in her offi ce to take her to luncheon . Don’tb e cold and d i s tant to the oppos i te sex, but avoidfamil ia ri ties and o f course any approa ch to a fl i r tation . I f such a re ca rr ied on a t a ll they should b eoutside o f busines s hours . I t i s much better to b etoo s tri c t than too informa l in such ma tters . Busines s gi rl s who encourage fl irta tiou s find tha t theynot only interfere with work but a ctua lly losethem the good op in ion o f both sexes . Nea rlyevery emp loyer ha rbours resentmen t aga ins twomen who try to “

p arlourise” their o ffices by co

quettish manners . Nor must a woman in businessexpect a ll the l i ttle a ttention s tha t she would receivein society .

Wh ile manners a re necessa ry in business l i fe , therea re d ifferen t ways of a cting . I f for ins tance a

woman i s office a ssi stan t to a man , she must re

member tha t she ha s been engaged to help h im ;and i f ei ther i s t o wa i t on the o ther

,i t i s her place

to do i t when in h i s o ffi ce . One woman employeda s a man’s stenographer comp la ined o f . the rudenes so f her ch ief . “

H e certa inly would have picked uppapers f or a lady ca ller in h i s home . A busines swoman i s a lady even i f she has to work f or a l iving,

”she a s serted . Th i s young woman overlooked

the d i ff erence wh ich we have noted . Yet tha t em


A'

s tory i s told tha t isfi

in point. An employersa id to one o f h i s men :

“ Hawkins , I want to speakto you rega rding your a ttentions to M i s s Sweetlyduring o ffice hours . I engaged you a s bi ll ing clerk .

Noth ing wa s sa id about cooing. Tha t’s all for thepresent . ”

Above all , the woman o f Culture should avo idflirta tions with her employer . As a rule these willnot b e off ered unless she seems to invi te them , and

in such ca se the experience i s ap t to b e di sa strousf or her—whether he i s a man o f Culture who resentsher advances , or a low fellow who i s will ing to takeadvantage o f them . The average business man is

nei ther a D on Juan , seeking to break all hearts , nori s he like King Cophetua , who in the romance mar

r ied the begga r ma i d .

The Winsome woman must a lways b e on her

gua rd . No woman need ever b e ki ssed tw i ce aga insther will . Do not b e so cowa rdly a s to a llow youremployer to insul t you with h i s a ttentions . You

may b e sure tha t i f he doesn’t trea t you with respect

now he will trea t you with less la ter . The womanwho i s wi ll ing to permi t her employer to becomeher socia l fr iend should observe the precepts tha thave been given in o ther Chapters , and see tha tbusines s and socia l l i fe a re not mingled . Studyespecia lly the ins tructions conta ined in ChapterXIX . Bea r in mind tha t i f you devia te therefrom you w il l not only get a fa l se sta rt in your rela tions with you r employer outside the office, but

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 11 5 7,

you will lower yoursel f in his estima tion and lessenconsiderably any chance o f wea ring a wedding ringpurcha sed by him .

One o f O -Henry’s stories conta ined a wa rning .

I t i s the one in which “ Piggy” approached wi th fla t

tering a ttentions , appa rently forced to do so by a

girl’s good looks . Nellie saw in Piggy merely a

good thing . She greedily gra sped the thea tretickets , dinners , taxicab drives , and other luxurieswhich she could never afford . She thought she wa sgetting all these things f or nothing ; and she rea llyhad no idea o f giving tha t return which the averageman expects in such circumstances . The resul t tothe Nell ie in such ca ses genera lly i s tha t she b e

comes de’

cla sse’

and treads wha t Mrs . Gilbert ca lled“the primrose pa th o f discreditab le comfort” unti l

she i s engul f ed like other wrecks in the maelstromof the ci ty.

When a man yea rns f or something he cannot a fford immedia tely he saves up f or i t ; he does nottry to get something f or nothing . Women canno thope to escape unsca thed in a ba rga in in which theyare trying to get something f or nothing.

EXEMPLIFICATIONS

Tes ts of Your Persona lity

Apply these tests to a scerta in whether you havetha t plea sant persona lity which is such an a id inbusiness l i fe :Are you l iked by your fellow workers ?


Do you get a long well with everybody in the

oflice ?

Do you try to make yourself liked ?Wha t could you do to make yourself better l iked ?Who doesn’t l ike you ? Why ? Are you to

b lame ?A re you courteous to others in your o ffi ce ? Do

you revea l your Culture in your conduct towa rd subordina tes a s well a s equ a ls ?When you have a grouch , do you show it ? Wha t

good does i t do you ? Or anybody else ?Do you resent i t when you a re cri tic i sed ?Do you show resentment when your, employer or

ch ief speaks ha rshly to you ?Do you go ssip about other people ?Do you behave so a s to make them gossip about

you ?A re you j ea lous and susp i cious o f fellow workers ?Why are you j ea lous ? Is there any rea l rea son

f or i t ?A re you a lways nea t and dressed in good ta ste

a ccording to the s tanda rds la id down in ChapterIV ?Do you control your temper and preserve the

menta l po i se recommended in Chapter I II ?I s your vo ice plea san t and agreeable as suggested

in Chap ter VIII ?Does your correct use o f words show your Cul

ture ?Do you try to b e cheerfu l and uncompla ining ?


I’

am a ssocia ted with are not delayed by slownes s ?Wha t can I do to speed up my work ?Do the customers tha t come in con ta ct wi th me

l ike me ? Who doesn’t like me ? Why ? Wha tsha ll I do to win tha t customer’s good will the nexttime he comes in conta ct w i th me ?

H ow do I feel about my business ? Do I l ike i t ?D o I th ink I could do better a t someth ing else ?Who th inks I could do better a t someth ing else ?Why ?Am I abrea s t o f the times in my job ? Do I

s tudy to improve mysel f ? Wha t have I studiedrecen tly tha t ha s been o f va lue to me in my work ?

Tes t Your Business

I f you a re a t the head of a business o f any kind ,or i f you own a business , you should make a selfana lys i s to see whether you are progressing in i t .Ask yourself these questionsWha t trouble did I have with employees la st

week ? Was I to blame ?Wha t troub le d id I have with customers la st

Week ? Wa s I to blame ?In e i ther o f the ca ses would an impartia l person

say I was to blame ? Think o f some person whowould b e an impa r tia l j udge ; then look a t th ingsfrom h i s po int o f View and a sk yoursel f,

“ Wouldhe say I was to blame ?

”

A re my employees do ing better work ?

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 1 6 1

Wh ich employees a re do ing this better work ?Have I done anything to encourage them ?Which o f my employees are doing poorer work ?Wha t am I do ing about it ? Have I done anythingmake them do better work ? Wha t could I do ?Have I been buying a s well a s usua l ? Wha t(1 piece o f buying did I do la st month ? Wha t0d piece o f buying ? H ow do I know it was a

good piece o f buying ?Is my business doing a s well a s la st year ? Wha t

makes me think so ?

H ow does the cost and receipts o f my business ordepartmen t compa re w ith la st yea r ? Why i s therea change ? Why i s there no change ? Wha t shouldI do about it ?Is anybody else runn ing a similar business or de

p artment better than I run mine ? Why is he do ingso ? .Wha t method of hi s could I use to my goodadvantage ?

H ow to Plan Your Work Efliciently

You cannot do a good day’s work or make thebest u se o f your time in anyway unless you organi sethe day so tha t time may b e your servant instead o fyour ma ster . This applies to the housew i fe or any

other worker . I f you do not push your work , itwill push you .

Every success ful person in bu siness opera tes on a

schedule . Would you suspect tha t Theodore Roosea


vel t worked on a schedule ; not only when in the

Wh i te House but before and a fter he became President of the Un i ted Sta tes ? Here i s an a ccountprinted in the America n Maga z ine, when he waspresident , Showing tha t he wa s the very inca rna tionof order and regular ity in h i s work

“ Every morn ing during the Colonel’s term a s

President Secreta ry Loeb places a typewri tten l i s to f h i s engagements on h i s desk , sometimes reducedto five minute interva ls . And no ra ilroad engineerruns more sharply upon th i s schedule than does he .

His wa tch comes out o f h i s pocket ; he cu ts off aninterview , or signs a paper , and turns instantly , according to h i s t ime-table , to h i s next engagement .

“ I f there i s an interva l anywhere left over hech inks in the time by reading a pa ragraph o f h i storyfrom the book tha t l ies a lways ready a t h i s elbow,

or by wr i ting two or three sentences in an a rti cleon Ir i sh folklore or bea r hunting . Thus he nevers top s running even when he ‘s tokes the fire .

’The

throttle i s a lways open ,the engine i s a lways on a

ful l head of s team . I have seen , schedules o f hisengagements wh i ch showed tha t he wa s constantlyoccupied from nine in the morn ing , when he takeshis regula r wa lk in the Wh i te House grounds withMrs . Roosevelt

,unti l midn ight , with guests a t both

luncheon and dinner . And when he goes to b edhe 18 ab le to di sabuse h i s mind instantly o f everycare in the world and goes s tra ight to sleep ; and hesleeps with perfect norma l i ty and on schedule time .

”


DUTIES APPOINTMENTS

These he checks a s they are a ccompl i shed .

“ Our energies may b e wa s ted , and our geniusmay b e misappl ied ,

” sa id John V. Farwell, foundero f the John V. Fa rwell Company,

“ unless we can

gu ide them to defin i te ends ; unless we use our forcesto get specific resu lts .

”

Think B eyond Your Job

There i s no exped ient to wh i ch a man will notresort to avo id the rea l labour of th inking,

” sa idSi r Joshua Reynolds .When the forego ing sentence was brought to the

a ttention of Thoma s A . Edi son i t made such an im

pres sion on h im tha t he had i t printed on a placa rdand posted in h i s plant a t Orange , N . J .


In an interview in the America n M aga z ine, Edison expla ined why he did this . H e sa id :

“ I t i s because they do not u se thei r thinkingpowers tha t so many people f a i l to develop a creditable memory . The bra in tha t i s u sed responds .The bra in i s exactly like any o ther pa rt o f the bodyit can b e strengthened by proper exerci se , by proper

,use . Pu t you r arm in a Sl ing and keep it there f ora considerable length o f time and when you take i tout aga in you find tha t you can

’t u se i t . In the

same way the bra in tha t i sn’t used su ff ers a trophy .

”

Cha rles M . Schwab , who rose from a

week to a sa lary o f a million dolla rs a yea r a t theage o f thirty-fou r tell s in his book

“Succeeding With

Wha t You Have ,”the importance o f thinking b e

yond your job . These are his words on the po int :“ I t ha s been my good fortune to wa tch most o f

the present leaders rise f rom the ranks and rise stepby step , to places o f power . These men I am con

vinced a re not na tura l prodigies . They won out byu sing norma l bra ins to think beyond their mani festda ily duty . Ameri can history is spill ing over w i thmen who sta rted in li f e even wi th the leaders ; w i thbra ins just a s b ig, w i th hands qu i te a s capable , and

yet one man emerges from the ma ss , ri ses sheerabove his f ellows

,and the rest rema in .

“ There i s not a man in power a t our BethlehemSteel Works to-daywho did not begin a t the bottomand work hi s way up , round by round , simply by


using h i s head and h i s hands a l i ttle more freelyand a l i ttle more eff ectively than the men beside him .

Eugene Gra ce, presiden t o f Bethlehem ,worked in

the ya rd when I fi rst knew h im . Mr . Snyder wa sa s tenographer ; Mr . Ma tthews , a dra ftsman . The

fi fteen men in direct cha rge o f the plants were se

lected , no t because o f some sta rtling stroke o f gen

i us , but because day in and day out they were do ingl i ttle unusua l th ings— th inking beyond their j obs .Alfred C . Bedford , presiden t o f the Standard O i lCompany o f New Jersey , in an interview reportedby B . C . Forbes in Forb es M aga z ine, sa id

“ When I got a posi tion a s an offi ce b oy I wa sa lways on the a lert to make mysel f useful . I oftenvolun teered a fter my own work wa s done to coun tthe ca sh with the ca sh ier , to draw up b a lances f orthe book-keeper , make up vouchers , ca rry the booksto the sa fe , and do every l i ttle job I could see neededdo ing . I was soon a ssigned to do the running f oran exper t a ccountant , who came to organi se the

who le system o f a ccounts o f book-keep ing . In steado f merely getting out vouchers and o ther paperstha t he ca l led for I a sked to b e a llowed to coun t upcolumns o f figu res , compa re vouchers , and do othersta ti stica l drudgery . In apprecia tion the a ccountant began to tea ch me not only o rdina ry book-keeping, but the principles underlying a ccountancy, and

the fundamen ta ls o f recording and ana lysing business transa ctions .

“ I appl ied mysel f d il igently to thi s work , s tudy


work to subordina tes . The man who i s a lways entangled in deta i l s will never r i se above them and

so will b e en trusted only with such th ings f or thewhole o f h i s l i fetime “

The executive’s ch ief business i s to organ i se , deputi se , and supervi se , sa idE . P . Ripley , p residen t o f the Sante Fé Ra i lroad .

In John D . Rockefeller’s “ Random Reminis

cences ,” he tells how he fi rst handled deta i l s h im

sel f and then turned them over to others . In hisdays there still ex i sted a bel ief in Benj amin Frankl in’s maxim tha t a th ing could not b e done wel l unles s you did i t yoursel f . But Rockefeller decla red“ My methods o f a ttending to business methods di ff ered from those o f mos t well-conducted merchantso f my time and a llowed me more freedom . Evena fter the ch ief a ff a irs o f the Standa rd O i l Companywere moved to New Yo rk , I spent mos t o f my summers a t my home in C leveland , and I do s till . Iwould come to New York when my presence seemednecessa ry, but f or the mos t p a rt I kept in touchwith the business through our own telegraph w ires ,and wa s left free to a ttend to many other th ingswh ich interested me .

”

Rockefeller a lways selected very big men to helph im . As long a s he knew tha t by h i s persona l i ty hecou ld domina te them he wa s certa in to benefi t.Many men seem to think tha t because they themselves get plenty o f money ou t o f a business thei rassi s tants should not b e well p a id . Big mill iona ires


l ike Rockefeller , Ma rsha ll Field , Ca rnegie , and

Morgan a cted on diff erent pol i cy , and lef t a wholetra in o f milliona i res f ollowing them a s the

“ bigchiefs” grew in importance and power .I t is strange tha t so f ew business heads under

stand tha t everything tha t their subo rdina tes do re

dounds to thei r own credi t . But the rea lly b ig men

reali se this .The way, then , to increa se your executive abili ty

is to pick out good men to help you and to tie themto you

“ by hoops of steel , so they will b e loya l .You must not only make them help you but youmust help them, and you must rea l i se tha t for everything they ga in you will ga in more .

The good executive i s unstin ted in the pra i se hegives to his subordina tes , a l so in tha t which hegives them to hi s own chief .You cannot expect to win a promotion i f you

are necessa ry in the job tha t you now hold . Thusto get an advance you must have tra ined some one

to do the Work you have been do ing so you may

b e no longer regarded a s indispensable in the subordina te position . And when some one whom you

have recommended ha s secured a-promotion a s a

result you must uphold him and see

’

tha t hemakes good . I f he does not do so , i t will b e a verysevere reflection on your judgment o f men and may

handicap you in mak ing people bel ieve tha t youknow how to pick capable a ssi stants .


You must a sk yourself whether you know howto delega te work to competent people . I f you dono t know how, you must lea rn .

You must o rgani se thoroughly the duties o f the

p os i tion you now hold so tha t you can show any

one in a very short time how to s tep into i t and doa s good work a s you did .

As fa s t a s you ga in promotions you must f ollow the same pol i cy o f ma stering your job , simpl i fying the routine, and tra in ing some one to act a s

your successor .I t i s by such s teps tha t all grea t men have cl imbed

up the ladder and cap tured the rea lly big pri zes f orthemselves .

H ow to H a ndle Ca llers

On e o f the grea test consumers o f the time ofbusiness men are thei r ca llers . These o f course,must b e trea ted pol i tely not only because o f yourCul ture but f or rea sons o f pol icy .

Va rious sys tems have been adopted by the shrewdest busines s men . No man had more ca llers and

d i sposed o f them more quickly, pol i tely , and sa ti sf actorily than did Theodore Roosevel t when he wa sPresident . George Fitch in the America n M aga z ine

descr ibed the p rocess wh i ch wa s used . Fitch whohad ca lled with a congressman wrote th i s description

“ As we fini shed our inspection wh i ch included a

vi s i t of the President’s desk in h i s pr iva te office the


everybody does—tha t no one stays a minute longerthan the President wants h im to, and yet no one

knows how the President does i t . At a certa in momen t the vi si tor clutches h i s ha t convuls ively and thePresiden t overcomes h i s di sappointment and man

fully bids h im good-bye .

”

The secre t o f th i s close o f an interview withoutwa ste o f time and yet giving sa ti s fa ction to the

ca ller l ies in the domina tion o f the interview . Th i scan b e done only by taking the lead a t the verysta rt, a s soon a s the ca ller ha s s ta ted h i s obj ect , andgiving an answer in such a tone a s a dmits o f no doubta s to your deci s ion , so he ha s no temp ta tion to l in

ger and a rgue .

Tes ts of A b ility f or Sa lesp eople

Pro f. Pau l H . Nystrom ha s devised a chart forj udging sa lespeople which i s given by him in hi s book“ Reta i l Selling and Store Managemen t,

”and i s used

in many reta il s tores .The buyer , or depa rtment head , or employment

manager , ma rks th i s ca rd annua lly or semi-annua lly ,ba sing hi s opin ion on the individua l , record o f sa les ,and opin ion o f the employee’s immedia te superior .

Any one who receives 70 to 80 po in ts i s rega rded a s

fa ir ; 80 to 90 i s good ; and above tha t exceptiona l ,to b e rewa rded a ccordingly.

Go over the chart , on opposi te page, and gradeyoursel f fa irly

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 1 73.

PHYSICAL (Tota l 20 points) Perfect actua l recordrecord record 1 yr.

later(a ) Hea lth

'(b ) AppearanceBearing

Clean l iness( 0) Vo ice( d ) SpeechINTELLECTUAL (Tota l 2 7 po ints )( a ) Know ledge of Engl ish(b ) Genera l educa t ion(c) Techn ica l know l edge

Know l edge of the house (pol icy,organ i z a t ion, history

, compet itors )Know ledge of the goodsKnow ledge of peop le

PERSONALITY (Tota l 2 3 points )( a ) Incl ina t ion to bus iness( b ) Ambit ion [0 0 0 0

(c) Se lf-confidencei(d ) D eterminat ion( e ) Honesty(f ) Agreeableness(g) Court esy( h ) Pur ity‘

( i ) Wi l l ingness to lea rn( j ) W i l l ingness to cooperate( k ) Promptness( l ) Frankness(m) Imagina t ion{(n ) Enthus ia sm and love of se l l ingSALESMANSH IP (Tota l 30 po ints )[( a ) Ca re of stock a nd department(b ) Getting a ttent ion(c) Descr ib ing and show ing goods( d ) Meet ing obj ections( e) Pers istence(f ) Convincing the customer

1 74; THE SC IENCE OF CULTURE

SALESMANSHIP (Tota l 30 points) Perfect actua l recordrecord record 1 yr.

later(g) C losing the sa le(h ) Mak ing customer permanent

Tota l

Oflice Rules you should Ma ke f or Your Guidance“The present grea test need is an antidote for the

unwillingness of men to profit by the experience ofothers. ” - CH ARLE S DELAND H INE .

Po li te reception o f vi s i tors crea tes a favourable impression , and being ap t to b e mentioned to yourch ief, i s l ikely to b e o f advantage to you ultima tely,besides being good pra cti se in the express ion o f yourCulture .

The more success ful one i s the more one l ikes towork ; the more one works , the more success fu l onei s .Do no t tread on other people’s Corns . Avoid sorespots .Do not imagine tha t your ch ief doesn’t know when

you Sh i rk .

A woman’s intui tion i s one o f her a ssets . She

shou ld act upon i t .A stenographer should not tap nervously with her

penci l or o therwi se di stra ct the person from whomshe i s taking dicta tion .

Do not ta lk shop outside the oflice.

Cul ture will ultima tely aid youi progres s , but donot adopt a pa troni s ing manner.


It is not good form to make socia l ca lls duringoffice hours .I f when making a business ca ll the offi ce b oy

o ffers a blank to b e filled you shou ld use tha t aswell a s your ca rd unles s you have an appo intment .When you ca ll on a person socia lly dur ing busi

nes s hours i t i s correct to telephone, and make an

appointment so a s to make cer ta in tha t your vi s i twill not interrupt any business in wh ich your friendmay b e engaged .

Under no circumstances Should a man make a

socia l ca ll on a woman in bus iness hours , unles s sheis one o f the owners o f her concern .

It i s rega rded a s b ad form f or a woman to calla t a man’s oflice excep t on business .When a woman does make a socia l ca ll on a man

in h i s offi ce she should make i t a s br ief a s po ssible ,and i f there i s much to say she may a sk h im to ca llon her a t her home .

{The CulturedWoman a nd H er Employer

A woman knows very well whether or not her

employer ha s vicious motives when he a sks her tostay down a lone and help h im with h i s work . She

shou ld decl ine to do so unless she ha s been sa ti sfiedby h i s previous conduct tha t i t wi ll b e str ictly business .

.When a man ha s designs on a girl in h i s employhe genera lly begins by ta lking o f h i s unhappy homel i fe , or h i s una ff ectiona te and unapprecia tive wife .

CULTURE IN BUSINESS 1 77,

A girl who ha s had experience knows tha t i t i s abouttime to look f or a new position i f she wi shes to p reserve her sel f-respect . The girl who knows no b etter , finds tha t i t i s one thing f or a man to promiseto divorce his wi fe, and another f or him a ctually todo i t.I f your employer a sks you to take luncheon with

him, you shou ld say tha t you have another engagemen t .” I f he a sks you to take dinner w i th him, act

a s you would if he were not your employer and inaccordance with the instructions given in ChapterXIX i f you wish to b e regarded a s a woman of Culture .

CHAPTER XXII

THE HOME LI FE OF PEOP LE OF CULTUREOR

CULTURE AS EXPRESSED IN THE HOME

Culture Must b e Practiced When Alone

OME i s the pla ce where those without rea lCulture slump and betray their true na tu reto thei r families and to themselves . Too

o ften the veneering or pol i sh tha t i s a ssumed for“ society purposes ,

”and f or publi c exh ib ition only ,

18 forgotten and an ind ividua l’s l i fe a lone in the pr iva cy of the family i s such tha t the a tta inment o f thetrue express ion o f Culture i s impossible.

For Culture must b e pra cti sed , even when a lone ;one migh t a lmost say tha t when a lone i ts pra cticeshould b e most intens ive , so tha t correct expressionmay become a pa r t o f our second na ture . Cultu reis not a thing tha t can b e taken o ff l ike a wra

entering one’s own home . Fa i lure to pra cti se

ture when a lone results in a sup erficia lity tha t i sta in o f betraya l when abroad .

There i s a well-known story tha t i s told o f a yoman o f appa rently cha rming manners whovited to d inner a t the home o f Cultured

178


fOne’s H ome is the Tes t of Culture

There a re no l imits to the si ze o f a home . I tmay b e a ha ll bedroom or a pa la ce . Mrs . Cha rlotteStetson sa i d tha t home wa s where a man kept hiss lippers and a woman wore her kimono . Bu t ex

cept in the priva cy o f a bedroom there should b e no

relaxa tion o f the rules tha t a re followed when inpubl i c .

“ Your house or your room is a dea d give away ,sa id Mi s s Els ie de Wol fe , f or many yea rs one o f

the most famous o f New York’s interior decora tors .“ I f a woman ha s ta ste she may have faults , foll ies ,fads

,she may err, she may b e a s human and femi

n ine a s she plea se , but she w i ll never cause scanda l .”

