Writer’s tips: SENTENCE STRUCTURE.

• Keep nouns close to verbs• Nouns precede verbs.• Adjectives precede nouns• Adverbs follow verbs• No run-on sentences. Use a period.• Avoid semicolons• Place the longest item in a series last

Adam Cantu, whose life was headed straight to the Texas State Prison or worse, to death, according to Luis Concho, a city worker who befriended him and became his mentor, barfed.

John Moore, a UT graduate who is now AP photo bureau chief in Cairo, Egypt where he covers stories across Africa, the Middle East and Asia Minor, was happy to hear he’d won the Pulitzer.

The boy rode the pony that was red in color.

The boy rode the red pony.

The boy walked in a slow manner to the store.

The boy slowly walked to the store.

The boy trudged to the store.

Run-on SentenceWEAK: “I don’t care what people do with their bodies, it doesn’t affect me.”

BETTER: “I don’t care what people do with their bodies. It doesn’t affect me.”

Run-on Sentence WEAK: “It really hurt me, it was the worst thing in the world for me.”

BETTER: “It really hurt me. It was the worst thing in the world for me.”

Sentence flow WEAK: Joe went to Albertson’s to buy two pounds of hamburger meat, bread and milk.

BETTER: Joe went to Albertson’s to buy bread, milk and two pounds of hamburger meat.

What causes WORDINESS?

When asked about the topic of wordiness, the speaker then will be articulating several really interesting thoughts and ideas on the subject of the answer to that question.

Passive verbsPassive verbs

Joan is a clarinet player.Joan plays clarinet.

There were two small dogs barking at the mailman.Two Chihuahuas barked at the mailman.

Junior Joan Milbrett will be competing in the National Spelling Bee. Junior Joan Milbrett will compete in the National Spelling Bee.

Passive verbsPassive verbs

Most teens are questioning…Most teens question…

Some are opposed to smoking.Some oppose smoking.

RedundancyRedundancy

A sophomore in high school, Adam Mitchell will begin to start work on…

Sophomore Adam Mitchell will start work on…

Saldaña approved Adams’ design, which is a piece that will show…

Saldaña approved Adams’ design, which shows…

Repetition

Mr. Lundgren’s pet tarantula was able to make good his escape.

Mr. Lundgren’s pet tarantula escaped.

Music created a deep connection between student and teacher.

Music connected student and teacher.

Redundancy

Linda said cigarette smoking is vile, gross and disgusting. She said she has decided not to smoke.

Cigarettes are gross, said Linda, who doesn’t smoke.

Repetition

Nelson made a promise to himself to never date another cheerleader.”

Nelson promised himself to never date another cheerleader.

Redundancy

Once Heidi began smoking, she was engulfed in the addiction. She found herself surrounded by a new group of friends who smoked. Smoking was now a daily part of her life, and it was something she felt she couldn’t do without.”

Once Heidi began smoking, she was hooked. She surrounded herself with friends who smoked. It became part of her life.

Words that say nothing

Several students on the newspaper staff worked really, really hard for a couple of days to build the web site for the Crier, the school’s student newspaper.

Four sophomores worked three days to build the student newspaper’s web site.

More empty words

Smith said he was very excited with the news.

Smith said he was thrilled with the news.

Mr.Eberhart gave us some tips on how to sell real estate.

Mr.Eberhart gave us tips on how to sell real estate.

Statements of the obvious

It’s football season again. This year’s WHS football team will open season play Friday against our most hated rivals, the Seaweed High Sandfleas, who shut us out 21-0 last year. “We expect to beat them this year,” said Merle Grizzle, coach.

Coach Merle Grizzle said he expects the football team to avenge last year’s 21-0 loss to arch-rival Seaweed in Friday’s season opener.

Lack of specificity

The Japanese car rolled slowly down the narrow back street.

The Lexus inched down the alley.

Adjectives & adverbs

As a geeky sophomore, Adam Mitchell was presented a wonderful opportunity by Mrs. Georgia Johnson, principal, to turn his life around.

As a sophomore, Adam Mitchell was presented an opportunity by principal Georgia Johnson to turn his life around.

Principal Georgia Jones gave sophomore Adam Mitchell a chance to turn his life around.

Adjectives & adverbs

Professional experts attribute this really great success to effective state tobacco control measures.

Experts attribute this success to state tobacco control measures.

Passive verbs and adjectives

There is an immense difference between the destitute poor and the prosperous rich.

The poor differ from the rich.

(or) The poor and the rich differ.

General chattiness

Graffiti, as many current students know, can be a real eyesore. That’s why our beloved principal, Diana Saldana, commissioned a student, Alex Garcia, senior, to paint a beautiful mural on the north wall.

Tired of seeing graffiti on the north wall, principal Diana Saldana commissioned senior Alex Garcia to cover the eyesore with a mural.

Prepositional phrases

Milton took a leisurely stroll to the convenience store on the corner.

Milton strolled to the corner 7-11.

Unnecessary pronouns

State Rep. Pat Robinson is the one that announced that she visit troops in Iraq.

State Rep. Pat Robinson said she would visit troops in Iraq.

Positive negatives / Negative positives

Everything we have been doing has not been successful.

Nothing we have done has succeeded.

Nothing the Bears’ offense attempted during the game did not work.

Everything the Bears’ offense attempted worked.

Unnecessary negatives

The program serves students who are not succeeding in high school.

The program serves students who are failing in high school.

Unnecessary adverbs

Marvin joined the U.S. Navy when he was only 17-years old.

At 17, Marvin joined the Navy.

Synonyms for “said”

“Hermione is hot,” Harry Potter exclaimed. “Pity I’m such a geek.”

“Hermione is hot,” Harry Potter said. “Pity I’m such a geek.”

“When asked…”

When asked about the loss to arch-rival Seaweed High in the opening game, said coach Merle Grizzle, “I’m still sick about the loss.”

“I’m still sick about the loss,” coach Merle Grizzle said.

Soft transitions

Supt. Jeff Archer announced that he has suspended 31 seniors for involvement in a widely reported off-campus hazing incident. “I am announcing the suspension of 31 seniors,” he said. “Given the egregious nature of the conduct depicted in the videotapes, I’m not sure mere suspension is punishment enough.”

Supt. Jeff Archer suspended 31 seniors for involvement in a widely reported off-campus hazing incident. “Given the egregious nature of the conduct depicted in the videotapes,” Archer said, “I’m not sure mere suspension is punishment enough.”

Bloviation

Benny matriculated to Austin.

As the stage performance commenced, youthful voices reverberate above an audience of captivated adolescents.