I t i s only na tura l tha t we shou ld a ttribute vulga rta stes to those who l ive in vulga r surroundings .There a re those who a re forced by d i re necessi tyto l ive in boa rding houses or ha ll bedrooms , buttha t i s no rea son why their rooms should not expres stheir individua l i ty even though the exterior o f thebuilding, the pa rlour , or the ha lls may fa i l to do so .

I f the d irt or squa lor i s too grea t one can a lwaysmove to a cleaner pla ce; Better cleanl ines s in an

un fa sh ionable n eighbourhood than di r t in one wh i ch’

i s more select . ” I t i s a t lea st a lways possiblekeep one

’s room in order , a nd i f “ l ight hou sekeing

” i s indulged in , the utensi ls and provi sb e concea led when not in u se . A da inty man

Woman will keep cloth ing concea led and avoid dorder .

HOME LIFE OF CULTURE 1 81

I t i s a s important tha t your room should b e a s

clean a s your body . We are not un f a i r in judginga person’s temperamen ts , habits , and incl ina tions byhis or her home and , p a rticula rly, by the room tha t

or she occupies . Even a room in a hotel,a fter

occupancy o f a day or two , a ssumes something o findividua l i ty o f the person who lives in i t .

Even mo re does a hou se or an apa rtment Show Culture , or lack o f i t , on the pa rt o f the person whol ives in i t .Ostenta ti on In a house or an apa rtmen t , i s a s

much an indica tion o f poor ta ste , a s in dress ( seeChapter IX ) . The e ff ort to make a brave show ,

remin i scent o f those whom Thackeray ca rica tu redin his

“

Book o f Snobs ,”or Dickens sa tirised in de

3scribing the Veneerings , meets only w i th ridicule tha ts even those o f Culture and kindliness find di fficult‘to restra in . Nor must we overlook the shrewd1worldlyWi sdom of William Shenstone who decla red :

“ A miser grows ri ch by seeming poor , while an ex

t travagant man grows poor by seeming rich .

”

The Imp or ta nce of E nvironment

I f we look ba ck over our own l ives we can notew f rom ea rliest in f ancy we have been influencedthe environment o f our homes . Those who have

the history o f the human ra ce , tell u s tha twere invented f or the benefi t o f children .

up people could get a long very well in the

s, where our ancestors made thi r homes , but

1 82 THE SC IENCE OF CULTURE

houses had to b e provided f or human in fants j ust athe nests o f birds or the la irs o f w ild an ima re devised f or the ir young .

“In the houses

Ameri ca a re born the chi ldren o f Ameri ca .

go out into the wo rld with the stamp o f these houpon them .

”

I t i s the duty , then , o f those who have the upb ring o f ch i ldren in thei r ca re not only to pra cti seture f or their persona l benefi t , but a lsthe e ffect upon the young people whothei r influence . This influence i s much grea ter thwe a re ap t to imagine . Archbishop Fenelon , who

the days o f Loui s XIV wa s the first person to ma

a tho rough s tudy o f the educa tion o f children ,

clared tha t ,“ children a re very clo se observers

they will often observe your sl ightes t de f ecThus i t i s true tha t the prea ch ing o f paren tsdo very li ttle unles s ba cked by example . We kby the exper ience o f ea ch and every one o f us , thpa rents a re remembered not f or wha t they sa id , bf or wha t they did . Actions no t only speak loudthan words

,but they form a more durable imp re

s ion upon the bra in .

Correct H a b its should b e Acquired E a rly in L ife

Psycho logists tell’

us tha t ea rly in l i fe the bra in ha

a mos t rema rkable pla sti ci ty, and i t i s then tha tfounda tion i s la id o f the habi ts whi ch are ap t to

si s t with us through l i fe . The ana logy


does not a rr ive unti l a fter the period o f adap tab il

i ty and mutua l concess ion tha t ensues dur ing the

fi rst yea r o f ma rr ied l i fe .

Ma rriage N ecess ita tes Adjus tments

H ow th i s a daptabi l i ty a rr ives and how the l i ttleadj ustmen ts must b e brought about between husbandand wi fe, and the handl ing of the many-s i tua tionstha t a r i se

,i s so in tr ica te a prob lem tha t i t would

require a book in i tself , and hence cannot b e ade

qua tely discussed in the scope o f a work o f th i skind

, even though i t p roperly had a pla ce therein .

To those who have not yet wrestled with the problem o f such necessa ry adjustments probably no b et

ter indica tion o f thei r exten t can b e given than bya quo ta tion from a novel ca lled “

Zell ,” by Henry

G . Aikman , wh ich wa s one of the bes t sellers” in1 92 1 . At the age o f twenty-three Avery Zell andh i s bride s tar t l i fe in a sma ll fla t above a drug store

and then

This marriage business was a peculiar a ff a ir. H e was

conscious of a thousand interlaceries of relationship betweenthe two of them . The adjustment was so extremely delicate, the problem of maintaining a rea l balance o f powerso incredibly difficult . H e sometimes believed b e

either crush Ruby or b e crushed by her. In mom

his finest considerateness for her he always felt s t

overborne.

“Really it was not the superficial irritations th

him—he told himself , - not her habits of chewing


mouth open , or bursting into tears inexplicably, of consid

ering herself wholly right in all her controversies, of talking volubly and incessantly when he was most tired . She

had shown him counterbalancing qualities . She was 0011

scientious she made him comfortable ; she was efficient —sheamaz ed him by keeping an accurate household budget book- best of all, she had accepted the inconven ience of theirfirst months without a complaint.

“No, he didn

’

t blame Ruby. Rather it was the f ault ofthe incomprehensible institu tion of marriage !

”

Yes , these are a ll problems tha t each ma rriedcouple must solve f or themselves . Bu t in a ll the

rule o f Culture must b e followed . There shouldb e just a s much

“

considera tion and poli teness shownby husband to wi f e , or w i fe to husband , tha t ei therwould Show to outsiders . Merely because a personi s a member o f your family , i s no rea son why youshould no t trea t him with the same courtesy tha t

you would show to other people . A husband shouldb e a s poli te to his wi f e a s he would b e to any o therwoman , and a wi f e should follow the same pra ctice .

It i s advi sable f or each to forego any famili a ri ty orlaxness in dress or manners tha t is ap t to breedcontempt and lead in time to the making o f un f avourable compa ri sons with other men and women whoare seen only under the most favourable ci rcumstances . 1

“

God could not b e everywhere, so he made moth

1 Note carefu l ly the ob servat ions tha t have been made in ChapterI I in this connect ion .

1 86: THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE,

ers i s a Hindu proverb , and i t i s useles s to dwellhere on the so-much-di scussed and well-admittedfa ct o f the wonderfulness o f a mother’s love . We

a ll agree with Eugene Field

There is no love like the good old loveThe love tha t mother gave u s .

The M o ther’s Influence is mos t Imp orta nt

The mother’s example i s very grea t in i ts influence on children , especia lly when i t i s exertedea rly . The wise mother ea rly a rouses the na tura lch ivalrous ins tincts o f the sma ll b oy towa rd womenby making him feel tha t he i s her protector . H e

takes pride in th i s , and the Boy Scout movementhas very wi sely taken advantage o f the same ins tinct . Th i s organ i sa tion i s a l so very good f or a

b oy in d irecting h i s na tura lly grega rious a nd adven

turons incl ina tions in the righ t d irection . Pa rentswi ll find tha t scout membersh ip will b e o f grea tadvantage to thei r sons .I f a mother will b e ca reful to say plea se and

“ thank you”to her ch ildren she will find tha t they

wil l a lso use these “ very li ttle keys , a s the nurseryrhyme ca ll s them .

Girls may b e taugh t from the very beginn ing tob e o f help to thei r mo thers a round the house . I fthey rea lly feel tha t they a re o f help , and their a ssistance meets with rea l apprecia tion , i t wil l continue .

The close a ssocia tion b etween ’mother and daughterfrom in fancy , i s the best insurance o f such rela tions


Bay he i s shown romping with a sma ll daughter inthe ba rn a t her request . “ I had not the hea r t to t e

fuse ,” sa id Roo sevelt ,

“ but rea lly i t seems , to put i tmildly , ra ther odd f or a stout, elderly Pres ident tob e bouncing over hayricks in a w i ld eff ort to get toa goa l before an a ctive midget o f a competi tor agedn ine . However

,i t wa s rea lly grea t f un .

”

Children should no t L ea rn too Rap idly

Pa rents rea lly must tra in themselves in Culturef or the benefi t o f thei r ch i ldren . There a re manyshrewd observers who agree with Lord Greville whosa id : “ I ha rdly know so melancholy a reflection as

tha t p a rents have sole d irection o f the i r children ,Whether they have or have not the j udgment , penetra tion , or ta ste to perform the ta sk The grea test trouble i s trying to make a ch ild lea rn more rap

i dly than he can a ssimila te the knowledge you wishto impa rt . Hora ce Mann , the rea l fa ther o f our

publi c school system , sta ted the ca se very clea rlywhen he sa id : “

In trying to tea ch ch ildren a grea tdea l in a short time , they are trea ted not as thoughthe ra ce they were to run was f or l i fe, but a th

mile hea t . ”

In the story o f your ch i ld’s l i fe i s compressedh i s tory o f the evo lution o f the human ra ce . A bgrows from a t iny droplet o f anima l j el ly su

science tell s u s wa s the origin o f a ll l iving tin preh i stori c ages ; then i t takes the shape o f athen tha t of a fish with gill s and finlike buds i


o f a rms and legs ; then a mamma l wi th a well-definedta il ; i t i s born a quadruped , and in time becomes abiped , a speaking and tool-using crea ture with a rea

soning bra in . When this stage a rrives it is time toundertake the development o f its Culture, w i th ex

ample a s well a s precept. And in this tra ining o f

the child one must a lways keep in mind the maxim o f

‘Joubert : “In bringing up a child think o f i ts old

age .

”

Children should L ea rn to E xp ress Culture

There i s very much in rega rd to the expression o f

Culture on the pa rt o f adults in this work on its

Science tha t can b e applied '

to children . In studying thi s you should make notes o f tha t which youcan immedia tely tea ch your children , so they may b e

gin thei r a ssocia tions outside o f the f amily w ith i tsadvantages . For instance , nea rly everything in

chapters two , three , and five , apply a s well to children a s to adults . Specia l a tten tion should b e pa idto the hints given a s to the ca re o f the body and tothe gestures and ca rriage , f or the pra ctices acqu i redea rly may ea sily become fixed habits if they are ta ctfully applied . Ta ct i s indeed necessa ry in dea l ingwi th children , and in all things the p arent shou ld respect the reserve , individua l ity, and sel f-respect o f achild .

On your own pa rt bear in mind the explici t directions a s to the dress o f children given in ChapterIV. When the child has rea lly reached the age o f


rea son you can show her, f or instance , tha t pla inclothes a re the th ing to wea r in school . Those o f

the ignorant r i ch may wea r expensive finery, but theCultured do not . Use every effort to root out anytendency to snobbery.

As a genera l rule, chi ldren , i f kindly trea ted ,pla ced on their own responsibil i ty, a nd encouragedto respect themselves have good manners na tura lly .

But inconsi s tencies on your pa rt will b e quicklyno ted ; i f you condemn one day wha t you condone thenext, there will b e no la st ing effect and your lessonswill b e worse than wa sted . Commend the good and

do not ha rshly cr i t i ci ze mistakes . All author ities onthe tra in ing o f ch i ldren a re now agreed tha t ch ildren should b e corrected and not s colded . I t may

take long f or them to lea rn , but they surely willlea rn , i f you will have the infin i te pa tience wh i ch a ll

good tea chers possess , and wh ich pa ren ts must acquire if they wish to b e ab le to a ccomp l i sh 'des i redresults . It takes qui te as long to tra in a ch ild a s i tdoes to tra in any o ther young wi ld anima l .

The Child’s A ssoci a tes

You a re o f course interested in your ch ild’s a ssocia tes . It i s impossible to control them ,

any morethan you could keep a p et Pekingese from a ssocia t

ing w i th an a lley mongrel . The bes t thing to do isto urge ch i ldren to br ing their playma tes home . I fthey a re coa rse the. ch i ld wi ll not want to do so .

You will find i t unnecessary to tel l your ch ild tha t

1 92 THE. SCIENCE OF CULTURE

they rea ch the age o f admission , and mo st parentstrea t their chi ldren a s rea sonable beings .Yet there i s a cer ta in well-defined code o f man

ners f or young people and the ir fa ilure to observethem reflects upon their upbringing.

A Child’s M a nners

A child should b e taugh t to greet every one in hishousehold with a cheery “ Good morn ing ,

” just a sgrown ups do . A ch i ld must wa i t to b e greeted byolder people , j ust a s a man must wa i t to b e greetedby a woman . H e must not forestall h i s mother’sgreeting o f a ca ller or take pa r t unbidden in a genera l conversa tion .

On the other hand , we must remember tha t s incea chi ld cannot speak to us unless we speak to h imfirs t tha t i t i s f or the grown ups to open the conversa tion . When a ch i ld i s introduced to you the

proper th ing to say i s ,“ I am glad to know you ,

Ma ry .

”The less pa tron i s ing your tone the better

the child wil l like you . It i s a lso well to bea r inmind tha t a person o f Culture respects the ind ividua lity even o f a ch i ld , and does not a sk impertinen t oremba rra ss ing questions .We a ll know people who think i t funny totea se children about their beaux and sweethea rts .Th i s la ck of ta s te i s sometimes shown in the motion

p i ctures , where ch i ld friendsh ip s a re trea ted a s lovea ff a irs in a way tha t i s di sgusting to people o f Cul

HOME LIFE OF CULTURE 193i

ture . The well-bred man or woman , does not j estabout such things w i th children . However youngyour daughter may b e , you should not a llow any one

to tea se her abou t any man or b oy.

Children must not b e encouraged to show off , and

the wi se pa rent does not a llow such display to b eurged by o ther people The sma rt sayings o f children appea r very amusing to thei r own pa rents butseldom plea se the pa rents o f others . Pa rents sometimes f oster sel f -consciousness in children by repea ting thei r

“ bright sayings” in their hea ring . Mrs .

.Van deWa ter ha s told o f how, when She visi ted oneof her friends , the young hopefu l o f the house spokeup and sa id : “ Mamma , why don

’t you tell themtha t f unny thing I sa i d a t supper la st n ight ?” And

the fa tuous mother a ctua lly did tell i t !Do not let your children annoy other people .

Teach them to b e quiet and considera te .

Children must lea rn not to contradict . Likegrown up people they should say :

“ I b eg your p ardon , but I think you are mistaken , and they should

,bb e told tha t i t i s better to let things pa ss unless somevita l principle i s involved . The ordina ry rules o fmanners in conversa tion

,a s have been expla ined in

thi s work can b e taught to children both by ex

ample and precept .A b oy should b e taught to l i f t his ha t to women

and even to men . When he sees hi s fa ther salu tingwomen he w il l b e proud to imita te h im . A b oy


should take o ff h i s ha t when kissing h i s mother j us ta s a man o f Cu lture takes off h i s ha t when kissingh i s wi fe .

Teach a sma ll b oy to ri se when a woman entersthe room , and let h im note tha t h i s fa ther does th i s .I t i s ea sy to tra in a b oy to ca rry a book , pa rcel , or

tenni s ra cket f or a woman . Po int out to him tha tthe young men whom he admires do th i s .A chi ld should never say

“

yes”

or“no , tout

court,but Should a lways add the name o f the p er

son answered a s!

“No , Mo ther ,

”or

“ Yes,Mi s s

Ma ry ,”or

“ I th ink so , Uncle Will .Remember not to bore o ther peop le with your

ch i ldren .

“ I sha ll not invi te Mrs . Roberts aga into my a t-homes ,

” sa i d a New York society woman ,

“ I am ti red o f her son .

” Pressed for an ex

plana tion she decla red tha t Mrs . Roberts pesteredevery one w i th anecdotes o f Ma ster Raymond so

tha t she had become a bore .

The manners o f ch ildren a t table a re a constantsource o f distres s to many mothers . A genera l rulei s tha t ch ildren ough t not to b e a t tab le when thereare any s trangers present unless very intima tefr iends o f the family , and must under no cis tance b e present unless they can behave in sway tha t thei r p resence can b e forgiven . The

o f a ch i ld with grea sy or messed-up face may

unth inking people laugh when seen on the scrbut i t i s a t bes t a disgusting sight , l ikely to spo i lappeti te o f any person of refinemen t . People

1 96 TH E SCIENCE . OF CULTURE

power . Then he will lea rn more by imi ta tion thanin any other way, i t being instinctive for a ch i ld totry to copy the ways o f his elders .

The Feeding of a Child

Sunday-school books o f a f ew yea rs ago preachedawful wa rn ings a s to the fa te o f greedy young boys .Now we rea l i se tha t a growing ch i ld a ctua lly re

qui res more food than a grown man . E a t ing b etween mea l s i s urged ins tead o f be ing condemned ,and the modern physician i s worr ied i f a child doesnot ea t a ll the time l ike any other young an ima l .The food i s needed i f the ch ild i s growing , and i fa monthly weighing or mea suring does not Show an

increa se in e i ther weight or height a physician wouldb e much worr ied .

Ha lf of our h igh-strung, di ffi cu lt , and nervousch ildren are suga r hungry, and often sleep hungrya s well . “ Suga r has a sweeten ing eff ect on the di sposition a s wel l a s on food ,

” sa id D r . Woods Hutchinson . In a series o f menus f or ch i ldren b e utha t between mea ls they b e given bread and

serves , or suga r or mola sses— as much a s theyea t .

Nine times out o f ten b ad temper , waywardness ,fretting , or uncerta inty o f d i sposi tion , i s a S ign o f

some d i sea se or disturbance o f digestion or nutr it ion with children j ust a s in grown folks . The

ch i ld who scowls constantly probably has ei ther

HOME L IFE OF CULTURE 1 97

ething the ma tter wi th his eyes or a headacheto digestive trouble or lack o f sleep .

ow to Cure b ad H a b its

'

Many parents wo rry because children appear tol ia rs . At an ea rly stage in the development o fman race , man wa s an hab i tu a l l ia r . The

instinct i s to deny , j ust a s i t is ours , whened o f some discreditable thing . The childthe rea son ing power tha t enables him to avo idwhen he is su re to b e caught ; and a lso much3 lying is really imagina tion of the f a i ry-ta lethe world o f his dreams being a rea li ty to him.

most certa in way to encourage a ctua l men

in a child i s to make him a fra id o f tellingth . Such a fea r makes a cowa rd a s well as a

a child , and i s ap t to do la sting injury to hise. It is well to bea r In mmd tha t a s a childup he will b e pretty certa in to find by manyknocks tha t lying does not

'

p ay ; even if heoutgrow i t na tura lly, a s he does otherhab i ts . On the other hand , any tendency

ce is qu i te a s ap t to become perma

nent ; and more than thi s , we a ll know tha t cowa rd11 ice i s the rea l cause o f most lies . Tea ch a child toi b e fea rless and you have given him a princely endow! ment . H e should not b e a f ra id o f his pa rents—ini deed, lea st o f all o f his pa rents , who shou ld b e eversympatheti c even when he i s in the wrong. Do we


not expect sympa thy from our own intima te fr iends,

when we do wrong ?Mo st o f the faults o f a child tha t we cr i ti ci se

are a ctua lly ca lled faults because he fa il s to do

exa ctly wha t we w i sh him to do . The principa lWound i s to our sel f-esteem , yet we a re too ap t to

tell him tha t h i s course o f conduct will make h imcome to a b ad end , —another ca relessly used phra sewh i ch may make the child su ff er rea l p a in .

“ Atorn j acket i s soon mended but ha rd wo rds bruisethe hea r t o f a child ,

” wrote Longfellow the poet ,who wa s sensi tive a s a child and so much bera ted

:

tha t he wa s shy through l i fe , though h i s persona l i ty s

wa s engaging and Cha rles Kingsley sa i d tha t h i sfa ce wa s the most beauti fu l he had ever seen .

No thing will make a man or woman more fu f

riously indignant or more ready to throw up a posi-ation than to b e perpetua lly bossed and taken to?

ta sk f or l i ttle th ings , even though i t b e done in theémos t fr iendly sp ir i t . Why , then , should we e

children‘

to b e more rea sonable than we a re ?

not Joubert r ight when he sa id ;“ Ch i ldren h

more need o f model s than o f cri tics ? The dutines s o f ch i ldren may b e the founda tion o f a ll v

but i t i s no longer considered good form fort ea chers , pa rents , or grandpa rents to trea t withcourtesy or unnecessa ry sever i ty the ch ildren cmitted to the i r ca re, any more than i t i s f or

p loyers , managers , or foremen to so act

their inferiors . Indeed , the essence o f


o f the clergy than elsewhere a century ago . The

ch ild , getting l iberty , p roceeds to make use o f i t ;and un familia r w i th the edged tools i s l iable to doi tself injury when a lone with them instead o f usingthem to fight the ba ttles o f l i fe success fully .

The Awka rd Age

The awkward age o f ch i ldren i s tha t from twelveto n ineteen . Boo th Ta rkington’s “ Seventeen”

gives some idea o f the di stress and suff ering throughwh i ch the young folks go . Fa thers and motherswho a re ready w i th sympa thy and who rec

they suffered a t the same age a re well repa idconsidera tion with wh i ch they trea t thei r cThe daughter’s somet imes contemptuous tyraover an old-fa shioned mother requi res the greapo ssible ta ct coupled with a knowledge tha tgrea t restra int may lead a headstrong girl to e

grea ter lengths than she had contempla ted .

dicious comforting o f ugly ducklings , p ersuthem tha t they will turn out to b e swans , as in HAndersen’s story ; the di s couraging o f snobberyexample ; the sha ring perhaps o f the studyth i s work , especia lly the second , fourth , and fi

chapters , and perhaps others,a s p roblems

ing thereto may a ri se , wi ll b e found a veryt ive way o f comba ting ma l ign influences outsidhome . I t i s the age when youth i s eager to land i t i s our duty to see tha t they have an

tunity to lea rn the r igh t th ings , but the p roffe


b e made temptingly and not in such a way tha t thethings to b e learned w ill appear a s a ta sk .

The H a ndling of Serva nts

Quite a s di ffi cult a prob lem as tha t o f the management o f children i s the handling o f servants . To

some persons i t appea rs an even grea ter ta sk . Aprinciple la id’ down by Sir Wa lter Ra le igh a ffordsa

'wise Standard !“Be not too f amilia r with thy

servants ; a t first i t may beget love , b u t in the end

i t will breed contempt . ” In la rge mea su re you w illfind tha t the rema rks tha t have been made in rega rdto children will apply to servants . But in the ca seo f servants one must not too o ften f orgive an o f

fence, as to do so w ill lead to i ts repetition. Some

o f the o rdina ry business methods o f rewa rding thefa i thful or discha rging the incompetent ! must b efollowed with servants just a s i t i s done in bu s iness .Doubtless the time w i ll come when domesti c servicewill b e on a business ba s is , a lthough a s yet i t i s f arfrom such .

A re servants to blame f or thei r incompetence ?It is a subj ect tha t leads to endless discussion . Yet

we must remember there are very many incompetentmistresses . Cookery a nd household work a re deep ,da rk mysteries to many girls who ma rry . One

would do well to take some sort o f a course indomestic science . Fa il ing tha t , she might readsome o f the many good books which a re mentionedin the l i s t given among the exemp lifica tions to thi s

202 THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE .

chapter . A man makes a study o f h i s business ,reads the bes t books upon i t

,and keeps up to da te

by mean s o f h i s trade papers . Wha t sane personwould undertake the managemen t o f a busines sknow ing noth ing about i t ? Yet th i s i s Wha t someyoung women a re trying to do .

The fa shionable fin i shing schools and the col

leges a ttempt a t lea s t to ground the subdebin the rud iments o f domesti c science ; a l though the

grounding is not a lways done very eff ectua lly, and

the course is shi rked by many enrolled in the cla sses .One o f the fi rs t rules f or the proper handling o f

Work with a f ew servants i s to have a regula r seb edule o f certa in duties to b e performed on ea ch dayo f the week so tha t noth ing may b e neglected . I fthere i s bu t one servant the mistres s wil l find tha teven in a sma ll ap a rtment she must do much of thewo rk hersel f. In previous chapters when ca lls ,vi s i ts , a t-homes , or en terta inments o f any cha ra cter have been mentioned , specific deta i ls o f the

duties o f servants have been given .

I t i s now customa ry to ca l l servants “ ma ids a s

a cla s s . The old-fa shioned words “ help” or do

mesti c” a re not used . Str i ctly speaking, a“ ma i d”

i s a genera l servant , or a pa rlour or other ma i d withcerta in defined duties . A cook or laundres s i s not

a ma id . Servant girl i s a term tha t i s not used ;i t i s customa ry to speak o f them a s e i ther “ ma ids”

or“ servants . ”

Lacking other compan ions , some women a re ap t


those o f grea tes t Culture prefer to plan and furn i sh thei r own homes even when they can

'

well a ff ordto employ an expert .The revolution in standards o f furn i ture and

furni sh ings i s the growth o f only a genera tion ,wh ich

sepa ra tes us from the forma l pa rlours , s tuff ed horseha i r so fa s , gilded wa l l paper , and spindle-leggedcha i rs , and tidies , tha t ma rked the Vi cto r ian era .

Will iam Mo rr i s , who fought to establi sh our present s tanda rds

,decla red : Have nothing in your

houses tha t you do no t know to b e useful or bel ieveto b e beauti ful Thi s i s the cr iterion by wh icheverything in every room o f your house must b ej udged .

I f you have a house or an apa rtmen t , and you

wish to show good ta ste , the first thing to do i s toapply the Mo rri s cri terion and clear your home o f

rubbi sh . Rea rrange your house then w i th wha t youhave . Bea r in mind tha t mo st people a re so

crowded with furn i ture tha t they can ha rdly turna round in thei r rooms and s trangers a re a lwaysstumbl ing over something . I f your home i s an

apa rtmen t , you should rea li se tha t the mo re furniture there i s in a room the sma ller i t looks . Tha ti s why the ap a rtment tha t you saw when un furn

ished seems so sma ll when you have crowded i t .

The Princip le of H a rmony

The principle o f ha rmony or un i ty i s impotant . Un i ty decrees tha t a room is in

HOME LIFE OF CULTURE 2051

nions if there are too many colours in i t or i f i tconta ins too many types o f furniture . Things tob e combined ha rmon iously must b e in a la rgemea sure simila r , whether they b e idea s , people , or

colours . But bewa re o f sets” o f things . The“set

”o f pa rlour furn i ture tha t the dea lers suc

ceed in selling to the newlywed i s an abomination to the Cultured, and a lmost a lways such a

purcha se i s regretted not only f or i ts stiflly f orma l ,uninviting appea rance , b ut f or i ts posi tive discomfort to those who seek to sit on the

“ pieces” a t ea se .

One of the wi ttiest o f New York ma trons expla inedthe la rge sa le o f these sets by saying

“For some

reason or o ther a s soon a s young people a re marriedthey seem to take all leave o f common sense .

”The

shou ld b e gua rded and guided in pur

by some friend who ha s been victimi sed byre sa lesmen and can pilot them through the

oals .

Other abomina tions tha t betray a la ck o f ta ste,not o f Culture , a re din ing room tables , or sideards and cha i rs , with huge ma chine ca rvings stick

here they w i ll look the worst ; ea sy cha i r stortured in to wei rd and twisted shapes ; bra ss bedsWi th stamped trimmings ; and cu rio cabinets w ithbadly pa inted orn aments under la cquer .Furn iture , like clothes , shou ld b e bought so i t w il l

not go out o f da te , and should express the ta ste and

individua l i ty o f its owner in the same way tha t dressdoes . (See Chapter IV. ) It is a grea t mistake to

206 THE SC IENCE OF CULTURE

buy someth ing merely because i t i s pretty,and with

ou t reference to whe ther i t fi ts in anywhere . I t is'better to have a f ew good pieces o f pla in furni turet han all the sham pieces in the world . There i s ava s t di fference between good reproductions and

cheap imita tions , and the person o f Cu lture can ln

stinctively tel l the d i ff erence , bea ring in mind tha tinexpens ive furni ture should b e cho sen f or its intrins i c mer i ts and not f or i t s shadowy resemblance to

obj ects in museums .Buy furni ture ca refully . Know wha t you are

going to do ~with every piece and decide wha t youa re go ing to throw away to make place f or i t

,so

tha t your rooms may no t b e overcrowded . Rememb er tha t the price o f furni ture i s no cri ter ion a s to

i ts good ta ste ; in fa ct , i t i s o ften qui te the reverse .

O ften a cha ir co sting $3 may b e more su itable and

i n better ta ste than one tha t costs $ 1 00. Giltlegged

,spindle-shanked tables or cha irs co st much

money but a re seldom seen in the homes o f peopleo f Culture unles s inheri ted from ances tors whothought furn i ture wa s to b e looked a t , not to use .

The D rawing Room a nd the L iving Room

The pa rlour i s now a s obso lete a s the gha stlypa rlou r set . ” The shut-up New Englandtha t figures in Ma ry E . Wilkins’ s tor ies , Wthe horseha ir “ pieces” were swa thed in linen ,which wa s opened only f or weddings and fune

no longer exi sts . Ins tead there i s a drawing r


they should not suggest food . The s till-l i fe p ictures o f frui t or game on d i shes carefully p la ced on

a wh i te tablecloth a re in b ad ta ste . I f such havesurvived in your din ing room you should repa ir theoversigh t and remove them . O ften in our rooms ,a s in our cha ra cters , we have faults to wh i ch we a re

so a ccustomed tha t we fa i l to noti ce them . Th isi s why i t i s a good idea to go over your home everynow and then and see wha t you can get r id o f .

The Wa ll D ecora tions

There a re a f ew genera l rules f or the decora tiono f wa lls . In the first place , flowered paper makesa room look sma ller

,therefore the sma ller the room

the p la iner the paper or covering ma ter ia l . Next ,i f the room is decora ted in dark colours the l ight i smore read ily absorbed than in a l ight-colouredroom ; hence i t requires more sun or electr ici ty tol ight a room with da rk wa lls . The app a rent formand s i ze o f rooms may b e somewha t controlled bythe cho i ce o f tints and colours o f papers . A mirrormay b e hung to reflect the room and make i t appearla rger .

Nea rly every woman forgets tha t wh ile she wearsonly one gown a t a time she will l ive with her wa llp apers a ll the time . If you look through thousandso f samples o f wa llpaper you wil l b e ap t to come tothe conclus ion tha t f or every-day use a deep cream ,

misty grey, tan , or bu ff i s best , and tha t o f wh i ch

you a re lea st ap t to tire , and a lso i t will b e re

HOME L IFE OF CULTURE 209

garded a s the bes t ta ste . Avoid o rna te or gildedpapers . If you are in doubt a s to how a paper wi lllook a lmo st any dea ler w i ll permit you to take sev

era l rolls w i th you , so tha t you may try the eff ectin the room itsel f before making a decision . Stripeswill heighten ceilings . Specia l ca re should b e takento avo id “ busy” p apers— those tha t keep the oc’

cup ant bu sy working ou t squa res and diamonds or‘constantly counting some uni t o f design .

L ight shades and da inty pa tterns may b e used inbedrooms to good e ffect . I t i s better not to hangpictures on the wa lls o f a bedroom . The photographs o f your friends may rest on your bureau or

any table.

The Bedroom

The most important thing in a bedroom is o f

course the b ed . Be sure tha t i t i s comfortab le .

fMiss Dewo l f e , who probably ha s decora ted and

furn i shed the homes o f more New York sqcietywomen than any one else , ha s decla red ,

“ bra ss bedsare vulga r ,

”and ha s sa id tha t i ron enamel led white

is better,more ha rmonious

, and ea sier to keep cleanA wooden b ed tha t is not thinly veneered or shinyWi th pol i sh and tha t bea rs some rela tion to the restof the furn iture is wha t She ha s recommended f ormost o f the society women whose bedrooms and

boudoi rs she ha s furn i shed .

Be sure you have a good comfortable ma ttressand springs , so tha t you can sleep ea sily. You must


get sleep . Sleep i s not a nega tive but a pos i tiveprocess . Our upbuilding processes a re a t a maximum during sleep , our downb reak ing wh i le we are

awake .

The B oudoir

In France every woman dresses in her ca b inet de

toile tte . No sel f -respecting French woman wouldth ink o f dressing in her s leeping room . The customi s increa s ing here a lso when there i s space for sucha room . Some sor t o f a boudo ir should a lways b eprovided f or the woman o f the house i f possib le .

Every one ha s an ina l ienab le r igh t to some one

place on th i s ea rth where he may b e wholly him~

sel f,” sa id Ibsen ; and , a s has been told elsewhere

in th i s course , some such idea wa s the origin o f the

boudo i r or “ pouting pla ce ,”to use the l i tera l E ng

l i sh transla tion o f the word . The tired motherespecia lly needs some refuge where she may b e a loneand un interrupted and , with the grow ing respect f orindividua l ity and respect f or priva cy which increa seo f

’

Culture brings , ins tead o f people sleeping severa lin a b ed a s they di d three genera t ions ago , eachmember o f the fami ly ha s , i f possible , a bedroomto him or herself and the housewife ha s her boudo ir .There i s no need f or a

“

den”f or a man ; most o f

them ha te i t ; and mos t men can do their work betterand undisturbed a t the o ffice .

A woman’s dress ing room cannot conta in too


EXEMPLIFICATIONS

Cure of Ba d H a b its in Children

Jea lousy i s the most serious fault in i ts conse

quence . Nea rly a ll o f the j uven i le crimes confmitted by precocious youngsters may b e a scr ibed toth i s cause . Yet people , and even pa rents , do all

they can to fos ter j ea lousy in a sp i ri t o f “ innocenttea s ing ,

” l i ttle dreaming wha t may b e the conse

quences . Sma ll children have been killed by thei re lder brothers and s i s ters in j ea lous anger and tha tth i s i s not excep tlona l i s proved by the fa ct tha tha rdly a yea r goes by without severa l ca ses o f th issort being recorded .

The grea tes t thoughtlessnes s in making a ch ild aj ea lous i s when people begin to tell h im h i s noses?i s out o f jo int,

”a s they say when a new brother or f

s i s ter a rr ives . Na tura lly the mother’s attent1on IS

a lmo st monopoli sed by the new a rr iva l,and I t 18

ea sy f or h im to bel ieve tha t he no longer can ho ld a

pla ce in her a ff ections . His youthful imagina tionthen , too o ften

,causes h im to tormen t the baby , and

!

there i s a beginn ing o f ha tred wh ich may takeyea rs to overcome . It 1s th i s j ea lousy tha t i s respons ible f or the killing o f a young ch i ld bye lder ch ild , and there are many recorded ca seschi ld su icide wh i ch may b e directly cha rged to jeousy awakened by the ca reless rema rks o f adulPa rents must trea t very ser iously any indi ca ti

o f jea lousy, and not rega rd i t wi th amusement ,


they a re ap t to do . There is nothing cute” or

“ cunning” in a child’s being j ea lou s . The onlything to do i s

’

to a ssu re the child tha t he i s a s muchloved a s ever

,and tha t the l i ttle baby needs more

tention because he i s helpless and cannot do the

ings tha t the la rger b oy i s able to do f or himsel f .i s a lso well to encourage the b oy or girl to help

the baby . It i s ea sy in thi s way to a rousethe protective instinct , and i t i s well known tha t ab oy f our or five yea rs older o f ten makes the bestsort o f a nurse , and seems to have a clea r understanding o f an infant’s ways and how to controlthem .

The extreme results o f jea lou sy tha t have beencited a re a s ra re a s one in perhaps a hal f million .

Yet j ea lousy may have la sting eff ects . I ts tendencyi s to wa rp the cha racter , and psychologists say tha t

rooding tha t i t b rings breaks down emotiona l01. Another cause o f child j ea lousy i s seenparents give h i s toys to other children to playA child ha s a very keen sense o f the rights

rsona l property . His toys are his own cherpossessions . His property rights should b eted , if you expect him to respect the propertyo f others . The very same child who willhi s toys in a jealous rage if another child uses

ou t permi ssion will show the grea test generosity in permitting their use i f a f orma l requestis made .

SULKING. One of the greatest of the many physi

2 14. THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

cians who a re specia l i sts in the di sea ses o f ch ildrenha s a sserted tha t mos t ca ses o f chroni c sulkiness inchildren a re due to indigest ion , adeno ids , or underfeeding . When a child in a well-managed institut ion shows signs o f sulkines s a ca reful examina tioni s made o f h im in these respects . Indigestion i sindeed , a s we a ll know

,one o f the most common

causes o f sulkiness in adults , whi le everybody know stha t a baby becomes fret fu l and cross i f h i s fooddisagrees with him . When food i s no t a ss imila tedthe bra in i s not properly nouri shed

,and a badly

nouri shed bra in les sens the abil ity to think clea rly .

Hence comes the gloomy View o f l i fe tha t resultsin sulkiness in children a s well a s in adults .Cri tici sm about trifles a lso will cause sulkiness in

ch i ldren j ust a s in grownups .Fresh a ir i s a cure f or sulkiness , being a s es sentia l

a s food to the ma inta in ing o f the proper menta lba lance . Adeno i ds thus cause sulkines s becausehowever fresh the a ir may b e they cause a difliculty

in proper brea th ing . D eep brea th ing cures sulkines s in a lmost every one . The presence o f adeno idsi s ma rked by a fla t appea rance o f the child

’s faceand hi s habi t o f sleeping with h i s mouth open and

not using h i s nose for the purpo se o f brea th ing .

I f there i s rea son to suspect adeno ids the ch i ldshould b e taken to a good physician f or examina

t ion .

Defective eyes or eyestra in a lso may b e a cause o f

nervousnes s and hence o f su lk iness . Many an adult


homes i s not to b e di scussed outside, and tha t in the

same way they should respect the confidences o f

the i r young friends , and must not repea t , even tothei r pa rents , anything tha t they have hea rd or seenwh i le vi si ting their young friends

,unless i t i s some

th ing to thei r credi t .Uncha ri table go ss ip may ea rly b e checked by the

pa ren ts’ refusa l to l i sten to i t ; the wise mother doesnot p ay any a tten tion to ta le bea r ing, and a s f ar

a s possible igno res l i ttle faults o f her o ther childrenwhich the ta ttle-ta le may tell . Thus the child wi llga in ea rly this grea t les son in Culture .

INDECI SION i s o ften the result o f exaggera ted ca re .

The child i s so a ccustomed to having everything dccided f or him by his pa rents tha t he a ctua lly losesthe power to think for himsel f .The mo llycoddles o f childhood o ften grow upinto weak and incapable men and women , who fa i lto act when a cr i s i s a rr ives . Ea rly in the i r l i fe havebeen implanted the fea r thoughts tha t may p laguethem through l i fe .

A child should b e encouraged to do things on himown 1n1t1a t1ve ; I t IS one o f the most va luable lessonstha t he can lea rn in ch i ldhood . Much o f the quickdeci s ion o f Theodo re Roosevelt

,tha t s tood him

such good stead in hi s a fter l i fe , came fromwisdom o f h i s fa ther in forcing h im to act f or

sel f in many l i t tle emergencies .SELF I SHNESS i s a tra i t which a ch i ld i s l ikely togrow . In the evoluti on of a ch i ld , wh i ch has

HOME LIFE OF CULTURE 2 1 71

mentioned in thi s chapter f rom a biologica l standpo int , he pa sses through all the periods in the history o f the development o f the human ra ce

,from

the protopla sm evolved f rom ocean waves to the

erect wa lking man . SO as he grows in thi s worldhe must go through the psychica l pha ses o f man

’sdevelopmen t . Thus the ego i sm or selfishness o f

primi tive man comes first, while a ltruism or un

selfishness comes la ter . The a ttempt to inculca teself-denia l in a child a t a time when i t i s unna tura lhas a tendency to make the child a hypocri te .

But when a pa ren t encourages in a child an ex

ggera ted notion o f i ts importance and gives way

in everything, do ing things f or him whichld should b e per forming for himsel f , the

ering will make him selfish . Such selfishnessely to endure through li f e . Selfishness a lsoto nervous a ttacks

,resulting from a despera te

effort o f the child’s persona li ty to a tta in i ts own

ends . Self -centredness and deficiency in mora l control should not b e fostered ; while , on the o therhand

,every indica tion o f the decrea se o f selfishness

should b e welcomed and pra i sed . Cynics s ay tha tmost o f the a ltruism tha t i s shown by adu lts isla rgely due to a des ire for the good opin ion o f

others and , w i thout encouraging hypocrisy in the

child , the same love o f pra i se tha t exists in him ,

as in a ll the human race,may b e worked upon to

very good advantage .

DESTRUCTIVENE SS is a habit tha t can b e cured by


giving the ch ild someth ing to do . Like Budge inHelen’s Babies ,

”the instinct o f the youngster i s

to wan t to see wha t “ makes the wheel s go round ,”

and so he takes a wa tch apa rt to learn . This canb e cured by giving him someth ing to do . Many a

ch ild ha s been cured o f damaging the furn i ture bygiving him a hammer and na i ls and a boa rd intowh i ch he can drive them . Paper , pencils , sci ssors ,and a p la ce where he can use them will cure mos tchildren o f destructiveness . G ames and toys are

provided f or the purpose o f giving an outlet f orcon structive and destructive energy . One o f youngEdison’s fi rs t exper iments wa s with two pa rts o f a

seidli tz powder swa llowed sepa ra tely , and he wa s

a lways pull ing things to pieces to find out wha t madethem wha t they were .

Funera ls

When a dea th occurs in a fami ly every precautionmust b e taken to hold s acred the ir sorrow . The

bereaved family should not b e d i sturbed by any o f

the necessa ry a rrangements f or the funera l . Anea r ma le rela tive or close friend a s sumes cha rgeand a ttends to the deta i ls .The announcement i s made by a noti ce inserted

in the newspapers . O ften the words funeral p riva te or interment p riva te are included in the notice .

Then none except nea r rela tives should a ttend thefunera l or go to the cemetery . I f a funera l notice


When the funera l i s a t a church the undertaker’sa s si stants ca rry the ca sket from the house to the

hea rse . The pa llbea rers wa lk in front,two and

two . As the hea rse dr ives away the pa llbea rer s

get into thei r ca rr iages , with rela tives following inother carria

‘ges .On rea ch ing the church the pa llbea rers wa lk up

the a i sle , two by two , in fron t Of the ca ske t , whichi s followed closely by the rela tives . The familyand close rela tives occupy the fron t pews to the ‘r igh to f the a i sle , the pa llbea rers occupying those to the

left . The service ended , the procession leaves thechurch in the same o rder in wh i ch i t entered .

I f the min i ster i s to go to the grave, h i s ca rr iagefollows directly a fter the hea rse ; then the ca rr iageo f the pa llbea rers . The immed i a te family fol

low ; intima te fr iends follow in their own ca rr iagesi f they have them .

The old cu stom o f provid ing ca rr iages f or lessintima te fr iends and ne ighbours i s seldom observednow, except in the fo re ign qua rters o f some o f the

la rger cities . I f , however , ca rri ages a re provided ,any one des i r ing to go to the grave may enter thema s they drive up .

When there a re fr iends whom the bereaved f ami ly especia lly desi re to a ttend a funera l , i t i s custoa ry to a sk a close friend to wri te them a

note expla in ing tha t he wr i tes a t the requefamily who desire tha t he or she sha ll b e p

HOME LIFE OF CULTURE 2 2 1

e services . To neighbours or business a ssocia tesno such notice is necessa ry, i t being supposed tha tthey have lea rned o f the bereavement through thenotice in the newspapers or from the signs o f grief

the door .The rema in ing head o f the house a lways selects

llb earers , who are chosen f rom business a ss or close friends ; never from rela tives . Areceiving a reques t to o fficia te as pa llbea rerdecline unless circumstances make it abpossible f or him to a ccept .

Often a t a la rge funera l there a re both active and

honoura ry pa llbea rers , in which ca se the a ctive pa llbearers must ca rry the ca sket .At a young girl’s funera l six o f her girl friendsdressed in white may act a s pa llbea rers .At a house funera l the women o f the family do

not appea r until the services a re about to begin ,

then dressed in black and heavily veiled they comein on the a rm o f husband , brother , son , or closefriend . They sea t themselves in cha i rs reservedf or them nea r the ca sket . O f ten the f amily preferto rema in unseen during the service and appea r onlyto f ollow the ca sket in its journey f rom the house .

At the cemetery members o f the f amily stand closeto the grave while the minister , w ith head un

covered , prays . The men in the fami ly remove theirlhats and a ll stand with bowed heads .Formerly, a s soon a s dea th had visited a house a

2 2 2 .THE SCIENCE OF CULTURE

sca rf o f crepe wa s fa stened a t the side o f the frontdoor . Now i t i s the custom to u se a wrea th or cluster o f flowers w i th streamers o f r ibbon .

All-whi te r ibbon and flowers a re used f or a childor young person ; pu rple and wh i te f or the middleaged ; purple flowers with bla ck ribbon f or an agedperson .

The S ign o f mourning should b e removed by theservan ts , the window-shades ra i sed

, and all otherreminders o f sorrow removed

, so tha t on the returno f the family from the cemetery the house will havei ts usua l a spect .A woman should wea r her p la ines t and da rkes

clothes to a funera l— bla ck i f she ha s them .

I f a man ha s no black sui t let him chooselea st consp icuous one . A bla ck cutaway or frcoa t i s preferable .

I f you go to the cemetery stand a l i ttle awaythe family and keep silent . Men must removeha ts . All must rema in standing unti l the famisume thei r ca rr iages

,and make no a ttemp

to any o f the rela tives , even to expressWomen in mourn ing should seclude them

f or a t lea s t two weeks a fter the bereavement .does no t apply

,o f course , to women who must wo

f or a l iving and cannot indulge in the ir grief , whii s a grea t blessing, a s there i s noth ing l ike work tmake one forget hi s or her troubles .Women o f the family must receive no ca ll s duri

th i s per iod,excep t from thei r most intima te f

2 24 TH E SC IENCE OF CULTURE

ing these shops to p i ck up ba rga ins tha t they 8

f or ten to twenty times the price they p ay theond-hand dea ler . Many women havecha irs a s cheap a s fi fty cents or a dolla r , and

New York woman boa sts tha t she furn i shed an a t

tractive l iving room a t a co st o f $ 2 5 including bothrugs and furn i ture .

Th i s sort o f thing canno t b e done , however , without a grea t dea l o f work and nosing a round in the

shops . Don’t b e intimida ted into buying someth ing

you don’t want ; merely because you visi t the shop

en ta i l s no obliga t ion to buy .

Genera lly you have to barga in a bi t , and i t i s wnot to betray too much eagerness ; usua lly i t i sto a ssume tha t the dea ler a sks you a t lea s t dowha t he expects to get , and i f you a ccept hi s prihe will merely b e di sappo inted tha t he d id not as

a h igher one .

Tes ts of Rugs

Few th ings a re more imita ted than or iental rug.Many dea lers w i l l sell

,and even gu a rantee a s

t ique , rugs tha t , recently woven , have been b leacto so ft colours and perhaps trea ted w i th glycerior something el se to give them a silky sheen . Su

a rug will wea r through in spots , because the bleai s seldom wa shed out well , and the sheen due to tglycerine di sappea rs in a f ew months .There i s no way for the average person to t

antiques excep t by their durabil ity, a lthough the

H OME LIFE OF CULTURE 2 2 5

pert can tell by the feel or sight ju st a s one tells thed ifference between new machine-made lace and old

hand-made la ce .

Some l i ttle things betray the worst o f the imi taIf the dyes a re very poor , the blea ching and

ing wi ll have cau sed some o f the colours toand in spo ts they will have spre ad from one

em to another . I f you w ill sepa ra te the

ads and look closely a t the back o f the rug youes can see the bright origina l colours o f

e ya rn tha t have not been blea ched a s much a s thesurface .

Wet a p iece o f cloth and rub i t quickly on a par tno f the rug. As i t wa rms f rom the friction the

i smell o f the chloride o f lime used in blea ching willlb e much in evidence i f i t has been used to give theappea rance o f age .

The b a ck o f an old rug has a ha rd surf a ce whicho f yea rs o f rubbing on floors , much like an

01 oflice coa t tha t becomes shiny from muchng o f the elbows on a desk .

of Rugs

not send your va luable rugs to a carpetEither send them to some one who makes

ty o f clean ing orienta l rugs , or clean themurself .

A very simple way to wa sh rugs i s to take themt on the floor o f the porch , scrub them thoroughlyth wa rm household ammonia suds

, or w ith a solu


tion o f soap ba rk,a fterwa rd rinsing in severa l

wa ters until a ll the soap i s removed .

To remove the dust from a rug,i t should b e

spread out on the gra s s and bea ten with a l ightwh ip or ca rpet bea ter , on the surfa ce only , whiwi ll b ring the dus t to the surfa ce , where i t ma

ea sily b e removed with a brush .

Never bea t a rug on the wrong side,a s i t ma

weaken i t by breaking the wa rp and the weft .The best way to keep moths out o f rugs i s to usthem all the time and not put them away. I f thhouse i s closed f or the summer , have them tho

oughly cleaned and wrap them in ta r paper .

L ighting H ints

Put a l ibera l number o f ba se open ings for eIe

tr i c l ight in ea ch room . Have the landlord a tt

to th i s before renting the apartment .Be sure electri c l ights a re in the r ight place

I t i s ea sy to do nowadays .Have a l ight nea r ea ch ea sy cha ir in the l ivi

room where a member o f the family i s l ikely toand read .

A room w i th da rk wa lls requires more l igh t thaone with l ight wa lls .A fl ickering or da zzl ing l ight produces eyestrai

or headache .

The l ight used should come from above and ov

the shoulder .Be economica l by turn ing lights out when not

CHAPTER XXIII

SOME GENERAL KNOWLEDGE ESSENTIAL TOPEOPLE OF CULTURE

The Necessa ry Fundamenta’

ls

HERE a re many li ttle bits o f genera l knoedge tha t a re a cquired by people o f

ture ea rly in the ir l ives i f they havefortuna te enough to have been born in an env

ment which ha s nurtured the development o f thCulture from infancy . They a re the th ings tha tCultured people seem to know ; a cquired a lmos tcon sciously from conversa tion of thei r Cthey were children , or as they grew , and

taught a t colleges , a cademies , or“ fini shing sc

They a re the th ings tha t p eop le o f Culturetha t a ll in their set know and understand a s wellthey do correct manners . Not knowing these th ino ften makes the conversa tion o f people o f Cultdiflicult to understand by others because o f the a

s ions made to subj ects and names wi th which thwho have no t had such advantage a re un f ami

“ Ea ch human be ing i s a mind whose businessj u st to know ,

” decla red Professor Dewey, o f

Universi ty o f Columbia . And i t i s your busi228

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE 2 29

to know the things o f which we w i ll trea t in thischapter a s well a s to have in your mind the contentso f the other chapters . The progress o f knowledgei s a ccompanied by increa sing capa city for the a ssimila tion o f mo re knowledge. The necessary fundamentals sta ted here are a ba sis for fu rther development in any l ine to a s complete a knowledge a s may

b e desired o f a pa rticula r subj ect .

The Sp rea d of Knowledge

The spread o f knowledge i s much l ike the courseof human progress , which may b e i llustra ted by thespread o f a grea t fire . A spa rk fa lling on wa stepaper , a slow smouldering combus tion , a sma ll flame ,a la rge flame from some ea sily fla ring stu ff nea r~by,a la rge volume o f flame sett ing a light the contentsof the room, a roa ring flame f rom burning pa rtitions and the floor . Then comes a house on fire ,

perhaps the adj a cent houses , then possibly the wholesection o f a town ,

successive additions to the fire en

ling it to spread not only by con tact , but by radianta t which inflames obj ects a t a distance .

“ Knowledge i s boundless , human capacity limisa id Chamfort ; but since the days when hesuch wi tty rema rks to Ma rie Antoinette the

er o f things one can know ha s multiplied twentyand the progress o f knowledge has been

a ter than tha t o f freedom since the f a lling o f

Ba sti le . Knowledge developing into science ha some so va st tha t no one can gra sp one twentieth

230 TH E SC IENCE OF CULTURE

o f i t , and even the versa t ile , all-absorb ing H .

Well s had to have a score o f experts to a ss i st h im iwr i ting h i s “ Outl ine o f History .

”

The Science of Culture gives Fundamenta ls

In the prepa ra tion o f thi s work on the Science o f

Culture , a s ide from the services o f many experts ,the resources o f three o f the la rgest l ibra ries in the

Uni ted Sta tes have been uti l i sed . More than a

thousand books have been consulted to ga ther fa ctsor to ver i fy a llus ions or quo ta tions from the grea tauthor i t ies o f the pa st and p resent , while a

ma s s o f h i therto unwr i tten in forma tion has b e

col lected by letter and persona l interview . Allthese a ss i sted in giving you the service o f Rudya

Kipling’s “ six fa ithful serving men ,” whom th

work pla ces a t your d i sposa l

I have six f aithfu l serving men,Who taught me all I knew ;Their names are Why, and H ow,

And What , and Where, and When , and Who.

Thus there have been digress ions from the stsubj ect o f ea ch chapter into by-pa ths wheretioning, a s in conversa tion , might lead ; and

have been prepa red so a s to give the in form

much a s i t might b e impa rted by a friend o f’

cure , whom you were consulting .

And so aga in there have been given many max

o f the wise and lea rned with rega rd to wh i ch i


wh i ch have s ince perplexed Greek and Roman sages ,mediaeva l schoo lmen , and modern men o f science .

To-day one th ird o f the people on ea rth stil l f ollow Brahmini sm in some fo rm ,

including the manysects o f Buddhi sts

,

and those who make o f Buddhaan i dol and worship h i s graven image . Ano therth i rd o f the world’s people a re Chr i stians , a t lea stin n ame , and the other thi rd belong to o ther religion s .In every rel igion from the h ighes t to the lowest

the pries t cla ss ha s a lways been di stingui shed aboveo ther s f or knowledge and intellectua l capa ci ty , andunti l very recen tly monopo l i zed the pro fessions , sciences , and fine a rts . Now among the peoples o fAmer ica and Europe , these have become specia l i sed ;but the clergy a s a cla s s a re sti ll f ar above any otherin the average o f i ts in tell igence, lea rn ing , and Cu lture . Individua l exceptions do not d i sprovegenera lly admitted sta temen t .In the Middle Ages , mona ster ies and chur

were the nurser ies o f lea rn ing . Until a centuryeven in England and America , the grea t majjo f other people could nei ther read nor wr i te ,the clergyman completely domina ted h i s comby virtue o f h i s in tellect , and the p rincipa lo f educa tion were in school s taught by theThe grea t ma jo ri ty o f the colleges now exis

Ameri ca were founded by rel igious dominperhaps a ha l f o f the college pres idents

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE '

233

ters o f the gospel . Tha t science enla rges the spheref or religious sentiment all agree .

“The heavens decla re the glory o f God, more

loudly to the a stronomer—who sees in the sun a

ma ss so va st tha t even into one o f i ts spots our

ea rth might b e plunged without touching its edges ;and who by every finer telescope i s shown an in

cre a sing multi tude o f even la rger suns ,— than theydecla re tha t glory to the primi tive peoples who sup

posed tha t the heavens rested on the mounta in tops .The ea rliest o f the world’s religions wa s that o f

‘Animism , f rom a nima,la tin f or soul , a name given

to i t by Doctor Tylor in hi s “ Primitive Culture ,”

publi shed in 1 87 1 , and which has since been u sed byscientists and philosophers to denote the a ttributionof a living soul to inanima te objects and na tura l

enomenon . Its use to describe bel ie f in a spiri ta s opposed to ma teria l i sm ,

i s no t sanctionedcience

, and so the word is not used here withmean ing.

The E a rly Causes of Wonder

Sickness , dea th , sleep , dreams , ha llucina tions ; thewaywa rd caprices o f the elements , the mystery o f

the fire brought from heaven by the sun’s rays,all

these f rom the very first caused man to wonder . In

sleep came dreams , and the other sel f seen in themmade him believe tha t this other sel f had a ctua l lyseen and done wha tever dreamed . And as an ima ls ,


inan ima te obj ects and na tu ra l phenomenon , werea l so seen and fel t in dreams , i t wa s evident tha tthey , too , must have an existence a s ide from theirbodies . Dea th then meant tha t the other sel f wentaway permanently ; and so a rose the bel ief in ghosts .These sp i ri ts , by dea th become more powerful , bothf or good and evil , because o f the very mystery wh i chshrouds them : hence the propi tia tion by o ffer s o f

food and drinks and goods— an i dea whi ch persi s tedunti l even a f ew centuries ago in Europe . E f

figies o f kings and princes now in Westmini s terAbbey include severa l who in those bygone dayswere presented da ily with food f or some time a fterthe dea th o f the men whom they represented .

Souls o f ancesto rs were and are (one tenth ofthe people o f the world to-day a re Animi s ts , excluding sp ir i tua li s ts , who are o f course reckoned a s

Chri s tians ) bel ieved to wa tch and protect dan ts ; from tha t a rose the idea o f rewa rd and

rib ution , f or i f in l i fe he had d i spensed them whe not continue to do so ?

D ead an ima l s a lso had gho sts , a s do the el

which a id , or inj ure , or destroy a s the spir i t mov

them .

The B elief in Gods

From such bel ief grew forms of polythei sm (bl ief in many gods ) with i ts a ttendant idols , a s

terna tive ea rthly abodes for the spi ri ts . Even

day among civil i zed people , the supersti tious— s


anima l heads , such a s ca t , hawk , dog, and otherswere given because ea ch human tra i t ha s a typ i ca lima l in whom it i s supreme , j ust a s some fancythey can detect an ima l resemblances in the ir f riand a cqua intances , and find these l ikenesses expressthe ir cha ra cters .In the la ter religion o f the Egyptians the myth

o f O sir i s the i r chief god , hi s b i rth , re ign , and dea th ,typifies the da i ly journey to the sun , a s does the da i lyj ourney o f the cha rio t o f Phoebus Apollo in tha t o fGreece and Rome . Set

, the bro ther o f O s ir i s , wasthe god o f da rkness ; wisdom wa s person ified inThoth

,though the Greeks and Romans made her

a woman ,Pa lla s Athene o f the Greeks , and M inerva

o f the Romans . Anub i s , the ruler o f Hades,a s

Pluto wa s w i th the Greeks , wa s pi ctured with the

hea d o f a j a cka l by the Egyp tians ; the ir Venus wa sca l led Isi s .Homer tel ls u s o f the do ings o f the gods wh

dwelt on Olympus , mounta in s supposed by them tb e the highest in the world , a l though not more tha

two th i rds the he ight o f the Alps , and les s than 0

third the height o f Mount Everest . His “ Ilitell s o f the Siege o f Troy , brought on because therwa s an a rgumen t between Juno ,

si s ter and w i fe 0

Jupiter , and queen o f the gods,M inerva theo f wisdom ,

and Venu s , goddes s o f love a s to

wa s the mo s t beauti ful . Venus won by bPa ri s , the a rbitra tor , with Helen the w i fe o f

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE 237

claus , o f Troy , and a s Homer says : Hence the

woes o f the Greeks .More gossipy deta il s a re given by Hesiod

,whose

poem ,

“

Theogenia ,” i s the ba si s o f our knowledge

o f the Greek gods , and o f how their subjects understood them. Jupiter , king o f the gods , ruler o f

thunder and lightn ing, is chiefly rema rkable f or hisa ffa i rs w i th women o f the world

,which kept Juno

in perpetua l j ea lous rage . Aphrodite or Venu s , thewi f e o f Vulcan , god o f meta l workers , wa s fickleand changeable ; the story o f her b i rth f rom the

foam o f the sea ha s been responsible f or many beauti ful pictures . Hermes , whom the Romans ca lledMercury, wa s god o f merchants and thieves , who inancient times were rega rded a s the same thing .

Apollo wa s god o f song and a rt .

There a re innumerab le ta les o f these beings , notmany o f them sordid

,many o f them being positively

thri lling, a s tha t o f the labours o f Hercules , and all

wri tten wi th gra ce and beau ty tha t inakes them readto this day. Some o f the most enterta ining a re

told in Hawthorne’s “ Tanglewood Ta les ,”and all o f

them a re summa rised in Bulfinch’s “Age o f Fab le ,

”

which can b e f ound in a lmost any pub li c l ibra ry.

”

The Teutonic Gods

The Teuton ic ra ces o f northern Europe had simila r gods . 'Odin orWodin , wa s their ru ler o f heavenand ea rth ; Freya , his wife , typifies the f rau or house


wife ; Thor was the god o f thunder , and Tyr the

god o f war , corresponding to the Greek Ma rs ,whose name ha s been figuring so much in the publ i cpr ints in recen t yea rs .We get our names o f the days o f the week fromTeuton gods : Sun day, Moon day, Tyr

’s day,Wodin

’

s day, Thor’s day, Freya

’s day —but Sa turn’s

day i s La tin .

As the ra ces advanced these gods and goddesseslost thei r lower human tra i ts and Pla to

, the grea tes to f Greek ph i losophers , dropped thei r fo ibles en

tirely and made them typi fy thei r h igher qua l i t iestransfigured . In the la ter days o f Greece, the s ta tues o f the gods were not ado red by the intellectua l ,excep t a s obj ects o f beauty ; wh i le there -was a growing bel ief in an infin i te Power di recting na ture .

The rel igion o f the Jews wa s , a s the B ible tellsus , a constant s truggle aga inst the idola try p revalent everywhere el se in the world , and a fight f orpuri ty aga ins t Ba a l and the strange gods , but even

‘

during the Babylon ian captivi ty they rema inedfa i thful to Jehovah .

The Origin of A rchitecture

Arch i tecture owes i ts origin to the bui lding o f

temples for the pagan gods , - tha t i s to say, i f wetake the word “

a rch i tecture”in the sense which p

p le o f Culture emp loy it a s mean ing , buildingcomes an art and controlled not only by t


tecture though i t may la s t f or yea rs a s a continuareminder o f the b ad ta s te o f the bui lder , and o f

people who endured i t . ”

The fines t a rch i tecture ha s been temples , a s in

stanced by the Pa rthenon o f Athens ( from the

Greek wo rd f or Virgin , i t be ing in honour o f the

V irgin Athena ) , the finest o f anti qui ty , o f whi chEmerson wro te the very b ad rhyme

E arth proudly wears the ParthenonAS the best gem upon her z one,

”

and the Ca thedra l a t M ilan,wh i ch Mme . D eStael

ca lled “ frozen musi c ,”

and wh i ch i s genera lly re

ga rded a s the finest speci en o f a rch i tecture and

mo s t beauti ful building in t e world .

Until the Rena i ssance (word from the French forRebi rth , and used to describe the period when art

and science were reborn in the fifteenth century )a rch i tecture wa s rega rded a s the ch ief o f the a rts .I t i s true tha t the decora tion o f stone led to sculpture , and tha t frescos depicting rel igious scenes ledto pa inting , but a ll a rt wa s subo rdina ted to the dec

ora t ion o f temp les or churches , or to the monumen ts f or dead heroes , who were a lmos t demigods .

The Study of Art

Some people so exa lt the s tudy o f a rt tha t theydecla re i t not only an essentia l o f Culture , but tha ti ts apprecia tion i s a true test . Th i s i s ra ther extravagan t

,since there are many people o f Culture whof

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE 24 1 .

have but a most elementa ry knowledge o f a rt , and

there a re critics who decla re tha t the persons whoknow lea st about art a re those mo st capable o f

j udging its merits . The f ew grea t ma sters a ttra ct ,as if by magnets , the most illi tera te a s well a s the besteduca ted people , on the

“ free days”a t the a rt gal

leries . This indeed is the test o f a grea t ma ster .

A f ew po ints a t lea st are indeed necessa ry and

the essayist Hamerton i s right when he says : The

study o f a rt 18 o f grea t va lue to the growth o f the

intellect . ” I t wa s Emerson who sa id :“ I think

sculpture and pa inting have an effect to tea ch u s

manners and abol i sh hurry ,”and i t i s he who advised

us to study the repose and gra ce o f the grea t pieceso f sta tua ry a s model s f or our own po i se .

There i s no room in Culture f or hypocri sy. Yourapprecia tion o f art must b e genuine . No writer can

tell you how to look a t sculpture or pictures . You

must lea rn by ob serva tion , and you need not use technical terms in telling wha t you l ike or dislike . I tis a study tha t brings continua lly increa sing plea sure, and i f i ts cha rm were more rea l ised the grea ta rt ga lleries wou ld b e thronged , to the detrimen t o fIcab arets , dance ha lls , and motion pictures .The art ga lleries tha t have no origina ls o f the

g rea t ma sters , have good copies . Especia lly is thi s1true o f sculpture , and the

“ Victory,” “The Venu s o f

Mi lo ,” “ Laocoon”

and other ma sterpieces are rep

ented by “

adequa te pla ster ca sts tha t have muchthe cha rm o f the origina ls .

242 TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE .

Engravings o f photographs o f the grea t pa intingsa re a l so to b e seen , and w i ll del ight every lover o f

the beauti ful , while or igina ls o f some o f the fines tworks o f the grea t ma sters a re to b e found in American museums a t lea s t one o f wh i ch , the Metropol i tanin New York , now r ivals the grea test

~

ga lleries inEurope .

Be Your Own Critic

Pi ck out those tha t in terest you and s tudy themf or yoursel f . Don’t let the honesty o f your criticism b e terrified by the bogey o f authori ty .

“To

know wha t you prefer , instead o f humbly saying‘Amen’

to wha t the world tells you you ought top refer , i s to have kept your soul a l ive , sa id Rober tLoui s Stevenson ,

who se cri ti ca l essays a re a s interesting in their way a s h i s “ Trea sure I sland” i s fromthe standpo int o f fiction .

Unquestionably much o f the worsh ip o f the old

ma s ters i s due to in tellectua l cowa rdice begotten o f

ignorance . The Old ma s ters were not a lways good .

The Madonna s and sa ints o f the ea rly Florentines ,are a lmost pa theti c in the ir wan t o f ana tomy , andthe ha lo w i th wh ich o ther o f the early pa inters aresurrounded , i s often unj ustified .

Many Old p ictures da ting from the bes t periodsa re not to b e compared with the production o f mod

ern mediocre a rti sts . Styles may change, but theessentia ls rema in . The vagaries o f futur i sts and


H a rd Work Necessa ry to B ecome Grea t

Every gen iu s produces a ma sterpiece only by yea rso f ha rd and excessive study. Sir Joshua Reynoldss a i d : Whoever resolves to excel in pa inting , or

indeed any other art , must bring all hi s mind to bea rupon tha t one obj ect from the moment he I

‘ISCS until

he goes to b ed . On another o cca sion thi s pres ident O f the Roya l Aca demy sa id : “ Those who re

solve to excel in a rt must go to thei r work , willingor unwi ll ing, morn ing , noon , or n ight ; they wi llfind i t no play but very ha rd work .

”

Ha rd work a lone does not bring di stinction in

a rt ; there mu st b e a touch o f gen iu s to make the rea la rti st , but the impress ion tha t grea t pictures are

pa inted quickly , in a“ burst o f gen iu s , is f ar from

the truth . Titian took e ight yea rs to pa int “ Peterthe Ma rtyr” and spent seven on h i s “ La s t Supper ,

”

wh ich i s less than ha lf the time Leona rdo spent onthe same subj ect . Hence one can readily guess tha tidl ing in Greenwich Vi llage or the La tin Qua rter.and the

“a rti sts routs kills , instead o f encouraging,

gen iu s . The“

Vie de Boheme” genera lly leads toa s much mi sery a s i t does in the familia r opera .

The“ good fellows” are dead and forgotten ,

but asLongfellow says ,

“the a rt i s t never d ies ; dead he i s

not , but depa rted .

Sometimes , indeed , inspi ra tion does come in a

moment ; or ra ther the arti st sees an opportun ityand , l ike every grea t man , i s qui ck to sei ze i t . Such

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE 245,

the ca se wi th Raphael’s famous Madonna o f

Cha i r ,”in which she holds the child in her a rms

sea ted . I t is a pa inting whi ch everybody ha ss een , and o f which more prints a re owned than o f

Madonna . Rapha el , while travell ing , sawwoman w ith a child which suggested the

having no canva s , he u sed a b a rrel head inand tha t is why the picture i s round . Likehis Madonna s i t i s distinguished f or puri ty and

gra ce .

Many o f the a rti sts o f slightly less fame had humb le beginnings and endured grea t ha rdships . Va s

a ri, sa id L uca della Robbia , who made the rel ie f s o fbabies in swaddling clo thes tha t a re so popula r w i thevery , One , wa s a ccustomed to keep himsel f f romfreezing by sitting w i th his feet in a ba sket o f shavings to keep wa rm while he worked . H e could nota fford a fire .

“

Nor am I in the lea st a s ton i shed a t

this” adds Va sa ri ,“ since no man ha s become di s

tinguished in any a rt wha tsoever who does not ea rlybegin to a cqui re the power o f supporting hea t, cold ,hunger , thirst , and other discomforts . ” Va sa r iwro te in the sixteenth century, but i t i s a s true to

day, when those who prefer a rt to being maga zineillustra tors have nea rly a s di fficult a road to travel .Other instances O f conquest by the power o f am

b ition are : C laude Lorra ine, the French landscape

a rti st , who wa s a pa stry cook ; Rodin ,the grea test

modern sculptors , who wa s a foundling ; Sa lvae Rosa , the bandi t ; Tintoretto , the dyer ; Giotto ,

246 THE SC IENCE OF CULTURE

the pea sant ; C anova , the stone cutter ; Ga insb orough , the son o f a clo thworker ; Romney , the son o f

a ca rpenter ; Lawrence , o f a tavern keeper , and H O

ga rth , the silversmith’s apprenti ce .

Nor d i d many o f the gen iuses die in prosper i tya fter the ir long to i l . Rembrandt pa inted a t the

end O f l i fe to keep credi tors a t b ay and provide f orh i s family, and Franz Ha ls in h i s whole l i fetime didnot ea rn ha l f a s much a s one o f h i s pa intings wouldbring a t auction to-day.

Sculp ture

Sculpture , wh ich D ante ca lled “God’s grandch ild ,

exi s ted long before there wa s any pa inting worthyo f noti ce . Forerunners were the Pyramids , the

mos t ancient monuments in the world , bui lt a s buria l pla ces f or severa l o f the Egyptian kings . Theywere ma s ses o f bri ck and stone ra i sed up a round thechamber where the king wa s to lie . The tomb wasthe pla ce where i t wa s suppo sed the body would b esecret and sa fe from thieves , tha t o f Cheops covering twelve and a ha l f a cres and conta in ingtons , or o f our modern ca rloads o f stone .

H ow th i s wa s built B . C . ) pra cti ca lly all byhand labor , and without any o f the modern engineering appl iances , i s one o f the world’s ma rvels . Yet

i t fa i led to gua rd the dead king , f or there i s not atomb tha t has not been r ifled and explored .

The oldes t piece o f sculpture , the Sph inx , i s alEgyptian . Older than the grea t pyramid ne


Belvidere the Wrestlers , and the fragment o fthe torso o f Hercules

,all proofs of the wonders of

ancient Greek sculpture .

In the rea ction aga inst idola try tens of thousandso f sta tues , many o f them poss ibly ma sterpieces , weredes troyed ; the ma rble be ing used to make lime or

to pave roads . Some idea o f the number o f sta tuesthere must have been can b e had by cons ider ing tha twhen Nero took 500 sta tues to Rome from the tem

p le o f the O ra cle a t Delh i he left beh ind h im .

M ichelangelo a nd Rodin

Since the time o f the Greeks therehave been onlytwo rea lly grea t scu lptors , Mi chelangelo ; and p erhaps our own time ha s added Rodin , whoseThinker” i s one o f the best-known s ta tues In theworld . Severa l o f Rodin’s o rigina l sta tues are inthe Metropol i tan Museum in New York , and no

residen t o f tha t c ity, or vi s i tor to i t, shou ld fa i l tosee them .

Mi chelangelo l ived and worked f or nea rly a cen

tury ( 1475—1 5 64 ) the glory o f every a rt , foremosti n sculp ture a s well a s in pa inting and a rch i tecture.

Lorenzo the Magn ificen t o f Florence found h imca rving an angel f or a stone cutter and recogni s ingh i s gen iu s gave h im hi s opportun i ty. H e becamegrea t a s a pa inter through the j ea lousy of Raphael ,who sugges ted to the Pope tha t he b e employed topa int the frescoes of the Sistine Chapel in the hopetha t he wou ld fa il . M i chelangelo reproduced on.


e ceiling the creation o f the world , with scenesfrom the Bible, making them live aga in be fore our

eyesWi th the Vividness o f the Bibli ca l na rra tive . Ittook him seven yea rs to pa int the “ La st Judgment ,

”

much o f the time being spent lying on his back on a

s ca ffolding while he pa inted the ceiling.

Michelangelo had no fondness for pa inting,and

preferred sculpture and a rchi tecture . A copy o f

his David,

” which wa s made from a piece o f ma rbleother sculptors decla red useless , i s in every art gallery. Sculptors nea rly a lways make models in claybefore the chisel i s used , b ut

“ David” wa s ca rved byhim w i thout such prel iminary . In 1 546 Michelaugelo wa s made a rchi tect o f St . Peter’s a t Rome

,and

much o f the beauty O f the world’s grea test church i sdue to his indefa tigable work .

Benvenuto Cellini

The bes t a ccount of l i fe in the days of the Rena i ss ance , when a rt wa s a t i ts best , i s given in the“ Autob iography” o f Benvenuto Cellini , himsel f af amous sculptor and a lso a pa inter

,but best known

a s the grea test o f goldsmiths , hi s work never having been equa lled . Cellini

’

s sto ry O f his own li f e i sdescribed by Symonds , who transla ted it into Engl i sh , thus : From its pages the gen iu s o f the Rena issance , incarna te in a single persona l i ty , leansforth and speaks to us . It reads like the most extravagant story o f adventure , and tell s wi th frankness the whole story o f his amours , hi s pa ssiona te


devot ion to a rt , h i s shameless sel f-worsh ip , and hiscur ious traflic with devils and magi c .

Modern Sculp tors

The best known o f modern sculptors bes ides Rodin

, who i s in a cla ss apa rt , a re : St . Gaudens,whose Linco ln i s in Chicago and his Shaw monumentin Boston ; Daniel French , whose Alma Ma ter i s infront o f Columbia Un ivers i ty, and who made the

grea t groups ornamenting the New York CustomHouse ; Macmonnies

,Whose Bacchante , rej ected a s

immora l by Bo ston ,ha s a pla ce o f honour in the

Luxemburg in Pa ri s ; Meunier,the Belgian whose

work shows the dign i ty and despa i r o f the manua llabourer ; Ba rtholdi , who made many finer sta tuesthan h i s “ Liberty Enlighten ing the World , wh ichs tands in New York ha rbour.

'

Art mus t Interp ret the Invisib le

“ Art does not imi ta te but interprets , sa id Ma z

z ini , and so cr i t i cs do not rega rd the Rogers groupso f the pa st genera tion , or the beauti ful Ita l ian sculpture o f to-day, with i ts fidel i ty O f deta i l and softenedsmoothness , a s any more a rti s ti c than a re photographs . Art i s na ture seen through the eye o f the

a rti s t, who must put into hi s work something tha t

ha s been invi sible to ordina ry people unti l the arti s td i scovers i t and fixes i t tha t all may behold .

“Thu rea test a rt commun ica tes the grea test

amount o f sa ti s fa ction to the grea tes t number o f


looking like the pla in-fa ced , h igh-browed wives o fFlemish burghers . The extreme to which this i sca rried 18 shown in an ea rly German render ing of

the birth o f the Vi rgin tha t i s preserved in Muni ch .

The domes ti c deta i l s o f the scene have been elabora ted with striking effect . The ca reful Germanhousewife i s taking out linen from a well-s tockedches t , two nurses superintend the child’s b a th , testing i ts tempera ture , wh ile a ma id pours bo i l ingwa ter from a saucepan .

E a ch o f the grea t ma sters i s p reeminent in somedeta i l . Mi chelangelo i s di s tinguished f or grandeuro f conception and ma stery o f ana tomy ; Raphael f or;per fection o f drawing ; Titian f or grandeur and

s ta tely tranqui ll i ty ; Ruben s f or magnificence o f

colour and exuberan t vi ta li ty ; Vela squez f or reali sm ; Leona rdo f or ca tch ing a subtle , elus ive gra ce ;R embrandt f or mystery and cha ra cter ; Franz Ha lsf or cha ra cter tha t tel ls the story O f a l i fe i n a

gl impse ; and Turner f or imagina tive vi sion .

D ifierent Ages of A r t

Every age required a range o f subj ects peculia rto i tsel f ; in the fourteenth century these were sa int sand Madonna s , legends and scenes from the B ible ;the fi fteenth and sixtee

’

nth added mythologica l anda llegorica l extravagances and la ter developedtra iture ; the seventeenth century produced 1

scape and genre ; the e ighteenth wa s given to

tra i ts and h i stor i ca l , wh ile the insatia


ose a s its subj ects everything in the heavensove , the earth benea th , or the wa ters under therth .

”

In la te yea rs a lso many a ttempts have been madeimita te the work o f pictures a f ter the manner ofe Old ma sters ; b u t they have been f oredoomed toilure f rom the outset . Mo reover , these imi ta torssought to trans f er to thei r pictures not only theties but the de f ects o f the i r grea t models , f orng, a s ha s been po inted out , tha t

“the ea rly

rs a ttra ct us not on a ccount o f their meagreng, ha rd outlines , erroneous perspective and

!

ona l glories ; b u t , on the contra ry , in spitethese de f ects and peculia rities ”

This wa s these O f the rapid f orgetting o f the p re

-Rapha el i teool, f ostered by Ruskin

’s “ Modern Pa inters . ”

e most va lu ab le lesson of the pa s t is tha t i t noty tea ches the a rtis t to use its bes t methods to

wha t he w i shes to pa int , b ut a lso to wisha int wha t he himsel f sees and feels .

Four Groups of Pa in ting

Pa inting is Cla ssified into f our groups : historical ,rtra its , landscape, genre .

Historica l pa inting includes,besides strictly his

torica l scenes , a ll religious , mythologica l , and a lle

gorical subj ects . There i s ha rdly a story told inpoetry or prose tha t ha sn’t been told a hundredtimes in pictures .Portra i ture a rt now demands tha t more o f the


cha racter o f the subj ec t b e revea led than i sin a pho tograph . Th i s i s the strength o f

Lisa , the mos t famous o f all by Leona rdo ,represen ts the wife o f one o f h i s fr iends . H er

family name , Gioconda , ha s given a second name tthe picture , wh i ch i s thus known a s

“L a Joconde ,

the“ joyous one ,

”a French mistransla tion ba sed o

the family name . Rembrandt and Franz Ha ls, an

indeed mos t O f the Dutch or Flemish school ,famous f or thei r del inea tion o f cha ra cter . Amthe moderns , Sa rgent ha s an intens i ty o f se

tha t i s a lmost pa infu l , sometimes verging on

morbid . In pa inting men o f the world h i s art

sometimes sensa tiona l in expressing tra i ts tha tca reles s glance a t the person in rea l l i fe would n

revea l . Some have fea red to have h im pa intportra i ts , because h i s pa intings so O ften exp re

contempt f or h i s subj ects . There i s less chain Ga insborough , who i s more popu la r f or the gand beauty o f h i s costumes and po ses , and the s a

may b e sa id o f Sir Jo shua Reynolds , portra

wh i ch a re a lways fr iendly.

Landscapes made the ir firs t appea rance a s sand modes t ba ckgrounds to bibli ca l and othertorical pi ctures . The bibl i ca l pictures o f a f ew ctu ries ago had ba ckgrounds o f Span i sh mounta i

Dutch windmills , or Ita l i an ga rdens , a ccordingthe s cenery with wh ich the pa inter was mos tia r , and abso lute la ck o f considera tion f or an

n i sm . The la ter landscapes included figures o f


o f th i s wa s done by Ha ls with ea se , da sh , and freedom. His best known canva s depicts a dinner pa rtyo f musketeers who are j ust a ss embling . Two

fr iends meet and shake hands,smil ing and jolly and

beaming with j oyous anti cipa tion o f a social even ing , good cheer , mea t , drink , s tory , and song.

Amiable and contented exp ress ions l ight up theirVi sages . To see them is to put the beholder in a

good humour . I t i s no wonder tha t some pictu resby Franz H a ls sell f or more than a hun dred thou !

sand dolla rs,and bring top p r ices when o ffered for ;

sa le .

Engl i sh genre pa in ting begins with ! Hoga rthtrea ted a rt from a sermon i s ing standpo int , a sin h i s Ma rr iage 51 la Mode ,

”and

“ R ake’sress ,

” prints o f wh i ch used to ornament so ma

wa lls .

TheM ore Thorough Study of Ar t

It i s to b e hoped tha t the glimpse o f art and a

tists given in these f ew words will encouragereader to make a more thorough study . Ev

l ibra ry ha s many books on the subj ect , and rep

ductions in photographs or engravings in steelha lftone tha t show the best works . The homeCulture seems incomplete w i thou t good p icturAll people o f Culture agree with Guizo t , wthe famous “ History o f C ivi l i sa tion in Europe ,who sa i d : “

The study o f a rt i s a ta ste a t on

grossing and unselfi sh , wh i ch may b e indulged

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE '

2 5 7

t effort , and yet has the power o f exerting thedeepest emotions , a ta ste ab le to exerci se and to

gra tify both the nob ler and softer parts o f our na

ture .

lowest savages are unawed by the productsised a rt we a re told by explorers . Savagesga rd any inquiries a s to the phenomena o f

a s childish trifl ing. The same contra st i setween the lowest and most highly educa tedus . A b rute thinks only o f things whichouched ,

‘

seen , hea rd , smel t, ta sted , and i t iswith the youngest child and the lowest savage .

Developing man ha s thoughts abou t existence,uses and so forth . Then , a s use i s made o f the

f a i th ful servants , which we have mentioned,comes the dawn o f intelligence , evolving into Cul

“ Draw ing inferences i s the only occupa tionich the mind never ceases to b e engaged ,

” sa idStuar t Mill .

hmin Philosophy

Such thought preceded science and wa s the causephilosophy . Often i t is interwoven with rel igion ,

the primitive rel igions have la rgely been a t

ts to answer questions a s to whence we came ,we are here , and where we a re go ing. The

lOSOphy wa s the Brahmin ,which as ea rly

B . C . had a la rge l itera ture ca lled the Veda s .rth tha t the universe is in a process o f cea senge ; tha t all processes o f na ture a re but


p a rts o f a un iversa l process ; a s the beginning i sinconceivab le and the end i s unth inkable

,there wa s

no beginn ing and can b e no end ; rhythms and cycleso f o ther rhythms and cycles Sweeping in etern i tythrough infin i ty .

Buddhism

Buddh i sm ,an o ffshoot o f Brahmini sm and the

rel igion o f 4OO ,OOO ,OOO , nearly all o f whom live inAsia

, wa s founded by a Hindu pr ince in the fi fthcentury B . C . , who wa s known a s

“The Buddha .

The teach ings o f Buddh i sm may b e summed up in.the one word “ renuncia t ion ,

” tha t i s , freedom from;a ttachment wh i ch a lone causes existence . Attachment springs from des ire , and desire from sensa tion ,gwh i ch in turn i s the product o f idea s , so tha t exi st-

L

ence i s the p roduct o f idea s . Buddha taughtidea s were mere illusions

,a nd tha t i f a man

but free himsel f from his illuded idea s— idea s ,instance , such a s the a ttribution o f rea l i ty to trtory and imagina ry th ings— then a tta chmentcea se and with i t unhappiness .While Buddha i s tod ay prayed to and worshippby nea rly four times a s many people a s l ive in tUn i ted Sta tes , yet he never cla imed to b e more tha man , and taught tha t man

’s future was solelyh i s own keeping . The Hindoo who worshipsidol and cal ls i t Buddha thus degrades the teachio f the founder o f h i s rel igion . Just a s the


med i s the apostle o f God . God i s a ha rd , ugiving despot who demands the eterna l destructioo f a ll unbel ievers . However vi le a Mohammeda

may b e he can b e saved , and however excellent aunbel iever , he must b e damned forever . Mohamed l i fted Arabi a from its ignorant worsh ip 0and en forced str i ct laws O f cleanl iness and o f abstnence from w ine . His followers came very nea r tconquer ing the wo rld , and in thei r dominions whicincluded Spa in

,unti l the middle o f the e ighth c

tury , a ll subj ects were required to a ccept the f aof I slam or die .

Liberty o f thought wa s not encouraged bystern rel igion o f Islam ( a s the Mohammedansthemselves ) . The C a l iph Oma r ordered the

trea sures o f the Alexandrian l ibra ry , conta ithe only manuscripts o f many wri tings ( i t wa sfo re there were printed books ) destroyed , sayi“ I f these writings di sagree with the Koran theydangerous ; i f they agree with i t, they a re uThe magnificent collection wa s used to hea t thel i c ba ths

,and fire wa s ma inta ined w i th them

six months , with wha t loss to civi l i sa tion wil l ne

b e known .

The Arabs were d i stingui shed f or thei r scichemistry , a stronomy , and ma thema tics , thet ions o f which we la rgely owe to them . From

we got our figures tha t we use instead O f lette

express numbers . The G reeks and Romansclumsy symbo ls , and some idea

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

ca lcula ting until the eleventh century in Europehe had by a ttempting to mul tiply MDCXIVXL IX . We a lso owe the f ounda tions o f med

1C1ne to the Arabs and the Jews .

sophy

the ancient religions were all to a certa inhilosophies , the modern development ha sg independent lines , concern ing itself wi thra ther than spiritua l ma tters . Herbertha s defined philosophy a s completely unified

ge , yet the union o f scientific inqu i ry and

l specula tion , which began in the days’

about the time when the philosoNewton by rea son ing why the apple f el l

om the tree instead o f f a ll ing up , discoveredaw o f gravita tion .

rictly speaking, philosophy dea ls wi th the re

la tions between wha t we see and wha t lies beyondour perception—which may b e stretched to includethe definition o f Pluta rch , that i t i s

“

the a rt o f l iving. The princ ipa l Greek schoo ls o f philosophywere Stoici sm , Epicurean i sm a nd Scepticism ; and

most o f the philosophers since have made more or

less use o f thei r tea chings . Stoicism taught tha thappiness is to b e f ound not in ou twa rd things , butin power over “

all thoughts , a ll pa ssions , a ll de

s ires . ” Ep icurean ismi de cla res the supreme good to

b e persona l plea sure , consisting not in sel f-indulgence , but in tranquillity and pea ce o f mind . Tota l


submission i s advoca ted by Scepti ci sm ,wh i ch de

cla res tha t defin i te knowledge i s una tta inable .

Rea son a nd Concep tion

Pla to , who wa s born about 42 7 B . C . ,gave the

world two grea t truths,which have had a very grea t

effect in laying the founda tions f or philosophy and

i ts product , s cience . These were tha t in o rder todi rect human knowledge a right rea son must b e thesta rting po int , and tha t all human th inking i s ac

compli shed by means o f un iversa l concep tions .To two other philosopher s we owe the b a si s o f

the laws O f rea son ing . Aristo tle (384—32 2 B . C . )invented logic , wh i ch i s the science o f the laws o f

thought . “ Logic i s the a rt o f th inking well ; themind , l ike the body , requi res to b e tra ined beforei t can use i ts powers in the mos t advantageous way,

”

s a i d Lord Kame . Ari stotle’s system o f logic embra ced only deduct ive rea son ing

,wh i ch might b e

ca l led a stra ight rea son ing from one thing to an

o ther and rema ined the s tandard f or yea

Lord Ba con , a poor and self-educa ted orphan , wrose to b e Lord Chancellor o f England in the rei

o f Queen Elizabeth , es tabli shed inductive rea sonwh i ch method revolutioni sed logi c and i s the ba sio f modern s cience .

The Ba conia n M ethod

Simply sta ted , the Ba con ian method , wh i ch i s noa truism known to a ll, but wh i ch sta rtled the sci


a lly proves the va lue o f the Bacon ian method a s a

test o f truth . Problems have been proved to b e

unsolvable because they were put in terms o f unrea lconditions , and rea l conditions were mixed with misconstructions . Aga in , in every sc ience i t i stha t the suppo sed solution i s only appa ren tthe solution solves not the rea l problem ,

wh i ch has been made up . The Ba

has become so much a pa rt o f our verytha t every tra ined thinker a lmo st unconscpl ies every one o f the Bacon ian tests to e

ter upon which he mus t decide . The man unskille

in exa ct thinking should lose no time in makinconscious use o f thi s test .Pope ca lled , Ba con “

the w i sest , brightes t , a

meanes t o f mankind ,”

an epigram which ha s clu

to h i s memory a lthough many books have beenten to prove tha t the word meanest” wa s a njhed , being due to the enemies tha t h i s gen iu s aI‘lgld admini stra tion o f the law made f or h im .

wa s Ba con who wrote : “ A l i ttle philosophyClineth a man’s mind to a thei sm , but depth in po sophy br ingeth men’s minds about to rel igion .

EXEMPLIF ICATIONS

A rtis ts a nd Their Work

ABBEY,EDWIN A . ( 1 85 2 one o f

mo s t American figure pa inters . “

The

the Holy Gra il , a ser ies o f panels


Publi c Libra ry , upon which he wa s occupied f orten yea rs is a cha ra cteristic p iece o f work ; he wascommi ssioned by Edwa rd VII to pa int hi s coronad on .

EMA , L born in 1 836 in Belgium ; l ivedin England , pa inter o f

' ca refully but ra ther co ldlyexecuted work , chiefly a rcheologica l .

'

ALSTON ,WA SH INGTON ( 1 779—1 843 ) American ,

whose best known picture i s “The Dead Men

Revived” ; a lso made numerous other biblica l p ictures ; very popula r in his genera tion .

2,DON JOSE ( 1 768—1 82 7 ) son o f a Span

ish stone-ma son ; his sta tue o f Ganymede , f a shioned in 1 804 , made him recogni sed a s the grea test sculptor o f his day ; Napoleon considered him

’6 a s the grea test s ince Michelangelo .

ANDREA DEL SARTO ( 1486—1 5 Ita l ian ; distinguished for purity o f his draw ing, un i ty o f hiscomposi tions , and the grace o f the att i tudes o f

his religious and pro fane personages .ANGELICO , FR-A ; fourteenth century ; most devotional o f pa in ters ; Michelangelo observed “

the

good monk must have visited pa radise and ga inedpermission to pa int h i s model s from there .

”

BARBARE L L I, GEORGIO ( 1 439 his decorations O f the Pa lace o f the Doges a t Ven ice a re

rema rkable f or their wa rm tones ; he left f ewpictures which a re very va luable .

BARTH OLOME, PAUL ALBERT ( 1 848 h i s “ Aux'Morts ,

” French f or “

To the Dead , in the Pere


La cha i se cemetery in Pa r i s , i s one o f the finestp ieces o f modern sculpture ; a lso made genrepa intings .

BARTOLOMMEO , FRA ( 1475 Domin i canmonk , whose

“ Ma rriage o f St . C a therine” i s ithe Louvre ; he i s sa id to b e the first to u se tlay figure ; he excelled in draper ies and in the pefeet symmetry o f h i s composi tion .

BELLINI , GENTILE ( 1 42 1 one o f the ea

l iest o f Venetian pa inters ; Vi si ted Con stanop le a t invi ta tion o f Sultan , who objected to

the severed head in The D eco lla tion o f St .John”

and to prove the j usti ce o f his cr i ti ci sm ,

ordered the head o f a slave to b e s truck off inthe presence o f the a ston i shed a rti st .

BELLIN I , G IOVANN I ( 142 2 brother o f the

forego ing , rega rded a s founder o f Venetis choo l ; h i s p a intings emancipa ted a rt from tdry Go thi c manner o f h i s predecessors .

B IERSTADT, ALBERT ( 1 82 8 born in Ge

many, but came to America a s an infant ; h“ Rocky Mounta ins” i s an enormous canva swa s famous in i ts day but i s now used to sthe error o f overcrowding la rge picturessma l l deta i l s , a lthough i t i s interesting as a p a

orama .

BLAKELOCK , R . A . ; Amer i can landscape pa iu tewa s put in an insane a sylum ; mer i t o f h i s wonot recogni sed unti l recently .

BONHEUR , ROSA ( 1 82 2 Frenchwoman


among the bes t works o f the ea rly par t of then ineteenth century .

CONSTABLE , JOHN ( 1 776—1 837 ) Br i ti sh pa inter,but two o f h i s grea test works are in the Metropol i tan Museum in New Yo rk ; they a re

“ Aon the Stour” and

“The Va lley Fa rm .

”

COPLEY , JOHN S . ( 1 737 leading p ortraipa inter o f New E ngland unti l the revolutionmoving to England , his son , who had been b ohere , became Ba ron Lyndhurs t, Lord Chancelloo f England .

COROT, J . B . C . ( 1 796 a French pa interwho peopled h i s landscapes wi th nymphs and goddessess ; hi s landscapes ignored na ture

’s blemishesand showed imagina tive vi s ions o f “

the light tha tnever wa s on sea or land .

”

CORREGGIO ( 1 494—1 534 ) insp i red by Rapha el’“ St . Cecel ia , a lmost r iva lled the grea t ma stersan Ascension”

and an Assumption”a re

bes t-known pa int ings ; di stingu i shed by a sof tne

and suavi ty .

DAUB IGNY,C . F . ( 1 8 1 7—1 878) French p ainte

who ha s been ca l led the poet o f the r iver ,n o one ha s more exquisi tely suggested i ts mysies and the ma j esti c seawa rd flow o f i ts flood .

DAVID , JACQUE S LOUI S ( 1 748—1 82 5 ) Fre

p a in ter who ha s twenty-four p ictures inLouvre , the bes t-known be ing the popula r

“ C

and Psyche .

DURER, ALBERT ( 147 1 German 8

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

a rch i tect , pa inter , engraver , and author ; with a

serious style , pro found and mystica l .WILLIAM ( 1 787—1 849) an Engli sh printer

b oywho became,'

a ccording to Goodyea r , the thirdgrea test o f Briti sh a rtists , the o thers being in hisopin ion Turner and Constable ; his

“Sappho”

and“

Si rens” show the wonderful delicacy o f h i sflesh tints .

JOHN ( 1 75 5—1 82 6 )'

Bri ti sh sculptor,rema rkab le rel ie f s and a lso the designs

famous Wedgewood pottery .

MARIO ( 1 838—1 874 ) Spania rd ; t e

sponsible f or the wa ter colours tha t are known a s

the Hispano-Roman school . A sun worshipper ,wha tever spa rkled a ttra cted him a s his subj ects .

!

GAINSBOROUGH , THOMAS ( 1 7 27—1 788) a t age o f

ten“had sketched every fine tree and picturesque

cottage” nea r h i s English home ; fi rst f amou s f or

landscapes and a fterwa rd f or his portra its , whiclihave tremendou s popula r ity to this day, and a re

a lways gra ceful and often expressive to a highdegree , w i th the meri ts o f instinctive gen iu s without laboriou s fin i sh ; even his lea st schola rly p ortra its a re deemed ma sterpieces . H is

“

Age of

Innocence , a l i ttle girl sea ted on the groundwith her hands in her lap , ha s grea t vogue .

E , J . L . ( 1 824—1 904 ) his ea stern pictures ,such a s Turkish Prisoner” and

“Slave Ma rket ,

”

show him a fine co louri st and pa inter o f the human

figure with minuteness o f fini sh .


GHIBERTI , LORENZO ( 1 378—145 I tal ian , madeh imself famous by bronze ga tes o f Bapti stry at

Florence , to wh i ch he devoted forty yea rs labour .GIOTTO ( 1 2 76—1 337 ) rea l founder o f I ta l ian art ;

p a inter , sculptor , a rch i tect , engineer , and mos

worker ; a s h i s contempora r ies , he used wacolours ; made frescoes and la rge mura l p af or churches , f ew o f wh ich have s tood the ravaof time.

GREENOUGH , HORATIO ( 1 805—1 85 2 ) Amer is cu lptor who made the colossa l s ta tue o fWas

ton wh i ch wa s too large to go in the Capitol ,the floors wou ld no t support i ts weight ; f or morthan seventy yea rs i t sa t outs ide , but wa s lateremoved , because a rti s ti c ta ste had changed s ine1 843 .

H ALS , FRANZ ( 1 5 84—1 666 ) now rega rded a s th

grea tes t o f Flemish pa inters , except by those wprefer Rembrandt . See body o f th i s chapter .

H OGARTH , WILLIAM ( 1 679 a s a sa ti r i stunsurpa ssed among pa inters ; he represented tfo ibles o f l i fe in England in a series o f e

ings wh i ch exhibi t cha ra cter , humour , andHOLBEIN , HANS ( 1497—1 534 ) German ; historipictures and portra i ts ; the most famous i sD ance o f Dea th .

”

H OMER , WIN SLOW ; Amer ican landscape a rti s twhose work William Howe Downes wrote1 900 :

“H e i s the firs t exponent in pictoria l

in the New World . His subjects


LEIGHTON , SIR FREDERICK ( 1 830—1 896 ) verysuccess ful Br i ti sh a rti s t in imagina tive and cla ss icsubj ects , a fine draughtsman and able colour i s t,but not a gen ius ; hi s mythologica l pa intings arepopu la r a s a re severa l o f h i s groups o f s ta tuhe be ing a lso a sculp tor .

L ENBACH , FRANZ ( 1 836—1 904 ) ch ief Geportra i t pa inter o f the n ineteenth centurybest-known portra i ts a re o f B i sma rck , Mol

Wagner,Strauss , and Gladstone .

L EONARDO DA VINC I ( 145 2 see body 0

th i s chapter .LORRAINE , CLAUDE ( 1 600 pa inted ab o

four hundred landscapes wh ich are to b e foundnea rly every ga llery in Europe ; perhaps no oth

has had so perfect a knowledge o f the l ightsthe sky from dawn to daylight and depicted tha s well ; there a re many forgeries o f h i s woH e i s always spoken o f a s C laude Lo rra ine,la tter being h i s b irthpla ce .

MESSONIER J . L . E . ( 1 8 1 5—1 89 1 ) made p aintio f seventeenth and eighteenth century societyon sma ll panels , remarkable for fini sh and

ta i l .‘MICHELANGELO ( 1475 see theme o fchap ter .M ILLAI S , SIR JOHN E . ( 1 829 a t firs tpa inter o f landscapes wi th splendid a tmosphe

eff ect s , he a fterwa rd wa s known a s a pa interportra i ts , one o f wh i ch wa s o f Mrs . R


whom he f ell in love , and whom Ruskin a llowedto secure an annulment o f ma rriage so they mightwed .

ILLET, J . F. ( 1 8 14 French pa inter well

known f or his “ Angelu s and“The Gleaners ,

o f which many copies have been sold ; a ma sterin depicting the sombre melancho ly o f Frenchpea sant lif e .

E'

MONVE L , BOUTET ; modern French a rti stA. whose l ively and del ica te fancy makes him the

b est-known i llustra tor o f the l ives and do ings o fch ildren .

URIL LO ( 1 6 1 84 follower O f .Vela squez ,imita ted Ita lian ma sters ; His Vi rgins , the costasies o f the sa ints , his

“

Annuncia tion s”

and“

A s

sumptions” a re distingu i shed by a nameless charm ,

which reproduces the mystica l inspi ra tion o f the

a rti st, who is cla ssed among the glories o f Spa in .

A , A‘NDREA ( 1329—1 368 ) Ita l ian ; pa inted

and f resco o f“ Hell” in Santa Ma ria Novello

Florence and an eccentri c “

L a st Judgment . ”

SSY, BERNARD ( 1 505 a common gla z

a fter lea rning to pa int on the sur faceo f pottery , redi scovered the lost a rt o f enamelfi l ing.

REMBRANDT ( 1 7 87 when onlyeen he made a Sketch o f Wa shington , wh ich

a f ter Wa shington’s dea th and whicha sed in 1 832 by the Un i ted Sta tes


POUSSIN , N ICOLAS ( 1 594 a rr ived a t Roma s a begga r , settled there but rema ined tru eh i s b irthpla ce , France ; the grave auster i ty o f

gen iu s wa s blended with grea t knowledgeana tomy , ph ilosophy , and famil ia ri ty with h istand poetry. H e i s ca l led “

The Pr ince o f

Elder French school . ”

RAPHAEL (SANZ IO ) ( 1 483—1 5 20) in frescoesp ictures

,portra i ts and “ Holy Families ,

”Rap

withou t appa rent eff ort a tta ined perfectiongenius f or compos i tion ,

drawing , and p a intin

the“ Si s tine Madonna ,

” “ Madonn a o f the Cha iand

“ St . Cecel ia ,”

a re tremendous ly popula rth i s day, tens o f thousands o f Ameri cans ownpr ints o f them . His la st work ,

“The Trans

ura tion ,

”not quite fin i shed a t h i s dea th , was

hib ited a t the head o f his b ed where he lay a

dea th,and wa s ca rried in h i s funera l process

REMBRANDT,PAUL ( 1 607 ch ief and

glorious o f Dutch ma sters , he found new

in the oppos i tion o f l i fe and shade ; and

f or n ight eff ects and contra sts o f color onba ckground .

“

The Night Wa tch ,”

and

Ana tomy Lesson”a re popula r subj ects conti

a lly reproduced by engravers . H e was a lsothe fi rs t rank o f portra i t pa inters .

REYNOLDS,SIR JOSHUA ( 1 723 renown

f or h i s portra i ts o f wh i ch he pa inted threesand, more because o f the subj ects than h

'

since nea rly every one in England who


though s ome of h i s engravings are of grea tbeau ty .

RUBENS , PETER PAUL ; ( 1 5 77—1 640) Flemish ;h i s prodigious a ct ivity

,h i s fa cil i ty

, and powerwork , a lso by his br ill ian t colouring reca lled

grea t a rti sts o f the s ixteenth century ; he revein a somewha t coa rse beauty o f the flesh

,delig

mg in d i ffi culties , concea ling a ll imperfectionsdrawing and unshapel ines s o f Outl ine underbr ill iancy o f colour tha t da zzles the eye .

SARGENT, JOHN S Amer i can portra i t pa iutewho l ived la rgely in England ; bes ides h i sfu l portra its , h i s mura l decora tions in the BostPubli c Libra ry are remarkable .

ST. GAUDENS , AUGUST ( 1 848—1907 ) h i s s ta tueLincoln in Lincoln Pa rk , Ch i cago , the

“ ShMemoria l ,

”in Bo ston , and

“ Gr ief,”in R

Creek cemetery in Wa shington , a re equal ,not super ior , to any American sculpture ; a trequest o f Pres iden t Roo sevelt he des igned s

era l Amer i can coins,including the gold now

circu la t ion .

STORY, WILLIAM WETMORE ( 1 8 19—1 895 ) Amecan sculptor , poe t, and a rti s t ; among h i s 11ous monuments , s ta tues , and busts i s “ Cpa tra .

”

MACMONNIES, FREDERICK ; Amer i can sculptor ;s ides the “

Bacchante” mentioned elsewhere inwork , he made the doors o f the CongressiIL ibrary a t Wa sh ington , the Pro spect Pa rk

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

umphal Arch in Brooklyn, and the Ba ttle Monument a t West Po int .RT, CHARLES ( 1 7 5 6 made three

ginal portra i ts o f George Wa shington and

six copies ; had much ability in representracter.

DAVID ( 1 602- 1 694) depicted l i fe inFlanders , reproducing smoky taverns , card p arties , pots of beer, and an ima ted f a i rs of h i scountry

,portraying inimitably the coa rse,

shrewd peasants o f the north .

(JACOPO ROBUSTI ) ( 1 5 I8- 1 594)Titian , who discha rged him throughworked so rapidly he wa s ca lled the

but never a tta ined Titian’s fame al

e r ivalled h im in brilliant colouring.

77—1 576 ) pa inted a grea t quantity o f

s ; with grea test freedom pa ssed fromsacred to hea then subjects , from

“ Holy Families”

to“ Venus and Adon i s ,

” giving them a ll li fe w i thh i s magic brush ; so i llustrious , tha t EmperorCharles V picked up hi s brush f or him when hedropped i t ; pa inted with glow ing tones and bri ll iant colours .

’URNER , J . M . W . ( 1 775- 1 85 1 ) most famous o fBriti sh pa inters ; specimens o f his wonderfullandscapes are in the Metropolitan Museum in

New York , and the Boston Museum o f FineArts ; Turner used the ma tter o f f act a s a sta rting point f or purely imagina tive crea tions .

27s, TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE

VANDYCK , ANTON ( 1 599 Flemish pmo f magn ificen t p ictures f or churches , but i s chcelebra ted f or h i s portra i ts , making th irty-eportra i ts o f Cha rles I and Henrietta , not coing scores o f nob les and princes .

VAN EYCKS , the ; two bro thers who inventedu se o f oil pa ints , as ha s been told ; the irwork wa s rema rkab le f or a wond et ious execution o f minute deta i l s ,o f colour, and a ser ious and noble con

the subjects themselves , wh ich were reliHubert Van Eyck ( 1366—142 6 ) Jan Van( 1390

VANUCCI, PIETRO ; ca lled Perugino ( 1446—1 5pa inted rel igious p i c tures with a pecul ia rly gfu l expression and V ivid colour ; wasteacher.

VE LASQUEZ ( 1 599—1 660) the grea tes t p a ithe Span i sh . schoo l and succeeded in everyh i story , portra i ts , landscapes , scenes o fl i fe, anima ls , flowers

,and frui t. Jean

Rousseau ca lled him “The man o f na ture an

truth .

” His portra i ts are ma sterp ieces ,seem a lmo s t ab le to speak .

VERONESE , PAUL ( 1 5 2 8 The Ma r

o f 'Cana i s one of the fines t ornameLouvre in Pa r i s ; he dressed all h i s p efa sh ion s of h i s own time, wha tever ep

may have lived in ; h i s apostles were r it ians fea sting in pa laces .


a l so ga teway to Mt . Auburn ,Cambr idge , Ma ss ;

Med i ca l College o f Virgin ia a t Richmond ; Moyamens ing Pr i son , Ph iladelph ia ; Museum in GoldenG a te Pa rk , San Francisco .

GREEK—Ca lled by Emerson “the flower ing o f

a rch i tecture” ; noticeab le f or rows o f columns tha tsuppor t not only a portico but with in the templessuppor t a lso the roo f ; Greeks used curves whereverpos sible ; to counteract optica l i llusions , instead o f

column s be ing made absolu tely stra ight they weremade bulging so they would appea r stra igh t,i f made a ctua lly stra igh t they would haveconcave or turned in ; columns being madeGreeks la rgely o f drums piled one on the oth

they fell , even the Pa rthenon , finest specimenGreek a rch i tecture , now being in ru ins .tian s used monol i ths , o f wh i ch Cleopa tra

’s NeedleCentra l Pa rk , New York , i s a type . Greek housewere in the s tyle o f thei r temples ; hence Pope wrote

T is very fine,But Where’

d ye sleep and where’

d ye dine?

I find by a ll tha t you’ve been telling

That ’tis a house b u t not a dwelling.

Types o f Greek a rch i tecture in the Un i ted Sta tea re : Sta te Capito l Building (Dori c ) , ColumbO . ; new Field Museum ,

Ch icago ; Sta te Libra

Ha rt ford , Conn . ; Layton Art Ga llery, MilCustom House , Ph iladelph ia .

ROMAN—Noted for a rch ; they invented

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE 281‘

Greeks a fterward adopted it ; vaulting and domesa re a lso Roman ; distingui shed f or pra ctica l u sefulness a s in engineering works . Best examples a rethe Col iseum and Pantheon a t Rome , and Traj an

’sin the Forum . Many buildings o f this typein the United Sta tes including : Pennsylvaniaon and Knickerbocker Trust Company’s bu ildNew York ; Art Institute , Chicago , Ill . , Israel

p le , C incinna ti , Ohio ; Post O ffice and C i tyCleveland , Ohio ; Public Libra ry , Denver ,Federa l Building , Indianapolis , Ind . ; Jew i sh

Synagogue,Louisville , Ky. ; Lincoln High School ,

L os Angeles , Cal. ; Gira rd Trust building, Phi ladelphia , Pa .

MOORI SH—Ta ll , graceful mina rets , po inted a rches ,pear-shaped domes

,pointed and horseshoe a rches ,

geometri ca l tracery o f most intricate kind . Tajaha l , the wonder ful temple in India , and the Almbra a t Grenada , Spa in, a re the most famous

s . In America a re : Medinah Temple inIll . ; Alcaza r Hotel , St . Augustine, Fla . ;

a BayHotel , Tampa , Fla . ; Temple Emanual,

Avenue, New York C i ty , N . Y Temple o f

B’ri th , L os Angeles , Cal.

ROMANESQUE—Chicfly used f or ,church a rchitec

ture, rounded a rches and vaulted stone cei ling , da tesfrom eleventh century. Ca thedra l o f Pisa and San

Minea to a t Florence are best specimens . In America a re : St . Bartholomew’s Church and Paulis tFathers Church in New York C i ty ; St . Mark’

s


Lutheran Church , Ba ltimore , Md . ; Trin i ty CBo ston , Ma s s . ; Newberry Libra ry , ChicagoC i ty Ha ll , C incinna ti , Ohio ; Prudentia l Li feance CO .

, Newa rk , N . J. ; Church o f the CoveWa shington , D . C . , and Un iversity Museum ,

a delphia,Pa .

GOTH IC— Draw ing a compa r i son between the

l ier a rch i tecture o f the cla ssi c school , which we hno ted , and the go th i c , Ruskin sums up the two

po s i tive pr inciples in two words— “

horiz onta

and vertica l i ty . The person who Vi

ca thedra l must move h i s head up and down ,wh ile VIewmg a d am e temple he moves i t fromto s ide . Cha ra cteri stics a re po inted a rches , spslender , deta ched sha fts , dog-too th ornament ,row windows with po inted heads , and del ica tery. C a thedra ls o f M i lan , Rhe ims , Notre

(Pa r i s ) , Cologne , Westminster Abbey, and

burg a re most famous . The best examAmer i ca i s Ha rknes s Memor ia l , Ya le ,Conn . ; o thers a re Ha rper Memor ia l ,Ch i cago ; St . Pa tr i ck

’s Ca thedra l , SChurch

, and residence o f W . K . Van

York C i ty , N . Y. ; C a lva ry Church , Pi

St . Paul’s Ca thedra l , Detro i t , M ich . ;

thedral, Cleveland , Ohio ; Centra l Church ,M a ss . ; Episcopa l C a thedra l ,

'

San Franci sco

Church o f the Ascension , Wa shington ,Nea r ly every la rge ci ty ha s one or more

churches .


A rabesque—A decora tive design o f intr ica te, interlaced cha ra cter .

Arcade—A ser ies o f a rches , or long a rched pa ssageway.

Ba roque—Name appl ied to style of a rch i tecturewh ich flouri shed in e ighteenth century ; d i stin

gu ished f or orna te forms and mean ingless scrollwork .

Buttress—A la rge proj ection from face o f wa ll des igned to res i s t outwa rd pressure .

Camp an i le— ( cam-

p a-nee-lee )—A bell tower built

detached from church , in Ita ly .

Capita l—Head or crown o f a column .

Carya tids—Fema le figures u sed a s supports insteao f columns ; modern a rch i tects sometimes usmale figures and ca l l them ca rya tids , though th

name i s from the Greek word f or pr iestess .Ca stella ted— Furn i shed with turrets and indente

wa lls l ike a fortified ca stle .

Chateau ( shfi-toe )— La rge , sta tely residenceusua lly in the country.

C la s s ic—Pos sess ing cha ra cteri stics o f ancienG reece and Rome .

C lo i s ter—An a rched way or covered wa lk .

Co lonnade—A ser ies o f columns pla ced a t certa ininterva ls .

Corni ce—Hor i zonta l mould ing a t top o f building or room .

C rypt—Or igina lly a Clo i ster ; now used as name

a chamber, usua lly vaulted , benea th the chu


ais—A pla tform or ra i sed floor a t one end or one

side o f a reception room or ha ll where seats areplaced f or distinguished persons .uomo— Ita l ian name f or ca thedra l .Entablature—In cla ssi c a rchitecture the whole su

p erstructure resting on the columns .Fagade—Principa l front o f the building .

Flamboyant—A style o f ornament with curved ,flame-l ike mouldings .Frieze—A long b and , usually decora ted, immedia tely above the corn ice .

Gab le—Triangular upper part o f wa ll a t end of

ridged roof.Ga rgoyle—Grotesque spout usua lly w ith human or

anima l mouth , head , or body, proj ected from the

gutter o f building to ca rry wa ter clea r o f wa ll .Keystone—The centra l s tone a t the top O f an a rch .

La ttice—Structure o f crossed la ths or other strips .Loggia—An open ga llery w i th colonnades .Monoli th—Single b lock o f stone shaped into col

umn , pilla r , or monument .osque—A Mohammedan place of worship .

osa ic—Form o f work o f a rt in which pictures ,etc. , are produced by j oin ing together pieces o fgla ss , stone, etc. , o f di fferent co lors .Nave—The centra l portion o f a church .

Pa rapet—L ow wa ll , brea st high only, a t edge o f

tower or ga llery .

Pediment—Triangula r part crowning front of

building, especia lly over portico .


Per i s tyl ium—The inter ior o f a build ing surrounde

by columns .Pia zza (pia t-Sa)—An open square in a town su

rounded by buildings .'Pier—Pilla r or ma sonry supporting an a rch .

Pinna cle—Sma ll ornamenta l turret , usua lly endingin pyramid or cone , crown ing a buttress , roo f, etc.

Pl inth—Ma sonry a t‘ba se o f column wh i ch connects

i t w ith ground .

Pylon—A monumenta l ga teway to an Egypt iantemple .

'

Reticu la ted— La tticed,l ike the meshes o f a net .

Ribs—In vaulting,a sculptured a rch supporting

vau lt .Rococo—Ta stelessly elabora te .

Rotunda—A circula r ha ll in a la rge build ing geera lly surmounted by a dome .

Sp ire—The h igh po inted termina tion o f a to

Supers tructure—Any s tructure buil t on somethi

else ; pa rticularly an ed ifice with reference tof oundad on .

Symmetry—The exact repet i tion o f one ha lf o f astructure in the o ther ha lf, with the pa rtsranged in reverse order .

Transept—A transverse nave cro ssing the‘ centr

nave in the form o f the a rms o f a cross .Turret—A sma ll tower .

Vault—Any a rched roof ; a s vault o f heaven whii s poetica l term f or the Who le sky .

Vermicula r—Ma rked with worm-l ike l ines .


1 . Abil i ty to get a long with , ( a ) superiors ;(b ) infer iors ; ( c ) equa ls .

2 . Abi li ty to co-opera te—a ssi s t in any work or

play .

Ambition—free from selfishness .Cleanl iness .Nea tness .Modesty.

Good vo i ce .

Good d i ction ; including gramma r and use

O f words .Courage .

Self-rel iance .

Cheerfulness .Optimism .

Even temper.Honesty .

Truthfulness .Industry .

Rel iabil i ty, dependab il ity, loya lty.Good physi ca l appea rance—not necessa ri lybeauty, tha t sometimes being a ctua lly repellent .Good ca rr iage .

Good ta ste in dress .

A study o f these requirements shows tha t tschedule i s tha t o f a perfect man or woman .

wou ld b e interesting f or you‘

candidly to ma rk yself on i t, and then select some fr iend

PERSONAL ITY OF CULTURE 2 89

h sex, and note the score f or the man and woman

you are ana lysing .

f a r a s you yoursel f a re concerned , you muste a perfect score in ea ch o f these twen ty qua l i

you r amb i tion ; and if you do not a ctua lly p osa ll o f these qua lities you must a t lea st a ssumetil you do rea lly possess them if you would

ess a winn ing persona l i ty.

“The history o f

kind proves tha t man ha s a cqu i red , in time ,Virtues which a t fi rst he had to a ssume , sa idr Fle i scher . This puts a premium— not on

risy, b ut upon hones t a spira tion and persistentupon the desire and ab ili ty to see the true

nd the determin ing will to wa lk in i t .!

you study this li st o f qua lities you w illtha t in eff ect thi s work ha s been intended tongthen and develop you in a ll these qua l i tiesa lso ha s suggested their correct applica tion .

Every one o f them is essential to perfection in Culture .

H ones ty a nd Industry

Less a ttention ha s been given to honesty and in

dustry than to o ther o f the qua li ties , because it ha sbeen a ssumed tha t the reader possesses these all

important elements o f cha racter , which a re p re

requ i s i te to the true expression o f Cu lture . Dis

honest persons should b e in a j a i l or an insanea sylum ; and even if not so confined when their dishonesty i s known , the a tmosphere o f distru st in

299 TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE.

wh ich they a re impr i soned i s Vi rtua lly a mora l j“ s tone wa lls do not a pr i son make , nor i ron ba rscell . ”

We have sa id from time to time , b egInnIng witthe first chapter , tha t industry i s essen tia l , an

ca lled a ttention to the fa ct tha t ea ch genera tionless respect f or the idle , or those who fa i l tothe ir sha re o f the world’s work with e i ther handor bra ins , or both . The opin ion o f Ruskin on th issubject i s tha t o f many o f the most eminent o f ourcontempora r ies— if not tha t o f a ll peop le o f intelligence—when he says :

“H ow so ever many

may find , or fancy , your faults to b e there are

two o f rea l consequence, idleness and crueRuskin adds tha t th i s i s the one op in ion on

the world ha s been agreed f or six thousandI t i s interesting to no te tha t five o f the twentyties given in the forego ing l i s t are the antithe

cruel ty . I t i s obvious tha t a person who i scanno t rea lly posses s the cha rm o f Cul ture ,however he may try to ma sk h i s Vicious inclina ti t s cropp ing out ruins any other persona l charmth a t he may have .

Persona l Appea ra nce a nd H ea lth

E a rl ier chapters have told how persona l app eaance and hea lth enter s trongly into the imp r

tha t we make on o thers . I t i s to'

b e hoped threader a lready ha s made the precepts given inters I I , IV and V pa rt o f h i s da i ly p ra ctice .

‘


Those who have wr i tten th i s Chapter haves tudied the preceding chapters wi th ca re , and notedthe po ints stressed . The tempta tion i s very strongto resta te much tha t ha s a lready been told . I t i sneces sa ry , however , tha t we depend upon the con

scientiousness o f the reader in giving ser ious studyto wha t ha s gone before ; and we recommend tha t a sva r ious topics a re examined in a self-ana lysi s , a newstudy b e made o f specific topics tha t tell how to

s trengthen weak po ints wh ich we admit to ourselvesneed further developmen t .In the o f t-quoted fa therly but worldly wise ad

vice given by Po lon iu s to Hora tio he summa r i sed i ta ll in the phra se ,

“To th ine own self b e true , and i t

w ill follow a s the day the n ight , thou canst not thenb e fa lse to any man .

You must trust yourself ; but you must show yourself tha t you are worthy o f being trusted by youself . Take , f or instance , the ma tter o f the s to f th i s theme . To pretend to study and not

tually do so i s about a s honest to yoursel f a s i fwere to chea t you rself when playing sol i ta ire . I

you haven’t s tudied it don’t try to make yoursel

believe tha t a mere reading O f i t has been a ser ioustudy . Look aga in a t the rules in the exemplifi

t ion s to the fi rst chapter , and lea rn how rea llystudy .

In th i s ma tter o f honesty It IS Important th

you“ sell yoursel f to yoursel f,

”a s a modern sa

man wou ld ca ll i t. You can’t make yourself

PERSONALITY OF CULTURE 293

in yoursel f unle ss you give yourself a va lida son for so doing .

I t i s very queer tha t so many people should foolemselves , and know tha t they a re doing so . I t

a most stupid proceeding . I t i s’

the sameabout trying to fool o ther people and makinguff tha t you yoursel f know w i ll not a ccomplish

any other purpose except tha t , by an effort, you can

persuade yoursel f tha t you a re fool ing other peoplewhen you a re merely fooling yoursel f into a belieftha t you a re f ool ing other people .

A very striking dia logue between Alice Adamsand her mother in Booth Ta rk ington’s novel Al iceAdams” gives a very keen insight into the futil ityIOf such a proceeding . I f you read this one o f the“ ‘bes t sellers” o f 1 92 1 , you w i ll reca ll tha t AliceIhas had . more things to humi l ia te her than bef a llsin most girl s’ l i f etimes . Mrs . Adams comes intolthe room and finds Al ice completing a sober toilet

ifor the street . The mother sa i d : I can’t see

!.why you don

’t wea r more colour , you ought to showEthem you’ve got some spunk—Wa lter’s runn ingtaway, the mess your f ather made o f his bus iness .fit would help show them you are ho lding up your

ad just the same .

”

Thi s thoroughly up-to-da te young Al ice Adams

ed :“

No t I ! I’

ve qu i t dress ing a t them ,

f they saw me , they wouldn’t think wha t you

them to . It’

s funny , b ut we don’t o f ten make

e think wha t we want them to , mamma . You


do thus and so ; and you tell yoursel f,‘Now see ing

me do thus and so,people will na tura lly think thi s

and tha t ,’ —but they don’t . They th ink someth ing

else— usually‘what you don

’t want them to .

”

We canno t make people bel ieve anyth ing tha tdo not bel ieve ourselves . The enthusia smcrea tes confidence i s the result o f a bel ief in ou

selves .

Know Thyself

Do you know yourself ? Very f ew peoplea lly do know themselves , and there fore are In

a very grea t mistake . You yoursel f a re the

important person in the world , so f ar a s

concerned .

“ His own wors t enemy” i s asaying . A man should b e h i s own b es

Such self-ana lys i s a s a lready suggested in th i ster in rega rd to the twenty essentia ls o f a p le

persona l i ty cannot help but b e of advantage .

i s very f ar from the“ psychoana lysi s” o f

much d i scussed a f ew yea rs ago , and weighba lance and found wanting by so many p sycbecause o f i ts fa i lure to meet the tes t o f trusoning . Psychoana lys i s and a certa in kind o f

sp ection have a tendency to lead to a mnes s tha t makes u s sel f-conscious . Th i s mustavo i ded .

Yet a man must get a cqua inted with h imsThe true kind o f s tudy to make i s the imob serva t ion and ana lysis o f mot ives ,


Schopenhauer r igh t when he sa id : I t i s the mo

no tony o f hi s own na ture tha t makes a man find

sol i tude intolerable”? Many people a re a fra id to

b e a lone , a s i f someth ing terrible might happen.

They a re l ike chi ldren who are a fra id o f the da

The A rt of L iving

The Science o f Culture i s the a rt o f l iving insteao f exi st ing— l iving instead o f staying merely ab

ground . There can b e no per fect l i fe unles s i tables you to enj oy sol i tude with a s much pleaa s you would the compan ionship o f o thers .can there b e any rea l menta l growth unless we p anow and aga in and thoughtfully review wha thave a ccompli shed . From time to time tu rn band a sk yoursel f the quest ions a s to your ambitiand the means f or thei r development , tha t a reamong the exemp lifica tions to Chapter I .whether you a re growing in to the self tha t you Wto b e ; i f no t make plans tha t will help you to doBe fa ir in ana lys ing your progress but do not

unduly sel f-sa tisfied i f you feel tha t i t ha s been V

grea t . Take , a s an examp le , John D . Rockwho sa id tha t when he wa s rapidly succeed“ tr ied to keep from gett ing puffed up byearly in the game ,

”and ea ch n igh t told h imself

'

fore go ing to sleep tha t a fter all he hadn’t done

very much , and tha t he must do s t ill better i frea lly wanted to b e success ful .


I t i s even worse to err on the side o f sel f-depretion . Sel f-deprecia tion gets a person nowhere ;(I i t i s useful only to those who a re anxiou sbecome door-ma ts . Se l f -conceit , b ad and ob

xious a s i t is , sometimes does win“ Pride goeth

fore a fa ll ,” but the rea son the humble don’t fa ll

because they are a lways on the ground .

Tha t concei t ba cked by more or less meri t canin i s proved by instances within the experience o f

u s— the question is only a s to whether a lessconcei t would not have made fewer enemies . Thi sma tter reca lls the witty saying o f I srael Zangwillabout the bumptiou s Berna rd Shaw :

“

The way he

believes in himsel f i s very refreshing in these a the

istic days when so many men believe in no God

at a ll.”

Refuse to gaze furtively a round , hang your head ,whine , or give way to sel f-deprecia tion . Studyyoursel f and see i f there is not something o f which

you can b e proud , some way in which you excel mostpeople. Cultiva te tha t tra i t , and a t the same timeuse the methods given in thi s wo rk for the development o f qua li ties in which you find yoursel f deficient .Avo i d sel f -pity. I t i s a grea t mi stake to try and

make excus es f or yourself . When you do , you

pamper and spoil yoursel f and make an eff ort byyour w ill more diflicult . Remember tha t so f t conditions make weak men ; ha rd conditions make themstrong. In this sense adversi ty may indeed b e re


ga rded a s the crea tor o f gen iu s . Read aga in and

study ca refully Chapter III i f you a re tempted togive way to sel f-dep recIa tIon or self-pity .

“

The first concern o f every man i s to know tha the i s a ch ieving someth ing

, advancing in ma t

wea lth , industria l power , intellectua l strength ,mora l purpo se ,

” sa i d James J . Hill , the grea troad builder o f the Northwes t whose l i fe i stha t proves the s trength o f a purpose a s an iforce dr iving the person who i s beh ind i t wi thres i stib le force to the desi red goa l .

H ave a Purpose

You , too , must have a purpose . You have b eu rged in severa l chapters to have an ambition ,

you have fa iled to get the ful l benefi t fromwork i f you have not done so , and have neglectto make the in forma tion con ta ined here in servean a id to you in a chieving i t . I f you have not a

ambition you should get one, and cea se lead ingpurposeless l i fe .

I t i s never too la te to begin . Lester F. War

a t the age o f fi fty yea r s had never read a books cien tific subj ects ; yet twen ty yea rs la ter hhad written severa l on socio logy tha t h avetransla ted in to nea rly every language and quotedauthor i ties by other scientific men throughout tworld . Wa rd himself decla red : “ A clea r View

a congen ia l field i s the one fundamenta l circastance in any one

’s ca reer .

”


Plan your l i fe ; make your p lan ela sti c , change as

neces sa ry , and review your progress .I f you break your big ambition into pa rts or step

you will find tha t i t will become ea s ier to handle

Ta ke Stock of Your Progress

From time to time you must pause and revieyour progress . A man must run h imsel f a s

would any business . No man would th ink o f doi

busines s without making occa s ional inventories ;he were to b e so ca reless , he probably would fin

h imsel f on the rocks , a s i s proved by Dun’s an

Bradstreet’s ana lysi s o f the cause o f fa ilures .Pythagora s , one o f the ea rl iest o f the Gree

sages , advised tha t a man should review every niwha t he ha s done during the day ; wh ich incrowded days i s much l ike taking a da ily s to

ventory, and i s not to b e advised . But i t shoulb e fo l lowed from time to time without paying tomuch a ttent ion to deta i ls , excep t to see

‘

wherei

our plans fa i led or succeeded . The bes t way treview our progres s i s a t interva ls o f say a montand perhaps once a week , a t the beginn ing, turnthe min ia ture plan tha t you have made .

a t th i s min ia ture will mo re than anyth ing else snla te , rouse , urge you on to a ction , and keepfrom fa l se pa ths .I f you find tha t your p lan i s not a good one , a

there i s a better one for you , you should not cl ingit simply through stubbornness . The b ackwo

PERSONALITY'

OF CULTURE 301

man who b et tha t he could jump a cross the M i ss issippi

,think ing i t wa s only six feet in w idth , and

who made the effort to do so even a f ter he had beentaken to i ts banks and Shown i ts width , deservedno sympa thy when he wa s extri ca ted looking likera

' drowned ra t ; he could blame no one but himsel f.

Comp e tition M a kes Success

To get full action from yoursel f i t i s necessaryItha t you have competitors ; or, if you have none ,

you must set yoursel f a defini te goa l to make duringa certa in per iod . You cannot do so wel l when yous imply “

do your best ,”a s when you set out to rea ch

a certa in standa rd high enough to require an effortbut not qu i te out o f reach . This i s the rea son whyi f you have no competitor in a game o f gol f youplay to bea t “ bogey” and why a man can jumphigher

’

to clea r a b ar than when he jumps in emptya ir. For the same rea son you should seek re

sponsibil i ty and a ccept i t gladly when o ff ered ; S incei t puts you on your mettle. When you do a cceptresponsib il i ty, you should never say,

“ I w i ll trysay,

“ I w i ll do i t . ” Only when ob struction a ctua llyi s encountered is there need f or trying . To say Iwill try,

” then , i s to lose sight o f the goa l andmerely fix your mind on difliculties which often are

imagina ry and a t the worst will van ish a s soon a s

you Show a determina tion . Strengthen your w i llpower and increase the confidence o f others in you .


Opp ortunity comes Quietly

The most important ta sk before you ,is your day’s

work ; though tha t shou ld include not merely yourmeans O f support , but a lso something defin i te thatwill Increa se your va lue to yourself and to others .“In our ea rly days we fancy tha t the lead ing eventsin our l i fe and the persons who a re go ing to playan impo rtant pa rt in i t w ill make thei r entrance tothe sounds o f drums and trumpets ; but when in old

age we look b a ck we find tha t they a ll cquietly , sl ipped in , a s i t were , by the s ide door ,mos t unnoticed ,

” sa i d Schopenhauer , whose p emism never lost sight o f the needs o f both presenand future .

The one da i ly review tha t you should make ito a sk yoursel f : “ Did I make the mos t o f to-day?

Such a sel f-inqui si tion need not b e long , but i t shoulinclude an effort to devi se a new way to se i ze an

opportun ity tha t perhaps came in by the s ideand e scaped unseen . There should b e no cover sp il t milk , but a resolution should b e mad

to s tumble a nd fa l l the next time you a re ca r

i t . Never lose s ight o f the fa ct tha t yesterdaydead

, and tha t you can do noth ing to bring i t b a

to l i fe .

'Ea ch ta sk on completion br ings new s trengteach day should give experience tha t increa sesC ulture and our abil ity to express i t.

394 TH E SCIENCE OF.CULTURE

a lways a t i ts bes t . These may b e a rea l sign that

you need a day or two’s rest and i t i s well to occupyyour mind wi th routine ma tters ra ther than tha twh i ch ca lls f or rea l effort by the bra in . Yet overwork i s usua lly a delusion , causing an in

tha t a ctu a l ly i s la ziness . I rving Fi sher,p

o f the Life Ex tens ion Institute , has sa i dpeople who a re

‘overworked’

a re , more p rospeaking , s imply the victims o f b ad a ir, po i sonworry. They bel ieve because they are tired i tb e work tha t i s hurting them . They are undoubtedly working beyond thei r working capacitheir working capa city i s only a fraction o f

would b e i f they took exerci se , were not constid id not ea t too much , abjured a lcohol , and cea sto worry continua lly . I f they l ived hygien ica llythese respects , the work wh ich was a drag mightan insp i ra tion .

”

Th i s work ha s given you s imila r counsel a nd tol

you in the second , th ird , and fi fth chapters,and i

’

the exemp lifica tions thereto ,the rules f or a

l i fe and for the conquest o f worry and ot

ful emo tions . You canno t b e effectively industrIouunles s you nu rse your physica l and men ta l hea lth .

Sys tema tise your Time

System is an essentia l fa ctor not only in develing the habit o f industry but a lso in making aa rrangement o f your time so tha t you willf or everyth ing needful and yet have some


In the twenty-first chapter the plan s followed bysome o f the busiest men were mentioned . Vi cto rHugo , poet, noveli st, and a busy member o f the

French Sena te , sa id :“H e who every morning plans

the transactions of the day and f ollows ou t tha t plan,

holds a thread tha t w i ll ca rry him through the labyrinth o f the mo st busy li f e . The man w i thout ada ily plan goes to work someth ing like a cat tryingto escape from a strange cage.

“

H e who hopes f orsuccess mu st organ i se , prepa re , and enli st methodand science ,

” sa id A . C . Ba rtlett , president o f Hibrd , Spencer , Ba rtlett Co .

I t i s important tha t the regula r da i ly routine ,lanned i f possible the day be fore , should b e ad

ered to rigidly under a ll circumstances i f the hab i tf industry is to b e developed .

It i s ra rely possible tha t an a ctua l outline can b e

ade o f deta ils , but even the man whose routine i smore or less uncerta in should b e a s conscientiou swith himself in sta rting to work a t a sta ted time ,

and sticking to i t until qu itting time , a s if he had topunch a time clock w ith the knowledge tha t his timecard would b e seen da i ly by the president o f thencern .

lf -D iscipline

Many ca ses o f fa i lure by people who a re in busiess f or themselves a re due to thi s la ck o f sel f

TO get down late and stay la te does notsame purpose , s ince people both in


side and out o f the oflice will run on an a ccustomeds chedule , wh i ch seldom makes possible sa t i s fa ctoryadapta tion to capri cious change in hours .The la ck o f zes t f or a ction , except under com

pulsion , i s ca lled“abulia ”

and rea lly i s an ind i cat ion o f la ck o f will . An interesting ca se

,rela ted

by Pro fes sor Woodworth , i s o f an author whoseca se wa s studied because in sp i te o f h i s abi li ty hewa s a ccompli sh ing so l i ttle .

!H e was found to

fo llow a da i ly programme about a s follows : H e

would get up in the morn ing full o f confidence tha tit would b e a good day in wh i ch much progresswould b e made with hi s book . Before sta rtwri te , however , he must firs t have h i s b reand then a l i ttle fresh a ir

, j ust to prepa re hf or energeti c work . O n return ing from h i sthought i t bes t to res t f or a f ew moments ,one or two o ther l i ttle ma tters seemed to demaa ttention ; by the time these were done the morn iwa s so f a r gone tha t there was no time f or rea

good effort . So he optimistica llywriting unt i l the a fternoon , when the same sortth ing happened , and the grea t performance hadb e put over unti l the next day. A med ica l pchologist prescr ibed a regime f or th irequired him to write f or two hoursa fter r i s ing and make th i s h i s day’s work—no mand no less than two hours . The definiteness

th i s ta sk p revented dawdl ing .

iMany authors have forced themselves to foll


ten in such a big d ia ry , and when the day comesround the news or ci ty ed i tor knows exactly wha tmay b e expected , even i f i t were foreca st monthsago . N0 one does wel l to trust to memory in suchma tters . Ha rdly a week goes by without there b eing some defin i te thing you should do . Such a

d ia ry , wh i ch may b e o f pocket S i ze , should a lso con

ta in da tes o f important happen ings so tha t you can

ver i fy them in ca se o f need . Bu t do not keep one

o f the old-fa sh ioned dia ries such as were used by ourancestors to keep a da i ly h i s tory o f the ir l ives . It

i s a wa ste o f t ime except in the ca se o f an Amiel ora Pepys ; and motion pictures and the records o f thecourts show the danger o f putting records o f secretthoughts where he who finds may read .

Notes and da ta may b e kept in vertica l filessuch a s are used in offices , but they should b e

‘

cons tantly el imina ted . As f or the old-fa sh ionedp igeon-holes , the d ictiona ry defini ti on o f

“ p igeonholed ,

” “ s idetra cked ,” perhaps to b e forgotten

forever , expla ins clea rly enough why they a re worsethan useless , consuming time tha t genera lly brings ,up the forgetting o f th ings , instead o f remember ingthem .

Wha tever fi ling system you u se you must b e suri t i s adapted to your needs . Ask yourselfCan I get in the habit o f using i t ?I s i t s imp le enough ?Can I expand i t when necessary ?

PERSONALITY OF CULTURE ’

309

Wha t i s the chance o f my making errors in fi ling ?When you have established a system o f filing deil s do not become too dependent upon i t . Re

ember tha t there a re many things which you willlways need to keep in your head . Yet there a re

a lways little things w i th which a man’s mind shouldnot b e burdened , a s for instance when his wi f e tellshim to make certa in purcha ses and gives him deta ilsa s to size and colour . H e should wri te these downa nd merely remember tha t he must b uy certa in

ngs f or her , and when the time comes re f er toloose-lea f notebook . The habit o f consultingh a book on a rriva l a t the Oflice , be fore go ingluncheon and a t the end o f the day, is an

one to establi sh , so tha t i t wi ll become autoa tic .

0 no t Fill Your M ind with Useless Inf orma tion

Whatever schedule the man o f Culture may a r

range , there can b e no sa ti s f actory system unlessi t includes some provision f or the menta l l i fe . Thisdoes not mean the study o f all sorts o f things . The

mistaken impress ion tha t the best-educa ted man i sone who knows mos t things i s respons ible forpursu i t o f a ll sorts o f knowledge by zea lots o fture who often become veritable encyclopaedia s

n f orma tion . Since one ha s sa id tha t anan

’

s mind is probab ly j ammed with morea wise man’s , a s a neglected ga rden con

3 10 THE SC IENCE OF CULTURE

ta ins more p lants than one tha t i s cultiva ted , b ecausi t i s full o f weeds . The mind i s made more eflicie

by tra in ing it , by exerci s ing i t , and not by overfeeing i t .

“Be ye trans formed by the renewa l of

mind , sa id St . Paul .A man i s a growing crea ture. Menta l l i fe co

s i sts la rgely in the di scovery of fa cts new to the idividua l and in the redi scovery o f fa cts p reviouobserved and the ir correla tion , so as to becomeeff ect ive use. A man’s mind grows not only by aing ques tions o f others but by stimula ting h i stellect to a sk h imself questions wh i ch h i s intella lso answers . Yet some men will not takeb le to seek answers to their own questions .answer in p la ti tudes handed down from geneto genera tion .

Menta l questions are a S ign o f growth , and thwho a ccept tradition never p rogress . In readi

you should a ttempt to remember only wha tva lue, and should rea l i se tha t i t i s better tofewer things , and have thought about them igen tly , than to have a mind crammed withgested fa cts wh i ch are no more orderly a rrangethan i s the junkp ile a t the ba ck o f a store incountry town .

Study, or any other exerci se o f the menta l 1

shou ld not b e begun too soon a fter a mea l , s incebody then i s , automa tica lly , ch iefly concernedthe proces s o f d iges tion , and the

'

b ra in i s negland unable to do i ts best work .

3 1 2 TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE,

The Evils of D ay D reaming

In urging the menta l l i fe i t i s thus necessary to,

direct specia l a tten tion to the evil effects o f daydreaming . Alna scha r , with hi s ba sket o f gla sswa rebought f or a f ew cents , bui lt up a day

-dream wended in h i s becoming the wea l thies t man in

world and spurn ing the Sultan’s daughter ; but i th i s gla sswa re tha t he kicked with h i s haughty toending hi s go lden Vi sion .

Th i s ta le from “ Arabian Nights ,” conta ins i

wa rn ing . To dream o f a future and make no 8

rious effort to secure it —to b e los t in visionso f a wonderful future ins tead o f di recting the mindon the means by wh i ch to climb the to i l some wayi s to b e a s fool i sh a s was the dog in IE sop

’

s Fablewho dropped the mea t into the s tream in an a ttemptto sei ze the la rger p iece tha t wa s but the mirroreflection o f tha t which he had held fa st inj aws .There a re some people who a re good in plan

ning , and take so much plea sure in the th inkingp a rt

,tha t they do no t feel the need f or a ction .

Such people die,not only unhonoured and unsung ,

”

but O ften in the a sylums and a lmshouses . The

average day-dreamer i s a s useles s to h imself and a s

un rewa rded by the world a s the scores o f day

dreamers in the in sane a sylums . jThe two favouri te types O f day-dreamers a re well

recogn i sed by a l ien i sts , who find among the ir in

PERSONALITY OF CULTURE 3 13

ne patients the same two types : the Victims o f the

quering hero” daydream and o f tha t in whichhe pa tient is a

“ su ff ering hero .

”

The insti tut ion in which the conquering hero i sonfined i s hi s roya l pa lace ; the docto rs a re hi s o fials , the nurses hi s wives ,

“ thousands o f them , the

most beauti ful women in crea tion .

”The

“ su fferinghero , a s the psychologists ca ll him , glories in b elieving he i s a victim o f persecution and , b ut f or

tha t , would have the world a t his f eet . When hisnia becomes dangerous

,he i s put in an a sylum ,

ereupon he believes hi s confinement due to plotsh i s enemies ; tha t the doctors a re spies , the nurses

are to entrap him to betraya l o f his plans , his f oodis poi soned and his confinement i s due enti rely tofear o f him , or o f h i s big idea .

The day-dreamer must a ttempt to cure himsel f.H is imagina tion must b e subj ected a s a ll thinking,to the test o f critici sm and an ana lysi s o f the pa rtso f the whole. This should b e made ea rly enoughbefore i t becomes the “ big dreamy idea” tha t sa crifices the present f or an unlikely future , or the a t

ta inab le to tha t which i s like the mirage in the

desert tha t leads the thirsty traveller fa rther fromthe wa ter tha t he craves . To avo id this danger ,we must take the advice o f Bacon , which is tha t“we must not add wings , but ra ther ba lla st and

leaden we ights to the understanding to prevent itsjumping and flying .

3 14 TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE .

Inductive Rea soning

To rea son success fully on a given topi c you nee

1 . A good stock o f rules and principles a cquireIn previou s exper ience , or otherwise lea rned .

2 . A detective instinct to find the r ight clues anrej ect those tha t a re fa lse . This

,then , i s l a rg

a ma tter O f observa tion and ana lysi s wi th so

abil ity to tes t probabil i ty .

3 . A clea r vis ion tha t enables you to check haconclusion s tha t a re in a ccord w i th only pa rt 0facts , and the good sense to make no conclusun ti l you have we ighed them in connection witho f the fa cts .Th i s you will have noti ced i s merely an

p lete res ta tement o f the Ba con ian laws f ort ive rea son ing wh i ch were given in the p recedin

chap ter .

Cons tructive Thinking

President Burton o f the Un ivers ity O f Mich igana t the close o f 1 92 1 , made a review of educa tioncondi tions in Ameri can schools , and decla redthe firs t th ing tha t must b e taught to enable ypeople to shoulder the burdens o f l i fe i s accuand he continued : “ Accura cy i s not quantitytea ch ing , but i s teach ing the student to th ink .

tea ch h im to th ink i s ha l f the ba ttle . I t i ssha rpened tooth with which a man can cut h i s wthrough the tangle o f socia l and busines s l i fe .

”

Th i s work wi ll have fa iled o f its purpose i f


on their back a re given to day-dreaming or drowsi

ness should not delude themselves w i th the bel ieftha t impress ions then received are rea l thoughts .Some people wonder why a man working a t a ma

ch ine canno t do constructive th inking ; it i s b ech i s mind i s a t lea s t pa rtly on h i s work , and henot give the rea l a ttention tha t i s essentia l for tother work o f th inking .

When you think , he sure tha t you exper iment iyour mind with va r ious pos sibi l i ties wh ich pa s t anfuture contingencies may suggest from your knowedge , using your mind intell igently in construethe ma ch inery o f your idea s just a s you wouldtools and ma ter ia ls for the manufacture of

th ings . One o f the essentia l cond i tions i s to shutyour mind to slogans or ca tch words tha t youheard , mos t o f wh i ch a re illogica l and all 0

must b e weighed before being a ccepted a s

in your thought . I t i s a lso well to rea l ithought may b e inh ib i ted by rapt contempla tithe desired end and lead to the fruitless dayd

ing o f wh ich mention ha s been made . Do not

so much about wha t you wan t and wha t you wi lla fterwa rd tha t you wi ll neglect to think about ho

to a ccompl i sh wha t you wish to do .

Give Time to Thought

Do not b e in too grea t a hurry to solve a seriousproblem . Do not b e content with the first solution , since i t may b e wrong . Reflection involves

PERSONALITY OF CULTURE 3 1 7

running over various idea s , sorting them out , com

paring them w ith one another , trying to get one

which will unite in itsel f the strength o f two , sea rching f or new po ints o f View , developing new suggestions , guessing, selecting , and suggesting.

“ Pa sta ll question every experience in li f e i s va luable to

us , and in such a process a s we have mentionedthe grea ter our experience the less ap t are we to

make mistakes .The grea ter the prob lem and the greater the

doubt and resulting confusion the more necessa ryi s the process o f mere thinking . It i s like the wayan oculi st or optician tests gla sses when you con

sult him . Things are looked a t through the med

ium o f specific mediums just a s you look a t thingsthrough di ff erent lenses to find the right ones f oryour eyes . And in both ca ses you look unti l youdiscover one which makes things seem more orderly ,less blurred , and less obscure .

'Stubbornness and hidebound opinions a re the

grea test f oes to thinking and the most f requentcauses o f mistakes ; a s f or instance , in the ca se o f

the C lyde shipbu i lders , who thought i t ab surd tha ta vessel bu ilt o f i ron should b e ab le to floa t . The

more stubbornly one ma inta ins the full rea lity o f

ei ther his facts or idea s , just a s they stand , the moreaccidenta l w i ll b e the discovery o f significant fa ctshi therto unobserved

,and o f va l id idea s . Hence

the likelihood o f a rea l solution o f the problem islessened .

3 1 8 TH E SCIENCE OF CULTURE

Perta ining to Idea s

I f you and ano ther d i ff er in a ma tter o f opin iona s to a course o f a ction or the outcome o f an i dea

you should wr i te down the opin ion held by both .

Then la ter you can tes t your j udgmen t . Two

po in ts must b e rega rded : fi rst , tha t you must exerci se sel f-control enough not uselessly to remind theother person tha t he wa s in the wrong , and secondlytha t i f your j udgment proves correct , you must notewhether i t was because o f the rea sons you had develop ed and ci rcumstances you had foreseen , and

not due to a fortuna te intervention o f unforeseenth ings . I t i s very well to keep many o f our con

clusions to ourselves , and a lmost a lways inadvisableto expose unnecessa ri ly to others the workings o f

our mind in so lving a p roblem .

D o not b e p rodiga l in giving away to others theidea s wh ich you get . Make no tes o f a ll your idea s .Many success ful men have idea files wh i ch some o f

them ca l l by the very descriptive name o f“ bra in

boxes . ” Make notes a fter reading ea ch book ; orbetter yet use clips to ma rk the pages ( sl ip s o f papermay fa ll out ) , and then go over the book and make

notes . It impresses the fa cts in your memory .

your th inking you will get many idea s tha t a re

expected .

In the ir sea rch for gold the a lchemists d i scered o ther th ings— gunpowder, ch ina , manycines , and some o f the laws o f na ture , bchemica l elements and compounds . In th i s


Ma ke'

No te of Your Idea s

When you th ink o f a p lan or an idea wr i te i t out .I f your plan i s the product o f ha rd th inking , youshould fix i t so tha t you won

’t have to do tha t ha rdwork twice. The writing out o f a plan increa sesthe power to ana lyse i t and see i ts weak points ; andi t will impres s the idea upon your subconscious mind .

You can go ba ck to i t whenever you wish . When

you have an idea there are three tests you shou ldapply to i t :

I . Wha t d ifference does i t make and to whom ?2 . I s i t rea sonable ?

3 . Wil l i t b e di ffi cult to get i t adopted ?I f i t fa ils to pa ss these tests sa ti s fa ctor i ly you

should forget i t f or the t ime be ing ; but wr i te i t out ,since condi tions may change and i t may become fea sible and pra cti ca l .Rea son ing cons i sts , a s we have seen , in a change

o f j udgmen t. The necessi ty f or hindsight can b elessened by the use o f foresight The self-deceived man reads into the f utIIre h i s own predi sposi tions ,

” sa id Ba con . Rea son a lone i s the enemy

o f prej udi ce and precedent , wh i ch are the enemiesof progres s .Rea son must genera lly b e a triumph over the

na tura l instincts .

Pra ctice ”Makes Perfect

In closing th i s work i t i s important aga in to em

pha sise the fact tha t pra cti ce makes perfect . Each


day must bring i ts own step forward , and givepower to take another forwa rd step , whether inthe development o f your expression of Culture or

in any other pha se of l i fe . The facts and laws o fscience can b e taught ; they can b e given from one

mind to another ; but the a rt must b e a cqu i red bythe student through practice wh ich is , o f course ,

'solely a ma tter o f his own effort and a ctivity. As

you do things they become ea sier .An ea sy proof of the value o f pra ctice i s shownby a simple test . Take twenty lines o f a news

p aper or book . Ma rk out with a pencil all theletters “

e”

and“ t” tha t i t conta ins . Wa i t five

minutes and then try the test aga in . Time yoursel f each time . One experimen t made by two

people showed tha t the time required by one persondecrea sed from 90 seconds to 70, and with the

other from 1 63 seconds to 1 1 7 .

Any kind o f practice should bring increases eachday. I t i s a s true o f thinking a s o f anything el se.

Once a man wa s thinking intently while r iding in a

Pullman car . A fellow-traveller taking pity on the

apparently idle person o ffered a copy o f SnappyStories . ” When the kind o ffer wa s refused wi th theexplana tion tha t the man wa s thinking , there wasfincredulity ; and then came the seriously maderemonstrance : Don’t think , i t wears out the

bra in .

”

Thinking does wear out the bra in in the samesense tha t a world’s champion pugili st wears out


h i s muscles when he punches the b ag in tra inin

f or a p r i ze-fight .

From a thlet ics we may borrow another i llust ra tion . I t i s a mistake

‘

to try to do too much .

Cramming f or an examina tion no tor iously prthe a cqui red knowledge becoming 2 re althe college man’s intel lectua l equipment . NO

lete would think o f qua l i fying f or a ra ce by do ina ll o f hi s pra ctice a t once !

No thing is Imp ossib le

Persevere . The man who keeps plugging awa

and i s never daunted wil l come out on top a s

rule , wherea s many a more br i ll iant man woul

get d i scouraged and qui t . We a ll know the

true fable o f the ha re and the torto i se .

Pers i stence i s admired by o thers and i t githem a bel ief in you .

Some yea rs ago Edi son sa id tha t he didn’t

a s ingle problem o f any sort tha t he didn’t s

or prove tha t he cou ldn’t solve i t . But yla ter, a fter h i s seven ty-fourth bi r thday, he and

lin , the Frenchman who invented the send ingautograph i c messages by wireless

,were in con

'

verstion .

“ Have you not noticed , Bel in a sked Ediso“ tha t o ften a fter a ll o f your o ther expertsgiven up someth ing a s impo ssible some tyro , scompa ra tively ignorant man , comes a longsolves i t ?”


Fea r : When wa s I la st a fra id ? O f wha t ?Why ? Wa s the fea r groundless ? Would I b ea fra id aga in in a s imila r circumstance ? H ow can

I prevent such fea r ?Then a sk yourself the same questions about th

following impu lsesAnger .D i sgust .

Submissiveness to circumstances o f individuawithout effort to self-a ssert ion .

Take these four impulses : fea r , anger , d iand submission . Arrange them in order 0

frequency o f the ir occurrence in your l i fe . Thendetermine to el imina te one of these tendencies . Re

ca ll everyth ing in th i s course o f lectures tha t willhelp you do so . Resolve to apply the les sons youhave stud ied . Apply those lessons . Wa tch yourfprogres s . Ea ch time you find tha t you have f adown

,make a new eff ort . When you have one

pulse under contro l take up another and discipI t .You cannot do two th ings a t once . Try to

a column o f figures and reci te a well known poa t the same t ime .

Make a l i s t o f the fa ctors o f advantage wha re mos t e ffective in ca tch ing your a ttentionholding i t . Then make a simila r l i st o f the f actha t would serve to a ttract and hold the a ttenof three o ther people . Make sepa ra te mem

f or the three a s well as for yourself.


the notes . Study the di fferences ; seek to find the

causes o f any di fference between you and the others .A re they proof that you a re Strong or weak ? I fyour ana lysis o f yoursel f shows defects , make an

eff ort to remedy them .

'

Ilest your power o f observa tion by choosing a spotwhere there i s a good dea l go ing on . Stay therea f ew minutes and note the things tha t a ttra ctedyour a ttention . Make a l i s t o f them five minutesla ter . Then try the same experiment aga in . Com

pare the two tests . H ow many things tha t you oh

served are of va lue to you ? Why ?Write down the name o f some one o f your ac

qua intances , who i s extremely independent . Thenwri te the name o f some one who i s submi ssive .

Then take two other persons who a re second ineach respect . Compa re them . Which o f the fouri s most successfu l ? Why ? Is it because o f othertra its than ei ther independence or submiss iveness ?Compa re yoursel f not only in tha t respect wi th theone who i s mos t success ful but a lso in the otherqua li ties

,i f any, in which the person excels you .

Can you a cquire these qua l ities ? When w i ll youbegin the a ttempt ? Will you keep the promise toyoursel f ? Do you keep promises to yoursel f as

well a s those you make to other people ?Make a li st o f hab i ts tha t annoy you in otherople . Write down the names of the people .

ha t habits have you tha t annoy these same


The Power of A ssocia tion in Imp roving the M emory

Often when we have no thought of eat ing welook a t the clock and when we see i t i s the a ccustomed mea l-time we instantly become hungry . But

when we a re too busy to wa tch the clock we mayforget all about ea t ing .

I t i s the sight of the clock a s a rule tha t remindsus to ea t ra ther than the a ctua l needs of the body.Th i s i s the power o f a ssocia tion .

Associa tion i s a l ink tha t serves to reca ll anofa ct— the menta l connection between an obj ect anthe idea s rela ting to it . They are a pa rt of a

memory systems of wha tever kind .

When Sunday comes i t suggests church or ao ff ; Sa turday suggests p ay-day, and we do not

lect to go to the ca sh ier to get our sa la ry . The

a re th ings we cannot forget because of the associt ion o f the two idea s .So aga in i t i s quite a commonpla ce e

tha t where two th ings have once come in ttion in the mind the reco llection o f one

bring ba ck the other . When we hea r a lgotten wa ltz i t br ings ba ck the menta l image o f

person with whom we danced , and poss ib ly a scoreo f o ther incidents o f the same time and pla ce.

Associa tion and suggestion combine to make us

somewha t automa ti c figures a s we go through l i

,Th i s -can b e used to our advan tage ; though dwe

on evil a ssocia tions may do u s harm .


systema ti se and interrela te the fa cts into a co-ord ina te whole .

Ha rr iman , the grea t financier , was once a skedwhy he remembered importan t fa cts so ea si ly whenneeded . H e gave the ma tter some reflection , and

then sa id tha t i t was because he had SO f ew pigeonholes in h i s mind . By th i s he meant tha t he madeuse o f the fourth o f the rules j us t given .

You must sa tura te your mind wi th impress ionsand a ssoci a tion s connected with the sort o f fa cts you

wi sh to remember and then concentra te your a ttention upon them . Thus you make sure o f gettingthe r igh t menta l s tores . In remembering i t must

b e determined wha t i s importan t and wha t i s t rivial .The proces s by which we get ba ck a fa ct when

we want i t i s known a s the“ reca ll . ”

The reca ll may b e h indered by- fea r or anxious

self-consciousnes s , a s in stage-fr ight . D i stra ctioni s a lso an interference , s ince i t prevents concentration on the necessa ry process .Following a re help s to overcome interferences

in the reca l l :I . Look squa rely a t the person who se name you

wish to reca ll . Avo i d doubting your ab il i ty to do so ,

s ince doubt i tsel f i s a d i stra ction . In speaking ex

temporaneously go r ight ahead , and when you have

wa rmed up to the subj ect , you will b e a ston i shedby your fluency .

2 . I f you are prevented from reca lling a fact

PERSONALITY OF CULTURE 329,

you need , you should drop the ma tter f or a whileand then go ba ck to i t aga in . Persi stence a t the

time i s ap t to b e u seless . You r mind i s on the

wrong track and so you do not find wha t you seek .

When you s ta rt aga in you may get on the r ighttrack .

3 . Follow rule No . 2 a lso i f you find tha t youare unable to solve a problem . Think aga in some

hours la ter , or i f possible on another day, o f the

same problem . The longer the interva l the lessl ikely you a re to get on the same wrong track aga in ,especia lly i f you have in the meantime dismissed thema tter from your mind . Often the subconsciousmind w i ll go ahead and try scores o f pa ths withou tyour being conscious o f i t , and the solution wi l lcome to you in a fla sh . You have o f course oftenhad this experience, f or your subconscious mind i sa lways working on prob lems a s well a s consideringo ther things in which you have a rea l interest .The rules for development o f the power o f recall

a re :

1 . Reca ll with a ccuracy.

2 . Concentra te on the relevant .

3 . Repea t the reca ll f requently.

4 . Seek out clues persistently.

I t i s the frequent repetition o f reca ll tha t givesus motor skill , tha t makes a ca t thrown out o f a

window land on i ts feet,and tha t guides us in all

o f our a ctions tha t have become habi ts .


Forgetting o ften i s due to the fac t tha t there issometh ing in a ssocia tion w i th the subj ect tha t makes

you unwilling to remember . We a re more ap t to

forget to p ay debts than to remember wha t i s owingto u s . In terest in a thing makes you remember i t .E nthusia sm cures many a weak memory.

Psycho logi sts say tha t absen t-minded peoplethose who would ra ther b e somewhere else ; in fthey are do ing someth ing el se— in the ir minds .A ll norma l person s have sufficien t ma teria l

the development o f a good memory i f they w i ll 0use i t by Observing the rules wh i ch have been givenin th i s exemp lifica tion and elsewhere in thi s wo rk;The average man uses only IO p er cent . o f h i s inherited memory , a ccord ing to Pro fessor Sea shore .

H e wa stes 90 p er cent . by viola ting the laws o f

memory .

H ow to Keep Fit

Persever ing energy o f the will impl ies the abi l ito make long-continued effo rts . But without hea lno such efforts a re po ssible ,

” says Jules Payot .

In o ther chapte rs , suggest ion s have been made inrega rd to hea l th and exerci se . The ma tter i s o f

such importance,however , especia lly in the develop

men t o f persona l i ty and ind ividua l i ty , tha t we a re

giving you yet mo re rules . The following a ro f Wa lter Camp , the famous d irector o f a thleti

a t Ya le1 . Dr ink wi thout ea t ing, and ea t without drinkin


Fla ttery may no t p ay the butcher, but i t will oftenimprove the steak .

Never recogn i se irr i ta tion in others by answer inga petulant a rgumen t wi th open contradiction .

You may sometimes win admira tion and l iking byusing your fighting qua l ities di screetly .

Cha ra cter ga ins men’s confidence,but not meces

sarily their good will . Ta ct i s necessa ry to ga ingood will .Fea rless ind ividu al i ty may b e the best th ing in the

world , but the man who ins i s ts upon a lways havingh i s rights o ften gets into a grea t dea l o f trouble b es ides and gets Very l i ttle wh ich he has not ea rnedf or h imsel f or by h i s own efforts .I t hurts the o ther fellow worse when you a re un

con scious o f h i s insults .To speak angri ly to a person, to Show you r

ha tred by wha t you say, or the way you say i t , i san unnecessa ry proceed ing—dangerous , fool i sh ,r id i culous , and vulga r .Lea rn to work with your fellows . I t i s not

enough tha t you should tolera te them and avo id in

j uring them .

The cyn i c may win smi les bu t not fr iendsh ip or

respect . “The cyn i c i s a human owl, vigilant in

da rkness and bl ind to l ight , mousing for Vermin and

never seeing nob le game ,” sa id Henry Wa rd

Beecher .

There i s no rea son why one should not pra i se so a s

to give sa t i s fa ction to the person pra i sed . Yet the

PERSONAL ITY OF CULTURE 333 ,

average man blames more than he pra i ses , which i sa very poor poli cy.

For Those Who B elieve in L uck

There i s absolutely no rea l rea son f or a bel iefin good or b ad luck . Every one who ha s investiga ted the subj ect thoroughly and scientifica llyi s agreed upon thi s a s a postula te or concededfa ct .Analysis shows tha t wha t i s ca lled good luck i s

due to foresight usua lly , and in every ca se to causeswhich we ourselves have set in motion or otherw i seinfluenced . The same i s true o f b ad luck

,lack o f

foresight being usua lly responsib le .

A typica l instance o f good and b ad luck is tha tof two men who were on the same floor o f a burning hotel one o f whom had the

“ luck” to escape ,while the o ther wa s burned to dea th . The

“ lucky”

one looked ou t into the street , judged the di stance ,tied sheets together into a rope and , judging tha tI t would not rea ch the full di stance , threw his ma t

tress out to break his fa ll . Then he jumped , holding one end o f the rope, the other having been madef a st to the bedstead . Th is and the mattress uponwhich he f ell saved him .

The other man stood helpless and undecided .

When the flames were in his room he jumped and

wa s killed by the fa ll , not having had the judgmentto make and use a rope. People called him “

un

lucky .

”


The people who are

'

unlucky are those who havenot taken advantages o f the opportuni ty presented .

I t i s not luck tha t ha s made you study the_

Sci

ence o f Culture and given you increa s ing abili tyto expres s i t . I f you fa i l to take advan tage o f

these lessons you w i l l have no justifica tion f or blaming i t on your b ad luck .

The only va lue of a bel ief in good luck i s thep sychologica l effect o f the confidence tha t i s inspiredthereby . Nothing succeeds l ike success , becausepeople expect a success ful person to con tinue success ful, and tha t makes h im quick in his deci s ions .Constant fa i lures weaken the sel f-confidence o f

tho se who have l i ttle fa i th in themselves , and theybecome more and more undecided ; thei r fooli sh b e

l ief in b ad luck removing the abil i ty to sei ze iristan tly the chances presented to them . A nd i f theya re not caught in stantly , they a re lost and may not

reappea r . NO impress ion o f b ad luck must l ingerin your mind . Fa i lures must b e made steppingstones to success

,and a resolution must b e made

to b e more a lert and to act more quickly the nextt ime .

Bel ief in b ad luck i s o ften brought about bybrooding a t n ight

,before going to s leep . The

drowsiness i s akin to tha t o f hypnos i s , and the fea rthoughts tha t come then are preserved in the subcon scious mind . Those who a re thus a ffectedshould read the exemplifica tion on Auto Suggestion

tha t a ccomp anies Chapter III .


But more than th i s , i t i s necessa ry that we makeour opportun i ties a s we go through li fe .

No one can hones tly a s sert ,“ I have had ha rd

luck a ll my li fe.

” Sincere examina tion i s certa into p rove tha t in severa l ca ses he could have broughtabout a change i f he had but the courage to takehold o f h i s opportun i ty when i t presented i tself .When D ’

A rtagnan left home on the j ourney tha twa s to make him the saviour o f the Queen o f

France , the success fu l opponen t o f Richel ieu , and

la ter a Ma rsha l o f France, h i s fa ther sa id to h im :

“ Whoever trembles f or a second—perhap s a llowsto escape the chance wh i ch dur ing the exact secondwa s perhaps held out to h im .

”

Psychologists have decla red tha t the fea r o f consequences , o f committing ourselves , or o f becomingr idi cu lous , i s the one grea t inh ib i ter o f a ction . Ac

tion i s necessa ry to sei ze opportuni ty , and the ac

tion must b e quick to b e effective . The“a second”

mentioned by D ’

Artagnan pere i s o ften all the t imetha t tha t pa rti cula r opportun i ty i s sei zable .

No te wha t th i s chapter ha s sa id about trustingyour j udgment . I t i s , a s has been o ften sa id in th i swork , much better to make a mistake than to take

no a ction . See the exemp lifica tion concerning inde

cision tha t a ccompan ies the thi rd chapter .When you gra sp a t an opportuni ty and fa i l , you

have not lost everyth ing . You have merely ga inedski ll that wi ll b e o f service to you when you make

PERSONAL ITY OF CULTURE 337,

another a ttempt, even if i t b e a t something entirelydi ff erent .The unsuccessful , seeking every rea son f or theirfa i lure except being frank enough

'

to admit tha t i ti s thei r own f ault , a ssert tha t the opportun i ties areless than they were . Opportunities were never a s

good .

Edga r L . La rkin , o f the dozen men in Americawith the la rgest store o f genera l knowledge , ha ssa id :

“ Ca ll all knowledge in possession o f man

down to the yea r 1 865 A . D . , ha l f o f tha t now

known . Then the other ha l f ha s been ga ined since .

Three-fourths o f the second ha l f ha s been securedsince 1 900, in only twenty-one yea rs . The factsga ined in the last two yea rs a re beyond a doubt morethan had been ga ined in the first mi ll ion yea rs o fman’s ca reer . ”

La rkin’s sta tement wa s made in the closing dayso f 192 1 , and each month Since then ha s seen a new

increa se in knowledge and a chievements by men

who were unhea rd o f a yea r or two ago .

The grea t increa se in occa sions , the tremendousdemands o f the world , a re constantly making op

p ortunities , not only in the world a t la rge , but inthe very occupa tion in which you are now engaged .

THE END

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